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#oh wait that was already listed
fisheito · 6 months
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i wanted to see altaria rei then i started goofin around
#the only ones i could see clearly were eevee eiden and morpeko morvay#i couldn't pin rei to a single mon bc i don't know a THING ABOUT HIM yet#but i want to see ghost type rei fight ghost type kuya and they're both just super effective against each other#i wonder if all the old men automatically get honourary ghost type membership. live 300 years ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: spooky#ANYWAY LET ME TALK ABOUT MY LIST#as in the list i was compiling of pokemon who matched the VIBE of someone and i couldn't decide#now BESIDES the ones req et al. already mentioned. which i already 👍👍👍 i was trying to find even moooore . exploring what could be.....#rei: altaria. marowak (alolan). noctowl. chandelure. decidueye. ribombee [a quiet friend :)]. inteleon.#once again i don't know rei's birdy deal yet so i won't (eheheh) pigeonhole him into an owl pokemon but we'll just wait and see#i had inteleon under rei before milke brought up sobble yakumo so now i'm like..... oh no...#rei fits the last evol and yakumo fits the first two.... uhhhhh#they can share. like they share gem placement. butt buddies.#yakumo had: girafarig. froslass. azurill (crying). tropius. wishiwashi. leavanny. marshadow.#i just want him to hang out with the food related mons and enjoy some fresh fruit with a giant flying dinosaur. yah#OK FOR EDMOND I SAW SIRFETCH'D AND COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING#WHAT A REGAL BOY. I HAVE TO. PLEASE I NEED EDMOND TO WIELD ONIONS#i was trying to be serious and find him a proper majestic pokesona . i swear. but the look on sirfetch'd's's face#edmond's list went: skarmory. lucario. cinccino. zeraora. dachsbun.#do i know edmond? i doubt. he's fluffy. wait no he's severe. wait no would he dare carry a fluffy cakey pokemon around? DARE HE????#for olivine i was even more stumped. seems like a lot of the pokemon i immediately thought of were the fluffy nurse types#stuff like chansey/blissey. kangaskhan.#this pokemon is 100% female? *flings pokedex out the window* no. olivine is a gender now#some of the newer pokemon i considered were bewear. drampa. mabosstiff.#but once again these were all just Protective of the Little Ones types#so i was imagining olivine just chilling with his serene smile and an army of MASSIVE CARETAKER POKEMON behind him#but. there has to be more to him than just taking care of others . furrows brow. idk. i'll settle for lapras FOR NOW#ditto eiden riding on the back of lapras. wonderful. glorious#pokemon crossover
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familysickness · 8 months
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can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain
sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one
death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)
the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)
erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)
gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)
incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)
indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)
the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)
querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)
crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:
Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)
ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)
also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:
christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)
the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)
exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)
autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)
as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)
skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)
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miredball · 11 months
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I forget carmy is a wunderkind in the culinary world like of course he has a place and boat in copenhagen to send marcus and his photo is up in kitchens across the world and he “tells” chef terry about richie and can ask thom browne for last minute custom chef whites and I mean cicero is probably so giving with his money because it’s his nephew but also it’s carmen berzatto
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clarenecessities · 1 month
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i really am fucking poisoned. i was looking at the etymology of izutsumi's name and i checked her codename first, right, Asebi, aka the Japanese pieris/andromeda and like all I can think is damn that was Justine Dantzer's working name for the character who would one day be She-Ra. that's crazy
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pansyfemme · 9 months
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the truth is im not sure if any other towns with ivy leagues in them tend to have the hatred and resentment for the school that ppl from new haven often have for yale. id love to just sit down and chat with someone from another ivy league town bc like. is it just the combo of a school full of very rich prep school kids in one of the poorest areas in the state where our public schools literally does not have the funding or curriculum for a lot of students to qualify for the college in their own fucking town or is this a wider issue in other places
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ivycorp · 1 year
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Riot's TFP AU: Megatron as a patient, or how Soundwave tries to not go insane with his leader's unfortunate addiction to a certain Prime
From the moment Megatron left his quarters knowing that Soundwave was really cross with him, he knew there would be more consequences than just the communication blackout. Walking to the bridge he was barred from entering by the TIC, who simply pointed him in the direction of the medbay.
There were battles to be picked in one's life - and usually the warlord picked them all - but this time the guilt from disappointing his most loyal friend (beyond acceptable parameters) could not be stopped. It flooded his circuitry, making him flinch away and nod; he turned away from the door and followed the path to Knock Out's domain. Soundwave followed him like a shadow, most likely to ensure he reached the medic and stayed there for whatever reason he deemed necessary.
Megatron doubted he would like the outcome, but he knew that the blue mech was not actually plotting his demise - if Soundwave wanted him dead, he would already be melted down for the Cause before he stepped out of his room.
He wouldn't even blame him - TIC did not wish to lead, so it would not even be a selfish decision to climb rank. If Megatron ever became unsalvageable, Soundwave would put him down, simple as that. But before that ever happened, he would exhaust all the other options first.
Which, apparently, included getting the warlord examined. 
Knock Out turned towards the opening door, unsurprised to see their leader sulk inside, nor to see the company. He gestured towards the berth the warlord was repaired on just a day prior.
"Hop on, my Lord, I have been informed you require a full physical," the medic began, as he took a relevant datapad in his servo to take notes on.
Megatron shot a look at his TIC, and upon seeing a small motion of the helm indicating the direction of the berth, he crossed over and laid down his tired frame. When he felt a gentle tap and heard a firm but polite 'please open the mediport for me, sir', he allowed a rarely used panel to reveal the port entrance, feeling oddly vulnerable. He didn't have to worry about Knock Out doing anything dangerous in Soundwave's presence, but the multitudes of professionals had taken a look at him and either gave up at once, or did the same just after a short while - when they realized how uncooperative of a patient he was.
The silver mech didn't really mean to be so difficult - but nearly every piece of medication tasted so bad to him that he would end up throwing it up or away instead of taking it. His body was in a permanent state of screaming, and his coding had not been updated in eons. Because of this, there was a limited patience to explain to yet another doctor that:
Yes, he couldn't recharge regularly;
Yes, he was very sensitive to the bright lights, and it made his helm feel like it was splitting apart at times; 
Yes, he was aware his optics were no longer working as before.
No, he was having enough exercise;
No, he was not trying to off-line himself from lack of maintenance;
No, he would most certainly not discuss his self service schedule.
Meds, injections, operations - and, of course, therapy. The standard result. 
This only meant he would be purging his tanks for a month trying to follow any instruction and fail from the distasteful residue from the medicine - all of this causing him to lose hope of the diagnosis being correct. He would feel let down at the lack of effect, get angry, and the cycle continued. There were periodic attempts to get this addressed - until he finally went out to get Dark Energon and was under nobody's care for a couple of years.
Not that he needed somebody to take care of-
An image of smiling Optimus crossed his mind, and he scratched out that last thought.
Knock Out used his distraction to plug into the exposed port, completing handshakes with his old programming and starting the check-up procedure. He raised the datapad, frowned at it, and took a look at the warlord.
"My Lord, when was your last full frame medical check-up?" Knock Out inquired, tapping the empty log on the patient file.
Megatron muttered something quietly. 
"I didn't catch that, sir, you need to speak up, please," he asked again, a bit less patiently.
"I think it was before we left Cybertron," the mech answered without looking at the medic. He knew what to expect by then - a huff of anger, an exasperated sigh, or a combination of both.
Instead, Knock Out grew silent. 
The red bot turned towards Soundwave, clearing his intake to catch his attention. TIC flashed a questioning glyph on his visor, as the medic asked:
"Is there any upcoming operation that requires Lord Megatron's presence or particular skill set?" 
The blue mech paused, visor flashing with a flurry of images as he cycled through the upcoming plans and schedules. When the screen blanked once again, Soundwave shook his helm negative.
"Lord Megatron: not critical to operations before next rota generation," he added in a short burst of combined recordings. Knock Out nodded thoughtfully, still connected to the silver mech, and reached out to another datapad, filling it up and passing it to the TIC.
"That would be probably enough, if we don't take too many breaks," the mech said matter-of-factly, as the blue mech read up the contents of the form - before adding his own signature. 
"Splendid, that's taken care of," the red mech smiled, and added as an afterthought prompted by the newfound professional concern:
"Some of the tests will take a while, so I believe we could turn this into an opportunity to check up on the entire staff," Knock Out observed the TIC for a moment, and after receiving a tired nod, waved the mech politely away.
"Fantastic, I will send over the list for the worst offenders and for the necessary shopping - or specialists to start looking for," he added, as he already was opening up a call to his conjunx to get cracking on the personnel's files.
Megatron was slightly confused at the odd exchange, but when the form was passed back to the medic, pieces fell together. 
The rota is generated every six Earth's weeks. He could vaguely recall seeing the update warning a few days prior. The fact that the TIC signed anything the medic gave him, meant he was officially approving something.
They benched him.
As Soundwave turned to leave, Megatron blurted out a short chirp of distress, but remained in place when the visor turned to look at him one last time. 
If it had been anger, he would have understood, possibly tried to overwrite the signature with his own - but he knew his loyal friend for a long time, and this was not that. 
No, Soundwave was trying to hold onto hope. That Megatron could still be 'fixed'. The door slid shut, and the warlord felt hollow as his CPU supplied him with a number estimate of that happening. 
It was depressingly low.
"Well, My Lord, your file is currently very patchy, I will need to check everything," the medic's voice drew his attention back, as he stared at the smaller mech blankly. He tilted his helm curiously, but his silence was taken as a permission to speak more. Knock Out started explaining the details, the plan of a lengthy cycle of checks and possible treatments, when Megatron raised his servo to cut him off.
"Why do you bother telling me this?"
The implied 'it's not like I can disagree and leave' hung in the air. 
The red Con looked at him with a mix of worry and hesitation; putting the data pad he was holding on the side table, he decided to respond:
"Because you are not a subject to be studied, sir; you deserve to know what am I going to ask you about and why, especially since I would rather we worked together instead of me having to fight you on providing you medical care," said the medic, looking Megatron straight in the optics. Normally, it would make the bigger mech tense up, sensing competition - this time, he felt it was more of a look of careful wish for cordiality. 
He sometimes forgot that Knock Out was an actual medic that could do his job well. And apparently, for some inexplicable reason, decided to employ his skill fully in his case.
Megatron nodded his helm, and tried to focus on what his old-new doctor was saying. It seems he would be in for a long haul. 
*****
The check-up took a long time. As the warlord and medic were cooperating to help get a complete picture of what was out of the acceptable norm, Knock Out cursed not being able to discuss this with another professional - he was sure even Ratchet would not scoff at the multitude of issues he kept on adding to the file.
Lord Megatron was a medical disaster. 
The silver mech had been riddled with pain that became such a norm that only the strongest pain relief would have made any difference. He did admit that the Dark Energon provided a dampening effect, and the medic immediately pushed the internal fluid check to highest priority. 
Contamination from the use of the mysterious substance was spread out across the frame, lingering despite lack of external exposure at surprisingly active levels. Knock Out noted with alarm that the normal Energon digested was being tainted, most likely keeping the warlord sedated without his knowledge. 
To remove the influence of the Unmaker would be to remove the only relief - and Megatron was still in a lot of pain despite its presence. 
The red bot called for Soundwave's support when he had to share this particular piece of diagnosis, afraid of a possible lapse in the arrangement he managed to turn this situation into - worried it would cause the warlord to lash out. In an unlikely turn of events, Megatron's face blanked out, before he tersely agreed to get the flushing procedure started.
When he woke up afterwards, he stared at the ceiling of the medbay for a long time and turned to Knock Out:
"I severely underestimated just how much the Dark Energon numbed the pain," he said, gritting his denta, and the medic took the hint, excusing himself for a moment.
The low wail of pain could be heard through the walls. When it stopped, the red Con let a couple of short, measured in-vents out, before he got back. The silver mech was back to his stoic expression, but the curled servos indicated he was still struggling to get back to living with the actual amount of pain he knew he managed to suffer in silence before.
The return to the prior state of things was way harder than he expected.
Knock Out did not hold any viable alternative that could have rivaled or surpassed the effects of the substance they just purged from Megatron, but he was going to try to get one - or possibly get some of his patient's aches away. 
One of the easier identifiable issues came to when the red bot examined the warlord's optics. When the silver mech flinched away at the passing light, Knock Out nearly dropped his tool - he knew there were going to be problems connected with them, the medic himself left some notes with a string suggestion for corrective action, but it never went beyond a temporary measure in form of shaded corrective visor.
Mostly because Megatron kept on 'forgetting' to wear it. 
This time around, however, the access to mediport allowed the smaller mech to see the intense flare of pain, suggesting a helmache forming. He hummed before reaching out and deactivating the light, and ordering the other lights to dim. 
The ache receded, systems noting lower strain.
"My Liege, I know we talked about this, but you really should be wearing the shaded visor we prepared for you," Knock Out mentioned, putting the tool away on a prepared tray table. Megatron grumbled a bit, but the medic had grown to know by then that it did not mean he reached the end of his tether, but that the mech was reluctantly listening. 
The warlord not doing some sort of token protest usually meant he tuned the conversation out. Knock Out learned to sense those moments, usually waiting for the mech to get out of this particular tactic from sheer boredom.
"Do you still have the old one we made you?" asked the doctor, and seeing the shake of the silver helm, sighed. 
Another thing to make. 
"I will get one more done for you, sir, but if you don't use it, I'll have to wield the next onto your frame - your optics are set for much darker surroundings and no matter how many times I fix it, it shifts to pre-sets every time, causing you helmaches," he promised, putting a note down on the file. The medic could see Megatron was observing him, trying to gauge the seriousness of the threat; and at that point, Knock Out was very serious.
His momentary suggestion to check out the entire ship had ended up with way more work on his servos than he expected - worse yet, the mechs he was treating needed help beyond his skill. 
Soundwave was updating him daily on the procurement and negotiations, but the millennia of war effort meant there were not many who would be willing to provide help to Decepticons - unless, of course, they paid a hefty fee.
Starscream was handling the budgeting, and seeing this supplied his recommendation: they needed to call Swindle. He would be most likely to get the results despite the cut he would be taking, so they allowed the mech to search the markets for their targets. 
The shopping list grew every day. 
Swindle was ecstatic.
Knock Out additional concern was the odd disposition of their supreme commander - namely, the distaste for one of the most common additives there existed. It was nearly in all of the medications as a stabilizer, and it was very rare to have any perception of it in the Cybertronian population.
Obviously, Megatron had an extreme case of it.
At first, when the medic realized his patient was very reluctant to take the meds, he tried hiding it in refueling rations.
It was also the last attempt of this solution pathway.
Megatron was able to feel the slightest presence of it in whichever substance he consumed, making it impossible to hide. Knock Out had to go apologize to the SIC who got accused of trying to poison the warlord that day.
For some reason, however, when the medic found colored glass in a similar pattern as the meds, the warlord ended up loving them - crunching on the marbles happily. Bribing the mech into taking more medicine became slightly easier with the promise of getting more of these in return.
Luckily, this time around the oddities of the Decepticon commander's frame came in handy - the glass didn't cause any issues, instead processing them easily. Knock Out checked a few times for possible residue buildup which occurred in some mechs with foreign substances, and noted with relief no adverse effects. For all he cared, Megatron could eat as many as he wanted, if it meant he would take the medicine. 
Especially that they were still battling his insomnia… 
The silver mech's recharge logs were all over the place - with no rhyme or reason, and an alarmingly low average time of rest. 
There were, of course, exceptions - but the analysis of those, run in tandem with the known occurrences of loud music being played in particular quarters made it clear why that would be. 
Knock Out cringed inwardly; since they were trying to solve this problem too, that was not the answer they could utilize. 
*****
Solar cycles passed, and the life on Nemesis carried on. 
With the warlord confined to a rigid schedule and the SIC at the helm, everyone seemed to lose some of the tension that came with Megatron's return from space.
Dark Energon was now fully isolated in Shockwave's lab, behind three different access codes held between Starscream, Soundwave, and Knock Out - their commander was banned from approaching the substance under threat of getting Tarn as a round-the-clock minder. As the DJD's leader volunteered readily to do it, the warlord kept far away from the lab.
The peaceful time was met with enthusiasm: the Vehicons were thrilled to have time to indulge in their hobbies and getting slagged less, thus the sense of community grew. The trinkets that got collected from around the Earth started showing up in shared spaces, colors and soft lights getting incorporated into spartan decor of the Nemesis. The dimness remained, as per Knock Out's insistence, but the variety of the glittering points strewn across the halls provided enough coverage in a pleasant manner that even the officers found appealing.
As the majority of the crew had been either dragged or came in willingly for a check-up at the medbay, the morale improved; who knew that showing concern for the troops would make them feel better?
The communication blackout was still in effect, but there were exceptions added to the list, allowing the troops to be contacted on operations outside of the ship; the ongoing income streams have been re-opened too, due to the increased spending estimates.
The Nemesis has changed - but none of its inhabitants could say anything negative about it.
*****
After the first three weeks, both Soundwave and Knock Out were satisfied with Megatron's progress - to the point they found it fitting to provide positive reinforcement. 
Namely, returning the access to his private room for recharging.
Releasing the warlord from the all-cycle supervision was done on a condition that he would still show up at scheduled times so the medication could be monitored, but the privacy of own berth and trinkets was to help facilitate a gradual adjustment back to the normal daily routine. They couldn't shut him in medbay forever. 
Though it seemed Soundwave wouldn’t mind this idea, if it kept him away from Optimus.
For a while, it worked as intended - Megatron followed up on their agreement, coming on his own volition to see Knock Out before he would be escorted by Soundwave to the office, where he would be finishing up on the reports back-log. He was not yet allowed back on the bridge, but there was not so much happening with the operations schedule keeping things on the down low for at least another couple of weeks. Starscream had a good hold of matters, so he couldn’t even have an excuse to be more involved - it was annoying, but as the medication went on, he appreciated having time to deal with the most irritating of side-effects at his own pace, without multiple witnesses.
Coming back to his own quarters was odd, at first - he didn’t miss the sounds of resident medical staff getting it on, but that was mostly because he couldn’t reach the same level of completion in his own self-servicing due to his odd arrangement with Optimus; not to mention that he couldn't deny the couple their happiness when one of them was his direct physician which could (and would) leave Nemesis at the mere suggestion of this sort.
He got used to the red mech, and would rather avoid having to lose the one medic they have around - or at least the only one they had that did not look at every patient as a science experiment.
As he closed the door and started getting on the berth to rest, he sighed, feeling the buzz under his plating come to the forefront of his mind yet again. In the medbay, it was easier to avoid the temptation, but in the privacy of his room, it came back in full force. The warlord was trying to wait the desire out, already sensing that he was fighting a losing battle. He could not allow himself to overload, his mind reminded, indulging into it would only drive the frustration higher.
Megatron managed to wait it out for the entire three days.
As his systems reported increasing signs of struggle, on the fourth day he found himself stepping over the threshold and going automatically to the interior sound controls.
He didn't think consciously about what he was doing - his servos moved in a well-known pattern, familiar music filling the space, as he turned to resign himself to losing himself for a bit in another fantasy. 
A small explosion rocked the ship, stopping him from arranging himself in a preferred position on his knees. Momentarily distracted, he went to check it out, his combat systems greedily hoping for something to punch. When it turned out to be nothing major, he took off back to the room, where he was stopped by Soundwave standing by the door.
The music was still playing, only fractionally muted by the walls.
Megatron's plating tightened defensively, but when the TIC pointed him away with an air of disappointment, the silver mech sagged and obediently dragged himself to the medbay.
*****
The Decepticon leader had known payment for his relapse was due - the reinstated ban of his quarters was proof of that, but even he couldn't expect what his friend would choose as a revenge tactic.
When he heard the news of Autobots showing up to Starscream's operation, he was understandably curious, but as the fighting occurred during his scheduled medbay visit, he didn't pay it much thought.
Until the message arrived later on with two attachments. No words. Just the files.
But they came from Soundwave.
Megatron braced himself, and opened the first one.
The recording opened to his quarters, quickly led towards the storage compartment. The silver mech was mortified when a slim servo reached inside the closet and pulled the box with interfacing toys out. There was no looking around - Soundwave knew where it was and came for it directly. 
As he watched the path of the TIC lead to the incinerator in Shockwave's lab, he started to panic. 
The warlord was in denial the entire time, until he saw the box get tossed inside, opened slightly to allow the heat to reach the interior. The blue digits turned the settings lower - the container would not incinerate completely, but it would be greatly damaged nonetheless.
As the fire raged, Megatron's spark filled with anguish so visceral, he let out a noiseless cry the entire time the box burned. When its charred remains were moved into another container, his throat hurt despite him not uttering even a whimper. 
The recording ended.
He didn't want to see the other one, but he knew that if he didn't see it, Soundwave would force him to watch it the next day in the office. He resigned himself to being mortified beyond what he already felt.
Megatron was not disappointed in that regard.
It must have been the fight earlier this cycle, as they didn't get to face the Autobots in the meantime; he could see that the TIC emerged from the ground bridge carrying the same box he saw on the previous file. 
The warlord was initially alarmed that the blue mech would just give it to the Prime, but instead a fight broke out, the box forgotten.
Seeing Optimus struggling against his top lieutenants was difficult, but he could not stop feeling proud of his crew - he knew they were capable, and seeing it was always fantastic to witness. As much as he didn't want the Prime dead, he couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of Starscream and Soundwave partnering up. 
At least if they off-lined him in the end, he knew that they could take on anything. 
He was surprised to notice the newcomers to the field, recognising the frames easily from memory - nearly forgetting what this all was about.
When a sharp order to retreat came, he noticed Soundwave pointed towards something, prompting Starscream's goading towards the Prime, who was barely holding himself from overheating from exhaustion.
The box. 
The TIC stepped through the portal, but he looked back towards Optimus one more time.
Megatron knew he saw it too.
The wide blue optics filled with dread.
Optimus suspected what was inside - and if the warlord knew his lover as well as he hoped, he would have confirmed his guess. 
Prime knew their collection was gone.
The silver mech curled in on himself, his spark pulsing with sadness and humiliation.
*****
Megatron was devastated - and it showed.
The progress made with Knock Out, the changes to Nemesis, the general improvement of morale, even increasing the rate of victories - all of this didn't matter.
Their box was destroyed. There was no fixing it. 
And Optimus knew about it. They gave it to him, after all. Like a cursed gift.
The warlord felt unmoored - carried only by the routine he had complied with so far, missing at least a solar or two from his memory. He was mostly staring into nothingness, barely acknowledging anyone. 
At least Soundwave did not act like he didn't know why he behaved like this. The TIC was waiting him out, as the silver mech would not even speak to his friend, communicating in nods instead. Megatron still followed the schedule they set up for him, but the balance has shifted - the repetitiveness of his days was grating, instead of grounding. 
He felt trapped inside his frame.
Lying down on the slab in the medbay, he idly noted Knock Out's presence - he opened the medical port without prompting, and the red bot plugged in while maintaining a bit more distance than before. 
The warlord couldn't explain why it bothered him, so he kept his mouth shut; with the other monitoring his systems, it was hard to avoid confrontation.
"There was an odd spike across your multiple processes right now, my Lord - would you be able to tell me why that happened?" Knock Out asked tentatively, more carefully than he used to. Megatron didn't think he actually needed to provide an answer, but something in the medic's posture prompted him to say:
"You are acting differently."
The red mech startled at the reply, expecting another session of complete silence. He weighed his options, and sighed.
"Lord Megatron, your recent behavior led me to believe you wish to be left alone - as your physician I am unable to comply with this preference, but I will not force my presence on you more than necessary," Knock Out explained, tapping idly on the pad in hand. 
"I do wish to be left alone, but this has nothing to do with you, doctor," Megatron's words sounded perplexed, but honest. The title had been slipping into their conversations before, so the medic was pleasantly surprised it was not rescinded.
"I will take that as a vote of confidence in my skills then," Knock Out smiled, letting himself slide back into a more relaxed stance, as he pulled closer the tray with assorted meds for his patient. The frown on the warlord's faceplates did not go unnoticed, but there was little to be done there.
He needed to get the alternative medications soon, the rate at which they were going through the marbles collection was concerning.
Megatron took every pill into his servo and as fast as possible swallowed them in one go - the taste was dreadful and the quicker it went down, the less suffering would be there to experience afterwards. The worst was when something got stuck and he could not flush it down - he would rather claw his throat out at times like that then let it stay there to dissolve on its own.
The silver mech started to power down, knowing he should try to allow the new concoction from the Pit to do its job. Knock Out let out a quiet sound of relief, as the evening routine went by the easy way this time around. He bid his commander a quiet farewell and locked the door to the medbay behind.
*****
Megatron didn't realize when recharge claimed him, but an undefined time after he laid down, he found himself being shaken awake by a pair of familiar servos. 
He scoffed, unwilling to wake up, because he must still be asleep.
There was no way it was actually Optimus - he wouldn't do something as stupid as come onto Nemesis, so he must be dreaming.
The touch became more insistent, so he lazily on-lined his optics.
Red and blue filled his vision.
"Hello, love - you're finally awake, I was worried I wouldn't have a chance to talk to you," said Optimus with a smile, as he stood right by Megatron's shoulder like this situation was completely normal for them.
"What are you doing here?" Megatron hissed out, starting to get up, when a servo on his chest pushed him down. 
"No, don't get up - I need to leave soon, it took me a while to get around the lock and I'm expecting alarm to be raised pretty soon," rushed the Prime, patting the silver plating pacifyingly, placing a kiss onto the other's helm. 
Right as the warlord was about to say something, the shrill sound of intruder alert sounded out throughout the ship.
The Autobot cursed, as he fumbled around some item in his servo, before he pushed it into Megatron's hold. 
"Here, I got you something - I had some time and well… couldn't stop thinking about you, and suspected I was not the only one like that," Optimus chuckled right over his audial, so he could be heard over the sharp sounds filling the medbay. 
Megatron, who could not comprehend this surreal situation while still fighting off the effects of interrupted recharge, just nodded and curled his digits around the gift. He was rewarded with another kiss, and a thrilling purr of "thank you, darling," as Optimus stepped away, watching the door to the medbay.
The warlord sat numb, observing as lights of a ground bridge flickered in the dim room, and loud shouts were heard through the walls in the corridor. 
Prime lunged into the barely formed portal right as at least ten Vehicons, Breakdown and Starscream burst into the medbay, nearly falling over Knock Out's short frame as he keyed the entrance open. The shots they sent towards the source of light never reached the mech going through it, instead leaving scorch marks on the walls. 
"Lord Megatron, have you been injured?" Starscream inquired after it became obvious they came too late. The silver bot shook his helm negative, as he kept his field tucked in tightly. 
"Move the ship and check how he had been able to pinpoint our location," he ordered, shifting focus away from himself towards the security of the Nemesis. The seeker shot a suspicious look towards his leader, but nothing seemed out of order - and the concern raised by the mech was valid. They needed to understand how the Prime was able to get onto the ship and so far inside before the alert went out. 
They couldn't let it happen again.
Decepticon SIC nodded, offering an acknowledgement of the order back to the warlord, and waved everyone out. The seeker had to find and talk to Soundwave - the TIC would be most likely the only one who would be able to trace Optimus's path, and who could counter it.
Megatron watched them all go away, and when the doors closed with a soft whoosh, his field unwound itself, spreading around the space like an explosion.
He was filled with so many contrasting emotions, there was no way he would be able to recharge again.
Curling his digits around the small item in his servo, he pondered:
Perhaps he could spend the time on something more… pleasurable.
******************************
Another ficlet inspired by @transingthoseformers's TFP AU, a direct follow-up to this and running parallel to this - and fleshed out by these posts about Nemesis time wth Megs as a patient.
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smolmight97 · 1 year
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Hey, people making tumblr holiday lists, might I suggest a new holiday?
The anniversary of undertale, except instead of just the normal Anniversary art, it’s just screenshots of the Spamton sweepstakes.
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braceletofteeth · 7 months
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tag someone you want to know and/or some of your besties.
I was tagged by @fourth-quartet 😊 Thank you!!
favourite colour: Gray but I'm currently in a brown phase
last song: I've got recently reacquainted with Beginner by AKB48 😄
youtube
last series: The Kidnapping Day. It was a lot more wholesome than the name suggests.
last movie: Saw X (surprisingly also a lot more wholesome than you'd expect????)
sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet :3
currently watching:
Koisenu Futari
Chains of Heart
The Golden Girls (season 1)
Love in the Air (2nd rewatch)
other stuff I watched this year: Not listing all of it here (I've never watched so much stuff as I did in 2023), but I'll mention the ones that I enjoyed watching the most from each month so far (*not including rewatches):
JAN: Wednesday
FEB: GAP
MAR: Not Me
APR: Tick, Tick... Boom!
MAY: Utsukushii Kare
JUN: Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938
JUL: Takin' Over The Asylum
AUG: Marry My Dead Body
SEP: Utsukushii Kare: Eternal
OCT: The Sandman
shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: I barely remember the ones I watched till the very end 🤡 But ok, let me see...
Eve (dropped after one episode; Rich People and their Rich People Problems™, I think was the reason)
A few straight GMMTV shows that I didn't really catch the name (I. Well. I just. I just couldn't make myself give a fuck, ok 😔)
+ Currently deliberating whether or not I should drop Chains of Heart. All the subtitles I've found are lacking in terms of coherence, and the story itself is already not the most straightforward, so I can only hope I'm understanding what's going on at all? 😀 And I'm also not feeling the main couple from either the present nor the past (? I suspect they are the same (but I may never know))... HOWEVER, I like the acting of the main, and the Thai scenario that is not Bangkok for once. That's always refreshing. And sometimes the cinematography is pretty too... Decisions, decisions...
currently listening to: Back for More by TXT & Anitta (I went after the link for it and distractedly searched for "banger" instead of the title 😆)
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currently reading: Codename Villanelle (it's a small book but I'm. ..struggle)
current obsession: I'm not obsessing over anything at the moment 😟☹😫 Have been too busy with mundane adult life problems (therefore, as you can imagine, I'm just about going up the walls here :))
tagging: @eatprayworm @thisautistic @hyp-no-tic @visualtaehyun hi 👋
#tag game#it's one of those weeks when I feel like my old acquaintances might be sick of me already#SO I tagged some people I think might be really cool but haven't directly approached yet#you know. for maximum anxiety#I've lost many songs over the years (it's never safe to have only one copy of them; thankfully I can afford more now)#the first time I found Beginner (as a pre-teen) I just downloaded it randomly listened to it and liked it so much I decided to keep it??#oh to be young and not care about stuff like viruses or managing your time#at some point while writing this post I finished watching Ko¡senu Fut@ri#10/10 no notes#(lies. there are notes. dozens and dozens of reblogs just waiting for me to spread them all over your dashboards in the near future)#tick tick boom was quite nice... for a musical#(not a fan of musicals so to have one on my list is. wild)#already four months since the Lee brothers left me 😪#and I haven't heard a word about LDW's new drama in MONTHS. actively gnawing the bars of my cage rn#OH OH WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT#SPECIAL MENTION TO <SUMMER STRIKE> IN MAY#if my other option wasn't Utsukush¡i fricking K@re I wouldn't even hesitate. but. it was#and everyone knows I'm not normal about this one 😀🙂#if anyone wants to advocate in favor of Ch@ins of Heart. please. I'm all ears. is it worth it?#uhh. I'm not gonna disclose much but it's true I'm under a lot of stress lately. there is a lot going on right now.#I might not be able to watch new shows/be around tumblr while I (try to) sort my shit out#just a quick heads up 👍
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cursedskull-666 · 4 months
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Gonna start screaming from the depths of my very soul I think.
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sysig · 10 months
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Can love 😍💕💞❤️ bloom 🌻🌼🌹🌷💐 on the 🤜💥 battlefield?? (Patreon)
#Shitpost#My art#Wander Over Yonder#Fist Fighter#Lol#As high-effort as I'm willing to put in to make it appear low-effort <3#Initially based on my silly little Fist Fighter OC(?) with a crush on Peepers - he's already started to morph a bit#Peepers might be a bit too high a station to pursue - shoot for the stars and all that!#But just by the sheer number of Fist Fighters and Watchdogs there's statistically gotta be one apiece that mesh well#And there's nothing that says he couldn't have a crush on Peepers to start! Kind of an ''Oh shit I guess some Watchdogs are kinda cute''#Until that slowly congeals into ''Wait no most of the Watchdogs are pretty cute actually.......uh oh'' lol#If he's gonna stick around he needs a name tho hmmm#Kinda tossing around Keith but I'd like to pull up some references to verbally-named Watchdogs first#That's another thing I've been thinking about - from my recollection/what I've seen in rewatching -#It seems like all the Watchdogs have either masculine or unisex names and are shown to be at least visually understood as male#And depending on how Word Of God you wanna go Craig McCracken has confirmed there are female Watchdogs on their home planet but like#There are feminine names /on/ Wander's list for the Giftening 2 but we only see them sneaking onto the Skullship!#Yes those are almost certainly staff-and-loved-ones Easter eggs >:P Do I care? Am I still going to integrate it into my HCs? Take a guess |D#And anyway that's Just the Watchdogs - unfortunately Awesome's force aren't really seen often enough to get names :(#Hell just finding a speaking line of theirs was a rare treat haha ♪ Up until then I almost thought they were mute!#Seems redundant because like - Bring Back WOY first of all of - but more Fist Fighters! They're too cute!
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the-halfling-prince · 2 months
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Goodness forbid I watch anything without being hit with the intense urge to cosplay the main character
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alltheprettyplaces · 6 months
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this is your reminder to check when your official documents expire so you remember to renew them
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tiberius-kirks · 4 months
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this is your sign to read through one of your forgotten cookbooks !!
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thekendallkathryn · 5 months
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I'm not sure what to say except that my 11-year-old self would FLIP OUT if she saw all these not-stick-figures with her name on it, so now that I know what just a few years can do, I can't wait to see what happens next 💜
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the-terrible-theys · 1 year
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(trans!)zach and aviva were bunkmates at science camp. i know because i was there
#imagine them both at their first year of science camp! young and excited but also nervous and already feelin homesick on the first night#and they take comfort in each other and bond over their shared love of engineering#and become best buds practically overnight#and they keep getting each other as bunkmates every year and they pair up for everything and it’s all GREAT until it isn’t anymore#tfw some kid you met at summer camp becomes your lifelong sworn enemy. oops!#i have SO many thoughts about this concept#look. aviva being able to list out facts abt zach in mystery of the weird looking walrus can’t be just some plot-convenient intuition thing#those were things she learned over YEARS of friendship and staying up late at night trading whispered secrets#you can’t convince me otherwise#these two’s relationship has so much complexity to it actually. idc if canon barely touches on their history i’ll do it myself#hrnsgdhghh just imagine them sitting under a blanket together with flashlights after curfew because zach is afraid of the dark#aviva on her very first night of camp realizing that Uh Oh! she misses her family! and she doesn’t know anyone else here! and what if maybe#science camp isn’t gonna be as fun as she’d thought! only for the oncoming tears to stop in their tracks in order to comfort#this distraught bunkmate of hers. she adopts zach on the spot#them being penpals after camp ends PLEASE#wild kratts#zach varmitech#aviva corcovado#i also imagine that zach conveniently has his “wait i’m a dude” revelation at abt the same time their friendship ends#so they get new bunkmates for the first time that year#and also that their friendship ends at the beginning of their last/one of their last yrs of camp
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eats-the-stars · 6 months
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I feel like there are roughly two kinds of "painfully weird kid" that you can be during your K-12 school years. the first is your "I am trying so hard to be normal but I just cannot seem to hit the mark. there's just something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it" and the second is the category I was in, which is your "everyone around me is so incredibly weird but they obviously can't help it so I will just have to accept this."
#being a deeply weird kid in school was definitely an experience#i feel like it's also heightened when you attend a private catholic school#there are just so many more layers of 'oh wow so this is...a thing' to deal with#like i honestly think the shit that private catholic schools do to a kid's head is worse for the normal kids#i was already at a point where i just accepted that my personal perspective of the world was radically different#and you really weren't going to convince me to start loving denim or perfume or makeup#so trying to get me to feel a bunch of religious guilt was also not going to work#i just added it to the long list of things that are important to most ppl that i just don't give a shit about and moved on#honestly being autistic in a private catholic school put me in a much better spot than a normal catholic student#the teachers would say something absolutely batshit insane#like telling us that 'mentally disabled' kids get a free pass to heaven because they have no original sin just like animals#(if u know ur catholic shit u can imagine the multiple layers of 'but wait!' involved in this statement but anyway)#and your normal catholic student would be like 'what?! for real! oh my gosh...but are you sure? oh you are. well...i guess it's true then..#whereas i would be sitting there like 'wow that is...a wild thing to believe. also u were staring at me for that whole speech so...'#like yeah i did get involved in the heated debates because it was hella fun#but in hindsight it would be really fucked up to be an actual catholic kid in that school because jesus christ...#a lot of our teachers even had strong disagreements over belief shit and would make us all take sides#so it wasn't even like unanimous weird stuff pumped at us. it was like conflicting weird stuff#one intense divide i recall was the simple but highly controversial 'do animals go to heaven?' debate#most said 'yes' with or without conditions#one teacher said 'yes and also disabled kids' which was fucked up and definitely directed at me whenever i was in the room#like some kind of fucked up 'it's okay because you'll get a better life in the afterlife sweetie' kind of thing#while others were like 'ANIMALS? in my heaven? I think not! what did they even do to earn it?! nothing!'#students tended to also be very invested and distressed by the thought of no family pets in heaven#but also very conflicted based on the facts being presented by both sides and also which teacher was their favorite so...
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