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sleepyboywrites · 1 year

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Creepypasta Fluff Headcanons for Trans!Male Reader Pt. 1 (Being a boy on his Period)

Because it's nearing that time again and being a boy on his period sucks ass. I'm making this to provide some comfort! For myself as a trans man and hopefully you too. This takes place with established and healthy relationships. Or as healthy as relationships with these characters come.

Tw: Possessive behavior, not necessarily wanted affection, rough contact, references to slight verbal abuse.

Eyeless Jack

• Run. Run right in the opposite direction if he hasn't eaten in a bit/is agitated. You will make him hungry due to his blood lusting demonic nature and he's not very friendly when he's hungry.

• You already aren't feeling great so if you go to him in that state anyways expect to be more uncomfortable albeit supported as a half-apology.

• If he has been satiated and is calm you may proceed to tell your demonic boyfriend that your cycle has begun and you are distressed and dysphoric about it.

• Cuddle bug. Like sits you directly into his lap and burries his face in your neck. Telling you words of encouragement. Think "I'm so sorry Baby boy." and "You're so strong y/n. One of the strongest men I know, I mean other men can't live through bleeding for 4-7 days on average."

• He's a med student so he knows the best ways to help with cramps and the physical pains that come with a menstrual cycle.

• He also gives you high testosterone foods and encourages you to wear one of his shirts and your boxers over your underwear to help with the dysphoria aspect. But he won't let you bind if your chest area gets sensitive.

• Tries to distract you and keep you as comfortable as possible

• Extremely protective during this time. He has a lot of self control but his instincts are still spiking under the surface screaming at him to lock you up/protect you. His emotional attachment to you paired with his constant hunger leave him clinging to your side and glaring at anyone else who approaches/gives you a weird look. Attacking anyone who hurts you emotionally or otherwise.

• Honestly a bit feral in a way akin to nesting.

• Insists on taking walks together once a day.

Laughing Jack

• A bit confused at first in his eyes he has erased any of your perceived biological imperfections.

• Hits you with the "But you are a boy" when you tell him you're feeling dysphoric and crying. "One who's very very important to me as well so please don't cry."

• Gives you your favorite candies and sweets

• Rubs your back when you're curled over in pain and sings you songs to help you calm down.

• Takes you to his amusement park and takes you on all your favorite rides and shows you all your favorite shows

•Always introducing the act as "Dedicated to the best boy in the world/my Favorite boy."

• Essentially his mentality is "I'm going to make sure this boy has so much fun he forgets the torment of having his brain stuck in the wrong body."

• And it fucking works. He has you laughing so hard that you can't tell where the stomach ache ends and the cramps begin.

• He likes to play "dress-up" in the sense where he has an array of gender affirming costumes and each day he insists you choose from the extensive array because even if you don't feel well at the moment doesn't mean you have to be reduced to a puddle of stained oversized clothes. He was always one for theatrics.

• If you say you really aren't up to dressing up he'll bring out an array of hoodies, baggy tees, shorts, sweats, or jeans instead.

• Genuinely just trying to distract and cheer you up

Ben Drowned

• Pretends to not know what you're talking about or why you're so upset. "Bro I assure you no one cares?" Followed by a long silence as he stares at you followed with "We all still view you the same, man."

• Then promptly refuses to leave your side

• Think anything from lurking in nearby electronics to straight up following you around everywhere.

• If a mission comes up he'll take you with him and make up some sort of excuse like he needs your help and your avatar is better abled than you physically. Alternatively if you have a mission he'll grab you and say he's coming with, before dragging you with him.

• Makes sure everyone is careful around you. No roughhousing or insults. Not at this time even if you protest.

• You had to break up a fight with the intent to maim once because Jeff had called you a "Pussy" in an attempt to agrivate you to change your mind about not being up for training today. Ben who had been lurking nearby lunged at him and you had to break the two apart.

• So much Gatorade. This boy makes you drink so much Gatorade.

• He also has a collection of snacks you normally crave and hoodies specifically for you in his closet.

• Let's you bind during your period until you don't take it off on time or act like you're in pain then he will take and hide it until it's passed.

• if you complain about dysphoria he'll roll his eyes as he drags you to his realm where your avatar already matches your gender and have you hang out there.

• Naptimes are mandatory once a day during this week because he knows it takes a lot out of you.

• Reminds you to take showers despite how much you hate having that reminder because you'll feel better afterwards and it helps with the cramps.

Jeff the Killer

• I promise he's trying. He's trying to keep things as normal as possible by being a jokey asshole dick like usual.

• Mans has your cycle engraved in his memory so on the first and worst day when you're at your grumpiest without fail he'll go "Can't you just give me a bloody smile god damn it?"

• You know he's joking and he knows he's joking but without fail you'll mock laugh at him, sock him in the nose, and walk away.

• One time you ran out of products and Jeff went to get them for you he called from the store and went, "Hey man, what size cunt do you have?" You shook your head, called him an asshole, and hung up.

• He tried to apologize by calling and texting and when you wouldn't answer he made you a care basket with hot wheels and various manly items such as boxers and button-ups/baggy tees. He also covered the pads wrapping in dinosaurs. And replacing "girl" with "boss" on the labels

• He's made a habit of getting you one of these everytime your supplies run out.

• Insists on more training and fighting because what better way to blow off steam and frustrations than a good ol fashioned fight.

• One time it went too far and the two of you ended up being patched up by EJ who scolded the two of you and said "If I catch you boys doing this again I will make sure Slender needs two new proxies."

• Always carrying ibuprofen and water. Always.

• Rubs your back if it hurts too much and treats you more gently.

•Will attack and maim anyone who misgenders you.

Homicidal Liu

• Liu is already constantly holding your hand as if he's scared you'll disappear, like the rest of good in his life, so you two are fairly well synced and sometimes you swear he can read your mind.

• You keep him calm, in a way that reminds him of before the incident because of this he knows all of you, obsessed over it and memorized it, including when your cycle is, it's linked in his internal clock.

• You'll often wake up to a warm bath and clean comfortable clothes if your cycle started during the night. While you bathe he'd change and wash the sheets then bring you breakfast to eat together after you finish.

• Tells you he's sorry that your body doesn't match your mind as he nuzzles into your neck. Snaking his arms around your waist and engulfing you in his weight. Sometimes uncomfortable but you know by now if you try to pry him off he'll only tighten his grip and agressively albeit incoherently mumble

•calm and supportive/protective and possessive are how his alters have always treated you. Both affectionate sometimes overly so. Heightened during your cycle due to you being in a more easily hurt and in a distressed mood.

• Think overlap of Liu and Sully's voices, "What did you just say to my boyfriend?" Followed by "You'll pay for that." should anyone so much as look at you funny in a way that'll make you feel worse about your current state of being.

• Said anyone would be carried away in a body bag. <333

• Gets you trinkets as well as anything you may be craving.

• Owns heating pads as well as cold pads at his disposal to help with cramps.

• Water/Gatorade and a variety of pain meds on hand. Always.

• Doesn't want to leave your side out of fear of you running into a less than kind individual without him there to support you and maim your instigator.

Ticci Toby

• You'd have to go to him about it because his ass doesn't know. His brain is on fifteen different topics at any given time. You occupy at least five but he doesn't have much memorized.

• He'll know that something is bothering you but won't know what unless you blatantly tell him.

• Once you do he'll probably try his best to limit his roughness/aggression and increase softer touches/tones.

• Much more pet names a lot less insults. IE: Instead of calling you a dumbass he'll call you pretty boy.

• If he gets frustrated expect said pet name to be said with aggression.

• He owns several weighted blankets he'd offer you to use on top of his own body weight when he flops onto you, should you want that affection. Though he still will with a piss-poor excuse of an apology if you don't and he does. Which he does frequently because you're one of the only people whose touch is gentle with him.

• Bad about carrying liquid. Good about carrying meds. So if you need an ibuprofen he will give you one but you'll need to either dry swallow or find liquid elsewhere.

• Also not the best at comforting you through your pain seeing as he doesn't experience that kind of thing himself. At least not in the same way, so he doesn't know what to do nor what you expect from him.

• He'll pick you up something he thinks you'll like when he goes out during this time but that ranges from "really sweet" to "the thought is what counts." Because sometimes his thoughts cross paths one too many times and he accidentally got you cleaning supplies instead of menstrual or edible treats.

• Think: "This rock made me think of you. Do you like [insert candy], because I grabbed some on my last mission. I meant to grab you strawberry mentos, because of a song I heard that made me think of you but accidentally grabbed menthol instead, I don't know how you'd use it but here."

• Essentially when you tell him he'll say "Okay, don't push yourself too hard." And then continue fairly normally while attempting to be nice.

Brian/Hoodie

• Initial reaction depends entirely on where/how you tell him. If you tell him in public in front of others he will simply look at you and say, "...okay".

• If you tell him in private he'll stare at you for a moment and then he'll give you a few well-thought-out sentences on how he'll be there to help and how you aren't any less of a man.

• If you give him a note or written thing however he will build you a cathedral out of paragraphs telling you that he'll do what he can to make you feel as good as you can, how this aspect doesn't change who you are not how you're received, and everything masculine and in general he adores about you.

• Always has water, meds, and a spare hoodie for you in close proximity.

• Doesn't treat you any differently in public or private.

• Very sweet most of the time, including this, minus his aggressive outbursts.

• It's very much the same old same old. He'll still melt into you and expect the same he'll still yell and throw things when he's having a n outburst.

• He'll still treat you as softly and as roughly as he does the rest of the time.

• Will get you your cravings if you ask but he won't really if he's unprompted.

• He may ask for your hand more often if he notices your distress/squeeze your hand more often.

• Though most of the time he won't he's too busy in his head or in what he's doing.

• Or alternatively trying to figure out what is in your head and what you're doing but not necessarily how you're feeling.

• He cares about you he's just not the possessive type in the way that leads to outwardly or intense displays of affection. Though if you even hinted to not wanting to be around people on your cycle you wouldn't be. He would hole up.with you until its over and be reluctant to let you go.

Tim/Masky

• Throws his reeking bomber jacket at you with a raised eyebrow. "Things like this provide some comfort right?"

• Cocky Bastard knows it's in his god-damn calendar and he likes to inadvertently let you know he knows.

• IE: throwing one of your favorite snacks at your head while you train or work.

• Bringing you water, Gatorade, and medicine to you when all you did is hold your head in your hands for five seconds.

• It's become almost a game of whether or not you can get away without him knowing.

• Mocking you lightly if you ask for help with anything. If you need supplies, or would like one of your cravings, or would like a heating pad anything. And you say, "Hey could you get me [blank] if you don't mind?" Or anything along those lines you will be met with an, "Ah ah ah pretty boy, say pretty please." When he returns with what you asked for dangling it out of reach.

• Also always asks for a kiss as payment for being your knight in shiny armor. When he gets you anything. One time he bought you a bag of chocolate kisses you were craving and when he asked you threw a chocolate at him and he chased and tackled you until you gave him an actual one.

• Deliberately and as a rule of thumb, Masky shows you a playful and cocky side he's created because you respond to it best.

• He rarely gets angry at you but when he does that anger translates to avoiding you and not speaking to you should he be in this state he will give you nothing, not even a hug during this.

• If you tend to be touch-starved during he'll be less likely to fall into that angry rut but if you're touch-adverse he's more likely to get into angry ruts because he'll take it as the front he crafted for you not being enough or attractive to you.

• Despite the fact it has nothing to do him and has everything to do with you being in physical and psychological pain.

#creepypasta x male reader #creepypasta x transmale!reader #eyeless jack #laughing jack #ben drowned #jeff the killer #homicidal liu #ticci toby #tim masky #brian hoodie #creepypasta fluff #or at least most of it #creepypasta headcanon #requests open #multiple/all

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stardew-obsessed-ora · 9 months

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I've been really busy, so I haven't been able to write anything I've wanted to in the past little bit. Regardless, I'd really like to expand on the concept of Trans Morris and my HCs revolving around him. They've been sitting in my brain for a while, and I'd love to share them with the audience.

Word Count: 1.5k! CW/TW: uhhhh not sure what to put here but Has themes of self doubt, dysphoria, and less upbeat societal stuff around the beginning OH ALSO UNSAFE BINDING IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED.

୨﹒Trans Morris HCs

︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦︶♡︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶︶꒦꒷

- I see Morris as a Trans guy who experiences dysphoria. (He/Him) - I imagine he first realized he didn't align with his agab as a young child. He realized he had more of a connection toward masculinity and toward other boys, but it never really clicked until he was older. All he knew was that he didn't like wearing anything overly feminine, and that he preferred to wear his hair up to make it look short. I imagine as a kid he’d pitch an utter fit being forced to wear any kind of dress, but it was just brushed off as him being a defiant kid. - Its not that his parents wouldn’t have been supportive, they just didn’t understand what his issue was, and were left even more confused when kid him tried to explain it. - He went through his teen years knowing something was off but never quite understanding what it was. There weren’t answers for him in any of the books he looked through, nor were there answers around him. It was isolating. It felt right being mistaken for a guy when his hair was up, and it felt mortifying when people corrected themselves. But it shouldn’t have. Why did it feel like that? - He was raised entirely oblivious to LGBTQ+ identities. After all, he was raised sometime in the late 80s/early 90s. Identifying as anything within the community was still seen as a taboo, so to say. He had heard about it in passing, and even heard about it in a somewhat positive light from a few people, but was too nervous to look into it himself. For every positive thing he heard, there were dozens of negative things. I heavily HC this man as having been bullied. It was terrifying to him. He was terrified of the possibility of being something that wouldn’t be accepted. Of something which was such a large part of other peoples’ existence being something that caused his more turmoil. A part of him felt like he was just looking for attention, and the other part felt like it’d be a dead end and that he’d end up worse off than he already was. He’d likely look into it too much and mislabel himself. Self doubt! Confusion! Imposter Syndrome! - Sometime in his teens he started feeling horrible dysphoria and ended up giving himself one of those choppy botched haircuts on numerous occasions. - Dysphoria hoodies were practically an everyday outfit. If anyone asked, he’d just tell them that hoodies and sweatpants were comfier to be in. - He fell victim to the bandage binding trap. He wanted to try to use anything to hide his chest, and so, he tried to bandage bind. Obviously after a bit of trial and error he realized this was an outright horrible idea and stopped bothering, resorting right back to the hoodie grind. - He started fully transitioning sometime when he was in his 20s. - He had absolutely no idea what the fuck being trans was, nor what how he felt was considered. He was nervous over bringing up how he felt, as it seemed entirely alien. He felt like it wasn't worth bringing up to anyone, and that it was in his head, really. If his parents didn’t know what he was talking about, if none of his peers understood, then clearly the issue was him. Right? He didn't know what transness was until he caught a conversation from a coworker within his department about it and realized their experiences and emotions aligned with his.

- Bro was standing there in his Joja apron thingy like :O.

- He didn’t confront them about it or anything, but knowing someone else felt similar to how he did was enlightening. It felt like there might’ve been people out there who understood his experiences, and that he wasn’t alone. There were people like him, and they were thriving.

- Eventually he’s able to find more information and resources pertaining to his feelings and he looks into LGBTQ+ identities as a whole. This is when he’s finally able to seek gender affirming care for himself, and also be able to better understand himself as a whole.

- The day this man started binding a weight was seemingly lifted off of his shoulder. It was more difficult for him to find a binder at first due to his size, but when he did… He stared at himself in the mirror for a solid 10 minutes in disbelief. It was his first ever experience with gender euphoria, and he could have cried on the spot.

- Coming out to his parents was another weight off of his shoulders. Well- after the long-winded explanation he had to give. His parents weren’t unsupportive, but they were entirely clueless like he was. It took a lot of examples and carefully expanding on concepts for them to finally start wrapping their head around his identity. They’re still a bit confused, but they’ve got the spirit!

- He actually let his mom help him with figuring out his preferred name! His dad rushed in to give his own input and ultimately they decided on his current name as one he liked :3

- Pre-T his voice was lower on the register, but after taking testosterone his voice noticeably changed. He didn’t have to force a lower voice when speaking anymore. Of course, he did end up making it a habit to force a higher voice around people he didn’t quite trust anymore. At least until it was difficult to.

- Adjusting to testosterone injections was… not fun! I don’t headcanon he necessarily has a fear of needles, but he does hesitate every fucking time he gives himself a shot if there isn’t a distraction around for him to focus on. - bro has definitely done his T shot in a dingy ass joja restroom before

- I personally headcanon that even as a lower ranking Joja Employee he didn’t have much of anyone to speak to, so there wasn’t really anyone for him to come out to aside from his parents.

- He worked overtime constantly so that he could eventually afford top surgery.

- Post OP was even better than he could’ve imagined. After getting over the soreness of the procedure and resting for as many days as he could before the Joja demons wrangled him back into work, he stared at himself in the mirror and just grinned. Seeing himself the way he had always wanted to look was everything he could’ve dreamed of and more. He felt sheer gender euphoria and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was still sore as hell from surgery he would’ve probably pranced around.

- He was able to walk around his house with a shirt off more often, if not, almost all the time during the hotter seasons.

- Over the years I imagine he grew into his identity more and came to be really proud of who he is, and what he’s been through. Though, he still prefers only bringing his identity up to people he can trust. He’s still skittish over the thought of being chastised by others and still worries about the possibility of being outed to someone he can’t trust. Hate him for being a corporate drone, don’t hate him for who he is!

- He still experiences dysphoria, but it isn’t even remotely as bad as it was in his younger years. He can still be found in blanket-nests on the off day though, and he’s definitely snuck into a hoodie after work on numerous occasions. Why doesn't he wear a hoodie during work hours, you may ask? He's a FORMAL man who craves FORMALITY and STYLE. Removing his suit on work hours would be like removing a part of his soul, it'd be embarrassing stepping out and being seen as so informal for once.

- He looks at his surgery scars fondly, thinking of how far he’s come and how much farther he’ll inevitably come. - Coming out to any friend he makes is ultimately nerve-wracking for him, but he always says it with such a prideful, soft smile. - Despite being more discreet about his identity, he would 1000% be happy helping younger trans folk figure out their identities and help them grow into themselves. - He's not the best boss in the world, but by god is he great when it comes to inclusivity and making sure everyone is heard and accommodated and heard on that department. He's the guy who would absolutely risk his job yelling at some executive over their backwards ass views. Yes, he's a corporate suck-up, but he's not a big enough one to let that slide. - Bro absolutely reps that tacky Joja Brand Pride Merchandise every pride month. (and all year, for that matter. pride is an all year affair and hes letting it be known no matter how awful the mug is) - Eventually, with a lot of hesitation on his end, he openly comes out as trans and is greeted with just about nothing but support from the acquaintances he has. It took him by surprise for sure, but he could've swore he viewed the valley in a much softer light that day, and even moreso post community center. - After this, he's able to go to the beach topless, which was one of his longtime future goals. Not only does it feel reaffirming, but its the marking of him fully coming into everything regardless of his age. Plus, no longer would the days of a tank top and socks and sandals remain!

#sdv headcanons #sdv morris #sdv #morris sdv #stardew valley morris #stardew valley headcanons #ora headcanons #im literally trans idk why i was struggling with writing this one #but the thought of trans morris makes my heart happy RAHHH (especially since older trans folk never have rep)#stardew #stardew valley thoughts #his relationship with his parents is based on the sve and marry morris mods soooo #semi canon divergence yessir #longposting #trans hcs #trans

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cebwrites · 2 years

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Red Hair pirates anon here! that's totally fine! I get not wanting to jump into something without being more sure, since Shanks wasn't on the masterlist I debated at first but glad to know!

instead of that crew then what about the Strawhat crew then? Luffy invited new crew member after (incident they met/beat up the same person lol) then Luffy convinced this complete stranger to join the crew. its clear they're nervous/not so open in the merriment then it's revealed it's cause they're trans.

a much smaller crew/ship nothing stays secret forever, even if the Strawhats are friendly, new crew member can't help being wary from past rejections.

can do, anon~

coming out to the strawhats as transmasc

various trans/queer hcs for the strawhats word count: 1k

My readings of characters tend to lean very queer anyway, so you honestly could come to me and say that the SHs were an all trans crew and I'd take your word at face value - lets take a “”conservative”” estimate though and propose that it’s, say, only Zoro, Franky, and Robin as binary-ish trans folk

And Sanji (after the timeskip and a LOT of tumultuous unlearning of embarrassing amounts of internalized trans and homophobia) and Luffy as the sort of nebulous genderfucks; Sanji has the vocabulary to describe his disconnect with gender, Luffy however is completely feral and doesn’t care - one of those “ate my gender like a beetle last week” lil guys

Point is, no one on this fruity little crew would judge you for it, some might need a bit of explaining (namely Luffy) but honestly it wouldn’t change anyone’s perceptions of you afterwards - Luffy would just hit you with the ol’, “oh, so just like Ace, cool!” and then ask if you’d like to see the bug he found under one of the floorboards

Least of all the older members; you don’t get to Warlord status like Jinbei and still have trans people elude your periphery when you’ve got people like Iva running about, and Brook? Well, even if he set sail a lot earlier than everyone else on this crew, pirates are meant to be wild and free, who cares about what’s in someone’s pants so long as it wasn’t a weapon

Plus, looking at him now, what does gender even matter to Brook anyway? He’s a bag of bones! Yohohohoho!

It’s easier said than done though, I get it, not everything is outwardly supportive and you can’t always be sure from the jump - depending on when you join, too, it might just be you and the East Blue crew and it’s not like Zoro’s particularly talkative about his experiences

When the man comes back post-timeskip with top scars from the vampire dad himself, though, that line of dialogue might be a little easier to have; he’s very matter-of-fact about it, talking about what it was like growing up in the kind of environment his master’s dojo fostered, how stifling it could be at times, Kuina, and how he vowed to rise above it all in spite of that, for the both of them

It’s a tender moment Zoro doesn’t have easily, but if it’s with nakama he’ll manage, just maybe don’t mention the emotional vulnerability in front of anybody else, okay?

Sanji’s love language, as it’s always been and not always romantically, is through food and cooking for those close to him, he won’t mention it unless you bring it up but he does see you hanging back a little bit, understandable since not everyone is able to match the Strawhats’ bombastic energy right off the bat, but he does bring little snacks to you and make small talk in the hopes that you’d come around

He’s reassuring, joking about how the best of people probably wouldn’t adjust to this wild crew all that easily but you’d find your footing soon enough, share his reason for joining and you’d see the way he lights up when Sanji talks about the All Blue - nothing about gender was actually mentioned, but by the end of it you’d feel just that much warmer

Usopp and Nami have responses not dissimilar from each other but approach it from different angles - they’d have an inkling of what’s going on but not really the tools to help, maybe even turning to Franky and Robin respectively as the resident trans parents to help out with the situation, but ultimately handle it in ways both unique to each other

Nami would huff at Luffy and the other’s antics from the shade of her Mikan trees while you were nearby, tsk’ing about potential collateral damage once Franky and his weapons join the fray before pushing down her shades and asking if you’d like to join them, when you decline, she smiles knowingly and mumbles that she supposes there can be exceptions to boys being boys

Usopp is a bit more skittish around the idea, as he usually, is but it doesn’t take long for him to fire off into one of his tall, unbelievable tales about how he’d fought and taken down giants before you joined the crew (not entirely wrong depending on when this is), how he was determined to be a brave warrior of the sea just like his father, but most importantly he wanted to be a man that his crew could depend on

All three of them, Sanji, Nami, and Usopp, don’t address the root issue, but their intentions are clear - they want you to feel welcome on this crew, make it your home as much as they have

Post-Enies Robin would be more willing to help, although a repertoire would have to be built up first - that’s more on her own issues surrounding trust and being vulnerable - she’d be a lot more open about it after the timeskip, talking you through potential ways you’d be able to tell the rest of the crew and calmly soothing your worries about any potential (non-existent in this case) backlash

If you came to Franky at any point about it, he’d be SUUUUPER supportive from the start, surprisingly good at keeping secrets despite his usual bluster; he kept Pluton out of the WG’s hands for that long before it’s eventual burning at Enies Lobby, no? Franky’s the best hype man once the cat is out of the bag too, you don’t really get much “bro”-er than the SH’s loveable (suuuuper) Cyborg

Chopper would also be overjoyed to help out his nakama as the crew’s resident doctor, maybe a little too excited at first and you have to remind the little reindeer that you’re not ready for everyone else to know yet, but once he’s calmed down your health, happiness, and confidentiality is 100% in good hands

All in all, your crew will support you with whatever decision you make regarding this going forward (just like they always have for any of their own’s wishes), and hey, if you need a little extra reassurance, all you’d have to do is ask and they’d be more than willing to shower you in it

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hkblack · 11 months

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Hi! I hope you are doing well! I decided to spend my evening like Crowley, asking an important question from fellow GO writers! What's your current favourite story you yourself have written? Tell me why you like it!

Not gonna lie, I saw this and went "MIRJAM WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME ASKS!? you can just dm me on discord you fool" but then I saw what the ask was and got all excited. Thanks darling, this is delightful.

Right now my fave fic from my catalogue is:

Ever-Fixed E, 19,552

Aziraphale Fell had a plan. Go to school, get his degree, and start his life with his beloved at his side as man and wife. Until one day Crowley disappears. Decades later he meets a man, and finds the love of his life again. Anthony J. Crowley, suave, cool, masculine, in control, unflappable, has spent decades building himself up. He refuses to let his confident facade disappear for Aziraphale, who once almost tumbled down the stairs to certain death because his nose was stuck in a book. It’s just sex, and they’ve been dating for months, this time around. There’s no need to get his knickers in a knot. But the past isn’t easy to let go of, even if you’re both avoiding it. A story about love, intimacy, and finding each other again. (Alternatively: Tender smut, but then I wrote love story flashbacks, and now it's just emotional and there's plot in my pornography)

So why?

First, context: this was written for Fandom Trumps Hate 2023 for Andromeda4004. We went back and forth and I almost went "no wait no, I'm not trans I can't write a transman Crowley. oh no. I'm not good enough to pull this off" and then I got bit by a bunny and couldn't not write it.

It's my favorite, and I think it's going to be my favorite for a while because it's the best writing I think I've done to date. It's incredibly emotional and tender. And sitting with this Crowley has been good for me as a person. He's got a few more stories about him he's trying to pull out of me, so actually if you've already read this fic, go click the link and subscribe to the series I dumped it into in case I cave and do write some of the slice of life shit he's calling for. But... in making sure I wrote something that was respectful and joyful for the people who can immediately see themselves in Crowley (as a transman), I not only did a lot of research, and listening, and fretting at my amazing sensitivity reader because oh god writing with no pronouns at all is SO HARD (yeah, YEAH, go reread those flashback scenes folks.), but I also did a lot of soul searching.

Am I trans? No. Nonbinary? Don't think so. Cis? Eh. Probably?

This is something I sort of felt before writing this fic but now, hanging out with this version of this character and trying to do right by him, I'm a bit more comfortable in my Gender Fuckery (or lack thereof depending on the day). And I think that personally I keep rereading this fic not only because this Crowley is seriously not done living in my head shouting ideas at me, but because it's got the soft tender romance that I absolutely live for, and a Crowley who knows who he is, and is comfortable with himself, and is excited for you to get there too. And I appreciate him for holding my hand and letting me tell his story. Also fucking Aziraphale in this fic is a PUMPKIN. ABSOLUTE PUMPKIN. We don't get to live inside his head as much as we do with Crowley, but let me tell you. He's ultimate supportive partner. He is rub your feet unasked for after a long day cause it brings him joy. He knows your favorite color down to the exact shade. He is bought you VIP tickets to your favorite band he doesn't really like, but he likes how you sing their songs in the shower. PUMPKIN.

#from the ask box #good omens fanfiction #HK Writes

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wr0temyway0ut · 7 months

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Hey dude hey, okay so I want to know about so so many of this but pretty please tell me about king boy alex who’s having lots of emotions 🙏🏻

Thank you for the ask Kyleigh!!

This au my beloved <3 It's my unhinged poly arranged marriage royalty au (I actually have 2 of those but this one is my favorite).

So basically how it goes is Prince Alexander's parents decide he needs to be married so they arrange a marriage between him and Princess Lucinda (aka Luke), who is trans but not out to his parents. And their whole honeymoon is Alex being like "oh no I can't get to close bc she actually likes me but I'm gay" and Luke being like "oh no I really like him but he must be pushing me away bc he knows I'm not a woman" and then they both accidentally confess to each other and actually fall in love now that they know they're both men interested in men.

But then Alex's parents find out that Luke is a man (and is intent on living as one) and since royals can't get divorced, they decide to tell the kingdom that "Princess Lucinda" has died tragically in her sleep, which allows Luke to transition (Alex's parents are against this part but Luke's parents ended up being supportive so they were kinda forced to go along with it).

But Alex is once again wifeless. So they decide, okay, you blew it with the "princess," so the next best thing is marrying Duke Covington's daughter, Lady Wilhelmina (aka Willie). Alex is planning on telling Willie that he's gay in an attempt to get him to call the marriage off, but he realizes almost immediately how abusive Caleb is and tells Willie "look I will marry you to get you out of there but I need you to know I'm gay and this is my husband who used to be my wife." And Willie is like "thank god bc I'm a man too" and Alex and Luke are like "a man you say 👀 did we happen to mention how handsome you are" and they bring Willie into their relationship. When Willie is ready, they tell Alex's parents that Alex's wife is once again his husband now and they tell the kingdom that Princess Wilhelmina has tragically died in a fire (he was a known arson enthusiast).

Aaand once again Alex needs a new wife bc there are still no heirs (and any made with Luke and Willie would be illegitimate). Alex's parents are running out of eligible women, but they meet Duchess Regina Peters (who runs the estate with her twin brother Reggie, or at least that's what Reggie, who is genderfluid and is also Regina, wants the world to think). And they're like you seem female and eligible will you marry our son. And Reggie's like yeah sure why not, except when he finds out Alex is gay he shows up to the wedding in Man Mode and it starts a riot but Alex finds a way to make the marriage go through anyway (maybe that they put Regina on the marriage certificate idk). And then two weeks later "Duchess Regina" is tragically trampled by sheep.

Alex's parents are exhausted. They're furious. They're 99% convinced Alex has hired a witch to turn all his fiances into men. And they're like fuck it. This time you pick a woman (bc maybe he's turning them all into men bc he doesn't like that his parents picked them.) And Alex sees an opportunity here. Bc back when Luke first came out, Alex's sister had a lady in waiting named Robin. And Robin had confided in Luke and Alex that he was trans as well. And so when Alex's parents say "you pick" he immediately points at Bobby and says "That one." (important to note that he did not consult with Bobby on this beforehand, Bobby nearly chokes on his food). And after they get married, Bobby comes out and suddenly Lady Robin has tragically drowned.

So now Alex has four husbands who are also in love with each other and still no wives, and it's at this point that Lady Julie (Luke's lady-in-waiting who just kinda stuck around after Luke's legal death) is like "You know I'd marry you to get your parents off your back right?"

And so Julie and Alex get married, and after she stays a woman for a year Alex's parents finally relax. And then Julie gets pregnant! And they're so happy that they finally step down and let Alex take the throne. Except... how is Julie pregnant? And when she gives birth, why does the baby look nothing like Alex??

Maybe bc after wedding #3 Reggie mentioned to Alex that he has a friend from school who is a trans woman named Flynn. And maybe Alex decided to hire her as his new royal advisor to give her an opportunity to transition. And maybe just maybe she and Julie fell in love.

And THAT is the tale of King Alexander, his four undead husbands, his wife, his wife's wife, and the royal-ish baby they're all raising together

#this is my favorite au i've ever written methinks #asks #ask games #wips #wip games

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ivanzplaid · 2 years

Note

Hii back again with another request. Can you do head cannons for The Grabber, The Sinclair brothers and Otis Driftwood with a trans masc s/o with stretch marks who’s very insecure about them because they make him feel less masculine? I know it’s specific but I wanted to see. Thank you

-📼

hey!! glad to see you back, and i love the slashers picked! its alright to be specific bc i can relate to this as well, so dont worry about it!

requests are open, masterlist is up!!

Slashers x Insecure Transmasc S/o :)

Warnings: Language, Possessive Behavior, Fluff!

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Lester Sinclair

like the other sinclair brothers, he will be clueless at first, their parents didnt discuss a lot with them and they are mainly closed off from everybody, but luckily lester is more than happy to learn

confused at first, very supportive even the , he loves you till the and will nod his head to whatever you say

"Of course possum, I get what yer' saying!"

after that is over, he still thinks your absolutely stunning, maybe even more so now

when you bring up stretch marks to him and how they make you feel, hes going to show you his

hes out moving, working with dead animals, hes aged, he has them near his thighs because of all the walking he does

when you tell him about yours and he shows you his, hes gonna say he didnt know what they were and if he should be worried or not, but after seeing what they are from you he feels a lot more confident

"See, I didn't know what them little marks were at first, just ignored em', but thanks for that little lesson!"

he could care less about them, he thinks its fun how you two match

however if you do ask for comfort he is always there for you, rubbing your back while saying they prove your just a man as he is

great listener if you just need to talk about it, he wants to say the right things but they may come out a little awkward, give him time

tells you that he thinks they suit you, they show how much work youve put in through your life

hes proud of his, and hes proud of yours, no shame in having something thats natural for all bodies

overall hes literally the greatest, i love lester so damn much, 11/10

"No, Lester they're weird on me, it's not my look."

"Handsome we're matchin'! We look amazing together, like we fit just right!"

Bo Sinclair

alrighty, mr im too good for emotion is here

like lester, youll have to explain transgenderism since hes had no pre exposure to the concept, he may act skeptical but hes a very curious man, after the initial run down he gets the bare idea and thinks nothing else of it

will ask you questions, hes a learner, he wants you to tell him everything you know about it

"Huh, ya learn somethin' new everyday, don'tcha?"

after that, he goes on with life, keeping it in mind of course, but its not a major thing with him, your his boyfriend so of course he loves you all the same

when you eventually mention your stretch marks, he gives you a little smile with a pat on the back, saying he has them too

he works on cars and mechanics, not a doubt that he has them. theyre more around biceps and legs due to his muscle mass there

he talks to you about he learned they were from deep tears in scar tissue, definitely from an outside source than ambrose

he has no shame, he thinks of them as evidence of hard work youve done, he doesnt mind his since he isnt aching from it

if you do expand and explain how they make you feel, and his jokes and light talk dont cut it, he will share a moment with you, one where he sits down with you and talks to you about how 'thats nonsense' and 'you see em on me dont you darling, i do a damn good job at work and thats my pride right there.'

he is a little passive agressive about it, but thats bos way of comfort at times when hes clueless, just makes you know that its good

he really does care about you, but bos way of love is special, but that makes it all the more intimate between you and him

hold the nape of your neck and kisses your forehead after, just to reassure you, may give you more affection for a time after this because he wants you to know how much he cares

overall 8.9/10, i love bo the most but sometimes he just needs a kick in the right direction with a little love, help him out and he will progress

"You don't think they look, girly?"

"Honey it doesn't matter, they look exactly how they should on you, it's a sign of diligence."

Vincent Sinclair

amazing, silent comforter that we adore

he is understanding through the whole thing, he may be confused as to why youre so concerned about what the marks look like on you, but after explaining youre trans he starts to get it more

no questions asked after, if you wanna tell him anything else thats up to you

he thinks you look like art, youre his gorgeous muse, and your stretch marks are personality, just another thing to admire about you for him

def the type of man to run his hands over them where ever they are, thinks the discoloration of them and how they fade is intriguing

will be wondering if any properties of wax may help

if you choose to dive further into the discussion hes all ears, a generally mellow demeanor while you talk, either while hes working or while you two rest on his bed

will face you and nod, running his hands over yours and keeping eye contact

'I don't believe so. They look just correct on you.'

he signs after youre done talking and will have a genuine conversations with you about it, he wants to understand why you feel this way. but also assures you that

he doesnt take things as masculine or feminine a lot, mainly just takes them for what they are, so he sees you as you wish to be seen, and he doesnt doubt you

overall 10/10, amazing caring and interested in what you have to say, another perfect score for him smh🤧

The Grabber

wow, first of all he obsesses over you, he thinks every little thing about you is just right and couldn't be fixed, so when he hears your thoughts about your stretch marks, hes almost disappointed in you

"Why would you think that? I admire your little marks as much as I admire you as a whole."

he might sound insulted, but its because hes so close to you that your self criticism makes him angry

he reassures you and comforts you a ton, making you look at him as he does

your self consciousness makes him worried, he wants you to realize that since its just him you shouldnt have to worry, he loves you as the guy you are

"Nobody else is here to judge you like that, I would never do such a horrid thing to such my dove."

his ways of comfort are odd, he will remind you that nobody but him is there, in an attempt to say that you are best with him, but of course it comes off weird

listen, he loves you almost too much, he makes sure you know youre loved

whenever the marks are exposed he traces his fingers over them individually, familiarizing himself with them

he does a bit of research on it in an attempt to make you feel better about having them, but it comes off as an 'in your face' way of proving it, but you dont mind, hes just proud to show you its not gendered

im sure he has a few scattered around, not a ton but in multiple places you can find a few

once he realizes this he shows you his, hes masculine right? you two almost have them in the same places, point and case for him!

youre his true love to him, so whatever pops into his mind, he does it for your comfort, he is impulsive

overall 9/10, clueless yet he tries, so thats something!

"They're so intricate, each little one diverges into their own path, having their own story."

Otis Driftwood

otis is not that observant on the tiny things like this, if you tell him youre trans, hell accept it and continue with his day, no need to make a fuss over something that doesnt make it itself

im sure he has scars and mark over his body, he doesnt really think about physical appearance a ton, he already knows youre perfect in his eyes, nothing can change that once he sees it

a very firm comforter, a lot like bo where he may come off as passive aggressive

he does notice about how youre dysphoric, or how you dont act as usual if the marks are visible

"What's the issue Gorgeous? Cat got your tongue now?"

another man whos expression for care is slightly stunted, give it time and he gets better

once you tell him, hes slightly stumped; "youre insecure over those? shit, have you seen mine!"

soon realizes you need actual comfort, and he puts his sarcasm away for now for you and your sake

"Oh, Handsome I didn't know you were actually.. upset, why the hell is that?"

youre going to need to sit him down so he can process what hes being told, is a little bit of a slow learner, be patient

with the way he was brought up, his scars or marks showed his past work, he never paid any attention to them

assures you that he loves the way they look on you, and if anybody ever did say anything, it would be their last time speaking

he is very protective over you already, and figuring this out seals his security even further

overall 8.7/10, this man definitely needs some time or explaining, but hes still just as happy to be with you, a bitchy but fond boyfriend

"Oh shut the fuck up about it, you're damn hot and you know it!"

"Honey, I frankly don't give a shit, it don't matter a bit here. You think some little marks define your whole bein?"

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i hope you liked it!! its a little late when i ended up finishing so if its sloppy im sorry💔

requests r open, masterlist is up!!

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thessalian · 1 year

Text

Thess vs JK Rowling

So let’s talk about JK Rowling for a minute. Yes, I know that you’re probably sick of hearing about it for one reason or another. I get it. I just ... have a distinct need to vent here. So I’m sorry for bringing it up again, whatever side of this argument you’re on. Just ... come on. Hogwarts Legacy comes out on my fucking birthday. The only thing that’s saving my birthday at this point, given the mess the internet’s going to be Friday over this, is sushi dinner and a little Legend of Vox Machina watch party.

The summary basically goes as follows: JK Rowling is a TERF and a horrible human being, and she underlines that fact every time she opens her virtual mouth, and now Hogwarts Legacy is coming out and it’s been an internet slap-fight ever since. The reactions I’ve seen so far have been as follows:

“I’m buying multiple copies to own the libs!”

“I’m buying a copy but I’m donating twice as much to trans organisations so it’s fine, right?”

“SUPPORT THE DEVELOPERS OMG!”

“It doesn’t really deprive her of that much money anyway given how rich she is, so a boycott is pointless.”

“I’ll just pirate it and you should too!” (bonus points for talking about the cracker who’s making it a point to crack Denuvo over this, and that’s about the one good thing coming out of it because Denuvo is bullshit)

And then there’s me. I’m trying not to ascribe hateful intent to anyone who wants to buy Hogwarts Legacy. I really am. The only reason I can manage it is - and I’m sorry to put it this way but there’s literally no other way I can phrase it - US news is basically the centre of the media universe and a lot of people only hear the very basics about how JK Rowling is a TERF and a horrible human being. You combine that with nostalgia goggles and it’s a recipe for what I can only really call quasi-deliberate cognitive dissonance in people with the best of intentions. Sorry for doing this; I just need to pull this apart.

We’ll start with the nostalgia goggles. I mean, I was a ... sort of a fan when I was younger. Looking back on it, I can see why “more or less average kid from a household that treats them unfairly is suddenly elevated to popularity, wealth, a stable emotional support network and ADVENTURE!” had appeal. Thing is, looking at it with a more critical eye? It was racist as fuck. Not that much better on the sexism. Not any better on the antisemitism either. Apologetic of slavery (”No it’s okay because they like being slaves!” my entire oversized ass). Don’t even get me started about the “lycanthropy as AIDS” thing that she actually admitted to, and literally highlighting how she killed her gays when she stated that Dumbledore was gay after the last books were already out instead of actually showing any of that in the text. On top of all that, I can’t say with any honesty that it was even that well-written. While I don’t think a lot of people are forgetting that book 7 epilogue any time soon, the rest of it ... just ... doesn’t hold up to me. The wizarding houses that sold a few billion pieces of merchandise were just an excuse to legitimise bullying within the text. Her portrayal of Snape had her confusing “doomed love” with “incel”. Dumbledore was sold as a benevolent sage but came across to me as a fucking maniac and a horrible educator. Most of all, half of this series was held together with plot glue, communication fail, and having a non-omniscient, highly distractable POV character throughout. I have things to say about the pacing, particularly as regards the introduction of the Horcruxes and the Remus / Tonks relationship (which, given the “bad man spreading this AIDS-analog to people deliberately” the still somehow existing view of AIDS as “a bad gay’s disease”, and Remus’ bond with Sirius, feels like an attempt to “de-gay” Remus somehow, but all that did was code him bi and she killed him anyway, apparently to tug on heartstrings in a really clumsy-ass way, so eh). But we’ve got colourful houses coded by desirable personality traits (EXCEPT SLYTHERIN, like cunning and ambition are somehow inherently evil) and Quidditch and Every-Flavour Beans, so that’s fine, right? Egh. Sorry; I was never one to hang onto the nostalgia goggles for very long. I love poking the Jenga Tower of Logic too much.

(Also, frankly, if she’d taken Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them and turned them into a Steve Irwin-type nature series instead of the racist imperialist pile of garbage that series turned into, she’d have been a lot better off. Though I’m not sure I like her rooting around in the cultural heritages of others because she handles this shit like a moose handles a Ming vase.)

Of course, Hogwarts Legacy is a different kettle of fish. It’s not in the modern era or anything so it can’t be that problematic, right? It’s set in ... *checks* 1890. So the height of British imperialism. Oooooooh yeah that’s going to be a Thing, isn’t it. Let’s see ... Super Special Student thrown into Hogwarts in their fifth year, Possessed of Ancient Secret Magic ... Chosen One. Got it. Wikipedia won’t even go into the full plot but what I seem to recall is “Evil (and Jewish-coded) Goblins Attempt Wizard Genocide”. So that’s nice. And its lead designer is ... Troy Leavitt, Gamergate supporter and creation of such videos as “In Defense of Cultural Appropriation”. Which, given Rowling’s history with same, is on brand. So how about we not go too far into the “But SUPPORTING THE DEVELOPERS!” argument? This man does not need support; he needs a good swift kick in the balls.

So, back onto Rowling, because I really can’t talk about the game much as it’s not technically out yet. Yes, TERF and horrible human being, but there are examples of this that go beyond the shit she spouts on Twitter. As far as the TERF shit goes, here’s an example: a little while ago, the devolved Scottish Parliament wrote a law - only applicable to the Scots, incidentally - that said that people age 16 and up should be able to decide what gender to put on their identity documents. It’s called the Gender Recognition Act. Now, the UK government at Westminster didn’t like this at all, and - in a move they’re not actually supposed to make - blocked Scottish Parliament from being able to enact that law within its own borders. This kicked the Scottish devolution movement (already pretty heavy because of the end results of Brexit) into even higher gear, because fuck the English government wanting to uphold their terfitude so much that they’d dictate what Scotland can do in its own borders. Rowling is on the English government’s side here, and is very against Scottish devolution. The money she has doesn’t only go to that LGB Alliance that leaves out the T so very deliberately; it also goes to blocking Scotland’s attempt to unstaple itself from this hellscape, just because she agrees with blocking the rights of people to choose whether an M or F goes on their official documentation instead of basing it on their assigned gender at birth.

And then there’s her most recent book, written under her (ironically male) pseudonym. Yes, it’s a TERF manifesto with chapters, but it’s more than just “Evil Mass Murderer Hides Behind Woke Transgender Propaganda To Gain Access To Women’s Bathrooms And Murder Them”. That book also includes a “poor influencer accused of being ableist being murdered by disabled people because they consider said influencer too ableist to be condoned” plot. Fibromyalgia is mentioned (dude, I have fibro and even if I wasn’t a decent human being, I hurt too much to be able to actively murder someone). Also autism, which is pretty telling when you consider that she also says that “poor confused autistic girls are being forced into gender conversion because they’re too autistic to understand what they’re doing”.

If you honestly want to own anything with this woman’s name attached, that’s fine. That’s your prerogative. I am probably going to judge you, though. It’s not the money, or at least not just the money - it’s the platform this is giving her, and the validation. Even piracy says “I don’t care about your behaviour because you’re giving me what I want”. Not even need; want. I don’t get why anyone wants it, but people are allowed to have different tastes, so that’s a whatever-thing. But I live in the country where her voice has the most influence on things that aren’t entertainment. She is defended by so many of the wealthy and powerful because she thinks the same way they do. And the more she’s lauded for anything she does, the more they’ll point to her as something good about this country. She is not a good thing about this country, and no amount of flying broomsticks and jelly beans that taste like earwax can change that, in my mind.

(Also, I’ve seen some of the preview pictures - the game looks like hot garbage anyway.)

#Thess has opinions #Thess plays video games #But not that one #Not ever

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d0wnp0uringstorm · 1 year

Text

...

Ok... lets go some things straight. For the past 3-4 years I have been facing thousands of allegations and have been attacked online and in person way to much. I'd like to say that I'm honestly getting tired of it and personally think It needs to stop... So lets get straight into this...

First off let me explain some of my back story. For several years I have been dealing with clinical depression and have been down a really dark path which lead me to go to a mental health hospital back in fifth grade. I got out after about 2 months of being there and was ok for a little while until about half way through 6th grade. I had been in a relationship for about a year when things happened and the relationship ended. I was in a really tight spot and battled with my emotions for the rest of the year. During the summer between 6th and 7th grade my family allowed to let a man move in with us that physically and mentally tormented me. This lasted for a while behind my parents back but every time I tried to say anything my parents didnt believe me. It continued to happen until one day the guy slipped up and did it right in front of my parents causing him to get kicked out... Then 7th grade hit... heh 7th grade. Back in 7th grade I came out as trans publicly. This lead to many problems and me being a huge target (I still am) through out the whole middle school. I tried my hardest to get around everything but this caused me to go down a really dark path which continued into 8th. 8th grade was the worst year there. I had been falsely accused of many things like pedophilia, being homophobic and transphobic and many other things. I was not only hacked that year but my whole survival server had been destroyed... I also lost a whole bunch of friends I thought I could trust that year. It brought back many trust issues and stuff like that. That year I was also physically attacked on numerous occasions including an incident in the restroom I would rather not get into... I had come out to my parents a few months before 8th and the only person who really shows any support is my mother which is very little. I was called many slurs everyday... towards the end of 8th grade my mother went through a surgery that almost killed her which would have made it so that Id live with only my stepfather. I love him yes but we dont get along very well and just being us would put a lot of weight on my shoulders. 8th grade was also the year that I suffered to the point where I started doing s/h... I was told that I was faking being scuicidal and that I should really just end it... I attempted ending it which left me in the hospital for about a week and a half... I came back to still be dealing with the same stuff. My never ending nightmare. After 8th grade graduation I spent the summer mainly gathering my thoughts and not streaming or uploading much. Most of my uploads were to tiktok which is where I know almost have 1k followers. Im now in my 9th grade year and shits getting worse. I have been having bad thoughts and they are starting to get really loud... I mainly stick around for the people that actually care and I have been living off the bare minimum to keep my body functional. I have been losing a lot more friends recently, most due to arguments and stabbing me in the back and a few from suicide... I have been struggling quite a bit and being a constant target isnt helping. I feel like I'm running out of space to breathe and a little to close to the edge of the blade. Im running of the few people who bring me joy. Normally on empty I shuffle through the day. At this point I've killed myself but no one knows that your not talking to me, your talking to a scarecrow. Now I live on a razors edge about to slip. And these things are whats got me close.

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void-galaxy-shenanigans · 1 year

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This is just a personal rant/vent so feel free to ignore. It's okay to reply or DM reassurance if you want though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So our biomother has always brushed off all our tism symptoms as ADHD, in part because ADHD is professionally diagnosed & in part because she always knew we had ADHD & in part because she doesn't know where the line between ADHD & autism begins or ends (she might be autistic).

She also uses they/them exclusively when we asked for he/they & then (when we realized she wouldn't use he/him if we let her use they/them) updated it to he/him.

I'm finally sitting down & doing the emotional labour of explaining to her that I *am* autistic, confirmed by more than one therapist, & that I'm her son.

Apparently she thought nonbinary = “neither man nor woman”, closer to agender. So I had to explain that not all nonbinary people aren't a man or a woman, some of us are nonbinary in addition (because we don't fit in our society's definition of manhood/womanhood, because we don't identify entirely with being a man/woman, because we identify as man/woman and something else, etc. - there are many ways to be nonbinary), & I am nonbinary in addition, because our society defines manhood as something I don't belong to but that doesn't mean I'm not a man.

I then also had to explain that I did do research & talk to therapists about the tism, & that I took the RAASD-R (old diagnostic test) 5 times to make sure I wouldn't get a false positive (I got 205 to 210 at the lowest, of 240 possible), & that I am minimally speaking (I'm not entirely nonverbal/non-speaking, I can talk in words sometimes, but I go months without speaking if I'm not masking).

But she likes to play devil's advocate, saying “there may be other explanations, don't get stuck on [autism / transness / etc.]” & I have to explain again that I am not saying this is the only possible explanation, I'm saying it's the most likely one that supports all the data points & that I benefit from autistic-specific accommodations & from accommodations like AAC.

& then came the emotional questions.

“I am not asking if there's an explanation other than autism,” I told her again. “Because the point is...¿what if I'm right? ¿what then? ¿will you actually support your kid if they *are* trans & autistic? because the point isn't ‘¿am I wrong?’ the point is ‘¿will you still love me?’. I bring up this conversation because I want to know that if I *am* right, ¿do I still have a mom? ¿Am I still your son? Or ¿will you continue to love a version of me that doesn't even exist?”

Or the long winded version: “The reason I get frustrated whenever this conversation comes up is that my point isn't ‘this is the only explanation and I can't be wrong’. I'm not looking for a devil's advocate. I'm saying ‘okay but if this is true, if I'm right about myself, if this kid is actually your youngest son & is actually autistic, would you still stick around? would you learn who he really is? would you love him? would you get to know the real me?’ because I am so used to friends & lovers & people who are supposed to be family turning their backs on me when I discover these things about myself. I'm asking if you will learn, if you will try to understand me & communicate through this (even when that means sometimes you'll be dealing with nonverbal languages, like body language or wordless sounds), if you will love me through this. That's what matters to me. But every time I bring it up you want to offer other explanations & examples of people who aren't like me. I don't care if there are other explanations & people who aren't like me— I wanna know in my unique situation if you will still support me, love me, and fight for my right to exist.”

And gods it's emotionally taxing, & she's taking an excruciatingly long time to read my texts, but I'm hoping that this conversation will bring us closer & I will finally be seen for who I am.

I just want my mom to be a mom, to love her autistic son even if that's not who she thought I was when I was born. I don't think that's too much to ask.

~Nico

((PS I'm listening to this song (Fix It To Break It by Clinton Kane) on repeat as I have this conversation. “I need more.”, “¿Is it worth the pain if I should stick around?”, “Sick of me reminding you to love me like you say you do...”))

#trauma #actually autistic #actually adhd #healing #healing from trauma #lgbt #trans #~Nico #personal vent #Spotify

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thesoulesscollection · 2 years

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Do you think you could write something about trans pregnant Charles? Just like somethings nice like “I’m bringing life into this world like a boss!” Then something like the mood swings kick in and he starts sobbing.

Hi, thank you for the prompt request and I'm really sorry that this took me a while to post but here it is now. I wanted this to be written near perfectly and I had to redo it a few times. Hopefully you'll like it even when I took a slightly different take to this request. Ask box is always open to be flooded

I know this may not be for everyone due to the understandable personal reasons. As someone trans themselves often feeling like a fraud I do get the discomfort. Simply put, I wanted to explore it as realistically and respectfully as possible with my own feelings towards it. So make sure to read the tags to check or ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable. Your comfort should be top priority here.

Tw/Tags: BROvert Ops Timeline, Trans Character - Charles Calvin, Trans Pregnancy, Body Dysmorphia, Implied Transphobia, Implied Sexism/Misogyny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Henry, Ambiguous Relationships (StickVin; Can Be Seen As Platonic Or Romantic), & Happy/Hopeful Ending

'Pregnancy. It should be such a joyous time for any young woman. Where you make another life inside yourself. What your body was meant to do. It's so easy, dearie. An absolute cake walk. You will love every second of it'

Recoiling back, face scrunched up upon hearing the familiar nagging falsely kind voices rang in his head reminded him of his childhood, something he often hoped to forget like how they used to speak in such a patronizing tone. Even when he fought them at every turn, loudly protesting at them that he was meant to be his own person given his own choices to both mind and body yet they would shout over him about the creation of life, it was to be his duty as a woman, how he shouldn't be a defiant wayward child. Bitterly burying the memories, accepting how he was made to be disgustingly uncomfortable in his own skin. Worse, his body was doing what once he vehemently decided to never do in pure spite, to carry another life, one he never would've thought would happen - it was a startling shock to say the least - yet he didn't dare get rid of it. Finally free from the suffocating confines from his prior life he was meant to be living his best life as the man he desired though he was clearly struggling to keep it together.

So here he stiffly stood in his room alone, arms glued to his side, back aching terribly while stuck in a body altering dilemma he never got the urge to partake in. As he sucked in a breath, Charles witnessed the clothes for today to wear strewn out on his bed, in his head they were mocking him, almost taking twisted enjoyment over his pain.

His sharp mind was in a foggy haze. What he's experiencing wasn't right. Charles needed to be in control at all times, there were people heavily relying on him to be the best, so he should be positively happy when in truth he was miserable. This got to be the toughest period in his life, unable to wrap his mind around it.

'Easy my ass... How in the world is this wonderful or beautiful? This is plain awful' In turmoil, Charles groused, red rimmed eyes close to watering yet stubbornly held the tears back, looking like total dog crap, worse knowing for him he was only a few months in.

"Nothing is going right" Tossing his clothes on haphazardly Charles was smoothing his military jacket, staring at himself in the mirror, far from particularly enjoying what he saw in the reflection he drawled out his pent frustrations, "Everything is going against me here"

What he saw wasn't nice, at least in his opinion. Years after he's built the desired appearance it was simply going down the drain. In a very weak, pitiful attempt to look smaller he ran his hands down his jacket trying to smooth down the tight, thin lines stretched across his stomach. The round bump kept growing at a decent pace in size over the weeks, unnaturally stubborn it remained no matter what he desperately did to hide his condition, sorely sticking out on his frame. Unable to keep appearances for much longer which left him terribly sickened at the image.

"Hey? Fine there?" Soon hearing the door to his bedroom open slowly, Henry's voice calls out, Charles abruptly turns around almost defensively covering his body, "You're done or…?"

"I. Uh… Almost, I guess…"

"You're sure? You've been in here for almost a half hour? We're both going to be late?"

Deciding to further shield himself, nobody should see him like this even his closest friend so he shamefully wiggled a little to better fit into his bit too tight clothes struggling to zip up his jacket.

"I… I.. Don't feel good"

"You don't? Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to call the General for you and say you can't come in today? That's totally fine and I can stay behind too to make sure you're alright"

"O-oh. Oh, no. No. I can't call out. Not today or any day, Henry" Charles quickly reacted, taking any time off, a mere single day even when it came to his job, horrified him to no end, "We can't do that… It's been so busy recently with the missions and all that it wouldn't be fair to you or anyone else"

Raising a brow Henry appears skeptical, taking a cautious step closer scanning the pilot's disheveled appearance, "You're sure it's nothing?"

Hesitancy grew though Charles just bit his tongue, simply nodding along as he waved off any possible worry.

"Charles. You know me, right? If there's something wrong, you can tell me" In genuine concern Henry was hovering around Charles, careful to not cross the sensitive line, cool hands barely grazing across the man's stomach, the main target of the lacking confidence. "I know this has been tough for you. I've seen it stress you to the bone since we found out. So this is only a day off. I don't want you worrying yourself sick over this"

"But I can't"

"Char. Tell me what you're doing?"

Confused shock came on Charles' burning face, tilting his head until realization kicked in as Henry pointedly motioned towards his stomach, "Wha-Oh"

"Hm. C'mon you got this. There shouldn't be shame in this"

"... I-I. I'm bringing life into this world…"

"Like the amazing man you are like the boss you are, heh. You're doing something wonderful… Don't forget that. You're doing good even when you think otherwise"

Sniffling when caught similarly to a startled little deer in the headlights Charles nibbled at his cheek, his body deciding to speak for itself no longer keeping the waterworks at bay, "... Stupid hormones… You're making me cry, Henry. I c-can't right now…"

"Nothing wrong with crying. Let those pesky emotions free. It's true what I'm saying, you know? This is like one of your greatest plans. You'll get through this. You're so tough"

As Charles wept, after wiping the falling tears freely flowing down his puffy cheeks with his balled up fists, he was relieved to express relief for once.

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clownfire · 2 years

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Hi! Since it’s alphabet mafia month and I am someone who listens to narrative podcasts, I thought I might drop my personal headcannons.

- ace aro Velrissa. I know a lot of people hc her as sapphic, and I do see a lot of myself in her, but just not that. If you do, all the more power to ya!

- it’s kinda cannon?? but since it wasn’t brought up in the series itself: trans Br’aad

- Ugarth had the biggest crush on Sylnan. in a ‘i’ll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day i’ll DIE.’ kind of way

- bi trans Chip. sorry truthers, I can’t in good faith say that man is cis/het

- gender roles in the undersea are pretty different to those on land, and more fluid (heh). Gillion doesn’t put too much thought into labels and is totally chill with people using he/him for him, however demiboy would be the most precise equivalent label in a modern / our world setting.

- Ollie is also trans! Sadly he was kinda forced to come out after the aging-up with the compass and had to awkwardly ask Chip if he could borrow his binder. Obviously everyone was really supportive and Jay made a much better fitting one for him out of the bedsheets Gillion doesn’t use (because barrel)

- transfem nb Ashe ( idk man they give me the vibes )

- on a similar note: transmasc William Wisp ( I have literally nothing to back either of these two up, my brain just registers them as trans. in the way that sometimes I forget that they just,, aren’t? in cannon?? ) - William is also bi

- Vyncent’s pan. He knows this. But people’s gender and sexuality aren’t really seen as notable things in his dimension, so he doesn’t register that it’d be something important to bring up. He ‘came out’ one day when he off-handedly said that the romantic leads in a movie they were watching were really hot.

- pansexual genderfluid polyamorous Rumi. that’s it, I don’t think I need to explain.

- Peter doesn’t really have a label. He’s never really though about it because he just kinda assumed no-one would ever love him. But now he has Rumi (i hope).

#jrwi #jrwi show #jrwi hc #lgbt headcanons #krow posts

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risagerbirk84 · 2 months

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Quinlan and the Interdimensional Ingenues (except not really)

Context: SW Suddenly Omegaverse AU (Original Post), Interior Design (Nesting Divots), Chrono Rating: T+ Relationships: Anakin & Obi-Wan, Quinlan/Obi-Wan

This is like 90% cuddles and scenting that’s a few steps to the side of a/b/o standard. There is a lot of non-sexual licking. It’s a little odd, but I’m assuming that’s what you’re here for. It’s also over 5k words, so, you know. There’s that.

Note: “Ternary” is to the number three as “binary” is to the number two. Binary gender/sex refers to IRL male/female distinctions, and ternary refers to alpha/beta/omega. Gender and sex are much more complicated than is touched on in this particular fic, and trans identities exist within both the binary system and the ternary system. (More notes at end.)

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“Sorry to tell you this,” Quinlan says, sliding into the room as quickly as he can, “but we can smell omega distress from several rooms down the hall. What the hell is going on?”

“We’ve having a lot of feelings,” Kenobi says drily. He’s on the couch, looking damnably normal, and Skywalker’s got his face shoved into his master’s neck. Kenobi’s fingers card through the curls, and it’s... well, it would be easy to tell which of them was having said feelings even if Quinlan hadn’t already been able to tell them apart in scent.

“I’m distraught,” Skywalker moans, mushing himself somehow closer.

Kenobi’s eyes go to the ceiling, and he visibly prays to the Force for patience. “I know, Anakin.”

“You think I’m being dumb.”

“I think you’ve had a few months to prepare for this, but that your reaction is understandable nevertheless,” Kenobi says carefully. “Quinlan, would you like to take a seat?”

He hops the back of an armchair in a way that earns him a long-suffering, fond sigh. Quinlan grins encouragingly. “So, do I get to know what this is about?”

“I’m having trouble keeping it out of the Force, but at least I can do that,” Skywalker mutters. He does not lift his head. “I can’t control the scent stuff.”

“Yeah,” Quinlan says, because he’s not sure what else to say. “Do you want me to go get Tano? Might make you feel better.”

Skywalker just whines, high and pained, and tries to curl impossibly closer to Kenobi.

“Anakin,” Kenobi tries. “Anakin, do you want me to explain?”

“I want my--” Skywalker cuts himself off with a choking noise, and then keens. It’s a very omega noise, in the sense that his vocal cords can make it, and non-omegas have trouble mimicking it, and it makes Quinlan want to go over and do his best to fix things in whatever way he can.

(This, everyone is finding, is the truly awkward element to having Skywalker and Kenobi around. They don’t have any experience with controlling their ternary sex instincts, and it makes everyone else react poorly when they do, well, almost anything. They can’t be blamed, considering exactly how inconvenient this is for them, as well, but it’s not a great time for anyone.)

Quinlan tries to keep his own scent pleasant and calm, as soothing as he can make it through the blockers. He doesn’t think it works. “Your what?”

“His wife,” Kenobi says. “Because apparently that was the other way he broke the Code.”

“I looked her up,” Skywalker moans, dramatic as anyone. “She’s already mated and married, in this timeline. To that artist. She’s totally happy and she’s never met me and I’m never gonna be able to work with or around her because I won’t be able to act normal about it and I miss her.”

‘A lot of feelings‘ Kenobi mouths at Quinlan over Skywalker’s head.

“Well, at least it explains the position you’re in,” Quinlan tries to joke. The blank look he gets from Kenobi tells him clearly that the joke didn’t land. “Uh, scenting at the neck like that.”

“Inappropriate?” Kenobi hazards a guess. He doesn’t pull Skywalker away.

“Sort of,” Quinlan says. “You’re family, or as good as, so between that and the need for comfort, nobody’s really going to judge you for it, especially given your backgrounds, but that kind of prolonged neck-scenting for comfort is something kids outgrow in pre-adolescence. It’s only really used for either comfort for extreme emotions, like this, or, uh, between lovers. Post-coital, or during foreplay before, you know, mouths get involved.”

Kenobi grimaces. “Lovely. And what do you mean by ‘of our backgrounds’ in this case? That we have less control, or another factor?”

He doesn’t sound offended. Quinlan appreciates that. “You didn’t have ten years to get that comfort. It’s like... touch starvation, but for scenting. Anyone who knows what’s going on with you, even in the vague sense that doesn’t involve dimensional travel, is going to give you leeway on scenting because you didn’t have that, growing up.”

Kenobi’s grimace doesn’t go away until Skywalker’s breath hitches, hand curling in his master’s robes. “Anakin?”

“I don’t like feeling like this,” Skywalker mutters. “It sucks.”

“I know.”

“And we can’t delay the war much longer, and she was one of the only reasons I stayed even kinda sane through it.”

“I know, Anakin,” Kenobi sighs, running a hand through Skywalker’s hair and, awkwardly as anything, pressing a small kiss to the young man’s forehead. “You’ll have other ways to de-stress this time around. Maybe you’ll actually attend your meditative retreats.”

Skywalker huffs out a breath, in a laugh wet with what might be burgeoning tears. “Shut up.”

“I think you’ve known me far too long to think I’ll ever run out of words,” Kenobi says. He meets Quinlan’s eyes again, but before either of them can communicate about whether Quinlan should leave, Skywalker lurches to his feet, muttering something about a shower.

He’s gone before Kenobi can get more than two words out, and the man is left looking ruffled and confused by his former padawan’s sudden departure. He stays watching the door, and slowly wilts in a way that doesn’t speak well for his state of mind. The man sighs and drops his head into his hands, cradling it with his elbows on his knees, and whatever calm he’d had fades into pure stress, the air curdling with the smell of it.

Quinlan waits, unsure of how to handle this; Kenobi’s Quinlan Vos probably would have known how to deal with the change.

“What am I doing?” Kenobi breathes out, the words almost inaudible from behind his hands.

There are a few moments for Quinlan to consider the many complications and ramifications of getting involved, and then he decides to do so anyway. He stands up and steps around the caff table, and sits down next to Kenobi. He wraps an arm around the man’s shoulders, and brings him in close.

“You don’t have to do this,” Kenobi says, though he makes no move to pull away. “I know you don’t... this is just an obligation. The Council assigned you to gather information and keep an eye out for us in terms of the whole omega thing, since you already shared my heat, and... I know I’m not a friend to you. You barely know me, and the fact that you have to look out for me is something that truly grates. Such care shouldn’t...”

Quinlan waits for him to finish, but he doesn’t.

“I won’t say that they didn’t give me that assignment, because that would be a lie and you’d know it,” Quinlan says. “But I do want to be friends with you. We’re sort of there, already, even if that’s mostly you knowing my other self, and my psychometry, but I’ve seen what a friendship with you could be like, in what you let me see. We’ll never have that same dynamic, because I didn’t grow up with you, and the ternary sex adds an element that changes things, but I do want to be your friend.”

He hesitates, unsure if the rest will make things worse or better, but says it anyway. “As for taking care of you, looking out for you... I do feel a need to do that on an instinctual level, yes, but I can ignore it. It’s an instinct, but one that I, like everyone else that’s grown up as a human or near human in this galaxy, can work around. I am doing more than the minimum the Council requested, and it’s because I do actually like you as a person, and want to know you better.”

Kenobi’s head is resting on his shoulder by this point, tired and heavy, and Quinlan reaches up to brush his knuckles against the beard without looking. His blockers are still keeping his scent down, but the contact seems to make Kenobi relax more. His hands are mostly laced together, and falling into the dip between their legs.

“There’s a way I can help, but it’s, ah... not inherently sexual in nature, but generally only done by those whose relationship is already some degree of sexual,” Quinlan tells him. “To make you feel better, less stressed.”

“I’m assuming you’re not suggesting an orgasm,” Kenobi mutters, dry as anything. He laughs when Quinlan puts a hand on his knee.

“Not exactly feeling it,” Quinlan agrees. He squeezes Kenobi’s knee, and then says, “No, it’s mostly scenting in a way that’s usually only done by lovers; it’s more effective, but very intimate in a way many find uncomfortably sexual, because the amount of tongue involved is very reminiscent of foreplay.”

Kenobi laughs, a little harder, and nuzzles a little. He doesn’t seem aware of the fact that he’s doing it. “Alright, then.”

“I’d also suggest moving to one of the nests,” Quinlan says, and Kenobi immediately freezes. He gives it a moment, and then says, “I know you found it helpful after your heat, Kenobi. The nesting instinct is human here. It’s not shameful. There are people who don’t get anything out of it, but I’ve seen you nesting, and it’s good for you.”

Kenobi shudders and Quinlan thinks he might be fighting down a whine. “It’s a change, Quin. I mean, Quinlan. It’s... it’s just another thing out of many that’s different.”

“And one of the few you have control over?” Quinlan guesses. He tries to purr for support when Kenobi nods against his shoulder, and he thinks the deep rumble is soothing to Kenobi. “I get that.”

“Don’t stop,” Kenobi mutters, and Quinlan can guess he’s blushing about it.

“Into the nest,” Quinlan mutters. “It’ll help convince Skywalker to use it, and he really needs that kind of comfort.”

That’s the line of logic that actually works, and Quinlan isn’t the least bit surprised.

“Fine,” Kenobi sighs, and gets to his feet before Quinlan can offer to carry him or something similarly joking. The man walks to the communal nest at the edge of the room, and then looks down into the barely-used mess of blankets and pillows in the floor divot like he doesn’t even know how to get in.

Quinlan thinks there might be dust, even.

Fine. He can work with that. He’s taken this duo on as a project of his own free will, and he’s damn well going to follow through.

“Want to rearrange it?” he asks, in hopes that he can prompt Kenobi into figuring out what’s wrong.

“I don’t... know,” Kenobi says, frowning in a way that’s more worried and uncomfortable than angry. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Quinlan considers it, thinks of how the dust means nobody’s been here, that there’s not even a hint of scent, and then turns and grabs the throw pillows and thick, woven blanket from the couch.

“Wait,” Kenobi protests. “They don’t--”

“We can put them back later,” Quinlan assures him. He holds them out to Kenobi. “Trust me? I may not be an omega, but I do know enough of the theory.”

Kenobi takes the pillows and the blanket, stares down at them and then at the nest, and steps out of his slippers and into the nest. The layer already there is thin, and likely not doing much for anyone, but it’s the bare minimum and Quinlan can work with that.

He turns and scouts the room for spare fabrics, grabs all three of the outer robes from where they hang by the door, and the recently-used dishtowel that only barely carries Skywalker’s scent, and brings them to Kenobi.

“The robes aren’t clean!” Kenobi protests.

“I could grab something from your room instead,” Quinlan says. “Or you could just leave the hems on the outside. But you need more fabric that actually smells like someone.”

Quinlan wonders, idly, if Kenobi would have this kind of reaction to the suggestion without omega instincts at play, or if it’s just the instincts and he doesn’t realize, or maybe that he’s decided to let the instincts happen since Quinlan’s pushed him into nesting already anyway. The man had insisted in perfectly pressing his robes from the beginning, long before their bodies had had a chance to change, and Skywalker had found it normal, so it’s probably, at least a little, just the man’s personality. It probably doesn’t matter, overall, because all Quinlan has to do is sit at the edge of the nest until Kenobi--the person who actually lives here--is done arranging things.

Quinlan takes off another two layers and offers them, noting out loud that he can get them back later when Skywalker can fill in the gaps or something before too many protests can be voiced. Kenobi hesitantly takes them and tucks them in among his own additional layers. Quinlan’s seen enough communal nests to know that most of the placements are odd and not going to work out long-term, but that’s not the point right now. The point is getting Kenobi to recognize the his body, and more importantly, his mental health, rely at least somewhat on nesting now.

“Are you going to come in?” Kenobi asks, belatedly realizing Quinlan’s still outside the lip of the flooring divot.

“Not without permission,” Quinlan says, and sees the realization flicker in.

Kenobi holds out a hand, silent, and Quinlan lets himself get tugged in among the half-stale, half-new nest. It’s not great, but that’ll come with practice. He tucks himself around Kenobi, and rubs at the man’s arms in an attempt to ease some of the tension that’s clinging to every line of his body.

“What now?” Kenobi asks, just a shade more quiet than Quinlan thinks is really required by the situation.

“A lot of the stress you’re feeling is a feedback loop from being covered in your own distress scent,” Quinlan says. “You can shower to handle that, which is what Skywalker is doing, or you can manually remove it.”

“I’d imagine a wet towel,” Kenobi says, a touch wry, “but given that you mentioned tongue earlier, I’m guessing you intend to lick it away?”

“It’s more effective,” Quinlan admits. “Not at removing the scent, necessarily, but it removes enough to help while also generating comfort and relaxation hormones from the close contact, and being scented by a trusted individual.”

“Makes sense,” Kenobi admits. “You, ah, use scent blockers usually, right? Can you, er, scent me?”

Quinlan can see just how much Kenobi dislikes using the words. He tries to keep it quick. “I use a cream blocker over my scent glands, namely at the neck and wrists, since the rest are covered in fabric. It’s... well, it can be wiped off, or also removed orally. Most manually-applied blockers are formulated to be safe for contact with the mouth or genitals. Only really gets to be a problem if there are rare allergies or with specific species. It doesn’t taste like anything, if that matters.”

Kenobi’s discomfort is almost palpable, but Quinlan lets him work through that. This isn’t really something he can make a choice for Kenobi about, and the discomfort is... well, it’s not really the kind of discomfort usually associated with ternary sex and associated behaviors. Everything’s just very new, and comes with changes to the body that Kenobi never agreed to.

“Right,” Kenobi says. “I want to... to at least try it, I think.”

He turns and blushes, eyes anywhere by Quinlan’s face. “I don’t know how much longer Anakin will be. I’d rather he not think we’re, er...”

“Then I’ll take care of that part fast,” Quinlan promises, and is rewarded by Kenobi offering a wrist.

It’s... not sexual. Quinlan knows he has a hard time explaining this to near-humans that don’t have the scent glands, that don’t have the ternary dynamics. He’s had a similarly hard time explaining it to Kenobi and Skywalker. It’s not sexual, just intimate, when he pulls Kenobi’s wrist to his face, closes his eyes, and breathes in the scent of a distressed, uncomfortable, bitter omega that he’s shared a heat with and knows as almost-friend. The smell, this close and this strong, triggers the production of pheromones of his own, and when he feels Kenobi tentatively start pressing kisses to Quinlan’s own wrist, he relaxes. He brushes his lips against Kenobi’s wrist, and then puts his open mouth to it, the slightest press of teeth and his tongue laving across the skin. He hears Kenobi’s gasp, an almost-yelp, and pulls away long enough to press a kiss the the veins under his lips, and to say, “Relax, Kenobi.”

He forces a purr out, low and rumbling, and feels it work on Kenobi just like it did earlier. There’s a tongue pulling, a little dry, to rub away the blocker on the inside of his wrist, and he turns his attention back to Kenobi’s. The scent is even stronger on his tongue, bitter and unhappy, and his body continues to produce calm and comfort as he pulls away the uglier feelings painted on Kenobi’s skin.

More pheromones leak under his mouth, but less bitter. Less intense. He does what he can, opens his eyes and turns and sees that Kenobi is unduly focused on his wrist, mouthing and not quite purring, but oddly fuzzy in the Force. His eyes are closed, but Quinlan’s pretty sure they’d be glazed if not.

“Kenobi?”

“Hm?”

“Guess you haven’t encountered this outside of a heat before,” Quinlan mutters. He shakes his arm a bit, and puts his other hand on Kenobi’s shoulder. “Kenobi, hey, look at me?”

Kenobi pulls away, blinking, and then makes a face. “That...”

“Didn’t like losing control?” Quinlan guesses. The answer is clear enough. “It’s a matter of practice, especially for you.”

“Why did I... it smelled and tasted like... like I was safe,” Kenobi mutters lowly, eyes on the nest instead of on Quinlan. “I’ve never associated any sense with safety other than the Force.”

“You trust me,” Quinlan says, as if that’s not a little terrifying in its own way. He already knew that Kenobi trusted him, but he thinks that this strong of a reaction might make him Kenobi’s most trusted person after Skywalker and maybe Tano. “And since you trust me, your body subconsciously takes cues from mine, when it comes to pheromones. I project comfort and safety, and your body takes it as... not fact, but affirmation.”

“So I won’t react to anyone like this,” Kenobi says, not quite begging for Quinlan to confirm, but close to it. “Just you, and... does that same logic apply to those who aren’t Alpha designation?”

“Yeah,” Quinlan says. “Not in the same way, but familiarity and trust does affect which pheromones affect you, and how strongly. Children are largely unresponsive to aggression pheromones from their parents, by default, since their minds process it as aggression in defense of them, rather than aggression at them.”

Kenobi purses his lips, but nods and looks at Quinlan’s other wrist. “Moving on?”

“If you’re okay with it,” Quinlan says, but he brings his cleaned wrist to Kenobi’s and rubs them together until his own comfort scent is covering up what’s left of the distress. “Take a smell at that and see how you feel.”

Kenobi eyes him warily--he’s pretty sure he hasn’t done anything to deserve that, but allows it because, well, Kenobi--and sniffs at his own wrist. His brow furrows in confusion, and he sniffs again.

“Good?” Quinlan hazards.

“I... yeah,” Kenobi says. He sounds as confused as he looks. “I like it. It’s... the safe thing, again, but mixing with me?”

“That’s how it’s supposed to feel,” Quinlan assures him. “Other wrist?”

If he were actually the friend that Kenobi had grown up with, if he’d actually had a Kenobi to grow up with, he thinks he might have thrown in a few joking pet names by now.

But he’s not, and they didn’t, so he won’t.

He thinks he hears Skywalker finish up in the shower, but Kenobi pulls his mouth to the neck, and mutters that they have some time while Skywalker does something to his hair. Apparently, there are products needed for those curls.

The angle’s going to be a little uncomfortable if they try to get at each other’s scent glands simultaneously, so Quinlan suggests that Kenobi handle getting the blocker off first.

“Why?”

“More convenient,” Quinlan says, and then clasps Kenobi’s hands so their wrists rub together. He squeezes, just a little, a touch of reassurance, and smiles and tilts his head. “All yours, Kenobi.”

The man smiles, brittle, and almost giggles. Maybe Quinlan was doing something oddly similar to his counterpart from Kenobi’s dimension. Maybe it was an inside joke he didn’t know. It doesn’t matter, because Kenobi’s leaning in and mouthing along Quinlan’s neck and throat like a man possessed a half-second later.

Quinlan closes his eyes and threads a hand into Kenobi’s hair, focuses on warmth and comfort and protection, rather than anything aroused. Kenobi slows down, lapping at Quinlan’s neck and inhaling, and in the Force he radiates confusion.

“That’s it,” Quinlan mutters, and Kenobi makes a low chirruping noise that he immediately stifles with an annoyed huff. “Hey, no, those are normal. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I want control over my own body, Quin,” Kenobi mutters, and switches to the other side. He rubs his face against Quinlan’s neck, and it’s another point on the list of things Kenobi does that he might not realize are based in newer instincts. “I don’t like something being wrong with me, and not understanding what it is.”

“Nothing is wrong with you,” Quinlan mutters, using the hand in Kenobi’s hair to guide him into actually removing the scent blocker instead of donating a case of beard burn. “Even going as fast as you did just now wasn’t something wrong. Your instincts got a bit confused, that’s all. You’re fine.”

He purrs until Kenobi is done, and gets that chirruping noise again. Kenobi’s still annoyed about it, but Quinlan’s just happy he’s getting less uncomfortable about it.

“Okay, sit up and turn around,” Quinlan says, and Kenobi eyes him again. “Have I steered you wrong yet?”

“No.”

“So trust me,” Quinlan urges. “Just turn around.”

Kenobi does. Quinlan sits up and rearranges his legs so there’s one on either side of Kenobi, half-bent. He pulls the other man closer, blankets folding oddly beneath them, and wraps his arms around Kenobi’s waist.

He breathes for a moment, chin hooked over Kenobi’s shoulder, and asks, “Good?”

“Oddly so, yes,” Kenobi mutters. He might be blushing. “Er, should I... do anything?”

“Hands on mine, if you’d like,” Quinlan tells him. “We can lie back down and spoon after I clean up your left.”

The noise Kenobi makes is low, affronted in a way that speaks to his ongoing embarrassment. Quinlan ignores it, just gets to work taking away as much of Kenobi’s stress scent as he can, mouthing along the man’s neck and managing a purr that isn’t even forced. It rumbles out of him unprompted, his hindbrain piecing together the relaxing omega in his lap and the safety of the Temple and the pride he’s got in doing this right, the knowledge that Kenobi’s happier than he was an hour ago and it’s all Quinlan’s doing.

He rubs his face along Kenobi’s neck as he finishes up, scenting and being scented back, and is gratified when Kenobi starts purring too. The nuzzling is mostly soft, though Quinlan’s stubble is nothing to Kenobi’s beard; the hairs trap Quinlan’s scent where it’ll do the most good. He follows a hint of mischievous intent and tugs at Kenobi’s earlobe with his teeth, earning himself a little whine. He laughs, and licks the curve of Kenobi’s ear, immediately scenting further.

“Anakin’s going to be back soon,” Kenobi says, sounding almost sleep drunk.

Quinlan switches sides and guides them both down to lie, chest to front, in the nest. He works more slowly on the other side, keeps himself propped up on his elbow, forearm slipped neatly under Kenobi’s neck. The scent gland at Quinlan’s wrist rests under Kenobi’s nose, right where it’ll have the most effect. His other hand rubs up and down Kenobi’s side, and by the time Skywalker reenters the room, Quinlan’s done with licking the stress off and rubbing his scent into anything he thinks will help. He’s lying fully on his side instead of having his head propped up, and just doing his best to spread comfort through the room through Force and smell. He maybe nibbles at the back of Kenobi’s neck, here and there, because the man has lothcat response, and

“Guys?”

“Over here, Skywalker.”

The kid--not really a kid, but younger than Aayla, still, so he counts--rounds the couch, and sees them among the added cloaks and pillows and blanket. He stares. Kenobi starts to stiffen back up.

Quinlan increases his purring, and rubs his face against Kenobi’s neck, and glares up at Skywalker for good measure. Kenobi can’t see past Quinlan, probably, and squirms. Skywalker tilts his head, and then puts up a finger in a ‘one moment’ sort of gesture. He runs off.

“Anakin--”

“Kid’s fine,” Quinlan assures him, and Skywalker skids back into the room at unsafe speeds, arms full of what Quinlan’s pretty sure are his own duvet and pillow, and falls face-first into the nest. Kenobi jerks back into Quinlan, but Skywalker ignores this in favor of rearranging the nest into something approaching functional. He’s better at it than Kenobi.

Quinlan’s pretty sure Skywalker was more open to these things from the start. It tracks.

“Now Anakin, really,” Kenobi sputters, as Skywalker finishes layering things in the way he thinks is best. Skywalker beams at him, earlier melancholy forgotten for the moment, and flops down to drop his head somewhere near Kenobi’s chest.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Skywalker says. “This is good for you.”

Kenobi blushes, and Quinlan scrapes his teeth against the back of his neck again.

“Quinlan!” Kenobi yelps, jolting. “Not--we’re not alone!”

“Helps you calm down, though,” Quinlan says, pressing a few close-mouthed kisses at Kenobi’s hairline.

“Different cultural standards,” Skywalker adds, half-guessing but sure of himself nonetheless. He seems entirely too delighted to be here. “You know what? We should invite Ahsoka.”

“She’s not your padawan here,” Kenobi scolds.

“Yet,” Skywalker corrects. “As soon as I get all my psych evals cleared, the Council’s going to promise. She’s basically my padawan already.”

Kenobi sighs, aggrieved in a manner that feels more fond than actually upset, in the Force, and places a hand lightly on Skywalker’s.

Skywalker chirrups and wriggles closer, pressing his face to Kenobi’s tunic with a smile.

“I see someone’s feeling better,” Kenobi notes, and moves his hand up to play with Skywalker’s hair. “The shower helped?”

“Mm-hm,” Skywalker says. “’nd some of the stuff they made me learn in therapy.”

Kenobi hums low in his throat, an aimless vocalization, as he continues to comb his fingers through Skywalker’s hair.

Skywalker blinks, slow and bleary, with a soft and dopey smile, and Kenobi stops.

“What?”

“I like it when you play with my hair,” Skywalker says, almost too low to hear. His eyes close. “Feels nice. Cared for. Family.”

Kenobi freezes, breath hitching, and Quinlan shifts and lifts just enough to see the man is staring at his own hand in confusion and a slight bit of fear.

“Kenobi?”

“I didn’t even question it,” Kenobi says faintly. “I don’t... I haven’t done that since he was just a child, but I didn’t even question it. I stopped myself from commenting that he’s too old to come to his master for cuddles, because he’s not, in this dimension, and I’m getting used to that, but I started playing with his hair like it was normal and it’s not.”

Quinlan puts his mouth to Kenobi’s trapezius, just enough pressure that he’s not biting, just there, and purrs.

It’s several inches away from anything resembling a mating bite, but Kenobi tilts his head and whines anyway.

“Obi-Wan?” Skywalker prompts, brow furrowed. “It’s not... I mean, I’m not going to say it’s okay, since I know we’re both still upset about our bodies being changed without our permission or input or even a warning, but we’re getting used to it. We’re working with it. The hair thing is fine with me, I like it and would have before. And now that you know you’ll want to do, uh, that sort of thing--”

“Subset of grooming behaviors,” Quinlan tells them, pulling away from Kenobi’s neck with a final open-mouthed kiss. He sees the face Skywalker makes in response to the words, and feels Kenobi’s discomfort, so he elaborates. They’ve compared most of what they hear with tookas and lothwolves, so he thinks he knows what this is about. “We’re not exactly going to start licking each other clean--excluding scent comfort, that’s different--like lothcats, but you’ve already noticed that humans and near-humans are more tactile than you’re used to. Most forms of care, especially of partners and children, ends up physical in some way.”

He gestures between the two of them. “You view Skywalker as family, for all that you shy away from defining it, and so naturally gravitate to care. The easiest way for that to manifest when sharing a nest is usually playing with someone’s hair. Since he’s younger than you, and you’ve spent as much time as you have being the adult in his life...”

Quinlan trails off before he can comment on the question of whether they’re closer to brothers or father-and-son. Kenobi’s already expressed discomfort with that topic, well before they started naturalizing to this dimension. Quinlan’s not going to push for Kenobi to acknowledge Skywalker’s importance to him.

(They’ll have to address it at some point, but that’s a job for the mind healers, not for Quinlan.)

(For all that it’s going to impact and be impacted by their dynamics, that much is definitely not Quinlan’s to handle.)

Kenobi shudders in his arms, but doesn’t shake him off, and doesn’t stop Skywalker from burrowing somehow closer. Quinlan settles back in as Kenobi returns to playing with Skywalker’s hair.

“We really should invite Ahsoka, though.”

“Not tonight, padawan.”

-----------------------------------------------

Additional notes:

I initially wrote “ternary gender,” but found that it didn’t strike true to how I envisioned gender and dynamic playing out among Jedi culture in particular. While the term ‘dynamic’ is used regularly in a more casual setting, Quinlan uses the term “ternary sex” when talking about it in the company of Anakin and Obi-Wan. I view it as a subconscious attempt to keep a clinical view of the ternary sex system present in the omegaverse dimension, in recognition that it’s new and unfamiliar and often unpleasant for Anakin and Obi-Wan, having come from a dimension that doesn’t have ternary sexes or the associated reproductive capabilities, instincts, or cycles.

I’d like to explore how the ideas of sex, gender, dynamic, and so on intersect within the context of this universe, because I think it’s something I’d have a lot of fun working with, but this is not the fic for that.

#Quinlan Vos #Obi Wan Kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #QuinObi #anakin and obi wan #obi wan and anakin #disaster lineage #time travel #dimension hopping #omegaverse #SW Suddenly Omegaverse #past anidala #star wars #the clone wars #nesting #grooming #scenting #we went fully weird with this and I'm not apologizing... much #Phoenix Posts

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army-of-mai-lovers · 3 years

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in which I get progressively angrier at the various tropes of atla fandom misogyny

tbh I think it would serve all of us to have a larger conversation about the specific ways misogyny manifests in this fandom, because I’ve seen a lot of people who characterize themselves as feminists, many of whom are women themselves, discuss the female characters of atla/lok in misogynistic ways, and people don’t talk about it enough.

disclaimer before I start: I’m not a woman, I’m an afab nonbinary person who is semi-closeted and thus often read as a woman. I’m speaking to things that I’ve seen that have made me uncomfy, but if any women (esp women existing along other axes of oppression, e.g. trans women, women of color, disabled women, etc) want to add onto this post, please do!

“This female character is a total badass but I’m not even a little bit interested in exploring her as a human being.”

I’ve seen a lot of people say of various female characters in atla/lok, “I love her! She’s such a badass!” now, this statement on its own isn’t misogynistic, but it represents a pretty pervasive form of misogyny that I’ve seen leveled in large part toward the canon female love interests of one or both of the members of a popular gay ship (*cough* zukka *cough*) I’m going to use Suki as an example of this because I see it with her most often, but it can honestly be applied to nearly every female character in atla/lok. Basically, people will say that they stan Suki, but when it comes time to engage with her as an actual character, they refuse to do it. I’ve seen meta after meta about Zuko’s redemption arc, but I so rarely see people engage with Suki on any level beyond “look at this cool fight scene!” and yeah, I love a cool Suki fight scene as much as anybody else, but I’m also interested in meta and headcanons and fics about who she is as a person, when she isn’t an accessory to Sokka’s development or doing something cool. of course, the material for this kind of engagement with Suki is scant considering she doesn’t have a canon backstory (yet) (don’t let me down Faith Erin Hicks counting on you girl) but with the way I’ve seen people in this fandom expand upon canon to flesh out male characters, I know y’all have it in you to do more with Suki, and with all the female characters, than you currently do. frankly, the most engagement I’ve seen with Suki in mainstream fandom is justifying either zukki (which again, is characterizing her in relation to male characters, one of whom she barely interacts with in canon) or one of the Suki wlw pairings. which brings me to--

“I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”

now, I will admit, two of my favorite atla ships are yueki and mailee, and so I totally understand being interested in these characters’ dynamics, even if, as is the case with yueki, they’ve never interacted canonically. however, it becomes a problem for me when these ships are always in the background of a zukka fic. at some point, it becomes obvious that you like this ship because it gets either Zuko or Sokka’s female love interests out of the way, not because you actually think the characters would mesh well together. It’s bad form to dislike a female character because she gets in the way of your gay ship, so instead, you find another girl to pair her off with and call it a day. to be clear, I’m not saying that everybody who ships either mailee or yueki (or tysuki or maisuki or yumai or whatever other wlw rarepair involving Zuko or Sokka’s canon love interests) is nefariously trying to sideline a female character while acting publicly as if she’s is one of their faves--far from it--but it is noteworthy to me how difficult it is to find content that centers wlw ships, while it’s incredibly easy to find content that centers zukka in which mailee and/or yueki plays a background role.

also, notice how little traction wlw Katara ships gain in this fandom. when’s the last time you saw yuetara on your dash? there’s no reason for wlw Katara ships to gain traction in a fandom that is so focused on Zuko and Sokka getting together, bc she doesn’t present an immediate obstacle to that goal (at least, not an obstacle that can be overcome by pairing her up with a woman). if you are primarily interested in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship, and your queer readings of other female characters are motivated by a desire to get them out of the way for zukka, then Katara’s canon m/f relationship isn’t a threat to you, and thus, there’s no reason to read her as potentially queer. Or even, really, to think about her at all.

“Katara’s here but she’s not actually going to do anything, because deep down, I’m not interested in her as a person.”

the show has an enormous amount of textual evidence to support the claim that Sokka and Katara are integral parts of each other’s lives. so, she typically makes some kind of appearance in zukka content. sometimes, her presence in the story is as an actual character with layers and nuance, someone whom Sokka cares about and who cares about Sokka in return, but also has her own life and goals outside of her brother (or other male characters, for that matter.) sometimes, however, she’s just there because halfway through writing the author remembered that Sokka actually has a sister who’s a huge part of the show they’re writing fanfiction for, and then they proceed to show her having a meetcute with Aang or helping Sokka through an emotional problem, without expressing wants or desires outside of those characters. I’m honestly really surprised that I haven’t seen more people calling out the fact that so much of Katara’s personality in fanon revolves around her connections to men? she’s Aang’s girlfriend, she’s Sokka’s sister, she’s Zuko’s bestie. never mind that in canon she spends an enormous amount of time fighting against (anachronistic, Westernized) sexism to establish herself as a person in her own right, outside of these connections. and that in canon she has such interesting complex relationships with other female characters (e.g. Toph, Kanna, Hama, Korra if you want to write lok content) or that there are a plethora of characters with whom she could have interesting relationships with in fanon (Mai, Suki, Ty Lee, Yue, Smellerbee, and if you want to write lok content, Kya II, Lin, Asami, Senna, etc). to me, the lack of fandom material exploring Katara’s relationships with other women or with herself speak to a profound indifference to Katara as a character. I’m not saying you have to like Katara or include her in everything you write, but I am asking you to consider why you don’t find her interesting outside of her relationships with men.

“I hate Katara because she talks about her mother dying too often.”

this is something I’ve seen addressed by people far more qualified than I to address it, but I want to mention it here in part because when I asked people which fandom tropes they wanted me to talk about, this came up often, but also because I find it really disgusting that this is a thing that needs to be addressed at all. Y’all see a little girl who watched her mother be killed by the forces of an imperialist nation and say that she talks about it too much??? That is a formational, foundational event in a child’s life. Of course she’s going to talk about it. I’ve seen people say that she doesn’t talk about it that often, or that she only talks about it to connect with other victims of fn imperialism e.g. Jet and Haru, but frankly, she could speak about it every episode for no plot-significant reason whatsoever and I would still be angry to see people say she talks about it too much. And before you even bring up the Sokka comparison, people deal with grief in different ways. Sokka repressed a lot of his grief/channeled it into being the “man” of his village because he knew that they would come for Katara next if he gave them the opportunity. he probably would talk about his mother more if a) he didn’t feel massive guilt at not being able to remember what she looked like, and b) he was allowed to be a child processing the loss of his mother instead of having to become a tiny adult when Hakoda had to leave to help fight the fn. And this gets into an intersection with fandom racism, in that white fans (esp white American fans) are incapable of relating to the structural trauma that both Sokka and Katara experience and thus can’t see the ways in which structural trauma colors every single aspect of both of their characters, leading them to flatten nuance and to have some really bad takes. And you know what, speaking of bad fandom takes--

“Shitting on Mai because she gets in the way of my favorite Zuko ship is actually totally okay because she’s ~abusive~”

y’all WHAT.

ok listen, I get not liking maiko. I didn’t like it when I first got into fandom, and later I realized that while bryke cannot write romance to save their lives, fans who like maiko sure can, so I changed my tune. but if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. no skin off my back.

what IS skin off my back is taking instances in which Mai had justified anger toward Zuko, and turning it into “Mai abused Zuko.” do you not realize how ridiculous you sound? this is another thing where I get so angry about it that I don’t know how useful my analysis is actually going to be, but I’ll do my best. numerous people have noted how analysis of Mai and Zuko’s breakup in “The Beach” or Mai being justifiably angry with him at Boiling Rock or her asking for FUCKING FRUIT in “Nightmares and Daydreams” that says that all of these events were her trying to gain control over him is....ahhh...lacking in reading comprehension, but I’d like to go a step further and talk about why y’all are so intent on taking down a girl who doesn’t show emotion in normative ways. obviously, there’s a “Zuko can do no wrong” aspect to Mai criticism (which is super weird considering how his whole arc is about how he can do lots of wrong and he has to atone for the wrong that he’s done--but that’s a separate post.) But I also see slandering Mai for not expressing her emotions normatively and not putting up with Zuko’s shit and slandering Katara for “talking about her mother too often” as two sides of the same coin. In both cases, a female character expresses emotions that make you, the viewer, uncomfortable, and so instead of attempting to understand where those emotions may have come from and why they might be manifesting the way they are, y’all just throw the whole character away. this is another instance of people in the fandom being fundamentally disinterested in engaging with the female characters of atla in a real way, except instead of shallowly “stanning” Mai, y’all hate her. so we get to this point where female characters are flattened into one of two things: perfect queens who can do no wrong, or bitches. and that’s not who they are. that’s not who anyone is. but while we as a fandom are pretty good at understanding b1 Zuko’s actions as layered and multifaceted even though he’s essentially an asshole then, few are willing to lend the same grace to any female character, least of all Mai.

and what’s funny is sometimes this trope will intersect with “I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”, so you’ll have someone actively calling Mai toxic/problematic/abusive, and at the same time ship her with Ty Lee? make it make sense! but then again, maybe that’s happening because y’all are fundamentally disinterested in Ty Lee as a character too.

“I love Ty Lee so much that I’m going to treat her like an infantilized hypersexual airhead!”

there are so many things happening in y’alls characterization of Ty Lee that I struggled to synthesize it into one quippy section header. on one hand, you have the hypersexualization, and on the other hand, you have the infantilization, which just makes the hypersexualization that much worse.

(of course, sexualizing or hypersexualizing ANY atla character is really not the move, considering that these are child characters in a children’s show, but then again, that’s a separate post.)

now, I understand how, from a very, very surface reading of the text, you could come to the conclusion that Ty Lee is an uncomplicated bimbo. if you grew up on Western media the way I did, you’ll know that Ty Lee has a lot of the character traits we associate with bimbos: the form-fitting pink crop top, the general conventional attractiveness, the ditzy dialogue. but if you think about it for more than three seconds, you’ll understand that Ty Lee has spent her whole life walking a tightrope, trying to please Azula and the rest of the royal family while also staying true to herself. Ty Lee and Azula’s relationship is a really complex and interesting topic that I don’t really have time to explore at the moment given how long this post is, but I’d argue that Ty Lee’s constant, vocal adulation is at least partially a product of learning to survive at court at an early age. Like Mai, she has been forced to regulate her emotions as a member of fn nobility, but unlike Mai, she also has six sisters who look exactly like her, so she has a motivation to be more peppy and more affectionate to stand out.

fandom does not do the work to understand Ty Lee. as is a theme with this post, fandom is actively disinterested in investigating female characters beyond a very surface level reading of them. Thus, fandom takes Ty Lee’s surface level qualities--her love of the color pink, her revealing standard outfit, and the fact that once she found a boy attractive and also once a lot of boys found her attractive--and they stretch this into “Ty Lee is basically Karen Smith from Mean Girls.” thus, Ty Lee is painted as a bimbo, or more specifically, as not smart, uncritically adoring of Azula (did y’all forget all the non-zukka bits of Boiling Rock?), and attractive to the point of hypersexualization. I saw somebody make a post that was like “I wish mailee was more popular but I’m also glad it isn’t because otherwise people would write it as Mai having to put up with her dumb gf” and honestly I have to agree!! this is one instance in which I’m glad that fandom doesn’t discuss one of my favorite characters that often because I hate the fanon interpretation of Ty Lee, I think it’s rooted in misogyny (particularly misogyny against East Asian women, which often takes the form of fetishizing them and viewing them only through a Western white male gaze)

(side note: here at army-of-mai-lovers, we stan bimbos. bimbos are fucking awesome. I personally don’t read Ty Lee as a bimbo, but if that’s you, that’s fucking awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, queen <3 or king or monarch, it’s 2021, anyone can be a bimbo, bitches <3)

“Toph can and will destroy everyone here with her bare hands because she’s a meathead who likes to murder people and that’s it!”

Toph is, and always has been, one of my favorite ATLA characters. My very first fic in fandom was about her, and she appears prominently in a lot of my other work as well. One thing that I am always struck by with Toph is how big a heart she has. She’s independent, yes, snarky, yes, but she cares about people--even the family that forced her to make herself smaller because they didn’t believe that their blind daughter could be powerful and strong. Her storyline is powerful and emotionally resonant, her bending is cool precisely because it’s based in a “wait and listen” approach instead of just smashing things indiscriminately, she’s great disabled rep, and overall one of the best characters in the show.

And in fandom, she gets flattened into “snarky murder child.”

So where does this come from? Well, as we all know, Toph was originally conceived of as a male character, and retained a lot of androgyny (or as the kids call it, Gender) when she was rewritten as a female character. There are a lot of cultural ideas about androgynous/butch women being violent, and people in fandom seem to connect that larger cultural narrative with some of Toph’s more violent moments in the show to create the meathead murder child trope, erasing her canon emotionality, softness, heart, and femininity in the process.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t write or characterize Toph as being violent or snarky at all ever, because yeah, Toph definitely did do Earth Rumbles a lot before joining the gaang, and yeah, Toph is definitely a sarcastic person who makes fun of her friends a lot. What I am saying is that people take these traits, sans the emotional logic, marry them to their conception of androgynous/butch women as violent/unemotional/uncaring, and thus create a caricature of Toph that is not at all up to snuff. When I see Toph as a side character in a fic (because yeah, Toph never gets to be a main character, because why would a fandom obsessed with one male character in particular ever make Toph a protagonist in her own right?) she’s making fun of people, killing people, pranking people, etc, etc. She’s never talking to people about her emotions, or palling around with her found family, or showing that she cares about her friends. Everything about her relationship with her parents, her disability, her relationship to Gender, and her love of her friends is shoved aside to focus on a version of Toph that is mean and uncaring because people have gotten it into their heads that androgynous/butch women are mean and uncaring.

again, we see a female character who does not emote normatively or in a way that makes you, the viewer, comfortable, and so you warp her character until she’s completely unrecognizable and flat. and for what?

Azula

no, I didn’t come up with a snappy name for this section, mainly because fanon interpretations of Azula and my own feelings toward the character are...complicated. I know there were some people who wanted me to write about Azula and the intersection of misogyny and ableism in fanon interpretations of her character, but I don’t think I can deliver on that because I personally am in a period of transition with how I see Azula. that is to say, while I still like her and believe that she can be redeemed, there is a lot of merit to disliking her. the whole point of this post is that the female characters of ATLA are complex people whom the fandom flattens into stereotypes that don’t hold up to scrutiny, or dislike for reasons that don’t make sense. Azula, however, is a different case. the rise of Azula defenders and Azula stans has led to this sentiment that Azula is a 14 y/o abuse victim who shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. it seems to me that people are reacting to a long, horrible legacy of male ATLA fans armchair diagnosing Azula with various personality disorders (and suggesting that people with those personality disorders are inherently monstrous and unlovable which ahhhh....yikes) and then saying that those personality disorders make her unlovable, which is quite obviously bad. and hey, I get loving a character that everyone else hates and maybe getting so swept up in that love that you forget that your fave is complicated and has made some unsavory choices. it sucks that fanon takes these well-written, complex villains/antiheroes and turns them into monsters with no critical thought whatsoever. but the attitude among Azula stans that her redemption shouldn’t be hard, that her being a child excuses all of the bad things that she’s done, that she is owed redemption....all of that rubs me the wrong way. I might make another post about this in the future that discusses this in more depth, but as it stands now: while I understand that there is a legacy of misogynistic, ableist, unnuanced takes on Azula, the backlash to that does not take into account the people she hurt or the fact that in ATLA she does not make the choice to pursue redemption. and yes, Zuko had help in making that choice that Azula didn’t, and yes, Azula is a victim of abuse, but in a show about children who have gone through untold horrors and still work to better the lives of the people around them, that is not enough for me to uncritically stan her.

Conclusion

misogyny in this fandom runs rampant. while there are some tropes of fandom misogyny that are well-documented and have been debunked numerous times, there are other, subtler forms of misogyny that as far as I know have gone completely unchecked.

what I find so interesting about misogyny in atla fandom is that it’s clear that it’s perpetrated by people who are aware of fandom misogyny who are actively trying not to be misogynistic. when I first joined atla fandom last summer, memes about how zukka fandom was better than every other fandom because they didn’t hate the female characters who got in the way of their gay ship were extremely prevalent, and there was this sense that *this* fandom was going to model respectful, fun, feminist online fandom. not all of the topes I’ve outlined are exclusive to or even largely utilized in zukka fandom, but a lot of them are. I’ve been in and out of fandom since I was eleven years old, and most of the fandom spaces I’ve been in have been majority-female, and all of them have been incredibly misogynistic. and I always want to know why. why, in these communities created in large part by women, in large part for women, does misogyny run wild? what I realize now is that there’s never going to be a one-size fits all answer to that question. what’s true for 1D fandom on Wattpad in 2012 is absolutely not true for atla fandom on tumblr in 2021. the answers that I’ve cobbled together for previous fandoms don’t work here.

so, why is atla fandom like this? why did the dream of a feminist fandom almost entirely focused on the romantic relationship between two male characters fall apart? honestly, I think the notion that zukka fandom ever was this way was horrifically ignorant to begin with. from my very first moment in the fandom, I was seeing racism, widespread sexualization of minors, and yes, misogyny. these aspects of the fandom weren’t talked about as much as the crocverse or other, much more fun aspects. further, atla (specifically zukka) fandom misogyny often doesn’t look like the fandom misogyny we’ve become familiar with from like, Sherlock fandom or what have you. for the most part, people don’t actively hate Suki, they just “stan” without actually caring about her. they hate Mai because they believe in treating male victims of abuse equally. they’re not characterizing Toph poorly, they’re writing her as a “strong woman.” in short, people are misogynistic, and then invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of feminist theory to shield themselves from accusations of misogyny. it’s not unlike the way some people will invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of critical race theory to shield themselves from accusations of racism, or how they’ll talk about “freedom of speech” and “the suppression of women’s sexuality” to justify sexualizing minors. the performance of feminism and antiracism is what’s important, not the actual practice.

if you’ve made it this far, first off, hi, thanks so much for reading, I know this was a lot. second, I would seriously encourage you to be aware of these fandom tropes and to call them out when you see them. elevate the voices of fans who do the work of bringing the female characters of atla to life. invest in the wlw ships in this fandom. drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic (please, drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic). read some yuetara. let’s all be honest about where we are now, and try to do better in the future. I believe in us.

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