#the ''funny'' part is that over the last two years I've continued running this blog through each of those things individually

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

May I ask why you are posting less frequently?? Just wondering, as I noticed.

Yes, you may ask! No worries. For nearly two years now I've made it a goal of mine to keep the queue full come hell and high water. That is still the goal. As you probably know, I added a couple more mods to the team to help keep up with rising numbers, but life tends to Happen and for a while there it was happening to all of us at once. I did my best to keep things running and the others helped out when I couldn't, but I'm sure there was still a noticeable slowdown for a little while there.

As for this week...well, on the irl side things got a bit much even for me to keep up with. But I'm aiming to have it back up and running at a much more normal pace! Just as soon as I get a little more adjusted to the new circumstances. This little corner of the internet is a thing I'm still very invested in the upkeep of, and it pains me to see the queue at zero - but it hopefully won't happen again. If it does, though, know that I am looking forward to the earliest possible time I can post more frequently again. Hope that clears some things up!

~ Mod Shade

#mod shade #not a headcanon #q&a #I really do try to avoid getting personal on this blog，but just for a frame of reference here (and because honestly. it's a little funny) #in the last month or so i have #gained a chronic illness #done a really taxing exam period #moved house #started a full time job #and some assorted other spanners in the works that are a bit too specific to get into #the ''funny'' part is that over the last two years I've continued running this blog through each of those things individually #at different points #but yeah turns out all at once is a little bit much for me to keep the ol queue ticking :) #once I've got a few less boxes and a bit more routine around here things should fall into place again #physical health permitting #thank you for your patience <33

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

Authors On THG Writing Hiatus Masterlist (11)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 /

***Active (on this blog) is defined as a blog/writer who has updated within the past year. Inactive (on this blog) is defined as a blog/writer that has not been updated at all in the past year+. On THG Writing Hiatus (on this blog) is a blog/writer who has updated within the past year but has not posted a fanfic in the fandom in the past year BUT they may return to writing in the future. Lists will be updated as needed based on activity. ***

Created: December 27th, 2023

Last Checked:---

78bathsheba :: ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: Seven Years-Peeta was in the hospital garden, hands in the dirt planting herbs, when the good Dr. Aurelius came to tell him he could go home. “Where will you be going now?” he asked, and only Peeta could hear the undercurrent of excitement that laced the question. There it is, he thought wearily. Even the man who knows my deepest, darkest secrets expects me to go running back to District 12. To her. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “I think I'm just going to travel for a bit.” He could almost hear the doctor’s heart breaking over the sound of his own.

Ally147writes :: ao3, everlark fanfic gifts, everlark fanfic exchange, tumblr

Popular Fic: Cake Crumbs-A collection of all the stories and drabbles I've contributed to Everlark Birthday Gifts on Tumblr. Ratings will change depending on the story. If not otherwise stated, assume each chapter hovers around a T rating.

annieoakley1 :: ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: The First Time-Everlark the summer of 2012. When Peeta is about to go off to college, Katniss starts to see him in a different light.

asmileyoucouldbottle :: ao3, writing tumblr, main tumblr

Popular fic: always and together-One night, Katniss hears Peeta upset from night terrors, and goes to him. There, she makes a vow to herself and him to stop pushing him away and stand by him. Takes place a month after Peeta and Katniss move back to District 12.

everlarktoast :: ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: Study Date-Katniss and Peeta are keeping their relationship hidden from their conservative parents, but what happens when Mr. Everdeen finds them kissing during an innocent study date? A fluffy, cute, funny and a lil bit sexy ever lark drabble (I'm ktanissevrdeen on Tumblr, come say hi!)

Gamemakers :: ao3, ffnet, tumblr

Popular Fic: Quicksilver-Dearest Diary, Two events of note occurred today. First, I realized that Peeta Mellark, who just yesterday I considered an ally and possible friend, is an irredeemable prat. Second, I became betrothed to him. London, 1793. After a life spent on her family’s country estate, the time has finally come for the Everdeen sisters to be introduced to the London elite. Katniss will do anything to ensure her younger sister does not fall into the wrong hands, but surrounded by strangers, she has no way of judging Prim’s many suitors’ intentions. Enter Peeta Mellark, the youngest brother of the Earl of Panem and a longtime fixture of the ton. He seems the perfect ally, but Peeta has intentions of his own, and Katniss’ spinsterhood may not be as safe as she believes.

JavisTG :: ao3, ff.net, tumblr

Popular Fic: One VictorThe hot summer sun-kissed Katniss' cheeks, and she felt its warmth spreading throughout her body. The tiniest of smiles danced on her lips. But this wasn't the right time for public displays of euphoria. Not when Tessa Monroe, the 15-year-old girl old whose name had been called, was making her way towards the stage in front of them; walking in a straight line towards imminent death. Canon-divergent "what-if". Prim isn't reaped.

jeeno2 :: ao3, ffnet, tumblr

Popular Fic: Little Green"Hi," Peeta says quietly; almost shyly. "I'm your daddy, and…" His voice cracks on the word daddy, and Katniss' heart clenches painfully inside her chest. "I'm your daddy," Peeta continues. Stronger this time. "I've waited so very long to meet you." A post-Mockingjay AU.

thegirlonpeetamellark :: ao3, ff.net, tumblr

Popular Fic: Next to You"She closed her eyes and saw his perfectly chiseled face and then imagined those boxers of his falling to the floor before he got in the shower. The last thing she needed was to be attracted to Rye Mellark's older brother." Desperate for a place to live, Katniss moves in with her friend, Rye, who has always had a crush on her. Then she meets his older brother, Peeta. Modern Day AU.

titania522 :: ao3, prompts in panem, tumblr

Popular Fic: Good Again-"The sun was rising, fingers of glorious orange, red and yellow crawling across the sky. The window appeared as a frame around a picture, dawn’s ascent bursting from the folds of a delicate skirt the color of burnt copper. I sighed and turned back to Peeta, holding his hand against my cheek." After all they have experienced, Katniss and Peeta realize that things can be good again. *Winner of the Everlark Smut Awards for Best Shower Scene and Second Place for Best Mockingjay Smut* Winner for Best Growing Together Fic - Nighlockrecs Reader's Choice Awards

#masterlist #everlark fanfiction #thg fanfiction #everlark #thg #writing-hiatus authors #writing-hiatus #writing-hiatus authors masterlist

[koolkat9]

What are you favorite germany/England fics?

Oh boy I've got a long list.

Basically anything by TeethHoarder. I’m going to sound like a broken record, but I always want to give  credit where credit is due: Teeth was a big inspiration for me when it came to headcanons and figuring out Ludwig's characterization so they’re my go to when anyone asks for fics. They're also here on tumblr under that username and run the ask blog asking-gereng. Sorry, I got a bit carried away. Here are my favorite fics by them:

Are Friends Electric- My favorite fanfic ever. It hasn’t been completed yet, but last time I talked to Teeth they were wanting to continue it saying they were so close to finishing. Even incomplete it is such a compelling read and everything I could ever want from a GerEng fic. There is hurt/comfort, bonding over music, them taking care of Peter, angst, fluff, a good friendship between Arthur and Francis and Ludwig and Feli. It’s wonderful, I could never recommend it enough. It does get heavy and dark later on with drug use and a suicide attempt, but if that isn’t too much for you, I couldn’t recommend it more. 

The Natural Underneath- A paranormal mystery based au. Normally I don’t like reading things tagged character death, but it’s so compelling with my favorite ship so I couldn’t stay away. It is also not complete yet, but apparently it’s also pretty close to being done. But again, like with the previous fic, it’s still a great read even with it not being complete yet.

This kiss prompt- Just super sweet, hurt/comfort with Arthur getting upset and Ludwig comforting him and ugh...Always one of my go to reads if I’m feeling down or stressed. 

——————————————————————————

Okay I’ve answered part of this ask before so I’m just going to copy and paste what I wrote for that, that way there is a complete list of my GerEng fic recs:

There is @/iship2muchshit who goes by IMAGI_nation over on ao3. She tends to write GerFra and Fruk, but she does got some GerEng in there and the best GerFruk out there. But you asked for GerEng so here are their GerEng fics, all sweet, but also humorous!

Falling in love with a stranger because he did not send you a dickpic is setting the bar quite low to be honest. (as you could assume it’s a bit mature, but nothing explicit). It’s very funny and really shows Ludwig and Arthur being the awkward dorks they are. Unfortunately, she hasn’t updated it in awhile, but she’s still hard at work on other fics.

The Great Eurovision Betrayal. It’s a fun read. They get tipsy together, watch Eurovision, kiss the whole shebang! This was actually the inspiration for my recent nsfw fic though my fic was based on this year’s results while Imagi’s is based on last year’s. 

How a forgotten USB stick made Francis’ day. This is actually a prompt I suggested using one of my favorite dialogue tropes (don’t know if that’s the right word?).

Arthur likes tall blondes. What a way to start a relationship! That’s all I’ll say.

——————————————————————————

Then we’ve got @/infusions-and-truths though I think you’ve already heard of them. They’ve done some GerEng stuff to and I love their writing a whole bunch:

So… I brought a Zoo? A cute little fic with Ludwig holding a cute bunny.

Rest your hands my dear: Soft affection, one of my favorite things!

What the Fae Queen Wants: This is based on a fairy au someone in my GerEng server shared and we discussed. Basically where a human Ludwig gets spoiled by his Fairy Queen lover Arthur while also making sure Arthur behaves.

Make Notes Out of Love AU: I don’t explore it often in my own writing, but I love to see a rivalry fic with Lud and Art.

This one doesn’t have a title, but it’s a really cute chessverse fic. They love to make chessverse au GerEng stuff and I love that!

——————————————————————————

Some other fics from mutuals of mine:

You Look Cute When You’re Tired: Just some cute fluff with a tired Ludwig!

Maybe Tonight Wasn’t So Bad: Very cute nyo GerEng! Dancing the night away!

Two men on a couch: A fluffy sick fic! What more can I say?

——————————————————————————

And here is a few others not from mutuals of mine:

Das Perfekte Geschenk: Just a cute little holiday fic with Ludwig trying to surprise Arthur.

A Break from Work: Ludwig needs a break and Arthur will make sure he’ll have one. Same author as the previous fic listed.

Weihnachtskeksen: Another fluffy Christmas fic! Just some cute Christmas morning stuff.

Telling Scary Stories in the Dark: Some fluff as the two share scary stories!

An Englishman under a tree: Some more Christmas fluff, because Christmas is their holiday.

Warmth: Some cute Ludwig mumbling in his sleep.

Night Like This: I’m so sad this fic got discontinued, but this fic is so well written and the dynamic and au idea is amazing! I’m working on a road trip au and while brainstorming ideas I kept thinking back to this fic so I think I’ll have to go back to it when I go to write my au. 

Here We Go Again: Dramatic, sad, but also sweet.

We Were Alive Together: Sad ending, but super cute slideshow of their relationship.

The Telephone Rings: Also sad, but with a hopeful ending of healing together.

This one doesn’t really have a title, but its a cute mermaid au and I love it!

Another one with out a title, but it’s a very nice hurt/comfort fic about the mental toll it is to be a nation.

#hetalia #hws #gereng #engger #geruk #hws england #hws germany #fanfiction recommendations #fanfiction rec list

[bisluthq]

I'm Black & Asian (South), and speaking ONLY for myself here and for no one else, I have forgiven Camila for those Tumblr reblogs.

While age doesn't excuse ignorant behavior, and the adults around kids absolutely have a responsibility to teach them that any kind of discriminatory jokes or language is NOT okay at all, it does make a difference to me that she was 14 when she reblogged those racist "jokes".

If she'd been like 17 or 18, I would have been like... Nah, fuck that.

And if the stuff had been recent, then I would basically hate her. But it was from 2011-2012 which was almost an entire decade ago now.

I was actually kinda pissed at her for like a whole year though. I didn't really know much about her back then, but I just heard about that, and so I was just like, "Ugh, I don't like her." And like I had this real distaste for her.

But I have forgiven her now. For me, another thing that made me forgive her was when I found out that some of the claims that people were spreading around online weren't actually true.

Like I'd been told that she'd had an "entire blog dedicated to racism" because that's what some people on Stan Twitter were saying, and so I was like, "Fucking yikes 😬"

But then I found out recently that it was actually a regular personal/fan blog that she'd had from ages 13 to early 15 and that it was mostly just made up of regular content and that there'd been about 8 racist "jokes" reblogged in total during that time.

And again, that still doesn't excuse it, and I still think that 14 year old Camila was an ignorant idiot and somebody that I absolutely would NOT have vibed with at all. But if the "entire blog dedicated to racism" claim had turned out to be true, I would never have forgiven her tbh. Even if she was 14.

But when I found out that that claim wasn't true, it did affect my opinion a lot. Because to me, reblogging 8 racist "jokes" (and I'm saying "jokes" in quotes because I don't think that racist jokes should be considered humor at all because they're really not funny at all and are just stupid and annoying) is very different to me than running an entire racist blog which is what some stans had been saying.

I'd say I'm like a casual fan of her now. Definitely not a stan (I'm not invested in her enough to stan her, and also, Shawmila kinda annoys me), but I do follow her on Instagram and listen to some of her music, and I know more about her than I did before.

I do think she's seemed to show a lot of growth and change over the last decade. And I've seen a lot of actual Black people that know her or that have met her in real life saying she's a kind person and that she's changed, so I'm taking their word for it too.

But again, only speaking for myself here. Out of my family: My dad likes some of her music (mainly Havana) and has forgiven her. My mum has forgiven her, but she hates her lmao (but not for the Tumblr stuff, just because she finds her annoying which is fair tbh 💀). Two of my sisters have forgiven her and are like very casual fans of her, but one of my sisters HATES her and always calls her racist, and that's fine imo. POC aren't a monolith. We have different opinions, and it's weird when white people expect us all to have the same opinions on things as if we're a hive mind or something.

My brother doesn't really care about her either way. Like he doesn't have an opinion at all.

And her new project, I do think the intentions behind it are mostly genuine considering that it's specifically focused on mental health support towards activists working for grassroots organisations that are led by and focused on POC, and Camila's been advocating for mental health for several years.

But even if it's not genuine, I don't really care tbh because this is something that's going to do ACTUAL good either way. Like when celebrities write their like social justice Instagram captions and stuff, I'm like, "...Okay, cool, this is fine and all, but please actually open your wallet 🤦‍♀️"

And so I'm glad that Camila's actually investing a lot of money into this project that will actually directly help people and do good, and I'm glad that she's been promoting these grassroots organisations on Instagram and handing her account over to them because really, who cares about what she has to say? I mean, she absolutely should have apologised, and I'm glad she did, but in the end, words are just words. So, I'm glad that she's actually putting in real effort and doing something that will actually effect real change in local communities.

So yeah, I've forgiven her, and I don't think she's racist. But again, that's just my opinion, and other POC (like my sister) are allowed to dislike her and be wary of her. And it annoys me when white stans act like we HAVE to forgive her because we don't. But I do think that she's a decent person personally, and I do like her for the most part.

I just really hope that she continues this project and keeps it going. If she drops it next year, I will be disappointed, and I'll probably stop being a fan tbh. She has to carry it on because it's important work, and she does kind of owe it to us since she wasn't exactly the best ally as a teenager :/

But yeah, I'm good with her now. I do find her personality a little bit too extra for my liking, but I don't think she's a bad person or anything, just slightly annoying sometimes. I don't like it when girls scream or like act over the top, but besides that, I think she's fine tbh.

This is really thoughtful thanks for sharing.

#nat talks camila

[lancetuckershairgel]

Summary: Chris parts ways with his job, Lucy meets the new resource officer.

Word count: 1,515

Warnings: language, mention of pre meditated self harm, angst

Tag List: @southernbell91 @book-dragon-13 @marvelgirl7 @jobean12-blog @anxiousamandapanda @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety (if you would like to be added or removed from the tag list let me know)

It was Friday, the day of the goodbye rally the school had insisted on holding for Chris. He understood their reasoning, but it wasn't his thing. He gave his speech, thanking the schools staff and students for a wonderful four years, his eyes scanning the gymnasium for any sign of Lucy and frowning when he couldn't find her. He made his way back to his office to begin packing up and his eyes trailed over the shelves of the bookcase. It was filled with gifts from students, drawings some of the more artistic kids had given him, and a few knick knacks hed purchased to make his office a little less drab. He placed the items one by one into a box, the last thing he reached for being the completed Rubix cube. He picked it up and held it in his hand, thinking about all of the times Lucy had spent in his office. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts and he turned to see Erin, the new resource officer, standing there.

"Come in, I was just finishing up. Make yourself comfortable and I'll give you the run down."

Erin smiled and took a seat behind the desk, looking it over. Chris told her about her new duties: attending the ROTC meetings on Wednesdays, the yearly safety course, and the typical day to day handling the problem kids. 

"Any particular ones I should know about?" 

"They're all good kids, really, but there's a few you'll probably see more than others. Jason's  abit of a bully. Spoiled quarterback, thinks everyone owes him something, you just gotta watch out for how he treats the smaller kids, tends to push them around. Neveah has an attitude, she tends to mouth off a lot to the teachers and skips class. We caught her vaping in the bathroom earlier this year." He paused, realizing that he was still holding the Rubix cube "Then there's Lucy…you'll see her the most, I hope."

"You hope?" Erin's eyebrows rose

"She's..different. Incredibly smart, but stubborn as hell. She wants something she's gonna make sure she gets it and same with if she doesn't. She's going to do what she wants regardless, and there's a definite disregard for authority. The kids got a hard life, I think she's just watching out for herself until she can get out of here."

"Sounds like someone else I know." Erin chuckled with a wink to Chris 

"Yeah" Chris laughed, rubbing the back of his neck "She spent a lot of time in here and I hope she continues to come when she needs to. If you don't mind, I want to leave the chair for her. She's pretty pissed at me right now." 

Chris pointed to the white saucer chair that Lucy preferred. 

"I don't mind at all, whatever helps." 

Chris and Erin talked for a bit more, a little more about Lucy and mostly about the technical aspects of the job. Lockdown drills, bag checks, when to use force on a student. Most things Erin knew from her training, but Chris had some tips anyway. 

"I should get going. I need to get set up at the elementary school and have a meeting with the staff. Good luck, Erin."

Erin stood and gave Chris a hug before closing the door behind him as he left with his box. She looked around the bare office, already planning what to add to it to brighten it up. 

Chris placed his box down on the bench in the front office and asked the secretary to page Lucy to the front. She didn't come to the rally, which didn't surprise him, but he couldn't leave without a proper goodbye. Lucy appeared in the office doorway and rolled her eyes when she saw Chris waiting for her. She turned to leave but Chris followed her, calling after her to stop. 

"Lucy, wait. Don't do this." 

"What do you want, Officer." 

Chris sighed. She called him "Officer" when she was mad. Not just mad at the world, but mad at him, personally. 

"I wanted to check on you. You ok?"

"I'm fine." Lucy crossed her arms. Looking at him sternly 

"You sure?"

"Aren't you leaving? Why do you care if I'm okay or not?" 

"I care, you kn-"

"If you cared you wouldn't leave."

"You know it isn't that easy" 

"Right, because you have yourself to look after, yeah? Being here doesn't work for you anymore so fuck everyone who needs you.".

Chris frowned, guilt rising. 

"The new officer, she knows what to do. Shes good, funny. The kids are going to love her. You'll love her."

"I don't want to."

"Give her a chance, Luce."

"Why? So she can leave me too?" 

Chris went to reply but Lucy flipped him off and stormed back to class. He sighed, turning back to the office and was greeted with a look from the secretary.  He shrugged before he grabbed the box and left, getting in his car and making his way to his new job. 

--

Erin made her way around the building, becoming familiar with the layout and introducing herself to anyone she came across. Some of the kids seemed a bit intimidated by the presence of a new cop but Erin's warm smile and the few jokes she cracked eased their minds a little. She was making her way up the tenth grade hallway when she heard a commotion coming from the girls bathroom. 

"Oh my god!"

"Should we get a teacher?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT"

Erin stepped into the bathroom and surveyed the scene. A group of girls were surrounding the handicap stall, whispering quietly. 

"I swear to God get the fuck out or I'll stab you all."

"Okay girls, let's go, back to class." 

The girls jumped and hurried out of the room, leaving Erin to peer into the stall. Sitting  against the wall was another girl dressed in ripped jeans and an oversized hoodie, the hood pulled over her face. In her hand was a pair of scissors and Erin froze, quickly assessing the situation. 

"What's going on here?"

"Go the hell away."

Erin knelt down and took a closer look at the girl. She could see streaks of tears on her cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

"Here, let me have those and let's talk. What's your name?" Erin asked softly, reaching for the scissors 

The girl jerked away from Erin and glared up at her with anger filled eyes. 

"Leave."

"I can't do that."

"Sure you can. That's what everyone always does. They leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." Erin sat next to the girl to prove her point, waving away another student who had come in "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The hard way is for me to take this as a threat either to yourself or others and forceably remove the scissors and you from the property, or you could just hand them over and we can talk about what's going on." 

Erin waited to see what choice she'd make and let out a sigh of relief when the scissors were dropped. 

"What's your name?" Erin asked as she pushed the scissors out of reach

"Lucy." 

"I'm Erin. I've heard a lot about you, Lucy."

"Yeah I'm sure you have."

"What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing."

"You had scissors. Why?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I do. I'm curious, what were you planning on doing with them?"

"Nothing." 

Chris had said that Lucy wasn't a talker. It took him a long time to get her to say more than a word to him. Erin didn't give up though. 

"Were you going to hurt yourself?" 

"Maybe."

"Why?"

Lucy shrugged. 

"Would you feel more comfortable talking to the counselor?"

"Hell no." 

"Another adult, then? A favorite teacher maybe?"

"Don't have a favorite teacher. They hate me."

"I'm sure that isn't true."

"Everyone hates me." 

"There has to be someone.."

"Chris."

Erin blinked, surprised. 

"Lucy, Chris isn't here. He's go-"

"Gone.  He left. I know."

"Is..is that why you're upset? Were you two close?"

"What? No! I couldn't stand him."

"Uhhuh...I see." Erin smiled softly, knowing what was going on "He thought very fondly of you, though."

Lucy looked over at Erin, a bit taken aback. 

"He did?" 

"He went on about how smart you are, how you had opinions and creative thoughts."

Lucy just shrugged and looked away, more tears forming. 

"You miss him, don't you?"

"No." Lucy grumbled, wiping the tears away angrily 

"It's okay to feel sad, Lucy."

"I'm not sad. I don't get sad. Im angry."

"Angry about what?"

"Everything.  Myself. He left because of me, I know he did. It's my fault all these kids lost him, and maybe...maybe if I was gone, he'd come back."

"Lucy, honey, Chris didn't leave because of you. He needed a better schedule, the elementary school gets out an hour and a half earlier than the high school. Ge has classes to attend at night. This has nothing to do with you."

"Wait"  Lucy's eyes widened "He went to the elementary school?"

"Yes...he-"

"My sister goes there." 

#destroyer!chris #sebastian stan #fan fiction #safe haven

[nvzblgrrl]

Part 1 Heyo man, I'm absolutely ecstatic that you have this whole One Piece Big Fic project in the works. I'm honestly p paranoid about interacting with words, but your works have been something I've continuously enjoyed going back to and rereading over all these years. And while you've grown and your earlier stuff feels cringe, there's a charm that Witt and Witticism and all of your earlier works have that is longlasting. And I, and apparently others, can't help but love.

Part 2 I've probably reread your fics a good thousand times by now. Like seriously I've got a good bunch of the fics you posted on AO3 saved as PDFs for my own personal reading when I feel the urge. Namely Luck of The Draw, Ultimate Symbiote, and a portion of your Chain Adventures. I've been here quietly reading for a long time and I'm gonna make sure to properly give feedback this time. Good luck in your absolutely bonkers endeavor!

Yeah, absolute mood on the ‘cringe’ part. I think the only excuse I can make for the really early stuff is that -

(this is gonna get loooong and reference child abuse + the 2000′s-2010′s meme culture, so pre-emptive apologies)

1. I had a really messed up upbringing. Not as bad as some people’s situations but still on the deeper end of bad by the ‘White American’ standard and still (albeit barely) within the bounds of Funny Sitcom Abuse Antics (at least for mid-2000′s and older stuff) most of the time. Most of it was neglect and social isolation - I pretty much left the property to go to school, church, and to visit relatives because of court-mandated visitation, the last of which probably kept me from going insane, and that was it aside from events where my dad needed an accessory to compliment his public mask - but there were some other shit mixed in that relied on the Trunchbull Rule (it has to sound too weird to be real so nobody believes it/takes it seriously) to happen.

So besides like, the PTSD from that (which has a habit of bleeding into all of my works, which you’ve probably noticed by now, lmao), I had like, zero experience on healthy relationships, social skills (well outside of a few variations on ‘messed up friendships’ and what I picked up from books, movies, and TV), and basic life skills outside of stuff like ‘boil water and follow the box directions’).

2. I got into the internet really late compared to my generation and everyone after. This was mostly because we had literally no semi-reliable internet access until I was about 11-13 and that was either the school internet or the dial-up at home (which of course was time-limited with the time shared with my brother and done on the family computer with observation in effect). Most of that was spent on like flash games or webcomics, many of which I have tried to reread only to find them gouging my soul because god what the hell was happening in 2007 - wait. Yeah.

It got better by the time we hit high school because by then we had our own computers (not scanners though, I had to pass art and passwords over to a friend of mine to get them on the internet for a couple years before we got one at home), a better internet connection, and high levels of parental disengagement as we proved to be disappointments despite our previous ‘potential’ (my dad was hoping for me to become a life-long cash cow for him, IDK what was going on with my brother and his mom), which meant I could spend more time on the internet... which at the time, meant DeviantArt and FF.net (tumblr came way, waaay at the end of my time in high school).

Yes, that’s where I started out. That should explain a good 90% of why the early stuff was Like That.

Also don’t look for my DeviantArt because I deleted the whole thing years ago, for cringe reasons - namely, a really, really stupid minor war over something I can’t even remember but it ran a lot like those old ‘Potterheads Get Your Wands’ posts, though the fact that 80% of my output towards the end were extremely banal and/or fucking insane One Piece (and occasionally Soul Eater) Demotivator Posters didn’t help.

Pictured: proof of my crimes against humanity (with some minor repeats - every single one of those demovitators are something I did and that’s not even all of them) despite my attempts to destroy the evidence, because the internet (and pinterest) never forget and often reposts without permission.

[Image description: a series of drawn images of a man. the first panel is of him looking at a computer with the subtitle ‘recognition’, the second is a close-up of him with sweat and a look of surprise on his face along with two exclamation points subtitled ‘realization’, the third and final image is an extreme close up of his intensely stressed expression subtitled ‘fear’.]

[Image description, but funny: me accidentally coming across one of those reposts a couple years ago.]

I personally can’t forget because I know my style at the time (it had a few variations, but all of them have been seared into my soul) and how inane/insane some of them read. My favorite was one that ended up turning into a word vomit about how cool Gol D. Roger was that ran so far that it didn’t fit inside the format anymore and ended up running off of the page repeatedly.

...and yes, I did make one edit that was ‘Dead or Alive? is that a trick question?’ for Brook. That one’s still circulating too.

3. While that covers a certain amount of the problems with the early work, Witt and Witticism stands out as a pinnacle because I was both using a reaction heavy style (I was pretty much doing a live-blog of my One Piece anime rewatch in fanfic form, using Witt as a mouth piece - a similar style was used with Ultimate Symbiote but fortified with a few original stories and actual non-canon stuff happening!) and going through the tail end an extreme manic period brought on by escaping (read: getting kicked out of because they were no longer socially or legally obligated to care for me anymore) my abusive childhood home + having money (from my dead mom’s social security).

Seriously, that year was bonkers. I got to go to Disneyworld, got a new cat, published an insane fic, and blew through so much money on some dumb fucking shit when my dad wasn’t stealing it because I didn’t realize he had access to my then-bank account.

Also I’m pretty sure that you can detect when my sanity/depression started reasserting itself in the last few chapters of Witt because he starts experiencing consequences, though I’m not saying you should reread it to try to locate that moment because I’m having to re-read it repeatedly for reference purposes and I don’t think anyone should have to suffer this unless they’re into that (which admittedly, might be the result of that ‘charm’ you mentioned, because I can’t otherwise account for how that fic got over a quarter of a million hits otherwise).

Not to say that all of my early stuff was bad (some of it was actually shockingly good once I found it again, even though it was flawed) but the most easily accessible stuff is... not great!

And thanks for the well-wishes. I’m gonna need that luck if I want to get through it. I look forward to the feedback!

#asks #the big fat one piece fic project #Anonymous

[ofeliaslullaby]

Fleabag Season 2: A Discourse on Love

Finally caved and watched season 2 of Fleabag. And I say caved as if I haven't been waiting for this show to come back for a solid 2 years...but I was saving it for a day when I truly needed something to rival my own stuff. I knew Fleabag would, because it had when the first season premiered in the US. The poetry of the show really has a way of putting some things into perspective. Season 1 seemed like a discourse on friendship, grief, guilt and self-worth. Season 2 felt like a discourse on love. There will be spoilers.

Firstly:

This season was a love story. Not the storybook, happily-ever-after love (There are no happily-ever-afters in Fleabagland, just there-will-be-pain-but-it-will-get-better-afters), but love in all it's grotesque complexity. After watching the season I took the "this is a love story" opener to not just be about Fleabag's ironic love for the Catholic Priest, but loving yourself (Belinda's monologue, Claire's haircut, Fleabag's new care for herself), familial love (Fleabag's relationship with her sister and father), Martin's love for Claire, and Claire's love for her work and Klare (Claire/Klare will never not be funny and cute). And the Godmother "loves" the Father and art but really I think she just loves attention and the idea of eccentrism.

The first episode hits you hard. It takes place over a year after we leave Fleabag at the end of season 1, and she's doing well, as is the guinea pig café. She is seemingly no longer blaming herself for Boo's death, no longer using sex as a form of escapism, and genuinely valuing herself. We once again get to voyeur through some of Fleabag's life moments. When it all kicks off we go from insufferable family dinner/engagement party for the Dad and the Godmother (who I didn't even remember were not married) with the Catholic Priest they got to marry them, brother-in-law Martin who we despise and the sister we haven't spoken to in over a year; to a tragic and intimate scene in the restaurant bathroom between the two sisters, and almost immediately back to the awkward dinner table where all hilarious hell breaks loose. This formula continues, as it did in the first. If you're not laughing, you're wanting to cry. Such is life, I suppose.

You get a little more context this season behind Claire and Fleabag's relationship. Like all relationships its complex (I feel like there were times when it felt like my relationship with my older sister), but there is love there. So much love. In the bathroom scene in the first episode it is obvious Fleabag is concerned for her sister, while her Claire is distraught, embarrassed, and eventually we come to find out relieved. When they get back to the table and Martin makes remarks that are clearly only hurting the Claire's feelings, Fleabag intervenes because she loves her sister and doesn't want to see her suffer anymore that night. Championing Claire to leave Martin (was rooting for this), that was love. It was obvious Martin loved Claire, he says as much in the scene, but they were not right for each other. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're meant to be (something we get shown more than once in the finale). A defining moment in their onscreen relationship is when Claire says to Fleabag that the only person she'd run through an airport for is her. A few episodes before this scene we'd learned that what always looked like disdain on Claire's part was jealously and resentment stemming from her own feelings of inadequacy. By the finale I feel like Claire had gotten over some of those issues. When she leaves the wedding for the airport (guess there was someone else she would run through an airport for), I was cheering for her. Phoebe and Sian have so many dynamic scenes together that wouldn't work if the two didn't have amazing chemistry. I love them as sisters, and I love the characters' relationship.

Speaking of chemistry:

Of course, Fleabag would fall in love with the emotionally unavailable. Phoebe and Andrew's chemistry is so good. They played easily off each other's quirks and The Priest sees Fleabag in a way the other characters aren't able to (he notices her zoning out/fourth wall breaks). I could've watched this relationship play out for years. But alas, some things aren't meant to be.

It was obvious the two would end up together, just as obvious as it was that they were never going to last, as friends or a couple. When Fleabag breaks the fourth wall early on she says "we'll last a week". They're both a little dysfunctional, and we never fully get to hear why The Priest is the way he is (he always gets cut off when he tries to explain his past, only getting as far as "When I was a child..." and that he wasn't close to his mother). Through their relationship though, we see that even though it's been some time Fleabag is in fact still coping with the death of her mom and Boo. I feel like part of what she was looking for in their relationship was reassurance, as she turned to the Bible and prayer (something she would never have done previously, as an atheist), where she would normally have only turned to sex and alcohol or other ways to harm herself. When she and The Priest finally do have sex, we the invisible friend have our view almost immediately cut off. Has Fleabag ever done this? She usually narrated her sexual exploits. I feel that adds to the fact that this intimacy with the Priest was love, not a means of escape like the other times.

What I said earlier about the Godmother I say with a tiny grain of salt because I do realize that it's all subjective. We only see Fleabag's point of view. However, she's still the worst. She collects "friendships" like commodities and talks about them in terms of listen descriptors, most clearly shown when she introduced people in the finale. There is no real redeeming of the Godmother for Fleabag after she went from being the Mother's "best friend" to the Father's special someone. And it's hard to tell if the Father really loves her or if he's afraid of her/afraid of being on his own. Fleabag has a lovely heart to heart with her Dad (which acted also as a callback to a scene a few episodes earlier at the mother's funeral) in the finale where in a foreboding moment he says to her "I think you know how to love better than any of us. That's why you find it all so painful." Fleabag replies to us voyeurs tersely, "I don't find it painful". She definitely did. Look at the way she dealt with Boo's death. Yes, there was guilt, but she loved her. She loved her mother and having to see her Godmother with her Father, and being told snyly says she modeled the bust after her mom, her reaction...that's pain from love. We know Fleabag's love and grief for her mother were just as strong as the love and grief she had for Boo. In a flashback scene to after her mother's death, she tells Boo she doesn't know what to do with all the love she felt for her mom and how painful it is. Boo says to give it to her, she'll take it. Boo was a real one. I don't remember Fleabag breaking the fourth wall in these flashback moments (maybe I need to watch it again), but that got me thinking that we're probably taking the place of Boo. The person she lost who shared her laughter, her love, and her grief. We're her echo.

The final scene is heartbreaking to watch play out. You kind of know it's coming especially during his wedding speech, which he seemingly recited to her. The whole season spanned such a short period, but there is an immediate investment in what could be between these characters, and for the Priest this was the only real way this could end. There was no way he was leaving the priesthood. He warned her and thus we were warned, but we don't listen when it comes to the things we want. I was sad for her and him, but as Brittany Howard sings out to the credits (and The Priest's fox-foe pursues him); with a shake of the head that says "you don't need to follow me" and a wave goodbye we, the invisible friend, are reassured she's going to be alright. This was a wonderfully poignant way to end the series. It basically ended as the pilot ended, Fleabag on her way with the stolen bust of her mother in hand. I don't think it could've ended any better.

*I've had this in my drafts for maybe six months, started a new blog, decided to finally edit and post it. If you're reading this I hope you enjoyed it. -S*

#Fleabag #Fleabag x the Priest #Phoebe Waller-Bridge #Andrew Scott #Olivia Coleman #Amazon Prime #Sian Clifford #love #grief #friendship #TV

[shineyma]

I watched an interview segment where Daniela describes the day her water broke (during her first pregnancy I think) and Eric was out with his brother, so Daniella went over to Eric's house, and Eric's wife had to call Eric and ask him to buy Daniela some pads to avoid a big mess for the ride to the hospital maybe, and Eric asked, "Tampon pads?" Daniella's recount was hilarious.

I've written a whole lot beyond this point, do maybe a second ask is in order. That way you could ignore it (you really could), post only your reply or put it under a read more. It's more work for you but I still feel bad about the space that ask about Sam's family takes up on your blog. I did not think it through. (1/2)

lol, I appreciate the consideration, nonnie! Part two of your ask is under the cut. And lol to that interview quote!!

Kensi is back before the end of S05 turns out. I thought she gave birth in the spring, so I figured we had sevedal episodes to go with her on the special assignment. Then I read she gave birth in December, when things seemed to come to a head during the episode the team rescues her and it seemed just too soon. It's amazing that both she and the show's team managed to give Kensi as much screentime as they did. This Afghanistan storyline had me hooked actually. I was a bit sad that it was over as quickly. Despite the limitations and the fact that I love the team together, seeing Kensi star in a side story running parallel to the main plot, without the others stealing into it, was great. The story was fascinating, Kensi's dynamic with Granger and Sabatino was interesting to watch, the connection to her past a nice touch. Bonus points to the writers for not attempting a love triangle and for writing Jack becoming a Muslim and saying he found peace in it. I do also appreciate the few times immigrants they've interrogated have told them off about the U.S. 'intervention' in the Middle East and Callen, Sam or whoever it was just kept their mouth shut and you could see they did so because they couldn't deny those accusations. It's quite surprising and nice. Back to Kensi, I wish they'd taken a couple more episodes to give her Afghanistan storyline a slower closure. It seemed too rushed. I would have liked to see her more in action, trying to save Jack and herself, parallel to the team's rescue attempt. It could have at least been a two-parter. Still glad we got it at all.

One complaint I have is about Deeks. I don't know if I'm being dramatic here but I feel they've been mistreating him far too much. It's not so much about Kensi because they've developed their own kind of banter and Kensi shows him how much she cares. Although, remember right before Kensi left for Afghanistan, the day after the night we're supposed to assume they slept together, she was hostage to someone they were chasing and he was using her as a human shield, and Deeks didn't take the shot. Remember how she punched him? I'm still angry and bitter she did that, let alone that she didn't apologize, let even more alone that she acted as though what she did was right. I fully understand what the reasoning behind it all is or is supposed to be, but it was so wrong. And then, to circle back, I hate the way Callen and Sam have been treating Deeks since the moment he joined the team. It took Deeks withstanding torture and not giving up Michelle, torture that left him traumatized, for Sam to let up on the 'teasing'. I'm not even touching Callen, who actually tried to get Sam to stop being soft on Deeks 'just because of what Deeks did for Michelle and because he misses his partner who's gone on a dangerous special assignment'. Maybe I'm being dramatic but I really think the line on the teasing they give Deeks has been crossed a long time ago and I don't think they're ever going to show any remorse for it.

There was this show I got into when it was already on S14. One of the main characters that was there since S02 left and it wasn't the actor's choice. It was my favorite character out of the entire show. Anyway, I was binging S11 when the news broke. I finished it and that was it for me. They were my comfort character and I tried to watch the next two seasons they were still in but two episodes in, I stopped. I don't know why? Keeping new content of them for the future? Not wanting to watch about 40 hours more of them knowing they are the last ever and it sucks? It's been a few years since then and I haven't regretted it so far. It somehow feels right that I didn't reach the end of that character. And I've done it with other shows too. Once I got past my obsessive need to see shows and franchises through, quiting things became easy and a good tactic when something you loved decides to change the things you love most about it.

I'm sorry about Nell. It sucks. And hopefully the drama in your life is not too bad. I had some of it too, so my binging turned slow as molasses (is it even binging any more?) when it started off so well. And then the drama was capped with that very final, very irreversible bad thing that happens and the world just turns a little dimmer, the colors and just all of it a bit duller. Hence, also, my rudely late replies. Hopefully, your drama is at least a few or several steps away from that.

Oh, chef's kiss for Nell and Nallen in 5x05 ('cute girls with guns') and 5x14 or 5x15 (you know, with Nell fighting that guy in the boatshed's interrogation room and then Callen lowering her gently to the ground and brushing her hair back and all that Nallen goodness). I'd actually seen gifs of the second thing before but none had the fight and I hadn't paid attention to the episode number or even season, so I was very pleasantly surprised and miiiiight have replayed it a half dozen times. (2/2)

I also enjoyed what they did with Jack, although I feel like they never really resolve Hetty's part in things. Like....dick move, Hetty. Very dick move. And minor spoiler, but Sabatino returns, and while the entire team seems to hate him 5ever, I actually really like him lol. He's funny! And cute.

You are not alone in feeling that Deeks is mistreated by the guys, nonnie! There are whole communities of Deeks fans that hate it a LOT. I definitely feel like they cross the line sometimes....but conversely, I feel like Deeks crosses the line pretty often himself. I think in general the writers aren't great at judging when too much is enough, you know? But yeah, that doesn't stop anytime soon, I'm afraid.

Awwwww, I'm sorry you had that experience before with a show, nonnie! But yeah, sometimes quitting is the best thing you can do. It's better, I think, than continuing to drag it out and watching when you're not enjoying it anymore....then it's too easy to become bitter and then you can't even enjoy the earlier parts you used to love.

I'm also sorry you had drama followed by something worse! I hope things are getting better for you <3 For myself, things got very busy at work and then I was impacted by Hurricane Ida, which chased me out of state for two weeks while I waited for power and water to be restored to my apartment. I spent those two weeks living minutes from my mom and brother, which was nice but has had the impact that now I miss them a lot more than I did before.....like somehow I got used to living away from them and being close erased that adjustment? And now I'm not as good at it as I used to be. In fact, I'm actively hoping for my employer to have an opening there so I can transfer back. So I've been very emotional lately, on top of which the ongoing recovery from Ida meant more work for me at my job.

Whew, didn't mean to rant about that! Sorry.

And yessssssss, those are some of the BEST Nallen moments!!! I loooove him tenderly brushing her hair out of her face. That's probably my second favorite--or third favorite, there are two things coming that are tied for first favorite. So you've got that to look forward to!!

Sorry this took so long, nonnie! I hope life is going well this week! <3

#amy communicates #anonymous #my nonnies are the best nonnies

[everydaymamaof3]

Am I Doing This Right?

It's been a little while since I blogged. I just didn't have the time, working on finishing my certification, kids, work, life. I felt a bit like I had a mental block or fog too. There was definitely a shift happening in my world. Couldn't really put a finger on it...but the fog started making sense recently. I am a mama to three girls. A young adult, a tween and a young child. My world is filled with their ups and downs, their transitions, their challenges...and right now, during these ages, it's a lot of transitions and growth. My oldest is about to graduate University, thinking about where they'll live, where she'll get hired as an RN. Where, benefits both of them, her and her fiance. So in the back of my mind, I'm thinking of places, I'm thinking of the move, how far away, the changes coming, picturing places they'll rent or maybe buy, imagining their future. A backyard maybe? All good positive, next steps of life thoughts....will we see them at Christmas? What kind of shifts will she have? All while also thinking of their wedding. Budgeting. Planning. Catering. Maybe that’s just my over excited thoughts? I am excited! My daughter is getting married and starting a career as a nurse. It makes the moments I felt like a complete failure as a mother, feel like an eternity ago, and so meaningless now.

So that's just one kiddo who's life is on my mind. My tween, well, she's only ten, but I'm starting to see a glimmer of a tweenager. I've really been paying close attention to her mood swings. Her frustrations, her attitude shifts. For awhile, I was so stressed about it, she was just easily irritated, easily frustrated, more emotional than normal, and the mother, Sherlock Holmes in me, was struggling to figure out what was going on. Well, I figured it out. It was her tablet. Now know this, I am not a person who judges, I don't care how much time other people's children spend on tablets, or what you use them for, these opinions are strictly my own, and behaviour I personally noticed in my own child.

She was on it for maybe an hour or so a day...sometimes not at all...I thought, meh, she's just watching craft videos, funny videos, but then we started noticing the attitude, the withdraw. I would notice her go from completely entranced by the screen, to pissed off at the world when she was told to put it away. Ok. I see what's happening here. So, we had a family meeting, and we eliminated tablets Monday to Friday. They're allowed to have them on Friday evenings, Saturdays on our hour long sport commute, and Sundays for an hour in the morning. I started looking at what they were watching. Kids doing stupid things. Kids lip syncing. 5 minute crafts was featuring how to turn your t shirt into a belly shirt. Or how to plump up your lips by sticking them in a plastic container??! Why are my children so interested in this. So I felt a bit like I wasn't doing my job as a parent, allowing them to watch these things. The headline 5 minute crafts. It just HAS to sneak in that useless garbage for our kids. Frustrating. I also took a look at myself. How much screen time I have. How I hear my kids say, "mom, you didn't hear me because you were on your phone", you’re right, and point taken.

We made changes. We’re back to seeing our kids actually make the crafts they watched now that the tablets are put away during the week. We’re usually on an adventure on the weekends so if there’s down time, they go on. They're back to being active and busy, and creative and the attitude has improved immensely. There's still days I'm pulling my hair out because I get "the tone" that puts us moms over the edge. Or stomping. Or fighting...I think for the most part, for having a four year age gap, they get along incredibly well. I remind myself, my middle daughter is entering some scary territory with hormones and puberty and boys, and mean girls, and body image....I remind myself that I have a really big job ahead, and it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be emotionally, physically, and mentally challenging. I've raised one teenage girl. Two more to go. We got this. And in the meantime we’ll continue to embrace the innocence ❤️

My girls are growing up in a different society. Even one that is different from when my oldest was a teen. And that wasn’t that long ago...5 years. One I'm still learning how to navigate. What is right. What is wrong. What age is right for this or that? It seems so much harder than simpler times when we were growing up. Although I'm sure mama's of the past would disagree. It was probably just as hard, just a different world. Different challenges. Different ways to deal, but parenting is universal. Teach, help, protect, guide, comfort, observe, learn, none of that has changed..

My littlest is learning to be more independent. She's letting go of me bit by bit, but still just as cautious as always. She still wants to be picked up for hugs, which thankfully, I can still pick up 44 pounds..mind you, being the last baby, I'll probably still pick her up at 74 pounds. She is very much my shadow, and places another challenge on me, making sure I'm giving the same amount of time and attention to my ten year old. AND my twenty two year old. I'm just hanging on tight as long as I can. They’re growing up so fast, and wanting less and less of me. I know. This is good. This means you're doing your job as a good mom and raising independent kids. Still doesn't take away the desire to spend every minute with them before they say "bye mom" *gulp*

The greatest joy for me is watching them through these stages and phases. Even though it's hard sometimes, it's draining, it's also rewarding, and makes me so proud. But it can be terrifying. Hoping I'm doing what's best for them. Always. Everyday. But then feeling guilty when I want space from them. Doesn't that suck! You’re at the point of exhaustion, ready to tear everyone's head off in the house, give yourself a break, and feel bad about it.

I shake my head.

No matter what though, self care is crucial.

So on top of my mind being fully occupied by my children's lives, I also need room in there for my work, for my marriage, for my friendships, most importantly for my health and well being.

To be a fly in the brain of a modern day woman. It would be incredibly fascinating! Like a room full of computers, buzzing madly, spitting out information every second of every day....and then re inputting it back into the computer to re analyze it, go over it, and spit it back out!

I have to remember to try and quiet my mind though. Stay on top of my mental health with breaks. Me time. Quiet. Running. Yoga. Coffee Dates. Massages. Facials. Reading. Uninterrupted conversations with my husband. Date nights. It's part of being a good mom, wife, friend, teacher, running on a full cup, not an empty cup. Sometimes we need a reminder though. "Hey, you know that life cup...it's about to spill" Don't you wish there was a little alarm in our brains that beeped when it was time to reboot. Instead, our reminders come in a form of illness, breakdowns, or our inner Cruella Deville's emerge.

I'm doing my best to stay on top of life’s balance. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes I'm the healthiest, happiest human being, living my best life! I love my life. And I love being a writer, so I can feel like a normal mom, a normal woman, in a hurry up, noisy, busy world ❤️

#parenting #motherhood #balance