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tornado1992 · 3 months

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Sonic and The Black Knight AU in which Sonic’s from that world, he’s an explorer of some sorts and he does technically live in Camelot with his brother Miles, but he spends most of his time traveling around and getting new stuff for his brother to weld and forge with.

One day while returning to Camelot and looking for minerals or cool rocks he finds a sword in a stone, great! New materials for his brother! he can surely make something better than this old blade or upgrade it.

He takes the sword out effortlessly. The sword can talk. Great(?

He brings the weapon to the town, people start to notice the obvious magical artifact and voice goes around about “the legend being fulfilled”.

Oh, that legend. Yeah, no.

He just wants to show his little brother a cool sword, not become ruler of a whole kingdom thank you very much, it doesn’t matter if he “fulfilled the sacred prophecy”, it’s just a rumor until he decides it isn’t. And he doesn’t want it to not be a rumor.

Rumors travel fast, but he is faster.

The talking sword started doubting if he was worthy of the throne after spending no more than an hour around him, not shutting up about how “you’re already running from your kingdom and you haven’t been crowned yet”. Good. Maybe he could convince the sword to tell the people he would make a terrible king if the disdain in its voice gave anything off.

They arrived at the blacksmith’s shop, his brother’s shop, he shush’s the sword down as his brother runs to hug him, instantly pulling away at the sight of the weapon, his twin tails happily wagging gentle circles behind him as he asks Caliburn (what a name) anything and everything that there is to know as a talking sword. Caliburn just asks him why does Sonic call him “Tails” (nice try of a joke mate).

The very rude sword being perplexed about how someone as “reckless and careless” as him has “such a brilliant child in his care”.

Well, not a pretty mineral or shiny rock, but a talking sword seems interesting enough to make his brother happily ramble almost all night long, taking karma in his name as he wears Caliburn’s ear(?) off as he did with him.

Well, he could tell the kid all about his latest adventure in the morning, right now he could focus on cooking his brother a new dinner dish with spices from his latest travel destiny. A small bedtime story (about the knight’s of the round table by Carliburn’s request) and a few ear scratches later and you got a snuggled sleeping fox kit ready for the night.

The sword stays near them, looking at every move Sonic made, as if analyzing him in confusion. What a rude weapon, he might not be good king material but he’s peak big brother material.

He might not have enough on him to give his brother a bigger workshop or expensive materials, but he will give him everything he has if it means keeping him happy, they may not live in a big castle or have fancy dinners every night, but he swore from the moment he met the fox that he would do everything in his power to keep him safe.

As long as his big bro was around, he would never go hungry again, he would never sleep outside again and no one would hurt him again. He won’t ever feel unloved again.

Sonic might not be able to give him the world, but he’ll give him everything else.

His little brother’s sleeping form slightly trembles in his tiny bed, curling himself in his small blanket, covering his body with his fluffy tails, (sometimes Sonic thinks he’s more “Tails than “Miles”, pun intended). it’s been kinda cold lately, their humble home not making much favors to keep them warm even with the forge still on, but he doesn’t think he’s trembling because of the cold.

It’s okay, he didn’t wanted to sleep in his makeshift bed today anyway, he’s been away from his brother for enough time and he doesn’t mind staying right beside him to fight the little fox’s nightmares away and sharing their warmth for comfort. He nuzzles beside him, the kit instinctively moving to hug him and hide his face on the crook of the hedgehog’s neck, gentle purring and soft humming filling the silence of the night.

The next morning Caliburn greets him loudly “Good morrow, king Sonic”

Hell.

He doesn’t know what could’ve changed Caliburn’s opinion on him from one moment to another, but now thanks to that he has knights kneeling before him, the royal wizard offering him their nation’s secrets, a talking sword lecturing him all day long about “a king’s duty and heart”, and the whole kingdom practically demanding him to rule.

It’s not a very tempting idea to say the least. Organizing diplomacy gatherings, hosting balls and knighting warriors is not really his thing, and hell, the kingdom wants it to be his thing.

He offers the throne to whoever wins a crusade? “the winner must defeat his majesty first”. He tries to put back the sword in the stone? “The sword chose you, my liege, it is your destiny”. He tries to show the high commands how bad of a kind he would be? “His majesty is such a humble king, even in all his might”.

So, so eager to make him king. They tried to drag him to the castle so he could “know his new home”. They offered him to make changes to royalty’s way to make it “enough of his way”. They showed him the perks of having power, “a king does as he pleases”.

But what could he really offer them as a king? He can fight bad guys and make allies for sure, but even if he wanted to, would that be enough?

He kinda regrets not spending enough time around the kingdom before, maybe if he did and the people actually knew him they wouldn’t be so insistent on him of all people being king, talking magical sword be damned.

His brother knows what’s going on, he keeps mostly quiet about it, not wanting to disturb the hedgehog with the subject when he actively is trying to avoid it, his only opinion about it being shown a few nights after his return to their home. He’s tucking the fox in for the night, Caliburn silently watching them from the other side of the room, a sleepy squeaky voice fading with a yawn in a last effort to reassure his big brother while he runs his finger’s trough the fox’s bangs.

“You could give this kingdom anything… you already gave the world to me”

That’s all it takes.

Alright, he’ll be their king, but he will not sit on a fancy chair all day, won’t have a personal army following him around and definitely won’t be educated in “proper royalty manners”, you want him to be the king? The king does as he pleases.

The high council or whatever can take care of the bureaucracy, alliances and all the boring stuff, they’ll have the control over most of the kingdom (just how they like it, right?)

His first decree? Right after his coronation, the only time he actually stays in the throne room longer than five minutes, he actually wears his crown, he’s bearing the sacred sword when he calls his brother to the center of the room “I dub thee Miles “Tails” Prower, the crown prince of Camelot”.

He’s the king now, it’s only logical for his little brother to be the prince, the crown prince, direct heir to the kingdom’s throne.

He’s the prince, and the prince can get whatever the hell he desires, so bring him all the minerals and heavy armory, and show him the secret library! Little bro needs stimulation and there’s only so much he can do with a blacksmith’s mediums. His room? Bigger than the king’s! His food? Get him all the neighbor kingdom’s candy if he asks for it! His education? Give him all the books known in the world, get him all the minerals and bring his workshop inside the castle!

What he had was enough for his little brother before, but it might not be enough for him just yet. Time to give him the world that he already promised him.

Prince Miles does have a nice ring to it.

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic and tails #unbreakable bond #they are cosmic truth #they’re brothers your honor #wholesome sonic and tails wednesday #Prince Miles AU #theyre brothers your honor #sonic fanfiction #caliburn saw this punk ass mf and said nope #and then saw how he cared about that little baby fox and said yeah that’s the king #and lil tails being so happy because Sonic returned and now he can sleep beside him #and don’t worry the king’s schedule will always have time to read his brother a bedtime story #Sonic just wants to give his brother the world because that’s what he deserves no less #and now he will give him everything #not that Tails needed it #his brother was enough #but the castle and the toms of books are a nice plus #and don’t worry they won’t be cold at night anymore #the nightmares might still make miles tremble but his brother will scare them off

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crybaby-bkg · 9 months

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cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst

When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.

It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.

“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.

“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.

“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.

“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.

“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.

“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.

“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.

#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this #and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj #but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!!#I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written #there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone #and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost #and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again #but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same??#they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem #not them* heck #it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself #where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’#and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories #but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you #and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time #you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them #so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT #sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in #okay bai #bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫

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raineandsky · 4 days

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#120

When the villains caught wind of a new hero on the team, they’d all taken interest. When someone came back claiming he’s blind, it’d sparked a whole new debate.

Straightforward, they’d all said. He won’t even see us coming. They’d laughed at how easy it’d seemed.

The villain feels like they’ve stumbled on a pile of gold when they come across the hero. He’s running his hand along something on the fence in front of him, something that the villain will later realise is a braille description of the view ahead of him. A white cape drifts around his ankles, an equally white suit flattering against his typical heroic body, the lightest of smiles on his face as his fingers trace the patterns of dots along the railing.

The villain can’t help but grin as they slowly make their way towards the poor hero, so oblivious, so stupid. They’re barely a hair breadth away, their dagger practically unsheathing itself, when the hero spins towards them with a swish of his cape and a flick of a blade.

The villain barely reels back in time. Staying quiet doesn’t occur to them when they’re startled. The hero looks like he’s staring right through them, an arrogant smirk on his face.

“Ah,” he says brightly, “you’re one of those criminals I’m meant to be looking out for?”

The villain sidesteps, careful to keep their footing quiet, but it doesn’t matter. The hero’s head cocks towards them as they try to step out of his blade’s path.

“You’re almost silent,” the hero continues. A smirk adorns his face, intrigued. “Incredible.”

The villain is close enough to strike, the hero looking slightly too far beyond them to be right in his assumptions. The villain shifts in fast, their dagger poised. The hero dodges back and retaliates with a swing of his own.

The villain stumbles out of reach and the hero follows. The villain’s unprepared; they were expecting a hero who’s unsure who they’re looking for, where the villain is. They were expecting an easy plaything that they could stab when they got bored.

But this—the hero is nothing but brazen confidence.

The villain shoves their dagger up to meet his blade, throwing his arm out. They move in for another strike but the hero’s already recovered. His blade easily tucks under their arm and slices into their side.

Something of a strangled gasp escapes the villain before they can stop it. They stagger back, a hand touched timidly to the wound, their eyes flitting back up to the hero. He simply waits, his blade crimson and his eyes blank. How? How?

“Would you do me the honour of telling me who I’ve met?” he asks, as if this is nothing more than a casual meeting between friends of friends. The villain wants to snap him in half for the audacity.

“That’s none of your fuckin’ business.”

“Aha,” the hero says, almost a laugh, “You’re [Villain].”

The villain can only stare at him in horror. The hero seems to feel the tension in the silence, because he continues. “You’ve a bad mouth, favour in the blade, light on your feet.” A teasing smile. “And you’ve a smooth, caramel voice I haven’t heard in many like you.”

“Wh— Excuse me— You—”

The hero just smirks, the stupid smirk of someone who knows he’s untouchable in every sense of the word. “Flustered by compliments, too,” the hero finishes with a laugh. “Good to remember for next time.”

“I’m not flustered!” the villain finally manages, “and my voice isn’t caramel. That isn’t a thing. You sound stupid.”

“I’m happy to be stupid if it means I can recognise you as the villain who speaks in caramel.”

The villain’s side is beginning to really ache. They need to be something that’s not here when it inevitably gets worse. “Do what you want. I’m going home.”

“May I escort you to a prison cell?”

The villain barks a laugh, their side practically splitting with the forced fakeness of it. “As if you know where the agency is from here.”

“I always know where I am, [Villain].” A smile again, softer this time. Knowing. “You underestimate me for a characteristic I think makes me as interesting to you as you are to me.”

The burn in the villain’s skin is an ode to that. “Sure.” The villain turns on their heel before a thought occurs to them. “I’m going to walk away, loudly. Do me a favour and don’t fucking shank me when I do.”

The hero’s face twists back into a smirk. “As long as I hear you moving away. Until next time, [Villain].”

A blind hero! everyone had cried. It’s almost too easy!

The villain scurries away with a gash to the chest and a slam to their ego, and they know now to know better than that.

#creative writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writing community #heroes and villains #hero x villain #im offically freeeeeeeeeeee #im so excited to reset my sleep schedule cause why am i in bed by 9pm #that being said life has been hectic recently! posts may slow down a bit while i get my shit together #theres been a lot goin on atm and i probably need a lil time to get back into the swing of things to get my creativity back #ill make a post about it for yall who dont see this so i dont just disappear off the face of the earth one day lmao #love yall either way <3

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buwheal · 12 days

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I try so hard to be nice. Seeing spamton so distressed makes me feel awful. I wanna reach through his screen, give him a hug and tell him it’ll be okay. But I’m nothing but a letter to him. Words on a screen he can easily ignore.

I want him to be happy, I want to whisk away every single bad ask and wrap spamton up in a blanket and give him the warmth and love he deserves. I really, really wish I could.

I suppose for now sending this will do. Thank you for the amazing stories, bu ❤️‍🩹 you’ve genuinely broken my heart for this poor man, I cannot wait to see more

But he hasn't. He doesn't ignore what you guys say. He really really cares about what you say, in fact. Easily ignorable, but he is paying attention. Anyways, thanks :-)

#Well #besides on purpose that one time but you deserved that then.#heres your little treat #drawing him just. takin a nap. is one of my favorites #tbh. Its just so like...#idk.. nice? peaceful? drawing him relaxed and getting his beauty sleep #catching those Zs #he deserves a little nap #ive been restraining myself from doing it more often in ygm i think its only really been twice #i count it as 1 1/2 because one was a blip #uhm.#but theres also other reasons.#bwomp.#sighhhh #nooo whaat this wasnt an excuse to draw him sleeping cause you said that whaaat #thyanks guys btw #it really means a lot to ME that you care about him so much #WAAGHHHH its SO sweet #yess king naptime #i really really wish you could comfort him too. i wish you could give him a hug or give him something too.#I really do.#He needs it.. but i have my reasons.#one of them being i dont want to draw some shitass weird anon they;d look so out of place

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sarnai4 · 1 month

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Amazing Burglar or Awful Security?

I was thinking about the security on the Edge and how genuinely awful it is at keeping a certain Berserker chief away. It's honestly hilarious to me because Dagur just shows up out of the blue without even trying to hide. In "Family on the Edge," he had no idea the other Riders hadn't been told about him, so there was no sneaking involved. He just strolled on in (with a ship I'm assuming since he was sans dragon at the time) and didn't get noticed until Hiccup went back home. The guy even proceeded to stay the night without any of the Night Terrors being like, "Who the heck is this dude?" and causing a scene. He shows up easily for "Gold Rush" too and makes his presence known before they see him. Then in "Searching for Oswald...and Chicken," he shows up and gets through whatever security Astrid said she set up. So...I guess it's just bad. Or he's just that good where he can consistently get on the Edge. Heck, why limit it to the Edge? He was sneaking onto Berk too when he put the Dragon Root in the arena and around Outcast island when he wanted to get the Skrill back. I'm realizing an underappreciated skill of Dagur's is stealth. He'll just be behind you (might be right now) and you won't know unless he wants you to. It's as scary as it is impressive.

#HTTYD #RTTE #Dagur the Deranged #Astrid Hofferson #She said she was on security duty buuuut #I'm not opposed to the idea of Dagur just being that good #Modern Dagur is 100% breaking into his friends' homes at random #Not even to do anything mischievous #He just wants to say hi or grab something he left last time by accident #You see a 'good morning' note on your night stand and realize you could have died #Are we also going to act like Dagur wouldn't be the person to compliment someone on how peaceful they look while sleeping?

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zaacoy · 11 months

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fluffy fluff freenoodles cuddles for your tmblr tl todahyyyy they are so in love

#Cuddles are my favorite part about romantic relationships they are so WARM and COZY and SAFE I am dying #like a hug!!! But you get to be in a bed!! Or a couch or smth so it's even cozier!!!! Plushie AND wrapped in the arms of your beloved-#what more could you want fr #The fluffiest of husbands. absolutely glued to each other when they sleep. never separate them.#Tang drools a river in his sleep and pigsy snores at an incredulous volume they are disasters together #Tang being generally pretty good at smooth talking and immune to flirting but absolutely CRUMBLING at the stupidest corniest-#pet/nick name said in a loving tone of voice is so funny to me get a grip loser /aff #no flustered pigsy here but dw his time is coming soon >:33 #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk #lmk tang #lmk pigsy #freenoodleshipping #lmk freenoodles #freenoodles #lego monkie kid fanart #zaacoy art💫

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thegoldenavenger · 3 months

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Fusion au in a series of vignettes. Non beta'd and it's 4am so I'm very sorry for any mistakes. Cw for relatively brief shen jiu related backstory. This is Bingqiu with Word Of God (me, I'm god) bingliushen intended endgame thought it ends before it gets there.

Standing at the edge of the rift, Shen Qingqiu wields Xiu Ya against his beloved disciple while the System flashes red at him. The countdown blares like a siren in his head, a dual layer alarm in four-four time. It buzzes in his chest alongside his heartbeat and his hand sweats around his sword's grip.

Luo Binghe's starry eyes are wet with tears, his face red and twisted in fear and confusion and grief.

Shen Qingqiu is about to wave his sword when Luo Binghe reaches out to him. Luo Binghe's palm slides against the blade of Xiu Ya, blood spilling into the open air. The System whines, counterpoint to its own buzzing bass, as the seconds dwindle.

"Shizun?" Luo Binghe has followed his momentum and his hand now grips Shen Qingqiu's sleeve, shaky and pale.

Shen Qingqiu needs to push him down.

The timer hits zero, the whaling in his ears hits its peak, Luo Binghe's sniffling face fills his vision. And then he trips. It's so simple. He trips and the tip of Xiu Ya pierces Luo Binghe's chest when his disciple automatically moves to catch him. He lets go of his sword, startled, and Luo Binghe catches his hand. The System fades into a continuous ringing as his weight falls entirely into Luo Binghe's hold and his disciple through tears and pain, takes one step back to support him.

It looks like a dip.

It feels like a dip, Luo Binghe timed perfectly the the System's whining and Shen Qingqiu's own heartbeat.

A flare of qi rises around them and he feels untethered from his own body once more. Everything fades away except for the light and Luo Binghe's startled face. Shen Qingqiu's soul floats and he goes from looking at the star-lit depths of his disciples eyes (he goes from staring up at their jet-dark coolness) to blinking, disoriented, as the System-induced headache (the hot pulse of pain in his hand and chest) fade away, and the light flares and softens the edges of reality.

He doesn't remember dying, but he feels soul-deep like this is familiar. It's not painful though, not like the seal breaking, wouldn't dying be painful? No, he dismisses the thought, dying doesn't have to be painful. Most things aren't painful, as they're happening actually.

He can accept that, but this still isn't dying. He feels full, overflowing, but alive. Because the seal is broken? Or because his body has been—oh the seal. That rift. The Sy— the fall.

But there's no one standing by the rift's edge except for him. Is he too late? Did he already push him (did he already fall)? He's not dead so that must mean he went through with it (that must mean he stopped).

Where's Binghe? (Where's Shizun?)

He should ask what's going on (he already knows) but when he glances to his peripheral nothing stands out to him. He raises his hand in an instinctual gesture to summon something but he's distracted by the pink-line on his palm.

It's where Xiu Ya cut him. Them? Him.

Oh. They fused.

They fused!

Oh no, they fused!

A flash of light and their souls rip apart, Shen Qingqiu flinging himself backwards and away from Luo Binghe. Him? Fuse with the protagonist? As if pushing the boy into the Abyss wasn't enough now he's gone and mixed his soul up with Binghe's when even the original Stallion Protagonist had never done that particular dance with anyone.

As if Luo Binghe needs any more reason to peel Shen Qingqiu's limbs from him! Wasn't he the one who speculated about the intimacy of fusing and fusion dances in the forums?! Didn't he say that Luo Binghe refusing to fuse with even any of his many wives symbolized a deep chasm of mistrust and justified fear of vulnerability?

Didn't the forums go ballistic when the Original Scum Villain's scummier past was revealed where that Qiu Haitang sister accused him of force fusing with her brother and using the power to wipe out their entire manor? Did that make him as bad as the original goods?

The moment their souls separate back into two distinct bodies the system's red warning screen comes back to life in the corner of Shen Qingqiu's vision. He's not terribly concerned about that because, after everything, Shen Qingqiu jerking out of Luo Binghe's hold is what sends the boy stumbling off the edge of the rift.

"Shizun!"

"Binghe—" Shen Qingqiu forgets himself and flings himself forward, land on his hands and knees to look into the rift's opening. His hand is outstretched, as if he can do anything in this moment other than watch as Luo Binghe falls.

When Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan find him he's still kneeling where the rift pulled itself closed.

----

Yue Qi is the oldest of the kids and the strongest, but he never really feels strong. Not when Xiao Jiu goes to bed hungry more often then not. Not when Yue Qi gets sick, and Xiao Jiu has to work even harder to cover for both of them.

There is something that does make Yue Qi feel strong, though. Oh, he knows they're not supposed to do it, just like practicing making dancing lights or Xiao Jiu's sharp-tricks. He can't find it in himself to discourage it all too much though.

When he and Xiao Jiu dance together they become closer than anyone could even dream. Together, as one being in mind, spirit, and body, they are strong. Xiao Jiu has always been the one to shore up Yue Qi's weakness but like this it feels as though they have no weaknesses at all.

Where Yue Qi is too trusting, placid, ox-strong and (Xiao Jiu says) too stupid to live, and Xiao Jiu is suspicious, mischievous, cutting and mercurial as one being they are balanced. They are even-keeled, clever, optimistic but not naive. They're beautiful as well, in their own opinion. Longer, deep hair and pale skin with Xiao Jiu's sharp eyes and Yue Qi's friendly smile. They also have Yue Qi's eyes, set above Xiao Jiu's, and another set of arms.

If anyone saw them they'd be called a demon and even together they aren't strong enough to fight or fast enough to run...

So they don't stay fused for long. It's not smart to be caught looking like a demonic freak (Xiao Jiu says) and Yue Qi isn't strong enough to protect them. Not yet. He thinks, if he gets better in his own body, then surely someday they'll be strong enough to run away together.

Someday they can run away together and maybe they can find a place no one will bother them even if they stay fused together. Yue Qi thinks he'd like that; together as one with Xiao Jiu forever.

----

"You know, fusing isn't actually a metaphor for sex." Shang Qinghua says to his black-powder fan, who cracks his fan open in front of his face.

"Everything you wrote was a metaphor for sex."

"Okay!" He says, because. Well. It's not like Cucumber-Bro is wrong. "It's not just a metaphor for sex. If it was just sex, my son would've been fusing with every new sister in his harem. You think I didn't see how many requests I got to write what a Sha Hauling and Luo Binghe fusion would be like?"

"But fusing represents the more vulnerable aspects of sex! That's why—" Cucumber-Bro starts to say before Shang Qinghua interrupts him.

"It's a metaphor for relationships! Intimacy in relationships!"

"—Ah?" Cucumber-bro shuts his mouth and taps his fan against his lips.

"It can be any type of relationship, not just a sexual or romantic one. It's just meant to represent vulnerability between individuals expressed in a tangible way and..." Shang Qinghua trails off when he notices Cucumber-bro's eyes narrowing at him.

"Great Master Airplane," he starts, "you never added any of that into your story."

"It was subtext?" He tries.

"I think you just wanted to write a knock off dragon ball gimmick so you had cool villains for Binghe to fight!"

"Well! It's not like anyone wanted to pay for a meta narrative focused on cannon fodder!"

"Why did you abandon all your best ideas!?" Cucumber-Bro wails, throwing his fan at Shang Qinghua's head.

Shang Qinghua catches it this time and grins triumphantly at his friend. Shen Qingqiu makes a frankly hilarious face and dives fist first at Shang Qinghua.

"Give that back—let me—it's absolutely my right to hit you for every cool plot you abandoned, you hack!"

"No! I saw you in the comments! You think fusing is cool, that means you can't hit me over this one!"

"Can't I?" Shen Qingqiu grapples over the fan with Shang Qinghua.

Their palms slide together and Shang Qinghua laughs, because Cucumber's face looks exceedingly out of character: flushed red and comically angry. "You can't if you can't catch me!" He sing-songs and tries to slip away.

Shen Qingqiu quickly flips his grip to hold Shang Qinghua's wrist, jerking him closer. Shang Qinghua reflexively rests his hand on Shen Qingqiu's chest, and when he tries to grab at the fan again Shang Qinghua dances away, spinning out from where Shen Qingqiu still holds his wrist.

He laughs, buoyed with the momentum and when he opens his eyes he sees the fan in his hand.

"Got it!" He says.

His voice sounds different. In fact, his hand also looks different.

Oh, we fused. He—they—think.

A slick curl of nausea rises from the pit of their stomach while the rest of them sparks in confusion.

Nonsensically, their last thought is I'm not even gay? before the fusion destabilizes and Shang Qinghua is stumbling backwards, unbalanced.

Shen Qingqiu looks pale. He's holding the fan, and half his robes are in An Ding colors now. "I—" he says, then takes a step backwards. "I didn't mean to—Sorry."

Then he's gone, fan no doubt in front of his face as he glides out the door. Shang Qinghua finds himself sitting on the floor, blinking in confusion.

He plucks at the collar of his robe, Qing Jing teal.

----

The Abyss is hell. Every day longer that Luo Binghe spends in it is another flood of blood and filth staining him. It's too late to salvage the bits of Shizun's robes that were mixed together with his after their fusion... separated. His disciple uniform and Shizun's robes were of similar quality and color so he hadn't even noticed the different embroidery and slight differences in cut until he'd been forced to tear at his clothes for strips.

It's pointless to try and save the pieces of Shizun's wardrobe he found himself carrying but he tries to anyway. If only because each time he sees them he's reminded that Shizun walked away from their fusion wearing the matching pieces from his uniform.

He doesn't know if that means much to Shizun right now. It's possible Shizun had taken the first moment he could to scour every sign of Luo Binghe from his Peak. Could Luo Binghe even blame him, concealing his heritage from him and hiding in a righteous sect right under their noses.

Shen Qingqiu had tried to push him into the abyss.

But he hadn't, actually, pushed him. He'd reached out.

They'd fused.

It was confusing, a jumbling mess, but however disoriented and brief they were one in mind and soul. Luo Binghe had felt, then, the desperate need to know what had happened to his Important Person. It got muddied with Luo Binghe's feelings for his Shizun, he knows, but he remembers feeling fearful, anxious, frustrated.

He remembers feeling like he wouldn't do this, if he had a choice.

For all Luo Binghe knows, Shizun just regretted that his favorite disciple was an irredeemable demon. He was scared, because Luo Binghe was revealed to be a demon, he was anxious because of what that could mean for the sect. Frustrated because Luo Binghe was making things difficult.

But couldn't it also be that Shizun was fearful for Luo Binghe? He was anxious about their fates, frustration coming from the situation? That Shizun didn't want to push Luo Binghe, but felt he had to?

Maybe Luo Binghe can show Shizun that he is more righteous cultivator than he is demon. He'll settle things in the demon realm, learn to conceal his blood, and then when he makes it back to the human realm he'll prove to Shizun that he's good.

It's a slim hope to stake himself on, but Luo Binghe has never given up once yet. He is not about to start.

He forces himself up the obsidian-black stairs to the raised dias in the center of a bone covered field. A sword stands upright in front of him, black and sharp and heavy with intent. His hand itches.

He just needs to get out of the abyss first, and then he'll prove everything to Shizun.

----

Shen Jiu tries to gasp for breath under Qiu Jianluo's hand. He kicks his legs to no avail. Qiu Jianluo just tightens his grip.

"Come on, Xiao Jiu." Shen Jiu has to focus to hear him through the whooshing noise of his own blood in his ears. "Just fuse with me already."

Shen Jiu wants to lick the blood off his split lip and spit in Qiu Jianluo's face. He wants to claw the man's eyes out. But across the manor is his new fiancé, sitting in her room with her maids taking down her hair and getting her bed ready for the night.

He's realizing now, after three years, that he absolutely cannot wait any longer. If Qi-Ge was going to make it back he would have by now, and if Shen Jiu let's himself be married to Qiu Haitang he won't ever be seeing himself leave the Qiu house at all.

He swallows, can't speak past Qiu Jianluo's hand, and tries nodding instead.

"Oh? Have you decided to stop with your tantrum already?"

Shen Jiu could cough blood, he's so mad. He makes himself nod.

Qiu Jianluo pulls back his hand. "Well?" He asks, expectant.

"Fine."

Shen Jiu still remembers what it felt like to fuse with Qi-Ge, years ago now. Even then, with the person he trusted most in this or any other life, he'd felt too much. Too big and to small for his skin. They'd looked like a demon and he knew it was his fault, always needing to look at things for himself, never trusting anyone else's hands but his own. Still, the paranoia softened when he was fused. It gentled into a tame thing that cautioned and warned but never consumed.

Shen Jiu often slept curled up next to Qi-Ge, hand clenched in Qi-Ge's clothes—the better to wake up if something happened to the guileless fool—but sometimes Qi-Ge would shift closer and hug him in their sleep. Fusing with him felt like being wrapped in that hug.

Shen Jiu was never really conscious, when they fused. When they separated he remembered what they did, what they were thinking, but it wasn't entirely him and it wasn't entirely Qi-Ge. It was them. Together.

Shen Jiu had no intention of knowing what together felt like with Qiu Jianluo.

He could bring his suspicious eyes, and his distrustful hands into something as soft and warm as his fusion with Qi-Ge and they were stronger for it. He's positive, with his experience and his rage fueling him, he can bring his whole mind into whatever paltry form Qiu Jianluo thinks they can take.

When he opens his eyes, taller and stronger, with Qiu Jianluo nowhere in sight, he knows he's right.

The manor burns, and so does every man in that house. Qiu Jianluo does, too, once Shen Jiu lets the fusion go. Not before Shen Jiu pushes him onto his own sword.

(Not before Qiu Haitang sees them—him—hulking and monstrous, as he pulls her out of the burning wreck.)

----

"It's be faster if we fused."

"Are you saying you can't handle it by yourself, shidi?"

Shen Qingqiu's fan waves softly in front of his face.

"I can handle it."

"Of course you can. There's no need to put ourselves out."

Liu Qingge huffs out a breath, mad at himself. His own pride won't let him pretend weakness he doesn't have, so he can't claim to need to fuse. Shen Qingqiu must have been counting on that.

He isn't lying though, it would be faster to fuse. All of Shen Qingqiu's knowledge and cool diplomacy combined with Liu Qingge's might. The den of succubus would stand no chance. They would be in and out before the evening wore down, he's sure.

Just like he's sure that fusion would have streamlined the last handful of missions they've been on together. For sure, if they'd been fused while facing that Dancing Crystalline Boar Shen Qingqiu's third favorite fan would still be with them.

No matter what Liu Qingge tries, Shen Qingqiu dodges every attempt he makes to ask his shixiong to fuse. Literally dodging in some cases. When Liu Qingge suggested they practice fighting fused as part of their sparring sessions, the man had nearly barrell rolled off the mountain.

If his younger self could see him now... he remembers a time he was furious at the prospect of having to fuse with Shen Qingqiu. He and his Shixiong's relationship was, thankfully, so vitriolic none of their Shizun's attempts towards improving their Sect Sibling relationship ever came close to bearing fruit. Yes, ideally all the Peak Lords would be able to fuse in case needs arose, but Liu Qingge didn't have a problem fusing with any of the other Peak Lords. It was just Shen Qingqiu, the murderous bastard.

That Shen Qingqiu would then save his life... and with a partial fusion even.

He can't remember even most of what happened while he was dying in the Ling Xi caves. What he does recall is hazy with the after effects of qi deviation and confusion. He holds onto what he remembers with two hands though.

A soft, cooling light and nervous almost bemused thoughts. They couldn't have done a fusion dance, or even any of the ritual martial forms for fusing. He can't imagine with how badly he'd been qi deviating, that he had the coordination or intent to do so.

Still, somehow his soul had called out and Shen Qingqiu's soul had answered. They hadn't fused but they'd mingled well enough in each other that Liu Qingge was pulled out of his qi deviation.

The Shen Qingqiu that Liu Qingge had known—had thought he'd known—up until that point would have sooner killed Liu Qingge himself than open himself up to fusion. At least, that's what Liu Qingge thought.

He'd been wrong.

Oh, he didn't know it at first. He'd wasted his first attempt to fuse with Shen Qingqiu because he wanted the fast and easy way to determine exactly how Shen Qingqiu was planning on playing him. Because Shen Qingqiu must have an angle, and fusing would force him to expose it.

Well, they never fused, but Liu Qingge still realised Shen Qingqiu didn't have an angle. He was just, changed.

Shen Qingqiu hides a smile behind his fan as they approach the Sucubus cave, eyes flashing merrily at Liu Qingge as he says a final joking sentence.

Liu Qingge had once been faced with the prospect of fusing with Shen Qingqiu for duty. Then, because he was dying. Then, as an effort to force the man to be honest for once.

Now, Liu Qingge wants to, with Shen Qingqiu, for no other reason than simply because he, well. He wants to. He wants to be closer to Shen Qingqiu, he wants to show how much he's grown to trust his Shixiong. He wants his Shixiong to trust him.

He thinks they'd be good together. Strong, obviously. But also smart, and quick, clever. Liu Qingge isn't stupid, whatever anyone says, and he doesn't do himself the disservice as to discount his own strengths, but he wants to know what it's like in Shen Qingqiu's head. What it's like to be able to call up words like water from a pitcher, what it's like to be able to smile warmly and speak cleverly.

He wants to share with Shen Qingqiu his side as well. Wants him to feel the power and constancy of Liu Qingge's own strength and will.

Shen Qingqiu gestures at him, his fan firmly in place between himself and the rest of the world as he steps into the cave.

Liu Qingge, as ever, follows.

----

It happens so quickly, neither of them have a chance to realise it.

It's not a dance, but the honed tempo of two martial gods coming to the same blows day after day after day.

They're just. In synch. Mind, body, souls.

Liu Qingge snarls something about desecration and disrespect.

Luo Binghe sneers something condescending back.

Xin Mo and Cheng Luan cross blades once more. As repetitive as it is, perhaps it does count as a dance.

And then they are one. Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe no longer existing as separate beings but united into one consciousness.

They cut an impressive figure against the dimming sky, broad shoulders narrowing into a slim waist and dense, inky, feathery hair cascading from a thick ponytail. Their robes are cut in Bai Zhan's severe style but dyed in the demon lord's dark colors.

They have claws, fangs, senses sharpened by nature first before cultivation. This doesn't bother them as much as it should, every hunter needs it's weapons. They feel solid, settled, confident in this body despite their newness. They have a mole, on their finger.

They don't really register this.

There's one thought in their head: Shen Qingqiu.

Everything else is paralyzed.

There's a dual sense inside of them; that they should get to Shen Qingqiu's side immediately, that they shouldn't be near him, that he's in danger, that he's safest where he is.

Over it all is a bone-deep, aching grief. He's gone, he's gone, he's gone and it's all their fault. No matter what they try, they'll always fail when it comes to him, won't they?

They stay there, on their knees, well after the sun sets into the night.

-----

The first time Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe fuse it's ugly and emotional and the fate of the world rests like a cracked egg in their palm.

Shen Qingqiu doesn't know he'd say it's worse then fusing at the moment one is about to push one's disciple into hell though.

Shen Qingqiu much prefers the third time they fused or the fourth, or the fifth. They honestly spend more time fused than not, though Shen Qingqiu has responsibilities he still needs to take care of that require them to split.

He wonders if it's so terrible, how easily he loses himself in their fusion. Certain member of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect sure act like it's a tragedy. He's resigned not to care. He loves Luo Binghe: stickiness, partial darkening, and all whether fused or not.

The System is still a problem. When fused it completely blacks out, like a blind spot in his vision. Any train of thought that even runs parallel to it gets forcefully redirected. It makes him feel like a dog being clicker trained, but it isn't thorough enough that Binghe doesn't walk away from their fusions with unvoiced questions that Shen Qingqiu still can't answer.

Despite this, or maybe partially because of it, Shen Qingqiu warms up to fusing with Luo Binghe as a flower warms up to the sun. It's both him and Binghe, as one. He doesn't have to try and find the face to speak. For one, it seems Binghe's shamelessness melds really well with Shen Qingqiu's unbridled face for criticism so speaking his mind is never an issue. If there is something he gets stuck on, he only needs to meditate on it and let it resolve itself internally. Both Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu will come out understanding the resolution.

This isn't to say Shen Qingqiu prefers being fused. Not at all. What would he do without being able to see Luo Binghe's peerless face? Spending time alone being them is grand, but he also loves spending time together with his Binghe. He would miss it, if he wasn't able to squish Binghe's cheeks and toothlessly scold his manners.

And how he has to scold Binghe for his manners.

Well, he supposes Liu Qingge does deserve it more often than not. "Luo Binghe is dead." Truly, shidi? The one time in your pristine life you decide to lie and it's when it's liable to send Shen Qingqiu to an early grave?

Between that and "You have me here before you and you're going to choose him?" Shen Qingqiu could think Liu Qingge isn't dealing with his least favorite Shixiong moving off the mountain so well.

As if Shen Qingqiu knows what to do with that!

Of course Shen Qingqiu chose Luo Binghe! The man was all alone, without any support network at all! Liu Qingge is a good, a great friend even, but he isn't alone. He has the sect, his disciples, his sister, and surely the many theoretical sisters who must be throwing themselves at him any time he steps foot off the mountain.

It's not like Shen Qingqiu doesn't visit! He misses Qing Jing Peak, Cang Qiong Mountain, and his shidi, too! He even, in consideration of Liu Qingge’s surprisingly delicate sensibilities, avoids doing business with him while fused.

As frustrating as Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe can be while in each other's vicinity (tension growing between them thick enough Shen Qingqiu often wants to test it on Xiu Ya's blade, an epic rivalry that never got to bloom in the original storyline, maybe?) it's miles more tolerable than whatever happens while they're fused and Liu Qingge is forced to interact with them.

"Husband!"

"Mm," Shen Qingqiu hums in distraction.

"Husband, stop thinking about Liu Qingge." Luo Bingge pouts, tugging Shen Qingqiu's sleeve.

"Shishu." Shen Qingqiu absently corrects even as he can't help but smile at Luo Binghe's put upon face. "You should show him respect, Binghe."

"Liu-Shishu," Binghe obediently repeats.

"What makes you think I'm thinking about your Shishu?"

"Shizun always looks like he's trying to decide whether or not to let in a stray cat when he thinks about Liu-Shishu. For the record, he shouldn't let the stray cat in. It'll claw the furniture."

Shen Qingqiu laughs, forgetting for a moment, to hide it behind his fan. Luo Binghe's eyes sparkle and he swoops in, locking his arms around his husband.

"Even if he does scratch some furniture, won't Binghe just fix it for this master? It shouldn't be so hard, since you have to fix the furniture you break any how."

Luo Binghe pouts and buries his face into Shen Qingqiu's neck. "If Shizun insists."

Shen Qingqiu brings his hand up to pet at Luo Binghe's fluffy hair. It's thanks to how open they've been together that Shen Qingqiu can catch the undercurrent in Luo Binghe's voice.

"If Binghe doesn't want to entertain Liu-Shidi he doesn't have to." Shen Qingqiu starts. "Binghe and Liu-Shidi did have a... contentious relationship while this master was... gone." Luo Binghe's fingers tighten in Shen Qingqiu's robes and Shen Qingqiu winces but forges on. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Binghe. I can have tea with Liu-Shidi at one of the pavilions today, and finish things on Qing Jing Peak quickly."

Luo Binghe is quiet as Shen Qingqiu's words settle over then. He butts his head closer to Shen Qingqiu's collarbone.

"But Shizun likes Liu-Shishu."

"Yes," Shen Qingqiu concedes, "But that doesn't mean I want you forcing yourself to be uncomfortable for my own sake. I see him at Peak Lord Meetings, we can always catch up then. This is your home, too, you shouldn't be made uncomfortable in it."

This time the quiet stretches longer. Shen Qingqiu would be inclined to panic and overthink, but he forces himself to breathe instead. It's Luo Binghe who needs the time to think, to actually sort through his feelings instead of conceding to what he thinks Shen Qingqiu wants.

That's one of those things they meditated on while fused. It was much easier when their desires are actually one, but together they had unpacked the snarl of Luo Binghe's chronic desire to prove himself worthy and fear of failing his Shizun.

Shen Qingqiu had spoken, Liu Binghe had to trust that Shen Qingqiu wasn't lying or couching the truth for his feelings. He wasn't for the record. Shen Qingqiu does like Liu Qingge, he really enjoys spending time with his recalcitrant Shidi, but he can arrange those times around Luo Binghe if he needs to.

Liu Qingge is always pestering him to tend his Peak Lord duties and do a mission or two. He'd be thrilled if Shen Qingqiu started going on nighthunts again, perhaps while Luo Binghe has to do his Huan Hua Palace Master-ing or his Demon Lord-ing. Definitely, Shen Qingqiu can at least start hosting their little tea parties outside of the Bamboo House if it bothers his husband.

Finally, Luo Binghe inhales deeply and sighs against Shen Qingqiu's skin before his shakes his head.

"There's no need for Shizun to do that. Shishu isn't that bad." He draws back enough to smile, watery eyes striking Shen Qingqiu all over again. "And Shishu would be sad if Shizun distanced himself."

"I'm sure he'd understand."

"Hmm." Luo Binghe doesn't outright contradict Shen Qingqiu, but Shen Qingqiu knows that particular sound is Luo Binghe's Shizun-Thinks-He-Knows-What-Is-Happening-Here-But-It's-Funnier-If-I-Don't-Tell-Him noise.

There's the thud of a foot connecting with the door frame. No guesses as to whom that announced. Shen Qingqiu glances at the door but doesn't move towards it.

Luo Binghe breathes a laughing sigh out. "Shizun, this disciple has already gone through the trouble of making Shishu's favorite."

"Fine, but you'll tell me if you need space."

Luo Binghe smiles at him, pout and tears already a long-distant memory on his face. He moves past Shen Qingqiu to open the door himself. He's answering Shen Qingqiu, but his eyes are already locked onto Liu Qingge when he says, "Husband takes such good care of me."

"You!" From over Luo Binghe's shoulder, Shen Qingqiu gets to see Liu Qingge’s face flush that particular shade of pink he inevitably turns when in Luo Binghe's radius. "I—I'm on time!" He says, flustered, as he catches sight of Shen Qingqiu.

"No need to defend yourself, Shidi." Shen Qingqiu allows. "You're exactly on time, please come in."

Luo Binghe stretches to lean against the door frame, not moving from Liu Qingge's way. Shen Qingqiu can't see his face but he doesn't doubt it's expression when he says, "Well, Shishu?"

Liu Qingge huffs, aggrieved, before shouldering his way into the bamboo home. "Welcome back," he says to the air as he crosses the threshold.

Luo Binghe's mouth curls into a smile that he shares with Shen Qingqiu over Liu Qingge's head, and Shen Qingqiu decides that he believes that Luo Binghe, despite their rough history, is as fine with Liu Qingge as he says he is.

"This disciple will go get everything ready."

"Thank you Binghe." Shen Qingqiu smiles. "Sit with me, Shidi?"

#kamaeteWRITES #svsss #bingqiu #look at me crossing of aus from that list i EXPLICITLY said i wasnt ever going to write #also look at me not posting EITHER of the fic i said i was bc of the Dark Horse Option #(dark horse option of course being 'plot bunny wouldnt let me sleep at 2am)#yes i wrote this straight thru 2am ton[squints at time] 4:20 blaze it

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spectrumgarden · 3 months

Text

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic community #actually disabled #i feel like im poking a sleeping bear with this one. poking a hornets nest. whatever #but yeah it needs to be said i think. and i have the privilege of my “smart sounding” speech being more likely to be listened 2 so. *shrugs #long post #(very long... oops. i think this is the longest thing i ever wrote on here)#also this took me. i believe over 2 hours to write! im not good at this actually! i moved 80% of these paragraphs around multiple times -#- deleted entire paragraphs. merged them. rephrased things again and again and again #its exhausting #because when i think about this i can think through this entire concept in a couple minutes but trying to get it across takes hours ://

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