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helloalycia · 2 years

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right person, wrong time [four] // natasha romanoff

summary: you go to be with Natasha in Norway, but she doesn't let everything happen so easily.

warning/s: mentions of murder, assassin stuff and basically all of natasha's past.

author's note: and here it is… the final part! i hope it’s satisfactory for you all 🤌🏼

one / two / three / masterlist / wattpad

My palms were sweaty as they rested on the steering wheel of the rental car I was driving. Though I'd said yes so easily to joining Natasha in Norway, the consequences of my decision hadn't actually dawned on me until I was flying over to her two days later.

It was probably a stupid decision, I knew that, but I couldn't say no to her. To this day, I still wasn't sure what Natasha and I were. Colleagues? Friends? Best friends? But I did know that she had a hold on me that I couldn't quite explain – I was at her beck and call and I wasn't sure if she even knew it.

My first plan was to get a taxi to wherever Natasha was staying, but when I converted her coordinates into an address to give to a taxi driver, I was told it was basically in the middle of nowhere and they couldn't drive me. So, my next best bet was renting a car and going there myself. I shouldn't have been surprised to know she'd be living off grid to be honest.

As I pulled into a clearing, some field in the middle of nowhere that was surrounded by the most beautiful view of the cliffs in the distance and a forest, I spotted a camper van parked up in the grass, with deck chairs, a barbecue and a bench outside. I chewed on my lip when I double checked the coordinates, only to see it was the right place and she'd actually been living in a camper van for the past week.

Once I parked up, I got out the car and glanced over the camper van, knowing that definitely couldn't be big enough for both of us. But it was certainly a step up from my shitty apartment, so I wasn't complaining.

As my my eyes skimmed it, I spotted Natasha herself in the window, standing over the sink. When her eyes met mine, a soft smile formed on her lips and she raised her hand slightly, waving her fingers. Admittedly, I felt butterflies in my stomach when she did and returned the wave, excited to see her.

Closing the car door, I grabbed my bag from the backseat – a simple over-the-shoulder duffle bag that didn't have too much stuff in because she'd told me not to bring a lot – and approached the van. Natasha had opened the door and was walking down the steps, looking as stunning as ever.

I stopped before her, taking her presence in for a moment. She looked different to when I'd last seen her, but in a good way. Her red hair had grown out a little longer, but it was pinned out of her face, revealing her bright green eyes that always made me melt. She was wearing a hoodie and joggers, something I'd rarely seen her in because she was usually suited and booted for a mission. The domesticity of it all was heartwarming.

"Hey," I finally spoke, offering her a small smile. "You look good."

She returned my smile, arms crossed over her chest comfortably. "So do you."

I'd missed hearing her voice in person. It was smooth like honey, sending shivers down my spine.

I didn't really think much about my actions as I stepped forward, pulling her in for a long-overdue hug. She returned it in an instant, wrapping both her arms around my waist and tugging me closer, relaxing beneath me. I closed my eyes, appreciating her warmth and the faint smell of vanilla on her clothes, before pulling away reluctantly.

With the way she was staring at me, eyes flickering between mine mindlessly, I thought there was something on my face and grew self-conscious.

"Everything okay?" I asked, quirking a brow and pulling my bag onto my shoulder, it having slipped off during our hug.

She nodded slowly, before seeming to zone back into reality and smiling. "Yeah, it's just good to see you."

I spread my arms out jokingly. "I said I'd be here, didn't I?"

She pursed her lips to refrain from smiling wider. "Yeah, you did."

Stepping back, I took another look at the camper van and nodded, impressed. "So, this is it?"

"This is it," she confirmed, before stepping beside me and looking at it how I was. "It's not much now that I'm thinking about it. There isn't loads of room and it's probably a downgrade from your new apartment actually. Oh, God."

"You didn't even give me a chance to say anything," I said with amusement, giving her a sideways glance and seeing the nervous frown on her lips. She met my eyes and waited for me to continue. So, I did. "It's nice, Nat. And I can't wait to see it. You gonna give me the grand tour?"

"Really? The grand tour?"

I grinned as she rolled her eyes but began to open the door, stepping inside.

"Yeah, the grand tour," I confirmed, following after her. "I want a whole MTV Cribs guided tour, please."

"God, you're old."

"Old and impatient, now impress me, Romanoff!"

She laughed and I'd made my mind up – it was definitely my favourite sound.

————————

"Okay, dinner is served," I announced with a proud smile, before grabbing the two bowls from the counter and setting them in front of her on the table. "Spag bol and garlic bread. You're welcome."

She quirked a brow, trying not to laugh as I squeezed in beside her. "Spag bol?"

"That's what everyone calls it," I said with a shrug.

Laughing, she said, "Yeah, maybe in England."

I pouted as I grabbed a fork, making her shake her head apologetically.

"Okay, I'm sorry, don't worry, it's cute," she assured me, but I knew she was teasing from the grin on her lips.

"Whatever," I said dramatically. "Enjoy, I guess."

She was still smiling as she took her first bite, and I found myself glancing at her after I took my own, awaiting her reaction.

"Ten out of ten, delicious," she complimented as soon as she finished chewing, and I smiled at the adorable, childlike glint in her eyes. "I love it."

"It's kinda the only good dish I can make," I admitted, making her chuckle quietly. "But it's even better when you do this."

I leaned forward, about to touch her food, and glanced at her for permission. She was curious but nodded, so I grabbed her fork and a slice of garlic bread, then put some twirled pasta and sauce on top.

Holding it out to her, I said, "Try it."

She took it from my hand carefully, fingertips grazing mine, and took a bite, and though she probably got a good bite, half of it slipped off and some of the sauce splashed on her shirt. I couldn't help but laugh, as did she, and immediately went to grab some napkins.

"Sorry, I should've warned you that can happen," I said as she dabbed the sauce from her shirt, and I joined in, wiping it away.

"It's okay, it was still really good," she said, and I noticed I'd never seen her smile so much in my life. This whole moment, she seemed so relaxed and content, and it was warming my heart because she deserved this.

I let her finish cleaning herself up before we both got back to our food. It had been a great day even though I'd only arrived this morning. After giving me a tour of the place, which didn't take long because it wasn't huge, we did some chores and touched upon what happened with her and the Avengers, and what happened with S.H.I.E.L.D. and I. Nothing to make either of us emotional, but it was pleasant to catch up without there being a time limit on it all. Afterwards, I offered to cook dinner for us and here we were.

"I'm sorry it's small," she said after a moment of silence, glancing up at me, and I realised she was talking about the van. "I can look into getting something a bit more spacious soon."

"It's fine, don't worry about it," I said with a reassuring smile. "It's cosy."

She rolled her eyes at my attempt to make it better, but I meant it. Though, I was also trying not to think about later tonight and how we'd be sharing the double bed in the back of the van. I'd never shared bed with her before, never been that close to her before, and though it was probably nothing for her, it felt strangely intimate to me. But I was determined not to draw any attention to it.

"By the way, what did you bring with you?" she asked between bites, nodding to my duffel bag which was yet to be unpacked.

I shrugged whilst playing with my fork. "Not much. Just a few shirts and some comfy clothes. Socks. Always gotta have socks." She smiled and I continued, "Also, a camera. I bought it not long ago with the intention of giving different hobbies a go on my break. Apparently I have no idea what I like since I was twenty-two years old."

She chuckled. "Wow. Great plan."

"I don't really know what's what, if you couldn't tell," I said knowingly, before sighing quietly. "But I know S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't feel right anymore."

Her expression softened with understanding. "It has been ten years."

"Exactly," I agreed, looking down to my food. "I thought I might go back home to visit my mum in England. Maybe stay there."

"But...?"

I scrunched my nose, shaking my head slightly. "I didn't wanna interrupt her. She's got a life and I don't want to mess it up. Maybe soon, I dunno."

"How is your mum, anyway?" she asked thoughtfully.

Natasha had spoken to my mum a few times over the phone back when we used to work together in a team. My mum had taken quite a liking to her, even asking her about her years later when I rarely saw her. It was cute.

"She's good," I said with a small smile. "She asked about you a lot you know. I have no idea what impression you made, but it was certainly a big one."

"What can I say? I'm likeable."

She had a playful smile on her face, making me roll my eyes jokingly. She wasn't wrong, but I'd never admit it.

We had a pretty chill meal after that and it felt just like old times, back when we'd go for drinks after work with Jacob and Clint. I could almost blink and be back in the dingy bar near HQ, sitting opposite a younger Agent Romanoff and trying very hard not to forget how to speak when she'd merely glance my way.

"Okay, I'll wash up since you cooked," she said after we ate, in a voice that suggested I shouldn't argue. "You can try to get the wifi connected on my laptop if you want something to do."

"You're a fully trained agent with skills in espionage, martial arts and marksmanship, but the wifi is what stumps you?"

"Shut up, isn't that like your thing?" she retorted, placing the bowls in the sink.

"Oh yeah," I answered sarcastically as I got up to grab her laptop. "I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. because I was an expert in connecting devices to the wifi."

"Sounds right to me," she continued to joke, making me glance at her with a raised brow. Of course she was washing up now, stifling laughter to herself.

The normality of it all – her washing up, wearing comfy clothes whilst we got ready to settle in for the evening – was refreshing. I realised doing all of these normal-people things with her was much better than doing it alone in New York.

After she finished washing up and I got the internet working, we loaded up a film on her laptop and sat back in the booth where we ate dinner to watch something. Though this time, I was stuffed in the corner and she was sat beside me, a blanket covering us both in an attempt to make it comfortable.

I was surprised at how easy I was taking it, being so close to her after so long. Her arm and leg was pressed to mine, warmth emanating from her under the blanket, but I wasn't freaking out like I thought I would be. In fact, I just felt at peace, like it was supposed to be like this.

"I didn't think you'd say yes," she spoke up about fifteen minutes into the film, still looking ahead at the screen.

I turned the volume down so I could hear her, and glanced her way. "What do you mean?"

She pursed her pink lips and I saw the light from the laptop moving in her eyes as she continued to stare at it. "I haven't been the kindest to you. Never returning your calls or texts. Hardly visiting you."

"Work kept you busy," I said, and she finally looked my way as I added, "It kept us both busy. It's okay."

Tired eyes met mine. "I should've made time."

A hint of guilt lay in her expression and I didn't realise how bad she'd felt over the years until now. But I didn't blame her one bit and I wish she'd understand that.

"I'm here now," I told her softly, gaze flickering between her distracted eyes.

"You are," she agreed, before chewing on her lower lip and looking down. I thought she was done, but then she muttered, "We always end up back together. Can't quite escape one another."

In an attempt to lighten the mood, I cracked a smile. "Gee, thanks, love."

But she wasn't listening to me as she continued, "But then we're separated again. For a long time. It's a cycle with us."

I hummed lowly, unable to look away from her profile. "Right person, wrong time, I guess."

She sighed, looking ahead again, but she seemed stuck in thought instead of paying attention to the film. "Why did you come back?"

"You asked me to."

"But why did you say yes?" she asked softly, tilting her head to look up at me with questioning eyes.

I blinked, taken aback by the intensity of her gaze. "I– you– that's what friends do."

She licked her lips, turning away. "You don't even know me. Not really."

I furrowed my brows, turning sideways to face her properly, making the blanket fall from our shoulders. She rubbed her arm with uncertainty, pulling her legs up.

"I do know you," I said with conviction. "You're caring and kind and a little more reserved than others, but you help people. You're a hero and you're a lovely person, Nat."

She leaned back, looking up at the ceiling with a dry smile. "We've known each other for a long time, but I've never told you where I came from. Who I was before S.H.I.E.L.D."

"You were an assassin. Clint recruited you... Nat, I don't understand where this is coming from."

Okay, so I didn't know who she was before she joined S.H.I.E.L.D., but how could I ask her when the first time I even remotely touched upon her past on that undercover mission years ago, she flipped on me? How could I ask her when, once, I tried to talk to her about a nightmare I noticed she was having on the quinjet years ago, and she completely dismissed it? Dismissed me?

Her past wasn't my business and she'd made that clear from the get-go. But I'd accepted it and it was okay. Because she deserved the privacy.

"You don't understand where this is coming–? Y/N! Don't you wanna know?" she asked with disbelief, her voice rising in pitch. "Aren't you curious to who I am?"

It felt a lot like I was getting blamed right now, but I couldn't tell because she also looked like she was guilty for something.

"Do you want to tell me?" I asked, hoping it was the right thing to say.

She frowned, eyes flickering between mine. "I was scared to tell you anything. Clint is the only one who knows the truth."

I swallowed hard. "And why were you scared?"

She drummed her fingers on the table incessantly before closing the laptop and stopping the film. The light from the screen disappeared and we were left in a dim glow coming from the kitchen counter lights.

"You might not think I'm so lovely anymore," she murmured, and her jaw was tensed.

"I doubt that."

"I killed people," she deadpanned.

"That's what an assassin does," I said lightheartedly, hoping to break through the sudden tension that had came out of nowhere.

She put her feet down and leaned into her hands, shaking her head. "Forget it."

My smile faded when I realised it was definitely the wrong time to make jokes. "Oh, no, wait–"

"Just forget it, it doesn't–"

"Nat, please, c'mon, I'm sorry," I said quickly, my heart clenching with guilt. I grabbed her hands and moved them from her face, not letting go. "Please, Natasha. What is it?"

I didn't understand what had brought all of this on. We'd had a great day and I thought the evening was going to be the same, but she was acting different and it hurt me to see her so upset. Especially when I didn't know what it was about.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she looked up and I made out watery eyes staring back at me. She wasn't crying, but tears were definitely on standby and I wanted to lean in and give her a hug, do something to help her feel better, but she simply let go of my hands and pushed her hair from her eyes.

And that's when she began to tell me everything about who she was before becoming a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. She started from the beginning, about how she was raised in a programme called the Red Room where young girls were subjected to rigorous training to become the best spies they could be. How she had a sister who wasn't biologically related but was the closest thing she had to family, and her parents who were the same, but were all a part of the Red Room and eventually separated.

She told me about the involuntary hysterectomy she had, and how she graduated from her training academy and given the title 'Black Widow' before joining the KGB and working as their best assassin. She told me about all of the missions she had, all of the targets she'd murdered for her job, and how she still saw them in her nightmares. Then, she told me about Clint being sent to kill her on a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, but he offered her a way out instead and she took it, hence becoming an agent.

And she told it all without crying a single tear, without letting out the smallest of sobs, without showing a single emotion in her eyes except one of recollection.

I had no words by the end of it, shocked at everything she'd been through in her life up until this point. I knew she had a dark past – it was the only thing I could think of to explain the way she was. But this wasn't what I imagined... it made sense now, all the little things I'd become accustomed to but were actually consequences of her upbringing. Why she was so reserved; why she rarely let herself be vulnerable to people, even those she trusted; why she looked like she'd been through hell and back every time she woke up from a nightmare... it all made sense and I couldn't quite comprehend it.

Noticing my silence, she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, looking the other way. "This is why I didn't tell you."

I raised my eyebrows, taken aback by her sudden anger towards me. "Can't I have a minute to process all of this?"

She scoffed with abhorrence, maintaining the irritated expression on her face, and it was confusing the hell out of me. Especially now, when my brain was mush as it adjusted to everything she'd just told me.

"Quit sulking," I told her, shaking my head. "You always do that when you don't get your way."

"Asshole."

I massaged my head briefly, ignoring her sudden mood swing, but she began to slide out from the booth and stood up, hands on her hips.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking up.

She was distracted again. "I need some air."

"You're leaving?" I raised my eyebrows. "Natasha, you're not even giving me a minute to think."

"I don't care what–"

"You always do this," I said without thinking. "You sulk and you don't let me explain–"

"You're gonna think about leaving," she snapped, cutting me off. Her voice was shaking slightly, but it went quieter as she avoided my eyes and said, "You're gonna think about leaving and I don't want you to."

"That's not true."

She glanced up at me with glassy eyes, as if to say isn't it? And now that I knew why she always assumed the worst, it broke my heart.

Standing up, I faced her, being sure not to get too close and force her to push herself away. "I'm sorry about all of it, Nat. I wish you didn't have to go through it all... and I'm honoured that you trusted me enough to tell me."

She swallowed with difficulty. "But?"

I tried to find her gaze, but she was focused on the floor. "No buts. Why does there always have to be buts?"

She sucked up a breath, hand moving to play with her lips as she looked away thoughtfully, and I couldn't look away. Now that I knew her, all of her, she seemed so much smaller to me now, so much more fragile, and all I wanted to do was give her a hug and tell her how amazed I was by her strength, but how sorry I was that she had to go through it.

"Nat–?"

"It's getting stuffy in here," she said, before turning around to pull her boots on. "I need air."

I frowned, stepping forward to go after her but hesitating. She'd shared a huge part of her life to me, a private part, and I didn't want to invade her space so soon.

"I'll be back," she said, facing me but looking right past me. "Don't wait up."

Pursing my lips, I nodded slowly, and she took that as a response and turned around again, grabbing her jacket before leaving the van.

Unsure what that meant, I tidied up the place a bit before getting into bed. Worried for her, I stayed up as long as I could, staring at the ceiling and hoping I'd hear the door open and her returning. But hours passed and the aftermath of the day was taking its toll, sending me into a deep sleep.

The last thing on my mind was her red hair and green eyes, and I hoped I hadn't screwed things up.

————————

When I woke up to an empty bed the next morning, I wondered if Natasha had even come back at all last night. I couldn't recall her next to me during the whole night, and I'd slept a little too comfortably in this double bed to say it was supposed to be shared with her. And that made me worried because she was obviously mad at me for something.

When I freshened up a bit and popped the kettle on, I noticed Natasha outside the window, fiddling with some wire and a pole connected to the truck. She was wearing the same clothes as last night and I assumed she'd hadn't come back until this morning or something.

Breathing in deeply, I headed outside and lingered by the barbecue, watching her do whatever she was doing. She barely paid me any attention, but I knew she knew I was there.

"Good morning," I called out, and she mumbled it back but kept working. "I didn't hear you come in last night."

She shrugged. "Must have been asleep."

Pressing my lips together, I watched her wrapping some wire around a pole and tying it off. "What are you doing?" I asked, knowing she definitely wouldn't admit to preferring to stay out here instead of coming inside with me.

"Putting up a washing line," she said dismissively, and that was it.

So, she wasn't in the talking mood. What else was new?

"Okay, well, have you eaten breakfast? I can make us something nice," I offered, watching on hopefully.

"Not really hungry," she muttered, and it was beginning to annoy me that she wouldn't even glance my way, but I said nothing.

"Okay, how about a cup of coffee?"

Shaking her head, she continued to ignore my presence and I clenched my jaw a little but nodded and left her to it. If only I knew she'd be acting standoffish with me all day.

If I was in the van, she'd stay outside. If I was outside, she'd go in the van. She was keeping herself busy with all sorts of stuff, avoiding spending any time with me, and whenever I tried to speak to her, she'd give me short responses or do her best to seem unapproachable. By the time lunch came around, I'd had enough. She was treating me like I'd done something wrong, like she was punishing me, and it wasn't fair.

Going outside, I saw she was fiddling with the barbecue by the side of the van and approached her, trying to reign in my temper. She merely glanced my way, acknowledging my presence, before continuing to do whatever she was doing. And it was infuriating.

"You know, you invited me here," I said suddenly, narrowing my eyes at her. "You called me."

Realising I wasn't going to let her get away with her attitude, she straightened up and glanced at me with a blank expression, blinking as if she'd done nothing wrong and I was the irrational one.

"You told me about your past, I didn't ask," I reminded her, and her stupid face was still void of emotion. "So, you don't get to treat me like this, Natasha."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Y/N," she said with a hoarse voice.

I raised my eyebrows with disbelief. "Seriously?" When she continued to play dumb, I said, "You shared something with me and now I'm paying the price! And I don't even know why!"

Dark eyes looked away from mine as she shook her head slightly. "Well, maybe I shouldn't have."

I scowled. "Shouldn't have what?"

She let go of the barbecue and wiped her hands on her joggers. "Maybe I shouldn't have shared it."

My heart sank a little when she said that, and I felt the exact opposite of what I did last night when I thought she'd trusted me with something important to her.

As she began to walk away, I refused to let the conversation end there and grabbed her wrist with the intention of tugging her back, but she suddenly twisted her hold onto me and shoved me back into the side of the van with a metallic thud. The air knocked out of me when she did, and I caught a glance at her glare before immediately twisting out of her hold as she'd just did with me, and shoving her back harshly.

"All these years, work kept us apart!" I shouted at her with blurry vision. "And now you are! Why are you to trying to push me away when I finally get to stay?!"

All that talk about how she missed me, how she regretted not making more of an effort to see me over the years, how she wanted to be a better friend... it was meaningless if she was going to treat me so poorly now.

"For the past eight fucking years, I've been dancing around your feelings for fear you're going to explode or push me away," I said through gritted teeth. "But I'm sick of it. So, right now, I think I deserve to know what the hell you're thinking."

She let out a shaky breath and clenched her fists by her side, stuck in some internal conflict. And I wanted to help, no matter how fucking angry she made me sometimes, but she was making it extremely hard to be let in.

"Why? Why shouldn't you have told me?" I asked, rewinding back to what she'd said before.

She licked her lips and finally looked up, glistening eyes meeting mine. "You're gonna look at me and think about it all. And I don't want that."

Her voice broke on the last word and any anger I felt disappeared in that moment. Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my face before shaking my head at her.

"You're looking for reasons to push me away," I told her, stepping forward and taking her hands. She didn't let go. "I'm not going to treat you any differently, Natasha. I'm not going to leave or judge you or make you feel like a spectacle."

Despite how close we were stood, she leaned down into her shoulder with shame, as if closing in on herself. With a quiet voice, she said, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said with a frown, squeezing her hands. "Just please stop pushing me away."

She nodded slowly and I pulled her in for a hug, feeling a sense of relief when she wrapped herself around me and squeezed me tightly. I wasn't planning on letting go of her, even if she pushed me away forever.

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After resolving things with Natasha, we spent the rest of the day together as normal. I could tell she was still raw from last night and this morning, but she was trying and that was enough for me.

We headed into town to pick up some groceries and grab lunch, taking our time to enjoy the day rather than waste it away, then we returned and she took an afternoon nap after revealing she didn't get much sleep last night. I used that time to check in on my mum over the phone then find something to make us for dinner. It was a relatively pleasant evening, considering how the day began, and we ended it by stargazing outside in the grass.

One of the perks of being in the middle of nowhere was that there was no noise or air pollution, no tall buildings to cover the skies and no distractions from nature. We could lay down in the grass, look up at the night sky and be enveloped in a blanket of stars without a concern for it being ruined. Peace washed over me as I breathed out gently, getting lost in the twinkling stars.

"Do you actually believe in right person, wrong time?" Natasha asked tenderly, not wanting to interrupt the silence.

I pulled a face. "Huh?"

She paused, as if considering saying what she was thinking, before deeming it important and continuing, "What you said last night. About us."

"Oh," I realised what she was talking about, and nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's no coincidence that we end up back together."

"But then we get separated," she said, and I had deja vu from last night.

"But not this time," I reminded her.

I could hear her soft breaths beside me as she said, "So, you think it's finally the right time?"

"It's starting to feel that way," I answered, not really realising the importance this conversation had to her at that moment.

She paused. "Right person?"

Feeling her eyes on me, I turned my head in her direction and saw her peering at me, the moonlight reflecting in her eyes. For the first time since knowing her, I noticed she wasn't trying to disguise her emotions or hide them. I could see exactly what she feeling right now, and I swore I was mistaken because she looked like she was feeling something for me.

"Right person," I confirmed, not meaning for my voice to come out as a whisper, but I couldn't help it. She had me frozen with a simple stare. She'd always be the right person to me, no matter what.

Her eyes were staring right through me, making me nervous, then she took me by complete surprise when she suddenly moved forward, closing the gap between us with a kiss.

I was shocked at first, unable to believe that her lips were pressed to mine, then she raised her hand and caressed my cheek, and I melted into her touch, closing my eyes and kissing her back. I'd wanted this for so long and it was nothing like I'd imagined – it was infinitely better.

Leaning up on my elbow, I rolled over so she was on her back, and rested my hand on her cheek, deepening the kiss, and it made me heart race when she sighed contently, letting me.

We pulled apart when we needed to catch our breaths, but I stayed hovering above her and she still had my face in her hand, thumb resting on my cheekbone. Her cheeks were as flushed as mine felt, matching the pink of her lips, and I could barely believe what had just happened.

"It took eight years for that to happen," she spoke first, green eyes dilated when they met mine.

"You never made it easy for me to make a move," I said breathlessly.

"I know," she said softly, biting on her lip. "I never make anything easy."

Swallowing hard, I figured now was a better time than ever. "I'm in love with you, Natasha. I have been for a long time."

She nodded, eyes never leaving mine. "I know. It's been written all over your face all these years."

I must have made it more obvious than I thought.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, pushing myself up more because of the pain in my elbow.

She must have thought I was annoyed or something, wanting to leave, because she followed me in sitting up, making me move into a full upright sitting position or we'd be pressed together. She didn't let go of my cheek as her eyes flickered between mine.

"I wasn't sure if you'd stay," she said truthfully. "But you have. You kept coming back, and I'm so sick of leaving."

My whole body was burning from her touch, and I didn't know what to say.

"I love you, too," she spoke earnestly, and I hoped she couldn't hear the thumping of my heart.

I wondered how the girl I once met as a new agent was the same girl before me now, professing her love for me. It was something of a dream, it had to be. And I didn't want to wake up, ever.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, hand falling to the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

I couldn't help but smile. "It only took the both of us to lose our jobs to make a move."

Relieved, she mirrored my smile and glanced down. Glassy eyes met mine once more before I couldn't take it anymore. I was addicted already and leaned in, kissing her. Her fingernails grazed the back of my neck as I rested a hand on her waist, lowering her back to the grass and enjoying the way she relaxed under my touch.

I loved the way she let me take the lead, the way she wasn't pushing me away or making an excuse to leave, and the way the universe wasn't finding a way to separate us again. I loved it all, I loved her, and I especially loved how it finally felt like the right person, right time.

#marvel #marvel imagine #mcu #scarlett johansson #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #mcu imagine #black widow

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bnhxx · 3 years

Text

What Do I Tell My Friends?

Part one of a little yandere shinsou x reader fic I felt like doing! Ngl, it kinda hurt to do my man dirty like this but shinsou as a degenerate yandere is just....👌🤌 ya know ya know

(Also @gummy-dummy recommended me Mr. Fear by Siames for this series and ohhh it fits so well 😳🙏 we know im a hoe for song fics so if you want smth to listen to this song is perfect)

I tried to make this obvious, but Shinsou and Reader are college age here.

I was originally going to post the entire thing, but I got wayy too ahead of myself here ksbsjdvd.

Character: Hitoshi Shinsou

Ship: Hitoshi Shinsou x reader

Genre: Yandere, not canon! Shinsou (yandere shinsou is very ooc imo)

Warnings: Yandere themes all over this series, isolation, stalking, gaslighting, manipulation, emotionally abusive relationship, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT!

part one | part two | part three | part four-final |

Since when did it become so hard to love Shinsou Hitoshi? Were you were meant to crumble and fall into his hands, subservient and malleable to his unseen desires? Maybe your fate had been cursed. Did you do something wrong in a past life?

You fell so easily into his arms, you could almost justify it as fate. He said you were meant to fall, all broken and desperate and clinging to his love. The same way he fell for you.

It had all started in a convenient accident. Your time, your glances, then your morning coffee was stolen; all by his convenient little accident.

It started out as an innocent mistake you wouldn't usually be so forgiving to. Your Tuesday morning coffee always gets you through the day so much easier after all. Still...Hitoshi, who came into your life as the guy who took your order instead of his was cute-and his impossibly strong coffee did you just fine for the day. Maybe that was it- a convenient, unfortunate accident.

Only it was never destined to be just that. What started as an accident on a gloomy Tuesday morning grew so fast-you were so innocent to what your new found friend had in store for you. Naive to the sick obsession unravelling before your eyes.

That fateful day, you kept getting reminded of the handsome, polite man. Purple blurred your vision on the way back to the office, then again on your way home. You were either seeing things, or that had been the third time you'd seen his lavender hair today. Maybe you were in need of an early night tonight.

Maybe you were over-reacting. The mornings events had put a rosey tint to the rest of your terribly busy day, that was all. There was no way your routes were this coordinated all of a sudden, right? You convinced yourself at the time you were seeing things. Laughed about it to your coworker, as they told you to give dating a second chance if you were fantasising over the first cute person who gave you attention.

The next day, he was at the coffee shop the same time, just about to exit. He insisted on paying you back for yesterday's mishap, even as you reassured him it was fine. You didn't even need to tell him your order- he knew it exactly from yesterday. He really was planning on seeing you again, huh.

So you decided to chat with the man while you both waited for your order to be made, and then some more before you went your separate ways. Shinsou was in university; yet he preferred to take late night classes and take the early morning shifts at his part time job.

"No wonder your coffee is so strong. I don't know how you do it! That takes some crazy dedication," That managed a ghost of a smile from him.

"Heh, thanks. I guess that means I'll see you tomorrow morning to?" He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, and you beamed. You were hoping he'd say something like that; you were eager to know more about this attractive stranger.

"Of course!"

After that first week, he started showing up in your life more and more. It seems as though you both had a similar schedule, bumping into each other on your weekend jogs as well as your morning coffee runs. Then at the movie theatre that was airing your favourite show; coincidently, it was his too. Before you knew it, you were seeing Shinsou almost every week. Maybe you'd been too wrapped up in your intrigue to notice, but he was slowly covering all aspects of your life.

Your intrigue had turned to curiosity. And the more he crept into your life, the less you could help yourself. The more time you spent with Shinsou, the more you needed to crack open his mysterious, private shell. You liked all the same shows, enjoyed the same hobbies, even your values seemingly aligned. So why did it still feel like you were running a marathon trying to figure him out? Why did you get the strangest feeling he was already doing laps around you?

It wasn't just what you knew about him, either. He hardly introduced you to many of his friends and colleagues-you didn't even know if he had friends outside of you. And yet, he had seemingly made it his mission to know your own social circle like the back of his hand. Maybe he was bad at making friends? Protective of his new found friend? You let him tag along with your friends so they could get to know each other, but he never really made an effort to befriend them.

He would tell you it was because he didn't feel the need to be around anyone else, that you were enough for him. He laughed when you asked if he had many friends, and waved off your concerns. "A few. None like you, though," That earned him a blush. If he was treating you differently, maybe you should do the same. You started prioritising his time over your friends, much to their chagrin.

----

When you look back to the way he confessed to you, you wished you picked up on the signs then and there. He was an all consuming force in your life before; and yet, this was the complete opposite.

As if he was a ghost of your imagination, Hitoshi Shinsou had all but disappeared from your life. Not only had he not replied to your texts or calls, he was nowhere to be found in your routine, either.

You kept your eyes peeled for his familiar figure on your morning runs.

You swallowed your pride and asked the barista if they'd seen the lavender haired man at all; they offered you a sympathetic smile and shook their head.

You even took walks around the building where he claimed to work at, hoping to catch a glance of the man. It was to no avail; your efforts were all in vain. He slotted himself into your life so easily, only to slip out of your grasp just as quickly.

It hurt to have been so invested in him, the man that showed up out of nowhere and all but swept you off your feet, all to have it cut off so suddenly. Like vertigo, you stumbled through the rest of the week in a whiplash.

So when he came to you that Friday night, you were hesitant. If the guilt ridden look on his face was anything to go by, he was ready to apologise. Well, good. You were ready for an explanation.

He was seemingly ready for you to slam the door right in his face, and the look of shock on his face made your heart pang with guilt. He did say he didn't have many friends. Maybe he was simply busy? But, the way he went about ghosting you for an entire week hurt...well, he would explain for himself. The two of you could work things out, you were sure of it.

He was sorry. He didn't mean to distance himself so fast, so coldly. He only gave you one excuse.

"I guess you could say I got cold feet," he sheepishly excused.

"In truth...I was debating whether you'd accept me as something more than just friends," And you thought the past week had uprooted you. You blinked, and his sheepish, hopeful face (that was frustratinginly attractive even when you were mad at him) dropped.

"I mean, I really haven't gone about this the right way, have I? And for that, I'm sorry. I promise, I won't leave you in the dark like that again. But, if you'd hear me out for a moment..." That smile again...it really was going to be the death of you. With a nod, you sealed your fate that night.

At least he didn't try and buy your forgiveness with some expensive chocolates.

----

It was your second mistake to take his possessiveness as passion.

Darling as Hitoshi was when it was just the two of you, you found your new lover to have quite the jealous streak. Gentle teasing from your friends turned into back handed comments whenever Shinsou insisted to invite himself to your friends hangouts.

"Great, here comes the guard dog," You were almost afraid he would actually start growling at the next stranger who offered you a smile or wink as they passed you by.

You took your friends advice, and attempted to reassure him- for him to place more trust in your friends. Maybe they were occasionally late or flakey, but it didn't warrant such policing behaviour from him. If there was a problem, you could deal with it yourself. You didn't need to distance yourself from your friends any more than you already were.

It's like he thinks your some child who can't even tie their own shoes! The comment, from your friends last argument sparked something in you. It sat in the back of your mind and haunted you for weeks before you decided to confront Shinsou on his behaviour.

This only proved to make him more distressed. He started pointing fingers-who said that? What was her name, again? Wasn't she the one who left you all alone at that bar for some guy? You tried to tune him out, only to have those fingers turn to you.

Why were you defending all of your so called friends anyways? He'd given you all the facts, why couldn't you see they were clearly not deserving of your time like he was? They didn't see you like he did. Couldn't care for you, like he could. He gives you his everything, always; so why were you making him out to be the villian?

Perhaps you were too naive to call him an enigma. You weren't ready to admit it to yourself, but your friends were right. The tight leash he held on you wasn't passion-it was possession. His interrogations and guilting were never just trust issues, and a part of you knew it. Perhaps it was nothing but a pathetic, pitiful excuse on your end.

You had realised that you were in too deep a moment too late. If only you'd acted on it more sooner; Hitoshi Shinsou would remain the unsolvable enigma you wished you could have the resolve to unravel.

If only you weren't so stubborn to see it through.

"You're trying to defend them again, aren't you?" He asked as you were one foot out the door of your shared apartment. This time he caught you sneaking out to see your friends. You felt like some rebellious teen acting out against their parents.

Like a kid who can't tie their own shoes.

You turned, frowned, and opened your mouth to deny his allegations as you always would. To reassure him that you love him, and understand his concern. To reiterate loving you didn't mean keeping you to himself in your shared apartment like a bird in a cage. These four walls sure were starting to feel like one.

Maybe you should've listened to the rumours you all but ignored. The ones that told you to never answer his questions.

----

When you first woke up, you had no knowledge of the past few hours-nothing, except Shinsou's shaking arms around you as his sobs muffled the apologies and pleas tumbling out of his lips. You tensed in his hold.

You wanted to glare icicles into his sunken, crumpled form. To scream and yell and curse at him for breaking your trust in such a way.

Even still...you couldn't. You couldn't bring yourself to hold your boundaries strong. To see your composed, mysterious, private boyfriend- before you, all frazzled, open and vulnerable.

It was a vulnerability you had never seen-yet always craved from him. Finally, you had unravelled his mystery. Under it all, he really was just a lovely, lonely boy with a unfair, cruel fate. He was clearly distraught with what he had done to you. Now wasn't the time for your pain. You had to stop yourself from lashing out for your own selfish reasons. You'd have a talk with him tomorrow, you promised.

This was your Hitoshi, you reasoned as he cried in your arms. He didn't have anyone else who trusted him like you did. He had closed himself off from everyone, because they didn't trust him- and neither did he, you realised as he clung to you and begged you not to leave him through his broken sobs. He didn't deserve to have you leave him. Not over one little mistake.

While you soothed his cries, you imagined everything to be better. Yeah, things would turn out fine. He would make it up to you and let you see your friends, and you could move to helping him trust more. To be a little less possessive, and a little more friendly. To not see you as the only light in his life.

Only, he never gave any indication to changing his mind before. Everyone else was always too kind to be trusted, or not doing enough. He could better spend his time with you, because you was perfect. Perfect when you were next to him.

You weren't naive enough to believe he would be the only person you'd need in your life. But you looked down at your boyfriends doubtful, teary eyed face. Poor, broken, vulnerable Hitoshi.

You'd tell your friends you were sick this time round and couldn't make it. Your time was better spent with him, anyways.

Next time, you promised, he'd be more accepting. He'd learn to trust others again. Just like you'd learn to trust him all over.

And as much as you tried to reassure yourself, a voice in your head spoke venom into your ear.

This won't be the last time he breaks your trust, it whispered.

"A bit of passion and possessiveness never hurt anyone, right?"

He gave you the first weak smile you'd seen from him all night, and you relaxed your face as much as you could. He didn't have to know you weren't talking to him.

He promised he'd never do it again. He couldn't-wouldn't. So you forgave him that day. But that little voice in your head weighed heavy in your heart-you knew, deep down, that you didn't believe him one bit.

It was time to start un-muting all of your friends notifications. You would text them more freely-baby steps. The thought warmed your smile into a genuine one.

----

#yandere hitoshi shinso #yandere hitoshi shinsou x reader #hitoshi shinsou x reader #shinsou x reader #shinsou x y/n #whooo this is long #and im not even up to the juicy part yet 👀#I'll get there i promiseee #for now enjoy!!#some vv manipulative kyle energy exuding from this part 💀🥴#ksbsjshshs for that i apologise #yandere shinsou #yandere shinsou x reader #yandere bnha #yandere bnha x reader #.yandere.shinsou.series

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