#their Al is a woman which could be fun but she's no nonsense? no the relationship between sam and al was great bc they were opposites

[spectraspecs-writes]

EXCUSE ME??????

#no no no no no this is the kind of thing i imagine but never want to see #this is going to be awful bc ugh look #part of the good thing about quantum leap was that it was a first #you had a man an attractive man being anti fascist feminist unafraid to wear a dress in public to hear she her pronouns to be an all around #*decent guy. sam beckett broke the mold okay. sam beckett gave me unrealistic expectations for men that I am not backing down from #and another good part about it was it showed a future where all of the ignorant bullshit was come and gone. granted it was just 1999 #but still! it was an alternate 1999 like very clearly alternate esp now #you can no longer pretend we're past this shit. you can no longer pretend that 'black people deserve to live' is going to become #*a widely held belief any time soon. and this is because we elected an asshole. #their Al is a woman which could be fun but she's no nonsense? no the relationship between sam and al was great bc they were opposites #they've got magic williams in there too and he was someone that sam leapt into in s3e2 excuse me hes the no nonsense guy #you're telling me a signalman who served under tom beckett in vietnam is no nonsense? no he is not not 100% #there's no saving this for me. the one thing they could do to get points is to explain what happened to sam #al calavicci is dead has to be bc dean stockwell is and al was a heavy smoker #his neurons and mesons were linked to sams so there's no one else who could seamlessly be in touch with sam #he is stuck in the past without a lifeline without access to ziggy he is stuck #did god fate time let him go again? did he decide to go home? #im so mad about this

[bisexualsforprompto]

Puppy Love

Thanks @kceedraws for helping me with this (awhile ago lol) and coming up with Gilfred

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a crisp, clear autumn day, all was calm in nature, but all was chaos in the Wayne Manor.

Alfred was having a guest over, well two guests, and Jason, Dick, and Tim were having lots of fun trying to guess who it was.

“An ex-spy?”

Alfred groaned in annoyance as he set the cookies out on the table. “No, Master Todd, not an ex-spy.”

“An ex-assassin?”

“Bloody hell.” Alfred cursed under his breath, “No!”

Tim snorted causing Dick and Jason to look at him. Jason raised his eyebrow, “Oh yeah? What do you think, replacement?”

“An ex-girlfriend.”

Alfred didn’t respond.

Dick spat out the water he was drinking. “No way! No way! It totally is your ex!”

“If I say yes will you be civilized in front of her? She’s bringing her granddaughter too, she’s Master Damian’s age.” Alfred swatted Dick’s hand away from the cookies.

“Speaking of which, where is the demon?” Jason asked, scanning the room.

“Master Damian is with Master Bruce in the Batcave. Miss Cassandra is down there as well, training.” Alfred stated, “Speaking of which, I should go get them. Gina will be arriving soon.”

The boys snickered quietly to themselves as Alfred entered the Batcave. Each of them were equally astonished that Alfred even had ex-girlfriends, but they all realized that he must’ve been young once.

Cass trudged up the stairs and stood wordlessly next to the couch in the living room. Damian and Bruce came out next, Damian was scowling from having his training interrupted (by what he called “a frivolous waste of time”).

Damian slumped onto the couch, pouting. Dick walked over with a grin and rubbed his little brother’s hair. Damian pulled away with a snarl,

“Grayson if you touch my hair one more-“

Damian’s threat was interrupted by the sound of a doorbell and the abrupt opening of the manor doors by Alfred.

“Alfie!” A slender old woman exclaimed as she took off her motorcycle helmet. From behind her, a small blue-black haired girl shifted shyly and gave a small wave to the family butler.

“Welcome Gina, and I presume...Miss Marinette?”

With a slight nod, Marinette crept back behind her grandmother.

“Do come in ladies, the Waynes are in the living room.” Alfred bowed his arm out and gestured to the couch. Gina flicked his bow tie and laughed.

“Quite a nice home you’re looking after.”

“I suppose it is.”

Alfred took Gina’s helmet and hung it on the coat rack. Following her Nonna like a puppy, Marinette silently sat on the couch.

Dick was barely containing his excitement, Alfred’s ex-girlfriend and her adorable granddaughter who could very well be Alfred’s granddaughter?! He was practically bouncing off the walls. Jason was sitting next to him with an arrogant smirk, studying the eleven-year old in front of them, who had just glanced over at Damian, like he knew something they didn’t.

Tim was silent and had an objective, but calculating look on his face. Cass had a hidden smile on her face and Damian…

Well Damian was scowling.

From the moment that little kid laid eyes on him she started blushing and her blue eyes may as well have been heart eyes. With a huff, Damian shifted away from her, much to Marinette’s dismay.

Although Damian was only eleven himself, he thought Marinette a little child unworthy of his attention. Even before he went to live with his father he knew women and men alike would throw themselves at him in order to have an in with his family (after all, the Al Guhl’s were just as influential as the Waynes).

Damian had no interest in even talking to the girl. He had every intention to ignore her in fact.

That proved difficult though.

With a shit-eating grin, Jason announced, rather obnoxiously, “Why don’t you let the two kids play with each other while we talk?”

Damian was about to interrupt, showing Jason a threatening slicing motion across his own neck.

“That’s a wonderful idea!” Gina exclaimed, clasping her hands together. Before Marinette or Damian could blink, Gina was shoving them to the front yard. “Have fun, my fairy!” She cooed as she shut the door.

Before Damian could get away Marinette ran in front of him and kissed both of his cheeks. Repulsed, Damian jumped away and tried to run, but before he could make his great escape Marinette spoke.

“Bonjour, I’m Marinette. And you?”

“Not interested.” Damian said shoving Marinette away.

Marinette’s face turned to one of a kicked puppy, but nevertheless, she persisted. With an overdramatic pout she huffed to him,

“You could at least tell me your name instead of being grumpy.”

Anger in his eyes, Damian flipped himself around to face her. “Damian.” He said begrudgingly through gritted teeth.

“See, that wasn’t so hard!” Grabbing his wrist she dragged him over to the grassy part of the yard, “Now what should we play?”

“Nothing. I don’t have time to waste with your frivolous play time pursuits.”

Marinette cocked her head, “Well what do you wanna do?”

“I want to go upstairs and study in peace.”

Marinette’s eyes lit up, “Can I come?”

Damian whipped his head around and opened the front door, “No.”

To emphasize his rejection, he slammed the door in her face before she could follow him in.

~~~~~~

The visits with Gina and Marinette that followed all ended eerily similarly. Marinette doting over him with her puppy love, and Damian taking her affection and shoving it away.

But soon Marinette got too busy to come to Gotham with her grandmother (to the relief of Damian) and after a while of not seeing her, he was content to pronounce that annoying chapter of his life, closed.

That is until the Wayne gala.

Damian expected a night of boring business exchanges and businessmen trying to set him up with their daughters, after all Damian was sixteen and had matured enough to look like a proper young man.

He expected to see lots of women, but never in a million years did he expect to see the obnoxious girl from his childhood, Marinette Dupain-Chang.

And yet, there she was, he missed her walk in, but he didn’t miss her talking to his father.

Stomping over to them, Damian glared at his brothers, who were giggling at the youngest Wayne’s reaction to the aspiring designer's arrival.

“What are you doing here?” Damian hissed, skipping the pleasantries.

“Damian…” Bruce’s tone had an air of warning to it.

“Did you invite her, father?!”

“No.” Marinette said, crossing her arms, “Adrien Agreste invited me as his plus-one.”

Damian stood there dumbfounded. He didn’t even know little miss nobody Dupain-Chang knew the Agreste model. He wrinkled his nose, “Why would he invite you?”

“Damian,” Bruce commanded, “Don’t be rude.”

Marinette mirrored Damian’s scowl, “Is it so hard to believe we’re friends? His best friend couldn’t make it, so he invited me instead.”

Damian raised a brow, but before he could open his mouth Adrien Agreste appeared with a grin.

“I see you met Damian, Marinette!”

“Actually we already know each other.” Marinette said coolly.

“Really?” Adrien asked with a warm smile, “What a weird coincidence.”

Hoping the situation was now resolved, Bruce walked over to greet some other guests.

“I’m so glad two of my friends are getting along!”

Marinette smiled at Adrien dumbly with a blush as Damian responded, “We’re not friends.”

Unfazed, Adrien placed his hand on Damian’s shoulder, “Well I hope we can change that then.”

“Not likely.” Damian muttered underneath his breath as he stalked off.

Damian tried not to watch from afar as he brooded in the corner, but he found his eyes wandering anyway.

Adrien and Marinette were giggling, Damian wasn’t quite sure why, but he knew he didn’t like it. He half expected Marinette to follow him when he stormed off, but no, she was too busy doting over Adrien.

Damian crossed his arms with a huff.

“Somebody’s jealous,” Dick said in a teasing tone.

Damian tutted, “What nonsense are you on about now, Grayson?”

Dick gave Damian a knowing smirk, “Just that you haven’t taken your eyes off of Marinette since-“

“If you’re implying I’m jealous of the Agreste kid because of Dupain-Chang, then you’re delusional.”

Dick shrugged and held his hands up in mock surrender, “Sure, whatever you say little D.”

When his pesky brother finally walked away, Damian focused back on Marinette and Adrien. The blonde boy was extending his hand out to Marinette, causing her to blush.

Damian rolled his eyes, they were so effortlessly agitating, so they were perfect for each other.

Never mind that that particular thought made him more annoyed than before.

Taking her onto the ballroom dance floor, Adrien spun Marinette around. Her face was completely red, but she had the stupidest cute grin on her face.

Damian stomped out of the ballroom, not wanting to watch more. He told himself that he just wanted to go take a break from all the obnoxious business people in the room.

Damian walked aimlessly to the kitchen, where Alfred was currently preparing more food for the guests. Alfred’s eyes furrowed as he looked at Damian.

“What’s wrong Master Damian?” He asked with genuine concern.

“Nothing that concerns you, Pennyworth.” Damian responded with a biting tone.

After seeing Alfred’s unamused expression, Damian sighed, “I didn’t think Dupain-Chang was going to be here tonight.”

Alfred hid his smile, “Ah, and that’s a bad thing? Is she giving you a lot of attention again?”

“No,” Damian scowled, “I don’t understand it. Something must have happened to create a change in her behavior, but I cannot figure it out. She showed up with the Agreste kid, so perhaps her standards have lowered.”

Alfred shook his head disapprovingly, “Master Damian, I thought you didn’t like the affection you got from her, shouldn’t this be a good thing?” Alfred bit his lip, wondering if it would be a good idea to continue, “Unless, of course, you have feelings for the young lady?”

“I most certainly do not!” Damian shot back, “I...just got used to the attention I suppose. Now she’s cold with me.”

“Like you were with her all those years ago?”

“No!” Damian let out a resigned huff at Alfred’s BS-detecting expression, “...yes.”

“Do you think maybe she realized after all those years when you treated her poorly, that she started having a crush on those who were less...blunt?”

“I suppose it’s a possibility.” Damian muttered.

Alfred hummed, “Master Damian, I can tell you first hand that each of the women in Miss Marinette’s family are remarkable. I missed my chance, but you don’t have to. Speak to her, or you’ll regret it, I know I did…”

In silent contemplation about Gina, Alfred went back to cooking.

Damian looked at his shoes for a minute, seemingly trying to figure out if he should take his butler’s advice. After a beat of hesitation, Damian went back into the party. He walked into the ballroom like a man on a mission, and of course, he did have one.

To get her back.

Tags:

@ira-sairain

@dawnwave16

@maribat-is-lifeblood

@sleepy-red-bug

@buticaaba

@thestressmademedoit

@thanks-captain-obvious

#maribat #gilfred #daminette #kinda

[takaraphoenix]

Welcome to Earth-304d

A couple days ago, I made a post declaring I want to write more for DC and that I want to dive into the deep end; including the creation of my own Earth. My own continuity. Now that I have ironed out what I want from my Earth, I figured I'd make a bit of an... introductory post to show what you can expect from my continuity.

First of all, its name. Because I feel quite proud of that. My Earth is going to be Earth-340d, because that's my name on its head. Phoe's Earth, Earth-304d.

Now, what you can expect from this Earth. Or rather, what you can't. This is going to be a shared universe where I will write many fics for, but it is not going to only follow one hero, or one team. I really do want to explore the ripple effect of an actual shared universe and how different heroes come into it and come together and how different the team constellations are going to be. So there will be, say, a standalone story about Superman and a standalone story about Laurel Lance and they will be set in the same universe, may even share overlapping elements/characters and both characters will appear together in a crossover teamup story.

Unlike my usual fics, these stories will not be primarily driven by ships; there absolutely will be ships and shipping in it and in some instances, they will be central in the story, but overall this is going to be more character driven and driven by platonic relationships, especially the found family team dynamics. Because it's one thing that always makes me sad about the majority of superhero adaptation (not just DC); we get these teams and they rarely ever get to actually be the found family they could be.

Still, since I am a big shipper, let's open this more concrete part up with a list of the "main" pairings - the ships that involve the main characters of my continuity:

Kate Kane/Kara Danvers

Clark Kent/Diana Prince

Arthur Curry/Laurel Lance & Laurel Lance/Dinah Drake (at first alternating, but ultimately in a polyamorous arrangement; Laurel has two hands; one for her lesbian wife and one for her himbo husband)

Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak & Nyssa al Ghul/Felicity Smoak (Felicity, too, has two hands)

Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle

Mick Rory/Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Harley Quinn/Pamela Isley

Killer Frost/Caitlin Snow

Cisco Ramon/Lisa Snart

Roy Harper/Dick Grayson

Koriand'r/Donna Troy

Wally West/Jesse Wells

I am going off the Arrowverse as the main template; for Flash, Green Arrow, Supergirl and Batwoman (season 1), though with major changes within the continuity of those shows too; most prominently that the Justice League will form far before any of those become heroes; a team they will join when hey become heroes, but a team that has already existed by the time those four become heroes.

Which brings me to the next part I wanted to give a preview of; the team line-ups and what teams I will be focusing on in this universe, beyond the above mentioned and listed single heroes.

Justice League of America (founding members):

Bruce Wayne/Batman

Jefferson Pierce/Black Lightning

Clark Kent/Superman

Arthur Curry/Aquaman

Diana Prince/Wonder Woman

J'onn J'onzz/Martian Manhunter

Zatanna Zatara

Which, Oliver, Barry, Kara and Kate are naturally going to join after they became the heroes they are too. Same goes for John Diggle, once he becomes Green Lantern.

Birds of Prey:

Barbara Gordon/Oracle

Sara Lance/White Canary

Laurel Lance/Black Siren

Dinah Drake/Black Canary

Nyssa al Ghul

Selina Kyle/Catwoman

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy

Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn

Killer Frost

Lisa Snart/Golden Glider

One of the major differences between my universe and the Arrowverse (aside from, you know, Wonder Woman and Aquaman) is that there are no Legends of Tomorrow. There just... aren't. Snart and Rory are back in Central City - and Sara Lance meets some interesting people in Gotham City to form the Birds of Prey with. I also am deeply in love with the Dinah-Laurel dynamic, so I am keeping those, but will make Laurel Black Siren from the get-go here; none of that "she dies and we bring in a villain version of her but also we introduce Dinah" nonsense. Let's make the Canary-situation a bit more reasonable. I'm also going with my "Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost get to split bodies" headcanon for this and giving Frost her own thing.

(Basically, the pitch is "Barbara Gordon finds new purpose after quitting Batgirl by gathering and reforming former villains with her Canary friends".)

And, as much fun as I am going to have with the "older" generation, I do very much also want to dive into the "sidekicks", the younger heroes. So there is going to be a Teen Titans and a Young Justice team. Or rather, there are going to be Teen Titans and as that lineup fills with younger new recruits over the course, the older, founding members graduate on to form their own, older team. So, here the founding members (though, as with the Justice League, there are Flash/Arrow/Batwoman characters who will join later on).

Original Teen Titans/Young Justice:

Dick Grayson/Nightwing

Donna Troy/Wonder Girl

Conner Kent/Superboy

Luke Fox/Batwing

Kaldur'ahm/Aqualad

Victor Stone/Cyborg

Koriand'r/Starfire

M'gann M'orzz/Miss Martian

So, that's kind of the skeleton of it all. I want to tell my version of some of the characters' origin stories - which, especially with characters such as Diana, Arthur and Clark, who haven't HAD that in the Arrowverse, is going to be so much fun. There will also be twisted versions for the characters who have shows; versions that fit into this new, bigger universe, a universe where they will not be the first heroes.

And I especially want to explore platonic dynamics - John Diggle is the step-brother of Lynn Stewart; I want to see him be Anissa and Jennifer's favorite uncle, I want to explore the dynamics between Donna and Diana, as well as Clark and Conner, let Kara interact with other alien girls her age like Kory and M'gann, dive into the friendship between Kate Kane and Harley and Ivy that I have made up in my head last year. There's a lot I want to explore.

I hope some of you want to explore it with me; the first story in this universe is going to be published on April 7th - Wonder Woman & Aquaman: Of Two Worlds. The origin story of how Diana first came to man's world and an exploration of Arthur and Diana's relationship, based off a seven year old smartass who concluded that he is a descendant of Poseidon and she is a descendant of Zeus, which absolutely makes them cousins.

#DC Comics #Fic: Earth-304d

[ofmythsandmadness]

laughing like there’s any other answer (part two)

part two to ‘laughing like there’s any good reason to smile’.

SUMMARY - maybe he should have ignored the voices above his room. pretended he was sleeping, or out, or mysterious murdered and unable to acknowledge that she was back, drunk again, and still laughing. but alas, the heart wants what it wants and it rarely thinks things through.

WARNINGS - egregious usage of the word ‘toothpaste’ at one point, some foul language, the avoidance of a lot of questions. one mention of throwing up (but it’s v quick and literally just two words and we skate past it, nothing graphic). also, poor onomatopoeia usage, as though i wasn’t an english fanatic in high school. WORD COUNT - 3790. diego hargreeves x female insert.

A/N - this was meant to be just a quick happy writ. and now it’s a bittersweet (more bitter than sweet) mess that’s just making this story more complicated, haha. but it’s fine, she says, nervously laughing like she hadn’t just mucked up the singular happy piece she’s ever written.  i’m not sure how i’m doing, thanks for asking. :)

“IT’S ALL SO STUPID, DIEGO, BECAUSE PEOPLE COULD LIKE YOU.”

After the events of last week, Diego was certain he would never see her again.

Maybe he’d see her, but not her, her. Not the drunk-off-her-ass, mumbling about nonsense and threatening to throw herself out of cars woman, who laughed like she hadn’t a care in the world and called him really dumb, nonsensical nicknames for no reason at all. The one that he couldn’t get out of his head, no matter what he did; she haunted him even without being dead, and he was honestly impressed because that was a hard gift to master so fast.

 No, that was a rare sighting of a weird miracle - like a double rainbow, just way less exciting and hopeful.

But as the week progressed, he had not heard from her at all. She was a ghost. He couldn’t find her anywhere, not at least where she would normally be. Diego was certain she wasn’t dead, because he would have heard about that, but apart from the most morbid of options, he was out of clues as to where she could possibly be.

He had not been sure how he felt about that. At first, the absence of her presence was a nice break, and he could do as he pleased without any arguments  - but as the days went on and his dreams about the other night got stronger, he found himself curious. More than curious; worried. He didn’t want to have their last conversation be that bullshit.

“I like you, you know that?”

A week after they last spoke, and Diego was trying his very best to not care. It was a Tuesday, and Tuesdays were the days he ‘got off’. The stolen - ahem, borrowed - police scanner sat beside him, crackling every so often, but it didn’t say much more than the usual, professional bullshit that didn’t need his input on. He’d wait the night out, see if anything exciting happened, but he had a feeling it’d be a quiet night.

Diego stared at the punching bag in front of him, watching it sway every so gently. Sometimes he imagined a face on it, most times he didn’t, it was just fun to hit and slash. He probably shouldn’t, the little shits were expensive and Al hated his ass already, but-

THWANK.

To hell with it, anyways.

Two more knives joined their friends, quivering. But they didn’t stay long; Diego yanked them out of the soft flesh of the bag, groaning as he sank back down onto the chair. He threw them again, and then again, creating a sad pattern he often enjoyed after the work was done.

THWANK.

The silver metal glinted in the lamplight, cold and bright. The tip dug into the pad of his index finger; he ignored it and twirled the knife anyways.

THWANK.

An old song played in the back of his mind. He didn’t remember the words, but he remembered enough for it to be annoying as hell, repeating the few phrases over and over like a broken record. Diego tried to think of something else, replace the half-assed memory, and yet still the song played on. His only option was to try to listen to anything else, anything at all, but -

-THWANK.

It was quiet in the gym. The only people there were Al and himself, and neither were making much noise. He only knew the former was still there because of his groaning footsteps as he walked the worn wood above Diego’s head, and the occasional curse thrown out like a bullet towards nothing in particular. But the music of the daytime was gone, and with it had gone the hubbub of conversations, grunts and groans and whatever else atmospheric nonsense he normally got.

THWANK.

He didn’t like the quiet much. And he certainly did not like it then, with the stupid song stuck - why couldn’t he remember the name of it, or anything about it? Just a couple bars of an oldie he didn’t even like...some name with an ‘F’, maybe. A shithead singing out his poor heart for a love never returned back to him...why couldn’t there be any other song stuck?

Diego groaned and threw another knife. He poised another in his long fingers, twirling the handle without much thought before pulling back and -

“-what the hell don’t you get, huh?”

He froze. The knife fell from his hand; he fumbled to pick it up a second later, awkward and absent-minded. So focused on whatever Al was bitchin’ about then, he hardly realised he had squeezed too hard, and then-

“-OW!”

Diego roared with all the sound of a mouse, throwing himself off the chair and towards the small bathroom. The wound wasn’t deep, but it stung bright red and painful, scratching out his stupidness across his tender palm. He should have been more careful, he was always so careful with the things-

“-look...I know he’s here, mister!”

He paused again, scratch forgotten. That definitely was not Al.

“I don’t giv’a crap. We’re closed.”

“Uh...so why is this sign saying it’s open?”

“What - no, you just did that!”

Diego could scream. He would scream, if he wasn’t going to lose his job and home to Al’s pissed off ass - but he definitely, really wanted to, frustration bouncing around in his head like a toddler with a tantrum. Gone were all the thoughts of where Y/N was; all he could think about then, was stopping Y/N as soon as he possibly could.

He hurriedly wrapped gauze around his bleeding palm (which really didn’t do much, it just made the wound look worse) and left the bathroom. Taking the stair steps two at a time, it took him merely thirty seconds to get up to the main area.

“What the hell’s going on?” 

“Ah - see, I knew you had him hidden away somewhere!”

Al spun around and fixed his glare on Diego. “You know this lunatic?”

He sighed and nodded (not because he wanted to, but because he had to - there was no way she would walk away from this quietly). “Yeah, I know her. I’ll take care of it, Al.”

“You know, I put up with every single one of your stupid stunts, but I don’t appreciate-”

“-yeah, yeah, I know. I know,” Diego nodded, pretending to listen without hearing a single word of his boss’ speech. “I got it. C’mon.”

Y/N perked up then and stumbled over to him with the biggest smile he might have seen her ever wear in his whole life. If he wasn’t so pissed off…

“What happened to your hand, dear boy?”

He quickly retracted his grip, hiding the injured limb from her sight. “Nothin’.”

“Diego, I’m not stupid.”

“You sure? Cause turning up here, in the middle of the goddamn night on a Tuesday-”

-she yanked her arm away from his tight grip and carried on without him. Even as he protested and hurried behind her, somehow she remained faster, racing down the stairs with the grace of a newborn deer. All limbs and stumbles, but not a care in the world as she shouted something back at him he couldn’t quite catch.

“You can’t just be here.”

“And why not? I mean, you’ve shown up at my place without-”

“-that’s different.”

She stopped then and turned just as he reached her. Both chests heaved, and her eyes darted about his face as though piecing together a mosaic. He just watched her.

“And why is it different, my dainty...dear...Diego?”

“I...I-”

“-gotcha,” she whispered, before pushing the door in with a laugh. “Gotcha, ha - you just got beat by me - how does that feel? How does that feel?”

Diego groaned. “You’re an asshole.”

“And you’re a loser,” she crowed back. But her interest quickly strayed from him, eyes tracing the walls of the tiny space. “You know, I’ve never been here before.”

“Yeah, well-”

“-I like it! I was worried it’d suck total ass, but honestly, out of aaaall the guys’ rooms I’ve seen, this...this is pre-tty close to the top.”

He wasn’t sure whether to take it as a real compliment or not, but at least she didn’t seem interested in a response. It gave him the chance to head back into the bathroom and collect the gauze he had left all over the ground.

“Don’t you have,” he grunted, peeling off the fabric to reveal the sliced palm underneath, “work tomorrow?”

“Work, shmork.”

His teeth gritted. It wasn’t a bad cut, not at all - but it always had to be the shallowest that hurt the most. “Thought you were married to that shit.”

“We’re getting a divorce.”

“Holy shi-give a man a warning,” he retorted, stepping back as much as he could. Though, in the tiny bathroom, there wasn’t much of that - the backs of his legs hit the shower curtain, and she just looked on with a sloppy smile and lidded eyes. “How’d you move so quietly--”

She waved off his question and pushed into the tiny room. “You’re gonna make a mess, trying to deal with that. Let me, loser.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Tipsy. And I’ve got the hands of a surgeon, with or without,” she grinned, refusing even the slightest rebuttal in her triumphant claims. Without any hesitation, she reached for the bottle of peroxide and promptly poured it down his hand like it was water off a duck’s back. Her expression didn’t shift when Diego shouted in pain; she just kept up the swift work with his hand as her hostage.

“You’re a dick.”

“And you’re a little baby.”

“Rude.”

She stuck her tongue out his way.

“You don’t need to-ow,” he hissed, when the gauze tightened too far against his palm. “I could have done it, asshole.”

Y/N’s smile slipped a little at that, and for a moment she didn’t respond; her hands just worked the white bandages around his own, and pressed it together. Finally, once the task was done though, her eyes lifted to his again.

“Sometimes, we need the most help, even when we insist on the opposite.”

“What’s that s’posed to mean?”

She shrugged. “Dunno. I might have made it up. But it sounded real nice, didn’t it?”

Diego just nodded. 

“Can I…” her breath hitched, and somehow, she got even closer than before; he could make out every individual lash glint in the bathroom light, and the way her lips were swollen and a little bruised - he guessed from the constant worrying between her teeth. “Can I ask you a question, Diego?”

He nodded again. 

Her hand ever so lightly grazed over his own; fingers tracing up with the delicacy of a flower. “Do you…”

His breath caught in his throat. Gone were all the frustrations at her of before; all he could think about was her, on repeat in his mind like an EDM song, blaring her name as explosions echoed in the distance. Wasn’t it just seconds before, that she was torturing him with peroxide? Why couldn’t he think about anything but her eyes, and lips, the way she just -- 

“W-what?”

“Do you have any toothpaste?”

Diego blinked, then again, unsure if he had just misheard her. “What?”

“Toothpaste. Y’know, the shit ta clean your teeth?” Her head cocked, her eyes singing laughter, “don’t tell me those pearlies are magic-”

“-I have toothpaste - why the hell do you need toothpaste?”

Once more, she looked like she was in on a joke he just didn’t get. “To brush my teeth with...duh. You think I’m just gonna scrub my tongue with a plain toothbrush? Jeez, Diego, how-”

-he cut her off with a grunt that really didn’t sound like any word in the English language and swung past. In the back of his head, he was murdering his subconscious and wishing the idiot would stop acting for itself.  “Here,” he said, passing her the tube. “Knock yourself out.”

Y/N’s smile grew wider. “Kinky. But I’d rather just brush my teeth.”

“Jes-what does that even mean?!”

Diego, sadly, would never find out. He was left to simply watch her cross the room again, brandishing the tube with great pride in search of her purse - “I threw up on the way here,” she explained, “and I had my toothbrush, but no toothpaste! And I remembered, Diego has nice teeth, and obviously toothpaste is a necessity, so he must have toothpaste! I think that’s why I told the guy to drop me here, actually.”

“There - you know you’re making no sense, right?”

She shrugged, swooping past where he still stood again. She pulled a toothbrush out of its thin black case and started applying his toothpaste. He watched her, unsure what to do as she took over his bathroom and mumbled through an intense brushing session. Before he could even try to understand her, though, he realised something.

“Do you just carry around a toothbrush, wherever you go?”

Her motions paused for a second before resuming. It was so quick, a normal person would have just skipped right over it, but Diego gripped tight to maybe his only clue towards his personal investigation as to ‘what the hell she was doing there, and why’.

“I - I mwearn,” she paused, spitting out and resuming her brushing, “I dwown’t arwawys - swowry, wone swec.”

He waited.

“Sorry. I was saying, I don’t always have a toothbrush on me, but I did today, I had to pick up my stuff and I guess I just left this little guy in my bag. Which was lucky, right?”

Diego ignored her end question and pressed on. “Where were you picking up your stuff from? You’re moving?”

“Oh, ha - no, nothing like that. Just from a friend.” With a snap, the toothbrush had returned to its case and she was yet again pushing right past. That time, though, Diego followed.

“A friend?”

“You do know the definition of that word, right? I can-”

“-a friend that makes you get wasted after visiting with?”

Y/N pushed herself up her leaning, hands clutched tight to her tiny bag. Her smile still remained, but it wasn’t the easy one of just moments before; it was strained, forced onto unwilling cheeks like a suit of armour.

“I’m not wasted, dear, dapper, Diego. Far from it. If I was wasted, I’d be so much stupider than I am right now. I mean, I can-”

“-this the same friend from last week, too?”

“What? What are you-” Y/N swallowed. Her eyes slipped from his to her purse, watching her hands scrabble at the silver handle like it was her last lifeline. “Are you - I don’t get this routine, dude. I just needed toothpaste! I hate bad breath, don’t you?”

Diego stepped over and grabbed her hands in his uninjured one, pausing the frantic picking at the bag. It dropped with a solemn thud; neither looked down to it. 

“What was that for?” She asked, quiet that time.

“You’re not here cause you needed toothpaste.”

“Do you want me to reimburse you for it? Cause I think I might have a dime somewhere, I don’t know how much you want but I’ll pay you back for the tiny, TINY amount of your precious paste I used.”

Diego groaned. For a moment, that flash of frustration flared up again and he was tempted to give up this at all. But it was easily quelled when he looked up again, seeing the worried look she badly covered up with a smile.

“Why’re you here, Y/N?”

“What d’y…” her bottom lip was tugged up into the grasp of her hungry teeth; they worried and nibbled without relief. “D’you want me to go?”

“No. No, I don’t want you to go.”

“Then just let it be, darling,” she sang softly, “and let’s let the toothpaste incident die.”

“No, cause…” his hand pressed softly into her palm, intertwining their fingers with a gentleness he himself didn’t know he possessed. “This is the second time now, you’ve come or called me after getting drunk off your ass, which really isn’t your style. I mean, you’re a freakin’ workaholic. It’s a Tuesday night. You’d be fast asleep right now.”

Her eyes shifted to just behind him, avoiding his soft stare. “You been stalking me or somethin’, my dear?”

“No, but I know you. You’re too caught up in making sure everyone thinks you’re Miss Perfect to be late for shit. Let alone hungover.”

“Well…” she sighed, a sad little sound that barely echoed from her own lips. She seemed to contemplate his words, tossing them over before throwing them away and moving right along.  “You really think of me like that? You think everyone does?”

Diego frowned. “Like what?”

“Miss Perfect? Miss - miss -” her hand grew a little clammy in his grasp; she was getting nervous, and he supposed the alcohol wasn’t helping. “-you think of me as a stick in the mud, Diego? I’m not interesting or exciting, just a plain Jane who-”

“-I think you’re fascinating,” he murmured, even without thinking. He almost regretted the words the second they slipped from his mouth; her gaze snapped to his, wide-eyed and confused, and he could just see the cogs working behind her head. He wasn’t even sure where the words came from, or why they had - he hadn’t thought about anything past getting our where she was, and yet…

“You don’t even like me.”

Diego sighed and held her hand a little tighter. His injured palm came to rest over them, squeezing even with the twinge of pain. “Course I like you. You said that last week.”

“Did I?” She laughed, but it was shrill and pitiful. A mere shell of the glorious sounds that had filled his car days prior; if he hadn’t pressed every sound to his memory permanently, he’d have never known she was the same person. “I - doesn’t sound like me. Are you pulling my leg, Diego?”

He ignored her awkward question, pressing on. “That was the first time I’ve ever heard you laugh. You know that? And we’ve known each other for a while.”

“I’ve laughed before, dummy.”

“That’s - those - those’re bullshit laughs, professional garbage,” he responded, each word growing a little bit stronger. “I heard you laugh your ass off to nothing at all in my car last week, and it was be...n-nice. That’s the shit I know that’s real. Not this game you’re playin’ with yourself.”

Y/N still wouldn’t look at him, no matter how he pressed against her hand, or stared her down. Her eyes rested on a space past him, but they grew sadder by the second, losing that little spark of drunken happiness she had forced to build before. 

“The Y/N I know,” Diego continued, made bold by a feeling he didn’t recognise, “doesn’t take shit from anybody. You don’t think twice; you just do. You trust your gut and it’s almost always right. Sure, sometimes you screw up, but…”

“...not sometimes, dear. Always.”

“No, not-”

“-dear me, I don’t know why I came here,” she muttered, and within a single pull, she was free and pushing away from him. “Sorry, Diego, I mean - it’s a Tuesday! You’ve got your little black-leather Batman fantasy and I’ve got work tomorrow. You know, I’ve been prepping for this meeting and it’s going to be good, I just need to finish those blasted points…”

She rattled on about nothing at all, repeating phrases and half-mumbling the words as she gathered her dropped belongings up. Her jacket, the bag that had fallen between them before, and something he couldn’t quite catch that had slipped out with it.

And Diego, stupidly, just watched.

“You be careful, okay? And-” she paused then, swaying ever so slightly in the windless room, “-just watch yourself. It’s a shitty world, and I can’t have the one person that - that - well, I don’t know where I’m going with this thought, it’s going to stop now. Ha...yeah, no. Just be safe, and make sure you get your six to nine hours or whatever bull...shit…” A sob ended the sentence, soft and sad and joined right after by a loud sniffle.

Diego still watched in silence.

“I know you don’t like me,” she muttered, voice growing raspy from presumably, tears building behind shitty defenses, “and that’s okay. But I...I appreciate you putting up with me. You’re a good guy, Diego. And that’s good. That’s nice. I think you might just be the last goddamn nice guy in this whole city...hm. Should get you a medal, or something. That’d make a good t-shirt…”

He watched her cross and head up the stairs, staggering on one but regaining her balance quickly. And just as she opened the door-

“-you can’t go home by yourself.”

Y/N stopped still and took in his words. She nodded slowly. “Sure...you’re...um, yeah. I’ll call my si...or...my friend, she’s at my place so...uh-huh.”

“C’mon, I’ll just-”

“-you’ve done enough for me tonight, dear,” she smiled, and he could just make out the glint of a tear on her cheek. “Let’s see if your boss won’t do me a favour, too.”

“Y/N.”

She mock-glared, though the expression wasn’t held long. “Diego - see, I can do that too.”

“Let me take you home.”

“This is good, trust me. I’ll...she has my car, so I’ll just call it in. I’ll be gone in four shakes of a scout’s tail, or…that’s not right.” She smiled. “Doesn’t matter. Thanks for the toothpaste, darling boy.”

“B-be safe...”

“I will,” she promised, still smiling like there was any reason to. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to waste anymore of your time, not going to make you have to save me...yeah. See you, Diego.”

She shut the door then, leaving him alone in the heavy silence.

Moments later, he heard the familiar voices above him again.

“Sir, sorry, if you don’t mind…”

“Great Scott, girl - did he do this to you?!”

“Oh, Diego? No, he’s a lovely boy and he was actually being very sweet, I just...I was just thinking about my grandma, and I...I need to make a call?”

The conversation continued, with Al trying his best to console Y/N, and her repeating - even on the phone - that she would be just fine, and that ‘she was awfully sorry for her behaviour, she’s not really the sort to play such sad pranks but desperate times called for bad measures’. Eventually, then, the voices faded, with her wishing him a cheery goodbye and footsteps clunking against the ceiling.

And it was only as her steps died into silence and the door clanged shut, that Diego unfroze from his standing position and realised what a deep, deep, ‘idiot’s only’ grave he had just dug for himself.

#the umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves oneshot #tua x reader #diego hargreeves reader insert #part two

[mywonuderful]

Not So Cold-Hearted Pt.19

Summary: Y/N, a member of a popular newly debut girl group and Wonwoo has what some may call a relationship with emotional ambivalent. Will their relationship remain cold-blooded or will they finally come to an agreement and become something more?

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x Reader

A/N: Sorry but this will be a shorter update than normal. Anyways, I know I may be a little late to start this but upon request, I’ll be making a taglist for this series! (I’ll be adding it onto the previous parts as well) if anyone is interested in being added into the taglist for this series, please feel free to send in a ask or message me!

masterlist

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

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“W-What?” You shuttered out. “There’s no way. She looks so young and flirtatious with you.” You pointed out as Wonwoo lets out a chuckle, making you even more messed up.

“She looks young. She’s actually almost 20 years older than me.” Wonwoo explained as you took a step back, shocked. “How about we go back to the restaurant and I’ll explain everything properly?” He takes a step forward as you stuck your hand out, feeling your face flush in embarrassment.

“Wait... Let me just... process this thoroughly” you whispered as you tried adding the pieces up of what he just explained. Wonwoo crossed his arms looks at you with a small smirk on his face, looking amused at your state.

“Wonwoo baby you’re back already? You’ve never shown that much love before.” his aunt brought out the dishes, smiling lovingly at him before glancing at you.

“I told her everything already so you can cut it with your act.” Wonwoo picked up his cutlery and started eating. You looked up at her as she pouted.

“Aww, why’d you always have to take away the fun?” She whined as she took a seat beside Wonwoo. You slowly started eating, staring down at your food to avoid any eye contact but you could see her resting her elbow on the table, her chin on top of her palm, observing you.

“Since you ruined all the fun, I guess i should properly introduce myself. I’m Wonwoo’s aunt, Seri.” You looked up at her, nodding as you smiled awkwardly, not knowing how to act in this situation.

“Nice to meet you Miss Seri-”

“That makes me sound old! Just call me “Seri unnie!” She brightly smiled at you. Somehow, you drawn to her bright personality.

“But you are old, Seri.” Wonwoo state matter-of-factly as she nudged his shoulder, glaring at him. “I already told her your age-”

“YAH! But I look a lot much younger than my age don’t I?” She leans in towards you, making you almost choke on your food.

“When I first met you, I thought you were around the same age as us.” You confessed as she lets out a satisfied chuckled.

“And I bet that when you first met me, you also thought that I was his girlfriend as well. Am I not wrong?” She raised an eyebrow with a smirk, as Wonwoo stops eating. You met his eyes for a second before looking away, letting out a weak chuckle.

“I think you got it wrong.” You tried to remain as confident with your words. Seri looks at you with a smug look before giving you a wink, as you looked down on your plate, feeling your cheeks redden.

Once the you were finished with your food, Seri started chit chatting with you as Wonwoo quietly scrolls through his phone, join in the conversations here and there.

“You know what’s weird is that Wonwoo told me that I was his ideal type.” She  spoke. “Even though I’m his aunt, it definitely feels weird hearing it from him. Maybe he’s into older woman?”

“I can totally see it.” You thoughtlessly spoke while taking a bite of out the melon she brought out. Wonwoo and Seri froze as they looks at you before you realized you spoke out loud.

“You can totally see it?” Wonwoo questioned, taking his eyes off his phone for once.

“Uh... I recall hearing it in one of your interviews... I think? Haha, must be a mistake.” You nervously laughed trying to cover it up.

“What a stalker.:

“It’s not my problem it was the first thing I saw when I turn on the TV” You lied

“It’s not my problem Seventeen is popular. Or in this case, I’m popular.”

“You? Popular? My ass.”

“You should see how many DMs I get. I can’t help but to be that breathtaking.”

“Yeah wait until I tell them that your ideal type is your aunt, let’s see how that goes about.”

“Alright alright alright. And hey, I’ll say that I’m a pretty hot aunt.” She cuts between the two of you bickering. “How interesting. I’ve never seen Wonwoo fuss with someone this much. Or even talk this much. Especially towards a female.” You crossed your arms, sitting back on the chair as you looked away, feeling annoyed.

“I don’t understand why either. It’s not like he’s winning or anything.” You mumbled.

“...Don’t tell me you guys are acting like kids, fussing around when you secretly have a crush on each other.” She narrowed her eyes, moving her head to you then Wonwoo.

“I’m going to use the washroom.” Wonwoo stands up and left without another word, leaving you and Seri alone.

“This is my chance.” Seri smiled and rushed over to you, telling you scoot over to the next seat.

“Yes?” You asked with confusion.

“Wonwoo and I hold a very special relationship. I know he doesn’t have a lot to say but trust me, when he’s around someone he’s comfortable with, he can surely speak a lot. Now, I’ve been seeing him grow up as a baby and he has never brought over a girl, or even mention a girl. Until you.”

“Until me?”

“Wonwoo mentioned your name. He’s been acting quite weird lately. He came to be the other day, expressing how he’s feeling some pain in his chest and that his mind can’t stop wandering. Next thing you know, he just blurted out your name. I tried asking why but he was just so confusion in his feelings.” Seri explained.

“That’s weird... I’ve been going through something similar as well.” You thought out loud, deeply trying to figure out why when you heard Seri let out a chuckle.

“Then it all makes sense.” You tilted your head, brows furrowed in confusion. “The both of you are in love with each other.” 

“What? No. I don’t see how any of this makes sense.” You scoffed at her nonsense.

“It does. You or Wonwoo just won’t admit it. Your heart is telling you to accept it but you keep on rejecting it. Which is why you’re messed up in your feelings.” You looked at her, trying to not believe in her words. “Y/N, I’m not saying this because I’m his aunt. I know Wonwoo comes off a little cold but he is honestly the sweetest person ever. He’s a little emotionless, especially around females only because he doesn’t know how to act and that he’s nervous. But if he cares for someone, he becomes really attached to that person and slowly loosens up. And I think Wonwoo is feeling a little something towards you. Even if it doesn’t look like it.” 

“I don’t think so. There’s no way.” you rejected, not allowing your thoughts to consider it.

“That’s just you saying that. Maybe if you give a chance and listen to your heart, you’ll feel something else. Both of you have fragile hearts and I know both of you are a little puzzled and scared.” You heard the inner doors of the washroom opening, signalling that Wonwoo is coming out. “But at the end of the day, both need each other.” She patted your head.

“What are you two taking about?” Wonwoo approached the table as Seri stood up, smiling. You couldn’t help but to stare at Wonwoo after what she said.

“Nothing. She was just sharing some secrets on how I can still even more youthful.” Seri patted her face, letting out a giggle.

“What, Is there something on my face?” Wonwoo touched his face, snapping you back to reality.

“N-No.” You looked away, gazing over at Seri who was behind soft smiling.

“Well, as much as I want to keep you guys here. I’m sure the both of you are tried with the awards show coming up.” She clasped her hands together as you took this as a signal for you to leave. She walked the two of you out the door nagging at Wonwoo to take care of himself.

“Bye, Seri. Thanks for the meal again.” Wonwoo waved and started walking with you behind. You quickly turned around, mouthing a ‘thank you’ for the chat from earlier. She nodded her head, understanding what you meant as she gave you two fists as a ‘good luck.’ Though you haven’t come to a conclusion to your feelings, you definitely found something new about Wonwoo. As you walked behind Wonwoo, you observed his broad built shoulders, his tall height and his... eyes?

“Why are you looking at me like that. If there’s something in my face just tell me.” He was facing you. Your eyes widen, as you didn’t even realize when he turned aorund.

“There’s nothing in your face. It’s perfectly fine.”

“I know it’s perfectly fine. I am perfect after al-”

"Okay okay, I get it. You win. I’m too tired to even finishing hearing your useless statements.” You flapped your hand while letting out a small yawn.

“So you’re full of energy before you eat but all tried after a meal? That’s a bit odd.” He spoke as you rubbed your eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“Back at the park. You were going on and on blabbering about your assumptions of my aunt, cutting me off, not listening to what I have to-”

“I don’t know what do to me back there. Sorry.” You quickly spoke, confused at yourself on why you acted that way as well as you mumbled the apology.

“Right. Why were you acting that way? Does Y/N.... Have something to say to me?” Wonwoo suddenly leaned down towards you face. Your eyes widen from his sudden movements as you stepped back, almost falling. “I’m just joking.” 

“Taking advantage of me because of my exhausted state, huh?” You nervously laughed while your felt your heat beating extremely fast. He hummed as the two of you quietly walked back, beside by beside, speaking in short conversations here and there.

“Thanks. You didn’t have to walk me home.” You thanked him as you approached your dormitory.

“It’s not like I have much of a choice. I live a few houses down anyways so I kind of have to pass your house to get home.” He rolled his eyes you gave him a glare.

“I was only trying to be nice, for a change.” You mumbled

“I know. But it takes more than that for me to consider that as nice.” He teased

“Fine, I’ll wait for you to walk to your dorm then. Since you always wait for me to head in first.” You crossed your arms, almost challenging him. He eyes gazed over your head before looking down on you with his blank expression. “What? You don’t have to feel like a princess for once?”

“No. But I don’t think your members will let either of us live if we wait for one of us to leave.” He gives a small wave as you turned your heel and noticed all your members crowded on the living room window that looks out to the front of the building. You could already hear their voices of their conversations in your head. You let out a sigh as you turned back to face him as he lightly shrugs his shoulder.

“Right....”

“But I mean, I don’t mind feel like a princ-”

“Forget it, bye.” You turned and started walking as you heard him chuckle, followed by his light footsteps. You had a sudden urge to turn and look back but you pushed the feeling away and unlocked the door, hearing your members run down the stairs like animals.

<< prev // next >>

#jeon wonwoo #wonwoo #wonwoo seventeen #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios #nsch

[toallthemonstersiveloved]

Match Made in Tavern - Chapter 1

Ladies and gentlemen, it is finally here! The first chapter of my Goliath fiction. First of all, I just want to say that this is loosely based off a Dungeons and Dragons campaign that I played so some of the lore and setting will be referencing that campaign but you don’t need to know anything about the game to understand the story. Also, I didn’t use a beta reader for this so if anyone would like to be my beta reader, please let me know! 

Otherwise please enjoy!

Warnings: Strong Language, implied sex, nsfw in later chapters

2 743 words.

There’s nothing like having to serenade an ancient banshee to terrify one out of their own skin. Lolen was that person currently in the predicament. The act of having to impress a vain, wailing spirit - impressing the cry of death, to put it poetically - was one of the most nerve wracking experiences she has ever faced as an adventuring bard. She was more than happy to have escaped with her life and the lives of her party intact.  

The group was now entering the town and were greeted with the merry atmosphere of a travelling festival. Phandalin could use the cheer, considering the amount of problems the party were hired to address. 

 Lolen was beaming at the thought of ale and some fun of her own. She shuddered at the thought of their most recent escapade and decided that she would need to get considerably drunker to get rid of the memories of the ghostly presence that she needed to persuade. 

 Skai seemed equally as happy about the arrival of the festival and was already running towards the tavern. Lolen picked up the pace and followed hastily after the excited wizard. Upon entry Lolen absorbed the loud voices of the establishment and the music from a bard on the small stage. Skai was already at the bar, greeting the dwarven owner. 

 “What festivities are there to look forward to today?” Skai asked, smiling from ear to ear.  

The barkeep was filling some tankards for someone else at the bar, “I don’t know about outside, miss, but in here we got some wagering going on. Seeing who can out-drink who. Quite the time if you got coin.” 

 Lolen huffed as she listened, hoping her high elf companion wasn’t going to blow all her money on some of the drunken patrons in here. 

 “My friend and I would like to drink against each other.” This is much worse. 

 “Come on, Skai. You know this is a bad idea.” Lolen tried to warn. 

 “Nonsense, this will be fun!” Skai got a mischievous glint in her eyes before adding, “Why? You afraid you’ll lose?”  

That flipped something in Lolen’s mind. “How much are we wagering?”  Skai grinned and placed a gold piece on the bar, the barkeep eyeing it greedily. Lolen gave a curt nod and fished out a gold coin to place on top of Skai’s. The stout man then stuffed the coins in his pocket and began filling up two tankards for the ladies.

  “We have a serious quest tomorrow. You sure you still want to do this?” Lolen asked. She knew Skai would say yes, but at least asking her freed Lolen of any guilt with the hangover sure to make itself home in her friends head.

  “Of course! This is going to be great, and besides I’ll be right as rain in the morning.” Lolen wasn’t sure about that. She took her tankard and went to sit at a table near a small window. The sun was setting, gracing the sky with a golden glow. As Lolen peered out the window, the barkeep stoop atop another table calling for everyone’s attention. 

 “Alright! We’ve got some new players at the table. Who’s gonna bet on these lovely lasses?” he allowed the cheers to engulf the room. He then pointed to Skai. “Who’s gonna place their money on the ethereal beauty?” Skai took a bow as she heard a few of the patrons cheer for her. The dwarf  began collecting the coin that was being passed his way. 

 “Next!” He pointed to Lolen, “Who thinks the soldier looking lass is going to win?” There wasn’t any noise unlike there had been for her companion. Lolen smirked. She expected this and was glad she wouldn’t have to split her winnings. 

 “I’ll bet on her.” 

 Lolen turned to the voice that raised itself above the murmurs of the crowd. He was a goliath. They were rare this far from the mountains and he was the first one she had seen. He locked eyes with her and gave her a curt nod. She did the same in return and turned to face Skai and the barkeep with a sly smile. 

 “Right then.” The barkeep cleared his throat, “Let the drinking begin!”  He jumped off the table as Lolen and Skai took their seats, drinks in hand. They were both smiling. Skai from her overconfidence and Lolen… from the knowledge that the poor woman had never had a drink in her life. 

 And so the drinks poured. Lolen was ahead of Skai by 3 tankards, showing no mercy. There were raucous cheers filling the room as Lolen gulped down the last bit of her drink. Skai was breathlessly drinking whatever she could but her belly was full and she didn’t think she could continue pouring ale down her throat. 

Skai looked over Lolen, flabbergasted that her friend was downing yet another helping of bitter ale. At that Skai slammed her cup against the table. 

 “I give up!”  There were some grumbling from the crowd, disappointed that their wager had not paid off. The atmosphere remained lively and jovial despite the sore loss of the crowd. They all dispersed, Lolen receiving a few pats on the back from other patrons. She looked at the wizard, who was lying face-down on her arms. Lolen stood and bagan rubbing her back in circles, hoping to comfort and help her companion.

  “Are you okay, princess?”

  “I’m not a princess.” Skai mumbled.  

“Okay, come on” Lolen lifted her up and began dragging her toward the staircase of the tavern. Skai was limp in her arms, which left Lolen carrying a lot of her weight. Once they had finally made it up the stairs, Lolen found an empty room and placed her friend on the bed. She took off her boots and placed a chamber pot nearby, in case Skai felt the need to empty her stomach. For now though, she was passed out and snoring quite peacefully.

 Lolen went back to the bar and found the tavern owner. She handed him some coin, “My friend is sleeping in one of the rooms uptairs.”

 “No worries lass.” He said as he pocketed the few coins. He then reached behind the bar and placed a pouch in front of her. “Your winnings.” 

 Lolen nodded in thanks and grabbed the pouch, tying it to a belt under her coat. She then spotted the who had bet on her. He was still drinking alone, indifferent towards the rest of the crowded room. 

 She may have been able to outdrink her dear friend, but that didn’t mean she was left completely unaffected by the alcohol. So she ordered more ale, grasping her cup and walking toward the gray man. He didn’t pay her any mind until she sat down at his table. 

 He eyed the elf suspiciously. Their kinds often did not get along so seeing her sit down with him as casually as she did surprised him. 

“I just wanted to say thank you for betting on me. It would’ve been quite boring if I was the only one to win.” She stated with a friendly smile. 

 “Not a problem miss.” Maybe if he was polite she’d leave. 

“I’m Lolen. No need for any of that ‘miss’ business.” She took a sip of her ale, expecting him to return with his name. He didn’t.

  “And what may I call you, sir?” 

 “Gorg.” 

He answered simply. Still hoping that she would leave and that whole interaction would end soon.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Gorg.” She paused to take a swig of her ale, “So why’d you bet on me and not my friend.” 

 “You look strong and sturdy. You’re friend looked more delicate.” 

 Lolen let out a chuckle, catching the man by surprise. It was simply the truth. 

 “Well, you’re completely right of course. Everyone else saw her sweet face and thought they’d be able to bed her. Turns out the only bed mate she’ll be having tonight is nausea.” She giggled a bit at her own joke.  

Gorg smiled at that, taking note of how this elf was treating him. He hadn’t met many, but the ones that he had met steered clear of him. He knew why his people disliked elves but he wasn’t yet sure of the reasoning for the opposite side of things. He was taking in more of her now, noticing her twirling her white hair around her darker finger. She was wearing studded armor but also some more stylish pieces of clothing. She was a bit odd, which was probably why she was being so impartial toward him.

  “You look different from other elves I’ve seen.” He stated.

  “Yes well in this area, there are a lot of high elves about. I’m a wood elf.” She answered matter of factly.

  The man nodded and Lolen took a moment to examine him a bit more closely. He was quite handsome and he was clearly very strong. The man only had a few pieces of armor covering his torso leaving little to the imagination. He was also covered in skin markings from head to toe that was a darker shade of gray than the rest of his skin. 

 She quickly cleared her throat and her mind, trying to go back to focusing on the conversation. “So what brings you so far from home, Gorg?” 

 He shrugged, “Just looking for some adventure, I guess.”

 “And have you found any?” 

 He crossed his arms on the table.

 “A little bit here and there, but nothing worth tales told by the bards.” 

 “Is that so?” She asked with a smile playing on her lips, “Well, you’re in luck. I just so happen to be a bard myself so I think I’ll be making the decision of whether your tales are worth telling.” 

 He was smiling a bit more, a bit more enthused by their conversation. “Really? You don’t look like a bard.” 

Lolen playfully gasped, “And why not?” 

 “Well, you look more like a fighter or soldier of some kind. You don’t look as dainty as other bards I’ve seen.” 

 “That’s just because I am much more skilled in combat.” She answered, throwing a few punches in the air. “I used to be a soldier after all.”

  “So why’d you become a bard?” He searched her green eyes for the answer.

 “I got tired of it, I guess.” she ran her hand through her hair, “The world of constant fighting is not as fun as it may seem.” 

 “So you moved on from that and decided to go into music instead?” 

 “Is that so hard to believe?” She scoffed. 

“No, just a rather large jump.” He commented.  

“It is.” She stated, taking a large gulp of her drink.

  Lolen was looking at him again. His face seemed kinder and softer then, and she noticed his blue-gray eyes. They looked like rain clouds. She was very comfortable in his company and was beginning to hope she could continue to speak to him for the rest of the evening. Her slightly dazed state may have had something to do with this as she had finished off her ale.

  Lolen had suddenly sat upright with wide, excited eyes. “I just had an amazing idea! You should come with us on our next quest!” 

Gorg was surprised by her invitation, “Why?” 

 “You’re seeking adventure right? My party has been on quite the adventure so far, plus you’ll have your resident bard to sing your praises whenever the opportunity presents itself.” She shimmied her shoulders at that, displaying her pride. 

 Gorg remained silent, furrowing his brows. 

 “Plus,” he heard from the woman, who was now looking into his eyes quite intently, “it would be nice to have you around.”  

He felt something in his chest then. A thump that hit out of it’s regular rhythm. He saw the contrast of her hair against her skin and her genuine smile, taking note of how unique it was. He wasn’t quite sure if he’d define it as beautiful. It was certainly alluring but he’d need time to decide on her beauty. Her offer was equally alluring as she was. He would be able to join an adventuring party and they may even become legend due to her being a bard. He thought of all the possible challenges that lie ahead and how he could improve himself through this experience. He looked into her green eyes, also thinking of how he could impress the lady before him, who was not only a good sport in competition but also friendly and kind.

  “I think it’s a good idea.” He concluded. 

 She beamed at his decisions, possibly a bit too much for a stranger. Lolen couldn’t help but be giddy at having this large and lovely man around all the time. She was sure he’d be a great asset to the team as well as a pleasant change of company. 

 “Wonderful! I will inform my friends in the morning, for now let’s celebrate!” She hopped over to the bar and grabbed two more tankards of ale. Gorg heard her yell, “and keep them coming!” to the barkeep with a bout of laughter at the end before sitting back down.

  She placed his drink in front of him and lifted her cup in a toast. He raised his as well, noticing that she was still smiling.  

“To adventure.” she said and clinked her cup against his, beginning to drink again. He was drinking but not just the ale. He was also swallowing her energy and joy, among other things. 

 The night would certainly be one to remember.    

    Rays of sunlight was cast over Lolen’s face. She squinted at the light, feeling it split her skull. Her tongue was sticking to her palette and her body felt like she was in some kind of massive brawl the night before. She currently had no memories and was too busy trying to fight the sun with her eyelids to care. She rolled over in an attempt to escape the sun.  What kind of Inn keeps stones in the beds? She thought, as her body connected with something hard…and warm. Why were the stones warm? Lolen squinted see what the source of her discomfort was. Her eyes widened as the realization hit her and she bolted to the edge of the bed. 

 Her eyes were roaming across a gray-skinned figure. Armor on the floor. Under the blanket? No clothes. She pulled the blanket over her head and squirmed letting out a frustrated groan. She had slept with Gorg. Of fucking course! She felt the body shift next to her, and peaked her head over the blankets edge.

  “Good morning” He said with a satisfied smile on his drowsy face.  She covered her face again with another groan. At this point she wasn’t even upset that it had happened. Seeing his face again just made her so disappointed that she forgot it.  

#exophilia #exophile #dnd #goliath #goliath dnd #Goliath Barbarian #elf x goliath #Dungeons and Dragons #romance #slow burn #wood elf #wood elf bard #monster lover #monster boyfriend #monster fucker #goliath boyfriend #fantasy

[mst3kproject]

Dracula vs Frankenstein (1971)

 I’ve been meaning to get to this one for a while.  It was directed by Al Adamson and stars Lon Chaney Jr. from Indestructible Man in his last and worst film.  Also featuring appearances by Greydon Clark (director of Angel’s Revenge), Forest J. Ackerman (the comic book guy from Future War), and Jim Davis (the grandpa from The Day Time Ended, not the guy who invented Garfield), and generally being one of the shoddiest and most confusing movies I’ve ever sat through, it is a mystery to me why Joel chose Carnival Magic and just left Dracula vs Frankenstein sitting there.  Maybe it was the widescreen thing.

It’s hard to say what the hell is going on in this movie but I’ll give it a try.  Under the cover of a carnival freak show, mad Dr. D’Ray is decapitating nubile young women and then sewing their heads back on, because… uh… because.  One night, his work is interrupted by none other than Count Dracula!  The Count reveals that he knows D’Ray’s secret – D’Ray is really the last surviving member of the Frankenstein family, and Dracula has recovered the body of the original Frankenstein’s Monster and wants D’Ray to help him bring it to life, because… uh… because.  Meanwhile, a woman named Judith Fontaine is looking for her sister, Joannie, who was last seen on the beach near Dr. D’Ray’s Creature Emporium.  Judith and her boyfriend Mike eventually find their way into D’Ray’s lair, and the doctor and his various deformed assistants (obviously he has deformed assistants) are all killed as the couple attempt to escape again.  What Judith and Mike don’t know is that they’re not safe yet.  They still have Dracula to deal with!

That outline actually only represents a fraction of the madness in Dracula vs Frankenstein.  There’s a rapey biker gang and a bunch of noticeably over-age hippies who seem to think they’re in a very different movie.  There’s D’Ray’s hunchback Groton and his pet puppy, and Grazbo the Angry Midget. There’s the stunningly unhelpful detective who’s supposed to be looking for Joannie.  D’Ray brings the Frankenstein Monster back to life with the help of a magical comet.  The idea that creatures like Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster actually exist is treated as obvious and commonplace, and the climactic fight between the two is over who gets to feel up Judith.  It’s a mess.

The reason Dracula vs Frankenstein is such a mishmash of incongruous ideas, at least according to El Santo of 1000 Misspent Hours, is that Adamson filmed for a while, then ran out of money and had to set the project aside while he raised more.  During this intermission, he got a bunch of new ideas, and had to shoehorn them in with what he’d already shot to turn his original sex-drugs-and-rock-n-roll film into a monster-versus-monster piece.  It should therefore surprise nobody if the results are about as graceful as a giraffe on roller skates.

The two title monsters are astonishingly shitty. Frankenstein’s Monster looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy gone horribly wrong.  He looks like his head got stepped on and they couldn’t afford to fix it. The first time you see him, when Dracula digs him out of a cemetery, you can barely tell you’re supposed to be looking at something’s face – it looks like a mass of home-made play-dough that’s been left out in the sun.  He has claws for some reason.  That sequence of similes still doesn’t do justice to just how absolutely terrible he looks, and yet, shockingly, he’s less stupid than Dracula.

Oh, god, this movie’s Dracula.  His face is slathered in Observer makeup (though his hands aren’t, probably because it would have gotten all over everything) and he wears bright red lipstick and fake fangs that don’t allow him to fully close his mouth.  His vinyl cape almost definitely came from Party City. His voice echoes like he’s talking into an empty garbage can, even when he’s sitting in the back seat of a car. He has an incredibly funky goatee and a ring that shoots fire.  Everything he says and does is deeply, self-consciously dramatic and it all comes to an absurd crescendo in the series of priceless faces he makes as he turns to dust in the sun.

On a scale of absurd theatricality, Dr. D’Ray is only shortly behind him.  The mad doctor dresses like Colonel Sanders, has some classic evil facial hair, and spends much of his screen time monologuing… but nothing he says ever makes a lick of sense. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is literally indescribable so I’m going to have to give you some examples:

Rambling in his lab, D’Ray describes his work as follows: “human blood is the essence from which future illusion may be created, but the secret is not to have the blood at rest.  No, the circulatory system must experience a traumatic shock, one that is inconceivable to the human mind.  The idea of trauma is not a new one, but I am sure I am the first such experimenter to incorporate the horror of an actual decapitation into later rejuvenation of a human body!”  This is evidently supposed to be a justification for the sewing-heads-back-on thing – it ‘activates’ the blood and allows D’Ray to make his ‘serum’.  He then injects that ‘serum’ into Groton, who transforms into an axe-wielding maniac.  Later, Dracula claims that the same ‘serum’ would have made him invincible.  I, uh… what?

Sorry, I was talking about D’Ray’s monologuing.  When describing his Creature Emporium, D’Ray informs some guests, “the greatest mysteries in the world are not mysteries at all, unless we take time to become familiar with them.”  Isn’t that the opposite of how mysteries work?  It’s easy to believe in, say, the Loch Ness Monster, until you familiarize yourself with the history of the ‘evidence’ and realize that it’s almost all complete bullshit.

When Dracula shows up, D’Ray declares, “I am too old and too sick to be interested or surprised by anything, but when a man comes into my house and casts no reflection on my mirror, and on his hand wears the unholy crest of Dracula, there is no scientific answer to anything.  Now, what is on your mind, Count Dracula?” Honestly, this nonsense is spoken with such conviction that you almost don’t notice that the end of the sentence has nothing to do with the beginning.

The movie has two things that might qualify as a ‘special effect’.  One is Dracula’s zappy fire ring.  It’s crummy, but you can tell what they’re going for.  The other is the ‘comet’ that is instrumental in giving life to the Frankenstein Monster.  This is represented by a slow pan past a flickering light bulb against a black background.  Even having just heard Dracula talking about the importance of the comet, it took me a minute to figure out what I was supposedly seeing – it’s that bad.  This might be halfway forgivable if the comet were somehow important to the plot… if the Monster, for example, had to complete some mission before it sets or something.  But it’s totally gratuitous.  They could have taken that out, avoided a distractingly awful effect, and made the movie a little bit shorter!

As for meaning anything… Dracula vs Frankenstein does not, and indeed seems to go out of its way to avoid it.  The events that unfold are remarkably meaningless.  Judith finds her sister Joannie, who is not dead but neither is she alive, and then the story just forgets about Joannie and gives her no resolution.  Hippie girl Samantha is saved from being raped by her angry ex and his biker gang, but then she, too, is entirely forgotten.  D’Ray and his henchmen die in a series of contrived accidents that serve no purpose but getting them out of the way so that Dracula and the Monster can fight uninterrupted.  This is particularly anticlimactic because so far, D’Ray has been presented as our main baddie.  Dracula disintegrates Mike with his magic ring and then the movie rushes to its climax without giving either Judith or the audience time to deal with it.  Dracula, the movie’s actual main baddie, just turns to dust in the sun.

There are a couple of moments that are probably supposed to be social commentary, but they have nothing to do with the meandering main plot. One is the scene where a hippie guy says to his girlfriend, “let’s get ready for the big protest tonight.”  She asks, “what are we protesting this time?” and he shrugs and replies, “I dunno, but I bet it’s fun.”  Later we see this protest, which does seem to have a major ‘party’ component and features some very unspecific placards being waved.  In another sequence there’s a druggie bar with the walls covered in graffiti that say things like POT and SOCIETY SUCKS.

Boy, I bet Adamson was really proud of sticking it to those angry young people.

Dracula vs Frankenstein is mesmerizingly bad.  Usually the best bad movies are the kind where you can follow the story a bit, so you aren’t wasting time wondering what the hell is going on instead of appreciating the nonsense dialogue and unconvincing effects.  Dracula vs Frankenstein is a singular exception.  You never have any idea what anybody’s doing and yet somehow it doesn’t matter… the movie gives up on making sense very early, and just forges merrily ahead, dragging you along behind it.  What’s actually happening never matters enough to distract.  I honestly don’t know if this is a point in the movie’s favour or not… but it would have made a hell of an MST3K episode.

#mst3k #reviews #epsiodes that never were #dracula vs frankenstein #tw: rape #all carnival no magic #70s

[rosesnvines]

That First Step

“Rapunzel! Rapunzel!” 

“Coming Miss Gothel!” The brunette came bounding down the stairs. 

“My goodness child, you’re no longer seven! No need to let out the elephants!” 

Rapunzel laughed. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it! My birthday’s going to be here soon! I’m so excited!” 

“Yes, yes, and I will be here for that. I just need to know if there’s anything you need before I leave.” 

Rapunzel thought for a moment and shook her head. “No, nothing I can think of.” She pouted. “Are you sure I can’t go with you? I should start learning about how to handle art shows.” 

“Nonsense!” said Gothel, placing a kiss on Rapunzel’s forehead. “Why should you go out into the world and expose yourself to all those deadly diseases and criminals? No, stay here where it’s safer, dear. Besides, you can work on your next big piece while I’m gone.” 

“You’re right, of course,” said Rapunzel with a soft smile. 

“Of course I am,” said Gothel, kissing Rapunzel’s forehead again. “Are you absolutely positive you don’t need anything?” 

Rapunzel gave a firm nod. “Positive. I have enough food in the freezer and the pantry for the next month and enough eggs and milk for the next two weeks. I’ll be fine until you get back. Oh, and I had an idea for a story, I want to try to work on that.” 

“Ooh, that sounds like a great idea, but don’t forget, the art comes first, that’s where your income comes from.” 

“Yes Miss Gothel.” 

“Good girl. Now, wish me luck, though I doubt I’ll need it. Your art sells like hot cakes.” 

Rapunzel chuckled. “That’s good that so many people like it!” 

“Yes yes, now, I really must go, I have a plane to catch. I’ll be back in a week!” 

“Bye Miss Gothel! And good luck!” Rapunzel waved as the woman walked out the door. Rapunzel closed and locked the door. She turned, let out a huff, and rolled up her sleeves. “No time to dwell on it. Miss Gothel’s right, it's dangerous out there and I’ve got work to do!” Her mouth trembled slightly as she frowned. “Though I really, really wish I could have gone. Just once! But maybe next time. After all, I do want to celebrate my birthday at home.” She smiled and chuckled. “Besides, there is still a lot to be done. And I do want to work on my story!” She rubbed her hands together. “Alright, Raps, time to get to it!” 

She started by cleaning up the house and taking care of her pet lizard, Pascal. Then she got to baking and prepping her meals for the week. Once she got that finished, she finally sat down to eat some breakfast. Then she got to work painting. She painted a couple of nature scenes, plus a couple of dance scenes based on a few movies she had seen recently. She really liked seeing the long gowns cascade and twirl so gracefully when the women moved. She tilted her head when she deemed one finished. It was of a couple caught mid-twirl. They seemed to be laughing, enjoying the thrill of the dance. She wondered if this was how Cinderella felt, watching all those balls from afar. How would she, Rpaunzel, enter herself?

In her mind’s eye, the painting came to life. Couples dancing gracefully in time to the beat, enjoying the party and having fun. Rapunzel envisioned herself in a similar dress to the other women. But what color? Pink? Purple? She decided on a pale mauve before descending the stairs to join the party. Several men asked her to dance, and she obliged. She danced and twirled and sang and talked, just being the life of the party. One man, though, stood just out of reach. He never approached her, but he always waved when he caught her eye. He was kinda cute, brown hair, brown eyes, a merry twinkle to those eyes too. Why did he not come out to the dance floor even though he waved to her? Did he want her to go to him? 

A loud banging startled Rapunzel out of her daydream. She blinked several times as she came crashing back to reality. Someone banged on the door again. Thinking that maybe Gothel forgot something by mistake, which was unlike her, Rapunzel quickly ran to the door, unlocked it, and threw it open. She gasped when the twinkling brown eyes of the man in her daydream was looking back at her, hand raised to pound on the door again. 

“Uh, package for Rapunzel Green,” he said, holding out a box to her. 

“Oh, uh, um, ok?” said Rapunzel taking the box from him. “Um, thank, thank you?” 

He raised an eyebrow. “What’s the matter? Don’t get out much, do you?” 

Rapunzel blinked. “Uh, um, what, what makes you say that?” 

“I’ve never seen someone so engrossed in their daydream that they don’t see me through the window.” 

Rapunzel’s eyes and mouth flew open. So that was why he kept waving and never joined her on the dance floor! “O-oh! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry about that!” 

He grinned. “You’re fine, it looked like a fun daydream.” 

Rapunzel chuckled. “It was.” She bit her lip. “Um, well, uh, thank you again for delivering this package.” She glanced down at it, realizing with a start that nothing had ever been delivered to her before. Miss Gothel would have a fit that someone delivered something to her and would move her again. Maybe she could avoid that.  “But, um, is there any chance you could take this to another address? I’m, I’m not supposed to be receiving packages.” 

The fellow raised an eyebrow. “What? How come?” 

“Oh, my agent wants me to be safe, that’s all. Someone tried to kill me once and she’s been making sure nothing like that happens again, so we have things like this sent to another address.” 

“Oh, well, the guy who told me to deliver it said to deliver it to you and that it can only be opened by you. But, I can deliver it . . .”

Rapunzel placed her hand on his arm, eyes wide. “What did you say? What man?” 

“Uh, this guy who practically pulled me off the street and paid me to deliver it to you. He said there wasn’t much time and you needed this.” He shrugged. “That’s all I know.” Rapunzel glanced down at the package. What should she do? Gothel always knew what to do. “I mean, if you think this guy is trying to kill you . . .” 

“I, um, I want to open it.” She paused. “But, but I don’t know if I can do this alone and, and . . .” 

His hand touched her shoulder gently. “Do you need me to stay? Because I will and I will track down that guy for you if he was intending to kill you. I don’t want to be put in jail for his crimes.” 

Rapunzel bobbed her head. “I don’t you to either, Mister . . .”

He extended his hand. “Jackson Overland, but you can call me Jack.” 

She smiled and shook his hand. “I’m Rapunzel Green, but you can call me Raps. But uh, I guess you knew that.” 

“Well, Rapunzel Green, yes, did not know about the Raps. Good to know, and nice nickname.” 

“Thanks!” 

“Shall we find out what’s in this mysterious package?” 

Rapunzel nodded and opened the door wider to let Jack in. Once he stepped in, she closed and locked the door before leading him to the dining table. She pulled out a pair of scissors and quickly opened it. She reached into the box and pulled out some papers. 

“Well, unless that guy wanted to kill you slowly by way of a papercut, there doesn’t look like there’s anything that will harm you,” said Jack, rummaging through the rest of the papers in the box. 

Rapunzel, however, was reading the papers she had pulled out. She gasped as she sat back in the chair. “Jack!” 

Jack walked over to where she was sitting and read over his shoulder. “‘Princess of Corona went missing at only six years old after a near attempt on her life. If anyone has any information on her whereabouts, please contact the king and queen or the chief of police immediately.’” Jack took the paper from her. “Wait, I’ve heard about this story. The Princess simply vanished into thin air!” He glanced at Rapunzel. “Does that guy seriously think you’re the princess of Corona?” 

“I-I don’t know. I don’t know anything about my parents.” 

Jack grabbed her hand. “Then let’s go find out!” 

“No! Miss Gothel told me I should never leave! There are so many deadly diseases out there, and all those criminals? Oh, we’re bound to catch some horrible disease and shrivel up or get murdered!” 

Jack blinked. “She, she did?” Rapunzel bobbed her head. Jack crossed his arms. “Ok, I think that warrants the need for you to do this just so you can leave this house. Don’t you want to do anything beyond shriveling away in this house?” 

Rapunzel winced at the words before glancing at the painting she had finished. “Well, I’ve, I’ve always wanted to go to a party, to a museum or an art show . . .” 

“Then we’ll look into this and go do all three before your agent finds out.” 

“Oh, but she’ll be gone for only a week!” 

“Then we’d better get started, Cinderella.” He waved his finger. “And you know what, I’ve got an idea. I’ll be right back.” Jack dashed towards the door. 

“Where are you going?” asked Rapunzel, chasing him to the door. He had it unlocked and open.

“To see a friend. You be ready when I get back! Won’t be long, promise!” He  shut the door and was dashing down the street. Rapunzel bit her lip. Should she really? She glanced down at the papers, papers that hinted that she might be a princess long thought missing, or worse, dead. Her fingers tightened around the papers. She had to know, she had to find out more. Perhaps she and Gothel could have a good long laugh over it afterwards, but right now, she just needed to know. She tossed the papers on the table before dashing up the stairs to pack. 

She had a suitcase and a backpack packed and ready to roll along with a box for Pascal when Jack came back. He carried in a bag, but stopped short when he saw the luggage.

He let out a low whistle. “Boy, you look like you’re heading out on the vacation of your dreams!” 

“I, I didn’t know how much to pack, so, I packed some clothes, some food, and art supplies.” 

Jack raised his eyebrow. “I see. Mind if I double check?” 

“Oh would you? I don’t want to forget anything!” 

“Well Ok then.” He opened the backpack. It was mostly art supplies with a few cans of food and some shirts and undergarments. He dumped the contents on the dining room table. He went and got the suitcase. More art supplies along with food and clothes. He pulled out a week’s worth of clothes and a few art supplies and stuffed them in the backpack. “Here, that’s all you need.” 

Rapunzel’s eyes widened. “What?” 

“We can get the food while we travel and your lizard can catch bugs. If you want to get back here before your agent, you need to pack light.” 

Rapunzel gulped as she took the backpack. “Um, alright.” 

“Great, and now . . .” He opened the bag and pulled out a blonde wig. He placed it on her head. “Now your agent won’t recognise you should anyone take a picture of you.” 

“But then, the king and queen wouldn’t either!” 

“We can take the wig off for the king and the queen, that’s not a biggie. But we’ve got to go, now.” He grabbed her arm and led her towards the door. She stopped at the doorway. He paused and glanced at her. She turned and looked back at her house. It was cozy, warm, and safe. Maybe Gothel was right and she really shouldn’t expose herself to deadly diseases or nasty criminals. But then she turned and glanced at Jack, and out at the street. And yet, she still wanted that taste of freedom, just one small bite. If she didn’t like it, she could come back and stay home forever. Besides, this seemed important and needed her special attention. She took a deep breath and let it out before stepping down the steps of her house, the first steps out into the world. 

#jackunzel #jackunzelmonth #jackunzelmonth20 #fanfic #jack frost #rapunzel #modern au

[general-rusty]

Hazbin AU Swap

Alastor the host to hell's 6th most popular radio station, out got of him apartment to see the ruins from his balcony. He clears his throat and started to sing.

Chasing Happiness ♪ At the end of the journey there's happiness ♪ ♪ And to find it, how often I’ve tried ♪ ♪ But my life is a race ♪ ♪ Just a wild goose chase ♪ ♪ And my hopes, they were just a lie♪ ♪ Why have I always been a failure ♪ ♪ What could the reason be ♪ ♪ I wonder if the world's to blame ♪ ♪ I wonder if it could be me ♪ ♪ I'm always looking for hope♪ ♪ searching them with my tears♪ ♪ My schemes are just like all my dreams ♪ ♪ Ending every year♪ ♪ Some fellows look and find the sunshine ♪ ♪ I always look and find the rain ♪ ♪ Some fellows make a winning sometime ♪ ♪ I never even make the game ♪ ♪ Believe me ♪ ♪ I'm always looking for hope♪ ♪ Waiting to find the happiness♪ ♪ In vain ♪

In the streets of Hell

A Demon falls from the sky and lands on the ground. "Oh, I’m alive. I’m alive!" He said

A motorcycle runs him over and stop to drop off a leatherjacket wearing Niffty. "Heh. Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff." A male raccoon demon said.

"Yeah, yeah, listen. Keep this discreet, hear me? I can’t let it get out I’m offering my services to creeps on the street. It was a quick cash grab, ya got it?" Niffty said

The Raccoon scoffs, "Whatever you say, slut!" He laughs

"Ouch, ooh, such an insult!  Let me know when you come up with something creative to call me you sack of poorly packaged horse shit. Tell the mrs' I said hi. Schnookums." Niffty quipped

The motorcycle rides off

Niffty brush the dust off of herself. A hooded demon grab the cash out of Niffty's hand "Yoink!"

"Hey!" Niffty shouted

"Up yours, midget!" The hooded demon shouted. A rock falls onto the hooded demon.

Niffty gasps, "Oh my god! My money! Dang it!" She shouted

Up on Ms Cherri's ship.

"HAHAHA! THOSE WEAK SINNERS WONT DARE TOUCH MY TERRITORY OF DESTRUCTION! A WISE DECISION, THE POWER OF MY EXPLOSIVES ARE UNMATCHED! NOW ONE, ONE COULD COMPARE TO THE LIKENESS OF I!" Ms Cherri laughed. Cherri now wears a ugly red pantsuit.

"Gee, that is pretty good, boss!" One of Cherri's cherryboi yuppie minions said

"Yeah! You really showed them what for!" another Cherryboi said

"I loved it when you blow them up them with your grenade launcher." said a Cherryboi

"I wish she’d shoot me with her grenade launcher." cried a Cherryboi

Another Cherryboy pat his Cherrybrother's back.

"IN A FEW DAYS ILL DESTROY THE ENTIRE EAST SIDE OF THE PENTAGRAM! HELL WILL BE RUINED! AND EVERY ONE WILL FEAR THE NAME OF MS. CH-" Ms Cherri yelled.

"SSSLUT!" A wise guy shouted.

"DAFUQ!? WHO SAID THAT! WHAT DID YOU SAID SHITTY EXCUSE FOR A FRUIT!? SPEAK THE FUCK UP!" Cherri threatened.

A explosive egg bot was YEETED through the windshield and explodes in front of everyone.

Pentious now in patches and his top hat is a now flat cap, jumps through the hole in the windshield, "You looking for a fight, filthy whore? why won't you take your little whore house nonsense of my territory before I sssmasssh it." a support beam falls on to a cherryboi. "more..." Pentious threatened.

"OH YOU WANNA GO GRANDPA!? I HOPE YOU LIKE GUNPOWDER BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU WILL GET!" Cherri shouted while her Cherrybois surround Pentious.

The morning report. Two demons were at the desk. A oppressive suited man with white combed to the side hair and a gasmask for a face. And a frail white blonde woman with red eyes. "Good afternoon! I’m Tommy Trench." Tommy announced.

"And I’m Kate Killjoy. Chaos at a pentagram city today as a turf war is raging on the east side. Between notable Queen pin Ms Cherri Bomb and self-proclaimed wise guy Pentious." Kate reported.

"That’s right Kate! After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!" Tommy reported.

"Those two seem to really be going at it, huh?" Kate repiled.

"Looks like they’re fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!" Tommy pulls a tooth and nail out of the mug, place them on the desk, and smash them with his fist.

"And I’d sure love to get my hot spot nailed by him." Kate giggles.

Tommy chuckles, "You sure are a big pussy whore, Kate. Or should I say-" Tommy pours coffee onto Kate's crotch -Burnt Pussy."

"Not again!" Kate cried. Kate curled up in pain.

"Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the host of Hell’s 6th most popular radio, who’s here to discuss his brand-new passion project! All that and more, after the break!" Tommy crushes the mug. "Suck it up you little bi-"

Backstage.

Alastor now a lot more tender and tweak like, and Husk which is wearing a withered red and black leisure suit. "Okay. You remember what to say?" Husk ask.

Alastor took a deep breath. "Okay! Let’s do this!"

"Look at me, and I’ll mouth it to you." Husk said.

"Come on, Husker! I know all of the currant slang terms! I just feel like we need to- I don’t know, make things sound more glamour and darb-" Alastor gasp, "Oh! What if I-"

"-sing a song about it?" Husk said.

Alastor chuckles, "You knew I was gonna say that."

"Because you're like a book. But please don’t fucking sing. This is serious." Husk stated

"Well you know, I’m better at expressing myself and my goals through song! It's my job after all." Alastor said.

"But this isn’t like the radio, Al." Husk

"Okay I’ll just have to resort to my impeccable improve skills." Alastor said with a southern bell accent.

Now with Tommy Trench.

Alastor walks up to Tommy. "Hi! I’m Alastor." holds out his hand.

"Tommy Trench." Tommy drops the cigarette and stomps on it. "I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but that's a horseshit lie. You can put that away." Alastor pulls his hand back. "I don’t touch the mixes. I have standards."

"Yeah? How’s uh- how’s that working out for ya?" Alastor asked while a support beam falls down onto a crewman. "Can someone help me!" the crewman screamed in pain.

"Look, my time is money, so I’ll keep this short. We’re not here because we wanted you here, you’re here because Rodney couldn’t make it for his dating show."

Alastor looked past Tommy's shoulder to see Kate rolling her eyes.

"You might be some radio bigshot, but that doesn’t mean shit to me. I’m too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing F list radio host wants to advertise." Tommy got into Alastor's face.

"But I-" Alastor stuttered.

"-So don’t get funny with me buddy, or I will fucking end you." Tommy threatened.

"And we’re live!" A crewman shouted.

Tommy ran back to his seat and Alastor walks to his seat. "Welcome back! So, Alex-" Alastor interrupts, "It’s Alastor."

"Whatever. Tell us about this new passion project you’ve been insistently pestering our news station about!" Tommy grips the handgun in his jacket.

Alastor clears his throat, "As most of you know, I have been here in Hell since 1933, and if you remember life wasn't easy back then, but as you can see life is a lot worse here than it was there. I always tried to see the good in everything around me. Hell is my home, and you are my people. We-" Tommy shoots a bug with that handgun. Blood splashes onto Alastor's face. "We just went through another extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. No one is even given a chance! I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I’ve been thinking. Isn’t there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through… redemption? Well I think yes. So that’s what this project aims to achieve! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!" Alastor announce.

...

"Y’know? ‘Cause hotels are for people passing through… temporarily."

In a dive bar in the hick part of hell. A bear demon laughes, "Is this guy for real? He thinks, you hear what this city boy thinks? he-' short laugh "-Oh, he’s nuts."

The camera man spoke up. "Stupid nig-"

Husk uppercuts the camera man.

"Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside. I know you do. Maybe I’m not getting through to you." Alastor said

Husk sighs "Oh no."

Alastor snaps his fingers to bring his jazz band in.

♪ We have a dream ♪ ♪ We wish to tell ♪ ♪ And it’s just ball ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re one of a kind ♪ ♪ A charming demon belle! ♪ ♪ Now let’s give these burning fools a place to dwell ♪ ♪ (Take it, boys!) ♪ ♪ (Boo!) ♪ ♪ Inside of every demon is a cause ♪ ♪ We’ll dress ‘em up and give them a smile! ♪ ♪ (With a smile!) ♪ ♪ And we’ll chlorinate this cesspool ♪ ♪ With some old redemption flair ♪ ♪ And show these guys some proper class and style! ♪ ♪ (What’s in style?) ♪ ♪ (Oh!) ♪ ♪ Here below the ground ♪ ♪ I’m sure your plan is sound!  ♪ ♪ They’ll spend a little time ♪ ♪ Down at this Happy Ho-- ♪

Random demon: "Shut the fuck up! That is shit!"

Everyone laughs uncontrollably.

"What in the nine circles makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good just… because?" Tommy and Kate laughs.

"Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause, and she’s shown incredible progress!" Alastor shouted

"Oh? And who might that be?" Tommy asked.

"Oh, just someone named… Niffty." Alastor replied.

"The porn star?" Kate asked.

Tommy slowly turns around pointing that handgun at Kate. "You fucking would, Kate." Tommy turns back around. "In any case, that’s not even an accomplishment. I’m sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube."

"Oh, I beg to differ. She’s been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for 2 weeks now." Alastor replied.

"Breaking news!" Shouted a crewman

Tommy pushed Alastor away. "We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let’s go to the live feed!"

Shows Niffty kicking Cherryboi ass.

"Di Mi!." Alastor whispered.

"Dee Me indeed! It looks like the one who just joined the battle is none other than-" gasp "-porn actress Niffty! What a juicy coincidence! You must feel really stupid right now." Tommy said

Tommy and Kate laugh. "Ratings!"

Alastor gasped, "Don’t look at this!" He tried to hid the window on the greenscreen.

"Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival. Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah? Well- how does it feel that I got your pen, huh? Dick?!" Alastor shouted.

Tommy went silent.

Alastor nervously laughs, "Sorry." Put the pen back.

Kate runs away while Tommy got the flamethrower

Back in the streets

"Hey thanks for the backup, Niffts!" Pentious shouted.

"You kiddin'? This is the best action I've seen in ages!" Niffty replied.

Pentious throws a egg bomb. "Where have you been anyways? I thought you died or something."

"Oh I wish! I've been staying at this dirty hotel on the other side of town. Some guys let me stay rent free if I play nice His words, not mine. These assholes are no fun! I’ve been clean for two weeks!" Niffty answered.

"Holy crap." Pentious replied.

"Well, sorta clean. As clean as you can get with a shitload of Bolivian marching powder." Niffty replied.

Cherri whips and ties Niffty up in a vine.

"Oh, harder mommy!" Niffty moaned.

Cherri gasp, "Daughter?!"

Niffty raise the brow in a "Da fuck?" way.

"You douches have no style! In war, the side remembered is the side with the most style." Cherri pop her collar up.

"Or the side that ain’t 6 feet under." Pentious replied.

"Speaking of style, what's up with the colors, it's red this and red that. Is it that time of the month?" Pentious quipped.

"Oh, well, that’s none of your goddamn business, now is it?" Cherri shouted.

"Oh yeah we're not suppose to talk about that." Niffty quipped.

"I’m going to blow you to bits!" Cherri threatened.

"Hm! Kinky!" Niffty quipped.

"Oh, not like that! creep!" Cherri replied.

Cherriyboi shoots at Niffty with a vine net gun.

"Not so cocky now, are we?" Cherri threatened.

"Y’know, you really gotta watch what comes out of your mouth. I’ve been making these sex jokes the whole-" Cherri pulls out a smg "-TIME! And it’s obvious ya ain’t catchin’ on-" Niffty kicks Cherri, takes her gun and shoots at the Cherryboi. "-I mean, it’s just SAD!

"So think you’re gonna get in a lot of trouble for this?" Pentious asked.

"Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?" Niffty asked.

Back in the newsroom.

Alastor and Tommy are going at it fisticuffs, while the flamethrower is blowing fire to the right of the desk.

Kate runs into view of the camera while on fire. "Why won’t anyone help me?!" She screams.

Back in the streets. "Glad ya haven’t changed. You know you’re my favorite gal to party with!" Pentious shouted.

"You know it, you slimy snake. You ready to finish this?" Niffty asked.

"Hell yeah, baby." Pentious answered.

Niffty, Pentious, Ms Cherri, CherryBois, Alastor, Tommy, and Kate yelling in a 4 screen split.

In the Limo driving to the hotel Niffty was playing with the window

Husk carving a wooden steak and giving Niffty the death stare.

Niffty looks up to Husk, "What?"

"What? What?! What were you fucking doing?!" Husk shouted.

Niffty sighs, "Look I owed my snake buddy a solid! Isn’t that a “redeeming quality"? Helping pals with stuff?" Niffty shouted.

"Not with turf wars that result in genocide!" Husk shouted.

"Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred, plus didn't you caused a Genocide." Niffty snickers.

Husk throws the wooden steak at Niffty which pierced throw the window.

"Aw come on, I had to! My credibility was on the line-" Niffty sighs "-I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was trying to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona."

"Your credibility? What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like fucking clowns!" Husk shouted.

"No no no, hon. Clowns are funny! I made you look… uh, sad! And pathetic! Like an orphan, with no arms, or legs… Uh… oh, with progeria! Great! Now I’m bummed thinking about it! This thing have any liquor?" Niffty asked.

"Can you please just try to take this seriously?" Husk asked.

"Fine, I’ll try, just don’t bitch to your mother while you're fucking her." Niffty quipped.

"What was that you trying to be?" Husk got up and pulled out his knife.

"Whatever pisses you off the most. Is there seriously no liquor in here?!" Niffty shouted.

"I’m gonna kill her." Husk sat back down.

"Too late, hon. Wait, would that make me double dead? And where exactly do I go, to double Hell? Sorry, you’re stuck with me, bitch. Get used to it." Niffty laughs.

"Fucking bitch!" Husk mumbled.

"Listen, who cares if some jagoffs got hurt? Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around! Got a bunch of fuckin’ harlequin babies down here." Niffty said.

"You’re one to talk." Husk quipped.

"Hey! This body is flawless! Everyone wants some of me, and I’ve got the creepy fan letters to prove it!" Niffty pulls out a letter with stains.

"That was really not swell y’know, Niffty" Alastor said.

"Not Sweel?! After that trainwreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel. All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!" Husk shouted.

"Does that mean I don’t have a free room anymore?" Niffty asked.

Husk pulls the knife out again.

"Ah, well, shucks." Niffty snaps.

"Hey, come on, we don’t know if things are over yet. Try to relax, Husker. It’ll be okay!" Alastor reassured.

At the Happy Hotel

The three open the door. Husk sat down on to the couch to look at his hands, his mind goes back to the war.

Niffty went to the fridge to get a beer. "It’s probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y’know, to feed all the wayward souls ya got in here." Niffty laughed, but then it became nervous laughter, and then she just stops.

Alastor went out to talk to his boss. "Hey Boss. Um, I know I keep calling, and you must want that kale paid back. But um, the interview isn't sitting pretty and... I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference. I don’t know what I’m doing. I could really use some advice, Boss. I think you're right about me. A-anyway, I’ll stop talking before this gets long." Alastor went back in.

A knock to the tune of Come On Eileen was on the door.

Alastor opens the door to see Charlie in her demon form.

"Hell-"

Alastor slams the door, and then open it again to see if he just saw that.

-o."

Alastor slams the door again. "Hey Husker?

"What?!" Husk asked.

"The Musical Demon is at the door!" Alastor nervously answered.

"Holy shit what?!" Husk drops the knife.

"Uh, who?" Niffty asked

"What should I do?" Alastor asked.

"Well, don’t let that bitch in!" Husk shouted

Alastor slowly opens the door.

"May I speak now?" Charlie asked.

"You may-" Alastor said.

"Charlie, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart, quite a pleasure. Excuse my visit, but I saw your riot on news and I just couldn’t resist. What a performance! Why, I haven’t been that entertained since the Great White show of 2003. Ah so many bodies." Charlie introduced

"Stop right there!" Husk pointed a M16 at Charlie. "I know your game. And I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you spunky, quirky, musical harlot!" Husk threatened.

Charlie laughs slightly, "Hon, if I wanted to hurt anyone here... I would have done so already...." spooky demonic stuff pops up and then goes away. "No, I’m here because I want to help!"

"Say what now?" Alastor asked.

"Help!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Um, you want to help?" Alastor asked.

"With this ridiculous thing you’re trying to do! This hotel! I want to help you run it." Charlie exclaimed.

"Uh… why?" Alastor asked.

Charlie laughs, "Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I’ve lacked inspiration for decades! My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I’ve come to crave a new form of entertainment!"

"Does getting into a fist fight with a upstage reporter count as entertainment?" Alastor asked.

Charlie laughs, "Absolutely, it's reality.  After all, the world is a stage! And the stage is a world of entertainment!"

"So, does this mean that you think it’s possible to rehabilitate a demon?" Alastor asked.

Charlie laughs, "Ha no. That’s wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! Nononono, I don’t think there’s anything left that could save such loathsome sinners! The chance given was the life they lived before; the punishment is this! There is no undoing what is done!"

"So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t believe in my cause?" Alastor asked.

"Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure." Charlie stated.

"Right?" Alastor nervously asked.

"Yes indeedy! I see big things coming your way, and who better to help than I…" Charlie exclaimed.

With Husk and Niffty.

"Ah, so uh, what’s the deal with Smiles over there?" Niffty asked.

"Wait, you’ve never heard of her before? You’ve been here longer than me!" Husk shouted.

"Only for a decade." Niffty replied.

"The Musical Demon, one of the most powerful fuckers Hell has ever seen?" Husk stated.

"Eh, not big on politics." Niffty answered.

"Some fuckin' time ago, Charlie was let out of Lucifer's castle she rampaged the fuck out of everything and then she started podcasting her carnage through fucking songs people started calling her, the music demon.. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Strange song and dense numbers would play on the radio paired with terrifying screams and cries for help. She'd force victims to join in and those who wouldn't or couldn't got the worst of it. Sinners started calling her the Musical Demon. (How fucking original!) Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled her to rival our world’s most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing’s for sure: She’s an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos the likes of which we can’t risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased." Husk annoyingly exclaims.

"Bash ears much?" Niffty silently laughs, "She looks like a cinnamon roll princess!"

"Well, I don’t trust her!" Husk spat.

"To be fair, do you trust anyone?" Niffty asked. "Anyone."

Husk went to Alastor.

"Al, man, listen to me. You can’t believe this girl! She isn’t just a happy face! She’s a dealmaker, pure evil! She's Lucifer's daughter! She can’t be redeemed! And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we’re trying to do. And we don't want that." Husk stated.

"I know she’s bad, and I know she probably doesn’t wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can’t.  It goes against everything I’m trying to do. Everything I believe in. I would be like them back then. Just trust me. I can take care of myself." Alastor stated.

"Alastor, whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!" Shouted.

"Don’t worry, I picked up one thing from them. “Ya don’t take shit from rich folk!”  Okay, so… Charlotte. You’re sketchy, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a joke. But I don’t. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or voodoo strings attached." Alastor nervously said.

"So it’s a deal then?" Charlie asked.

Alastor takes a gulp before he shakes her burning hot hands. Her hand burns Alastor's hand like a hot stove. Alastor cries in pain.

Charlie let go of Alastor hand and went to Husk.

Alastor went to the fridge to get something to cool his hand.

"Smile, my boy! You know you’re never fully dressed without one!" Charlie stated. "So where is your hotel staff?" She asked.

"Uh, well…" Alastor points to Husk and Niffty with his good hand.

Husk growls.

"Oh ho ho ho, you’re going to need more than that." Charlie stated.

"And what can you do you quirky cutie?" Charlie asked Niffty.

"I can finger you to heaven." Niffty replied.

"Maybe not..." Charlie said.

"Your loss." Niffty stated.

"Well this just won’t do! I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up!" Charlie snaps, which cleans the fireplace and light up a fire in it. Charlie then pulled out a tall and dark demon from the fireplace. Charlie then shake it a little to get rid of the soot which reveals our white and pink Spider Boi Angel Dust.

"This tall friend is Angel!" Charlie said.

"Hello, my name is angel, it been along time since I saw any guy... IS ANYONE HERE GAY!? sorry, that was rude... OH MY! this place is disgusting, it really need the fabulous touch, which is weird cause I'm sure at least one of you is gay..." Angel went all around the room with his 6 arms cleaning and remodeling everything.

Charlie snaps again.

A gray female demon was at a bar talking to a male demon, "Okay that will be $50 for a hand- wohhhhhh" All kinds of demonic shit goes around Vaggie "¿Que demonios?" Vaggie notices Charlie, "YOU!"

"Veggie sweat heart glad you could make it!" Charlie exclaims and then hugs

"Don't you veggie me! I was working!" Vaggie pushed Charlie away.

"Good to see you to!" Charlie laughed

"What do you want?" Vaggie asked.

"Well sweaty I'm doing some charity work and I took it upon my self to volunteer your Service!" Charlie answered.

"Are you joking!?" Vaggie asked.

"No, I don't think so! I thought you could be the new face of this fine establishment!"  Charlie points to a pole. "With your fine smile and "past experience" this job was made for you!" Charlie stated.

"IM AINT DOING NO CHAIRTY WORK DO I LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF A FUCKING JOKE!?" Vaggie shouted.

"Maybe, but don't worry,I can make it more rewarding, if you wish." Charlie projects all of the cute good times they had back then.

"What!? you can think you can buy me with a wink and some good memories!? Well you can!" Vaggie got up to the stage

"Hey hey, heyheyhey! NO! No pole dancing we're meant to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of… casino, brothel, man-cave-" Husk ranted.

Niffty jumps on Husk. "Shut up! Shut! Up! We are keeping this." Niffty pointed to Vaggie. "Hey." Niffty flirted to Vaggie

"¡Vete a la mierda!" Vaggie said.

"Sounds sexy." Niffty flirted.

Alastor went up the the stage, "Hello there my scantily dressed friend! Welcome to this fine or at least with your help soon to be fine hotel!" Alastor introduced himself.

"I lost the ability to love years ago, so unless you got cash you're not worth my time." Vaggie stated.

"So, what do you think?" Charlie asked.

"This is the Bees Knees!" Alastor bellowed.

"It’s… fine." Husk stated.

Charlie went in for a hug with Alastor and Husk, "This is going to be very fun!" Charlie clears her throat and push Husk away. ♪ You have a dream ♪ ♪ You wish to tell ♪ ♪ And it’s just laughable ♪ ♪ But hey sir, what the hell! ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re one of a kind ♪ ♪ A charming pal! ♪ ♪ Now let’s give these burning fools a place to dwell ♪ ♪ Inside of every demon is a waste ♪ ♪ But we’ll dress ‘em up for now with just a smile! ♪ ♪ And we’ll chlorinate this cesspool ♪ ♪ With some old redemption flair ♪ ♪ And show these simpletons some proper class and style! ♪ ♪ Here below the ground ♪ ♪ I’m sure your plan is sound!  ♪ ♪ They’ll spend a little time ♪ ♪ Down at this Hazbin Ho-- ♪

A explosion outside blast the door off and hit Angel.

Everyone walked out to see what was happening

"Ha! Well well well, look who it is harboring the musical freak! We meet yet again, Charlie!" Cherri shouted.

"Do I know you?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, yes you do! And this time, I have the element of- surprise!" Cherri maniacal laughs "I’m so evil!"

Charlie snaps to bring up her goat goons to destroy the ship.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa!" Cherri started to scream as the goats started to destroy her ship and murder her Cherrybois.

Two of the goats grab Cherri and threw her at the wall. "Oh, that hurt!" Cherri screams.

The Goats took control of the ship and pilot it into the cracks where they came from.

The ship explodes when it got into the crack.

"Well I’m starved! Who wants some cake? My father once showed me a wonderful recipe for cake! In fact, they named it after him! You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Yes sir, this is the start of some real changes down here!" Charlie laughes

"The show starts! Now... Stay tuned." Charlie snaps changing the sign from, "Happy." to "Hazbin."

#hazbinhotel #hazbin hotel #hazbin #hazbin charlie #hazbin angel dust #hazbin niffty #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin alastor #hazbin husk #hazbin cherri bomb #hazbin characters #hazbin katie killjoy #hazbin tom trench

[fahhhhq]

Similar but Worlds Apart: Part 4

Fandom: Narcos + Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Pairing: Javier Peña x Fem Reader

WaRnInGs: Cursing.

Summary: Your heart aches for someone who no one has seen for weeks, but when you get new intel about their whereabouts, you’re stunned by what you find in Colombia.

If you’re new here, start hereee: Part uno, Part kinda dos, Part tres.

Note: Shit is going to start going down in this bitch starting next part. And I’ll post them more together since we’re all under lockdown, so timey off = more timey to writey.  Hope You enjoy, xoxo

When you and Javier got to the restaurant, the same lady that had tended to you the last time, just looked at you and Javier with a questioning look. She was confused when she sat you two down in the same table.

“So, what do you recommend this time, Mr. Peña?” you ask as you skim the menu, feeling yourself starving by the second.

You peak up from your menu and he has a small smile on his face, “I pretty much always get the sancocho or the arepas.”

You put the menu down, “I’ll get the arepas since I got the sancocho last time.”

He smiles, “Then I’ll get the same as you.”

“Or am I getting the same as you?” you question.

Javier chuckles and waves over lady. He tells her what we want and orders two beers, too.

You cross your hands and lean against the table. You just stare at him and look at the likeness he has with Jack. Wishing it was Jack there with you eating arepas, but at the same time, you're enjoying Javier’s company.

“So, where are you from?” You ask, trying to pry as much information out of him about his background, as possible.

He smiles, opens the beers that the lady laid on the table, hands one to me, takes a swig from his and then says, “Kingsville, Texas, you?”

You take a drink from your beer and love the way the bubbles and the bitterness graze your throat, “God, that’s a good beer,” you say then laugh. He laughs too and his eyes squint, which makes you feel weak in the knees. “I’m from Southern California, moved a lot, so there’s no specific place.”

“Oh, were your parents in the military?”

“Something like that,” you fake a smile.

He nods, “Ah…”

You take a bigger swig of your beer this time, “Yeah…so do you have siblings?”

“No, just a lot of cousins. And you?” Oh, interesting… you think to yourself.

You shake your head, “No, just me, too. I’d be cool if I had a sibling, though, I wouldn’t be alone.” Shit, you don’t know where that came from, you just shake your head and try to reiterate, “I mean, I wouldn’t have to deal with my parents alone.” You laugh it off.

Javier smiles, “I get it, trust me. I always wanted a brother to do crazy things with, or to fight with. I always got in trouble and I wish I had someone to blame.”

“Oh, that would have been fun! I always got in trouble when I was a kid, so I would just deny, deny, deny,” you laugh.

“And Im guessing your parents never fell for it?” he raises a brow.

“Hey, I can be a good actress…but no, they never fell for it,” you pout, but you notice the way he stares at your lips, like Jack did so many times and then would kiss you and leave you breathless. And you were positive Javier would leave you the same way.

Your food arrives and you both enjoy your arepas in comfortable silence. Every once in a while, you both agree on how good the arepas are and then other times you guys just people watch quietly.

“You OK?” you ask Javier. “We don’t know each other that well but you seem quieter than you normally would be.”

He just smiles and stares down at his food, “Work stuff got me stressed.”

You can’t help but to feel sorry and worried for him, “I mean, you work for the DEA in a country that is consumed by drugs and drug cartels, I would be fucking stressed, too.”

He laughs and his eyes shrink, “Yeah, well I mean you work for a super-secret spy agency, so you must know how it is to deal with assholes like the ones I deal with.”

“Exactly,” you exclaim. “So, is your stress the kind you want to talk about and get it all out or is the kind of stress where you just don’t want to talk about at all?”

Javier chugs the whole beer, “I’m not a huge talker. Especially about work.”

“Ok, so what do you want to talk about?” you ask.

He takes the last bite of his dinner and puts it to the side. He orders two more beers and looks at you, “What are you really doing in Colombia?”

Your heart skips a beat. His question catches you off guard, but you decide to be honest, “I’m looking for my partner. He went missing three weeks ago.”

Javier looks at you curiously, “Your partner? You mean from the super-secret spy agency?”

You chuckled lightly, “Yep.”

He narrows his eyes, “You really don’t want to tell me what you're doing in Colombia?”

You laugh some more and drink the rest of your beer then open the new one, “You don’t trust a lot of people, do you?”

“Not really. Its what I’ve trained for my whole adult life.”

“That must be tiresome, to be on guard all the time, wondering if they have bad intentions.”

His eyebrows burrow, “A lot of people have a lot to hide. Its my job to uncover whatever it is they’re hiding.”

“Did you ever think that maybe people aren’t as bad as you make them out to be. That maybe they’re not hiding any bad intentions, and are actually being honest?”

He grabs his beer and avoids your stare. It looks like he’s thinking over what you said. “In my experience, everyone I've met has had something to hide. Maybe its not as bad as the previous, but they still surprise me.”

“Not everyone has something hiding under their sleeves, bud. Maybe if you’d trust more people, you wouldn’t have to be a ho who sleeps with random girls because you can’t trust someone long enough to have a serious relationship with,” you say. And yeah, it might seem like you're being a hypocrite, but when did you lie? Until that moment, you had been honest about your job and why you were being in Colombia, except for the fact that the person who was missing had a damn twin, but you couldn’t control that fact.

Javier seems to be taken back by your statement. He lifts his eyebrows in surprise and chugs the rest of his beer with purpose.

You reach over the table and grab his hand, he’s surprised by your action, “I’m not lying, everything I told you about why I’m here is true. You can trust me.”

He rolls his eyes, still serious, “Fine, but I don’t like that you called me a ho.”

You laugh, “You are though, I know one when I see one.”

He chuckles, drinking the rest of his second beer, “Whatever.” He motions for another beer to a waitress. “So, what happened to this partner of yours?”

You think to yourself; you mean your twin brother who even has the same moustache?

You finish the rest of your beer and then you realize that if guys continue to drink the way that you are, you're going to spill the beans about Jack. But at the same time, you needed this. You hadn’t “let loose” it seemed in so long since Jack went missing, so relaxing and having a regular chit-chat with someone who looked exactly like him, how could you not want to continue to drink.

You look at him and try to tell him the whole truth, but with some white lies, “My partner went on what was supposed to be a simple mission, yes with dangerous people, but Jack, he’s not someone to get beat so fast and easy…we just don’t know what happened to him. One moment he’s talking to us over his earpiece and then, nothing.”

He lifts his eyebrows in surprise, “You're actually telling me the truth?”

You just smile, “I don’t like to lie, unless I’m working, but I’m being honest, Javier.”

He crosses his arms over his chest and sits back, “Why are you trying to convince me that you’re not lying?”

“So that you can trust me and not be so closed off when we hangout,” you say. “I mean, I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, but we can be friends in the meantime, and you don’t have to have your walls up so high that Mount Everest looks like the wall of connect-four.”

“Ok, I believe you,” he laughs. “So, your partner, Jack is it? How long has he been missing? Maybe I can help.”

You feel your eyes bulge, “No, don’t do that, please. You already have enough going on and I don’t want to burden you with my nonsense.”

“Doesn’t seem like nonsense if you're in Colombia and out of your element.”

You wave him off and wink, “Trust me, Agent Scotch, I got this.”

He laughingly throws his hands up in a protective manner, “Fine, Agent Vino, but I’m here if you need any help.”

“Thank you.”

After you both finish your fourth beers, you decide to head home. It’s past midnight when you both get to your building.

You speak first, “Well, thank you for taking me to dinner. I seriously didn't know it was so late, you saved me.”

“I saved you from starving to death.”

“Starving to death is a bit extreme, maybe from getting a really bad headache and getting ‘hangry,’ but dead, no,” you declare.

He leans against the doorframe of your now open door, “You always have an answer for everything, huh?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t be the agent I am if I wasn’t quick on my feet,” you feel weird saying that you're an agent because you're not completely sure he believes you.

“Right,” he says smiling, crossing his arms over his chest, his leather jacket stretching a bit because of his muscles. “I’ll leave you to continue to work or go to sleep. Dinner tomorrow?”

You feel your cheeks get a bit hot, “Yeah, we can do dinner tomorrow, and this time I’ll be ready.”

“Ok, goodnight,” He just gives a small smile and walks to his apartment. But you don’t go inside until you check him out and make sure that he doesn’t stand outside your door and listen to the call that you were going to make. Nice ass, you think before closing the door.

You walk over to your makeshift office in the kitchen and grab your cellphone. You dial and wait.

“Statesman Kentucky, the best Bourbon Whiskey in the world,” a young woman’s voice answers.

“Get me Ale,” you say.

After a pause there’s an answer, “Ginger.”

“Ginger, I need you to look someone up for me,” you say.

“Go,” Ginger responds.

“Javier Peña, he’s DEA.”

“Give a second here, ok, yes, Peña, born in Kingsville, Texas, went to college at Texas A&I University where he studied sociology and psychology, he was then hired as a Deputy Sheriff by the Webb County Sheriff’s office in Laredo, seven years later the DEA hired Peña as a Special Agent for the office in Austin.”

“Is that it?” You ask.

“Hmm, yeah that’s all there is. What am I supposed to be looking for, Y/N?”

“Just information. Does it show his picture?”

“Let me see…” then you hear a gasp. “What?! Wait, so Jack is going by another identity?”

You shake your head like if she can see you, “No, that’s his brother, Ginger.”

“What the fuck!” that was the first time you had ever heard Ginger Ale curse.

“Ginger, what the fuck am I going to do?” In that moment you just want to leave Javier behind and forget that you found him. In that moment you wish Jack was there and you could both go home and forget about all that had happened. But you couldn’t. 

You were in it, deep in it.

Taggity-Tags: @shikin83 @otherthingsinhead @batata-elegante @fleurdemiel145 @maryan028 @igotmadskills @just-add-butter @ghostofthebarricade @fatbottomedcurls @readsalot73 @stxriss 

#agent vino x javier peña #reader x javier peña #javier peña x reader #narcos #Pedro daddy Pascal #Take meeee #pedro pascal #max lord #agent whiskey #reader x agent whiskey #statesman #Kingsman

[mwolf0epsilon]

Crazy idea that I figured right now. Thomas dosn't hear like someone that would get married, even with a person of his kind (g r u m p t y) so, Allison is a witch (cannon btw).. love potion? Sorry is pretty funny for me.

Summary: One of Allison's more peculiar interests turns out better than she expected, if only because of a slight mistake.

---

[[MORE]]

If questioned on the subject, Allison wouldn't exactly call herself a witch. She had an interest in witchcraft, sure, but she herself was not an expert nor a professional on the arts of ancient beldams and shamans.

She was, however, the owner of a vast and ever growing collection of tomes that were the aglommoration of such olden knowledge.

Of these powerful tomes came the biggest of her fixations: Potion brewing, more specifically the refinement of elixirs.

It was amazing what a few select ingredients could produce if you were to extract or prepare them in a certain way. From all natural remedies to combat the effects of illness, to powerful poisons and even blends that could condition the mind to do certain things.

It was an art that could be used to do as much good as it could do evil, and Allison knew a few select witches of the past had indeed done evil when others scorned them so. To the detriment of those that had been pure in their intentions, as were many of the victims of the Salem Witch Trials.

But Allison wasn't looking to do much with her knowledge besides sate her curiosity and test a few interesting blends. Most went into helping those around her anonymously...

A few drops in a cup of coffee and suddenly Jack's bad cough was gone. A whiff of her perfume, and Sammy was a lot calmer than he'd been a minute or so ago. Even a few delicious homemade cupcakes got everyone into a creative rut that kept Joey off their backs.

She was benevolent in her actions... But... There was one particular blend she wanted to try for more selfish reasons. A love potion of a sort, composed of natural aphrodisiacs and calming herbs.

One she hoped to try on the object of her affections, a man that had such an impeccable work ethic that she doubted he even knew she even existed (which was odd as most men often buzzed around her like bees to a flower, because of her attractive features). It frustrated her to no end that Thomas Connor was a difficult person to understand, or to get close to.

Her previous experiences with past boyfriends had always been quite linear, so the mysterious engineer being so hard to read was baffling. No man nor any woman should be a puzzle so hard to figure out, and her lack of progress on this matter only made her feel more attracted towards him.

So here she was, trying to find Mr. Connor's coffee mug, ready to slip him an all natural drug that would definitely turn his gaze towards her... You know, like some degenerate wench...

"Oh you've sunk low Al... You've sunk very low." She murmured to herself as she looked through the shared cupboard. There was a myriad of different mugs that were unique so as to distinguish them from someone else's property. A lot of people in the studio were against sharing their cups after all, thus this fun little measure that definitely wasn't making it hard for her right now.

She knew the mug with brightly colored polkadots was Norman's, as it was a silly play on his last name (one Mel had started as a means to poke fun at him). She also knew the white one with intricate depictions of songbirds and forget-me-nots was Sammy's (a gift to him from his sister apparently), and that the bright green one with stocky writing on it was Shawn's (Mr. Flynn was, after all, fond of yelling 'Top o' the Morning to ya' to everyone at the earliest hours of the morning).

But, for the life of her, she couldn't find a mug that she thought might fit Thomas's personality at all... They were all varying degrees of either pretty or silly and none really screamed his name. Not until she squinted and found one that was bland enough to be a no-nonsense GENT employee's pick.

A simple black mug with absolutely nothing extraordinary about it, sitting besides a white mug with paw prints on it (likely Wally's as he had a fondness for dogs).

Taking that bland old mug, she proceeded with her plan.

-

By 9 AM sharp, Allison was a bundle of nerves. She'd prepared Thomas's coffee separately before making everyone else their own mugs to avoid suspicion. Then she'd set out a plate of cupcakes (some vanilla, some chocolate) to make it seem like an innocent little gesture rather than the shameful and depraved act that it actually was, and greeted everyone on her way out of the break room.

Morale was great that morning, but so was her increasing guilt... She shouldn't be meddling with what others felt, especially not trying to bewitch her crush into liking her for a brief moment. Yet here she was, hoping to bump into a drugged up Thomas Connor and get him to praise her in some form.

Her need for validation was... Rotten. She hated it, she hated that she'd gone to these lengths just to feel like someone genuinely cared for her rather than her good looks.

So when she did find her crush at last, she didn't feel so good about the plan anymore.

"Allison could I maybe speak to you for a second?" The gruff voice of Thomas Connor wasn't particularly loud, at least not louder than many of the other employees in the music department, so she jumped slightly when he approached her quietly during her break from recording.

"I... Yes certainly." Her stomach felt like it was doing flips as she followed the taller man, considering her options here. She could lightly reject any advances he tried to make in his state of unknowing inebriation, admit she may have slipped something in his coffee, or even straight up lie and say there was weed in the cupcakes... But, instead of doing anything, she resigned herself to the fact the next words out of his mouth weren't going to be genuine.

"I wanted to thank you." Thomas began as they'd gotten out into a quieter hall with little to no movement. "For always trying to brighten things up a little here at the studio. Drew's been a right pain in the ass, and it really sets off a chain... But here you are, getting up bright and early to bake cupcakes and brew everyone a cup of coffee, being the most genuine and selfless person at this damn madhouse..."

The guilt was excruciating, and Allison felt herself blush slightly as her eyes began to sting. He likely thought it was humility on her part.

"Hey, no need for that. Just stating the facts Miss Pendle..." He smiled, really smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Thomas Connor had this shy little smile that started at the corner of his mouth and just barely exposed his front teeth a bit. "I was wondering... If maybe I could pay you back. With uh... With lunch?"

"I..."

"I understand if you're busy, it's just... I'd just like to be able to repay your kindness in kind. Lunch for an impromptu breakfast seems fair... And it's well within our schedules I hope..." He added. She couldn't bring herself to decline even if she knew she should.

"It... It sounds good to me. Uh... Wednesday?" She shyly suggested.

"Wednesday." He nodded in agreement. "Best we both go back to work now, before Lawrence has a fit..."

"Yeah... Thank you Thomas." She smiled sadly, watching him as he nodded her way. Her smile vanished once she noticed him bring a mug up to his lips. A white mug with paw prints on it.

Once he took a sip from his coffee he went on his way, leaving Allison in a confused state. On one hand, her crush had genuinely just asked her out and that was amazing! On the other... Who's coffee mug was it that she had drugged then?

-

Henry groaned as he hung up his phone for the 20th time that day. Whoever the hell was calling his landline only to breathe heavily into the speaker as he questioned them, was really starting to aggravate him.

Damn kids and their stupid pranking antics... He had half a mind to call the cops!

#eps writes: #bendy and the ink machine #batim #allison pendle #thomas connor

[dramaclover]

Ending & Thoughts: Al Cappuccino

Another wacky and zany drama. Now I’m telling you now. Do not go into this drama expecting a dark thrilling undercover cop show. Cause this ain’t it. It’s more on the hilarious, lighthearted take on the police and triads. It’s not realistic in any way. Well I mean, no drama is fully realistic but this one is the exact opposite of how things should’ve gone down.

The amount of times where they talked OPENLY LOUD about who and who is undercover is ridiculous. It’s like they don’t even try to hide the fact. Typically only one or two people would know a certain someone is undercover. In this drama the handlers whole teams know, as well as her superiors. The amount of times they would meet up in public spaces or just casually call them over their personal phone is mind blowing. At first it was annoying, cause every time they did something so openly, I would think well “cover is blown”. But that’s not the case. As you continue to watch, you start to ignore it and pretend everyone is deaf and blind to this. When that happens the drama starts to become entertaining.

This whole drama just focused on one storyline and that is investigating who killed the triad boss. We don’t find out who it is until the very end. The stories in between talks about Chiang Sai Lung (Vincent Wong) taking over the head triads role. A lot of struggles in between with him trying to stay in this role. Side stories dealing with love lines, fan service scenes of bromance. The bromance was a huge factor and what made me so compelled to keep watching. Honestly Sai Lung and his 4 love interests were totally boring to me. I enjoyed his bromance with Go Bun (Owen Cheung)more. Also really liked Koo Yan Yi (Crystal Fung) as the handler and watch as the 3 become very close. This trio was fun to watch compared to those unnecessary side love stories.

Sai Lungs love story features heavily in this drama, so I can’t just not talk about them. The 4 woman in Sai Lungs life comprises of Koo Yan Yi aka Madam Koo, his handler that has a strong sense of justice & loyalty. So Tsz Shan (Kathy Yuen) a timid woman who aspires to be a teacher. Chong Ming Lai (Samantha Ko) a haughty actress. And Yiu Ching Shui aka Shui jie (Angel Chiang), the confident, outspoken business woman. Out of the 4, I only liked Madam Koo & Shui Jei. I guess this is TVBs attempt to make him similar to Chor Lau Heung where everyone falls in love with the male lead despite him not even trying.

Tsz Shan is so boring and easily bullied. She was not fun to watch, I didn’t think she had chemistry with Sai Lung and odd enough she was a huge fan favourite. Which I can’t wrap my head around, her character was just so bland to me. She’s so oblivious to her Dad and brothers wrongdoings. It gets annoying when she’s so blind to it all. I know it’s hard to believe your family member is evil, but really? Her role here is basically to be the main love interest to Sai Lung since she plays no role in solving the main mystery. She hasn’t even tried to help Sai Lung to uncover anything. She’s always so timid and getting put into a position where she’s in danger. Way too damsel in distress for me.

Ming Lai was super annoying, all she does is bother Sai Lung and threatens to make him stay by her side. And when she forces him to announce that their dating (they actually aren’t) she gets pissed when he leaves her for someone else. Like girl, you know he doesn’t like you. You blackmailed him into staying with you. Like what did you expect? Also her character could be written out and no one would notice her gone. That’s how unnecessary she was. She’s literally a filler character created to fill up the 30 episode slot. Samantha Ko is a great actress, it just sucks her role here is so unneeded.

Shui Jie was a breath of fresh air. Originally she was sent to seduce Sai Lung but she ends up falling for him instead. I really disliked how she fell for him though, it came out of nowhere. They met 4 times and suddenly she’s in love? It was to rush and random for me. But as a character itself, she was a breeze to watch. She’s super confident and smart. Unlike Tsz Shan she’s able to help Sai Lung in solving a lot of his problems and find ways to warn him of danger. I love how brave she is. She’s not afraid to tell someone she loves them and pursue it.

Madam Koo was also another likeable character. She doesn’t want to be known as just a pretty rich girl. She wants to prove that she can be a successful cop. You can tell how much faith she puts into Go Bun and Sai Lung. She treats them fairly and always finds way to help them. I really like how she can remain calm and think things through. When Go Bun and Sai Lung seemingly betrays her. She doesn’t get angry instead she goes and secretly investigates what’s going on. That is how she figured out how her Father was one of the masterminds. And she did that all alone.

Another side love story would be between Go Bun and Chiang Chin Ha (Winki Lai). They were fun to watch and had awesome chemistry. From the beginning we see that they both liked each other but won’t make a move. Chin Ha with her pride and knowing Go Bun would not reciprocate. Go Bun on the other hand is a cop. To him he can never be with someone involved with the triads. So it becomes a can’t help but love each other story. They were cute together but it was unrealistic for Chin Ha to forgive Go Bun so easily after finding out 1) he’s an undercover cop and 2) he only approached her to solve the case. Essentially Go Bun used her infiltrate the triad. The fact that it was glossed over so quickly made no sense. Chin Ha is a strong minded business person who strongly cares about her family. Yet, Go Bun lied to her all this time and used not only her but her family as well, and she’s okay with it? I’m glad they got a happy ending but I wished it showed more of the internal struggle with her finding out.

I’m always hoping for a good plot twist so I was secretly hoping that Cheung Sai Lun was actually Chiang Sai Lung. And that he was faking it the whole time cause he was upset that his family left him in the orphanage. The amount of scenarios that ran in my mind LOL. I also thought maybe he is Chiang Sai Lung but he himself didn’t know and it just became a case of mistaken identity (this would’ve been sooo good especially towards the end where they had a DNA test done). My third theory was Chiang Sai Lung is not dead and that he would show up in the end to reclaim his identity. But as you can see none of that happened. Don’t worry though, cause there were other plot twists that caught me off guard.

The first one is Sai Lung getting so caught up with his method acting that he actually becomes cruel. He along with Go Bun betrays Madam Koo and turns to the dark side of the triad. I was so invested in this. I really thought Sai Lung could no longer break his character and that he had fallen into deep. This has happened in real life where actors could no longer separate real from fake. I love that they added that into the storyline cause it makes it all real and scary. Of course turns out it was all an act to sniff out the real killer. Unfortunately it was easy to figure out that it was an act once he had a “fall out” with Go Bun. That part was a little too much for it to be real. And that’s when the surprises stop.

The second one would be the development of Szeto Shun (Jack Hui) a cop that relies on dirty tactics to climb up in ranks. He is one of the many antagonist, what makes him different though is that he repents and redeems himself by the end. His character had the best development if you ask me. He went from someone whose dream was to be a cop, to using underhanded methods to get his way to finally becoming a human again. He gets so caught up in promotions that he forgot why he became a cop in the first place which is for justice. When he helped Madam Koo arrest the bad guy he said something along the lines of “I have done bad things, but in the end I’m still a cop”. He said that as the reason why he decided to do the right thing for once. At first I thought he’d be the typical evil cop that ends up dying. But this character proved me wrong. In the end he turns himself in as he wanted to take responsibility for his actions.

I was shocked that no one died in this drama. And when I say that I obviously meant the main characters. Usually the obligatory best friend, love interest, family member heck even one of the bad guys would die. But that didn’t happen. They all survived, even the bad guys just quietly went to jail. Speaking of bad guys, their problems were resolved so quickly that it was pointless. We did not sit through all of that drama just for the bad guys to one by one casually reveal what happened. It was so unoriginal too. Like Madam Koos father got touched by her speech about good and evil that her father confessed to the crime. Tsz Shans father out of guilt for being the cause of her daughters injuries confessed to everything to “repent”. Even the ultimate black cop just spewed the truth out once asked. Like I understand he was caught red handed but he literally revealed all of the information once questioned? He’s not even gonna try to fight it? He doesn’t even have an emotional backstory for him to feel guilty to admit the truth. It just happened. It was so nonsensical that I got confused that it all ended so quickly. There wasn’t even a huge fighting showdown. Which is why I say despite this dubbed as a undercover triad thriller drama. It isn’t! Being an undercover cop was like a backdrop, even the mystery death was sidelined. The focus was on the familial and bromance relationship. The drama would’ve been short if they hadn’t added in the random romances.

Acting wise, I’ve seen a lot of hate against Crystal. There were so many complaints in the international forums I literally thought she was a train wreck. Well she wasn’t. I don’t see how she ruined the drama? I’m convinced that people just complain about her cause they aren’t happy about her being promoted by TVB. But guys you need to chill. Her acting is pretty decent. She isn’t screaming her lines or bulging her eyes out. She is stiff and needs more work on enunciating. This was her first leading drama and she’s still so new. I really thought her acting would be like Sisley Choi from 2012 with the screaming or Charmaine Sheh from 1998 with the overreacting. But she wasn’t. Also people complained about her wardrobe cause she was dressed so fashionably. Are you guys blind? All the main males in this drama are dressed in suits 24/7 whether they’re a cop or not. Literally Go Bun and Sai Lung wears a suit everyday walking around. They’re not wearing causal wear. Why is no one hating on them? The double standards are scary. But then again it could just be hate against Crystal in general. Back when Niki Chow and Kate Tsui played as cops they would wear high heels and pretty clothes as well but no one said anything. And this drama was anything but realistic. I find that it’s the international fans that are complaining, Hong Kong netizens are actually satisfied with Crystal.

Owen Cheung has finally found his niche and that is comedy. Every drama he’s been in, I’ve always been unimpressed with him. But then I figured out it’s mostly cause he gets typecasted as the “hot” guy in which I personally think he’s not. He’s more suited for nerdy roles like (The Offliners) or comedic roles like this one. It’s like how Benjamin Yuen is wooden in serious roles and only good in comedy ones as well. The bromance between him Vincent was great. So hilarious that I sometimes wished the drama just focused on their bromance only.

The ending was open ended in a way. Go Bun and Chin Ha gets married. The Chiang family has left the triad behind and deals with legal business only. Sai Lun has to make a choice of staying in Hong Kong or pursuing his acting dreams overseas. And between the 4 woman in love with him, he doesn’t end up with either of them. Only ending with saying how he’s happy he met the 4 of them. Obviously he loves Tsz Shan the most. No question about it. The 4 woman knows that as well. So I don’t know why they ended it like that. This is the first drama where the female lead loves the male lead but they don’t end up together. Instead he falls fall for the second lead instead. I’m okay with it as I prefer Madam Koo and Sai Lun as good friends but it’s surprising to see them go down this route instead. Sequel? Hmm I don’t know. What could the sequel be about? Sai Lun can’t just go undercover in a different family again. Unless they shift the focus from triad/ cops to something else.

Despite the flaws I love this drama. I kept wanting to watch the next episode compared to Death by Zero. I was just so into the bromance and the hilarious antics. It’s just so entertaining. I know I complained a lot, but this is one drama I highly recommend you to watch. Just don’t go into it believing it’s like Infernal Affairs or Line Walker. This is in the running to be one of TVBs better dramas of 2020 along with Brutally Young and Death by Zero!

#tvb #tvb drama #Al Cappuccino

[tessatechaitea]

Justice Society of America #4 (1992)

Ultrahumanite exhibits all the characteristics of a man happy to be reunited with friends: cheerily laughing, bright happy expression, hands on hips, weirdly-shaped massive hard-on.

Forgive me for the erect penis joke but I felt it was in the tradition of Grunion Guy. You might find it funny if you knew how uncomfortable it made me to type it and how worried I was for a second that my mother might see it. But then I realized that if my mom saw it, it would mean my mom read Grunion Guy's blog, and then I almost threw up. That would be so embarrassing! Normally I would be on the side of the Justice Society of America because they are the good people with the good values. But how good are their good values if they are trying to stop a job creator and upstanding corporate citizen like Ultrahumanite who is just trying to run his Ultragen business the best way he knows how: with stormtrooper bodyguards to defend labs where they experiment on animal-human hybrids? Anything that hurts corporate profits is a bad thing for capitalism and the Justice Society of America should know that, being that they have "America" right there in their name. Although they also have "Society" in their name and that is a bird whistle for socialists. The bird whistle is the dog whistle of the left because it is more pleasant to listen to and it isn't aggravating or obnoxious and it makes the world a better place for everybody (except people who hate birds and probably own guns to shoot those stupid birds. Stupid birds. So dumb).

Oh no! Nobody warned these old timers that we aren't doing prison rape jokes anymore!

Wildcat has some great words of wisdom in that previous panel. It is the most scienciest science statement I have ever read (unless it was the mathiest math statement): "If X did not happen, Y would have happened! Thusly I have proved we are better than you! QED! In your face, Ultrahumanite!" Whenever I would lose a game of Dungeons & Dragons with my friends Bullpup and McGroover, I would say, "Oh yeah? Let's see you make a delicious sandwich!" Then they would back down and they would be all, "Yes, you are correct, Pickle Boy. You are the better friend with the most useful skills and we are only good at pretending to slaughter Kobold families for copper coins." That's pretty funny if you realize Dungeons & Dragons is about adventurers invading the lairs of creatures to steal their material possessions! Doctor Mid-Nite does not quip with the others because he might be dead. Do not forget these guys are really old! It does not matter how many muscles they have or what kind of cardio breathalyzer tests they can pass; they still have super old bones and a lifetime of clogged arteries. One slip or the slightest bit of extra exertion could mean Stroke City or Brokenhipsville for these cool cats! That is old person slang! It is very humorous!

Now they goof on his stutter? I am beginning to wonder who the real villains are in this story!

Look how happy the Ultrahumanite is! And these old guys have been nothing but bitter, cynical old winds from the butt! Plus he is a successful businessman and scientist who has created life! It sounds like he has turned over a new leaf now that he no longer has to steal bodies. I am not ignoring the laboratory full of hybrid creatures; I'm just going to assume that they were all volunteers until it is proven otherwise. You cannot go through life never eating the buttered bread that fell on the floor buttered side down! Ultrahumanite decides to recount his past for some reason. This made me laugh because I was thinking, "Yeah! They are old men. They cannot remember stuff from so long ago and also they have enlarged prostates!"

But which is actually worse: making fun of somebody's disability or sympathizing with Nazis? I've got some hard questions to answer!

Some things are unforgivable but one thing I think we can all agree to forgive is a hot woman who sided with the Nazis.

How does a huge ape body reflect the Ultrahumanite's desires? Please do not answer, "He loves to copulate with monkeys," because that's what I an suggesting by the question and you would look like one of those fools on Twitter who thinks they are hilarious by restating somebody's joke in a less subtle manner.

Ultrahumanite continues to explain how he became such a pillar of the business community. It is as boring as you would expect a PowerPoint presentation from a business man would be. That was probably the joke! Why is not the trademarked name "PowerPoint" two words? If you are going to bother capitalizing the second "P", you might as well just separate the words. Maybe it was somebody's online name when they were fourteen years old. It is always a smart decision to just run the two words together rather than separating them with an underscore. And it is easier to read when the second word is capitalized (as opposed to every other word capitalized or just the consonants. I do not understand young people). Nobody remembers to put underscores in when searching for a name online!

"Ultrahumanite! You are experimenting on innocent people, ruining the environment, causing unknown amounts of damage to the populace of every city where one of your labs operates but Ted Grant and the world just want to know one thing: was that hot Nazi body the real you because 'Rrrrrow!'"

You think I am making a joke but I don't joke about things that I don't joke about and one of those things is that Ted Grant has previously expressed interest in cultivating an intimate relationship with hot Nazi Ultrahumanite. Specifically, he said earlier that she "swept him off his feet." He only used that phrase so Al could make a joke about how they were hanging upside down so the sweeping off of feet is still happening. But I think, in his heart, he wanted to say, "She made me spontaneously become a man every time we wrestled. Is that okay under the Hays Code? Can I get away with that amount of innuendo?!" The Ultrahumanite has to go deal with The Flash who has literally suddenly appeared. Weird how the word "literally" is never actually needed when it is used properly. I guess using it in a hyperbolic and exaggerated fashion is really its only job. While Ultrahumanite is gone, Doctor Mid-Nite "double joints" his wrists to escape. I'm pretty sure Grunion Guy's wrists were double jointed by the amount of times he wrote about masturbating. He was a crude jerk but I still hope he rests in peace in that pauper's cemetery down by the toxic sludge factory. Doctor Mid-Nite takes on the guards while The Atom and Wildcat rush out to save The Flash who is The Flash and almost certainly does not need saving. While Doctor Mid-Nite is beating up the guards, he suddenly becomes a stand up comedian. Was I wrong to assume he was an actual doctor? Is that just his stage persona? I would tell you why his jokes were funny if they were but I cannot figure them out. Why is this an old joke (and if it is, why would he even retell it when it is nonsense): "I know you're out there because I can hear you breathing"? The Flash gets encased in some living green goo that absorbs heat and kinetic energy which might also be a definition of heat? I'm just a sandwich maker slash writer's assistant who has never once showed an ounce of curiosity about the real world so forgive me for languishing in my ignorance. At least I own a thesaurus. Back in Gotham City, Jesse Quick appears for a page or two to remind everybody that she exists. "Hello! I am the hot daughter of the infomercial guy! I have also deluded myself into believing a mathematical equation gives me super speed! It makes no sense!" Jesse takes some papers proving that Ultragen is breaking laws so the JSA has the right to beat the crap out of its CEO. For comedic effect, they have a little more confusion over Ultrahumanite's pronouns (which, to be fair, he has not expressed any preference for and doesn't seem to mind using whatever pronouns match the gender he seems to be expressing) before rushing off to punch her in the face. I don't know what pronouns to use either but she was a super hot Nazi so let's just go with that one.

See? She is a scientific genius!

At first I was all, "Oh, big deal! So The Flash is trapped in goo!" And then the Ultrahumanite was all, "You cannot breathe without oxygen!" And then I was all, "Oh no! I had not thought of that! Somebody save him, preferably an old guy from the JSA or I will feel cheated out of my hard earned buck twenty-five." I keep laughing at that previously scanned panel and how Wildcat and The Atom are hiding behind trees the way characters do in comic strips. So ridiculous! It is even funnier if you remember that they are old men! I bet you are laughing a lot more now! Doctor Mid-Nite arrives because he "smoke bombed" with his previous stand-up gig. Get it?! If you understood the play on the word "bomb" there and that I meant the fight against the guards when I said "stand-up gig," you would be cracking up like crazy!

Yeah. A smoke bomb! We all know that is where he keeps them!

The Flash breaks free and Doctor Mid-Nite punches Ultrahumanite in the nose, breaking it. Ultrahumanite is so vain that he falls to the ground, defeated! And that is when the Calvary arrives! That is funny because I used the wrong word and now you are picturing a crucified Jesus riding up on a horse to save the day instead of Green Lantern, The Flash, and Jesse Quick arriving on a Green Lantern construct! Justice Society of America #4 Rating: A. I have not read as many comic books as Grunion Guy but this one seemed pretty good in comparison to the ones I have read, like WildC.A.T.S. #1 and pick any issue you want of Youngblood. One more "What gender is Ultrahumanite?!" joke for the road!

Alan felt this was the kind of thing a heterosexual would say. It's funny because he "New 52" comes out of the closet later!

#Justice Society of America #DC Comics #DC #Len Strazewski #Mike Parobeck #Mike Machlan

[kaesaaurelia]

More stuff from my fic about Aziraphale and Crowley in Prohibition-era Chicago!

(Btw, this fic will be called Hustler’s Blood.  I’m not planning to post it as a WIP because I’m hoping it will only be five or six chapters.  Title from Nelson Algren, because Nelson Algren.)

In a few minutes the car arrived, and in a few more minutes they were at the restaurant, which smelled of cinnamon and bacon and diner coffee.

Crowley looked slyly over his menu after they were seated.  "I hear their specialty is apple pancakes."

Aziraphale swatted him over the head with his own menu.  "Stop that, you fiend!"

Crowley flashed him a grin.  "Got to be better than the Dutch baby.  Bet it's not even Dutch."

"Or a baby," said Aziraphale.  "We should complain.  Tea please?" he asked the waitress who was hovering nearby.  "Milk, two sugars."

"Black coffee," said Crowley.

When she was gone, Aziraphale said, "You were going to tell me about Mr. Capone, I believe?"

"Ah.  Yeah," said Crowley.  "He's.  Well.  Let's just say he's been a boon to every memo I send Downstairs."

"Ah.  Not a nice fellow, then," said Aziraphale, flipping over his page to contemplate the sandwiches.  "Hang on, this is going to be a difficult decision."  The waitress came back with their drinks; Aziraphale hemmed and hawed over his order and finally narrowed it down to three things.  Crowley ordered the apple pancake, and Aziraphale resolved not to touch it no matter how good it smelled.

Once they'd ordered and handed over their menus, Crowley spilled a little of his water out onto the tabletop.

Aziraphale grabbed his napkin and pulled it out of the way just in time to avoid getting it soaked.  "What are you --"

"I'm drawing you a map, angel, relax," said Crowley, and, indeed, the puddle of water did not spread very far, in defiance of all tradition; it stayed in a long, narrow line along the right side of the table.  He took out a tin of breath mints and plonked one down by the edge of the water, near the top of the 'map.'  "We're here right now."  He looked speculatively at the condiments before grabbing the salt and pepper.  "This," he said, showing Aziraphale the salt, "is Hymie Weiss and the North Side Gang."  He put them slightly more towards the center of the map.

"What an imaginative name," said Aziraphale.

"And this," he said, showing Aziraphale the pepper shaker, "is Al Capone and his Outfit."  He put it down well to the south.

"That's all well and good, Crowley, but where are they going to put your apple pancake when it comes?"

"Over there in Naperville, probably," said Crowley, with a vague gesture to Aziraphale's left.  "Plenty of room there, nothing happens in Naperville.  Anyway.  I, Crowley, work for Mr. Weiss, in a procurement capacity, obviously.  I didn't really know what I was doing when I started working for the North Siders, so I didn't think to come up with a different name.  But!"

And here he placed another mint carefully, somewhat to the north of the pepper shaker.  "I, Lilith Cambion, work for Mr. Capone, in a similar capacity.  I've got a house out there too, but the neighbors here are more fun to upset and Capone throws bigger parties than I could so I don't really bother."  Here he grinned.  "You see, my poor sainted husband died in a mysterious boating accident, leaving only his gobs and gobs of cash to comfort me, but the authorities think I killed him.  So I escaped to the States to avoid all that unpleasantness."

Aziraphale should have been telling Crowley off for his ridiculous plan, for all this dastardly deception, and for making a mess of the table.  But he couldn't help it; this was exactly the sort of harebrained nonsense Crowley loved most, and it probably wasn't even hurting anyone much, so Aziraphale didn't feel guilty about not thwarting it.  "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, dear."

"I'm not done!' said Crowley.

"Of course not," said Aziraphale.  "Please, go on."

"So this," said Crowley, reaching for the sugar, "is --"

"Uh.  'Scuse me?"  They both turned to look at the waitress, who was precariously balancing Crowley's apple pancake, and Aziraphale's omelette, corned beef hash, mushroom sauce, and side of extra-crispy bacon.  "Sorry to interrupt... whatever this is, but where'dja want me to put all this?" she asked.

"Naperville," said Crowley, pointing once more at the empty space to Aziraphale's left.

"Uh.  Sure," said the waitress.  "You had the, uh --"

"Apple pancake here, everything else is his," said Crowley.

She put the dishes down carefully, managing to avoid damaging the map.  "And I'll get you a fresh napkin to clean up the --"

"No, that's the lake!" said Crowley.

She paused to look at the map, then studied it with the expression of someone who thinks the street preacher is probably wrong about the End Times but is more interested in correcting him on a small detail about the life and wine preferences of Christ.  (Not that Aziraphale had ever done such a thing.)  Finally, she said, "You got the lake coming out too far west, I think, but I'm impressed you got Montrose Harbor on there.  How'dja get it to curve like that?"

Crowley shrugged.

"I'm expecting a helluva tip," she told them.  "Enjoy your meal."  And she left them in peace.

"Right," said Crowley, seizing the sugar bowl, "so this is City Hall."  He plonked it down on the map, dividing salt from South. "Now, I, Felix, used to --"

"Felix hasn't got a last name?" Aziraphale asked. He examined his omelet, which smelled amazing, and took a little taste of the mushroom sauce. Delightful.

"Nobody asked," Crowley said, while Aziraphale dumped sauce on his omelet. "To be honest I think they assumed it was fake when I gave it to them."

"Convenient for you, then," said Aziraphale, sampling the omelet. The egg was nicely fluffy, the mushroom sauce was extraordinarily creamy, and the overall effect was delicious. "This is wonderful, Crowley, would you like to try some?"

Crowley looked across the table at the apple pancake, exiled, as it was, to Naperville, whatever that was. It was bigger than his head and smelled of cinnamon and future dental cavities. "Think I'm good for now," he said. "You can have some if you like." He turned back to his impromptu map. "So, as Felix I used to work for the old mayor. But he ran off to the South Seas to look for a climbing fish."

"A climbing fish?" Aziraphale asked.

"Yeah, I don't think it's a thing. Not sure what that was about, really. Anyway, Big Bill left us all in the hands of this appallingly incompetent wet blanket Dever who likes things to be --" here he used his fingers to put quotes around his speech "-- 'above board,' or something, so I don't work for him. Hinky Dink and Bathhouse John are still in the game though, so I do odd jobs. Mostly encouraging people to vote."

"Hinky Dink," repeated Aziraphale, distastefully.

"Yeah, and you're called Aziraphale, what's your point?" Crowley asked.

"My name was given to me by the Almighty, and cannot, therefore, sound absolutely ridiculous," said Aziraphale. "Anyway, is it so demonic to encourage voting?"

"It is when the voters have been dead for years," said Crowley.

"Ah. And they don't... question...?" He was glad Crowley was having such a good time, but really, using resurrection to gain political advantage really was fiendish, in an actively distasteful way, and he thought he'd better at least register his objection.

"Oh, they don't check," said Crowley. "Really, they're just like my lot. Long as it gets done they're pleased. They pay a lot better, too."

"Seems a little gauche if you ask me," said Aziraphale.

Crowley shrugged. "Well, good thing I haven't asked you. Less fuss than doing the paperwork to make it say they voted, at least for me."

"Ah, well. As long as you put them back when you're finished with them, I suppose," said Aziraphale. He had another bite of omelet.

"'Put them back when you're finished!'" said Crowley, doing a very bad imitation of Aziraphale. "Well of course I do, what else am I gonna do with them?" he snapped. "They'd ruin my parties." He reached for the tabasco sauce, and put it just west of the sugar.

"You're going to run out of condiments soon," Aziraphale said.

"Nah, we've still got ketchup," said Crowley. "Anyway, this is Jane Addams."

"And what band of cutthroats does she run?" Aziraphale asked.

"The most dangerous ones, at least to me.  They're social reformers.  Do-gooders."  Crowley made a face.  "I've been working on this woman for years now and I think the only dent I ever made is that she contemplated lying once and then wasn't good enough at it to follow through.  It's maddening."

"Poor Crowley," said Aziraphale.  "Still, it sounds like you're making a little progress!  If you keep trying maybe you can budge her a little more?"

Crowley gave him a wide grin.  "Thank you for trying, Aziraphale, but I really think she's got me beat. She's already in her sixties, and her health's never been good, so I think she'll be gone before I can get her soul.  But I haven't quite given up yet.  Besides, hanging around there is fun, really."

"And I suppose you're somebody called Merit when you're hanging around tempting her?" Aziraphale prompted, mopping up the rest of his mushroom sauce with the last of his omelet

"Yes!  Merit O'Malley!" said Crowley.

Aziraphale paused, omelet halfway to his mouth.  "Please tell me there's not a bad Irish accent involved, Crowley.  Please?"

"Well, there was but both sets of O'Donnells sussed me out," said Crowley, "and then I had to wipe their memories and stop being a safecracker in a hurry.  Which was fine, really, being a safecracker is dead boring actually, unless you do it by miracles.  Anyway, I decided to try and corrupt all the nicey-nice reform types.  But most of them are very... churchy, and it's difficult to get at them."

Aziraphale smiled to himself.  "Quite."

"Also most of them are full-up on Pride and Greed and Envy already," said Crowley.  Aziraphale stopped smiling.  "Not really as fun if you're going to corrupt someone who's already almost there, you know?  So I found Jane Addams and I started volunteering at her... thing, and I thought, aha, I'll work my way into her confidences and find out what her weaknesses are."

"What are they?" Aziraphale asked.

Crowley shrugged.  "I mean she second-guesses herself quite a lot.  But that's no good, it means I can't get her for Pride.  Greed, Gluttony, and Envy don't really seem like her thing.  And Sloth is right out, her schedule would drive anyone to madness.  Except her, apparently."

"Wrath?" Aziraphale suggested.

Crowley shook his head.  "I mean, she's quite angry a lot, but..."  He gestured at his map.  "I think that's fair.  And she's a total pacifist, she'd never hurt anyone."

Aziraphale couldn't help notice Crowley'd been leaving one out.  "Is she married?  Maybe Lust--"

"She's got a wife, sort of.  Very much in love.  I couldn't do anything there," said Crowley.

"Oh!" said Aziraphale.  "Are the humans letting themselves do that sort of thing now?  I hadn't realized."

"They're not," said Crowley, "but nobody particularly lets Jane Addams do things, she just does them."

Aziraphale started on his corned beef hash, and stared at the map.  "I know it's a bit out of fashion, my dear," he said, "but what about Acedia?"

Crowley looked appalled.  "I would never!"

"All right, sorry, I was only trying to help," said Aziraphale.

Crowley sighed.  "I know you were.  You always do."  He rubbed his eyes under his glasses.  "I was thinking of turning her over to you, actually.  I can introduce you if you like."

"Oh!  That sounds very nice, actually," said Aziraphale.

"I will warn you, she is a bit insufferable about Prohibition," said Crowley.  "Don't talk about wine around her, she'll just give you this disappointed look and you'll feel you've let her down."

Aziraphale considered this.  "Are you sure your lot won't take her?"

Crowley laughed, and waved a hand over his mess of a map, and in an instant the water and the breath mints were gone, and the condiments were back where they started.  He reached across the table and retrieved his apple pancake from its long exile, and a delicious waft of cinnamon reached Aziraphale's nose.

"Oh!  I was looking forward to seeing what the ketchup was for, though," said Aziraphale.

"I think some people like it on their eggs," said Crowley, making a face.  He took a small piece of the apple pancake.  "This is good.  Aziraphale, you've got to try --"

"No thank you," said Aziraphale, primly.

"Oh come on, it's their specialty," said Crowley.  Aziraphale tried not to watch as Crowley licked the fork off.  Licking anything like that in public could probably get you arrested in some places.  Safer to look at the pancake.  Which also looked good, definitely.  "Will you at least come with me to Al's birthday party?" Crowley asked.

"Well."  Aziraphale hesitated.  "I don't know that it's really the place for me..."

Crowley gave him a pleading look that was only slightly less effective for the dark lenses covering his eyes, and said, "It won't be half as fun without you there."

He's only tempting me.  It's false flattery.  He wants to lead me into a den of iniquity, Aziraphale thought, watching Crowley pick at the apple pancake.

"Ah, well.  I understand, angel," said Crowley.  He sounded a bit disappointed.  "I'll have to find out when Miss Addams is going to be around, though, I still think you'd like --"

"No, no, I didn't say I wouldn't go with you," said Aziraphale, quickly.  "Of course I'll go.  Somebody's got to keep you out of trouble."

"'Course.  Definitely.  You'll keep me out of trouble."  Crowley looked skeptically over his glasses, and Aziraphale could see the yellow slits of his eyes, and he was looking so fondly at Aziraphale that he didn't think he could stand it, so he swallowed and tried to pay attention to his corned beef hash.  "Your food was good, then?" he asked.

Aziraphale nodded.  "The apple pancake?"

"It's pretty good," said Crowley.  "Sure you don't want any?"

Aziraphale resisted for all of two seconds.  "Just... just let me take a look at it."

"A look?" Crowley asked.

"Just a glance.  Here, we can switch," he said, offering to exchange his small plate of corned beef hash for the enormous apple pancake.  "Just.  Just for a moment."

It was a very good apple pancake, and Aziraphale ate most of it.  He tried not to notice Crowley's soft smile as they chattered about local theater here and in London, and reminisced.

When it was time to go, Aziraphale left a hundred-dollar bill on the table for a tip, and Crowley left a scrawled note to the waitress, with a suggestion as to where and how long to invest it; then they paid their bill and went back out into the fresh, chill air of January first.

#good omens #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #ineffable husbands #chicago #kaesa op #text #fiction #hustler's blood #look I know walker brothers wasn't around yet please just work with me here #the apple pancakes #and crowley #i had to #you understand

[popculturespiritwow]

THE WICKED + THE DIVINE: 1923 AD AKA A WORK OF ART(IFICE)

This issue is the Peakiest of Peak Gillen -- Gillen to the Power of Peak to the Power of Peak, if you will, #MathisCool. It’s a comic book masterpiece of research, reference and storytelling and I’ve been so daunted at attempting to comment on that it’s taken me months to make the attempt. You only climb Everest once, people!  (Shut your mouth, Nat Geo.)

WAGNER VERSUS WARHOL, FIGHT!

In format the issue involves a back and forth conversation/rap battle between high and low art. On the one hand, we have novelistic chapters rich with description. “The island looked like a threat, a fist of rock that had forced its way through the waves.” The island and Ananke both...

Then we cut to what at first glance seems like your standard comic book, but in fact is actually a riff on the early days of film, complete with title cards (which themselves get so silly the font might as well be comic sans #IllBeHereAllWeek) and everything shot in a wash of black, white and brown, except for the splashes of red at the scenes of death—victims’ blood, Lucifer’s apple, and my favorite, the red seaweed around Neptune.

Love that red seaweed.

The heart of the plot follows a similar back and forth, as the elitist “classic” artists, the TS Eliot/Ezra Pounds and Ginny Woolf-ish-types of the Pantheon, want to kill the more popular art types, the Shirley Temples and Buster Keatons and Robert Johnstons, to initiate a nightmare scenario that will supposedly give them control over the zeitgeist of the future. It’s an incredibly disturbing take on some of the giants of the early 20th century -- and one Gillen found based in fact.

It’s fascinating, too, for as much as the real object of venom is the truly popular artists, the movie star types with their simplistic narratives and opium for the masses, the elitists focus on killing figures who from our perspective sit far closer to them – Lucifer (F. Scott Fitzgerald), Poseidon (Ernest Hemingway), Dionysius (Pablo Picasso) and the Morrigan (James Joyce). I wonder if it’s something about the chaos those specific figures represent, the way that their particular forms of art end up undermining not only the structures but internal belief system of the modern world. If Baal-Et-Al’s idea is to work with Joe Goebbels to coopt pop culture for their own We Will Keep Control project, in a sense a Picasso or Joyce was doing the reverse, presenting in the formats of the elites only to deconstruct their validity. (Gillen’s notes on the Morrigan point in this direction. Also, his description of Set as coming off “a little like Tahani from The Good Place made me laugh out loud.)

In the end our good guys will stop the bad using their own popular media, film from a train, which was in real life the very first motion picture, and terrified people back in the day for exactly the reason that they feared the train was real and was going to leap off the screen and kill them all. 

Writing perfection.

HISTORY IN REPETITION AND RHYME

As we’ve seen throughout these specials, we get lots of echoes between periods here. Lucifer is once again the first one killed, the Morrigan is once again a character all about voice and drama (I love his self-narration so much, please sir can I have a spin-off?), the Norns are still trying to figure everything out, Susanoo=Dandy Baphomet, complete with his own complicated dating relationship (those rings made out of light, though, such a pristine beauty of a moment that Baph never gets), and Woden is once again a gross racist hack misogynist -- that submarine has got to be phallic, right? -- who has stolen his tech powers from someone else to produce content that is entirely derivative while secretly playing the gods and being used by Ananke.

There is also another mechanical creature, “Little Brother”, which we see only for a few panels, and that is not nearly enough because it is an adorable looking flying squid. (SCREW YOU BABY SHARK, BABY FLYING SQUID IS EVERYTHING.) Ananke also works from her standard playbook here, the Prometheus Gambit – you can gain some life if you kill others, which Baal et al will then use for bat#!% crazy purposes, which of course is also part of her plan.

And Minerva is also once again a child who seems maybe to be working with Ananke. It’s clear right from the start that the whole Shirley Temple schtick, lots of Yays and Gollys, is just an act, part of her “character”. And we get a glimpse of the real her again at the end.

That doesn’t have to mean she’s in league with Ananke. (Just read the next arc; she’s totally in league with Ananke.) But she also comes to know what happened to Verdandi, when she wasn’t with the group that discovered him. (Dude: She’s totally in league with Ananke.) And it gives her an excuse to leave Morrigan at precisely the right moment for him to get murdered by Ananke. (Yes, exactly, because she’s in league with Ananke.) And she will kill Set herself without a second thought; it’s all still just hint and innuendo (UGH NO IT’S NOT STOP), but given what we’ve just learned in the present day that’s all we need for now.

Meanwhile Baal is in some ways the opposite of ours, a racist white elitist who dismisses James Baldwin-type Amon-Re as incapable of being an artist given his “nature”, and Set is her own thing too, a snobby name-dropping Virginia Woolf.  Most intriguingly, the Norns have internal divisions that break them down, which make me worry a little bit for Cassandra and her friends. 

Best take care of your family, Cassie. Remember, in #WicDiv no one is just a sidekick…

CREATURE(S) IN EBONY This is the second special where the Fall of the Gods involves the introduction of a new being created by the gods by way of a classic Ananke “Definitely Don’t Do This (wink wink)”.  In 1831, Lucifer and Morrigan resurrect Hades to create an energy vampire that after killing them merged with Woden Shelley to create Steam Punk Elsa. This time the being – again a woman – is described as “looking like some ancient ancestor of the Metropolitans, but made of living poetry and bleak lightning rather than simple metal.” Which sounds an awful like the 1831 Creature.

She also emerged from “an ebony luminescence with streaks of blue beyond blue”, which again, sounds a lot like Mary Shelley Elsa Frankenstein.

Almost 92 years later we’ve heard nothing from her. But Kieron never forgets anything, INCLUDING YOUR BIRTHDAY, SO WATCH OUT. What could this all possibly mean…

ANANKIERON CHRISTIE

For me the most interesting element of 1923, though, is everything to do with Ananke. We come into the special, like the last two, knowing she is our Big Bad (probably, I don’t know you guys, I think in the next arc Kieron’s going to make me feel bad for her and I don’t want to). (No worries, he didn’t, or did he, wait, there are two Anankes now, I don’t know, what?)

But here for the first time we enter into the story alongside her. In fact, in that very first shot it almost seems like she’s looking right at us.  

Time’s running out, she’s got to get to the murder-y and behead-yness stat, and this time we get to watch her do it. Awesome!

It’s almost like we’re partners in the exercise, even; right before they’re about to go in for dinner and discover Lucifer Ananke seems to stop and look at us again.

Us and the millennia-old serial killer of children--High fives all around!

For the last 30+ issues I’ve been asking why Ananke is she always wearing a mask, and now finally I get it: just like the Pantheon, she is an actor giving a performance.

Here specifically she presents herself as a classic Agatha Christie protagonist, finding herself along with everyone else in the Remote Place version of a locked room murder mystery and slowly working to uncover the truth of what’s going on while others continue to die. And Then There Was Fun!

Except in fact Ananke is not The Marple but Christie herself, author of the entire series of events that happen, which makes this to my mind pretty much the greatest Christie story ever, and also reinforces the belief of All of Us that Jessica Beatrice Fletcher is the Greatest Fictional Serial Killer that Ever Lived.  

But wait, though. Doesn’t that make Ananke basically…a writer? Like um, this guy…?

But that’s crazy. We’ve spent the last five years with him. He’s fine.

I mean yes, both he and Ananke fashion fictional Big Bads (Note: this issue has absolutely no trace nor mention of a Great Darkness, despite the fact that this entire Pantheon has been around almost to their Use By) and also Ways to Save the World which motivate the characters down paths which lead to their eventual destructions.

And okay, true, in this issue Kieron does spotlight/ridicule parts of the storytelling mechanic, the machines characters are always trying to find/build/repair as nonsense. 

Such rituals are actually simple. It is about will and art. The machines…in my experience, they are little more than props. All that matters is your action and intent. They killed so the world would die. You die so the world can live.

But still, if we were to accept that Ananke is Just Kieron’s, er, Mask, then it’s like this whole time he’s been the one doing terrible things to all these characters, including the characters that he made me want to love.

And then this question which I’ve been chewing on since 455 AD, whether the characters can ever be free of the roles they’ve been assigned, in a sense becomes a question about whether they can ever escape not Her but Him…

Or what about us? The Audience. The ones that Jamie and Kieron and the others are creating this for.

This isn’t And Then There Were None, is it? No, this is Temple of Doom. Kieron may be Mola Ram, but I’m the Ever-Hungry, Never-Satisfied G--D-- Kali.

All along, Kieron has thrown in these moments where we get glimpses of the broader world, the way it feeds on the Pantheon. And I can get to the end of 1923 AD and say there’s a fascinating battle going on here about the ethics and/or violence of being a writer. But maybe there are also deeper questions being asked of me as a reader.

Maybe the issue begins with Ananke looking at me like that for a reason.

STOP IT, ANANKE. YOU’RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE. LOOK AWAY.

WORLD WARS, IRL AND URL A last point: 1923 AD is unusual for the degree to which it is haunted by something external, aka war. Even as the story takes place in the effervescent champagne bubble oasis of the Roaring 20s, both the nightmare that was World War I and the possibility of another war which is somehow impossibly much much worse than it hangs over the characters. That’s an insightful take on the period, but also an awe-full twist on the sense of doom that we’ve witnessed in the 21st century Pantheon, their own personal oncoming catastrophes expanded to the scale of disaster for the whole world.

It makes me wonder whether the last act of The Wicked + The Divine will involve something of a similar scale, whether the underlying momentum of the book has not always been toward the culture of celebrity, insofar as it engenders adoration, mob-think and a lack of fundamental care for and curiosity in one another, as sign of our own massive social crisis. (See: Brexit. Trump. The Fights My Dad Gets in on Facebook.)

Are we doomed? Do I still have time to tweet a thread about it? I really think it could make a difference, you guys.

#WicDiv #kieron gillen #peak peak #Kalibunga #aud koch

[hysterialevi]

Legend pt. 2

Author’s note: Sorry about the long wait for this one. I got a bit stumped for a while, but it’s finally finished and I hope you enjoy the end result. Thanks for all your support, and as always, love you guys. Stay awesome.

From Bruce’s POV

WAYNE MANOR

THE NEXT MORNING

John let out an astonished gasp upon entering the manor, his jaw dropping open as he viewed the inside with an amazed expression.

“Wow, Bruce!” He exclaimed as he observed the chandeliers hanging above, craning his neck backwards. “I knew you were rich, but...but this...!”

John spread his arms out and twirled around like a top, laughing vigorously to himself.

“This is...INCREDIBLE! Hehehe!”

I smiled gently at the man, adoring his eccentric display of joy from a distance while he explored his new home. 

With the Agency and police constantly trying to arrest John, I agreed to let the man live with me for a while in hopes of protecting him. It was too risky to leave him alone during these times, and the last thing I wanted was for someone to catch him while I wasn’t looking.  

Aside from Alfred, John was all I had left. He was my closest friend, my partner in fighting crime, and one of the few people I knew I could trust for sure. He had been with me through thick and thin, and always had my back no matter what. I needed him by my side.

If Waller or anyone else wanted to take him away from me, they were going to have to put up a fight. And a damned good one.

“I’m glad you like the house, John,” I said, strolling up to him. “As much as I appreciate the solitude, I have to admit it does get lonely here sometimes. It’ll be nice having you around.”

John put a dramatic hand over his heart and wiped away a fake tear, tilting his head at me in a touched manner.

“You are truly the kindest man I’ve ever met, Brucie. I might just shed a tear.”

I grinned at that, slipping my hands into my pockets. “You’d be the first to say that in a while. I’ve almost forgotten the days when Gotham didn’t hate the Waynes. So, any idea where you want to sleep?”

The clown shrugged, slightly confused. “Um...in the bedroom...?”

A chuckle escaped me. “Well, yes, but which one? There are seven of them.”

John’s eyes popped open. “You have seven bedrooms?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed, “along with two kitchens, a library, a gymnasium, a basketball court, and a movie theater. And there’s obviously also the Batcave.”

The other man clapped happily and rubbed his hands together out of excitement, unable to contain himself.

“This is unreal, Bruce. It’s like I’m in paradise. I went from living in an abandoned subway station...to the fanciest manor in Gotham! Ah, it’s so nice having all this...space! Not to mention that Bane and Harley aren’t here to argue about nonsense all day long. We have to arrange a move night sometime! Tell me, are you more of a beef jerky or corn bites guy?” John shrugged. “Ah heck, I’ll just bring both! Hehe!”

“Just be sure to keep a low profile,” I reminded him. “The Agency can’t know you’re here. Otherwise, they’ll tear the place apart brick-by-brick, and take you back to Arkham. Or worse -- slap a collar on you like the rest of the Pact. If you ever want to leave the house, there’s a another exit through the Batcave that will draw much less attention than the front door. And try not to go out by yourself, got it? I wanna make sure you’re safe.”

John nodded, giving me a thumbs-up. “Got it!”

“Great. Now, why don’t you go set up your room?”

He smirked at me, picking up his bags. “Oh, I’ve been so excited for this moment, Brucie! Decorating my own room in Wayne Manor,” John sighed in satisfaction. “This is a dream come true. You and I -- we are gonna have so...much...fun!”

Hurrying up the elegant staircase with his belongings, John practically glided to his room as Alfred passed him on the way down, giving the clown a subtle gesture of acknowledgement before making his way to me. 

Despite the smile on the butler’s face and his straightened posture, I could still tell something wasn’t quite right, and as soon as John’s echoing cackle disappeared down the corridor, the old man broke his charade, voicing his concerns.

“I mean no disrespect towards your friend, Bruce,” he said lowly, “but are you sure it’s a good idea to have him stay here?”

Alfred and I wandered over to a more secluded corner of the manor, hoping to keep out of earshot while I explained the situation to him.

“I can’t just let John roam around Gotham by himself, Al. He’s not exactly the type of person to lay low, and the Agency’s been keeping an extremely close eye on him lately. One wrong move, and he’ll be behind bars. I have to watch him.”

The butler didn’t appear convinced. 

“...Well, perhaps that’s not such a bad thing,” he argued. “I know you care for him, but in the end, John is a criminal. And he must be brought to justice. We can’t ignore that, Bruce. Batman can’t.”

I paused for a moment, unable to deny that Alfred had a point. 

Crossing my arms, I checked to make sure John was still out of sight. 

“Look, I know John’s made mistakes--”

“--He’s murdered people.” Alfred corrected.

“--But...” I continued, “I don’t think he’s beyond saving. Not yet, anyways. You said it yourself, Alfred. He’s my friend. I can’t just give up on him and toss him in jail. He’s...he’s all I have left. I mean, Tiffany’s with the Agency, Lucius is gone, and now Waller’s threatening to take John away, too. I have to at least try to help him.”

Realizing that there was no way he was going to sway my mind, Alfred let out a defeated sigh and dropped the subject, evidently anxious about what would come in the future.

“...Very well, sir. I trust your decision, but please...proceed with caution. Soon, the time will come when you must choose which is more important: your friendship with John, or your duty as Batman -- and I don’t want your judgement to be hindered.”

I gave him an assuring nod, heading upstairs to check on my friend. 

“Don’t worry, Alfred. As much as I care about John, I’m not blind. If I think he’s fallen beyond repair, Batman will be the first one to step in. But he’ll be brought to justice the right way. I won’t let Waller lay a finger on him, no matter what happens.”

From Oswald’s POV

THE STACKED DECK

“The hunt for the Joker continues,” Jack Ryder reported, his voice barely audible over the rock music filling up the bar, “and the police are desperate to find any leads that could help them find the perpetrator. Fortunately for Gotham, the Joker seems to have gone underground recently and has even ‘vanished’ according to some. In the past few days, there have been no reports of any Joker-related crimes, and the green-haired clown hasn’t been spotted by anyone. Normally, a moment of peace such as this would be appreciated, but one can’t help wondering if the reason the Joker has disappeared...is he’s planning something bigger. But of course, we will keep all you viewers out there informed with any updates. I’m Jack Ryder, and you’re watching Gotham TV.”

I softly chuckled at the news and glanced downwards at my beer bottle, happily taking a sip as I watched the chaos unravel in Gotham’s news. At this point, I wasn’t even upset by all the mayhem slowly tearing down this city, and a part of me was even thrilled. 

I had learned enough about Gotham to know that its citizens were far from innocent, and the ones who were died ages ago. The only people who survived in this godforsaken place were men in suits, and those controlling them from the shadows. As far as I was concerned, Joker’s hell-raising rampage was nothing but some well-earned karma, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I only hoped that karma also hit Bruce Wayne.

I was still having difficulty imagining that billionaire pretty boy as Batman. Not only did the two of them act nothing alike, but they were also on complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

The Waynes hurt people; killed them, even. Anyone who was brave enough to oppose them got murdered or thrown in Arkham by Thomas...and yet, his son grew up to become a vigilante. Someone who fought against people like his father. Why?

Maybe this was Bruce’s way of making amends? Maybe he knew the truth about his dear, old dad all along, and wore the mask so he could do more good for the world without risking his reputation. Like he did when Joseph bullied me as a kid. 

Pft. I didn’t know whether to admire or condemn him. 

All I did know...was that I had to kill him. And quickly.

Ordering another drink, I suddenly sensed a presence walking up behind me as the bartender waltzed off, causing me to glance over my shoulder. 

Standing not too far away from me, there was a young woman dressed in a neat, grey blazer and high heels, and her brown hair had been tied into an elegant bun. She was equipped with an advanced pistol that hid just beneath her jacket, and in her hand, she held a clipboard. I guessed this woman must’ve been with the Agency. She had that...look.

“So you’re released from prison after an entire year on the inside,” she said, “...and this is the first place you visit? I...guess I see the appeal.”

I paid no mind to her comment.

“I was in Blackgate for quite a while, love. I’d say I deserve a drink.”

The woman stepped closer. “Just make sure you don’t overdo it. I need your senses to be alert.”

Putting the beer down for a moment, I gave her an irritated glare and casually stood up from my chair, approaching the agent.

“And just who the hell are you?” I questioned. “I’m working on assassinating Gotham’s favorite vigilante for you people, yet your lips remain tighter than the security at Blackgate. Can I get a code name, at the very least?”

Surprisingly, the woman reacted in a more-than-friendly manner and held out her hand, smiling warmly at me.

“Agent Iman Avesta,” she introduced. “You met my partner yesterday. Vernon Blake.” 

I didn’t return the handshake, and went back to my stool. 

“You can call me Oz,” I replied, “but I assume you know that already. The Agency seems to know a lot ‘bout me. So, what, you here to keep an eye on me?”

Avesta took a seat next to me. “Something like that. Waller just wants to make sure you don’t do anything too...rash. I’m sure you understand.”

I quirked a brow. “If she don’t trust me, then why’d she hire me to do the job?”

“Waller has absolute confidence in your skills,” the agent explained, “but that’s the extent of her trust. Not that I blame her. After all, you were associated with the Children of Arkham. It’d be foolish to let you act alone. It’s nothing personal, of course. The Director watches all her ‘allies’ very closely.”

I scoffed. “You mean like the Pact? I know they’re working for her.”

Avesta seemed impressed. “Well, well. Looks like we’re not the only ones who are good at learning secrets. Waller made a good choice, hiring you for the job. I look forward to accompanying you.”

Finishing my drink, I placed the empty bottle aside and turned to the agent.

“...And how exactly does Waller want me to approach this mission?” I asked. “Any rules I should know about? Any lines I can’t cross?”

Avesta shook her head. “Aside from deserting the mission itself, no. The Director has granted you full permission to do anything it takes to kill Batman. And she means anything.”

Slightly nodding in approval, I separated myself from the bar and prepared to leave, Avesta tagging along with me as we strolled outside.

“Well, all right then. If that’s the case, I think I know just what to do for our first step. But I’m gonna need your help finding someone.”

She appeared intrigued. “Oh, really? And who would that be?”

I smirked, eager to get down to business.

“...Ever heard of a man named Joseph Hunt?”

#telltale games #telltale batman #the enemy within #bruce wayne #oswald cobblepot #john doe #joker #cobblebats #batjokes #fanfic #story