#oh shit that's Amanda brotzman!!

[dirkkgently]

amanda and todd are gonna start a two-man band called the super-powered psychic siblings and that’s just the simple truth

#that's all im sayin #oh SHIT AND THEY MAKE THEIR INSTRUMENTS OUT OF THEIR PSYCHIC ENERGY #AND USE IT TO MAKE LIKE COOL VISUAL EFFECTS AND SHIT #FUUUUUUCK #amanda brotzman #todd brotzman #s2 #dghda spoilers #my posts

[h3rmitsunited]

Ignore me just having Thoughts™ about Todd Brotzman again, but also don't because I'm on a freaking roll rn.

Okay, like God everyone loves the hospital reunion scene right, am I right? Yes I'm right. Look at these sweet hearts.

Theyre perfect and I love them so much.

Okay my rambling thoughts about Todd in this scene and shirt/jacket meaning and how it relates to Todds whole deal under the cut because I'm thinking so much...

Okay, so now that I've got your attention, walk with me for a minute back in Todd's history.

The big freaking elephant in the room. The pararibulitis lie that he has kept up for years. For years, which means thousands of little lies keeping up this big lie, constantly, to his parents, to Amanda, to his band, up until the moment he confesses to Amanda, his existence, his entire life purpose has been focused around the effects this lie has had on his life. Because what was he doing? He was working a minimum wage dead end job living in a shitty apartment to try to give as much money he could to support Amanda out of guilty obligation because he used up his parents savings. That's not just one thing it's thousands of little moments.

So because of this, Todd says he's an asshole. He isn't a friend, he isn't a good person, he's shitty and toxic and pathetic and a huge asshole. I mean he's got thousands of moments that he can point to and say, "see I'm an asshole for doing that and that." And like fair, like I'm not saying that what Todd did isn't shitty, like it's pretty shitty, but like just getting into his mindset here. When he tells all this to Dirk, he's still lying to Amanda. He's still keeping up this whole charade, and Dirk tells him, you're making excuses for your excuses. You're not an asshole forever because you've done bad things. It's not a permanent title, it's something that you can change by stopping doing bad things, and the way that you do this is by making things right and telling Amanda the truth.

Dirk makes him feel like he can be a better person and that's great.

Okay, right, don't worry I'm getting around to the hospital thing, it's a short detour.

So Amanda, right? The confession. Goes not so great... Okay, so Todd, thinking, yes okay, telling Amanda, this will make things right. He feels like this is a sign from the universe, Dirk said he should, and he's got it in his head that he's going to fix everything. He'll say he's sorry and fix things. But oh shit. Todd's magic superpower comes into play and that's called I am an unredeemable asshole liar and my words are worthless, so apologizing for what I did is going to fix absolutely nothing. But ta-da, he's got a lottery ticket. He stole money and lied, those are the major issues, so if he gives money and tells the truth, then that solves both problems, right?

Except the issue isn't that simple, obviously, and anyone that was not Todd could probably have been able to tell that this confession was never going to end with a happy hug and forgiveness. It was a major betrayal of trust, all those thousands of moments, years of their relationship tarnished by the rot of those lies that were just sewn into their past together. Todd becomes the monster to Amanda, taking the place of a loving brother that she thought that she had.

Now all of that leads into the argument on the pier, etc etc... but the parallel here and the takeaway I got from Todd's confession, his apology, his attempt to make things right, was the addition of the lottery ticket, a peace offering of sorts, not a bribe or a gift, but Todd trying to bridge the deficit he created with his lies. It doesn't fit the bill, it's not enough, it's not the right offering.

OKAY, now back to the hospital scene. Now I could write a whole hundred other essays on this scene, so I'm just going to focus on the bit that pertains to this meta and that's Todd and taking what we saw with his Amanda apology and finding the parallel and finding how he learned and what it means.

Let's set the scene. Todd comes to the hospital to find Dirk, he stops at Dirk's apartment and brings his yellow jacket and brings a Mexican funeral T-shirt. He's subdued here, asking Dirk how his injury is before responding to Dirk's confusion by presenting him with these peace offerings.

And oh boy, I am going to overanalyze the crap out of these, okay? So get ready.

First, yellow jacket. Why the yellow? It was the first jacket we see Dirk in. Todd fighting this wacky weirdo that came through his apartment window, escaping from a crazy guy with a gun, confronting said guy on a bridge, feeling that first burst of excited adrenaline after saving Farah. That first taste of what working a case with Dirk is like. I feel like him bringing the yellow jacket, is not only the show trying to be like okay this is the Dirk look so we bring it back around from the first episode, but also Todd saying like hey, let's kind of start over here, I said some things, you lied about some things, but I like you and I like detective cases and working with you and you're kind of a weirdo but that's what I like about you, so put your wacky detective jacket back on and let's go. It's kind of Todd saying I accept you and all the weird that goes with you.

And then the Mexican Funeral T-shirt. A shirt that symbolizes Todd's lies, his past, his mistakes, his asshole days, and he gives it to Dirk. Dirk, the man that told him that he didn't have to wear that label anymore, that he should be better, he should be honest, he should let himself move forward and break the pattern. Todd doesn't want to wear that shirt anymore, but its also something that he knows is a problem for him, a habit that he's had for years and giving the shirt to Dirk is him saying you made me better and I'm letting you wear this to make me want to hold myself accountable for you. Now, like this also kind of leads into season 2 Todd and his kind of elevated perception of Dirk and like the pressure he kind of adds on him with all this, so like there's some like unhealthy dynamics at play, but moving on.

The one other thing with the Mexican Funeral T-shirt, is that like Dirk says, holding the shirt up in front of him, "Didn't you say this band hated you?" And Todd is like, well yeah, (so do a lot of people and I deserve it). But I think there's something to say about this man that has shown how much he cares about Todd after knowing him a week, that wants him to be a better person, wants his friendship, being given a shirt of people that hated him. I have said a lot of words here, so what it is to say, I don't know, but like... there's gotta be something right?

Okay... and then Todd ending his apology, not by saying I'm sorry, because words... right? Todd feels like a fuck up, he's just going to screw things up again. He acted like an asshole to Dirk, so what does he do? He tells Dirk, "I am your friend." A parallel, a reference, to that scene in 1x05, after Dirk had told him he doesn't have to be an asshole forver, just don't do shitty things, don't make excuses for your excuses. Todd wants to be better, he wants to put asshole Todd that lashes out when he's backed into a corner away, and he tells Dirk, I'm your friend, I remember what you said and I want to be better for you.

And I think that means more to Dirk than I'm sorry (even if I think he does deserve an I'm sorry. Like Todd you can't just tell someone they're a monster and deserve to be alone). Also like Dirk doesn't have a lot of experience in the field of apologies or like friends so like he's just like you're being nice to me, I love you and stay with me forever please.

I mean Todd does use his words to say I'm sorry in season 2, but also he acts like a more supportive friend to Dirk and tries to understand where he's coming from, up to a point where they butt heads against Dirk's own trauma, which like stressful situation and I'm not going to blame either of them for their behavior when they got into Wendimoor. His stuff with Amanda progresses and I think he gets his head more wrapped around her hurt from what he did after they talk, and understanding that their relationship isn't ever going back to how it was before.

So, yeah, okay. I guess the end then? This sort of turned into a super long essay... in conclusion, Todd sorry? 😬👍

#dghda #dghda meta #dirk gently’s holistic detective agency #todd brotzman #dirk gently #super long meta analysis that nobody asked for? yeah i suppose ill give it another go #featuring todd trying to be a good boy

[confused-android]

Day 11, Todd - GNC Fashion

-----------------------

It starts with Tina. She's visiting Farah for the weekend, and she's on a nail polish kick. She paints her nails orange and teal, Farah's a muted green, Dirk's purple, and then she moves on to Todd.

"Pick a color," Tina demands, and he shrugs and picks a deep, midnight blue. She bends over his hand, lower lip pinched between her teeth, and gives him a careful coat of blue. Then, at Dirk's urging, puts a layer of silver glitter down before the top coat. Todd doesn't protest, too occupied watching Dirk play Animal Crossing, and waves his hands gently to dry them while Tina tidies up the nail kit. He's got a younger sister, he knows the drill.

He wears a dark blue shirt and a silver collar pin when they go out to a bar that night, and he feels surprisingly good.

The nail polish lasts a full week before it starts to chip, and he does his best to match part of his outfit to the color until all that's left is bits of blue at the cuticles. Farah catches him brushing a few chips of pigment to the floor and steps into her bathroom for a moment before coming back.

"Here," Farah says, and passes him a half-empty bottle of nail polish remover.

"I don't want to take it off yet," Todd admits, after looking over his shoulder to see if Dirk is nearby.

"There's barely anything left to take off, Todd," Farah says, not unkindly. "Just repaint them."

"Just –" Todd blinks. "Oh." He hadn't  really thought about that as an option, but wow. It is an option, isn't it?

The next time he's in CVS picking up his prescription, he wanders past the nail polish display and grabs a few colors in the brand that Tina had brought with her. After he and Dirk get home from work that evening and split to their individual room, he sits hunched over his desk and paints his nails a desaturated purple. He's shit at it, and gets nail polish all over his fingers and the desk, but once he cleans everything with the nail polish remover, it actually looks really good.

Farah shoots him an approving look when he wanders into the office the next day, but says nothing. Dirk doesn't spot it for two days, then grabs his hand without warning while they're on the bus to talk to a suspect.

"What's this?" he asks, peering closely at Todd's hands.

Todd stifles the urge to yank his hand away and shove it in his jacket pocket, and instead says, "nail polish," opting for snark over sheer obstinance.

"Yes, I can see that, Theodore," Dirk says, pulling a face. "Why are you wearing it? Tina hasn't been in town for almost two weeks."

"It's not just a Tina thing," Todd says, while Dirk squints at his fingernails for long seconds. "I like it, too. Amanda used to paint my nails when she was a kid."

"That's unbearably adorable," Dirk tells him, and lets him have his hand back.

He wears every color in his small collection over the next few weeks, then winds up back at CVS to buys a few more colors, a silver glitter like Tina's, and a top coat. He ends up with more shades than he has patterned button downs, and eventually decides that he needs more clothes to match his nails.

The next time Dirk drags him to a thrift store looking for yet another leather jacket, Todd breaks off from him to wander the aisles, picking through for anything in any of the handful of shades of nail polish he's got shoved in his jacket pocket. He pulls out a few shirts, one scarf in different shades of blue, a pair of gray and green trousers, and then a bit of orange lace catches his eye. He reaches into one of the racks to pull out a knee length pencil skirt.

Todd makes sure that he can still see Dirk's head bobbing a few racks away, then holds the skirt up to his waist. It looks like a pretty close fit.

"Do you know where the dressing rooms are?" a helpful employee asks him, passing by the top of the aisle, and Todd colors and shoves the skirt back onto the rack.

"I don't, I mean – I'm not here to, I'm just with a – a friend," he stammers, glancing over at Dirk again to make sure his attention hasn't been caught. Dirk is still only a third of the way through the display of jackets, and it seems like he's going to try all of them on.

The employee pauses, looks over her shoulder at Dirk, and looks back at Todd. She steps closer to him, and lowers her voice. "The dressing rooms are non-gendered, and in a part of the store no one would wander past accidentally. If you were hoping to try things on in peace."

Todd blinks. She smiles.

He gulps in a deep breath, then grabs the skirt off the rack again, and the two next to it for good measure. "Lead the way," he says bravely.

–––––––––

It's another two days until Todd gets a chance to wash his new clothes without Dirk peering over his shoulder, dictating how he uses the dryer sheets, and another day until he's in his bedroom, alone, with the door locked. He pulls off his clothes, dumps them in the hamper by his dresser, and looks in the mirror. Skinny, but not quite scrawny, bruised to hell from this week's case, and visible, palpably nervous.

"Calm down, asshole," he tells himself. "It's just clothes." Given how weird his life is, he almost expects the mirror to talk back at him, but it thankfully doesn't. He reaches underneath the shirts in his dresser and pulls out an orange and burgundy floral skirt, then grabs a matching deep red t-shirt. He turns his back on the mirror to pulls them on, takes two deep, calming breaths, then spins around all in a rush to take a look.

He looks –

He's –

"Oh," Todd says. His hair is messy and he's flushed, and the skirt highlights how hairy his calves are, but the outfit also makes him look – He swallows and looks away for a moment, but his gaze is drawn immediately back. It makes him look almost soft. A descriptor surely no one has ever used about Todd Brotzman. The flowers on the skirt match his nails, and the movement of the skirt against his legs is gentle and luxurious.

He wears the outfit for the rest of the evening, flopped on his bed and playing with his phone, and occasionally glances over at the mirror to take it all in again. It keeps being good – really good. 

Once he's having trouble keeping his eyes open, he carefully folds the skirt back away and falls asleep with a smile on his face.

-----------------

Link to: day one, Farah - Youth day two, Farah - Dance day three, Farah - Gore day four, Farah - GNC fashion day five, Farah - AU day six, Farah - Family (to be written) day seven, Farah - Pride (to be written) day eight, Todd - Youth (to be written) day nine, Todd - Dance (to be written) day ten, Todd - Gore

prompt list

#dghda #dirk gently #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #DGHDAtober #Todd Brotzman #gender gender gender gender #Todd is so fcuking queer #fanfiction

[rowdy-revenant]

Six Rowdies and a Baby

Characters: Martin, Cross, Gripps, Vogel, Amanda Brotzman/Drummer

Warnings: Mayhem and tomfoolery, pararibulitis attack

A/N: Based off this post. Want more parts? Please let me know!

Words: 1100+

Beta reader: @intricatecakes

Summary: While doing the usual routine of smashing things to bits, The Rowdy 3 find something unexpectedly placed in their path by the universe: a baby. Amanda's surprised at how well the boys take care of the newest addition, but also worries about the child. Who are they? Where are their parents? Is this going to be a thing that connects to another thing?

[Read it on AO3] [DGHDA masterlist]

Amanda Brotzman thought she couldn’t be surprised anymore. Punk energy vampires on the run from a secret government agency? Sure. A disease that causes painful hallucinations but also visions if handled correctly? Been there, done that. An entire dimension created by a dreaming child with snail witches and scissor swords? Just another Tuesday. Still, this was new.

The Rowdy 3 had been driving all day, ignoring maps and “one way street” signs, the wheel under Martin’s hands turning on a whim, a hunch, or to follow a balloon drifting through the air that some poor kid must have let go of. From anyone else’s perspective, the journey was entirely random.

Martin parked the Oh No Van--if you could call it parking--through a fence of an old car salvage lot. The gate had been chained and padlocked who knows how long ago. Mountains of old, wrecked cars filled the yard, some with broken headlights, others unrecognizable clusters of metal, all of them coated in dust and rust. Perfect for smashing, and possibly to collect some spare parts for the van.

Cross hopped out first, swinging around a crowbar like it was a marching band baton. He pointed it at a pile of stacked cars. “Last one to the top is a rocking egg!” He exclaimed.

Before Amanda could correct him, Vogel had already shot out the van and was racing to beat Cross.

It was pure, beautiful, chaos. Cross and Vogel racing to climb up a teetering car mound. Beast diving into a pile of tires, chasing after the ones that rolled away. Gripps carefully inspecting then removing parts before smashing the car to bits and repeating the process with the next. Martin leaping from car to car like stepping stones, lit cigarette in his mouth, bounding around and observing the ruckus.

Amanda grinned, her body filled with adrenaline and ready to fuck shit up. She darted over to a dumpster, bat in hand, ready to dent the faded green metal. She raised the bat, ready to swing, like a baseball player seconds before a home run, when an overwhelming wave of dread washed over her.

Amanda’s hands went numb with cold. She began shivering so hard her entire body shook. The bat fell from her hands as she dropped to her knees, eyes clouded with tears. The noise of the others disappeared. Amanda was alone. Abandoned. Terrified.

Amanda hadn’t realized she’d passed out until she woke up, her head against Gripps’ chest. He was kneeling beside where she’d collapsed, one arm around her shoulder, the other hand stroking her hair.

The other Rowdies stood close to them, but far enough to give them space. All of them looked concerned, makeshift weapons no longer in hand but dropped immediately before they had rushed over.

“What…” Amanda managed to mumble.

“You had an attack,” Gripps responded in a soft voice. “I took care of it, don’t worry.”

“You okay, Drummer?” Martin asked.

Amanda touched her cheek. The fresh trail of mascara told her she’d been crying. “I- I-” she stammered. “I was alone.”

“Just an attack,” Cross told her. “We were always here. Promise.”

“PROMSE!” Beast echoed.

Gripps moved his arms away as Amanda got to her feet. She eyed the dumpster suspiciously. “There’s something in there,” she told the group.

Sure enough, an odd noise from inside the dumpster told the group she was right. An echoing, muffled, cry. Even before hearing it, Amanda just… knew.

Vogel picked up the bat that Amanda dropped and pointed it at the dumpster. They had learned to take precautions when opening them, ever since the Great Racoon Wrestling Match.

Martin nodded at the others. He dropped his cigarette and put it out with his boot before slowly opening the lid. It creaked open and-

Nothing jumped out. The noise was clear now: crying.

“Shit…” Martin muttered.

Beast tilted her head. “Wazzit?”

Martin opened the second lid and hoisted himself inside, landing as softly as his combat boots would let him. “Cross, c’mere,” he directed.

Cross nodded and walked over. The others, all confused, watched as Martin lifted something out of the dumpster and into Cross’ arms.

Now this was something new to Amanda.

“Is… is that a baby?” Amanda asked.

Cross looked at the crying infant in his arms. “It’s either a baby or a really tiny man,” he replied without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Beast hopped around Cross, looking up at the baby, curiosity in her rainbow eyes. “Wee beebee.” Amanda wondered if she’d ever even seen a baby before.

While Amanda gawked at the child, the others realized she wasn’t going to be giving any orders, so Martin stepped in.

“Gripps, take those spare parts back to the van,” Martin instructed, climbing out of the dumpster. “Cross, you keep that lil ‘un warm. Drummer, you just take a breather in the van. We gotta go on a supply run.”

Everyone gathered up the weapons they’d dropped and climbed back into the van. Cross held the baby close against his chest, wrapped in his jacket, gently rocking and singing to them. The infant had stopped crying and looked like they were about to pass out. As Martin drove the van away, the steady hum of the engine lulled the baby to sleep.

Martin had probably never driven so carefully. Hands at ten and two, eyes focused on the road, going the speed limit.

Not bothering to clean up her makeup (Vogel assured her that crying was totally punk), Amanda eyed the baby. “What are we gonna do?” She asked.

“Pick up what we need,” Martin replied, not turning back to face her like he usually did. “Blankets-”

“Diapers,” Cross added. “Wipes-”

“Formula and baby food,” Gripps said.

“And a jacket!” Vogel replied. Amanda smiled, picturing a tiny leather jacket on a tiny punk baby.

“How old is he?” Amanda asked.

Gripps frowned, looking at the bundle in Cross’ arms. “Five months, two weeks, four days. If I had to guess.”

“Do we like… put up posters?” Vogel asked.

“I think that’s just for lost dogs,” Amanda replied. “Might be best to tell the police.”

Martin clenched his jaw at the mention of cops. “I dunno, Drummer. They may think we kidnapped ‘em. An’ if they decide to put our description out there, You Know Who may find us. Then what’ll we do?”

He had a point. As bad a place as The Van was for a baby, Blackwing would be worse. “Last resort, okay? Someone might be looking for him.”

“Him?” Cross asked.

“The baby’s a he. I know it,” Amanda shrugged. “My attack made me find him. We’re… we were supposed to find him.”

“Leef,” Beast nodded. “Leef ina streem.”

“He’s a little leaf in the stream of creation…” Amanda nodded.

“That’s what we’ll call him then. Leaf.” Martin suggested. Leaf cooed in his sleep, as if approving this name.

#dghda #the rowdy 3 #six rowdies and a baby #amanda brotzman #martin #vogel #cross #gripps #beast

[kieren-fucking-walker]

I feel like Todd is, or was once, actually quite a reader- any ideas on his fave books/genres? Any personal stories about his connection to them? ^^

Oh maaaaan. Todd is a reader! He has quite a few books in his apartment and, lets face it, he likes the quiet time, home comforts, all that. Curling up with a blanket and a book would be lovely for him, it’s getting the chance that’s the problem. I’m not so drawn to specific books, mostly because I feel like a lot of the more popular stuff at the time he was a teen or whatever would have passed me by and that makes it harder to pick stuff out. I do think he was into Sci-Fi though, and Fantasy stuff. I imagine he’d pass on a lot of the considered ‘classics’ but he’d probably go through a Vonnegut stage? I could see him getting into some Palahniuk as well at some point, that kind of satirical socio-political commentary stuff with a touch of sci-fi and horror? Maybe even some Stephen King and Philip K. Dick. Fantasy stuff is harder to pinpoint, but it’d definitely be his go to for some easier/lighter reading? If LotR exists in this universe (which from the comic con thing I’m thinking it does) he loves that. He totally read it to Amanda, he read to her all the time when she was little. He likely missed the Harry Potter hype train, but read them all to her anyway (yes, even when they got older) so they’re kinda special in that way to him? I considered A Clockwork Orange for about half a second, before coming to the conclusion he’d write it off by the end of the first chapter if he even made it that far. He would enjoy The Hunger Games though, if he could be coerced into reading them, which is not likely.Also just like, a shit ton of comics and graphic novels. He consumes them. I hope he gets time to read more soon, bless him. When he gets comfortable enough (and fuck, it takes some time) he definitely starts reading to Dirk in little quiet moments. (And yes it’s sweet as hell.)

Thank you lovely! Hope this was somewhat coherent! Ask me questions about Todd Brotzman! (Or Brotzly, whatever tickles your fancy!)

#todd brotzman #dghda #meta #is this meta? #it needs a tag so #dghda meta #coolio

[notjanine]

2018 pop culture ranked

(highly subjective!)

MOVIES:

10. hotel artemis- everyone who didn’t like this movie is wrong. i know they advertised it as a john wick, but it’s not and that’s okay! accept it as-is, and it’s Good.

9. sorry to bother you- do i really need to explain

8. hereditary- i’m STILL mad at those last ten minutes for scaring me! toni collette is god

7. overlord- exactly what i wanted it to be. gross and fun! uglass wyatt russell COULD

6. the favourite- pls never let yorgos lanthimos write a movie ever again just stick to directing good scripts buddy!! bc i loved this!

5. spider-man: into the spider-verse- lissen. i know this should be higher. it’s near perfect. but

4. mission: impossible- fallout- i’m glad tom cruise has some weird danger fetish so he keeps making these. and that bathroom fight?? i’m still [redacted]

3. widows- name one flaw in this movie, i’ll wait.

okay okay okay. we all know what belongs at the top of this list. we all know what the best movie of the year was. but. it’s so close for me i’m gonna call it a tie

1. black panther- obviously

1. U P G R A D E - the first fight scene alone is better than every other movie on this list? give lmg an oscar for this; he’s got a Face and he USES it. and the cinnamontography?? what even is everyone else doing with cameras?? fling them shits around to make it look cool ppl. NOTE: i went into this movie knowing only -not tom hardy is in it -something about cyborgs. that’s it. don’t watch the trailer. go in knowing as little about it as possible. as a matter of fact, forget everything i’ve said about it up til this point. blacklist it on here bc i’m gonna post about it more. just watch it.

honorable mentions: the night comes for us (hot), game night (fun, and better than it needs to be!), ant-man and the wasp (hella bad science, but i enjoyed it a lot anyway???), death of stalin (iannucci), pacific rim: uprising (boyega is a star. eastwood is a good token white guy. A+ villainy tbh)

ALBUMS:

(not including scores/soundtracks!)

10. starcrawler - starcrawler - cut the sleeves off your t shirts, let your black nail polish chip, don’t clean your apartment for a couple days, put this on and channel your inner amanda brotzman

9. nobody’s watching - steady holiday - i know we’re all sick of whisper-singing breathy ingenues, but she’s my fave okay. 

8. prisma tropical -  balún - don’t you wanna feel like you’re in like a digital caribbean dreamscape??

7. dirty computer - janelle  monáe - again, i know this should be higher, but. it just doesn’t have the hit rate i want it to. does have some instant classics tho. miss monáe invented pussy with pynk and we have to respect that

6. isolation - kali uchis - She!!! this album is a PARTY

5. 7 - beach house - when black car comes on my consciousness instantly leaves my body to undulate in some dark starlit ether until lose your smile gradually brings me back to earth but i’m only approximately 60% corporeal until last ride finishes and i go to bed (yeah this is a nighttime album only)

4. soil - serpentwithfeet - bruh i was like six months late to this but holy shit. like multiple times during my initial listen i had to be like HE REALLY. when he said “i’m annoyed with clothes today / i’d rather swaddle myself in sorrow today” i FELT that

3. smote reverser - oh sees - jams all the way down

2. tu - alien weaponry - BANGERS ALL THE WAY DOWN

1. hive mind - the internet - morgan rhodes said this whole album makes you wanna rollerskate and that’s it. that’s the feeling. so good. smooth. fun. perfect.

honorable mentions (be the cowboy (i know, i know), acrylic, saturn, the hex, el mal querer, mozaik, the calling, double negative)

BONUS- EPs: (all of these would’ve made in into the top ten if they counted as full albums)

- the beauty of everything pt. 1 - alex isley - what a follow up to luxury!! i put this on in the morning a lot, set a good vibe for the day.

- conexão - amber mark - so good so good. this is a self-care soundtrack. put it on. light some candles. do a face mask. take a bath. braid your hair.

- crush - ravyn lenae - bops on bops. listening to this makes me feel like a girl in a way that is inexplicable??? like night song comes on and i’m. oh yeah! being a girl IS good and fun!

BOOKS:

(these are NOT all from this year, but i didn’t actually read many from this year, so this is just ~1/3 of what i did read, my faves, and the order’s only kind of correct, i didn’t put a ton of thought into ranking them but)

10. the shadowed sun by n.k. jemisin - loved it, but has one trope i HATE.

9. the hundred thousand kingdoms by n.k. jemisin - loved it. and the whole naha thing... made me feel some type of way (that #5 reinforced)

8. consider the fork by bee wilson - look. it’s a book about kitchen utensils. not for everyone. but i thoroughly enjoyed it.

7. the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson - oh man!!! spooky (idk why but my brain automatically fancast eleanor - nikki amuka bird, theo - tessa thompson, luke - billy magnussen)

6. don’t panic by neil gaiman - i read it THROUGH getting a tattoo. like lying in an uncomfortable position, exposed in a public space, with lots of people chatting and loud music. it’s that interesting and amusing (esp considering it was written before the trilogy was finished). but i’m a douglas adams nerd.

5. all but the bloody mouth by becca de la rosa - i read this all in one sitting on a rainy day when i should have been doing other things but i could not put it down. and i cried and i don’t even know why?? p sure i just got possessed by a swamp demon or something. would recommend

4. kindred by octavia butler - auntie octavia was that bitch

3. of things gone astray by janina matthewson - i would literally die for this woman. between this book and wtw she’s gotten more individual shoutouts in my gratitude journal than any other person (i think she’s second only to gus for 2018) (seriously though listen to within the wires s1 might be my single favorite piece of fiction in the universe)

2. the killing moon by n.k. jemisin - this is everything i want a fiction book to be i think. i forced myself to slow down on this just to enjoy it for longer.

1. the cooking gene by michael twitty - i would make this book into a horcrux. 

honorable mentions: alice isn’t dead (great monsters!), gulp (gross but cool), the patternmaster series (wild seed is my FAVE, but i read that one last year), sing unburied sing (ghosts), children of blood and bone (fantasy!), the shadow cabinet (the shades of london is my ya guilty pleasure i just fucking love ghosts okay and the first one is legitimately Scary)

#i'm putting a read more break at the top but for some reason they don't always seem to work esp on mobile #so if this all shows up on your dash i'm sorry #but i had fun doing this!! #i don't even know how i managed to keep up with so much media this year with school and all but wow

[gold-from-straw]

Nightmares - DGHDA SpookFest

For prompt 33, nightmares. Dirk Gently/Todd Brotzman. T rating

Some graphic depictions of violence, canon typical gore (including pararibulitis attacks), Priest being an utter arsehole as usual, and insulting someone’s gender orientation... so warnings for Transphobia. Also swearing, I mean, my entire existence should come with a swear rating, my bad...

Quinn ran, their heart pounding in their chest, lungs burning and mind almost overloading with terror. They stumbled around another corner, bumped into someone who fell to the ground instantly, the ground around them writhing with snakes. Quinn whimpered and ran some more. Their own worst nightmare was coming for them, his gun at the ready and a smile on his face.

***

“…and then this person said they were attacked by rubber chickens in the grocery store—“

“Rubber chickens?”

“Yes, they—“

“In the grocery store?”

“Yes, Todd, do keep up. They said, and I quote, that they squawked threateningly and their dead rubber eyes stared deep into their soul.”

Todd gave up and doubled up laughing. “What are these guys on?”

Dirk tried to look prim and aloof but he could see the bastard’s lips twitching. “As far as we know they aren’t on anything. This spate of weird hallucinations is spreading across the city and it’s brilliant, Todd, we needed a new case, I’ve been so bored.”

“So the universe is giving you rubber chickens?”

“Not just rubber chickens. Dinosaurs and quicksand and jack’o’lanterns and—“

“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my?”

He stopped, his eyes going wide. Todd bit his lip to resist the pull of those eyes, before sucked him in to their orbit. “How did you know? Have you been getting visions like Amanda?”

“No, it’s… a movie reference, never mind. So what do we do?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” he said, and nobody should be that happy about their own ignorance, it was obscene. “I think we should walk around Seattle and see where the universe takes us.”

The universe, as it happened, took them to the park, along the avenue of trees scattering damp autumn leaves, and to a little coffee shop where Dirk ordered something utterly disgusting with at least three different syrups. Todd watched him stroll along with his happy smile and stomped on the little voice whispering ‘this is just like a date’.

It was not a date. As they turned a corner, Dirk suddenly gasped and raced off down an alleyway without warning. Todd was not impressed about running on a full stomach. He could feel that coffee sloshing around as he tried to catch up with Dirk’s ridiculously long legs, honestly, someone who fell over his own feet so often should not be able to run that fast.

He was breathing hard before he found him again, shoving his way through a small crowd of skaters.

“Push it with your board, man, don’t touch it.”

“Woah, did you see that? Are you fucking getting this, man? The board went right through it!”

“What the hell?”

“Rezza, don’t touch it, Jesus!”

“Chill, it’s like a hologram or something, look!”

Todd elbowed forwards, ducking his head low and grimly thinking there were at least some advantages to being chest height to everyone else. “Holy shit,” he muttered, as he got to the centre.

There was a young man lying on the road, writhing and crying out, his head twitching from side to side like he was having a bad dream. And all around him, crawling over his chest and legs, were hundreds of snakes.

Dirk bent down right next to the man. The skaters were torn between cheering him on and warning him to be careful. At least three of them were filming. Dirk reached forward to shake the man’s shoulder, and put his hand right through a huge hooded cobra. “Excuse me,” he said, tapping him on the chest. “Hello, will you wake up?” He poked him gingerly. “Hey!” he yelled, and the poor man sat bolt upright, breathing hard and sweating.

“What the hell? What the… the snakes? Where are they, there were… they were everywhere, oh God.” He shuddered and stared at his hands, but the snakes really were gone, vanished like mist the moment he’d woken up.

Dirk patted him with the very tips of his fingers. “There, there. You seem to have been manifesting your dreams. Does this happen often?”

“Man, it was sick! You have to see this,” one of the skaters laughed, and held out his phone.

The dreamer looked at the video and screamed, skittering backwards onto someone’s feet. “What the fuck? That was… there were snakes all… oh my God oh my God, I’m gonna be sick, I’m gonna… the fuck is going on, I just…”

“Hey,” snapped Todd, forcing his way forward and grabbing the guy’s shoulders. “Stop that now, you’re here. You’re awake, the snakes are gone. They weren’t solid, they were… I don’t know, like some…”

“Manifestation of an unintentional astral projection,” Dirk added helpfully.

“—yeah maybe. Whatever. But you’re safe, you hear?”

The man nodded, still trembling. “What’s your name?” Todd asked.

“Wikus.”

Todd nodded firmly and held out his hand to help the guy up. “I’m Todd Brotzman, this is my par… uh, this is Dirk Gently. He does… weird shit.”

“I’m a holistic detective, as my so-called assistant is failing to tell you. Hi.” Dirk held out his hand to shake and started interrogating Wikus, or telling him his life story, or something. Either way, nobody noticed that Todd had very nearly called him his partner which was just… something to be shoved down into a corner of his imagination where it meant something very different and never see the light of day again.

“—and Farah will take your details. Come on, Todd, you’ll be left behind one of these days!”

He snorted. “As if you’d remember your way back to the office without me.”

“The universe would take me there,” he sniffed. Todd just smirked and shook his head, and led the way.

***

Quinn collapsed in a doorway and tried to sit upright, but their body was shaking too much. They slumped against the frame and curled up tight. A wave of despair swept over them. They were never going to be free. He was going to chase them forever, no matter how hard they ran he’d be around the next corner with a gleeful laugh and an army on his side. Quinn was just so tired, but going back there was a fate worse than death.

***

“So, nightmares, huh?” Amanda said, swinging her feet where she sat on Farah’s desk. Todd figured she was the only person in the world Farah would allow to sit on her perfectly ordered desk.

Dirk nodded. “Yes, this is the seventh manifested nightmare we’ve found in the last three days, isn’t it brilliant?”

“Yeah, when he says found, what he means is I found references to six of them on youtube and twitter,” Farah pointed out, waving her pen in his direction.

“Exactly, you found six and Todd and I found one, therefore we found seven. See? I can do maths, Farah, and you said it was atrocious.”

Farah rolled her eyes and turned back to the computer. Amanda grinned and offered her a cookie which she’d stolen from the cupboard anyway, so it was probably Farah’s cookie. “What’s causing it? Any ideas?”

“Aliens.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Todd, it’s never aliens.”

“It’s only a matter of time, I mean, we’ve had alternate dimensions, shapeshifters, actual wizards, at least three cults and one surprisingly boring series of robberies.”

“Really? How did you end up with that case?”

“They only stole worthless trinkets. Dirk thought it might have been a creature that fed off nostalgia or something, but it was a young guy with a form of kleptomania. Kinda sad, really.”

“I thought he was an empath, not a nostalgia-eater” Dirk protested.

“You said, and I quote, ‘he’s some sort of sentiment vampire, I’ll bet you anything, Todd.’ Speaking of which, you still owe me dinner.”

“Do not let him cook,” said Farah without looking up from the computer.

“Did you just do the British accent again?” Dirk said in delight.

“No…”

“You did. Oh, do it again, please.”

“Shut up!” he covered his red face, furious with himself.

“Guys, come look at this,” Farah called, and Todd grabbed at the opportunity with both hands. He scrambled round to stand behind her chair, joined by Dirk and Amanda.

It was a YouTube video. Todd recognised the area they’d been that day, the skaters taking shaky footage of each other trying out a new trick. He immediately tried to see if he could spot Wikus in the background, but they spotted the person running first.

It was over in seconds. There was a figure racing down the street, turning to look the way they’d come, and then stumbling and running on again. They were almost out of shot when they crashed into Wikus. It was barely even a brush of shoulders, but Wikus dropped like a stone. The skater taking the video was too busy focusing on the snakes that were forming out of thin air around the sleeping man to turn the video back on the runner, or on whatever they were running from.

“Can you pause it and try and get a look at the runner?” Todd said, squinting at the screen.

Farah rolled her eyes. “No, Captain Obvious, because I’ve already downloaded it. We can look at a frame by frame here.” She opened another app and the video appeared as a series of ten second clips.

“Do you ever wonder what your role is in this business?” Amanda asked him sweetly. He glared at her.

“Todd’s my assistant,” said Dirk, and his horrified expression was deeply gratifying. “He’s irreplaceable.”

“If you say so,” Amanda grinned.

Todd tried not to gaze at Dirk like a lovestruck puppy but, damn, it was hard. Now if only he could get up the nerve to tell Dirk he was equally irreplaceable to Todd, just… for a really different reason.

“I can’t get a better view of this guy,” said Farah, squinting at the screen. The person ran, frame by frame, speed blurring all his features. They turned to look behind them, and Dirk gasped and stepped back.

“What, what is it? You recognise this guy?”

“Morpheus,” he whispered.

“Who’s Morpheus?” Farah said. “The… the Greek god of dreams, but… oh… Greek mythology.” She looked from Dirk to the screen and back. “Shit.”

Dirk was backed right up against the wall, his face pale and his eyes that horrible blank mask. Todd had seen that too much back in Bergsberg. He reached out to squeeze his arm. “Blackwing?”

Dirk nodded, a tiny, jerky movement. His big eyes were looking suspiciously wet, and Todd grabbed his other hand, pulling him around to face him. “Hey, you’re OK. You’re safe. We’re here, and we’re never letting you go again, you hear?”

He nodded, and Todd wasn’t sure if his lower lip really trembled like that or if it was just the movement of his whole head, but he wanted to wrap him up tight in his arms and never let him feel this fear again.

Dirk took a deep breath and stepped back towards the screen. “M-Morpheus arrived a few years after I did… around the same time as the Rowdies and… and they used to make them feed on either them or me, or… or—“

“Them?” interjected Farah. “How many were in Project Morpheus?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, singular them. Morpheus is non-binary.”

“And their power was, what, making people hallucinate?”

“Not exactly… they could pull your worst nightmares forwards. I used to… they had to do it to me,” he said, his eyes falling shut and shuddering. “I didn’t recognise it today because… because the nightmares never used to appear to anyone else, like those snakes did. They just touched you, and you fell asleep, into the worst… the worst dreams you’d ever had.”

Todd’s hands itched with the need to touch him, comfort him. When Amanda slipped off the desk and wrapped her arms around his waist, he was torn between grateful that she was giving him the comfort that Todd was too cowardly to provide, and angry with himself that he couldn’t put this stupid crush aside and just give Dirk what he needed. He turned back to the screen, clenching his fist and looking at the picture, memorising the face of yet another person who’d hurt Dirk, another person Todd would hate forever.

But as he looked at the young person on the screen, he found it difficult to keep the same level of anger. They were frozen mid-step, their head twisted to stare behind them, a look of utter panic and despair on their face. It was hard to hate someone who looked so much like Dirk had back in Bergsberg.

“They look like they’re being chased,” said Farah softly.

Dirk nodded. “The fear always made their powers worse.”

“So you’re saying they’ve got stronger since you knew them?” Amanda said.

He sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if they got out of Blackwing back when I escaped, I know not all of us did. If they’d been stuck there, if Riggins…” He swallowed. “If they found something that worked…”

“You think they’ve found some way to increase their powers?”

“To weaponise them,” Farah murmured. “Shit.”

“Look, maybe not,” Amanda said, rubbing Dirk’s back. Todd could see his muscles trembling, just ever so slightly. “Maybe Morpheus figured it out themselves.”

Dirk took a deep breath and pursed his lips. “We’ve got to help them.”

***

Amanda walked back with Todd and Dirk, claiming it was Todd’s turn to let her use his shower. Todd grumbled and pretended that having her back in his life wasn’t the best thing that had ever happened to him. She also made Dirk smile, just another reason he wanted to fall on his knees in gratitude to his little sister.

“Don’t let Morpheus get close to you, Todd,” she said, with a wicked grin.

“Amanda,” he growled, narrowing his eyes at her.

She laughed and tucked her arm into Dirk’s. “Do you wanna guess what Todd’s worst nightmare was? When we were kids?”

Dirk turned great pools of sorrow onto Todd. “Oh no! Was it terrible, Todd?”

Todd blushed and turned away, unable to bear the siren call of that sweet, kind face. “Don’t listen to her, she’s an idiot.”

Amanda snorted. “I’m not the one who was terrified of little white ponies.”

Dirk’s forehead crinkled as he stared down at her, and even under his mortification Todd thought it was adorable. “White ponies?”

“Amanda, oh my god!”

“How many times did you have that dream?” She asked, her voice rich with delight at his humiliation. She looked up at Dirk in glee. “It was about the same time I was playing with My Little Ponies, he must have been at least fourteen. He woke up screaming one night because - and I quote - ‘the ponies are trying to eat me!’” She threw her head back and laughed. “He had that dream night after night, I had to put my ponies in the wardrobe any time I wasn’t playing with them or he’d shudder when he saw them!”

“They had teeth!” he yelled, his face burning. “They were vicious little… dog sized creatures with sharp freaking teeth - and horses do actually eat meat, by the way. They… they chased me up a tree every damn night and circled me and - oh shut up!”

Amanda was nearly doubled over laughing. “Promise me you’ll take a video if Todd gets knocked over by Morpheus, I need blackmail material.”

Todd groaned and rolled his eyes.

“I’m afraid I’ll probably have other things on my mind, but I appreciate the warning about the white ponies,” Dirk said, humour colouring his voice.

Todd shook his head, but it occurred to him that his stupid pony nightmare would be preferable to anything that would manifest if Morpheus got to Dirk.

***

Quinn took a long, shuddering breath and wrapped their hands around a warm styrofoam cup. They were safe, just for now. They’d sent him down a false trail, and if they were lucky it would be hours before he realised… maybe even a day or two. And Quinn had a plan. It meant… it meant doing to themself what they did but… the end justified the means. They needed to get stronger. They needed to stop relying on touch because Priest would never let Quinn get close enough… they needed to stretch the powers. Quinn’s stomach roiled, rebelling against the fear and phantom pains, but this was the only way. They had to save themself, because nobody else was going to.

***

It was midnight. Amanda had stumbled out the front door, yawning, at least an hour earlier, but Dirk was still on Todd’s sofa, chattering, waving his hands, and as bright eyed as he had been at 8 o’clock that morning.

Todd rubbed his gritty eyes and stifled a yawn, blinking at Dirk’s flushed face. “...and there was this absolutely brilliant double rainbow, stretching right over the Atlantic, and did you know, Todd, I could see both ends of it in the sea - do you think if I took a plane over the top of it I’d be able to see a whole circle? Wouldn’t that be amazing, a rainbow ring? A double ring because it was a double rainbow, ooh, that would be the best thing—“

“Dirk,” he huffed. “Aren’t you… I don’t know, aren’t you tired?”

He stopped, his mouth open and half way through a word. “I’m… no. No, I’m perfectly awake, Todd, I really don’t know how you can sleep at a time like this, honestly, it’s all so exciting! Did I tell you about-“

Todd groaned and slumped lower onto the sofa. “Dirk, I’m tired! I want to go to sleep, look… do you want to just watch TV? I’m gonna fall asleep right here if I don’t go to bed!”

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry.”

He sounded small. He sounded like he’d been shut down, like all that brightness and enthusiasm had been wiped away like condensation on a mirror, and all that was left was a sharp, stark… exhaustion.

Todd opened his eyes properly and sat up.

“I’ll head back to my own flat, thank you for dinner, Todd, it was lovely.”

Todd frowned as Dirk stood up, smiling brightly and fussing with his jacket. He focused properly on the curve of his shoulders, the tension in the lines of his face, the shadows under his eyes, and he grabbed the sleeve of his jacket as he slipped his arms in. “Do you… you can stay here, if you like,” he said softly. “If you don’t want to be alone.”

Dirk exhaled shakily, his eyes going distant and staring through the carpet into the past. “I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not good enough,” he said. “Come here.” He pulled him around to the sofa, shoved him down again and twitched a fleecy blanket off the back of the armchair. “Lie down, Dirk, c’mon.”

“You really don’t have to, Todd, you’re absolutely right, it’s time for bed and—“

“Dirk, shut up and lie down. And next time you don’t want to be alone, just tell me, OK?”

Dirk curled up on his side, stiff and wide eyed. Todd nodded firmly, draping the blanket over him. “‘Night. Sleep well.”

“Thank you,” he said, very quietly.

***

They found somewhere to sleep, an old warehouse, red brick crumbling and weeds growing up through the cracks in the tarmac. It was almost painfully cold out in the autumn wind, Halloween just around the corner, but Quinn had a thick sleeping bag and a pack of marshmallows, stolen from a camping store. It was almost pleasant, almost like an adventure. That’s what they told themself, a distraction from what they’d have to do to peel their powers out, stretch them like elastic. Make themself into the weapon they’d been resisting for so long. Make themself into the monster they’d sworn never to become.

They had no choice.

***

He wasn’t sure what woke him. It wasn’t a cry, it wasn’t a dream of his own, but he woke, eyes wide and clear, fixed on the red 3:58 of his digital clock. He lay still for a moment, trying to work out what had pulled him from sleep so perfectly.

For a while there was nothing. He closed his eyes again and tried to settle back to sleep, and there it was. The slightest, shuddering breath, the slightest shifting of tense muscles.

Before he could rationalise it to himself, before he could shake his head and brush it off, he was standing, bare feet cold against the floorboards, and pushing his door open to the sitting room.

Dirk lay still under the covers, a beam of moonlight casting silver accents over his red hair. He wasn’t moving at all, and in the end, that’s what was suspicious. Because he was so still he might not even be breathing, so curled up tight when he’d seen him loose and slack in sleep the last time he’d passed out on the couch after a long case.

He shuffled forward, his body not quite responding right, but his mind sharp and present as he crouched down. Dirk’s forehead was lined, his brows crunched into a deep frown, his plush lips in a worried pout, his fingers clenching and unclenching. As Todd watched he whimpered, just slightly, and pressed himself backwards, curling up into a terrified, solid little ball.

“Dirk,” he said softly, his heart aching. Dirk should never be so small and afraid, hiding behind silence and stillness.

“Please,” Dirk whispered, just a breath barely even a sound. “No, please, I’m trying, I’ll be… I’ll be good.”

“Dirk, wake up!” Todd said, a little louder. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to scare him, but how could he leave him so scared? This wasn’t right, how dare anyone scare Dirk like this? How could they?

“Please,” he whimpered, and Todd couldn’t bear it. He sank his fingers into Dirk’s hair, rubbing gently, whispering meaningless reassurances, trying to call him back.

“You’re OK, Dirk,” he said right into his ear, softly and firmly. “I’m here, OK, it’s nobody else, just me. I’m not gonna let them get you, I’m here. You’ll be OK, baby, you hear? I’ll keep you safe, just come back, OK? You’re not back there, you’re safe. He pressed his forehead to Dirk’s temple, wishing he could help, wishing he could protect him from everything in his past.

“Todd,” Dirk whispered, his fingers finding their way around Todd’s wrist. “My Todd.”

“Yeah, I’m yours, it’s OK, sweetheart.” He felt a rush of self-loathing. How dare he? Calling him stupid pet names, touching him like this while he was sleeping, when he couldn’t push him away. He told himself it was just to make Dirk feel better, just to help him through the nightmare, that Amanda and Farah would do exactly the same for him, but that was different, wasn’t it? Because they’d do the same for Dirk while he was awake. They didn’t hold him at arms’ length because all they felt for him was pure, uncomplicated affection, not this… this overblown worship! This complete obsession that if anyone knew about it they’d be horrified, push him away for being too much, too clingy.

But he brushed Dirk’s hair back, and stroked his cheek, and rubbed his hands where they held his wrist, because now he’d started, he couldn’t bear to stop.

“Todd,” he sighed. “Feels nice.” He nuzzled into Todd’s hands as he rubbed the back of his neck, his thumb brushing over his cheekbones. Todd squeezed his eyes shut, guilty and as always, not guilty enough to pull away.

But he’d learned, hadn’t he? He was better than this - he was trying, for Amanda’s sake, for Farah and mostly for Dirk, he was trying to be a better person. Dirk was breathing evenly, he’d come out of the nightmare, and Todd couldn’t justify touching him any more, he was just being creepy and an asshole. He stood up, his hands sliding gently out of Dirk’s hair.

“Don’t go,” Dirk whined, and to Todd’s horror one eye opened, looking right up at him.

“I’m… shit, I’m sorry, Dirk, I didn’t… I just… you were having a bad dream and I…”

“I know,” he said with a sleepy smile. “Thank you.”

Todd felt his face flush. “Well… if you’re… I’m glad. I’ll just be going—“

“Please stay,” he whispered, and Todd felt his heart ache.

“Sure,” he said with a crooked smile. He could handle the dull ache, he could handle being too close if Dirk wanted him there, he could… shit, that really did hurt.

“Pills,” he croaked, as the muscles between his ribs clenched in threat. “I need--”

“Oh, shit,” Dirk said, tumbling off the sofa and grabbing for the yellow jacket discarded on the floor. He was muttering platitudes, reassurances, but Todd didn’t hear, because he pulled up his shirt and saw the flesh tearing away from his bones, blood soaking his pyjamas, something fluttering beneath and someone was screaming, it hurt, it hurt so much and there was a bitter taste, a swallow…

He slumped sideways onto Dirk’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dirk whispered, and Todd realised he had his arms wrapped around him, hands shaking. “I’m so sorry, if I hadn’t woken you up and shocked you and--”

“Hey, no, that’s not how it works, man,” he said. “Or… well, we’re not sure… but anyway, it just is what it is, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dirk said anyway.

Todd rolled his eyes. “Come on, you idiot,” he grumbled. It was the safest way for his heart, being grumpy when he wanted to be safe. Some kinds of hurt were worse than others. He wriggled back and lay on his side on the couch, jerking his head at Dirk. “Lie down and go to sleep, otherwise we’ll never wake up tomorrow.”

Dirk hesitated, his mouth opening and closing, his eyes big and sad, and Todd wished he could be a better person, comfort him instead of pushing him around. But he never had been a nice person, not really, and he wasn’t going to pretend again. He grabbed Dirk’s collar and yanked him down, shoving him in place and draping the blanket over both of them.

For just a moment he indulged a wish, a silly fantasy. It was harmless. He imagined that this was their everyday. That he didn’t have to drag Dirk down to lie next to him, that Dirk snuggled into bed with him rather than this spur of the moment thing on the sofa. That Dirk wanted to lie next to him for more than just comfort from nightmares.

He pushed it away, and lay on his hands, keeping them to himself.

***

They weren’t ready. It wasn’t quite THERE yet, they needed more time but he wouldn’t wait. It was like he knew what Quinn was doing, how close they were and they couldn’t… they just couldn’t bear it, they’d die, they’d do anything to be free of that hell. Quinn stood, every muscle shaking, exhausted and terrified and so, so angry, and they ran.

***

Todd closed his eyes and hunched over his black coffee in bliss. Coffee was his one true love. Coffee didn’t judge him, didn’t mind what a grumpy shit he was - in fact, coffee probably appreciated his moods because it made him want coffee more.

“Yes, Todd, we know you love coffee,” Amanda snorted, kicking him in the ankle. “But we don’t need to see you make love to it in the diner.”

Todd held up his middle finger and drank, his eyes still shut. Beside him, just a little too close for Todd’s sanity, Dirk was eating waffles, swimming in disgusting quantities of maple syrup. He was squirming as he talked, and Todd wasn’t sure if it was a sugar high or just Dirk’s natural twitchy self.

He wiped the smile off his face. He was not adorable. Wriggly people were annoying, all of them, they definitely had always annoyed Todd, and Dirk was no exception. Even if he was also unbearably cute - no. Nope. Not the time.

“Come on,” Farah said, nudging Amanda. “We’ve got a lead on the nightmares up near Queen Anne. You said the Rowdies might be able to catch Morpheus’ scent?”

“Yep, let’s do it. You in?” She asked Todd and Dirk, pushing herself to her feet and sliding out of the booth.

“Uh…” said Dirk.

“We’ll pass,” Todd said wryly. Dirk smiled at him gratefully.

“You know the boys won’t feed off you, right?” Amanda said gently.

“I… yes… but…”

“It’s alright,” she said, patting his shoulder. “Later asshole,” she added, middle finger up again. Todd returned it.

“Ready to go feel the pull of the universe, or whatever?” He asked.

He nodded, his cheeks dimpling, and licked the last of the maple syrup off his fork. Todd looked away quickly.

***

He was close. Quinn’s lungs burned, their muscles ached, and if they hadn’t been so exhausted and dehydrated they’d have wept.

Their legs just barely carried them around the corner, into his industrial unit, budleia and willowherb creeping through the tarmac and beckoning him home, broken glass lying outside like it could protect him, like it was on his side.

Perfect for a final stand.

***

Dirk and Todd were meandering in the usual way when it happened. Dirk had been looking at Todd, earnestly explaining why cows were absolutely, definitely from another dimension (“Oh, and platypuses are totally normal?” “Don’t be ridiculous, Todd, they’ve very clearly primordial and have just missed the memo when it comes to evolution”) when he stopped.

“Dirk?” Said Todd, his mouth still stretched into a smile from the ridiculous conversation. “Everything ok?”

He didn’t answer, just turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction, his face slack and horrified and like he’d rather do anything else. Todd jogged to catch up, panic and adrenaline seeping into his blood.

***

He was here. He was close, and Quinn had one chance, just one chance.

“Here, kitty kitty kitty! Oh, Mo-o-o-rpheus!”

They swallowed hard and fought back the bile and the memories. Focus!

“Here boy! Where are you?” Priest’s high giggle cut the air and made Quinn flinch violently. “Or are you a girl? You sure cry like a little girl. I think we should find out for sure what you are when we get you home.”

Quinn bit back a whimper violently, squeezing their eyes shut and demanding control, forcing their body to stop trembling. This was the only chance.

“But you’re just a freak, ain’t you boy? Just a freak like all the others, not fit for polite company. You’ve been out here too long, haven’t you?”

Quinn clenched their fists and gathered up all their hate, all their desperation, clenching it into a ball in their chest, and stepped out of the shadows.

“Oh, well, look at you,” Priest said, and chuckled. “What do you look like? Time to go home, isn’t it, boy? Hmm?”

He raised his dart gun. Quinn dug deep. “Fuck you, Mr Priest,” they said, and hurled their power through the palm of their hand and OUT, out into the air and it HURT, it burned every cell, but they’d rather die than go back to Blackwing.

***

Dirk was running now, long legs taking him further away from Todd, and that was absolutely not acceptable. He raced after him, brass knuckles already in place. Bloody idiot was always getting hurt! Didn’t he know Todd was meant to go first to keep him safe?

They heard the screaming before they even got into the warehouse, awful, gurgling noises that made Todd’s hair stand on end.

And then they saw who it was, and Dirk crumpled, falling to his ass and scrambling backwards, hands over his mouth in soundless terror at the black clad man with his back to them. Todd threw himself in front of him, but stopped, open mouthed. There was another figure walking towards Priest. She cocked her head and threw a shard of glass at him, her eyes blank and bored as he screamed again.

“Bart? Holy shit, I thought she was still back in Wendimoor.” He winced as she raised a knife and slashed, an arc of blood spraying across the room like a Vegas fountain. “Jesus Christ, is that… has she just killed Priest?”

He took a step forward in his shock, and, too late, saw the other person in the room.

His eyes rolled back and he felt his knees buckle, but he didn’t feel himself hit the floor. He blinked. There was green grass, a park as far as he could see, with warm sunlight and the sound of spring birds in the distance.

“Todd?” said Dirk, and he looked up. He was standing over him with his hand out, smiling sweetly at him. “Up you get,” he said, and pulled him to his feet. He put his other arm around him as he stood, and Todd felt a jolt of light flood through his body at the contact, at the feeling of being held against Dirk.

“What--”

“Ready for your birthday present?” Dirk asked sweetly. He still hadn’t moved his hands from off Todd’s hips and it was desperately distracting.

“My present? But it’s not…”

“I know it’s early,” he said, his plush lips curling into a wide smile. “But it was such a lovely day, perfect for a picnic, and you know what the weather’s like here.”

“Dirk, wait--” He grabbed Dirk’s sleeve as he turned to lead Todd down the grassy slope. Todd frowned around him. He didn’t recognise the park at all.

“Are you OK?” Dirk asked, his forehead furrowed in concern. “Did you hit your head when you fell?”

“I don’t…” He frowned. “Don’t think so.”

Dirk smiled softly, and it took Todd’s breath away. He’d never smiled at him like that, there’d always been something hidden that he’d never noticed until now. Compared to this smile, all the other smiles he’d ever received were veiled, cautious, half smiles.

He slipped his arms around Todd’s waist, cradling him like he was something delicate and infinitely precious, the way Todd dreamed of holding Dirk, and he couldn’t breathe, because Dirk was dipping his head, his eyes fluttering shut, and he was kissing Todd, sweet and everything and there were nuclear blasts going off behind his vision because it was the most perfect, softest, gentlest kiss and he’d never been kissed like this, never been loved before, not like this, and--

Dirk shuddered in his arms, and he was suddenly heavy, his knees collapsing. Todd grabbed him, horrified, because there was blood, so much blood. Dirk clutched at his chest, riddled with bullet holes, from so many shots he hadn’t even heard, oh god, there was… there was a rattling noise from Dirk’s throat. “Jesus, fuck, Dirk, what… what can I do? Oh my god, oh my god!” he pressed his hands against one wound, then another, his fingers slick with the gore, and Dirk was dying, he couldn’t survive this, and then Todd wouldn’t survive it, and… and Dirk was struggling with pills, cramming two into his mouth, his face crumpled with the effort of swallowing.

Todd felt sick. If he had to move he’d crumble, if he had to speak he’d fall to pieces, because the pills worked fast, he’d been there from the inside, feeling them hit his stomach, dissolve, the drugs absorbed directly through carriers in his stomach lining. He knew how the pain disappeared embarrassingly quickly, like it had all been a nightmare, all in his head, all that pain and despair and…

Dirk slumped back, breathing heavily, still twitching from the aftershocks. The blood was gone, the bullet holes were gone, and yet Todd felt like he was grieving because this… this was wrong. This was his thing to bear, and he’d never thought of it like this but he’d have taken it any day over seeing Dirk in that kind of pain.

“Dirk,” he croaked, his voice trembling, raw, no, no!

“It’s OK,” Dirk said, exhausted, breathing hard like he’d run a marathon, and Todd had been there, and never wanted to be there more than he did now, because Dirk should never have to--

“Hey,” he said, sitting up with an obvious effort and cupping Todd’s cheek. “I’m OK, it’s over.” He leaned forwards and kissed Todd’s cheek, the corner of his mouth. “It was a little better today,” he smiled, exhausted. “Maybe it’ll keep getting better; didn’t you say it started out feeling better a little bit at a time when it happened to you?”

Todd’s blood froze, his entire body stilling as he heard those words in two voices, and this couldn’t… he wouldn’t have, he wouldn’t, he’d learned, he wasn’t… he wasn’t that person, he’d changed, no, please.

“Todd? It’s OK, I have faith,” Dirk said, nudging their noses together. “I’ll get better just like you did. You give me hope.”

Todd staggered back, his ears ringing, the horror flooding over him like ice, like despair, like no please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry and he couldn’t focus, could only hear his name, screamed over and over from a great distance and

***

“Please let me go to him,” Icarus sobbed, his face soaked with tears. The small guy was screaming, his back arching on the floor like he was in terrible pain, but Quinn didn’t understand, there was nothing… what was that nightmare about? What was he afraid of?

They could see the nightmare projected over him, the other Icarus, the other small guy, they’d seen him and Icarus kiss in the field, and then Icarus get hurt, but it wasn’t scary, what kind of worst nightmare was this?

“Todd!” Icarus screamed as he arched and writhed in pain, but Quinn didn’t understand, because the dream shouldn’t be hurting him, it wasn’t like Priest’s nightmare, of Marzana hunting him (the hunter terrified of a bigger hunter, Quinn wanted to laugh, but they thought maybe if they started they might never stop until they fainted) it was nice, most of it. Icarus and the little guy, Todd, they’d been happy, and what the hell kind of nightmare was that?

Quinn was so tired, so tired, they just wanted to sleep, and maybe this time they wouldn’t be hunted in their dreams like they were every day, but they couldn’t be sure… what if this was all one of their own nightmares, wrapping around everyone, bouncing back onto themself, and just… they were so confused…

Icarus yelled Todd’s name again, and he gasped, the weirdly benign nightmare disappearing. But he was still screaming, still squirming, and Quinn held out their hand, not sure whether to aim at Icarus or Todd.

“Please, let me give him his pills, please, he’s going to die like that,” Icarus cried, his arms held up like he was scared of Quinn. But Quinn was the scared one, nobody was scared of Quinn, what was happening, what was going on?

“Please, I beg you, please stop… don’t nightmare me if I go to him, I promise we’ll leave you… we’ll leave you alone, just let me…”

Quinn’s mind was whirling, they couldn’t hold themself up any more, their arm outstretched burning with muscle fatigue, and they slumped forwards. They weren’t sure if they’d decided to do so or not, but it was like drawing breath for the first time after drowning and they staggered forwards onto their hands and knees, gulping air as Icarus threw himself across the warehouse, hands trembling as he tipped pills into Todd’s mouth.

“It’s OK, Todd, you’ll be OK, please swallow them, please… you’ll be OK.” He sniffled and wiped his nose, and held Todd’s head on his lap, rocking back and forth the way they all used to when training got really bad. Quinn rested their head on the ground and closed their eyes.

***

Todd opened his eyes, his throat raw and powdery, bitter from the drugs. Every muscle was lax and overworked, and he felt feverish after the imaginary ice had drained from his body.

He knew it would be normal, but he could never seem to resist holding up his hand, marvelling at the intact skin where he’d just watched it blacken and crumble away in extreme frostbite, flesh shattering and crackling as if he’d been dipped in liquid nitrogen.

And then his nightmare came back, that awful dream where it was Dirk suffering, where he’d lied to someone else he loved, and for the first time after an attack he smiled because that’s all it had been. He was still the one who had pararibulitis, Dirk was safe, or as safe as Dirk ever could be, and he hadn’t lied again.

But Dirk was crying, rocking as he held Todd and that wasn’t good enough. Still blurred with sleep and exhaustion, Todd sat up and wrapped his arms around Dirk’s hunched body, hushing him and pulling him close. “You’re OK, you’re safe.”

“You nearly died,” he wept, clinging on to Todd’s shirt, his fingers tangled in the flannel.

“Nah, I’m fine, see? It was just an attack, and you helped, you were awesome, thank you.”

“I tried to be faster, I’m sorry, Todd, but Morpheus wouldn’t let me go to you… I should have been braver, I should…”

“Hey, no, don’t do that. It’s all fine, I’m-- wait, where’s Morpheus now? Where’s… shit, is Priest dead, or was that an… an illusion or something?”

They staggered to their feet, both shaking from the adrenaline come-down. Todd sidled up to the bloody corpse and scrunched his nose up. “Yeah, I think we can safely say he’s dead.”

“Morpheus is asleep,” Dirk called. But as he leaned over the sleeping figure, Morpheus groaned, blinked, and startled into a crouch, their arm out to blast Dirk into a nightmare and hell no!

Todd threw himself in front of Dirk, covering as much of him as he could with his too-small body and outstretched arms, and snarled at Morpheus. “Leave him the fuck alone, asshole!”

Morpheus blinked and sagged slightly, and Todd felt sympathetic exhaustion in his own knees and shoulders and every inch of his body. “You just—“

“Todd, no,” Dirk gasped, tugging at him, but for a tall guy he was no match for Todd’s better centre of gravity and spiteful stubbornness. “Morpheus, please, don’t—“

“My name’s Quinn,” they said, and dropped their hand. They frowned at Todd. “I saw your nightmare. It didn’t seem so scary.”

“Yeah, well, better me than Dirk, then, huh? Also fuck you.”

“Is that the worst thing?” they asked, and Todd realised they weren’t asking to be an asshole. They genuinely seemed to find it difficult to understand. “Him hurting… is that the worst thing that could happen?”

“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth. “So leave him alone.”

“We just want to help,” Dirk said, one hand clenched in Todd’s shirt. “We don’t mean any harm, we were just investigating. The nightmares. That’s… that’s what I do now, I help. I can help. We can, I mean, me and Todd and Farah and… how long have you been free?”

“Six years,” Quinn said softly. “The security never quite got back to what it was after you guys got out. It was worse for a while but… they were… brittle. Like they knew it was only a matter of time before we all…” they shrugged. “Anyway, I got out. Been running ever since.”

Todd relaxed a bit more, still keeping his own body between Quinn and Dirk’s but letting his muscles unclench just a little. “We can look after you,” he said, only a little grudgingly. “We’re getting better at staying away from Blackwing--”

Quinn shook their head. “Blackwing’s gone. I saw Bart a little while ago, she told me. Said the universe got too loud in her head, she had to… to kill them all. Priest was the only one who got away, but even so…” they glanced at Priest’s crumpled body. “Looks like she had a bit of an impact, if she was his worst nightmare.”

“So you don’t choose the nightmares?”

“No.” They frowned at Todd. “I certainly wouldn’t have chosen… anyway. I just… I just want to be free.”

“We can call Amanda,” Dirk nodded, and stepped closer to Quinn, firmly nudging Todd to the side. “She’ll take you anywhere you want to go, she’s good at that, isn’t she?” Todd shrugged, but now Dirk had said it, he saw it was true. Amanda just had a sense of where people needed to be, where they would feel at home. “She hangs around with the Rowdies now - Project Incubus, you know? They’re… better now she’s with them.”

Quinn raised their eyebrows. “Well, they couldn’t be much worse.”

Todd snorted, and Dirk smiled. “They do stay away when we ask them, at least.”

Quinn took a deep breath, and nodded. “OK. It’s not like… I don’t really know what to do with myself, so someone who knows what to do with me… yeah. Makes sense.” They sighed and sat down on the floor like a marionette with broken strings, filthy and surrounded by blood and dust.

“C’mon,” Todd said, holding out a hand, then pulled back. “Uh, you’re not going to give me a nightmare just by touching me, right?”

“No,” Quinn smirked. “I have to mean it. Sometimes it happens when I’m really scared myself, but… I’m getting better at control. I used to have to touch people to set them off, now I can project the power.” They glanced at Priest. “I had to… had to make myself into a distance weapon.”

“Up you get then,” Todd said. It was only a matter of time before it all hit Quinn, what they’d done, killing someone with his own dreams, and it would probably be good if they weren’t near a dead body when the shock hit. “Stinks in here.”

The three of them stumbled out of the old, red-brick warehouse, Quinn with their arm thrown over Todd’s shoulder, and Dirk on the phone to Amanda. Todd could hear her voice, shrill with fear and anger at them for rushing in without calling for backup - again - and just felt tired, down to his bones. He slumped down onto a low, crumbling wall next to Quinn, and the two of them slouched with their elbows on knees, empty.

The autumn sun went some way to banishing the fear and tension, muscles melting like ice into a shaky puddle of exhaustion, rather than a vibrating string, nearing hysteria. By the time the van drew up, earth-shaking music possibly slightly quieter than usual, Todd realised he was slumped against Dirk, and sat up, embarrassed.

“You’re idiots, both of you,” snapped Farah, hands on hips. “What the hell did you not understand about that lecture on teamwork?”

“Which one,” snorted Todd.

“Take your pick.” She crouched down in front of him, turning his face from side to side by his chin. “Are you hurt, any of you?”

He shook his head, but Dirk piped up “Todd had an attack.”

“It’s fine,” he groaned. “I had my pills.”

“That was my fault, I’m afraid,” Quinn said, hand up, eyes wide and worried. “I nightmared him.”

“So you’re Morpheus,” Amanda said, her arms crossed and her face hard. Todd didn’t know why, she wasn’t usually so stand-offish.

“Quinn,” said Dirk, before Quinn could correct her himself. “Morpheus isn’t their name any more.”

Amanda’s glare softened a bit, and she even quirked Quinn a reluctant half-smile.

They told the story as quickly as they could. Todd managed to skip over the awful dream, and although Dirk and Quinn glanced at him, they didn’t add anything. Todd almost sagged with relief, he didn’t want Amanda to have any reminders of what he’d done to her, how little he deserved. Farah made some calls to her nebulous, magical contacts who knew what to do with the bodies of shadowy government agents murdered by their own nightmares, and Amanda took Quinn off to re-introduce them to the Rowdies and Beast.

“Thank you,” said Dirk’s soft voice, and Todd turned in surprise.

“For what?”

“You stood in front of me… you were going to take a nightmare again for me. You didn’t have to… I wouldn’t have wanted you to…”

Todd looked away, awkward. “Yeah, well… your nightmares would have been ten times worse than mine.”

He cocked his head. “You think?”

“Of course, I mean, you have nightmares all the time, from… from Blackwing, and those bastards…” he clenched his fists on his thighs. “I’m glad he’s dead,” he hissed at the cracked tarmac under his feet.

“I don’t dream of Blackwing,” he said, grabbing Todd’s hand. “Or… no, I do, I guess, but not about me being there. I dream…” he took a deep breath. “I see you. There. I see them doing the tests on you, setting off… setting off attacks to study them, I see… I see myself as one of the agents, hurting you, and…”

“Hey, hey, it’s OK. It’s not real, it’s…” Todd turned and held Dirk’s face cupped in both hands. “I’m fine, you see? It’s all over. Blackwing’s gone, Bart killed them all. You’re safe, we both are, OK?”

Dirk nodded hard, his breath still shaky, his eyes still damp. Todd realised he was still cupping his jaw, started to pull away, but Dirk covered his hands, holding them against his face. “In your dream… your nightmare, I was… I kissed you. We were together.”

Todd pulled away and clenched his fists again. “Shit, I’m sorry, Dirk, I didn’t… I never meant for you to know. I swear I never expected anything, I just… can you forget it?”

“You want that? You want me to kiss you?”

“I mean, it’s fine,” he said, shaking his head, trying to crush that weak, pathetic voice that swelled up inside his chest crying yes! “I’ll get over it, it’s just--”

“Please don’t,” he said, his voice breathless, and Todd looked up because wait, this couldn’t be-- but it was. Dirk’s long fingers wrapped around his skull, buried in the hair at the back of his neck, and he kissed him, lips pressed gently, hungrily to his, so brave and so afraid of being pushed back, and fireworks went off behind Todd’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around Dirk’s neck and kissed back.

“Fucking finally!” whooped Amanda, and Todd didn’t even break the kiss, didn’t even hold up his middle finger, because he would happily be embarrassed and blushing every day for the rest of his life if Dirk would just keep kissing him, keep whimpering into his mouth, pressing closer and clinging to him.

When they finally broke apart, Todd buried his face in the junction of Dirk’s neck and shoulder, let himself be small and sheltered, because when it mattered, when he needed it, he’d be strong, he’d stand in front of Dirk again and keep him safe, because together they’d save each other, again and again, in every way.

@bananaslugger20

#my writing #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #Nightmares #todd brotzman #dirk gently #brotzly #dghda spookfest 2018 #hurt/comfort #pararibulitis #pining #mutual pining

[protecticarus]

PROMPT: In 1x08, Amanda tells Todd: "Dirk says you hate him now", how did that conversation go? Love your stories, btw! I think you capture the characters really well

yes! I love amanda & dirk interactions!amanda is dirk’s biggest fangirl, fight me. I’m also happy to try my hand at the blood-loss!dirk…

& thank you so much for the kind words! my biggest concern is to get the characters right, so that means a lot! xx

this is a shorter one!

also note: this is a bit harsher towards todd than I’ve written before, but this is almost immediately after amanda learned about his lie, so it’s a fresh wound & she was very harsh towards todd right afterwards.

~

While The Rowdy 3 were busy high-fiving each other over and over, Amanda took a moment to look around. She was still buzzing with the adrenaline of the whole debacle. They just totally kicked ass! Amanda hadn’t felt this powerful and free in ages. She loved the feeling.When two gurneys being carried out of the house caught her eye, her feeling of relief was replaced by worry. Someone had gotten hurt. Well, lots of people had gotten hurt, but these people were carried out of the house. Followed by that detective, who was motioning with his arms while explaining something to the paramedics.Amanda’s heart skipped a beat. Her thoughts immediately went to Todd.Amanda hurried towards the ambulance where the paramedics were already loading the gurneys on.“Hey! Excuse me!” Amanda yelled.As she reached the ambulance, the detective stepped aside to make a call.“We have to go, get these guys to the hospital.” The paramedic replied. “Are you hurt?” He asked.“No, I’m a-okay.” Amanda replied absently as she looked over the gurneys. Surely enough, the two gurneys were occupied by her brother and Dirk Gently.“Are- are they okay?” She asked, her voice coming out weaker than she would’ve liked.The paramedic looked at her questioningly. “You know them?” He asked.Amanda swallowed and pointed at Todd. “He’s my brother.”The paramedic nodded sympathetically. “He got electrocuted pretty bad, but from the looks of it he’s going to be fine. He’s just out of it for the moment. Should be up and at it in no time.” He said.Amanda let out a breath of relief. She found herself once again getting angry at Todd now that she knew he was going to be okay.“And him?” She asked and pointed at Dirk.“He got shot with a harpoon.” The paramedic replied.“Twice.” Came a pained voice from the gurney.“Dirk?” Amanda asked and stepped into the back of the ambulance to get closer to the gurney.Once she came into his view, Dirk tried his best to give Amanda a reassuring smile. “Hello, Amanda.”“Oh my God, Dirk.” Amanda said as she saw his bloody shirt. “What the hell happened?”“Harpoon. Two arrows. In one shoulder! Lots of blood outside of body.” Dirk mumbled.Amanda cringed. “Jesus.” She breathed.“No. No help from him whatsoever.” Dirk groaned.“Well, that’s a pretty punk story you get to tell your friends later on, huh?” She tried to make the situation a tad lighter. Then her eyes widened and she turned to the paramedic. “He is gonna be fine, right?”“He’s lost a lot of blood, which is never good, but he’s made it this far, so he should pull through.” The paramedic replied.“No.” Dirk said.“What?” Amanda turned back to Dirk. “Dirk, I’m sure you’re gonna be fine.” She assured.“No. No friends.” Dirk replied.“What?” Amanda repeated.“Can’t tell punk story. No friends. No friends for Dirk.” Dirk mumbled.“What do you mean? Todd’s your friend, right?” Amanda said.“No. Todd hates Dirk. Dirk messed up. Dirk talks about himself in third person.” Dirk said and frowned at the end of his sentence.“Why? What happened?” Amanda asked, her eyebrows raising in question.“Dirk met Todd and Dirk. Lied. Not really. Todd says so. Todd hates Dirk. Hate hate hate.” Dirk mumbled.Amanda’s expression turned to sadness. She didn’t know exactly what had happened, but it looked like Todd turned his back on Dirk, which is what it felt like he’d done to her as well.“It’s gonna be okay, Dirk.” She said and placed her hand on Dirk’s arm, which made Dirk groan out in pain. “Shit, sorry, man.” She said.“No bad. Fine good.” Dirk replied.Amanda smiled. “Right.”“We really gotta get him to the hospital.” The paramedic interrupted the moment.Amanda nodded. “Right. Yeah. You do that.” She said and then turned to Dirk again. “Feel better Dirk. And hey… If Todd’s really stupid enough to dump you, I’ll still be your friend. Okay?” She said.Dirk smiled. “‘Manda’s nice. Nice, scary girl.” He replied. “All blood out.” He added and sighed.Amanda stifled a laugh. “Yeah, I know. Hang in there Dirk.” She said and stepped out of the ambulance.“Bye bye Brotzmans.” Dirk mumbled after her.Amanda couldn’t help but feel like the plural of her last name wasn’t because of the blood-loss.“See you around, Gently.” She replied, hoping that the confused detective got her meaning, that this wasn’t the last time she planned on seeing him.While she turned away, she could hear Todd coming to in the ambulance. She sighed. He would no doubt resist going to the hospital, meaning she would have to deal with him.As she walked back to the Rowdies, she made a mental note to have a talk with her brother, just so that she could giver her a piece of her mind when it came to Dirk Gently. Her brother might be an asshole, but Dirk Gently seemed fond of him and Amanda liked Dirk. Dirk deserved better. So she was damn well going to make sure her brother didn’t crush Dirk’s heart like he’d done hers.Well, to do that, and to make a dramatic exit.

~

if you have any fic ideas, send me prompts! I’d be happy to write them. my inbox is always open. xx

#dghda #dirk gently #amanda brotzman #faves #1x08 #the rowdy 3 #todd brotzman #friends #poor dirk #have I mentioned that I love amanda? #fan fiction #fic prompt #send me prompts #prompt fill #fic #my writing #dirk gently’s holistic detective agency #protecticarus

[dirkgentlyheadcanons]

S2 E2 Reaction

okay what the actual fuck is that skeleton under the tree- is that something to do with the guy who was actually in the tree? 

silas i love you but youre a shit liar

also i love the degdamoor aesthetic- 70s ikea sign me the fuck up

also mining? suzie worked for a mining company!

everything is connected

“your son is shit with sword” thorin oakendreads i love you

damn i love the opening

okay, so the car fell down at night and they investigate in the morning. did farah and todd really wait like 3 hours to investigate a car that fell out of a tree?

the fact that a car with a dead body in fell out of a tree is one of the more normal things to happen i this show says a lot

 MORE SUZIE MACBETH SHIT

sherlock can you not leave dirk outside let a pet dog

VOGEL IF YOU HURT MY DAUGHTER I WILL END YOU

AMANDA BROTZMAN DONT YOU DARE GET UNDER THAT TRAIN

suzie looks so happy im so glad for her

the music here’s too sinister tho, some shits gonna happen

im sherlock with those pens

farah black dont you DARE call yourself a failure you saved lydia spring

oh god TINA KNOWS WHO MY PUNK MARIARCHIS ARE

todd dont try to be cool

please

youre really not

hobbes

really

youre going to listen to dirk

i know in the context of the show thats a good think to do but the mans story, albeit true, is objectively insane

DIRK DOESNT KNOW WHO SHERLOCK HOLMES IS I LOVE IT

WAIT IS DIRKCOCK GONNA BE A THING

LYDIA IF DIRKCOCK IS THING IM GOING TO KILL YOU

YEAH DIRK WHO IS MONA WILDER

‘i was in a government prison. for psychics.’

these are the most irresponsible officers ever and i love them

ngl suzie and i have the same priorities

come on ken, take over blackwing

im not going to lie tho, im disturbed by the similarities between ken and mr priests speeches

power surge? im suspicious. take your bets. Mage?

MAGE MAGE MAGE MAGE MAGE

SHIT YOU FUCK PISS OFF

oh this music yes

still suspicious

dreams can be nightmares too suzie

YEAH MAKE IT RAIN BITCH

the wet circles must mean something

todd is the fandom

stop calling us out max

tina can you not make todd doubt dirk

HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET UP THERE

ITS THOSE SECRET ICARUS WINGS I SWEAR

okay, todd is just weirded out by tina mentioning any type of romantic relationship w farah

and seems suprised at the mention of dirk

no brotzly, but no farah/todd, okay, im cool w that

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK *IS* THAT GUNAPHONE

AND WHY WAS IT IN THE BARN

MAX YOU SAID WED GET ANSWERS

THERE ARE JUST MORE QUESTIONS

hugo. darling. they dont have to be in casket shaped holdings. theyre not actual vampires.

‘the one that talks normal’

hugo. which of your two brain cells thought this was going to work.

NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER

of course the first thing these idiots do is go and find a tree to shoot

‘itll probably get a lot weirder than this’ holy shit how

dirk. baby. thats not how trees work.

wow heihei from moana is actually fucking terrifying

aww hugo you have a soul

shame its the same size as your brain

okay so priest found 30 projects

who got the other 12

SCOTT BOREMAN

HOW DARE YOU RUN OVER MY BUBBLEGUM SON

um suzie

can you

please not

suzie

SUZIE

(okay, ngl, i dont feel any sympathy for bob, and the the dog was actually really fucked up. but i still like suzie. good villain. enjoyable to watch. nice and evil.)

(though i am v concerned for scott)

I SWEAR TO GOD THAT LINE OF MR SANDMAN SAID ‘BRING YOUR SOUL TOO ME’

#s2 spoilers #vesta reacts #s2e2 #DGHDA #Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

[shut-up-math]

First Attack

[ I wrote a short fic of Amanda’s first Parariulitus attack. I put it under Read More and tried to list any possible triggers below but I was in the mood for angst and thinking about life for Todd and Amanda before Todd met Dirk

Todd’s fingers flipped through record albums as he listened to Amanda prattle on about what she’d been up to while he was away at school. “So then Mom couldn’t figure out the printer and the next thing I know Dad’s calling me in the middle of my date about ‘Network Connection Errors’. By the end of the night, Dad ends up talking my date into driving over to set up their TV and printer.” She paused a moment when she realized he wasn’t listening letting the silence linger on a bit longer as he zoned into the dusty record collection.

“So mom agreed to an arranged marriage…wedding is next week…” Again still no reaction. “I’m pregnant with his baby and are you listening to anything I’m saying?”

“Huh? WHAT?!” This seemed to catch Todd’s attention. “Who’s pregnant?!” He cleared his throat still not making eye contact before shaking his head.

“Dude, What’s gotten into you? You were the one who wanted to go shopping for a new vinal.” Amanda reminded him, a hint of concern in her voice. “It isn’t your Pararibulitious acting up again is it?” She moved closer how resting a hand on his shoulder. Amanda could remember when her Aunt’s attacks would get bad and couldn’t begin to imagine what Todd must be going through. “We can go home if you want.”

He seemed to pull away from her touch, concerning her more, but he put a hand up to assure her he was alright. “N-no…Well, yes..but no…Sorry, Amanda…I’ve just got a lot on my mind today.” He paused again, nervously scratching his forehead. “Some th-things happened with the guys in Mexican Funeral and We got in a fight about…my illness and I think the band is breaking up and-“ He fumbled over his words before Amanda cut him off

“Breaking up?! What the shit?! This is total bullshit, Todd. Do those pricks not realize that you have legitimate disease?! You’ve been doing so well too! I haven’t seen you have an attack since Mother’s Day!” Instantly she went on the defense. This made Todd get even more uncomfortable, flushing in the cheeks. “Maybe if you talked to them, or I could then-“  Something in Todd’s eyes went wild in panic and he nearly leapt at her.

“NO! NO! Don’t talk to them!” He said a little too loud. “It’s complicated and I don’t want you to end up in the mess of it all.” Todd took a breath trying to relax a little after he got a few strange looks of the woman running the register. Amanda had never seen her brother so on edge before, and something seriously felt off about him but she decided to let it slide since he seemed to be a little touchy today.

She ran her hand through her hair a bit frustrated by the whole situation while letting out a sigh of her own. Todd leaned against the table beside her and folded his arms across his chest as he looked up at her. “That’s actually one of the reasons I wanted to hang out today…” He paused biting his lower lip. “Without the money I was making from shows I don’t know if I’ll have the money for rent this month.” It was then Amanda finally looked into his eyes with a look of confusion and frustration. “Mom and dad are tapped out until next week so I was wondering if I could borrow six hundred dollars until I get back on my feet.” Amanda was stunned for a moment as a swirl of guilt and frustration settled in her stomach.

The words struggled to come out, not know exactly how to let him down. “I’m sorry, Todd but I gave you my last hundred bucks two weeks ago for those tickets for your birthday I’m tapped out.”

“But you can afford hipster garbage.” He muttered under his breath as a hand flipped over a beat up Germs Album.

“Excuse me?!” Amanda stood up a little straighter and her head cocked to the side looking at him through narrowed eyes. She had heard him correctly but offered a chance to reword himself for threat of life and limb. Lately he’d been talking to their parents with the same rude tone but never her. “What the fuck is your problem, Todd?! You know I would help you if I could but I just don’t have the money right now?”

“Please,” he turned his back to her with a huff of his chest. “You’re just out to screw me over like the Mexican Funeral. The same as mom and dad cutting off my funds!” He was getting heated now, once again raising his voice and getting looks from others in the shop.

Amanda felt like she was breaking in two when his words hit her. How could he say such hurtful things? All she’d ever done was help, even when they were still kids. Tears swelled in her eyes and hands balled into frustration. “Mom and dad didn’t cut you off, Todd! They’re broke! Mom just didn’t want to tell you because of your Pararibulitous!” Amanda was surprised to find herself shouting now. “God damn it! I know you’re sick but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a dick to the rest of us! Especially the ones who try to help you!” On that note the girl grabbed her jacket and purse off the table next to the record boxes. “Call me when you decide to quit being the worlds biggest ass hole!” She shouted over her shoulder while storming out of the Record Shop. Out of anger a hand caught a coat rack knocking it over as she exited, only making her grunt in anger again. Her blood was boiling now and the rain overhead only seemed to sting her skin.

Amanda kept walking and mumbling to herself about Todd’s comments all while struggling to put her coat on out of frustration but soon something else got her attention. The droplets of rain were sizzling now. “What the hell?” No one else seemed bothered by the rain but her. She stopped in her tracks when she saw they were leaving small pock marks down here arms. She winced as the rain picked up and her skin began to burn. In moments the sizzle turned to the smell of her own burning flesh. She finally let out a scream and dropped to her knees. “What’s happening?! Why is no one else -AH! TODD?! TODD HELP!” Her screams got louder all the while the pain never stopped. She could hear her brother coming up behind, the shop door closing and the sound of his feet on pavement but her eyes squeezed shut trying to keep the acid rain from getting into her eyes.

“Amanda?! Oh my god, move out of the way! That’s my sister! MOVE!”  A hand placed on her back and she only screamed louder making Todd flinch away. “Amanda?! What’s wrong? Did a car hit you?” She heard his voice over her but was reduced to a ball on the sidewalk.

“MY SKIN!” She managed between yelps of pain. “DON’T YOU SEE IT! IT’S BURNING!! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!” Amanda laid an agony until the ambulance arrived and she felt the pinch of a needle in her side. The pain began to subside as they moved her into the ambulance van. She was in such a daze she barely kept her eyes open long enough to see Todd getting into the van beside her. He was talking very quickly to the EMT drivers, giving them her birthday, blood type, address and any other important info.

“Mr. Brotzman, does your sister have a history with any drug use, or possibly on hallucinogenic  drugs?” The EMT asked. She heard the clear sigh in his voice.

“She’s not on drugs! She’s….We have a disease that runs in the family.” His voice cracked as he explained the disease to the EMT so they would know how to treat her properly. Amanda was still in and out as the medication kicked in but she could hear the soft crying of Todd and feel the warmth of his hand in hers. “I’m so sorry…I’m going to fix this. I promise. I don’t know how but I’m going to fix this.”

�

#amanda brotzman #todd brotzman #pararibulitis #pararibulitious #tw burning #tw fire #trigger warning #tw pain #suffering #dghda #dghda fic #dirk gently fic #dirk gently's holistic detective agency

[thatfaerieprincess]

So I got tagged by @gentlyundercover and figured why not!!

Rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better ((I’m not gonna tag anyone but if you’re reading this and would like to do it, go right ahead! You’ve been tagged!))

Nicknames: Sam

Star sign: Taurus

Height: 5’2”

Last thing you googled: Cutting Aloe plant stem

Fave Music Artist: oh shit.... um... um.. I like so much music I can’t even... I listen to everything from hard rock to metal to funk to Irish pub music to Latin dance music...?

Song Stuck in my head: I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie (pls help I’m never emotionally prepared enough for this song and now I can’t stop hearing it)

Last movie I watched: Thor 3

Last TV show I watched: Dirk Gently

What I’m wearing right now: Pajamas

When I created this blog: years ago! This used to be a personal blog and then I left tumblr for a while and then Dirk Gently brought me back here because I craved more content!

The kind of stuff I post: pretty much just Dirk Gently! Occasionally cute animals too

Do I do asks regularly?: I don’t, but only bc I don’t get any asks??? If ppl want to send asks I’m more than willing to answer them!

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff!!! I’m a super proud Hufflepuff omg!!!

Pokemon team: Valor (if I had picked, I probably woulda been instinct but my best friend chose the team and I just joined her)

Favourite colour: I don’t have a favorite color bc I love all the colors??? But my favorite color combo is magenta, orange, silver, and gold!

Average hours of sleep: 6ish???

Favourite Characters: Amanda Brotzman and the Rowdy 3 (I love all the characters so much though!!!!)

Dream Job: oh shit oh shit oh shit I don’t know I don’t know abort abort

Number of blankets I sleep with: 2 blankets, but I also sleep in sweatpants and a sweatshirt! (I get cold rlly easily so most of the time that’s not enough to keep me warm but I just deal with it...!)

#me #i guess?? #idk heres some shit about me

[necrofuturism]

OH SHUT UP, MATH!

Amanda Brotzman being FUCKIGN RELATABLE AS SHIT

#gently liveblogging

[disco-computer]

He looked like he had just eaten vanilla ice cream very messily...

Title: Happy Endings/Brotzman gets a blow-job                                                                                              Plot: Dirk wants to convince Todd to quit his mundane job and join him in the detective agency. He does a special favor that Todd has been dreaming about to convince him.                                                                                            Warning: Strong sexual content. Mature audience.                                          Contains smut                                                                                                          Dirk/Todd, obviously. :-) 

Todd Brotzman was tired. Exhausted, over-worked and just plain stressed out. The dark circles under his eyes became more noticeable as he no longer felt human. He was a machine - programmed to finish typing everything by the set due date given and programmed to make everyone happy. It was draining him. He started this new job as an editor around 3 months ago after all the crazy shit happened - with Dirk, the corgi and what-not. He was happy that Amanda is taking care of herself now, though he still worried about her of course. It was close to the weekend and Todd should have enough money in his bank account to cover rent - with a couple extra hundred for spending. Not bad for a man in his thirties who sometimes felt like he desperately fucked up somewhere along his life course. There is hope. He reaches for the anti-anxiety meds under his desk and is reminded that he’s seeing Dirk tomorrow for some catching up. A feeling of happiness slithers up his spine followed by a mild tightness in the chest. He didn’t know if this was normal anxiety about not having seen Dirk for a while or pure excitement about it.

Dirk Gently was doing well for himself. He still had his own nice flat decorated by his favorite art pieces and the plan for his detective agency was falling into place nicely - he was just getting everything organized; contacts, business cards, a spacey desk especially for Todd and Farah’s very own walk-in closet. Something Dirk was slightly jealous about - he did want the closet for himself but being a detective means making some sacrifices to accommodate the crew. Today was Thursday - oh shit…he’s seeing Todd Brotzman tomorrow! A date they had to set into place about 2 weeks ago. Dirk thinks very highly of Todd, his sexy assistant with a bad boy attitude and gorgeous blue eyes. Dirk has a plan to convince Todd to completely quit his day job so he can commit to being his assistant full-time. Dirk would love to have that boy on call! He slips into a daydream about it and thinks of their last sexual encounter. Dirk had spent the night at Todd’s place, it had been a long night of detective’s work but was followed by a glorious morning of rubbing cocks together in the shower. They haven’t had sex yet, but Dirk keeps a little bottle of lube in the medicine cabinet, just in case. Suddenly a ping on his phone reminds him of the package that should be arriving today. He not only ordered business cards for himself but some for Todd & Farah as well. In all seriousness Dirk and Todd should be able to both make a decent salary at this, as well as Farah. They just had to commit. Clients pay well to good detective work and rewards for catching bad guys can be generous.

Friday morning. Todd finishes up some loose ends on his laptop. He stayed up late to make sure all of the articles sent in from his boss are finished so he can have today all for Dirk. It had been a little while since the two crashed together and the lack of Mexican Funeral groupies has Todd completely sex starved. Not that there were many groupies, but there was the occasional hot girl from time to time. Todd had no trouble getting sex, if he wanted it. He also thought about Dirk often. Dirk was a very different fantasy for him. Todd can be a little girl crazy but sometimes he thinks he’s fallen completely gay for Dirk. Especially because he couldn’t stop thinking about Dirk’s bum. Dirk always wore tight pants hugging his backside and whether it was intentional that he was showing off or not it was definitely having an affect on Todd. He wants to bend Dirk over on the detective’s desk, pull his pants down and stuff Dirk with his oversized cock, making him cry out. Dirk would love it and beg for Todd to fuck him harder until it hurts. They would probably break the desk from being so vigorous! Just what Dirk always wanted - to be fucked super hard by his hot assistant. At least, what Todd hoped he wanted. It’s something Todd wants to finish off sweetly though, holding Dirk at the end and letting him know they belong to each other. Finishing the dishes which had piled up for a week, Todd heads out the door remembering to bring his laptop with him incase his boss sent any unwanted e-mails. He also bought a little something for Dirk - a custom made Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency coffee mug which he had made at a local shop which custom designs things. The letters were bold bright red bold across the white cup. Todd was sure he would love it. He placed it in a brown paper bag and headed out the door.

At the arcade, Dirk is already tied up in a game of space invaders when Todd rolls up beside him. “Mind if I join in?”

“Todd!” gasped Dirk with excitement. He forgets the game and gives Todd a big hug, holding him tightly. Todd rubs Dirk’s back. The two naturally pull away, but are still holding hands.

“Todd, what have you been doing!? Are you okay!?”

“Yes, Dirk. Just working hard. That’s all.” and lands him a kiss on the cheek.

Dirk’s heart flutters with the excitement of seeing Todd, and it already feels like they are back to being boyfriends. Todd places 4 coins in the machine and the two of them play intense rounds of the space invaders game while catching up. Todd explains he is sorry for being distant and Dirk tells Todd how things are falling into place nicely for his detective business - How he has everything planned out - as long as there were still some remaining funds from the Patrick Spring case. After some time the noises of the video game end as Dirk beats Todd, 2 out of 3 rounds. “Ha.” stated Dirk, “I don’t usually beat you at this one.” Todd pouted but only a little bit. They then start walking towards the exit and get into Dirk’s flashy sports car for a ride back to his place.

Todd is astonished upon entering Dirk’s apartment. The fresh scent of the still new apartment, he sees the work desk accompanied by modern art decoration. “Dirk, this is awesome! Here, I bought you a little something. It’s not much but I thought with the new business, you might want something to promote it.” Dirk opens the brown paper bag and his eyes are widened by the customized gift. “Todd…It’s perfect!! Absolutely brilliant. I’ll use it for my morning tea!” Todd laughs and seeing Dirk’s joy from receiving the small gift from him warms Todd.

“Todd, I want you to listen to me. I hate what your lifestyle is doing to you, you’re always worried and constantly stressed out. I want you to live with me. Together you and I can run this detective agency and I know you will be happier.”

Todd smiles, even blushes slightly and takes Dirk’s hand. “I know. I want that too Dirk, but I have to do this for the best of us. I want to support your business so that’s why I’m working this shitty job. It’s hell right now but it will pay off.”

“You don’t have to,” Pushes Dirk. He grips Todd’s hand tighter and tells him firmly. “If we are together at this you don’t have to be miserable. I want you to quit that job and work together with me. We will be happier and might I remind you more time for an afternoon of cuddling on the job.

Dirk lifts up Todd, thought they have about the same strength Dirk can manage to carry his partner since he is slightly shorter. Dirk carries Todd into the bedroom and lays him down on the bed, which Todd loves. The passion gets heavy. They are kissing hard. Dirk glides his tongue over the front row of Todd’s teeth, feeling the texture of the slight gap in the middle. Todd is savoring the taste of Dirk’s lips with a growing erection pushing tight on his zipper. Not thinking they are going to last much longer, Todd pushes away.

“Dirk….I love you. I fucking love you.”

“Quit your job then, Todd. You know it’s the right thing for you to do.”

“Stop it Dirk, stop it! In an angry fit, Todd just starts kissing Dirk again and they almost return to making out when this time Dirk pulls away, both breathing heavily. “What can I do to convince you Todd, that this is what is right for us. Join me and it will make the two of us happy. We’ve put this off for too long!”

“Ok Then Dirk. I want us to be happy. I really want you to suck my dick.”

“What…?” Dirk’s eyes lit up but he was doubting what his own ears thought he heard.

“Dirk, I want you to suck my cock…” he gazes up at him, holding Dirk’s hand and waiting for a response.

Dirk lets out an uncontrollable grin and as he is stripped down to a tight white undershirt, showing off his tone and tight bum hugging boxer briefs. Todd is shirtless and unzips his jeans, pulls them down to expose his full boner. Dirk nearly feels his mouth watering like Todd’s cock was a prized gourmet meal. This time Dirk does not argue with Todd. He positions himself down on his knees while Todd gets seated at the edge of the bed. He wraps his lips tightly around Todd’s big cock and it is delicious to Dirk. Moving his head up and down to accommodate Todd’s length Dirk is also challenged with widening his jaw in a way that he can fit as much of it into his mouth as he possibly can. Todd is moaning with intense pleasure.

“Oh, oh, ah, AH!!” Todd lets out in-between heavy breathing as Dirk sucks him hard and savoring the length of his penis. Todd is watching with one fist pressed down to the bed clutching onto the sheets and he uses his other hand to push down on Dirk’s head. Dirk is loving every minute of giving Todd a blow job. The hardness of Todd’s cock inside his mouth felt amazing. “Ah…Ahh!” Todd continued with a smile, eyes closed as Dirk feels Todd come into him. His semen pours into Dirk’s mouth filling his taste buds with a sweet and bitter warmness. Dirk holds it onto his tongue for a few seconds, savoring the flavor before a full swallow to consume it. He didn’t realize how messy it was until he raised his head up to look at his partner. Todd giggles at the sight of cum dripping from Dirk’s mouth. He looked like he had just eaten vanilla ice cream very messily. Dirk just laughed and licked his lips to taste it again, wiping some of the excess off with the bedsheet. He tasted so fucking good. Todd can’t seem to wipe the smile off his face either.

The two crash on the bed and cuddle together naked and they can’t stop laughing and giggling about what just happened. “Thank you, Dirk. That was really great.” Todd stated, brushing his hand against Dirk’s cheek. They smiled at each other endlessly. “I think I will have to take you up on your offer Dirk, especially if there’s going to be more of this.” says Todd.

“I would definitely hope so.”, replies Dirk. Todd kisses him and the taste of his own seed on Dirk’s lips is a savory reminder that Dirk belongs to him. The two of them get dressed and head into the living room to continue cuddling and they watch a program on Animal Planet about caring for new puppies.

They watch tv for about a half hour to rest from their encounter. Then there’s a knock on the door. Dirk gets up to answer and its Farah. She greets both of them. “Todd! It’s been so long! I’m glad you’re here. ” She says with excitement. Farah always looked so fabulous. Today she was wearing her green jacket with slim black pants. Maroon blush applied to her high cheekbones which always paired so well with her face and eyes. “Here, I have something to show you guys, She takes her big red designer handbag and pulls out 3 pistols, black leather holsters included. “I figured we’d need some weapons since were going to be in this thing alone.” Todd looks astonished when Farah hands him his pistol. He loves it. “Thank You” he says. Dirk is shocked at first and he is usually skeptical about carrying such a weapon but the customized bright yellow handle won him over. Todd’s was bright blue and Farah carried the red one. While Todd enjoys the look and feel of his new pistol Farah and Dirk go into the kitchen discussing the remaining plans about the agency. Todd suddenly remembers something rash and puts away the gun, pulls his laptop out of his bag and opens the draft e-mail to his boss about his resignation. He didn’t even give a 2 weeks’ notice. After what just happened Todd was sure that he made up his mind.

When Todd finishes and sends the e-mail he enters the kitchen to tell Dirk and Farah about what he’d just done. Dirk nearly spilled his tea and squealed of excitement when Todd told him the news. “Oh Todd! This is incredible. Together we will be the power of 3!” Farah shot both of them a smirk when she sees that Dirk and Todd are holding both of their hands together and gazing into each other’s’ eyes. “Yeah…” started Todd, looking up at Farah. “Were totally boyfriends again!” finishes Dirk with a quirky smile and the two of them kiss, but only a peck in avoidance of putting on a show in front of Farah. “It’s not like I didn’t know!” She rolled her eyes laughing. Her cellphone rings and she suddenly has to go, for now. “Bye Farah!” They both said. ‘Thanks for the weapons!“ She heads out the door hurriedly and Todd turns to Dirk. He pulls out his phone and puts on a happy 70’s disco track "Upside Down” by Diana Ross and the two of them dance together in the kitchen to celebrate the new alliance. Todd was no longer a slave to routine and being with Dirk was all he really wanted. Dirk couldn’t be any happier to have Todd either. It was a happy day ��Er�:

#brotzly #dirkandtodd #dirk and todd #dghda fic

[rowdy-revenant]

It’s The Full Moon, Martin Priest

Pairings: None (please do not tag as drummerwolf)

Characters: Martin (Priest), Suzie Boreton, Mr. Palacios, Cross, Gripps, Vogel, Drummer (Amanda Brotzman)

Warnings: Minor body horror, OOC Martin, smoking mention, bitchy customers, swearing, nudity

Prompt: 13. Werewolves

A/N: This is for the @dghdaspookfest - It’s about the Rowdy 3 but it’s Martin-centric. I’ve set it up so a part 2 is possible but not necessary.

Words: 2100+

[Read it on AO3] [DGHDA masterlist]

Martin’s whole body was in pain. Sweat poured down skin that felt too tight, skin then felt like it was being stretched beyond what should have been possible. His bones cracked, elongating, rearranging themselves.

He pushed himself. Run a little further, just a little bit further, he told himself. Still his lungs were screaming for air and his feet were on fire, trapped in shoes that were feeling too small. Martin collapsed in a clearing in the woods and began to tear off his clothes.

He kicked off his shoes, the left one’s sole had already torn off. His fingers, with nails that were getting longer and sharper by the second, fumbled to take the tie off from around his neck. His shirt tore and he ripped it off his body, a sense of momentary relief washing over him as he was free from the confines of the long sleeved, collared shirt.

Martin looked down at his pants then hesitated. He couldn’t take his pants off and be found naked in the woods! He could be arrested! A second, louder thought shouted over the first one; dear God take these pants off! Martin clawed at the belt around his waist, undoing it and tossing it into the growing pile of discarded clothes. He wrestled with his pants, gasping when his legs were finally free. He then looked down at his underwear, paused, then took those off too.

In the desperate race to get undressed, Martin’s black rimmed glasses had slipped off his face. He didn’t notice until he saw them on the ground. He saw them. For a good few decades of Martin’s life, he had been as blind as a bat — no, even more blind than a bat — without glasses. Yet the world was slowly coming into focus around him, even without them on, even as the fading light of day was replaced with black night.

He could hear his own heart racing, pounding in his chest. He heard his rapid breathing, heard the wind rustle the leaves around him, and worst of all, he could hear his body creak and tear at the seams.

A pained groan escaped his mouth, low and guttural, changing into something more of a growl. It hurt so badly. Never before had Martin felt this amount of pain. Not when his brother broke his nose, not when he had been hit in the ribs with a bat during baseball practice, hell not even in that crash that had taken his mother away from him.

Martin watched his body change. Thick, black hair grew everywhere, his skin becoming completely covered by it. No, it wasn’t hair. That was fur. His body stretched, rearranged itself into a shape that was barely recognizable as human. He spat out blood that had started to fill his mouth when sharp fangs protruded from his gums.

Martin watched as the fur enveloped the mark on his wrist. A tattoo, if you could call it that, of a moon. A full moon.

Martin was terrified. He was in pain.

He was hungry.

If you went back by just a day, you would have never guessed that Martin would be in this situation now.

Martin Priest, the quiet and proper desk clerk at the Perriman Grand Hotel, naked and rolling around in the forest in the middle of the night? Don’t be absurd.

Martin drummed his fingers on the desk and pushed his glasses further up his nose. He stared at his reflection in the polished countertop. He could use a shave. His boss didn’t think it was a good impression to have “a scruffy hooligan greet the guests.”

Work trudged on. The clock ticked. Elevators dinged. It could be worse, Martin thought. I could still be a bellhop. Martin definitely didn’t miss that dumb red hat. He had worked hard for this promotion.

Still this mundane work at the hotel was so incredibly boring, Martin wondered if it were really worth it. He hated wearing a tie, that thin and incredibly difficult to tie strip of fabric always felt too tight around his neck. The only jewelry that was permitted for men was wedding rings. Martin wasn’t married, hell he hadn’t dated in over a year.

His ex had told him he didn’t “live enough”. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Martin was alive, wasn’t that good enough? So the idea of a painful tattoo freaked him out, or the idea of dyeing his hair felt like too much of a commitment (“That shit is permanent!”). Martin just couldn’t handle that big of a leap into something crazy and long-lasting.

Part of him wanted to. Part of Martin yearned to do something fun with his dark, drab, hair. Maybe he could get a tattoo, a small and hidden one that his boss wouldn’t notice. Maybe he could go to more parties, try to get out of his shell. Maybe he could finally come out as bi. But still… he was afraid to.

Lost in his own head, Martin didn’t notice the woman until she had stormed right up to his desk. Slamming a manicured hand down onto the bell repeatedly, this blonde, soccer-mom looking woman had a look on her face somewhere between “unstoppable rage” and “I just ate a lemon”.

“Hello?! Hellooooo!!” the woman yelled.

Martin blinked, straightened his tie, and got ready to diffuse this ticking time bomb. “Pardon me ma’am,” he spoke, his southern accent a little out of place, his quiet voice only just audible. “How can I help you?”

“I want a refund,” she huffed.

“I’ll see what I can do, ma’am. Can I get your room number?” Martin asked.

The woman huffed as if Martin should know her room number just by looking at her. “201.”

Martin looked through the computer system before delivering a response. “I- I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t refund your room. You’ve been kicked out.”

“Well I want my money back!” yelled the woman, who the computer told Martin was Suzanne Boreton. “I paid to stay here and I’m being forced out before I should be, so I want my money back!”

“Ma’am, it doesn’t-”

“It was just a little weed!” Suzanne exclaimed. “Scottie had the window open the whole time!”

“Smoking of any kind is prohib-”

“It’s barely smoking. I want my money back, and an apology to my son!” Mrs. Boreton yelled. She was attracting the attention of other guests in the lobby now. Martin wished he could just hide behind his desk and the woman would disappear.

“I can’t do that, Mrs. Boreton. I’m sor-” Martin began.

“Oh you’re going to be sorry!” Suzanne cackled. Oh god, was she going to ask for his manager?

Instead, Suzanne drew a long, thin stick from her purse. It looked like a twig she had picked off the ground, or maybe even some kind of junk she had bought from a hipster-y, holistic-y, fake magic mumbo jumbo shop. She pointed it at Martin, who stood there not knowing what to do, and mumbled a few nonsense words. Nothing happened.

Then Martin’s arm began to burn. It was like a hot brand was being pressed on his skin on the inside of his wrist. He rolled up his shirt sleeve to look at it. His skin was bright red, but a black mark was beginning to form. A circle, slowly becoming more detailed. A full moon. Martin clutched his wrist with his other hand, gritting his teeth in pain. What the hell was going on? This was impossible!

“Martin? What’s going on here?”

Oh, crap. Martin pulled down his sleeve as his boss approached. “Sir, I-”

“Is everything okay here, ma’am?” Martin’s boss asked Mrs. Boreton.

“I was just leaving,” Suzanne huffed, sticking her nose up in the air. “You really should hire better employees.” And with that, she walked off.

“Martin, what was that?” Palacios asked.

“I- I-” Martin stammered, rubbing his aching wrist. “She got kicked out of her room but wanted a refund.”

“Well you didn’t have to make a scene!”

“I made a scene?” Martin asked. “She was-”

“Enough,” his boss cut him off. “What’s going on with your arm?”

“I don’t kn-”

“Is that a tattoo?”

Sure enough, part of the mark poked out from under Martin’s sleeve. “No, it-”

“Don’t lie to me, Priest, you know that tattoos aren’t allowed for employees. We’re running a respectable business, not a circus.”

“But-!”

“Pack up your things.”

“I’m fired?!” Martin exclaimed.

“You’ve caused enough trouble,” his boss said, nodding. “Pack up your things and leave. If you’re still here in an hour, I’ll have to get security to escort you out.”

Martin? Causing trouble? Martin, the quiet, sheepish, scared-of-his-own-shadow man, causing trouble?

Before he could argue, his boss walked off, leaving Martin with an hour to leave, no job, and an unnatural mark on his wrist.

When Martin woke up, he couldn’t remember the events of the night. He remembered changing, but nothing after that. His body was human again, but not the same as before. A little taller, a little hairier too. His senses felt amplified, hell he could see without his glasses!

Still his head throbbed and his mouth tasted funny, like the world’s weirdest hangover. Martin licked his lips, trying to determine the strange taste. Metallic… blood. What had happened? Whose blood was that? Martin had a sinking feeling it wasn’t his own.

“HI, THERE!”

Martin jumped at the voice then scrambled to cover his naked body.

“Here,” said another voice. A bearded man stood before Martin, a small group behind him. He held out a neatly folded pile of slightly torn clothes, a pair of black rimmed glasses sitting on top. “These are yours, right?”

Martin nodded, then took them. “Thank you… can you uh...” The group turned around as Martin put on what remained of his clothes. “Thanks,” he muttered, letting them know it was safe to look back again.

“I’m Vogel!” the energetic first voice said. A younger man with wild, partially shaved hair stood next to the first man. He gestured to the one who handed Martin his clothes. “That’s Gripps, that’s Cross, and that’s Drummer!”

Vogel gestured to two others. Another man, presumably Cross, who had shaggy hair and a circle tattoo around his eye. Drummer was a woman with sunglasses, holding a black parasol.

They all wore clothes of a similar style. Mostly black, probably second hand, and unmistakably… punk.

“I- I um…” Martin stammered. “I can explain?”

“First shift?” Cross asked.

“Recently bitten?” Gripps added.

“Yes, and um… no?” Martin answered. “I wasn’t bitten but-”

“Born?” Vogel asked.

“What?”

“Cursed!” Cross exclaimed. “You got the tattoo! Man, yours is so much cooler than mine!” He gestured to the circle around his eye.

“Are… are you all like me too?” Martin asked, bewildered by these strangers.

“Werewolves? Duh!” Gripps laughed. “Oh, apart from Drummer.”

Drummer flashed a smile, revealing long and sharp canines. “I’m usually asleep right now, but I wanted to stay up to say hi.”

“V-v-vampire?”

“No, I’m just really goth,” Drummer replied. “Yeah, vampire.”

“Vampires and werewolves are real?” Martin asked, already knowing the answer. Of course they were real.

“Yup! Welcome to the club!” Cross greeted. “I was cursed, like you, but Gripps was bitten. Vogel was born a werewolf, third generation. He’s the most experienced outta all of us.”

“Cursed… of course,” Martin mumbled. “That b… woman with the stick.”

Drummer laughed. “You can swear, dude.”

“That…. That damn bitch!” Martin exclaimed. God, that felt good. “That fuckin’ witch! She cursed me then got me fired! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!” The others laughed and cheered him on.

“What’s your name?” Drummer asked.

“Martin.”

“Well, Martin,” Gripps began. “We found you wandering around last night, howling your head off. You ate a rabbit then passed out.”

“First nights are rough,” Cross nodded. “But you get the hang of it and eventually start having fun!”

“I didn’t eat a person,” Martin sighed.

“Ewwww!” Vogel grimaced.

“We don’t eat people,” Gripps explained. “It’s a myth. Mostly just eat animals, or raw meat from the butcher’s. Or like… normal food. And beer.”

“Drummer gets blood bags from a friend, we don’t harm nobody,” Cross agreed. “Sometimes we get a bag for the full moon, like a treat.”

“TREAT?” Vogel asked, looking up. Drummer patted his head, promising a treat later.

“You wanna join?” Drummer asked. Martin nodded and she smiled. “Welcome to The Rowdy 3.”

“But there’s-”

“Martin, Martin, Martin,” Cross tutted. “Lotsa things won’t matter anymore.”

“Like math!” Vogel chimed in.

Gripps nodded. “Or jobs.”

“Or driving with your head inside the car,” Cross added.

“Rules,” said Gripps.

“Glasses,” Vogel said, nodding at the pair in Martin’s hand.

“But I liked my glasses…”

Drummer patted Martin’s shoulder. “We can get you a fake pair. Don’t worry. There’s a whole other world out there,” she told Martin. “It’s a lot of fun, trust us.”

#dghda #the rowdy 3 #martin #vogel #cross #gripps #amanda brotzman #suzie boreton #martin priest #werewolf au #body horror #part 2? #dghda spookfest 2k18

[kieren-fucking-walker]

what are your fave tumblrs?

Oh god i hate picking favourites and also my memory is bad so:

@dont-offend-the-bees

@superhiro

@surlydruid

@juniper-and-lamplight

@elijahwoodnot

@overlordavery

@backatthebein

@gold-from-straw

@intricatecakes

@chalk-or-wiu

@theedgeofnight

@lavellington

@thats-entirely-too-much-tuna

@liztalkstrash

@theroyalprussianarmy

@pixeliis

@dustlines

@friedkinisamoron

@lourdesdeath

@setmeatopthepyre

@softlygasping

@thatfaerieprincess

also @ anyone i’ve fucking forgotten bc i’m drunk as shit and can’t remember things at the best of times when i’m sober and this is only a handful of the people i love

(also there was someone on here whose name i couldn’t spell while drunk but it’s a variation on amanda brotzman and i know what it is when sober but it escapes me now but i love you also

#long post #ELENA WHY CAN'T I TAG YOU YOU'RE AMAZING #i nearly tagged my ex in this oops #we haven't spoken in like three to four years #can you IMAGINE

[greedismyservant]

couple moodboards: amanda brotzman x farah black

↳“oh, shit! you’re so cool.”

#LET THEM BE TOGETHER PLEASE SEASON 2 #dirk gently #dirk gentlys holistic detective agency #amanda brotzman #farah black #mine #dghdaedit #dghda #cm #100