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justmeinadaze · 1 year

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I'm in Control Part 6 (Steddie X Reader)

A/N: On my computer these gifs are gigantic and I am ok with that because I need a big Steddie hug right now. I'm just done being an adult. Lol. Anyway, here you ya go.

There are many, MANY aggressive feels here especially from Eddie. This isn't going to be fluffy by any means but it's heading somewhere good... I hope <3. :P.

Warnings: As previously stated, this is a bit rougher than previous ones. Got some hair pulling, Steve gets popped in the face, over stimulation. The color system is used here and someone does say "Red" but its not who you would think.

Also Eddie does interact with someone from his past and talks about some of his trauma, may be a bit triggering. I think that's it...

Word count: 3766

“I appreciate the thought, Wayne. I really do but the answer is no.”

Your eye’s gradually open to the sound of Eddie’s voice in the hallway. The three of you had had your arrangement for a little over a month now and settled into a bit of a janky routine. With your schedules there really was no such thing as normal but every weekend at least since the convention had been occupied with them at (and all over) their house.

You found yourself enjoying not just the sex but the little moments as well. One Saturday, you and Eddie tried to show Steve some cool fantasy movie but he immediately fell asleep. That following day, you took him to a comic bookstore downtown where you always found hidden gems that no other store had. It was adorable watching him make friends with some of the employees especially when he found out they played D & D. His toothy smile and fast, animated hands were a joy to behold.

Steve was a hard nut to crack with most things but he always seemed eager and open when it came to trying something he knew nothing about. You told him one day that you were really excited the movie theater was doing a back-to-back marathon of B movies that weekend so he got you both tickets since Eddie would be busy on set that night. When you two left the auditorium, he had a big smile on his face talking about the cheesy films you just witnessed.

The more time you spent with them though, the more you found yourself wanting to know more about them. They dropped little tidbits of their history here and there but never actually let you it. To be fair, they never asked you anything about your past either.

“Everything okay?”, you asked Eddie as he came back into the bedroom.

“Yeah, Sweetheart. Just my uncle calling to say hello.”

You crawled out of Steve’s embrace to sit up in their bed. “Just hello? It sounded more intense than that.”

“Nope. Nothing for you to be concerned about.” He smiled over at you as he sat down on the edge of the mattress but his tone came out more curtly than you had ever heard from him before.

“You know…you can talk to me about anything—”

“IT’S FINE, Y/N! Now mind your fucking business!”

You both stared each other down; his eyes filled with anger whereas yours was a mix of pain and slight annoyance. After climbing out of their bed, you grabbed your clothes from the floor and entered their bathroom, slamming the door behind you. You could hear Steve’s stern grumble on the other side.

“Eddie, you can’t talk to her like that. We aren’t playing right now.”

“I know. I know. I just—”

You abruptly opened the door to face them both. “Why won’t you guys talk to me about personal things?” Neither of them answered and it infuriated you.

“I feel like we are being more open with each other, right? And when we started this, you never said we couldn’t talk to each other about our past. Yet every time I ask a question or offer an ear, you BOTH shut me down.”

“We don’t talk about things like that because it doesn’t matter.” Steve’s answer startled you. You expected them to pull you back to bed and at least have a conversation about the topic.

“I feel like that’s starting to be the tag line of this relationship.” You stomp out of their room on a mission to find to your shoes, hearing them shuffle as the follow after you.

I’m in control.

“I want to know more about you guys and I feel like you should want to know more about me.”

“You don’t get to make demands, remember?” Steve’s dominate side vaguely started to pull forth.

“See, that’s where the line becomes blurred, doesn’t it? In there”, you point towards the bedroom, “you don’t tell me things. Fine. Your fucking rules. But out here, as your agent and your friend, you don’t tell me anything either.”

They glance at each other and you know before you even say anything. “Yeah, I see where the mistake was made. Bedroom… Daddy and Sir. Outside… Eddie and Steve. We never agreed to be friends.”

“Come on, Y/N. Don’t be like that.” Eddie stepped forward but before he could reach you, you stepped out of the way and out their front door.

#################

“This is your fucking fault.” Eddie growled at Steve as they entered the agency Monday morning.

For the entire previous week, you had severely rained in your time with the boys; only answering texts and calls about work. You showed up on set for their show right when they yelled action and disappeared before they cut. When they tried to hunt you down at your office, you always seemed to be out.

Even though you never planned on coming over on the weekends, they had grown accustomed to it and when you didn’t show up, that’s when they became angry.

“How is this my fault? You’re the one that snapped at her.”

“I told you we should have talked to her about how we were starting to have feelings for her but you said we shouldn’t. I’m not going to tell someone who ends up leaving us my personal business.”

“Oh really, Munson? You won’t even tell me what your uncle called about and I’m your best fucking friend.”

“That’s because I’m pissed at you, you fucking dick!”

“Oof. Some people woke up on the wrong side of their beds today.” You walked past them towards your office, sipping casually from your takeout coffee cup.

“Where the hell were you?!”, Steve shouts.

“What do you mean, Mr. Harrington?”

“You didn’t come over this weekend.” Eddie strode in behind his friend, shutting the door behind him.

“Was I supposed to? There was nothing scheduled for you guys. Avery came down to look at places so I helped him with that and then he invited me to Fantasy. You know that new club they opened. You should check it out. There were a lot of beautiful girls there.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed at as he leaned his palms down on the top of your desk. “Is this really the game you want to play with us, little girl? Because I assure you, we always win.”

You crossed your arms leaning forward on your elbows, your face so close to his your noses almost touched. “See…the problem with you, Steve, is you think everything is a little game. Since our arrangement is just sex, I didn’t need it from either of you this weekend. Trust me, I got enough.”

“Please say that you’re lying.” Eddie’s voice shook as he bounced on his legs.

Your stoic expression faltered slightly at his tone, glancing at him before focusing back on Steve whose eyes hadn’t moved from you once.

“Go ahead. Break his heart.” His voice was so low only you could hear his taunt.

I’m in control.

“You broke mine first.”

Eddie reached for the glass decoration on your desk and threw it at the wall. You stood up from your chair, alarmed at his sudden outburst. You and Steve watched him with caution as he paced back and forth.

When he finally stopped, his eyes were vacant. “Both of you come with me.”

“Where are we—”

“Shut the fuck up, Steve! I’m in control right now. Do you understand me?!”

“Yes, Sir.” You both responded in unison. There’s more than authority in Eddie’s request and the fact that he needs you AND his friend to listen to him means it’s important so you follow his instruction.

He throws on his leather jacket, pulling the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket as he heads for Steve’s car with you two in tow.

#####################

Your eyes move from place to place around the waiting room of the penitentiary. Eddie’s arms are crossed tight around his chest as his leg jumps.

“Eddie, what are we doing here?”

He had been silent the entire one-hour car ride up here occasionally breaking the silence by rolling down his window to smoke a cigarette.

“Now, here are my rules for the moment. Neither of you say a word when we get back there.”

“Yellow.”

You understood you guys weren’t in the bedroom and you three definitely weren’t playing but you didn’t know what else to say. The fact that neither of them were telling you what was going on and it seemed Eddie was on his own personal mission terrified you a bit.

Steve took your hand in his as Eddie’s eyes met yours for a moment before looking back down to the floor. “You’re safe, Princess. I promise. I would never let anything hurt you but if you don’t want to come back there with me, I will understand. I’m nervous myself.”

“Munson party?”, the officer calls after opening the heavy door.

The metalhead stands without hesitation and walks through ready to face this alone but breathes a sigh of relief when he hears your voice offer a small thank you to the young man who held the door open for you and Steve.

He led you down a corridor into a room styled the same way you’d seen movies a million times. There were booths that were divided every which way with glass in the front so you could still see the person you were talking to. Both sides had a payphone style telephone hung on the side.

“Now obviously you can each only talk to him one at a time—”

“Oh, they’re my moral support. They won’t speak to him.”

“Okay, that being the case”, the officer turns to you and Steve. “You can both stand here behind him but that’s it, okay?” You nod as he leads Eddie to a chair in front of the glass partition.

On the other side, a young female officer brings an older man out that looks a little like Eddie but with more tattoos and harder features. He sighed as both men picked up their phones.

“Hey Edward.”

“Dad.”

“Jesus.” You looked up at Steve whose eyes were wide with surprise. His hand gripped yours tighter as if he let go, he would float away.

“So, uh, how have you been?”

“Look, why don’t we skip the pleasantries and you tell me what you want. Wayne said you needed help.”

Eddie’s dad scoffed as he clenched his fists trying to control his temper. “Wayne was always a good man. I never got to thank him for—”

“I’m leaving.”

“Ok! Okay. Sit! God damn! Just like your mom with that smartass mouth.” He waved at the officer behind him assuring her he was calm. Steve on the other hand lurched forward before you quickly pulled him back.

“He’s ok, Steve. He’s ok.” Your free hand wrapped around his arm as you tugged him closer.

“I have a bail hearing coming up. My new lawyer up here thought it would be a good idea if you spoke on my behalf. Tell them that you forgive me or some shit.”

“Are you serious?”, Eddie cackled. “That’s how you ask for my help? After everything you did and after all these years? You want me to lie for you.”

“Your uncle wouldn’t let me contact you when you were a kid or else, I would have fucking asked sooner.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been a while since I’ve been eighteen so…”

“Yet it still took you till you were 21 to graduate high school. Oh yeah, kid. I still have friends in Hawkins.”

“Good. Maybe one of them can fly up here and stand up for you.”

“Look at Mr. high and mighty over here. What makes you think you’re so much better than me anyway?!”

Eddie hung up the phone as he turned away. His dad was shouting after him as his son brushed past you both and out the door.

##################

Eddie immediately lit a fresh cigarette as soon as he was outside the jail. You didn’t wait for him to say anything, wrapping your arms around his waist as he leaned against Steve’s car.

“Are you okay, man?” His friend nods as his arms remain at his sides. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Like I said, Harrington… I was fucking pissed at you. Plus, I wasn’t even going to come down here.”

“What made you change your mind?”

You felt his index finger tap your head. “Her.”

He watched you as you pulled away from him, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

“You didn’t have to do this, Eddie.”

“I know I didn’t have to but… I wanted to tell you. I want to tell you more about my fucked up past but I don’t want to open up to someone who’s going to fucking leave. There’s no point.” He gestures towards the jail. “My parents were the first people to hurt me and abandon me. I wanted to show you the shit I dealt with.”

“Where’s your mom?”

Eddie inhales the butt of the cigarette before puffing out a cloud of smoke. “I don’t know. She left me with my uncle after my dad went in. He was originally in a different prison closer to Indiana but Wayne called to tell me they moved him up here and that he needed something from me.”

“I imagine there are many answers to my next question but why are you angry with Steve?”

“Because…” they quickly make eye contact before Eddie looks back down at his shoes. “I thought we should talk to you about us having feelings for you but Steve said that would be a bad idea. If it’s just sex, you’ll leave at some point. They always do.”

You didn’t know what to say. Your arms wrapped around your body as you turned away from them trying to gather your thoughts. Steve chuckled behind you.

“Told you, Eds.”

You turned on him, fury emanating from you. “Fuck you, Steve Harrington! You try to act like your so hard. Like you’re some tough badass who doesn’t care about anyone or anything! Mister call me Daddy in bed but can’t step up anywhere else! He has every right to be mad at you! You should have talked to me!”

The sound of Eddie’s boots squashing his cigarette reminded you he was there. “And you, Mr. Munson—”

“Don’t come at me, sweetheart. I’m not in the fucking mood.”

“Exactly.” You charged up to him until your chest bumped his. “You both may work together, live together, and fuck together but you are your own person, Eddie! If you wanted to tell me how you felt then you should have! You don’t need him to dictate you! You’re dominate to remember? Or is the Sir just for show?!”

“Ugh! I’m so fucking angry with you both. If I wanted pussys I would have dated a woman or stayed back home.”

Eddie’s arm shot out as his hand grabbed your hair and pulled you closer to them. Steve opened the backseat, holding the door open for his friend to shove you in and climb in with you.

As the car started and began its journey back home, you push against Eddie, hitting him with your small fists before he gripped your wrist with his large hands. He spun you around so you were both sitting horizontally with his back against the door and your back on his chest. His left leg swung on top of both your legs holding them still as you continued to wiggle.

“You know the safe word. You know how to use it. No one is going to ask you any questions tonight, Princess. If you want this to end you just say that word and we’ll stop. The only thing I want to hear is ‘Yes Sir’ to what I just said. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

He shuffled his grip so both your wrists were being restrained in one of his hands as the other took hold of your throat, squeezing it between his fingers.

“You think the titles are just for show? That Steve and I are pussys, is that right?” You coughed, trying to catch your breath as he let you go. “Answer me. Honestly.”

“Sirs don’t need Daddy’s permission to get something done.” You heard Steve angrily sigh in the front seat as his fingers tightened around the steering wheel.

Eddie reached down to unbutton your jeans, shoving his hand under the waistband of your panties before running a stripe with his fingers through your folds.

“Little one talks a big game but she’s fucking dripping right now.”

“Don’t get cocky. It’s not for you. Replace you with anyone else and it would be the same ahhh!” Eddie cut you off by abruptly pushing two of his fingers into your entrance.

“Stop. Speaking. Jesus, Steve. Did you hear her? She’s a fucking slut now. I guess whoever she was fucking this past weekend when she didn’t need us just blew her mind and changed her perspective.”

His pace was ruthless as he pumped his digits into you.

“Oh and don’t worry. You don’t have to ask to cum this time. I don’t want to hear your voice that much. I heard enough in the parking lot.”

Your back pushed against him as you felt yourself quickly tumble of the edge as you came. You expect him to slow down after he rode you through your high but he didn’t. He kept up the exact same rhythm not even allowing you a moment to catch your breath.

“Eddie, please.”

He removed his leg from yours and wrestled with your body to tug your jeans down. Shifting you back in your original position, he utilized his right leg to spread your legs open as wide as he could. His hand promptly came down and smacked your pussy making you yelp.

“Who am I right now?!”

“Sir!”

Eddie shoved his fingers back inside of you resuming his original pace.

The car ride back was a little under an hour and the metalhead spent the entire ride making you cum. Steve’s backseat was a mess but neither of them cared. As soon as they got back to their house, they wasted no time throwing you over their shoulder and heading straight for the bedroom. Steve tossed you on the mattress and your hand immediately shot out in the air, not even sure where they both were.

“YELLOW!” You heard the sound of shuffling as someone sat in a chair and the other leaned against the wall. Your eyes were full of tears when you looked at them. Not tears of pain, but of frustration. You reached for a pillow and threw it across the room towards their feet.

“You should have said something.” You scolded them through gritted teeth. “I…feel…stupid.” Getting up on your knees you, you pointed your index finger at them. “I trusted you enough to agree to this but you can’t trust me enough to tell me you’re getting feelings for me?” They watched as your hands shook. “And I’M pathetic.”

Your jaw clenched as you defiantly faced them. “Green.” Neither of them moved. “I said Green. I’m ready.”

“Red.” Eddie glanced at Steve who walked over to his mini fridge in the corner and pulled out a water bottle. When he tried to hand it to you, you smacked it out of his hand.

“Why? I said green.”

He casually reached for the bottle again, but then he tried to hand it to you, you threw it across the room. “I know you said green but I’m saying red. We’re done for tonight.”

“WHY?! I can take it!”

“I don’t care if you think you can take it. That’s not the point. This has gone way past pleasure so I’m calling it. Our…ALL of our feelings are getting in the way right now and I think we should wait until we’ve talked to—”

You smacked him then. “Now you want to talk, you fucking asshole!”

You fell back on your heels and hung your head. The bed shifted as Steve sat beside you.

“Can I hold you?” Your hair bounced as you nodded and he swiftly pulled you into his arms on to his lap. “I’m sorry, baby girl. You’re right. You’re not stupid. I’M stupid. Daddy’s sorry.”

You felt yourself shrink into his chest as he held you to him.

“You’re not stupid, dude. Just…jaded like me.” Eddie sat beside him, putting his arm around his friend’s shoulder as his hand rested on your legs.

“I’m sorry, Ed. You were right to. The three of us should have talked about it together.”

“Why didn’t you?” Steve loosened his grip on you so he could see your face to answer your question. His finger poked at your shoulder.

“Agent. Client.” He flashed you a small smile. “We do think of you as friend. Always have. I really like spending time with you.”

“Me to.” Eddie grinned softly at you.

“But to push this into a romantic relationship…that’s a whole other ball field.”

“Pfft, leave it to Harrington to make a sports metaphor.”

When you laugh, they both breathe a sigh of relief.

“Can we…talk about this tomorrow? After your shoot, maybe. I’m just incredibly tired.”

“Of course, pretty girl. Do you want us to take you home?”

“Can I stay here?”

“Yeah, we’ll just go sleep in my room.” Eddie rises but stops when you whine.

“You can lay with me. I don’t mind.”

Steve stands up with you in his arms before placing you down in the middle of the bed and under the covers.

“I’ll make you deal. You drink some of this and we’ll lay with you.” He playfully tosses the water bottle in your lap.

You didn’t realize how thirsty you were until the first drop hit your lips. Eddie grinned as he took the empty bottle from your hands and they both crawled in beside you.

“Hey Eds?” He answers you with a soft hm. “I’m proud of what you did today. I know it wasn’t easy seeing your dad.” You cup one of his cheeks with your hand and tenderly kiss his lips.

As you lay back down you turn your neck to give Steve a kiss as well. His hands brush through your hair as Eddie rolls onto his side to caress your face.

###################

@gracieluvthemoon @e-munson666 @luna-munson83

@lunatictardis @corrodedcorpses @big-ope-vibes

@eddiesguitarskills @brittney69 @mandyjo8719 @hugdealer

@mynameismothra @local-stoner-bitch @miarosso

@imjuststeddietrashatthispoint @arianafreckles

@sweetpuffy12 @mybradforddream @sugar-haus

@manda-panda-monium @wroteclassicaly @gracieluvthemoon

@imogen-m-h @playfuloutcast @spookedbydawn

@cinnamapup @bimbobaggins69

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts

@skyesthebomb @sherrylyn628 @eli-flower

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otherkinberry · 2 months

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Warning: syscorse

Uhhh sooo syscorse. Can someone explain it to me?/gq It can be here or on dms.

Questions down below.

(I'm posting it here so I can actually get an answer, because I have a bit of a following here.)

Here are my questions

-why are endos bad?

-why do people hate endos so much?

-how are they mocking systems?

-Am I anti or pro endo? (My beliefs are down bellow)

Background about me:

I've been trying to keep kind of "I don't want to talk about it bc I don't understand it" and trying to remove myself from it immediately.

But I do want to understand it. At the same time, everytime I go to the tags, it's just everyone yelling at each other and I don't understand anything. And I don't want to be yelled at either lol. I'm actually pretty scared to post this.

My beliefs till now:

-Can they exist?

Ok, uh so, I don't think it matters if I think if endos are real or not? Like, it's not my identity, I don't know them. And that's why I want to know if and how they are hurting the DID/OSDD comunity.

-Are they fakers?

I personally believe they're not. But you can think that they're not real and faking all you want, but have some manners. Don't go out invalidating others. You wouldn't do it irl, so don't do it online.(This sounds like I'm mad but I'm not)

"They fake having DID" but they never said that though...?/gq isn't the term "endo" made to differentiate them from disordered systems?

My opinion on them rn:

I've asked around irl a bit, and it turns out a bunch of teenagers don't give out the best concise answers. So the closest I've gotten to an answer is:

They need their own spaces. traumagenic systems want their own spaces and I think that's valid, sure, they can, and should intersect sometimes, but not as much as they do now. That's why I considered myself sort of anti endo until now. Idk if I'm anti endo tho??? What does my belief classify as?

we can't prove if they're real or not, because studies don't really 100% discard the idea of them being real. As far as I understand, they just haven't done research around endos. They don't fit in the research, because the researchers don't think about endos when doing the research.

And I don't think it's really your, or my space to say what someone is or isn't. If someone calls themselves an endo, but are actually a did system, who cares?

"But they need help because they have trauma!!" yeah!! I agree, but even traumagenic beings don't get help sometimes. Endos can be in treatment and still identify as endogenic. Idk, in the end, everyone has their own process and recovery time.

#syscourse #system stuff #question #endogenic #traumagenic #questions #traumagenic system #endogenic system #endo

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ultimatepokemontournament · 1 year

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Gratitudes Combo Post! I shall be bulk replying to nice messages that people have sent me here in an attempt to minimize clutter! I hope this works for you all as well!

@roodllle I'm very very glad the system works for you!!

For those that weren't here at the start, I actually did initially have set polls up to be daily, but after a bit of poking at it, I was able to figure out how to make polls weekly and still keep things moving on at a good pace! It seems people have enjoyed that a lot more so I'm very glad I put the work in to make the switch!!

I found the reblogs important too, just cause I know how fast things can disappear on the dashboard, and how hard it can be to remember what events are going on, especially if stuff if happening on a daily basis! Plus I talk to a lot of people in very different time zones, so my morning is definitely someone else's midnight.

(Many more below the cut!!)

@pileofrats It is indeed a full time job gjfisjgfi but if I wasn't willing to do such things For Science, then what kind of scientist would I be? :D (It says Science twice on my diploma, not that you need a degree to be a scientist, but just to show that I am dedicated.)

@vampiredeliverylady I have indeed been thanked, but it's very nice to hear it every time!! Thank you for taking the time to write such a nice message and it's wonderful to hear that this tournament is making a positive impact for you !!!!

@samuwhal Thank you so much! I'm very glad you're enjoying it and hope you keep having fun!

Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day (and I hope all of your interceding days have been wonderful too) as well! I'll admit I maybe wasn't thinking about how much work 1000+ Pokemon would be when I started, but I'm dedicated to seeing this through! (And they've added new ones since I've started!! I'm going to have to go back in and work those in after I'm done here. </3)

Thank you!!! 💙💙💙

I am !! Sometimes it gets a little stressful, but at the end of the day, I'm very lucky and very happy to be here!

Thank you!! I definitely gotta keep it organized, because I absolutely would lose stuff if I didn't ahaha, so it works out for everyone! (And if I am occasionally secretly hoping that sometimes people are finding about this tournament from individual Pokemon tags that they're browsing, well, let's keep that a secret between us ;D)

And needless to say, I am also very lucky to have you all here with me :D !! A tournament is not a tournament without all of you participating and hyping up your favorites!

Thank you so much!! It really means a lot!! 😊

@taintedhallows you know it!! :D 💪💪💪

@commieorcs Thank you!! I hope you're having fun participating! :D

@indiana-grace Thank you! They're definitely a huge help to me too because I absolutely would vote differently if I couldn't look them in their little eyes before casting my own votes hahaha. My hope is that it also makes it more newbie friendly as well, since I know not everyone voting is familiar with all of them!

Thank YOU!

gjiofsjgf I'm glad it's working out then!! I too am often too busy to pay attention to other polls I'll admit. Often times the only thing I do on Tumblr in a day is work on this tournament lol

Ok, I think that's a wrap! I shall now clear these asks out of my inbox, but one more collective thank you to all of you and everyone who has said nice things!! It's very very sweet and kind of you all and has given me a lot of energy and motivation to keep pushing forward with this!

Sorry for taking so long to answer some of these!! I know I wanted to avoid clutter, but I could've made smaller grouped response posts and answered these collectively sooner!

#inquiries #thank you post

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thornpuck · 1 year

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A diary entry.

Apologies for those that are just here for the art, but I use this as a diary sometimes just 'cause I need a place to vent. I tag it with self/text so if you wanna flag it I think you can. (Unless you can't.)

So without tooting my own horn too much, I think it's honestly pretty impressive how far I've come in these past few years. It's come gradually but also sorta in an all-at-once sorta way. I've gone from being a right piece of work to someone who's actully trying to be a nice person. I feel like I'm in some weird sitcom about a guy who used to be a bad person try to be a good person - it's almost comical at times.

It's been such a big chunk of character development for me: I overcame being an abrasive online troll to become like, on ok decent guy. Not a great guy, but someone who doesn't get aggressive/insulting to others anymore.

But it's also ... the toughest thing I've ever done. I seem to just be an arrogant twat by nature lol so reclibrating that behviour has been hella hard. I still slip up. I don't want a medal but I feel like that crying cat meme, like the bare minumum is being an ok decent guy but I clawed my way from hell to get to the ground plane.

I dunno why I'm verbalizing all this. it's been on my mind. I guess a part of me also is publishing it 'cause I feel like it's hard to excape being an asshole for so long. I don't expect forgiveness, but I do wanna be like, "I'm not that guy anymore soz about all that :/" AHEM now that that's all out of my system, some other news:

I now refer to myself as an ex game developer

Sticker/merch work is going well, family members are keen to help me out so that's pretty good. I'm really enjoying drawing things inspired by my hometown. I know tumblr is more rainbow-barfing-dogs and less dusky-moorhens but I'll probably lean towards drawing things that are appealing to me rather than try to chase notes etc.

Feel like I've gone from 0-100 REAL quick art wise but I don't think it's anything to worry about? I think for so long (a decade?) I've had feelings of needing-to-study-ankles or needing-to-be-better or needing-to-draw-good but now I'm all: I'm going to sit in the corner and draw my funky little animals and that seems to have alleviated my art burnout.

I've gotten really into tea, like gong fu style shit and I'm like teetering on the edge of geeting pueh which I know will be a whole other step.

#text #self

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phdmama · 2 years

Note

In a very intriguing reblog (ty for putting that on my dash) you put in the tags how you give your kids privacy on their phones and suggested people make you feel like a bad parent for doing so. As a 30 something who grew up in the dawning age of the internet, I just want to affirm that I think you’re doing the right thing! When I had a written diary as a v young 90s kid, my mom affirmed that she would respect my privacy with it and I always believed her (rightly so). She taught me to be wary on the internet and not give my info to strangers but never checked up on me (on our shared dialup desktop lol, tho I did check over my shoulder a lot as I discovered fanfic as a teenager…) I know todays concerns with the internet and phones also include checking up on what kids are doing with their friends but I have to say that again good parenting and respecting your kids to come to you can work! My mom was the one I trusted to help out when my friend needed a pregnancy test in high school (she would have been in physical danger from her parents had they known she was sexually active). Giving your kids skills and allowing them to exercise them on their own is indeed good! Fuck surveillance!

Oh my gosh, anon, thank you for taking the time to send me this!

I live somewhere where the conversations are much more "which is the best tracking system" and much less "what is an appropriate amount to be tracking my kids and looking at their phones."

I mean, I *do* track my kids via find my iPhone occasionally (usually because they don't know the address of where I'm picking them up haha). But I tend to really trust my kids, and I've worked hard to build a good relationship with them - I know they don't tell me everything but also? They're teenagers! That's developmentally appropriate (and they get SO MAD when I tell them that HAA). They also talk a LOT to each other, and I feel really glad about that.

But I have to say, they tell me a LOT OF STUFF about what they're seeing, reading, talking about with friends (and like, I know they're on Ao3, my daughter was giving me Wolfstar recs! Also, they know I'm on tumblr and they know I write, and we have a "don't ask don't tell" policy when it comes to my stuff - I have asked them not to read it and beyond that, I don't know or want to know).

I asked my daughter, should I be giving you closer oversight? Should I be checking your phone? and she was like "Mom, I'mma be honest with you, all that's going to teach me is how to lie and how to hide stuff." And I was like, yeah ok. That's valid. Honestly, both my boys are so introverted, I'm less worried about them, and my biggest is going to college anyway, so like - he's technically an adult! We've had the rule with my daughter that on social media, she needs to know the people she's connected with (snap and insta) and have her accounts private, and I believe she has done so. She does tell me what I'm allowed or not allowed to do on her insta - "you can like this one mom but DO NOT COMMENT" which I think is hilarious.

Anyway, I guess all this to say - there's certainly no one right way to parent and so much depends on the kids you have but I decided a long time ago to be really transparent with my kiddos about who I am (I mean, in an appropriate way - they know I have some Trauma but I haven't, for example, ever talked to them in any sort of detail about it), my thought processes about stuff, why I make the decisions I do, and I really work to own it when I screw up. I think they know me in a very real way and I think I know them well too.

Thank you so much for your thoughts, I really appreciate them!

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interlagosed · 2 years

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good eve hibi, i was wondering if you, as an academic queen, have any advice for dissertation writing/planning?? im starting mine this week and am bricking it tbh

also, do you have a ko-fi or similar?? i tried the present at on your blog but i didn't really wanna give your dash crabs lol

ahhh first off please don't worry about ko-fi!! i briefly had tips enabled but i got rid of them since i'm getting paid at my job and am very secure right now Alhamdulillah <3 but thank you so so much for asking!

re: advice......SOOOO much advice. pre-diss writing bricking-it is so fucking real. it's genuinely paralyzing lol. couple of tips to start so you're not overwhelmed:

PREEMPTIVELY take a look at your sources. make sure you're using a good citation manager! i've been using zotero for six years and i would die without it. read your sources before you start writing in earnest! annotate generously and make sure you have a decent organizational system--either color coordinated for argument or section, or otherwise pulling out useful quotes and concepts with page numbers in a separate document. this will save you when you're in the middle of writing and suddenly forget what you're on about/get stuck. tagging your sources will be helpful here too!!

write a skeleton of your paper! think of this as a slightly more fleshed out (hah) version of an outline. i'm actually working on this right now so i'll put that below. but basically, you want to have your arguments, at least your draft arguments, written out either in bullets or in a sentence. This is going to save your LIFE. make sure it's a separate document that you can keep referring back to and, as you review your sources and think things through, that you can add stuff into. It's okay if your arguments change. Just write SOME arguments as a starting point.

create a plan for every day/week working BACKWARDS from your deadline and build in BREAKS. the reason i say work backwards instead of forwards is bc it helps you reverse engineer a perfect progression. building in breaks does two things: 1) literally you need a break from your diss especially if you're pissed off at it you nEED to be able to walk away for a FULL DAY at least otherwise you're going to panic and never want to write ever again lol; 2) if you fall behind on your plans, you have some overflow days that you can tap into so that you don't fall too-too behind. usually the thing about paralysis is that you just don't really know where to start? this tells you exactly where to start and where to end.

don't spin your wheels on one section. you don't HAVE to write your paper in the order that someone would read it. if you don't want to write an introduction, that's fine; start mid-paragraph in a different section. this is especially helpful if you're like working on washing the dishes or brushing your teeth and you have a really good idea all of a sudden and need to put it SOMEWHERE.

DO NOT LEAVE CITING UNTIL THE END DO NOT DO THIS DO NOT DO THIS DO NOT DO THIS you will inevitably do this. to make it slightly less painful, at least put in a [CITE X HERE] rather than just [CITE]. that way you have a rough idea for where to look for your source. if you've done the first tip well, this will be made EVEN less painful.

ok this is enough for now oajglkajg i have so many feelings lol GOOD LUCK LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES!!!

#hibi answers #hibi advises #??? sure

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rachymarie · 3 months

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Ngl I'm feeling proud of myself because yesterday i came across a post that nearly triggered me into reblogging or commenting and disagreeing with it. But i recognized that OP was a jerk and would just spit vitriolic insults at me like they were doing to anyone who dared to question them. And I didn't wanna give them more notes, especially if they were lashing out at innocent mentally ill folks. (They insulted a depressed person calling them an "absolute tarpit" or something, which kudos to them for coming up with that cos it's kinda funny but I'm motre concerned that it's not ok to bully mentally ill folks who are struggling, especially if you are claiming to have all the answers to mental illness/being some mental health warrior 🙄

I even had some tags written out

But then i was like, no you know what? I've got enough on my plate already i don't need to engage with people with negative energy like that (not in a LoA kind of way). I hope they don't see this cos i can't be bothered arguing.

Kinda scared to be found by abusive OP but it was the one about (allegedly) them not being a "just try goat yoga to improve your mental illness" person but then proceeding to list a whole bunch of lifestyle things that many of us with severe mental illness have ALREADY TRIED and often aren't capable of keeping up all of it simultaneously long term. I mean executive function, avolition (broken rewards system), anhedonia etc exist. And also said that vegetables are actually "cheap" lol idk man we are in a cost of living crisis and people having to choose rent over food etc.

And in fact i tried to "get some sun" for my health and my skins health a few weeks ago and got horrifically sunburnt after only about 20 minutes in the same spot. I looked like a fried lobster. And that's a reality for a lot of us

Also the post is kinda bold to assume many of us aren't already doing/have done those things to no avail. We are not just lazy

Idk I may be being a bit defensive or a whiney b**** or whatever they wanna call me but ima keep trying my best bc I'm not stupid as they seem to think, i know all that stuff is healthy and i wanna be healthy but that don't make it any easier to do than say and I'm not gonna beat myself up or let other rando on the internet beat me up over not being mentally ill correctly basically

Idk sometimes the worst kinda people can end up with these big-notes posts and you should.take what they say wirh a grain of salt. Also I did conclude the post is Not For Me.

And no you are not "stupid" for not trying these things, you're just struggling and it sucks. I think those people come from privilege honestly because actually some of us have serious issues and just need to be medicated up to our eyeballs i guess 🤷‍♀️ don't listen to bullies you are awesome and I'm sure you have tried your best given the circumstances

#callout #there now i feel better #keep on keeping on #the struggle is real

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dois-funnyzone · 1 year

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Ok I'm making a new pinned post let's go

Hello, I am Mayor. This is my account where I reblog a bunch of shit and occasionally talk and self-promote my art.

This is essentially my "main" blog so you'll see me in your notifications, but I'd much prefer you follow my art account @mayordea since that's where I post all my original stuff.

(I used to post my art here at the beginning, but I reblogged so much shit that it just made everything messy. Just to make that clear).

Now if the stuff I reblog entertains you then I guess there's no harm in following for that. Yeah!

~~~

I also have a very obnoxious tagging system for all my reblogs. Which will be gathered here Funny Shit - Real knee slappers RB Art - Art that isn't mine Misc Stuff - Doesn't fall in the other two categories Mayor Doidles - Art that is mine, AKA self promo from my art account Mayor Talk - I say things to myself (i post literally nothing of value here. block this tag if you wish)

I also have some fandom tags that i post in. sometimes i forget to tag things but what can be done vocaloid - miku is the songwriter of all time (note: i use vocaloid as an umbrella term for all vocal synth stuff, so you might see some synthv things going on in there too) 8path 2 - i got really excited when the sequel came out that i felt the need to categorize it yes yes THEEE jojoland - posts involving the ongoing ninth part of jojos bizarre adventure. i dont post about this much but a new part was so exciting i made a tag for it anyway. i sometimes (very sparsely) rb other jojo stuff but i was too lazy to tag them lol fe - f*re emblem.... the robinator - that stupid fucking tactician from fire emblem awakening super smash bros that through some freak accident i got really attached to and now i rb a lot of stuff involving them..

i like other fandoms but i dont feel like tagging them so these will be all ya get

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kageyuji · 3 years

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accidentally grabbing his crush’s ass

⤷ kuroo, bokuto, iwaizumi, akaashi, kageyama ; gn!reader

tags: the title of these hcs lol, vague sexual innuendos(?), kuroo’s is kind of friends to ass-grabbing if you squint

notes: i did hcs like this a while back if these feel familiar, plagiarism isn’t sexy <3 although reblogs are highly appreciated

━━ KUROO

kenma was not a good wingman. at all.

but he tried his best </3

which was why he had invited both you and kuroo to hang out with him, the three of you were friends after all

kenma had planned on “accidentally” locking you two in a room together

what kenma hadn’t planned on was kuroo embarrassing himself before kenma even had the chance to put his plan in action

kuroo was crouched on the floor trying to fix kenma’s gaming system (god knows why it chose today to eat the game card)

he was completely unaware you were standing behind him and, somehow, in his peripheral he had assumed you were kenma’s desk chair

reaching behind himself to grab the chair and pull it over so he could sit in it, his eyes and one hand were still occupied

the other hand was now on your ass

it doesn’t register in his mind at first, he just knows that whatever he’s grabbing it isn’t the chair he thought

he literally turns his head slowly and when he looks at you hes like 😃

“ahah whoops”

“i’m so sorry, i was reaching for the chair”

“kuroo your hand is still on my ass”

he takes his hand away and then apologizes again but there is no hope for him, not when he is red to the tips of his ears

not to mention kenma, who is snickering a few feet away from the cataclysm that just unfolded infront of him

━━ BOKUTO

bokuto koutarou: king of not paying attention to what he is doing

especially not around you, he’s so focused on being perfect to impress you that he often ends up ignoring the minor things — the things that make you realize just how clumsy but sweet he actually is

you’d went to watch him at practice, who were you to turn him down when he said you were welcome to come?

plus, the entire team knew about his crush (it was hard not to with how much he talked about you) and they wanted to meet the person who always made their captain so starstuck and giddy

his eyes were focused on the volleyball court; he couldn’t look at you, he was putting on a serious act in hopes that you’d like him

that’s why when he reached behind himself for a volleyball he accidentally grabbed your ass

immediately realizes what he’s done, turns around and starts apologizing

he gets all pouty as well. he thinks you won’t like him now, even worse he thinks he’s offended you and now you hate him

“i didn’t mean- y/n, i swear i was grabbing a ball, i would never- :(((“

please tell him it’s ok he looks so sad

━━ IWAIZUMI

hajime iwaizumi: king of not paying attention to what he’s doing part 2

it’s not that he’s inherently oblivious to everything, he just. notices what needs to be noticed and passes over everything else

but he hadn’t heard you walk into the gym, hadn’t seen you sit on the bench in front of him when he knelt down beside his gym bag

oikawa knew you were there, so of course he smiled and loudly called “iwa-chan!”

iwaizumi, of course, went to stand up and grabbed at the bench to help himself

the bench he didn’t realize you were sitting on

so when he grabbed your waist, he also was pulling you to him. unintentionally, of course, but he was doing it nonetheless

which ended up with you falling (or rather, being dragged) off the bench and into iwa’s lap

both of you have to take a moment to process what just happened

eventually you both come to the realization that you’re sitting between his legs with his hands still somewhat on your hips and somewhat on your ass

he doesn’t want to push you off of him, but you’re currently still trying to process the situation and not moving

so he takes his hands from under your ass and slips away from behind you

“i uhm... i’m sorry, y/n. i didn’t see you, i thought i was grabbing the bench-”

“it’s alright iwa! accidents happen.”

he’ll never admit that he’s blushing. oikawa, makki, and mattsun laughing does not help the red tint in his cheeks though

━━ AKAASHI

bless his heart omg,,,, anyways SHDBSJDB

bokuto is a good wing man!! or at least he thinks he is 😀

but he had successfully talked you into coming to practice with him and akaashi

there wasn’t much convincing to do though, considering you had had a crush on akaashi for ages and would jump at any opportunity to be around him

but nevertheless, akaashi was setting for bokuto as always. the bin of volleyballs he always had was right beside him

...except it was on the opposite side he was used to, being that bokuto had insisted it be moved so you could stand near akaashi

he reached behind himself for a ball, but accidentally grabbing your ass instead

he realizes his mistake as soon as hes made it

even though he takes his hand back and is already stumbling out an apology, he has to turn and look at you because oh my god he did not just do that,,, oh no he did

eventually he manages to sting enough words together that it sounds something like an apology — he is sorry, he’s just far too embarrassed by what just happened to form a proper sentence

“it’s ok! don’t worry, things happen. i know you didn’t mean it” and suddenly akaashi knows that hes in deep

“uhm- yeah, sorry again. maybe you can just hand me the balls from now on ok?”

━━ KAGEYAMA

either kageyama was going to kill hinata or hinata was going to kill him, he didn’t mind which came first

hinata had invited both of you to a restaurant with him, and then ditched just as soon as you and kageyama had both arrived

of course, to you it was just bad timing. to kageyama however, he knew this was hinata’s attempt to get you to closer

kageyama tobio, who had no clue how to talk to his crush, was going to sit in a restaurant alone with you

much to his surprise though, he found himself enjoying your company. you were much kinder and easier to talk to than he had imagined in his mind, that much was clear

but of course he had to mess up. and of course it was in the most (though unintentional) perverted way

he reached to hold the door open for the people behind you whenever you were leaving but had miscalculated where you were walking

meaning he had his hand rested on your ass instead of the door

he jerks his hand back like a man scalded almost as soon as it happens

he’s stuttering and mumbling out an apology as well. it’s barely coherent, but you were laughing too hard anyways

please stop laughing he wants nothing more than to crawl into a hole and never have to face you again

“kags! it’s ok, seriously. it’s more funny than weird i promise. take me out again and we’ll call it even, alright?”

kageyama.exe has stopped working

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morkofday · 2 years

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Bad Buddy and Gifted AU???????????? i know mejomonster would probably love to see that too

and u know that i'm always down for anything involving a william show >:)

<3 <3 <3

brigiiidd ♥♥ the love of my life 🥰

(placing under a cut bc this got so long! sorry)

ok yeah so i have this fully-fledged bad buddy x the gifted au in my brain that is half based on all the ohmnanon dramas i've come to watch after bad buddy plus all the things i hope the gifted would've been instead of. well. what it was 😬 the concept was super cool but i didn't really like their execution lol

but i have powers for the main six, i have backstories for most of them. i have figured out some of the struggles they go through! also yes this is a mutant au basically and of course that means there's a ton of Angst and things get way rougher than in the gifted. also the school system or whatever is more Nuts bc i said so. also bc i love mutant aus and the mutants always breaking free and lowkey starting a revolution or something. not just the small scale struggle they had going on in the gifted smh

(also as a side note, i have seen at least two other the gifted aus for bad buddy and both were really good so! idk if i really would have any place there so am happy to keep this in my own head basically :') i can just go feral every time i think about what i could write for them haha)

if i can talk about the powers i have figured out, then they go as:

pran - can control soundwaves which basically means that he can a) hear very well (at first involuntarily which is kind of rough), b) use sound as a weapon and c) talk to ppl who are far away

pat - a type of power sealing power? he can make others' powers disappear by touch. usually, the effect lasts only for a while but he can make it permanent too (has done this only by accident for now). my initial plan for him was him being some type of "shield" against powers but that felt too much like bella swan. so now he's this. tho i feel like he still gets parts of the "shield" idea bc i thought that at some point he might be able to develop his power into using it at will to just block others' powers when they try to use them

wai - can control senses so hallucinations, sensory deprivation, all that. if it's subtle he can just make ppl believe basically anything bc they thought they sensed it. if it's violent enough, he could kill ppl.

korn - super strength. lowkey a cliche but i like this. he can probably develop his power into being lowkey indestructible. he probably also heals fast.

pha - can control earth. she is the reason the jindapat siblings discover their powers. she suddenly gets a temper tantrum at ten and breaks their living room floor. bc pat is her biological brother, it is considered most likely that he will develop a power too. it takes him a year before he discovers that what he thought was just his social skill at calming down ppl is actually his ability to make their powers vanish for a moment.

ink - able to read and manipulate emotions. kind of like claire in the gifted but more extreme. she usually uses her skill to help others but she can be terrifying if someone does her wrong. ever cried so hard your heart gave out? not fun.

and that's about it. i have some meetings and conflicts figured out outside of their powers. also i think these could make very nice dynamics to explore. (tagging @mejomonster to this too if you're right and they wish to see this!)

then the novoland thing bc i assume you meant that lol (or does my dreamwalker au include fo ye? you'll never know. at least ba ye is there)

i think you have read everything i have for that currently 😔 i still think about how zhou youdu will fit into the dynamic with the other two. also thinking about how william probably dies in this too. i was not that fond of his character as you might know lol he was a major asshole and i don't think he deserved to "get the girl" at the end but well. i guess he deserved something. also he needs to apologize to so many ppl and i plan on doing that bc wth why was he allowed to just Get Away With It dammit.

thank you so much for asking brigid ♥ i love you!

#the bad buddy x the gifted au is something that keeps me afloat ok #watching all these ohmnanon dramas has made me Feral #like have you seen nanon in the gifted or in blacklist?#the faces that boy makes?? delicious whump #i want to whump pran so bad #and bad buddy doesn't really offer us that bc that drama is Soft #and i cannot give anything but nice things to pran there #so au it is haha #and what an au it is ok i have come to majorly Wreck His Ass #the boy in this au is so angsty he wishes i was not in love with him #bc wow does he get hurt by his own power #he struggles with it so much #also it's been fun trying to come up with like #the reasons why some things that happen in bad buddy happen in this #like why does pran have to leave school when their parents aren't really involved in any of this in the au?#well i think it's bc he accidentally hurts someone with his powers #and is deemed too dangerous to attend this normal school #and well he and pat know each other then #and are kind of friends and kind of close #and then pat is left behind bc well his power isn't really dangerous #his power is Good #and then pran meets wai in the facility he ends up in #and wai is Dangerous too #and they bond over this #before somehow pat ends up there too #and they meet up again #and this time it's not just friendship but they Fall In Love #bc what will be sadder than loving someone in that type of environment #where they cannot be sure what happens to any of them

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kbsd · 3 years

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not sure if you’ve answered this before, but what’s your process look like when you make an amv? i’m just curious and in constant awe of ppl who can make videos like you do :)

hello all!!! i have answered this before and i have a vid help tag with other asks i’ve gotten about stuff like this! but i’ve gotten several more messages along these lines so i’m just going to answer a bunch of them together (under a cut since i love to ramble about editing lol). i do just wanna say i’m definitely not the authority on video editing and obv everyone has their own techniques!

edit: i just finished typing all this up and it’s SO long so sorry in advance LMAO god bless anyone who reads this entire thing

so i work in news tv and we have a very specific workflow for writing scripts, sourcing video, producing, and editing. i’ve just applied that to making amvs! for every video i make, i copy the song lyrics into a google doc and adjust them to match the song i’ve cut (i often will trim songs for time and/or content purposes). then i start planning! i’ll mark down what clip i want to use for each lyric next to that line, and any sound bites i want to use (with episode numbers!). i’ll color code between video and sound bites and lyrics, so my scripts end up looking something like this (for my honeybee amv):

doing the planning ahead of time makes everything much easier when it’s a video that spans the whole show or involves a lot of sourcing, like honeybee or sports analogies. that way when i get to the actual editing process, i already know what i’m going to do and have a game plan. for videos like happy ending or believe it or not, where i’m mainly just pulling from a few episodes, i can just plan it in my head as opposed to writing it all down, and produce as i edit. obviously i do make in-the-moment decisions while editing—sometimes a shot doesn’t work the way i thought it would, or i go where the video takes me—but planning ahead definitely helps. i know some people use spreadsheets as well, with columns for lyrics, video clips, and sound bites if applicable. once you find a system that works, it actually goes pretty quickly.

as for sourcing clips themselves/finding clips within episodes, i talked about that here and kind of here. the short version is that transcripts are a must, and the supernatural wiki is hugely helpful by cataloguing all the hugs, prayers, phone calls, etc. in the show. gifmakers that tag episode numbers on their posts are your friends. it gets easier the more video you make—that’s another huge reason i make the google docs for each video (even the ones i plan in my head, i end up going back and making a loose script with episode notes just for reference). if i can’t remember where something is but i know i used it in another video, i can easily reference past scripts!

i also cut all my videos in the same project in premiere pro, so i can flip between them easily. instead of checking a past script, i can just go to the video sequence itself and copy the clip i’m looking for! this was especially helpful when i match cut together the 5x18 and 4x22 wall slam shots for my bestie video, and then stole it from myself for honeybee hahaha. at any given time i have at least 8 sequences open:

because of the sheer volume of videos i make, it’s worth it for me to download the entire show—i have all 327 episodes in HD, plus deleted scenes. if you think you’re only going to make a few videos, i’d start with scene packs. you can usually just google “destiel [or whatever ship/character you’re looking for] scene packs” and there will be any number of ones you can download. if you need other specific scenes, you can always download/torrent individual episodes or screen record netflix (that’s what i did before i got HD download links). i’m happy to share my links if you DM, but be warned it’s a lot of disk space (about 500GB on my hard drive). someone also compiled every destiel scene, downloadable here.

having every episode already loaded in premiere for all my projects also makes it a lot easier to source clips. once i use a clip in a video, i’ll put a marker on the episode file, so that after a while i have most of the important scenes/lines marked to easily find them. to give you an idea, this is my episode file in premiere for 12x10 lily sunder has some regrets (markers at destiel scenes, the car fight, hot girl cas, etc.). markers are the green tabs along the bottom:

premiere also lets you color code and name markers, so ONE DAY i will go back and color code them all. the ones above are all the same color, but in a perfect world, i’d have a myraid—for destiel shots like hugs, touches, looks; for important pieces of dialogue; for action shots; etc. but for now this works ok for me, so that’s a project for another time!

between detailed scripts, one giant premiere project, markers, the wiki, and my own memory, i have so many points of reference that i can usually find any clip i need in about 2 minutes max. sound bites are often harder to start out, or tiny specific shots i haven’t used before, and that’s when i turn to tumblr gifsets or beloved mutuals to crowdsource. but if you’re as obsessive about marking/keeping neat scripts as i am, it gets easier and easier with every video you make. that’s part of why i’m able to cut videos together so quickly. (also i want to stress i do this for a living and have to produce/edit a new piece for my show every day so i’m used to it. and compared to constantly updating content/sources and news that changes every day, 327 highly documented episodes that never change are much easier to handle hahaha)

this is all great for me since i make so many videos and plan to continue doing so, but if you’re only making a few, this level of work isn’t worth it imo. really it’s all about developing a system that works for you. whatever you do with episodes/sourcing, though, i cannot recommend planning things out in a script ahead of time enough.

everything i just mentioned is producing, though. for the editing process, i usually do it in this order:

music first. any parts i want to cut, i make sure it all sounds smooth

then soundbites. i usually try to weave them into the lyrics—i have characters talk in breaks between lines or instrumental sections as much as possible. i’ll sometimes go so far as looped/extending an intsrumental part to make room for the soundbite i want there lol. if i do have dialogue over a line, i do the sound mixing/levels at this point as well to make sure everything is audible/one doesn’t overpower the other. (also i always include the video that goes with these bites when i drop them in, and decide later if i want to show the character speaking or have other clips cover the dialogue)

once i have all the audio locked in, then i bring in all my other video clips. sometimes i edit completely chronologically, sometimes jumping from section to section—it depends on the song or how i’m feeling

double check sound mixing. i usually listen to my videos through a few times, with headphones and without to make sure it’ll sound good no matter how people watch it

once i have picture and audio lock, i go through and color correct my clips. i’m basic and just use lumetri color in premiere, and usually just play with brightness, saturation, temperature, and tint until i like it

render and export! :)

i always have several audio tracks, but i try to keep my video tracks condensed. i’ll drop clips on a V2 level, and edit a section there, and drop the whole chunk down to V1 so i know it’s finished. that way when i leave and come back i can know where i left off/what’s done/etc. to give you an idea, this is the timeline for my what the hell video:

i always render as H.264 with high bitrate, and make sure to check “render at maximum depth” and “use maximum render quality” for the best quality. i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the equivalent options are in final cut, imovie, kdenlive, etc. i post on youtube mostly so i don’t have to sacrifice quality, but usually just using a lower bitrate will get you under the tumblr file size limit and it’ll still look good.

as for the anon who asked about “polishing”: first of all, thank you!! second of all, it’s in the details. all of this is a matter of taste and my own insanity, but here are some little things i always try to do:

after i color correct, i blur out any credits from the starts of episodes. i use gaussian blur for this, but really any blur tool works

as much as possible, i avoid clips where we see a character’s mouth move but don’t hear the words. in tv/film we call it “lip flap” and i just think it looks messy. also i’m trained to avoid it at all costs at work hahaha. it’s more for serious videos that this matters a lot to me (e.g. i think i did a really good job eliminating lip flap in my happy ending amv)—for comedy videos i don’t sweat it as much

i put audio fades on the start and end of every single audio clip i use, even if i don’t think i need it, to make sure everything sounds smooth

i use markers for timing, especially in action-y videos like what the hell. i’ll put a marker on the clip i’m using at the exact moment a punch lands, and in the song on the beat. if i have the magnet/snap in timeline tool on i can just easily snap them together instead of having to spend time finagling it

this is such a small thing but i dip/cut to black for a tiny bit at the start and end of every video. this way if i post with tumblr video player, there’s black between the loops, and it gives you a beat before the video restarts. i do this even on videos i post on youtube, just because i think it looks nicer/more professional

this is 1,500 words so i’m going to stop myself before i pull something. if you have follow-up questions feel free to ask and i’ll continue to add them to the vid help tag, but any more questions about sourcing clips or my process in general i’ll just link this post going forward. anyone who made it this far, i am sending to a telepathic kiss. thank you for reading and happy editing!

#i typed this all up at 4am so i'm just scheduling it to post sometime today #ask #vid help

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chaotic-bells · 3 years

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I was tagged by @imbellarosa and @justalarryblog 😊 thank you! And sorry for the delay and rambling lol

my check in tag

This is a bit long... so I’ll just add the break not to bother people with my ramblings.

1. Why did you choose your url? I created tumblr because of a fanfic, and I've been reading them since I was 11. And I will always love fanfic. Fanfic is the answer to all life's problems and bad canons. I can't imagine living in the world where I don't have fanfic to continue a world I love or to fix issues in a world that was promising, or just to wait until the next bit of canon came out. You have to imagine I started reading fanfic when there were only 2 Harry Potter books available and I was waiting for the translation of the third one (that came out end of 2000, and yes I was reading fics by then). So yeah... I wanted something related to fanfics, and I really am terrible about online identities. Probably should've used something more creative, but oh well. I like it well enough now, it is one that applies to all fandoms I love.

2. Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them. Yes, I have @randomsideposts as my attempt to create a tag system and save my favorite posts. I failed. I also have @kenshin-and-maki for my cats, and a third unnamed one as sort of a journal/vent blog, for those times I just need to write stuff down and I don't want to keep things to myself. No one follows me and that's the way I like it. It's kind of dark.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? A year and a half only lol a baby by Tumblr standards.

4: Do you have a queue tag? Me? Organization? What? Jokes aside, I don't really like queueing stuff. I'm either here or I'm not. I'll schedule a post for a random future time, just so I don't forget the post, but a time I know I'll be online to interact with it/the reactions to it. I do that when (for example) Louis posts and I see posts that are not related to that that I'd like to reblog, but not right at that moment.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? Because of a cute Larry fic where Louis and Harry become mutuals without knowing they're the other one. I liked the dynamic they described of how Tumblr worked and I wanted to see if it really was like that, because my previous experiences with Tumblr were... confusing enough that I didn't stick around for more than 20 minutes.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? It's Louis and Liam, who are definitely my favorites. Don't get me wrong, I love all the boys, but Liam and Louis (and their friendship) are just really special to me. And this pic is just... so cute. Also, @whatagreatproblemtohave and @evilovesyou demanded either me or @promisethatillnevertell change our profile picture, and that we should duel to see who would keep it because it was getting confusing lol (it was one of the outtakes of the House of Solo photoshoot). I would never fight Lou so I changed it. And I love it because it has my two boys 😁💕

7. Why did you choose your header? Because the livestream was so awesome and even if it's blurry i like it. Also, I never use the desktop version of Tumblr so it's probably a mess, but I like what I see on my mobile so it'll stay.

8. Whats your post with the most notes? Probably my Youtube comments about Louis? I know it has over 1k notes, which... wow. Also, my little wistful post about keeping the livestream format after lockdown did ok too.

9. How many mutuals do you have? No clue, but I love them all.

10. How many followers do you have? 900 or so.

11. How many people do you follow? 654 blogs

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? Who hasn't?

13. How often do you use tumblr a day? No clue, dozens of times. I won't scroll too far down, just enough to distract me for a couple minutes while I'm waiting for something to load or if my brain needs a break from work.

14. Did you once have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won? I've argued before with a Liam blog at the end of the LP Show 2, but it was a misunderstanding, I didn't express myself the way I wanted to. Pretty sure a bunch of Liam blogs have me blocked because of it still. Other than that, I'm pretty peaceful, and I really try to just stay out of drama.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts? I hate them. It is a passive aggressive way of someone thinking their opinion is better than yours, usually has a comment like "if you don't reblog you don't care about this" or "I don't care if it doesn't fit my blog asthetic, I'll reblog it anyway". Congrats? Do you want a star for it? I'll reblog it if I think it has important information, despite these annoying comments, but only once. If it's a post I've seen multiple times, then everyone saw it multiple times.

16. Do you like tag games? Love them, but recently I've been a bit lax. Once you start saving them in your drafts, it snowballs into unmanageable levels.

17. Do you like ask games? I love them, but whenever I reblog one I only get 1 or 2 asks. :(

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I... don't really care enough about that to keep track lol

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? Yes, but I won't put them on the spot

20. Tags? I don’t know if you’ve done this before, so feel free to ignore it? As usual @promisethatillnevertell @whatagreatproblemtohave @technicallysideacc @maybe-i-missyou @vintageumbroshirt @thedevilinmybrain @beckydoesthings

#tag games

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jenivi7 · 3 years

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writing tag game!

Thank you @clyde-side and @bdeblueyes for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22 plus a small handful on ff.net that I still intend to move over to AO3.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

30,445! I’m surprised it’s that much considering how short most of those stories are. (And it’s a little deceptive since it doesn’t include the 80k monstrosity that is Ryou and the Thief. That one’s probably going to stay on ff.net though.)

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Those Things He Keeps for Himself (Total agreement. Personally I think this is the best thing I’ve written so far.)

Human (Was at #1 until very recently! I attribute this entirely to the story being on @shinayashipper’s Rivalshipping Rec List. Thank you Red! <3 )

Black (From when I wandered into Homestuck fanfic for a brief time! I’m still stupid proud of this one though.)

Ghosts, Goths and Other Anxieties (original short story) (I swear I’ll get back to posting the big bang version soon)

Finality (This one’s so old but I guess people still like their tendershipping! I mean, same~)

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do try to respond to everything! I so appreciate when other authors respond to me and do my best to return that good good energy. Also I genuinely like chatting with people (especially about something I wrote lol) even if I get overwhelmed sometimes and can be slow ^^;

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

This is a tough one cause when I start a story, it’s usually with the goal of giving the characters a happy end but it’s probably Coffee and Cigarettes. It was for a pairings competition where the random pairing was Mana/TK Bakura and I gave them a weird little break in the middle of canon where they both know what’s about to happen and it just came out sad. NO WAIT I’M WRONG. Lol I just gave my story list another look and it’s definitely Crazy for You! That was an insane asylum AU that’s ABOUT everything going straight to shit.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oh goodness, almost all of them! I love a happy ending. Like, the story doesn’t have to be all fluff, it can have an impossible looking problem or be about two people who just don’t go well together but I love a good, satisfying resolution. Most recent happy ending is No Betting, just a bit of adorable, domestic, peachshipping fluff. Favorite happy end is probably A Million Missed Chances, Mai/Valon. I feel like Mai is a challenging character to give a happy ending to. She’s just stubborn like that <3

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

So, I haven’t written a crossover yet by myself but @miss-moberg and I will often throw around ideas for ones where we will use YGO characters or parts of the world building or magic system to fix things we don’t like in other canons. Right now we have a RP that’s a BNHA/YGO crossover where… oh, spoilers for BNHA: instead of going crazy and faking his own death, Toya grabs both his brothers and just fucking leaves. They run away to Domino, get picked up by Ryou and Akeifa (TK Bakura) and it quickly becomes the found family story I didn’t know I needed. We do some wild things blending the two canons. Domino is this little pocket where shadow magic keeps the hero and villain nonsense out and the citizens are pretty ok with it. Yugi and Atem are the city’s guardians. Ryou and Akeifa are not allowed to use shadow magic though they have access to it. I think Ryou and Yugi had proper quirks that they sacrificed to the shadows at some point, each for something different thing that they wanted or needed. Oh! We have quirks being derived from shadow magic at some point in the distant past and the shadows are always happy to take a quirk back to fulfill a wish or desire. They’re tricky though and usually corrupting. Very classic fairytale where it’s a thing you don’t want to make a deal with. Seto is quirkless and basically runs the city behind the scenes. He can’t deny the existence of heroes and villains but still refuses to believe in magic. This always gives Atem a headache when they have to coordinate to protect the city. Which is often.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A couple criticisms but no outright hate I don’t think. Or if I have it was so long ago I don’t remember. I was on ff.net at the worst times too and somehow all the hate just passed me by.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I love smut so much but I rarely write it. For stories I just usually end up with one or two erotic sentences. RPs are the exceptions to that though and are where all the good stuff happens. >.>

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope. Haven’t had one stolen, haven’t had one taken down. I’ve stayed small enough to fly under the radar for both things luckily enough!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I wish! Man that would be amazing <3

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Ryou and the Thief is a cleaned up version of @miss-moberg and my very first RP. (And the only RP of ours to ever hit an actual ending.)

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Puzzle with Gemshipping very close behind though I ship many, many things.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Phoenix. It was one of my very first fanfics started almost 15 years ago and while I’d love to finish everything, that one’s just not going to happen. It’s been too long and I’ve grown way too much as a writer to go back to it now.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think it’s dialogue. And maybe the ability to be amusing. Not funny-funny but like, lightly humorous when setting scenes or winding up to something.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

RUN ON SENTENCES. Sometimes they get away from me a bit XD

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Haaaa, actually when I first started writing fanfic I would throw in Japanese phrases and honorifics and looking back, it’s pretty cringe. BUT I can appreciate it as it was originally intended: learning and practicing a new language. If it makes sense for the character or situation though it’s really cute, like in Allargando by Slaycinder where Atem uses Arabic endearments for Seto. (Have I gushed about that fic on my blog yet? It’s so good.) Ancient Egyptian is the exception to everything I just said. I absolutely LOVE when someone takes a stab at putting ancient Egyptian in their fic. I go a little feral for it and it was the hardest but the most fulfilling thing about writing Ryou and the Thief was doing all the research write actual AE dialogue for Akeifa early in the fic.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh. I’ve done a handful of things for other fandoms but Ygo is the one I keep coming back to and definitely the one I’ve written the vast majority for.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh no this is hard! They’re all my babies and I love them! Probably my favorites have been listed in previous questions already. Ryou and the Thief because of the sheer amount of work that went into it and the fact that we ran the boys through a whole ass adventure, Coffee and Cigarettes because it’s such a fun, quirky little thing with a great atmosphere and Those Things He Keeps For Himself because I feel like I was able to really capture the idea in my head effectively and there’s some great imagery in it.

TAGGING: Oh my god this took me so long to finally sit down and complete that probably everyone I would tag has done it already! So not tagging anyone this time but please do it if it seems fun!

#tag game #writing #putting this in jenific because it has so many links in it #jenific #ygo

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bigsteeb · 4 years

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this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time.

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that.

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck.

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

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one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk lmao sdngsjfhg #this episode fucked me up in more ways than one #i dont even think ill simmer down about it before next weeks episodes either #it was… a lot... to listen & deal with #i care deeply about steven as a character #& see it being canon that he has trauma & ptsd… possible c-ptsd #it fucking breaks my heart #god dammit it crewniverse #i hope you handle this with extreme care #i trust you but still… jesus christ #steven universe #steven universe future #su spoilers #su future spoilers

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