#straightbait

[straightbaittournament]

WELCOME TO THE STRAIGHTBAIT TOURNAMENT OF 2023!

which is currently looking for submissions!

our goal is to determine the BEST straightbait of all time by vote. send in your favorite straightbaits here: https://forms.gle/tRjYYjNPiFcP785XA

are you tired of couples who get together within a matter of days just because one's a guy and one's a girl? do you hunger for sopping wet heterosexuals with chemistry, strenuous and drawn-out build-up, and little to no payoff? well look no further than the straightbait bracket, coming soon to a blog near you. (this blog) (it will be coming to this blog)

what exactly am i counting as "straightbait" you ask?

seeing as straightbait is not an actual thing, i'm going to necessarily be loose about what does and doesn't count. it's up to you whether something counts enough to submit, but if you're unsure, just submit it anyway and i'll make my own call. couples who seem at first to be straightmarriage endgame but are revealed to be queer or otherwise don't get together, couples whose romance is teased but never or only-after-a-fucking-ordeal confirmed as such, m/f pairs who have some kind of weird fucking thing going on that is never explicitly named platonic or romantic, buried straights, straights who for whatever reason have a relationship trajectory that feels queercoded in some way, all of those and more count.

while canon couples are allowed, i may draw the line at couples like jim and pam from the office where there is a will-they-won't-they element, but the romance gets a lot of screen time devoted to it and is very explicitly romantic. jim/pam follows a very tried and true fictional straightcouple relationship trajectory and is very canon from the outset. individually, these traits might still be allowed, but many at once probably means it's a no go. i'm looking for ambiguity and uncertainty of the sort that is atypical for (canonically/ambiguously) straight characters, or those who seem to be at first

submissions will close when i feel like it frankly! i will make an announcement leading up to the closing of the google form so you can get your straights in on time!

inspired by @worstqueerbaittournament @mfshipbracket @mosthomoeroticenemies and the "i need to fuck that old man" tournament. anyone else who is interested in this poll is encouraged to rb! thank you!

have a happy heterosexual friday and a sublime straight saturday! (thursday)

#poll #poll tournament #whouffaldi #twelveclara #twissy #spydoc #doctormaster #doctor who #braime #game of thrones #sherlock holmes #spies are forever #curt mega #tatiana slozhno #hannibal #wilana #will graham #alana bloom #will x alana #straightbait #straight bait #heterosexual queerbait #basics #bbc sherlock #the legend of korra #tlok #korrasami #makorra #romangerri #asioaf

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

how do the duffers SLEEP at night knowing they are successfully straightbaiting millions of homophobes

#like personally i would not be able to NOT immediately brag to everyone in my vicinity its just TOO COOL #it must be SO FUNNY to them though when they see the actors avoid questions in interviews #or make everything as obvious as possible without giving it away and the ga still does NOT get it #like RIP to yall the cast and duffers are prob laughing their asses off at you #oh to be a cishet white man in positions of power #but also no #good for them though ig even if they have destroyed my mental stability with their gay shenanigans #byler #byler endgame #straightbait

[grabowskibeepboop]

I really be romanticizing the thought of straightbaiting don't I?

#gay #lesbian #queer #lgbtq+ #straightbait #straightbaiting #straight bait

[tastywormfood]

Mitch from Paranorman is by far the best straightbait

#straightbait #paranorman #I remember seeing it in cinemas in 2012 and everyone gasping laughing and wooing when he talked about his boyfriend #first gay character in an animated childrens movie

[niennandil-me-writes]

Goretober 3: Teeth

[fanfic for @krissinonstop's novella project Benjamin's Wagon. Spoilers for books 1 through 5]

Andrej blinked. “Can you say that again?”

Steph took a deep breath.

“No, just the last part. The important part,” he said before she could repeat her five minute elaboration.

“I got bitten by a vampire.”

Andrej rubbed his eyes with the thumb and index finger of his right hand and resisted the urge to punch another hole in the wall of his motel room. He took some time to find words that would even remotely make sense, and failed. “So... are you a vampire now?”

“Well, not exactly. If my source is correct, I should only turn fully once I drink blood.”

“Uh huh.”

“Human blood, preferably.”

“Hm.” He was too tired for this shit. There was a dead man in his mirror, he had been unethically experimented on not 24 hours ago. “And you are in my room now because...?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Ah.”

That’s how they had ended up here. Andrej sitting up on his bed, a makeshift torniquet around his arm, Steph beside him, holding a knife. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He was too tired for this shit.

“Thanks, Andrej. You’re a really good friend.”

“Yeah, whatever, I just don’t want you to kill me in my sleep,” he said, looking at the knife suspiciously, then at Steph's face, or more specifically her teeth. “And you’re sure it won’t transmit via spit?”

“You should be fine as long as I don’t sink my teeth into you.”

“Should be?”

“You’ll be fine.” Steph waved her hands dismissively, then tilted her head. “It is kind of weird, you know? If vampires need to feed regularly, and everyone who gets bitten turns into a vampire, then wouldn’t the proportion of vampires to food completely skew after a while? Like a predator prey model or something? Logistically, it wouldn’t work out, don’t you think?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t really been thinking about the logistics of vampirism so far,” Andrej said. “Especially because until recently, I didn’t know they were real.”

“And now you’re living with one,” Steph smiled. “How the turns have tabled.”

“It’s how the tables have turned.”

“What?”

“Can you just get it over with?” He had to stop himself from screaming.

“Okay, okay!” Steph put the knife to his arm, while Andrej pretended he didn’t hear her mumbling about flunking biology and hoping she wouldn’t make him bleed out. As soon as the first drop of blood appeared, she went quiet.

“Did you just lick your lips?” Andrej asked.

“Maybe...”

“You just did it again!”

Instead of answering, Steph darted forward and put her mouth around the wound, less like the image of a seductive vampire and more like a snake trying to swallow a football.

Andrej sharply inhaled through gritted teeth as she started drinking his blood. The burning of the wound was replaced by an uncomfortable sucking sensation. He could feel the sharp teeth touching his skin and knew one wrong move by either Steph or him would make those fangs pierce him.

“Okay, that’s enough.”

When Steph didn’t pull away, he pushed against her head. She sat up, blood smeared around her lips like spaghetti sauce on a three-year-old. She pouted. “Do we have to stop already?”

“You said you just needed a little bit!”

“But you taste soooooo good, Andrej. I love sucking you!”

“Can you please not phrase it like that!” Maybe he wouldn’t die from blood loss, but a heart attack instead. This had been a long day. He had been picked up at a bar, tied up, had things shoved down his throat – damn it, now he was doing it, too!

Steph kept pouting. Andrej sighed. “Fine.” What was he saying? Was the blood loss getting to him? He was feeling a bit woozy. Steph literally jumped at his resigned permission, bloody lips twisting in a grin for a second to show off her teeth right before she set her mouth to his arm again.

Andrej sighed. At least she didn’t bite him.

#my writing #fanfic #benjamin's wagon #goretober 2023 #goretober #stephanie kapranos #andrej simón #straightbait #gore #diversity win: today's suggestive entry is straight

[chuckycheezel]

Lets assume Byler’s happening in Season 5. Sure, the story might have flowed better if Mike and El broke up during season 4, and we would’ve gotten more clarity about Byler (plus more of it).

But you know what? I respect the Duffers’ choice to straightbait until the very last season. Get that GA cash, brothers. Season 5 better be worth it though. I’m counting on you.

#Byler #straightbait #st5 #Byler nation #season five better be worth it or I’m quitting existence for a while #I’m invested now #save me

[charlieswebb]

my favorite genre is straightbait

#queer #straightbait #byler

[messingwithjocks]

-Bro get back over here, no breaks! Quit flirting with the girls team

-Oww AHH ow i’m here ok ok ow let go

#dragged by the ear #straightbait #himbofication #cute guys #dumb jock #corporal punishment #ear pulling

[mywitchcultblr]

We the gays need to invent: Straightbaiting ✨

#yes #lgbt #lgbtq+ #straightbait #hmm

[everyonesannoyedwithme]

kitty and yuri becoming one of the main ships in xo kitty was so shocking because like i know i shipped it from the start but youre telling me netflix also shipped it???? and then DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT???????

#i think everyone deserves to get straightbaited at least once in their life #xo kitty #xo kitty spoilers #kitty song covey #tatbilb #to all the boys i've loved before #anna cathcart #yuri han #kitty x yuri #kitty covey #netflix

[the-woman-upstairs]

Definitely want a second season of XO, Kitty if only for the ensuing hilarity that would come from the two most popular students in school fighting each other over the dorky American transplant who barely passed her classes.

#the show was cheesy and ridiculous but i had a great time #straightbaiting for the win #and a bisexual love triangle i can actually get behind #xo kitty #kitty song covey #kitty x yuri #kitty x min ho #genuinely having a hard time picking an OTP because i enjoy the hell out of both ships #the growth of all parties involved was genuinely engaging #sidenote: S2 should go all in on the gay and have Dae and Q rebound with each other

[drbtinglecannon]

See Frieren x Himmel is canonically doomed and that's part of the overall narrative, Frieren will outlive almost everyone she ever meets but she slowly starts to build more and more relationships in spite of that and Himmel was one of the biggest catalysts in her changing in this way

But they also have this "this is how it can still win" vibe to it because Frieren is literally traveling to the afterlife specifically to visit Himmel, and along the way she's changing and very slowly embracing love in all these different forms from the people around her, one of which was from Himmel

So it's doomed but it still feels like they'll definitely have a happy ending too, it's an interesting dynamic

#frieren: beyond journey's end #frieren x himmel #frimmel #never have I been so desperate for the straightbait to still work out haha. it's just such sappy genuine romance and I love it #save me doomed elf/human relationship #this isn't even touching upon the most recent manga arc where she's traveled back in time and the marriage illusion. like. christ #tc posts #anyway they'll reunite one day after frieren eventually passes and share a long embrace

[mwagneto]

rtd having to fight tooth and nail in the 2000s to put anything gay in dr who and in the process making scifi gay enough that now in the 2020s he can just do whatever the fuck he wants. they literally put the doctor flirting with a man IN THE TRAILER i'm gonna pass away

#the way I've been manifesting/predicting moc doctor with a male love interest since at least 2017 and now i get to have it. for free. #media made for me specifically!!!!!! barking and chewing and biting #like that's literally how they're marketing it. where torchwood literally had to straightbait to #balance out the . well yknow . now they just get to put it in da trailer AS A DRAW. #doctor who #15th doctor

[supersonic-rocket-ship]

I never thought it could be possible to queerbait and straightbait at the same time

#huh #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #sorry tedbeccas that was rough #tedtrent #tedependent #tedbecca #this is also about royjamiekeeley #I want to clarify that this is satire- I respect the decision of the writers to not go with tedtrent #I am not actually accusing the showrunners of queerbaiting #that was straightbait though and I love them for that

[straightbaittournament]

(shaking, through tears) may the best bait win! propaganda under the cut:

mulder and scully:

Infamously treated and teased by showrunners + writers like how a gay couple would be baited and like a gay couple in general, although eventually they do kiss and have a son (although that falls through and they become kind of divorced)

during the entire original run of the show i'm pretty sure chris carter would have said they never had a romantic relationship (they had a baby without ever having had sex!) however in the revival their sort of ambiguous What Are We deal was made a lot more explicit so feel free to veto based on these grounds LITERALLY INVENTED 'SHIPPING'. YOU'RE WELCOME

while i'm... pretty sure they get together eventually (i've only watched a bit of the x-files), from what i've heard they invented the term "shipping" because of people arguing over whether they would/should be romantically involved, so i think they should be included, for fandom history reasons if nothing else

they are a man and a woman who don't get together until ridiculously late but are hilariously devoted to one another, clingy, self-sacrifice-y, and also Forehead Kisses

They’re together but they’re not they love each other but barely know each other

clara and twelve:

their relationship is heavily romantic coded, but is never explicitly confirmed as romantic or not. the queerbait thing of teasing them on socials but never paying them off in canon applies here! also secret love confessions by way of double entendre or omission

they "arent romantic" but obviously they are

They are a man (I guess?) and a woman never get together but physical contact is filmed with such tension, there's jealousy with one member's significant other, "do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference," "I'm changing history to save Clara," "run you clever boy and be a Doctor," "people like you and me, we should say things to one another," "I'll be the judge of time," "If you love me in any way..." okay these all have context but trust me it's Insane

They never get to be together and in their last episode together, Clara presumably confesses her love to him and WE DONT EVEN SEE IT. like immediately after he gets his memory wiped.

#straightbait tournament round 1 #the x files #x files #relationshipping #msr #sculder #whouffaldi #twelveclara #doctor who #poll #polls #poll tournament #fox mulder #dana scully #clara oswald #the twelfth doctor #twelfth doctor #twelve #x-files #the x-files

[mylonelydreaming]

"He [Rauru] ends up serving as the crucial connection between Link and Zelda, even when thousands of years separate the two. It’s a sad but meaningful role for a character who has become a newly beloved character in Zelda canon."

Nintendo is driving me up the WALL

#zelink #totk zelink #totk #tears of the kingdom #princess zelda #zelda #link #rauru #king rauru #tloz #loz #legend of zelda #Fujibayashi... why was mentioning Zelda and Link's connection over thousands of years necessary here #You're supposed to only be talking about Rauru himself #what do you mean Rauru was a crucial zelink connection #ZELINK UNCLE STOP STRAIGHTBAITING ME #NO MORE PLEASE #I BEG