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chaithetics · 11 months

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hi youuu! :)

first, english is not my first language so sorry for possible mistakes! and second, I just wanted to say that I love porcelain and shark so much!! stewy being a dad was definitely a thing <333 and i'm really excited and really looking forward to new things from reader roy who is now a hosseini (we love that!!!). maybe getting pregnant again? and maybe part of the family judging her for that? (that sounds terrible but im sure logan or shiv would do that lol) or more about her kids or her and stewy just being a cute couple I DON'T KNOW just more content stewy would already make this person - me!!! - happier 😭

and i was also a little curious about stewy's drug habits lol like there was roman joking but how does the reader actually deal with it? I know it sounds like a lot but I noticed you like details and just trying not to make my request a little vague? hahah and YESSS my Succession Sunday was a Succession Monday morning because when I went to sleep there was nothing and when I woke up there was new content so I imagine it's the time zone too hahah but I'm not complaining! (and I'm not the anon who talked about this, I'm just being nosy 🤭)

and just one more thing that's just me being curious IS THE LAST ONE HAHAHAH reader and stewy have an age difference right? I imagine he's the same age as kendall because they went to college together and she's the youngest child.. and anyway it's not important hahah, it's just me thinking.

it got big but I hope to make up for it by wishing you a great day lmao 💕 💕

Hey lovely Nonnie!!!

I'm so, so, so, so glad you enjoyed that piece! It makes me so happy, I was a bit anxious to post it honestly so thank you! Also don't apologise about that, English is an awful language that isn't easy (I grew up in a house with other languages being spoken). You worded everything perfectly and don't owe anyone "perfect english".

Okay my responses feel borderline headcannony/ thoughty so I'll bullet point them, I hope that's okay!

Roy reader will definitely get pregnant again in the future! I just wanted her and Stewy to have a bit of a break before another young child 😂

In the 80th, Jonathan is 3 (closer to 4) and Tillie is around 1. Porce and Stewy definitely read child development books and decided they wanted to try spacing it out so there was at least a couple of years between each child. They didn't want big or small gaps between the children.

The original Nonnie that sent in the prompts had a couple about the relationship between Porce and Shiv being tense and I 100% agree with that. Fanfiction is fanfiction and I completely support people writing characters how they want/out of character but I personally try to write the Roys as realistically as possible to the Canon. I cannot imagine Shiv liking or having a good relationship with a younger sister. She already feels threatened by her brothers but she'd feel more threatened by another woman in the picture and especially one that is younger and has the moniker of the youngest daughter. Especially in Logan's eyes. I do think Shiv would like what she views as protection by having someone in the picture who is weaker to the men and she can join them on calling Porce that. We also see that Shiv embraces masculinity in a way to play in the patriarchy to try and be taken more seriously and advance herself (her manner of speaking especially to other women, the pantsuits, the switch from S1 to S2 onwards in fashion etc.) So Shiv without a doubt would look down on Porce for what she thinks is embracing feminity by marriage, motherhood etc. So Shiv would definitely look down on her for getting pregnant again and not like the attention it gets Porce and Stewy.

I don't know think I got too into it in the 80th or if it's more in some of the drafts I have atm. But I think Logan would fall into that type of abusive patriarch that the abuse still comes through with his grandkids but is better with them than he is with his children. Which I imagine conflicts the Roy siblings a bit as well.

Also, after what's revealed in the series finale about Sophie and Iverson, I imagine that it's something that was a big deal and then became something that was somewhat unspoken but known by all in the family, I feel like Shiv's response confirmed that as well. So I imagine there would be an awkward dynamic around Logan somewhat favouring Porce's children a bit just because they're biological. I think he'd be somewhat glad about those pregnancies as they're more "heirs" and carrying the bloodline. Plus with him being a misogynist he probably thinks that it's her way of contributing/carrying out duties or whatever thinly veiled excuse of misogyny he wants to spout. But I do think he has some issues with them being Hosseinis instead of Roys, especially as things go on because of who Stewy is and what he's doing.

There will be more fluffy Stewy content! I PROMISE! I live for the fluff haha!

There might also eventually be some angst, the original nonnie did send some stuff in about the proxy battle but I do have some thoughts around Shiv's wedding/the bear hug and Austerlitz. So... 👀

HAHAHA! I'm sorry but when you said that you noticed I like details I started laughing because I felt so seen 😂 You're not wrong. I do love details!

When Roman did the body gesture and Porce said he was a bad role model I personally imagined that was somewhat aimed at Kendall. Like he was comparing himself in an "Well I'm a better role model/uncle!" Kind of way but it can definitely be read as a jab at Stewy or Kendall or both of them.

I felt like based after 4 seasons of the Roys and how they treat him even when he's sober, they would definitely make comments like the ones Roman made in the bathroom even if Stewy was clean. I kind of would like to think that Stewy doesn't use cocaine after being married and having children. But if he does (which is probably likely) I imagine he'd use responsibly, small doses, never at home/in front of or around the children. I feel like that's more realistic? But I'm not sure. I don't want to write it super casually when cocaine use is a serious topic and a lot of awful stuff happens because of that, addiction in the show and more importantly reality. I'm more than happy to hear peoples thoughts on it, it's probably something I won't honestly address too much or go into detail of at this stage? But I'm probably leaning towards writing that Stewy's sober now in that regard.

But IF he does still use, I imagine it's that it's not often, it's just "for business" occasionally and that it follows the rules of small doses, never in front of or around the children. It happens very rarely. They have that as guidelines and I imagine that and lots of reassurances/Stewy following through on that would help ease her anxiety a little bit. It's basically Canon that Porce and Stewy are relationship communication Champs.

Yes they do have an age difference.

Do I know what the age difference is? Nope 😂

We never really find out anything about the characters ages except that Logan is 80 at the start and that Kendall is 40 in S3. The shows timeline is also intentionally vague, I think Jesse Armstrong just said that he imagines it taking place over a couple of years. But it's safe to assume that Stewy would also have been 40 in S3 as they went to Buckley and Harvard together. We don't know the age gap between the younger three siblings over plus there's heaps of debate over the birth order of Roman and Shiv and the twin hints. So I can't comment on what the difference is but I do like the twin theory and I feel like (despite Sarah Snook being a lot younger than the others) it's like a 3-5 year age gap between Kendall and Shiv and Roman. So I imagine Stewy and Porce have a 5-7 year age gap at the most? As you can tell, I didn't really think about the logistics 😂 it's probably not a factor I'll go into anyway. But it was interesting to think about the math and decisions about the Canon Roys!

Haha! Welcome to the world of Succession Mondays! I hope it was a good morning read haha! But yes, timezones are very, very, very weird and you're always welcome to be nosey!

But these will definitely be included in some of the pieces coming out! I hope you enjoyed them and you're always welcome to send in requests, questions or thoughts! It wasn't too big at all btw! Thank you so much for reaching out Nonnie! Especially with such thoughtful and engaging questions Nonnie! I hope you have a lovely week and a great Succession Sunday/Monday 💗

#succession #stewy hosseini #stewy hosseini x reader #porcelain and the shark #requests open #stewy hosseini x roy reader #requests #hbo succession #stewy hosseini x roy!reader #chaitheticsasks

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kidgetrash · 1 year

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Monsters and Mana 2 - Save the World, Get the Girl - Chapter 14

Character: Keith Kogane, Pidge Gunderson/Katie Holt, Lance McClain, Hunk Garrett, Shirogane Takashi, Coran, Princess Allura, Matt Holt

Pairings: Keith/Pidge

Summary: Shiro still hasn't given up!

A/N:

Hey guys, wow, apologies for how long it has been but I have a seriously good excuse! I really haven't been well. In fact I just came home after four days in the hospital having blood transfusions and a minor procedure! I'm still not quite 100% back up to my usual pain-addled self, but I am definitely better than I was. Basically, and incredibly long story made short, I had been unable to barely move since last week with high heart rate, gasping for breath on moving, called an ambulance Sunday AND Tuesday, was gaslit by paramedics and my doctor, and put my foot down and demanded to be taken to the emergency room. Good thing I did! I had been having bleeding for over five years that the doctor had ignored every single time I brought it up, and my haemoglobin level, well, seriously low is classed as 70-80. Mine was 63! So yeah, 2 emergency transfusions, a minor procedure to stop the bleeding, four days in hospital, a leak in a transfusion, three days on only clear fluids and days where they forgot I could actually eat, that's just the tip of the iceberg! I wondered why my makeup no longer matched my skin tone and it was because I was YELLOW!

Anyway. home again now to recover, what a way to spend my girls' last half term of the school year until they finish in July! To think in the Easter hols I had covid, and now this! I'm no longer making any plans for school breaks because I seem to be getting more ill with each passing one!

‘Blood spurts forth from the wound, spraying the nearest to the corpse, that’s you, Allura, and you Keith. Luckily you were both standing otherwise it would have been more than your boots that received a new paint job!’ Coran announced cheerily as everyone looked at Shiro in shock.

‘What? It’s right here on my character sheet! I’m a bloodthirsty master thief!’ He tapped on the screen a few times to demonstrate. ‘Of course, if you’d let me reroll…’

‘No!’ Coran, Lance, and Allura yelled as one, not having realised the lengths Shiro was willing to go to to try and be a paladin again.

‘Okay, but I’m not going to pull any punches.’ Shiro leaned back in his seat and folded his arms.

‘Good! The point in you having a character that contrasts with your own is that you get to act in ways you wouldn’t normally. Just like Lance being polite to Keith, and Pidge being ladylike.’

‘You are so lucky she can’t hear you.’ Allura shook her head.

‘Well, she’s going to have to now. It’s time I took the story back to her.’ Coran rapped his knuckles on the bubble surrounding Pidge, who was happily sitting crosslegged finishing off her nachos.

She glanced up with a look Keith recognised, she had zoned out on what was going on around her and zoned in on whatever she was working on on the tablet. The bubble disappeared with a bloop as she tapped on her wrist computer. ‘Did we win?’

‘Not yet. We’re going back to you now.’ Coran scrolled to a hastily put together page on his tablet.

‘Wait.’ Keith said before she activated her bubble again and picked up a napkin. He carefully wiped the corner of Pidge’s lip where she had a little soured cream. ‘Now you’re good.’ He smiled at her as the rest of the table watched her cheeks turn brightest red.

‘Thanks.’ She murmured, the bubble popping into existence between them as though it could shield her embarrassment.

‘Now, where were we?’

‘We? No, me and Keith weren’t anywhere! Why would you say that?’ She laughed nervously.

‘I mean, where were you in your adventure. We as in you and me as player and monster master.’ Coran leaned towards her, under the pretence of seeing if she understood that was what he meant but hoping to get a glimpse of her changes.

‘Right!’ Pidge clutched the tablet to her chest protectively. ‘So, that light I was following was coming closer?’

Masterlist

#monsters and mana 2 #voltron #kidge #keith kogane #pidge gunderson

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bamfbuddie · 1 year

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Hi hi, you asked on sunday to share my thoughts on the yesterday's episode. Honestly, it was ok. I expected a bit more than what made it to print. My thoughts are a bit all over the place, so forgive me a bit. Like finally we got a resolution for Buck's "who am I storyline" cause it's been seasons of him feeling neglected/abandoned ect. The grass isn't always greener on the other side type deal. The dad/son thing with Bobby is confirmed. But it's like, we knew. Or let me rephrase, I didn't need anything confirmed because it's been blatantly obvious. I was expecting more of the Chris scene, and it was like 2 secs. Everyone mad at the Buckley parents, but they were ok. They didn't run at the 1st sign of Buck barely alive, so that's good. And trust me I know from 1st hand experience blood doesn't necessarily make a family.

I think there was wasted Buddie potential here. I know people ate up the Eddie in Buck's room and stuff, but I go back to seeing it from the general audience point of view. There wasn't anything on the "live" portion of the episode pointing to them specifically. I mean Hen was in the room with Chris and Eddie bawling. If I saw that as a regular viewer, I wouldn't be thinking he's crying over the love of his life. Plus, it really bothered me that Eddie was "shown" as the guy who lost his son in Buck's coma dream. With the ways Eddie loves Chris, he would have done anything and everything to not let that happen. But it circled back to " I introduced Carla to Eddie". Yes, the episode put Buck as the glue to everyone but that rubbed me the wrong way. Plus no scene at all with Eddie and Buck who are supposed to be best friends? None, not even a fly by moving the camera from one side of the room to the next? Like yall aren't even friends at this point? Cause even a friend should have been shown alone with him even a few seconds. Hen and Eddie appeared when Chris was there. And Hen was already in the room when that happened - alone.

Sorry, see what I mean my thoughts are over 😂😂 I will say though, my buddie ticket was refunded at the station. Again I go back to the general audience perspective, nothing was shown as potential Buddie canon (trust me I live in tumblr and see all the comments and stuff seen from the Buddie fandom and you guys give me life🥰). I will be on the sidelines cheering if it does go canon but with KR at the helm, I don't see it happening. Yesterday's episode would have been the perfect moment or starting point of it.

I'll go back to thinking again now 🤣🤣🤣

Okay I just saw this.

But yes, I agree.

I loved that they 100% confirmed Bobby and Buck as father and son and yeah I really like that Buck finally has his parents back in his life and that they are trying to make up for the hurt they've caused him.

I agree that the Eddie losing Christopher in his coma dream was a little weird. Like Buck knows how much Eddie loves Christopher and he knows that Eddie would do everything he could to keep his son with him and if he couldn't there is no way he would've just stayed in Los Angeles while his son is in El Paso. He would've went back to be as close to him as possible.

I also agree that there should have been a separate Buck and Eddie scene, am I'm sure there 100% was but it got cut. Like not even in a buddie way but Buck and Eddie are best friends. I'm sure he would've liked to talk to his best friend alone.

I'd like to imagine that Eddie did talk to him and sit with him right after Athena left, telling him how much everyone wants him to wake up, how much Christopher misses him, how scared everyone is, and maybe even praying to a god he doesn't believe in that Buck wakes up.

Then Hen comes in and tells him that Christopher is out in the waiting room and Eddie just bolts while Hen sits with Buck and then later comes back in with Christopher.

Anyways, I really do think they filmed a scene with just Buck and Eddie but they probably needed to cut scenes cause it got too long and they decided to cut the buddie scene because they hate us and didn't want us to take it and run with it because they know we would have. So they decided to just use the one Hen, Buck, Eddie, and Christopher scene because they were emphasizing the Bobby Buck relationship in this episode.

I still hate the fact that Eddie wasn't at all shown in Buck's coma dream. Like he's a big part of Buck's family, like huge, and I think to just skip over him was really bad writing on their part.

However, to twist this in a positive way. I kinda do like that they didn't show Eddie in the coma dream because the part where Buck says he's not going back for them, he was talking about all the people in his coma dream and since Eddie wasn't there and he's a big part of Buck's real life...

Buck went back for himself and for Eddie.

#buddie #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #henrietta wilson #bobby nash #9-1-1 #911 on fox #9-1-1 6x11 #in another life #gem babbles #gem answers #mulgoremisgivings #ask me anything

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baddygab-bi · 1 year

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I know that a lot of people headcanon Eddie as gay. Like 100% he only loves men gay. And like… I don’t know if it’s just cause I’m demi and bi, but I kinda don’t know how I feel about this headcanon. The show has shown Eddie being interested in physical relationships with women, both with Shannon when they started sleeping together again and later with Ana. With Ana it was clear they’d hooked up before because of what she said at the department store with getting his clothes off him and Eddie’s reaction that wasn’t a “no, stop, shut up!” it was a “not here!” At the date, yeah it was really weird that he brought homework, but at the end he did seem interested in making out or doing more. I actually think it’s pretty implied that he was late getting home “construction on sunset” because he was busy doing some adult things with Ana.

All that to say! Eddie can still be into guys, he can still be into Buck, without removing the fact that at some points in his life he was into women. Was he always getting into relationships for the best reasons? No, he definitely wasn’t, but I don’t think it would be sticking as close to canon and Eddie’s character to say that he was never into women at all. People can definitely change and sexualities are so fluid and constantly fluctuating… but based on what we’ve seen and what the writers intended, when Eddie was with his previous girlfriends/wife, he did enjoy being with them, maybe not nearly as much as he could someone else (yes, I mean a guy; yes, I mean potentially Buck), but it wasn’t zero. I think that if they wanted to have Eddie reveal his sexuality and it be that he’s gay, they could, but they’d have to talk about the idea of forced masculinity and internalised homophobia or family pressure, and then have him examine his relationships in retrospect. I think the show could do this, I think it could be amazing.

But as of right now with everything that they’ve done, I just don’t see Eddie being 100% gay, women repulsed, was only using Shannon and Ana as a plot to make Buck jealous- like a lot of fics have him do. What’s so bad about Eddie being bi? Like why couldn’t he have enjoyed being with women, but still not have been okay with the instant family and still feeling the pressures of being a man and having a wife?

Eddie has thought about Chris and what he wanted in every past relationship. If Kristen doesn’t get her way (she hates the idea that Buck or Eddie are queer) and Eddie was forcing himself to be with a woman to give Chris a mom, and that’s why he was with women… that’s great, there’s so much there to unpack and it would be incredible. But! He was still into them, even if it was only for a short while and realized it wasn’t what he wanted. Saying Eddie never liked girls at all ever when it was clear that he at least liked both Shannon and Ana for a little bit… feels a little off to me.

The writers have the power to make Eddie queer and honestly it would add so much to his story and be so fucking incredible. I’m fully on board with Buddie until the writers or showrunner *cough* Kristen *cough* somehow wreck that beyond belief, so I’m here for non-straight Eddie all the way. But changing canon things to fit the headcanon that he’s gay, versus using the way he forced himself into relationships that didn’t fit and never felt right even while enjoying his time (sexually and conversationally) with his past relationships and then realizing why it never felt right and then realize he’s also into guys and he’s more into guys instead, is still so valid.

Anyway I know I’m gonna get so much hate for this, but it’s just my rambling thoughts for this Sunday night.

#just gabbing about #911fox #buddie #eddie diaz

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satsekhem · 2 years

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Old Lammas 2022

Subtitle: "There are only four rules you need to remember: make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan." - Leonard Snart from Legends of Tomorrow

Lammas was the first pagan holiday I ever celebrated. On a very hot and muggy night in 2006, my friend at the time took me through her pagan rituals for the holiday. I wasn't a fan of it - seemed too stifling with all the words and gestures and shit - but Lammas has been a favorite ever since. I'm glad I've decided to start incorporating these Solstice Squad shenanigans into my calendar.

☆~☆The Plan☆~☆

Friday - DATE NIGHT and Halloweening; potential for local honey acquisition

Saturday - Clean A Public Room; DATE LUNCH; definite honey acquisition; BREAD

Sunday - Clean The Rest Moron; find a recipe for single banana bread and make it; PROFIT

Perhaps ☆~☆The Plan☆~☆ wasn't quite so structured. Always assume pre-planned activities involving Yours Truly are not quite so bing-bang-boom. Much more fluid and usually very easy to complete. Except the honey part is a saga and a half.

The local apiaries have grown quite few. To the point where the closest two - 5 minute drive and 20 minute drive - were the only ones capable of getting to easily due to car concerns. (Look. Nina the Nissan just got paid off this year and she's 10 now so yeah; car concerns are happening right now.) The 40+ minute apiaries that sell through farm stands instead of stores were not an option.

The closest honey had none for sale. It's also tobacco leaf drying time so they could have been busy. Understandable. No worries. There was the 20-minute away one... who stopped selling at their stand so you can only buy it from a grocery store in Union, CT which was a 35 minute drive from the farm stand. And are you even really a local apiary if you ship your honey across the fucking state to a tiny grocer in a small town to sell????

Honey - No. FUCKING. Go.

I stopped at the farm nearest me and had semi-success on bread because I forgot 100% that I was going to get Pillsbury crescent rolls. I picked up a blueberry, raspberry, cranberry loaf that actually tastes pretty good. And then there were flavored honey sticks (blueberry, strawberry, and non-flavored). My husband found them and said he saved the day.

Maybe but the ☆~☆The Plan☆~☆ had definitely gone off the rails. Ra reminded me that's the way of thing sometimes. I whined about it, took a good refreshing nap, and decided to just stick it out with honey sticks... which I'll honestly say I'm worried about trying. I am not the biggest fan of honey, frankly.

Breakfast was a quiet affair on Sunday. He said the bread was "a delight". I suspiciously eyeballed it before getting up the courage to try it. Trying new foods is not a thing for me. I usually end up trying something that sends my texture sensitivity into hyper drive (the day I tried calamari is a neon blazing sign still years later). But I like berry flavored things - minus cranberry; sorry cranberry lovers - and blueberry muffins are good.

It was okay actually; almost "a delight". But I got an overload of cranberry in my first bite which was nicely counteracted by the overload of bloobs in the second. I will probably eat the whole loaf on my own because the men in this house are babies.

My husband said honey sticks are like liquid pixie sticks. He said this with such confidence after finding them that I found myself nodding along like I knew what the fuck he was talking about. Imagine my surprise when he admitted to having never had them before. But he sounded so sure of himself? Was he lying?

My courage is at an all time low so I will not be finding out just yet. Ra can stare at the perfectly sealed sticks until I get over myself and open one. But like how messy will they be? And will they hurt my teeth?

I love banana bread but usually eat all of my weekly allotment of bananas. I don't usually have more than 1 around but after finding a single banana recipe, I was ready to give it a shot... once I got the right pan of course. And the pan was in fact a jackolantern silicone mold.

I've never used them before for baking but I'm glad I gave it a shot. I'll have to see if I can extend the recipe a bit so that I can fill all 6 molds next time but 5 out of 6 wasn't bad. I was so excited to see that the faces were clear when I popped them out of the mold. I've had spectacular failures with my metal skull pan.

I can't wait to try making pumpkin shaped madeleines.

While Lammas may have more Ra associations than anyone else, it's actually because of my ancestors that I decided to toss in this round. They have long been pushing me towards WotY things that have been extremely hit or miss for me. With a small crew of others undertaking the shenanigans across the world, it's become more likely instead of less likely that I'll give in to the ancestors' constant mumbling about the old sabbats.

They, of course, got the banana bread. Whether they like the jackolantern images is up for debate but at this point in our relationship, they should have expected some little spin.

So, all in all, Leonard Snart - may be come back to the show again please for fuck's sake because he was my favorite character - is a smart cookie. And I will make sure to try and throw ☆~☆The Plan☆~☆ partially or wholly away more often.

#old lammas 2022 #solstice squad 2022

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demetriandelibinaryboyfriends · 1 year

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I posted 1,052 times in 2022

That's 538 more posts than 2021!

154 posts created (15%)

898 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tugboatdaddywolf

@ivyace

@hallandoates1970topresent

@ancientson

@taguelfright

I tagged 1,038 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#demetri alexopoulos - 546 posts

#eli moskowitz - 508 posts

#elimetri - 479 posts

#demetri cobra kai - 463 posts

#binary boyfriends - 461 posts

#hawk - 423 posts

#hawkmeat - 362 posts

#cobra kai - 154 posts

#allvalley100 - 148 posts

#miguel diaz - 141 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#eli is a fae because you simply cannot tell me that anyone who does their hair like that doesn't have fae energy like. at least a little bit

My Top Posts in 2022:

Season 4, Episode 6: An Extremely Chaotic and Incoherent Review

My favorite episode!!! GET READY FOR HEAD FULL MANY THOUGHTS

The Good:

"Kicks Get Chicks" *is the gayest episode in the entire season* Kicks get DICKS more like

"Sure, we're good for the occasional inspirational moment, but we're not exactly center mat material" HA, love that this fucker is self aware

He knows he's the Comic Relief Guy and he embraces it fully

"He who shall not be named" absolutely LOVE how Demetri just fucking despises Robby now but is trying to be lowkey about it so as not to stir the pot

If he could I'm pretty sure Demetri would pummel this man six ways to Sunday

Once again reminding everyone that Robby paralyzed and nearly killed Demetri's best friend, betrayed his and Demetri's dojo, and then held down and forcefully shaved Demetri's other best friend

Yeah he wants to like...murder Robby at this point honestly

I can't blame him, either--if someone fucked over my bestie, my dojo, AND my crush??? I would indeed be out for blood, yes

The way Demetri looks CRUSHED when Daniel's like "I know you're missing your friends but we have to put the past behind us" :( :( :(

He just wants his boyfriend back god bless

Wow no wonder Tory's fucked up, with an aunt like THAT

GOOD LORD

This season is kinda making me love Tory, I'll admit

I never thought I'd see the day but here we are

SIAHDZUIYVDX JOHNNY TRAINING IN A PLACE WITH BLACK MOLD

Could this man BE any more delightfully unhinged

Johnny Lawrence's dojo marketing will never NOT be hysterical

"Smack-dab between the pipe supply and the burned-down Chuck E. Cheese" SIR

"I'm asexual" WELL at least we exist on television, right???

I guess this is the queer rep we get for Season 4, RIP

YOOOOO IT'S MY GIRL MOON

"I can't do the whole physical aggression thing" Remind me again why she and ELI FREAKING MOSKOWITZ are meant to be compatible at all??? Literally what even would they talk about??? Well REGARDLESS, can't help but admire her staunch determination to be a pacifist in a high school singlehandedly spearheading the local karate wars

"She's the best athlete in school and she's not afraid to get into a fight" Okay don't get me wrong, I'm still seething over Moon and Piper breaking up, BUT I do find it absolutely HYSTERICAL that Moon apparently has a type

Even funnier that Yasmine lowkey fits her type too, which is apparently mean, cocky bitches who don't take shit from anyone

Oh SHIT, Sam catching Amanda talking to Tory??? This boutta get JUICY

OKAY HERE WE GO HERE WE GO

BASEMENT SCENE LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO

See the full post

79 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

Season 4, Episode 10: An Extremely Chaotic and Incoherent Review

The Good:

LISTEN

YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE THESE GUYS PULL OUT THE MOST APT STAR WARS PREQUEL MEMES OF ALL TIME

AND NOT THINK I'M GONNA SHIP THE SHIT OUT OF THEM

DID ELI REALLY JUST SAY DEM SHOULD PULL AN "IT'S OVER ANAKIN I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND" ON ROBBY

WITH A STRAIGHT FACE

I can't with this man

I can 100% not tell if these boys are memeing or actually taking karate advice from the Star Wars prequels but honestly??? I fucking love it either way

Dumbasses (affectionate)

ALSO the absolutely doe-eyed way Eli looks at Demetri when he says "you're taller!!" Yeah you like your men taller, don't you, short king?

Come to think of it Eli has been basically nonstop giving Demetri doe eyes all season

Maybe that's just what his face looks like?

Nah he's still kinda smug smirking at the beginning of the season

But he does become very apt at looking like a sad puppy

I swear this fucker still looks at Demetri like he hung the sun though

Ohhhhh Demetri just going RUTHLESSLY at Robby fills me with LIFE

Demetri Alexopoulos and Robby Keene mortal enemies WHEN

Still morbidly satisfying to see all that paralysis, shaving, and dojo-betraying beef explode out of my boy Demetri in one fell swoop

Oh shit!!! The head kick!!! The THROWDOWN!!! We are at last seeing a glimpsed of the unhinged Demetri I have craved for so long, keep being scary my love

DID HE JUST DO THE "COME AT ME BRO" HAND MOVEMENT

OH HE IS SO PISSED

Seeing this gay nerd be aggressive and intense as hell is ascending me into nirvana

He has found his inner craving for violence and destruction, and I think that's very valid of him

Truly he and Eli are kindred spirits in ways S1 Demetri never could have imagined

You gotta love some irony

He's gone from yeeting out of every bad situation to being like "this dude shaved off my boyfriend's gay-ass hairdo and now I'm going to beat him to kingdom come"

You know what that is? GROWTH

Poor Daniel though, he's like "Oh no :( :( :( My karate sons are fighting :( :( :("

See the full post

80 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

Mr. LaRusso says anyone can be the hero, but I’m not Batman! I’m more like Alfred. You’re Batman!

***

Y’all thought I was gonna watch Season 4 and then NOT do a moodboard of The Basement Scene??? Preposterous. Completely absurd. Literally just gave me too many Vibes to work with for them not to be utilized.

Tried for more grayish/neutral colors for this one! Hopefully it’s not too boring ^^; I wanted to match the general energy of the scene, and both Demetri and Eli seem to be feeling kind of sad and empty here, SO.

Very happy I found a picture of “I love you” written in binary code ;_____;

Also, it has been said, but I’ll say it again: You have Demetri look at Eli like that, and...what??? Expect me to buy Demetri isn’t deeply in love with him??? To buy that Demetri Alexopoulos’s feelings for his best friend are nothing but platonic??? I respectfully disagree, and also, you are an idiot.

The top left pic is what should’ve happened after the basement scene XD

Pic credits available upon request!

82 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

“They were expecting to find Miguel Diaz. What they weren’t expecting to find was love.”

Imagining of Season 5 in which Demetri and Eli go on a totally straight and totally heterosexual Dudebro road trip to Mexico to find their best friend. Unfortunately, when you’re trapped in a car with someone for hours on end, you might have to start confronting some feelings you wish weren’t there.

Well, everyone, I caved. I fucking caved. I said so many times that I wasn’t going to write CK fanfiction because GODDAMN if I don’t have too many WIPs in other fandoms, but like. The desire to write a homoerotic road trip fic was just too damn much.

I’ve never tried formally writing these two before, so I have no idea if it’s any good, but GOD did I try lol. Not much plot here, mostly just Vibes, gay tension, and missing and worrying about Best Boy Miguel!!! Also written partly out of spite because I’m just constantly seeing Miguel/Demetri friendship erasure in the fandom and it’s gotten me HEATED, so now I’m writing about Demetri going off to find Miguel in Mexico and internally monologuing about how worried he is and y’all just gonna have to deal with it. Fun fact: Miguel and Demetri love each other, and I will not hear otherwise under any circumstances :D

Also I can’t believe I’ve been in this fandom over a year and it took fucking writing this fic to realize Demetri has an extremely bad case of generalized anxiety disorder D: Like he worries about every all the time and honestly? Same

Uhhhhh CW for mentions of human trafficking, even if it’s done in jest (they’re teenage boys after all, this is the kinda thing teenage boys joke about lol) and some zesty...physical references, but the sauciest thing they do is make out because I’m asexual and do not wish to write smut XD

Fic is under the cut!!! Be warned, it is a 4k word longboi!!!

EDIT: There is now a sequel here as well!!!

***

“I cannot even begin to tell you how unsafe this is.”

“Uh huh. Go on.”

“I’m serious, Eli! We’re parked out in the middle of nowhere in a desert that never ends and the only signs of civilization are those cars going by on the highway at like 90 miles an hour. This is how people get kidnapped. And used for…I don’t know, human trafficking or something.”

Eli rolls over from where he lies next to Demetri on the car roof, scowling at him. “You think the traffickers are going to want you?”

Demetri scoffs, offended at the implication. “I’ll have you know I am a catch! The hottest girl in school thought so for a while.”

Eli breaks into a smirk. “Didn’t Yasmine like…use you as a beard, dude?”

“That’s not—she’s not—she didn’t—look, it doesn’t count if she didn’t know she was lesbian until after we got together!” Demetri splutters, gesturing vaguely as he attempts to arrive at a point.

“Wouldn’t that make it even worse?”

“Still speaks volumes to my suave disposition that she had no issue appearing to be dating me.”

“I’ll never understand it.” Eli turns away, gaze flicking back up to the stars.

“As I was saying.” Demetri stubbornly goes on. Someone has to knock some sense into Eli Moskowitz—access that logical coding brain he knows is in there somewhere. “Just because we’re a little ways off the main road doesn’t mean someone isn’t going to see us parked out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. They could still come out here, break into the car, and do—well, whatever they want! It’s not like anyone would hear us yelling for help. We should have gotten a motel room.”

Eli snorts. “What, are we throwing hundred dollar bills around like we’re Terry Fucking Silver? It was hard enough mooching enough gas money off my mom. Besides, we know karate. If anyone comes after us, we could take them.”

Demetri rolls his eyes. “Right, my bad. I forgot I’m under the protection of the latest AVT champ.”

“Damn right.”

“I’m holding you to that, by the way. If we get kidnapped, and you can’t fend them off, I’m going to be really mad.”

“Completely understandable.”

A lull passes over the boys. For several moments, there’s no sound but desert wind, the hum of crickets and cicadas, and the sound of distant traffic. They had pulled off onto some dirt service road and driven for a while before they arrived and parked at what Eli decided was “the perfect sleeping spot.”

“I can’t believe you’re not tired,” Eli pipes up. “You’ve been driving like…all day.”

Demetri shrugs, car roof cool against his neck and shoulders. The sweltering daytime heat has long since faded from the metal.

“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to stargaze again. It’s kind of hard with all the light pollution. I remember we used to try on your trampoline, and whenever we’d get excited about a particularly bright one, it would turn out to be LAX’s newest outgoing flight.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more going on out here. Might as well enjoy it.”

See the full post

175 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Binary Boyfriends S4 Fix-It Fics That I Need Immediately

WHAT UP BINARY BOYFRIENDS NATION, WHO’S READY TO WRITE SOME FIX-IT FIC???

Apologies in advance if any of these have already been done, but consider!!! I am always down to see more!!!

Psyche! Its turns out Yasmine and Demetri both are absolutely aware that they’re gay and are 100% faking a straight relationship to seem more cool and normal! The only reason they sell the horniness so well is because they’re both theatrical motherfuckers and wanna see how much they can overdramatically ham it up to fool the entire school into thinking they’re heterosexual

Demetri attempts to stand up for Hawk with Chris and Nate! Make no mistake, not because I think it would work, but because Demetri sometimes has 0 tact when he gets angry and I think the fallout would be very funny

Demetri and Hawk spar, but Hawk accidentally hits Demetri too hard!!! Angst ensues!!!

Demetri and Hawk spar, and they get all amped up on adrenaline and suddenly one is shoving the other against the dojo wall and making out with them!!! The entire dojo sees them and it’s very funny

Demetri jumps off the building!!! And brags about it to Hawk!!! Hawk looks at him with heart eyes because he’s a badass!!!

Alternatively, Demetri tries to jump and lands on the mattresses. He has to go to the hospital. Hawk visits him and switches between heaping on adoring praise for being so ballsy and yelling at Demetri for being so stupid and scaring the shit out of him.

Bonus points if Demetri literally only jumped to impress Hawk

Demetri and Hawk being utter and complete overprotective karate dads to Nate and Bert

Like remember how they both adopted them as their sons??? LET’S DO SOMETHING WITH THAT

Demetri dyeing Hawk’s hair in the bathtub and it’s very intimate and they keep aggressively tryna No Homo it

I think this may have already been done but I am literally always down to see it again

POV: You’re a Cobra Kai goon about to help the scary Keene kid shave off some dude’s gay-ass purple mohawk when there’s a crash and the most gangly, uncoordinated dweeb you’ve ever seen busts in through the tattoo shop window

You’re like “who’s this clown”

But “clown” as in horror movie clown specifically, because this interloper has a mildly to moderately unsettling look on his face

Cue the unsettling clown saying “Evening gentlemen :) :) :) Hope you’re not about to do something you regret to my pal Eli here :) :) :)” in a really quiet and calm tone of voice, which is. DEEPLY terrifying

*cue Demetri breaking into the world’s hugest and most horrifying slasher smile*

And he unleashes nine levels of hell on the Cobras, because he deserves to

Bonus points if he steals the razor and goes just a BIT slash-happy on them

Or strangles Kyler with the belt thing he was holding Eli down with

I just think Demetri should be allowed to completely fucking lose it and become the scariest motherfucker you’ve ever seen when someone messes with his boyfriend Eli Moskowitz

No really, just stop what you’re doing and imagine Demetri chasing Kyler through the tattoo parlor with a shaver Shining-style like “HEEEEERE’S ‘METRI!”

Like would that fuck or WHAT

On a related note, Demetri going full Slasher Movie Villain on the Cobras to get revenge after they shave the ‘hawk would also be acceptable

I think he should bring Miguel along too, I think that would be neat

Just a couple of best bros going to inflict unspeakable violence on the ne’er-do-wells who brutally violated their other best bro, don’t mind them

Demetri still gets to be more unhinged through

Because a) that’s his fucking boyfriend whose hair they’re avenging and b) Miguel has already gotten to be scary on many occasions!!! Let Demetri have a turn!!!

See the full post

181 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

...okay so not nearly as funny as last year's (where my 2nd most popular post was my dumb Scott Pilgrim shitpost) but I'm very pleased with my longest tag. It's very correct and absolutely hysterical.

Wild that I apparently posted more than I did at the height of my 2021 hyperfixation. I guess Season 4 and my frantic desire to ramble about everything will do that to ya.

AKAJSDIPVFOU LOOK AT CHAPTER 1 OF THE ROAD TRIP FIC MAKING IT INTO MY TOP 5 GOOD FOR HIM GOOD FOR HIM

(Obligatory reminder that all 6 chapters of the road trip fic are on my AO3 SummerPhlox if you want to read/comment there lol)

YO CONGRATS TO MY BLORBO DEMETRI ALEXOPOULOS FOR BEING MY #1 TAG OF 2022 I'M SO PROUD OF MY SON GOOD FOR HIM

And my other blorbo Miguel Diaz making the top 10 tags too, we love to see it <3

Happy almost-2-year-anniversary to this blog lmao what the fuck I thought I'd have a little mini baby hyperfixation on some nerdy karate gays and then I'd go about my business but irl plot twists are more wild than any movie I've ever seen because somehow I'm still fucking here

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #demetri alexopoulos #miguel diaz #binary boyfriends #eli moskowitz #elimetri #demetri cobra kai #hawk #hawkmeat #cobra kai #hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #demetri x hawk #eli x demetri #gonna go ahead and add all the Elimetri tags since they're like 90% of what I post about #and here's a collection of shitposts about them lol

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the-firebird69 · 1 year

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So our son and daughter okay they're cracking jokes he's got his new thing that's holding his phone so he doesn't have to bend forward that far and he's saying I feel jealous of Stephen Hawking who has all the technology he can say stuff and turns into words and it comes out sounding like a computer then people are correcting him he has to type it oh yeah. But here we go there's several things happening today one is

- there's a giant number of people going after Trump for his presentation and they're real and they're dangerous and they are seeking other people for commenting for noting stuff and Tommy says our son and he's been after him anyways so we're going after them and returning the tables

-another news they are firing people who working in the media too many secret messages too many eyes blinking too many things they're telling them to do and it's all treason and terror and we agree they should not be doing that to people they don't know who they are they're just doing it to anybody they have plenty of clones to interview and question they don't feel like doing it for some reason and Trump does and others but boy there's a lot of people who are falling down on it we see a lot of it

-we're getting serious threats against us and our people here a little bit against our son too and we're checking it all out we're going after them and laying them to waste not one is ignored so far today we picked up 455 people and we got their people's addresses and names and are going after them

-there's a serious amount of loss happening here there are 450,000 people that were in Port Charlotte who are morlock including clones there were 300,000 in punta Gorda that were in clones now there's account of $200,000 in Port Charlotte and of course these are all regions and generals and 100,000 in punta Gorda regents and generals granted that 5 to 10% of evacuated and are alive and well on the big Islands or in California or in very few other places. This is a crisis and it's growing because the animosity and hatred is increasing seems to be okay he knows the max talk down to people about me he says and right in front of everyone and they're not a bashed about it and they use code about it all the time and everyone sees it

-giant numbers of people are coming from the north right now it is about 450 octillion that's a very large Force and large forces from the southeast about 200 octillion and there's a growing Force building in the south from the last incursion and from being here of about 300,000 octillion and it is headed this way shortly and it is coming this way because Florida is being plugged up and emptied. Invasion forces growing at this time it is about 200 million octillion on the islands alone 400 million octillion in Russia 500 million octillion in Canada and 300 million in Northern Brazil and that area is loading up again that last one and by see they expect to have 500 million octillion. These numbers seem out of skew well they are no one has that many people and just take off the million and for octillion just take off the octillion and go to billion if that's a ton of people but really 500 octillion is a load of people that's a whole area last night the force that gathered was 100 octillion at the five points but the night before it was 300 octillion but that's almost a whole area as we explained the downtown area and the outskirts on the surface is six of octillion I usually there's 20 bunkers that are 60s and each one holds about 50 octillion or you can't breathe or it's a wind tunnel so we are experiencing a massive Army actually forming and finally

-is also a huge number of people looking for ships giant numbers and it is gigantic okay there's huge amounts of fighting over them wherever they've incited whatever make model of those people there and large numbers

-today is a decent day it is Sunday but they are releasing a lot of people and really they don't want you there and you don't want to see them it's very nasty that's the main reason and dangerous everyone's in the middle and did no good for you there's a number of businesses and jobs that are being let loose that you're probably not aware of Wells Fargo diebold brinks and many transport companies are firing all more lock because they're trying to steal our son's money and other money of Jen and people she knew for crying out loud it's a huge amount of money and Max were using other people for code money their money too not everyone and not all their money that would be ridiculous but when they're using money around our son it was collected and most of the time it was more like money.

My son wants us to publish and daughter and we agree

Thor Freya

Is to get the point out it's not just our money it's you right here bothering us

Hera Zues

Olympus

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theofficefantasyfootball · 2 years

Text

WEEK 5 - Wrap Up

Don't Be Afraid To Make Mistakes

youtube

I never watched Arrested Development when it first aired, but I have been watching it the past few weeks - and I am hooked. This clip is a great reminder that we can't be afraid to make mistakes. But, like you will hear in the Lanakila paragraph, we do have to realize that making mistakes can cost you. So, don't be afraid but do accept the consequences. MMMK (as Jason Bateman would say)

LANAKILA vs TuPADRE

Well, why don't I just tell you rather than making you wait. So this weekend we had a Point of Grace Fan Weekend. 40 "fans" pay big money to hang out with POG in various places around town. One of the nights was a dinner in my backyard and Cliff came to help me set up and tear down. That night he said..." I think that I am going to play Taysom Hill as my TE and I think he might end up being the QB before the game is over and I will get all those points too". I said absolutely - that sounds great. Then Sunday came, and I checked and Hill had 41 points - but was on Cliff's bench. He made a mistake. He got busy and forgot to add Hill to the line up...so he lost to Gullahorn. Nice win Andy. I bet you thought you had the high point didn't you? Tough Breaks. Cliff, lessons learned.

KELCE LATELY vs MR AWESOME

All I want to say is I beat Gabe. Gabe is 0-5 now. If I lost and gave him his first win I would have been so discouraged. So I am surprised, relieved and happy. Sorry Gabe. That's all I am going to say!

TREE HUGGERS vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

Sorry - but I am a bit confused. Not that Scott isn't good at fantasy football, because of course he is...he's 3-2 after all. But, Bebo started his season so strong, winning the first two games and now he has lost the last 3 in a row. Bebo? What up dude? You okay? 76 points is all you got? Scott, great week. You didn't even need Mahomes or Adams but points are points am I right? And congrats on having the Penny back up (Walker) waiting in the wings. I'm happy you will get to watch the Seahawks and your running back at the same time. Nice Win and nice way to steal away the high point during MNF ($20)! Just Huge Games from Mahomes and Adams!

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs HOWARD

We say Bye Bye Bye to Mooses on the Looses 3 game winning streak. Taken down by the most unlikely of candidates - Rob Howard who funny as it is - ends his 3 game losing streak. Some dude named Breece Hall put up over 30 points for Howard and both Hurts and Kamara were back in full capacity. Throw on a brilliant day from the Dallas Cowboys defense and you cook up a win! Nice one Rob. Moose - take a seat and accept the fact that even you can lose every now and then. TRADE WITH ME vs BACKDOOR BANDITS

I will be honest. I picked this GIF cause it looked kind of funny and usually I try to make the paragraph about the GIF...but this game was so low scoring and unimpressive that no one is even probably reading this so I am just going to say Kyle won. He deserved the win and so him winning was the right thing.

BOOMER SOONER vs FUNK GUY

And so now we come to the game of the week...the MNF battle between Stu Jones and Dana Cappillino. Dana was finished going into the night with 95.76 and Stu had two monster running backs yet to play - Josh Jacobs and Edwards-Helaire - but was down 22.46. With the Raiders taking an early lead - Josh Jacobs was getting the ball a ton...and in the first half he already had a TD and 73 yards rushing. Stu basically needed 5 points in the second half of the game from these two players. Or just 27 more yards from Jacobs to grab the 100 yard bonus. And just before the end of the 3rd quarter...that is what happened. Jacobs put Stu into the win category. Sorry Dana...but you can put up double digits and secure the win. Not in this league.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

This weeks Cheerleader is this girl. I don't know who she is but each week as I search for our winner she pops up. So some girl from the New England Patriots wins this week...don't you agree?

#Youtube

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ocean-anchored · 2 years

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Dear future self... Oct 5, 22

I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, scrolling on my phone avoiding writing. I’ve avoided writing for a few weeks, maybe avoiding isn’t the right word but I keep thinking about how I should write and then I dont. My mind just goes blank, yet leading up to it I think of the 100 things I want to say until I sit infront of my screen wondering what on earth to say. I still dont know. The last three weeks I’ve felt more emotional than I have in years, to a point where I’m starting to feel like I can’t control my emotions. So much so that last week I actually considering if I should be going back on anxiety medication to even myself out because I just don’t feel like I’m living in my own life. I’m not even on my period, dont get me wrong man I can be a hormonal mess when the time comes but I’m not and yet last friday I couldn’t keep myself from crying. Sunday I cried talking to my mom and tonight I’ve held back tears and my mind has been r-u-n-n-i-n-g. Maybe it’s just the season. I have so much trauma that goes so damn deep this time of year that maybe my anxiety just goes off the charts leading up to this holiday that I just can’t control myself. This is why I keep leaning towards believing I need to just spend this weekend alone. I just honestly can’t remember the last birthday that I was happy or that something didn’t fuck it up, it’s almost like it actually is cursed. Assuming my dad has probably cursed me 100 times on this day. Last year started okay, I actually thought that maybe I would have an ok year up until I dropped Grayson flat on his face at 4 months old and they had to spend yet another night in the hospital to make sure he was okay. The year before that my marriage was on rocks and my sister joked about wanting to end her life, it was a lot of forcing happiness that day I remember. The year before I recall only a few of the girl friends last minute planning a breakfast to celebrate which I recall being so awkward because it felt so fake. Travis never made anytime stand out and every birthday before my relationship was absolute shit especially my 18th. Maybe I really do just have way to high of expectations that people want to celebrate me. I mean yes my family, whatever the fuck is left of it wants to but god love my mom I think she knows how much I hate my birthday that she tries too hard and it just feels forced. I miss my brother so damn much it’s not even funny. I dont expect a message, as I told my mom if anything Amanda will text me on their behalf sending a very lame, light hearted message about how she hopes I have a good day & maybe wishes we were on talking terms but that would be a surprise in itself if she even texts. Honestly I think all I genuinely want for my birthday is for Steven to talk to me, to reconcile our relationship. It absolutely breaks me. He’s been my best friend for my whole life, I recall more good memories of my birthday with him than anyone in my life. He always made a point to spend time with me and make it special somehow, always planned something that he knew would make me happy. That’s literally all I want. I dont want to spend it with anyone, it’s just a constant reminder of how broken my family is and how little I feel important in anyones life because 90% of people over the years aren’t in my life anymore and what for? It’s cute that my mom tells me how great of a friend I am and that anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend but how is it that I’ve been trying so hard to make friends for the last two years and I’m still here today with no girl friends. Idk. If you ask me on the right day I’ll tell you im happy, because I am for the most part. I’ve come a really long way from a year, two, even four years ago and yah I’m proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve gone through but I know it’s okay to feel sad and sometimes I just need to feel that. I think I’ve been such a positive thinker, not really allowing myself to dwell in anything negative for a majority of this year which is great but can be unrealistic. Although I can say I am in some cases the most happiest I’ve been in a very long time, there’s still things I wish I could change and that I’m not happy about. That’s life. Can’t always have it all. Because sometimes it really is better to expect the worst or not have any expectations, so you don’t get disappointed. I guess this hasn’t really been much of an update rather than just an emotional jumble mess. I guess to recap my life where things are at right now so I can look back on this one day.. -I’m living off 17th with my soon to be old boss’ two sons whom are good friends of mine. That actually going a lot better than I thought. I mean I didn’t think it would be bad, I was a bit nervous about living with Dillon and his peer pressure and not being clean but it’s been good so far. Saying that being only 2 months in so maybe ask me in another 5 months haha. -I’m still not divorced yet. That’s fun. That was a fun story to re-live again tonight. He, being Richardt, asked me if it bothers me to talk about it, which it doesnt but i think I realize the more I talk about it A the more I feel like it was in a different lifetime and B that I see so many mistakes and how I sometimes I wish I didn’t have that relationship or get married but I guess it taught me more things than I ever imagined. But it’s frustrating how long the process takes, I really do wish I could have just gotten the divorce done but damn rules and thinking people want to get back together within a year, certainly not the case. Still dealing with Vivint and the continual repercussions of Travis royally fucking me over and ruining my credit. It’s funny that Rich made a comment about telling me that I should sue him. If only I had the resources but it’s taken so much of my brain power that it’s just not worth it, even if it’s hurting me 15 months later. -Yes I mentioned Richardt, I’m dating someone. Weird. Weird to be called a girlfriend again. I speak pretty highly of him but it’s also quite fresh and once again, trying really hard not to get my expectations too high or my excitement because who knows. He makes multiple comments that he wants to spend forever but there’s times I still struggle because he had been alone for so long that he’s so okay with it and I get that it takes a lot to get back into the swing of things and make room for someone else in your life that takes up so much space but man, tonight I realized how dumb I am. I mean I love our deep talks, we talked a lot about my relationship with Trav and he shared some of his fears about comfort and not getting too comfy in one place because things can change, but I also felt way too vulnerable tonight. Here I’ve been debating the last few weeks how much I should really share about my feelings and how I feel a little too deeply and now I regret saying what I did tonight. Idk, I mean maybe I had a very small expectation or hope that he would have said something back of the similar sort but idk, I guess I’ll just say I’d rather not re-live that moment over again. -I’m changing careers again. I’ve been in construction and restoration my whole life, yes administration but I’ve been with Danny for nearly 5 years, less 10 months of course. For a long time I thought that I would be there for life or at least for a very very long time. I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work for Ed. Given that I for years and years always wanted to work for him, it’s crazy that the time is here. I remember hoping months back that he would have full time work for me and here I am quitting and starting something totally different, with a lot of responsibility and room for error. It’s terrifying. I’m really scared honestly. I have had so much anxiety lately, more than I’ve had in a couple years but I really am hoping and praying that this is going to change my life for the better and really take me in a completely different direction that I could have never imagined. I was feeling stagnant with Danny. I felt like I hit a ceiling of pay unless I would go to school for something or change positions completely, I felt like there wasn’t really more I could do, take on or achieve. Not to toot my horn but I do two job positions and I have given my heart but it just, it was time. Im excited but I’m scared shitless. I guess well see what my life update is in the future to how I’m doing but I think it’s cool that I can look back on this one day and remember the transition and feelings of how I have no idea what I’m doing but Ed believes in me so let’s giver. -Have I mentioned I’m still not talking to my brother? Yea. Been the longest time I’ve ever gone. I mean on the flip side, meliss and I keep getting closer than I ever imagined we could which is a real blessing. But I miss spending time with my mom. I used to see her 2-3 times a week and now I’m lucky if I even see her once a week. Life gets too busy I really hate it. As much as I’m complaining and sad in a majority of this update, I am very appreciative and blessed to have the people I do in my life. I wont take that for granted. Always remembering how far I’ve come. I can’t remember what it was but as we were walking out the door today and Richardt brought up a topic I laughed and said haha there’s a lot more of where that trauma came from and I think it just reminded me of really how much I’ve gone through at only 28 years old. Oh my dad’s still not in jail yet so that’s a shame. Maybe one day. He really is a piece of shit. Anyways, my brain hurts and I feel like I’ve gotten a lot of emotion out tonight even though I didn’t give as much of an update as I would have liked to. Until next time.

#personal #life update #dear future self

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f1 · 2 years

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Sainz defends Ferrari strategy after late pit stop sees him finish fifth in French GP recovery drive

Carlos Sainz was voted Driver of the Day in France, having come from 19th to fifth in the race. And while the Ferrari driver said he could have taken a podium with a “perfect race”, he was content with the team’s strategy and the points he clinched on Sunday. Sainz started 19th (thanks to grid penalties) on hard tyres and made it as high as P3, passing George Russell and Sergio Perez after the Safety Car for Charles Leclerc's crash. However, the Spaniard had copped a five-second penalty for an unsafe release, and the team chose to see him serve that in the pits and take another set of medium tyres on Lap 42, after which he recovered to fifth by the flag. READ MORE: 'I'm losing too many points' says Leclerc as he takes blame for 'unacceptable' mistake that cost him lead in France Asked if he could have won, he replied: “No, no, not the win, but the podium position, I think with a perfect race we could have made it; the win I think, Max [Verstappen] was pretty fast and perfect out there, so starting last it’s not like you can beat Max. But yes, it felt like a good recovery, fast pace. I think without the penalty, if we would have started on pole or on the first row like we could have done yesterday, the win would have been definitely possible. “I think the team is doing a very good job on strategy this year; I still believe at Ferrari we get super-criticised for things that other teams might be going through also in the pit stop windows, and every time there’s a tricky moment on strategy, we are discussing things. But we are not a disaster like people seem to say we are. We like to discuss things, we are open about them.” Carlos Sainz 'had a lot of fun going through the field' in French GP Ferrari’s strategy was further criticised by some as Sainz was asked to pit just as he was lining up a pass on Perez for the final podium place (main video) – but Sainz defended that call and explained why he did end up pitting for another set of medium compounds after overtaking the Red Bull. “Yes, I was in the middle of an overtake but I didn’t believe that was the right lap to stop and come back through the field,” he said. “I believe that maybe at the time it was better to risk it and stay out and see what happens to the tyres… but I had just made it to P3 and I saw a podium position that I said, if I make these tyres last, maybe I can finish on the podium. READ MORE: 63-point championship lead ‘probably bigger than it should’ve been’ admits Verstappen after French GP win “But we will never know, it was a feeling; the team has a lot more data on the computer, they have a lot more numbers to go through and if they took that decision, I’m 100% convinced that they took it with the best of intentions and with the best of spirits. It’s just, we need to keep progressing and we need to analyse everything and see if we can do better, but I’m convinced the team is doing a good job there.” With P5 and the bonus point for fastest lap, Sainz left France happy with his haul. “We started 19th and how the pit stop went and how everything turned out, to be finishing P5 and the point for fastest lap, it’s okay. I’m going to take it, but I believe with a perfect race we could have been further up.” via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

#F1 #Sainz defends Ferrari strategy after late pit stop sees him finish fifth in French GP recovery drive #Formula 1

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daincrediblegg · 2 years

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OKAY BUT

A FAUX BUZZFEED UNSOLVED ON CROCKETT SOUNDS FREAKING AWESOME????

DOESN'T IT JUST????? I mean god FUCK I can see it so clearly:

Like... "The Curious Case of Crockett Island" would be such a gas. Start off with a lil exposition on the Island about how it's a small community of a little over 100 people, and that the population was so small because of an oil spill that basically killed the fishing industry there a few years earlier. Over the course of a month however all but 2 of 127 residents were found dead on the island. There's probably precious little information about it in the aftermath but what is available is this (listed chronologically for the rough timeline of things):

Bill (aka Bowl)'s mom knows he went missing on the island and I don't think she was herself an islander- and that Hassan filed missing persons reports for both him and Joe Collie (not for Riley though he was just starting it before the blackout) before the big mass- so there's missing persons involved

Probably a flyer about Leesa's miracle got off island, but it's likely that whoever has it kept it under wraps- or they're building a conspiracy theory around it that Ryan would believe but that Shane wouldn't (this includes multiple "sightings" of an odd creature with leathery skin and wings and glowing yellow eyes- mothman-esque cryptid shit)

The whole island was burned to the ground on easter sunday- the fire started in the early morning and burned through part of the day until rescue crews arrived (likely that people would rush over from the mainland in the morning bc a lot of smoke like that is probably hard to miss), and fire department would probably be able to tell that it was started by molotovs in several of the houses. The only body that would've been found completely undamaged is Sheriff Hassan's (being that he was on the beach at time of death), although it's likely that they would've found Erin and Sarah's remains relatively intact too

Leesa and Warren would've been catalogued as the sole survivors of the incident but would probably not tell the cops anything about the vampire shit when they pick them up- so their story will probably seem believable (i.e. the island caught fire so we just booked it on the canoe) but won't be able to explain shit like: scorch marks on the sand from where Bev burned up isolated from the rest of the fires- and the fact that the ashes there are likely going to be tested and find evidence of human remains and scraps of clothing. Also in the church they'd probably find all those bottles of poison emptied and that will be a heavy point of contention.

The ONLY islander who remains unaccounted for is Riley Flynn (being that he was in Erin's little row boat when he died- which was on a beach so it's likely that would've caught and his ashes were swept out to sea)

6) possible the cops found out about Bev's money laundering scheme posthumously.

So with that fun reverse engineering in mind, the isolated theories they have left are these:

Cult shit that resulted in the whole island setting themselves on fire. (the strongest theory)- to which Shane once again breaks out the "too much church!" joke. They pin it on Bev Keane because she had motive to get rid of everyone if they found out about her money laundry- "but like hOW DO YOU CONVINCE A WHOLE TOWN????" "Too much church!"

Riley the convicted criminal set the island on fire. (Nobody is buying it but it's a theory that's out there because of Cop bias- Ryan and Shane wouldn't buy that as a motive bc he was catalogued as having gone to his AA meetings and following the terms of his parole to the letter).

Ryan would of course JUMP on the idea of some supernatural cryptid being at fault for all of this somehow- but it wouldn't necessarily explain everybody being set on fire- and there's not enough evidence to corelate the two (unfortunately for him bc he's right).

Goofs and Jokes include:

DNA evidence proved at last that Sarah Gunning was John Pruitt's illigitimate child- since her DNA along with Mildred AND John's would be found in the same spot- and Shane goes absolutely ape shit about it. He is very invested in the idea of a hot priest saga.

Shitting on Bev Keane for laundering church money. "Such Karen behavior" "She's very Sus". At this point Shane is astounded by how many fucking angles this thing has. Holy Moly.

Shane probably meets the winged cryptid theory with something like "it's an albatross move on"- "Now hold on." "Have you seen how big those things can get? They're huge!" "Person sized?" "Yes!"

Being very upset finding out Sheriff Hassan died bc they've been following his whole shit from the beginning. Immediately blame Bev.

Suspect that she was also taking advantage of the old priest assuming the cult theory is true (and they're right!) and they feel bad for him. Shane immitates ol' peepaw pruitt being clueless about cult shit happening at Bev's behest.

#behold the crossover we all deserve #buzzfeed unsolved #watcher entertainment #midnight mass #headcanons #y'all are welcome for this monstrosity #I have been watching far too much shit from their channel lately lmao like holy shit #father paul #sheriff hassan #hassan el shabbaz

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raspberryranpo · 3 years

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Hi! I've never made a request before, and I can't find a post that says if requests are open or not so I hope this is okay. BUT. If they are open, would I be able to request some fluffy headcanons with Felix, Sylvain, and the three head of houses (Dimi, Claude and Edie) if possible? If you don't write for characters separately like that then maybe just black eagles fluffy headcanons? I love your writing and I hope you have an amazing day/night 🥰❤️

general fluff headcanons

fire emblem three houses: dimitri, claude, edelgard, felix & sylvain

requests are still open by the way!! please just bear with me because i’m trying my hardest to get through a bunch of them this week after not doing anything for a while

DIMITRI

prefers to link arms with you rather than hold your hand because he’s scared that he’ll end up hurting you

loves to have you brush his hair when you’re getting ready for bed. on more than one occasion, he’s managed to pass out on your lap

going back to what i said before about cottagecore dimitri….. during your school days, he liked to talk about how, in the future, you & he would have a small house in the faerghus countryside, surrounded by nothing but nature

will gently tuck your hair behind your ear or pick an eyelash off of your face without worrying about embarrassing you because that never occurs to him

talks about you to his friends and the nobles he has to deal with as king too - they hear about you nonstop and it drives them absolutely crazy, but it’s still heartwarming to see the previously silent prince now blab on about the person he loves

CLAUDE

sometimes you can feel claude’s prickly beard when you both wake up in the morning & he always makes it a point to wake you up by rubbing it into your neck

blows raspberries into your skin whenever he sees an opportunity to. of course, he doesn’t do this around just anyone - mostly in front of lorenz just to make him uncomfortable though

whenever he comes home, he runs straight to wherever you are & scoops you up effortlessly, swinging you back and forth and kissing you all over

knows how to style your hair and will play with it at any given opportunity, meaning that whenever he’s bored and you’re bored and you’re both in a meeting, he’s reaching over to twirl a strand in his fingers

plays with the orphans in the monastery whenever he passes them by - for example, if they’re playing football, he’ll kick the ball around with them for five minutes and praise them, even if he’s needed immediately at an important meeting. it always makes them smile & he’s a favourite among them

EDELGARD

you’ve seen her talking to the cats and dogs dotted around the monastery on more than one occasion. she won’t admit it, but you both know that she does it

is 100% hiding a cat in her room and you can hear it on occasion through the window. the cat sometimes finds its way into the room next door (hubert’s) and you can also hear him fawning over it too

whenever she’s bored in a meeting, she’ll just lean over and rest her head on your shoulder, shutting her eyes once she’s sure that nobody’ll notice

has an exceptional singing voice. dorothea has asked her to join mittelfrank multiple times but she’s refused - however, she does enjoy singing you to sleep whenever you’re both together at night

you guys always have tea parties every sunday with zero exceptions. all you do is drink tea and talk trash about the blue lions with the hopes that one of them will walk past and hear. sometimes hubert joins, and those days are always the harshest yet funniest.

SYLVAIN

reads a book before bed every night, otherwise he can’t sleep. he has little reading glasses too & it’s the most old man thing he’s ever done. he’s also probably afraid of the dark too bless

every time he walks past you & you’re sitting down, he’ll either a) ruffle your hair and then kiss the top of your head, or b) push down on your head so that you hit the table or the thing you’re holding just to get on your nerves

will talk about the most random topics for hours on end - you could ask him about giant squids and he’d know everything there is to know, and then some. he’s incredibly nerdy & whenever he’s around you, his mouth just starts running, half out of nervousness and half out of the need to impress you

saying that, he probably knows everything about everyone, much like gretchen from mean girls. whenever there’s someone being mean to you, he’ll come out and say their darkest secret just to get revenge

genuinely listens to all you have to say without zoning out or talking over you. and he remembers the smallest things, too - you could mention how you saw a really cute necklace the other day, and the next thing you know, he’s holding it up in front of you

FELIX

is incredibly soft behind closed doors. i know i say this every time i do something fluffy for felix, but it’s true. he can’t bring himself to even hold your hand otherwise because he’s too busy worrying about whether his hands are too sweaty or if he’ll crush your hands

instead of holding hands, though, he’ll gladly hold your pinky. every so often he squeezes it just to let you know that he’s still there and that he still cares about you

everything you look at in shops, he buys, zero hesitation. even if you protest, he tries to reason that you deserve it and that money is of no relevance to him whatsoever. he purely just wants to see you happy

he (very reluctantly) took you to meet his father once. rodrigue loved you, saying that you’re a good influence on felix, and that he hopes that felix is treating you right. baby pictures are shown, and felix is fuming by the time you leave

felix also has reading glasses and no i do not accept criticism. he doesn’t even read that often, but he knows that you think he looks cute with his dinky glasses on, so he puts them on more often. they slide down his face sometimes & he blushes when you push them back up for him

#fire emblem three houses #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses headcanons #fe3h #fe3h x reader #fe3h headcanons #dimitri x reader #dimitri x byleth #claude x reader #claude x byleth #edelgard x reader #edelgard x byleth #felix x reader #felix x byleth #sylvain x reader #sylvain x byleth #my posts #headcanons

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oonajaeadira · 2 years

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I just love your Javi and Sunday and I can't think of this scenario: It's brutally hot and Sunday once again overworks herself. When she faints in front of Javi because she refused to take her well earned breaks, he sits with her until his private doctor has taken care of her and he refuses to leave until she wakes up. When she does, she wants to go back to work and he gets angry - because he blames himself for not noticing sooner and because she works too hard.

He would be the type to do that, for sure! If Sunday got ill for any reason, he'd 100% be on it, calling in his doctor, hovering worriedly, being excessively attentive to the point where Sunday would have to assure him she was really okay to get up and go back to work after like four days in bed. He'd totally spoil her too. Fly in treats from Barcelona and Madrid. And then if he felt she was really okay, he wouldn't let her go back to work right away. He'd book them a week in Morocco or Santorini and drag her away on a vacation, make sure she was somewhere away from the house and relaxing.

I think it would be the one time Javi would hover on the edge of annoying...but in the most endearing way.

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danielxricciardo · 3 years

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Can you do one with Max, with 46 and 55 from angst list?

Summary: You are suffering from depression and Max tries to be by your side

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of suicide, depression

Word count: 3.6k+

46. “I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

55. “You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay.”

Depression feels like a lot of things.

It feels like sadness, which is what everyone will tell you. It's a pretty common thread.

"I'm worthless."

"Everyone thinks I'm a horrible burden."

So on and so forth.

Everyone in the world is happy but you, and in the end, you are a worthless piece of shit that doesn't belong in this otherwise glorious and happy place. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you are lying there on your bed in the same unlaundered pair of pajamas, wondering why you are even allowed to keep living any longer. Some meteor strikes or lightning bolts should be reserved for people like you because you are taking up space and oxygen and food and other resources that real, happy, productive people need.

It feels like emptiness. You have all these possibilities and none of them seem interesting. You could do some art, or play some music, but that just doesn't feel right. There's no joy in it. You could have sex with your significant other, but you can't muster up the desire. You could play video games, or read a book. But what's the point? There's no real benefit to all of it but passing the time. You could get up and make lunch. But no, you're not that hungry, and if you close your eyes, time will pass a little faster. You can lie there. That works. It doesn't require active effort to do something fruitless. Everything is as empty and fruitless as lying and staring out your window at the clouds and the shifting shadows of tree branches, and so why do anything else?

It feels like fatigue. Standing up out of your bed requires the same amount of bodily effort as climbing several flights of stairs. Managing to get dressed and walk outside is like running a race. Heaven helps you if you try to go to the store or a friend's house -- that may as well be on the other side of the continent. Every step is heavy. Every muscle motion requires ten times the work it used to. Exercise becomes difficult, and control over your body expires quickly. You become clumsier, so heavy lifting is right out. You daze out randomly, daydreaming, even dozing, so biking or running is hard. You feel most at home when you are entirely relaxed, so you lie down...and don't get up again until something like your bladder compels you.

It feels like a loss of control. You have no idea why your brain and body are doing this. You don't want to feel sad. Nobody wants to feel shitty and tired and empty all the time. People will look at you and say, "It's like you don't want to get better." Those people are idiots. You truly, deeply, from the bottom of your soul, have no idea why this has happened or what to do. It's not logical. It makes no sense. You woke up like this, or it crept in overtime or something like that. It's like a fog, a force of nature that sweeps in, occludes everything, and there's not one thing you can do about it from where you stand. Trying feels like taking a paper fan outside and trying to blow away the morning mist. Someone has tied puppet strings to your brain and is playing this hideous dance with it, and you don't have the scissors to cut them away. The dance doesn't make sense; it's arbitrary and rhythmless. If you had any sort of reasoning behind it, you could take control. But you don't.

It feels like desperation. You can't find a way out. You lie there at night, keening into your pillow like a wounded animal, making all sorts of noises that no human being should be able to make. You claw and scratch at the sheets, or at yourself, as the pain wrings itself out through bodily expression. The tears won't stop. You don't know why. All you know is that it hurts, it really and truly hurts, and you think if it goes on any longer, you're going to die. Right there. Bleed out on the floor. So you grab up your phone, and you call someone at 4 AM, and you beg them to please just make it stop. You bury yourself in books and movies because at least then you can imagine something else than yourself. You read nonstop. You have to have your fix. It's like an addiction, no, more like a life support machine. Otherworlds, fantasies of happiness, and real experiences that aren't your horrible existence become the iron lung keeping air flowing in and out. You are alive because you can stop thinking for a while. Your friends come over to comfort you. Their stories keep you sane and well, like dialysis for all the toxins in you. Your mind has failed at being independent, and now it relies on a thousand little machines to keep itself running. You rely on one machine until another comes to save you. You read books until your friends come by. You stretch out your time with friends until you have to bury yourself in a movie again just to keep the thought of real-life away.

It feels like untamed anger. Your friends can't keep this up forever. You fall further and further, and you eventually start dropping commitments. You have become That Person, the flake that everyone knows will back out. People start getting annoyed at you, annoyed at how they have to spend so much time just keeping you afloat, annoyed at how often you're causing them trouble by constantly disappearing and backing out of appointments, and so on. Your workplace gets annoyed at your lack of productivity. And then you can't take it anymore, and you want to scream at them, grab them by the throat and shake them because IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You start having twisted fantasies, the ones where you walk up to that person who keeps telling you he can't do this anymore, you're just too unreliable, putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. Just to make him know, for once, that FUCK HIM, your problems are REAL, DAMMIT, REAL, and he better FUCKING RESPECT that. And when you're gone, he'll fall to his knees and cry, and he'll say, he wishes he had understood, that he didn't mean to be so unkind, and the scar on his heart from his own failure will remain fresh and knotted for eternity. And then you shake yourself out of the daydream, and you wonder why you have turned into such a horrible person, someone who even considers ending their own life just to spite another human being. Then it creeps back in, the knowledge that the world is getting fed up with you...and the cycle begins again. You start thriving off these daydreams, because at the very least if you can't be happy, you can throw caution to the wind and get the petty, oddly satisfying revenge buried under all those layers of morality that are becoming worn and flaking away. It's just a fantasy, right? And it helps pass the time...

It feels like forever. You have forgotten what it's like to truly be joyful. You can imagine it, but it's not really you in those thoughts. This is who you are. This is your life. This is you.

It feels like you have only one thing truly under your power: your existence. You cannot choose what life throws at you. Your brain and body have betrayed you. Your friends have worn away, and you've fled from your job and any commitments you have.

It feels empowering. You can jump whenever you want.

But he accepted you the way you are. He never reproached you for negatively influencing his mentality or life, even though you knew he felt it too. He always listened to you, he was with you even at 2 in the morning when you were crying on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chest, and you knew it wasn't right. It wasn't right for him to go through, basically, what you were going through. But no matter how much you told him you could do it without his help, Max was coming back more insistently than ever.

He came up with the idea to start therapy. "You have to find out why you feel this way. Go at least once, see how it is, if you don't like it or feel that it doesn't help you, you will give up, okay?" That was a year and a half ago.

The psychologist gave you a diagnosis from the first session: Major Depressive Disorder. Sure you knew what the three words meant, but you didn't know what it meant to have a label on your condition.

"A major depressive disorder is characterized by one or more of these depressive episodes. the diagnosis of major depressive disorder requires depressed mood or anhedonia which is the loss of interest in pleasure and five or more signs or symptoms for the SIGECAPS mnemonic for a 2-week period. (SIGECAPS) Sleep Disturbance, loss of Interest, feeling Guilty, feeling fatigued and low in Energy, having decreased Concentration, decreased or increased Appetite and been agitated and slow and having Suicidal ideation."

It sounds incredible to you. Suicidal thoughts? Not everyone has a thought, somewhere, behind their mind 'What if I disappeared?'

You were prescribed Prozac and Zoloft and it helped. You weren't always sad anymore, you could go to the races with Max and support him as a normal girlfriend does. You apologized to my friends who tried to help me and whose lives you made impossible and you managed to get back to work, from home anyway. Sure, you still had moments when you felt like you weren't 100% yourself but not like before. You did therapy twice a week and the psychologist was happy with your evolution.

But being the stupid ass that you are, you stopped taking the medication. You took the last pill on Friday. Because you were fine. You felt ok, everyone around you told you you were better, you were doing amazing, so you were cured, right? Or so you thought. Saturday was normal. Sunday was not. Your mood and energy were very low. You woke up at like 2 in the afternoon. That is not unusual for you. You’re used to it. You were sad. You were exhausted. You knew that feeling like this was “no excuse” so you tried to force yourself to do it anyway. Typical of your life. You feel like you had already taken so much off work because of the triple-header, you were for three weeks attached to the hips with Max.

The only thing you thought of was dying. And that terrified you. And Max senses something was wrong. But he didn't want to tell something and ending up being wrong and you being upset by his misinterpretation. But, yes, he sensed that you were becoming your old self.

"Hey, babe," he snapped you out of your daydreaming. A tragic one, where you were finally at peace and Max was crying for you. You were on the verge of crying yourself at the mere image of Max in your head. But you pushed it far from your mind, somewhere in a dark corner for you to find it at an appropriate time to fantasize about your dying. "How about we go to a picnic? It's sunny outside."

Yes, the wheater was amazing. It was finally summer and you could go outside and spend some time with Max. But your brain literally is tricking you into thinking you don't deserve to enjoy the sunny day. Why? You don't have an answer.

"I'm not really in the mood, Max. Sorry."

You are not in the mood. That was his affirmation. You are not ok.

"You feeling good?"

"Yeah. Just tired I guess."

"But you just woke up."

You shrugged. He was right. You just woke up, so why do you feel like you were carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders? You couldn't walk. You almost felt like 18 months ago. And that is when it hit you. And Max, at the same time.

"Still taking your meds, I hope."

Silence. Your mind was like overcrowded and you couldn’t take it anymore. You grabbed your head and pulled your hair because you wanted it to stop. You were thinking that you didn’t know what to think. You didn’t know how to think. You didn’t know how you felt. You were like anxious-depressed-angry-miserable-irritable all in one. Your head was spinning with thoughts. Thoughts were talking over thoughts. So fast that you couldn’t even make out one complete sentence. It was just too much for you to handle. You just wanted someone to kill you.

Max came to you and he hugged you so hard you thought he could crush your bones right there and then. You calmed down eventually. But now you were embarrassed. Because Max saw you, again, at your lowest. Because you promised you'll get better, and for a while, you were better, but now you are fucked and back into square one. All those money on therapy and your pills, for what? For you to stop taking them because you thought you were feeling better? Well, you definitely were not ok, nor you'll be. So, yeah, being fucked sounded good.

Max brought you the medicine and a glass of water. Taking the pills again? For what? The pills only fuel the feeling that everything is fine and that you are a normal person. Nothing was good and you were not a normal person.

But you took the pills. And you looked Max in the eyes and you wanted to die. He seemed crushed. He was sad, devastated, maybe angry but definitely disappointed. In you. Because maybe you don't realize this, but while you were doing good, he was doing great. He knew you could be on your own so he stopped worrying that much, and that could also be seen in his driving. He was winning more races, he was at his best and now he was at his lowest. Because you were at your lowest; co-dependency and shit.

"I'm sorry, baby. I thought I was doing well enough to stop taking the meds," you say in a broken voice but the tears are yet to appear. He stroked your hair and kissed you on your forehead.

"You should have told me. You don't have to go thru this alone. I am here."

"Yeah, you are here. But you don't have to be!" you snapped. Irritability, one thing your depression came with. "I am just a burden for you. And no, this does not come from the fact I stopped taking my pills. You took care of me like I was a child, and, fuck it, you don't deserve this."

"Stop talking like this, alright? If I would suffer from depression you would have done the same thing. You would have taken care of me. Or am I wrong?"

"You are not wrong. To be honest, I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for you, but I don't want you to be. It's obvious that I would never get better. This is me. I am fucked in the head, half wishing I was dead and I am just bringing you down."

"Don't tell me this is a fucking break up, Y/N." he narrows his brows and looks at your features to make sure you were being serious.

“I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”

"What the fuck are you talking about? Is this a break-up or a suicidal vocal note?"

You broke down. Crying can be cathartic and healthy, but if it goes on too long it can lock your body in a feeling of despair. Even if your mind works through the problem that caused the crying, because your body is still feeling the physical effects it will cause your mind to revert to the negative state. It's not sadness. It's dread and paralysis. You had a certain feeling of emptiness and purposelessness.

“You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay,” you say between sobs.

"You want me to find you a reason to stay alive or to stay in this relationship? To be frank, I can name a thousand reasons, but it all depends on you."

Max hugs you from behind and you lay your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was stronger than ever. You allowed yourself to inhale Max's scent, a soothing scent you could get drunk on.

"I want to believe you love me. I mean, I love you and I consider you the love of my life, you know? We are so young and I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you, I'm gonna marry you someday, even if right now you don't think you're gonna make it till tomorrow. So, yeah, this is reason number one," he said and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "This is not the worst you have been through in life. Remember where you were 18 months ago; you had no idea what was wrong with you. Now you know and you know you can be better. I know you get sick of those pills, but maybe, in the future, you won't need them. Isn't that exciting? This was reason number two," he said and pressed another kiss to your cheek. He was going to do that every time he would give you a reason. "Have you been to all the beautiful places around the world? Sure, you came to a few Grand Prix, but you never saw Great Ocean Road in Australia, you know Daniel promised he would take us there someday. You never saw Pamukkale in Turkey or Japan in Cherry Blossom season or the Blue Lagoon in Iceland. There are many places you need to visit, baby. So, yeah, this was reason number three. I don't know if you want me to continue but I can give you one more reason. Reason number four. Do it for you, baby. You deserve to live and be happy. I know you can be happy and I promise you I will do my best to help you. You just have to take it one step at a time. You just have to let me in. Let me help you, baby."

You turn around, facing him now. You loved him, with all of your heart. You love him for who he is. You love him because he literally came into your life as your lifeline. You love him because he helped you crawl up the deep bottomless abyss of depression. You love him because he had the patience and the audacity to bear with your depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, your phobias, your mood swings, your temperamental and short-tempered nature, your overthinking, your being overprotectiveness, and possessiveness. You love him because never once he thought of giving up on you in your hard times. You love him because he stands by you like a rock of unwavering support and he’s someone you can fall back on. You love him because he listens to you talking non-stop about your past, your pains, your fears, and your losses without complaining even once. You love him because he rediscovered you and helped you find yourself again when you were lost in darkness. You love him because he filled you with confidence and hope and strength and belief and determination. You love him because he believes you are the best when you set your mind on something and no one can stop you from achieving your goals. You love him because he is protective, caring, understanding, loving, and easy to be with while never being too suffocating or taking up your space. You love him because sooner or later he does everything you ask of him and does with his whole attention. You love him because whatever endeavor he engages in, he likes to give his 100% and hates doing half-hearted things. You love him because he can decode the nuances in your voice and judge your mood just perfectly. You love him because he read you like an open book and he can hear your silence. You love him because he never doubts your loyalty, your intentions, your hard work, and your million issues. You love him because no matter how busy he might get he never forgets that you are waiting for his message or his call. You love him because he keeps you in his priorities. You love him because he gave you a passion you never knew you had. You love him because he very strongly believes that you deserve the best of everything. You love him because he is empathic, kind, magnanimous, thoughtful, and down to Earth. You love him because he has eyes for no one but you. You love him because he wants to see you healthy, wealthy, prosperous, famous and he wants you to hold back at nothing, for no one, he wants you to be a Go-Getter. And most importantly you love him because no one ever loved you like he did.

"I will let you in," you say and you kiss him hard. "I'm sorry for the scene I caused."

"Don't be. It happens."

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