#then it all comes out as a word vomit

[spoofyleaf]

“as far as MK knew, everyone completely abandoned him, and for the undisclosed amount of time, he was Not Okay and kept going back to the shadow play bc he truly believed that his friends just... gt up and left him. left him in the shadows” blah blah blah

okay but can we talk about how angry he was at Wukong? It’s hinted that he kept seeing Wukong when he wasn’t really there (“this again? look i know you’re not really here”) and it must of become such a common occurrence bc he didn’t even bat an eye- hell, he even lashed out at “wukong” and went to punch him. And looked surprised that he hit something solid (macaque). MK told what he knew wasn’t actually Wukong (what he probably believed to be a figment of his imagination) what he wanted to tell the real Wukong. He let out the anger he held towards him. (anger for what? “giving” him powers? for making him who he was, making him the kind of person his friends wanted to abandon?? for putting too much on him? for not being there what he needed him??? the list goes on).

But he doesn’t tell the real Wukong these things. He isn’t open to him about these things in general- not until the s4 special atleast.

My point is: MK is holding in a lot of anger. Not just sadness or fear or low self esteem. But anger.

Idk i just think its neat, esp w who he directed it towards so easily :)

#silly how he didn't really hold any anger over macaque tho #which is interesting #altho to be fair those two are more emotionally vunerable w eachother #compared to swk atleast #which i mean... isn't saying much #but still #lmk #lmk mk #lmk analysis #someone needs to take away my ability to say and write stuff past 3am #bc thats when the thoughts come out and i dont have enough self control to stop all of them #then it all comes out as a word vomit #but that's fineeee #/i/ know what i mean

[strawberrywindow]

I couldn't stop thinking about an AU where Daniel resorts to gathering vitae again, this time to 'cure' Hazel, after his Brennenburg adventure💫, thoughts all mainly derived from this loadscreen text that tells us that Hazel is still in hospice care by the time the game's story began.

As much as I love Daniel, I don't think he really learned all that much from his experience even in the most charitable ending towards him in which he saves Agrippa. I can very, VERY easily see him slipping back into old ways if it meant saving Hazel. The most he seems to approach viewing torture as bad is when he realizes he himself no longer counts as an innocent so he can't justify killing others to save himself anymore. But killing no good, horrible, bad people to save HAZEL? Now, we're cooking with gas 😀 💀

#amnesia the dark descent #daniel of mayfair #hazel amnesia #fan art #frictional games #curing hazel AU #is what i'm calling it 🤣 i have a lot of other ideas i've been brainstorming #i'm considering this a title page i guess idk 😐 i kind of want to make this a larger project i work on but we'll see how that turns out 😅 #also the lighting here is only for the drama💫 i don't think hazel would actually drink bright blue tea even if daniel gave it to her 😂 #other things i'd like to explore in this au maybe: daniel and hazel reuniting/daniel taking her to live with him in london #the orb coming back into the picture wouldn't it be funny if the shadow brought it back like 'here you forgot this' lmao #obvs not SAYING that but the vibe💫 #daniel being a bad scary man again which is highkey heartbreaking to imagine 🥲 #daniel almost getting caught by authorities and giving them the orb like 'here's all the info you need 😊' knowing damn well he just marked #those men for the shadow now rip #hazel living a 'normal' life not knowing what daniel be up to #hazel being healthy 🥲 #hazel meeting the mandus she meets that is oswald's great grandfather? #i have IDEAS #and i know most of them probably won't get drawn which is why i'm word vomiting them into the tags 🤣

[introspectivememories]

walki with me... tommy kinard calling buck "baby"..... tommy kinard kissing buck..... tommy kinard gently holding buck's waist.... tommy kinard making buck laugh.... tommy kinard listening to buck ramble with stars in his eyes.... tommy kinard peppering kisses all over buck's face as buck blushes..... tommy kinard letting buck set the pace for their relationship..... tommy kinard calling buck "evan".... buck learning to love his own name because how can he not when tommy says it so gently..... buck sitting in tommy kinard's lap..... buck getting hurt on a call and tommy is there right away taking care of him.... buck waking up in the morning with his head pillowed on tommy kinard's chest as the sunlight streams in through the window and casts tommy in a sort of halo and his breath catches and buck is so happy he made it through his twenties and the tsunami and truck falling on him and the embolism and the lightning strike and any of other myriad of ways the universe has had it out for him because he gets to wake up to tommy motherfucking kinard in his bed as the sunlight gently cradles them in her embrace

("baby," tommy says, eyes still closed, less than two seconds later, hand brushing along buck's spine to card his fingers through buck's hair, "you're thinking too loud. go back to sleep."

buck honest to god flushes at the endearment. because that's what he is, tommy's baby. he's tommy's baby. jesus fucking christ, he feels like combusting. burying his head in his boyfriend's (boyfriend!!!) chest, buck tries not to whine.

"don't wanna," he whispers, peeking up at tommy, "wanna look at you."

tommy's other arm comes up to settle along his waist and buck wants to, fuckin', purr or whatever with how right it feels. tommy cracks open his eyelids to peer down at him.

"evan," his boyfriend (boyfriend!!!) says fondly.

and that's another thing he never knew about himself until he started dating tommy. he loves his name. not his nickname or his last name or buckaroo or any variant of that but his first name. he fuckin' loves the name "evan" or maybe he just likes the way tommy says it. and tommy has so many ways he says buck's name.

there's a soft, whispered "evan" in the mornings, and fond "evan" in the afternoons. there's an "evan" that tommy says like he's holding 3 tons of solid gold in his hands. there's an "evan" that he can barely get out through his laughs when buck bursts out with a fun fact at a wrong time. there's a choked-off, bitten, "ev-" when they're in bed at night and tommy can't believe buck is under him, gorgeous and panting. and there's the panicked "EVAN!" on a call gone wrong and there's an angry "evan" when buck doesn't take care of himself and there's a worried, two-syllable "ev-an" when he comes home with more bruises than he left with and there's-,

well the point is that there's a lot of different "evan"s that tommy says these day. he's going to catalogue them all one day. like his very own personal auditory archive. something to pull out on his off days.

"evan," tommy says fondly, "i'm not goin' anywhere sweetheart. i'll be here when you wake up. so go back to sleep, i'll be right where you left me."

and well-, buck forgets sometimes that this is a two-way street. that he may be tommy's baby but tommy's his boyfriend too. that tommy's practically required by law to be here when he wakes up. (oh by law?, he can almost hear his boyfriend snark. buck's bites the inside if his cheek to stop himself from giggling.) and more than some vague, ephemeral, Boyfriend Laws™️, tommy wants to be here when he wakes up. this is something tommy is actively choosing to do.

so when tommy says, "go back to sleep sweetheart" and "i'm not going anywhere, evan", well, who is buck to question that? he burrows deeper into the warm cocoon tommy has made, and let's his boyfriend's heartbeat lull him back to sleep.)

#are you still walking with me? #sorry about the word vomit at the end. this was supposed to be a joke post and then the bucktommy brainrot hit #nearly collapsed at work yesterday thinking about tommy calling buck 'baby' #and buck learning to love his name because of the multitude of ways tommy says it.... that's the good shit #they're endgame to me. like i still love buddie but like even if we never get buddie..... bucktommy is good for me #buck and tommy trying to hide their relationship except buck gets hurt on call one day and tommy comes running over and is so worried #he outs them. just gently calling buck 'baby' by accident in front of 118 and buck who is hurt and just wants comfort leaning into the #warmth tommy provides. well now i am just giving you a summary of 'all i know since yesterday everything has changed' by perfectlysunny #great fic btw. adore it. i rotate it in my head all the time. #911 abc #bucktommy #evan buckley #tommy kinard

[absowution]

Thinking of tiny Enver, following helplessly along as he's dragged through the streets by a strong, unrelenting grip. It was the middle of the night when the warlock came for him, darkening the Flymm's doorstep. The only time his mother made a fuss when they handed over their son, sparking a light of hope in Enver's heart that they might've changed their mind, was to ask the warlock if he'd counted the amount of gold correctly. After that they were right as rain.

As the trade concluded his mother never looked at him once.

The moment the door to Flymm's Cobblers closed shut behind them with a sense of finality, his fate well and truly sealed, Enver Flymm's mind was running miles a minute. Thoughts of escape had occurred to him, of course, but even if he were to manage to overpower a warlock twice his size and make a run for it, where would he go? His parents just sold him. If he went back they'd kick him right out the door again, screaming and yelling over what he'd done. He turns his options around in his head repeatedly, but he can't think well when his heart is trying to jump its way up his throat.

They're halfway through the Lower City when the grip on his arm suddenly loosens. He could barely hear a thing at first - the city uncharacteristically quiet even for such late hours. Then, there is a sickening squelch followed by a slight thud as the warlock drops dead to the ground. He sees the vague silhouette of someone on top of the body, a smaller creature dripping with blood as it tears through flesh. It's too dark to see a face, but there is something animalistic about its movements. Either it doesn't notice Enver, or it doesn't care.

Whoever or whatever wild thing it was is gone just as fast. By some God's mercy, it passed right by him.

Enver is left alone with the mangled remains of the man who bought him, whose pockets he rifles through for gold and valuables before disappearing from the scene of the crime. Without a home he has to put his mind to work living on the streets, toiling and climbing his way steadily up so as not to ever be so powerless again. It's not a way of life that comes without soiling your hands, but sometimes the messiest deeds are the cleanest, and vice versa. Stabbed backs and broken souls are left behind in the process when you need a stepping stone or two. He will rob as many people of their freedom as necessary to preserve his own because a miracle like that will never happen again. Even so he is admired. Respected. The people of Baldur's Gate support him now in a way they never would have before.

Years pass but it's impossible to forget what granted him this chance to forge connections and climb his way up to become unreachable in the first place. However oblivious it might have been back then that murderous creature freed him, and while there is little to go on in terms of finding it again he'll never forget the debt he owes.

(It grows into an obsession.)

#bg3 #enver gortash #durgetash #softer!enver because he never reached the Hells but still a fucked up enver #I am thinking about it.... #it's like a fucked up version of cinderella #maybe durge dropped something as they left. maybe enver held on to it for all these years as he searched for them :) #didn't mean for this to get long I ended up vomiting words #but boy am I thinking about this alternate way of meeting each other..... #they only met once and never so much as spoke a word to each other but durge already means the world to gort #enver calling durge 'it' at first because he's truly not sure if they're even human or not. but he MUST find them again. #from durge's perspective I'm thinking this was one of their 'lost to the urge' moments and they weren't even aware of enver standing there #a what-if gort never ended up in raphael's hands scenario. would raphael still persist? I think so #but I think gorty could come up with a few ways to stay out of his clutches without parents there to kick him under the bus #if this already exists I want the link sent to me yesterday

[lee-hakhyun]

from an outside perspective it’s really feeling like they’re emphasising kim dokja’s status as an eldritch god. like,,, you don’t feel it through orv because kim dokja himself has just enough knowledge from reading twsa to navigate, and on his own you can really tell how human he actually is, but. take things from a distanced perspective, and suddenly. suddenly, it’s azathoth and the outer gods of lovecraftian lore, played completely straight. i’ve heard enough people compare azathoth and kdj that i think i can say this much

you wanna know something i’ve thought about a lot regarding kdj and the oldest dream? about yjh becoming a terrorist, and how kimcom willingly went back into the fray, how they returned to the previous timeline - and how some people couldn’t comprehend their choices at first? it makes me think of that old trope of ‘going mad from the revelation’, how some people say that gazing upon this otherworldly being’s true form or ‘learning the truth of the world’ would surely make someone go mad.

go mad with what, though? insanity? or grief? because so, so often, one’s pain is incomprehensible to outsiders, and fail to understand how or why you lash out or break down. it’s a depressing pattern in real life, too. kdj goes mad with grief and self-hatred, learning the truth; kimcom take on the insane route of going through the apocalypse again just to reach the end; yjh is unable to heal, to cope with a world without the scenarios and without his companion to bear through it, and so he fights over the replica of the arc. from an outsider’s perspective, without the understanding that the people involved are all brokenhearted over truths only they know, it might come off as insanity. but it’s all just grief.

with that said, however, to have someone jung heewon KNEW, cruel as he was, replaced by someone from a world beyond - and to start singing the praise of someone else’s name? to say ‘i need to find them?’ how all of them look to one name that outsiders simply DO NOT KNOW, to hail this unknown person as important, as an idol, as… as a god…

the 41st turn before their version of shin yoosung travelled to the other worldlines is a forgotten story, and by orv logic forgotten stories are outer gods. in lovecraftian lore, the outer gods sought to wake the blind idiot god azathoth, who in orv is represented by kdj dreaming for ‘eternity’. also, the Outer Gods of orv (the one actually being called as such right now) see the side story - which is the ‘forgotten’ 41st turn, now being written in where once it was not - as their chance to finally be written on the wall. so it’s. it’s. this is just singshong taking their lovecraftian elements to their logical extreme

interestingly, however, kdj isn’t the only reader anymore, is he? orv places a lot of emphasis on communication and writing on the wall, but in the side story it could perhaps be interpreted as ‘trying to be read by one person in particular’. and then the readers that die are labelled as ‘kdj33’ or ‘kdj47’, reducing them to being ‘just a part’, but… they’re all different people. they’re all people who took in kdj’s story, thus his story becomes a part of their own - but only a part. i’ve said that before, but.

well, you can’t force your own narrative on to someone else.

han sooyoung tried that, actually, didn’t she? tried to get kdj back through ending the story early only to realize the hurt she was causing and backing off. you can’t always reach people in the way you want. that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop trying, but there’s also a point where you need to recede, to compromise. am i making sense? i have no idea where singnshong is taking this story, but i’m looking at hsy with lee hakhyun and ceokdj with the readers turned kdj fragments and the outer gods wanting their story written on the wall and. i feel like i’m starting to see a pattern. i could also be hallucinating, but i could also not be. i offer this for your consideration

okay i put this aside for a bit but yes. oh my god. eldritch kdj.. i had not heard about this before, but that's so interesting thinking about it through that lens. and in the side story, hsy forcing the memories of orv on jhw to try to break her.. the explict mentioning of han sooyoung being seen as a 'god' in that moment...

--

fun fact, if you don't remember! lovecraftian horrors are also mentioned as outer gods in orv

chapter 179. when talking with the devourer of dreams, kdj mentioned these modifiers

the fear of sarnath - bokrug

horror from the hills - chaugnar faugn

master of r'lyeh - cthulhu

--

now, adding my own thoughts - the pattern is identity. stories.

there's something wrong with everything in this turn.

the kkomas were cute. until it was revealed that they were dead readers. though.. is that not also kind of what the yoo joonghyuk kkomas are? they may have all been yoo joonghyuk, but their lives in that turn were their own. <- however. the difference here is that while the yjh kkomas were all 'yoo joonghyuk' these kdj kkomas were NOT. they all had their own lives before being brought to wos, and upon being killed and placed in the theater.. they lost themselves.. which is terrifying to think about. you die, and you're brought back to watch your companions go on without you, but you're not yourself anymore. you're kim dokja, who wants to continue watching the stories on the screen.

the transmigrated readers. until the latest chapters, we hadn't been shown the real effect of the readers possessing characters in this world (honestly, we were led to believe that most people transmigrated into 'extras' without their own story. but that's not true, is it?). cheon inho has no one close to him as far as we know (lol), but that's not the same for others. what about the people who knew the possessed characters? lee hakhyun realizes this in the latest chapter, that maybe him and the readers coming here were an additional disaster for the people that lived here.

lee hakhyun's problems,, he's constantly going back and forth on 'lee hakhyun' and 'cheon inho', and there's clearly something wrong with the way he sees himself... we know more about him that he does currently, and if he does find out. i don't think things are going to end well.

and of course. everything about kim dokja. his name is in everyone's minds, the readers are desperate for a source of hope and he has become that to them. kim dokja is being idolized. even before the scenarios, there were those using kim dokja's story in the same way he used yjh. it's not framed as a negative, if that's what you need to do survive, then you should always do what you can to survive, no matter what. but even when you borrow stories, you need to stay yourself. you are your own person.

there's a clear connection with all of these, and it's identity. who someone is, the way they're seen, their stories. what makes you yourself? stories make up who you are, and these outer gods want their own stories written down on the wall to define themselves. rep kdj wanting the readers to forge a new story, lee hakhyun discovering stories that were never told in orv.

right now, nobody's happy. time is running out for the outer gods, the readers have unwittingly destroyed others by taking over these 'extras', kimcom are still desperately searching for their star, our dear protagonist is continuing to doubt himself. and kim dokja is still watching.

...this is orv. not everyone will get their happy ending. their goals oppose each other. we can hope for the best, but that isn't going to happen.

#word VOMIT. im not editing this sorry if it makes no sense! #THESE ANALYSES ARE ALWAYS SO GOOD AND I AM NOT A PERSON WHO THINK ABOUT THINGS TOO DEEPLY... #i cut some parts of this out (mainly about han sooyoung + the outer gods) because i couldn't word it right. but they connect with this too #<- might come back to this once i have the corresponding chapters translated. give me a day or two #i know i talk about identity so much but this is what the side story is all about #i didnt know about the lovecraftian stuff until i read it on the korean wiki for orv <- it's so much more detailed than the eng one lol #ask #orv #orv side story #orv spoilers #lee hakhyun #somewhat related? but i realized part of why i related with lhh so hard #it's the trans experience #living a life that might not be the worst‚ but you're not truly yourself. feeling like you're living someone else's life‚ #responding to a name that isn't really your own. #anyway the TRANS CHEON INHO PFP IS STAYING !!

[silvreflames]

Rio! I have a random question about nesta as a girl who grew up overly pushed and forced into "feminine perfection" by her mom, how did she experience the realization that she couldnt fulfill those toxic expectations that her mom forced on her because of her own trauma and the what the cauldron did to her? Not me asking bc of my own mommy issues lmao sorry if you already talked abt this here! Also idk if i made any sense wiith this question in my head i did

euge my darling i could kiss you on the mouth. i've been sitting on this ask for like 2 weeks now because it's just so juicy and i've been wanting to do it (and nesta) justice in how i answer it with regards to my portrayal.

honestly? i don't think nesta HAS come to this realization. and i say this because i don’t think she is in a space mentally or emotionally to understand that those expectations ARE toxic. certainly not in a canon world LMAO but not really in my interpretation either. i think that the rotten roots that her mother dug into her at such a young age are so deep that it will likely take decades for nesta to really even understand just how badly she's been harmed. and the canon treatment she receives at the hands of the IC absolutely does not go far in mending the mindset she's been brainwashed into either.

i mean. people can talk about how prythian doesn't uphold the patriarchal ideals that the human world does because it's an entirely different culture and species but the fact of the matter is that that's just complete bogus. men rule prythian. and you can argue that amarantha was in charge and blah blah blah the human queens blah blah blah but the fact of the matter is, tamlin wasn't putting feyre down when he told her there weren't high ladies among the fae. he was simply stating a fact. viviane of winter court (arguably an incredible leader considering the winter court did not sway under amarantha's rule while kallias was under the mountain) was clearly slighted when rhysand made feyre the first high lady.

and don't even get me started on the treatment of illyrian women. the abuse that those young girls and women are subjected to by illyrian men (rhysand's people!) is very close to the treatment that nesta expects as someone who grew up knowing that her only fate, the only role she would fit into, was that of a submissive wife to ensure her family's care. that those women are being violated so horribly because it's "tradition" just further proves to her that safety is not an option. that freedom is not an option.

all that to say, nesta can't break out of those expectations because she doesn't have the tools or the knowledge to be able to do it. not even when she goes to live in the supposedly amazing world of the fae that her baby sister so dearly loves. she is forced into “fae ideals” which are not far off from what she’s already familiar with. she is “promised” (mated) to a man for the “good of her family” (the IC/rhys/feyre) whether she wants to be or not and “society” (the IC) expects her to stay quiet and accept it and do it beautifully and to stop being in pain so loudly. because that’s feminine perfection of course!

i think that. even if she DID realize this. she would be in deep denial. lune and i are giving nessian the story that they deserve, but trauma is trauma. and like i said it’s going to take a long time for nesta to uncover how badly she’s been hurt for so long. but even just uncovering it won’t “fix” or help her. there are so many layers to the way her mother’s expectations cut away at her (and continue and will continue to do so!).

i believe nesta knows her mother was cruel, but she wouldn’t believe she’s been harmed without reason. which is why, even realizing that the expectations foisted on her were terrible and she couldn’t meet them if she really tried, she would simply be devastated that she could fail so badly. because that’s all she does in her own eyes, you know? she failed her mother, she failed her sisters, she failed her father, she fails cassian, she fails herself. she wouldn't think, "gee i shouldn't have been treated like shit like that", she'd think, "wow i can't believe i became high fae and i still can't manage to take care of my fucking family". i think it would be a setback in her healing and she’d have to climb those stairs too.

#youfought #you don’t think your question made sense but i don’t think my answer made sense #there’s so much nuance im missing too esp in regards to fae culture within canon and within my interpretation as well #one day lune and i will gather our shared braincell and figure out illyrian culture and lay it all out #anyway this is rambly i did not in fact do this justice but alas #all i do is get on here and cry about nesta archeron #im also probably missing so much i will. undoubtedly come back to this post one day and edit it #but for now i word vomit and bawl #also i have so many feelings about nesta and her mom and nesta re: motherhood #i have SO many feelings. nesta as a mom and nesta with children is. such a concept and its so important to me #esp with how it concerns nesta’s feelings about her mother too like!! oof it hurts #i want and need to explore it so bad #im already dying about it truly

[alphinias]

I finally read agggtm (only the first book so far) and I think it’s going to make an amazing show

#that’s all just me word vomiting #and telling y’all to watch the show with me when it comes out #also I think pip and Ravi are going to be even cuter in a show format #if they do their chem right #agggtm #jordan reads

[qbebou]

ok not to be like he’s just like me fr…. but chayanne is just like me fr…..

i’m also the oldest child with one younger sibling who needed a lot more care when we were kids and therefore was deprived of certain needs in favor of my brother. i also had a parent that was missing a lot and depended almost solely on my dad. obviously tallulah needs more help than chay, with her asthma and lesser fighting skills, not to mention she had only been playing minecraft for like a month? or two before wilbur found her. and chay knows that! he knows that she needs more help than he does he knows he’ll do anything for her he knows he has to be the strongest to protect her. my brother and i are only a year apart but i was forced to grow up very very quickly bc i was on my own a lot as a kid while my brother was sick. phil doesn’t worry abt chay when he runs off bc he doesn’t need to, chay can take care of himself. hell, he took care of all the eggs when they first left. but at the same time, it’s comforting to know ur parent is looking out for u even when u don’t need it. phil’s not a smothering parent, he’s attentive, but not smothering. but let’s be real he can also be emotionally constipated LMAO but that leads to situations like the argument and frustration between chay and tallulah when dapper was kidnapped. in his defense, he’s never been a parent before and had 2 children thrust upon him to raise on his own. he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to parenthood like ppl in real life do, he suddenly had 2 children who had their own thoughts and opinions and emotional needs, he didn’t get the time it takes to LEARN abt how to provide that specific care and while some ppl have that innate knowledge there is a lot of learning and navigating when it comes to emotional vulnerability and regulation esp when it comes to children who are figuring it out as well. i feel for chay when he thinks he needs to be the strongest. i feel for chay when he had to make the decision to gather the eggs and leave. i feel for chay when he had to take blame for bad things happening. and i feel for chay when he realized tallulah doesn’t need him as much anymore. my brother and i are both adults now and we had a …… tumultuous relationship as teenagers for reasons that were both our own and caused by problems outside our control. but i still remember exactly how devastating it was the moment i realized that he was fine on his own. that he didn’t need me anymore. and it caused a rift between us; on my end bc i was frustrated and felt tossed aside and on his end bc he NEEDED to be independent to keep growing. i see so much of myself in chay and i desperately wish he and tallulah had a better mediator for their argument, or at least someone who could truly understand why they were so upset. i don’t think phil clocked that tallulah was so upset and adamant abt looking for dapper bc it was just her dapper and ramon surviving on their own. just bc phil didn’t witness it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a much tighter relationship than they had before purgatory. and when chayanne said everyone was blaming him for the decisions he made phil was quick to tell him that no one was blaming him but also phil doesn’t know that! he doesn’t know if any blame was put on chayanne when it was just the eggs together. chayanne made the decision for the eggs to run and they trusted him bc he’s the oldest and he’s strong and he can be a leader but by running he also put the eggs thru a lot of pain and fear that they may not have gone thru if they stayed with their parents. and even if the eggs didn’t explicitly say that they blamed chayanne im sure he blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. we’ve already seen him open up a tiny bit abt how he was questioning his decision to leave. but phil told him that chay made the best decision he could have given the information he had at the time which is true! but when ur the oldest and everyone is looking to u, all of the responsibility lies on ur shoulders. chayanne has been carrying SO much weight on his shoulders for so long it breaks my heart.

#lex.txt #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp #i have so much more i could say abt chayanne tallulah and their relationship but unfortunately ! i am not allowed to write more than this #please excuse my rambling run on sentences and lack of proper punctuation #i type the way i speak in my head and usually that means no pauses no breaks everything flows like word vomit i apologize if things #don’t make sense #i think if this was happening when i was younger i wouldn’t have all these feelings but like #my brother has a toddler that i’ve been helping raise since he was born #that is MY baby i spend the most time with him he’s the closest to me out of anyone #and i think that if i didn’t have any parenting experience i would also handle things a lot like how phil does #i think the several years of therapy have also helped with my parenting LOL #anyways i wrote this a while back and it’s been sitting in my drafts #chay is so sacrificial and i think a lot of it comes from phil putting pressure on him to be strong #he literally said he should’ve been the one to die instead of empanada!!!!! he thinks the eye attacks are his fault #i just wish he could be a kid and do the things he wants to do without worrying that he or his siblings will die #poor sweet boy :( he shouldn’t be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but he doesn’t think he has the option not to

[jinseulss]

I really don't think people who think jinki would want to stop being a singer truly ever listened to him lol

#if he decides that's what's best for him that's great #i'm not saying what he should and shouldn't do #but if you followed his solo career over the last 5 years #how hard he worked for his music #you cant tell me he'd want to stop especially when he literally said he wants to come back #he created all of his albums using his own resources with barely any input from sm (but they'd never credit him for it) #directed his own concerts #paid for content out of his own pocket to show his musical process #also people seeing him as just a ballad singer (not a bad thing btw) when he's proved he enjoys making all types of music... idk #all this is just word vomit and idk if im making sense but the way some of y'all talk is 😬 #shinee #jinki #onew #ramblings #anyway maybe im wrong #but from what hes shown talked and written to us this is how i feel

[gefiltefished]

well

that happened

#the short story is it took mum and my stepsister about two seconds to suddenly launch into the mother (heh) of all screaming matches #over something fairly minor and easily rectified but not with these two! #and then alllll this seething and resentment came pouring out and got real nasty until i yelled at them to shut up #which kinda worked until mum decided to come in for another volley and then we separated them #idk how i feel about anything rn #kinda numb #bc tbh not everything sister said was wrong but not as angry word vomit when it's just gonna be bounced off with deflection #dad's been up with mum for a while now and idk what's being said though its quiet at least #sure sister has been venting about what a psycho bitch mum is to other sister #family eh

[daggryet]

one day i will write an essay on atsushi and fyodor. mark my words

#coming back to this post in ten to word vomit my thoughts . just to get it all out somehow

[pinkspiraling]

how does a person even move on from something like this? how do you find the strength to try?

#i used to always have a certain hope that i held onto #there was always a little confidence that i could use to move on #now i feel like i have nothing at all :/ #sorry i’m drunk so ofc im rambling about sad shit lol #but this is genuinely the first depressive episode where i don’t see myself coming out on the other side #i just think this is it :/ idk how i could even figure it out from here #and honestly everything is so empty idk why i would want to try anyway #there’s not much to stay for except other peoples sake #pink’s word vomiting #pink put the bottle down!

[jamieedlund]

Not a question but your account has made me spread the Aaravos and Callum agenda, thank you

And thank you for sitting on this agenda with me. I can't say how much their dynamic is the only thing that make sense to me in this entire show. As someone who firmly believes that a love doesn't need to be romantic nor fraternal to be amazing, I hope their chemistry has brought peace to your heart as much as it did mine. Truly. Thank you.(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧✨

Here's a free headcanon for you: Aaravos makes the best food ever™ Doesn't matter what kind, his food will always be the best - because he caters to Callum's taste laughs in he makes them differently according to how he feels abt the person he was feeding and how that person likes their food

#ask jamie #the dragon prince #aaravos #callum #cooking is my master's passion #ramble incoming so stop reading now if you don't wanna hear my word vomit #i long for the day Callum would utter something like #I don't need a romantic partner to be happy #cause he needs agency and the ability to just #exist #w/out only being useful when it comes to a romantic interest #he needs to feel like a complete character without the influence of ooo crushessss oooo love interest bla bla #and right now the show is doing him a massive diservice by NOT LETTING HIM BE HIS OWN PERSON #if he's just vibing out #bettering himself just for the sake of becoming stronger FOR HIMSELF #and still holds that goodness in his heart #that's when I will cry #because that's how you would write a compelling protagonist #where be his own ambition and hopes and sense of justice show? #I'll be here all day if I list out all of the things I feel about my son #my art #tdp #doodle #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread  

Tears in the Water

NA contemporary slice of life romance about a competitive swimmer with anxiety at a sports university

they start seriously questioning their gender when they make some new friends and start dating a trans volleyball player

queer friend groups, aspec characters

#Tears in the Water #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #trans books #nonbinary books #asexual books #i enjoyed this overall! #a good slice of life with lots of gender feelings #a few nitpicks: #there were a lot of like….jumping STRAIGHT into 3 paragraph dialogue about feelings about gender or sexuality or anxiety with no breaks #which like isn’t inherently bad I just think there could have been more of a lead up/build a lot of the times to make it feel more like a na #natural conversation #(the occasional word-vomit-monologue is fine but this was like. all the time) #re: the aroace side character; he’s ace and questioning if he’s aro and we mostly see that through the lens of negativity; #or he’s talking about his feelings as if it’s a negative thing to the MC and the MC is like telling him he’s probably aro and it’s valid #I guess there is an important space for aros who don’t want to be aro coming to terms with it (and he is happier about it by the end!) #i just don’t relate lmao i’ve never wanted to be allo. lmao. #i think something felt just slightly off about how it was written and discussed? maybe more the fact that it was through the MCs eyes more t #than anything #and also shoved into one chapter rather than. spaced out a bit idk #(also I don’t understand knowing you’re ace but not really knowing anything about being aro? but i guess that is also probably something #people experience irl) #(anyway; not a ‘this is bad representation’ criticism just a ‘could have been slightly better’ one)

[gachaparadise]

ahhh the Penacony leaks are really coming in now.

*chuckles* I'm in danger.

#i keep going back and forth about if i'm skipping Ratio. I was 100% going for him but now. looking at whats coming #I like Sunday and Robin and Boothill and Gallagher and Misha and Aventurine and DUKE INFERNO?!? #okay. i just saw that Aventurine might be sustain unit. i NEED one of those so bad. #my accounts gonna be completely fucked if i don't get a good support sometime soon. so like. that moves him WAY up my priorities list #and moves Ratio down :( still dunno exactly what he does waiting for official release to make final decisions #but. if he's really an imaginary dps. i might... *dies a little bit* skip him #i just!!! i have DH!!! i WANT to use DH! he's my favourite character in the damn game! #and >_> is Ratio going to have story relevance? i thought Argenti would get more then just a companion quest but he hasn't #and that kinda... bums me out? i like the meet a character THEN roll for them not the other way around. i like character who matter plotwis #A!NY!WAY! putting that aside. i might just go for the 50/50 and take what i get. just to smooth out my pity if nothing else #i don't have most of the standard pool so chances are *knocks on wood* i'll have something new to work with #and like we are getting an absolute BARRAGE of hard skip banners coming up after him. #i do not care for these women at all. extremely mid designs i SLEEP #(except for the judge she fucks but. jades are tight right now honey im sorry!!) #so. i've got a little but of time to save afterwards #post: misc #game: honkai sr #these tags are long and disjointed but its *checks clock* almost 2:30 am so. i'm a bit. you know. #i could save this draft for tomorrow and edit into something resembling a human's train of thought instead of word vomit but #i kinda wanna capture the moment. this is how i saw the leaks. the essence of desperation of a f2p. aahhh gacha my beloved.

[azol-otl]

Not Reverse Robins or Scrambled Birds but a secret third thing: A Step to the Left.

Not  Dick > Jason > Tim > Steph > Damian, 

but Jason > Tim > Steph > Damian > Dick*.

But not only them. Every sidekick with a legacy name gets shifted one spot. (No I’m not counting the Golden Age because I’m not combing through that ).

This means that Jason’s Titans team is him, Mia (Speedy), Jackson (Aqualad), Cassie (Wonder Girl), and Bart (Impulse but y’know he was KF II in the comics).

The NTT team including Starfire, Changeling, Raven, and Cyborg stays the same since they’re the only ones with those names. Cass gets lumped in here because Jason actually wants to do college/is becoming disillusioned about cape life and the idea of Kori learning Cass's body language is too good to pass up.

Tim gets one (1) cape friend (because Jason only got one) and it’s Zachary Zatara because it has to be a d-lister who deals with that disaster Teen Titans era.

Stephanie gets Jon (Superboy), Yara (Wonder Girl II now), and Irey (Because guess what it’s Impulse on the team and not KF which means we get Impulse II). Secret, Cissie, Anita, Slobo etc. all stay the same.

Damian doesn’t get anyone until he becomes Batgirl.

Duke literally gets Damian’s exact canon team but it’s Kon instead of Jon and probably won’t end with them committing war crimes.

If the character in that placement dies in canon then the new character in that placement also dies (i.e. Jason dies so Tim will die/ Kon dies so Jon will die).

But there will be changes because these are different characters so not all of them would react the same.

For example, Jason and Cass are the first Robin and Batgirl, but Cass becomes Nightwing while Jason becomes Oracle because I feel like Jason generally fits Barbara’s character better than Cass does (which is a fucking shame because Oracle being someone named Cassandra should be a no brainer but yeah).

 Or how Barbara should be Batgirl number three, but it’s actually Damian because Cass would see their similarities between them and offer him Batgirl (which he refuses at first but after his disastrous run as Robin he sees how Batgirl would fit his strengths better).

 Also I refuse to believe that Jason and Cass would let Dick out as Robin so young so he’s benched until later and his place is taken up by Duke and instead of Leviathan it’s Gnomon.

#I actually have a lot of thoughts about this but I didn't want to word vomit it all up like I normally do #No lie Damian becoming Batgirl III was not planned but because it started off with Cass it honestly felt right #So now him and Stephanie parallel each other so much more than I planned with the whole 3 identities cycle of Original > R > BG> OG #Also Robins 1 3 and 5 (the ones who were actually focused on for a time) are all Gotham natives with strong ties to the people #So that feels right #Also also Mia and Jason both being on the same team and having similar traumas while comics were finally starting to tackle these things #Tim has to deal with all the shit Jason did including starting off as a Blonde Jason clone (hey Timmy Todd) #Being victim blamed for his death for nearly 20 years and brought back as a villain #Then left with writers who hate him and made him ugly *and* stupid #then left with Lobdell and having the fans of his teammates blame him and his fans for things that they had no control over #other notes I didn't put in include Cass's cover is that she's Jason's cousin via Willis who was adopted and it turns out to be true #Stephanie 'Ambiguously Gay' Brown with her team full of Women who can crush her like a bug #Cass 'Are you sure she's straight' Wayne and her Gal Pal Koriand'r #Jason and Bart's wild 50 years where they surprise everyone including the writers and editors #since none of their love interests stuck but the chemistry they had with each other was off the charts #so their friendship read more as a slow-burn annoyances to friends to lovers that was totally on purpose guys and became canon p52 #like right before the reboot because the writer was like "Fuck it we're rebooting anyways! #if you feel like it's unfair that Tim and Damian gets no friends remember that I didn't shift teams at all only the people in them #so they get dealt Jason and Stephanie's canon hands #Don't come at me with 'uhm Robin is DICK'S nam'e' that retcon happened 50 years after the character #I can do the exact same with any character #great another essay in the tags #azol's posts