#pedia says stuff

[squidpedia]

If you headcanon that the magic of the Barrier causes human eyes to change and match their Soul colors, is there a fallen child whose eyes are technically still the same color but brighter/richer now?

Because if it was the same color that'd be a subtle mindscrew compared to the more blatant "wHY ARE MY EYES-" reaction that a Justice, Bravery, or Perseverance Soul would have.

You keep looking in the mirror certain that something is off but you can't pin down what exactly it is.

You read my mind!!! Yes this is absolutely a thing!!

This is what I imagined happening for aimee (patience) and maybe devin (perserverance). Aimee already had blue eyes, so theirs mainly got brighter, while devin had these darker blue eyes that got a bit shifted in hue to purple, which is still noticeably different, but I think if they wanted to be in hard denial about it then they could argue its just the glasses or something

Its fun to think about!

#pedias art #pedia says stuff #asks #doodles #chara #devin #aimee

[an-unconscious-effort-comic]

Hello and welcome to An Unconscious Effort!

What is An Unconscious Effort?

At its heart, AUE is a story I wrote to one day be a webcomic about 4 kids being forced to navigate through the depths of the dream world, who all have their own attempts and ideas on how to establish a balance between their dreams and the real world, all while learning how to rely on others and be kinder to themselves.

The story follows 4 different POV’s.

The first quarter of the story will follow Abigail, a 14 year old girl who’s better at talking to plants than she is to people, and trying to figure out this whole ‘growing into the adult she wants to be’ thing, or whatever her mom says. Less and less people in the world have been able to report having dreams as of late, with many speculating if this could mean the start of something much bigger than themselves. So, when a mysterious entity from the dream world offers the opportunity of a lifetime for Abigail to help in reestablishing a balance between the dream world and the waking world and being apart of something that could change the lives of billions for the better, how could Abi even reject this offer?

Current status?

At the moment, the outline for this story is still being workshopped. I have 1/2 of the outline written, but still would like to go over it again once I reach the ending to probably rearrange and tweak some things before properly and officially starting to post the comic for-realsies.

There is already some beta chapters I posted to webtoon and tapas that I made while trying to get a feel for making webcomics in the first place, and while I am still proud of having made those, their quality and story is not representative of what I will be trying to create when I officially start the comic again. They were mainly made to be a learning experience at the time and I guess I did learn a lot.

Main Characters?

I’m glad you asked!! (you didn’t).

Abigail (Abi) - 14 y/o, she/her - Friendly neighborhood girlfailure who takes care of the plants.

(For anyone who remembers my utdr fanart, she was the oc I turned into patience)

Prawn - 15 y/o, he/him - If he sees you sitting on a bench all alone he will sit down next to you and strike up a conversation. This is not a possibility, it is a threat. He knows your location.

(Oc turned into kindness)

Marzipan (Marzi) - 16 y/o, she/her - Girlbossing her way through life, but at what cost.

(Oc i hid under the cut that I had turned into justice)

Meadow - 13-15 y/o?, she/they - What a cute little deer guy! Sure hope they’re not hiding any horrors in them!

(Oc that I turned into perserverance)

Whats this blog for?

Fuck if i know im bored lmao. I doubt this blog or comic will even be seen by anybody but I still sorta want to post some oc work on here and just…have some fun? Maybe organize some stuff about the comic here and post about characters sometimes. Idk I’ll figure it out I suppose

And if you’d rather see my art blog where I usually just post utdr fanart and be cringe then its @squidpedia while @squidpedias-reblogs is my rb account

If you read this far, you have bad taste but thank you

#an unconscious effort #pedia says stuff

[dragontry-comic]

Hello there

Dragontry is a really casual slice of life webcomic that explores the world of Messis through the eyes of Allie, a completely and utterly average human being who is the newest recruit to the Sisters of Demoiselle, the world’s local group of nuns. Rumors have been speculating for a few years of alleged sightings of the MIA dragonfly god being seen around town. The sisters continue to be unsure of how to approach these rumors, but Allie insists its probably fine.

Current Status:

Dude once clover memories comic is done i feel like this comic is just gonna start up out of the blue one day. I’d like to think a little bit more on the worldbuilding and I think I’ll just go for it. Itll be super chill i think

#pedia says stuff #dragontry #i forgot to set this blog up after i said id do it like a month ago or something oops

[bulbagarden]

Hi, is there any timeline for the Bulbapedia "Forgot my password" option going back up? There's some stuff I wanna edit (mostly relating to niche move interactions) but I don't remember my password, lol

ahoy, trainer!!(^.^)/~~~

so basically, bulbapedia is on something of a maintenance mode as of late which i'm sure you and others have noticed. people can't save their edits, some people can't log in, and password resets aren't working as well. neither of us both are bulbapedia staff, but i did ask some of our fellow pedia staff members about this, and they said that at the very least maintenance will continue for the next few days, but nobody is really 100% sure of when it'll be done.

thank you for your interest and apologies for not being able to give a concrete update! that being said, our forums are very open if you'd like to say hi there!

-lisia

(omake: free bulbasaur pic for you because you sent an ask in)

#thank you for your patience...! #also i like your profile picture!!! who are they i wonder.. #(-lisia) #bulbagarden #bulbapedia #psa

[natigail]

August 2023 - natigail

It was time for my Posting Every Day In August (PEDIA) challenge, so I posted 31 chapters/one shots/excerpts this month!

I posted all six chapters of my skz ace/sex worker AU - oh, you kissed me just to kiss me

I posted all five chapters of the side piece to my skz wolfpack AU - What if I Told You I'm a Mastermind?

I posted the December chapter of my phan Stardew AU - Broke, Gay and New in Town

I posted four new chapters of my skz wolfpack AU - Rest in the Belly of the Wolf

I posted a one shot prologue of Seungcheol to my svt mafia AU - 돈’t Blink (at least not here) 

I posted a chapter to another svt mafia AU prologue, this time about verkwan - 돈’t Resist (at least not me) 

I posted both chapters of my Legend of Zelda fic focusing on optaining the Master Sword - to become an immortal dragon is to lose oneself (why did you do it?) 

I posted the first chapter to my bts insomniac/baker AU - the donuts are warm for you

I posted my Good Omens one shot focusing on the season 2 finale - contains information in a tuneful way (stop, you’re losing me)

I posted three excerpts from an original novel wip of mine (x, x, x)

I posted a bts one shot focusing on Yoongi getting his 7 tattoo - Future's gonna be okay 

I posted my The Untamed one shot about Lan Wangji’s grief - you can’t talk me through the fall if we don’t know if i can land 

I posted my phan one shot inspired by Taylor Swift’s Timeless - In another life you still would’ve turned my head

I posted my Nimona one shot focusing on a scene from the film - Say that I'm a monster

I posted my phan one shot about not attending pride - so tell me i’m a rainbow (it makes me feel alright)

I posted my Good Omens one shot about Aziraphale doing an apology dance - it ends with a garden (and a cottage in the south downs) 

Bloody hell, that’s one hell of a list. And it’s not likely the last one I’ll do, I think I’m going to do one with their summaries and stuff too but I wanted to have my usual monthly recap, even if PEDIA always messes with everything in the best way. Same can be seen on this pie chart.

I didn’t even attempt to untangle all the small entries that’s about 1-0% in the grand scheme of things. It’s the fics that were done before this month but needed to be edited before posting. I had given myself the goal of 2k a day because I knew I needed write a lot to complete PEDIA but I also needed to spend a lot of time editing, but I still went past the goal and almost hit 75k.

That definitely held true, but man, I’m still so proud of myself for managing to keep up even while feeling burned out and getting sick. Like, look! I did it. Yay. You’ll get my monthly overview of PEDIA as well, because why not?

Over 253k words posted! Not my record for a PEDIA but it’s the third most I’ve ever done during one of these challenges, which I’ve been doing since 2017 (except my thesis year). Like this month is kind of stressful and getting into a bit of grind with it all, but the sense of accomplishment when sitting back is indescribable. And I still try so very hard to keep the quality top notch, because despite how I like to get lost in my stats - it’ll always be the words that matter more than the numbers.

I’m going to take a very chill time in September. I’ll still keep up with my daily writing habit but we’re aiming for 1k a day instead, and for this coming week, I am going to maybe only keep up with the journalling to take a break.

#monthly recap #pedia

[medstudentblues]

Hi, I just discovered ur blog :) I'm currently in my last year of high school and I'm torn between taking medtech or nursing.. idk if u do these typa stuff but do u have any advice??

hi! welcome here :) i assume you’re from the PH?

i can’t speak well for medtech but all i can say is it’s the golden pre-med course if you want to go to medicine after because they have the same subjects as the medicine subjects in our first and second year. some of our topics/subjects are easier for them.

for nursing, we are more verse in the clinical setting (that’s why i miss the hospital so much). our duty (internship) starts in our 2nd year (too early imo) and you have to learn to balance hospital or community duties and academics early. nursing students rotate in all departments — medical-surgical, OB, pedia, emergency room, operating room, and even community immersion where 1) we do vaccination of children, 2) assess pregnant ladies and do health teaching, 3) we do house-to-house visits and apply our nursing knowledge in assessment of their health and family dynamics, 4) help in medical missions, 5) schedule a health-teaching seminar with the community about breastfeeding, hypertension, DM, whatever, and 6) in our last year we immerse with the community by living with them for 1-2 weeks where we do health-related activities during our time there. i loved nursing. it’s the reason why i want to pursue med. it really developed my critical thinking and clinical eye. so i recommend it as well if it interests you.

after grad in nursing, remember that nurses are underpaid, understaffed, and overworked so a lot of nurses i know go abroad. you may apply to US (take their NCLEX board exam) or in UK. these are the most common routes my batchmates took. nurses are in demand now as well.

but if you want to go to med, consider medtech. it’s a great course and i look up to my medtech peers. they have a good foundation which the medical subjects also consist of.

i hope it helps. message me if you have more questions. :) thank you!!

*also medtech people can drop by in my inbox if you want to pitch in re: this topic. i will publish your answer here. :)

#asks #anonymous

[lokiondisneyplus]

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Loki episode 5.

The penultimate episode of Loki introduced several new variations on its titular mischief-maker — including Jack Veal's Kid Loki, Deobia Oparei's Boastful Loki, and Tom Hiddleston's ill-fated President Loki. But of all these new faces, perhaps the most memorable was Richard E. Grant's aptly-named Classic Loki — an older, world-weary version of the Asgardian god we know and love.

Decked out in the familiar green-and-yellow suit from the comics, Grant's Loki is older and perhaps a bit wiser than his younger counterparts. Years of isolation have left him disillusioned and lonely, missing his brother Thor, but that spark of mischief is still buried deep underneath — and he ultimately sacrifices himself to help Loki (Hiddleston) and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) escape the Void.

It's a delightful showcase for the 64-year-old Grant, who says he's thrilled to be able to carve out his own chaotic corner of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Ahead of the series finale this week, EW caught up with Grant to break down his big sacrifice — as well as his newfound friendship with Owen Wilson and his pitch for a Loki spin-off series.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: To start, I have to ask about your costar: How was working with Alligator Loki?

RICHARD E. GRANT: Alligator Loki was fantastic because in reality, he was three stuffed sofa cushions that had been sewn roughly together to react to. [Laughs] The fact that I was the only person that could understand what he was saying was just fantastic. I think it's the perfect segue into having Classic Old Loki and Alligator Loki as a sub-series to go to next.

So it's safe to say that you would be willing to reprise this character down the line?

If I had a muscle suit, most certainly. I was denied that. I saw the costume design, and I was very familiar with Jack Kirby's original illustrations from the '60s, so I thought, "Ah, this guy's got muscles!" As I had been born without any, I was finally going to get in a muscle suit. I got to Atlanta [to begin filming], and they said, "There's no muscle suit! You're just wearing this!" I said, "But I look like Kermit the Frog!" They said, "Nope, you're not having a muscle suit." So I was very, very upset about that. [Laughs] Short-changed!

I was going to ask about your first impression when you first put on the costume!

That's what I asked: Where are the muscles? Where are the Stallone/Schwarzeneggers here? Because they're missing! This is what people will expect! This was in the costume drawing, and they're not here, and I don't have them! I was very upset.

When they first asked you to join the show, what was that initial pitch like?

I had known Tom Hiddleston socially for some years, and we'd always joked that we could feasibly play father and son because of our vague physical similarities and hairlines, certainly. So when I got this offer at the beginning of last year, before COVID, I thought, "Alright, this is that moment that I had hoped would come at some point." I thought I would play his father, but I'm playing a variant of him. So that's how that came about. I was thrilled.

Tom has been playing his version of Loki for a decade now. Did you get any guidance from him, or have any conversations with him that you found particularly helpful?

He is a walking Loki-pedia, so he was very, very informative about the whole etymology and the history of the Norse gods and Loki. He's also brilliant at imitating people. He goes on chat shows and imitates famous actors absolutely to the letter. I don't have that talent. So when I read the script of episode 5 that I was offered, I saw that [this older version of Loki] described himself in his backstory of being the god of outcasts — rather than the god of mischief, which is so absolutely embedded in Tom's interpretation of the role. So I thought, well, [if he's] the god of outcasts and is somebody who's been isolated for years and living on these planets and is willing to betray himself by going back and being arrested by the TVA and making the ultimate sacrifice, offering himself up to Asgard, I thought, well, this is somebody who is more in the twilight zone of his life, as am I. As opposed to a young man, who's full of mischief still.

So, I thought that was a way into interpreting this character, rather than trying to do — and something I couldn't possibly succeed at doing — a pale imitation of Tom Hiddleston.

I'd imagine that would be tricky, but it would also be a fun challenge: You're basically sharing scenes with all these different versions of the same character.

Exactly right. And I love the fact that he was the one person who could communicate with the alligator. I love that.

So would you now consider yourself fluent in alligator?

Indeed. I am the Doctor Dolittle of the Marvel universe when it comes to speaking to alligators. I speak alligator fluently. Put that in the contract of when I'm doing a series as Classic Old Loki, with muscles and the alligator. It'll have subtitles, so the audience can hear what the alligator is saying, and everyone else is saying, "What is he saying? What is he talking about?" That'll be the way.

I also wanted to ask about your big finale, where we see your Loki conjure Asgard. What do you remember most about filming that final moment?

Huge wind machines, blue screen in every direction, and following a camera on a crane that was maneuvering around the ceiling of the studio, and then swooping down. I was having to shout at it, and then finally laugh in the face of my own immolation. So it was a great thing to do, with these huge air turbine wind machines that were blowing four tons of air at me from every direction. It was exhilarating.

Did you have any practical elements around you at all, or did you have to imagine and conjure it all yourself?

Most of it you had to imagine. The actual landscape that you walked on was real grass and this sort of rocky landscape, but all the other elements — all the ships and all that stuff — was put in afterwards. We didn't see any of that.

The Loki palace that looked like a sort of bowling alley, that was all for real. Everything that you see in that scene was actually built and practical.

Was it chaotic to film in the bowling alley with all those different versions of Loki, bickering and bantering?

Because there was so much action involved, it was paint-dryingly slow, because action takes much longer to do than five pages of dialogue. I prefer talking, as I'm not exactly an action man, as you can see. [Laughs]

Was there anything about joining the Marvel universe that you weren't expecting or that really surprised you?

I didn't expect to find true love with Owen Wilson. We're having a surrogate baby together in October.

Oh, congratulations!

He was just so hilarious to work with. He's just one of the greatest characters I've ever met. He is so open and curious and amenable, with this sort of dry sense of humor. There seemed to be no divide between Owen Wilson acting his part and then just being Owen Wilson. I don't know if he was scamming me, but he was an absolute delight. I loved him.

Was there a particularly memorable day on set with him?

Yes, when we conceived our twins. [Laughs] No, my daughter encouraged me to post this thing on Twitter and Instagram, where he said, "Richard, I'm going to give you some acting advice. Put your camera on." I said, "Yes, okay!" I owe him for that because it got like 640,000 views already in a few days, which on my Instagram feed is off the chart. It's nothing for Beyoncé, but for mine, I'm pretty gobsmacked.

#Richard E. Grant #Classic Loki #Alligator Loki #agent mobius #mobius m mobius #tom hiddleston #interview

[tylerwritez]

I was hit in the head with a brick today.

Its Monday, October 18th, 11:30. Jacob didnt show, he had a busy day, so I invited my bestie Elle over and she came at around 6pm and we hung out and baked brownies. It was fun, but our brownies didn't rise cos we neglected to add baking powder. I walked them to their bus stop in the dark... I was tbh worried they would die or soemthing... in the area I live recently theres been a murder and a few rapes of young kids happening when it got dark. But in the end I left them there and headed home, and they got home safe so it turned out good. I got monster for us at around 5pm but she didnt drink hers, so I have an extra for tommorow >:D they're the strawberry lemonade rehab kind, so they're 25cals each, which isnt bad at all. I had a lot of anxiety while I was waiting for Jacob to come over... I guess because I was uncertain about how the day was going to pan out. But it improved significantly after I confirmed Elle was coming over... proabably becos I knew for certain that SOMEONE was gonna hang out w me.

See? Even days that start off depressing, with you smoking alone in the cold, can end up happy. I think the therapy session at 4pm improved my mood quite a bit though... it felt like I was hit in the head with a brick... but in a positive sense of the phrase. I I soemthing important.

You see, for as long as I've felt pain about my past, I've had this self doubt. This feeling that I was making up my pain, that I was delusional, that I was insane, that nothing bad ever happened, that if it did, I should just get over it and let the past be the past.

The thing is, obviously stuff MUST'VE happened, if even today I cry to mention it. So my feelings were validated in a sense. I realized that how I feel is valid, and REAL, and it's okay to feel this way even if everyone else has moved on. Even if those events are in the past, they still hurt me, so it DOES matter!!!

It doesnt even matter who's fault it was. I can stop worrying about that. No matter who caused it, it's my responsiblity to do work to fix it. And really,,, my parents didnt do that on purpose.

So now I just need to let go of my emotional pain!!! And stop mourning!!! And I feel like I can do that, now that I KNOW how i feel is okay!!! Sorry for the excitement. I'm just optimistic. I'm happy and i could cry from happiness to have the life I have right now. I have such a happy life on a beautiful earth with lovely music and good kind friends who care about me and like... I have a therapist??? My parents got me a therapist??? It's like people are FINALLY listening to me,,, and I dont really feel as much need to cover up my obvious illness/issues.

It was very validating to me. The therapist asked questions, which I answered as honestly and clearly as I possible could... I even mentioned my past shoplifting and current nicotine addiction, because she said the stuff there stays there.

But the most validating part is... well, I've ALWAYS felt that the way I felt emotion was not... right. Too strong, too wild, too... inappropriate. This, added on to my anger issues as a child and later, my constant grief over my past... compared to others, I mean. I always felt SOMETHING was wrong with me. I could never really quite put a finger on it. But then the therapist,,, listened to what I had to say regarding that... and after the whole session, decided that she wanted to assess me for 1 thing (ofc she didnt tell me and I didnt ask, probably because i didnt want to go into the assessment with bias of any kind) but she wants to assess me for something, discuss the results of the test, and then send me to a PHYSICIAN, like a DOCTOR, like a DOCTOR like who usually deals with PHYSICAL illness??? The word she used was "pediatrician"... but I'm a teenager LOL, not a child (the prefix pedo,pedia, means "child", for example, a PEDOphile is a child-lover... so a pediatrician is a doctor who treats children... I get what she means, but I really dont see myself as a child anymore 😅)

Anwyays, she said she wanted to send me over to like a DOCTOR to discuss this... this feeling that something was wrong with me.

This means... THIS MEANS IM BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!! finally, someone who doesnt dismiss my ABNORMAL emotions and grief as "teenage hormones" or something of the like. I just. I'm happy that finally, people are listening to me! And taking me seriously! And caring about what I have to say regarding my feelings! And I can talk a bit more freely about this shit :) it's nice. I mean, I obviously havent reached the level of 100 PERCENT HONESTY with my parents, but I can at least still say more than I used to...

It's all falling into place yknow? I'm happy I didnt kill myself. I'm happy I pushed through to get to this moment.

I'm listening to my old vocaloid faves, and I think that's also helping boost my mood.

this, combined with the fact that I didnt grossly overeat today, makes for a pretty good day!

My therapist also said

1. Write about my grief... a letter to my parents. What I wish they would've done. And then tear up the paper and throw it out, or burn it up. I said that I'd done that already, but i felt like I could never say everything I needed to say, or even AGREE on the FACTS of the shit I was saying! But like... now I can sorta agree on the facts, since I know how I feel is valid and not fake. It's real! And I know now that if I need, I can write it out more than once!!! If I forget something, I can just write it out in addition, separately. And even if it helps me feel a LITTLE bit better, its better than nothing.

It's so easy to hold onto negative feelings. It's very hard to view things positively, or with happiness... like, okay. Happiness is clear, potable water. Sadness is dirty, gross water. Even a little bit of dirty, gross water mixed in with the clear, potable water, will spoil it all.

When you have clear water, it's easier to make it dirty than it is to make dirty water clean.

It's easier to ruin a good mood than it is to lift a bad mood, basically. So when discussing SAD things, it's hard to frame them positively, and once you start crying from sadness, it's very hard to stop crying and feeling that sadness and that PHYSICAL pain in you.

A good thing I can do is think of things I like about myself (I am adaptable and can adapt to almost any given situation, I am stylish and dress cool, I am able to face my fears (social interaction, Allioli our gecko, birds, heights) and things I'm grateful for (I live in a safe place with no war and clean water and I have food in my house and I have clothes in my closet and I have a computer and a phone and two dogs and a best friend and a few good friends actually) see? It forces your mind to, instead of looking for more bad, look for some good. Idk tho. I'm trying. I'm trying everything, because this is mostly up to me. If I really wanted to, I could ignore the therapists advice and keep being sad... but that wouldnt help me heal. Healing is hard. Healing is as much (if not more) my responsibly than anyone else's.

If I want to get better, I have to at least TRY.

One more thing... one thing that I found most helpful, more than just listing positive things, was breathing in, holding it... and then when you breathe out, making a sound to let your frustration out. And after doing this quite a bit, it feels silly, like, it feels stupid, right? So you kinda start laughing.

The best remedy to sadness is laughter, and not that sick kind of laughter you get when you realize how absurdly sad and pathetic you are... I mean REAL laughter, when something is genuinely, not ironically or post ironically but GENUINELY funny.

Maybe that should inspire my next MTG card (for art class I am painting MTG cards).

Anwyays, after that, you just, wave your arms around, wave your head around, jump even, just AAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAA GO STUPID. let it out.

That reminded me of back when I used to have more energy more often, I would put on music and DANCE in the dark at night like a crazy person and put on musicals and shit. It is a good thing to get energy into you and get it out.

I sound. so fucking stupid right now. I'm sorry guys... I dont really feel normal right now. I'm happy for the first time in maybe a whole week, like really happy in a way that I know won't end until at least morning. And I'm not used to it. And it's making me act stupid and optimistic and dumb and like a little kid. I just feel good about this whole thing. The idea of talking to a DOCTOR, getting my dad to take me to a DOCTOR, is FUCKING SCARY but... it's a sign that I'm being taken seriously.

Soemtimes I say the wrong thing, or dont oxmmhnicate accurately. But overall it was chill, even though I couldnt really accurately communicate my level of suicidality, I'm pretty sure saying "soemtimes I want to do it but I never will and I know that feelings are temporary" is kinda the same as saying "I dont want to do it", right? Either way, I'm not about to risk having my parents told that I'm suicidal over some little communication like that. We get the IDEA. Lol.

I did sort of attempt suicide once, but I didnt go through all the way with it. I downed maybe 4-6 pills? I did take over the amount I should've, and I got a horrible stomachache (probably my liver since it was advil) but I didnt die, go to hospital, or get any sort of damage. So I think i stopped just in time to prevent real damage. I think if I had even take one more advil, I wouldve been in hospital, just because of the pain I was in. And I read online that the way you die from it is extremely painful, can take weeks, doesnt work half the time and leave you alive, but with permanent liver failure/damage and like... it just didnt seem like a good method, so I stopped.

I honestly cant even fucking believe I even considered suicide over an argument with my mom. Jesus.

See, I can't handle adults angry at me. Even in the slightest.

The mourning and grief is insane, dude.

.... maybe I WILL get that stupid doll.

No... my parents cant afford it. But if they could, maybe I'd get it. Because that stupid BOY doll is very much a partial embodiment of the things that made me upset as a child.

Shit, now I'm remembering my teacher was mad at me for wearing headphones in class and listening to music and said to take em off kinda sternly and i legit broke down crying. Wow. See? The GRIEF... I downplay it because it feels stupid to me. I was never beat or anything. So why be upset? But it's there, the pain is there. That pain is... this whole blog. "Jude" and "Jesse" and "Owen" and "Father" and all that shit.... the drawing of a child being eaten by Jesus... the deer in the forest, that's all that pain... me trying to deal with it.

I just dont get why it hurt me so bad if it was, realistically, such a small slight. I think that its some intersection of the reaosn I'm going to the doctors, and my parents shortcoming... which I DONT blame them for! I was their first child, and I came out fucked up. What were they suppsoed to do? they didnt know better.

Soemtimes it feels like it wasnt fair. Like, maybe I DESERVED parents and teachers who DID know better. I was just a child. It hurt me really badly. I ditched classes to cry in junior high.

But that's me being mean. Sure, every kid deserves the best they can get... but this is the best I could get. Simple. It's still good! I have lots of things I'm thankful for. Life cant be perfect. And I have to be thankful for my pain. It makes me a man. Ariel said that pain and discomfort makes you stronger, shapes you. Any kind of discomfort is good for the person to grow strong. I think this is especially applicable, as a boy becoming a man. You need pain, discomfort, anxiety... to become strong man. So in a sense, I am thankful for my pain, because really, what would I be without it? Another annoying blond hockey boy named Hayden or Brody or Reid... no thank you.

Man this is so cringe. I really just pulled the "not like other boys" card huh.

I'm just trying to cope, okay? It's a crazy amount of pain. I might go to the doctors!!! Soemthing is wrong. I think that's the best news I've heard all week. Soemone else believes me that somethings wrong. An adult!!!

It's really something else to be able to cry in front of adults without being guilt tripped or yelled at or getting in trouble of some sort.

I'm gonna cry for my past self now. All this talk of him, I cant help myself but cry. He was ripped apart. That child, he was destroyed.

....

I feel guilty saying that knowing that I read an article where this kid was SEVERELY abused... I saw the pictures of this kid... in the cold, shackled, beaten, starved, held in stress positions, verbally abused, made to do horrible things, splinters in his lips... I feel bad saying that I had it bad when there are kids who are actually beaten and shit. Man. I'm so cringe. Im so terrible I should kill myself. Im a fucking faggot. Jesus.

.... but I wouldnt say that to my friend.

............ idk. Idk anything.

Well... I FELT destroyed, let's just say that. I FELT defeated.

But I wasn't >:)

Idk where I'm going with this... peace out yall. I love yall, I'm bout to sleep and cry.

#Spotify #SoundCloud

[elonmuskfansgossipblog]

Pranay and Viv are so annoying. Pranay steals shit from Reddit and Viv tweets about things that Elon can say 'agree' to. EverydayAstronaut was the only guy I could tolerate. At least he knows his stuff and actually can hold a conversation with Elon. I want to see Viv interviewing Elon, but that bitch wouldn't be able to ask two questions without Wiki-fucking-pedia. Her tweets are copy/paste.

Look at the thirdrow interviews... she doesnt day shit. That pranay dude is getting more annoying with the minute. 🤮

#ask me things #ask me anything #ask away #ask #ask box #thanks for the ask! #ask to tag #answered asks #ask me questions #thanks for the tag! #thanks for sending! #thanks for asking! #thank you for the ask!

[squidpedia]

Ok does anyone else ever think there would be some less than pleasant side effects to coming back from the dead for the first few days.

Like most things are kinda overstimulating after hanging out in the void for so long, most lights are too bright, most sounds are too loud, pain sensitivity is way up. Or immediately getting flung into a raging fever because your immune system has some catching up to do. Full muscle articulation would be difficult given the whole not having used in your body in how long situation, like things keep slipping out of your hands, repeated tripping, or bumping into nearby things

Or is this just a me thing idk. Gang do these even make sense or have i lost it

#effects would still probably differ from person to person of course #this is to say my clover revive headcannon is them reuniting with everyone and its super wholesome #…until everyone realizes while hugging them that they are burning up and shivering and is actually going through the fever of the century #uty #uty clover #clover uty #clover #pedia says stuff #not drawing

[soul-dwelling]

I remember people making fun of some star wars wiki because it had pages for generic real life things like "chair" and "coca cola". guess with fire force being connected with soul eater, no one could object to copypasting every wikipedia article into soul eater pedia😂

You say that, but do you realize which articles I developed on the Soul Eater Wiki that were based on real stuff (the Amazon, Britain, etc)? I mean stuff like info about nations and other locations.

And now this prequel crap throws that into disarray. =_=; So happy Shinra couldn't make the rest of the world and its people look like they used to--but he got London Bridge done accurately. Thanks, Shinra, thanks a lot... -_-#

(And I still screwed up on the 12th century stuff...)

#dwells whines about fire force

[under-sengoku-skies]

Positivity my Dudes

Oh-ho! A challenge!

Thanks for the tags @iamaikotachibana @meowsamune and @randomchick29 !!💖

Da rules: Say 5 things you like about yourself and tag 20 (it doesn't have to be 20) other people to spread a little self-love

I like that I’m an ambivert. Social settings? Good fun. Doing stuff by myself? Also good fun. As Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen put it: It’s always a good time.

I like that I’m unafraid to be myself. I’m here to enjoy life, and I’ll be as silly, and cheesy, and cringey as I very well please. "Live the way you want." - Ikesen Kenshin

I love my adventurous nature and curiosity because it leads to new experiences (also a lot of hours of sleep lost on late nights scanning through wikipedia pages, although I like that part a bit less)

I like that my 11th grade drama teacher compared me to Mr. Bean. Yes, you read that right. It was meant as a compliment. He meant to say I'm funny without trying to be, but at the same time endearingly awkward. I don't think I'll ever forget that compliment, for it was the nicest (and weirdest) I've ever received.

I love that my irl friends gave me the nickname Halley-pedia and kind of think of me as this well of useless facts😂

Tag, you're it: @sakurairin-otome and @tsundere-mitsuhide

#personalllll

[insaneoldme]

Sometimes I fell so alone and sad, i forget why I still try. Wasnt worth enough to make you stay, and was so easy for you to push me aside and pretend I dont exist. My life feels like a lie. People say I shouldnt be sad, that my biggest problem is me, and I know I have always know...I spend a life time hating myself. Nobody has my back anymore, I’m alone...How can I not be sad? I cant do nothing right, even when I do my best I still fail, everyone says what I should or shouldnt do but nobody ever listen to me. I feel worthless, you were my best friend and pushed me aside like I was nothing, how can I not feel like that.

I try so hard to be happy, to be strong, but when I fall is the only thing people see. I did everything for you and you left when I needed the most, you broked me, and I been running after you for years and you coulnt even do the courtesy of telling me to stop. You say that everyone has their way of showing affection, but havent shown me affection in either way... I wish that you misse me so much that you needed to see me, but you will never do that, your pride will always be stronger than any feeling. You were amazing and you changed for the worst and try to pretend this is who you are, but the truth is stopped trying to connect with others you lack empathy

You are a bad friend, you are not willing to do something for other if its hard for you, you dont know how to help cause you never payed attention to anyone else. One day you will realise that I changed for you, that I humiliated myself for you, that I helped you, that I said so many times good stuff about you, I had your back when no one else was around, you made part of my family and didnt make part of yours, you been pushing me aside for years and you never heard me when I complained about it

I been planning our future together and you been thing only about things that mattered to you. I  thought it was me and you against the world, but you been playing by yourself alll along and only kept my around because it was confotable. You are a coward  and you if lack feelings is cause you let it get to that point, you put the blame at other because your precious ego cant bear to admit it. Nothing is going to change until you admit that all thsi is your fault and only yours, and that you treated me like utter crap and I trusted you the most. I wish I was a better person but the truth is I wish you would suffer for me, I want you to realise that I was your family and the only one who cared about you but you still preffered to surround your self with people who dont care about you and just want to use you

Sua vida sempre será “morna”, vc nao sabe o que é amizade ou amor de verdade... Vc nem conta pros seus amigos a verdade e vc vai acabar sozinho, e um dia vc vai lembrar que eu te estendi a mao tantas vezes mas vc preferiu desistir de mim do que se esforçar, pq no fundo vc nunca admitiu que o problema é vc. Nao os seus pais nem sua familia, só vc.... Vc só quer pensar em jogos e depois nao entende pq é apatico, vc nao tem convivido com gente faz muito tempo e nao me ouviu quando eu te disse

Um dia vc nao tera mais ninguem espero q se lembre de quem fez de tdo pra te ajudar, que lutou por vc . Se vc fosse meu amigo mesmo se esforçaria pra fazer as coisas que eu preciso de vez enquando, como eu fiz pra vc... Vc diz que cada um tem o seu jeito de ligar para o outro mas devia saber que quando se ama realmente vc se esforça pra fazer o melhor para o outro mesmo que precise ser um pouco differente, ser o qu o outro precisa.

E o fato é que era muito mais comodo pra vc desistir do que tentar ser melhor por mim, se esforcar mais no nosso relacionamento

Eu nunca vali a pena, eu tenho implorado por atençao todos esses anos

eu achei q pedia demais, a verdade é que eu me contentei com o minimo da sua atençao e quando eu realmente queria um pouco mais vc decidiu que eu nao valia a pena o esforço

[annericanstudy-blog]

20.10.11 SUNDAY 11:11 PM (omg! I wish to finally stick to one dream career LOL)

Hey there so uhm yea...looks like I’ve been writing on here every 2 weeks lol 😂 anyway another update...soooo I was kinda on a rollercoaster of happenings the past week. The hospital I work in has started admitting possible covid patients. They put up an Isolation area now like an isolation ward, isolation delivery room, etc. And well, your girl has even worked there! But I did terrible tho, veryyyyy terrible that I feel like I’m still gonna have nightmares about it ugh 🤦🏻‍♀️ Anyway so yea, I got called up to receive a baby in the iso. And so I went there, put on some crazy PPE and stuff. I was sooooo nervous...cos first, it’s my first time in that area! I don’t know where the stuff are and how everything works cos it’s a new area. Although I’ve tried receiving a baby already but man I just get so nervous whenever I’m in a new environment. Second, there was no pediatrician omg. It was my very FIRST time to receive a baby WITHOUT a pedia. Oh my gosh. And so I acted like I was such a newbie (well technically I still am a newbie). Idk but I just felt so disappointed with my performance that day ugh. Thankfully they helped me. I didn’t really know what to do aside from receiving the baby and making sure I did everything I was supposed to do for the baby during its first few minutes and the charting. Other than that such as communicating with the pedia, when to transfer the baby, and other stuff, ugh I felt like I did soooo badly. I felt like there were things that I was supposed to do that I wasn’t able to do...and I really don’t feel good about it. I even said sorry to the ward nurse cos ugh...I really feel like I did terrible. I know I have to forgive myself cos that experience involved a lot of firsts, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me cos I still feel so bad about myself about it. Ugh because of that, my self-esteem hit rock bottom again and I feel like quitting once again. That day was really kinda crazy cos that night, I also got called for night shift duty to take care of a baby whose mother had covid. dayum it was crazy I wore PPE the entire time and handwashed crazily all the time. But the baby was sooo kind (hahaha). When I say the baby was kind, meaning the baby fed well, burped well, and slept well ~yay~ bless that baby. But when I had my second duty with the baby she kept on crying hahaha but it’s pretty normal tho as the baby stays longer in the hospital.

Fast forward to few days. Mylet and Joan invited me to attend German classes! Being on that class will eventually lead us to work there. I got thrilled at the thought of the three of us being together, working together! Cos that’s what I’ve been really struggling here in this hospital. It’s so hard to not have friends at all. And so I asked permission from my parents. I also was lowkey telling them that I want to quit again cos I can really say that the hospital I’m in is not good at handling covid yet and it’s really posing a risk on not only to the staff there but to our families as well. Cos what if I got covid along the way, they might contract it since I live with them, and it will also pose a risk to their jobs and coworkers. And honestly, I still have a choice. Even if I stop working, it’s actually much better for my family cos then our risk of contracting covid will be much lower. Because I can really say that it’s not impossible to contract covid there. I don’t really care if my resume will be empty atm or what. Because if I get covid now then what’s the use of my resume if I die because of it or my family members will contract it esp that my parents are hypertensive? I would never forgive myself. But I can really see it in their faces that they’re not in favor of me stopping work. They kept on saying that it’s really important to be of service. Well, I got their point. Me too. It’s really nice to serve the Filipino people, the babies. But for me, if I contract that covid, idk, it’s just not worth it esp if we’re not compensated enough. I even cried again in front of them. In the middle of our serious talk, the hospital called me, but since our talk was so serious, I didn’t answer the call. I thought it was ok to not answer since it was my day off so I knew it wasn’t about an on call duty. Heol, that call I didn’t take was actually to inform me that the results of the test of the mother of the baby I received in the iso came out positive! Oh my goodness. And so, I now wear mask when I go out of the room and am isolating myself. See? The hospital should’ve been isolating me by now, or got me tested. But none. Coincidentally, the workplace of my mother held an emergency meeting telling them to be extra extra careful as one of their branches had to close down because almost all of the staff contracted covid since one of their employees lives with a nurse. To my parents, it was like a wake up call. And so yesterday, they told me that I should stop working in the meantime and maybe study whatever I want.

Weird enough, now that they’re telling me to stop, I got mixed emotions! Hahaha. I mean, I can’t deny I’m kinda happy about it. Cos really, covid is not a joke. And since I live in the Philippines, it will be hard to battle it. But I also feel a little sad cos I know I still have a lot to learn. But still, since my parents already told me to stop, I guess I have no choice now. Well, it was kinda nice to work at the NICU, being with babies. Idk, I kinda feel proud about it since most nurses start off in the ward while I started in a special area, it’s kinda a rare opportunity. Now, I’m kinda nervous cos I don’t know how to ask permission to resign or what. But I guess I’ll just have to face it! And I know the Lord will guide me.

But now that I will stop working, I don’t know what to do. Cos I’m still torn between being a nurse or a doctor (or a flight attendant but ugh covid shut this dream of mine). Sighs. I don’t know. I still feel like I won’t end up doing either hahaha 😂 Anyway, ugh I hope I can get it done tomorrow.

- anne, ph

[kokoro4kakashi]

What is your argument for Lord Second being the best hokage? He caused plenty of problems, such as the the Uchiha Police Force. In my opinion Lord Third or Lord Fourth are the best hokage. I wish I could say Lady Fifth, but she did very little except for against Pain and during the War.

Hm… I dunno what kind of argument - I - can make since I tend not to remember a lotta things, lol  To the ‘pedia for reminders!!

Hashirama ‘created much of the village’s infrastructure with his Wood Release abilities‘ … i forgot about that! Hah, that’s something. Then the whole Madara and defending the village stuff… Can’t find a lot known about his policies or other work.. He and Mads did found the village, tho. Lived out the rest of his life naturally as hokage so far as I know, too.

Tobirama created some of the longest lasting institutions (Academy, Anbu, Chunin exams) so there’s that that’s good! Then he died during the 1st war so he didn’t have a chance to do anything more… He did want peace but yeah, creation of the Uchiha Police Force backfired. Died in combat as hokage.

Hiruzen - I sharply remember him leaving money for smol Naruto and peacing out, soooo yeaaaah, failed that promise - but for the village? He led em thru two wars, and did re-assume the hokageness after Minato died, so he was there for the village. Eventually died in combat as hokage.

Minato - we don’t really know much of his hokage time? Tried to stop the Uchiha stuff from escalating, did put an emotionally scarred Kakashi in the lovely Anbu… (I’m not sure being HELLA CUTE outweighs all his not so great hokageness? lol.). Died in combat as hokage.

Tsunade - encourages a lot of the rookie 9 to become stronger, etc. And I dunno - I kinda think she did a lot, esp when I glance over the story arcs she was present for. She does lead Konoha thru the 4th war, making her the first since Hashirama to not die in office. We also see a loooooot of her, so in comparison to every other hokage it may seem like she’s done a lot, hm… Still alive, so far as we know.

Kakashi - (we need more rokukashi!) What do we know of his time besides keeping peace? Let’s not think on him staring at the meteor about to crush Konoha in The Last too long, too… sigh…..  (to me his hotness as rokukashi superficially outweighs things, lol). Still alive.

Naruto - Do we know much? (or am i ignorant, lol, prolly that!) Setting aside he’s in the office a lot and sends clones everywhere, including to family stuff, etc … he is maintaining peace in the village. Prolly paving the way for a strong friendship amongst kages for future hokages.

So yeah… I dunno! I kinda think of the hokages in a line and what each one stepped into office dealing with and if they left the village in any better state in which they found it. Several didn’t have a lotta time, some had a lot. Stability is a big factor, too… for the majority of the villagers things were stable for a long time under Hiruzen, Tsunade and those after her. It’d be nice if any of em dealt with the things wrong in anbu, or what happened with the Uchiha… but they didn’t. So, to me - stability and peace, the latter being the stated goal of many, stands out. I think Minato woulda been really good if not for the Uchiha stuff and dyin’! Tsunade did well! Kakashi … tho he did well in those aspects, wasn’t really suited for the job. Hell, he went straight back to active shinobi-ing in retirement.

I don’t think I can say Tobirama was the best hokage based on my limited knowledge and discussion skills, but he did nobly try and continue his brother’s work, started some things that did a lotta good things, and died defending the village. To the majority of villagers, I’d think they remember that and think well of him.

#gawd i suck as these questions i'm sorry hahah ^_^;; #hokages #the flailing fangirl in me really wants minabutt and kashi to be supremely awesome too #those who say hi are cute that's true #someone else can do this better lol