#please be aware of the tags it's a really sensitive topic and i don't want any of you to be triggered :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beanghostprincess · 5 months

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Just thinking about the fact Sora died because of the poison she drink to save her kids, because she is gentle and kind. And her only son who the desesperate act work is as kind as her.

But the StrawHats don't know she did that, this is something he don't have the courage to tell. And they know even less that Sanji is ready to do the same.

He isn't pround of that, but he ends up discovering the poison she drink and even have the recipe of how to do it. Because the germa soldiers teached them this and others poisons.

And this little fact is like a silent threat, a thing that if the crew discovers this, would be attentive about anything he drinks until they're certainly he's not gonna do the same thing his mother did.

And when the StrawHats learn about this fact, the exactly thing he expected happens, he notice Chopper and Robin always near the kitchen with the excuse of how's there was calmer, Nami and Usopp start to do his drinks for him or always are looking him while he's doing it, the others does things too. And Sanji notices all of this.

It's needed months to calm the crew, but still after they stop, all of them always have this fear in the back of they're minds (Luffy even goes as far as asking Law to do a check up on Sanji the next time they meet), that he will do this, but they want to believe he will not. They really want to.

(Just a thought that come to my mind yesterday, and I wanted to share, y'know? Based on some headcanons)

Oh, damn. This honestly hits close to home and it's really interesting so I wanna talk about it. But, you know, it's a serious topic so:

TW // Suicide, poison, self-harm, depression, etc etc you know the drill about Sanji and his issues. I don't go deep, tho, so It's not THAT explicit but could be triggering.

I think that after WCI and Wano, they'd all be worried. Sanji has always been pretty self-sacrificing with everyone and he doesn't value his life in the slightest. He doesn't show signs at first of being actively suicidal but the way he treats his own life makes it clear that he gets into self-sabotaging situations to the point of it being considered self-harm or even passive suicidal behavior. He just- Doesn't care about dying because he puts others first all the time. He has been doing that forever and Skypiea is just one of the times he does that. But, y'know, they never notice that. At least not everyone. I think Zoro is the first to know because of Thriller Bark, honestly. That's one of the biggest signs imo. But then they're separated and it's not like they can talk about it. Then two years happen and uh, shit goes downhill after that because WCI is just utterly traumatizing for Sanji and Wano makes everything worse to the point of asking Zoro to kill him if he loses himself. And we always say that's really gay (because it is) but we ignore the whole point of Sanji genuinely asking somebody to kill him without any fucking hesitation. And he spends all of Wano having the biggest crisis of his life wondering if he's human enough or worthy of being in the crew and???? What the actual fuck. Anyway, I think the crew ends up finding out about everything and I don't believe Sanji is well mentally after all of this. I know they don't write it like this because things are happening and they have to go to Egghead, but I think Sanji would end up really fucked up after WCI and Wano to the point of being worrisome.

If they do find out about the poison thing and Sanj's suicidal thoughts (honestly, I don't know how they would even find out about it unless Reiju tells them or Sanji snaps and yells about that, but, y'know. The point is that they know and Sanji is getting worse) I think you're completely right and they'd be all over him. Because that's exactly what happens when somebody acts this way. They look after him to a suffocating extent and watch his steps. They take turns to watch him. They prepare his drinks. They even make up something so he doesn't have to be on night watch so he can sleep, because he's probably not sleeping either. Or eating well, for that matter, which is what makes them all worry even more in the first place.

And hear me out, because I think he would try to do it. Like- Commit, I mean. Not gonna get into the topic too deep but I think he'd try and I think it wouldn't work because somebody would help him right away and I think he'd try to play it off as a mistake and a misunderstanding, but everyone would know. And he'd just try to ignore their pep talks and interventions.

This is projecting from personal experience and everyone goes through these things differently, but God, I think he'd fucking hate it if they looked after him. Because he knows he won't do it again. At least he doesn't want to do it again. But everybody keeps looking after him like he's about to break at any moment and it's so damn annoying to not have any type of privacy because they think he's gonna off himself the second he's alone. And he gets why they're doing it and appreciates their efforts to look after him, but acting this way is not the answer to his problems. It's just asphyxiating and it isn't helping him get better. You know how the crew is, they're NOT subtle and careful with anything and they're just-- They have good intentions but it's suffocating and he can't handle it anymore.

And I think he'd snap. I actually want to write a fic about this if you let me use your idea (I will credit you, ofc) because I think it'd be great to make him snap at Nami, specifically, and then regret it completely.

Long story short because this is getting long: I think Brook and Robin would end up talking things out with him because they're the ones who understand him the most in this situation. He'd apologize to Nami but also everyone else would apologize too for acting this way, they were just worried and wanted to look after him. I think, after this, the only ones watching Sanji would be Brook and Robin and they'd do it carefully, supporting him and helping him get better. And the whole crew would be next to him along the way but doing it with less assertiveness and just gentler.

I think the concept of Sanji thinking about death so often is great because it adds depth to his character and it's not a crazy thought. I think it's pretty damn canon, actually. At least him being careless about his own life.

#so i never talk about these things here bc trauma but i've gone through shit like this and people don't let me go near medication alone #and it's been YEARS #and it's only stressful because they don't let you do anything on your own once shit like this happens and you lose all sense of privacy #like your whole identity and intimacy you could have fades away and i understand why sanji would snap at them #i think he'd regret it right away and he'd apologize and nami would understand perfectly but damn it hurts anyway #i could go deeper on this analysis but idk if it's a topic i should talk about on tumblr bc it's triggering for some #i think you understood what i wanted to say tho #he gets better dw #robin and brook are like- obviously the ones who have gone through shit like this ofc they'd understand him #anyway i always love to talk about sanji's mental health issues #he's very depressed has anxiety and probably bpd and an ed but that's a topic for another day #and he's also a sweetheart and deserves to be happy #we're all about positive thoughts here and i swear he gets better #one piece #black leg sanji #straw hat pirates #tw self destructive behavior #tw suicide #please be aware of the tags it's a really sensitive topic and i don't want any of you to be triggered :(

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originemesis · 4 months

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"creation took 7 days; now watch me fuck it all up in one night"

canon divergent adam (+ side of abel ) / haz.b.in h.o.tel

21 + / mid-low activity / private

ordained and entertained by skeu

here are some cool people 😎 : @deathinfeathers , @voxistem , @lilitophidian , @cast-you-dxwn , @multipalz , @atomeyes + @sainticidal , @arachn0philia , @drraphaelmd

about // playlist // active headcanon // rules [beneath]

Caard-Esque:

Blog is 21+ for content concerns and mun is 25+ (an old) and will not interact with minors on this blog. minors should technically not follow me here either ~ so, don'tttttt...do that? thanks! if i catch you, you're yeeted to the shadow realm.

Do not follow this blog if you are sensitive to the sensitive topics related to this particular genre. I tag with "content word cw" for the extra wild stuff, but that's about it. adam literally has the highest swear/slur count in the show and he's only in 3 episodes, so be aware of that.

I tend to be private/selective as i get fairly overwhelmed with too much activity. i really get into plots though, and i'll spam the dash with some silly original dick chauvinism from time to time when ive fed my inner gremlins past midnight. That said, I do get easily overwhelmed when I'm following too many people and multi muse blogs in particular can exacerbate this feeling, so if I do not follow back - I might just not be in a good place to atm or I just don't see possible interactions btw our characters. It's nothing personal! ^^

This is a mutuals only interaction blog for my sanity (anons being fine). if i can see plots happening between us, i'll likely follow. but i get overwhelmed easily so please don't take it personally if i don't follow back or follow back right away.

I am not exclusive, but I prioritize my plotted threads and may have some mains/activity based off that as far as my main verse goes. But I will never be fully exclusive and i enjoy exploring different character dynamics. Also multiship is fine, but I am not exclusively here to ship or write suggestive content. My muses have always and will always require plotting and scene chemistry for me to consider writing ship material. In the case I do reblog shippy prompts still feel free to send in ofc! I'll see if I can make it work or not.

If I don't get a follow back within a week or two, if blogs i follow go inactive for up to 6-7 weeks, or if there's just no attempt on either of our ends to connect for an indefinite amount of time - i'll occasionally go through my list and soft block to clean things up. if we ever want to give it a go in the future, the option is there for us to re-follow and resume! i have in the past been made to feel like im walking on egg shells in rpcs regarding these matters and id rather avoid it here...im just here to chill, write and leave weird surprises in dms.

This post/my rules and conditions are subject to change based on what I get up to on here.

#//o hi just making a trash gremlin to be rude on-#//extremely work in progress- subject to change based on canon development #hazbin hotel rp #helluva boss rp

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zombspidey · 26 days

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intro ⋆ READ B4 INTERACTING ⌁

my name is ajax/reo (you can call me either of those names) my pronouns are he/xe i am a minor (i'm 4teen) and i used to be @spinnspidey, @radiospidey, @knifespidey, and @razorspidey (that was the more known one) but i got t worded (again…) to whoever got me t worded, block dnt report. thanks!! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა yeah so heres my intro. i'm a little bit of a weirdo if i do say so myself and i'm heavily tumblr obsessed so yeah i'll be on here nd i'll probably post a lot ^^ i'll post whatever goes through my mind which might be bad so warning on that. i might show symptoms of mental illnesses and if i do then mb idk not really my problem… but heads up i WILL say shit that shows that im not doing great. please do not try to save me or smth. also im looking for friends so bmf i promise im nice. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT PROMOTE ANYTHING THAT I POST. I AM POSTING AS A WAY TO VENT.

more info + stats under the cut!!! (tw for talking about sh + ed. don't like, don't read.)

sh﹐tw . . . ⋆ i have been cvtting since 2022 ⋆ i have hit styro ⋆ only styro on my thighs ⋆ i am not allowed to cvt anymore (unfortunately) ⋆ i have cvt my thighs, arms, stomach, and neck ⋆ most scars on thighs + arms ⋆ mostly cat scratches ⋆ all scars have healed (or are almost done in the process of healing) ⋆ my parents found out so i can't do it for now… (⇀‸↼‶)

ed﹐tw . . . ⋆ i have always hated my body ⋆ started trying to lose weight january 2023 ⋆ started around december 2023 (probably before, like over the summer but idk…) ⋆ 160 cm (last time i measured myself at least..) ⋆ sw 57.6 kg (bmi 22.5) ⋆ hw 60 kg (bmi 23.4) ⋆ lw 49.8 kg (bmi 19.5) ⋆ cw 49.8 kg (bmi 19.5) [have not updated recently] ⋆ gw 1 50 kg (bmi 19.5) ⋆ gw 2 45 kg (bmi 17.6) ⋆ gw 3 40 kg (bmi 15.6) ⋆ ugw <38 kg (bmi <14.8)

dni . . . ⋆ basic dni (idrc ngl, do what you want but don't report me thanks) ⋆ judgmental people ⋆ people who have mdni in their bio (i am a minor so??) ⋆ nsfw accounts (this means people who post/reblog nudes. if it's just text, it's fine) ⋆ overly sensitive people ⋆ people who aren't ok w dark topics/get uncomfortable by stuff like that (this is more for you than for me, i dont wanna make anyone upset) ⋆ people who get triggered by talking about sh, ⭐️ving, alcohol, etc… (yes i am aware that it's bad, no don't come to my dms with a savior complex telling me to get help. i'm trying to get help) ⋆ i block freely btw cuz ik a lot of ppl dont respect dni lists + theres people who are unavoidable at times…

byi . . . ⋆ if you interact with me, i might seem excited n stuff ⋆ i might sound like i'm flirting but i'm not (i have a partner and i love them) ⋆ i can make a lot of sex jokes ⋆ i am very immature ⋆ dnt try to "fix" me, i'll probably block you or ignore you ⋆ i'm a little unusual so yeah ⋆ dnt be scared to interact w me i luv talking to peopleヾ(≧∇≦)ゞ ⋆ i am not pro €d or $h i just post about it and my experience…

fandoms . . . ⋆ hypmic (hypnosis mic) ⋆ genshin impact ⋆ paralive (paradox live) ⋆ servamp ⋆ tougen anki ⋆ karneval ⋆ bsd (bungou stray dogs) ⋆ seraph of the end ⋆ litc (lost in the cloud) ⋆ kagerou daze ⋆ the case study of vanitas ⋆ pandora hearts ⋆ enstars (ensemble stars) (i am KIND OF a part of it because my ex filled me up on a lot of lore when we were together…) ⋆ pjsk (project sekai) ⋆ theres probably some others but i forgot…

interests . . . ⋆ vkei ⋆ scene ⋆ anything bloody ⋆ cannibalism (ooh edgy) ⋆ tortures ⋆ psychology ⋆ music (i listen to vkei, scene, metal, etc…) ⋆ vampires ⋆ fanfiction (mostly genshin but other stuff occassionally) ⋆ true crime (im not tcc) ⋆ rarepairs (mostly genshin) ⋆ bats ⋆ writing ⋆ books ⋆ etc… ⋆ btw if youre interested in any of these or are interested becoming friends PLEASEEE message me 🙏🙏😓 im looking for friends pleaseplwaseplease

tags . . . ⋆ i tag all my posts with #zombspidey ⋆ i tag my normal posts with #zombspideys normal posts, meaning they are unrelated to $h and/or €d related things ⋆ i don't have a specific tag for $h/€d/vent related things so beware. i usually put a warning on all my posts like that at the end of the post tho ⋆ i tag my moodboard with #zombspideys moodboards ⋆ i tag stuff about me/my life as #zombspidey diary ⋆ i tag my rants/more serious posts with #zombspidey rants ⋆ block any of the tags or my blog if you do not wish to see it!!!

other links . . . ⋆ fanfic/dead dove: do not eat blog ⋆ poem blog ⋆ carrd

remember!!! block DONT report this blog if you need to ^^ this blog is meant as a way to vent my feelings/talk about my feelings so please don't dm me about how its bad. i am aware.

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cranky-kyrati · 1 year

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why do i like dark stuff?

A little while ago I received an anonymous ask that I won't be publishing, because the way it was phrased suggests it was asked in bad faith (think "Have you stopped beating your wife?"). The question essentially boiled down to "Why are you into [works featuring] a horrible thing?".

I am generally a very open person, and normally wouldn't mind waxing philosophical about why my mind is twisted the way it is, but the thing is, it doesn't actually matter.

The way I see it, what we engage with in works of fiction, both as writers and readers, is akin to roleplaying.

For instance, when I write or read stories featuring rape, that's functionally no different from playing out a force fantasy with a partner. Assuming a story has been outfitted with appropriate tags and warnings, everyone involved have given their informed consent - because the characters in the story? Those are fictional.

No actual real people are being subjected to any kind of violation or abuse in the content I enjoy.* And writing or reading about abuse does not equate to condoning it.

Now, I understand that it can be upsetting to find that the creator of something you enjoy also creates or engages with works that you find morally repugnant (or even just a bit icky). Truly! I get it. But the thing is, dealing with your feelings about what other people consent to do with one another (as writers and readers of these stories) really isn't their responsibility. It's yours.

If you find the mere existence of a certain kind of story so triggering or upsetting as to feel abused yourself, you may want to look into the many ways you can filter and hide stories from AO3 so you won't be exposed to them. People who are into darkfic of all kinds are generally extremely aware that what we enjoy is often upsetting/triggering to others, and we're good at using tags and warnings to make sure no one who doesn't want to see our work will read it by accident.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I am not going to attempt to justify "why" I like the things I do, but I do want to say one thing on that topic: the psychology behind why people are into these kinds of things is incredibly complex, and as far as I know, science has barely begun to scratch the surface. Most people don't know why they kink the way they do. But please bear in mind that some who are into darkfic are using it as a way of processing their own traumatic experiences of abuse of various kinds. And if I were one of those people, being put on the spot with an anonymous demand that I explain and justify myself publicly would probably not help.

Finally, to the anon who sent the ask: If you are genuinely curious and did not mean to attack me - if you are prepared to actually listen to my answer - reach out to me in private and we'll talk.

* In fact, I'm so damn sensitive I can't even watch BDSM porn from reputable sources with actor interviews and all, because of the constant niggling worry that maybe, just maybe they're not into it after all.

#cranky mumbling

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the-king-of-nighmares · 5 months

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Hello im lazysimpluna or you can call me Luna or Finley

Warnings for this blog

There will be death

There will be also unsettling scenes staring and such

Somone that gets hurt ect gore probaly too not sure eather that or puppet Gore as I call it be warned if any of these topics is nothing for you then don't click on it please thank you!

im not good at writing and my grammar isn't that great so forgive me for typos :'D I also didn't used Tumblr as much so I'm still

Important none of the stories are Canon to clowns og project!!

!! Boundaries!!

Yes you can

✅ make fanart absolutely tag me please!!!

✅ Im okay with interactions trough I can't promise I will do all of them I mostly do what I feel like and if I don't feel like it I don't do it it also might take a bit

Donts❌

Please no applecest no wallycest no proships!!!❌

Don't ship home with anyone please he's really toxic and absolutely not interested in any relationships he dosent care about feelings he dosent care about people 🙏❌

No nsfw im srs!!!❌

Don't do a Ai bot of him I doubt I do an Ai bot of him !! ❌❌❌

Don't message me privately if I don't know you please if I know you for a bit from my comment section you can ask me if you can message me and I might say yes , please have patients with me I don't feel comfortable calling you my friend so soon so I just call you a mutual if I know you for a longer while I might call you a friend! I had a really bad experience with an ex friend of mine I knew since my childhood and that left marks , I might get easily overwhelmed or exausted so I might dip or don't talk at all please don't feel like I'm ignoring you or anything I'm not I'm simply not feeling like talking or it is to much at that day for me!❌❌❌

🌟Things about me that are important 🌟

my pronounce are she/her, he him, im genderfluid and aroace ❤️

I have auditory processing disorder or called

(APD )

Wich makes me slower I might forget alot of things or I also have hearing problems sometimes like when somone calls me it doesn't end up in my brain I'm also very sensitive so sounds loud notices specifically

I also take a while to understand things so be patient with me

(HSP ) I am a highly sensitive person

I also have social anxiety

I'm really sensitive like I would say emotionally there are often times where I do take things too serious or something please tell me talk to me about those things if I understand stuff the wrong way

I'm 22 years old and German

I only speak English and German I can't speak other languages

I have 29 aus by now I might add more depending on what ideas I get ( idk for sure I know I have alredy alot and I didn't even developed alot of them enough I do want to put an line to it but I can't I love creating I love making it makes me happy so just be aware XD when I decide to do a blog for my other aus that I might not post alot about those depending on how I'm feeling ( maybe I post more when I get asks idk)

Socials : I have tik tok Instagram also yt I also have another Tumblr but I don't like that one as much atm it's more actually idk it was more meant for oploading ahit art and such but I don't feel the account anymore idk I'm weird xd so ig I might do a new main maybe?? Idk anyhow I'm the most active on tik tok name is lazysimpluna on all platforms!

Blogs I will tag once I posted this

🌟Ref of my silly🌟

He will talk in red so you know

#welcome home #wh multiverse #Askthenightmareking #Asknightmarehome #welcome home artist

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i-am-confused-about-life · 1 year

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Masterlist | Kpop Masterlist

Hey, I'm Alex. My pronouns are she/her and I love writing. I have been writing on Wattpad in German for about 5 years and have been planning a few English stories for Tumblr.

I am a big Kpop Stan and have multiple Kpop Addition Stories planned. But I also want to write for some shows and movies and I have some ideas that are unrelated and original.

I am figuring out how tumblr works and trying to make friends/mutuals, so feel free to send asks. English is my second language so I apologize for grammar or spelling mistakes.

Why I block accounts |

Tags I (will) use:

#i-am-confused-about-life (for all my work/posts)

#X rants (me ranting xD)

#X reads (stories I've read & liked/remembered to repost)

#X replies (for all asks)

#X reads for later (for reading later)

#X loves (things I simply love)

#X tags / #X tag games (for posts I got tagged in/tag games)

Requests: Open

I take requests from now on but it could take a bit till they come out. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

I write Ships, Reader x Character or even OCs x Character. So feel free to request anything.

Shows/Movies I will be writing for:

Supernatural One Chicago (fire, p.d, med) Marvel Lord of the Rings The Hobbit The Witcher

Kpop Boy Groups I will be writing for:

Stray Kids Ateez Enhypen TXT BTS Monsta X Got7 Exo Seventeen The Boyz NCT

Kpop Girl Groups I will be writing for:

Twice Mamamoo Itzy Aespa Red Velvet

Rules for Requests are:

No Smut/NSFW I don't write smut/NSFW for now. I am not really willing to write it. I do write suggestive themes but nothing more for now. Please respect that.

Sensitive Topics I do write about sensitive topics but I will not romanticize any of them. I will also draw the line, if I think a request goes too far. So, please be aware of this.

Respectful & Feedback I expect respect from everyone for everyone. Please stay fair and give constructive criticism. I appreciate feedback as long as it is respectful. Anything that is discriminating (homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc.) or inappropriate will be blocked or reported.

#i-am-confused-about-life #pinned post #one chicago imagine #marvel imagine #supernatural imagine #kpop additions #kpop imagine #lord of the rings imagine #the hobbit imagine #pinned intro #introduction #requests #x loves #x reads #x reads for later #x tags #x tag games

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arthuriangodel · 2 years

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Today's lesson: Class calls!

(From the desk of Mun Verida...)

Hello NRU! This is Mun Verida taking care of the first class call as a tutorial of sorts! This is also a way for me to introduce to you how these specific calls are different compared to regular plotting calls. For one, there would be a small drabble before the actual topic appears, since Godel does enjoy his prefaces.

Today's lesson is...

Class calls!

Class calls are special prompt calls for NRU students where they can interact with Godel in a class environment. This is mostly for student muses to interact, but faculty muses can also join in the chaos if they so wish, which will be elaborated later in the post.

The objectives...

This section usually lays out the objectives for the class assignment. Since every class call is considered a different lesson, these prompts are time-sensitive to an extent. Sometimes, there may be bullet lists of info that might be helpful for students. There could also be alternatives to the assignments depending on your muse's proficiency, so be sure to check them out!

Threads. You can interact in a class call by making a thread and interacting with the teacher directly! As always, this will follow NRU guidelines, but it'll be focused on one specific setting (mainly being, his classroom). Students can also interact with other students as part of the class call, just be sure to place the lesson tag for that month. In this case, #lesson 00.

Submissions. Each call will also have a submission option where you can send in a drabble on how the muse approached the objective if you cannot (or don't want to) do the thread option. Be sure to place the assignment tag so Godel can give you feedback on his drabble afterwards!

Both parts are valid ways to participate in class calls! Since this is an elective class, Godel won't be too picky on attendance, but for the people who are regulars, he will be paying a closer eye on your muse's progress. (He doesn't want his saplings slacking under his watch, you know. :3)

To complete this assignment...

To complete a class call, it's basically straightforward. Use one of the two methods above. If you're using the thread method, the thread only works if you can send at least 2 replies by the end of the deadline. (These usually take at least a month, if not more.) After the two replies, the thread can go on for as long as you guys wish. Sometimes, there are numerical lists.

Sometimes it's because there are multiple steps in the assignment.

Other times it's to display alternative completion routes for the different proficiency levels.

There will be a lesson tag in the tags section for categorization, so feel free to use that as a way to quick access!

For this tutorial lesson, just give a like, reblog or a comment on the post itself! There is no expiration date for this one for the sake of prosperity, just so long as you understand ^^

(That said, I am aware that life happens, so if you want to interact in the class calls in a thread but you don't have the time to complete it in the deadline, please let me know so Godel doesn't mark your assignment as incomplete! If for some reason Godel needs to be out for mun reasons, I'll also let you know in advance so you can stay in the loop. The last thing I want is for rp threads to be stressful ^^;)

I hope this post provides a good explanation to this class format and I look forward to seeing how it goes! Also, I'm realizing this is really long, but I swear the actual posts won't be this long. There's usually an ending blurb here, but it's usually just fluff. If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments! This is still very experimental, so I'll be sure to update this post in case changes happen! Sometimes there's one more thing that happens in this section though...

Extra credit! (This does not always pop up but woo)

Are you a teacher or faculty member who wants to join in the chaos of teaching college boys how to be independent? You're in luck! Just send me a message through chat or on Discord and I'd be happy to plot with you! This can also be used to promote extra challenges that can earn you some brownie points with Godel if that's your aim...

And with that, our lesson comes to a close! As of the next post onwards, these calls will be written in Godel's voice, and I'll be the one who clarifies in OOC parentheses.

Your informative Mun,

Verida

#[listen to the sound of complete silence] ooc #lesson 00

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thisshadeofred · 7 months

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Rules

You want to come hang out on the mutli muse? Awesome! Let's go over a few housekeeping things.

1. I work a full time job with rotating hours and am still finishing my masters degree, so please be patient with me and I’ll extend the same to you.

2. I do not roleplay explicit smut. Although mun is of age it’s just not something I’m comfortable with. PG-13 as well as innuendo are all fine in my book

3. I have been having a lot of ups and downs with writing romance lately. Sometimes I'm totally fine with it and other times I cannot touch it with a ten foot pole for weeks. I'm happy to explore shipping with you and your character! If we decide there's chemistry, please just be aware about this. I may not always be down to touch shipping threads and may revert to more platonic things for periods of time.

4. Only some characters are shippable! The list of shippable muses is currently: Mac, Specs. Do not attempt to ship with anyone not on the list.

5. On that note, mun is in 26, and I will not RP with minors. It is not something I’m comfortable with.

6. Don’t god-mod. This is pretty standard for RP, but I like to include it anyway. The only “exception” to this rule is if it is a two person RP and a third character comes up. Both players are allowed to play that third character (ie: We have a thread with Mac and Jack and Davey appears. Both of us are allowed to play Davey).

7. My preferred style is one to two paragraphs as of late, but I am willing to do more or less depending on the player and the thread. I do also prefer the style of small text, but will use normal size text if requested. If you use icons, I will do my best to use them, but I do not use them for my own threads.

8. if it’s tagged open, anyone is allowed to send it in, even if we have never interacted before. This is my favorite ways to meet new players and characters.

9. However, I am semi-selective meaning that while you send it in, I am allowed to choose who or what I respond to. I don't do exclusives- doubles are absolutely welcome, but I do inadvertently do mains typically with friends. Please respect my choices. It’s never you, but more likely that our styles don’t click.

10. If you are not a part of the thread, please do not reblog it. Likes are okay, but reblogging really throws me off.

11. We both have the right to end a thread whenever we choose. I tend to signal this by liking the post. But if you would like to continue a thread, shoot me a message and most likely I’ll be willing to keep it going.

12. If you need something tagged please tell me! I try to be sensitive to triggers, but I sometimes forget. I also ask that you tag any material related to suicide, self-injury, and eating disorders. I also will not be doing any RPs that have a main focus on these topics without out of character discussion first.

13. I use the new beta editor and trim posts using XKit. If you use legacy editor, I will not try to trim because that makes both of our lives harder.

14. Have fun! That’s what role-play is all about!

The crew and I will see you soon!

With love, Al

#no one at me that it took almost 4 months for this blog to havea rules page #i really didn't anticipate being here This Much

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

Note

I really need to rant this out somewhere. I feel like there's a sudden burst of fics where the twin MC has been dating dies/gets taken away and to "cope" with that MC gets together with the other twin to "fill the void".

I just came across another one where Saeran had died and immediately after that Saeyoung was "coping" with it by making out with MC, and MC gave in because "he looks just like Saeran". I don't know, I just feel...like that's not only very OOC from Saeyoung who would be devastated if Saeran was gone and his first thought definitely wouldn't be to make out with MC who had just been dating his brother just to "make the pain go away", but it's also just...it feels so disrespectful towards both of the twins. It's like they're saying the twins aren't individuals. Like oh, hey, if one's suddenly gone, that's fine because there's the second option who looks exactly like him!! Are they not individuals? It's...I don't like it, it feels disrespectful because it's like they're saying that they only like the twins for their looks. Not because of who they are as a people.

There have been so many fics after the AE's release where Saeran dies in a bad ending and MC starts dating Saeyoung instead to fill the void, and I cannot help but view that as disrespectful towards both twins. I also can't help but think that it can't be healthy for anyone involved. Finding a new romantic interest after losing your previous one is fine of course, you don't need to stay single forever, but I feel like there's a difference between finding someone new and just immediately replacing your previous s/o with their identical twin "because they look the same" and thinking of that twin as them.

The thing with Saeyoung just caring about making out/dating MC after Saeran has died is so incredibly OOC when he sees his whole purpose in life being making sure Saeran is happy. And when Saeran isn't there anymore, well… We saw what happened in V's AE, if he found out that Saeran had died, he would be devastated and heartbroken.

Maybe this odd trend of Choi twin fics could work if it was shown that it's an issue to just replace someone like that and not see them as individuals, but in all the cases I've encountered, it's shown as a good and romantic thing. Like it's cute. Like these people want to date their favorite twin even in the other twin's route's timeline. Like the other twin never cared about the other's happiness or that he'd always had a crush on MC and was just waiting for the other to not be in the picture anymore or something, and seeing that portrayal hurts.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive. I mean, I don't know, do what you want but please, the writers who are out there writing these fics, please just at least warn at the start of that fic that that's what the fic is about. I would've loved living my life without reading one like that on accident, the whole thing made me so repulsed and upset that I had to let it out like this.

I’ve seen a fic or two like this in my life and honestly, they’re just not my kind of fic to read. I understand why people may write something like this, and while it may be their cup of tea, it’s not my cup of tea so I just avoid stories like this in general because if they’ve labeled it properly, then you can just avoid it like the plague if it bothers you.

You can write whatever you want but you need to tag warnings such as “death, trauma warning, and anything else that you think may be upsetting to someone else.” It takes two seconds to tag something with a warning when you’re adding them on AO3 or Tumblr. I mean, you have the right not to tag them but at the same time, I don’t see why it’s difficult to expend two seconds to warning your possible readers what they may encounter. It’s not a spoiler warning to tag one word like “gun” or “car accident-related PTSD”, for example.

These fics are like often vent-fics for the author or maybe they just want play around with what that might be like. I personally don’t enjoy the concept of one of the twins ultimately dying and their MC replacing him with the other twin. It’s just in poor taste. Not to say that these events don’t happen in real life, and two people fall in love for a good reason after a grief event. But, like, using someone to fill the void and pretending that they’re their twin is just.

So many shades of wrong.

That’s wrong to Saeran and that’s wrong to Saeyoung. They’re twins, but that doesn’t mean they’re the same person. I will say that while Saeyoung would be horribly upset and broken if Saeran died, he would hit rock bottom, yes, but at the end of the day, he would continue living his life so that Saeran would be able to see everything through his eyes. They’re twins, and their souls are connected in such a way that he would live doing things just for Saeran to feel them in the afterlife.

I strain to see if Saeyoung would be with the MC romantically like that. He would probably support the MC and always be there for them because they were there for Saeran when he wasn’t. They would be close and lean on each other, which I see as a friendship, a close one, but not really romantic. If they naturally were to fall in love after that, okay, sure, whatever you want to write, but if you’re using this as a device like I said earlier to treat Saeyoung and Saeran without respect to them?

Just replacing one twin with the other?

Could you tag a warning on your fic or make it clear what’s happening because yeah, this topic can be very upsetting to some people. Have fun with writing, you can write whatever you want, and I’m always happy to see people exploring new ideas and writing things that make them feel better, but just be aware that when you share your story, warning people may not be required, but it’s in good taste to try to do that.

#discourse #anon #ask #mod kait #saeyoung choi #saeran choi

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the-writers-bookshelf · 3 years

Note

It's Friday and thankfully I remembered before bed.

My wip is unconventional in that the "plot" is just character development. That's all I care about with books and it was all I wanted to write. Brief TW for those who decide to read: this wip deals with a lot of mental health issues, bigotry, and talks about sex and asexuality (there's a more graphic *warning that applies which I will tag before said character's paragraph). While I won't be going into detail I feel y'all deserve to be warned.

The story features three main characters:

Alvere Duval, an autistic gay ace man of colour who was stuck with crappy parents until he hit 19, at which point he ran away with his best friend to bunk with his boyfriend. Alvere's main arch (to put it very simply) is about him learning to love and accept himself despite all the horrific shit his parents and peers said about him. He deals with self-hatred, internalized ableism, homophobia, and acephobia, pretty nasty C-PTSD and anxiety, I could go on but we'd be here all day (this poor man). His secondary arch revolves around his desire to build a shelter for LGBTA+ youths who are homeless or stuck with crappy parents like he was. My favorite thing about writing for him is the confrontation scene he has with his mother near the end of the book. In many ways he was close to her and loved her to death, but his best friend and boyfriend could see how casually dismissive she was towards his ability to form his own opinions and knew she was complacent in the horrible way his father treated him. Part of him knows that too, but he's terrified of losing the idealized version of her he has in his head bc it's one of the only good memories from his childhood. Yes I cry every time I think about it and love projecting onto my own characters why do you ask?

Next up is Jack Felicity, a mute non-binary aroace indigenous person, and Alvere's best friend. Their main arch is about them processing the damage theirs and Alvere's early friendship did to them, as it was extremely co-dependent and drained them of any and all personality they once had. Add ADHD and depression to that mix, and about half way through the book they realize they literally have no idea who they are outside of "Alvere's Friend" and have to rebuild themself with the support of their mom, their new friends, and Alvere himself now that they've started working through their dependency issues. Their secondary arch revolves around them learning that sometimes second chances are worth the risk of betrayal, and that losing a friend is hard but it's not the end of the world, and it doesn't mean they failed. My favorite scene I've written with them is when they reconcile with their mom who, while not nearly as bad as Al's, still made some mistakes in the past. I love it bc she acknowledges that she was wrong and apologizes to Jack for being insensitive in regards to their depression. If only more parents did that.

Lastly we have Carlo, a bi gnc trans man, and Alvere's boyfriend. (*TW for mentioned substance abuse, underage sex work & grooming. "Easy to digest" I said. "For fun" I said. I'll italicize the sentences so you can skip em). Carlo's main arch revolves around him learning to respect people with different boundaries. He was exploited and groomed into sex work at the age of 16 and though he's since escaped his abusers, he never got to process his trauma authentically before he and Al got together. Whereas Carlo's a touchy guy and doesn't really have a concept of personal space (since he wasn't allowed to if he wanted to have enough money to eat), he doesn't really get Al's touch aversion or Jack's trust issues and ends up making an ass of himself on multiple occasions. He always does his best to make up for it though, since he knows damn well how awful it feels to have one's boundaries invaded like that, and knows that just because he doesn't understand them doesn't mean they aren't valid. His secondary arch is about his reliance on substances (cigarettes and alcohol) to numb the pain of his past. With the help of his loved ones and a slap in the face courtesy of his own inebriated behavior, he starts taking steps to recover. My favorite thing about writing for him is how he reacts to Al's asexuality. Despite being hypersexual in the beginning (bc trauma) and still enjoying it as the book goes on, he's very supportive of Al and makes several points of letting him know he never has to give him anything he's not ready for, which culminates in one long chapter of Al getting the mushy gushy date he deserves bc fuck acephobes.

This project started off as individual vignettes to get me back into writing and evolved into a slice of life story about these three growing up and falling in love (platonically and romantically) with each other. There's a lot more to it that I didn't cover bc I don't wanna give everything away, but I have like no one to talk to about this and my first draft is almost done and I'm excited so. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings.

Hi lovely! Your WIP is AMAZING and I love it!! I decided to copy/paste it into a post (and tagged you in it!) so I could put the more sensitive topics under a cut. But PLEASE don't feel like I'm sensoring you because that is not my intention at all! It's just a precaution ♥

Your work is REALLY important! Especially when it comes to asexuality! I'm on the ace spectrum myself and there is absolutely a HUGE need for writing like yours in this world, spreading awareness and making it NORMAL! Thank you so much for your wonderful writing! :)

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scarluxia · 3 years

Text

Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".

CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.

My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.

While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.

My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.

I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.

Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.

So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.

Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.

Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.

Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)

She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."

Um, no, but my father did.

I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL

Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.

My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.

Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.

It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...

HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.

Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.

You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.

Anyway, I've gone off topic...

I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.

Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.

Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.

Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.

I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.

Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!

Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.

I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.

"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.

"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.

"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.

"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.

Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.

Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.

So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.

So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.

And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.

As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.

They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.

Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.

Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"

Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.

So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.

Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.

Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!

Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.

They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.

They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.

They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.

And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.

In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!

They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.

Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.

They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.

Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.

I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.

#ableism #depression #rejection sensitive dysphoria #sensory sensitivity #child neglect #child abuse #resource insecurity?#i forgot about the part where someone tried to mansplain Christian gatekeeping to me #emotional abuse #polyamory but make it toxic #suicidal ideation

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