#sorry i havent posted in a while ive felt like shit

[pensivebathtub]

troy!jerm bc i miss bway bmc (ft. mikey :3)

#sorry i havent posted in a while ive felt like shit #be more chill #be more chill musical #bmc musical #be more chill fanart #jeremy heere #bmc #bmc fanart #bmc jeremy #jeremy heere fanart #bmc michael #michael mell #michael mell fanart #boyf riends

[possiblytracker]

normal now and got polls apparently time to be funnyTM abt my entire month of radio silence on main

#IM SORRY. REALLY #i got back on meds like Today and went fuck yeah i should say on tumblr that im normal now #wait wdym i havent posted shit in an irl month #IT FELT LIKE LESS THAN THAT. HONEST. #ive been Catastrophically stressed over school while trying to chase down meds from 2 different doctors so ive been a little recluse #even after i said i could stop being that. rip #but i do legitimately feel better now maybe i just needed to die a little without worrying abt when i was gonna 'come back' super hard #tho i am still sorry for doing it without a word dhfvDH #if you sent me a dm a while back feel free to try again i would feel less terrible :cry: if not ill get back to you in a #little while if i remember #but. awagga

[meatriarch]

overview cont. i guess lmao. no one asked but its been something in the back of my mind for a while now & i got an anon tonight telling me i come off intimidating and i feel the need to just. make note of some things so that hopefully if anyone feels a certain way with how i run this blog then like. know and understand both my side as well as that my dms / disc is open for anyone to pop into -- just obv depends on the headspace at the time.

i know this is long & am sorry if it doesnt make sense but. just setting it gently out there.

but, again, my disc ( same as my url ) is open for any mutual. its open to shoot the shit. open for plotting. open for memes. what have you. i may not always get to every message. i may not be in the headspace for certain things or certain energies. but its open for anyone as long as we are mutuals & if handles are different between here & disc then i just get a heads-up abt who you are so i know lmao

likewise, i am fairly fucking slow writing-wise and alot of that is because of offsite issues chipping into me but also because most, if not all, of the things i DO have in the inbox or drafts are from my affiliates at this time ( tho i do have some more from the archive i need to move over from a couple people ). alot of my spoons and drive to write and post is because of the dynamics and plotting built between our muses. im not a blog centered on plotting but, it does help to have a better idea on how to navigate between muses c: esp for those technically outside of my kiddos' texas canon obviously. that being said, anyone is welcome to like any inbox calls i put out there. and my inbox is always open and accepting, even if i havent reblogged prompts in a while -- i have my tag linked on my pinned and its available always & for whomever. it just comes with the understanding that i may take a while to respond to them & they may not get as expansive as some of my posts can get with my affiliates; which again, is just simply from how much we've been building together that helps with that!

on that note. my connections with my texas pals are very dear to me. both ic & ooc. as i noted in my overview post, i talk about the dynamics we've built openly and freely here because theyre so integral to my portrayals. they & their kiddos have my entire heart and i unapologetically love having fun with them and going on tangents with them and bouncing thoughts off of each others posts on the dash.

my experiences in other corners of tumby rp have not been particularly kind. and its been a long time since ive felt comfortable especially ooc with writing partners. and i understand if i may come across closed off or intimidating or unapproachable. i understand if i also come across partial to them / play favorites because frankly... i am. i do. thats because they've built bonds not just between characters but also with me. ill be very transparent and say that i am very particular in who i get close with and that translates into here too. but thats also just something that easily can also happen with literally anyone. again i do understand if i come across closed off in any sense but genuinely? im not scary and i have options open for continuing to grow more connections with people c: theyre open always. what im not going to do, however, purely out of personal experience is chase after interactions. the last fandoms i wrote in i did so and it wore me down into my last hiatus. i will show equal enthusiasm to whats given. but i wont fish for it, either. its just not my cup of tea.

i like to think im fairly patient and understanding in a lot, probably moreso than i should in some cases -- sincerely though if theres issues know that im fine with it being brought up. but im also not going to be welcoming nor tolerate my boundaries being disregarded or disrespected, im already dealing with that with an offsite friend. not dealing with it here. i do not like feeling so uncomfortable existing on my own blog or in my own disc. and i get that already with my personal disc & this offsite friend in particular. im not dealing with it here too.

which on that note, i also wont be receptive with issues regarding what i post, what i talk about, who i write with, who i choose as affiliates or mains or w/e. my blog & my dash are my safe & comfort zones and these muses often help me alot with navigating when my headspace is at a fucked up level. if any of that is a concern yes youre welcome to come to me and talk it over but end of the day? my comfort & mental state is a priority to me. if thats ever an issue i truly would just recommend you do what you feel is best for you. everyone existing on this hell-plane are entitled on curating their space in whatever manner they see fit.

again. i promise im not scary. im not an ass. but i do curate my space to be in my best interest and at my age & experience across the 10+ yrs ive been rping on and off here, ive seen alot, heard alot, experienced alot. i do apologize however if i do come across unapproachable or intimidating. i do apologize if i seem closed off to only a select few. i dont mind if you follow / we're mutuals solely just to keep up with what i write! thats completely okay too and i thank those who are <3 but if i seem unapproachable i literally just gently gesture again to my disc or prompts tag etc! i welcome any to get to know myself or my muses. regardless of how much time has passed since following one another. just again, comes with the understanding that my social battery & headspace often does work against me. and thats not personal against anyone, ever.

#[ 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘦. ] ── * psa. #im hoping this all reads fine and w/e cause im fist-fighting with a headache rn but. #just to hopefully idk. make a few things known? i guess? transparency a bit? again i promise im not a scary person lol but i am just. #careful with alot of avenues. and i get this post is also fairly rigid in tone most of the way but im. pretty tuckered out by alot #and being known as like... intimidating is something i have personal issues with re: old friends offsite. so. trying to state what i mean #as direct hopefully as possible.

[katastrophic-n3vulaa]

hey this might sound weird but im currently writing a story that heavily involves talking about the experience of being aroace. i js wanna be as accurate and inclusive as possible so if you could share some thoughts or experiences you think should be included that would be literally incredible

(saw your comment on thediamondarcher's post and thought you might have some helpful words to say! i appreciate anything and everything your willing to share!)

thanks! <3

HI!

sorry i took a while to answer, life got in the way.

i think the experience of being aroace is different for every person, as both asexuality and aromance are spectrums, and being aroace is simply both at once.

my experience with love hasnt been extensive- i didn't like romantic love as soon as i started seeing others my age experience it, and when people described the 'feeling of being in love' i had never felt it. I'm not sure whether this is because i have trauma associated with people in a romantic relationship (my parents) or whether i am just like this- either way, i am human and i can feel all other types of love anyways.

Asexuality wasnt as hard to figure out. i have never liked the idea of sex, and i like the idea of me doing it even less. i'm basically disgusted by it.

as a note on that, some ace people need experience to rule out sex as a part of their active lovelife. I didnt, but its not the same for every person

I think there's quite a few hardships that come with being aroace, but because i never got into the dating scene before i figured out i was aroace, the experiences i had were lessened. there's still those people that are convinced i havent found 'the one' yet or i'm broken, and maybe thats true, but if i ever find 'the one' my relationship with them is still likely to be platonic.

enough sad shit! there are some upsides to being aroace: laughing at couples, hugs (all the hugs) and people not think im trying to steal their person.

i have had some friends that ive been in a qpr with, but mainly that was just being close friends for a while. not a serious one, especially not with my mental state before the end of school.

all of that said, it's different for every person. thanks for asking :D

#aroace #ace #aro #my experiences #thanks for asking by the way :D

[g0dtier]

the list that makes me and @dentist-brainsurgeon mortal enemies from now on i guess

extremely lengthy explanations under the cut:

i actually think the S+A tier speak for themselves?

S tier: the goats. im aware its full of third versions but they just happen to be extremely good and added some insane shit to already solid base games (ok diamond and pearl werent solid but the foundation was there). replayability is insane for these.

A tier: the Oh Fuck Yeah games. not in any particular order actually. hgss is absolutely the best remake of all, only held back by the few inherent flaws of the Johto region and by not emulating Crystal enough. as much as i like bw, reverting back to only one region of pokemon never sat right by me, but it's been a while since ive played it, and nowadays i make much more of an effort to try out all new mons. so i could change my mind on this.

i liked usum more than sun/moon, if only for the post game. replayability isnt as high because of the cutscenes every 3 steps, and rotom dex is annoying as shit. aside from that, insanely solid story & postgame imo. red/blue and gold/silver are brimming with weird places in their regions and are chock full of in game lore and legends, which i really like. the ruins of alph & pokemon tower are some of the best locations theyve ever made imo

B tier is the "good but couldve been better" tier. lets go is insane for shiny hunting, but it stops at that imo. the new rival is garbo. sun and moon are good, but the postgame + alola in general is just lacking enough in these games that they dont reach A tier for me. loveeed the island challenges tho. alola itself has just such a good vibe. you really feel like its about community rather than competition. legends arceus couldve been insanely good, but i have never felt as ripped out of a pokemon game as i did when i walked through that cave in the coronet region and started seeing stray pixels around my character. which wasnt a one time thing btw this happens to anyones game & every time as far as ive seen. its gonna sound dramatic but this combined with other graphics glitches made it so clear i was playing a game that it just took me out of the adventure entirely. this is where the graphics glitches really started, and they havent stopped since.

C tier: yellow is just kinda there? i dont care for starter pikachu. i want to, but it gets killed when breathed at, so. idk. the gimmick doesnt work that well for me. sword and shield introduced some insane mons that i love and i want to call it solid real bad, but the story was hot garbage even for pokemon standards, and while the wild area was a great idea, the execution was lacking & because what i assume is a time crunch, the towns were boring as shit as well. diamond & pearl are mediocre to bad, with a great story and mediocre to bad execution, and i shouldve put oras in the :( tier, but the postgame is worth it.

actually im gonna rant about oras. i was so hyped for it but, just, ugh. if youre gonna turn a 2d vague not-specified-what-a-character-is-doing-or-feeling player character to 3d, at least do it correctly. 2d sprites where someone can fill in the blanks not seen on screen but hinted at in text (ie expressions, actions like handing someone something) work infinitely better than 3d sprites who show it badly. also still suffers from the desaturation curse that the 3ds games suffer from. postgame was dope, though. shame the mega latis are ugly as shit.

:( tier: garbage, im so sorry. SV's only redeeming factor is the area zero story. there is nothing else in the game that held my attention. fuck the star team, fuck the big pokemon quests, fuck the towns where you cant talk to anyone or find anything interesting or walk into a house and where every shop looks the game. fuck stores not even having an interior anymore. fuck this larger but emptier and stripped down world full of graphical glitches. fuck the weak ass gyms, fuck geeta, and fuck terrastalizing most of all. i will die for Koraidon & the professor fight fucking ruled but that's all the game had to it for me. do any of yall remember the gym leaders besides like, iono and the snowboard man? no you dont, stop lying to me. gen I put more life into lavender town by making a npc reference some ghost hand on your shoulder than SV does for any town, and they only had black and white 32mb cartridges or whatever to work with. for fucking shame gamefreak. give your devs some time to make a halfway functioning game.

firered and leafgreen do nothing new. i will not discuss the sevii islands. what the fuck even was that. boring. same with brilliant diamond and shining pearl. theyre lower than diamond and pearl because why the fuck did they not decide to remake platinum. what the hell was their damage. seriously platinum was RIGHT there. i caught a full odds shiny ghastly in that game and i still dont care about it.

X&Y suffers from. everything.

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

#i just needed to get that out #dont mind my screaming #literaly ignore it its just me bitching about my job for the millionth time #im not even doing organizing tags so itll vanish into the interweb

[okthatsgreat]

HI LEE sorry you're bored.. hmmm okay. are there any of your ocs who havent interacted with each other who would be fun to throw together somehow? under what circumstances/in what setting would that be the most fun/interesting? and like. how would you picture the interaction going

OH MY GODD????????????????????????? lily u rule always ANSWER BELOW THE CUT!!!

DANGANRONPA CHARACTERS ONLYYY

sae is the oldest danganronpa oc ive got and also a teacher so if i put her in a room with any other oc she immediately becomes the Wise Old Mentor. ryobe especially treats her like that one pocket mirror michael jackson post where he asks "sae should i get the meal or just the sandwich" and she so wisely from the corner replies "get the fries sonny ..... you will need the energy in the coming days 🙂" and ryobe tears up

WAIT STOPP HOLD ON I JUST REALISED THAT I CAN MAKE ALL OF THESE GUYS GO TO SCHOOL TOGETHER BC THEYRE ALL DANGANRONPA CHARACTERS ok yea so hopes peak is where they all meet. dr:50th are in their final years and billie is JUST starting out but sometimes hangs out with them bc yoshito invited her to their table after he saw her sitting all alone and felt terrible. she just does her homework with them LMAO

naomi goes and hides in sae's classroom soooo often because sae a) doesnt care to get in her trouble for it and b) can either talk so much as a distraction or just sit on the other side of the room and leave naomi alone for the entire period depending on what is needed. theres probably been multiple times where naomi has gone "ok i need to get to my next class thanks for letting me stay here ms sae" only for sae to wake up and go "oh....................... you were here? yea ok good luck in algebra :)"

they interact with each other already in canon but this just needs to be said. rie and yoshito form a study group early in the year and occasionally invite mika or naomi if they really need motivation to do better at school. yoshito and rie realise this study group is actually really good and slowly invite the others into it but the more people they invite the less productive it becomes until they eventually have created two study groups: one with their friends and one with just the two of them again LMAO

ANDDDD FOR FUN BECAUSE IVE BEEN REALLY INTO DND/DND-RELATED MEDIA. bringing my dnd characters into the mix with my danganronpa ocs is extremely funny and also i love giving my ocs dnd stats ALWAYS. grins :)

elese and erin (glamour bard) would be so fucking funny because elese is just sooooo immediately petty for no reason???????????? and pippy truly could not give less of a shit. like there is zero reaction to any of elese's passive aggressiveness. elese can be like "woowwww pippy... that song was certainly loud! 😃" and pippy would go "THANKS!!!!" and then minor illusion a bunch of confetti around the two of them while theyre trying to sneak through a dungeon

and while we're talking about elese i do think she gets instantly humbled by rie (eloquence bard/pact of archfey warlock) LMAO. they both have very similar means of persuasion and speak very noble-like despite elese being the only one actually from nobility, however rie is juuuuuuuuuuuust ever so slightly more persuasive. juuuuuuuust ever so slightly able to get people on her side with her charm (and the silver tongue feature). it drives elese a bit mad but she cant actually complain about it until the moment she figures out rie is a warlock and she throws her hands in the air and yells I KNEW IT (she did not know it). but then once she gets over this i can see the two of them bonding over quite a lot in their life i think :)

since we're putting the same classes together nowhere and sae (path of tempest barbarian) are also cool. cuz nowhere isnt necessarily one to repress her emotions, she just unfortunately has quite a lot to be mad at and BECAUSE she gets angry her magic tends to go everywhere. meanwhile sae absolutely spends a LOT of time going through the adventure thinking that she is a strength-based ranger because she absolutely refuses to go into a rage during battle. so he spends so much time thinking to himself "hmmmmm well i do hold the knowledge one might expect from a ranger but i am incapable of certain magical feats that rangers have.... 🤔 oh well guess i am a late bloomer 🙂", while also greatly assisting nowhere in rearranging her thoughts and where she's expressing anger. and then one day during some huge climactic moment sae actually finally rages and it's terrible for so many people and shes like Ohhhh Wait Nowhere Help. Hellppppp

putting tinni and naomi (scout and THEN phantom rogue) is like putting two scared deer together except one of them is actually for real a deer

OK THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW i love dnd/baldurs gate aus alwaysssss i do think however a few of these people would have a heart attack if a tadpole went into their brain but thats a problem for another time. BYE THANK U LILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ask lee #lottiematthewsgirl #oc: billie #oc: sae #dnd: elese #dnd: nowhere #dnd: tinni #dr: 50th

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

auggggggh ive been wanting to make this post for an eternity but i havent been able to because I keep trying to explain myself WELL guess what. Im giving up, heres the song Wenn ich tanzen will from Elisabeth: das Musical with english translations, does it not make you think of what if Feysand was interesting

If you dont wanna watch the whole thing for some reason, I'd like to highlight this part

Fly!

I'll fly alone!

I alone want to accompany you through night and storm

I don't want to be accompanied anymore

Not even by you — I won't let myself be led

You're free only through me

Only through me

Only for me

For me!

For you shall make the way for me

I'm going my own way now

I've seperated myself from you — Leave me alone!

You've fallen in love with me

Because there's no freedom without me

And no one can understand you except for me!

Oh and also this part (theyre kinda singing over each other at this point)

I'm strong enough on my own!

You were only strong as long as you still thought that you were weak

I'm not calling for you!

You will call for me!

I'm not seeking you out!

You will seek me out!

I'm beginning to love my life!

Soon you will hate it!

Okay, I actually lied at the start of this post, I am gonna try to explain myself. My ideal not-boring version of Feysand that I think of when I listen to this song is like. Okay so, the structure of the story is fundamentally the same (except it takes place over a wayyyy longer timespan) with Feyre initially just kinda going about her new life as a traumatized fae and Rhysand coming to pick her up once a month, which ends up helping her because the SC manorhouse is kind of just covered in a bunch of depressing ooze rn (figuratively) and she cant really leave and Rhysand is basically giving her an excuse to hang out in a place without ooze, so its easier for her to have a good time. Rhysand is kinda awkward around her initially because hes basically like "ohhhhhh shit oh fuck, the woman that I tortured UTM as a fucked up way of coping with what Amarantha was doing to is my soulmate!!" because i really hate the fact that Rhysand apparently already knew about her and dreamt about her before she was even fae, it shouldve snapped in place for both of them during that little scene at the end of ACOTAR but Feyre has no concept of how a mating bond is supposed to feel like so shes just kinda like "huh, that felt kinda weird. anyway"

(this inexplicably got very long. like, 6 more paragraphs long. so much for me not explaining myself)

So yeah, Rhysand is hardcore struggling trying to figure out how to win her over despite all of the torture, but fortunately for him all she wants is to be left alone, so he does that, no putting her in unecessary danger and no asking insane favors of her even though theyve only been hanging out for like two weeks. Idrk how, but at some point they would start to get closer, this all happens very slowly, its a true slow-burn. And then one day Tamlin is like "I cant stand it, I need to find a way to break this bargain" so he collects a bunch of guys and he tells Feyre that theyre gonna go out and travel through all of Prythian and maybe even beyond in order to find a way to do it and itll probably take them atleast a few months. And then when Feyre says she wants to come along because this is about her after all, hes like "no, its dangerous and also, if Im gone then the Spring Court is gonna needs its Lady" and then he puts the shield around the manor because yeah, Im keeping Tamlin shitty in this one, sorry. This is about me trying to make Feysand good but trying to figure that out with Tamlin being in-character is too complicated for me rn so Im just gonna stick to the character assassination (thats something SJM probably also said while writing ACOMAF)

So yeah, like in canon, Mor gets her outta there and then Feyre starts permanently staying the night court except shes not going out on political errands because of the war with Hybern because honestly, this whole war plot is so stupid and it feels so unecessary like cmon Sarah girlie, I can tell youre not actually interested in writing politics, just stick to the romance and the healing journey. Anyway, during her stay she inadvertantly starts spending more time with Rhysand and realizing that he suffered too and that hes only human or fae or something like that, which helps her deal with her UTM trauma because she kinda thought of him as the embodiment of all her new trauma, so seeing that hes really not that and that hes just a person that she can make peace with helps her

Rhys is falling head over heels for Feyre because she just reminds him SO much of Cassian while Feyre is kinda conflicted but starting to develop some affection for him, and again, this happens over the course of many many months instead of just two. And after all that time, Feyre is starting feel pretty good and she doesnt really wanna go back to the spring court if shes totally honest with herself and then oops, Tamlin's back! He finds her and hes super worried like "oh my cauldron, feyre, my servants told me he just kidnapped you and they couldnt find a way to free you!! but Im here now and Im taking you back home dont worry" and Feyre feels guilty and shes basically like "yeahhhhh this was totally necessary, I definitely wanna go back... home, its just that he exploited this loophole in the bargain so had to stay here. Totally against my will, oh no it was so bad" and Tamlin tells her not to worry, theyve found a way to break they just need to get back to the spring court so they do that

At the Spring Court, Feyre gets to thinking. She thinks shes basically completely defeated her trauma by hanging out with Rhysand and shes like "well, my trauma was pretty much the main thing that made mine and Tamlins relationship not work, so now that my trauma is gone its gonna be all smooth sailing from here" and she just willfully ignores the fact that his way of coping with his UTM trauma was suffocating her and making it impossible to deal with her own issues and when she pointed it out to him he had a panic attack about it. Also, at this point it kinda hits her that shes been spending all this time with Tamlins enemy and feeling this affection for him that she hasnt really felt for Tamlin ever since theyve been back from UTM and their relationship started getting really bad, so now she feels very guilty and wants to rush into a marriage with him after all. Also, maybe by this point shes revovered enough to take a step back and start focusing on her surroundings again instead of just herself, and she realises that the people of the Spring Court would really need this kind of big celebration after this long time of turmoil and suffering, so maybe that plays into her decision to marry Tamlin as well idk

Meanwhile, Rhysand is back at the night court absolutely CONVINCED that Feyre is gonna come back to him even without the bargain or atleast send him a message or something, because of the mating bond and because by this point he thinks that Feyre loves him back, she just hasnt said it because Tamlin interrupted them or whatever. Yknow, because Feyre stopped throwing shoes at him and started to tolerate his presence somewhat, which are obviously the surefire signs that someone is in love with you. But anyway, Feyre never does get back to him because shes busy with her wedding and also trying very hard not think about either Rhysand or Tamlin too much so she doesnt simply run out into the forest to avoid dealing with all this bullshit

So yeah, Rhysand finds out about Feyre marrying Tamlin and he gets very upset and so he winnows to the Spring Court on the day of the wedding. Feyre has just been dressed up in this gorgeous pastel pink and green pantssuit (thats very important for the story) and now Ianthe is leaving her alone for a bit before the grand wedding ceremony. At this point Rhysand comes in and they have a confrontation thats basically just the song except in dialogue-form, remember when this post was about a song I really like, yeah me neither. During this confrontation I really want Rhysand to bring up the mating bond and kinda throw it in her face and I want Feyre to basically respond "oh, so now the guy who always preached about giving me choices and not letting others decide for me is gonna get on my case for not doing what some god wants from me, gtfo" and thats basically how it ends. Then the next book is the book where Feyre hay to make the choice between Tamlin and Rhysand because its a romance series at the end of the day, so even though I would like the last book to just be Feyre ending up single and going on her own adventures, I recognize that thats not a great ending for a romance series so

I wanna end this off by saying that I was trying to only focus on the romance for this because its easier, if I were to write my ideal acotar sequel it would look different than this even if I used the original acomaf as a base. So yeah, thats it hope you enjoyed my 7am ramblings, I have been awake for three hours already writing this

#miscellaneous acotar thoughts #acotar rewrite #anti acomaf #Youtube

[mifhortunach]

2023 'overview'

The standard end of year post of course!

This year has both breezed by and felt absolutely endless, personally at least, and i feel like i accomplished nothing(!), but still, here's a round up of some stuff i enjoyed!?

MOVIES: as ever as always! I'm writing this a bit in advance, but i've deffo seen less movies this year than i did last year, tho i believe that i did manage to get out to the cinema way more than usual (tho, tbh, most often on my lonesome i think). I think i've felt the most divided on them this year; i liked a lot of stuff very VERY much! i also have felt so SO bored with a lot more things. i think i talked about having like. a matrix moment last year, nothing like that this year, tho a lot more of being like, 'well yeah, of course', or finally being able to recognise what a shot is, lol. Regardless, here are the movies i probably loved the most this year:

aftersun: all i talked about jan thru feb, need to watch it again. it looks great, its both fun & heartbreaking, and you KNOW i love the found footage side of it all - especially when it addresses that even when you have footage of 'objective reality' you just really cant know it all operation avalanche: as w aftersun, this shit gets at like ALL my interests! OpAv isn't a perfect movie, and i think the more u know about the production/etc the more obvious that becomes [i genuinely WOULD love to see/know more about the version that really did have the mole/romance plotline integrated, but lbr, that doesnt really exist]. ANYWAY!! i do think this is such an exciting film to watch, especially the movie making sequences, and i think the feeling of it all comes across so truly iygm. also, obvs, bc i love conspiracies unfortch the dirties: im sorry there's so much MJ on this list, short tho it is! but hey, these really took over my life for a month there lol. i still havent listened to the commentary w the real film critic, but i truly find this to be an airtight movie, the found footage stuff is so well integrated, justifying everything while also calling all intent/'reality' into question.. i do think someone could spend forever with it - its also funny & miserable! what more could u want (watch my fancam please) my house walkthrough: i genuinely just really like this!! ive said it before, but i genuinely just find it such an exciting watch, the bts just makes it so much cooler - what's sicker than repetition Hon Noms: la confidential: heat walked so this could run ! thirst: so much fun, i love vampire lovers who hate each other beau is afraid: too long, but i really liked most of this, v funny black tower: great example of doing smth so cool w very little

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books:

francis spufford, new sun series, chandler, mauretania

PODCASTS:

sfultra!!!: sean L@TDF finally returns to talk about sci-fi books! sean is one of the few critics i'll always keep up with even when i dont agree w him, & this show has been a real treat all this year - the patreon stuff is great as well - its introduced me to a lot of new stuff & crit, and its been good to hear from him again. if u listen to any of these, listen to this shelved by genre: really good, tho often we have different interests - got me to read a fair few more books this year! im not a games guy, and im mad behind on fatt, so its super nice to get to hear some austin biweekly anyway, lol. twioat (as ever): i was a bit trepidatious about this season starting off, but it's been so much fun, the fellas really knocked it out of the park. i loved hearing from some guests that we havent heard from in ages. this season on AJLT was also fuckin amazing, truly & really adored their coverage; possibly highlight of my summer?? toxic podcast: i almost certainly shouted this out last year, but it was nice to have this around again in the top half of the year!! ale has a letterboxd now & its fun to get to see just how many truly atrocious horror movies he does watch all the time. a true connoisseur

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pick’n’mix:

ntbts: its a such good show!! i've watched more tv than usual this year, but i love how this is done on almost every level. i apologised before for having so much MJ on this list & i stand by that!, but i do think that one of the best (practical) traits in his work is making difficult stuff look not only easy, but genuinely both fun & achievable. whens the movie going to drop??? (lol) getting into shirts: this genuinely was more of an accidental year long thing, starting w the ones i printed for lizzie back in jan/feb, but its been fun! finally got back some screenprinting experience, and i think u can really see some amping up of ambition & basic skill/practice. i do wanna do more in the new year, but am trying to engage with actual intended outcomes (and lbr, the storage issue lol), so we'll see

the sopranos!!: sometimes they really were right about good tv being good, who knew! so much funnier, weirder & depressing than i wouldve expected- honestly undersung at this point. also, it introduced me to a tonne of music lol

the blackberry soundtrack: unfortch i continue to be kinda mixed on the film, as much as i think on a technical level it's so super cool & well-made. i do really like the soundtrack tho!! i'm kinda iffy on some of its application in the actual film, but im a hater, so what can u do lol. the actual thing DOES rip tho

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this whole thing makes it look like i got a lot more done this year than i feel like i did lol. i feel like i had plans up the top but they really all came out in the wash//

i read an okay amount of books, but failed to get thru any piles

i watched more tv than usual this year, and saw id say, a midtier amount of movies, but way more new movies than usual

i moved for a bit! then moved back & got a worse job lol

there was a lot of work i didnt get finished.. i have stuff ive been meaning to edition since this time last year that i still havent gone back to.. that said, i think i did get some stuff done, finally actually did some stone litho(!!!!) & had some stuff up in a show or two

who knows,,, maybe ill finally get my shit together & 2024 could be my year - people say good things about being 26 right??? 😭😭😭

#ppp #....... #1111111111 #5555555555 #lb #2023movies #year in review

[geckosliktheireyes]

.. So my irl bestie has made the risky promise of- "if you write fanfic, ill write fanfic" so here i am, posting this shit, to spite her, its an au ive been working on bc i feel like the universes fit together- heres some of my ideas.

Lumera- a world renound sword maker, shes made legendary swords that have defeated dragons to fleets of armies. Famous for her craft she lives on a large estate in Lythos, a small town of peaceful people in the earth nation, a non bender,. Though with her fighting techniques youd never tell the difference.

Vander- a friend of Lady Lumera, secretive, and strict, a metal bender

Alear- raised within the walls of her mothers villa and workshop, she took up a severe intrest in martial arts, quite practiced in it she frequents to Dojo on Lythos to her be trained, by Vander of course, a long time friend of Lady Lumera, a non bender who is soon plunged into her responsibilies and the pressure of being the Avatar

Clanne- the boy is a water bender- a.. Clumsy one at that- though hes one of Alears cloest friends- he keeps all sorts of secrets hes been sworn into by Vander

Framme- Alears other friend, a girl who may rival Alear in her martial arts abilities, a water bender who can only use it for healing abilities, though she doesn't seem to bothered by that, she happens to be a loud mouth, and is very upset by what her brother and Vander aren't letting her know.

Alfred- prince of the earth kingdom, and frail in his own way, though if you mention that youll be subjected in tagging along with his job through the nearby mountain range, he never met Alear until they met in a china shop, Celine wanted new china for her tea parties,, and Alear didn't quite know how she ended up there, but lets just say they didn't leave with any china, nothing was left in one piece

Ivy- princess of the southern water tribe, reluctant as her father dives into the possibilitys with dead bodies, water bending, and war. Shes caught in quite the mess, unsure of what side she should be on, not wanting to leave her poor kid sister behind with people who manipulate the long dead.

Diamant- prince of the fire nation, he met Alear while camping with his father and brother. The "avatar" had gotten caught in Alcryst's hunting trap, which was quite a hilarious fiasco of his yelled apologies and offers of everything he owned as a "sorry" , he decides to try to teach Alear fire bending which they soon realize is easier said than done.

Timerra- a powerful air bending monk, known for.. Being the chillest around really, she finds the "avatar" amusing, and is also quite suspicious of if this girl is really capable of anything other than tripping over her own sword and completing others to no end.

Idk if this is crap or not i havent shown anything ive written publicly since 2014 💀

Heres a lil snippet of the first chapter, so yall can see what my writings like and if its worth reading or anything. Im a newbie definitely, and.. Very wordy but my irl bestie said she'll be my beta reader and editor for me! So hopefully that will improve if she gets the time to do so.

"Alear knew something was off the moment her mother informed her it was time to forge a sword of her own. Lumera was a master in the crafting of blades of all sorts, but never seemed too worried about teaching Alear the details of her work. Alear was alright with it, she had her own talents, such as her martial arts, that she was always working on, Lumera understood her child walked a different path than her own. Which. Is why it confused Alear so when her mother became adamant she needed a sword of the finest silver and the sharpest blade as soon as possible. And even more confused she became when her mother told her she would forge the sword to make it the closest to her liking. It was a nerve wracking process which made Alear appreciate her mothers work to no end..however LIberation was done in due time. The silver and gold sword felt heavy in her hands, but.. a sort of comforting weight , one she knew would help protect her shall it ever need too. Lumera gave a soft chortling laugh.

‘’My child you are not supposed to hold it in such a way- your lucky your have gloves ‘lest you cut yourself!’’ She took Alears confused and clumsy hands, showing her the proper way to handle the blade.

‘’Oh.. I still don't understand why I need a sword- much less one of silver and meteorite metals! I think this sword is better than even the blades you use!’’ She exclaimed…feeling the grief for Lumeras financial state. ‘’I don't see the issue? The daughter of a sword master should have something to show for her lineage.’’ She gave her child a bright smile, her light blue hair tied back into a regal bun, as she reached into a wooden crate by her side and pulled from it a steel sword with a blue leather hilt, the blade having been dulled of course but Alear sure as hell didn't know that. As her face convulsed into an expression of panic and confusion. Her mother lunged at her, swords clashing as Alear defended her face from a slash , in a less than graceful manner." soyeah. Uhm we'll see if i write it- lemme know how my writing is.

And heres a drawing of the main cast's designs, hope i combined ATLA with ENGAGE nicley and this isnt just a total cringe fest ill look back on as i tremble in terror of the memory in passing years.

Also engage dlc looking tasty

#atla au #fire emblem #art #fire emblem engage #fe engage #alternate universe #fanfic #my stupid ass thinks i can write #fan art #ATLA x feENGAGE #fire emblem alear #fire emblem diamant #fire emblem timerra #fire emblem ivy #fire emblem clanne #fire emblem framme #fire emblem alfred #fire emblem au #fe17 fanart #fe17 #fe17 art

[illdesigns]

hii! i hope ur doing well! idk if u have gotten other asks ive sent or not but i was wondering where u went… u havent really posted writing or even fandom stuff period lol

i just want to clarify that this is like…the fourth or fifth message i have gotten, seemingly from the same anon due to typing styles and general content. i’ve been steadfastly ignoring them for a bit because it’s no skin off my nose but i’m honestly tired. so i’m sorry if i come off as unnecessarily mean during this but i cannot overstate the fact i’ve been ignoring this for a while.

i’m still blogging. i haven’t left or gone anywhere. yeah, i haven’t really posted writing, because i’ve been busy. because i’m a grown adult who does other things in my life. and i have posted fandom stuff - i am not immune to gifsets, fanart and jokes about media i like. but i am deciding to cease participating in fandom spaces because it’s not really for me any more. i want to focus more on my original writing and am not in a point where i can give a hobby and something i want to turn into a career the same level of attention.

and i know this anon probably means a Certain Fandom, as i’ve only been active in one the past few years. i’ve not felt the need to make some big announcement of a fandom flounce at my big age but i also don’t feel as if i have any particular place i fit in in the metalocalypse fandom any more. i’m glad for the great friends i made during my time participating in that, and i also met my current partner through the fandom and that’s given me a lot of nice opportunities in life too. so yay me.

however, if i may allow myself a certain degree of flounce since i’ve been pestered into sharing this information by somebody who seems to have had a bi-weekly alarm on their phone about sending me passive aggressive anons: i’m not particularly keen on a fandom space that, outside of an immediate circle of friends, has been an absolute minefield of social interaction. between watching drama and outright harassment my friends have dealt with and the issues i have faced myself (harassment to the point of changing certain social media accounts, having my locked twitter account put on blast by somebody upset i blocked people not in my immediate social circle so i wouldn’t deal with awkward follow requests, somebody in my dms threatening suicide over his traced ship art for months at a time, getting vagued constantly and associated with actual abusive people and/or practices because i liked a character with four minutes of screentime AND OTHER INCIDENTS)…i realized that was a lot of emotions for a cartoon. especially a cartoon ive liked for a long time, since it started airing, and it’s a cartoon i would like to continue liking.

so i honestly don’t know what else this anon would want from me. i’ve already lost a few followers from my drop in fandom related activity, which i’m fine with, so if another person or multiple people would like to unfollow after this that’s fine too! it’s just tumblr, babes! curate your dash as you see fit! just don’t randomly pester people about a lack of content that was barely supported when it was being made, by a person who was constantly getting shit on by randoms because of said content while posting it :)

[karatekid1]

hi guys it been a while. Well, everything right now feels like its going up and down all the time, like on monday, three days ago, my life felt so good, i was so happy, then everything went downhill again on tuesday. today is thursday and idek how im feeling, i dont got any apeitie, and my life just feel so depressing. i realized yesterday that heartstopper is like a core memory to me, like i havent watched it since season 2 came out bc people started calling it cringe and i actually started to think it were. i was just a kid back then it feels like, because every day i get older and i feel embarressed for my younger self, in like a few months i think that this me whos writing this is gonna be so cringe, why are we like that? or maybe thats just me. but what i mean is that yesterday i listened to some of the soundtrack songs, i just felt warm and happy inside, and it kept doing everytime i listeend to the songs, i stayed up til 3 am last night just rewatching the first season and it made me cry actually idk why but it just brings me so much comfort. anyway, uni going fine ig, some subjects are really terrible, but im surviving. me and benjamin (the nick to my charlie) are still together and idk tbh how hes feeling ab me atp, like im so fucking stupid and annoying i think hes getting tired of it. i feels like im slowly loosing my mind again bc of everything. i hate myself for the way i act towards people. most people i know would call me nice, they do, but then i literally argue with everyone over stupid shit just bc i am sensetive. and i dont know how to deal with myself, i just get so easily mad and jealous of everyone and its starting to spread out more over the people i love which is not meant to happen but i cant control it. how much i try to be nick, will continue to always be charlie. what was i made for? i dont even know myself anymore. people say they're proud of me but i will literally treat them like shit without even realizing it myself. all i really want is to be seen and heard, but i end up embarresing myself, overshare or just make people upset. im just a failure, im not supposed to be here, i dont fit in. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore i just want to live my life, but im literally just miserable. i try so hard everyday, to get people to like me, to make me like myself a little bit more and not hating myself, but when ive done something wrong i cant even realise my mistake until so long after ive done it, and i feel so stupid. i dont deserve to live the life that i do. i dont deserve any of this. i try to be like everyone else, i try to be interesting but if you try too hard no one is gonna like you. and if youre not interesting people wont wanna hang out with you bc youre boring. you should be funny but not mean, you should be perfect but not fake, you shoulld be thin but not starve, you should be smart not a tryhard, you should be yourself but not different, you should be happy but not annoying, you should be kind but not too kind because then people will use you for their own good. i hate humans, i hate what we've made this world into. sorry this became a whole vent post but im just so tired of living without having anything to live FOR.

#what was i made for #menatl health #what was i thinking #what was i doing #i hate everything #heartstopper #comfort

[danielnelsen]

Same person who made the submission about “anyone who can decompile flash for free”. You wrote “I can” and I assume this meant like “you can send me a swf file for free and I’ll be okay with decompiling it for funsies.” Cause that was what I meant in my question, I was looking to see if anybody could do it. If that’s NOT the case and you’re not okay with it then I’m sorry for my misunderstanding and you can just ignore the rest of what I’m going to write.

Now assuming you’re okay with it, yeah I looked into that swf decompiler before but it said it needs Java for it to work. I did quite a bit of research on Java but I still don’t grasp how to use it plus I don’t know which version to get for Mac which won’t give me a virus.

Now this was the swf file I was talking about:

https://horrornightnightmares.com/hhnforever/2008/flash/main.swf

Im only really interested in the sound and images files here. Oh and yeah this was for a horror event Universal had in the 2000s so there may be some upsetting imagery so you can also avoid it if that doesn’t interest you. But thanks anyway tho. 

hey, so so so sorry i didnt get to this like..a month ago when you sent it! i saw it and realised i didnt have time to do it then, then i forgot, then the longer i left it, the more awkward i felt about answering it…………………im still decompiling it right now because it’s taking a while, but when it’s done i’ll put it on google drive and edit this post with a link.

edit: ok, ive uploaded it here, but i havent included the ‘sprites’ folder because it was 24 GB. i think sprites only use images that exist elsewhere in the file, they just combine them (which is why they can be so much bigger than the original file, i guess?).

the link to the flash decompiler in my previous post goes to github and is the original source of the program (there’s been a new release since then) so it’s definitely not a virus, but i completely understand not wanting to download random applications; i try to take precautions, but i definitely open myself up to downloading some dodgy shit sometimes because a lot of what i do involves like..finding a random app someone made a decade ago to read a single type of obscure file lmao.

#submission #personal

[writingtomynanny]

Good evening nanny, its been quite a while since i came here to speak to you last. Im usually sitting at your grave, i visit you quite often which you know. You already know all im about to say, but unfortunately beautiful, me and cody have broken up. Its not what i wanted at all, but you always told me to put my mental health first and i just had too. My heart is broken, still till this day and were in January now. My heart is broken. I know its for the best and i know i need too, im healing myself and im working on myself, but it just hurts nanny. I always wanted it to be us. But too be honest, us wasnt really us without you. You made up so much of our bond and helped us. Losing you we just lost ourselves also. But you know nanny, i never wish him any ill or pain. I wish him nothing but the best, the healing he needs and all the love in the world that he deserves. He will forever have the biggest space in my heart, but we just cant be together. I know you understand, i know you know its for the best regardless of the pain im feeling, cant speak for him. I miss the life we all had together, the good times. The bad times were bad, but the good times were so good. I miss you so much, i think of you every single day. I got in a really dark place for a while there nan, I was crying every night, i was taking a few too many valium, crying on the floor while begging for you to be here. I went to bed quite out of it a few times, the days were hard but the nights were even harder. I would cry for hours, one time i reached out and called a work friend and just cried to her. I was a few valium deep and also took an antihistamine, i wasnt myself. I havent been taking valium since, i felt like i couldnt have a night without them for a bit there. Ive been holding in my tears lately also. I broke down every night and now i hold off as much as i can, I balled reading the last few posts to you though. Something you also know, my nana died also. She lived a good life, i got to see her the day before she passed. she looked so peaceful. Im buying a new car this week nanny! I have worked hard the last 5 months and now im going to buy a 20k car outright with money left over. I am working so hard and working on myself, i wish i could show you and drive you around in it, but i know youre watching over me and cheering for me in the clouds. I should be studying right now but i cant focus, i just needed to talk to you. Ive had a few dreams about you, the other night i heard you screaming and i ran so fast to you, knowing you werent here anymore but i still ran to you, my heart hurt. I also had bad dreams about cody, it hurts my heart thinking about him moving on but i also know he deserves love. I hope with whatever hes doing, hes happy. i was messaging his old facebook at the start to feel like it was still normal and that we hadnt broken up. But then i just couldnt anymore. I have to catch myself thinking about him and stop. It doesnt work because hes on my mind 24/7 I have him blocked on eveything because i cant see him, or risk seeing his name anywhere. He unblocked me on facebook and tiktok, i dont know why as he never reached out but i had to make the decision to block him as i was obssessing over the idea of him reaching out and he never did. So i had too. I dont even know what i want, i just know for now and the forseeable future its just me. I aint entertaining anything, im just doing me and i dont want anything anyway. I am woman enough to know im too hurt, im not healed and i need to sort out my trauma/trauma bonding and bad coping mechanisms before even thinking about talking or entertaining anything. Im just not the same nanny, Its me time! Im going to wrap this up anyway beautiful. Sorry it was full of random shit about me and cody. Its good to come back too and see how i felt at one point in time though, Ill see you soon beautiful, you know i always pop down to your grave, sometimes multiple times a week./

I love you nanny, YNWA

[san--jose--sharpedos]

theres something that feels so fucking good about saying "my boyfriend" and "my partner" after going through years of feeling like I cant make myself emotionally available for fear of getting hurt again

#sorry to be sappy posting about them sm #i just am really happy rn #and i havent felt this good around someone in a while #its the fact that my closest friends are all like inviting them out when im not there too that makes me so glad #and my best friend saying that i seem a lot happier than I was before #im sorry to get all sappy but ive been dealing with shit for a while #my last relationship before this was a dude who sexually harassed me then got drunk and outted me and tried to fight me #then filmed me walking on campus #i swore off dating for a while bc of that #i wasnt sure id pursue things with my current partner bc theres a 3 year age gap #but honestly im glad i did #he asked me out first technically #but i said i wasnt sure bc of the age gap #but yeah my friends are all saying i seem happier than I have been in a long time #and i am #and im gaining more confidence in myself #bc I actually feel good #and he likes the things about me that I like and the things im insecure about

[snl-screencaps]

“Gregarious Loner”

#snl #saturday night live #this might be my last post for awhile sorry #im gonna be completely candid #ive had some shit going on with me mentally and emotionally for months now #and its becoming increasingly obvious that the internet is probably not the best place for me right now #and im genuinely worried for my own health #both physically mentally and emotionally #i havent felt this down and defeated in years #its getting to the point where ive thought about checking myself in somewhere for my own safetly #and like tumblr tags probably not the best place to talk about this shit but i cant afford a therapist #and i think my friends are tired of me #so im just saying here that i might disappear for a while #idk if im gonna be back any time soon to post anything #but i love yall and im sorry