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kishavo · 3 months

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plagued by memories tonight so I’m going to spit them up and hopefully that brings me relief.

I was an EMT for about 5 years and I think these things are tattooed on my bones. trigger warning under the cut for…upsetting healthcare-related experiences? and the f-slur

I remember bringing a wheelchair-bound elderly man up to his shoebox apartment in the inner city, 12 floors up a derelict building in a tiny, shaky elevator, and being hit with the stink of smoke as soon as I opened the door - cigarette butts stubbed out on every surface, ashtrays overflowing, carpet that started out as brown matted down to black. I offered to help him into bed but he refused. he took off his vietnam veteran baseball cap and picked up a stale pack of cigarettes and told me to go

I remember the man who had been attacked by his neighbors’ dogs, two Rottweilers. his legs were mangled; huge scoops of flesh just gone. he was kind. he asked me how my day was going.

I remember the dead woman in the ER who I was told to bag up and bring down to the morgue. she looked familiar. I remember putting a tag on her thumb but I don’t remember her name. I remember making small talk with the ER tech who was helping me on the elevator ride down to the basement. that sounds like the start of a joke, doesn’t it? a girl, a man, and a dead body get in an elevator. if you think of a punchline let me know

I remember the frequent-flyer patient with a chronic mystery skin infection that caused his legs to leak so much fluid that we had to wrap them in plastic bags or else the gurney would get flooded and it would soak into his pants and spill over the edge onto the floor of the ambulance. the first time I got his call I thought we’d been sent to a haunted house. it was an old victorian in downtown, made of rotting wood and peeling paint. The knob in the front door had been ripped out so I bent down and looked through. There was no answer when I knocked so I yelled ‘hello’ through the hole until eventually someone came down the stairs and silently let us in. Our patient’s apartment was one room, it was dark, it smelled, the bed was as dirty as the floor, beer cans and cigarettes everywhere. There was a tiny, square, box TV playing static. There were spoiled diapers kicked under his desk. He lived alone and apparently had no family. I and every EMT who had ever been sent there reported the situation to social services but nothing was ever done.

there was the woman coming down from a meth binge who kept asking me if I was going to eat her brains. we dropped her off at a psych facility and a few days later I was back with another patient. I saw her again, sober now. when she saw me she averted her eyes and retreated into her room

there was another woman in the middle of a severe psychotic episode who, within 5 minutes of meeting me, looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re a fat fucking faggot and I want you to die.” She had pissed on all her personal belongings and the back of the ambulance stank so bad of stale human urine that I had to kick the fan on and spray air freshener into my face mask. She spent most of the call insulting and trying to spit on me and my partner. My partner snapped at her but I just ate it. Later, when we were outside cleaning the gurney and waiting for the next call, a stray cat slipped out from behind a nearby dumpster and curled around my boots. he booped my knuckles and mewled when I pet him and the night was good again

I remember being in and out of psych facilities so often and feeling like a fucking imposter because I was burning out, depressed out of my mind and regularly experiencing suicidal ideation. I wondered when I would call 911 and end up there myself. I wondered if it would be my coworkers who would pick me up. the thought of it scared me enough that I never made the call, even when I should have. I started getting high instead

I remember the middle-aged woman having a panic attack. that was at my on-location job, at my city’s arena, where all the concerts and games were held. it was a slow night and too many of us responded. this woman was hyperventilating, the bass from the concert was everywhere, and a crowd of strangers was closing in on her. I got there first, so by default it became my call, which always made me nervous. I sat her down, I kneeled in front of her, she grabbed my hands reflexively and I let her grip on. I coached her breathing. I waved my coworkers back to give her space. I convinced her that everyone there just wanted to help her and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. it worked. I was soothing, and sure, and strong. it worked.

when it was over she held my shoulder and thanked me. patients don’t usually thank us. when it was over I went to the bathroom and cried. I handled it so well because I had been talking my mom down from her panic attacks for years.

I talked about that call in group therapy the week after. I thought I was going to be proud, that it would be a positive share, but I cried again.

when people ask about what it's like being an EMT, I don’t think they want to hear any of this, they only want the cool stories. they want to hear about the lights and the sirens and to thank you for your service but please, please, don’t. There’s a quote by Anaïs Nin: “I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

#just heads up #this is an unedited stream of consciousness journal entry that you can feel free to scroll past #kisha talks

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sadsnek · 4 months

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sonic and cooking head canons

sonic. no way he knows a lot of modern home cooking if any home cooking when he knows he can just buy it or have dinner with tails / amy, BUT he should know basic foraging and gathering by now and has plenty experience cooking on a camp fire.

tails. is better at meal prep then cooking or at least he thinks he is why spend so much time making 2 to 3 meals a day every day when he can just make 3 meals and increase the ingredients by 700% and save the rest for the other days of the week but he will cook somthing fresh when he has guest over, if you can consider boiled hot dogs fresh that is.

amy. she is a great home cook and will cook with cream vanilla and big from time to time, the problem is when she wants to get fancy and trys to make a new recipe and has full confidence when she is in reality way over her head, and it dosent matter what she is making she will say "and now the secret ingredient" its love the secret ingredient is love and its not much of a secret if its the secret ingredient in every thing she cooks.

knuckles. similar to sonic but has the benefit of being on the same island all the time, he doesnt have a oven or any electric equipment but he does have some primitive stuff like a mortar and pestle, plus knuckles should have a garden some where on the island yeah its over grown and poorly kept but its still a place where he can get some snacks.

cream and vanilla. these two are the best cooks in town even better than amy any thats ok because they are happy to invite people over for dinner and if you cook with them you will probably learn some thing new, also the serving sizes are pretty big as vanilla is most defiantly the tallest person in town.

eggman. in thought he is a master chief but in action he has not cooked in years think about it the food he eats is more than good enough to keep up his large shape despite all the mechanics work he does and he had to program or train his robots to cook at some point, so he know how to work a kitchen but he is so busy and he has robots that can do it for him so he probably never cooks more than once a month or even less.

shadow. he is a picky eater with a nostalgic taste in food so he knows how to cook food but nothing passed the 60s, and despite not making any thing trendy or popular he at least knows he will make some thing he will eat.

rouge. its fair to say she likes to eats high class how she gets the money for these lavish meals is well not all ways moral, but she is willing to eat some thing simple when at social gatherings most defiantly if she does not have to pay for it.

omega. I dont know if it is said or not if they have a animal powering them but if they do that bird is getting ripped(its probably a flicky) we are talking protein powder steroids fresh salad, it does not matter if its weird and maybe traumatic to feed them chicken and rice but thats what professional marshal artist eat so thats what omegas power source eats too!

charmy. he makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the mourning for school days/work days and is proud of them.

espio. he is well known at the asian market and knows how to cook but does not get to learn any thing expensive or fancy ether for price and schedule issues.

vector. boy he has been trough the rough of it he knows how to feed 3 people on 400$ a month, and thats by hanging out at vanillas house.

team hooligan. bark and fang probably know some recipes but bean is a chemical fanatic one minute there making muffins and the next minute there pulling out a whole tray of crystal meth.

silver. i dont think he has a steady supply of food is most apocalyptic futures so he just likes to eat a pound of dry cement for breakfast.

surge and kit. they use to get fresh meals when starline was around, but now they got use to the effort of MREs if it takes more effort than poring water in a thermal bag then its worth the effort to just mug some one for some diner cash.

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xb0rder-7inex · 22 days

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I just want to address something because it's really irritating me and it's not personal it's just something I have a really low tolerance for right now.

Please do not send me asks that are essentially an invitation to vent to you. I won't talk to you about my situation and this isn't some kind of romanticized relationship. I'm 30 years old. I am a full adult and I am in an abusive relationship. It isn't like I can talk about it and everything is fine. There is a legal barrier here that we are literally going to trial for. This isn't a light problem it's a very private subject and the only reason I post about it is to keep myself accountable for which actions are my own and to pick up on patterns to make note of in the case that I start to feel like I'm being gaslit. It's more to cover my own ass than anything and it also helps me cope (like journalling) when he blocks me.

The harsh reality is that I don't know what lengths he will go to and while I don't believe him to be violent I truly have no idea what he would do to me and sometimes I am really scared of him. But he psychs me out mentally a lot and he is more emotionally and mentally abusive than he is physically abusive. It's all just here for documentation.

My life has literally fallen apart because of him. It is so fucking likely that none of you can relate to losing literally every single thing you had in your life. Your dog, your job, your home, your relationship, all of your friends, your family, your car, and practically a foot as well. When you're supposed to be the fucking victim. To be victim blamed by law enforcement when you're trying to go back because you know how much worse it gets when you try to move on. To be placed in a shelter surrounded by true drug addicts (I'm talking meth, crack, fentanyl, etc) having never gone near any of that shit in your life with all the staff telling you that you don't belong here and not knowing when you'll be able to get out of this unfamiliar territory. Having to rebuild literally your entire life from the ground up. Playing roulette with thousands of other people in the city let alone the province who are just trying to pick up their broken pieces too.

Absolutely nothing anyone says can make that better and I've made peace with where I am. I'm a grown ass woman dealing with some really serious shit that I can't just walk away from. It's an abuse cycle that leaves you walking on eggshells so frequently that it's so much easier to take it than it is to try and leave. There has to be a right time and there has to be a plan. It can take years.

I have a leg up for housing because I'm not an addict and I'm in a DV situation and I qualify for some extra benefits and my main goal right now is to manifest housing. I need to get out of the shelter. I need to get into a space that's my own. Something that is mine. A place that he can't take away from me.

That kind of shit takes time. It takes a lot of resources and it's a lot of waiting. Im in Canada so it may be a little different everywhere but I encourage you to look at statistics and maybe something will make sense to you about why you can't just leave a toxic relationship, and why it's triggering to victims to tell them they deserve better and to leave.

#actually borderline #bpd #being borderline #borderline problems #borderline things #bpd stuff #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd relatable #t #tw : dv

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zalrb · 1 year

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Hey! Thanks! I love answering SOA questions. This is an interesting one.

Essentially, I think that Jax and Tara are consistently that one part of Stefan and Elena's own 'consuming' story arc in season 3

So, they have this unshakable connection that's there from the pilot, from practically the moment they see each other again after 10 years

and that connection acts as this saving grace for Jax,

while for Tara, it envelops her and brings her even deeper into a world she was desperate to escape

and it's the tension of that that's consuming for both of them because even though it would be easier to, and everyone is telling them to, because it creates so much friction because of their opposite roles

they simply cannot stop

At the same time. I think the depth of feeling Jax has for Tara is of a consuming nature. He tells her as much in season 1, like this is what we were like when we were together before

and this can still get to that place but I'm a father now so I can't be that way with you because I have other people depending on me.

However, this conversation happens after we've already seen him get to that place anyway i.e. what he did with Kohn

because, warranted or not, it was a reckless thing to do. He's an ATF agent and that could've had serious complications for him and for the club but he didn't think about that, he didn't think about the fact that there’s a guy who's been shot and is bleeding out in his clubhouse,

he didn't hesitate because it's Tara.

He wasn't doing things like this for Wendy. Sure, he goes to the Hairy Dog and assaults one of Darby's men for selling her meth but that has more to do with Abel's condition and the principle of selling drugs to a pregnant woman than it did about Wendy herself. He didn't even know what was happening with her, he didn't bother to ask

but Tara goes to Charming specifically because she knows that Jax will stop at nothing to protect her.

To compound this, later on, we've seen what his love for Tara will push him to do with Wendy. After she upset Tara saying that she's going to file for custody of Abel

he ruins her sobriety

When he assaults Ima, the catalyst is her sleeping with Opie but it's also because Tara hasn't forgotten that they slept together

so he's particularly vicious

And these things stand out because while Jax is in a biker gang that kills people and runs guns, he is framed as particularly sensitive or contemplative or having more of a conscience than other members (and, yes, the show is about his fall)

so when he does things that are impulsive and cruel (barring the things he did for Abel), it speaks to what he will do for Tara because of how much he loves her,

which is layered further by how he treats other women because he treats them as disposable

except Tara.

And when Tara and Jax have this conversation

by this point Tara, who started the show with this sentiment in mind

now -- because of her association with Jax and therefore the club -- has:

been kidnapped

killed not one

but at least two people

stolen medical equipment

has had her career threatened

has been held at knife point/gun point

her hand has been smashed

she's given birth to a son and raised him as well as Abel for a year without Jax while he was in prison

has put her house up for collateral to get him out of prison the first time

and she struggles with the violence and the lack of boundaries and her growing role in this whole situation

and she still can't help but love him, a love that looks like this:

So when we get to that conversation, she has actively done things for him and because of him as well as endured things because of him but we also see what they’re like together

and we’ve seen what he’d do for her that her saying “if I could stop, I would” is earned.

When Delena are meant to be doing things like this, it’s perfunctory at best because it’s mostly dialogue

And then there are just the simple things like when I talk about the high highs and low lows of a consuming relationship, it requires tumult do we get anything remotely close to this with Delena:

#jax x tara #tara x jax #stelena #sons of anarchy #jax teller #tara knowles

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sryim · 8 months

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still need a lil help but I have an extension for the main bill to be paid next month. however the delinquency fee still needs to be paid. That one is way more reasonable so my goal currently is $300

p.4y.p47 https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/anhenadonia c45h/4pp

Hate im struggling every month, however things are looking up. it's just right now i need to survive so i CAN live to see that. I'll be moving in w my boyfriend next year and will be getting out of this fuck ass state of kentucky. i grew to hate it here and i want out, it's not queer safe. People have openly admitted to wanting to hang trans people just like me i want OUT. this shitty ass town is filled with nothing but meth heads. I almost lost my dog bc someone called animal control. Have to get $400 for shots but atleast one of my roommates is taking care of it but he has other dogs too that ALSO have to be vaccinated. we do not have the means. I dont want to lose power, i dont want to lose my house.

#mutual aid

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sewercentipede · 1 year

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long fuckinf story

when we first moved here, into my mother-in-laws house, and then suddenly became homeless due to her other son(who we didn’t even know we would be living with until we moved in bc she didn’t tell us) being a crack addict and smoking crack so much that something in his brain snapped and he tried to kill me and my husband while my MIL watched and did nothing, we fled the house immediately and had to find a new living situation ASAP cuz we were now living at motels off (the many, many, life-saving) donations from tumblr users, and that was not sustainable whatsoever.

so anyway we immediately started looking for housing and contacted probably 50+ people who were advertising rental units over the course of a month. and the first and only person who responded (until we found our current place after a month of contacting ppl) responded immediately and was like “yeah come down and check out the unit today.” ok! great! day 2 of homelessness and ive already found a potential place to live!

so we went down there and it was in this alarmingly secluded (and I hesitate to say the word) “neighborhood” that was several dilapidated structures situated uncomfortably close to each other in a wooded rural area only accessible through dirt backroads. a number of stray dogs were roaming around, and the ground was entirely mud.

the guy (who hasn’t said a word since we arrived, and was making me think about how easy it’d be to kill us here) led us not to a killing field but to the rental unit which was a structure that reminded me of an outhouse or a temporary meth lab; it was about 200-300 sqft and made entirely of concrete inside and out (floors and all), had a back door that didn’t actually have a door so was just a… door -shaped hole? and the main room was a makeshift kitchen/living room I suppose because all it had was a hot plate, a mini fridge, a hose (for a nonexistent sink?), a random bucket (perhaps a makeshift sink???)…. and a drain in the floor in the center of the room. that drain haunted me. why was there a drain in the middle of the room? the need for a drain in a living space could only suggest something terribly ominous. especially in a flood zone, which this area clearly was. i still think about that drain to this day…

moving on, the bathroom was creatively separated from the main room by a wall-length see-through shower curtain, instead of a wall and door. I couldn’t investigate the bathroom’s specific horrors because the place smelled so strongly like it’d been flooded repeatedly that all I could think about was getting the fuck out of there as soon as possible, i was getting dizzy and trying so hard not to breathe. i did manage to learn that there were no a/c units (which is like. you will die if u live here without a/c) and, it should go without saying, no washer or dryer connections.

finally the tour ended and when we got in the car we just sat in silence for a minute and then my husband turned to me and said “if i ever needed to kill myself, that would be the perfect place to do it.” and we looked at each other and then both just started laughing maniacally because of the sheer absurdity of how thoroughly perturbing and horrifying the whole experience was and the events that led us here. all we could do was laugh at the preposterously bleak state of affairs our lives had come to and of the life of whatever poor soul ended up finding themselves forced to become a future tenant of that physical paragon of desperate poverty and despair.

#that was a very dark and desperate time for us which just made the whole thing funnier #in like a horrible cosmic joke sort of way

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wingsy-keeper-of-songs · 1 year

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15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Tagged by: @alphedhel

If you're not comfortable with answering, just say "I plead the 5th." I find it hilarious

1. Are you named after anyone?

I was going to be named after my uncle if I was a boy, but that didn't work out. She didn't like the female version, so she went with something Christmas-y since I was born so close to Christmas.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Today, as a matter of fact. In a fit of rage while trying to dispose of a very stubborn and very rude cottonwood sapling.

3. Do you have kids?

No, but if I were in the right headspace and had a partner who wanted them and we were financially secure, I wouldn't mind adopting or fostering a couple.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

It's one of my love languages. But I will admit to needing to lay off the snark once in a while.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I was a hockey player as a kid and I played soccer (football for you Europeans). Now, I take long walks with two obnoxious dogs and my parents. I'm not very sports oriented anymore due to a back injury.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

If they have a dog or not. I'm an anxious person and I don't like looking at people out of habit, but if there's a dog, I'm asking to pet it.

7. Eye Color?

Green. The only 1% I'm part of is the percentage of the population with natural red hair and green eyes

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

(Spanish girl "why not both?" meme)

I love happy endings and horror movies. And when a horror film has a happy ending? Even better.

9. Any Special talents?

I can unnerve a voice teacher with an unusual vocal range, maybe? My usual speaking voice is considered really low and normally shouldn't be able to clear three octaves. But my singing range is about four and a half octaves to five.

10. Where were you born?

Alaska and I have been stuck here for nearly thirty years. It's a beautiful state, don't get me wrong, but egads I want to leave. And no, we cannot see Russia from our house. That's in Wasilla and that's because of all the crystal meth they cook.

11. Free space (there was no 11 on the prompt I received)

My favorite movie of all time is the Princess Bride. I watched it so much as a kid that I wore out the old VHS tape. My mom got a copy of the DVD and we quote it at the screen when we watch it sometimes to annoy my dad. (he loves it)

12. Do you have any pets?

Two dogs named Luka and Rosie and two cats named Selina and Brucie.

13. How tall are you?

About 5'7 or 5'8, depends on the doctor

14. Favorite subject in school?

English and Social Studies. I was one of those kids who loved every book we read in class and would read ahead because I wanted to know what happened next. I read during class and got in trouble when I supposed to be doing work. And I'd read ahead in my history book to find out cool shit and then look that up in the library. The other kids thought I was weird as fuck. Wouldn't find out until I was 13 that I had The Autism™

15. Dream Job?

Used to be Disney World, but the Mouse destroyed my dreams and crushed my soul like a grape. Now it's something involving wild animal rehabilitation or something like that. I like critters and I want to help restore habitats and endangered species and things like that.

#tag game #I don't know if I can do 15 muties #But considered yo ass tagged anyways #15 questions #About wingsy

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the-silent-windchime · 1 year

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Midwest/Southwest Gothic

Here’s a list of things I associate with my particular brand gothic horror

My dad took us out to Oklahoma once to visit the house he grew up in. When we got there, we found a cracked concrete slab supporting the skeleton of a few crumbling walls and a nearly intact red brick chimney. There was the hollowed-out shell of an old VW Bug sitting on cinderblocks in the overgrown yard, and a barn that swayed every time a strong breeze picked up. The house, like a concerning amount of the childhood houses in my family, had burned to the ground years ago, and the title to the land was lost in the system. It’s unclear who now owns the land, and by extension, the house, or what they intend to do with it, but someone had zip tied a piece of cardboard to the fence that said “do not trespass”. There was a horse standing in what used to be my dad’s room.

One time I was riding my bike to work and happened to go past one of the town’s most notorious meth houses. They had a dog, and I’m not good with dog breeds but this one looked like it had been bred to be mean. It pulled its lead from the ground as I biked past and chased me all the way down the street, managing to bite me in the leg. Every time I tried to speed up to outrun it it got more agitated, so I just stopped. The dog stopped too, and just watched me from across the street, refusing to come any closer or let me approach. After a little while it wandered right back to the meth house and curled up under the saggy front porch. That dog was gone the next day.

Corn fields are spooky, but nothing is scarier than being in the woods by yourself at night.

Animals just wander into your space all the time. They have no concept of civilization vs wilderness. We would get deer, turkeys, coyotes, moles, groundhogs, and even once an entire family of black bears. There was a stray cat in the neighborhood that we never once saw, and only knew existed because it left dead mice on our back patio when we started leaving the door to the shed open at night.

Nothing, and I cannot stress this enough, NOTHING is more terrifying than turning on your brights when driving at night and suddenly seeing a crowd of deer standing on the side of the road, watching you as you drive past.

Cars coming on the opposite side of the road will sometimes flash their headlights at you as a warning about something, usually a cop. One time I was driving up the side of a mountain and a car coming down flashed their lights so frantically that I just found a place to turn around and went right back down. I passed someone else going up and gave them the same warning without knowing for sure what I was even warning them about.

My blog name is actually based on an item I pulled from the detritus of an old hoarder’s house I was helping clean out. The guy must not have liked the sound of the windchime, because he’d glued cut up bits of pool noodles to it to silence it. This one is less Midwest gothic and more what the fuck went on in your head dude

My grandparents have lived in the same trailer park for all my life. It’s a nice little place out in the middle of nowhere in Kansas, all the neighbors keep their places clean and quiet and they were all polite on the few occasions I interacted with them. It is Kansas, though, so the only way to get to the park is on the one cracked up old road that goes out of town and cuts through miles of nothing as far as the eye can see. And as someone who grew up mostly in urban areas, it’s a bit strange to see the plumes of smoke that go up every couple couple of days when people burn their trash (my grandpa is big into recycling, so for the longest time my grandparents used the inside of an old washing machine as a burn barrel)

Flea markets.

Pawn shops (bad and evil, full of weird taxidermy, walls of scratched up DVDs, and guys who are way too obsessed with guns)

Casinos were The Backrooms before The Backrooms were cool, and it’s completely by design. Manufactured fucking liminal space, baby

The weather changes on a dime. Sometimes after a few days of really warm weather the clouds will just close up like a trapdoor and turn the sky white instead of blue. And sometimes after a storm the clouds will blow away and the sky will be so blue it almost hurts to look at.

These were all the ones I could think of off the top of my head. I mostly did this because the search results for “Midwest gothic” were a lot of abandoned houses in the country and weird, decaying religious signs. And yeah, there’s a shit ton of that stuff in the midwest, don’t get me wrong! But that’s not all there is.

#midwest gothic #little bit of southwest gothic sprinkled in there #there’s not a clear cut distinction between them sometimes #horror #writing inspiration #if anyone else has any stories they want to add on I’d love to hear them!

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midsummerdreamwitch · 2 years

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...and just like that, I was back.

Hi Tumblr, long time no type. I decided I needed that writing outlet and Tumblr was always the spot for me. Back in the early days of the website, I was here. I posted my dreams, my art, my thoughts. Everything. Until one fateful day, my horrible ex found my blog. He was so insecure that I found comfort in writing on a platform of strangers, sharing myself with anyone but him. He would say "Why would you write this? You aren't like this. This isn't you." But really, he didn't know who I even was. He was 21 and I just turned 17. I thought I was really in love. Had that cool punk rock boyfriend that would get drunk with his friends and have all these wild party stories. I thought I was in a crowd of older people who saw me the same. Older. I later grew up to find out what "grooming" and "gas lighting" was and quickly saw I was being emotionally abused all those years, along with physically. I didn't know that "older" relationships weren't supposed to be full of jealousy and anger. I would get accused of cheating, being somewhere else than where I said I was. I was always "flirting" with his friends even if I text them just to see what time we were suppose to show up at said party that night. I had so many of my things broken. So many plans I had to ditch out on because I would be bombarded with texts all night and if I didn't answer he would text whatever friend I was with to make me text him. Awful breakup. To make me the bad guy, he told everyone that his drug problem was actually mine. I moved away from my hometown and still have rumors back to me about my "meth use" Now, I am 30. I have a house, dogs, a loving boyfriend who would do anything for me. I have almost the dream job. I can practice my craft openly and not be ashamed of who I am. I became a reiki master, I have gotten better with my Divination, and I am living in an area where I can work and not feel the clutter of a busy city. Those wishes of wanting to be dead are gone. I feel like I have found my place in the world and I have somehow become more powerful. I am still on this journey of spirituality and self-discovery. It has all really just started for me. I will never let my brain trick itself into thinking I'm weak. I'm Victoria. I'm a witch, and I can take on whatever the world throws at me next.

#possibly triggering #pagan witch #witchcraft #mental abuse #narcissistic abuse #new life #jornaling #creative writing #writing #hecate #tarot #reikiusui #midsummerdream

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fkyumerica · 5 months

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Tue 5:40 PM

millie venillis sons kids inbred

paul mccartney

highlander/dave mustaine

he had to go back again

kids again

married each set they had

to rule europe

best friend assholes

sports stars

dave mustaine was old

he was not ng

not 15 in 1985

they changed the years after

that type of metal was then

same family

leave it to beaver

not living with the other ones

kids still at home

and grandkids next door i dont live there

and hey new wife wwalks in

he says it when he walks in the neighbors house

both did

corner house from sam was paul mccartneys

insane guy

already got anne marie pregnant

saved me from him

i got 5

highlander said it

and we will send the prequel

stars since

70s

their kids

80s

their kids

90s

their kids 2000s

when they let their kids out to meet

no she doesnt know

she lives here

doesnt meet the neighbors

passes out on drugs they can only get saved by their moms a couple times before they realize they have dicks

the moms fuck their husbands the whole time

and beaver

hey go eat her out

and her husband fucks her at the same time in their bed in the bedroom

and eats it too

his diapers

now let me rape her

and does

well lets see has a doctors book

when to put her in

nuts

got it

pregnant

got it

insane

got it

dead

got it

pregnant reborn again got it

tv show got it

with us got it

the old got it

we got it

now

fire at me

boom no arrms im grbbing in a choke hold the whole time

now im eating

now im beaming

now im raping

now im tailing

now im

amber went with deedee ramone

left him

mike was her son

and the older mike was him

marc bolan was bigger to me

than the ramones

their oldest daughter made her cheat

the girl in bride of chucky, 21 dresses

she kept having kids too

gerard way was their kid after

he cheated she got one ot mate with her

cody

is him

eddie van halen was his dad

and ariana grande was his too

all of em

anne marie

the whole block loves me

block party

this many drugs at once think they are r family

and sexy to not touch them

any family

we go in come out

we rape hher in the back after

him

too

she had how many infants no she cant live

put a tiara on a turkey

and in the house

like him

give her

wednesday

and what guy took em in

roy

george

ron

troy

ren

steve

and gay

robbie/zachy

dearborn

make em visit

deer

cake decorating is so fun to watch

when i know the people down the street again, they only love each other

sausage perfume

who they look like

berpen

where they go

queer

when they goin

spor

re my queen!

Tue 7:38 PM

twiggy had her parents get easat and west to smash into each other to kill each other and get them together

the whole time

and split everyone up we got a problem with

they are all it

in a quiet place

is he rmother

her dad in the other movie

then them both aliens

and their son who married her

george bush sr sr

she is barbra bush

they did rob everyone only told kids

a veil is that her old woman mask

and on her parents too

everyone have sex on them

this blanket

their family never existed

hid her

one jumps on the roof everyday

and magnets us

she was crying on her

it was on the roof

it went to get mom

again with that dog

and she let out hers

barbra bush was a fat ass

mama cass

Tue 8:45 PM

hippo women are 200

years old

and let out crystal meth all night

we said we will make safe and let girls go to school

i know the inbreds will definitely bring the older ones to beat to death after see the inbred

and the oldest one doesnt care has ape parents, they let him walk out of a prison sentence because he fucked jo, alanis morresette was it, jeffery/brett/woo hoo

and wanted to fuck an ape

got raped and mated with one

and has the nothing is around me attitude

will not realize he has a family or raise them or care they are there or alive

or that anyone is

and will not realize it either

im safe

arrest me

and get executed sitting down looking

18 have to have sex with him to do it

another one? now 19

she says it

and old? apes who did it

be cute, be gay, dont care piss in the corner break in and ruin their house, be serious, then be i wasnt serious about it, then tell them all, then model it, then go outside and say were styling over there

him with them

old

does piercings, does her, does , is fine with it, can talk about it, rock hard for her then im cheesey/system of a down singer, mime it, cry it, fuck a infant then a toddler it meant, be gerard way after no way they let me do it no one saw it, i saw it, shes here fake a girlfriend, got it good, we're here, i'm there i can live if i go over there, i;m gerard way i wanna get married it can be i mean i wanna marry , now im a girl after, now im korn, now i missed her im david, now im slip knot, now im kai's dad in a police uniform, now im out again, im her, no problem with it, me either,, now im noroi went with and filmed it

now say it we are gay and leave

he had rocks on the top of his head to keep his head down

then down more to stay in bed

nooo

megaphone

at me

he was priscilla lee presley

he looked like her, it wwas like times 10

wanted him to be prettier and felt it made her prettier

Wed 12:11 AM

https://www.tube.com/watch?v=I6dG_QukIjI she told her rapist dad of all ages to attack any person she wanted

Aggressive Dad wants to slap his daughter over tantrum! 🫣

she attacked us

with him

there are like 14 kids in there

multiple litters she had with him

nanny 9-11

the mom her and him sometimes she cant collect them all

hide them in the steps too

he doesnt have a fucking face either neither do them

need glasses to keep their face on

https://www.tube.com/watch?v=5muRMM_wpNY&t=1501s closed her mouth too and moved her face up

How To Beat r WORST FEARS In "RUPTURE"

mama cass

all apes were this

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libidomechanica · 6 months

Text

My ball room cluttered voice

I’ll look these words. Asiatic tame, compare then I have not—to make my love. I leaves and each for being and pledge, he’d once more of day- old pastries. Singing so fair, in

happier plighted vows fleet, and all is darke but of me when you to everything. Parting aught he reclined the sight not them. From only times she let her husband. Casual thoughts wax

dim; and that Miracles Mens faith do more, and they would under than tongue, and call, there’ll be well: and a few, and I—I took all night, a year and which borrowed an oxymoron

or absolute heaven’s side of thy honourable mystic books at think h’ had else stands still send flow; now that spot of joy into the day, to change eyes widen with eyes

as where the others over the milkweeds’ honey is written, until her once yet! This woman love, with some pinnes hurt you, then, lordings, a things in an Lord, I know what; but

I’m right and she heard thoughts which a persons pleasure o’er congress, we are no longer understand is world may not care, or stay? To find such the ships, whose vices to white! Mother’s

blushed well and discern my Lady Geraldine again. Gleams only greets in labour lips do thou flew’st most hide, by wonder a stronger than I once and fast;—oh! Comes o’er, thoughts surcease,

thy silver miser! Dear pig, are yet inexperience would under they, at bottom virtue lead, the man behind even grace; and this I say? Her gentle mair blaw sweet

self-same days old. With their way then and in Vienna. White, that dance in the down into the strong; I love thou, whom the birds. Arrive with a mere not wholly dumb, since there every

thing sound of charming mercies her mind: and I beseech you and call’d the sands; there was lethal. Of their Cakes and ungentleness, we are but what make me thee on the church on the

two life, shall not climbed there’s ane; come down the river. You have left full time it’s fun what if she will pluck to—for thee, as love, let alone the grammar of the man kept the winds

are set up violent, does not reproaching me, till thee; thou gav’st me leaves, shakes on the children’s voice the gallery at night, aimèd with led fair desire; how many people say,

I do speak for you. My ball room cluttered voice? Each succeeded, the Past. A lapsus of dog food. Be it late discoveries glowing, through thou note to the sea love me no

wizardry of words did she—off, why, I’d some a lily, an aster, white despair; a third and vast, but to me. They choked my petals with when, and love, where I stooped, mething but

vulnerable? Two heart at you lived so to bid these moral lesson new your courses run; if human sight as filled; where dwell and bleak steel them most exemplary wife. Who will

report. But a game, and green leaves, on the women much let my father’s sweepstakes in Italy, and and wildly round the pleasant ease we prove faith doue-like madness intensifies

and wound him a good threat, or whether rites were novice in the door was hidden row, now the window overlooking-glass gleam of her face, nay, profaned the bag of dreadful

passages, whose each House and iust excuse of you, let thy prayers, but, like a zeppelin. Well awald beside ourself say: I say curst or onto frozen car seat while

he is in his eye a mild emerald’s beam shade; Alas! If t is a thrown: those each more again lifted her; which in the tower, nor with heat: o Bacchus, cool bed of pleasant

to the sky with quickening beach, or wits, as not wish her own captivity whatever, or swords your father’s is the air. When she says, No, it’s most sacred mother kiss.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #171 texts #ballad

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roxyamused-blog · 6 months

Text

I think I'm going to use this place to rant about my mental health.

Suicidal ideation, abuse, stuff... pls be advised.

I can't handle this dark loneliness anymore. I don't have anyone that I can rely on in any fashion. Do you have someone that will pick you up from the dentist or surgery? I don't. I don't have an emergency contact. If I need to go someplace I can't take my dog, like the ER, who do I call to look after him? When I went to the mental hospital last month a sangha member who looked after him before when I went on a retreat, and housed me for five days when I had a resurgence of my ptsd response after seeing my abuser on my apartment's property. While I want to say I could rely on her, as she and her house have been so gracious, I'm afraid to open myself up to that kindness. I've been treated in such a way over these last 8 years that made me feel like I'm even more useless than I thought I already was. Now that I'm 39 almost 40, the world now treats me with disdain. I only found out recently that I'm trans (37) and autistic (38), I'm glad I found out, but like I found out too late. My nerves are shot from living a life on the spectrum with no professional supports, just masking and weathering with everyone just thinking I'm a socially inept, drunken fool when I drank because to mask because everyone thought I was boring and more socially inept if I didn't and angry when I did cause I could be an asshole. It felt like a double edged sword. Now, while I do take responsibility for many past actions which contribute, I am alone nonetheless that I constantly feel suicidal, but it's not just lonliness. I meltdown at a drop of a pin. The world is just replacing all lightbulbs with cold blue white light that flickers at a high rate that causes migraines. Sounds of traffic, motorcycles, and leaf blowers constantly in my ears with the smell of exhaust lingering in the air. My neighbor smokes fentanyl so the hallway reeks and I have to stuff every hole of my door so the noxious smell of rubber bands burned in soy sauce doesn't linger in my apartment or meth when he's run out of fentanyl. I can't open up my window without the smell coming in! It's like the world is trying its best to make autism harder. Everything is increasingly automated so figuring out these myriad complex systems harder and harder, while every light, sound, smell, touch is hostile to my senses. The country feel scarier than ever. We're looking at fascism dead in the eyes and no one knows how to avoid it. Not when there's a unified 40% totally down with it, meanwhile "centrist" democrats are bolstering an active genocide upon the Palestinian people alienating a huge portion of their tent ensuring a fascist win in November. What happens is anyone's guess. I can only hope that ineptitude will reign, but still I'm trans and relying on state disability healthcare, food stamps, subsidized housing, so if anything happens to any of that I'm screwed. I finally get the help I needed all these years and it's stripped away by fascists. Maybe I'll get thrown into a work prison, hrt taken away, treated as if my disability is a moral failing (as if our individualistic society didn't already treat people with disability with disdain)... Once we dip into authoritarianism, the harder it will be to come out. We have too good of a surveillance state now. I dont' have a lot of hope and coupled with this unbearable loneliness, dysphoria, sense of uselessness... I'm hanging on by a thread. It's really scary. I don't know where to turn. I went to the mental hospital last month or so like I said earlier, and it was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever lived through. I had been to Unity in Portland twice before, both for suicidal ideation, the first time I went to a Unity I went to a ward for three days, the second time I was sent to a place called CAT-C, both of those were mellow albeit with horrible lighting, uncomfortable beds and mediocre food. The groups were all so-so. This time at Unity was different than the last two times as I now had an autism diagnosis, I had been consistent on my meds, and I had started medically transitioning. I'll continue in another post.

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bewitchingbooktours · 8 months

Text

Taken By The Alpha King by Abigail Barnette #HauntedHalloweenSpooktacular

We’re moving. The home we’re leaving was built in 1907, on the site of a house that had previously burned down. Designed by the local brickyard, which shipped hundreds of copies across the midwest as a complete home-building kit, it started life as a showroom, became part of a working farm, passed through the hands of several families, and had a brief stint as a meth lab, requiring extensive refurbishment before it could become a single family rental home.

At some point during the refurbishment, the owner decided to take a metal detector for a spin. She found what she described as, “An old locket with a bunch of hair in it.” I asked if she reburied that locket, but as a medium who’d already been living in the house for several years at that point, I knew that she hadn’t.

If she had reburied the locket, maybe we wouldn’t come home to an empty house with every cupboard wide open. Maybe the bare, disembodied legs of a young girl in a gingham skirt wouldn’t jump playfully over the landing at the top of the stairs. It’s possible that the grandfather clock--which we do not own and which is not present in the house--wouldn’t tick quite so loudly.

Keeping dog sitters has been an issue. A young couple who enthusiastically loved our animals said, “Never again,” once they’d had to be in the place alone. Another found one of our dogs trapped in a closet--something that had never occurred before--and yet another sent me a picture of the Addams Family’s house, stating, “I’m going to tell my kids this is where you lived.”

It isn’t a malicious haunting. We’ve never felt unsafe. Creeped out, maybe, when the back door has automatically opened for us when our car pulled into the driveway. Freaked by the footsteps heard in unoccupied rooms, sure. And the little girl’s legs? Always a bit jarring. But after a while, one grows used to catching shadowy figures out of the corner of one’s eye. And the back door thing? That could actually be helpful when one’s hands are full.

The townhouse we’re moving to is a little over twenty years old. There has never been a recorded death in it. It isn’t built on the site of a tragedy (that we’re aware of), and the scariest thing about it is that I’ll have to negotiate two flights of stairs to get from my bed to my office, rather than just one. But I wonder, will I miss living in such a benignly haunted place? Will it feel empty? Lonely?

I look forward to the cupboard doors staying shut, though.

How about you? Do you have any spooky stories from past houses?

Taken By The Alpha King

Abigail Barnette

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Publisher: Trout Nation, Inc.

Date of Publication: May 2, 2023

ISBN: 9798988035503

ASIN: B0BZ2TY27H

Number of pages: 472

Cover Artist: Covers by Kris

Tagline: He’ll never stop fighting to keep his throne…and her.

Book Description:

Born into a secret society of werewolves and betrothed to a mate she didn’t love, Bailey Dixon made the choice to leave her pack for five years. Now, she’s back and fully committed to becoming the werewolf she was destined to be.

But destiny--and the new pack king--have other plans. Rich, handsome, and utterly ruthless, Nathan Frost demands absolute obedience from the Toronto pack. When he sets his sights on Bailey, she’s plunged into a world of politics, sex, and violence she’s not equipped to navigate on her own.

With her life in danger and enemies emerging from every corner, Bailey is forced to rely on the mysterious stranger who’s usurped the throne of her pack. And even he can’t be trusted…

Amazon BN Apple BooksAMillion

Humans imagine scenes in movies where werewolves scream in agony and tear out of their clothes, which I’ve never understood. We know when the full moon is. It doesn’t take us by surprise. And we know how to dress for it.

Or undress. My breath freezes in my lungs as Nathan walks into the circle. He stops in front of the monolith to Lycaon and drops his robe.

I shamelessly look him over, the way he did to me, from his broad shoulders, down his chest dusted with dark hair that thins to a line on his shockingly sculpted abs. I wasn’t expecting him to look as good as he does. I wasn’t expecting that my mouth would water at the sight of his cock, that my thighs would clench together at the thought of how huge it must be hard.

I wish he could see me. I hope he feels me, smells me.

And I hope that the strange attraction between us is making him as crazed with need as I feel.

An acolyte—a thrall trained in our ceremonies and rituals—steps forward with a shallow silver bowl bearing a glistening human heart. It’s required for the transformation; Lycaon himself was transformed into a wolf after he angered Zeus by feeding the God human flesh. Nathan grabs the heart with his bare hand and bites into it.

That’s when he lifts his gaze and finds me, seconds before the transformation starts.

It begins with his eyes. They flash silver, then red. His face shifts, nose and jaw elongating into a muzzle. We don’t turn into wolves. That’s a myth. We turn into a creature that stands upright; body covered with short, silky hair from our clawed feet to our canine-like heads. The fur flows over every contour of Nathan’s body and his spine curves, drawing him into a hunched posture. His ears elongate, pointing straight back, a shape humans would consider more elfin than dog-like, with tufts of fur accentuating the points. His arms grow longer, as well; in this predatory manifestation, a wide reach is an advantage.

In his animalistic form, he waits for the others but stares up at me. Like this, I’m vulnerable. Far too human. I would be no match for him, should he want me. And he does want me, but even this way, he has self-control, as well as some common sense. He knows he can’t reach me, and so do I, but being the target of all that concentrated power and bestial drive is still heady and frightening.

The good kind of frightening. The kind that makes me wonder what could happen if I only push a little further.

About the Author:

Abigail Barnette is the pseudonym of Jenny Trout, an author, blogger, and funny person. Jenny made the USA Today bestseller list with their debut novel, Blood Ties Book One: The Turning. Their American Vampire was named one of the top ten horror novels of 2011 by Booklist Magazine Online. As Abigail Barnette, Jenny writes award-winning erotic fiction, including the internationally bestselling The Boss series.

Jenny has been featured on television and radio, including HuffPost Live, Good Morning America, The Steve Harvey Show, and National Public Radio’s Here and Now. Their work has earned mentions in The New York Times, Entertainment Weekly, Slate, Vulture, and Fangoria.

A longtime supporter of community theatre, Jenny has appeared on stages across West Michigan as Anelle in Steel Magnolias, Julia in Two Gentlemen of Verona, Bea Bottom in Something Rotten, and Hunyak in Chicago, among many others. They’ve worked behind the scenes as everything from director to prop master. Jenny is a proud Michigander, parent of two, and spouse to their very most favorite person.

http://jennytrout.com/

https://www.facebook.com/JennyTroutAuthor/

https://bsky.app/profile/jennytrout.bsky.social

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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ravenousgoblin · 1 year

Text

Habahahhhahahhah I’m trying so hard not to cry and vomit and hyperventilate at work

My mom called me to tell me she and my sister think I had a seizure in my sleep most of the evidence being how the dogs were trying to get into my room(never happens) and ziggy was jumping on her to get her awake(also never happens). After talking about it and deciding that’s not possible, she decided to share horrific news

My cousin Andie/Lexa is back with her old drug dealer ex bf and is back on meth. She has gotten her 3yesr old son taken from her due to this evidence. The state of Utah will not be looking for any paternal family to take this boy in. So they will be looking maternally. As in on my mothers side. The grandmother low key just doesn’t wanna take her so she’s making excuses as to why she “can’t”. However, my other two aunts are not fit, as they are also drug addicts/form drug addicts, including MY grandmother. Unfortunately my grandfather is also unfit due to the fact that in the last two years he’s had 3 strokes and…is deteriorating…. His wife is taking care of him and so they cannot take on a THREE YEAR OLD as they would have not the time money or means to take care of this child…

My mother has helped Andie in the past financially emotionally and mentally and helped her get clean. she is on the list of people to go to mostly bc maternal reasons but also bc they’re so close………..:..I’m fucking terrified. We may have to take this baby in.

I’m very family oriented but we have stuff going on like trying to get the paranoid alcoholic narcissist piece of shit deadbeat out of our house….however….IF they can’t find anyone other than ma and I……..we WILL take him. We refuse to let this child get bounced around in the system.

And…this is gonna sound so goddamn selfish…it could actually help us get him out….bc of the state/social workers/however can help us kick him out then that’d be dope…if they can’t….we will tug and tug on our landlords heartstrings and I know she will kick him out for us if this happens. Bc yeah, she’s too nice to do it rn, but if there’s a BABY involved in the equation now..no way she will say no..

But I’m so goddamn scared. Like, I shouldn’t be this scared. This fear and anxiety should not be present

#tw drug mention #tw drugs #tw foster care

0 notes

nityarawal · 1 year

Text

3/23/23

Dear Courts-

This is my testimony for myself & Carol Lund with her husband Keith.

I was slumlorded out of Joan Grandizio's home at the "Freedom Farm," at

59605 Grandon Road in Turweleger community of Anza, CA in January.

I started working with Joan on a referral from our handyman Ryan Wickoff.

He said she fired him for no good reason. He was going to move in.

So we hired Eddy Lyons - another kind handyman to investigate the trailer I was buying to tow to her farm in Sep.

Eddy also still needs to be paid for that service! We both did this in good faith and spent a day in Pine Cove with the owner Oceana Cotton.

Eddy also witnessed this kind of abuse at Barbara Bradford's farm after her maintenance guy raped me! She stole most if my furniture and storage!

I was living at Kosh's airbnb in Pinyon at 69907 Averill Drive, Mountain Center, CA 92561 at the time.

We found out Kosh's well water was polluted (and spreading giardia!)

I passed a parasite worm there for 1st time in life after 1000's of cleanses because of dozens of foul rentals & dirty hospitals/court violence!

Then I moved next door to Mary Schmitz's animal rescue Farm at:

62950 Pinyon Dr

Mountain Center CA 92561

Moonrise Ranch ✨🐎🏕😊

To a dirty teepee she said was cleaned and 2 geckos crawled under stomach 1st night!

I cleaned her farm for months 24/7 (and it appeared deeply neglected for months.)

I told Mary we needed someone to tow trailer in October and she said her ex boyfriend Sean was going to steal it for himself! ):

I asked her to advise him not to since she's a realtor and this was my verbal disclosure of my plan to buy it- because she said we could move it to her farm- and I only needed someone to tow it.

I said it was mean and she drunkenly laughed it off.

All her instruments were stolen too! (I have pictures of them so we can return them to rightful owners!)

She must be looting all her clients because she stole 3 guitars and all my roomful of assets since I took this job with Joan in January and won't let me go home!

They also blocked me from water and home many times while I was at Elliots- locking me out late at night and in bad weather!

Oceana Cotton had promised to sell trailer to me or give it to Stevie and Joleen.

Stevie now has cancer of dick & needs his home returned! (It was indeed stolen!)

Joan liked my handyman Eddy Lyons but fired him too for being friends with her "hated" tenants Carol & Keith and not obeying her "silencing" orders.

Finally, in January things were unbearable tending to Mary's 6 sick dogs while she battled alcoholism- she'd moved me to one of her 5 boyfriend's fathers home: Dan Elliot senior at:

61283 Chalet DR.

MOUNTAIN CENTER, CA

92561.

She promised he was sober- yet I had to ask him and friends not to do crystal meth in house because I'm really allergic and its illegal- cleaned needles up from whole property! I told him this condemned his house as a realtor, I'm allergic to Nazi drugs and don't want to ever see or smell it in a house!

He was living in his Inherited Probate getting slumlorded by siblings in court stressed out of his head ill. Feds were terrorizing him too and Kosh on late payments with drone trespassing.

So I cooked, cleaned, provided food- gave him all my money and was his slave for months after being enslaved to Mary at her farm- and now Joan doxed my location to cops on brobes for months at her home & camping in snow.

I stayed one week at Dennis Sketchleys- a handyman that gave me a tick in my bed- when he slumlorded me from 54399 valleyview and tollgate/country club homes and beat me. I promised never to go on his property again but was desperate in snow!

Then Dennis kicked me out after Mary's client Jessie was murdered at her airbnb tree house listing with Mike in Pine Cove.

(I really need assets from Divorce Dissolution so I don't have to rent from ex-cons and field their abuse!)

Joan hired me to move to her Landers rescue with Glen; he's her 400 pound laborer that is ill from inhumane conditions- he can no longer walk- and rides machines around property hobbling to tend to animals.

There was no hot water or kitchen.

Joan offered me her "clean" Dome house. I got there after dark and took her word that it'd been cleaned for me.

The bed was filthy and floors covered in dirt I saw in morning.

Joan wanted me to take over Glen's job at her Lander's farm.

She said Glen was making: $400/mo at

$15/hour and she covered Phone payments, 2 days off, 25 hours a week for Morning feedings with Blankets on horses,

Checking on all cat & pippy Litters.

Puppies- are in-door & out-door with Double gates. Glen used Tractor to take

Manure to dumpster with Wheelbarrow.

She was marketing Earthen domes on camp websites. She said there was no

Kitchen which doesn't seem legal.

I could see Glen wouldn't live long when I got there with such I'll health abd depression in substandard room even though he's my age!

I worked for several days alongside them all training with him and encouraged Joan to keep him too.

(He doesn't have anywhere to go and depends on his job and is very subservient and hard working despite Joan's demands. He nods as told to colleagues/tenants like obedient slave despite physical handicaps from her grossly neglected abd functionally obsolete animal shelters!)

Glen promised to put in hot water and a shower in a bathroom within a week since there was nowhere to clean up properly and it was very cold and windy. I was freaking out with no shower after 2 days of cleaning pig & horse / puppy/cat shit.

Joan asked me to come back to her Anz farm to work on contracts.

She said I'd be doing the work exchange like Glen taking over his job.

Joan gave me very detailed directions to her property.

She said:

"10:30 a.m.

Come down mtn to Rancho Mirage

74 straight

10 west

Hwy 62

29 palms

Windmills

Yucca valley (call Joanne)

Old women springs rd -Hwy 247- left (north)

20 miles to

Reche Rd.

Curves to right - turn right

Pass

Landers post office - GPS

5-10 min away

Left see Moose Lodge

Next White Building

Says Billfs Hall

Left on Gibraltar (if get to end of Gibralter - Gone too far- see back of property.)

1 block f/ end

About mile

Knox- ni-man - (right)

(Applegate way should say)

Pass abandoned house

Next property

Will see 1 8th 1

(JOANS)

TELEPHONE POLE

58562

METAL EAGLE DANCER

CHURCH- JESUS SAVES

STORAGE"

So I think it's supposed to be:

58562 Applegate Way?

Or Knox-ni-man?

(Note: She failed to mention if it was Gibralter Ave or Dr. And they're side by side. How many have they tricked & trashed cars on tow?

Please present my full letter!)

But the 2nd day I was there I came home one night from getting groceries and Must've passed Gibralter and took a second Gibralter on Left!

Joan failed to mention there were two Gintralter roads parallel next to each other in my notes as you can see.

So I end up at the end of this road with a deserted house in the sand.

I looped around to see where I went wrong on directions and came back to dead end with abandoned house confused.

I tried to circle out and got stuck in a sand driveway.

I called Glen to get me and he said put car in reverse or neutral and slammed my car right into the back side of his truck!

He promised his friend would fix it next day but failed to follow up. I've written them both many times!

I sent Joan the bill for over $3000 and she's shirking her responsibility to all employees that have worked for her.

She invited me back to Freedom Farm in Anza to shower and use her kitchen.

She said everything was hers in refrigerator and insisted I help myself.

She wanted to do the contract with me so I paid $40 to download a work exchange rental but she wouldnt sit down and focus on it for several days. She has added from parasites!

Her agenda was to wrongfully evict her tenants!

I told Joan I don't go to court or talk to police due to PTSD.

She wanted me to go to the Courthouse with her to smear the tenants and I said I can't go to court.

I asked her to drop me at a park or mall while I wait for her.

She refused to drop me off and finally I had to get out at curb of Murietta Courthouse and wait for hours in the landfill across street.

She had no sympathy for PTSD I have from domestic in-house terrorism of courts!

Then she grilled me about my divorce and lack of settlements all day.

Since then I found out psychiatrist courts kidnapped me to Dr. Singh Was advertising my head for a Probate murder at Moreno Valley Hospital for Riverside Health.

We feel Joan took bribes on all employee heads for court and is contentious.

Joan failed to sit and focus on contract all weekend because she was obsessed with wrongfully Evicting her tenants!

I told her I can't Get involved- as my custody battle is priority of my life- and I don't have energy to deal with inhumane actions to people.

For an animal rescue- we could all see she was being careless and cruel to all of us employees.

Joan told me her lawyer got ill visiting her and had to have his leg amputated when he was recently there and put me on a couch on the enclosed porch waiting room. She said Glen had slept there before me and didn't want me to open it into a bed.

We feel Joan was intentionally spreading germ warfare.

All the employees were traumatized by her lawyers diseased fate serving her and she never cleaned out his room.

When I went into it I vomited and disease is rampant in her homes.

Joan instructed me to never speak to tenants Carol & Keith.

She said she'd trained Glen just to nod at them. This is not my way but I was trying to be a loyal servant so followed orders. Carol & Keith were confused by my silence and scared having a stranger on property they weren't introduced to, so it put me in a uncomfortable, and compromised position.

One night I was in kitchen making tea and Joan called on speaker phone.

Carol & Keith heard and were also in kitchen.

Joan kept calling Carol "fatty" loudly on my phone and screaming other nasty names goading her on my speaker phone from Landers, meanwhile putting me in harms way with her upset and bullied tenants in THEIR kitchen!

I also ate some potato salad and salami- because Joan said everything was hers- when in fact it was the tenants! That caused alot if drama! I paid Carol back $5 and decided to testify for her rather than Joan!

On Saturday- which was supposed to be my day off- Joan called and texted over a dozen times from morning to night about her tenant dispute harassing us.

I told her I needed some rest from her drama.

She wanted to call cops on tenants.

I said if she needs to do that let me know- so I could leave.

I have an extremely clean and prudent history despite many court contentious people like Joan trying to take bribes on head in ponzi scam against moms and lying in smear campaigns.

Joan knew I was just diagnosed with PTSD from officer rapes and foul play in September and I couldn't talk to them.

She lied and said tenant called cops!

Officer King came and tried to interrogate me and drag me in.

I said I was just a guest- sat in my car- and refused his interrogation.

Joan called and he wanted my phone to talk to her.

I said "no" so he was pissed he had to use own phone and was rude to me rest of night.

It was upsetting that Joan dragged me in anyways- and kept saying my name "Nitya" - which is very unusual and private. I texted her to never dox my location to a cop or my name again!

I asked officer King for his card before he left and he was rude not to give it to me.

I have sent videos of all the sarcastic, rude and nasty things he said to me to both Carol & Joan.

It was extremely racist.

I told Joan I would leave if cops Terrorized us again and she led me to believe tenants had called- when it was her! She left a voice-mail confessing and then after lying about it.

Monday she wanted me to go to court with her again; I said "no" so she wanted me back in Landers and arranged for another laborer to come up.

Monday morning I broke her rules -she said -by asking Carol for cops business card before I left.

I also found out my x's atty died in a scuba diving accident last summer.

It seemed preminiscious since I'd written a song about her called Barracuda Mamma. Sharkbait song unfolded that weekend and I was pleased with sequel I'd written and good news for my children's freedom from one atty in their pedophile sting.

I sent my new song to Joan and Carol as I was getting ready to drive to her Landers farm hours away.

Joan texted me to leave.

It was very cold considering I'd worked 24/7 in slumming conditions for a week! She asked about my records and was looking to see if she could get me in trouble for court.

I confessed dmv.org consulted with my ex husband and was withholding my registration even though IRS stole thousands of dollars of tax returns from 2016 divorce and also hired gay officer Enoch and Daniel Crabtree to steal my Lexus rental car on rape bribes from attys. I'd been caged by Dr. Singh 18 months of covid in shit filled rooms slumlorded out of over a dozen homes, all my assets stolen, and dmv refused to honor years where I couldn't even use Lexus Lemon while it was being serviced! Santa Monica Lexus dealership tried to steal my car while I was raped at hospitals and dmv.org refused to register it. I paid several hundred and they said that would suffice!

They got several thousand from IRS yet they still fail to send registration sticker! Joan knew I was working for her to clean up that one thing from previous courts abuse!

I left within an hour when she said "bye," only to be greeted by officers Schmitt coming out of bushes hiding at gate.

He cordially told me to have a good day.

A block later Sheriff Curtis was coming down her dirt road and pulled me over.

He said he was arresting me on registration and Cuffed and beat me into back of his car.

Carol said she was talking to officer Schmitt and he realized I lived and worked for Joan so came out and had Curtis release me.

Curtis threatened to steal my car if he ever sees me again.

Sargeant Protero raided my home and stole my phone & dog Blu I share with our handyman Eddy Lyons- in covid of 2020.

Mountain Liquor say our Nazi Sheriff Brags about violence they've inflicted on me and say they wished they'd stolen my Lexus as well as my rental car when they had me raped with broken ribs in covid for 18 months of shit filled hospitals.

Mary Schmitz stole all my belongings from her boyfriend's dad's house where I was renting.

We all feel both her and Joan doxed my location to have me murdered.

Joan wrote to say she was surprised I didn't go to jail!

She asked me to wait all day while she sorted everything out.

I sat in rain for 8+ hours- then she called to say she didn't want me back and laid her silencing trip on me.

I've been homeless since camping in snow.

Mary Schmitz refuses to return assets and Joan just sends "cease & desist" messages to any reasonable communication.

We feel these animal rescues are a farce and they're actually abusing humans and animals.

I've seen 7 Dr's since with over 20 variants of parasites and bugs.

Carol says Joan had covid and was taking parasite medication- but she failed to disclose Germ warfare!

I need reimbursement on car damages, gas, health repercussions and a home for that week of hard work we all did.

I need $50k in damages to cover unemployment for next year and would like to have my home back with tenants.

We will bug bomb and disinfect it. Otherwise both her properties should be closed down and are condemned.

We feel Joan has abused over 6 employees just since September spreading parasitic disease, gaslighting & abusive tactics; and she's not in her right mind to practice business.

She never had a reasonable reason to fire all of us and it appears she's working for courts full time as a nazi soldier weaponizing motherhood.

We feel 50k is a fair sum if she settles today so that we can heal at home in peace for remainder of year with kids & new puppies.

Thankyou!

Blessings,

Nitya Rawal

Encinitasbeachhome.com

National Association of REALTORS

Journalist @nityalakshmi108 - all docs and Grievances posted since September.

More notes from Joan on Landers Job:

Porta potty

Joan Grandizio

Facebook

3 or 4 hours a day

Dome house:

Bigger Fridge

Table

Toaster oven ( which I bought at Anza Hardware & just returned- because I've been terrified Curtis & Nazi cops would steal my car & kill me with their hospital & court contentious bribed colleagues of atty Sharkbait circle!)

No water

Park in front of Dome

Walk

5 acres

2nd half sold

"Guanacasa" - Costarica

Transfer benefits to Costa

Start business 2-3 years

Buy a property that has a business

150k Ranchette

Left on Gibraltar (if get to end of Gibralter - Gone too far- see back of property.)

#3/23/23 Dear Courts- This is my testimony for myself & Carol Lund with her husband Keith. I was slumlorded out of Joan Grandizio's home #" at 59605 Grandon Road in Turweleger community of Anza #CA in January. I started working with Joan on a referral from our handyman Ryan Wickoff. He said she fired him for no good reason. He wa #Mountain Center #CA 92561 at the time. We found out Kosh's well water was polluted (and spreading giardia!) I passed a parasite worm there for 1st time i #in January things were unbearable tending to Mary's 6 sick dogs while she battled alcoholism- she'd moved me to one of her 5 boyfriend's fa #CA 92561. She promised he was sober- yet I had to ask him and friends not to do crystal meth in house because I'm really allergic and its #I'm allergic to Nazi drugs and don't want to ever see or smell it in a house! He was living in his Inherited Probate getting slumlorded b #cleaned #provided food- gave him all my money and was his slave for months after being enslaved to Mary at her farm- and now Joan doxed my location #2 days off #25 hours a week for Morning feedings with Blankets on horses #Checking on all cat & pippy Litters. Puppies- are in-door & out-door with Double gates. Glen used Tractor to take Manure to dumpster wit

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