#the day i learn how to do it its over

[kosmogrl]

#the day i learn how to do it its over

[lyhil]

OC-tober 21 - "Grasping the Splinters of My Previous Self"

Cardamomo / Caoimhe belongs to @starlightsuncrow

(SORRY rotated him too much in my mind and got hopelessly enamored)

#gw2 #bweirdoctober #guild wars 2 #gw2 sylvari #other's ocs #art #SORRY SORRY I GOT. I GOT SO INTO MY FEELINGS ABOUT HIM #its the #do you follow me for who i am now or the sylvari i was and dont remember #its the...... do you smile for me or the me in your memories #how do i honor who i was #the one still inside me #and still be myself #can i even becoming someone new or should i tread the path of who i was (who is now a stranger to me) #its the learning to be yourself and coexist with who you were(literally) #sobbing and sniffling and wiping my eyes #anyway hope you like this i had so much fun and i care him so fucking much #sorry for any inaccuracies i wanted to try and show the changes between them (and over time) so i was a little picky and choosy with refs #LOL #i'll draw him so niceys one day im sure #<- tags from a week ago im more ill about them now 🫶

[luck-of-the-drawings]

IMAGINE. working at ur stupid uhhh job or whatever. pulling into your drive way and ready to work on some crazy project in your garage. opening the door to the most unfamiliar silence. did your wife and kid leave for something? could you imagine knocking on your kids door, hardly getting an answer, and opening it to find the splattered remains of your wife across his room your child is scared! hes hardly consolable, in a state of shock and terror. you are too, but youre the adult here. you need to take charge. you need to protect him. you need to do something. you need to do something.

#cw gore #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi pd spoilers #ashe winters #LOOOORRRD HELP ME THIS IS A YEAR OLD AND I HAAAATE LOOKIN AT IIITTTT ALL I CAN SEE ARE MY MISTAAAKESSS RRAAGHHHGGG ITS FINE THOUGH #ITS FIIIINE ITS ALL FIIIIIIINE!! IM HARSHER ON MY ART THAN ANYONE ELSE ITS FIIIIIINE IIITTSFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE #ANWYAY SO I THINK ALOT ABOUT THE FACT HE KILLED HIS MOM. FUUUUCKED UP. POOR GUY.. i wish i could learn more about what that day was like #the lil scenario wrote is my own silly little headcanon. but what really happened on that day? was mark there? or did he come home to it? #how violent was it really? was ashe awake the whole time? does he remember exactly how he killed her? does he remember? #who was mrs winters? what was she like? i like to think she was the one that gave ashe the book. taught him what she could before. yknow. #did ashe or mark try to destroy it afterwards? i could imagine mark throwing it into a fire. only for it to reappear with ashe #maybe ashe couldnt destroy it but i could imagine him hiding it. hiding away from it. and yet when we find him he holds it so close #its the only thing he can do! no super powers or anything. this was it. why would he ever throw away the only thing hes good at? #AND GOOD GOD MARK... TURNING TO MERCENARY WORK OVER IT ALL... SELLING HIS SOUL TO A LAbortory that changed him in immense ways #when did it get bad enough for him to start covering his face? what was ashe thinking? he knew his dad was up to something but what? #maRK HAS SUUUCH A CRAZY KILL COUNT TOO. I THINK THE HIGHEST IN THE SERIES IF WE'RE NOT LOOKIN AT THE GODS OR WATEV #MASS MURDER. MAN HAS COMMITTED MASS MURDER AND BROKE OUT OF SUPER VILLAIN PRISON WITH A PEN. MAN BUILDS IRON MAN SUITS IN HIS BASEMENT #OKay okay enough of my ramblin okayokay i just REALLY LOVE THIS SSHHOOOOWWW DUUUDEE EEUUGHTHTHHRHGHGH I LOVE THE WINTERS FAMILY...

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level #for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda #changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is #don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men #his transness wouldnt change that #only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically. #Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band #is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name; #over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had #he becomes more caring more supportive #it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind #and learns how to be a kinder man. #all of which have no contradictions with him being trans! #In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences #i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways #to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring. #Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL. #at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it #so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine #i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt #but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues #and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does #again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol #AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans #do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model #I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA

[rmtzcoconut]

Um just gonna put this. Here.

Drawings by themselves

#swerve #ultra magnus #idw #transformers #maccadam #maccadams #art by rico #i spent 9 hours for a 5 second tiktok trend #9 hours over the span of 4 days im suicidal #i love how lineless art looks but its so tedious and time consuming. There is pribably an Easier way of doing this but i like my method #lie i just hate learning new things

[whosectype]

the “I need to teach myself chemistry 101 in the span of 2 months so I dont fail college chemistry next year” fit

At least my notes are pretty

#My art #blogsona #i am #going insane #WHERE ARE THE CONCEPTS #ITS ALL MATH #FRICK ELECTRONS #FRICK PHOTONS #FRICK DELTA AND NUU #Chemisty #I have to do like hour lessons every day #shit I need to study for the math test to even get into the class #Also under that sticky note is so a mugchai doodle that I covered so my friends don’t see it when we study together #I don’t freaking get how my friends kept their gpa a 4.0 for so long #AND YOU KNOW WHY IM LEARNING CHEM OVER THE SUMMER INSTEAD IF TAKING IT THROUGH SCHOOL #CAUSE THE CHEM TEACHER IS A DOUCHE #HE TALKED SHIT ABOUT ME TO HIS HONORS CHEM KIDS #SO IM TAKING COLLEGE CHEMISTRY OUT OF SPITE

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i forgot how much i like coding. makes me feel like less of a fuckup for once #like can i sit down and write for 4hrs? no. can i read for 1hr? no. can i get absorbed in R for 5hrs? yes absolutely #just give me data and let me code all day. its like doing puzzles and it makes my brain shut up bc i have to focus #but for som reason i cant do that with reading or writing. stupid #my life should b drawing. doing puzzles and becoming obsessed with media #but i am burdened with dyslexia and the necessity of reading #that should b a therapy goal for me. become less anxious abt how bad at reading i am #my mum says i got fucked over bc by the time my youngest sister was in school they were doing better interventions for #ppl with learning disabilities rip me i guess #my fault for picking a reading heavey career path lol #unrelated

[marchlione]

another bone i have to pick with atla fic writers, writing katara in a way that makes her out to be a totally unreasonable bitch who goes out of her way to hurt zuko or refusing to treat him is completely ooc. katara, no matter how much she hates someone, always tries to help, it is the core of her character, no matter how angry she is, no matter how much she can hate, she always, always, chooses compassion and forgiveness. This is a choice she makes even when confronting her mother's murderer. She could have killed him or done any number of things to him, but she didn't. In her own words, Katara will never, ever turn her back on someone in need. That is Katara's greatest strength and what makes her my favourite character.

In the beginning she, like Sokka, is helpless to the dangers her tribe faces. When she, Aang and Sokka travel to the North Pole, she is yet untrained, and if caught or attacked, she doesn't have much in the ways of defending herself, but despite this, she goes out of her way to try and help other victims of the war in any way she can. After being trained, she has the power to defend herself and others. She even gains the ability to blood bend. With all this power that she didn't have before, she could have gone the way of Jet and exacted her revenge in anyway she could, without considering how it hurt innocents. She could have done a lot with her bloodbending. But she didn't. She draws a line in the sand, she chooses "good", she chooses to be compassionate, even when it would be so much easier to hate, and hurt, even when it would make far more sense to turn someone away. Katara is the first person to give Zuko a chance, despite the fact that he has been chasing them from the moment Aang came out of that iceberg. Zuko had been pursuing the gaang the way Azula hunted them for far longer, even if he didn't deprive them of sleep. He at one point caught her and tied her to a tree. Katara had so many legitimate reasons to hate him and turn him away and not trust him. And we know she is capable of hate, we know she is capable of hurting. But she doesn't. That's the point. That is who she is.

So making her a petty bitch going out of her way to cause bodily harm to poor baby zuzu, is extremely disingenuous. We, as the audience, know Zuko's arc, we've seen his journey, we've watched him realize the harm the fire nation causes, the atrocities they've committed and resolve to no longer be a part of that and eventually accept that he has to actively make the world a better place. We know that his betrayal under Ba Sing Se was him backsliding, and was ultimately what sealed the deal in terms of him coming to realize the full extent of the fire nation's corruption. But their world didn't sit around "waiting for him to switch sides, and had to plan for a future where he didn’t" (quote from 'There Within' by Avataraccount on ao3). And a direct consequence of Zuko's betrayal was Aang's near death and destruction of the Avatar cycle. Katara was the one who worked tirelessly to keep Aang alive, to keep the world's last hope alive. She was the one who had to directly face the devastating consequence of her choice to trust Zuko in the caves. So when Zuko comes back and reiterates the spiel he gave her (albeit with stronger and firmer conviction but that makes no difference to someone who has heard a version of it before and watched him go back on it), Katara is well within her rights to not trust him. Making her distrust seem like it is childish or selfish is ridiculous. As is trying to justify it as her "character flaw". Katara is learning from what she deems as her mistake from before. In fact, she's making the smart decision!

#atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #katara #katara analysis #part of it is just misogyny #like its just people going poor baby zuzu who has never done anything wrong in his life #and awful katara who doesn't give him a chance and is thus a monstrous person for it #which actually ends up undermining zuko's arc! #the point is that zuko did do wrong #zuko made mistakes #over and over again #but despite all those times he backslid and every time he did a bad thing #he learned #and he grew #and there were consequences to his actions before he switched sides #which is what makes that final part of his arc that much more impactful #making him someone who does no wrong is a disservice to his character #also i love how his whole arc is him choosing to be “good” and a better person which is something katara chooses day in day out #look i just want katara and zuko to be besties

[lecliss]

Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.

#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same #perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues #and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop #AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!! #but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love' #and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this #but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all #and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and #learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense #and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem' #is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from #but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him' #EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!? #AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER #IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!! #so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS #so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it #s such a fuckinf mess!!!!! #i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here????? #i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart #start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks #remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline. #but if i say that i will get assassinated #anyway. #sock count #personal

[milf-harrington]

where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

#i mean it was a little more fleshed out than that #i asked for a hug and she asked if i was okay and i didnt say anything so she said something about me feeling like #untethered. just kind of floating through life. and i said yeah. and she told me im doing a good job like. getting through the day basically #and i cried about it because i dont even know why its so hard #and i feel so shitty all the time because i just feel like a shit person like i dont try hard enough with my nephew #and hes so little and so smart and im so awful and every day im worried hes going to stop liking me bc im still learning how to be. gentle. #because i grew up with yelling and a locked pantry and an older sister who had to raise me #so i dont know how to not yell and not escape into my own world when i cant be bothered #and i have really good days and really terrible days and hes not a Job hes my nephew and i want to treat him like my nephew #and it feels so selfish to say im tired and that its hard and stressful and i dont know what im doing #bc my sister has to do it too and she doesnt get breaks like i do #she doesnt get to just decide to leave for the night - and i mean i dont do that but i have the option #and everyone keeps. like. telling me im doing good and im helpful and my sister especially tells me often shes grateful for me #and it makes me feel Awful bc i feel like i dont do enough and that the stuff i DO isnt good enough and just argh #anyway #vent over i need to go to bed its 1am and i have to get up in 5 hours #captain speaks

[bulletsfrank]

me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all. #... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do? #the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

[sgterso]

it literally would be so much easier to rp if i could telepathically send my mutuals all of my headcanons and thoughts about jyn instead of writing them out on the dash 😭

#HOW DO I TRANSLATE MY VIBES INTO WORDS #THAT MAKE SENSE??? #THE DAY I LEARN THIS WILL BE THE DAY ITS TRULY OVER FOR EVERYONE

[headphonemouse]

Nothing in my life has ever tasted as good as how I imagine cartoon meat that looks like this tastes

#talking tag #orv groundrat meat and yanaspleta stem #literally the only type of meat they eat in one piece #it's funny how in orv when kdj makes bbq skewers they all look like this but when yjh makes skeweres they look like normal ass skewers with #vegetables and everything #it's yjh the only person who has any culinary sense? the real answer is no. kdj is actually capable in the kitchen. the funnier answer is #that yjh was so fed up with being the only person in the universe to have taste buds and maybe a normal sized mouth that he spent an entire #regression turn learning how to perfect his cooking [this part at least is canon] just so he could convince at least one of his companions #to raise their standards and stop eating barely-chopped‚ unseasoned‚ straight off the bone monster meat #i think yjh would refuse to eat an apple unless it was peeled and sliced into cubes with little toothpicks #he wouldnt touch a sandwich until you passed it through a panini press #maybe it has something to do with diligence and intentionally putting effort into something often overlooked #its a lot of effort to cook delicious meals when the world is quite literally falling apart and reshaping itself but in a situation where #he doesnt even have control over his own death‚ he can only treat what he does have control over with the utmost diligence #cooking and eating good‚ healthy‚ SAFE food is something that is entirely his‚ i think #he doesnt need it to survive like fighting. its not a relic of his past that has lost its application like gaming. its a routine‚ a ritual #repeated daily #something that you do every day and by continuing to do it you create things that are more and more enjoyable. something that makes people #smile and feel satiated. something that gets everyone to sit close and share the joy of a single moment. a single meal #is it possible to get tired of that after repeating it so many times? every day? every day every month every year every turn #why doesnt he eat food made by other people? #because its not delicious #and the dumplings? #those were made by someone he loved. someone he loved put their time into mizing the filling and shaping the dough #someone he loves wants him to be safe and fed. and offered him dumplings that they made #was it delicious?

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[evilwrongdoer]

i can never wean myself off this shit. i will be an addict forever, because it's all i have.

#tw addiction #honey what'd you take what'd you take honey look at me tell me what you took what'd you take #my many many vices #i do not seek peace #i seek nothing but chaos #because if keeps me alive #im not alive unless there are at least 3 things to worry about at all times #any feeling is better than no feeling #i wonder which will kill me first #the stress or the addictions #will i ever find peace? #will i ever learn to enjoy it? #the worst thing is #its the bad emotions i like the most #fun is fleeting #but pain #pain is forever #all the bad and dumb shit i have done will haunt me forever #and i love it #nothing makes me happier than scream crying over someone #pain is my drug #as in emotional pain #i will die one day #and when that day comes #ill hopefully be happy #i dont know how im going to die #i dont know where ill end up #i wish i could know #what ill be doing in 5 years #fuck

[ookikufurikabutte]

i love teaching myself oil painting for the first time because wdym this was done like 5 hours apart… think i am starting to get it slowly HELP

#these were done in the same day after i wiped out the original face #recommending everyone to oil paint actually #it is so fun and relaxing #zack’s silly gay art tag #my art #epic oc art tag #ocs; emil #it is a bit of a struggle but its fun to learn and once u get that AHA moment of how u should do something it feels incredible #to like look back at something u made 5 hours earlier and see u were right to wipe it out and start that section over…. #fun!