#sex and power

[vintage-tigre]

#sex and power #quote #aesthetic #vintage #old school cool #style #photography #eroticism

[waitmyturtles]

Hello,

Some of your Only Friends meta sparked a question for me: You've referred to the impact of purity culture on how the boys (particularly Boston) are viewed both within the show and by fans watching. I was raised evangelical Christian (don't worry, it went poorly), so my associations with purity culture are quite specific to promise rings, abstinence-only education, and that sort of thing. However, you seem to be working from a much more expansive view that includes purity culture's downstream effects such as slut-shaming, heteronormativity, pressure to perform monogamy, etc. (and in at least one case you also linked it to colonialism).

Since your definition of purity culture is so much broader than mine has traditionally been, I'm curious: What exactly do you mean when you use the term, and what are the parameters of purity culture from your perspective?

I've been kind of squinting interestedly at your usage and trying to reverse-engineer your definition from context and it finally occurred to me that I can just ask you lol

(also I know tone can be hard to gauge on the internet so just to be safe: I'm in no way trying to start a weird fight about the meaning of the term; I'm just interested in what you're saying and seeking to understand it better)

Thank you!

Bonebag

HELLO @sorry-bonebag! WHAT A QUESTION! I don't think this is weird at all -- I think it's the fascinating basis of a conversation.

I'm not sure that I'm going to have a central, singular answer for you regarding how I view and/or define "purity culture." I think, as I generalize (massive emphasis on my generalizations in this answer) society's lack of acceptance for open sexual conduct and engagement, that we're dealing with a lot of elements of how power is managed and distributed among humans. For example, if we roll back to, say, the creation of Christianity as a religion, we have to ask: WHY does the religion have what it says about sex? Controlling sex means controlling people -- it means controlling who gets born, and who gets to pair with each other. Controlling sex means controlling behavior, and creating submissiveness to a religion allows a smaller group of people massive power over larger groups. Christianity (as an example) is a modern expression of a primal biological urge that humans have to create groups and gain power for survival. So, first and foremost, to judge someone else for having sex in modern times gives that judge a sense of power over someone else.

In a judgement against sex, and people who have unabashed sex -- let's use Khai from Theory of Love and Boston as examples -- what assumptions/judgements/behaviors are leveraged as we condemn these men (and women, and non-binary individuals) for having lots of sex? From my lens, we have the following prejudices playing into this:

Misogyny Internalized homophobia (on the part of the person being judged) Externalized homophobia (on the part of the people doing the judging) Biases against nontheistic people Jealousy (for the ease in which some people can come into sex) Competition

and so many more. All of these prejudices can and ARE leveraged to judge people for having sex, because judging people for having sex gives the judges power in greater society, as greater society ultimately looks down on the practice of having lots of sex.

I think a fantastic example of this is when Sand was talking about Boston to Ray in this past weekend's episode. Why the hell would Sand even have any business talking about Boston to Ray? Because condemning Boston's "slutty" behavior will give Sand a sense of power for Ray to acknowledge.

By calling another person a "slut" -- a person like Sand gains an upper moralistic and ethical hand. All while Sand is the person that Ray is sleeping with as Ray cheats on Mew. Calling someone ELSE a slut allows Sand (and, let's be honest, Ray, too!) to escape accountability for his own questionable behavior.

And that's what I'm calling out in my posts, especially my Morning After meta from yesterday. If a meta writer is condemning Boston for having sex, or is interpreting that SandRay have only slept together once, to fulfill some kind of shipper fantasy -- I'm going to write about those judgements in my posts, because I don't think those judgements are fair to a show that was very open and honest, at its premiere, about its premise that it would be digging into issues regarding sex and toxicity. I think "purity culture," as we're calling it, is a means by which the fandom wants to control the sexual behavior of Asian queer men. Much of the fandom here on Tumblr is Western, and as an Asian-American, it also gives me the jibbles that a Western audience would want to control with power, the behavior of Asian queer males, a much smaller demographic than a wider Western audience. That's where I bring a colonialist accusation to the table. To me, all of this keeps coming back to power. (I write about this in that post that talks about colonialism. Shipping really worries me. To force two young Asian males into a relationship fantasy -- and then to push that fantasy towards monogamy and a restriction of sex. I mean. Whoa. I very much see colonialism and racism in there, as non-Asians push Asians to behave in prescribed ways.)

This conversation circles back in part to the exhortation I made at the start of OF's premiere, that as much of the fandom as possible should watch Gay OK Bangkok. Jojo Tichakorn's and Aof Noppharnach's GOKB depicted Asian queer males in sex, love, pain, and careers. In this show, there were no condemnations for slutty behavior. (I mean, Pom expected Arm to fall in and out of love, but Pom wasn't being judgmental about it -- he ended up being there for his friend in a hilar way. Anyway!) A specter of morality and ethics, the Greek chorus or peanut gallery of chirping about not having sex did NOT permeate the show. It was just -- Asian gay males living their lives.

Only Friends is bringing up sooooo much about how the characters within the show, and the fandom external to the show, think about, talk about, and judge sex. Having these conversations, for me, is lifeblood. As an Asian-American, I WISH I could have had these open conversations about sex when I was a growing teen. Alas. The culture in which I grew up -- one that valued virginity, purity, and one that condemned sexual experimentation -- prevented me from being open in conversation about sex. I'm thankful that I grew up more and more independently as I got older, and that I had the intellectual capacity to understand and process when I was being judged, myself, for having sex. Because we've all been there, those of us who have had and enjoyed sex. We've been condemned for it, judged for it, every single one of us. We've been made to feel guilty about it.

And even as someone like Boston gets JUDGED, in every episode of OF, for HAVING lots of sex -- I SO appreciate his existence as a character and a narrative device, that he exists as a mirror for OTHER characters, like Ray/Atom/Sand/even Mew/even Top -- who do not hold themselves accountable for either similar behaviors, and/or for behaviors that are far more questionable than simple having sex. Top violated Mew's boundaries in episode 8 -- flat out. And Top's not been held accountable for a second. Top still has power, he still has an upper hand.

This was a long answer, @sorry-bonebag, but TL;DR: POWER. Power and accountability are two elements of humanity that I am forever fascinated by, and I love that we have a brilliant showmaker in Jojo to help highlight this in his art.

I very much hope I touched upon a kind of answer for your question, but at least you got to read some of my deeper thoughts on this topic! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS CONVERSATION!

#thanks for the ask! #only friends the series #only friends #only friends meta #sex and power #sex and power in thai BLs #sex and power in asian dramas

[femalethink]

Sex and Power: Sexual Bases of Radical Feminism

Not even the most ardent feminist can claim to be "liberated" in a sexist society. "Sexual liberation" can mean nothing unless it includes the freedom to reject or enter into sexual relationships fearing neither exploitation nor punishment. But sexual exploitation and punishment still threaten every woman. The denial of complete reproductive freedom, the total responsibility for child rearing, the psychological intimidation of rape victims are all punishments for the sexually active woman. The threat of job loss, ridicule, rejection, isolation, and even rape are punishments threatening the woman who refuses sex.

—Alix Kates Shulman, Women: Sex and Sexuality.

#alix kates shulman #Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society #radical feminism #women's liberation #radblr #feminism #radfem #sex and power

[afairycreature]

"A cure I know that soothes The soul, the soul impossibly A moment's silence when My baby puts her mouth on"

Moments Silence ( Common Tongue) - Hozier

#hozier #wasteland baby #nina cried power ep #moments silence common tongue #sex and power #divinity #you are my religion #lyrics

[chamerionwrites]

Also, there is so much hand-wringing over the ethics of BDSM and while obviously it is worth taking care about ...sensation seeking is a thing. Many, many people enjoy eating habanero peppers and/or watching movies that make them cry. The conceptual leap from there to the idea that it's possible for sex to hurt good is a very short one, and sometimes it REALLY is as simple as that.

#like yes there are power dynamics as with many things including non-kinky sex and many activities completely unrelated to sex #yes sometimes there IS complicated psychological stuff being played with #but also. it is worth asking if you're working yourself into a froth because some people enjoy spicier salsa than you do #and also whether you wanna die on the hill that straight women aren't allowed to enjoy spicy salsa #normal ≠ moral #my posts #habanero salsa tag

[trans-axolotl]

nothing makes me more insane than the phrase "selling your body" btw. like was i not also selling my body at every other job i've had where i had to be on my feet all day, lifting boxes, working in a warehouse, etc. why is it that sex work is uniquely labeled as "selling your body" while every other job is sorted into another category, no matter how much that job might have a physical impact on your body. lmao.

#personal #sw #in fact i have had worse long term physical effects from my jobs that were not sw. as a matter of fact #anyway also related conversation to be had about how most of the human trafficking in the US is not sex trafficking but is in fact other #types of labor that is trafficked #and that if you include prison labor as human trafficking based on different definitions. there is a lot of important connections we can dr #draw. about labor. power. control. and how to build solidarity to actually fight for people's right to free + safe working conditions and #self determination

[antiqua-lugar]

tav being canonically so attractive that people just throw themselves at them is super funny as a galemancer because like so many people in-game (and the game itself at times) call gale either annoying or pathetic straight up to his face but tav is turning down all of faerun for him. everyone desires them carnally and they are busy getting ready to be introduced to gale's cat over dinner.

#nevermind all the cheap shots about gale being vanilla and boring at sex but when you romance him he's like let's have astral sex #faerun most misunderstood relationship #like i still think mizora only wants to have sex with tav to get to wyll but imagine being mizora #but imagine her thinking she got this in the bag because she's a powerful sexy demon and she really doesn't #sorry but the game taking so many cheap shots at gale makes me obsessed with this #and like on paper his ex is still mystra so like #antiqua plays bg3 #gale #gale of waterdeep #bg3

[jackblackhotelmirror]

"friendly reminder that alastor is aroace" this "alastor is sex-repulsed" that-- alastor is a demon from an animated cartoon who loves to gossip and has beef with a television set because he hates modern technology, it's not that deep

#added point that i'm on the ace spectrum (aegosexual) and i want him to FUCK me. DESTROY me even. #i want to teach him what physical pleasure feels like. i'm down bad. #YOU can hc him as sex-repulsed. *I* can hc him as a power top. we are not the same. #alastor #hazbin hotel

[rrcenic]

if the scott pilgrim takes off characters had tumblr (yeahhh scott’s username is a sonic/x men reference)

🎸 sonicthemutant Follow

wallace sent me this idk what to say,,,

(12 notes)

🛼 bibibitch Follow

isn’t it funny how you can grow to love your ex boyfriend as a son

🛹 LucasLeeOfficialAccount Follow

which one of us is this about

🛼 bibibitch Follow

yes.

#made this post thinking about scott #but this applies to you as well tbh

(15k notes)

💅 prettydarngay Follow

“and they were roommates” i sob. “oh my god they were roommates” when will he notice me.

🎸 sonicthemutant Follow

we’re roommates haha!! silly coincidence?

💅 prettydarngay Follow

i am in love with you

🎸 sonicthemutant Follow

oh.

(8,345 notes)

💰Evil-CEO1147 Follow

my boyfriend @LucasLeeOfficialAccoubt walked into a glass door 😭😭😭

📝 yungneil Follow

i thought you were dating julie???

☕️ BitchyBarista Follow

it’s called polyamory you dumb fuck

📝 yungneil Follow

sorry ma’am

#pls don’t hurt me

(217 notes)

🥁 sexbobomb-band Follow

💋 envyyofficial Follow

if you cover my song i will beat you with my guitar

🔪 knives-from-sexbobom Follow

☹️☹️☹️☹️

(31k notes)

💅 prettydarngay reblogged toddtheveggiehead

🎸 sonicthemutant Follow

“wow scott you seem so cool why don’t you have lots of friends?”

i have autism *vine boom*

i’m transgender *vine boom*

my special interest is a kids video game *vine boom*

i’m not sure if i’m dating my roommate @prettydarngay or if we just flirt and sometimes kiss *vine boom*

🥷 roxxierocks Follow

#we. we are dating right???

NOT A FAKE POST BUT OMG SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE WALLACES ACCOUNT @prettydarngay and so naturally i had to make @sonicthemutant! send asks :0

THERES NOW @knives-from-sexbobom and @kimpineofficial

#nics stuff #scott pilgrim #spto #scott pilgrim takes off #tumblr simulator #scollace #ramona flowers #wallace wells #todd ingram #lucas lee #gordon goose #gordon/lucas/julie supremacy #julie powers #knives chau #envy adams #sex bob omb #poll

[sail-not-drift]

RED, WHITE, AND ROYAL BLUE (2023)

Henry + manhandling Alex (and Alex liking it 😏)

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrbedit #taylorzakharperezedit #firstprinceedit #nicholasgalitzineedit #my kingdom for a power bottom #pocket sized henry shoving skyscraper alex around makes me feel things #god their kinky sex must be amazing #mollie's gif #mine mine mine

[rottingraisins]

clef and adams funny moments

#SRY this isnt funny to anyone except me but. worlds most tactless old man and worlds most tactless young-ish woman fight #this is ur fault clef. u taught her all she knows #i dont even think clef rlly has sex. for the record. i just had a powerful vision #scp #dr clef #andrea adams #clefdraki #I GUESS.

[kimyoureahellofacatch]

a little late for pride month lol

#spreading my “everyone in scott pilgrim is gay” propaganda #spvstw #kim pine #wallace wells #knives chau #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim #ramona flowers #stephen stills #envy adams #gideon graves #roxie richter #scott pilgrim meme #julie powers #young neil #sex bob omb

[grumpznsuch]

HAPPY FUCKIN PRIDE MONTH TO ARIN HANSON.

#game grumps #dan avidan #danny sexbang #arin hanson #egoraptor #my post #ninja sex party #10mph #video clips #10 minute power hour

[westywallowing]

sketches for my fruits basket au while I figure the fuckity out of my tablet pen :)

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanart #mlb fanart #mlb #adrien agreste #chat noir #cat noir #mlb chat noir #mlb felix #argos #mlb argos #westy doodles #furuba au #SO what ive decided to go with IS #instead of the animals being from the zodiac like in the show i think its fairly obvious in this au its just the animals of the miraculous #my idea of it is something like a mix between fruits basket curse and miraculous holders #the holder meet the spirits of the animals (the kwamis) and make contracts with them in exchange for power #and one of the downsides is the animal curse essentially #so it does in fact change a lot considering the curse is a CHOICE however i still like the fact that it is indeed a curse #like yeah you get these cool powers but uh you literally can not physically interact with anyone you hold dear that is of the opposite sex:)

[portraitofadyke]

I love that the whole fandom agreed Stede topped the first time.

However, if you think that's how they will keep doing it forever you are wrong. Stede finally got the man he wanted and got to do something so good with him it made Edward Teach throw out his leathers and become a housewife, and now that he got a taste, this hedonistic little man who found out what Good Sex With Someone You Love is like, is about to try every flavor of it. he will see Ed having a good time and think 'I want what he's having'

And Ed. Look at him and tell me that's not a man who's willing to do anything to make his boyfriend happy, and this is not a look of somebody who Will introduce this repressed man to his prostate later. That's a service top in the making.

They are two super inventive, imaginative men who are so obsessed with each other and trust each other, who live in the middle of nowhere. if you do not think they will invent 858 new ways to have sex, probably publish a new Kamasútra for queer pirates and publish it in hard binding and sell it at the inn's gift shop, you're wrong

#gentlebeard #blackbonnet #ofmd #idk what we're calling them still? #they take turns #like stede said #like stede is defo a power bottom once he gets into it lol #and ed likes it when he takes charge like all the time #also they might not have the most adventurous hardcore sex but when you love one another trust each other and most importantly LISTEN to #each other and your partner's needs it's always a good sex #also stede is definitely an eager learner lol he won't have trouble finding ways to make his loving bf come

[allyriadayne]

“Once someone touched my jaw so softly I cried. Once someone held my hand so lightly I wept —” Sanna Wani, from “Meditation”, My Grief, the Sun.

#aegon ii targaryen #house of the dragon #hotdedit #houseofthedragonedit #don't let this fool you aegon likes it rough too #SO SORRY for the coloring of the second gif. the driftmark dark filter kicked my ass #the only touch he has experienced are from violence or from sex and like which is the kind of power he has over the serving maids :/ #alicent only ever touches him in anger and the rest of his family only see him as a wastrel #which he IS don't get me wrong but it's very 'if they see me like this; i will be like this' even if he wants to change (he doesn't) #so so so fucked up this thing about touch #ONCE SOMEONE TOUCHED MY JAW SO SOFTLY I CRIED #I AM THE BLOW AND THE CHEEK #mariana does things #photoset #alicent hightower #otto hightower #aemond targaryen #hehe i forgot #*hotd