#please tell me someone has had this exact experience because i can't be alone in this

[sentoooo]

[anon: Reptile NSFW alphabet, please?🤭] kinda lowkey in my reptile era he's so. HE'S SO!!!!! ugh i think he needs even more love than he's getting tbh. i wanna kith his little forehead so bad!!!! ALSO HAVE YOU HEARD HIS LAUGH!?!?!?!? OH EM GEE I NEED HIM IN ME

cw: gn reader, NSFW, predator & prey kink, orgasm torture, overstimulation, lots of cum talk, proofread MINORS DNI

ꜱʏᴢᴏᴛʜ || ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴀʟᴘʜᴀʙᴇᴛ

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Syzoth is all cuddly and affectionate after sex. He holds you like you're going to leave him, which he is afraid of. It's kind of a pre-requisite before his aftercare routine to hold you as close as possible, even if that gets you two messier. He just needs a moment to bathe in the afterglow, and show you exactly how much he loves you. After that, he'll carry you to the bath, and just talk with you while he starts to run it. He also enjoys opening up the conversation about sex, as shy as he is, he thinks it's one of those things that will bring you both closer and make him more confident. And when the bath is done filling up, he prefers to wash you up. But if you'd rather bathe alone, he's okay with it, too. However, Syzoth insists that he carries you everywhere. Perhaps it's because he feels bad, you can't really tell. But after that, before you two drift off to sleep, he'll run his hands down your spine and whisper all sorts of sweet-nothings in your ear.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his tongue. Yeah, maybe it's a weird for that to be his favorite, but he delights how much pleasure it gives you. That is the exact reason why he loves it. To watch you squirm and moan and come undone because of his tongue is just pure bliss to him. Aside from his tongue, he's a fan of his chest in his human form. He can't really tell you why, he just loves it. And he loves the feel of your hands running down it.

Syzoth is an ass man. Unashamedly so. So he loves your ass. He loves grabbing it, slapping it, fucking into it, anything. He will always find his hands roaming down to give it a quick squeeze, or he'll hold you up by it when you two are making out.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to cum outside, anywhere. On your thigh, your stomach, your chest. As long as he can, he's happy to. He just loves how it looks on you, almost as if he's marking you. Well, he marks you in a couple different ways, but this is one of his favorites. He'll even stop for a minute to admire it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He would so fuck you in his reptilian form. He's had thoughts & fantasies of doing so ever since he first fucked you. But he's worried you wouldn't be into it. Still, every so often- especially during mating season- he thinks about it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Actually, Syzoth is a virgin-- in the sense that he's never had someone in his human form! Reptile-wise? Yeah, he's set. But he's also never taken someone who is human in his reptile zaterran form. However, he's just so full of pent up sexual energy, that he really just lets his dick guide him when he has his first time with you. Obviously, he learns over time. But, don't be mistaken. He was more than able to satisfy you the first time you two fucked.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He really enjoys the Flash position. He loves being able to tangle up with you, and focus on more than one type of stimulation. It also tends to lead to some more messy sex, even if it starts out sensual.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's shy, and while he doesn't do it on purpose, he'll slip up once or twice and laugh a little. But overall, he's rather serious during sex. Maybe during foreplay he'll be a little bit more lax, but he has to be serious during the act. He feels out of place if he isn't.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's barley well-groomed, he doesn't really see the need for it. He's got a light amount of chest hair and arm hair, but the hair gets thicker as you go down. He's got a full happy trail, and a relatively tame amount of pubes.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Syzoth's primal during intercourse, but he's still sweet with you. Through all his growls, you can sometimes decipher small words of praise and cute little names he likes to call you. His hands will travel up your body, tracing your collarbone and your neck, and you can always feel the longing within his touch. He just finds it hard to voice it properly.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jacks off at least once a day. He's just got a lot of pent up feelings, and jacking off provides him relief. Not that you can't either, but he kind of feels bad if he wants to fuck you multiple times a day.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

If it wasn't apparent, he's real into the Predator & Prey kink. It satisfies something deeper within him, something primal. He likes the pursuit of you, hunting and scavenging for your vulnerable body. He's damn good at finding you, but he insists hunting you is all part of his arousal. And it is, sometimes even you can smell his arousal.

Syzoth also loves overstimulation & orgasm torture. He loves making you feel good, and knowing he can do it, over, and over, and over, while you bathe in ecstasy. He loves the feeling of you around him when you cum, when he leans in and bites on your neck while your left a moaning, writhing mess beneath him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Outdoors. Anywhere. He loves the thrill of it all, but it also feels the most natural to him. He will always find a secluded spot for you two, especially if you'll let him hunt you down. It's almost scary how many places he knows where you two can get away with it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You. While he's relatively horny, nothing will ever get him off like you do. Especially when you bend down, ass up, teasing him. Or sitting in his lap. Fuck, it's hard to contain himself. He isn't as shy as he seems outside of the bedroom, and you'll soon learn that if you continue to tease him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Syzoth hates the idea of tying you up. He wants you to be free to squirm underneath him, to claw at his black, grip at the sheets, run your hands through his hair. He thinks sex isn't enjoyable if you're being held back.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers to give. He almost has an aversion to receiving, really. Especially with his tongue? Fuck, you're in for the time of your life. He knows all the sensitive places to touch while he's going down on you, and he reaches all the best places.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He starts off fast, but sensual. His sexual desire is rather primal, and he likes having his way with you. But he also doesn't want to hurt you. As he reaches his climax, he'll start getting rougher.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Syzoth is always down, especially if it's mating season and you two don't have the time to fuck however long he'd like. He also likes for you to know he's open to the idea.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As primal as he is, he's comfortable where he stands, and he doesn't necessarily need to experiment or try anything new. He stands by it, but it doesn't mean he'll be angry if you ask.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

With how long he's been holding on? He could go on for several days. But he won't. Normally, he'll fuck you from dusk til dawn, or until you tap out. After each round, he asks if you're game for another one, or if you'd like to stop. He's restrained.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Syzoth doesn't see the appeal of toys. Why use them when you have him and his tongue? He believes his tongue is the ultimate stimulation, and it definitely is.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

While he enjoys orgasm torture, he won't edge you. He'll just fuck you pretty till you and him are both covered in cum. But, he can't stand hearing you beg. It almost breaks his heart! So he'll let you cum, whenever.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's making all sorts of sounds, mainly growling and hissing, but he moans a little in your ear, too. You know you feel so good to him, but he still likes letting you know. As previously mentioned, he finds it hard to tell you exactly how he feels, so his moaning is the most you'll get in terms of non-primal sounds.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Syzoth LOVES biting you, giving you hickies, marking you. You're all his, and his alone. And he's going to make that known. He does keep his markings under the collarbone, because he's a little embarrassed about people asking, but you can never find yourself free of hickies.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Syzoth is BIG, and he didn't really know how to use it beforehand. Maybe it's his Zaterran status that gives him that extra bit of girth. He's a shower, 7.0" in length when hard, 3.7" across, and relatively veiny. He's uncircumsized.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

For how shy he is, he is beyond horny. Not all the time, but his sex drive is HIGH. And you know it. He wants to fuck at least four days a week, but every day is preffered. Twice a day, actually.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Syzoth's a little subconscious, so he can't fall asleep until he absolutely knows you are. And when he's so sure you're asleep, he holds you even closer and passes right the hell out.

#⁺◟sentooo #mk1 x reader #mk x reader #mortal kombat 1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #mk1 x gn reader #mk x gn reader #mortal kombat 1 x gn reader #mortal kombat x gn reader #reptile x reader #syzoth x reader #reptile x gn reader #syzoth x gn reader

[m1mk1d]

warning !!! this is a vent, please scroll past if you're uncomfortable with it.

cw: mentions of sexualizations, gore, blood, suicide and s/h and similar stuff.

Okay so, this has been on my mind a lot.

Recently I had this friend, I trusted him a lot to the point we would hug or kiss platonically, usually that's very nice like "awww u have a best friend now" but no.

Somewhere during vacations I went to his house to hang out, play videogames stuff like that, but after a while he said " wanna see a video of two people being decapitated? " I said yes because I didn't think he was being serious and it wasn't until he said " It has gore, is that okay?".

That might've seen like a nice gesture protecting his friends from possibly being traumatized from it, but later that same month I was being my normal self, talking about Burt and all that shit and I said " I would do anything for Burt, except watch gore" I was expecting just a silly response since it was a joke, but I was met with the same exact video and the caption " If you really loved him you'd watch gore."

I was obviously freaked out because if you know me, I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to even mentions of blood let alone real life gore, I was asking in the nicest way " hey, can you stop? it makes me uncomfortable." but guess what, he didn't!!!!!! he kept sending the video to me to the point where i was literally shaking and even crying. All because " it was cute how I go so scared"

This led up to not being able to watch videos people sent to me out of fear, and ANY chainsaw noises or screams would trigger me.

He would also grab and squeeze my thighs, which at that time I consented to so I didn't mind, because it was a JOKE like "haha squishy thighs :3" until he actually started sexualizing it, and I got uncomfortable. I tried telling him this but he just started begging for me to let him so I did. He would squeeze my stomach, same thing happened.

At some point, he got fed up I didn't wanna give him the pleasure he wanting because I was uncomfortable with it and looked for more people go help him.

He started using my emotions as a way to take advantage of me claiming "If u weren't my friend I'd kms" and saying that every fucking day no matter what the circumstances. We were just in English class like normal ? he'd say he wants to die. Taking it as far as sending pictures of blood from his sh or claiming he had a rope ready.

Hell he triggered my trauma response a LOT of times because seeing him with someone else immediately made me think he was gonna replace me, because he would if he could. But when I called him out on his bullshit he went " I've always comforted you, I always cared for you"

I admit, I also had fault in this, because I was also struggling with suicidal thoughts I'd say "I wanna die too !!!!" but I fucked up on that part and also saying I'd replace him, when he was also scared of that. but I APOLOGIZED for all of that, he made fun of me because I got triggered by gore with his friends, he would show me full on hentai just because it was "hot " and obviously didn't give a fuck about me and my interests.

It was all planned. He confirmed it to me.

This affected me so fucking much, he stopped talking to me during October when they changed me to another classroom. Just like that I lived through my past traumatic experience yet again, I was left with tons of suicidal thoughts and was generally in the worst mindset, I couldn't even talk to my friends about it because the only one I trusted was his new comfort person and I still feel guilty because a lot of it was my fault. I can't fucking look at my thighs the same way.

And all because he wanted the comfort he never fucking got.

(sorry if its incoherent)

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter twenty - “collateral damage”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2k

synopsis: bucky and y/n deal with the emotional fallout of her departure from wakanda.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

warnings: mildly suggestive content, nothing explicit, 18+ readers please.

The flight home was wretched. Sleeping on the jet was impossible. Every time she shut her eyes she saw his face. If her mind did somehow manage to drift off to sleep, Y/N dreamed of him and woke up trying not to rip her hair out.

"We can still stay in contact, right?" Bucky asked as they were walking back from the waterfall.

They had left their catharsis by the water, still upset, but now calmer and more logical.

"I don't think so..."

"What? Why? It's not like we don't have the technology to do it."

"I know, but.." Y/N trailed off, trying to think of a sensible excuse.

Obviously they could stay in contact if they wanted. But any kind of phone call would be able to be tracked or recorded. That, and she didn't want him to hang on to someone who betrayed him. She couldn't imagine the guilt she'd have hearing Bucky's "I miss you's" or "Baby doll's" from miles away, knowing she lied to him.

"You don't even have a phone..."

"That's an easy problem to fix."

"I know... I just think you should focus on the rest of your healing, and... you know, I'll have a lot of work once I get back...." she took a breath. "I don't know if it's super healthy for us to cling on to each other when it... may be better to move on..."

"Move on?"

"Yeah..."

Bucky stopped walking and turned to face her. They both stood still and he stared at her, confused, as if he was trying to figure something out. He knew her well. She was scared he'd see right through her.

"So let me get this straight. When you're here we can talk all the time and... plenty of other things. But when you're away we can't even call each other?"

"Bucky..."

"That's not all, is it?"

She sighed. "I'm just... worried... about- like-... getting in trouble. If someone overhears or tracks a phone call...What if someone finds out where the 'Winter Soldier' is and comes here to exact revenge?"

That was partly true. She'd never want anyone bad to find out where he was. But no one was tracking her phone calls; she wasn't really a person of interest. In all likelihood, it probably wasn't something she'd have to be terribly worried about.

However, if anyone overheard or saw Bucky on the phone, they'd know it was her, and she doubted anything she could say would convince them that she didn't tell him about the arm.

Or maybe no one would find out. She just didn't want to take the chance. The last time she took a chance, this happened. She wasn't willing to do it again.

He stared at her with dejected eyes. "You know you don't have to worry about me. I'll be okay."

She rested her hands on his forearms and laughed sadly. "Bucky, I don't think I'm ever not gonna worry about you."

He was already in her heart. She didn't think he could leave now.

He let his eyelids fall shut. "I really don't want you to go."

She closed her eyes as well and let her forehead rest against the top of his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you either. But you're gonna do so well, even without me. And every day I'll wake up and think 'wow this man is sexy and has good coping mechanisms! I wish I was him!'"

In the midst of his sadness, she made him laugh. It was a despondent, quiet laugh, but she managed to lift his mood all the same - even if just a little bit. She'd always make everything better.

He gazed down at her, eyes heavy, and without even thinking about it... "I love you."

She looked down at the grass below her feet. "Buck..."

"I do. I'm sorry but I do."

She wrapped her arms around the middle of his back, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in tight, one arm up her back and the other cradling her head.

In the tiniest whisper, she let the truth flow out from her chest. "I love you, too."

The clouds provoked her, so peaceful and quiet, while her head was a big, loud mess. Y/N leaned her head on the window, glaring at them and wondering if she should've said what she did. That she loved him. Internally, she debated whether or not it would make things worse. But she wasn't going to see him again; she might as well have left him with the truth.

Time was lost to her. She thought she would be landing soon, but she couldn't be sure. She couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

-

Bucky sat at the lake - their lake - and just stared into the water. It felt so strange to him, that she was gone. One minute she was here and now he was just... alone.

It was so quiet. Too quiet. Of course being alone was quiet, but after Y/N left, the air just felt empty.

He wished he could talk to her. Whenever he was upset, all he wanted to do was talk to her.

"So, is this... d-do we say goodbye now?" he asked when they got back to his hut.

"Yeah..." she sighed. "yeah."

"Are you going back to Europe?"

"Yes. Belgium. Haven't been in my apartment in forever."

"Belgium," he wondered. "It's nice there. Safe. What are you gonna do for work?"

"Probably just continue where I left off on my research. Fancy brain stuff, ya'know?"

He grinned, proud. "My smart girl."

She looked around her, as if watching for something. Or someone.

"Buck, I think I have to go now."

"Just one more minute? Please. I wanna remember you like this. Not sad and crying."

Y/N smiled, grabbed his hands, and kissed his knuckles. Both flesh and metal. Because they were both part of him and she loved him. All of him.

Then, she placed both his hands on either side of her face. Softly she said, "remember me like this," before bringing their lips together.

He looked down at his vibranium arm, twisting his wrist to watch how the plates whirred.

Since the first moment he put it on, he had been using it to be gentle, loving, and affectionate. This arm was good. This arm wasn't used for death and destruction and violence.

With this arm he held her, kissed her, loved her. And now she was gone. And now it felt like dead weight.

— ONE WEEK LATER —

Whenever Bucky looked at his bionic arm he saw her. It began to make him sad.

His hair had been getting longer and longer. He could cut it now, now that he had two arms. But every time he tried, all he could do was stare at the arm and hear her voice in his head.

"That's your heart. That's you. You're all heart, Buck. You're so deeply, wonderfully human. All the way to your bones."

That was the first time he expressed real distress about missing a limb, he recalled. That was the first time they kissed. Funny how that transition was made, funny how she could remedy some of his worst emotions.

His days were boring and uneventful and nearly silent. He sat alone a lot. There was no laughter anymore, none of her laughter. There was no more holding, no more kissing, no more loving. The arm just felt... wrong? Like what it was born from had died.

-

In Belgium, Y/N felt incredibly uncomfortable. She knew she just needed to adjust to the change, after getting to used to life in Wakanda - life with Bucky. Her vacant apartment didn't feel as homey.

It had been, what, a year and a half? About a year and a half since she had been home. About a year and a half spent with Bucky.

Her apartment seemed so... barren. Void of life. And cold. She was used to the Wakandan heat. When she closed and locked the door behind her, she looked at the golden square that the sun cast through her window. It reminded her of that heat.

Y/N sighed, cursing her very own hippocampus for providing her with memory.

"God, I wish you had an AC in here."

She was in his bed. Well, she was on top of him, straddling him, in his bed.

"Is it hot or is it just you?" he joked, poking at her sides and trying to not pout at the loss of her lips.

"Ha. Ha," she rolled her eyes and brought her face back to his.

"Wait," Bucky said and gently pulled her face away to examine it. "You are a little warm."

"It's okay," she quickly tried to resume their previous activity.

"Hold on-" he got cut off as Y/N kept pecking his lips over and over.

"I have-"

Kiss.

"An idea-"

Kiss.

Lightly he pushed her shoulders away, nearly giggling. "Stop it! Just wait a second!"

Bashful, she conceded. "What?"

"Just-" he reached out and put the vibranium hand on her forehead, effectively cooling her down a bit. She closed her eyes and flashed a goofy smile.

"That feels nice."

Then, suddenly, he wrapped both his arms around her back and flipped them over so that he was on top. He smirked.

"Oh yeah, you just wait."

She hung her keys up and took a deep breath, absorbing the emptiness. This was her new normal; she just had to get used to it.

-

"I just- I don't really... I don't think I need it," Bucky tried to explain.

Want it, he thought. I don't want it. I can't stand to even look at it.

"You don't need it?" Shuri asked.

"Yeah, it-uh it takes a bit of getting used to and I think I just need a break. And I wouldn't want to damage it so... figured it's better with you."

He was better at lying than he gave himself credit for.

"Okay," Shuri accepted his answer and began to detach the bionic arm. "But you let me know if it's uncomfortable or painful anywhere so I can adjust it. Alright?"

"Alright. Thank you."

Finally he was rid of it- that cursed metal weighing down on his soul. Maybe now he could focus on other things. Maybe. It didn't seem likely...

However, as the days drew closer, it did make him slightly - only slightly -  less nervous about the trigger word experiment. Now he didn't have a weapon attached to him. Though he reckoned he was the weapon.

No. He wasn't supposed to think like that. He knew Y/N wouldn't want him to. He knew she would say something like, "You aren't what they tried to make you into. You're you and all HYDRA's awfulness can't change the good at your core. My Bucky. You're perfect."

He'd deny to high heavens that he was the farthest thing from perfect. Bucky had no clue how she could say such things. But her conviction never faltered.

Soon enough the day came. The experiment. All he could think about was how she was supposed to be there. He didn't want to do this without her.

But now, he found himself sitting at at a fire on some mountain with one of the Doras. It was dark and it was scary. He was scared.

"It is time," said Ayo.

Nevermind want. He wasn't sure if he could do this without her.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I won't let you hurt anyone."

He was still scared. He still didn't trust himself. But, staring into the fire, he thought back to a past conversation.

"You don't have to trust yourself. That's hard enough as it is and Hydra didn't make it any easier. You just trust me, alright? ... And I will not let anything happen to you."

Bucky didn't have to trust himself. He just had to trust her. Even if she wasn't here, even if she was on another continent, all he had to do was trust her. When Ayo began reciting the trigger words, that was the one thing thing he held onto. The one thing that kept him afloat.

His trust in her.

delicate taglist: @emmojoy @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @small-death-and-codeine @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars @surrealpsycho @headheartbellarke @bubbly-moonwarrior @bluemoon-icecream @buckeyecreates @augustbucky @itsthemaree @undiadeestos

#bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #marvel #bucky fic #bucky reader insert #bucky headcanon #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #steve rogers #bucky drabble #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes smut #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky x fem!reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #captain america fanfiction #bucky barnes delicate

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Well I got at least two people interested (@esmeralda-anistasia and @deathsmallcaps) so why not.

Quick disclaimer: I understand that some fans can be very sensitive to this topic and take general criticisms as personal attacks and jump to the defensive. Please don't justify your ships to me if you have that reaction to anything said in this post. It's not my business and if I'm honest I really don't care. Your experiences are not mine and will not change mine and nothing I'm about to say is meant to be read as an insult.

Okay onto the rarepairs in question!

I was ten years old when the episode Zuko Alone first aired and Ursa fascinated me. She was so elegant and sweet, and yet the implication was that she was also capable of assassination. Her disappearence and the fact everyone involved kept pretty hush-hush about her gave her character an air of mystery and Zuko's memories involving her made him a great deal more interesting and sympathetic (i still rolled my eyes every time he showed up and thought he didn't deserve all the cute moments with Mai until The Day of Black Sun, and even then still thought Jet was cooler in every way, but you can't please them all). She had quickly become a favorite character and I've held onto that adoration for about 15 years now.

I also really wanted her to kiss Hakoda.

They had compatible personalities and deserved some luck in love after all the heartbreak and trials, and they both loved their children despite having to leave. Ursa was never treated as dead, just gone. She could have been anywhere and there was nothing to say she couldn't have crossed paths with Hakoda and his men.

There was also something about it I didn't quite have the words or media exposure to explain. Often, in fandom or canon, if a relationship is biracial, the partner who is fairer-skinned and/or of the dominant or invading culture, who the audience sees themselves in, is the man and the one who is darker-skinned and/or marginalized or colonized is the woman (heteronormativity got a head start on this one). There's a lot of ugly "taming the savage" rhetoric in this, usually paired with blatant misogyny that's supposed to be in the woman's favor (like suggesting that a woman could only be complicit in this culture because it was what she was told and didn't know any better). The woman's family and friends who oppose this are depicted as unfairly prejudiced against this strange man as if their distaste for people who can be or have been responsible for things like genocide or subjugation is the same as the other side seeing these people as deserving of genocide or subjugation for the crime of not being like them. Sometimes it's the other way around, where the partner seen as "more civilized" is the woman and the one seen as "less civilized" is the man, in which case the woman is often abducted or otherwise the man's defining feature is his brutishness. This supposed brutishness is both intimidating and attractive to the oh so delicate if a bit repressed captive/wife (as well as the audience) and can manifest as being fiercely protective of her, which is how he shows his affection if there is a language barrier between them. And if you grow up Native, this is easy to pick up on and often in the back of your mind, because at least 90% of your media representation likely has some aspect mentioned above.

(Man that was a lot of academic style analysis)

But the dynamic between Hakoda and Ursa wouldn't leave room for any of that. Hakoda, as an absent parent backstory, is defined by having to leave despite how much he loved and would miss his children. Ursa, as an absent parent backstory, is defined by the crime she was willing to commit for her children (for Zuko specifically, but how long would it actually take for Azula to shoot her mouth off at the wrong place and time and also be targeted by Azulon?). Ursa was the one whose willingness to kill sent her fleeing into the night. The culture of her nation betrayed her and made her choose between her own safety and that of at least one of her children. Hakoda is charismatic and a good leader, but he is also soft spoken and understanding, and above all else, gentle. He isn't here to hurt innocents. He's here to see to it that the next generation of his people will not fear invaders or raids or even know that snow can be black from soot. And he's someone Ursa can finally feel safe around and confide in, and she could be the same for him. Someone he doesn't have to be the leader for, to whom he can admit that he just wants to be home and let the tears fall.

I'm honest enough to admit that one of the reasons I liked The Search was that Ikem wore his hair a lot like Hakoda did and that was close enough to it being canon for me.

Another one is Jin/Smellerbee. Something about their personalities strikes me as being so wonderfully harmonious and I like to imagine Jin, smooth-talking and streetwise but still the most genuine person, being the one to sit Smellerbee, who never really got a chance to think about these things, down and explain that anything she might be is okay. That it's okay to not be in love with a guy friend who gave her a purpose and loyal companionship. That it's okay to like girls. That she can have more than one partner. That it's okay to be different from what's considered normal and proper and not have an easy word to describe it. And eventually she'd realize it's true. And eventually she'd realize that she wasn't teasing when she called her beautiful in a wild sort of way.

I also like to think that Smellerbee clearly has more specialized fighting skills and is very good at what she does but Jin is strong enough to bench press her no problem. And Smellerbee acts all tough (because she is) but blushes whenever Jin calls her cute or pretty because she's not used to it.

Sometimes Longshot is involved too. Not as a third wheel or the exact same kind of partner, more like a ghibli style relationship with Smellerbee. Like is it a gentle romance? Is it an intimate friendship? It's love and they know that and don't have to define it by others' perception. And Jin gives Longshot kisses so he doesn't feel left out, which gets him a bit bashful because she really could have anyone, she already has Smellerbee of all people, and she still finds him deserving of a peck on the cheek. They probably all bunk together.

This actually started from a fic I wrote but don't intend on posting more than snippets of. Basically, i was tired of a lot of fanfic tropes, especially those having to do with friends to lovers and soulmates (this world is not kind to aromantics and the last thing I wanted in my escapism was romance being established as a level up for relationships), so I wrote something to actively subvert all of them. Jet and Smellerbee were each convinced they owed the other a romantic relationship after all they'd been through together, even though neither actually wanted it, because that's how all the stories go. So after he dies, she remembers all those times that would have been romantic if either was actually interested, but were instead just uncomfortable because it was entirely social convention and no feeling. But then she comes across Jin, who she's never met before, but who takes her in her arms and reassures her and sympathizes with her, and in this tiny apartment in this seedy side of town, she feels safe. She seeks permission for every touch and kiss and tells her this encounter doesn't have to be anything she isn't comfortable with. And when Smellerbee has to leave, Jin insists she take a candle to light her way, and winks when she says she can return it the day after. She gives her an excuse to visit again. And Smellerbee blushes and accepts it.

And then there's Teo/Haru and Teo/Ty Lee. No special reason I just think both would make a cute couple and want Teo to be happy. He's a good boy, more people should love him. Let him impress people with wheelchair tricks and get smooched.

#response #i also just think Jin has a string of admirerers in ba sing se #and the si je defaille daydream scene from mozart l'opera rock is just an average tuesday for her

[mellometal]

WHAT'S GOING ON? THIS IS PART TWO OF ME RIPPING APART DHAR MANN'S VIDEOS ABOUT FATPHOBIA! Whoo-hoo!

Before I get started, here's an obligatory trigger warning: This post will be talking about fatphobia, bullying, homelessness, mentioned ED, fat shaming, shaming a person FOR EATING, and the abused thanking his abuser AS AN ADULT for tormenting him as a young, impressionable teenage boy.

If any of that is triggering, upsetting, or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. Please consume media that sparks joy for you.

This time, there won't be a response from me about this video, like I usually do with all my Dhar Mann posts. If you want to see my response, refer to my first post about fatphobia (the one about the plus-size woman being fat shamed). It does tie in with this post, as my thoughts on this video are the exact same here. Yes, even though this is about a (at the time) plus-size black teenage boy being targeted. Search for the "dhar mann talk" tag and it's one of the most recent posts. I don't believe anyone should be shamed for their weight. Your weight doesn't hold any significance to your worth as a person. Don't let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.

With all of that out of the way, let's get to the video!

To sum up the video, it starts out with a plus-size black teenage boy (Kurt or "Big Boy", as he's called almost throughout the entire video) who's on a basketball court at school with his friend (Mike), a few other teenage boys, and Mike's uncle (Frank) is their coach. Mike is the captain on one team, Frank is the captain on the other team. They're picking teammates, and everyone is on a team except for Kurt and another boy. Frank says to his nephew to not pick Kurt (he called him "Big Boy" instead) because "he'd never win with him". LIKE THEY WERE PLAYING FOR THE NBA. CALM YOUR DICK. HOLY FUCKING HELL. THEY'RE KIDS.

Mike, not listening to his uncle (good for him), picks Kurt anyway. Kurt is happy and thanks his friend for picking him. Mike gives Kurt a shirt that looks at least a couple sizes too small for him and would be pretty uncomfortable to wear. This isn't Mike's fault, obviously. Kurt politely asks if they had a bigger shirt. Obviously not an unreasonable request. They're playing a sport that requires lots of movement (honestly, pretty much any sport would apply here, except for maybe golf or cricket) so it's understandable to want to at least be comfortable and have room to move around. Frank mocks A LITERAL TEENAGER with the whole "You think you're shopping at Big&Tall?" line and then says that's the only size they had (why couldn't they supply inclusive sizes in the first place, or at least ASK Kurt what his size was IN ADVANCE?), which....umm, I'm actually GLAD plus-size clothing for men (Big&Tall, in this case) is more readily available and accessible now. I'm happy plus-size clothing in GENERAL is like that now.

Mike comforts Kurt and says the shirt might fit. The shirt does KIND OF fit Kurt, but it's obvious he's uncomfortable. Look at this screenshot here:

Frank laughs at Kurt, says he looks like Barney The Dinosaur, and the other kids laugh along with their coach. This is NOT setting a good example for children, Frank. You're a fucking teacher. You're a COACH. You're supposed to be teaching these kids about sports and shit. You're supposed to be setting a good example for these kids about teamwork and sportsmanship. WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO A TEENAGE BOY, WHO IS MOST LIKELY ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS, IS TEACHING NONE OF THOSE THINGS. You're teaching these kids that bullying their peers for things they can't help having is okay. Do better. (I'd say that he's an adult and should act like one, but I'm an adult and I barely act like one a lot of the time, so that'd make me a hypocrite.)

While I may be fortunate to have had a physical education teacher who never bashed on me or shamed me for my weight and she would cheer me on for whatever amount of effort I made the first and only year I had actual P.E., I know that many other kids who are plus-size most likely has/had horrible P.E. teachers or coaches like Frank.

To anyone who has/had a teacher or coach like Frank, I'm so sorry, kiddos. You don't deserve to be bullied by your own teachers. I wish I could give all of you a hug, but I can give y'all virtual hugs instead! *virtual hugs* /p

So they play a game of basketball, and Kurt is struggling to fully play because the shirt he was given was probably cutting off some circulation, especially in his arms (again, do I need to reiterate that this was NOT Mike's fault and is FRANK'S fault for his ignorance and negligence). Frank mocks his nephew Mike by saying that he told him not to pick Kurt. Why? Because according to him, Kurt will never make anything of himself in life due to him being fat. (AGAIN, THIS IS NOT TRUE.)

Then it cuts to Kurt sitting with Mike, who's working on his car and Kurt's working on his own thing. Mike says he believes one day he'll own a nice, brand new Cadillac. Kurt is very supportive and cheers his friend on. He says that he believes he'll be one of the biggest radio show hosts and has a title for it called "Big Boy's Neighborhood". Both of them are hyping each other up. Love to see men supporting men. Mike pulls out his Walkman (they were HUGE back in the 80s and 90s because you could listen to the radio from anywhere, I have a Sony Walkman mp3 player, but it's a newer model), and Kurt says that he's always wanted one but couldn't afford it. (I'll go into why in a second.)

Frank comes over to reprimand Mike, who has done NOTHING WRONG, for talking to Kurt. Instead of working, which Mike WAS actually doing. He tries to tell his uncle this, but he wasn't having it. Frank then reprimands Kurt, who also has done NOTHING WRONG, for just sitting and apparently "distracting Mike" (he wasn't). He asks if there's any work he was supposed to do. Kurt FINALLY stands up to Frank in a polite, mature manner. He says that just because he wasn't working with his hands, it didn't mean he wasn't working. Frank ridicules Kurt some more, Mike tells his uncle to leave his friend alone, and Kurt stands up to Frank AGAIN, still being polite and mature. UNLIKE THE ACTUAL ADULT ACTING LIKE A CLICHÉ MIDDLE SCHOOL BULLY WHO PROBABLY PEAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL. How fucking ironic.

What does Frank do in response to Kurt standing up to him? INSULTS THE KID SOME MORE. He tells Kurt that he must have "pig fat for brains" (which is not only insulting to Kurt, but also insulting to pigs, because pigs are intelligent animals), takes his small bag of Doritos, and says that he "doesn't need to be eating anything." He eats Kurt's Doritos IN FRONT OF HIM, tells Mike to quit letting his friend make him lazy (he wasn't doing that at all), and to get back to work.

THAT line made me livid. I've actually thought that I didn't deserve to eat anything because I'm plus-size as a teenager, and into my adulthood at a few points in my life. NEVER say that someone doesn't need to be eating anything. (Obviously except for poisonous things, inedible objects, and things that could and will kill them.) You could cause them to develop an ED, or trigger an ED if they already have one. THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING. EDs are no joke. Whether it be starving, purging, or binge eating, none of them are fun to have and/or to deal with. Even if they DON'T develop an ED, their relationship with food will be all sorts of fucky-wucky. Some even for the rest of their lives. Unless you get proper treatment, of course.

When Frank leaves, Kurt is obviously upset. Rightfully so. How he's feeling is justified. Mike comforts him and says to not let Frank get to him. Mike offers to take Kurt home, but then realizes that his friend and his mom got evicted and are homeless. (This is why Kurt couldn't afford to buy a Walkman.) Kurt, still distraught, says that he'll just walk. Mike invites him over for dinner and that he'd drop him off after, which Kurt agrees to.

They're at Mike's house, having dinner, and Mike's parents are talking to Kurt. They're being supportive. Frank walks in to have his sister's cooking. He sees that Kurt's there. Mike's parents introduce Frank to Kurt, tells him Kurt's gonna be on the radio one day, Frank laughs and says Kurt's not gonna be anything. Kurt brushes it off. He says that his mom says that he can achieve whatever he wants (which is true, to a reasonable extent), Frank cuts him off and says his mom was lying to him, and that his mom knows he's gonna be a big loser.

Mike's dad tells Frank to leave Kurt alone. Mike's mom also says the same thing. Frank asks Kurt if his mom doesn't feed him at home, and what he was doing "eating up all their food" (he wasn't; he just had a singular plate). Mike and his mom tell Frank to stop. His mom explains that they invited Kurt over for dinner, and she tells her brother to sit down and eat. Frank then asks Kurt again if his mom doesn't feed him at home. Mike tells Frank that Kurt and his mom don't have a home because they just got evicted, which is a shock to the parents. Instead of having sympathy for a teenage boy who was on the streets with his mom, HE MOCKS HIM. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? Especially to a teenage boy who didn't do anything whatsoever to deserve being evicted from his home and be out on the streets with his mom. I've dealt with being evicted. I've dealt with homelessness. Out of no fault of my own. It's not funny, cool, glamorous, or anything like that. It's terrifying. I'm still traumatized by that experience and it happened four years ago. Sometimes I have nightmares about that kind of thing. The very possibility of becoming homeless and going through that again scares the shit out of me. The thought of it is so triggering for me that I will resort to reverting back to things I used to do when I was a kid. It also doesn't help that I will NEVER be able to afford an apartment on my own where I live now and will probably have to rely on at least two or three roommates and/or family to get by. Thanks a lot, Boomers.

I would never wish what I went through on anyone. Anyways, back to the whole summary of the video.

Kurt gets up and leaves the table. Mike tries to go after his friend to make sure he was okay, but Frank stops his nephew. ONLY WHEN KURT LEAVES DOES FRANK ALL NONCHALANTLY SAY THAT HE'S STARVING AND THAT THEY SHOULD ALL EAT. Despite Frank making Kurt as well as his (Frank's) own family upset.

Kurt walks to where his mom is. His mom notices that he's upset. Kurt tells his mom that it's because of Frank. His mom comforts him and gives him the advice that she gave him before. Kurt is still obviously too upset to take anything she's telling him, bringing up that they're homeless and broke, and his mom is desperate to help comfort her son. She gives him his birthday present early, which happens to be a Walkman. Kurt is shocked. He thought they didn't have that kind of money. His mom says not to worry about that. She pokes some lighthearted fun at her son, he thanks her, and he asks her a question. He asks if she believes he'll be successful or if she's saying that to make him feel better. She asks if he believes he'll be successful (yep), and he tells her that when he succeeds, he'll buy them a house so they don't have to be homeless anymore or worry about getting evicted.

Fast forward to adulthood, Kurt becomes a bouncer, meets someone who works at a radio station, and he goes there. Just to have people laughing at him. He's distraught again and leaves the station, thinking that he made a bad decision. Frank happens to come by, see that Kurt was upset, and asks what's wrong. Kurt tells him what happened, and Frank mocks him AGAIN with the same shit he told him when he was a TEENAGE BOY, now as a YOUNG ADULT. He walks off, laughing.

Nice going! /s Kicking Kurt while he's down JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, RIGHT? FUCK YOU.

Kurt then decides that he's gonna lose weight and be the best radio show host. (Toxic much? Why would you try to preach that your weight = your worth as a person? If you're losing weight for yourself, great! I'm happy for you! If you don't want to lose weight, you don't give a fuck about what people say, and you're happy in your own skin, that's awesome too! Do it for yourself, not for anyone's approval. Try to love yourself and accept yourself in any form you're in. Don't fall for the bullshit that you have to be a certain size or look a certain way for you to love and accept yourself. The weight may be gone, but the rest of your issues will still be there. I have to clarify that I meant this in GENERAL, not necessarily for extremities on either side of the spectrum of weight...because there are things you MUST follow.)

Kurt gets back to the station, ignores all the people being assholes, he's doing his thing, and he's climbing up.

Fast forward to when Kurt is middle-aged. He has his own radio show, and he's one of the biggest names in the radio industry. After he finishes up his show, he goes outside to see a couple of young fans. A young black girl with her brother, a plus-size boy. They say how much they love his show, they got his merch, and the boy tells Kurt that he wants to be just like him. The boy doubts himself though because of people abusing him JUST LIKE what Kurt went through. Kurt empathizes with the boy and tells him a little bit about his own experience. Following them is Frank as an old man. They're his grandkids.

Frank recognizes Kurt, and actually apologizes to him for the torment he put him through as a teenager. WHAT A SHOCK. /srs

Kurt takes it with grace, but says that he should be thanking Frank for all the torment. Why? Because it "motivated him". The girl says that she loves that. (Okay, since she's a kid and there's still time for her to change her mind about certain things, I'm not going to be as harsh here. I don't bash on the kids unless they're doing or saying extremely fucked up things willingly. She didn't say this with bad intentions. I understand you're coming from a good place, and I appreciate that, but please hear me out. This wasn't at all like dealing with edgy thirteen year olds on the internet. This man you look up to was abused by your grandfather in his youth. Your brother is experiencing that same torment your idol went through...at a younger age too, it seems like. The kid looks no older than middle school age [ten or eleven at the YOUNGEST to maybe thirteen or fourteen at the OLDEST]. That's a huge problem. Kurt may have "toughed it out", but that might not be the case for your brother. Please don't excuse that kind of behavior.)

Dude...what the actual fuck? I can understand not being bothered by the hate, but this grown ass man literally VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED YOU AS A YOUNG, IMPRESSIONABLE TEENAGE BOY, CONTINUING INTO ADULTHOOD, and you're THANKING Frank for all of that? Why should you thank your abuser for what he put you through? He didn't contribute ANYTHING to your success. So I guess abuse is a GREAT contribution to people's success now, right? /s It doesn't contribute to anything, in my opinion. Yes, what doesn't kill you can make you stronger, but can we normalize people becoming weaker to a point due to traumatic events? Because they exist. Demonizing survivors who have become weaker to some degree or just flat-out ignoring them isn't helping. You did the thing you wanted to do, Kurt. Frank didn't help you. The person who really helped you was YOU and your mom.

MOVING ON.

The boy asks Kurt if he thinks he'll ever be able to make it as a radio show host. Kurt asks if HE believes that. The boy says he does. Kurt gives him some advice and gives the boy his Walkman. The boy's ecstatic, they leave, and Kurt goes to meet up with his mom.

Keeping to his promise, Kurt bought his mom a house so she'd never be homeless again and never have to worry about being evicted. (HOW LONG WAS SHE HOMELESS FOR? OH MY GOD. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. I hope you at least let her stay with you or something. They never went into that, unfortunately.) She's very grateful. The video ends there.

My personal thoughts on the video: Another piss poor video....but worse! Because it was a COLLAB. And based on a true story. Good going with taking this man's story of being abused by a grown adult to exploit for your personal gain, Dhar Mann! WOW. LOVE THAT! Totally a good look. /s

What I took from this video is that if you're plus-size, according to Dhar Mann, you'll apparently NEVER be successful, let alone be taken seriously...which is an absolute lie. There are many plus-size people who are very successful. Another thing I took from the video is that apparently according to Dhar Mann, being verbally and emotionally abused as a teenager by a grown adult all the way into adulthood is "motivation" for you to work harder to reach your goals. (Nice going, Dhar Mann. Justifying grown adults abusing children. Who would've thought? /s)

Oh, and it's like MANDATORY to thank your abusers for tormenting you when you become successful! (Obviously this is an exaggeration. This is me using Dhar Mann's logic against him.) You want to thank them for making you stronger? Fine. You want to spit in their face and say, "Fuck you." to them? Also fine. You want to just never acknowledge them ever again? Totally fine. Whatever you want to do, that's fine by me, but can you not imply that "thanking" your abusers is mandatory in some way?

If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you're having a good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night. Stay safe, y'all. Love you. /p

#dhar mann #dhar mann talk #dhar mann will live to regret his decision to make these fucked up cringe videos #dhar mann will live to regret his decision uwu #dhar mann is a piece of human garbage #please stop supporting dhar mann #dhar mann is a cringe ass nae nae baby #tw fatphobia #tw ed mention #tw fat shaming #cw complicated relationships with food mention #tw abuse mention #tw homelessness #tw eviction #tw abuse #fatphobes dni #tw dhar mann

[unkownknowledge]

Genshin characters and their spider s/o

A little crossover HC post between terraformars and genshin.

Basically the reader is the result of a messed up experiment and now they look like a monstrous humanoid spider, like this guy:

Except you have no human skin or hair, just pure chitin, extra legs out the back, and mandibles(like a turian)

Also: request are still open, feel free to request!

Including: Jean, Xinqiu, and Razor

_____________________________

Jean: hollow knight

_____________________________

Jean had been receiving reports of frightened merchants and townsfolk, all of whom had been found on the road ranting about a giant spider.

Jean was sure it was nothing more than hilichurls or hoarders or abyss mages and the people were merely suffering panic induced hallucinations, this was supported by the clear signs of such dangers at the scene of the crime.

But still, neither any of the knights nor adventurers in the guild reported saving these people, nor did Diluc claim that he did when she asked him.

So Jean decided to investigate, after all not only is there a chance of finding camps of the three above dangers, but also the chance of finding a new ally.

When she saw you in a clearing you looked like a normal human, until you turned your head in an inhuman manner and looked at her with eight red glowing eyes.

You screamed at her and used your geo vision to grow eight giant legs out your back, which you used to run away.

Jean, being the persistent woman she is, wasn't about let you go until she confirmed if you were a friend or foe.

She chased you through the forest for a while, and unfortunately didn't notice a group of hilichurls hiding behind some trees.

One swung out and struck her from behind, knocking her to the ground.

At the sound of this you turned around and saw Jean on the ground.

While she easily could have beaten the hilichurls, she didn't have to. This is because you were immediately next to her, sword drawn and slicing through the monsters like a hot knife through butter. Your geo legs acted like extra blades that parried any attack directed towards the knight.

Because you're other legs were busy, however, you were unable to block the attack from a crossbow that shot right through your knee.

You fell down and were beaten senseless by the hilichurls, the last thing you remember was the sounds of a blade and the monsters turning to dust before you blacked out.

You woke up on a soft bed inside an unfamiliar building. You tried to get up but your knee had a large hole in it, luckily for you your ability to feel pain was long lost.

Jean entered a minute later with some food, "good, your awake."

"Where am I?" You asked.

"In my home, the guest room to be exact."

"Why did you save me?"

"Because you were in danger."

"Yes but why? Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Considering how you saved me as well? No, not at all."

Jean poured some tea for both of you, "now onto-"

You felt your eyes water, something you didn't realize you could still do.

"What's wrong?" Jean asked.

"It's just, it's been so long since anyone was...nice to me. My appearance isn't exactly very welcoming."

"And yet you still help people, the same people who call you a monster?"

"Of course! I might be an abomination, but I'm not a monster. In fact, before I became...this I had always dreamed of joining the knights."

"Well, that makes things easy."

"What do you mean?"

"While I cannot officially make you a knight, I can make you an honorary member of the knights of favonius."

"REALLY!?" You said, a child like excitment on your face.

So you joined the knights, of course not everyone was happy about this.

But noone doubted the acting grand master's decision, after all she never once failed the city.

After a while the city warmed up to you, even hailing you as a hero thanks to all you've done!

But the city's attitude towards you wasn't the only thing getting warmer.

Infact, a certain person's cheeks seemed to grow red as Amber's ribbon at the mere mention of your name.

Lisa and Kaeya were the first to notice Jean's infatuation with you, and they were quite intent on helping her.

It would be easy for them to set it up: you were cold blooded, so you had a heater in your room during the winter, and thanks to a 'freak lightning strike', your house was under renovations for the whole season, this caused Jean to let you stay in her home until yours was repaired.

Now all they had to do was sneak in an 'cool it' down.

You awoke in the middle of the night due to the temperature suddenly dropping. You tried turning on your heater but that didn't work. You went downstairs to make some hot tea, unaware that Kaeya swapped the labels on Jean's coffee and your tea. After making the beverage you sat down in the warmest corner, covered in blankets, and with a warm drink in hand.

Fun fact! Spiders get hella drunk off caffeine.

You are a spider.

One sip of the coffee and you felt funny, you couldn't think straight and felt wobbly.

Kaeya and Lisa giggled watching you.

"So, how DID you get them drunk? You couldn't exactly have spiked their tea could you?" Lisa asked.

"I swapped the labels on their tea and Jeans coffee. Spiders get hella drunk on-" Kaeya noticed Lisa worried face, "fuck, what did I do this time?"

"Kaeya, spiders don't get drunk on caffeine like humans do with alcohol."

Lisa pointed Kaeya towards the window

"Whoops"

Caffeine doesn't make spiders drunk the same way alchohol does a person, which is what Kaeya expected.

Caffeine makes spiders hyper, very hyper.

When Jean heard skittering and clanging she thought someone was robbing the house, so she was reasonably surprised to see you lying in the center of the kitchen, crying, and with webs all over.

When she asked what happened you just rolled over and mumbled out gibberish about how you can't catch any flies.

Jean picked you up to take you to bed, but you wrapped your arms and legs around her and caused her to fall.

"(Y/n), please let me go." Jean pleaded.

You shushed her, "nap time" and fell asleep.

Your grip was to strong for her to get out, and with your weight she couldn't get up in this position, so she just had to wait for you to get up.

The next day Jean got up the same time as you, she would have said something if you didn't kiss her and pet her head.

"I love this dream." You said, nuzzling into the crook of her neck.

Jean was shocked, what dream? You were clearly awake.

"I wonder if Jean is this warm in real life....I wish I could find out..."

"(Y-y/n)" she stuttered out, "you're not dreaming."

You shot up with all your eyes wide as saucers.

You immediately thought of running. But where would you go? The forest? Yeah, that works, just go there a-

You felt a warm sensation on your cheek.

"So (y/n), how does this dream usually go?" Jean said with a suggestive wink.

.

.

.

"(Y/n)?"

404 error, reader.exe has crashed

After that rather unconventional confession session, you both started dating.

Jean was concerned about not having enough time for you, but that proved to be very unfounded. Thanks to your many years alone you didn't know what dating was, so to you simply working together was fine.

On every mission out of the city you would bring gifts or a picnic for when the sun was setting.

On days where you both had paper work you would make tea and buy little cakes or biscuits and sit on her lap as you rested on eachother's shoulders and fed each other snacks, under the excuse that "sharing a chair saves space".

On the rare occasion Jean gets to have a day off, she showers you in affection.

She'll make you breakfast in bed(it's not good 80% of the time, but you don't tell her), she'll cuddle with you all day, she'll even read to you if you want. She wants to give back to you for all the time she couldn't give you her full attention.

_____________________________

Xingqiu: it's like one of my Inazuman graphic novels

_____________________________

Your meeting with the guhua geek was far more coincidental.

You were just minding your business, catching some animals to eat, when some weird guy just walks by you, not noticing you at all, as he reads his book.

You were rather suprised and, by extension, curious about this boy.

Was he blind in peripheral? Was he that brave? Was he an idiot?

A bit of colum B, mostly colum C.

Xingqiu sat down on a rock and continued reading, given how he was reading aloud you figured you might as well take advantage of his lack of notice and learn to read.

But he did notice.

"Ah shoot, spaces out again." Xingqiu cried, "now I have to start all over."

Xingqiu started reading the book all over again, much to your joy.

You could easily match his words to the page thanks to your speed of comprehension.

When the boy noticed it was getting late he decided to head home, while you were upset you didn't try and stop him. In fact you immediately darted away before he saw you.

The next day he came back, and read from the same spot.

And again

And again

This went on for quite some time.

Xingqiu knew someone was watching him, but he never was able to catch a glimpse. He just figured it was someone who wanted to read legends of the shattered halberd but couldn't find any copies, and so the chivalrous thing to do would be to read it for them.

One day he finished the fifth book and proclaimed it was the last one, which made you rather sad.

Until he spoke to you.

"Well my secretive friend," he turned around, "shall w-"

You screamed

He screamed

For about five minutes.

After which you both just stared at eachother.

He pointed a shakey finger at you, "you're-"

You turned away, 'a freak I know' you thought.

"SO COOL!"

"What?"

Xingqiu immediately ran at you and started inspecting you.

The whole time he had such an amazed look on his face.

"Woah!" He said as he grabbed your mandibles, "are these real?!"

"Ye ey are, a ah ee e ah a" you said hoping he would understand that you need them to talk.

"Oh. Hehe. Sorry." He said releasing them.

"Aren't you...scared of me?" You asked.

"Why would I be? If you wanted to kill me you would have. It's not like I was particularly on guard when I was reading for you."

'Y-you knew I was there?"

"I knew someone was there, and I knew they were watching me read. Since you showed such interest in my book I thought the only chivalrous thing to do was to keep reading."

You were shocked, most people just ran and screamed upon seeing you.

"Now, shall we go look for the sixth book?"

After that you and Xingqiu became fast friends.

He used some of the money he made from the scam he pulled on that scammer to buy out the forest you lived in, making it officially private property so that people won't go after you.

He kept coming back with books for you both to read, you absolutely loved it!

And while you never realized it, you also loved him.

He however, did know he loved you.

Being the menace to society he is, Xingqiu decided the best way to confess was to just kiss you.

You're sitting on a stump with your head on Xingqiu's shoulder.

"This book isn't as good as the others." You say.

"Ah don't be like that, fairy tales are the foundation of all those 'knight in shining armor books' you love."

"Yeah but this is boring."

"True, true. But I think it has a great ending." Xingqiu turned to the final page, "and then the knight told the (royal title) how much he loved them, and to seal his love he placed a kiss on their cheek."

"That wasn't good."

"Why? It was very realistic."

"In what reality does someone confess by kiss-"

*smooch*

It took you a solid five seconds to process what happened.

Xingqiu smirked at you like the bastard man he is, "this one I believe."

Your mandibles hung slack as your face got a dark shade of blue.

"Uh, (y/n)?"

"Clothes off, now."

Xingqiu stumbled out the forest four hours later. Chongyun, who was protecting his privacy, asked him what's wrong.

"Absolutely nothing." He responded with the largest grin a human could muster, before his legs gave out, "can you carry me home?"

Your relationship was more steady than just that bit though.

Xingqiu spent as much time with you as he could, he even learned how to hunt so he could be with you while you hunted for food.

You never left your forest though, you were far to afraid of people and especially the vigilant yaksha(which Xingqiu tried to convince you was friendly).

Of course, not everything goes so simply.

Xingqiu was skipping through the forest, far to enamoured at the idea of you to notice someone following him.

You sat calmly on your rock and awaited your boyfriend of two years, today was his birthday so you made him a beautiful silk picture of his favorite scene from 'the legend of the broken halberd'

You felt the boy drop into your lap, "hello my love!"

You wrapped your arms and extra legs around him, "hello my little knight, I have a wonderful gift for-"

"XINQIU! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!"

You both turned around to see a man who looked oddly like Xingqiu.

"H-hey big bro..." Xingqiu said, clearly nervous.

"You're his brother?" You asked, "nice to meet you! I'm your future sibling in law!"

His brother looked surprised, then angry, "Xingqiu, a word."

"No," he responded, "anything you can say to me you can say to my (s/o)."

"Xingqiu, this is not a game."

"ANYTHING," Xingqiu said, far more aggressive, "you can say to me, you can say to them."

His brother sighed, "you can't date them."

"I believe I can."

"XINGQIU! ME AND FATHER HAVE TOLERATED ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDISHNESS! YOU ARE AN HEIR OF THE FEIYUN COMMERCE GUILD, YOU CANNOT DATE THAT-THAT THING!"

Xingqiu shot up into a fighting stance, "care to repeat that?"

Xingqiu stared down his brother with murderous intent.

"So you wont back down?"

"Never, I love (y/n) to much!"

"If you don't leave them, you'll be disowned by father, all your wealth, power, and influence will be forfeited. All for an inhuman freak!"

"Xinqiu please," you tried telling your beloved, "I won't let you sacrifice-"

"Sorry darling, but I don't give a damn." He interrupted you before turning to his brother, "I will NOT abandon my beloved (y/n)! They are the most precious thing in the world to me! So go ahead! Strip me if my title, my riches, of my very skin! My heart will yearn for nothing else but the cold hard touch of love that is my (s/o)!"

Xinqiu's brother smirked

"So, you promise to always be with (y/n)?"

"Yes!"

"Through both sickness and health?"

As smart as he was, Xinqiu couldn't see what was happening, "with all my heart and soul!"

"And you would take (Y/N) as your contractually bound spouse?"

"I would sooner bite my arm off than live another day without them as such! In fact!" Xinqiu turned to you, "(Y/N)! WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! COME ON!"

"Hold it!" His brother demanded, "(Y/N)! Would you stay with my brother, Xinqiu, through sickness and health, through rags and riches?"

You nodded, "forever and always!"

"And would you take him to be your contractually bound husband?"

"E-even if I had to fight Rex Lapis himself!"

Two burly hands grabbed the couple and pushed them together, "You may now kiss the bride!"

Without thought, you two kissed each other, not thinking to question the cheering, clapping, and crying-

You both pulled apart, "what the abyss is happening here?!"

The burly arms, now wrapping you both, was an older crying man who also looked like Xinqiu.

Xinqiu's Brother was crying and clapping.

Chongyun was blasting off party cones(🎉🎉these things)

And several other of Xinqiu's friends were there celebrating.

"W-wait..." Xinqiu started to remember that his brother, as a high ranking member of a commerce guild, can officiate marriages.

The older man, Xinqiu's father, cried and said, "finally! Grandchildren!"

(If you can't have babies, adoption exists and is perfectly normal)

Needless to say

404 error, Xinqiu.exe and Reader.exe have stopped working

_____________________________

Razor: the big bad spider and the itsy bitsy spider

_____________________________

(Please understand that my knowledge of Razor is based on his quest, I know of his special vision but it won't be brought up for this. I will be sure to read the wiki page for him if I write him again)

Razor knew something was wrong.

His wolf side told him something was wrong with the forest, and his human side told him it should be either avoided at all cost or destroyed.

Because it had stayed away he had largely tried to just avoid it and keep his lupical away from whatever IT is.

Until a foolish pup decided to try and defeat whatever big bad monster had their protector so scared.

Razor ran faster than any lightning bolt upon hearing the news.

Razor didn't know what he was seeing: giant webs strewn out covering entire trees, boars and Hilichurls wrapped in webs and frozen in a sickly green.

And at the center of it all was a giant, monstrous creature with eight leg like roots coming from it's back, feeding off the life of all the creatures stuck here.

This is what he was afraid of, the beast that every inch of his primal self screamed to get away from.

But he couldn't, not until he found the pup!-

"Hello." You said calmly to the strange man coming into your home, "is this your's?"

You outstretched your hand and a sleeping pup drifted towards razor on a flower.

"He caused lots of problems, so I made him sleep. Don't worry, it's nothing permanent, give him an hour or two and he'll be right up."

After Razor left, you assumed that would be the last disturbance for a while.

But it wasn't.

Razor's wolf half still feared you, was still mortified when he pictured your spider like face, your towering body, everything.

But his human half...teembled.

Not in fear, but in a different way.

He couldn't stop thinking of you, and his primal upbringing did little to quell the less romantic thoughts about your gem like eyes, the way your mandibles clicked and moved when you talked, the overwhelming nature energy that you radiated.

But he still knew good enough to get to know you better.

Just not HOW to do it.

"Why are you spider?"

Is not a good first thing to ask.

But you explained regardless: you were taken as a kid and experimented on by some rogue students from Sumeru academy.

Then some purple lady rescued you, and while you were grateful you much preferred living out in the wild.

"Yes...wild is good! Wolvendom, especially good!"

Someone please help him.

"Purple lady....ah! Shockey wizard lady from knights?"

You nodded

"Razor good friends with her and honorary knight! Do you know red flamy girl?"

"Klee? Oh yes! I love her! She's such a nice kid!"

"Yes, Klee is like lupical! Even if she...burns down forest from time to time."

Lucky for him, your shared familial love for the pyromaniacal minor helped bridge the gap between you two.

Eventually he even got you to leave your grotto(?) And meet his lupical!

He introduced you to the wonders of actually eating rather than just sucking the life force out of animals.

You both love and protect the forest of wolvendom, and if any large threat arises to it then you both will fight fang and claw to protect your home!

Neither of you know what love is in the human sense, but you both feel it to each other and act upon it: giving each other a portion of your food, taking blows in battle for each other, and cuddling more intimately than just friends would.

You are his lupical, and so much more.

_____________________________

I started this near last year's end, it took me till now to realize I should only do 3 characters.

(Paging: @golden-wingseos, @storytravelled)

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #jean x reader #Razor x reader #Xinqiu x reader #xinqiu #genshin jean #razor

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #sesshomaru #rin #jaken #anti sessrin #child grooming #family dynamics #parent child relationship

[danieyells]

Messy mutterings about Chapter 55 spoilers with a small angst warning, copypasted from discord with little cleaning and edits lol

I'm imagining Raphael sent Luke away so he wouldn't interfere with him killing/fighting Michael and Simeon went along with the idea and is in the human world too so Luke's not, y'know, on his own in a strange new world and to reduce Luke's suspicion and all. But as Michael and Raphael are fighting or whatever Luke somehow learns what's going on/realizes why things are off and rushes home to try and stop it.

He tries to get between Raphael and Michael(perhaps his back, Raph perhaps striking while Michael is lost in thought missing the brothers, spaced out, staring at the wall where their portraits were) and is struck violently by Raphael's spear instead. Simeon, ofc, followed him home to try and protect him but is too late because of Luke's own determination to protect Michael bonus if he grows a little in this scene--just magically, because his current smol form is too weak to help surely but if he were a little bigger, a little stronger, maybe he could make it in time--!! and Luke is impaled.

He doesn't die but none of the three wanted Luke hurt in this confrontation--Michael is angry at Raph for attacking/being violent in the first place, Raph is mad at Simeon for failing to restrain Luke, and Simeon is like is now really the time for this because hello Luke is hurt.

Angels are made of strong stuff, he's not gonna die but he'll be in a bad spot if they don't get him to an angel who specializes in healing. I've elected this to be Uriel for now although I've been told that Raphael is generally percieved as the angel of healing--but with OM canon his reputation sonfar is so hostile I'm gonna say that may not be the case. Michael (or Raph) can stave things off for a bit but he's not healing specialized either--they're all Archangels and Seraphs but their fields are elsewhere, mostly combat.

(Luke tries to assure that he's fine and attempts to remove the spear. They don't allow this because the spear is, of course, keeping most of his blood in at the moment.)

They can't fly him to someone because it'd be bumpier so they have to carry him or call/run/send for help--so other angels do learn what's going on and speculation begins. Luke is hospitalized and Raph and Michael and Simeon stay with him while he sleeps, kinda tensely, not really ready to talk out whatever happened. But before he passed out Luke tried to tell Raphael not to fight/kill Michael, to talk to him instead. He wanted to tell him to talk to the demons/humans too, they're not as bad as they think(he and Raph are very likeminded so he thinks 'maybe Raphael will listen to me since I'm starting to see that I was a little wrong maybe') but he couldn't get it out.

Simeon messages the demons, Solomon, and MC and says he won't be returning to the human world/devildom for a bit because Luke was hurt in the CR. Mammon, having had recently gotten attached to Luke, is stunned and angry and anxious and wants to know what happened. Simeon isn't ready to tell them yet, and Mammon demands Barb make a portal to the CR for him to check on Luke--surely Barb is also worried because he cares for Luke too!

Diavolo says they're not allowed to go and Barb agrees(he felt as much before Diavolo said anything too.) Simeon agrees because there's some unrest now and speculation and with an exchange student angel having had been injured by a notoriously demon-skeptical Archangel some angels are worried the demons may be involved in this somehow and if demons suddenly showed up it'd make things worse. Mammon curses his helplessness because his new little brother minion is hurt and he can't even check on him. Simeon feels helpless too--he's an archangel, a Seraph, but he can't help Luke either.

I imagine MC then offers to visit instead--they may be a powerful sorcerer now but they're still just a sheep human with an inhuman aura right? They wouldn't be as concerning for the general populace. After some consideration the demons and Solomon agree this would be okay, as does Michael and Simeon [and Raph maybe] but they say to wait a few hours/a day or two before doing so, just to allow some cooldown/recovery in the CR.

(In the meantime Mammon reviews one of Luke's recent text chains to him where he's baking something. He tries to copy all the steps and instructions and clumsily makes some cupcakes. They're ugly and Mammon isn't known for his stellar cooking, but they kinda relieve him a bit and Beel says they taste alright, so Mammon asks MC to bring them to the CR for Luke for him--there's enough for Michael too since he's probably going through a hard time. It's not like he cares or anything!! He's just building up credit! They'll owe him with interest when this is all said and done!!!)

Idk what'd happen afterwards--it's probably the first time MC meets Raph so it's not under the best circumstances and he definitely wouldn't trust sweets from a demon. And even if he was gonna fight/kill Michael he doesn't trust that Mammon would give him anything safe and instinctively would tell Michael not to touch them, let alone Luke if he's awake to do so. So it's not like he hates Michael, he just. Things need to change and he tried to incite it the only way he knows how--or, rather, the most effective way, given how quickly things changed after the Rebellion. A spear to the throat makes anyone listen. A rebellion is what made Michael change, so maybe it will help him go back to normal too.

(Maybe Luke is awake enough to hear them talking about these things and weakly asks if Raph is going to be exciled over this--the first thing he says since passing out. They're surprised because. He got injured trying to protect Michael but he's still trying to protect Raphael, Michael's assailant? But Luke understands how Raphael feels because he feels the exact same way--or he used to. He didn't trust demons or humans or sorcerers or the exchange program, he didn't think they should get along at all. And he saw how sad Michael was without the brothers and hated them for that too--and Raph feels the same way, right?

Angels are all family. Raphael, Michael, Luke, Simeon, even when they disagree, when their views don't align due to time and perspectives and experiences and ages and positions, they're all brothers. And Lucifer and them were their family too. Even if they disliked them or how they behaved, even if they resent their rebellion and its effects they were still family and they loved and cared about them.

And Raphael doesn't want to see Michael hurting anymore either--certainly not over people who don't care anymore, certainly not over people who turned on them and Father, who must hate them as well. . .but he's been with the brothers for over a year now. Maybe two or three at this point. And he may have only learned it recently but. . .they haven't forgotten. They probably don't hate them. And the demons, the humans, even those unfaithful and the practitioners of dark magic, the fallen, they're not as bad as they thought. They're not necessarily their enemies. Raphael doesn't know it like Luke does because he's never left the CR aside for war and maybe visiting the human world briefly too, right? But if he'd consider things differently, if he's allowed a chance to learn, Luke himself promises Michael, promises Father who's surely watching as he always is, that he'll understand. Raph made a rash decision albeit after many many years of consideration-- but it was out of ignorance, so please forgive him and give him another chance and don't excile him? On top of that he needs a chance to learn and do better--imagine how he'd feel, being turned into something he hates or fears? It will help him learn, sure, but it also may only make him feel worse or make him do something more rash or result in another Fall if he has supporters.

Raphael doesn't hate Michael--he just wants things to be different. Perhaps to go back to normal. And he doesn't want Michael to mope over the loss of the seven brothers and Lilith anymore either.

And maybe in this time, since they'd have to decide what to do about Raph, Michael requested Diavolo come over too--y'know, in case Raph is exciled, they'd want Diavolo's approval and reassurance to keep an eye on him too. So maybe he or Barb, as they arrive in the room, would approve of Luke's appeal--ask what Michael and Simeon And Raph and MC think. They could always bring him in as an exchange student too! 😘 That worked for Luke!

Ultimately Raph probably wouldn't be exciled/become a Fallen but be given another chance. Maybe he's stripped of his title temporarily, until he's sufficiently deemed to learn about demons, angels, their history together, culture, whether or not they can get along, etc--so he's bitter, but thankful. And Michael understands that perhaps he's been allowing how much he misses the brothers and Lilith to cloud him and maybe it's time to move on and make changes to the Celestial Realm again after all this time. Bonus points if the bros came along and he was too distracted to sense them--someone's like "oh you're moving on? So we came here for no reason after all?" and ofc he's happy to see them again and gets to hang out with them again for a while before getting to say a goodbye with more closure. And he hangs off of Lucifer's neck the whole time they're there lol he and Dia bond over being Lucifer fanboys too.

Luke's okay in the end--a little worse for wear because being stabbed by Raphael is Not A Small Ordeal but he's okay and he shows a little more maturity. But he's also still same old Luke who will happily point out how awful demons are and use it as an excuse for distrust/fear--but he's more mindful of it now because he feels like he needs to set a good example for Raph lmao.)

#obey me! #obey me! spoilers #obey me! headcanons #obey me! luke #obey me! raphael #danie yells at obey me! headcanons #danie yells at obey me! #danie yells writing #i meant to take a nap like an hour and a half ago but my brain went 'WRITE THIS OUT FIRST' and it got so long i haven't slept yet lol #so now it's naptime #long post

[fairycosmos]

you seem like you loved your sister so much & neither of you deserve to live lives of pain. i have a sister too & i'm going to kill myself soon & everything's ready. she doesn't love me & definitely not the way you loved yours so unconditionally but i feel sorry about it anyway. but one can't always live in pain just to spare others, right? i lived enough. all i know is that you never deserved this and neither did she. i hope she's at peace. it was never your fault.

hey. i’m not going to pretend i know the details of the dynamic between you and your sister, nor am i going to act like i can change your mind about any of this as a stranger on the internet when you’re obviously going through very deeply rooted issues that need real medical attention n treatment. or at the very least the attention of someone in your actual life. at the same time, you know i’m not just going to let this sort of thing fly in my inbox either. so i’ll talk for a bit and if you want to listen and take some of it on board, then that’s great. if not, that’s ok too. i really hope you do though, even if your brain is screaming at you not to. that it’s all pointless and all the usual shit. again, i don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship with your sister, and i don’t mean to minimize whatever struggle you’ve had with her. i’m sure its been unimaginably difficult, and i do feel lucky to have been such great friends with my own. i know it’s not the case for everyone, so maybe my perspective is skewed. but i can tell you that the state of your relationship with her is not going to minimize the grief or the heartache losing you will cause. because death throws all of that shit right into perspective in a very real, unchangeable way. and it is like nothing you can currently think of. you are still siblings. you still had a whole life together, and you are the only people in the world who were raised the exact same way. there’s always going to be a bond and there’s always going to be some part of her that cares. before my sister died, we were not as close as we had been previously. we weren’t properly fighting or anything, but drugs estrange you from people and we had had more rough moments than usual. and some moments i didn’t recognize her. we weren’t spending as much time with each other either. and it didn’t change a thing. i think about the fights now, or all those hours i spent not talking to her when she was just in the other room. and i just know innately it was beyond stupid. but i don’t blame her, i don’t hate her. i don’t sit there and think i’m glad she’s gone just because there were moments she infuriated me. i know that’s my situation, and maybe ours are incomparable. and if she has been abusive to you in some way, i don’t blame you at all for feeling this way. but i just know that when you are suicidal you are biased against yourself, automatically. your brain will twist every relationship and situation in your life to justify killing yourself. it will force you to think in black and whites - according to your mind, it’s not that you’re struggling right now, it’s that your whole life is doomed. it’s not that you and your sister  have a difficult relationship, it’s that she can’t stand you and you guys will never ever reconcile. more often than not reality lies in the grey areas between. i think it’s important to rationalize and hold onto that whenever you’re able to. even if you have to force it. but don’t think for a second she’s not going to spend the rest of her life thinking about you. if you are unfamiliar with grief you might not understand the gravity of it. i’ve had people message me saying that seeing the way i am about my sister has made them entirely rethink taking their own lives because they did not realize how permanent and intense loss truly is. i’m not saying it’s the same for you, i don’t know what you’ve been through, but the fact that you already feel sorry towards her tells me you can see this for what it is more than you want to admit. there are people around you who love you. your absence is not going to be a blip for them, it is going to shape their lives because you shape their lives by being here. none of this is what you believe it to be right now.

but i’m not trying to guilt you into staying alive, either. i know that’s not fair. it’s not - and you’re right. you shouldn’t live purely for others, not always. especially when you’re in pain. but when you’re in a very bad place, sometimes it’s just about what’s going to get you to tomorrow, or the next moment. if that’s the thought of your family, and feeling bad about doing this to them, then welcome it. any reason is good enough. and maybe in time you’ll be able to get to a place where you live for yourself, in fact i’m sure of it, but right now you obviously believe that’s impossible. it’s absolutely not, but that’s likely how you feel. i’ve heard that being actively suicidal is such an intense feeling that it doesn’t last super long - you can spend weeks or months being passively suicidal, but the actual moment of being at risk of attempting always burns out rather fast. and people who have attempted generally report that that regret starts seeping in when it’s a bit too late. i really do not want you to have to experience that. instead of harming yourself, it is going to serve you so much more to work on trying to minimize the pain a little more each day, however you can. i don’t mean that in a patronizing way, i know you’re tired and i know it’s not that easy. all of this is easier said than done. but you do not have to kill yourself just because you have things ‘ready’. you don’t have to do anything. you don’t know what’s going to happen from one day to the next, and you don’t have to have a plan. just think about the present moment and what you can do to help yourself in a positive way right now. nothing is set in stone. clearly you have a lot going on and you need to think about seeking the help you need from those around you before you think seriously about anything else. whether it’s your parents, a family member, a suicide hotline, your doctor, a support group, any therapist or counsellor in your area. literally anything is worth the try, even just picking up the phone tomorrow and seeing what your options are. just let them know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking, like you were able to do with me. you’re seeing things from a very specific point of view right now. i’m not bullshitting you when i say that talking to someone, analysing your thoughts and emotions out loud n learning how to cope with them in healthy ways that you can incorporate into your daily routine CAN change the image you have of yourself and your future in your head. and even the relationships w those around you. depression is an illness, it permeates every part of your life until you can’t see beyond it. and it needs intense treatment the same way any physical ailment does, but it is not a death sentence just because you’re exhausted in this moment. you might not be able to believe it right now, but you have to stick around to see that i’m right. you might as well. besides my family, the only other thing keeping me here is the knowledge that i am going to spend eternity dead any way. this is all just a flash in the pan and you might as well save everyone and yourself the heartbreak by experiencing it for what it is rather than trying to end it prematurely. anyway, i know i could go on and on about this so i’ll shut up but please. just consider the other choices in front of you, man. you deserve better. i sincerely believe it’s waiting for you. you haven’t lived enough because you’re still here, and there’s still a whole future waiting for you. that’s not a bad thing. there are ways to learn that it is not a bad thing. please consider reaching out to those around you or to a professional, please. my inbox will always be open if you need a friend, and you’re not alone. if you have the compassion to believe i don’t deserve pain, and that that shit wasn’t my fault, surely you can extend a little towards yourself too. please take care, get through minute by minute. i believe in u. 

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

#dont send me any asshole asks abt this im replying to some 1 who approached me in my own inbox alright . #tw suicide #anon

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

#Ask #milky way anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #I'm not from the US either so I have no idea what a sophomore is hahaha #Emotional neglect tw #childhood emotional neglect #panic attacks tw #Suicidal tw

[g-perla]

Acowar, Ch-18

This scene...um. I had completely repressed it but wow.

First some context:

On the previous page Nesta tells them she will train with Amren and she will go to the Hewn City if they promise her to kill Hybern and the mortal queens (note that she does not want to do it herself). Feyre agrees but for some reason (her lack of emotional intelligence) decides to push her luck and we come to the page I've attached above.

Feyre has the sheer idiotic audacity to ask Nesta to go to the High Lord meeting and give testimony of a deeply traumatic, deeply personal, completely raw, and likely unprocessed event in her life in front of people who don't like her. Already this is a faux pas of the highest order. What would it have cost her to ask in private? Does she just want to essentially wield her authority over Nesta? Does she get a kick out of doing it in front of her new family?

It could all have been so irrelevant if it weren't for the gravity of the exact request she is making. Is it really that difficult for Feyre to understand that what she just asked/demanded of Nesta was yet another violation of her personhood. That story was the last thing that wholly belonged to her. Feyre uncaringly trespassed a boundary Nesta had clearly set with LITERALLY TWO NOs. This brings me to an incredibly important thing that no one should ever forget; one simply should not even think about trying to coerce anyone and I mean anyone to share with any audience, let alone a largely indifferent or hostile one, an experience, identity, or anything else that cannot be changed and that a person might not be open to sharing because of pain and anguish and fear. No one but that person gets to decide what to do with something so profoundly personal. You don't ask/demand them to justify to others the difficulty of their experience in return for something. This is cruel.

This exchange is Feyre shamelessly and I mean brutally shamelessly asking/demanding/insisting Nesta to partake in fucking trauma porn for the high lords. Feyre should be glad that Nesta's response was as controlled as it was given the circumstances. I would've been equally livid.

How would Feyre feel if she had to tell all the high lords exactly what she told the bone carver; what it was like to die and how much she wanted to die after under the mountain??

This exchange has the same cursed energy as a person with a disability having to divulge their medical records and having their privacy trespassed on to prove to an employer or school that they indeed need accommodations. Having to do that chips away at a person. It fails to establish the person being asked as someone with dignity, with boundaries, and who deserves respect.

And there are people going on and on about how they need a Nesta redemption arc pffft. Please.

I can't believe I now have to live with the vivid knowledge that this scene actually happened, Nesta ended up telling her story and ending the king of Hybern, and these people somehow managed to do Nesta so dirty in acofas and in the Acosf teaser while simultaneously making it seem like she was and continues to be the problem. Pffft I have no choice but to laugh because the alternative is to cry.

#god i really went off on this one #but this bullshit makes me so angry #and to see how casually and tactlessly feyre demanded this of Nesta honestly leaves a bad taste in my mouth #i have felt that fury #and the wackiest shit is that you know nesta would never do such a thing to Feyre #not even if the world was at risk of ending based on that testimony #also to everyone at that table who just let that happen: #🔪🔪🔪🔪 #nesta archeron #acowar

[pathologising]

It’s just

I enjoy the feeling of helping others through some stuff, and when I do it’s an achievement. It’s hard

Especially when you feel numb through the entire experience. It feels as though I’m not naturally connected to someone, and therefore can’t experience what they’re going through and relate to it so I can help them.

Sometimes it’s hard to empathize with someone without feeling the relation to something. And even when you can relate to someone it’s hard because you don’t know how to deal with that situation yourself let alone help someone else.

What’s worse is that when you tell someone you might have low empathy they make it into a gross and gorey aesthetic (like you said) as if you’re heartless or sm

I think this is what low empathy means. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

I think not everyone's experience will be the exact same, so I don't think you're wrong. I don't like talking about my experiences because it always sounds mean and I don't think anybody likes to be seen as actually bad most of the time. I think a lot of people hear "I do not necessarily care about you because I am incapable" and take it to mean that I'm actively working towards your downfall or want to see you hurt, which isn't true. I'm indifferent? I think you are cool, I enjoy spending time with you, but I am not hurt when you are hurt. This doesn't mean I hate you, or that I won't help you, I just cannot feel your pain I cannot empathize. But I will of course be compassionate because that's just the right thing to do, and it's not very hard for me to do. I am just not attached, and its isolating sometimes? Do I wish I had empathy, perhaps not tbh I am perfectly fine as I am and I think it has benefits. But sometimes I feel broken I guess! Idk lol other times I'm perfectly fine it depends. This is just a very very small scope of my experience because I just don't enjoy talking about it bcause of the stigmas surrounding it LOL clearly there's like..a lot more to it but you can't ever talk about it without someone not fundamentally understanding that I am not just a list of symptoms in the dsm, rather I am a 3-dimensional person who has the capacity to choose good choices over bad. This probably is like..making no sense sorry lol if u need clarification or have questions lmk

#sorry this is so messy I just never talk abt to anyone besides my therapist because people don't like to hear about things like this #I get it but like <\3 idk ? some days I feel broken and robbed of an experience and other days I feel fine

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter nineteen - “tomorrow”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.8k

synopsis: reader is faced with a very distressing ultimatum and has to deal with the consequences.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

authors note: omg pls listen to “water under the bridge” by adele after reading this it’s fits so well

Muted. She felt muted - but not necessarily in a bad way. Everything in her was dialed down and dulled. Over the last couple days, Y/N had toned down her emotions, feeling less. Call it a coping skill. Call it a stress response. Whatever. It wasn't like she was sad about it. In a way, in was comforting - not having some overwhelming internal angst.

It had been a week since that fight she and Bucky got into. The mature part of her was telling her to find him and talk it out like the adults they were. But here's the thing. Over time, before they even had the fight, the number of therapy sessions they were having was less frequent as his treatment was improving. The sessions were more intermittent now, and there wasn't one scheduled for a while. Until then, she felt no desire to talk to him.

Was she mad? Sad? She wasn't sure. She just avoided thinking of things that caused her a considerable amount of distress. At this particular moment in time, Bucky was one of those things. Ergo, she made a constant effort to ignore all thoughts of him.

Though, she somehow couldn't entirely ignore the ever present lack of... Bucky. She had gotten so used to having him close by, used to having someone to talk to, laugh with. His proximity had become a constant. A comfort. She refused to admit to herself that silence didn't feel like silence anymore; it just felt like the absence of his voice.

She found she needed to keep herself busy.

Bucky handled it a bit differently. He had lots of intense emotions but he didn't mute them, per say. He didn't ignore them. He felt them, he definitely felt them. He just kept them bottled up inside and talked about it to no one. It was a very strange change of routine. Whenever he had some sort of emotional turmoil, he would always go to her - therapy session or not - to vent, rant, ask for advice, or just talk through a stream of consciousness. Now he just had to sit with it.

He spent most of his time alone. He missed her.

-

"Hey Shuri," Y/N greeted as she entered the princess' lab.

"Hello," Shuri smiled. "Come sit."

This wasn't a routine visit. Shuri mentioned wanting to talk about something else this time. Something important. She was reminded of this when she walked in to find two Doras sitting with Shuri at a lab table.

"So," Shuri started, "The trigger word experiment. We're here to discuss safety and security."

Shit. That awful thing. It had slipped her mind these past couple days.

"Alright. What are we thinkin'?"

"Well, the Doras don't think it would be necessary to have two of them there with you, but if you would feel safer with two, then that's fine as well."

"I think one is fine. I trust your judgment," Y/N nodded to the Doras.

And I'm not afraid of Bucky, she thought but didn't say.

"We also have a special location to run the experiment," one of the Doras, Ayo, added. "Away from people and secluded in the case of an emergency."

"Okay. That sounds good."

"We understand Barnes is now equipped with the vibranium arm, yes?" Shuri asked.

"Yes, he is."

"Then you need to know something for the experiment."

Y/N's brows furrowed, confused. Was she missing something?

"There's sort of a fail safe built into the arm," Shuri began.

Fail safe?

"There are a series of pressure points when, if hit correctly, will disengage the arm. It will just drop to the ground. So if anything were to happen-"

"I'm sorry, what?"

The expression on Shuri's face changed immediately when she heard her partner's tone. Y/N looked bewildered and almost in disbelief.

"It's there as a precaution in case Barnes needs to be put in check."

Suddenly, every emotion she had been "muting" rushed back into her head. Every feeling for Bucky returned, as well as her compulsion to protect him.

"Building that into the arm shows a complete lack of trust."

"You know what HYDRA did. It's unpredictable, and I'm sorry but we just can't be sure."

"We need to be careful with this so it doesn't blow up in our faces," Ayo said.

"I understand having that precaution for this test, I do. But it isn't just this test. Given it was successful and everything worked out, he was supposed to keep the arm. Right?"

"Right."

"So we fix the HYDRA programming and he's free, but leave the 'fail safe' in so after all of this, he still has someone in control of him."

"The arm is a gift," Ayo stated. "He should be happy he has it at all."

"I understand that, and believe me, he is so grateful. But a gift is for someone else to keep and use as their own. How are we supposed to help him and work with him for months, building trust and aiding him in healing to just tarnish all of that with deception?"

"It's what's best for the protection of all."

"Even after the experiment if it's successful?" Y/N cried in disbelief. "I should say when it's successful. Shuri, I've been seeing his progress for months and working with you on his neurobiology data. Can't you tell how much skill has been put into this? It's us. It's going to work."

"Even still."

"I can't stand for that. I would understand if it was just for this test, but after? We haven't come this far just to not trust our own work and Bucky's deprogramming. He deserves to have someone on his side."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but it's already been done. The arm is already built and being used."

"This is the plan," Ayo declared. "Either you are on board, or you are free to leave Wakanda. We can fly you out as soon as tomorrow morning."

"I can't knowingly be a part of this. It's wrong."

"As I said. Free to leave."

She refused to be a willing participant in perpetuating the loss of Bucky's autonomy. He's been through enough, had enough taken from him. She would not play a single role in taking more away.

"I guess I have to go then," she said, standing from her chair.

She couldn't believe the words coming from her own mouth.

Shuri sighed. "That's very unfortunate, my partner. I'm sorry we couldn't agree on this."

"I am, too. But please. Please consider what this will do to him. It's like saying 'even though we've all been working with you, we don't actually believe that you're not still a weapon.' What is he supposed to think of that?"

"Barnes isn't going to have to think anything about it..."

"...because he isn't going to know," Ayo finished the thought.

"No..."

"It's the way it has to be."

"No it's not."

"Y/N..."

She took a couple steps back, preparing to leave the room. "No, I'm sorry. I can't. He needs to know. I'm going to have to tell him."

"I'd advise against it if you care about your job," called an unfamiliar voice.

Y/N turned to the other Dora, whom she didn't know.

"What?"

"What would your employers think if they knew their doctor had certain... inappropriate relations with a patient? And a very infamous one at that."

She froze, face burning. Her stomach dropped and her breathing stopped dead.

Did they-? Who else-? How did they-? What did they-?

She couldn't form a single coherent thought.

"You are more than free to leave quietly, without any worries" said the Dora, "but if Barnes knows about this, you can be sure that the rest of the world will know about you and your... relations."

It was then when she could feel almost every piece of her world come crashing down. She could feel every test she took, every research project she was a part of, every hour she spent studying for the career that took years to build. The thing she was most proud in this world, the part of herself she most loved. She felt the job she loved and all the things she had learned and accomplished begin to crumble around her.

This career... it was her life. It was her passion. It was all she had. Now she was in immediate danger of losing it. All she could process was fear; she shut down.

Finally, she managed words.

"Okay," she conceded, her defeated voice barely above a whisper. "I'll go... quietly. I'm sorry."

With that, she turned around and took the remaining steps out of the now silent room.

- - -

When she was in the hallway, she felt like she was dying. The guilt was overwhelming. How could she betray him like this? She tried to fight for Bucky to get the truth and now she has to hide it from him and leave him. She has to lie to him.

Y/N was still in shock, completely immersed in her own fear. It felt as if she wasn't in her body. She knew she was moving - walking down the hallway. But her body was just on autopilot; she was gone.

She couldn't tell if she was crying but she could feel a twinging in her eyes and a burning in her nose. She was also hardly breathing so if she was crying, it was nearly silent.

In a faraway echo, she thought she heard her own footsteps. She wasn't sure where they were taking her, but she wasn't sure if she cared.

-

She walked, and she kept on walking for a long time. She could feel the ache in her feet once she sat down in front of the water. She hadn't planned to go to the waterfall - that waterfall... their waterfall. It just sort of happened. Perhaps it was a long enough distance away to feel safe.

She finally let herself think for a moment.

What the fuck had just happened? Her exact fears had come to be. Somehow, someone saw or figured out her and Bucky. It felt worse than she thought it would. Exposed. Embarrassed. Guilty. Humiliated. Distressed.

It was numbing. So numbing that she stared at the little pool and let the white noise of the waterfall clog her ears until she was able to lose track of time.

She had no idea how long it had been when he approached her.

"Y/N!" Bucky's voice called as he jogged over after catching sight of her. "I've been looking for you! Can we please talk?"

His voice snapped her out of it, but her gaze remained fixed on the water in front of her. She wasn't sure what to do, how to engage with him; she froze.

When she didn't even turn her head, Bucky guessed she was still upset with him. He didn't want to be a bother, but he needed to talk to her. He sat down right next to her.

"Okay..." he started, carefully. "I know things aren't great between us right now, but-"

She turned her head to him and the words died in his throat when he saw her face: bloodshot, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. He forgot whatever he was going to say, cupping both sides of her face.

"Oh my god, what happened!? A-Are you alright?"

The cool metal of his hand on her cheek made her want to scream, reminding her of what she could not tell him. Reminding her of the searing guilt. Trembling hands reached up to touch his arms. And then he saw the quiver in her lip.

"Oh, honey," he cooed, worried. "Hey... Hey, talk to me. Talk to me, what's wrong?"

He was so concerned and so sweet even after they had a huge blowout. If possible, it made her feel even worse. She didn't deserve his kindness anymore. She just stared into him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

Bucky had never seen her like this and he was scared. Was it because of him and their fight? He supposed so. What else could it have been?

"I'm so sorry, please don't cry," he caressed the back of her head with one hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said, I was just mad. You were right. I feel awful, I had no idea it upset you this much."

Their fight was the very last thing on her mind. Looking back on it, it seemed like such a trivial thing compared to now. But he thought this was his fault. She wanted to break into a million tiny pieces and let the wind blow her away.

She shook her head. "Bucky, no. It's not that. It's not you."

He looked so confused. She felt so bad.

"Then what... what's wrong?"

"I'm leaving."

Bucky leaned back, perplexed, and his hands slid down to rest on her forearms. "Leaving? You're leaving Wakanda?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, hey- You don't have to leave. We can figure something out. We were too risky, you were right. I understand that now. We don't have to do that anymore. We can make sure that we're always completely in private from here on out."

She shook her head, staring down at the grass below her. "I'm sorry, I can't... I can't do that. I have to leave."

She could barely look him in the face.

"You don't, it's okay," he implored. "I know it worried you, but it really only was Steve. And I know, I know it could have been anyone and I get that. I thought about it, and I get it. We don't ever have to... sleep together... again. We won't be distracted, and-and we'll be careful."

She clenched her eyes shut, trying not to let her burning eyes release more tears. It didn't work.

"Bucky..."

"Baby doll please," his voice cracked while he tipped her chin up to meet her eyes again. "We can just-... we can just go back to the way it was before. In the very beginning. We can- we'll only see each other in sessions, we don't-... No more lake trips or all-nighters or anything just-"

He sharply inhaled, beginning to ramble as his breath became unsteady.

His voice shook just slightly. "You can barely even talk to me if you don't want to- just please don't go..."

She thought a part of her cracked and died at that moment. She sprung forward and held him as tight as she could. Instinctively one of Bucky's arms was around her back and the other cradled the back of her head.

She thought maybe if she held tight enough, she could keep them together and she wouldn't have to leave him there alone. Of course he would be fine, but he would spend the rest of his time feeling like it was his fault that she had gone.

She couldn't let him think this was his fault.

"Buck, I don't wanna leave you. But I have to do what's best for the both of us. You'll be just fine without me. I promise."

He didn't think so.

"I'm putting your treatment and my career in jeopardy if I stay," she continued. "I just don't want anything bad to happen to either of us. I'm sorry if you hate this and I'm sorry if you hate me for doing it."

He mumbled something in the crook of her neck, but she couldn't hear it. She pulled back from the embrace.

"What?"

"I could never hate you."

Despite the fact that she was so internally distraught, despite what happened with Shuri and the Doras, with having to tell Bucky she was going to leave him, with having to watch him beg her to stay, despite the extreme dread and guilt within her, she still looked at him and felt so much love.

She was doing the very thing he feared and all he could do was care for her.

"God, I'm gonna miss you," she breathed before grasping his jaw, and pulling his head to hers.

Bucky tasted salt and he couldn't tell if it was his or her tears mixing into their lips.

As much as he wanted her to stay, he could sense how serious she was about this. He wouldn't be able to convince her to stay even if he tried. And he already did.

He could only soak up as much of her as he could before she left, and be with her until she had to go. He had no idea how much time he had. Wait-

"When are you leaving?" he broke the kiss as soon as the thought arose.

She was silent for a moment when another tear dripped down her face. "Tomorrow."

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @small-death-and-codeine @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars @surrealpsycho @headheartbellarke @bubbly-moonwarrior @bluemoon-icecream @buckeyecreates @augustbucky @itsthemaree @undiadeestos

#bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #marvel #bucky headcanon #bucky reader insert #steve rogers #bucky x y/n #bucky drabble #bucky x you #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky x fem!reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #james buchanan barnes #bucky comfort #bucky barnes delicate #astro rain

[noviceaoiryusei]

Pia Movie Special 2020 Winter Close Up Feature : Suezawa Seiya

Entertainment interview

SUEZAWA SEIYA

"I want myself to grow as Franz"

From Kansai Johnny's Jr. unit Ae! group, Suezawa Seiya challenged roudugeki (reading theater) in his first solo starring.

While spreading an active place, even he, himself is most likely to be one of the audiences.

Leader of the group cut the challenge to his first solo stage

Formed in February 2019 which already has their own solo tour is a 6-man popular unit of Kansai Johnny's Jr. called Ae! group; it's Ae! group's member Suezawa Seiya. The stage performance "Bokura no Ae! group tte imasunen" which had a stage debut in Tokyo.

First of all, he was starring in the stage alone. The stage to be commemorated is the leading theather entitled "Kiosk". At first, "I was surprised, I thought it's a prank" it's surprisingly what I said. I heard about the work on stage from the manager but from there, I haven't heard anymore after that. I had no choice but to wonder what is it about. I was surprised because it was a starring (role).

First, I talked with my parents then, I talked about work with (Hamanaka) Bunichi-kun. When I called him and reported it, he said "really? that's great! do your best!". When I told it with the members, they said "congratulations!". Masakado (Yoshinori) jokingly said "lead role?" I've heard about it. Since it's really a lead role he said, "isn't it the opposite?". (laughs) (Fukumoto) Taisei said "I felt like crying", because of you, I have a reason to cry. (laughs) Richa (Kusama Richard Keita) was also pleased after a long time. Me and everyone was in high spirits, I'm really happy.

In the reading theater stage format which became the foothold to a full-pledged stage, since I've been working on a number of straight plays and musicals.

In the current stage performance, I haven't talked with Ishimaru-san yet. I don't know what kind of type it is so, I haven't clearly understood it. I think roudugeki (reader's theater) is the first challenge, I thought that there are many things that I need to know after I started practicing. Even if it says roudugeki (reader's theater), it is how much you use it while using your body. It's anxious and also fun, that's what I think.

The original work is by Robert Seethaler, an Austrian writer. It's a youth novel that's adapted into a film in Germany, I saw it as a reading theater (roudugeki). Suezawa plays the role of Franz who became an apprentice in a koisk when he was 17, the setting is drawn back in Vienna at 1937. He grew up surrounded by nature and came to visit Vienna. His mother's old friend is the kiosk's shopkeeper, the psychoanalysis founder, Sigmund Freud. He (Franz) fell in love with a mysterious girl.

It is a work depicting the youth during the time of Hitler's administration so, there was some feelings that comes in the end. There are lots of things that resonates the feeling, including the growth of Franz that will surely make you cry. Franz went through a lot of encounters during the time of the turmoil, learn various things from other people and becoming an adult. Franz's mother felt his growth thru their exchange of letters. I thought it's a story that is easy to get in touch with the nature while reading (it). Reading the script, I honestly felt that roudugeki (reader's theater) will be a challenge that I need to express firmly in narrating it to the audience. Vienna isn't particularly known in the image of music, from now on, I would like to know everything.

(He is) Currently 25 years old. The previous stage experience and the group's oldest (member), it's like his taste is like the youngest. It seems that the fluctuation of the 17 year old youth is delicately expressed.

Even now, there are a few roles from the actual age. (In a performance) Starring Bunichi-kun, I played a role of a 10 year old (boy). I'll try to challenge (myself) and play much younger roles as possible, I thought I need to do it well. For Franz's character, I had an impression of a simple, pure young man who came from the countryside. If you think about your own character, you need to remember that it's necessary to play it a lot purely is what I've thought. (laughs) It's not that I'm not pure but, I want to remember the feeling when I was still young. I want to improve myself with Franz.

Starring from behind his seniors

Co-starring with seniors and juniors from Johnny's office, it's the first challenge to be in a stage play without his fellow. In that sense, is there a sense of pressure and nervousness?

That's right. Because until now there's Bunichi-kun and Yara (Tomoyuki)-kun....... Of course there is pressure but, I don't think to much of it. "It's okay if you do not have to be aware that you're starring", I have received these words from my co-actor Ichiro Maki-san. It's the lead role but, of course I want to have a feeling that I can share with everyone. Ichiro-san said "I thought that I'm (your) real mother" since I've also said it (to her), I hope that I can consult with her again. From the previous experience, I wonder if each person's position as the lead character is different. Yara-kun liven up everyone with a friendly atmosphere. Bunichi-kun is a shy person so, he isn't the type who's lively but he creates the mood of the place and someone who you can be relied on. What they have in common is that they don't make others feel uneasy, I want to emulate it. Anyway, both of us don't show everyone that a lot.

I have gained a career not only in musicals but also in straight play. It says that in which you feel the charm of the stage while gaining experience is when you can say "it's a living place".

It's fun because there's no exact same performance. In every curtain call you'll feel a sense of achievement when you hear the audiences clapping. You'll absolutely don't get tired performing for each and every person. I'm still lacking in my ability. Yara-kun and Bunichi-kun have trained me and I feel that I'm changing little by little. When I went out on an external stage, I was rather negative but, both of them changed me conciousness. After I've changed my way of thinking into positive, the stress got reduced and the way I went to practice had changed.

He talks about stress "I thought it's because I can't do things". Someone said "winning is better when you're having fun".

Of course there are lots of things we can't do yet but now, having fun is much better. It became decisive. Before the first day of "Skellig", Bunichi-kun left me a phrase "it's better to throw away (that) pride". He said with a serious face "because of that, this stage play will not succeed". I might probably ashamed of myself, I think I didn't tell everything. Even from the practice you can feel Bunichi-kun's compassion. In front of everyone, he let me do something that when I'll be able to pull it out, I'll be able to go out.

This time it's the reading theater, it's supposed to be a performance using a loud voice and shows the attractiveness of one's individuality at the end.

Because of a loud voice, I want to make a song with the high tone portion but I'm anxious whether this voice will be on the reading performances. (laughs) Should I drop the key (pitch) or is it good to change the setting into Franz's? I thought it'll be different in the way of how you'll express it such as irregularity and the way you'll say it. Also, everyone start after the beginning of the practice. Now it's exciting and feeling nervous, it evenly matches the (current) status in the case of musical, straight play and this time roudugeki (reading theather). I want to try different genres so this time, I want to learn a lot!

I'm touched everytime I watch my favorite musical movie

(We'll) Transfer to the topic of his favorite movie when the title "Les Miserables" (2012) was mentioned.

I really love it! I have watched it at the cinema. I even bought the DVD and watch it repeatedly and still get touched everytime (I watched it). Everyone in the cast is singing on the spot, isn't it great!? In that sense, I've watch the stage play and even the pictures emits impact, I feel overwhelmed. Hugh Jackman is also starring in "The Greatest Showman" (2017) wherein I'm also moved (in the performance) so, I think I like musicals. If there would be a chance, I want to try starring in a musical movie someday.

The leading work of Fujiwara Tatsuya is being pulled in Japanese Movies

A splendid actor can be everyone but I think it's great to be a completely different person for each work. I felt attracted that only Fujiwara-san has that kind of voice and acting. About Ninagawa Yukio-san's stage play, I read in an interview that you should learn how to speak even if your voice is muted. I still thought that it's a difficult experience. It's hard to choose what's my favorite among his works, I've read the original (work) so I couldn't forget Death Note (2006). About the image, I've read the manga and Fujiwara-san has a great impact.

As I have been active in stage plays, I'm still inexperienced when it comes to drama, movie and video but I'm interested so if I'll be offered a work I'll immediately reply "I'm eager to do it!". One of my big dreams was to work together with my admired senior, Kimura Takuya-san.

My mother has been a fan for a long time and so it became my admiration. I think I'll be greatfully devoted.

Next spring they'll broadcast "Kyojo" (CX/20) starring Kimura Takuya. Is there a jealousy with Naniwa Danshi's Nishihata Daigo......?

I immediately contacted Daigo! I said "congratulations" and he also talked about me. (laughs) Even though (he) saw Kimura-san during Johnny (Kitagawa)-san's farewell party, Daigo's sly. (laughs) He had also co-starred with his admired (senior), Ninomiya (Kazunari)-kun. I'm thinking that I'll do my best so that someday I can be his co-star. If I can be his co-star, any role would be fine! I'll be glad to be in the same work but if possible, it would be great if we'll be on the same scene together even just for a moment. He's so cool in "Grand Mason Tokyo" (TBS/2019).

For the group, I want to be active as an actor

From now on, my dream is to expand the role that I want to play.

I'm watching various works with roles that are crazy and psychopath. I want to do it for quite some time now, it looks difficult but it's interesting. It's a dark role because there isn't much dark role on myself so, I think I'm just attracted to such characters.

Nishihata Daigo is the first, from the same (group) Naniwa Danshi, Michieda Shunsuke and Nagao Kento had appeared in drama and movies. Also from Ae! group, Masakado had appeared in the drama "Koi no Yamai to Yarougumi" (BS Fuji terebi/2019) expanding the places were they're active, it seems to be a good motivation.

Takahashi Kyohei (Naniwa Danshi) had appeared in "24 Jikan Terebi" drama entitled "Kizuna no Pedal" (NTV/2019). He's good, I thought that "I won't loose". Ae! group still hasn't explored the field of drama and movies so, I want to continue further. Also, all active activities as an actor will be an opportunity (for people) to get interested in the group, I think it's important. (In) My group, Richard is strong when it comes to variety and also because every member is individualy strong. I want to increase the number of entrances for people to know about (our) group in different genres. That's for the group, I believe it will also be for our own.

#magazine translation #末澤誠也

[sunflowerstache]

Hi! So your writing is super good and I was wondering if you could write something for me? When you have time of course! So I was thinking about how Harry has said that he isn't attractive, that sometimes you can tell when a person is using you (and other times you can't). I think he's really insecure and has been used a lot. Probably cries himself to sleep, jerks off a lot in hotels, spends holidays alone. Well what if he had a new neighbor who is also alone, and though he doesn't talk much to

(cont) her, she does little things sometimes like leave notes at his door with something good about him on them, or gives him flowers from her garden. And, well, what if she comes over on Christmas eve and has a plate of cookies and is wearing a hideous holiday sweater and just says “I thought you might like some company. I could use some.” And they end up spending a great night and he realizes that he’s actually HAPPY for the first time in ages?

UR JOKING this is so cute I hope this does your request justice😍

The idea that with fame comes a maginitude of personal connections and close relationships was something Harry always struggled with. Of course, he had his select close friends and loving family, but there were only so many days that they could take a break from their own lives and jobs to spend time with the lonely rockstar. There were endless amounts of people willing to fill the empty voids in Harry’s life; so many so that he had to mute his phone most days because they wouldn’t leave him alone. It was sometimes difficult for Harry to tell the difference between people he had in his life that had his best interests at heart as opposed to those who simply wanted their own 5 minutes of fame. He’s seen it countless times; someone whom he thought was in it for the long haul, only to be met with disappointment when they leaked a story or left him in the dust. So, he went with the easiest option he could think of -secluding himself. Days spent alone, other than with the soft purring of Evie at his side on the porch swing, just preparing for his next album. Life around him kept on moving, the private streets of the neighborhood were filled with the sounds of children playing in their yards, families walking their dog, and the occasional block party. Yet all of it stayed in the background of Harry’s life. Like white noise fluttering through his extraordinary yet somehow still extremely mundane life.

Except for the girl next door. She was a quite girl, spending most of her time at, what he assumed was her job, and coming home to a corgi he had learned, through playful yells across the yard, was named Bean. Upon waking up one morning months ago and seeing a young girl moving into the house next door, past experiences crept into his mind. Would she be posting everything he did? Would he be able to leave his house without being met with a flashing camera? Would she be crazed and try to break in? But, none of his fears ended up coming true. In fact, it was the exact opposite. She kept to herself, enough that it reminded Harry of himself in the way that he never saw her spending time with anyone. Of course, there was a guest or two every once and while, but she didn’t seem to mind spending most days relatively alone. The two didn’t have many interactions, but when they did, it always brought a smile to Harry’s face. A quick hello here and there. A basket of homemade cat treats left for Evie. Small notes left on each other’s doors, carrying quick and encouraging messages to one another like; “you have a lovely garden” or “you have the most beautiful cars”. Harry found the first note about two months ago, after stepping out onto his front porch, ready to head to the studio. The small creme colored note taped to his front door read “You have a beautiful voice. Thank you for sharing it with me. I hope you never stop finding inspiration.” There was always a risk to sitting outside on his deck and singing melodies to songs not yet written, but for some reason, her hearing them didn’t bother him. He spent hours at the studio that day.

It was now the middle of December, the London air holding a certain crispness that seemed to only appear around the holidays. Like the planet knew everyone was bundled up, enjoying the warmth and company brought to them by being surrounded by their loved ones. Almost everyone. Harry was no stranger to having quiet holidays, but living in a community with many large families and loud holiday parties really had brought out the worst in him. Anne and Gemma had been snowed in by the rogue storm and reluctantly wouldn’t be able to make the trip down to his house this year. So, while everyone else began their festivities, Harry was joined by the flickering light of the television. He was seated in the living room, lounged under the heated throw blanket Anne had gifted him at the start of winter, while Evie rested on his lap so she could soak up a bit of the residual heat, and the unmistakable sound of Bruce Willis echoed through the eerily decorated yet empty room.

“Well, Merry Christmas Eves.” Harry muttered, scratching the back of his cat’s ear and earning a loud purr. “It’s just you, me and Bruce this year.”

Much to his surprise that the device actually works, due to the lack of use, Harry’s doorbell rang. Hoping that the “snowed in” excuse was just that, Harry sprang to his feet, uttering a quick apology to Evie who was unsuspectingly thrown to her feet in the commotion, and ran across the living room to answer the front door. The smile of his face was comepltely forgotten as soon as he opened the door, immediately recognizing that it wasn’t who he thought and his family was, in fact, not just making up an excuse.

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Not quite the reaction I was hoping for.”

Y/N, his neighbor, was stood on his front porch, clad in a pair of Christmas themed leggings, a thick winter jacket, and a matching scarf/hat/mittens set. A large tin rested in her left hand as well as a very large bottle of Moscato in her right.

“Oh, no, um sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! Just thought maybe it was someone else.” his now warm cheeks were a stark contrast to the winter breeze that began blowing through his front door.

“Oh yeah. I had to stand in line behind all your other friends just to make it up to your front door.”

“Like you have anyplace to talk, Miss ‘I only hang out with Bean everyday.”

Y/N threw her head back in an uncontrollable laugh, slightly the sound slightly echoing through his empty yard. There was a soft white glow from the moon illuminating the back of Y/N, creating a full body halo and beautiful aura to his neighbor. As the angelic sound softened and her head came back to it’s natural resting place, she shifted her weight from left to right. “I saw that the driveway was empty and figured you could use the company. I know I could. and I have cookies and alcohol so...”

“Yeah, yeah please come in.” 

It had been a few days since Harry had anyone over his house, the last people being Mitch, Sarah and Clare popping over to discuss steps on the next album. So, having YN standing in his foyer, removing her winter coat to reveal one of the worst Christmas jumper’s he’s ever seen, was a different feeling. The pair made their way into the living, where the television was still shining and Evie was cuddled on top of the heated blanket that was now piled on the floor.

“Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie.” Y/N laughed, sitting down on the couch.

“Of course it is! John McClane has to rescue everyone from a Christmas Party! The entire movie is set on Christmas Eve and it plays Christmas music!”

“It absolutely is not! That movie could be set on any other day of the year and still be the exact same movie and the only person wearing any Christmas apparel is a dead guy!”

Easy conversation flowed between the pair, only stopping to refill their wine glasses or have uncontrollable laughing fits. It was fun to have the company, a nice change of pace in the large house. It was easy for Harry to see how kind Y/N was, how her eyes lit up when Evie cuddled closer to her side, how her attention was focused solely on him and not even bothering to glance at her phone (that sat across from her on the small wooden end table). That was something very new to Harry, being with someone who had more interest in what he was saying than the tiny portable screen. It sent a warm feeling though Harry’s body, that wasn’t caused by the burning wood in his fireplace. He enjoyed Y/N’s company, so much more than he thought he would, the two unsuspecting loners seemingly becoming instant best friends. Harry’s life brought him immense happiness; seeing his fans having the time of their lives at his shows, meeting his idols, and getting to live his dreams, but with all of these extreme highs, came the lows. The lows of not knowing your true friends, not seeing your family for long periods of time, and constantly being photographed. But in this moment, sitting in his living room with his neighbor, drinking wine and arguing over the greatest Christmas cookie, Harry had never felt happier.

tag: @emotionally-imbruised and @theasstour cause I sent them so many snaps about this blurb😂😂

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