#step dad nhs

[ibijau]

today is @veraverorum ‘s birthday, so as per tradition I wrote them a fic of their choosing. And then that fic got a little long, so I’m posting it in 3 parts over the week!

I'm not the step-dad, I'm the dad that stepped up pt1 // On AO3

(checking the tags on AO3 is advised)

People who did not know Nie Huaisang tended to assume that he was not a morning person. It was an assumption that he gladly encouraged, making it clear that nobody should ever expect him to be available for them until late morning at best. In fact, anyone trying to check on him mid-morning would indeed find him deeply asleep, and nearly impossible to wake up, confirming their assumption of his laziness.

But anyone foolish enough to instead bother him at the crack of dawn would have merely found an empty bed, because Nie Huaisang usually woke up a first time before the sun rose, dealt with his business for a shichen or two when nobody was around to bother him, and then went back to sleep while others were starting to wake up.

His business was not usually of a nature that others considered as serious (though he personally took it very seriously). Daylight might be good for running a sect or doing cultivation, but fishing usually yielded better results if he went early, painting was more fun when he was sure nobody would scold him for it, masturbating and then going back to sleep immediately was a huge favourite, and bird watching at sunrise was just the best.

It was bird watching that he’d elected as his activity of choice that morning, as it had done nearly every morning in the few weeks since he’d been sent to hide in the Cloud Recesses. Partly because it was always his favourite thing to do, of course. But with paper becoming too precious to be wasted these days he rarely dared to paint, masturbating was boring when he only had one set of erotic prints with him, and fishing was forbidden within the limits of the Cloud Recesses, while leaving those borders was not allowed to him. His brother had sent him here to stay safe in case the Wens decided to attack more great sects, and safe he had to remain. Normally Nie Huaisang didn’t care much about his brother’s paranoia, because surely there would never be an actual war, but…

But the Cloud Recesses had burned, leaving most of it in ruins. And Lan Xichen, now its sect leader, had not been heard of in the four months that had passed. And Nie Huaisang, along with others his age, had been kept hostage by the Wens for over two months. And just the day before, Nie Huaisang had heard that the Yunmeng Jiang sect had been completely slaughtered by the Wens, who hadn’t left a single survivor behind, not even the youngest children or weakest elders.

For once, Nie Mingjue was right about the situation being pretty bad. 

Nie Huaisang, who was a proud coward, stayed where he was told to stay, and remained out of everyone’s way whenever possible. He even played at following the Lan rules during daylight, mostly for the novelty of it, and because Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji scared him so much. But Lan Wangji had now left to find out what had really happened in Yunmeng, and Lan Qiren was usually very busy in the morning, so Nie Huaisang was free to do as he pleased, as long as what pleased him didn’t get him in trouble.

Hence, bird watching, usually the world’s least trouble inducing hobby, or so Nie Huaisang tried to tell everyone who suspected him of mischief.

Usually. 

For a few days already, Nie Huaisang had been tracking a certain bird that lived near the Cloud Recesses. Its song was unfamiliar to him, which had made him curious enough that he’d put in significant effort to see it, even going into parts of the Cloud Recesses he wasn’t normally supposed to be in. That morning, his relentless pursuit had led him to the half ruined Hanshi, where sect leaders of Gusu Lan were supposed to live. It wasn’t somewhere an outsider like Nie Huaisang was supposed to visit without invitation, but the place had suffered significant damage from the fire, and it wasn’t as if there was a sect leader in the Cloud Recesses at the moment. So Nie Huaisang, following that haunting bird song, had not hesitated to make his way into the ruined part of the building until he reached an inner courtyard. There a little garden, which must have once been exquisitely beautiful, now laid blackened by the fire. But just as the Cloud Recesses hadn’t been fully destroyed, something remained in that courtyard, and already a few strands of green grass were trying to grow amidst the blackened mess.

Nie Huaisang, who enjoyed pretty gardens as much as the next person (provided the next person loved gardens to a somewhat concerning degree), felt saddened by the miserable state of that place, and thought that he just might come there secretly sometimes and try to get things back in order. Surely it would make Lan Xichen happy when (if) he returned to have a nice place to meditate. Nie Huaisang liked it when Lan Xichen was happy, just on the principle that handsome people were even more pleasant to look at when their mood was good. Besides, Lan Xichen was a nice person, who’d always been quite kind to Nie Huaisance, and it would be fun to be kind to him in return, just to try it out.

Nie Huaisang’s rare thoughts of selfless generosity quickly evaporated when he heard again that bird that had been messing with him for the last few days. Without thinking, Nie Huaisang turned toward the source of that song, somewhere near the more intact half of the Hanshi. But rather than to see at last that mysterious bird, Nie Huaisang found himself looking at something far more unexpected.

Across the courtyard, on the unburned part of the building, a door had been opened wide, showing glimpses of a refined room. Nie Huaisang could just barely see a large bronze mirror resting against a wall and. He had a much better view of the man standing in front of that mirror, fully nude.

Lan Xichen.

Nie Huaisang was first surprised that Lan Xichen had returned without his knowledge. He was usually good at knowing what was happening around him, if only because he enjoyed gossip a little too much. If Lan Xichen had returned officially, through the main gate, Nie Huaisang would surely have known.

His second surprise was caused by Lan Xichen’s nudity. Of course Nie Huaisang knew that even Lans had to get naked sometimes, to wash if nothing else, but the concept just felt so alien it was almost funny. After all, Nie Huaisang knew for a fact that even when they went to meditate in their horrible cold springs, they usually kept some of their garments on (but that might have been because the springs were, indeed, very cold). Not that Nie Huaisang was complaining at all about the view. Lan Xichen was a very handsome person to begin with, and Nie Huaisang had always enjoyed looking at him when he needed to shed layers while training on very hot days (the only reason he'd ever showed up to the training grounds, actually). And Nie Huaisang didn’t believe in ethics strongly enough that he wouldn’t stay and get a good look, especially since Lan Xichen appeared unaware that he had company.

That was because Lan Xichen’s attention was entirely on his own body. He kept looking into the bronze mirror with an unreadable expression, then would look down at himself and frown. Both his hands were on his stomach, touching and stroking it, as if trying to map it out. Not without reason, Nie Huaisang thought. At the angle from which he could see Lan Xichen, it appeared that his stomach was a little fuller than normal. It could have been that Lan Xichen had eaten too much, but he’d have needed to truly gorge himself on food to get his stomach distended that way. Besides, it made no sense. Lans had strict rules against overeating, and Lan Xichen was not the sort to break his sect’s rules. And then the way he kept touching his stomach… it was a familiar gesture. Nie Huaisang has seen others do it. One of his cousins had been like that after she’d gotten pregnant, always touching her belly even when it was still very flat, trying to find if it showed at all under her clothes, and she’d probably done the same when she was naked as well.

It was rare for men to get pregnant, but not unheard off. It could happen in various ways, either because they’d been born with a body that didn’t suit them which they’d trained until they were indistinguishable from other men, or weird dual cultivation methods, or curses, or potions, or who else knew what. Nie Huaisang had encountered these options and more when reading, and he had jerked off more than once to such stories.

He watched a little longer, fascinated by the sight in front of him, which was just as erotic as those illustrations he'd seen. Lan Xichen’s body was lean and strong and gorgeous, and then there was that little bump at the bottom of his stomach, that unexpected softness that looked both out of place and like the perfect addition to an already perfect silhouette. But the longer Nie Huaisang watched, the more obvious it became that this wasn't a happy moment for Lan Xichen. After he'd spent a while observing his own body, Lan Xichen appeared to be getting frustrated. He started pushing down on his stomach, as if trying to force his body into its normal shape. His expression grew darker as well, and although Nie Huaisang was a little too far to be sure, he thought that Lan Xichen might have started crying.

It suddenly occurred to Nie Huaisang that he was witnessing something he shouldn’t have seen at all. Normally he might not have cared, and would instead just have observed this and used it as masturbation material later when he was bored. But he did like Lan Xichen. In fact, Nie Huaisang sometimes suspected he had a bit of a crush (more than a crush, perhaps), though he also believed that everybody had a crush on Lan Xichen anyway, so it didn't really matter.

The point being, Nie Huaisang had enough respect for Lan Xichen to leave him to deal with his problems and pretend he hadn’t seen anything. So he very carefully made his way back through the ruined part of the Hanshi, walked back to the room he’d been given for his stay, and went back to sleep without being noticed by anyone.

Well, Nie Huaisang tried to go back to sleep, anyway. But he found himself turning this way and that, or staring at the ceiling, absolutely unable to keep his eyes shut.

He kept thinking of that little bump of a stomach, of Lan Xichen’s tears. And the more he thought about it, the more he wondered how Lan Xichen had ended up in that situation. He was after all too serious to sleep around (Nie Huaisang would have know about it otherwise, and fought for his own chance to jump in Lan Xichen's bed), especially if he was the sort of man whose body could naturally fall pregnant… but even if that wasn't normally a risk, the Lan cultivation method put great emphasis on the importance of having one single dual cultivation partner. It didn’t stop junior disciples from fooling around, but it did mean they were never willing to do more than handjobs or blowjobs unless they thought it was true love, as Nie Huaisang himself had learned long ago. And while Lan Xichen was universally admired and lusted after, it was difficult to imagine him getting close enough to anyone to get in such a sticky situation. His only close friend, the one person who could be suspected of having his affection, was Nie Mingjue, and he was even less the sort to fool around, and entirely uninterested in romance anyway. It had to be a secret relationship then, one so secret that it had even escaped Nie Huaisang’s attention.

Judging by the small curve of Lan Xichen’s stomach, the pregnancy couldn’t be more than three or four months in. That placed the conception around the time the Cloud Recesses had been burned, either a little before or a little after… but more likely before, since after Lan Xichen would have been on the run and probably too busy hiding to have dalliances. Or had he met a handsome stranger who had swept him off his feet? Perhaps someone who had helped him stay away from the Wens, and now Lan Xichen missed that person, and that was why he’d have been crying…

Nie Huaisang huffed angrily, and turned again on his bed, pulling his thin blanket over his eyes. This whole thing was unpleasant to think about. Not because he was envious of Lan Xichen's mysterious lover (he wasn't so foolish as to think Lan Xichen could ever like him) but merely because he hated not knowing the whole story. He hoped that there would soon be an official announcement to put him out of his misery.

But for the time being he eventually had to accept that he wouldn’t fall asleep again.

So Nie Huaisang got up, and patiently waited for the bell that announced breakfast. As soon as it was allowed he made his way to the dining halls, and went to sit at his usual place, next to his current best friend, Lan Shuhuai. Lan Shuhuai was ninety at least (he’d stopped counting after that age, he liked to say), but didn’t look a day over fifty. He was a (mostly) well respected elder of the Gusu Lan sect in charge of the library (or what remained of it), and he’d half recruited Nie Huaisang in helping with his cleaning effort. Something Nie Huaisang had readily agreed to, because Lan Shuhuai knew all the best gossip, and didn’t mind sharing it with the right person. And since Nie Huaisang was always more than happy to hear all the gossip available, they made a great team.

Of course Lan Shuhuai noticed when Nie Huaisang kept looking at the table when Lan Qiren was eating, surprised not to see his oldest nephew sitting with him. And when Nie Huaisang hesitantly confessed that he thought he’d caught a glimpse of Lan Xichen that morning, Lan Shuhuai quickly silenced him with a gesture. It was only when they were alone together in the ruins of the library, still sorting through the destroyed books that Lan Xichen hadn’t been able to take with him, that Lan Shuhuai agreed to talk about his young sect leader’s whereabouts.

“He came by last night,” Lan Shuhuai confirmed. “Spent a good shichen with that Chengfu boy, the doctor, and apparently he was pretty upset when he left. From what I’ve been told, our young Lan zongzhu even raised his voice about… whatever it is he needed a doctor for. Old Chengfu apparently wanted him to stay in the Cloud Recesses until his condition improved, but you know how young men are. I’ve heard he’s already left Gusu again, either to see your brother or to meet some other sect leaders about what happened in Yunmeng.”

Considering how even tempered Lan Xichen was, it was really odd to think of him getting angry. At the same time, being pregnant could affect people’s mood, and it really was an inconveniently timed pregnancy at that. It would have been better to end it, but if Nie Huaisang’s guess of four months was right, then it would have been complicated.

He didn’t understand all the details, but after a certain point the baby became too accepted by the bearing parent’s golden core to be safely aborted. From what Nie Huaisang had heard, two to three months was the ideal period, anything after that became riskier. And that was supposing Lan Xichen would have preferred the baby gone, which Nie Huaisang had to assume was unlikely. Considering the Lans’ ideas on love and sex, Lan Xichen probably had intense romantic ideas about his baby and his baby’s father, and he’d want to keep it of course… in which case, the doctors might have advised him to maybe not run around when the Wens still wanted to capture him and they were all on the verge of a war. Lan Xichen probably wouldn’t have liked that either, because he was not quite twenty, and even someone reasonable like him must have wanted the chance to be a hero.

What a complicated situation, really.

Lan Shuhuai, seeing Nie Huaisang so deep in thought he’d been inspecting the same scroll for the better part of half a shichen, nudged him with a smile.

“Well, Xiao Sang, do you know something about this that I don’t? I’ve never seen you look so serious.”

“I just hope Xichen-ge is not too seriously ill,” Nie Huaisang innocently replied. “My brother would be so sad if something happened to his friend… and besides, can you imagine if Wangji-xiong had to become sect leader?”

That made Lan Shuhuai shiver, and got him to start retelling stories about the Twin Jade’s father, who had not been a very good sect leader even during the short time he had actually bothered leading anything, and how Lan Wangji was similarly an amazingly talented young man but simply not a good fit for the role. Nie Huaisang got a few good laughs out of that, and at least two new embarrassing childhood anecdotes that would make good ammunition against Lan Wangji someday. But most importantly, Nie Huaisang once again managed to hear plenty of gossip without sharing much himself, which was exactly how he liked it.

-

Days passed, turning into weeks, and still there was no announcement of Lan Xichen’s pregnancy. Odder still, there was no rumour of it, either. Even Lan Shuhuai did not seem to know why his young sect leader had needed a doctor that night he’d finally come home. At most, he’d heard something about possible early signs of a Qi deviation, but he shared that without great conviction, just because he was bored and liked to chat while they sorted books.

Nie Huaisang, curious as he was, figured it made sense for the pregnancy to be kept secret, especially once an alliance was formalised to fight against the Wens. The whole thing was already fragile enough, what with Jin Guangshan’s reluctance, and Lan Xichen’s age, and Jiang Cheng’s age (and lack of an actual sect to speak of). If people knew that Lan Xichen was pregnant on top of being too young, it would make that alliance too much of a joke. It was probably better to keep things secret as long as possible, and to hope that by the time Lan Xichen’s predicament became too obvious to hide, the Sunshot Campaign would be doing well enough that this wouldn’t cause problems.

Nie Huaisang’s assessment of the situation was confirmed when Lan Xichen visited again, a month later. This time the visit was a little more official. Lan Xichen did not try to hide his presence (there was no longer a need for that, now that they’d reach open war) and yet there was still no news of his condition. Yet that condition was still an on-going issue, Nie Huaisang figured, because Lan Xichen’s second stop (right after seeing his father’s tomb to pay his respects) had been to go see the one Lan doctor who hadn’t left yet for the front. Rumour had it that Lan Xichen was once more very unhappy about whatever news it was he received, which suddenly made the theory that he was on the verge of Qi deviation a lot more popular among the Lans. They could not imagine any other reason why their young, strong, and apparently healthy new sect leader would be in need of medical attention.

Nie Huaisang, who knew better, held his tongue. At dinner, he kept glancing across the dining hall toward Lan Xichen who sat alone with his uncle, both of them looking equally grim. It was one thing for Lan Qiren to be so severe, when the man had probably never smiled once in his entire life. But to see Lan Xichen frowning that way was rather discomforting. Nie Huaisang quickly decided that he did not like it. And, being used to getting his way about nearly everything, he decided that what he wanted at the moment was to see Lan Xichen smile again, just to get a sense of normalcy when everything else felt so chaotic.

It would have been ridiculous to approach Lan Xichen during dinner, or right after it for that matter. A sect leader had many duties to attend, especially within a sect already half depleted by the demands of war. Nie Huaisang’s experience in dealing with his brother had taught him to be smart about these things, and to wait for the right moment. Concerning Lan Xichen, he knew that the other man had slept last time in what still remained of the ruined Hanshi, and he knew as well how easy it was to get there without being noticed, having gone a few more times since that fateful morning because he was still looking for that damn bird. It was logical, then, for Nie Huaisang to return to that ruined garden and hide himself there, as patient in this as he was when he went birdwatching.

It was a long wait to be sure, yet less so than Nie Huaisang had prepared himself for. Night had barely fallen when the light of a candle appeared inside the room where he’d seen Lan Xichen last time. Better yet, the door toward the garden soon opened and Lan Xichen himself appeared, fully dressed this time, and came to stand among ruined beauty. Nie Huaisang sprang from his hiding place and greeted Lan Xichen with the same good humour as always. Lan Xichen was startled to find that he was not alone, but quickly relaxed when he realised who was there with him.

“Huaisang, you shouldn’t be out here so late,” Lan Xichen scolded too gently, as if he were still incapable of being reasonably harsh toward Nie Huaisang even when it was deserved. “If you are caught wandering at this time, you’ll have to be punished.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just be tasked with helping Lan Shuhuai even more,” Nie Huaisang retorted. “And that’s what I do all day already.”

“Yes, I’ve heard you’ve been helping a lot. I’ll make sure to mention it to your brother when I see him, I’m sure he will be glad to hear it. I know I’m very grateful for your hard work.”

“It’s not so hard, and Lan Shuhuai always has fun stories to tell so time passes fast.”

“I can imagine Lan Shuhuai is just the sort of company you’d enjoy,” Lan Xichen said, his mouth twitching in amusement, though he did not quite manage to smile. 

Even that was an improvement over Lan Xichen's sour mood at dinner, and Nke Huaisang took it as a first victory.

"Of course, Xichen-ge's company is even more enjoyable," he said with sincere warmth. "I'm so glad I was able to catch a moment with you." 

"Is that so?" Lan Xichen asked, a little mocking. "I'm surprised. Considering how many times you've accused me of being cruel and unfeeling just because I asked you to study, I thought my company would be particularly loathsome to you." 

"I'm not a student anymore, so I'm safe from that now." 

"I can still report to your brother on the frequency of your training," Lan Xichen retorted with good humour. "When was the last time you picked up that sabre he lent you to come here? Should we spar a little so I can check your progress?" 

Nie Huaisang gasped in mock horror, one hand over his heart while he pretended to stumble as if he'd been struck. Lan Xichen smiled at first, then laughed when Nie Huaisang, now pretending the attack had been mortal, leaned against the remains of a burned tree with a dramatic groan. 

It was a soft little thing, that laughter. It sounded fragile almost, as if Lan Xichen couldn't quite remember how to laugh after so much tragedy. And yet, quiet as it was, it illuminated his face, giving it back the warmth that had been absent so far. 

Forgetting his comedy, Nie Huaisang stared at him in awe. It always caught him by surprise, how handsome Lan Xichen was when he forgot to restrain himself. Not that he wasn't handsome the rest of the time (he definitely was) but in those too rare moments of sincere emotion, Lan Xichen appeared as a stunning god walking among mortals. A god for whom Nie Huaisang felt more than he ought to have felt, especially when all signs pointed to Lan Xichen having already found his cultivation partner. 

But it was fine if Nie Huaisang had a crush. It was fine as long as he didn't let it stop him from being a good friend. In fact, unrequited love, as far as he was concerned, was very fashionable, so he didn't mind partaking in that a little. It would give him something to lament over next time he saw his other friends, and maybe he'd even get Nie Mingjue to feel sorry for him.

"Fine, I'll keep that secret from your brother," Lan Xichen promised, still retaining a certain softness at the corner of his eyes even as he tried to make himself stern again. "And I am happy that you came to see me, but you must go now. I meant it earlier, you will be punished if you're caught breaking curfew." 

"It'll be worth it." 

"I would be sad if you were punished because of me," Lan Xichen replied. "You don't want me to be sad, do you?" 

The question was asked in a playful tone, but Nie Huaisang couldn't help taking it seriously. He really didn't want Lan Xichen to be sad. It would be unbearable to cause Lan Xichen any sadness, when already the world was so unkind to him. Nie Huaisang wanted Lan Xichen to be happy, and he might even be willing to slightly inconvenience himself for it, or to put mild effort into it, which was far more than he could say about literally anyone or anything else in the world. 

"Fine, I'll go for now," Nie Huaisang conceded. "But can I come to see you again tomorrow night?" 

"I'll be gone by then," Lan Xichen said, fully serious once more. 

"Then can I come next time you visit? Just to chat a little like this. I won't bother you, I swear!" 

"I don't think I have the power to stop you if that's what you want." 

"Of course I want it. But if you don't, I'm not going to force you." 

From being stern, Lan Xichen's expression turned a little sad. "That's very kind of you. I think I would like it if you came again. It would really be... But I won't hold it against you if you change your mind between now and then." 

"Oh, I definitely won't!" Nie Huaisang exclaimed. 

Lan Xichen only looked more sad, as if he knew something Nie Huaisang didn't know. Except Nie Huaisang did know about the pregnancy, and he didn't mind, didn't care, and just wanted to make Lan Xichen smile again.

As long as Lan Xichen smiled, and he smiled because of Nie Huaisang, for Nie Huaisang, nothing else mattered at all. 

After that, Lan Xichen returned more often to the Cloud Recesses. Every two or three weeks he would drop by, sometimes alone, more often accompanied by people he had freed from the Wens' clutches. Among those people, some would leave again with him if they were strong enough to fight and judged trustworthy. The others, the young, the old, the weak, those of dubious allegiance, would be confined to the Cloud Recesses. 

Lan Xichen never stayed long. A day or two, three at most, and then he was gone again, almost a ghost within his own home. But two things were sure to happen when he was there. First, that he would go see the doctor. Second, that Nie Huaisang and him would exchange a few words. 

At first it was Nie Huaisang who sought him out each time, which appeared to surprise Lan Xichen. But then again, with his pregnancy still a secret, there were no rumours to isolate him more than his status already did. And it seemed to do him real good to have someone chat with him as if he were still nothing more than a young master, so Nie Huaisang made sure never to miss out on his visits. 

Then, about three months after Lan Xichen's first secret visit, came a day where Lan Xichen was the one to purposefully seek out Nie Huaisang. Of course Nie Huaisang was easy enough to find, because if he wasn't helping in the library then he was gardening, the most pointless and most run activity he'd found for his spare time. Nie Mingjue might have been impressed to see his brother hard at work removing dead bushes and burned out small trees, but Nie Huaisang took comfort in knowing that he was still doing something useless, so physical effort was acceptable. 

Still, when Lan Xichen found him, Nie Huaisang was dirty and sweating, his face and hands black with dirt, and overall it wasn't at all how he wanted to be seen by the other man. Least of all when Lan Xichen, in spite of the war, still looked magnificent in his long pale robes. 

Magnificent, and visibly pregnant. It had gotten to the point where the many layers worn by the Lan sect could no longer hide Lan Xichen's state. Others would notice, and gossip would be inevitable. But as for Nie Huaisang, he pretended he couldn't see anything, and just greeted Lan Xichen with the same good humour as always. 

His silence on that topic appeared to come as a relief to Lan Xichen, and yet his thanks for Nie Huaisang's kindness was to be unbearably cruel, and mean, and the worst friend in the entire world. 

"It's just your sabre," Lan Xichen said with barely restrained laughter as Nie Huaisang inspected the offending chunk of metal. "No need to be so upset." 

"It's just my sabre, and then it'll be just training, and then just something else that's awful," Nie Huaisang whined. "I can't. I'm too delicate. Can't we pretend you lost it on your way here?" 

The argument about being delicate would have worked better without the pile of uprooted bushes surrounding Nie Huaisang, but he was shameless enough to try anyway. 

"Your brother would be very upset at me if I lost your sabre," Lan Xichen pointed out with a smile. 

"But now he's going to be upset at me for not using it! Have you no mercy?" 

"None at all. Better you than me."

Nie Huaisang gasped in horror and betrayal, before both of them started chuckling like schoolboys. Lan Xichen stayed a little more after that, giving some news from the war and from Nie Mingjue, before he had to leave again. But that visit proved a turning point. From then on, whenever Lan Xichen came to the Cloud Recesses, he would look for Nie Huaisang to talk with him, instead of Nie Huaisang trying to steal a few moments of his time. 

That change was of course noticed and, combined with Lan Xichen's now obvious stomach, it naturally gave rise to questions and suspicions. Nie Huaisang noticed that the elders who had stuck around would look at him with either interest or open hatred, when before they gave him as little attention as if he'd been an ant under a blade of grass. Lan Qiren was the only one whose attitude did not change, confirming that he had to know who was really to blame for his nephew's condition. 

A condition that was still not being acknowledged in any official way. There was still no announcement, which Nie Huaisang was starting to find odd. The war was going well enough at this point, the alliance was strong enough, that publicly admitting Lan Xichen was with child should have been fine. In fact there should also have been news of an engagement at this point. If the other father was a commoner, he should have been brought to the Cloud Recesses and a pretty tale woven to explain why it was actually fine for Lan Xichen to make such a bad match. And if it was a cultivator, a stronger alliance could have been struck with his sect, or else he could have been treated as a martyr of the war against the Wens if he'd fallen against them, and Lan Xichen granted a posthumous marriage to his one true love. 

It was all very odd. Nie Huaisang took it as proof that the Lans didn't understand politics and propaganda at all. If he’d been in charge of that, things would have gone very differently.

Not that Nie Huaisang wanted to be in charge of anything. In fact, now that Lan Shuhuai and him were done sorting out the remains of the library, Nie Huaisang was hard at work to avoid being given anything else to do. Helping Lan Shuhuai had been one thing, because Nie Huaisang had hardly done anything at all except provide company. But now Lan Qiren had suggested that Nie Huaisang might give him a hand with double checking the sect’s budget, and that would be more of a problem.

Not because Nie Huaisang wasn’t capable of doing it. In fact, he was immensely competent with numbers, which always surprised everyone who bought into his image as an idle and useless young master. But numbers were fun, and Nie Huaisang was good when it came to money because the too small allowance his brother gave him forced him to be very careful with spending (it had even forced him to build some small businesses while studying in Gusu, to supplement his income and maintain his lifestyle). But if people found out that he was good at one thing, then they’d start expecting him to learn how to be good at other things, and Nie Huaisang just couldn’t be bothered. It was better to keep expectations low and pretend to be a complete idiot.

Which would have been a lot easier if Lan Qiren hadn’t confiscated his accounting book some years ago, and found out first hand that Nie Huaisang was occasionally competent when it suited him. As a result, they were now stuck in a very polite conflict where Lan Qiren tried to get Nie Huaisang to help, while Nie Huaisang pretended he couldn’t pick up the subtle hints dropped at him.

In a way, it was kind of fun.

Well, it was fun until Lan Qiren pulled a dirty trick and had his older nephew ask Nie Huaisang to help around a little.

Lan Xichen was once more visiting the Cloud Recesses after doing whatever people did out there to fight the Wens. It had snowed recently, the first snow of the season, and Nie Huaisang had been happily wasting time making snowmen around the Hanshi, just for the fun of it. It was there that Lan Xichen found him, having likely come there as soon as he’d taken care of his more urgent duties.

By Nie Huaisang’s calculations, Lan Xichen had to be close to giving birth by then. Certainly his stomach was frightfully large. Had he been a woman, he would have stopped appearing in public weeks ago, forced by doctors to rest until the birth. So much activity couldn’t be good for the baby. It probably wasn’t very good for Lan Xichen either, who looked quite tired, but he was probably too stubborn to stop helping with the Sunshot Campaign.

“So this is what you've been doing lately?” Lan Xichen asked when he reached Nie Huaisang, gesturing at the snowmen. “Aren’t you a little old for this?”

“One is never too old to have fun. And I have nothing else to do, anyway.”

“Yes, I’ve been told you made sure of that,” Lan Xichen replied with a mischievous smile. “I have something to say about that. First, can you help me sit? My back hurts if I stand too long.”

Nie Huaisang dutifully obeyed, guiding Lan Xichen to a nearby bench, wiping away the snow from it, then helping the other man sit down. Lan Xichen sighed in relief, and gestured dismissively at his round stomach.

“It’s such a bother, always in my way. I’ve been told some people enjoy this state, but personally I can’t be freed from it soon enough.”

Startled to hear Lan Xichen acknowledge his pregnancy, Nie Huaisang found himself unsure what to say and just nodded.

“Sit down with me,” Lan Xichen said, patting the space next to him on the bench. It wasn’t a very big bench, they’d have to sit close together, and that made Nie Huaisang hesitate. “Sit, please,” Lan Xichen insisted. “At this point, just seeing someone standing makes my feet hurt.”

“Fine then,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, sitting next to Lan Xichen, trying not to enjoy too much the way their elbows and thighs touched.

“You’re always so considerate with me,” Lan Xichen said. From anyone else it would have been sarcasm, but he seemed sincere enough. “I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet for the way you’ve tried to keep me in a good mood whenever I’ve come here, but I’m really grateful. You’ve made this a little more bearable.”

“I haven’t done anything!”

“You’ve told me jokes, and made me laugh, and distracted me whenever I was angry with something, which was nearly every time I’ve had to come home,” Lan Xichen retorted. “It was really helpful. And I also deeply appreciate the fact that you’ve never asked me any question about… about my situation. Knowing you, you must have been very curious, so I’m sincerely grateful you made an effort not to mention it.”

Nie Huaisang’s cheek heated up, embarrassed by more praise than he was used to.

“I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you’d say so,” he muttered. “You didn’t, so I didn’t either. I bet you had enough people pestering you about it already.”

Lan Xichen grimaced as he nodded. One of his hands came to rest on his stomach for a moment, but he quickly removed it with another grimace.

“People feel so entitled to the details of my life,” he sighed. “But there’s just a lot I don’t feel like sharing. I’ve told the doctors what they had to know, I’ve told my uncle what he had to know… I don’t see why anyone else deserves to hear about it, or why I should share unimportant facts. Even your brother was pestering me about it, and refused to accept that any answers I could give would just be unpleasant for him. But you… thank you for respecting my privacy.”

Thinking about having watched Lan Xichen naked that one time, and having imagined him nude many more times since, Nie Huaisang shrugged. He didn’t feel he’d been particularly good at respecting anyone’s privacy here, but he wasn't above taking a compliment he didn't deserve.

“You’ve really been a true friend,” Lan Xichen insisted, looking at Nie Huaisang with a smile so soft his heart skipped a beat. “And I hope you’ll allow me to ask you for a favour, out of friendship.”

“Anything you want, Xichen-ge!”

“I’ve just been told that I’m too close to my term to leave the Cloud Recesses again,” Lan Xichen explained, gesturing at his stomach with a dismissive gesture. “Especially not when Wei Wuxian has been using… rather unconventional means to fight against the Wens, and it is feared that being near him could have an impact on the baby. So I will be confined at home starting tonight, until after that child is born. It promises to be rather boring. I’m not allowed to do any work at all.”

“I can’t imagine you being idle very long,” Nie Huaisang said.

“Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl,” Lan Xichen agreed with a shiver. "But I believe I found a loophole. You see, I was given permission to have company in my confinement, as long as I can find someone willing. And such a companion would of course not be subject to the same restrictions as me. They would be permitted to work."

Nie Huaisang nodded slowly, half guessing where this was going. 

"Naturally if my companion needed help with his work, I would offer to assist," Lan Xichen went on. "And as it happens, my uncle mentioned to me that he has hoped to recruit you into doing some paperwork for him…" 

"Accounting," Nie Huaisang corrected with a laugh, surprised that either Lan Xichen or Lan Qiren would be capable of scheming like that. "I have always refused so far because he scares me too much to spend my days in his office. But if I could get to spend my days in your room instead, I wouldn't mind as much." 

Actually, several of Nie Huaisang's top ten ways to hypothetically spend his days involved Lan Xichen and a bedroom. In some versions, they even got to stay dressed. In most, they didn't.

Accounting was not a common part of those fantasies, but he could adapt. 

"I can't say how grateful I am," Lan Xichen replied, smiling warmly. "You have no idea how much it scared me to be alone or in bad company, with nothing to do but wait idly for this ordeal to be over.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Nie Huaisang assured him, delighted by the perspective of so much time spent with his crush, and with nobody to bother them, too. “I’m glad if you think we’re friends, and I guess it’s fine if I even have to do a little work. If it’s to help you, it’s worth it.”

Lan Xichen appeared pleased by this, and relieved as well. Nie Huaisang wasn’t naive enough to think he would have been the first choice if there had been other options. If Nie Mingjue or Lan Wangji had been around, Lan Xichen wouldn’t have asked him at all. But these two were busy in the war, and there just wasn’t anyone even a little bit fun or interesting left in the Cloud Recesses, except Nie Huaisang.

Being the last resort wasn’t flattering, but it was better than nothing.

“I will be a terrible friend now,” Lan Xichen said after a moment, “and ask for one more favour." 

"Anything, anything at all!" 

"Can you help me get up?" Lan Xichen shyly asked. "It's slippery with the snow, and my balance is currently a little off. I'm worried I might fall." 

Nie Huaisang laughed at the request, and promptly jumped to his feet. He offered both of his hands to Lan Xichen, who took them both as he carefully rose from the bench. Then, instead of letting go of Nie Huaisang's hands, he kept holding them a few moments too long. Nie Huaisang felt too aware of the warmth of their skin touching, of their breaths mixing like clouds in the cold air, of how little space there was between them, barely enough for that round belly. Lan Xichen opened his mouth, as if he might say something, then closed it again and let go of Nie Huaisang’s hands. 

In case Lan Xichen changed his mind about whatever he wanted to say, Nie Huaisang offered to walk him to the dining halls for his last meal around others. But they made their way there in silence, the moment having passed. 

Hopefully, it would return some other time. 

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #step dad nhs

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Apr 19th

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1. Hi, I'm looking for fics where WWX is drunk/high and LZ noncons him @thehappyyellow

the sweetest dream would never do by honeyandviscera (E, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dark LWJ, Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Body Worship, Breaking and Entering, Drugged Sex, Stalking, Come Eating, Unreliable Narrator, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat)

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2. Hey, hope you guys are well. For itmf, any opwwx! recs? Preferably completed please. Thank you for your time!! @tinyfoxpeach

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3. Helloooo Just came here jajsjs I'm desperate, lately I was thinking about some caveman! Or prehistoric ice age wangxian but I could not find something like that :( any rec? (Tysm for this page)

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4. more fics like lwj's big dick agenda? or just fics lwj being possessive. thanksss!

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5. Love your blog!!!!thank you for the hardwork!

Would love some disabled/chronic health issues wei wuxian pretty please 💖💖

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 91k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Disability, Scheming NHS, Disabled Character)

🔒 a star called sun by thelastdboy (E, 120k, wangxian, SL/XXC, JC & JYL & WWX, JYL & LWJ, WWX & WN & WQ, JYL/JZX, Canon Divergence after Xuanwu Cave, Fall of Lotus Pier, But worse!, Power Imbalance, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Not Everyone Dies AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Canon-Typical Violence, Sunshot Campaign, Miscommunication, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Major Character Injury, Loss of Limbs, Chronic Illness, Seizures, WWX’s Three Months in the Burial Mounds, Wēn Remnants Live, Wēn Remnants Deserve Better, WWX Creates a Sect | Yílíng Wèi Sect, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Hurt/Comfort, Selectively Mute LWJ, Service Animals, Crows)

The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, wangxian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Everyone Lives AU, Except Those Who Deserves to Die, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant, WIP)

🧡 the river brought you here by chilianxianzi (Not Rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, POV Outsider, Amnesia, Past abuse, Strangulation, Found Family)

please don’t let me be misunderstood by sysrae (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, getting hit by cars, Past Child Abuse)

some foolish thing I've done by sysrae (M, 4k, wangxian, Modern, College/University, partial hearing loss, Past Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, the real OTP is everyone x therapy)

🔒 how to make your dad fall in love with your high school teacher in five steps; the complete and bulletproof guide by ravenditefairylights (T, 90k, wangxian, modern, coffee shop au, nonbinary LSZ, hurt/comfort, trauma, past abuse, past domestic violence, healing, hurt WWX, found family, hospitalization, therapy, single parent WWX, pining, teacher LWJ, unreliable narrator, chronic pain, queer platonic relationship, genderfluid WWX, autistic LWJ, fluff & angst)

🔒 some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)

Cure by Yukirin_Snow (M, 100k, WangXian, XiCheng, XuanLi, Modern AU, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Character, Cancer, Medical Procedures, Medical Jargon, Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Love at First Sight, possible trigger warnings) Wwx has cancer, happy ending. It's a really good fic. I love it.

Rest is Resolution series by MarbleGlove (T, 32k, JC & WWX, JYL/JZX, JZX & JGS, LQR & LWJ, wangxian, Fix-It, Post-Sunshot Campaign, this might be crack, Niè Cultivation, BAMF NHS, BAMF JYL, Canon Divergence, Madam Lan Backstory, Getting Together), but especially the first one, Elder, an Aesthetic It's WWX without his golden core leaning into needing assistance

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6. Hiii! For the next itmf, I’m wondering if anyone has read fics inspired on creative reality shows? I’d love to read about wangxian having to team up for something like baking impossible or blown away. I hope y’all are having a great day, thanks!

❤️ Knight Hunt! Phoenix Mountain by travelingneuritis (E, 51k, wangxian, modern, dating show, Modern Cultivation, but in the silliest way possible, Reality TV, the juniors are interns, Smut, Illustrations, low-stakes pining)

Wangxian Strictly AU Series by Selenay (E, 135k, WangXian, Modern: No Powers, Dance, Strictly Come Dancing Fusion, Ballroom Dancing, Dancer!WWX, Violinist LWJ, Pining While Dancing, Oblivious WWX, Gratuitous Costume Descriptions, Gratuitous dancing descriptions, Slow Burn, Ballroom dancing, Established Relationship, Romantic Fluff, [Podfic] Falling to the Rhythm by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

Previously, on LEGO Masters by trippednfell (M, 55k, wangxian, Reality TV Show Contestants/Judges, Modern, Mutual Pining, Forced to compete together, strangers to reality show contestants to lovers, there's only one bed, Platonic Cuddling, Autistic LWJ, WWX Has ADHD, Grief/Mourning, Wangxian miss their moms, so much pining, More Pining than LEGO in this LEGO fic, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, POV Alternating, Lego Masters AU, Not YZY friendly, Dysfunctional Jiang family dynamics)

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7. Do you by any chance know if there's any fic about the kid playing hanguang-jun role and the kid playing to be the yiling patriarch of that bunch of kids playing to be cultivators? As they have no names idk where to start looking. I'm in the mood for something wholesome 😌 Thanks in advance!

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8. Itm A) miscarriage fics where it causes problems in wx marriage.

B) girl dad wwx

C) cat dad wwx

Please find all of them in >20k or atleast 10 k. Please. Thankyou.

Rise of the Divine Oracle by BlakSalt (T, 291k, WangXian, Boy Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance)

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9. hi! :3 itmf junior-central fics :) can be any combination of the quartet. ship fics are fine but no sizhui/jin ling pls bc they are cousins in my heart. thanks!! @monstergreentea

🔒 blue flies buzzing by RoseThorne (T, 2k, JL & LJY & OYZZ & LSZ, JC & WWX, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & LXC, Gossip, Rumors, Mentioned Wen Remnants, Sect Leader Yao Bashing, JC & WWX Reconciliation, NHS is a Little Shit, POV LJY, POV Third Person, Threats, Justice, Cultivation Discussion Conferences, LWJ is LSZ’s Parent, LJY Being LJY, Podfic Welcome)

🔒 hills and rivers are waiting by LtLJ (T, 15k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, the family that hunts demons together stays together, and doesn't murder each other, Case Fic, BAMF WWX, Mojo's post)

💖A Dramatic Reading by pupeez4eva (Not rated, 5k, wangxian, post-canon, humor, public confessions, curses, getting together)

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

Would You Come Home? by s6115 (Not rated, 46k, WangXian, Junior Quartet Centric, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Junior Quartet Dynamics) Might work, though it's a little more Sizhui centric, but it's a very lovely showing of their dynamic in a low stakes setting

❤️ grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon) link in #12

You Bring the Colour by fuddy_duddy (rainier_day) (G, 12k, wangxian, art school, art restoration)

🔒 Yearning by Sanguis (T, 9k, WangXian, LingYi, Modern AU, Professors, Established Relationship, Married Couple, Bunnies, Pre-Relationship Secrets)

climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (T, 15k, JC & JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, JL & LSZ, JL & WWX, Post-Canon, Mutually Unrequited Forgiveness, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Family History, Generational Trauma, Discussion of Canonical Abuse, Awkward Attempts at Communication, mentions of past JC/WQ, Fairy is a good dog)

history by tongzhi (T, 16k, LSZ & WN, JC & LSZ, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & Wen Remnants, LSZ & Juniors, LSZ & MM, Post-Canon, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, LSZ gets angry, LSZ and JL refuse to take their family's trauma forward, jiujiu is the best, Character Study, MM abolitionist queen)

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10. itmf any pregxian fics! thank you for your hard work admins :)

Reluctant partner by sacrificial_fawn (G, 31k, wangxian, LXC/JGY, Modern, Mpreg, Family Reunions, bonding over your shared trauma, Reluctant Bonding, Married Life, Supportive LQR, Past Miscarriage, LXC's excessive use of kaomojis, Male Lactation, non-graphic birth, LQR tries to be a good uncle but he doesn’t know how to, Intersex WWX, JGY can hold the baby as a treat, LWJ can have words and verbs as a treat, Slight OOC) very sweet imo, it has a bit of Meng Yao and Wei Wuxian friendship, it's also a teene tiny bit sad

All I Want by Selenay (E, 47k, wangxian, Modern, Mpreg, Post Holiday Romance, Consequences, Reunions, Idiots in Love, wangxian attempt to be sensible adults about it, they are very bad at it, Teacher WWX, Rating earned in later chapters, Handwavey Biology)

Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, canon divergence, communication, established relationship, sunshot campaign, mpreg, canon typical violence, WWX has new golden core, canonical character death, happy ending, fix-it of sorts) He's not pregnant for a large portion of the fic, but it's not an insignificant amount of time.

Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal) I'd be surprised if you haven't already read this one, but it's one of the few ones of the genre that I like.

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11. Hi!! For itmf, is there any fic where Lan zhan and wei ying personality swapped? It only temporary but the chaos cannot be contained @chibiizzy

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12. hey admins, any fic recs on wei ying getting injured or sick and lan zhan takes care of him or just anyone who gets very worried about him?? thanks <3

🔒🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 57k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU)

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 63k, wangxian, JL & WWX, post-canon, Protective WWX, Protective JL, POV JL, JC & WWX Reconciliation, eventually, Reluctant Matchmaker JL, this kid is doing his best, Pre-JL/LJY if you squint)

How to Treat Your Injured Yiling Laozu by merakily (T, 3k, wangxian, Chronic Pain, Whump, Love Confessions, Literal Sleeping Together, Burial Mounds, Golden Core Reveal, LWJ has a lot of feelings about WWX being in pain, Hurt WWX)

hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (E, 23k, wangxian, Canon Compliant, discussion of canon character death, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Getting Together, Yearning, Literal Sleeping Together, Really Excessive Amounts of Hurt/Comfort)

something left to save by androids_fighting93 (E, 57k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, No Bloodbath of Nightless City, JYL Lives, Not Everyone Dies AU, Hurt/Comfort, single dad wwx, Sick Character, Golden Core Reveal, the lightest d/s dynamic if you squint, handjobs, Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Dynamics)

Heart of hearts series by apathyinreverie (M, 40k, wangxian, WIP, Dark LWJ-ish, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Recovery, Possessive LWJ, Possessive WWX, Protective LWJ, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt WWX, Caring, WWX Goes to Gusu, ridiculously self-indulgent, Canon Divergence, Amnesia, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

❤️ grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon)

What's Wrong With Him? by GrapefruitSketches (G, 2k, JYL & WWX, JYL & LWJ, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, Pining LWJ, POV JYL, Canon Compliant, Oblivious WWX, Unconscious WWX, Concerned JYL, JYL Knows Everything)

let the yoke fall from our shoulders by occultings (microcomets) (G, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Character Study, Mentions of Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, let capricorns cathart agenda, Happy Ending, Family Feels, Established Relationship)

~*~

13. Itmf serious fics. Where wwx has personality like he has in 12 moons n a fortnight, he's so mature there uk. Ik that fic has funny and crack moments too, but it's mostly feels and serenity there, more fics where wwx is like that please?

~*~

14. Hello. Thank you for all the hardwork.

For the next itmf I'm looking for fics whe WWX is not the only one to be resurrected.

Or where he is resurrected in other people bodies (I have seen the fic comp here ).

Thank you once again @anime-trash-parody

~*~

15. itmf,,, a fic where wwx atracts the supernatural, the divine, the eerie,, like he has a connection with the burial mounds or the dead in general, they like him, they are atracted to him; spirits and deities like huli jins or like the fliwer maiden are also atracted to him or interact with him,,, does what im saying even make sense?

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

16. itmf any fics where they actually end up meeting baoshan sanren when going to or while doing the core transfer

Can't Tell Me Nothin by natacup82 (T, 35k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Family Feels, Communication, BAMF Women) They don’t meet during the transfer so it might not quite be what u have in mind but she does do something about it.

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17. Would love some genius modern wei wuxian extra if the juniors are involved thank you 💖💖💖💖💖

💖 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There)by H_Belle (T, 5k, wangxian, NHS & WWX, modern w/ cultivation, inventor WWX, secret identity, identity reveal, YLLZ WWX, rogue cultivator WWX, pining LWJ, WWX pov)

living in my memory/living in my mouth by tardigradeschool (T, 32k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, reincarnation, college/university au, hurt/comfort, sharing a bed, light angst, nightmares, epistolary, pining, friends to lovers)

🔒 care by everbrighter (T, 35k, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, modern w/ magic, resurrection, family bonding, getting to know each other, past character death, pining)

🔒 The Second Jade of Lan's late but incendiary sexual awakening by KizuKatana (E, 41k, wangxian, First Time, LWJ's Horny Grip,LWJ does not know what hit him, and yet somehow he still realizes it before WWX, canon wangxian dynamics, college AU, LWJ starts off annoyed at WWXBut quickly discovers both his competency kink and a caretaking kink, Genius WWX)

i really want to know (who are you) by Stratisphyre (M, 19k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, Modern with Magic, Golden Core Reveal, Single Dad WWX, Reasonable Authority Figure LQR, Allusions to violence and murder, Hospitalization)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

[accessible-tumbling]

At source, the thread continues:

I follow/am followed by a lot of trans or trans-adjacent folks, but I have no idea how many people who follow me don't really know any trans people, and who, on seeing the rising hysteria about trans people, feel that maybe there really is something to worry about.

Maybe they feel no hostility to trans people, but have been led to believe that there are 'reasonable concerns' to be addressed, or that they are 'just asking questions'. At least one of my followers follows Cambridge Radical Feminists network, an openly trans-hostile group.

So if you're trans, or an ally, CW for transphobia and sadness here, maybe don't read this. But if you are feeling a bit 'on the fence' I'm begging you, listen to those of us telling you things are really bad here, and getting worse.

Neither my niece or my nephew were brought up with 'traditional gender roles'. My husband is the virtuoso cook in our household, and we have loads of pictures of both 'nephews' cooking with him. My niece wore her hair long, because she liked it long, and hated haircuts.

Her favourite colour is purple, so it featured a lot in her wardrobe, but I think because no fixed ideas of what it meant to 'be a boy' were imposed on her or her self-expression, gender was just a shrug to her. Until puberty hit, and suddenly she was very uncomfortable.

She was a bit grouchy and withdrawn, and began to act out at school. Not surprising for a kid in their early teens to be moody and challenging, not the stuff of newspaper headlines. We just took it in stride. Then a few months later it all came together - she was a girl.

We swapped pronouns, and once she decided on a new name, adopted that (it's a lovely choice!). My happy, goofy, animated little weirdo came back out of her shell. Her school friends are wonderful and supportive (we had a 'Gender Repeal' party where they brought hand made cards!

But getting healthcare, counselling and support for her was another story. Obviously we all had questions around whether this was a phase, or perhaps a stepping stone to something else - nonbinary identity, or just life as a boy who was quite gender-nonconforming.

These aren't things we are qualified to help her work through! Also, if in time and with a good counsellor it is established with certainty that yes, she is a trans girl, then we want her to have a therapist to help her with her feelings around that.

It's not an easy path through life, and it would be reasonable to have some anger, some 'why me' feelings, or some fears about that. We really want her to have that support.

We also wanted to have puberty blockers for her. She had expressed a desire for them, and it would buy her some time to think about what she wants from her future and her body without the pressure of a body that is changing in ways that are deeply distressing to her.

Since the Tavistock closed, there is no Gender Identity service on the NHS to refer her into. The new system is expected to open with a three year wait list. Her friends won't get their first appt until they are around 17 or 18.

We got her blockers privately. It's challenging because not all GPs will agree to share care with private services, so you're always hopping between two systems. It's not cheap either. Just over £100 a month. Not a lot of families have that going spare right now.

She had a fantastic youth club for LGBT+ kids that has been such a fantastic source of support. Their windows have been smashed more than once. Newspapers regularly talk about the threat trans women pose to us. There was even a debate about it in Parliament. It's hostile here.

At the beginning of the year, when Gary Lineker was being hauled over the coals for suggesting our government's narrative around targets of hatred was akin to 1930s Germany, the kids' parents offered them to move to Canada. Their dad texted us to say they seemed keen.

Canada has a better healthcare system for trans people, and there, my niece can change her gender officially with a minor bit of paperwork. Nowhere right now is perfect, but it's better.

So today, my niece and nephew left their home, their friends, their school, and most of their family to seek a better life away from the UK, which has become intolerably hostile.

I'm relieved. Canada is lovely. Travel broadens the mind. They are charismatic, kind, engaging kids. They will make new friends.

But we won't get their formative teenage years back, with them living ten minutes' cycle away. They won't get homework on my couch after school.

They won't get time with their dad or their grandparents, except for holidays. They won't play frisbee with their uncle, or go kayaking with me after school. We will be half a world away, hoping for the best.

This is the cost of the rising tide of transphobia. Lineker was right. Having a chunk of your family uproot for their safety and wellbeing while being victimised by your government probably does feel reminiscent of 1930s Germany.

I encourage you to scratch a little deeper at the 'just asking questions' brigade, at JK Rowling's desire to just 'protect women and girls'. That protection doesn't extend to my niece. The questions about her personhood left her without counselling, support or healthcare.

And one day, when she is not a trans child but a trans woman, I don't want her living somewhere that her identity is constantly sharing space with 'just asking questions about rapists', 'dangerous men in dresses', or discourse around whether she is allowed to pee outside her home.

The anti-trans brigade shares space, and a great deal of its ideals with fascism. Nazis attend their rallies. They quote Hitler. The policing of identity, the reinforcement of gender norms, the intense focus on fertility - all straight out of the fash playbook.

And those pressing for the marginalisation of a minority, squeezing them out of public life, pillorying them in the press, ruining their public standing - they don't stop there. Other targets for hate *will* emerge, if left unchecked.

One of the most famous images of Nazi book burning is from the looting of Magnus Hirschfeld's Institute of Sexology, which was leading research in trans and gay identities/sexualities at the time.

And fascist powers don't start with laws that say things like 'kill all the Jews'. They are worded as positives. The first anti-Jewish law was 'Law for the Restoration of the Professional Civil Service' barring Jewish and 'politically unreliable' people from service.

(You can read more about anti-Jewish legislation here)

So when you see things framed as 'protecting women and girls' and 'defending women's sex-based rights' (surely things *no one* reasonable can disagree with!) ask yourself protect *from who* and *at whose expense*.

As we are left behind in a nation that is increasingly demonising foreigners and turning on its own, I am left with the thought experiment we were all given at school, 'What would *you* have done if you had lived in that place, at that time?'

Now is the place and the time.

Please, do something.

#alt text included #twitter #politics #uk politics #canadian politics #lgbtq #current events #medical decision-making #nazi mention #history #laws #long post #if for some reason you're still on twitter that thread is quite the honey pot #i'm blocking people left and right

[rosethornewrites]

NR, E, & M reading since 3/24

Finished

Not Rated:

WZL is Meng Yao's dad, by nirejseki

Prompt: Au where Wen Zhuiliu is Meng yao’s dad instead of JG. Meng Yao is raised in the wen sect, as his son also the idea of the golden-core-snatcher thing being hereditary or not would be fun to explore. It’s be the ultimate dagger-up-the-sleeve move. Meng Yao joins Wen Qing and Ning to study at the Lans sect.

NHS tries to fix things post-Sunshot, by nirejseki

Can you do one where Huisang is upset about the loss of his best friends? After the cloud recesses and the training camp he looked forward to seeing Wei Wuxian and JC again and now they don’t even like each other and WW is so cold now. Maybe they deserve a forced vacation?

Who gave Lan-xiansheng alcohol?!, by HeloSoph (🔒, 6 chapters)

Lan-xiansheng is drunk and certain facts are revealed.

Apparently, Lan-xiansheng is the reason behind the 'alcohol is prohibited in Cloud Recesses' rule...

'Well, you learn something new every day.' Nie Huaisang thinks.

Explicit:

Light the Lantern, Touch the Light, by Sirendipity (🔒)

Rogue cultivator Wei Wuxian is tasked to investigate the haunting of a brothel, where he is tricked into servitude by the cunning madam. Lan Wangji, under the effects of a dangerous curse, enlists the aid of Mo Xuanyu - a prostitute he has yet to learn is dead.

When the two meet, is it coincidence? Or is a conniving force bent on pushing them together?

OR

the sexy casefic one that no one - not even the author - expected to actually contain sex.

Grabbing At Clouds, by Bvbyphoenix (🔒)

Wei Wuxian has been dealing with a recent flair up of intrusive thoughts, and after a very rough night of sleep, Lan WangJi decides to dedicate a day to pampering him and keeping his mind distracted.

Some of that distraction comes in the form of domming him into not thinking so hard.

Mature:

Reclamation, by CordialCoroner (CordialCrow)

After her death at the hands of the Jin, Wen Qing's spirit lingers.

you need to stop seeing right through me, by lanzhandweiying

Wei Wuxian took a step forward, wanting to move away but strong hands held him by the waist and swiftly turned his thin frame around, making him face Lan Zhan’s perfect face.

The two were so close now, bodies touching each other, not even a sliver of space between them.

‘’Lan Zhan’’ Wei Wuxian breathed out.

‘’Wei Ying’’ Lan Zhan whispered back looking at him with an expression he had never wore before.

or a different turn in the forest conversation in episode 25.

Unfinished

Not Rated:

The Trial, by H_Belle

Canon divergence - Cloud Recesses did not burn and the Sunshot Campaign has not yet started.

Amidst the rising tensions in the cultivation world, the Wen Sect announces a special event planned for the next Discussion Conference - a trial of wit, skill and spirit, meant for the sect heirs only. For some reason, Wei Wuxian is asked to assist.

And what was this trial supposed to be, exactly?

To Recall and To Long for, by scallion_pancakes

Its Wei Wuxian's wedding day.

The Jiang family or at least what is left of it should be overjoyed. Yet, Jiang Cheng finds himself looking at his sister shrink further And further into herself.

He had to have a conversation with Lan Wangji.

Explicit:

hold out your hands, by Aminias

Oh no, this is bad. How could he have forgotten Wei Ying's considerate nature? Lan Zhan wants to marry him; technically this isn't their first meeting so Xichen will have to allow it. The characters for Wei Ying's name are written across his cup and Lan Zhan files that information away. It will be important to get the proper spelling of Wei Ying's name right later, he wants no mistakes when they go to the courthouse.

or

Lan Zhan hasn't seen Wei Ying since he gave him his first gay awakening. Now five years later with Wei Ying in front of him he handles it with as much chill as you might assume.

Heart of the Beast, by WaitForTheSnitch

“Wei Ying?” Nie Mingjue prompted him gently. “Where are your parents?”

“They went on a night hunt,” Wei Ying said, a bit evasively.

“Your parents are cultivators?” Da-ge asked in surprise. “Did they leave you here while they hunted? When did they go on their night hunt?”

“Four summers ago,” Wei Ying said a bit uncomfortable.

“Four summers ago,” Nie Mingjue repeated. “What are your parents’ names?”

“My mama is Cangse Sanren and my baba is Wei Changze,” Wei Ying told him, and recognition registered in Nie Mingjue’s eyes.

“Wei Ying,” Nie Mingjue said, sounding a bit regretful, “Your parents aren’t coming back.”

Or, Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang run into Wei Ying while in Yiling and decide to bring him home. And it changes everything.

Mature:

But This Time, I Have You, by Lotus_Seed

Lan Wangji follows Wei Wuxian at the siege. They both die and get sent back to the past. This time, Wei Wuxian isn't alone.

Together, they work things out.

To Ride A Stygian Tiger, by Madyamisam

Wei Wuxian changes fate and is wounded while saving Jin Zixuan at the Qiongqi bridge and a great mystery starts to unravel many hidden secrets never known before. While trying to deal with his own increasing madness, seeing threats everywhere in past, present and future, he sets an impossible task to save everyone he ever cared about with his very life and soul.

#the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #cql #chen qing ling #untamed fanfiction

[thebiscuiteternal]

Just a little question for you: What do you think would happen if because NHS spent so much time at Cloud Recesses (his student years and during Sunshot campaign) that he accidentally called LQR “a-die” like the ancient Chinese equivalent of calling your teacher your mom/dad? How would NMJ, LXC, LWJ and LQR react to this? Like let’s say he did it so casually like a slip of the tongue and the words didn’t register for a hot second

Hm. From what we're shown in the assorted canons, their relationship is too negative for it to happen as an innocent accident, and Huaisang isn't suicidal enough to do it sarcastically...

But...

Ooh.

Evil idea.

What if... it were to happen in the context of anger? Say something riles up Lan Qiren enough that he is very snappy and erratic (would probably have to be something worse than Wei Wuxian-irritation, since Nie Huaisang took getting hit with a flying book mostly in stride) and maybe even gets to the point of blood from the mouth or nose and oh, no, no, no, Huaisang knows exactly what that means, because he watched it happen to his actual dad for months.

Cue minor panic attack and slip of the tongue.

(And cue some heavy-duty angst for Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen when they realize why that slip of the tongue happened. Maybe Xichen starts stepping up his duties to try and take some of the weight off shufu so he won't get so stressed again. Maybe Mingjue has to take his brother on a short trip so they can talk because he realizes what happened to their father messed Huaisang up more than he thought it had.)

#mdzs #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #lan xichen #lan qiren #ideas

[lansplaining]

Au where instead of a fatal qi deviation jgy plays a song that turns nmj into a spiritually charged and very cool rock.

The day of the actual transformation, JGY leaves the rock in the room to go make sure there are no immediate witnesses, and NHS comes in and mistakes it for a new present from JGY. He treasures and cares for it and makes it the pride of his collection. It's so unique and interesting! He feels so drawn to it!

Meanwhile, nobody can really work out why and how Sect Leader Nie has vanished in the middle of a discussion conference. Months are spent searching and speculating, but nobody can find a single clue. However, thanks to his spiritually charged favorite rock, Nie Huaisang is better at cultivating than ever, and is able to step up to the role of "interim" sect leader with a lot of personal drama but not too much opposition.

When rumors still haven't died down after nearly a year, JGY frames Xue Yang for it and he's executed. Without XY for prostitute procurement, Su Minshan is able to talk JGY down from death-by-sex for his dad to death-by-poisoning-by-a-well-paid-accomplice-sex-worker. It's a really painful poison though.

#ask answered #AU meme

[tavina-writes]

8 shows to know you

I saw @jaimebluesq make a post about this, and I was like "oh... that sounds so interesting I want to make one" so here I am. This goes in chronological order of when I watched these and they ended up in my brainspace. (I also wanted to make an entirely cdrama list because !!!! cdrama lives in my brain rent free and has since I was a kid.)

Legend of the Condor Heroes - 1983

This is the classic version of LOCH! Made by TVB in the 80s! Turned a whole generation of people into HYS apologists bc this show was written by HYS apologists. Beloved (kind of evil) Wuxia Dilf and Petty Conwoman Daughter remains beloved and cute in my heart. My love for them is >10000.

2. The Eloquent Ji Xiaolan - 2001-2009

The inherent comedy of these three! This series remains one of my childhood favorites and honestly kudos to the actors there's like 145 episodes of this Qing Dynasty political corruption show. (Also there was drama once because my dad lent out the dvds of the third series of this show that he'd bought in Beijing and carried back to the US in a suitcase to a so called "friend" and they straight up never gave it back.)

3. Scarlet Heart/Bu Bu Jing Xin/Startling By Each Step - 2011

One of the most UE UE UE of dramas AND one of the most banging soundtrack OSTs. Tell me that listening to Ivy Yan's "Three Inches of Heaven" 三寸天堂 does NOT make one UE UE UE into the nearest Kleenex.

4. The Story of Yanxi Palace - 2018

In my opinion, theee palace harem drama. As this poster explains there are only like two men in this drama. It's like the opposite of a danmei this drama is so sapphic vibes and I have so many ships and it's NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR. Anyway the reason I could get through this one when I have to persuade myself to think long and hard about Qing dynasty dramas in general is because there's really only 2.5 men here and they wear hats sometimes so I can ignore that they're bald. IN ANY CASE: WATCH YANXI.

5. The Story of Minglan - 2019

I watched this show as it came out and I think it's forever altered my brain chemistry when it comes to writing about historical women and also thinking about history and writing in general. There are no words to describe how much I love this show. The force of 100000 suns. THIS SHOW. I rewatch it almost every year and have since it came out, and honestly like, there are new things to discover every time I watch it. This is an amazingly well put together production and it deserves every episode it has and more.

6. Love and Destiny - 2019

It will be a very long time before they make a xianxia show like Love and Destiny again, with all the lush gorgeous visuals and the lavish costumes plus the classic xianxia reincarnation identity reveal plotline. This was a big budget production and it shows in how absolutely beautiful it looks. I love the main ship in this so much, but I also really really really love the mortal arc of this show (and honestly mortal arcs are kind of ehhh for me overall so anyway this show banging.)

7. The Untamed/CQL - 2019

While this came out in 2019, I was deep in my Minglan-L&D era at that point and did not listen to @autumnslantern who tried to get me to watch this until around like, March of 2022. Which probably is a mistake because now I'm a NHS apologist which could've happened sooner but like, here we are. Beloved flop man....

8. Love Between Fairy and Devil - 2022

This was my favorite show of the past year. This is a xianxia, which looks like it's a fun tropey romcom between star crossed lovers until it sneaks up on you and starts shanking you with a knife. And then you thank it for shanking you. and giving you feels. Anyway I'm so glad I watched this and WHILE the mortal arc is full of clowns....this is just a SHOW.

tagging @shadaras , @fortune-maiden, and @autumnslantern!

#8 shows to get to know me #legend of the condor heroes #the eloquent ji xiaolan #bu bu jing xin #the story of yanxi palace #the story of minglan #love and destiny #the untamed #love between fairy and devil #my posts

[pepperf]

2022 has been, well, let's say a continuation of the pandemic years for me. I'm a little lacking in emotional resilience these days, and I'm dragging myself over the line with the hopes that next year will be kinder. But it hasn't all been bad. I've had some amazing times with friends and family, I paddled in the sea with my nephew, I finally saw @bethanyactually again after so fucking long, and I've learned a few things. So I thought I'd do the counting my blessings thing, and look back on the good things this year.

2022 was the year that I…

Wrote nearly 200k words. That's over 500 words a day. That is two full-length novels. And I finished and posted about 130k of it on AO3, which—look, I've not been tracking it this way before now so I don't have the stats, but it's DEFINITELY a higher rate of finishing than I've had before. And @wheresmytowel deserves all my thanks for, oh, so much of that. I'm gradually figuring out what works for me in terms of completing stories, and I'm really happy with my progress on that front.

Discovered that armpit hair is cute. I'm serious. Look, I've given up shaving before, but I don't think I've stuck to my guns for this long, well, ever. But this summer, after my last trip to the beach with the family, I decided, to hell with it. And now it's all grown past the spiky stubble stage, and the beard-on-someone-who-can't-really-grow-a-beard stage, and it's kind of luxuriant and…goddamn it, it's fluffy. It is cute. Why is it always seen as a Statement or an insult, something strident and unfeminine and unkempt, when long hair is otherwise seen as an ultra-feminine attribute? I love my fluffy little pits, and legs, and bits. It's possible I'll chicken out when summer comes around again—but until then, I'll get a fond little 'yay' moment, every time I see the kitten fluff under my arms.

Decided that I didn't want the career I've got. This is a difficult one, but it's been a long time coming. A large part of why I am where I am comes from me trying to live up to the (impossible) legacy of my mother, and…okay, yes, I am also a firm believer in the value of public sector work and everyone pitching in to make the country and the world a better place. But I've been doing something along those lines for nearly 20 years now, and I'm kind of burnt out, ngl. And I'm sad to say, I might be done with the NHS. I truly believe in it, and I am loyal through and through, but…it's an increasingly hard place to work, and I don't think I have the mental stamina for it any more. Maybe once I've stepped away, and regrouped for a few years, I will come back. But at the moment, it's a really bad place to be for my mental health, and as a result of that, I'm doing an increasingly poor job of things that I used to find easy. So, I just need to stop, really, for everyone's sake, and do something different.

Started painting again. Slowly and cautiously. I started to think about it in the summer, and took some reference photos of some stuff I might like to paint—then a few months after that I got my easel down from dad's attic and took stock of my paint and brushes—then I dragged out one of my old canvases that never got properly used—and a couple of months ago I ordered some new paint—and applied a base layer to wipe off a painting that was haunting me with bad memories—and then applied another base layer to start building it up into something new…and, yeah, that's where I'm at. But it's a start, and it's more painting than I've done in a very, very long time, and I'm…cautiously excited.

Put some other tentative stakes in the ground for things I might want to do—job stuff, writing stuff, house stuff…all too much to do all at once, and it probably won't all happen next year, because I don't think I could handle that, but at least it feels like I'm not stagnating. Even if I need to remind myself of that, sometimes.

Jesus, I sound fragile. I am fragile, honestly, my confidence is easily knocked, and I'm anxious about a lot of stuff, and I feel like I keep having to gently lead myself along like a 90yo with a broken hip, and I've got things in the new year that I'm dreading (particularly job hunting, god help us—but I'm on a temp contract at the moment, so I don't have a choice). But…I'm getting there.

Here's to 2023.

#new year 2023 #look back on 2022 #mememe #auld lang syne and all that

[big-tiddie-mingjue]

I had the STUPIDEST idea and I have to share it or I will combust.

Ok, so if you haven't seen the comments in NMJ's wiki, I HIGHLY suggest reading them because they're hilarious.

I was thinking of him (as one thirsty bitch with an unquenchable desire for his voluptuous bosom does) and imagined a random disciple that reacts to NMJ like the fandom does. But not just any disciple! A random Wen disciple (or RWD for short).

This random Wen disciple sees NMJ at a discussion one day and it's just heart-eyes. He hears NMJ threaten to beat the shit out of the Wens and he just raises his hand like 'can I go first Mr Chifeng-zun sir please?'

He's always on the verge of being executed because he will not shut up about how hunky NMJ is. WRH will qi deviate if he has to hear about how massive NMJ's thighs are and how he could totally crush a skull between them one more time.

He shows up randomly to Qinghe like 'ahaha, whats up? its ya boi.' and NHS is in Full Suspicion Mode bcus he's afraid they're going to try to kill his da-ge the way they did their dad. So he grills the guy, yknow, thinking he's an assassin and the convo basically goes smth like this:

NHS: What's a Wen doing in Qinghe?

RWD: Oh, nothing much, just sightseeing. (not at all subtly trying to see if NMJ is around, or alt looking at a drawing of NMJ)

NHS, squinting behind his fan: Yeah? Well, don't let Da-ge catch you. He doesn't like Wens sneaking around here.

RWD: For real?

NHS: Oh, yes! He can be ruthless when he's mad.

RWD: Oh no, I sure hope there isn't some giant, beefy Nie sect leader coming to beat my ass :)))

NHS: ...

RWD: So like, on a scale from 1-10, if I sat on his sleeve, how likely would he be to cut it, if yknow what I mean???

NHS: ..are you...did you come here to hit on my brother?

RWD: Maybe. If I were to trip in front of your brother, would he walk all over me like a doormat? Just step right on me?

NHS: ...

RWD: So, is that a yes or--?

NHS: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

NMJ is equal parts confused and aggravated bcus 1) it's a Wen and 2) he's CERTAIN it's some type of ploy. Why else would this random ass Wen just keep randomly showing up and tripping in front of him or dropping shit and taking forever to bend over and get it?

#nie mingjue #nie huaisang #there's one memorable moment where nmj reflexively catches the rwd and rwd literally faints like a stricken victorian maiden #every time it's brought up that nmj would literally obliterate him rwd is just like 'YES PLEASE DADDY' #wrh in the background glaring #rwd: uhhh i mean absolutely not gonna happen?? i would TOTALLY win against that beefy hunk of a ma- I MEAN NIE DOG #why is this useless disciple kept around when he clearly would rather be in Qinghe?? #bcus Plot Convenience #or some equally ridiculous reason #if WC gets to stay in Qishan when he's THAT useless so does this random guy

[ibijau]

I’m not the step-dad, I’m the dad that stepped up pt2 / On AO3

Keeping Lan Xichen company as he waited for the birth turned out to be so much more work than Nie Huaisang had anticipated. He kept having to scold Lan Xichen for moving around too much, for trying to leave his bed on the flimsiest of excuses, and for being generally a very bad patient all around. 

They even had a few arguments sometimes, though Nie Huaisang learned to take them in stride once he figured out that Lan Xichen was not actually angry at him. Instead, he was furious at the doctors for demanding that he rest so much, at his body for not having the energy and mobility he expected of it, at people for visiting all the time and attempt to trick him into revealing who got him pregnant, at the baby for taking so long to be born when he had better things to do than let it grow.

Being at Lan Xichen's side like that wasn't easy, but Nie Huaisang enjoyed it anyway. Mostly, he enjoyed knowing that Lan Xichen was still trying to be the same calm and good mannered young master in front of others, but allowed himself to show sincere emotion when he was alone with Nie Huaisang. 

In return, Nie Huaisang tried his best to be a good companion. He brought Lan Xichen his meals, offered massages when something ached (which was often), distracted him with stories and jokes, and sometimes agreed to do the accounting together. It was all Nie Huaisang could do to keep Lan Xichen in a good mood, but it wasn’t always enough, because Lan Xichen, as it turned out, was deeply unhappy to be pregnant.

It took Nie Huaisang a few days of constant company to realise this. At first, he’d thought that Lan Xichen was just eager to fight again for freedom and revenge, or that he was irritated with nosy people, or just exhausted as anyone pregnant would be so close to the birth. But then, there were odd things that contrasted with Nie Huaisang’s admittedly limited experience with pregnant people. What Nie Huaisang noticed most of all was that Lan Xichen almost never touched his stomach, not unless he was absolutely forced to, or if the baby moved in a way that caused pain. He also never talked about anything that would happen after the birth, never showed interest in Lan Qiren’s efforts to find a cradle, never even talked about possible names for his child, and refused to have others try to talk about it either.

His pregnancy was a burden to bear now, and nothing more.

Naturally, Nie Huaisang was curious. His earlier thoughts of a romantic conception for that child seemed less and less likely, when Lan Xichen was so disinterested in his baby. There was a story there that Nie Huaisang desperately needed to know… but at the same time, since Lan Xichen had once praised him for respecting his privacy, stating it made him a good friend, Nie Huaisang couldn’t bear to do anything that would lose him that title. So even though it was eating him alive, he kept all his questions to himself, desperately hoping that Lan Xichen would eventually confide in him.

There were many, many things that Nie Huaisang was desperately hoping for at the moment.

For example, every time Lan Xichen agreed to a massage, every time Nie Huaisang got to touch him, he would think about all the raunchy stories he’d read in his youth were unhappily married young ladies would wait until they were pregnant to start seeing their true lover, having determined that they couldn’t get in a difficult situation if they were already with child. And now that it was becoming obvious that Lan Xichen held no affection for whoever had put him in that state, Nie Huaisang often wondered what would have happened if he’d been bolder, if he’d propositioned Lan Xichen earlier in his pregnancy. It was almost certain he’d have been rejected, but maybe, if he’d been lucky, if Lan Xichen had been in the right mood… 

Only a complete asshole would have tried to hit on Lan Xichen as he was now, bored and unwell and isolated, so Nie Huaisang tried to be on his best behaviour. It wasn’t easy, because being nice and self-denying wasn’t in his nature, but Lan Xichen needed a friend more than he needed someone in his bed.

Which wasn’t to say that Nie Huaisang would say no if Lan Xichen suddenly got horny and offered to have sex. Nie Huaisang was respectful, not stupid.

But in the end, the chance never came. About two weeks after confining himself to his ruined Hanshi, Lan Xichen started feeling strong contractions one evening, and sent Nie Huaisang to fetch a doctor. In turn that doctor sent for a midwife from the female half of the sect, who went to the Hanshi with a few older women to give her a hand. Outside the Hanshi, Nie Huaisang and Lan Qiren kept each other company, never saying a word as they anxiously waited for news. The night was long and cold, but a little after dawn they were told that Lan Xichen had given birth to a healthy little girl.

Lan Qiren was allowed inside the Hanshi to congratulate his nephew and meet his great-niece, while Nie Huaisang was sent away to his room.

For the entire month that followed, Nie Huaisang hoped that Lan Xichen might send for him, just to have company that wasn’t Lan Qiren or aunties he barely knew. He would have liked to help with the baby, and to make sure that Lan Xichen stayed in bed as he was supposed to do (something he was sure the poor aunties must have struggled with, considering what a difficult patient he was), that he ate enough, and all those other things Lan Xichen’s spouse would have helped with, if he’d had one.

At the end of that first month, a small celebration was organised to celebrate the birth. Nothing as grand as should have befitted the first child of a sect leader, not with the war still raging, but at least Lan Wangji briefly returned home for the occasion, the first time he’d done so since the destruction of the Lotus Piers. He did not look particularly happy to be there, though Nie Huaisang later learned that was actually because he’d had an argument with Wei Wuxian, and also because he’d only learned about his brother’s pregnancy after the birth. Lan Xichen, from the moment he’d started showing too obviously, had found a hundred excuses to avoid his brother, probably fearing that Lan Wangji would side with doctors and demand that he give up on participating in the war.

No wonder Lan Wangji wasn’t happy. Nie Huaisang would have been furious too if his brother had deliberately hid crucial information about his health until after it was too late to do anything about it.

But for his part, Nie Huaisang was currently happy. He was just enough of a close friend that the Lans had found no reason why he shouldn’t be present at the celebration, especially since he also represented his brother, who was Lan Xichen’s best friend. The food was nice, the conversations were fun to spy on, and best of all, Nie Huaisang was allowed to sit next to Lan Xichen for a moment and hold the baby. Lan Xichen, who had appeared rather uninterested in everything that was happening around him until that point, never caring who wanted to take his daughter for a moment, took great care in telling Nie Huaisang how to hold the baby right, how to support her neck, how to rock her so she’d be comfortable.

“It’ll be practice for when you have your own,” Lan Xichen said with a polite smile.

“There’s no hurry for that,” Nie Huaisang assured him. “But I’m happy enough to help with her, now that you can get more visitors. What did you call her, in the end?”

“Shufu chose a name for her, because I couldn’t find one. She’s Lan Xiang.”

“Xiang for ‘fragrance”?”

“No, for ‘good luck’. She’ll need it.”

It was an odd thing to say, but probably not untrue. A little girl born in a sect that did not like female leaders, a child born in the midst of a war, who would only ever know one of her fathers… the cultivation world would not be kind to her if she wasn’t perfect.

But Nie Huaisang didn’t get to share his worries. Lan Xiang, probably tired after passing through so many arms, started crying. Nie Huaisang tried to give her back to her father, but Lan Xichen leaned away from her, and gestured for someone to come and pick her up, a young woman Nie Huaisang hadn’t noticed yet. She was not a cultivator, but she had a baby too, and so had to be a wet nurse of some sort. The woman took Lan Xiang from Nie Huaisang and left with her, presumably to nurse her.

“She cries so much,” Lan Xichen tiredly sighed, staring in the direction where the wet nurse had gone. “All the time, day and night. I like her well enough, but I won’t miss that when I leave again.”

“Are you already thinking of leaving?” Nie Huaisang asked.

“Tomorrow Wangji and I are going away to meet your brother and see how I can make myself useful, now that my health is no longer an issue.”

“Tomorrow?” Nie Huaisang miserably repeated. “But… and XiangXiang? Doesn’t she need you?”

“She’ll be well looked after," Lan Xichen replied without emotion. "The elders have conceded an exception to the rules, and A-Yan, the wet nurse, will live with Shufu until she’s no longer needed. By that point the war should hopefully be over.”

Nie Huaisang couldn't help being disappointed. He'd indulged in some fantasies of being at Lan Xichen's side now that he was allowed more company, of helping with the baby, of flirting a little even, now that he was nearly completely sure there was no competition for Lan Xichen's heart. At the same time, Lan Xichen had never been anything but indifferent at best or annoyed at worst when it came to his pregnancy. It made sense that he'd hold similar feelings toward parenthood. 

Well, Nie Huaisang had his own feelings about that baby. 

“I see," he said, careful not to sound judgmental. "Then… is it fine if I come to see her? She’s a cute baby, I think I’d like to see her sometimes.”

Lan Xichen blinked a few times, and pinched his lips. 

“I see no problem with that, as long as Shufu doesn’t mind. I’m sure if you continue helping with accounting, he’ll grant you that favour… but you don't have to, you know.”

"Xichen-ge,you know me better than that," Nie Huaisang replied with a smirk. "When have I ever done anything out of obligation? I want to see her because I want to see her, that's all."

Lan Xichen's expression turned worryingly neutral, but he did not protest any further, stating that Nie Huaisang could do as he pleased. 

And what pleased Nie Huaisang was anything that would let him be part of Lan Xichen's life a little. 

Either the war picked up in intensity after the birth of Lan Xiang, or Lan Xichen's lack of interest in his daughter was so strong he used that war as an excuse to avoid coming home. Nie Huaisang suspected it was a bit of both. He spent enough time around Lan Qiren to know that Wen Ruohan was taking the conflict more seriously now that his sons were dead, but Lan Xichen could definitely have come home more often if he'd wanted to. 

Nie Huaisang was busy enough that he didn't have too much time to lament over Lan Xichen's absence. Just as he had feared all along, being useful with one thing (accounting) meant that Lan Qiren expected him to be helpful with other things as well (sorting his correspondence, writing his letters, even making new copies of damaged books sometimes) and that was just exhausting. At least Lan Qiren repaid him by sometimes playing go with him, and he was so skilled at it that Nie Huaisang couldn't help making great progress, even beating him a few times. 

Aside from that, Nie Huaisang also spent a lot of time with Lan Xiang, and with her wet nurse A-Yan. The poor woman desperately needed the company, stuck in this strange place, full of people that filled her with awe and terror. Nie Huaisang was so used to sneaking out and hanging out among commoners in Qinghe that he soon put her at ease. A-Yan was particularly happy when Nie Huaisang started asking her to teach him how to take care of a baby. Her own daughter was her third child, so she had some experience with babies, and she was pleased to share it. 

Much to Nie Huaisang’s relief, caring for a baby turned out to be one of those rare things he learned easily and felt genuine interest for, so A-Yan found in him a serious and dedicated student (while Lan Qiren, annoyed, took this as proof that Nie Huaisang had really not been trying in his classes… which wasn't wrong). It helped that Lan Xiang was, without exaggeration, the most perfect baby in the entire world. Even if she had been his own blood he couldn't have loved her more… though of course people already assumed she was his daughter, as Lan Shuhuai informed him when he dropped by the library one afternoon.

“That’s definitely gossip, even by your standards,” Nie Huaisang accused with good humour. “I should denounce you to Lan Qiren, I think.”

“Denounce me all you like,” Lan Shuhuai replied just as cheerfully. “Qiren is a serious boy, but he knows better than to bother me. He knows what I know, and he’s worried I might start telling people some day. I won’t, because I like that little Lan Huan, but Qiren doesn’t need to know that.”

“I can’t imagine Xichen-ge ever doing anything that would worry Lan Qiren,” Nie Huaisang protested.

“Not him, no. But… ah, well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. So the baby is really not yours?”

“If it were, I’d already have convinced Da-ge to set up a marriage. Damn, I wouldn’t even have needed any convincing, actually, Da-ge would have beaten me up so bad for having a kid outside of marriage, and then he’d make me marry Xichen-ge immediately.”

“And you wouldn’t mind that, hm?” Lan Shuhuai teased. “So now you’re trying to seduce him by taking care of the baby.”

Nie Huaisang blushed. “I’m not! She’s a very interesting baby!”

“She’s not three months old. There’s nothing interesting about them until they turn at least seven or eight years old. Only parents care before that… and not even all parents, eh? But I won’t blame little Lan Huan for being cold, his mother was worse.”

Nie Huaisang nodded encouragingly. That was one piece of gossip he’d never yet managed to get out of anyone, the mystery of the Twin Jades’ parents. Even Lan Shuhuai, who would happily chat about a number of things that probably shouldn’t be shared at all, wouldn’t say anything about Qingheng-Jun and his wife.

It was precisely because people refused to talk about them that Nie Huaisang had realised there was a mystery at all. Except for that, everyone in Gusu Lan only parroted the official version that he was devoted to his cultivation while she was sickly… and nobody outside of the Cloud Recesses had ever liked Qingheng-Jun enough to care when he’s gone into seclusion.

Even that day, Nie Huaisang couldn’t get anything out of Lan Shuhuai, except for a few hints that the late Madam Lan had not developed a maternal instinct until the birth of her second son. That, or he was just reading too much into her supposed preference for Lan Wangji (especially since every elder in Gusu preferred Lan Wangji, probably because he was so boring and stiff that he might as well have been seventy already).

It was nearly two months before Lan Xichen came home again, bringing true spring with him. Everything was finally properly warm that day, Nie Huaisang had seen many birds and flowers on his sunrise walk, and felt as happy as anyone could be. 

Not everyone shared his joy. Lan Qiren had deserted the house that day, busy dealing with either problems of the war or the accumulation of reported hauntings. And poor A-Yan's daughter was a little sick, so she was immensely worried. Nie Huaisang, eager to help, had offered to watch over Lan Xiang that day, so A-Yan could take care of her baby and only be interrupted when Lan Xiang was hungry. 

In the afternoon, Nie Huaisang borrowed a large basket, some blankets, and put Lan Xiang there while he sat on the porch of Lan Qiren's house with paper and ink to capture the beauty of that warm spring day. Those were not his best paintings, no questions about it. It would have been impossible, when he regularly had to interrupt himself to check on Lan Xiang, make sure she wasn't in the sun, that she was still comfortable. And yet, in spite of the mediocrity of these paintings, Nie Huaisang couldn't remember ever being happier than that. 

When he spotted Lan Xichen walking up the path toward them, Nie Huaisang thought his heart would explode. Surely humans weren't created to handle so much happiness. 

Lan Xichen looked in a better mood than he'd been last time Nie Huaisang saw him, but that was no surprise. A man who had been moving around and fighting the Wens until the moment to give birth could never have handled well the forced rest inflicted on him after that birth. As a consequence, Lan Xichen also appeared better disposed toward his daughter. After greeting Nie Huaisang, he went to pick up Lan Xiang from her little nest and wouldn't stop smiling at her. 

"She’s gotten much bigger,” he remarked, a little awed. “I know babies grow fast, but I didn’t think she’d be this big.”

“She’s strong and healthy and very clever,” Nie Huaisang replied. “She even knows how to smile, which A-Yan says is rare for babies her age. I guess she takes after you.”

Lan Xichen laughed softly. “Actually, I’ve been told I was a very serious baby, and I never really smiled until after Wangji was born. But then again, I only had Shufu as a model, while I’m sure she has plenty of people to smile at her.”

“I sure do,” Nie Huaisang confirmed. He’d put down his painting material, and was now taking Lan Xiang’s presence as an excuse to sit close to Lan Xichen, much closer than he’d normally dared. Lan Xichen, if he noticed, did not protest, not even when Nie Huaisang offered his hand to the baby who grabbed one finger. “Look at her, she’s so clever! Xichen-gege, I think your baby is a genius. I wouldn’t be surprised if she started talking and walking soon!”

Lan Xichen laughed again. “There’s plenty of time for that. I hope she doesn’t rush. I won’t be here for a lot of things, but it’d be nice if I could catch a few important moments.”

“Even if you can’t be there, I’ll try to be, so I can tell you how it all went,” Nie Huaisang promised, intending it as both a joke and a flirtation. “I'll be her replacement dad, if you'd like.”

But Lan Xichen did not laugh this time, nor did he blush the way he did sometimes. Instead his eyes rose from Lan Xiang and he stared for a moment at Nie Huaisang, his expression suddenly so serious that it seemed a little grim.

“Huaisang, you know you don’t have to do this, right?” Lan Xichen asked, pulling Lan Xiang a little closer to his heart, forcing her to let go of Nie Huaisang. “You don’t need to force yourself for my sake, we can be friends even without you acting as a babysitter for her.”

Nie Huaisang nodded. They could be friends even if he didn’t care about Lan Xiang, that would likely not be a problem. But to make Lan Xichen fall in love with him, it was essential that the three of them could become a family.

Not to mention Nie Huaisang really just liked Lan Xiang. She was cute, made funny noises, and liked to take naps with him, making her the perfect daughter for him if he could only convince her father to give him a chance.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your efforts,” Lan Xichen went on. “Shufu told me he’s impressed by how dedicated you are, when he’d never taken you for the sort to like children. But still… I don’t want you to end up regretting that you got attached to her. After all, you don’t even know who her father is.”

“You are,” Nie Huaisang replied.

“I meant…”

“I know what you meant, gege. But unless you’re planning on that person being part of her life someday…”

Lan Xichen, face tight, shook his head.

“Then that person doesn’t matter at all,” Nie Huaisang cheerfully concluded. “You’re her father, and that’s it. She’s a baby who has a father, and an uncle, and a great-uncle… and she also has this Nie-gege. I can share a little with Da-ge if he wants, but he’ll have to find another nickname, I’ve already decided I’m Nie-gege.”

Even after hearing something that ridiculous, Lan Xichen still wasn’t smiling. If anything, he looked even more serious than before. For a moment, Nie Huaisang had the sensation that Lan Xichen was steeling himself to say something important, perhaps even something regarding whoever had forced him to become a father at such an inopportune moment…

But before any such confession could be made, Lan Xiang decided to show them again what a clever baby she was, by grabbing some of her father’s long silky hair that had been dangling near her face and pulling hard. It was a favourite game of hers, and one that had led Nie Huaisang to tie his hair with tight braids, but he hadn’t thought to warn Lan Xichen. It took the two adults some effort to get Lan Xiang to release her new toy (and a few tears too, in Lan Xichen’s case). By the time they managed, she’d become a little whiny, probably out of hunger, so Lan Xichen went to find A-Yan, while Nie Huaisang packed up his painting things and headed back to his room.

For the few days that he stayed in the Cloud Recesses, Lan Xichen showed more interest in Lan Xiang that Nie Huaisang would honestly have expected, based on his attitude to pregnancy and his sour mood at the thirty days celebrations. He would ask A-Yan a lot of questions about his daughters, and then he would ask Nie Huaisang even more questions, to a degree that it sometimes felt like talking about the baby was just an excuse to spend time together… but he also really listened to the answers, and seemed as happy as any parent to hear that Lan Xiang was, naturally, the prettiest and smartest and healthiest baby in the world. He still looked a little melancholic or sombre sometimes, especially when he was watching Nie Huaisang rock Lan Xiang in his arms, but that was probably just because she absolutely refused to fall asleep in Lan Xichen’s arms, while she couldn’t keep her eyes open when Nie Huaisang held her.

After that, Lan Xichen never stayed away from the Cloud Recesses as long as he’d done right after Lan Xiang’s birth. Nie Huaisang guessed that the month-long confinement had just upset him so much that he hadn’t wanted anything to do with his home or his baby, but now that he’d properly met Lan Xiang, of course Lan Xichen felt less bitter about her. And so, every two or three weeks, he would come home, bringing refugees with him. He'd talk with his uncle about what was happening on the front, make crucial strategic and logistical choices for the way, and then most important of all he’d spend a little time with Nie Huaisang and Lan Xiang.

They didn’t do much, usually, except keep watch over Lan Xiang while she slept so A-Yan could have a little time to herself, or take Lan Xiang with them as they went for a walk so she could see new things. At all times, Nie Huaisng was shamelessly flirting. Now that Lan Xichen had firmly confirmed that he didn’t have someone else in his life, subtlety felt unnecessary. Not that Nie Huaisang had ever been too subtle anyway. Sometimes it worked well, and Lan Xichen quietly seemed to flirt back, joking in that quiet way of his, finding excuses to brush his hands against Nie Huaisang's, sitting a little too close. Other times Lan Xichen would get sad, usually when Nie Huaisang joked about the three of them making a nice family, or that he’d steal Lan Xiang and adopt her as his own daughter.

If Nie Huaisang had been a nicer person, he would have stopped making those jokes. But he wasn’t nice. Lan Xichen hadn’t asked him to stop, nor had he yet gotten angry and told him that it was ridiculous to think they’d ever be anything but friends, so it was fair game to continue joking about that. Sooner or later, Lan Xichen would finally explain whatever it was that made him sad (meaning, the secret of her paternity), and Nie Huaisang could explain that it didn’t actually matter to him because he loved Lan Xichen, and then they would drop Lan Xiang with A-Yan, and they would go somewhere quiet and make out and maybe even have sex, if Nie Huaisang could only be so lucky, and then it would just be a matter of getting Nie Mingjue and Lan Qiren to arrange a marriage for them, and then they’d get to work on giving Lan Xiang a sibling or two if Lan Xichen was up for that, or else they'd just have tons of sex for the sake of having a ton of sex, which was a fine thing too.

It was a great plan, a genius plan, as was natural coming from Nie Huaisang.

Too bad things didn’t happen quite that way.

Right from the start, Nie Huaisang should have seen that Lan Xichen’s mood was different from usual that day. Perhaps it was problems with the war (Nie Huaisang later found out that a spy in Nightless City, a friend of Lan Xichen, had been taking great risks to send them crucial information). Or perhaps it was the weather, the air heavy with a terrible storm that would only break out later that night. Or perhaps it was something else that Nie Huaisang hadn’t considered at all.

On that hot and heavy afternoon, Nie Huaisang had thrown a blanket on the floor, and laid down on his side, with Lan Xiang propped against his chest so she could sit and play while he chatted with A-Yan, who was mending her clothes, her own baby sleeping next to her. It would have been pretty nice if not for the damp heat. Even Lan Xiang, barely more than half a year old, seemed to be complaining about the weather whenever she babbled something (at least Nie Huaisang only treated it as if she had, and responded as seriously as if she were an adult).

It was like this that Lan Xichen found them when he arrived at his uncle’s house. He looked exhausted, more so than Nie Huaisang had ever seen him before. His clothes, in spite of protective spells, had become stained with dust and with dark marks that Nie Huaisang tried to convince himself were only mud. A-Yan quickly abandoned her mending and bowed to Lan Xichen, then picked up her child and went to request tea and a collation for her employer. Nie Huaisang, lazy and comfortable, remained sprawled on the floor, but he grabbed Lan Xiang’s hand and made her wave at her father.

“Daddy’s here!” he told the baby. “Say hello to daddy, XiangXiang.”

Surely something this heartwarming and silly ought to have made Lan Xichen relax, perhaps even gotten a smile out of him. But to Nie Huaisang’s dismay, Lan Xichen was dreadfully serious as he looked down on the two of them.

“Why are you here, Huaisang?” he coldly asked. “Shufu just told me that you promised to help with paperwork today, so what are you doing here?”

“I got bored of that stuff,” Nie Huaisang carelessly replied. “It’s too hot to work, and this is more fun.”

“Not everything in life is about fun,” Lan Xichen scolded. “If you make promises, you should keep to your word.”

Nie Huaisang, who had gotten most of that work done in the morning, and fully planned on doing more once the heat became more bearable, felt that the scolding was rather undeserved.

“I never make promises I don’t intend on keeping,” Nie Huaisang retorted dryly, before deciding that it was the wrong way to go about it. Just because Lan Xichen was in a bad mood didn’t mean they all should be. So he grinned, and pulled Lan Xiang closer and tickled her. “Like when I say I’ll help with XiangXiang! I’ve always kept my word about that, right? Hey, XiangXiang, tell daddy how well Nie-gege takes care of you!”

Lan Xiang’s answer was to laugh and try to wiggle away from the tickling. Again Nie Huaisang had hoped that Lan Xichen would find that endearing, but the older man just looked more severe.

“You don’t have to take care of her,” Lan Xichen stated, irritation piercing through his voice. “She’s not your responsibility.”

“I wouldn’t mind if she were,” Nie Huaisang retorted. “If you ever want her to have a second parent, you know where to find me!”

“You’re not her father,” Lan Xichen said, bending down to pick up his daughter and stepping away from Nie Huaisang. “You will never be her father. You don’t even really want to be her father. I’m not stupid, Huaisang. I know what games you’re trying to play with me, and I know caring for the baby is just part of that.”

“It’s not a game!” Nie Huaisang protested, sitting up so quickly his head spinned. “Xichen-ge, I’m serious about this. I’m serious about you! I really like you, and I really like her, and if you want we could be a family, and…”

“Trust me, you don’t want that.”

Now properly irritated, Nie Huaisang jumped to his feet. It’d be one thing to be rejected, Lan Xichen had the right to like or not like whoever he pleased. But to have his feelings dismissed entirely was going too far.

“I do want it!” he insisted. “I want this, I want you, I want us to be a family, I want…”

“You don’t,” Lan Xichen cut him. “Because she’s Wen Xu’s daughter.”

Nie Huaisang, ready to argue his case just a moment before, found himself speechless at that lie.

And it had to be a lie. It couldn’t be anything except a lie. Lan Xiang was a sweet baby, clever and funny and adorable, there was no way she could be in any way connected to Wen Xu, to Wen Ruohan. If anyone else had made such an outrageous claim, Nie Huaisang would have laughed in their face.

But Lan Xichen wasn’t the lying sort. If he said something like that, then it had to be true.

Lan Xiang was a Wen.

“I think you should go now,” Lan Xichen advised. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. If you hate me for tricking you into caring about her… then that hate will be deserved.”

Maybe if Lan Xichen’s voice hadn’t been so cold, Nie Huaisang would have argued against that. He wanted to protest that he didn’t hate Lan Xichen, that he still loved him, that it didn’t matter to him if Lan Xiang was half Wen.

He didn’t.

From the start, Lan Xichen had been visibly uncomfortable with jokes about the family they could have formed. Clearly he didn’t feel the same as Nie Huaisang. In fact, Nie Huaisang had probably deluded himself all those times he’d thought Lan Xichen was flirting with him. If Lan Xichen was ready to share such a terrible secret just to get Nie Huaisang to stop pestering him about his feelings, then clearly those feelings weren’t reciprocated.

He was a fool for ever thinking they could be.

So Nie Huaisang left the house without another look at Lan Xichen, Lan Xiang, and the broken dreams that lay with them.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #step dad nhs

[wangxianficfinder]

Canon Divergence pt.2 (general) (pt.1)

~*~

The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 137k, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

stay, fury, your wrist wrapped in silk by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 228k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ LWJ, LWJ loses his golden core, yiling wei sect, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Major Character Injury, Injury Recovery, Temporary Character Death, War Crimes, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Revenge, temporary impotence, growing intimacy)

I Know How Those in Exile Feed on Dreams of Hope by rabbit_habits, saltedpin (E, 474k, WangXian, NieLan, XuanLi, ChengQing, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Presumed Dead, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Political Marriages, Ensemble Cast, minor non-canonical character death, 3zun | Venerated Triad Dynamics, the dynamics are 'UST', Canonical Character Death)

Hand in Hand Together (All Your Life) by sami (T, 41k, WZL/JC, WangXian, Queerplatonic relationship, Implied future MingLi, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Slow Burn)

The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 85k, WangXian, YZY/TLJ, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Fix-It, Family, Not Lan Sect Friendly, Bad Dads, good dads, JFM's A+ parenting, Qingheng-Jun's F- Existence, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Sort Of, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Some People Live/Not Everyone Dies, Canonical Character Death)

An Elegant Solution by giraffeter (E, 205k, niewangxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage, friends to lovers, fix-it, everyone lives au, courtship, polyamory, smut)

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 742k, WangXian, WIP, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Sexual Tension, Supportive LQR, Light Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Period-Typical Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, WWX learns about his parents, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, LWJ is confused, Then he is 100 percent on board, Kink Discovery, Kink Exploration, Bisexual WWX, Dual Cultivation, Slow Burn, Fix-It of Sorts, Not JFM friendly, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Blood and Gore, Supportive LXC, Protective LXC, Canon Divergence, Inventor WWX, Eventual Smut, Possessive LWJ, Genius WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Scheming NHS, Cultivation Discussion Conferences, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Minor Character Death, NHS gets himself a beard (not the facial kind), POV WWX, Fluff and Smut, Burning of the Cloud Recesses)

🔒Instead by apathyinreverie (T, 27k, wangxian, fix-it, darker gusu lan, manipulative elders, but in a good way?, golden core transfer fix-it of sorts, not Jiang friendly, or anyone friendly, except wangxian, cultivation world critical, fluff, sunshot, politics, courting rituals, genius WWX, no demonic cultivation, talismans, possessive LWJ, protective LWJ, WIP)

no step had trodden black by Stratisphyre (T, 32k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Madam Lan lives, Past Rape, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, References to Attempted Suicide and Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence)

to hell and back for you by blumeraki (G, 5k, WangXian, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Protective WWX, Protective LWJ, Everything Hurts, Implied/Referenced Torture, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Branding Iron, Whipping, discipline whip, jc saves the day, Canon Divergence)

these colours fade for you only by doodlebutt (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, ...eventually, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Sunshot Campaign)

🔒 Blossoming flowers in a full moon - 花好月圆 by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 64k, wangxian, canon divergence, happy ending, fix-it of sorts, wangxian cuddle to immortarility)

🔒🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 53k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU)

Ties series by WithBroomBefore (M, 15k, NMJ/WQ, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, not everyone dies au, family feels, no golden core transfer, sect leader JYL, canon typical violence, sick fic, trans NMJ, sunshot campaign, WQ pov, happy ending)

🧡 Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, POV LWJ, Fix-It, Pre-Canon, at least to start, WWX goes to Cloud Recesses, But Not In The Usual Way, fear of character death, Everybody Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Light Angst, good teacher LQR, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, brief discussion of past minor character suicide, Kitten, Not YZY Friendly)

The Devil That You Forgot by pottedplnt (Not Rated, 20k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, YLLZ WWX, Rogue Cultivator WWX, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Angst, Sentient Burial Mounds, Demonic Cultivation, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sunshot Campaign, Chronic Pain, JFM and YZY Bashing, Bad Parent YZY, Jiāng Family Bashing)

To Ride A Stygian Tiger by Madyamisam for Duochanfan (M, 111k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Angst with a happy ending, BAMF WWX, Dark LWJ, Slow burn, Family Feels, Misunderstandings)

Those Who Defy by qurbat (G, 31k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, canon divergence, found family, everyone who matter lives au, justice for wen remnants, WIP)

Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (E, 231k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Mutual Pining, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, unreliable narrator, Found Family, First Time, novel canon relationship dynamics)

🧡 a paper friend by soft_wanning (G, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Paperman!WWX, Identity Porn, Meet-Cute, Different First Meeting)

❤️ By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal)

Heart of the Beast by WaitForTheSnitch (E, 386k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective NMJ & NHS, Soft NMJ, Pining LWJ)

A Good Placement by madwriter223 (T, 12k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, What if YZY had been the one to find WWX AU, Emotional Manipulation, Lies, Street Child WWX, Fluff and Angst, OOC but YZY is doing that on purpose, Found Family, itty bitty Wangxian, Bittersweet Ending)

Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people resulting to OOC, no Pining, Established Relationship, wangxian are married and have a son, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, mainly CQL verse but has scenes from the novel as well, LSZ is WangXian's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canonical Character Death -WWX, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts)

🔒❤️ shades of grey by cl410 (M, 58k, nielan, wangxian, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Protective NMJ, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family)

🔒Dear Fellow Traveler by Netrixie (Not Rated, 13k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alive WWX parents, immortal BSSR and family being rogue cultivators together, meet cute, travel partners falling in love, Flirting, Yearning, Sharing a Bed, Fluff, Sweet, good parental figures only, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together)

🧡 close your eyes, feel my heartbeat by ThatDesiGirl (T, 11k, WangXian, blind!WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rewriting Canon, not a fix-it but a what-if, Golden Core Transfer)

🧡 Resplendence by FrozenMarVel (E, 166k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, CS Lives, Different first meeting, Fluff, Crossdressing, Love at first sight, Fix-it of sorts)

🔒Wújī by FairyTaleDreams (M, 55k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WCZ & CS Lives, Rouge cultivator WWX)

you can have the best of me, baby by stiltonbasket (Not Rated, 12k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Dual Cultivation, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Sunshot Campaign, Getting Together, a-yuan is wangxian's baby, Happy Ending)

There are (no) (un)written rules by Winxhelina (T, 33k, WangXian, Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, madam yu is madam yu, Misunderstandings, Angst and Humor, Mutual Pining)

You don't have to go home (there's a long way to go) by AmiraAlzilu (M, 28k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, not Jiang friendly, Jiāng Family Bashing, Fluff and Angst, Family Feels, WWX Has a Family, Getting to Know Each Other, Getting Together, BAMF WWX, Self-Reflection, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Fix-It)

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 91k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

#Wangxian Fic Rec #The Untamed #wangxian #MDZS #wangxianficfinder compilation post #long post

[sometipsygnostalgic]

hi! in re to your post about your diagnosis, do you mind saying a tiny bit abt the process? im asking bc i have thought RLLY hard over the past few months on the possibility that i may be autistic- like, a lot of things ive wondered about myself would make more sense if i was and the idea of that has brought some peace to me. but i have NO idea how to go abt the process of talking with a mental health professional abt it and/or getting a diagnosis. i totally understand if you don’t want to share abt your process at all and i don’t want to make you uncomfortable with this question, so please feel free to ignore it. but if you are willing to share like the first step that you took in the process, i would rlly appreciate it! im just confused rn. anyway, i hope you’re having a good day/week/month lol :^)

hi anon!

I live in the United Kingdom, there are two options here, you can ask for a referral from the NHS, or you can self-refer privately which will cost £2000 for an assessment...

so what I did for my autism assessment is go to my doctors surgery, and explain to a doctor that I suspected I was autistic. I gave my reasons why - difficulty at school, difficulty with crowds, I talk really bluntly, sometimes i can become very anxious very fast - and the doctor recognised there were enough symptoms for a referral.

the autism referral centre eventually sent me a series of questionnaires, some were for me, some were for my father or for some other person who has known me since i was a child (i dont know what you're supposed to do if you have nobody).

i didnt' like the questionnaires because they were confusing, you have to give relative answers for what you think your own behaviour is, some things i would have problems with relative to friends but not relative to people with severe learning difficulties (like my cousin who is also autistic and is 8 but cannot speak more than a few words), so i wasnt sure what exactly i was meant to answer with there.

i procrastinated for like 5 months on submitting those forms (it was hell). then they decided i sounded autistic enough for a proper assessment and put me on a waiting list.

when it came time for the actual assessment which took place 15 months later, I was referred by the NHS to a third party because of the backlog, so it was all done remotely rather than me going to a centre.

my father and i were given more questionnaires (which were bugged, make sure that any online forms you're sent don't delete your answers in one column when you're filling in another column). my dad's questionnaire was MASSIVE and went really into my early childhood, asking whether i had brain injuries or stuff like that. the idea is they want to rule out the possibility of misdiagnosis, whether my autistic traits are a result of something else.

i was given a questionnaire too and i found it somewhat confusing, they asked me how i would feel if i got a positive/negative result on the diagnosis. i thought this was to catch me out. it's probably to make sure people aren't going to kill themselves if they're told they're autistic or not autistic, but i think the questions were weird anyway. i answered as much of the other questions as i could in relation to autism.

when it came to an actual assessment, i was asked questions for an hour and a half over camera, largely about my own emotional responses to things. i was also asked to help narrate a visual storybook, and to tell stories with inanimate objects. it was part of the adult assessment, and again it was to rule out other conditions, rather than to indicate whether i was autistic, because lets just say that i am very good at making stories up on the spot.

my dad meanwhile was interviewed for 3 hours about my childhood. when i was done with my assessment i joined him for that questioning and filled in the blanks, because my dad wasn't actually around for a large part of my childhood.

a few hours later we had the diagnostic call and they told me i was autistic and that they will send a report (still waiting) with information on this and also on post-diagnostic support services in my area, which i think is going to be very useful.

[unfortunatelycake]

Tagged by @mostlikelytofangirl ! Thank you!

Rules: Share the first line of ten of your most recent fanfics and then tag ten people. Don't have ten? Not to worry, just share what you have.

1. "There were times that He Xuan really hated Hua Cheng. Tonight was no an exception." (From How to Fall Hook, Line & Sinker in 5 Easy Steps, a beefleaf modern AU in which He Xuan meets Shi Qingxuan at a speed dating event and decides to have a little fun with them. And it totally, absolutely, 100% Does Not Mean Anything.) 2. "Feng Xin never thought his life would be like this." (From Song of Secret Dreams, a fengqing modern AU with dad!FX and bandman!MQ)

3. "It's your birthday. You shouldn't have to spend it alone." (From Just Another Date on the Calendar, a ZiNing modern AU in which Wen Ning seeks out Ouyang Zizhen's help in finding a boyfriend)

4. "Mu Qing only bought the hoodie as a joke." (From A Teasing Gift, a fengqing modern AU in which MQ discovers he has a thing for seeing Feng Xin in cropped tees)

5. "Things were different, after the events at Mount Tonglu." (From Keep Us a Secret, a canon-divergent fengqing fic where they try to sneak around and hide their new relationship)

6. "Speed dating was stupid." (From How to Get a Boyfriend in 3 Minutes, a fengqing modern AU where they meet at speed dating and clear up some old misunderstandings. Among other things ;) In case you think I write too many speed dating fics, I've written three, and they're all sidefics to each other lmao)

7. "As Mumen Rider narrated the story, he lifted his hands to draw the shape of a house in the air." (From The Big, Not-So-Bad Wolf at Christmas, a post-Monster Association arc festive mumarou fic. This is actually the second line because the first line is a quote from The Three Little Pigs, so doesn't count!)

8. "Nie Huaisang's body was cold. His fingers were so chilled from his mad dash from the Stone Castles to Lotus Pier that they felt frozen around the handle of his fan, and Jiang Cheng's supportive arm around his shoulders was so hot that it burned through his robes." (From Crushed Stone, Steadfast Night, a sangcheng sidefic to Broken Jade, Faded Blooms, dealing with NHS's grief over losing NMJ & feeling unfulfilled by his attempts at gaining vengeance on JGY.)

9. "It had been a long week." (From Foolish Pretenders, a fengqing modern fake dating AU. Y'all know they're not really faking though.)

10. "Lan Xichen couldn't remember what it was to be happy." (From Broken Jade, Faded Blooms, a xiyao post-canon fix it featuring demonic cultivation, atonement, self-reflection, romance, and JGY's unfortunate relationship with stairs (but not those ones))

Tagging: @snarkivistfic @km-birdie @butterfliesandresistance @batneko @anonymousedward @criscura @rayadraws & YOU! (If you so wish to do it, no pressure if not!)

#someone tagged me in the thing #thank you for tagging me in the thing #kakera writes stuff

[mar-sibilina]

4.04-Escape to L.A.

RHYS: Government's stepped in to prop up the NHS. They're spending millions, they said. They're building these sort of camps to help people. GWEN: Overflow camps?RHYS: Aye, that's it. And I got your dad inside the South Wales site.[...]

GWEN: They've got my dad, Jack. They've got my dad.

#torchwood #4x04

[malamai]

It's been a bit of a scary few days. On Thursday Aura got sent home from school ill with a high temp, and feeling drowsy and sick so I looked after her like any parent worth their salt would, slept next to her ect... I also tried to get her to eat to no avail. By Friday her chest and throat sounded terrible and her glands were up, she continued burning up and started sleeping even more aswell as burning up more frequently, her skin had gone bumpy and dry but not rashy, everything basically got worse, the inside of her mouth was weird looking and I learned about the cases of scarlet fever. (I hadn't been watching the news I was working a lot, I learned through somebody I went to school with because her daughter had been diagnosed and she goes to Aura's school.) I sent Lee all the symptoms so we could both stay vigilant.

On Saturday I was on a early shift, I decided to try to go to work, Lee has the weekends off so I knew she would be fine with her dad at home while I went but I said to him before I left "if she burns up one more time, doesnt pick up or gets worse you need to call me and I will come home because she will need to go to the hospital, she can't go on like this. When she wakes up keep any eye on her." I was an hour into my shift and my phone rings, Lee tells me she's just come downstairs, she's dizzy, burning up and she's just flopped on the couch, she is white as a sheet and has no energy. I immediately came home and called 111 they were going to send an ambulance because of all the symptoms she had and I asked how long it would take, they said 4 hours so I said we would just rush her to accident and emergency ourselves in the car.

We got to hospital and I didn't think it was possible but she got even worse, she started vomiting none stop for around 30 minutes while we took turns stood in a line to try and get checked into the hospital reception, we didn't get through that process. As I was checking her in a doctor saw as she literally flopped to the floor and Lee propped her up because she was so weak and out of it she couldn't stand up. A doctor came over and sent us straight up the pediatric assessment.

In pediatric assessment they would only let one parent in so I stayed and I told Lee I would look after her and I told him to go home until I call him. We waited about 4 hours to be seen and in that time she slept, she vomited more and I tried to get her to stay hydrated while we waited. We saw the doctors and I raised my concern that she had been exposed to step A/scarlet fever, the first doctor we saw was at a loss for what to do, she had all the symptoms of scarlet fever apart from the red blotchy rash, so he wanted to give the 10 day course of antibiotics but he wanted to consult the head doctor. They talked in the hall for a while over whether to give her the antibiotics or not and the head doctor decided to come in and reexamine her and then swab her for the scarlet fever because she had all symptoms apart from one and gave us the antibiotics encase, she also took a urine sample and her kidneys weren't working properly due to fighting a nasty infection of some sort, she had tonnes of protein in her pee.

For the past few days I have slept next to her worked and taken care of her, watched her while she slept. Its been a scary few days but today now the antibiotics are in the system she's finally ate and sounded a bit perkier. I tried to get in touch with the hospital for her test results and I can't even get through to pediatric assessment because their phoneline is busy. I saw on the news today that there is a shortage of antibiotics being used to treat this right now and I feel so lucky to have them and that we monitored her so closely.

I have never seen Aura as ill in my life and I never want to again, when we went to hospital I was suprised we were out the same day. Please if your child has any symptoms of strep A/scarlet fever get them to a medical professional immediately, the NHS is swamped right now, underfunded and understaffed but a few hours is nothing compared to the risks if your child doesn't receive the medication they need.

#mumblr #mom blog #parenting #momblr #mom blogger #malamaii #parent #malamai #humblr

[riverstardis]

in the name of love:

connie enjoying her name being on the office door

lmao zoe telling max to leave some space between their arrivals

“she who is now me”

connie having meetings with everyone now that she’s clinical lead

ethan being in the middle of treating a patient when he’s meant to have his meeting so connie goes with him to watch

“right, you were with that patient for over 18 minutes, what’s your diagnosis?” and then he takes ages saying what his diagnosis actually is sjskfkf

“dr hardy you have the most breaches of the 4 hour target of any doctor in the hospital” “right. i’m guessing that’s not good?” “no, not in the ed. if you want to run thousands of tests become a rheumatologist not an ed physician” “i’m hoping that’s sarcasm and not a recommendation?” “correct. you’re gonna burn yourself out not to mention my budget.”

then he exhales after connie walks off and lofty pats him on the back sjskdkfjdjd

jeff saying his wife’s away in peru and “it’s complicated” so you’re not gonna tell her exactly how it’s complicated because it sounds like you’re tryna cheat😭😭

LMAO lofty going “what’s up, sherlock?” to ethan

he’s got a patient with a chest infection and he thinks it’s probably just a normal one but he wants to know which pathogen caused it but then connie walks past and he’s like “though, that’s not something we will necessarily work out now in the ed”

lofty going “you’re going to look up chest microbiology in your break aren’t you?” and ethan goes “probably” SJDKFKFK nerd (affectionate)

lofty robyn and max selling sweets and chocolates

“ah lofty, i’ve been hearing tales of illicit confectionary”

lmaoo ash finding robyn and lofty selling out of a store cupboard

oop cal’s turn and connie is not happy “dr knight.” “hey” “hey?” “sorry i missed our appointment i got stuck with a patient” “no according to the records you never get stuck, you have the fastest turnover of patients there is” “thank you very much” “no it wasn’t a compliment. my office. your notes are very sketchy. CN2 12 intact? that doesn’t tell me you’ve done a full neuro examination” “yeah but that was just shorthand, i always do every step” “if your patient walks out of here and dies i would not be able to defend you in a coroner’s court, be more thorough dr knight, in you go”

i love how cal has the exact opposite problem to ethan. and i love how different connie’s demeanour is with them skskfkfkf ig bc cal didn’t tell her that he couldn’t make the appointment and then was so cocky and dismissive whereas ethan actually listened to what she told him

patient’s dad asking louise if she knows what these pills are and her saying “sorry i’m not a medic” interesting…

the patient who was flirting with jeff is on some “friends of holby trust” committee with connie and they raised money for an echo machine. connie saying she normally goes private so they have to show her the very best of the nhs

“ten years ago ct scans in the ed were unheard of. if i get my way, you’ll be training in echo, and a lot more besides” and zoe rolling her eyes sjskfkfkfk

connie letting ethan use the new echo as a reward🥺

i love how the patient’s literally awake here like it must be so disconcerting to be aware of a consultant actively training a junior doctor using you, even if it’s just a scan

i hate that i now can’t watch this scene without thinking of that bloody london episode. honestly fuck whoever thought up that kiss😭

connie and zoe walking towards the door as they watch ethan with the echo “he’s in his element” “mhm” “i hired a few good ones in my time” “yeah, you did” i love how he can absolutely still hear them like they didn’t even leave the room just walked like a metre further away from him sjdkdkfkf

robyn and lofty trying to sell lily some chocolate. unsuccessfully of course

aww ethan telling cal “mrs beauchamp let me do an echo on the guy who collapsed in the car park!” and cal replies sarcastically “wow. that is impressive.” and zoe’s sighs like “oh, give your brother his moment of glory for once” and cal really over exaggerates and pats his shoulder and goes “well done”

lmaoo max asking zoe if she and connie have finally called a truce and she’s like “i’m not that petty. anymore”

rita saying she feels like she’s walking on fletch’s grave by applying for his old job skskdkfkfk you can literally see him again in like a few weeks

jeff going to visit the woman who was flirting with him and she’s wearing heels despite having a cast on her leg???? girl…

#classic casualty #in the name of love #bbc casualty #casualty