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bachiras-toaster · 1 month

Note

Bf!Rin headcanons? 🤭

RIN ITOSHI x gn!reader

authors notes. i am IN LOVE with rin so im glad i wrote this instead of my college essays

╰┈➤ the type of person to keep your relationship strictly private. in fact, it’s because he loves you so much that he wants to keep your relationship private.

╰┈➤ private, not secret.

╰┈➤ it was no surprise to the public when it was discovered that professional footballer, rin itoshi, was dating you, especially since you did have connections to the Itoshi brothers previously anyway.

╰┈➤ from the beginning, the paparazzi pressing on the matter pissed him off. he hated how interviewers would always eventually get to bringing your name up, because it meant that your relationship was starting to be shared with the world.

╰┈➤ but more than that, it was because he had a such a soft spot for you that he couldn’t help but become nervous when people brought you up. and as annoying as the interviewers were, he couldn’t stand to be mad at them when they gave him an excuse to talk about you.

╰┈➤ he’s probably half the reason your relationship wasn’t as private as he’d hoped. he was just such an unintentional blabbermouth.

╰┈➤ when you’re actually with him in public, he tends to get overprotective.

╰┈➤ when you’re in the streets, you need to be holding hands; when you’re at social gatherings, his palm needs to be attached to your hip.

╰┈➤ not just for safety reasons, but he supposed he also needed to constantly remind people that the two of you are together.

╰┈➤ when he realises that he’s getting approached by fans in the street, he’ll subtly hide you behind him so that you’re not pestered, and you’ll watch with a soft smile as rin is forced to take photos and sign autographs.

╰┈➤ despite maintaining a cold facade, he somehow manages to talk do gently when it’s to you.

╰┈➤ if the two of you are at a party he’s clearly uncomfortable being in, he’d slowly scoop your hands into his and plant a gentle kiss on your knuckle before muttering, “it’s getting loud. do you want to leave?”

╰┈➤ honestly, it’s quite impressive how quickly he’s able to switch tones.

╰┈➤ he can go from kindly whispering words of affirmation in your ear to screaming expletives to a random man, threatening to fight him where they stood and ordering him to stop hitting on you.

╰┈➤ rin’s jealousy is actually an unheard of level of rage.

╰┈➤ every time bachira jokes with you, isagi compliments you, or any of his other team members hang out with you one-on-one, it’s like a ticking time bomb in his mind.

╰┈➤ rin trusts you with all his heart, but his possessiveness is a little louder than his compassion, and he’s rather eat both of his shoes than put you aline in a room with a man that isn’t him.

╰┈➤ he is willing to start the most outrageous scenes over it.

╰┈➤ once, shidou publicly dedicated a shot to you during an important match just to piss rin off, and he went ballistic.

╰┈➤ he had maintained himself on the pitch, but as soon as he reached the locker room, rin was already prepared to pack shidou up and send him to the emergency unit.

╰┈➤ a good fight definitely would have ensued, had he not been stopped by his teammates holding him back.

╰┈➤ plus, you continuously warned him not to fight because you hated seeing him show up to your dates with bruises and marks— his injuries from football were already enough.

╰┈➤ he hated defying you, but sometimes he just really couldn’t help himself.

╰┈➤ the days where he would literally feel himself freeze before knocking on your apartment door because he knew that his injuries would tell you that he got into another fight were the worst for him.

╰┈➤ because you always looked at him with that certain face of disappointment before simply sighing and letting him in, ready to properly tend to his wounds.

╰┈➤ he’s so gentle when he’s in private with you.

╰┈➤ you could spend hours cradled in his arms, listening to the dulcet mumbles of his voice as he told you about his day.

╰┈➤ when be gets home from a match or training, all he wants to do is cuddle you mindlessly with a tv show in front.

╰┈➤ sometimes he’s mumble about how annoying his teammates were today and how he’s glad he can finally lay down with you.

╰┈➤ to many’s surprise, he’s really the sweetest boyfriend ever.

#blue lock x you #blue lock x reader #blue lock #blue lock x y/n #blue lock rin itoshi #rin itoshi x you #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin #rin itoshi #rin itoshi x y/n #bllk fluff #bllk imagines #bllk x you #bllk

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mangosrar · 6 months

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cerebral

matt sturniolo x fem reader

this isn’t proof read 😛😛

suggestive ???

i knew this would happen. it happened with the last guy i went on a date with, and the guy before that. they just werent him. it was such a horrible feeling to sit across from someone in a restaurant searching their face for a more familiar one, one that had memories etched into his smile lines, one that had a piece of you with him. but the feeling of having him, but not being abel to have him, wasnt much better.

it was hard, finding the middle ground between my ex and my best friend. we both promised that if we ever broke up nothing would change between us. but it did. i was more cautious of him. i picked my words carefully when they left my mouth. i studied his body language whenever i was close to him. he was like a ticking time bomb. he could be set off at any minute.

lazy footsteps could be heard before i saw matt pad his way into my living room before he plopped himself down next to me. he let himself in. of course he did. he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees before turning to look at me with a sad smile on his face.

"you okay?" his voice was hushed. like if he spoke too loud i might shatter. i just nodded with a gloomy smile on my face.

"so why do you look so sad y/n?" he knew me so well and i hated it. i couldnt differentiate wether he knew me so well because he was my bestfriend for so long, or if because he was the love of my life at one point.

"just the date. i dont think you wanna hear about it" i let out a sad laugh as i spoke. his eyebrows furrowed for a second before he replied.

"youre still my bestfriend y/n. just because youre my ex too doesn’t mean you cant tell me about the new guys" he sounded genuine. like he didnt care about the new guys. like he wasnt mad about them. but he should be. i wish he was. i wish he was repulsed at the thought of me ever being able to move on from him. but he wasnt. i kept my eyes trained to the ground. there was a heavy silence as he searched my face. i could feel his wandering eyes burning holes into me. like he could see straight into my brain.

"he called me cerebral matt" i paused, eyes still boring holes into the carpet beneath me. "i didnt even know what it meant" i raised my eyebrows and let out a huff of air through my nose. "would it have killed him to call me pretty instead?" i finally looked up at matt to see his eyes still on me. a look on his face that i couldnt decipher. i hated that he could see my walls crumbling.

"you are pretty y/n" he cooed, his voice so sickly sweet. matts hand moved onto my leg. rubbing slow circles with his thumb. i hated this. i hated that he could sit there and tell me this and not be mine. how could he promise to soften every edge and hold the world to its best when he was killing me.

"you cant say thing like this matt" i pushed his hand off my leg and just like that the walls were built back up again. his eyes dropped to his hand that was now slumped onto the sofa then back up to my face. he knew this was coming.

"why not?" he knew why. he just wanted to hear me say it. i paused momentarily. weighing up my options. deciding wether to say the real reason or to just leave it hanging in the air and say something that we both know is a lie. i didnt know where i stood with matt. he would treat me like in still his girlfriend in some ways, caring for me, being a shoulder for me to cry on and always being there to hold my hand when i needed him to, but he would drop it after a few seconds, leaving cold, heart shaped scars in his wake.

"because im still in love with you" tears were threatening to spill as i spoke. his face didnt move a fraction. he didnt even blink, just staring at me like he was deep in thought. this was old news for him and he probably could have beat me to it but atleast he was kind enough to let me say it. matt didnt even speak. he just kept staring at me as he brought a gantle hand up to the side of my face.

before i could even pull his hand off my face his lips were on mine. i didnt have the type of self control to pull away. i leaned into him, craving the closeness, luckily he got the hint and pulled me into his lap so i was straddling him and the kiss grew heavy, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth, his wandering hands grabbing and groping whatever skin he could. he moved his mouth off mine and began trailing wet kisses down my neck and jawline making my breath hitch and my eyes close.

he began sucking and biting the skin on the side of my neck making me while. my hands found home in his hair, tugging softly, earning a satisfied hum from matt before he spoke against me.

"lets just get back together mh?" i was so lost in the way his lips felt on my skin i didnt even register what he had said until a few seconds later. i immediately pulled his head away from me and stared at him with wide eyes.

"what?" surprise evident in the sound of my voice.

"i dont see what the problem is, we both still love each other and i hate seeing you go on dates with shitty guys so why not?" i couldnt even reply to him. i just stared at him with my wouth hung open. what the fuck.

"if you dont want to, ill stop, but if you do, just say the words and ill give you whatever you want." he sounded so sure.

"yes" that was all he needed before he smirked and brought his lips to mine again, kissing me, hot and heavy.

the kiss was sloppy and desperate, both of us urgent for a touch we craved so badly. he ground his hips up, pressing his hard on into my heat making me whine into his mouth. i felt him smile against my lips before he kissed down my chin and throat before licking a stripe up it, pulling a moan from me, causing my hips to stutter against his involuntarily.

make up sex is good for the soul.

pt 2 coming soon an it’s spicy 🤓

taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @soursturniolo @freshlovehacker @urmyslxt @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @chrisenthusiast @flowerxbunnie @mattsd0ll @itsjennarose @hearttshapedkisses @lovingsturniolo

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nhularin · 9 months

Text

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

PAIRING bf! jay x reader GENRE toxic! relationship, angst no comfort WARNINGS insecurities,there might be some grammar mistakes WC 0.9k series masterlist

December 12, 2001

"so, how was your day?"

you looked at him, your voice soft as you asked. you and your boyfriend sat in his car, the air thick with tension. but jays response was anything but kind. his eyes narrowed as he looked straight ahead of the road, his voice filled with bitterness. "fine" he spit out and silence fell upon you once again

no, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

the tone of his voice made you recoil, your heart sinking. it was a typical thursday night and you haven't seen each other outside of school in what felt like forever. you had only wanted to check up on him, to show him that you cared about his well being. but his words sliced through you like a dagger, leaving you feeling small and insignificant.

"thats great!" you tried to sound cheerful, but your voice betrayed you when those words came out quieter and wobblier than expected. you looked outside of the passenger seat's window, attempting to ignore the unbearable silence in the car. you could hear the joy and euphoria from passing cars and you couldn't help but feel jealousy radiating through you

All I did was speak normally, somehow I still struck a nerve

"why are you always so sensitive?" jay continued, his voice dripping with disdain. "you make everything about yourself. cant you see that I have my own problems to deal with?"

jay could feel your discomfort, he had to. hell, the passing cars could probably feel it "dont be like this" he said, sighing heavily "why do you always ask me that? you saw me at school. did you see me crying? no. so dont ask obvious shit when you already know the answer."

your eyes welled up with tears, voice trembling. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just-" you paused, feeling your throat close up "we haven't hung out in a while and i just wanted to make sure that you were fine"

jay scoffed, his anger intensifying. "you think you can solve all my problems with a simple question? youre so naive. you don't understand anything. fine, coach Madson was a fucking asshole today but i knew you wouldn't understand. isnt a simple 'fine' enough? all you know is how to break out in song and dance with your theater friends"

im the love of your life until I make you mad

your heart shattered as his words echoed in your mind. you had hoped for a moment of connection, a chance to offer support. but instead, you found yourself facing his anger, his frustration, and his complete lack of empathy.

you longed for affection, for those sweet words of love to fall from his lips. but instead, you were met with a wall of unpredictability. one moment, he would hold your hand and make you feel like the most special person in the world. the next, he would push you away, leaving you wondering where you went wrong.

every little thing you did seemed to set him off, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. his anger was swift and cutting, leaving you feeling small and insignificant. it was a rollercoaster of emotions, and you couldn't help but question if he truly loved you.

jays grip on the wheel tightened even further as you reached a familiar intersection. the red light seemed to mock your mess of a relationship, the halted traffic mirroring your damaged connection.

as the light turned green, he pressed down on the gas pedal, your heart pounding heavily in your chest. the car lurched forward, the engine roaring, but the noise was nothing compared to the deafening silence between you two. the streets blurred as you sped through the night.

in that moment, you realized that jay wasn't capable of providing the love and understanding you have craved. he was a storm of emotions and absolutely unpredictable, lashing out at anyone who dared to get close.

on your late night drives, you would often find yourself bracing for impact. would jay walk you home, or would he send you home crying again? it was a cruel game of chance, and you were trapped in its endless cycle.

"look" he sighed "im sorry for lashing out, im just stressed with-" he paused longer than expected "practice, AP calc, everything, okay? its nothing personal"

his apology didnt change the storm of emotions forming inside you but you tried to tame it as best as possible, trying to look unbothered by his constant outbursts of hatred.

when did it all go wrong? you have known him since forever, his toothy grin and messed up bangs permanently engraved in your head. you managed to form an awkward smile "its okay" its always okay, as long as you were with him

do you love me, want me, hate me?

finally, you arrived at your house, and jay pulled over. the quiet and calm suburb contrasting the chaos in your head. the car idled, the engine still rumbling.

there was a moment of silence, a moment where the weight of your emotions hung in the air. and then, without another word, jay reached over and opened the car door. his gesture made you feel giddy and hope filled your heart. as you stepped out, you gave him your biggest smile

"ill see you tomorrow, text me, okay? i love you"

he didnt say it back nor did he message you that night

no, I don't understand

PERM TAGLIST @misokei @avocarua @sngvhs @essmarye @haechansbbg

SERIES' MASTERLIST @flwerfield @hyhees @mrchweeee @j1nniee @mikaluvsyouu @delulu4-life @mora134340 @beomsbeanie @leep0ems @cIphantom-hive @yla-aira @filmofhybe @nishik1

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lovebugism · 1 year

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hi babe hope this isn’t too personal but not having the greatest time right now. therapist did not answer any of my calls today so im kinda a mess 🥲🥲 if you’re willing to write any kind of comfort fic with any character that would be the best 💗💗💗

hi anon! i hope things are going better now! take this eddie munson comfort fic as my attempts to make you feel a wee bit better ily mwah <3

You were pretty good at taking care of yourself most of the time. Eddie always thought your innate sense of responsibility was extremely hot — mostly because it meant that you were even better at taking care of him.

He said it was a perk of being your boyfriend — “one of many,” he’d say, just before smacking a kiss to your cheek.

You were the yin to his yang in that way. Peace in all his chaos.

Eddie, himself, was a being who thrived on mayhem. There wasn’t a single thing he loved more than unpredictability — well, you, of course. Then maybe DnD. But spontaneity was a close third.

He isn’t quite sure how to live his life without the company of total disarray. He isn’t sure he would want to if he had the chance either. The unexpected makes things fun. At least, that’s what he always tells you. You’re not so sure.

When he makes you late to things because of his horrible time management skills, or he can’t find his keys because they’re hidden somewhere underneath a pile of clothes in the corner of his room, it feels a little like the end of the world.

And not just in the oh no, this thing is really stressing me out; good thing I know it’s illogical sort of way. But in the oh fuck, we’re gonna be ten minutes late to this get-together where there are zero consequences whether we show up or not, but it’s inducing so much panic that I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to function properly.

You’ve gotten pretty good at hiding your fear over the years. It’s just that Eddie’s so damn attuned to everything going on in your head that it makes it insanely difficult to wallow in your dread alone.

He knows when you start pacing and talking a million miles a minute that something’s working you up. He knows when you start getting snappy and don’t think his jokes are funny anymore that you’re close to your breaking point. He knows when you stop talking altogether that your entire world is caving in around you.

So Eddie takes great care in getting to things on time and tidying up his room when you're around. He doesn’t even care that he finds it all a bit irrational, he just wants to make things easier for you. Even if it means getting to Steve’s house an hour before everyone else or actually folding his clothes before putting them in drawers.

Eddie knows you use structure like a weapon rather than a shield. Organization isn't a way to keep your life together, it’s to keep it from falling apart. When something is out of order, when there’s one piece out of place, it’s not an easy fix — not for you. It’s more like a ticking tomb.

You’re the ticking time bomb. And the faintest scent of disorder is bound to make you explode.

But maybe calling it a bomb isn’t the most accurate way to describe it. The way Eddie sees it, it’s a lot more like an avalanche.

It starts off small, a little rumble of uncertainty that jostles the comfort of your routine. You blink and suddenly the snowball weighs two tons and you’ve spiraled into a full-blown crisis that threatens to swallow you whole.

You don’t let anyone see any of it. Not even Eddie a lot of the time. You just bury yourself in the landslide until the heavy snow melts and you can function normally again — it may last a couple hours, maybe weeks.

So it’s a good thing Eddie can see all the warning signs before they start.

It’s all the little shit he notices first — the not showering as often, the not keeping things as tidy as usual, the closing yourself off. Eddie Munson knows a depression room when he sees one. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know you’re slipping.

But rather than acknowledge that boogeyman, he pretends like it isn’t there at all. He thinks if he acts like it doesn’t scare him, then it doesn’t have the power to hurt him. That’s exactly how he treats the funks you get into. He knows they’re there but doesn’t let them take over completely.

Eddie comes around whenever he gets the chance and helps you do your self-care routine — even though all you do is complain that you don’t need his help the entire time.

He coaxes you into the bath and tidies up your bedroom while you’re gone. He does all the steps of your skincare for you after because he knows you can’t do it yourself. You’re too tired to, but you feel like shit when you don’t. That’s the same bitter cycle that started this whole mess.

He doesn’t do anything crazy. He just takes care of the little things to make you feel less consumed by it all.

You’re a pouting mess in the middle of your bed after, freshly cleaned and drowning in a too big shirt that smells like the musk of Eddie’s cologne with a towel twisted up in your hair. It’s almost cartoonish, the way you cross your arms over your chest and scrunch your face in displeasure.

“I don’t want you to do all this stuff for me, Eds,” you gripe. “I’m a big girl, okay? I can do it myself.”

The boy shrugs from where he stands at the foot of your bed. “I know I don’t have to. I want to, though. I like doing this stuff for you.”

“You hate cleaning, Eddie.”

“Yeah. I do,” he affirms with a nod, all but flopping onto the mattress beside you. He rests his head on his fist and blinks up at you with wide, twinkling button eyes. A grin pulls at his pink lips as he asks you, “But you know what I don’t hate?”

You huff but entertain him anyway. “…What?”

“You,” he beams and taps the tip of your nose with his pointer finger.

You meet his smile with a grimace.

“Actually, I sort of love you, as it turns out,” he corrects himself in a lilt. “And when you love someone, you do the shit you hate to make them happy, right? Isn’t that what it’s all about?”

You don’t answer him, just shrug.

“Well, either way, I’m happy to do all the boring shit if it means there’s a chance I get to make you feel even a little bit better,” Eddie tells you, pinching his thumb and forefinger together and leaving just an inch or more of space to squint his eye through.

That hand flops down and lands on your thigh. His thumb absentmindedly rubs over the skin there. His smile turns sheepish.

“I will happily fold laundry and do taxes and wash dishes and… all that stupid, boring shit for you for the rest of my life, as long as I can look over and see you next to me…”

Your heart swells with a distant happiness you haven’t felt in weeks.

Eddie helps you until you feel better enough to do it yourself.

Needless to say, when he stops by your place and finds it completely spotless, he doesn’t bother to hide his excitement. He rushes to your room and finds you in bed, flipping through a book. The small radio on your bedside table plays something synth-y.

He realizes you’ve traded in The Smiths for The Psychedelic Furs and that your lavender candle is burning on your desk and that you’ve spritzed yourself in your vanilla perfume.

Those are all staples in your little routine that you borderline can’t live without. You always missed out on them when you got into your funks, but here they are again…

Eddie tries not to smile too wide.

“How’s it hangin’?” he sing-songs when he waltzes into your room.

“Fine...” you murmur, half-distracted by your novel. After a few long seconds, your eyes finally flit up to his. He’s doing a terrible job of hiding a grin. “…Why are you looking at me like that?”

Eddie shrugs as he takes off his leather jacket. He neatly lays the thing over the back of your desk chair and smooths out the wrinkles.

“‘Cause I love the shit out of you,” he answers like it’s nothing, like the words don’t mean everything to you. “And I’m really fucking proud of you.”

“Proud of me?” you echo in a scoff.

Because, to you, crawling out of a three week long funk is hardly something to be proud of. You don’t feel like you should be rewarded for being human, but Eddie knows that getting through the hard shit is a part of being human. And he’s so goddamn proud of you for it.

“Yep,” he nods with pink cheeks and a hopeful grin. “I’ve never been prouder of you, babe. And, like, I’m always proud of you, so that’s saying something.”

“Shut up,” you mutter under your breath. Your attention flits back to your book rather than focusing on the intense gaze Eddie looks at you with. You don’t get through a single sentence before he rips the thing from your hands. “Eddie!—”

You look at him again and find that he’s sterner now, but still so tender — chocolate eyes hardened but soft around the edges. There’s a kind grin on his and an air about him that tells you he’s serious.

Eddie rounds your bed and plants himself at the edge of it. He keeps your book hostage in one hand and holds onto your calf with the other, running his thumb over the soft skin of your knee.

“I’m serious,” he tells you. “Like, I know shit gets hard for you sometimes, but... I don't know, watching you get through it is… really fucking cool, babe.”

He laughs when it makes you laugh.

“Seriously. It’s like you get stronger every day, and… not to be a total sap or whatever, but I feel really lucky that I get to see it.”

You’re not sure whether to duck away from his gaze or revel in its warmth. You manage somehow to do both with a distant pout on your face.

Eddie’s grin widens until the dimple in his right cheek reveals itself. “What?” he laughs. “What’s that look for?”

“‘Cause you’re nice to me,” you mumble like the cutest little storm cloud. “And it’s gross… And also I love you.”

“Well, get ready, babe. You got a whole lifetime of me being nice to you coming your way, so… Be prepared to be sick of me by the time we’re all old and wrinkly, alright? ‘Cause I’m still gonna love the shit outta you then.”

You grumble when he smacks a kiss to your knee.

You hope he keeps his promise.

#published by bug #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson imagine #stranger things imagine #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie spaghetti drabble #st drabbles

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vashsmunch · 8 months

Text

Take a chance

Vash x GN!Reader

Synopsis: childhood best friends talking about first kisses. Whatever could go wrong?

Warnings: none

A/N: I TOLD YALL IM BACK <3 (not really, but IM TRYING.) i promise i'm reading ur requests and i'll do my best to get to all of them, just know i love yall and appreciate your support!!

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"You've really never kissed someone before?"

Vash groans loudly as he shoves his face into a pillow. "I came here for advice, not to be made fun of." You let out a giggle as you watched him flop onto your bed.

To be honest, you'd be shocked if he had. Sure, he was attractive, but he was also a bundle of nerves, a ticking time bomb of anxiety ready to detonate at any point. You'd known him for a long time, since the two of you were kids, matter of fact. Even back then, he had terrible luck with romance, and it didn't get better when you went off to college together. He would often come back to the dorm with a defeated expression on his face, bemoaning how awful his date went, and the two of you would spend the rest of the night proclaiming your hate for love. Pints of ice cream in tow and a sappy rom-com on the TV until you eventually fall asleep on the couch together. It was a ritual, one of the main reasons you were so close to him.

Reaching over to stroke his hair, you tried to hide the playfulness in your voice. "Come on, you big baby. It's not that bad. Lots of people haven't had their first kiss!"

He turned his head to look at you, a pout on his face. "Have you had yours?"

"Yeah, but I also am not as socially awkward as you are," you quipped, rubbing his blonde strands between your fingers. "If it's worth anything, I think once you got over that, you would have everyone falling over you. You're a sweet guy with the biggest heart I've ever seen, and despite your doubts, you're extremely attractive."

His cheeks burned red as you told him this, and you grinned, knowing exactly how to rile him up. Vash was too easy to tease, and seeing him sputter and cough from nervousness always put you in a good mood. Your relationship with him was odd but one you wouldn't trade for the world.

"You really think so?"

"I do, yes."

He took a deep breath as he sat up, grabbing your hand stroking his hair with his own. His face was bright red as he stared at you with determination. "Then will you be my first?"

Your eyes widened, staring at him with a slacked jaw.

"What?"

Immediately, Vash was stumbling over his words, trying to come up with excuses. He stood up, pacing back and forth while fumbling with his hands in the air. "W-Well, I was just thinking that- If someone like you really thinks so, then maybe..." he paused, turning to you with widened eyes. "Not to say you're like, unattractive! I think you're very attractive, like super attractive-" he groans, shoving his face into his hands and trying to hide himself from your gaze. "Gah, just ignore I said anything, I'm sorry."

The room was quiet for a few long moments, your face unreadable as you stared at him. Visible beads of sweat started forming on the edge of his hairline as he looked back at you through the gaps of his fingers, his eyes searching yours for any sign. Any sign that you didn't hate him now, that you wouldn't leave him.

"Took you long enough."

His body froze, and a silent gasp left his lips as he stammered. "Wh-What?"

Cute.

You hummed softly, standing up to slowly walk over to him. "You're not exactly subtle, ya know? I've seen how you look at me, how you'd scoot closer to graze your hand against mine whenever we sit together," His uneasiness was visibly peaking in his facial expression, and you felt a tinge of guilt. To try to ease it, you stepped closer to where your faces were inches apart and cupped his cheek. Vash let out a silent sigh of relief as he felt your touch, and you couldn't help but smile as he nestled into you. "I don't hate you nor resent you for telling me. In fact, I'm very happy you did."

His eyes fluttered shut as he turned to press featherlight kisses into your palm, reaching up to hold it with his own hand. You could feel his breath shuddering as he tried to recollect his bearings, almost as if trying to ground himself back into reality. "I thought it was all a joke. I didn't think you were actually serious."

"You may be socially awkward, but you're also incredibly transparent. I've felt this way for a while; I was just waiting for you to come clean."

Vash's eyes welled up with emotion, and he blinked away a few tears as he continued to hold your hand against his cheek. "I didn't want to mess up our friendship," he admitted, his voice quivering. "I was so scared I would mess it all up. I mean, you've seen how all my dates have gone."

Thumbing his cheek, you lean in to rest your head on his chest, smiling contentedly. He was always like this, too scared to pursue happiness for himself if it meant risking something important. You would never push him into telling you, and you didn't want to. To you, he was everything, and as long as he showed the same, nothing else mattered. "I'm not blaming you. I understand. Regardless of anything, the fact is that you did it eventually, and I'd be more than willing to be your first kiss."

You lifted your face to look him in the eyes, and you tilted your head invitingly. It was his decision whether he wanted to or not; either way, it wouldn't change anything between you two. There was a long pause as you both gazed at each other, and eventually, you felt his hand glide down the side of your body to wrap around your waist. Your breath quickened as he tentatively leaned down, your lips barely brushing against each other. And then, finally, he kissed you.

It was gentle at first, his fingers softly digging into your side to bring you closer to him. You could feel your chest about to explode from happiness, and you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck to help him. Vash groaned softly as his tongue traced the ridge of your bottom lip, asking for entrance. You opened your mouth to grant him permission, and he took as much as possible, exploring you to his heart's content. He was inexperienced and just a bit too enthusiastic, but it's what made him all the more endearing. What mattered was that you were his first. His first friend, his first roommate, and now his first kiss.

He helped you lay back against the bed, and as you settled into the mattress, his hands gripped your sides. It was like he was trying to convey that he felt the same. He wanted you; all he had ever wanted was you. You breathed a happy sigh against his lips and eventually pulled back, panting softly. "How was that?"

Vash looked at you with adoration, like he had the entire universe in his hands and never wanted to let you go. "I think I want a lot more first times with you."

A laugh escaped you, and you leaned in again. "I think I'd like that."

#trigun stampede #trigun #vash x you #vash x reader #vash x y/n

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softrozene · 1 year

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Hurt Little Bird

Anonymous requested: Im thirsty af for charles and i dont find nearly enough charles × femreader content anywhere. Could i get a scenario or hcs for charles rescuing a s/o and maybe tending to her wounds? I am in need of fluff! Also i love your work darling! Keep it up❤😘

rdr2 masterlist

DSFALJ I was about to say whatchu mean you don’t see any Charles content? Then I realized- Wow, there really is a shit ton of Arthur and John content outweighing the king over here aldfjalkfjdsa ANYWAY, ENOY THIS YEAR’S FIRST REQUEST I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND THANK YOU!

Instead of going the dramatic way where Reader gets hurt by other people, I thought for the most effective fluff to go a funny route

Originally published on January 5, 2021

Charles Smith x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff - Pure fluff, AU where Dutch has not completely lost it, so they are in some woodsy area having a blast or sum- (I am tired flsdfa)

Words: ~800

Mhm… It has been a while. Too long in Charles’ opinion but… Maybe he is overreacting?

He may be a tad overprotective of you… Okay, maybe a lot but- You are his partner after all. He would sooner much die than live without you. You are his whole world and one of the only people in this gang that keeps him sane.

If it were not for Arthur and the few others who know Dutch is just a ticking time bomb- He would have taken you long ago to start a family somewhere low-profile. To keep you safe and out of harm’s way. Out of any bad people’s reach…

Okay, yeah- He is not overreacting. You have been gone for too long. He stands up, catching the attention of Arthur. He is quick to come over to Charles before Charles can get to Taima.

“You know she can handle herself- She hasn’t been gone too long,” Arthur says trying to ease Charles’ mind.

It does not work. Charles shakes his head. He can’t take any risks and he gladly says this. “No- It feels like something is off. I would rather listen to my gut and overreact than ignore it and have her be hurt. I will be back shortly.”

Arthur nods- Understanding the need to protect a loved one. To follow that gut feeling so he lets Charles leave and hopefully he will come back with you if his gut feeling is acting up. Charles wastes no time to follow the tracks of the horse you use.

It is not necessarily your horse as you are only borrowing it during your stay here since you were the next effective hunter after Charles and Arthur. Usually, you ride with Charles and it has to be one of his favorite moments with you.

He wishes he could feel your arms wrapped around him right now- Comforting him since he is getting beyond worried for you now.

As always, the tracks are somewhat easy for Charles to pin down. It leads him a bit away from camp to another woodsy area. He is confused since he notices a rabbit trap laid down, but it was not finished- Then his heart stops upon seeing specks of red nearby.

Were you hurt? How bad is it? Is it from an animal or a person? Charles’ mind begins to race as he tries desperately to keep a cool head. He follows the little snippets of blood, trying to keep his heart from racing too when he spots your satchel.

No doubt- An animal has been through it.

So, an animal attack? You were setting up a trap only to be blindsided by an animal? It just does not sound like you either. You are as cautious as he is- He did teach you a lot. The blood trail finally ends but you are nowhere in sight. He glances around until he feels something drop on him.

His head shoots straight up and his eyes widen- You are in a tree, but you do not seem to be looking so hot. You are leaning against the main part of the tree- Hugging it.

“(Name)!” Charles shouts.

Your head pops up and you look down at him- Surprise is on your face before it melts to happiness.

“What are you doing up there?” He asks putting his arms up as if to motion you to jump.

You are hesitant but you edge yourself off the tree before falling and landing right in his arms. You wince as you answer. “Sorry, Love. I injured myself. I think I twisted my ankle.”

“…What about the blood?” He asks.

You meekly show him the palm of your hand.

“When I hurt my ankle, I fell on the knife I was using. I thought the scent of blood attracted a bear because I heard a noise and you always told me to be careful so I climbed a tree the best I could, but I couldn’t get back down… Turns out the bear was just a deer who smelled the berries in my satchel,” You murmur.

You sound so embarrassed but… Charles is relieved. Out of anything that could have harmed you he is glad you turned out to be your clumsiness. That you are fine despite your minor injuries. He would much prefer this over any other situation.

You hear him let out a sigh of relief before he hugs you close to his chest. You realize that he came out here, looking for you, because of his worry and love for you. You instantly feel bad but… You love him. You are happy to know he went out of his way for you.

You do not need to verbally address his worry.

Instead, you place a kiss on his cheek, and he chuckles as he takes you to his horse. Whistling for the other one to follow.

“Let’s get home so I can patch you up my hurt little bird,” He whispers before placing his own kiss on your forehead.

#softrozene writes #rdr2 x reader #red dead redemption 2 x reader #charles smith x reader #female reader #fluff

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otter-pup · 1 year

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my favorite that i've been seeing more of recently is rapid preg that leaves you huge and still slowly but steadily growing for the next 9 months, specifically striking 24-48 hours after i bred you.

having an amazing, raucous hook-up, and not realizing i've essentially planted a ticking time bomb inside you that's going to go off when it's absolutely the least convenient for you. maybe it's the first day of classes and you're in the middle of introducing yourself to your peers and make an entirely different impression. maybe during a presentation or performance, or, god forbid, sitting for a final. or perhaps, simply chatting with a close friend about how hot last night was. whatever it is, you start out looking like your normal, little self, and you feel an odd warmth deep in your stomach, and then your clothes feel a bit tight, and then seams are stretching and popping and you feel your center of gravity shifting fast enough to throw you off balance, and then you're panting from the weight and the heat and the hormones and are so, so bloated with children...

-squid

it IS one of the ideal forms of rapid preg ngl

we’d had fun the night before, and I wasn’t even thinking about any risk from the fact that it was unprotected yet. of course, even if I had been, I still wouldn’t have been prepared for the way my body suddenly blossomed, heat building in my core until I start swelling, passing full term with one in less than a minute and not stopping there. my shirt rips at its seams, the buttons on my jeans pop off before their seams tear too from the swelling of my hips, and by the time im done swelling I’ve been forced to either sit or fall to my knees, depending where I am, panting and moaning with a hand rubbing over my belly, bare to the world, looking full with at least quints.

wherever I am, all eyes are on me. maybe all of my classmates, maybe out at a cafe with a friend. wherever I am, everyone can see just how quickly my body accepted my new role as a perfect breeder. it looks like I might need to give you a call.

#puppytalk #nsft #🦑#preg kink #preg #pregnancy kink #rapid preg #rapid pregnancy #ftm pregnancy #tmpreg #ftmpreg #ftm nsft #t4t nsft #gay nsft #mlm nsft #trans nsft #ftm breeding

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pariskim · 1 month

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monster & fear about miss maria pleaaase :3

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

OHHH YOU KNOW ITTTT. maria is a genuinely fucked person shes a true mad scientist and its a complicated truth of how they live. she doesnt like being cruel but she is goddamn good at it. they live in a world where they need to make sacrifices for the greater good and its encouraged when she goes so. i do think her capacity for violence scares her but she hesitantly accepts it into her life because, well, its her job to do so and shes not willing to get disposed of. she does the dirty work begrudgingly as if its better than being a soldier when its probably something worse what she does. shes one of thw few willing to do the shit she does and shes both proud of being non disposable and incredibly wracked with guilt over it

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

REALLY fun question for her because i think shes really motivated by fear. i mean iggy and mary live in a world where literal monsters break through buildings so theres some level of fear thats understandable, but she kind of tips the iceberg into girl PLEASE take a xanax. she is constantly on edge and drinking coffee and stained clothing. i think really shes scared of failure and the costs of her doing so. she has very few people she Truly Cares about outside of her im better than you and youre civilians im just working with brainmode and she cannot handle the idea of something really happening to them because she Will blame herself if it happened. i think losing iggy as a kid was what first prompted her into medical work which over time corrupted into something more dangerous so the idea of losing him again is like a ticking bomb in her head that if it went off would probably kill her or prompt her to do something truly FUCKED. she pretends she isn't scared of anything, but if that was true she would've left her job a long time ago

#HEHE ILY #asks #chip #maria enzyme & iggy haptic

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strwpup · 1 year

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im thinking about how worried the other group must be. like they're already so worried all the time and they are separated from their comfort friends and all of the ticking time bombs in their group with no way to contact them.

they have no way to know imogen or FCG even tried to reach out. none of them know sending, if the sending stones don't work they might fully assume the stones got fucked with in the explosion. will orym even be able to contact dorian?

what about ashton waking up without everyone around them. is there any chance he thinks when he woke up from unconsciousness that he died? laudna kept her promise but where is everyone else?

what if they are worried about imogen possibly still being there with ludinus? without orym "can we please remembered the bad guys killed my family" of the air ashari and laudna her tether, with ludinus selling such a hard bargain she already kind of agrees with?

is ashton worried about FCG, who was already near murderbot before everything fucking exploded?

orym just saw so much he needs to unpack, and of course he can't because when has he ever been able to do that, so what is his next step to try and stop everything from drowning?

they could very well assume the rest of them are dead. this trio of people with protector instinct and the morality of the party on their own with no one to comfort but each other, in the shadow of the end of the world

#my post #critical role #critrole #cr spoilers #cr3 #orym of the air ashari #laudna #ashton greymoore #i am. so emotional about them

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jessaerys · 11 months

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It’s so great to find people who think the same things about mello and near, I watched dn like last year and was so sad that there was a lack of fics exploring their REAL dynamic and just reducing them to “they hate each other forever!!!!” like cmon guys😪 I beg of u to write something for them and give us the brothers-enemies-soulmates energy that they really have!! Also your art is bomb and ur vv big brained and talented but im too shy to say this off anon hah😁😁

i'm too shy to reply to messages like these when they are off-anon so i think this works for the both of us as an intricate ritual.... (what are we)

once again, no promises, but i do hope i can overcome my fanfiction-posting fear and eventually get buff enough to adapt to longfic format taka's and i's insanely rambly RP threads where near and mello get stuck in a rural greek island with no contact to the outside world except for a village of elderly people for two weeks post-near traveling to the underworld orpheus and eurydice style to bring mello back from the dead so all they can do is sit around trying very hard to avoid having a good time or process any feelings whatsoever. and also bond and experience community and rest or whatever. but mostly come up with increasingly implausible lies to themselves as to why they want to make out. which they don’t. oh and also there’s only one bed. and the clock is ticking till they have to return to the real world and face the music or whatever. it's like blue lagoon by way of silent hill style therapy and it's like 70k words at this point but only like 6 days have happened in-universe time hence the need for a film (fic) abridged version. in the meantime you can peruse my #august underground tag for only the vaguest of context clues

anyway nothing fuels me more than rooting for an underdog ship knowing with my entire being that i am objectively so correct and everyone who disagrees is wrong so i need to produce quality fanworks to Win at Shipping. something that is normal to want and possible to achieve. i think it's because i was raised to proselytize so now i need to chanel that instinct like a dog without a job. sorry where was i going with this

#death note #meronia #ANYWAY THANK U <3 #august underground #brothercrush.txt #inbox.txt

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wonderwanderer2 · 5 months

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i feel trapped in a war i cant win a war i cant escape

i pump myself full of drugs its a war against myself they say i dont try or give up too easy but the best way of explaining being me is drinking so much caffeine to the point where your chest and head hurts restless unable to sleep or rest get so nervous and cant calm down without moving or doing something constantly so what do i do when my mind goes 1000mph and hours after hours im zoning out just trying to get some rest talking to myself in never ending thought loops looking at my ceiling feels like i wil explode i want to kill something i get so angry and frustrated but nothing works to stop it i cant calm down my mind allways wins over me it breaks me it eats me up i could kill myself but its much easier to take drugs either to get knocked out bcs i cant sleep on my own or maybe im sick of my self and and just want a blast dont sleep for some days i love the feeling of dont trying i rlly have no boundaries i love to get messed up the more the better i dont stop before its empty just to lose all my confidence in the morning that was left in me im angry im frustrated i curse out god where is my pride its a constant war against myself so how can i win when im not even stronger then myself and my inner demons and my will to live gets weaker everyday i dont know what i want and i dont know where im going or where to go i just know something is missing something that has left me and i cant seem to find myself maybe what i need or feel i am void of .. has always been around and over sought my mind keeps raising my body keeps getting heavier the smallest things feels impossible and pointless

I want to feel love again and i want to feel peace they say i love chaos like the devil and that i am the orchestrator of my own mysery so why do i even desserve empathy from anyone but how can i trust a world when it keeps letting me down how can i trust a god i never felt how can i trust myself when all i do is hurting myself my whole life has been a headwind when wil god show me a little tailwind on my own i have no direction and on my own i am a danger to myself a ticking time bomb

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tomago · 2 years

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i love you so, natsume sakasaki

sypnosis。the world itself seemed to be against both of you, but no matter where you hide, time will always condemn you; it is this world's greatest foe.

cw , angst , death

shuffle x scribble request — ( OKAY THIS IS A LONG ONE bear with me. could i request a natsume x reader angst. maybe a magic au, and reader is watching natsume do his magic stuff. then something goes wrong with his spells and in turn he accidentally puts a deadly curse on the reader, maybe one that drastically shortens their lifespan. BUT, reader doesn’t know what happened. natsume’s like “no worries, nothing big just a little error” and then he goes off searching for something to help reverse the curse and every day he just returns with nothing and watches reader become worse. and then, DUN DUN DUN he returns home to reader succumbing to the final effects of the curse, basically dying. add in some heart wrenching last goodbye type stuff. and then natsume’s guilt after their death. im so sorry this is so long LMAO 😭 )

note ; hiii anon !!!!!!!! I ENJOYED WRITING THIS SOOOSOO SO MUCH. IM SO IN LOVE. YOU ARE SO BIG BRAINED. JUST. chefs kiss i hope this quenches your thirst— ♪

in a world where fear and trepidation runs amidst the airs that the anemoi blew, the grotesque world as it was had always been ruthless and callous to either human or wizard. even treading across a country to another could be perilous; but that may be why it was incredible. the horrors and innocence alike, the world did not treat you differently.

you've always been fascinated by wondrous things, marveling at any phenomenal miracles. you’re covetous of the world and its wonders; not in the bad way, but in the way which exiled you from both human and wizard. your admiration runs deep, and leads you to meeting a talented wizard, sakasaki natsume.

glistening bottles filled with peculiarly-colored liquid and insects that you've ever seen before lined atop shelves inside his quarters, each and every one yelled 'do not touch' in one look — feathered creatures that suspend time in their rustling wings flew over your head; an indication that his refuge was no place for a human.

and here he was, welcoming you yet again above droplets of still resin that contained stone and bone alike — eroded by time to simply memories of what once was.

"curious, isn't it,", his voice echoes from wall to wall through the incandescent rays of sun that peaks through cracks and fissures of his workplace; and with the slightest flick of the wrist, a spell uttered beneath his skin — cold turned into warmth, and feathers began to descend.

a delightful spectacle was on display for only you, your hand light above his gloved own; your eyes wide filled with awe for his effortless feat, and his eyes not once blinked away from you.

how curious, truly, how you fail to notice a ticking bomb even inside you.

gods, — even if silly myths like gods were true, must have a reason to separate man and wizard. even if his heart breaks to part with you, even if your desire to learn more about natsume still is strong, the inevitable truth that the world has was unrelenting.

no matter how much of a frightening wizard natsume was, there was only much he could do with magic. even if it meant for you to live a normal life, even if it meant you'd be cured and forget all about him, he'd give up all of his tricks in exchange for you to survive.

with every moment you spent with him, your life thins, until it was all but a brittle thread. your body will slowly turn into stone, and you will crumble. but more importantly, natsume will live to see it.

how cruel, really, aren't wizards supposed to be the ones tormenting humans? but why do you put him through all of this suffering? letting yourself slowly be poisoned by natsume's apple, and even licking the poison from his fingertips — was this your plan? to turn into stone with his hands and crush him with his own guilt for being too selfish to have you even if it meant losing you?

but seeing your expression so innocent, not worrying about a single thing — you will never be lovelier than now, and he will never be here again. it tugs on his heart tightly, perhaps, he may be able to steal time from fate just a little longer.

this will be my last confession, i love you, i love you, and i love you.

to who does he whisper these words to, if not your peaceful body that lied on top of the wild unruly fields that you and he once danced in? your skin was cold, it shined; and pieces of you fell into his palms.

natsume shook, his tears uncontrollable; this was it. you had turned into stone.

and upon the banks of lethe, his tears fell; how badly must our story end, and decided, no: against his will he drinks the river's cold waters — and forgets everything.

#natsume sakasaki #sakasaki natsume #enstars #gn reader #requested #scribble x festival #magic au #fantasy au

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godsrejectedmartyr · 2 months

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i feel spiritually connected to my cat. like she is an extension of me. she’s so perfect. it makes me sad. i wonder if this is how my mom felt of me. i wonder if im the less intense version of my mom. less intense in the sense that my life experiences really aren’t that bad however i take literally EVERYTHING to the extreme in my life. i’m like the more miserable horror story of my mom. it hurts me to know how much my mom tries to keep me happy and keep me functioning. she’s so scared to leave me home alone now. i don’t blame her tbh, im a ticking time bomb. but as of right now, there’s no game plan. i’m just in another rut of repetitive waiting. numb it all out with drugs to keep myself lucid and confused at the same time. i feel like im both figuring my life out and ending it all at the same time. i feel like im setting the people around me up for some serious trauma. like god awful. gosh i just hope i lose more weight before all that though. ugh idk im so embarrassed. idk what ive become. my life feels like it’s ending. all i do is sleep, work, get high, sleep, get high, sleep, work, get high. you get the drill. it’s also super pathetic that all im waiting on is to feel loved by my boyfriend. to maybe know where our relationship is going. what the plan is. do i just need to stop doing drugs in general? maybe. but that’s ok. i plan on smoking my last joint tonight and be clean on until sunday, maybe later. i’ll take a step back from my little “marijuana induced psychosis/spiritual awakening” and work on art, get off social media, think and reflect on the world with a sober mind, get out and do things with my mom. make an attempt at being happy. maybe do something with my life. agh whatever. i feel like i’ve destroyed my life but really im just in a limbo. i want to get out of this limbo. is he gonna say no to a life with me and am i gonna lose myself to guilty pleasures and suicidal tendencies, or is he gonna communicate and turn around and be ready to love me and have a life with me. whatever though, ill just continue to wait. right now my boyfriend hasn’t texted me since sunday night. i messaged him monday morning, he hasn’t responded since. but he’s been online. he gets on his pc, plays video games, texts his friends online, but won’t answer my message. but i won’t send another message reminding him im here. he loves me right? so he’d think about me, right? the last message i sent was saying “yeah i get it, you’re busy, don’t worry haha. how was your trip?” and so i am just assuming he’s too busy to answer back to me even though he’s always on bauldurs gate. ugh, IM SO FUCKING PATHETIC!!! ALL DAY I FANTASIZE AND WISH I WOULD JUST GET KIDNAPPED OF WISKED AWAY BY SOME OLDER MAN WHOD JUST LOVE ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME WHEN MY MIND GETS TOO MUCH FOR ME. he was supposed to be that for me… he was the older guy who promised me he’d take care of me if my mind and the world became too much. all i wanted was a backbone. i still wanted to achieve great things but all i needed was a partner and someone by my side as i attempted to make my way through the world. but now i feel like im not in his world. a small part of me feels like there’s someone else in his world. i wouldn’t know, because he won’t let me into his world. i thought it was supposed to be our world.

look how stupid i am. laugh at me please. shoot me.

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renkiero · 7 months

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There's no correlation between what i write to this cat, this is just a cover image of my cat who's been laying all day.

This is what you used to say before, you won't reply if the content is depressing, hurting, stressful, or type that drag people down. Then don't read it for now, keep it for later. One day i bet you'll be accidentally opening what's over.

I can't believe myself, i hate myself so bad that one day in my life change my whole routine for whole year, year passed by and i found myself in a same sinkhole where no hand could reach and i believe it's a void, eating me inside.

A small achievement could be very impact full meaning to somebody. But what does it means if it will just go back to where it start?

Since i was a kid, 'emotion' is the least thing i could possibly remember. All i can remember what happened today is a result what happened on past.. I grown up as a 20 yo daughter, still figures out what makes my patience so low that simple thing could ruin my whole mood the entire day.

Emotion is weird, it's the most unstable ticking time bomb in the world.

So what happened today, let it be today. I've been in a therapy before, a course to just handle my emotions and i think it work somehow then it doesn't apply for long enough to stay. Why? Im a broke college student who can't afford that luxury lol.

The only savior for my bomb is divine food, or dessert.. it always work but somehow today's not. I got a friend in house where they're mostly a jerk who used to gossiping, what a fcking lame and ofc all of them are Male " lol call yourself a male"

Yet they can force me to explode even tho i aldy calmed down, now that's a explosion. I rage and cry while my bf is struggling to understand.

Anyway that's it..

#venting #vent #anxienty #rage #screaming crying throwing up #stress management #Spotify

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therossers · 9 months

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This week has been insanely overwhelming but we are finally near the tail end of it and for that I am grateful. I feel like i'm drowning today. I'm trying to stay on top of all of the things and stay positive and hopeful but my head is pounding and my mind can't help but feel sad.

I want to be able to feel like i'm spread evenly across our family but truly it feels like I can't be. There's no time for everyone. There's barely time for the man I love and I to finish a season of a show because if we aren't busy working we are busy with the boys or cleaning up after them and ourselves.

Grandma needs me to stop what i'm doing and come over there. Girl i barely have gas to get everyone where they need to go on a daily basis through the week. I would love to help but right now I can't.

Theresa is a whole other story. That's a hot mess in itself that I just have no time to bother with. I can't stand to be around someone who is all about themselves. It's exhausting listening to the gloating and the insane planning and unneeded shit for somewhere that had nothing to do with me in the first place. I just get to listen about how this and that needs to be done and god knows where the money for it will come from because who in that house works beside christopher?

oops.

My brain is tired. It goes at 1958483 mph on a daily basis. I'm off my medicine because of pure laziness but that has shifted me to believe that I need to be off of it for awhile being I want to go ahead and plan for a potential family expansion. Right now do i need that? Of course not but it is something that i do want. Something i desire more than most. Knowing that this time it's a whole different experience. This time I have the man of my dreams who will never allow us to want for anything in this world and that's the sweetest thing I could ever imagine.

I want it. I know we would do so great as a family of five. I know we would have what is needed. I don't care how others feel. I just want to be able to financially support all of us and it not be an issue. Things will be fine. I would stress but I would be giving my husband the most precious gift that he's prayed for. I feel like a ticking time bomb. Knowing he wants it so badly and so do I but knowing that the financials just don't back it up is annoying. I don't want to add more hours at the piece because being there is dreadful as is.

I love who I work with I just believe the place and the times have changed and it has ran it's course. Maybe im just silly.

Im so lucky to have such an incredible husband and two beautiful boys. I'm so thankful to be able to wake up and have that each day. Not many get to say that. Not many wake up with such blessings. They're loud and silly but they're my lid and silly babes.

I couldn't imagine my life without my three humans. Thank God i am loved by them.

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