#only cause the spiral i think

[jazzzzzzhands]

Isn't Painting Fun??

#i actually started this before the update but i got very very caught up in the secrets! i found everything so far i think. im still hunting! #this is my irl fingerpainting! now my art can be with wally <33 #im not experienced in making creepy or scary things! but im trying! im getting attatched to the airbrush tho!! #wally darling #welcome home #whps #fanart #wh spoilers #only cause the spiral i think #i feel so so something! like i ate an entire buffet in one bite!! #holy shit there was so muchhhh!! #i could listen to the audios all day #everyone else is having wally dreams and im SO JEALOUS!! #please please i want to help himmmm #but i had to finish this a bit quickly bc the more i look at my art the more i pick it apart so let me throw this into the void! #oh! i forgot tags! #jazzart #tw scopophobia #creepy warning #hnnnn everything on the site is just soo SOOO!!! #UWAAAAAAAA!!! #experimental art

[earlgodwin]

"He's spent the entire time being picked upon and bullied by the family. I think personally from where Juan stands he sees the hypocrisy in the family, how they can do one thing and say another. As far as Juan is concerned he's always had the best interests of the family at heart, however misguided that might be and doesn't quite comprehend why nobody understands that. Nobody seems to understand that what he does, he does for the betterment of the Borgia clan and never waivers from that. He does that in ways that perhaps aren't sanctioned by the church or sanctioned by family law."

#oh spill the tea!! he truly believed he was doing something right. an impulsive sad lonely dude who doesn't think through #he was bestowed a position he never gave a fuck about in the first place because being a soldier is NOT what he wanted #he just wanted his family's love and affection. a simple i love you would've gone a long way #the way he teases cesare about being a cardinal because that's the only way to get his attention it's just a little brother thingie #and yet cesare took it way too personal lol crazy to me how cesare was the one who slowly destroyed juan before killing him #like how he forced his hand to murder djem and then slowly sabotaging him by mocking him constantly then setting him up to die at forli #by not informing him that ludovico's army was coming for his neck like even from a military stand point cesare ruined the forli mission fr #because he decided to prioritize his own jealousy of juan; humiliating him and hoping him to die so he can take his position as a soldier #the hypocrisy part is sooo tea because cesare killed juan in cold blood telling him that they're borgias and they never forgive #5 mins later he's begging rodrigo to forgive him for killing juan like bro was just saying that to dying juan to destroy him mentally first #i'm screaming he singlehandedly caused juan's spiraling into darkness. how are you gonna fuck up your brother that hard helpppp ?!!?!?! #fucked up dysfunctional family that i love #david oakes #juan borgia #the borgias #theborgiasedit #perioddramaedit #televisiongifs #tvedit #by jen

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

#this is a massive pet peeve of mine #im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too #like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's #as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears #and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely #not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful #not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade #ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful #and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm #so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively #its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner #its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere “worry” #bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain

[bumblingbabooshka]

There's taking your crush out and then there's taking your crush out!

#B'Elanna Torres #B'Elanna #this has secret lore in my head which is that after 'extreme risk' she starts boxing with Chakotay #she doesn't really want to at first (she doesn't want to do anything) but he insists on it #I think she'd have a love/hate relationship with it...it's sort of teetering on the edge #but it's better than Tuvok's meditation at this point in her life bc just sitting still and thinking about her life will only cause her to #spiral. Anyway - that's not at all really reflected in the piece #it's just B'Elanna taking her feelings for a certain someone to the RING!!!! #bea art tag #st voyager #star trek voyager #star trek #st voy

[pissfaggit]

Okay alright fine. I get it now.

#listen to me listen. i didnt give 2 shits about jean my first playthrough im sorry #but yea i get it this time. boy does those extra point in inland empire and espirt de corps make all the difference #im obsessed thinking about him and harry before the game. i love the idea that they were good friends once but lost it once harry spiraled #which makes sense cause like why would jean care about him if he only knew him as an asshole... #and just like yea. the trio of him and kim and harry post game also. #i was all like yeaaaa okay i love kim and harry why you gotta force jean into it. who the fuck even is this guy #i GET IT now #disco elysium #harry du bois #jean vicquemare #the way you only recognize his voice once he calls you a loser...

[asgardian--angels]

I honestly just think it's funny that so many people have been watching ofmd as a 'comfort show' lmao like I'm over here specifically watching for the angst. I crave pain and suffering. As soon as High On A Rocky Ledge played in the pilot I was hooked because I knew I was in for intense emotional turmoil. Red Flags is now my favorite episode of the entire series. I honestly didn't expect Izzy to survive as long as he did. His fucked up relationship with Blackbeard has fed me so well.

Of course I adore the love story, and the fact that Ed and Stede's love is an absolute, an immutable fact, of the show's premise allows me to enjoy the angst all the more. But I feel like some people need to be reminded: David Jenkins never promised you fluff. He never promised no deaths, no tragedy, no violence, no difficult topics. Personally I think including a fair deal of all of those makes the hope, the love, and the comedy shine all the brighter and have more meaning. You don't have to agree, but you can't assign expectations to a show that never made such promises. There was never false advertising. David set out to tell the story of two troubled, complicated adults navigating love and a long-term relationship in an often harsh and unfair world, finding community and making meaningful gains in self-actualization along the way. Ultimately it is a 'feel good' story but it's a rocky and winding road meant to mirror the messiness of our real world. Maybe you need to step back and re-evaluate where canon ends and your headcanons begin, and what the 'goals' of the show actually are that may differ from what you're looking for in media, and not blame Jenkins et al. for 'betraying you' when they're just telling their story the way they set out to.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #actually this is a comfort show to me but our definitions of comfort differ i feel #like literally Seinfeld is the only show i watch when i want nothing bad to happen ever #this show causes me so much emotional distress but in a fun and good and cathartic way #it in no way bleeds over to my actual life or affects my mental state in any lasting way #and if you have built up a version of the show in your head that is so incongruent to how the plot ended up going #that you think you know the characters better than the creator (in season 2 of a show no less...we're not talking supernatural season 15) #or that your mental health spirals when a character dies because you 'trusted' djenks not to hurt any characters in the PIRATE SHOW #please seek professional help i mean it #i do honestly wonder if some of the people being the most drastic are teenagers because #i literally have not been this affected by a fictional character's death since i was like 15

[jinxofthedesert]

I recently got out of a toxic and unhealthy friendship on here. I had to be the one to end it; hopefully the other party decides to leave it be and not smear my name due to realizing it wasn't healthy and that I had to end it because of it.

Basically, if someone makes you start feeling like shit, from your life, to your goals, passion, and everything else, then it's not a rewarding friendship. And it's hard to sometimes see it in the moment. Because you want to think the best of peeps, especially ones you care about.

But sometimes the healthiest thing for You is to know when to put your foot down and end it, even if it hurts you and them. At the end of the day, you matter and what you're doing matters and no one has the right to make you feel shit for who you are when you're just living your life. Life is hard enough without adding peeps who make you feel that way or question how you live when, prior to them showing up, you were happy with all of it.

To anyone in a relationship or friendship like that, I hope, like me, you are able to take a stand and realize you deserve better.

I knew I was being manipulated but not how much until I talked to others close to me. I pray you all never have to experience such a thing because damn, you know you did the right thing, but feel so fucking guilty at the same time.

But your happiness matters. You matter. Please remember that.

#personal #me #had to make a post. it's been eating at me since I ended it #you feel so fucking guilty but know it was the right decision. #i feel happier and lighter #its weird cause I've met my closet friends on here who are so incredible and supportive and respectful and I am in return #so to have one spiral into....that....was hard. and hard to realize despite my stomach aching day after day trying to tell me that #this was a shit situation and I deserved better #if someone makes you feel like shit and makes you believe you deserve to feel that way: leave #just leave #block them #life is to damn short to share it with people who will only make it worse and and make you feel bad as a person #i have more self respect than that #and sometimes it's hard to tell cause I want peeps to get along and have a good time when I care for them #i like making peeps happy. it brings me joy. and I tend to do it naturally without thinking. #so it's hard to sometimes see when it's not healthy #i pray for anyone in a relationship/friendship like this #know you are worth it and no one has the right to make you feel like that. #when someone doesn't respect that you have a life and can't be there 24/7 and take it Personally when you can't....like no #I've had so many friendships on here that respect your time and realize messaging comes second maybe even third or fourth #and it sucks when the opposite happens and it just gets worse and worse. #And them using 'i used to be a therapist so I know you better then yourself' should never be an excuse for them putting you down EVER.

[needylittlegirl]

#guess whos ex just showed up to their place of work!!! #i feel so yuuckyy #like not only is it absolutely terrifying and just brings everything he did to me back up to the surface ! #but its also like #my pharmacist had to yell at him #my boss had to file so much paperwork just so he isnt allowed to get his prescripts filled here #so its like . its just embarassing #it makes me feel like a burden to them and i feel like theyll think im stupid or something #cause who dates someone like that #idk #look how fast i spiral just from him making an appearance <3 #tbd

[not-poignant]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well. So glad I discovered your stories, your writing & characterization have me hooked!

I was wondering whether you’d ever write a sort of prequel to underline the black, where we’d learn more about James & Gary / see their relationship unfold? I have to admit I’m a sucker for them haha (can you tell I love doomed relationships that end tragically?), or would it be possible to learn a bit more about them informally (like, in response to this ask 👀)?

In any case, I know you’re super busy, so if you don’t have time to answer this, no worries! Thank you for the great stories you share with us.

Hi anon,

Unfortunately I really hate writing stories with tragic endings, so that will never happen.

I hate writing stories with tragic endings so much that one of the only stories I've ever abandoned halfway through with an apologetic author's note is The Drawn Bead, when I abruptly realised I just couldn't go through with it. I got two chapters in and was like 'nope I don't want to ruin my life so I'm not doing this to myself.'

And that's exactly how I feel about a James + Gary prequel. Others are welcome to write their own versions of events, but Gary talking about the past is already sad enough for me! I hate doomed relationships, anon, that's like 'squick level / definitely going to ruin my day' territory, to the point where the only thing I always filter out for / exclude on AO3 is Major Character Death.

Won't do it, not doing it, don't even want to think about it.

Anything we learn about them will have to come through Gary's perspective! Though we'll continue to get more over time, as Gary becomes more open to reflecting on his relationship with James. :)

#asks and answers #underline the black #dr gary konowalous #james visser #underline the rainbow #yeah unfortunately MCD and stories that lead to MCD are just a huge nope for me #they are in the territory of 'this isn't a trigger i think' #'but i also can't tell the difference' #'and it can cause PTSD / suicidal ideation spirals' #so yeah i just don't do that #when i say i only write happy or hopeful endings #that's for my SANITY #and not necessarily for everyone else's benefits #i write them because i have to #not just because i want to #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

[biblicallyaccuratechicken]

Oh noooo, I have to read this riveting fantasy book by the 28th??? Oh, woe is me...

#the only reason i stopped is cause it hit too close to home with the demonic imagery and all that #but i think i have enough footing not to spiral again if i continue so ikkimasu yo!!

[mattibee]

honestly im still not wrong about terastalling being/causing a manifestation of dreams and desires but it sure is also timey wimey i guess

#coatlythoughts #didnt expect the seeing the dead at the crystal pool to come around in that way tbh #it is strange though.. why did terapagos do that.. #and it like. i think implies that you gave an alternate dimension arven his parent back? since they say theyll go home and read briars book #and you have the book arven has throughout the sv main story.. #but that also happened?? in our universe?? thats the hint for that cutscene?? #like you could say maybe prof had multiple copies but idk the scribbled name implies its The Copy from their childhood no? #tbh i dont really like it having actual spacetime powers so im going to pretend thats also a dream/desire #the player wishes for their friend arven to have had a better life somehow #and terapagos manifests a token that may or may not indicate that you influenced that in another timeline #just like the paradox pokemon are a token that may or may not indicate that the prof's 'paradise' is real #though i guess the scarlet/violet books being real throws a wrinkle into it since they also saw the paradox mons #BUT THAT WAS ALREADY A WRINKLE CAUSE PROF DIDNT SEE THEM UNTIL THEY MADE THE TIME MACHINE!!!! AUGH!!!!!!! #terapagos itself might also be a manifested token of briar's desires for heath to be right if we wanna keep spiralling about it #not only wanting terapagos to be real for vindication reasons but also her desires to control and understand terastalling further #what better way to fufill that than a pokemon you can catch that has. immense control of that energy #basically what im saying is its all a dream but like in a fucked up way thats also real #paradox mons is tulpas i think

[calumsash]

In my life, I love you more

#yes. yes. yes this is part of the muke au. i can't stop making these #this one is from their college days!!!!!!! when they first got together!!!! #luke made michael a mix tape with all the songs that reminded of him <3 and guess what was the last song? #a song luke wrote <3 for him #a luke hemmings original that never saw the light of day cause it was for michael only #michael always walked around with his camera. at least half of his film rolls were luke in some way #if it was his sleepy face before morning classes. if it was luke's tummy being just the tiny bit exposed from the stretch he was doing. #i think they took the train together a lot #whenever they needed to get away take a break from school they just hopped on a train. doesn't really matter where to #they just wanted to be with each other #ok this au is spiraling why am i making so many mbs #muke #5sos moodboard #aesthetic moodboard #f/nf*au

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing #ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like #visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do #so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible #mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done #but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing #how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate #and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem #it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research #assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head #and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck #it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing? #i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads #to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood? #hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing? #idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed #bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me #so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a #slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would #b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh. #unrelated

[arolesbianism]

I’ve been having a rough few days, but I’ve been feeling a bit better so I decided to make some lil thingies for some spiraling upwards kitties :3

#keese draws #warrior cats oc #spiraling upwards #I’ve posted art of ratstar and pigeonbillow before but the other three I haven’t I think #but yeah these are some more of the minkclan founders #and by that I mean two of them are and one of them was a kitten at the time #lightning is haveniris’ mom but she didn’t trust herself to raise him so her clanmates sort of collectively raised him #and by that I mean mostly pigeon and two other old ppl that aren’t included here #light did end up opening up to him more and acting as more of a mom after he chose to become a medic tho #the two have a complicated relationship for sure but they still care abt each other a lot #oh yeah and literally all of these guys are dead by the time murtle rolls around except for haven #pigeon died about two years before the other two and raincinder has been dead since before minkclan was properly founded #which is unsurprising given she’s such an old withering woman #she mostly made it that long because she was given a guide sponsor life #so long story short not all starclan cats actually get to use the cool starclan powers and those who do are usually ‘sponsored’ with an #extra life and a cool star like marking #this isn’t a well known thing tho and even within starclan only higher ranking cats rly know anything beyond knowing that every now and #then new guides are chosen #now usually what’s supposed to happen is that the sponsored cat has a close eye kept on them and if they are deemed worthy they’re allowed #to keep their mark and become a guide once they die the second time #the main flaw in this system is that the cat who sponsored them has to be the one to revoke it #so if they refuse to revoke it for whatever reason there’s not much that can be done about it #or in raincinder’s case her sponsor ended up fading before they could judge her fully #so even though by all means even the most rebel friendly guides would revoke it easily she managed to keep her mark til death #this was ofc largely helped by her living til 19 fucking years dear god woman #but hey I guess it means minkclan gets a guide even though she’s a rly shitty one #rly that mostly only matters for the sake of nine lives and the sake of travel between starclan and the living territories #which actually does cause a lot of problems when all the guides decide to go haunt a child instead #oh also guides also pass on their mark to leaders who’s life ceremony they hosted #not the guide role tho each guide gets a new mark

[narutomaki]

I hate that I hate doing things in my own dude but it's so fucking boring !!!

#i dont go out to eat and i dont go to the movie theater so like the two biggest Default Hang activities are completely non-options for me #i dont like seeing movies in theatre 1) the local one sucks and 2) i cant sit still for over a half hour in a chair that makes me want to #become an arsonist. #ive been to Fancy Good Fun movie theatres and seen Incredible Higjly Rated films and still been like #20 mins in. is it going to be over soon? can i leave? please? #i like going to the library and shopping and walking down by the river and in the woods #but i also Dont Like The Beach because sand makes me want to become a fucking terrorist and the water safety index thing #sent me on a spiral sooo bad ♡ also im too body conscious to enjoy myself #the public pools okay excepts its expensive and over crowded 100% of the time #rock beachs are good i like swimming i just eugh #i also. dont like going to the gyms indoor pool. #its so fucking echoy in there i get a migraine thinking about it #i do like their sauna tho but. again. priced out of that experience! wahoo! also the stairs there are designed to torture me #i like eating outside i like picnics in theory i just cant get comfortable sitting in like 98% of places for more than like 30 mins. #at some point some part of my body is going to start hurting so bad i want to throw up. #i like playing video games and board games but i dont have any consoles or board games so like. #man. idk! #i hate doing things alone bcus i Was Alone for 3 years with my only social contact being my abusive family #i would speak to them maybe 3 times a month and get out of the house maybe 2 times and #idk! idk its just like! okay! im done being socialy isolated!!! #>every activity that you can do to hang out with people is unappealing to me or causes me physical damage #😭 okay nvm!!!

[villainsidestep]

(hums loudly) much to think abt

#gideon shut the hell up challenge #current thought spiral we keep repeating….. #the feeling of all three beckers getting hb’d at the same time and how I think that should have caused some weird feedback loop #where at the moment they were all totally in sync (at least until the ortegas wrestled the guns away) and how that extends to the nightmare #bc when you’re back in that room. if you’re all in sync. aren’t you responsible for the death of your siblings? #in the moment you can’t tell where u end and they begin and which hand is yours and which trigger you’re pulling #only once again regaining full awareness of Yourself as more than just a concept after you’ve hit the ground #and by then you’re so injured that you can’t move and you can’t reach your brothers you can’t even see them you don’t know if they’re dead #and if they are is it your fault? and if it is how can you live with the guilt? why do you get to live at all? #keeping up with the beckers #edit: anyway I promise we're done being insane bc we're going to bed now so !!