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dawnrider · 5 months

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Hi doll! I’m sending you these asks now for your 20 yr tomorrow.

Happy 20 Years Dawn! That’s so exciting! 💕You ready for some questions, because I wanna know so much.

1. What is your favorite story you’ve written? (It doesn’t have to be completed or even posted, just one that stands out for you.)

2. Do you have any projects coming up for this next year that you’re excited about?

3. Would you rather become a famous writer, being able to make money for doing something you love, or keep writing as a hobby for the rest of your life, but still really enjoying it?

4. What made you start writing in the first place?

5. Do anybody in your life outside of tumblr/fanfiction/ao3 know you write? What was their response/how do they feel about it now?

6. Is there anything you’d like to learn? (Could be a hobby, a new technique in your writing, a skill for work, improvement for something you already do,etc.)

7. What is something most people don’t know about you?

8. If you could write one paragraph (3-5 sentences) to describe your life, your experiences, your personality, who you are, what would it say?

9. Any advice for people who write/create, new beginners or experienced ones?

10. What is a goal you wish to accomplish this next year in regard to writing?

Well hi @heynikkiyousofine! Here goes!

1. What is your favorite story you’ve written? (It doesn’t have to be completed or even posted, just one that stands out for you.)

I think it's a toss up between To Sleep Perchance to Dream, How Does Your Garden Grow, and Given. They're all pretty different, but they all try to characterize our favorite idiots as close to canon as I could get them.

2. Do you have any projects coming up for this next year that you’re excited about?

I'm always tinkering, puttering, procrastinating. I'm excited to finish up Garden, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. And Possibly Your Lying Smile, if the stars align properly. And of course, always excited for @inuparentsday in January!

3. Would you rather become a famous writer, being able to make money for doing something you love, or keep writing as a hobby for the rest of your life, but still really enjoying it?

That's a hard one. If I could still love it as much as I do and make money from it? I think that's a no brainer. But obviously the reality is a lot different. Writing doesn't pay the bills, especially not right away. So I can dream about it, but I think it will always just be a hobby, and that's ok.

4. What made you start writing in the first place?

I used to write silly stuff as a kid. Like 10/12 years old. I always wanted more story than what I read. So I made more. I started fanfiction in college though. I was inspired, was often alone, and had the free time between classes and while working overnights in my dorm.

5. Do anybody in your life outside of tumblr/fanfiction/ao3 know you write? What was their response/how do they feel about it now?

Just a neighbor friend, and now my best friend. Obviously Mister does too. My neighbor is an editor, so I asked for her help with the chapter Fundamental from Bushel and a Peck. I wanted an outside perspective and she was willing to help. My best friend I just recently told and she was very happy for me. She was amazed that I'd kept it secret for so long, but also impressed that I had done something for so long.

Mister is... He's not always that supportive. But it is what it is.

6. Is there anything you’d like to learn? (Could be a hobby, a new technique in your writing, a skill for work, improvement for something you already do, etc.)

I always dream about being able to do art. I can admit that I just don't have the patience to keep at it. I'm one of those people that doesn't stick with something if I think I suck at it. I do dabble with handwriting/hand lettering stuff and would like to work on it more.

7. What is something most people don’t know about you?

Uh.... Hell... lol I've mentioned it before, but maybe not recently. I am a swing dancer. Mainly Lindy Hop. I haven't gone as much recently with kids and COVID, but at one time I danced 4-6 nights a week. I was an instructor in my old city for years.

8. If you could write one paragraph (3-5 sentences) to describe your life, your experiences, your personality, who you are, what would it say?

I suppose I would say that I am someone who tries to take care of others, sometimes to the detriment of myself. It has been my mode of operation for most of my life. Writing is one way in which I am able to do something that is ultimately for me. (Though I share it with you all because I can and you're so kind about it!)

9. Any advice for people who write/create, new beginners or experienced ones?

Mostly that you should enjoy it. It was something we often said about dancing (as a hobby): Once it's not fun anymore, it becomes Work™. Don't make your hobby Work™. You are not obligated to anyone to create something in a certain way, in a certain timeframe, or even at all. If you choose to post your work, do it when you're ready to, not because someone is making demands of you.

10. What is a goal you wish to accomplish this next year in regard to writing?

Finishing WIPs where I can manage it. And moving older stuff from FFnet to AO3 after editing and modifying as needed.

#dawnrider fanfiction #20 year anniversary #AMA #ask me anything #writing advice

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fearandhatred · 2 months

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for tmi tuesday, from the writers Qs:

how do you come up with your fic titles?

do you listen to music while writing?

hello hello thank u for the ask <3 this is going to be unnecessarily long because i love talking about myself and my fics. sorry in advance

how do you come up with your fic titles?

ooh it really depends. i only use song lyrics occasionally if the song directly inspired the fic. if not i just go through different titles until i find one that just clicks, but usually i want the title to encompass the main theme/premise of the fic

ok none of y'all have to read this part but i'm just gonna dump all the explanations for my fic titles here because i've never explained this out loud before so i'm excited lol

transitional heart taxidermy (good omens):

i had literally ten different working titles that i wasn't fully vibing with before coming up with this one. i don't really wanna say anything about this fic because it's not finished but basically snakes have transitional hearts, which means they only have one ventricle instead of the two that humans do. but it's also a cool term even without knowing what it means because the word transitional does describe some... things... crowley goes through in this fic. and the taxidermy is kind of a metaphor of how his heart has been cut open and the insides removed and replaced with something artificial due to. circumstances :)

to sleep, perchance to dream (sandman):

ok sounds kinda basic for a sandman fic but hear me out it made so much sense for the fic i wrote (morpheus/calliope) because it was basically about yearning. long lost love. regret over losing a relationship that still means a lot to you and the emptiness and hopelessness that comes with it. and this quote in context is basically talking about suicide—if death is like sleep, then maybe there will be dreams. or something. maybe death would be more peaceful than the life i'm going through

sub-consequence (six of crows):

this was the one fic title i came up with almost immediately because i knew what the essence of the story would be. i feel like this is a completely made up concept that only makes sense to me because i have gotten confused over my reasoning for this but. the idea is that there is consequence (A happening as a result of B) and subsequence (A happening after B happens) (honestly don't even know if this is an actual word. let's just say it is). and there's a difference between these two. for some people most of the life events they go through are a result of subsequence. so it just happens to them not as a direct result of any one thing but just as life does. but the idea is that for this character (kaz brekker) his entire life is a consequence of that one thing that happened to him when he was younger (no book spoilers but Trauma), so his whole life—all his actions, his behaviour, whether conscious or not—is a direct consequence of that trauma he endured. so the fic is him gradually learning how to remove himself from that

do you listen to music while writing?

no i literally can't. i've tried but eventually i've had to turn it off to really focus and like. feel what the character feels. i can't have any sound at all usually so even instrumentals are distracting

#fearandhatred #fearandasks #fearandfics #thank u again for the ask bestie. sorry this was so long #good omens #the sandman #six of crows #writing

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teejaystumbles · 1 year

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realizing again that when I write, the best stuff just comes out? and ok, there will be mistakes and things that don't make perfect sense, but once I stop and think about it I will get lost in details, in background checks, and lose all momentum and enjoyment it gave me. So the 1889 drabble is just that. I thought what if Dream only gets there in 1916, and sat down and leafed through Overture to get the build-up correct, and then wrote a whole paragraph about it, kind of summarizing the events. But I struggled so much with having Hob at Burgess' mercy for over 30 years (still traumatized months after reading by @fishfingersandscarves fic To sleep - perchance to dream) that I don't want to write that and basically scrapped that whole idea. Let me write a rescue fic that is simple and angsty but not too bad, and I'll continue posting here as I write it so I won't have the chance to go over it and drive myself nuts with how awefully unfinished and poorly written it is. So I can either write amazing short pieces that make an awful whole, or a polished novel that will take me years and will maybe end in the drain. (the unicorn fic is NOT scrapped but I have lost momentum and fear that exactly this has happened to me, too much trying to write good, but I don't have the expertise) I will start a new post for the continuation of the 1889 thing and add links for the other parts, because I fear it will get too long otherwise. When it's done I'll put it on AO3.

#1889 drabble #own writing #dreamling #the sandman fanfiction #writing problems

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wily-one24 · 6 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @rowark (If "anyone who wants to" counts as tagging, and I am going to, so there. If that makes you angry, perhaps you need a nap?).

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 56.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,248,713.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The main ones I have written for include Profiler, Buffy, Firefly, Veronica Mars, Once Upon A Time.

And most recently Law and Order: SVU.

I have delved into other fandoms such as The Inside, Rizzoi and Isles, Supergirl, and Heroes.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Memory Cloud - 1,413

Paint It Black - 1,320

The Blue Moon - 811 (it's the smut, isn't it? I know it, you pervs).

The Waning Moon - 783

Elmo's ABCs - 744

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I respond to as many as possible. Especially if the fic is fresh. But I have responded to comments on fics that are months/years old. I do miss some comments, sometimes I'm busy and my brain says "I'll get to that later", but then my brain is... not perfect... and it forgets.

However, I love responding to comments. I have made friends in the comments. I have the best discussions in my comments.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh, geez. Like, you're asking me, the Queen of Angst? There were LJ icons with "Jacqui + Angst = OTP". Maybe if I go by fandoms? Firefly's angstiest ending was "DIdn't Mean Nothin'", but also "Pieces" had a super angsty epilogue.

Veronica Mars' angstiest ending? I mean, they were mostly angst middles, weren't they? Super dark middles with hopeful endings. Veronica did bring out the optimist in me. She was so young, she deserves her life to improve after all the shit canon put her through. I guess if I had ever finished "Bitter Revenge" it would have been a tad angsty? But there would have been hope, becauses he would have had the baby!

Swan Queen, whoo. Um, OH YEAH, "You and Me (We Wanted It All)". HA, that was angst a'plenty. Even PIB and Memory Cloud had hopeful (if not happy) endings. But that one was... just some light angst for angst sake.

I mean I only have three fics with SVU, (two of which form part of a series), and only one of which is finished. BUT, I can with confidence say that "Wicked Game" ends pretty fucking bleakly and angstily.

(okay, so I went back to my VM fic masterlist on LJ, and whew, okay, so there's a whole bunch of "exploration" fics that don't necessarily change canon, just delve into it like "Neptune CA Mother's Club" deals with the shit poor mothers in Neptune, "Courting Disaster" devles into Logan's abuse, "The Tender Bruise" and "Bruises In the Mirror" were both angst fests that didn't end happily per se. Also, "The Ghost and Mrs Mars" was... not hopeful at all. Man, I *forgot* a LOT of them).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

🤣🤣🤣

Ok, let me think. I'm assuming we're not talking smut fics? LIke, happy endings? 'Cause I have a bunch of PWPs which could be considered 'happy'. But... let's say what a reasonable person might be called happy...

I think "Sleep Perchance" was pretty optimistic and its sequel "... To Dream" was set to end in a much more positive place than it began. "Whisky Bears" was just a fun fic, drunken fun on a spaceship. What more do you want? And "Boobs" was just silly.

"The Best Deceptions"!! That was such a good fluffy sweet fic. It's a WIP, so no ending, but still. OMG, I forgot this one. It's my only real non-angst fluff fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I used the laughing so hard I cried emoji too early, didn't I?

I mean, I would say usually not. I have spent decades in fandom and Once Upon A Time was the only fandom I got hate in.

A small amount for "The Blue Moon", because apparently there was a second 'Emma as a stripper' fic and I was accused of plagiarising, but this was later rescinded because the fics were totally different.

And also when someone decided to get really spiteful and tell me they lost all respect for me because I dared to find Emma sexy instead of fetishisizing Regina for all eternity.

OBVIOUSLY, the most intense hatred I got was for Paint It Black. The vilest, most bitter things were thrown at me. In the comments, in private messages. I got death threats. I had rape wished on me. I was told my kids should be taken away. I was accused of trying to lure in lesbians only to give them 'straight cock filled depravity".

Because there was a man in one sex scene. Meanwhile, it was never listed as a purely lesbian fic, and the two ladies have canonically HAD male romantic and sexual partners in the past. So... not sure what the huge vitriol was about.

I sure did learn to TAG PROPERLY after that, though. My god.

Get a grip, fandom, get a grip.

No other fandom has been that unhealthy. At least, not for me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do. I have written both F/M and F/F. I have also written F/M/F, M/F/M, and F/F/F.

There's usually at least ONE woman involved. I have not, nor am I interested in writing M/M fics (boy parts iz icky).

Most readers find the scenes pretty hot. I tend to be descriptive and emotional when writing smut. Unless it's a PWP, there's usually a whole bunch of motivation and emotion involved. Even when it's a PWP there's usually a whole lot of characterisation in there.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I tend not to?

That said, I have written one.

It was a Heroes/Veronica Mars crossover, in which Sylar mistakes Veronica for his recently murdered (by his own hand, natch) girlfriend Elle and perhaps loses his very unstable mind over it a little. Leading to a slight case of kidnapping, Keith and Noah coupling up Buddy Cop style for some cross country chasing, super powered hijinx, and UBER ANGST. The tag line reads "What Happens when a Serial Killer and a Serial Victim Meet".

To be honest, it was kind of amazing and I loved it. It was working up to be Super Dubcon, but hadn't quite gotten there yet. I am sad that this remains a WIP. I would have loved to have finished this.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had some fics put on GoodReads, but they took them down when I asked them to.

I did have one of my fic scenes pretty much plagiarised in Firefly. What makes it worse is that they used it for a couple I hate. I let it go, though. That fic never quite got the same steam mine did. There was no point giving it attention.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of. I think it has been asked before, but I am a little wary of that sort of thing. I lose control of it if other people change it.

That said, I have had comments on my fics in a completely different language and I used Google Translate to both understand and reply. I will make the effort.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

I am jaded. I am very particular about my fics and, as said above, I do not like to lose control over them (what, control issues? Who? Me?)

I am also heavily jaded for things like fic swaps. It's my own fault, I realise this, because I would put so much effort and write thousands upon thousands of words of fic and get a 500 word piece back and it really put me off. Again, I know it's my fault, I chose to put that much effort in, but still.

Wait...I am having vague recollections of something like a fic round-robin? I could not tell you what fandom (I assume Firefly, but not sure), and certainly could never link back to it or even know how to google for it. I guess that counts? BUt I doubt it, because I can't even tell you what the fic was about or what my contribution to it was. So... no.

Hmmm, I was also involved in a Season Rewrite for Profiler back int he day, but all those fics are lost to the internet heyday and you'll never find them. Huh, I htink my episode was called "Lady In Red". (omg, THE MEMORIES).

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Geez. Asking the hard questions. I don't know. All my ships hold a place in my heart, that's why I write them. So, the answer is... I guess... if you've seen me write for that couple, then THAT couple is my favourite in that moment.

(I like, I have had a few fic requests that I've filled that haven't really been my cup of tea, Veronica/Lamb for instance, or Jayne/River, or Simon/River. I don't like them, but I have written them).

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

All of them. ALL OF THEM. I mean, "Adam's Rib" had so many stories to tell and I could have gotten lost in "The Best Deceptions" world. Omg, that was such a happy, schmoopy fic. Let me go back up to happy fics for a sec...

"... To Dream", "Bitter Revenge", and "Girl int he Mirror" will be my sadness from VM.

and ALL my SQ WIPs. "The New Moon", "A Swan Is A Beautiful Creature", "The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares)", "Subject 3662", "Blooding the Water". *sob*. I'm sorry!!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Angst.

Detail.

Lots of people comment on my phrasing and pacing. The way I string words together and have breaks and just bring forth the imagery. It's never just "and then this happened and then this happened and he put his hand here and she put her mouth there".

No matter where I am planning to go with a fic, i always start from a canon point and keep that canon history. I try to keep characerisations believable. They may get into plots and situations that they would never in canon, but I like to hope I keep their reactions believable and true.

I like to delve into the emotion of it. You know the tumblr meme "Put that guy into situations". THAT'S what I do. And then I examine the ever living fuck out of it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't have a beta reader.

Which is troublesome, because my hands don't work properly anymore. At least, not as well as they used to. I have what's called dupuytren's contracture. It's a thickening fibrous band around the tendons of the hand. My hands aren't restricted, so much at the moment, but it does slow down my pinkie fingers. Which means when I touch type, there are so many mistakes. And I can't NOT touch type.

These come out mainly in things like double capitals (ever wonder why so many times in SVU fics I have the name "LIv" and not "Liv", it's because that capital 'i' is harder to spot. If I type "THe" I see it and fix it. But my eye seems to skip over the "LIv" and "HIs" words.

It also comes out in the spaces in the wrong place. I will type t he instead of 'the', or 'ith appened' instead of 'it happened'.

I spend A LOT OF TIME, going back and editing sentences I have just written. The amount of times I have had to go back and delete/edit words just in this post alone is staggering. It makes things take twice as long.

I have had to work really hard to get back into writing. I stopped for a great deal of time, many years, because I was so bothered by this.

Add to that, the kidney failure gives me brain fog, so I have to spend a lot of time trying to remember the specific words I want to use. For someone who uses words INSTRINSICALLY, knowing there is a specific word I want and not being able to access it in my memory? FUCKING FRUSTRATING, I Can tell you.

Another great weakness is starting a dozen fics at once and being unable to keep up and then being overwhelmed and losing momentum.

This is how I have so many WIPs.

I keep that in mind now, which is why I am limiting myself to two ongoing SVU fics and THAT IS IT. No more until they're finished.

THough I have actually been writing SO MUCH lately. At least once chapter a week. So this is good. Makes me happy.

I get the feeling that I tend to homogenise my characterisations a little. But this doesn't seem to be a complaint of any commenters, so I try not to let my imagination run wild with me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have done it.

Firefly fic, by necessity, uses a lot of Chinese. I used to know the html to do the hover type and would have Chinese dialogue with hover type translations. It was fun, because as is the Firefly traditions, you could have the filthiest things in Chinese and the censors wouldn't pick it up. (My favourite thing I wrote translated to... something like "Your mother sucks rotten beef sticks in hell" if I am remembering correctly).

Alas, I have forgotten the html for that. I am sure it's just a google away, but... I don't really need translations for English fics.

I also did a bunch of research for Trigidasleng. I never really wrote The 100 fics, though I did write some drabbles. I probably did more research that necessary for the mount of fic I actually wrote.

But, yeah, I think if the source material calls for it, you should definitely put the effort in.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Who wants a laugh? When I was in primary school, 3rd grade I think, we wrote books. We got to type them on a computer, the teacher printed them out, then bound them and we drew the pictures and coloured them in.

I still have mine.

It's called "Bugs Bunny, Brooke, and the Giant Banana", which was a combination of Bugs Bunny (natch), mary sue insert of my friend Brooke, and James and the GIant Peach.

BUAH HAH HAH.

But truly? My first fandom was Profiler. This is the show that got me ONTO the net, introduced me to fandoms and message boards and fics. If it weren't for those people, I wouldn't be here now.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Don't ask me to choose a favourite child!

Are you kidding me?

I cannot. I can't even do it per fandom. I love them all, which is why I wrote them.

How could you be so cruel?

Tagging: YOU, if you want to.

#fic meme #jacqui writes fic #interesting thoughts #introspections on jacqui's mind

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rainbowfurbylove · 3 months

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Dasni woke up in his bed, alone. He was a twink with a major obsession with cock and ball torture. He was also a he/him lesbian. He loved getting butt fucked. He wished his crush, would butt fuk him, perchance, mayhaps, even. His crush was Fiji, the most popular water in school. “Erm…” Dasani-chan started flicking his bean. It was suuuuuper small. It's like two inches. “UWU I wish Elijah could see my cock. He’d relate sooooooo much!” Elijah was Dasani-chan’s bestie, uwu. “DESsuSUUUUUUUUUUU” Dasani-chan screamed as he creamed. He also squirted because he's a water bottle. He wanted Fiji to impregnate him. Then he heard his mommy wommy calling him from downstairs. It was feeding time, it was time for him to suckle upon the breast of his creator for sustenance. He also had an e-girl Tumblr. He went downstairs to see his mother with her tits out. His mom is Tucker Carlson by the way. “Come hither my offspring, your nutrition is ready.” Said Tucker Carlson. Dasani-chan crawled to his spawn point and began to greedily suck the tit juice from his mommy. “Now go and get ready for school, you abomination to god.”

Dasani-chan went back up to his room which was the bathroom because he liked to sleep in the bathtub at night and sippy sip on the toilet water when he got thirsty. When he got to his room he put on his maid outfit and his 12-inch platform boots. He then grabbed his bookbag and went outside to the bus stop to wait for his bus. Dasani-chan was a 14-year-old freshman who went to Ligma Balls High School. Or lbhs for short. The atmosphere of the school was kind of depressing tbh. Everyone was still recovering from young Ben shapiro’s suicide. He overdosed on Flinstone’s gummies in the girl’s locker room. The story goes that he cheated on his boyfriend, Jesus, with the high school bad boy scooby doo. Jesus and Ben were the year above Dasani-chan. They never interacted much but Dasani-chan has biology with Jesus. Anyway, Jesus was treated as a god, or the son of god, due to his boyfriend offing himself. There was a portrait of Ben hanging in the cummins of the highschool. It looked really bad. Ben was wearing a pink maid outfit.

Dasani-chan headed over to his locker. He opened it up and saw Jesus inside. Jesus stepped out from the locker with a somber face. “Uh, hey there baby girl.” Jesus said with finger guns. He flirted with everyone, it was his thing, he was just hot. “Errrrm, how can I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I h-help you, sir?” Dasani-chan stuttered. “I hear you have an A+ in Biology, I was thinking maybe you could help me on a project.” “ERRRRm….” *Dasani-chan shit himself from nervousness, he could feel the liquid shit running down his nonexistent leg*..... “Suuuuure, but I have one request *tips fedora*” “Oh sure anything.” Jesus said with excitement. “I would like you, to be my wingman in my pursuit of the lady gentleman known as Fiji Water.” Dasani-chan said. “Ummmm, aren’t you guys related?” Jesus asked, Dasani-chan gave him a look that shut him up. “Ok, you’ve got a deal” Jesus said. Jesus turned and walked away. You could see the waistband of his Hanes boxers peeking out from his skin-tight black jeans that he could barely walk in. Rumor has it that he used to wear tighty whities but he changed after Ben’s death. He’s just that bitch(tm) now.

Fast forward to biology class. Dasani-chan sat down in the back of the classroom and proceeded to take a nice long sip of his cumminade. This was a new energy drink that was super popular and hip with the middle schoolers these days. It was made by dream so all these kids were running around screaming “THAT’S WHAT The MASK IS!!! THAT’S WHAT THE POINT OF THE MASK IS.”. Dasani-chan’s little brother, Britta, was obsessed with the Dream smp even though they broke up and are now irrelevant, because dream touched children.

Jesus strutted over to Dasani-chan and said, “Heeeeey there Baby gourl.” He had to say it like shrek so dasani-chan knew he was kidding. Jesus was too hot for him. Jesus had standards. He is LITERALLY the son of GOD. Rumor has it he stole God’s credit card and bought a dodge hellcat and a bunch of mods. Don’t worry, He’s insured. “S-s-so…. Erm…. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OF FOR THIS PROJECT?!?!?!” Dasani-chan yelled/stuttered while he shit himself because he only eats copious amounts of laxative chocolates. “Eww what is that smell?” said Jesus. “O-o-o-oh I just have the runs if you know, you know.” Jesus looked at him disgusted.

Dasani-chan had already finished his project so Jesus just started copying off of him, but with bigger and better words. Dasani-chan was quite illiterate. “Anyway strawberry shortcake is throwing one of her parties….. Fiji will probably be there. I can get you ready, plus I have all exclusive access to the basement.” said Jesus. “Golly gosh son of god that sounds like a real spectacle!” Said the bottled H2O “Never say some stupid ass shit like that again you fucking dumbass.” “Sorry, I'm just so excited for this party.” “Alright, you can meet me at my place at 4:00 pm tonight so we can start to get ready for the party. My address is 420 analwart cream dr.” “Rightio daddio, I’ll be there in a jiffy.” Dasani-chan jumps out the window and starts running off into the distance. “What the actual fuck is wrong with him?” said Jesus.

Jesus walks into his house and straight to the fridge. His mother was at the hospital doing brain surgery. She works very long hours. He opens the fridge to find Dasani-chan. “WHAT THE FUCK, How’d you get into my house?!” Jesus exclaimed. “SSHHHhHHhhhhhhhhh…… You don’t want the mice to hear…” Dasani-chan said while shushing Jesus with a carrot. “WHat? There are no mice here.” Jesus said. “Were….” Dasani-chan said. Jesus rushed Dasani into his room before he could do any more damage.

The two start getting ready for the party. Jesus gave Dasani-chan his Happy Daze shirt. Jesus was quite perplexed as to what to do with Dasani-chan. He was just a water bottle. He had no face. Jesus settled for just sticking some fake eyelashes where he thought Dasani-chan’s eyes should be. “Ermm… do you have any of those little chocolate laxatives? I can feel my wittle tummy grumbling.” Dasani-chan asked shamelessly. “Uuuuuh, No? My mom might…. Um I’ll be right back…..” Jesus said. ‘“What the fuck have I gotten myself into….” Thought Jesus.

Jesus came back into the room with Dasani’s laxatives. Dasani somehow ate them despite not having a mouth. “Ok, so listen, I’m not really allowed to have friends over, so you’re gonna have to leave. This was a lie. “Ope okie dolkie uwu. Dasani-Chan waddled out the door. Dasani-waddled his way the 3 miles down the road to his house and barged through the door. “I’m home mommy wommy!!!!! Tucker Carlson didn’t answer. She was probably busy filming a collab with James Charles or some shit idk.

Dasani-chan waddled into his room, leaving a trail of liquid shit behind him. He went in his room and chugged a bucket of his own homemade cumminade. He then spent the rest of the time until the party rewatching Ron Desantis cock and ball torture porn. A few hours later, it was time for Dasani-chan to leave. He waddled out the door, layed on his side, and started rolling on down the street.

Dasani-chan was able to sneak passed the security at the party. The first thing he did once he was on the inside was locate the bathroom. He raided the bathroom of any and all laxatives, chocolate or not. He was a hungry lesbian. He then made his way out to the dance floor and started busting it down sexual style. Dasani-chan noticed that Jesus had arrived, and tried to fight his way through the crowed to go see him, he was unsuccessful. It was at that moment he noticed his crush, Fiji-senpai, dancing in a corner. Dasani-waddled his way over to him, with a shit eating grin on his face.

Fiji noticed him and tried to get away, but Dasani-chan managed to corner him. “H-h-hey there daddy waddy!!!” he said. Fiji looked at him in horror. “Would you like to come dance with whittle old meeehhhh?!?!?!” Dasani-chan asked, in his anime voice. “Ummm I think I’m good, thanks tho.” Fiji answered with a look of disgust on his face. Dasani-chan then proceeded to start rolling around on the floor crying while screaming “PWEEEAASE DANCE WITH ME UWUWU!!!!”. People started to look over. “Hey there bro, what’s good?” Jesus was standing over Dasani-chan. “You know this loser?” Fiji asked Jesus. Jesus leaned in and whispered something to Fiji. Fiji looked back down at Dasani-chan and said,”Fine, I’ll dance with you, but only if you shut tf up.” Dasani looked up at him, with Tears in his eyes, and smiled. “Weeeally????” Fiji looked to Jesus for help but he was nowhere to be found. Dasani-chan and Fiji then started waddling around in circles, the closest thing to a slow dance. Dasani-chan was so excited. He could feel his two-inch member growing. He started making small anime girl moans. He then felt the warm, arousing, feeling of shit running down his non-existent pant leg. As the shit hit the floor, He shot a load of his baby batter onto the floor, right in front of Fiji-senpai. Someone in the room started screaming, and the rest of the room followed suit. “Oooopsi poopsie dooopsi…I made a poopoo mess on the ground. UWU!!!!.” Dasani-chan said. Fiji-senpai then looked at him, paused, and then smirked. “Hey, that was kind of hot, how about we go somewhere more private?”. Fiji then led Dasani-chan upstairs to one of the bedrooms.

They went upstairs to the master bedroom. Fiji-senpai looked down at Dasnsin-chan’s shit-covered cock. It was throbbing and pulsating with excitement. Fiji-senpai then took his tiny dick, which was about the length of his tongue, and put it in his mouth. His shit tasted like a colonoscopy. He licked Dasani-chan’s dick cleaner than a Mexican lady could clean a house.

Dasani’s cock was so small, smaller than your average white man’s cock. You see, Dasani-chan suffered from ED. Also known as erectile dysfunction. Even when it was hard it was somehow still soft and flaccid and cold. It was very sad. Fiji-senpai then rolled Dasani-chan over and just started pounding away at his plastic bubble butt. Dasani-chan had an absolute DUMPY. He actually had a Brazilian butt lift when he was 7 years old. Shortly after that Fiji-chan came in his ass.

After that absolute monstrosity of a scene, The pair went their separate ways.

(In SpongeBob narrator's voice) Two Weeks LATER………

Dasani was walking through the halls of Ligma Ballz High, when he felt a rumbling in his tummy. He thought he was just having his normal day to day runs, but something was off. He was walking right in front of Ben Shapiro’s portrait, when a log of shit flew out of his ass, and hit the painting. Then something fell out of the ball of shit. It was a child. Dasani-chan decided to name it Aqualfina. He then shoved it in his backpack, and took it to class to show everyone.

In class

The health class teacher, Ms. Samsung WF45R6100AV Washer & Dve45r6100v Electric Dryer Front Load called everyone for their presentations on rabies. When it was Dasani’s turn, he enthusiastically bounced (fell?) off his seat with his bag that was leaking of shit and blood. He walked in front of the class. “Before I-I-I do my presentwation,”

Danasi opens his zipper and dumps the Aqualfina looked dehydrated, its watery insides evaporating in the 100 degree classroom. “He’ mwa new child!” Dasani squealed as he bounced up and down as the class looked at the snack-sized bloody child in disgust. Jesus smacked his face. “Why do I know this dumbass?”

“WHaT DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH RABIES?!?” Ms. Samsung WF45R6100AV Washer & Dve45r6100v Electric Dryer Front Load buzzed.

“H-h-h-h-h-h-h-he’s mwa favorite kind of rabies~” Dasani said as he gave Ms. Samsung WF45R6100AV Washer & Dve45r6100v Electric Dryer Front Load puppy eyes. Ms. Samsung WF45R6100AV Washer & Dve45r6100v Electric Dryer Front Load goes into heavy load and explodes it’s insides with sheer irrational teacher anger.

“DeTeNTION!”

Dasani rolled on the ground, whining. “But wwhhhyyyy?”

After about fifteen minutes of that debauchery, Dasani just flung himself out the window, and rolled down the street, where he jumped through the window of the Spanish room.

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commander-krios · 1 year

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Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks 🍭why did you start writing? 🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing ✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

Thank you for the ask <3

🍭why did you start writing?

I started writing so long ago, back when I was like 10 and writing little stories for my baby sister (and illustrating them). I've always loved reading so writing sort of just made sense. I never really thought about the why of it though. I've always done it and hopefully always will.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

It's good??? LOL Ok, I can write emotions well and somehow always manage to make myself laugh, cry, or feel all mushy depending on the fic.

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream is one of those fics that I wrote as a challenge, back when I used to be in a FF writer Facebook group, and we decided to take old stories and combine them with Dragon Age and make them into something new. And oh man, this fic took on a life of its own. I haven't written for DA is years, but this fic will always be one of my favorites.

#painterofhorizons #let's get real fic writers asks #my writing

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audiophiliacfan · 1 year

Audio

I told Althea I was feeling lost Lacking in some direction Althea told me upon scrutiny My back might need protection I told Althea that treachery Was tearing me limb from limb Althea told me, "Now cool down, boy Settle back. Easy, Jim." You may be Saturday's child all-grown Moving with a pinch of grace You may be a clown in the burying ground Or just another pretty face You may be the fate of Ophelia Sleeping and perchance to dream - Honest to the point of recklessness Self centered to the extreme Ain't nobody messin' with you but you Your friends are getting most concerned Loose with the truth Maybe, it's your fire But, baby... don't get burned When the smoke has cleared, she said— That's what she said to me: You're gonna want a bed to lay your head And a little sympathy There are things you can replace And others you cannot The time has come to weigh those things This space is getting hot You know this space is getting hot I told Althea I'm a roving sign That I was born to be a bachelor Althea told me, "OK. That's fine." So now I'm out trying to catch her Can't talk to you without talking to me We're guilty of the same old thing Talking a lot about less and less And forgetting the love we bring

#Spotify #Lyrics #Song #Music #Althea #Greatful Dead

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monkeydgoofy · 4 years

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crossed off my bucket list: heavy makeouts with the bride-to-be at her own hen’s do

#it's ok we're both poly #I woke up from a 4hr nap 2hrs ago and now I must sleep again #perchance to dream #p

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lurlur · 3 years

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Fic Ask Game!

I was tagged by the incomparable @handlebarstiedtothestars who, as it happens, I would definitely have tagged if someone else had tagged me first!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

101! Like Dalmatians!

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

615,348

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

According to AO3, nine. Realistically, five. Good Omens, Johnnie Walker Blue Label Commercials (whiskey husbands, my beloved), The Eagle, Loki, Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons.

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Soho; To Sleep, Perchance to Dream; You Do? You Do!; Queer Omens; The Value of Wild Hearts

I would link them all but I'm doing this on mobile. Like an idiot. Wait, I figured it out.

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Ehhh, this one's tricky. Generally I would say yes, I do. But sometimes it's daunting and my brain doesn't want to do it. My options are often "respond to comments and burn out, or ignore some comments and still be able to write" so, sorry if you haven't had a response from me. I do try.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I don't generally like angsty endings. The original endings of Fire In The Blood and Snow Angel had some angst potential but I gave them follow up chapters that smoothed out all out. No Rude Notes is probably the worst offender now.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you have written?

Sure do! The craziest one might be Queer Omens, the Good Omens/Queer Eye crossover. Or maybe it's Līgfāmblāwende, the Good Omens/Saint George crossover...

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can recall, but I have had some unnecessary commentary on bookmarks. Why bookmark something "do not read"?

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I like to write kinky sex with healthy power exchange dynamics. That's my jam.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Correction Fluid was translated into Russian!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have, several times. One time, eleven of us went feral in a Google Doc and turned out 16k of smut in under 48 hours. See Correction Fluid above. I really like collaborating and want to do more of it. I've got something planned that I'm very excited about, once I've got the brain space.

13) What's your all-time favourite ship?

I love all my ships equally, but some (Aziraphale/Crowley) are more equal than others!

14) What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I tell myself that I'll pick up The Longest War again sometime, I hope I will. Technically, some of the kinktober and seasonal challenges are in wip status but I won't pick those up again. Unpublished, I don't have a lot of hope for my Warlock highwayman fic.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. I think my pacing is pretty good? I have good ideas?

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

Switching tenses. Not knowing when to stop. Characterisation. My continued abuse of semicolons.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

With the help of some wonderful people, I once wrote dirty talk in Latin. So, I suppose I'm in favour!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons. It started as a joke, but it definitely helped break the seal on my writing. If I hadn't written that, I might never have started writing Good Omens fic and my life would be poorer for it.

19) What's your favourite fic you've written?

It's a toss up between Queer Omens and The Value of Wild Hearts. The former is the queer eye crossover that I'm stupidly proud of. The latter is a human au where Aziraphale is a book expert on Antiques Roadshow and Crowley has a crush on him. I'm very fond of that one!

Ok, tagging @a-insominia @ednav @darkonesdagger7437 @pearlll09 @cumaeansibyl @copperplatebeech and @laurashapiro-noreally

Sorry if you've already done this, but also, everyone else who wants to can consider themselves tagged.

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ante--meridiem · 3 years

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ask game multiples of 5?

5. What are you not willing to do to get what you want?

Better question might be "what am I willing to do to get what I want", given the extent to which I suck at doing in general and to which I'm willing to resign myself to not getting things I want. But, ok, assuming we're discussing a version of me that's in the right state of mind to want things and take steps towards them: I'm probably not willing to be more than a certain amount of dishonest (which is to say, I'm if not fine with then at least willing if necessary to tell minor white lies, but not anything significant enough that it would threaten the integrity of the basis of me getting what I want - not saying I would never tell major lies, but not to get something I just want for my own sake anyways.) Also I would probably give up the goal if I expected it to majorly and actively screw someone else over (by "actively" I mean things like "you could potentially help them more if you didn't pursue your goal" don't count, because there's always going to be tradeoffs like that).

10. Do you believe in fate? Are some things meant to be?

No I don't believe in fate as some kind of force, though I don't particularly believe in free will either - I think the universe probably is deterministic, but the thing doing the determining isn't following any kind of coherent narrative or anything like the word "fate" implies. Some things can still be meant to be in the sense of, there are obviously laws like the laws of physics to how shit work, and applying those laws to sociology/history or even just individual psychology can lead to "this type of pattern will always play out like this" kind of things.

15. How close are you to insanity? What would it take to push you over the edge?

Uh, no idea? I mean my brain doesn't work particularly well but mostly in the rather boring and mundane "doesn't do things it's supposed to" way rather than "does things it's not supposed to", so I don't really know what would prompt it to start doing the second.

20. Favourite Shakespeare quote? Favourite play?

Favourite quote is that "life is a brief candle" speech from Macbeth (sorry, don't know it well enough to quote the whole speech). Possibly also the "I am in blood steeped in so deep, continuing is easier than to go back" (sorry again I know I mangled it I don't remember the exact wording) because sunk cost fallacy is one of my favourite notes for tragic but evil characters to hit. I think giving two quotes from Macbeth also makes it my favourite play.

25. “To die, to sleep; / To sleep: perchance to dream”. What do you think comes after death?

Nothing. Sorry, that's not particularly interesting, but I don't believe in an afterlife.

30. Are you true to yourself?

To be honest I have no idea what that means. I get very stubborn about not wanting to do things if I don't understand why, which I guess could be interpreted as being true to my need to understand shit, and people tell me I come off as very earnest. But on the other hand I do mask a lot which probably isn't very true to myself, so... idk?

#Ask #Anon #Thanks for the ask <3 #Ask game

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italianeyes · 3 years

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what are your favorite twilight zone episodes :0

oh hii ok i haven't finished watching it yet but these are my favorite so far (in no particular order (for the most part))! it's gonna be pretty long so i'll continue under the cut 😳

1. and when the sky was opened (s1e11)

truly my favorite twilight zone episode of all time! the plot and characters are very well written (it's based on the short story "disappearing act" by richard matheson) and also the acting is really good too like the emotions are so vibrant and effective and real just wowzers. there's this one part where the look on the guy's face is just so haunting and idk it really sticks with me. also the actors 👀👀👀 i think everyone in the 50s/60s was just really attractive but yeah. also it's #relatable but in a sad way 😔 and it makes me cry so overall 5386464/10 very good highly recommend!

2. mirror image (s1e21)

SUCH a great episode. the directing, the attention to detail, the atmosphere just mkaes it so interesting and thrilling to watch. it made me audibly gasp so much bc it's frightening. also the ending is just. wow. wow. great episode.

3. the after hours (s1e34)

omg hi good cool episode !!!!!! right? wrong!!!!!! the directing in this episode makes it ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TERRIFYING to watch!!!!!!!!!! as if mannequins aren't scary enough on their own. i love the vibe of department stores in the 50s (i really wanna live during that time period!) and the atmosphere that's created is bonechilling and eerie. very very good episode bc it feels like a fever dream and as you will see most of the episodes on this list are ones where it feels like you're losing your mind and i love that. it also does a good job of like putting the audience in the shoes of the main character.

4. perchance to dream (s1e9)

another terrifying episode? more likely than you think. this episode is a WILD RIDE (haha pun) and is the definition of a fever dream. the directing is so so so good and perfectly captures what a nightmare can feel like and it's exhilarating to watch bc it is also extremely terrifying. i once watched it to try to scare myself to sleep so i could have a nightmare just to feel something (it didn't work😔). OH YEAH ALSO THE TWIST AT THE END it spins your head i honestly didn't even see it coming WOW

5. twenty two (s2e17)

another fever dream episode!!!!!!!! so cool the directing is wow and the setting is even more wow and theres so much tension in it and the ending i wasnt expecting it at all! very solid episode perfectly crafted

6. walking distance (s1e5)

this episode made me sob so hard! it's about like growing up and revisiting your childhood and it's so tender and sad but there's a good lesson ig idc. it's #powerful and i thoroughly enjoy it but it's also painful to watch bc it is TOO RELATABLE

7. where is everybody? (s1e1)

genuinely the best pilot episode for any series that i've ever seen. it's so memorable and right off the bat makes the audience feel like they're going insane bc they don't know what the fuck is going on. this episode sets a VERY good precedent for what the rest of the show is gonna look/be like. very good one ! oh yes plot the plot was good and so was the directing but a little anticlimactic i think but whatevs.

8. two (s3e1)

this episode is so <3333333333333333 i think it's a good first episode for s3 bc honestly it gets worse ngl. it seems kinda pointless but the ending is nice and honestly it's pretty much everything i wanna see on a screen like a woman with a gun in an army uniform? are you serious?? sign me up pls 🤲🏽🤲🏽🤲🏽

9. nick of time (s2e7)

stereotypical predicting the future type episode but i really like it bc of the vibe. you know it's the 60s where there's diners and jukeboxes and milkshakes! i mean yes we have those things today but it just hits different in this episode just the vibe is chef kiss very very neat and nice and also the couple in it is really attractive. oh yeah i still like the plot tho and like what it means from a human pov like do you let a machine control your life or do you make those decisions by yourself and agree to face the conseqeunces? very neat i think ! it reminds me of the summertime that's the vibe of it i really wanna live during that time period.

10. the purple testament (s1e19)

literally everyone in this episode is SO HOT 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 god. the plot is good too but it's pretty predictable but the concept is really cool and well written and ofc the ending is also predictable but whatever !

11. a hundred yards over the rim (s2e23)

very cool episode i love the whole cowboy / western vibe i know 🤚🏽 those were dangerous and not optimal times ok but seriously the drip and the whole saloons and small town stuff? can we bring that back pls and thank you xoxo but yeah this episode is cool and it has a very empty feel to it and it makes you feel like a stranger i do like it a lot

12. showdown with rance mcgrew (s3e20)

oh i really like this one !! it's one of the only episodes i think that's like comedic on purpose. like the main character (the one in the cowboy hat) is so stupid and the way his character is written is mwah im blowing a kiss to the sky for him as we speak. the plot is alright it's like the redundant time travel so whatevs but i like this one bc it's funny:) i think after s1 the show went downhill bc u can see that they were running out of ideas so yeah. season 1 really had no reason to go that hard but it did!!

13. to serve man (s3e24)

oh yes this episode is short and sweet and gets straight to the point which i really appreciate<3 just the vibe of it is very very good and there's nothing like a great twist to top it all off! solid episode 10/10 also the girl in it is really pretty

14. the night of the meek (s2e11)

this! one!! it is SO sweet and actually has a good ending and it made me cry and it's so pure and happy and nice and christmas and i love christmas and i love this episode

15. judgement night (s1e10)

i love the trope of "one person realizes something is very very wrong in their world and they try to explain it to others but no one believes them making the main character feel like they're going crazy!" i would say this episode is haunting i don't remember like the specifics but i just remember watching it for the first time and just being like speechless and sad. the plot is very nice too and like the thought of eternal terror makes me very uncomfortable which was probs this episodes goal so good job !

essay over xoxo if u made it this far hi here's a hug<3

#thank you for this ask elliot #the twilight zone #asks #elliot #also i was gonna add a pic for each one but tumblr only allows 10 stupid

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purple-possibilities · 4 years

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Thanks for the tag @seriouslydidijustdothat!

Nickname: sibi, (technically short form of my name, but my preferred name as well), and tiny (bc I’m so tall lol)

Zodiac: Aquarius

Height: 5’10” or 178cm

Hogwarts House: Slytherin, with Ravenclaw second in the running. It’s hard to take these tests without bias bc I can tell what questions will lead to which result, which I think reinforces the Slytherin/Ravenclaw dynamic lol

Last thing I googled: “Bleach Jinta and...” bc I forgot Ururu’s name (so close to Uryuu, it was messing me up)

Song stuck in my head: rn? Kraid by Metroid Metal

Number of followers: wouldn’t you like to know 😜

Amount of sleep: sleep? Perchance to dream? Aye, there’s the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause... (my good friend insomnia (voiced here by ol’ billy shakes) answered this question).

Lucky number: my luck lies not in numbers, but I will always concede to the power in 11, 22, and of course, for me, 1, 8, 13, and 26

Dream job: I’d love to just like... rule the whole world. Call me Empress Supreme or something cheesy like that. Just like, guide everyone to world peace, universal healthcare, and like, let people do them, but interfere to mediate conflicts. You said dream job not practical. If there was some way I could make sure everyone was safe and healthy and happy, then I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Wearing: pyjama shorts and a robe

Favorite song: i can’t pick just one. I’ll look to my phone. My most played song is Breathe This Air (feat. Purity Ring) by Jon Hopkins. I actually haven’t listened to it in a long time, but it’s so chill, I’d highly recommend it if you need to relax. Last.fm has my most played track as Heaviside by Citizen, which I have listened to recently...ish. It’s also chill and beautiful and relaxing. I would highly recommend this one as well.

Favorite instrument: hmmm a few? Bass guitar, flute, piano, violin, claironet... but my fav by far is the human voice.

Aesthetic: changes day to day... prob something like leather and lace. Feminine with masculine touches.

Favorite author: man, legit I do not read books anymore, only manga and fanfic. And mostly fanfic lol. Rn I’d have to say my fav ff author (tho hard to choose just one, there’s a few I’m excited over) is thorsty_borb (I think that’s right) on AO3 who has been killing me with delicious Hawks content. And since I’m rereading Bleach rn (and loving it even more) let’s add Tite Kubo to that.

Favorite animal noise: ...ok. The sound lil teeny tiny turtles make when they uhhh... get jiggy. It’s just so funny to me, and so cute, but like they’re banging so it’s even funnier. I’m a terrible person.

Random: uhhh idk? I never finished watching/reading Naruto bc i got sucked into the fanfiction and couldn’t get out. Like I tried reeeaaaaalllyyy hard not to, I didn’t touch any of it (despite writing some after the Jiraiya/Pein Arc, that’s unpublished) bc I knew once I started reading fic I wouldn’t touch the canon material. But after seeing Madara single handedly destroy like, everyone?

Man... I couldn’t resist. I am weak. (I didn’t realize I enjoyed watching people get uhhh anihillated before this. It was eye opening...) I think I made it to episode... um... 400ish? Like around there? it was after the Kage joined, I think maybe when Black Zetsu took over Obito’s body? Man I can’t remember it’s been a while...

Tagging: @olliya @thegreatestofgames @raendown @thekatthatbarks and @mouseymightymarvellous if you feel up to it! No pressure!

#sibi talks about sibi #pls don’t reblog

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kurtty-drabbles · 4 years

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Postwoman au (Part III)

N/A: So, here we go. Show don´t tell is one of those things I want to perfect and I hope I can do ok here.

@dannybagpipesarecalling @djinmer4 @bamfoftheundead @muninandhugin

Going to a new job is always brings new sensations. Hopes. Maybe even dreams. And Kitty Pryde would like to say she´s ready to begin this new journey with a big smile. "Oh God, what the hell I get myself into?!" she says as her mirror shows her reflection with a nervous smile and swallows hard as once again Kitty is in the waiting room- the waiting room has no signal of the big wedding and in exchange, there´re magazines covering the new sensation. A Hollywoodian celebrity is dating a mutant- inhales and exhales.

Is all Kitty can do. The receptionist appears to be a succubus- is not something to point out, but, the receptionist looks way too much Like Gloriana If, and is a big if here, wasn´t be the eyes. Her eyes are too unnatural to belong to Gloriana- and well it gives ideas as if this is a look a succubus would dig or if is about her "dates"

"Good morning, Miss Pryde, right on time...good, he loves people that are punctual," she says with an upward smile. She types something really quick in her laptop. Once the laptop gives a small sound more or less like "Blink" the receptionist gives her total attention to Kitty. "Mr. Krampus is in room 23. He´s moving out thanks to his work...he´ll need space" and she gives her a key. And nods as if this end the conversation.

"What? how I get to room 23?" Kitty asked confused. And the receptionist has a resting bitch face- or, maybe, the receptionist thinks poor on Kitty´s intelligence and Kitty will have none of that- she punches the table site separating Kitty and the so-called succubus hard. The succubus couldn´t care less.

Kitty holds the key and channels all her unfamous "mean cat spirit" to deal with this situation. "Listen, How in the hell I´ll go to a room 23 if ..." the words die off as Kitty is teleport right away. The succubus shakes her head and continues to do her work.

"Pff, mortals"

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Room 23 is an oval room. The prominent colors are coffee-colored and a soft tone of blue. And a curious sight caught Kitty´s eyes- not the many strange objects that must remain nameless for now- it was the window...It is dark and snowing, yet, Kitty is 100% certain of the weather. "But...it was sunny this day...what happened?" and she looks at the window to see snow, and what appears to be a village. "Did I time travel or teleport?"

"The latter, Katzchen!" a voice whispered in her ear and is more than enough to cause Kitty to jump in her feet and gest away from the space she was, even if was a little-and turning to see her boss would be a good thing if this was a normal situation. Now, all Kitty wants to is one thing- "AHHHH I´ll not torture children" she exclaims.

Inwardly, Kitty will slap herself for being so brash. She had a big speech about this and even rehearsal that with Doug, and yet, she goes to the most cliche. For shame!

The woman pulls the Davi star out of her shirt and looks at her so-called boss. "Did you heard me? I´ll not torture children!" and if Kurt was seething and ready to mayhem, well, he´s looking perfectly calm as he takes a small candy, unwrapped, and eat it.

"Oh, I was wondering when you would found out" his smile is too charming for one who works as a tortured and Kitty´s hair goosebumps. "Ok, let´s make things clear. You´re not here to torture kids nor people. I´m. I need you to help my agenda and sometimes deliver things to the others" his golden eyes look at the key on Kitty´s hand- a small key that looks ordinary and plain- "and only that"

"Oh, but you´ll torture people? Great...want me to bring coffee to you too?" Kitty took a small knife and points at Krampus. The deity/fairy is too amused. Too amused and Kitty won´t speculate about why the man seems to happy to see a knife pointed at him.

"I´d not torture the innocents, Kitty, I torture those who have wicked souls. The children I took...is not little ones who watch porn or forget to do chores...no, I´m talking about kids who killed their younger brother, pets just because" and with a snap of his fingers the room changes and images of a young boy drowning a baby is showed much to her displeasure.

"I´m not a monster, Kitty, mere a force to punish the wick. Nothing more or less." Krampus concludes. His golden eyes seem ancient now. And an animalistic smile plays off. "I can show more of my victims...A man who shot his entire family for money. A woman who tried to murder her lover and his wife..." and Kitty raises her hand.

"STOP"

"That´s my work, Kitty...I see this every day and I´m very good in what I do"

"Could have told me" she faces him. Gritting her teeth as the room finally returns to normal. "I didn´t like to know what you do ...by a friend"

"Galaticus indicate you....this is new to me, and you´re right. I should have been more honest" his tone is full of mirth. "Do you still want to work with me?"

Yes?

No?

"Will I not have to torture anyone?"

"Yes, like I said...I only need you to organize my agenda and deliver things...only this"

Kitty exhales and slowly lower the knife. "If I stabbed you...would you felt any pain?"

"Oh, I would feel something but not what you´re imaging"

"Uhm...I think is what I´m imaging" she says holding the key closer now. _____________________________________________________________________________________________

By perchance Doug has an old movie about Krampus- well, old is an ambiguous term to use. The movie has not even 5 years old but as is the first Krampus movie...and the first to get not so favorable reviews...is easy to believe the movie is ancient-and Jubilee, Kitty, Bobby and Doug are invited to watch the movie.

"So...you´re working with Krampus?" Bobby asked bemused. "And Galaticus indicated you?"

"Yes...I have a magical contract if you want to see" Kitty responds a bit grumpy. "By the way, how are Scott and Jean?"

"Oh...yes, how are the couple?" Jubilee pipes as Doug is putting the movie on the DVD player.

"Scott and Jean are rightly pissed. They even refuse to use Prof X´s honeymoon vacation...instead, Doom...yes, I know...even they´re shocked, Doom over a nice honeymoon vacation to them and well, they´re traveling to Paris, Italy and Spain. I know, odd"

Doug then sits on the couch. "Odd love confessions aside...the movie will begin, let´s watch Kitty´s future working with Krampus"

And they silently watch the movie, especially the final part, where Krampus put all members of the family in a snowglobe.

"Well...Kitty, please don´t put us in a snowglobe"

"Speak to yourself...I can be in a snowglobe"

"Bobby, shut up"

And Kitty wonders if perhaps Galaticus hates her.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Krampus is cleaning his tools when his friend, Santa, arrives at his office offering some snacks. "So, still wanting to keep Kitty as your secretary?" and Krampus stops what he was doing to gaze seriously at the old man´s piercing eyes.

"She really had no idea what I was...that was really new to me...and as I mentioned before...yes, I´ll keep her until the contract breaks"

"You think you two may get along?"

"I think she´ll have questions. I think she won´t bide her will to mine and that" Krampus licks his dry lips and shows all his teeth in a big grin. "and I like that very much....way better than the last one"

Now Santa scowls him. "You mean that poor and delusional witch from the wind ways who wanted to sleep with you and turn you in her personal dog? No shit, Sherlock"

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Amanda Szardos screams in fury when she got the word that Krampus got a new assistant. "A plain woman like her? Replace me?" and Amanda has to plot, has to be the smartest because she still needs Krampus to do her bidding and sex is not a viable coin for trade anymore.

"Then... the best thing to do is sabotage her work and Krampus will return to me"

#Postwoman au #kurt wagner #Kurt!Krampus #Kitty Pryde #Kurtty yet #Yes the keys are teleportation device #always anti amanda #yes Krampus enjoys some BSDM and knife play #and Kitty will have lots of questions #Krampus likes people like Kitty more than Amanda #even if Krampus did slept with Amanda

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roxinnaxu · 4 years

Text

The Witcher fic recs

Now that people are forced to stay home I thought ”hey, why not share some amazing fanfics for people to read”. Fanfiction is amazing, amazing thing and I love spreading knowledge of new fics and fics that people might have not read yet! Here we go!

(Note: most of these are centered around geraskier, as that’s a very common ship and I love their relationship, no matter if it’s platonic or romantic or whatever else. Most of these also include angst and hurt Jaskier, in some way or another. I will include content warnings)

CW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS and SELF-HARM

in restless dreams i walked alone (the sound of silence) by august_embers

Chapters: 3/3

Fandom: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Jaskier is not okay sometimes, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, No actual suicide attempt, Pre-Slash, Geralt is trying his best, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, major depressive disorder is a bitch and a half, Yennefer has her own definition of helpful Summary:

"Geralt is able to scent the guilt on a lying man from ten feet away, to catch sight of half a pawprint in the undergrowth in the dead of night, to know when to lean back before the coming blade can cut through his throat. Much of it comes from his training at Kaer Morhen, where his instincts were honed and enhanced, but even more comes from his travels and experiences while walking the Path. Geralt notices things, because not noticing means death.

He does not notice the lack of singing."

Something is very wrong with Jaskier.

Ok so I love love love this fic! It has suicidal Jaskier, which I am a fan of (mostly because that hurt/comfort and vent), and Geralt finding out and being terrified and comforting him, and Yennefer relating and being a good friend, thought maybe not in the best way.

CW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SELF-HARM and mentioned CAR ACCIDENT in the past

a tapestry of scars by @splendidlyimperfect

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Triss Merigold, Roach (The Witcher) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Meet-Cute, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Bipolar Disorder, Self-Harm, Scars, scars from self injury, Reference to previous suicide attempt, Trauma, talk of previous car accident, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dogs, Roach is the best therapy dog, yes I'm projecting on Jaskier, but at least he gets all the puppy cuddles, and Geralt tries his best to be comforting, Geraskier Week Summary:

Jaskier comes into Geralt's life on a sunny afternoon in May - wide smiles and baby blue eyes; breathtaking stories and half-written song lyrics. He's mesmerizing and full of life, and Geralt can't look away. But sunshine doesn't last forever, and when Jaskier disappears, Geralt learns that beautiful things have dark and broken pieces, and even damaged people can help fix them.

I’m just going to put these suicidal Jaskier fics here. That trope is comforting, so bear with me. This one is a modern au, and it has fluff and comfort and found family! Yen and Jaskier are friends and Triss too and I love it! Geralt is a bit clueless but nonetheless comforting and reassuring and worried. And Roach is a three-legged therapy dog!

CW: vague SUICIDAL MINDSET

Bones by @runninghaunted

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Witcher (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Characters: Roach (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion Additional Tags: No monsters have been harmed in the making of this fic, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, headcanons about witchers, timeframe? Never heard of her, Post Season 1, Geralt doesn‘t do feelings dammit, spoiler: he does them anyway, Jaskier you are a dramatic idiot, we stan this boy, if roach could talk there wouldn‘t be any problems at all, systematic butchering of tags and language Series: Part 1 of Kindred Summary:

Jaskier knows that Geralt will probably end up killing him eventually.

I love this fic series! I don’t want to spoil anything but Jaskier is not what he seems and also has a lot of issues, most of which he ignores completely. Also Geralt does not know what to do.

CW: POISON and implied, non-graphic TORTURE

Sometimes a Hammer, Sometimes a Lockpick by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Humor, BAMF Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Being a Feral Bastard, Casually Poisoning an Entire Castle, As you do, Hurt Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Soft Jaskier | Dandelion, Vague Hints To Jaskier Being Elvish, Whoever Said 'You Can't Just Waltz in Here' Never Met Jaskier Summary:

Geralt's been in a dungeon for two weeks and is understandably frustrated. Jaskier, on the other hand, is what one might call... livid.

THIS is the feral bard Jaskier content that I’m craving. He’s sneaky and competent and determined and also almost poisons the whole castle. Also has that good good Geralt angst.

CW: TORTURE and MIND GAMES

To Sleep Perchance To by sospes

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Games, Magical Fuckery Summary:

Jaskier gets kidnapped and tortured. Geralt comes to rescue him.

Except it's not quite that simple.

Ohh boy this is the Hurt Jaskier Fic. He is tortured in a way where Geralt comes to rescue him or hurt him over and over and over again, and it focuses mostly on that (it has a bit of an open ending and only the start of recovery, so if you are looking for a recovery fic, this is maybe not for you. If you are looking for Jaskier whump and worried Geralt and caring Yennefer? This is absolutely for you)

CW: almost DROWNING

Shining by @nemainofthewater

Chapters: 37/37 Fandom: The Witcher (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, very much in the background - Relationship, Jaskier & Borch, Jaskier & Saesenthessis Characters: Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Roach (The Witcher), Borch Three Jackdaws | Villentretenmerth, Saesenthessis, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Vea (The Witcher) Additional Tags: Don't copy to another site, Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, dragon!Jaskier, he doesn't know about it though, Introspection, Episode 1x06: Rare Species, jaskier is forcibly adopted, Swearing, Emotions, cute baby dragons, Telepathy, Fluff, Family, Cuddling, Transformation, there will be a happy ending I promise, no grimdark fantasy here, Found Family, several instances of, Kidnapping, all of the same person, there is angst here not going to lie but all will work out in the end Series: Part 1 of dragon!Jaskier Summary:

Things that Jaskier can remember about his family: -His mother stroking his hair, the soft murmur of her voice as he settled more comfortably against her. There was firelight and warmth and love. -A brief moment of triumph and then the feeling of weightlessness as his father lifts him from the tree and cradles him to his chest. The steady rhythm of his heart in his breast. -Reaching up to the sky. He’s not sure what for. Possibly for his parents, though he knows that they are gone, that they have left him, that they are never coming back. -His grandfather’s stern visage. The knowledge that he doesn’t want him. That no one wants him. Being sent to temple school is honestly a relief.

Jaskier is (unknowingly) a dragon and is (forcibly) adopted by Borch, post Rare Species.

Ok so this is just the best non-human Jaskier fic! Jaskier is a gold dragon and has a family and also everyone is constantly kidnapping him! (It does have angst and hurt/comfort and it’s so beautiful!) If you are looking for a multi-chapter fic with an amazing plot, you are in the right place

CW: RAPE

The Public Perception of the Barding Profession by sospes

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Feelings, Sexual Assault, Rape, Idiots in Love, Angst Summary:

“I’m a bard, Geralt,” Jaskier says, like that explains everything. “To a lot of people, there’s a very fine line between a musician and a whore. A line that’s so fine that, in fact, it doesn’t really exist."

Geralt learns that Jaskier's life can be just as painful as his, sometimes.

This has very, very good hurt/comfort centered around the fact that Jaskier, as a bard, is used to people having sex with him, no matter if he wants it or not. I love the protective Geralt, hurt/comfort and angst with it, but be mindful of the themes and warnings!

That’s it for now! I might continue this rec list at some point, but right now I can’t think of anything else. Feel free to put your faves in, though! And remember to leave kudos and comments!

#the witcher #the witcher fanfiction #fic rec #geralt of rivia #jaskier #yennefer of vengerberg #the witcher fic rec

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