#they are so horrible and toxic so naturally i love the concept | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovelykhaleesiii · 11 months

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Merhaba!

If you feel uncomfortable, you can delete this request!

Warning: non-con, toxic behavior, baby trapping?

Request here! for a modern dark!aegon, where the reader has been his friend for a long time and aegon has a horrible dependency on her, as well as an obsession and mostly never lets anyone near her, since he sees her as his, anyway, the reader one day tells him she is accepted for a scholarship in another country but he gets mad because she is going to leave him so he forces her to have sex with him and also hopes to get her pregnant so she will never leave him.

you’re so cute nonnie!!!!! this is totally fine, I don’t normally write for non-con, but I’ll let this slide cause it’s kinda hot 🥵 I’m combining it with this ask, and leaning more towards a dub-con, manipulation tactic of dark!Aegon!!! hope you enjoy xx

quote in the link above is - "gentle, slow manipulation - "just a kiss" to "I'll only grind against you" to "only the tip, promise" to "just a little more" to "I won't cum inside" until you're a cum-filled wreck underneath them."

Dilemmas & Dreams.

PAIRING: Dark!Modern!Aegon ii Targaryen x fem!Reader

WORDS: 4,179.

WARNINGS: swearing, angst, co-dependency, somnophilia, dub-con, slight mentions of non-con, mentions of pregnancy, time jumps.

A/N - so this took me forever cause it was a hard concept to plot. tried to make it more dub-con/non-con but still slightly consensual, just because I do not condone using violence for sex. but dark!Aeg is just my intrusive thots. I also did not include my taglists, just cause I did not want to trigger or force anyone to feel the need to read this, if it isn't your thing <3 no pressure. this is for a specific audience.

It was an universal understanding that relationships could get complicated from time to time, to say at the very least... This did not cease with your unique relationship with Aegon.

With every fibre in your heart, you love him dearly, and that [if you were being honest], would never change. He generally was not the ideal type of man you'd pursue [as you had initially assumed] nor did you think it was even a realistic possibility to fall for his type. Likewise, you did no think of yourself as his particular type, although Aegon was less picky than you when it came to finding a mate. Yet he had this almost omnipotent-like power over you. Luring you farther and deep enough, he kept you eagerly lingering for more: for more of his touch, his scent, his love and affections. An urge you attempted countless of times to keep silenced and at bay, and yet you felt the constant, probing need to keep the man sated.

With many of your short, previous relationships, you'd never granted a man the opportunity to bear such a profound effect on you, nor did any of them truly possess the charisma Aegon had naturally wielded. It was all very consuming and perplexing, yet a part of you quite enjoyed the crisp attention Aegon showered you with in return for your loyalty and commitment to him. Your long-time warfare of constantly seeking approval and praise did not help the situation either, only exploiting your vulnerability more, as you vowed to refuse disappointing the man at all costs.

And from what you had learnt and could decipher about Aegon's history, he had never grown this infatuated with another before, let alone actually granted himself the opportunity to have a significant other. His previous flings had been fleeting and meaningless, only to glutton himself off of sex, inflating his subtle ego. However, you, you had caught him off-guard. A fellow colleague and long-time friend of Aemond's, you had met mutually. You knew of each other, though had never truly met, for Aemond was desperate to keep some distance between yourself and his elder brother. He had mentioned many things about Aegon, not all good, yet you knew better than to judge or presume. In theory, you were both quite the opposites, yet something about you, your innocence, warm demeanour drew him to you, like a moth to a flame. From the many family quarrels Aemond had disclosed to you, it seemed Aegon was problematic with some sort of self-conflict from within. He struggled with certain tendencies such as drinking, partying, avoiding responsibilities, yet nonetheless, he was still pretty decent and respectful towards you. Helplessly though, you felt an immense pity for him, even if Aemond argued against it, perhaps it was your nativity: regardless, the more Aegon latched himself closer towards you, the better he became. More present at home, the less he drank and spent his days hungover and pissed, the less hostile he was towards his family.

Although, he remained a pest towards his younger brothers, Aemond and Daeron, occasionally taunting them. Not to mention, he did go against Aemond's urges to leave you alone.

"Aeg, Y/N's off limits. I have never asked of anything from you, nor have I ever really expected anything from you, if I'm being honest. But, I digress, she is off limits. Understood?"

"Why, have you finally grown the balls to actually ask her out? Or you scared she'll actually say yes to the likes of me?"

"OFF LIMITS Aeg! I fucking mean it!"

"No, no- How about I date Y/N instead, and in return I leave you alone? See now that sounds like an even better deal to me, brother."

Not to mention, you were undeniably a sight for sore eyes, beautiful nonetheless, he was determined to have you. The thought that someone else could pluck you from him at any given second, not excluding his younger brother, began to stir something rageful inside of him. The more time he spent around you, the more possessive he could feel himself becoming. A side he did not fathom existed in him, yet you had so ignorantly ignited. Although, he relished in it. Eventually, and much to Aemond's reluctance he inserted himself into your conversations, making his presence known whenever you were around, or forcing his younger brother to exploit your whereabouts with threats only each brother knew about one another. Regardless, his tactics worked and eventually, you became his. His.

Since then all had been bliss, yet, now, you were struck with a dilemma...

****

"What do you mean you could be moving, Y/N? Is this a few weeks kinda thing or you're gone... For good?" Aegon raised, his voice growing audibly louder with such a ferocity, you'd never heard the likes of it before.

"W-Well it's a scholarship, Aeg. One that I honestly never even thought possible to get, I-I just applied off a whim. B-But now that they're offering it, maybe, just maybe, I was hoping you could support me."

The words fell shaky from your quivering lips; Aegon's face was struck with a blatant concoction of confusion, hurt and fury, like a wounded predator that had unforeseen a counter attack.

"Just answer me this, Y/N, how long exactly will you be gone for? How long are you planning to leave me?"

He took a great stride towards you, his hands reaching over, tightly gripping your forearms by the sides, as if in fear you might run at any minute. His voice although stern and unnerving, his lilac eyes glistened tearily.

"It-It's a funded Masters course, Aeg, just for two years I'll be studying abroad. B-But I'll plan to come back to see you whenever I can. Every holiday, every semester's break, you bet I'm coming back to you. A-And you could even come and see me, baby. You know, I-I would never leave you like that, Aeg, you know this, p-please-"

An eerie silence was all that you were met with, as Aegon's grip on you had loosened slowly. His face remained stoic, yet his teary eyes flickered, before he began to dauntingly nod his head, walking away from you towards the closed window of your apartment. You could hear sniffles, before he released a long, exhausted sigh as he looked onwards to the scenery outside.

"So this is how you disregard me, huh, Y/N? Is this how you see me, see us? Just something you can toss to the fucking side, once you find something a little more interesting to chase after?"

His harsh words stung like the venom of a viper. Now turned back towards you, his hardened gaze was chilling, almost even threatening. You felt somewhat fearful of Aegon at this very exact moment, although he would never hurt you, that you were certain of. He was often stubborn and hot-tempered though knew to control himself swiftly. Reassured by this, you simultaneously also felt the desperate urge to coddle and soothe his fears, vouching that you could nor would ever dispose of him like some piece of garbage.

"A-Aeg, never! That's not me, please! You are overthinking this, Aegon, you'-re-you're not thinking straight, my love. I-I know this can be overwhelming but t-try to understand me. Please-"

Taking a small step towards him, you came to a sudden halt, as he took a step back maintaining the distance between. His hand lifting mid way as if to signal you to stop, swatting you away.

"So now my feelings aren't valid? Fuck, Y/N... You really are starting to sound like a real, spoilt little bitch now. Just like the rest of them fucking sluts!"

Seating himself promptly down onto the bed, he ran his fingers through his platinum blonde hair, his head facing towards the ground, as another defeated sigh escaped his lips once more. It was only when he resumed his sole attention back unto your frozen frame, did he stupidly realise that now he had really crossed the line.

"Get out," Your voice although quiet just above a whisper, was crisp.

"Y/N-Baby-I-I didn't mean that-"

"Out, Aegon!"

A tightness in your chest began to intensify, a hand falling over your left, clothed breast, as your breathing began to hasten into loud, hitched sobs. Your eyes darted mindlessly around the room, feeling as though the walls began to close in, a sense of claustrophobia that you'd never feared nor experienced before brewing. Your cheeks turning scarlet by the seconds, as your eyes began to fill with hot tears, streaking down your tender face. Cowering down your other free hand, was poorly attempting to grab at anything solid enough to keep you upright, although Aegon bounding over towards you, reached over, lending you a spare chair, guiding your shaking body over to sit, as he cowered down in front of you.

"Y/N, Y/N, my angel, baby please- I-I didn't mean that, I-I could never mean that. I'm just so-just so upset that you-you didn't tell me about this. You-You always tell me everything. What would I do without you, huh, my sweet girl?-"

Brushing a strand of your hair aside, his other free hand cupping your hot, blushed cheek, his thumb stroking away a freshly fallen tear.

"H-How could I live without you for two years, if I can't even bear an evening without you?"

And yet no response other than earning heart-aching sobs from your behalf. Seeing you in such a distraught, unconsolable state only in turn tormented Aegon, as the tears that he had once so proudly held back, now began to streak across his soft, handsome face.

"B-Baby, please. Please, say something. I-I'm so sorry, don't-don't hate me. I couldn't bear it-"

"Ugh- Just fuck off, Aegon!-" Wailing his arms off you, you shove him off, as you stand hastily, storming aside, creating that deliberate distance in between once again. Aegon slowly rises himself up, that familiar hurt look tinged across his disheartened face, he roughly wipes the tears off his eyes, leaving them puffy and red.

"Sorry? Sorry about what exactly, Aeg? Sorry, that you can't just be an adult for one second, and accept the fact that some of us have priorities in our lives other than being in a fucking relationship? To think that you could be mature about this, how foolish of me..."

"Y/N, I-"

"Don't, Aeg! Don't even bother explaining yourself... I think it's best that you just leave me to decide."

Brazenly interrupting him before he could utter another word, your hand meekly gestures towards the door to your apartment. You couldn't even find the stamina to look Aegon dead in the eyes, fearful that any tender look from his part, you'd crumble once more in a second.

Seeing how riled up and tense you were, Aegon reluctantly began to pace himself towards the door, taking his time before a firm hand reached, gripping the metal knob of the door. The door opening as he unlocked the entry, he came to a sudden stop, turning back momentarily staring at you, tempted to say something. However, just as his attention panned across to you, your focus from him shifted elsewhere, fleeting from a window to the floor, desperate not to look directly at him. Sensing your message, he remained quiet as he left the premises, firmly shutting the door behind.

As the pain-staking silence fell once more, the intensity of the situation felt magnitude that very second Aegon had left. Feeling weak in your knees, your walked back over towards your bed, laying yourself down, burying your tearful face into a pillow, as the sobs returned, only now muffled. Your mind was racing rapidly. Regardless of what had unfolded, you cared deeply for Aegon and knew that it wounded him immensely that you hadn't involved him in your decision, prior to making such a life-changing commitment. It was his life too, that you toyed with, and a deep, integral part of you felt somewhat guilty.

Although, the ugly side of Aegon had showed, and it scarred you bitterly. Would he act and lash out like this at every chance something major would come? Was it a flaw of his, that you were willing to accept and embrace? You had no certainty. The fleeting minutes became hours into the night, as you laid still in bed, empty of tears, eyes stinging, your pillow soaked and face flustered, before you'd gradually began to fall into a deep sleep. Exhausted by the day's mishaps, you were hopeful the new day would offer some consolation...

****

Whether you had been dreaming vividly enough to be stirred awake, you could not say. Although, Aegon was on your mind as you drifted off to sleep, remaining in your dreams and as you slightly woke, too tiresome to remember the details of the events in the long hours prior. You felt something heavy, yet awfully familiar, the musky scent, pressing against your body.

Followed by a soft "shush-ing", you instantly recognised the deep, low tone that belonged to your boyfriend's manly voice.

"It's just me, baby. Go back to sleep. I couldn't leave you all alone like this."

"Hmm, Aeg-" Was all that you could pathetically muster, before returning readjusting your head on the pillow. It wasn't uncommon for Aegon to find himself in your apartment after hours or even whilst you were still out during the day, for you did offer him keys, and came home to find him lounging around as if it was his own home. You trusted him enough to share a copy, and up until now, he had been loyal not to abuse his right, thus, this reoccurrence had never startled you.

"That's right, my sweet girl. It's just me... I'm going to fix everything, okay?"

Unlike how sinister and brooding his tone with you was just hours ago, you now felt comforted and safe, hearing that familiar, saintly tone of his. Like a lullaby it ushered you back to sleep, as you felt a small, wet kiss planted on your forehead, as he brushed the astray strands off your face, taking a few moments to gaze upon you lustfully, before stirring himself up.

Feeling the mattress beneath move, you sensed that he was now positioned on his knees, hovering above you, as each leg pinned to either sides of your upper thighs, faintly hearing a metal clanging, as he unbuckled his belt and zipper. You remained laying comfortably on your stomach, your back facing him, your face turned to the side against the plush pillow, he could see you just faintly nodding against his words in agreement. It earned a soft smile from Aegon, as he pulled his pants down enough, laying over you, as his bare, hard cock began to grind against the thin fabric of your dress, just between your ass cheeks. Just from the sheer action, you could feel some wetness stirring beneath, a visceral reaction Aegon found so easily he could induce from you.

"Only the tip, baby... I promise. I'm going to make it up to you, my sweet, sweet angel."

Sensually lifting your dress up, he lightly lifted you, turning you slightly to the side with one arm, just enough for him to pull your panties down: planting you back gently, as to not startle you completely awake.

"My good, good girl. Always doing so well for me, not like anyone else...I was such a dick to you, wasn't I, baby?"

Earning another simple nod, he resumed with grazing his cock over your sensitive skin, feeling its pulsating throbs against your cheeks.

"But my princess, did do something very naughty... Trying to leave me, without asking. Leaving me all alone, you know how upset that would make me, right baby?"

"Hmm-Aeg-"

"But look at you begging for me...Now what makes you think you could leave me so easily, then? Precious girl, didn't think this through, did she?"

Gradually, his firm, thick cock slowly began to push itself deeper and deeper between your thighs, as one, strong arm stretched over your side to keep him steady, the other manoeuvred your legs, spreading them wide enough for him to position himself right between your centre.

"Don't worry, Princess. I'm here now, I'm going to help you make this decision, like a good boyfriend. Wouldn't want you to overthink anything, now let me take care of you... I promise I won't go in deeper, I won't cum inside."

Feeling your eyes naturally flutter from reality and dream, as you felt a lightening pain course through your body from the sensitive spot below. Aegon had forced himself in, your walls stretching as wide as possible to accomodate for his dense, throbbing mass, you could feel yourself tightly clenching over him, rewarded by deep, growling grunts and moans from him.

"Fuck, baby. Always know how fucking good to make me feel...Now why would you ruin it, and do something so stupid? Have I been so cruel, you wish to leave me?"

"N-No Aeg-" You'd managed to softly whimper, stirring even more awake, although eyes remained firmly shut, as you arched yourself in response to Aegon's slowly paced thrusts.

"Are you bored with Aeg, that you want to leave me?"

"No."

"Have I frightened you so, you wish to run away far from me?"

Within that split second he'd uttered those words, that familiar, daunting tone returned to him, and you felt your heart begin to beat feverishly.

"I-I love you Aeg."

Now his thrusts began to hasten in response to your words, his grunts primal and louder.

"Say it again, I'm struggling to believe you. You tried to deceive me today, angel. That was cruel of you...Say it again."

"I love you, Aegon."

This time more awake and conscious of what was going on, you were too deeply saturated in being sated by Aegon in the moment. You couldn't muster a single ounce of dignity nor sanity at this very moment to stop him in his tracks, knowing what he was capable of, he had all the power in his court.

"P-Pull out, Aeg-"

Your wetness now greatly coating his deep, hefty cock, feeling the mess beginning to ooze and seep from the edges of your entrance down your thighs. As he pulled out slightly and with his help, he turned you over, now both of you facing one another, although this time, managing to maintain complete and utter focus. Resuming to his sloppy, rough thrusts, you could feel the intensity of his cock, determined to push and shove himself as deep as possible, the tip of his cock just striking that sweet, sensitive spot of your cervix.

Aegon's face lowered down towards yours, as his ample, moist lips lingered over yours. Momentarily, just grazing above one another, before plummeting down on yours, as he noticed your lips beginning to stir to speak, desperate to shut you before you could ask once more. His tongue forced it way into yours, swirling and occupying your own: this unexplainable control that he had over you, now once more overtaking you. In the moments that Aegon had left, although maddened by his words, you had missed him. Could his brutal words bear truth, that two years without seeing him, would be impossible?

"Now, why would I do that? I promised you I would help, that's what I'm going to do. I'm doing this all for us."

His lips now trailing along your jawline down to the crook of your neck, where he knew you had a weak, sensitive spot that made you close to thoughtless. You could feel a upturn smirk strewed across his face, against your skin. Regardless, you could not surmise his intention, far too deep in devious, lustful thoughts, you needed Aegon to sate you completely.

"A-Aeg-"

Within a few more long, taunting minutes as Aegon edged you on, he could no longer contain himself. Feeling his warm, dense seed filling you up, it was a feeling unlike the many, intimate times before. You both were often proactive in protection, and yet tonight, although different, it was somewhat sublime.

"That's my good, perfect girl, that's it. Did so fucking well. I need you to stay put like this for me, okay?"

Regardless, that his fill had drenched you inside, Aegon remained buried deeply inside. Somehow, managing to turn you once more to the side, as he laid himself cosily behind you, thick, muscular arms holding you tenderly from behind, as his cock remained sorely stretching yet pleasantly coaxing you inside.

"Hush now baby, my good, sweet princess. How could I ever let you go so easily, huh? What kind of a man would I be to let his girl leave like that?-"

His hot, breathless words felt soothing as he whispered against your ears, his free hand atop, once more fixing the sweat-infused tangled strands away from your heated face. Leaving a few pecks of kisses against your dewy skin.

"Now promise to get some rest for me, angel. I need you strong for my little surprise."

****

Had you known what was to follow in the early months to come, the significance of Aegon's cryptic gesture following the sex that night. How his large, rough hand found it's way over to your lower abdomen, lightly caressing it in a circular motion, something he'd never normally done before, although not unquestionable at the time... Upon awaking early that morning, Aegon explained his surprise visit during the night, grieving over the sheer thought of losing you was enough to make the man cry once more, profusely apologising for the poisonous words he'd spat upon you. He refused to leave your side, and you knew you could not stop him. Nonetheless, he was well-intentioned, and you forgave him, allowing him to spend many more nights and days to come. Too preoccupied with the decision to be made, as Aegon kept pestering you for advice and discussion, you'd forgotten the whole notion of birth control, and only remembered a few days after. Regardless, the love making did not cease, as Aegon persuaded you that he wished to spend as many hours with you, "in case you decide to leave, I need to cherish every moment with you." Poetic of him, although, his agenda was far more conniving.

****

"Aeg- I'm, I'm pregnant."

The words were as sweet as honey to his sly ears: he did not lash out nor did he act upset nor surprised. In fact, unlike the momentous news you'd dropped before regarding the scholarship, this did not seem to phase him, not in the slightest.

You both rarely spoke of the thought of having children together, being both still quite young in age, and knowing that Aegon's youth was not one he favoured, regardless, he remained pleasantly optimistic upon hearing the news.

"Baby, this is good- This is wonderful."

"B-But what about the scholarship, what do I do?"

Cupping your tender, shocked face in his hands, his reassuring smile offered you some ease, though not enough. A child, an actual child. You hadn't really comprehended the notion of motherhood, nor did you completely go against it.

"Y/N, this-" One hand now stroking the same spot on your lower stomach, now a slight swell present, as he did those many nights ago. It all clicked now.

"This happened for a reason, you can't deny us this. Our own little baby, Y/N, we can have our own little family, sweetie. I promise I'll take care of us, all of us. You can't be stressing about some scholarship now..."

"But Aeg, I really did want it."

"So you-you want the scholarship, more than a family? More than making me happy or yourself? I thought you would be okay with this."

"I-Of course Aeg, I would love to have a family with you, only you now that I'm being honest. But I just always thought in due time, I-"

"Now's the time baby... This happened to us for a reason. Maybe the scholarship wasn't meant to be. Maybe something else will come along, they're always giving out scholarships, babe. If they offered it to you before, they'll offer it again. How could they deny you?"

His words sweet, and reaffirming. It was true, there were endless opportunities to apply for degrees and scholarships throughout the years. And it seemed Aegon, was extremely on board with the idea of becoming a father. Knowing how far he'd come from the rebellious boy he'd once been, stammering into the house late at night as Aemond and you remained studying endlessly, to the confident man he was now, was astounding. His dear mother, Alicent, even knew it, and thanked you deeply, for years she had been aimlessly trying to better her eldest.

"You are making all this possible for me, Y/N. Things I never dreamt to be or the person I'd become, you are the sole reason for my happiness. And now with this baby, I feel I could conquer the world."

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nightly-ruse · 1 year

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Sorry I don’t like Brambleflower as a fix for canon Bramble. I just can’t separate the canon Bramble from any fanon bettered version for him. I get why he’s even named flower as a nod to his mother instead of father but it just does not suit him at all for me.

(Pretty long idc read if you want just know this is a Bramble hate post and I mean every word in here.)

To me honestly while I hate this character with a burning passion his character and what he does expands every cat around him a lot.

What he does to Squirrelflight is sickening but it builds her story, shows clear abuse from a husband and powerful figure which can then be twisted into her realizing this and overcoming him. She finally breaks after being screamed at by her own daughter about Bramblestar’s abuse and forces him to step down. She makes him retire, clawing him down ever life he has till he’s nothing but a old fool. Before taking leadership for herself and truly bringing Thunderclan into a golden age.

His children. The three love him, he’s their dad they look up to him a lot so much so they don’t see the little things he does to their mom. Until the secrets revealed. Hollyleaf feels shame crawling under her pelt every time she tries to meet his eyes until at last she tells him the truth. He goes cold and draws back. Blaming Squirrelflight first as always and the two concoction a plan to reveal it at the gathering to show everyone what liars Leafpool and Squilf are. When it is revealed Bramble strips Squirrel of her deputyship, breaks off their partnership, and denounces their children as ever his. He never treats any of three as his own family again even being quite horrible to them.

Now his Children by blood are different. He knows they are his he can see it clearly but he can’t love them. They don’t feel like his and they never will. While he nitpicks every thing that Squirrelflight does around them he barley even visits them. He pushes his son into the healer role because he doesn’t think he’s strong enough. And while he loves his daughter for being a natural talent he pushes her hard to be even better. Eventually cracking into the whole family split to side with their mother and begging her to end her partnership with Bramble. Even if he’s their dad he’s never felt like one truly certainly not like how she’s always been their mom.

And honestly it’s not just his family who are effected. He makes rash spiteful decisions fully fueled by emotions all the time as well as leaving so much onto his deputy. He’s a horrible leader, a horrible father, a horrible mate, and a selfish cat by heart. He likes to control others even if he doesn’t know it. He’s possessive and can’t let anyone leave him, refusing to let Squilf out of his claws, grabbing onto any trace of family he believes he has in Hawkfrost’s case even refusing to listen to anyone when they are clearly right.

This is far too long and I also have a splitting headache so take that into mind as I cut myself off here even though I have so many more thoughts I’d like to say. This isn’t a hate to the whole concept of ‘Brambleflower’ it’s just how I see it and his character. In my best case scenario to me, Squilf drags him down out of power and out of TC with the help of her real support system, he’s gone and while he does realize his mistakes he also pities himself for them. He’s never truly good and never can be, good Bramble died in that fire as a apprentice and what’s left is a charred toxic husk that’s there to blister anyone who tries to stand too close, or those he refuses to let go.

#bramblestar #brambleclaw #ruse rambles #rude rants #sorry this is long it’s just my thoughts on him #anyways if I get any bramble supporters I will just block you I literally do not care at all #he’s a horrible character. barely even in a likeable way #my brain worms for the day #warrior cats #wc analysis #character analysis

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dogtoling · 11 months

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hey! this is “not choker smol bean” anon and maybe i was too judgemental please tell me more about choker so i can tell if you were right or not

Choker is a menace. Like, a lot of people love him, lots of others HATE HIM. I already briefly talked about him in a previous ask, but to summarize, he is a natural disaster. he's just some guy but like, one of those really chaotic guys. He's actually roommates with Squl right now despite the fact that they met on the battlefield and hated each other's guts above all else initially. I already posted this picture of him like last week but i'll post it again (i dont have a lot of pictures of him and i JUST made this updated design)

But like, he's kind of a bizarre guy. He tries hard to look really cool and be cool so people take him seriously, but he's actually kind of goofy. He still tries really hard to make people scared of him, and some people are, but most people just roll their eyes when he pulls up. He's a very loud person who makes his presence known and he can be extremely snarky, but he's not really EVIL. At least not yet. Toxic? YES.

(here he was trying to convince Boba that she should totally pick dualies as her main.)

He used to be in the orange team, Fire Arrows, but he left after getting frustrated about how casual the matches were and how much less frequent they became while Boba had to deal with exams. To be fair, he was a pretty controversial teammate, with how arrogant and chaotic he was. Generally, he just ended up in the team because Boba has ZERO judge of character, and he has ONLY been a negative influence on her. (He knows how to make molotovs for some reason, and now Boba knows as well.)

Anyway Choker used to be a Dualie Squelchers main, but he recently had a growth spurt that's made dodge rolling super awkward for him, so he looked around for a new weapon and settled on the Squeezer. Though not going to lie, the Annaki Splattershot Nova is looking pretty good... if only because he's like, an Annaki simp and if something's got the logo on it, he's got to own it for the unrivalable (is that a word?) drip. Arguably, he's pretty shallow when it comes to appearances and is really quick to judge if people have atrocious fashion. He got his stage name because his go-to used to be the Annaki Choker Tee, but he began just hoarding and using chokers after getting used to it pretty much regardless of what else hes wearing. Also, his legal name is Tako, and that is SUCH a boring normie name that he would do ANYTHING to make sure Choker is the name that sticks.

As of early 2023, he founded a yellow Turf War team with his friends Squl, Frill and Gill (cool name synergy) and called it Team TOXIC. Because for some reason he thinks toxicity (both in gameplay terms and biological terms) is SUPER cool and metal, and everyone else thinks so too, so. You know. He was also heavily inspired by a guy named Martin who mentored him for a while in late 2022.

What do I mean by "mentored"? Choker is absolutely enamored with the concept of crime and especially banditry. His biggest idols in life are like, Deep Cut, because he knows about their "secret" bandit career. Choker himself comes from a lineage of Octarian pirates, or that's at least what he says, he doesn't have much to back that up. So his resolution throughout his teens has been that he WILL become a master pickpocket and maybe even something more. So once he acquainted with Martin, who's been either a gangster or a criminal of miscellaneous sorts for like 20 years, he was extremely impressed and DEMANDED to stick around to learn from him. (Of course, his teachings aren't a perfect match given that Choker is very naive, and also way taller.)

(hence why this picture exists. choker is MUCH TALLER STILL now.)

Basically, Choker is a chaotic guy, and a menace, and a chronic rulebreaker. And he cares about life being interesting and fun, even if it's at the expense of other people's (or his own!) safety. He's a horrible influence and he is easily influenced by other people who are way worse off than he is. He sustains most of Splatsville's feral shrimp population because he feeds them just out of spite for the signs that say you can't do it. He's set dumpsters on fire because he was bored. He might ruin relationships for fun. He's friends with retired felons because why not.

he is not smol bean.

#mailbox #dodo ocs #team toxic

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abimee · 10 months

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I feel like that in itself is a metaphor. something that is shamed by many is still loved by someone. ( not to sound like I'm reading too far into it lol ) I don't like that ppl associate most insects with negative things in symbolism, it feels almost cruel to them. I like your art including insects so much because it always feels like they and the subject of the piece are cared about, acknowledged as a regular living being, and as u said, loved.

the thing is that althaea is never shamed or feels shame though, a big part of althaea's lore is that she doesnt know what shes doing is disliked by some and seen as weird!

althaea and those around her never feel ashamed for loving her and the insects in her art are never about shame, the metaphor has always been about love :] because i often make it sound like althaea is horribly disliked or outcasted when its quite the opposite, due to amaurotine culture people Cant Really shame althaea because shes a high seated person who does a lot of work for the people, so everyone holds their tongue, thus continuing the fact that althaea knows no concept of shame :-------o its sort of hard for me to explain but if i can get some photos i can show you

this one was captioned "Predators quickly become sick after eating the monarch butterfly, which is why many predators go after the eggs or the caterpillars instead" which was about how the Milkweed plant has toxins in it that make birds sick but monarch butterflies can eat, and it shows a monarch caterpillar eating through althaea like a leaf

this was a specific piece about althaea's pregnancy, because she has an ectoptic pregnancy where the fertilized egg groes outside of the uterus. Althaea accepts what may happen with a pregnancy like this, which is often painful and life threatening, but althaea still accepts this --- this is represented by a monarch caterpillar eating at her internally and her gently letting it touch her finger, while her hands are almost in a craddled position like she is holding a child. The caterpillar can become toxic upon metamorphosizing into a butterfly, like how her pregnancy can become dangerous if she continues to let it fertilize, but she still lets it bore its holes in her body because she loves it. this is why i say even in ''negative'' pieces the subject of the bug is still neutral to positive --- this represents something negative, but the piece itself shows althaea still giving the ''bug'' her kindness for its nature

this themis piece was captioned with a chunk from the wikipedia page for Matriphagy --- the act of the children of an animal eating their mothers soon after birth. The drawing itself isnt a representation of matriphagy, but rather the fact that many people are scared of matriphagy naturally occuring in certain animals because they see it as bizarre and frightening, especially from animals they already see as ''creepy/violent'' like tarantulas

the tarantula outline here, representing althaea, hangs over a cradled themis, whos hands and body and clothes are smeared with a substance the same color as the tarantula's body. This was a general illustration to depict how willing Althaea was to give over herself to Themis despite them being entirely unrelated, because Althaea doted on and oversaw themis as a child like a motherly figure. She is someone willing to do anything and sacrifice anything for him, so its represented in how if they were both tarantulas, althaea would willingly give herself over to matriphagy if it meant the survival of those she cares about, themis being one of them.

this ones a personal favorite --- ''flight animals who eat each other'' sounded a lot like ''flight animals who need each other'' in my mind, and hermes (represented by the bird) and althaea (represented by the butterfly) work perfectly as friends --- they are more alike than they are different, and even though birds consume butterflies they are not represented by the food chain, but by the fact they need each other. Althaea needs someone who will truly see her for what she is, and Hermes needs someone who will listen to him for once, so it pairs well that they are represented by opposing animals yet they are the closest to each other :]

so none of these really represent shame, but entirely ignores the pain of being a ''weirdo'' to go straight for how much althaea is loved and loves for who she is, so i would still never consider anything i make with the bug motif have to do with shame because its moreso actively shutting out that concept entirely, going ''we will ignore the outside voices and only look in'' type of deal :] this also gave me a chance to talk about some piece sof art cause i like explaining my thinking behind stuff so thank you LOL

#heart hands for you anon thats very sweet to say ty

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spiralwriting · 2 years

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I really loved the Yandere reader. We need more of these. Can you make one of Azul Ashengrotto with a Dom Male Yandere S/O plz? Sfw and Nsfw.

Ah, my first request, thank you so much! I really hope you enjoy this one.

_________________________________________{Isolation, Intimidation, Sudo-drowning, Dependency, Non-con, Dub-con, Violence, Toxic Relationship, M!Reader}

_________________________________________><><><><>(Read at your own risk)<><><><><

Sfw:

Azul, by nature, is a nervous creature, he always has been, he's just gotten better at hiding it over the years. He struggled to fit in for so much of his childhood, that he eventually gave up on silly concepts such as love and fate, believing that nobody could love a strange, chubby little octo-twerp like himself.

So, it's fair to say that your behaviour is odd and horribly puzzling to Azul. You seem genuine about your pursuit of his love, you seem genuine in your words of encouragement and comfort, everything you do and say to him seems genuine, and he can't help but hate it.

It's so conflicting for Azul, because for so much of his life, he was preparing himself to spend the rest of it alone, yet here you are, heart is worn so visibly on your sleeve, waiting for him to take it and do as he pleases. He doesn't want to risk it though... What if you're lying?

Though, deep down, there's this twing of longing brewing within him, that so desperately wants to follow your bait and hook himself on your fishing line, ready to reel him in and devour him whole.

He knows that your behaviour is wrong, the things you say, the way you act, it's not natural to be so obsessed, but something in him tells him to ignore every red flag that pops up over your head. Cephalopods can't see colours after all.

He indulges himself unknowingly, every touch, every word, every service you do for him has him smitten, heart pounding out of his chest. Even when he jumps, even when he clears his throat and backs away, don't stop pushing your way into his lonely heart.

As time goes on and you only seem to get more intense, his feelings don't clear, but he's far more comfortable to let you do as you please. It's embarrassing, being pulled onto your lap, being slung over your shoulder or being pulled by his waist to the places he needs to be, but he has your undivided attention at all times, and it feels good.

However, it's almost too much to handle, all the attention you give him. The care behind your touches, the adoration behind your eyes as you stare at him, the sweetness in your voice as you praise him. He starts to get nervous when he notices just how much attention you are giving him, avoiding your gaze and chuckling uncomfortably. It's unnerving but so exhilarating.

He isn't used to being bossed around anymore, but he can deal with it, you're not cruel with it or anything. Yes, you tease him about the redness in his cheeks or how his glasses slid down his nose because of how sweaty he got from the lightest of touches, but you know when to switch it up and start reassuring, it's incredible.

He's been told by many people that the way you act isn't okay, but by this point, you have him hooked. He honestly doesn't think he could recover if you left him, he's so dependent on you for everything that he just couldn't handle it. He found that out the hard way.

He had told you one day that he couldn't be around you anymore if you keep acting the way you do, it's detrimental to him, yourself and everyone around you. By the time you'd come to visit him in his office that night, you didn't even have to open your mouth before he silently walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he silently sobbed in your arms. Safe to say he never tried that again.

That's how you punish him when he's out of line, talking to people he shouldn't, going places without you, etc. Simply spit a 'whatever' at him and walk away. Ignore him and watch the panic wash through him. It hurts to ignore him, but you know it hurts him more. There's just something so rewarding about having him grovelling on his knees, gripping tightly onto your trousers as he begs you to talk to him again.

He's too far gone now to realise just how toxic your relationship has become.

_________________________________________

NSFW:

- The two of you have fucked in his natural form. You downed that underwater breathing potion, forced him through that portal and fucked him until he was begging for more. It took some getting used to, but you had all the time in the world to explore his body and discover a whole new him.

He hated it at first, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his pot but he couldn't do anything but watch as your hands so lovingly explored him, too frozen in shame and embarrassment to move.

He inked you. Not that you cared, you were learning so much about him. Though, he died of shame. He cried and cried the entire time you examined him, but it quickly stopped once you found where to shove it.

As for sex on land, Azul's preferred form of intercourse, things are a lot calmer in that region. Normally, it comes after date night, or when one of you really needs the release, but other than that, you're not flat out all the time. Azul finds it nice, but a bother to clean up. When he's exhausted, riding out his high and completely filled by you, the last thing he wants is for you to get up to clean the two of you.

Public is something Azul wouldn't ever consider, but boy, do you really love it. Watching him shift in his seat across the room when you turn the settings of his vibrator up, all while you glare at the person who flirted with him yesterday, knowing damn well who he belongs to.

Touching him during house warden meetings. Reaching your foot under the table and against his crotch as he presents his part of the meeting. Or reaching across to tease his thigh during a quiet part, watching him try not to shift or make any noise.

Sometimes getting rough with him. Whenever you've had a bad day and Azul's business is getting to you, you slap the papers out of his hand and slam him up against the lockers in the hall. You force him to the ground with a hand in his hair, unzipping your trousers with a simple demand. 'Suck it.'.

Cockwarming. He's signing contracts, doing homework, and all else that he is required, all while you harden further in his ass, stretching him well. Leaning back on his chair and watching him 'discreetly' shift for any kind of friction, only for you to stop him, and tell him to finish his paperwork first.

_________________________________________

Some things he likes about your relationship:

- You remember everything about him, it makes things simple for him when he needs to unwind. You know just how he likes his favourite drink, what show to put on, how he likes being held, just what to say. He appreciates your memory.

- You don't let him push you away. While yes, it's quite bothersome at times when he needs to be alone, it's also really good for when his thoughts get the better of him and he starts to push you away as a coping mechanism.

- Your gifts are meaningful. It's not empty money dumping for the sake of the price tag, it's special and unique to him. You give him coins from your homeland, homemade scrapbooks, and love letters every day. Literally, he never knows what to expect because it's seldom something mundane and cliche.

- You stand up for him. While he can do it himself nowadays, he really appreciates it when you step Infront of him and scare the shit out of the offenders. Never did he have someone so hell-bent on defending him at all costs before, it feels good to know you'd sooner die than let anything happen to him.

- You'd do anything for him. He likes the control (or what he believes to be control). It's scary to see you physically act on that promise, but he can't help but blush every time you tell him that, because he knows damn well you mean it.

(He wanted to test that theory once, and told you that someone hit him during his study time at the library. He followed you around until he watch you quite brutally beat the ever-loving shit out of the man, leaving him bleeding on the ground for someone else to find. He was shocked, but holy shit was he relieved that you meant it.)

- You don't let the twins deter you. Oftentimes, he finds himself quite isolated because the twins are so intimidating, it's hard for people to approach him. So, he likes that you genuinely couldn't give a fuck about them, and only care whenever Floyd gets a little too close or Jade's had enough time for business talk.

- When you go on dates. It's so intimate, so fairytale-like, he can't help but get lost in the moment. He forgets everything else and just relaxes and unmasks over dinner with you, or whatever else you're doing. It's nice to see him like that when he truly feels comfortable.

_________________________________________

Some things he hates about your relationship:

- How limited his alone time is. Azul, while starved for social connection, still values his time alone, which is very difficult to come by with you around. You're so... Suffocation. He appreciates the gesture, but let him breathe... *Please*.

- How limited his social circle is. He fought and struggled with you to let him sign deals with people alone, and he's only permitted 30 minutes before you storm in and kick the person out. He can't even go to his board game club and talk to Idia without you looming over him, scaring the ever-loving shit out of the poor introvert. Nobody is safe from your wrath, so it's better to keep you happy, right?

- Nothing seems to scare you off. He has tried on multiple occasions to ward you off by sending Floyd in your direction and he ended up in worse condition than you did. How you did it, Azul doesn't know and he's frankly scared to ask. He's even dragged you out to the middle of the ocean, dragged you down as far as possible and held you there until you couldn't hold your breath anymore, yet all you did was kiss him, make him breathe into your mouth and admire his octo-form. He was baffled.

- He doesn't have as much time for things he enjoys. You just require so much attention that he can't think about anything else. Maybe that was your plan, pollute his mind with nothing but thoughts of you, it's only fair that he returns the favour.

#disneys twisted wonderland #yandere #octavinelle #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst azul #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere azul ashengrotto #yandere azul x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #yandere octavinelle #twst wonderland #twst #male reader #yandere x reader #yandere x male reader

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optimismxmagicism · 3 months

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Positivity, the good and the bad (Meta)

As you can probably guess from the title, this post is an analysis on Ewan’s relationship with the concepts of optimism. It’s a trait of his I tend to focus on and analyze a lot because of how prevalent it is in most situations he’s in. He’s always focusing on the positives, trying to be cheerful, always smiling, always full of cheer.

As Ewan isn’t the most major character within Sacred Stones, a lot of this analysis comes from reading between the lines. If you think to yourself “Queen you’re overthinking things” you’re.. probably right but y’know what this is my slumber party I can over analyze the muse if I want to. /j

Origins

One of the things to consider when looking at this trait of his, is the circumstances in which it was cultivated. In Ewan’s case, his cheerful personality has a rather tragic origin. While we don’t have the full details, Tethys says the following about it in her B support with Gerik:

“The truth is, Ewan and I? We were abandoned by our parents. I wandered about with little Ewan in tow. He had no idea what was happening. I was a child myself with no job. We went to bed hungry every night, and our clothes were rags…”

As you can tell from this alone, his childhood was not a happy one. Ewan adds a little to it from his perspective in his A support with Ross, saying the following:

“My sister and I were abandoned when I was really young, before I could even talk. She became a dancer and raised me all on her own.”

The most important thing to note here is that he was abandoned before he could even talk or was fully cognizant of what was happening. He was a baby, when he was dumped on the streets.

His life was, frankly, absolutely miserable. They could barely scrape by doing whatever they could to survive. Then the question becomes: how could you cultivate a sense of optimism in a situation like this?

Well, a part of it comes I think from nature. He’s naturally just a more upbeat and energetic lil guy. Rather than creating it, he preserved it through his childhood. What led to this, Tethys says in the following quote, which is also taken from her A support with Gerik:

“But I never cried. Because if were to cry, he would cry. And I loved seeing Ewan’s smiling face. I wanted him to smile all the time, so I worked hard so he could.”

She did everything in her power to make sure Ewan could be happy and smile. Which I think affected Ewan positively, but negatively as well. Before I continue, I just want to note that I am not blaming Tethys for this. She was a young child put in a horrible situation that no child should ever be in. She did the best she could, despite the circumstances.

Gratitude - the good

Tethys worked as hard as she could to make sure he could grow up happy, and he took notice of this. I don’t think he complained much towards her, because he knew how hard she was trying. This cultivated a powerful sense of gratitude within Ewan. Despite his mischievous personality. It’s notable that he’s always quick to show gratitude towards those that are kind to him. Whether it’s something major like to Saleh for taking him under his wing, or something small, like Dozla entertaining his thoughts and ideas, Ewan’s quick to give thanks.

This gratitude is also partially how he managed to stay so positive despite the hard times. Because he was always able to appreciate the little things in life. He didn’t need big gestures, huge meals or expensive gifts. Anything Tethys could provide, he was grateful for. Any small happiness she gave him meant the world to him. Rather than focusing on the misery of his daily life, instead he did his best to focus on the little things. The minor joys life could provide. These small gestures are what kept him going, I think.

Toxic positivity - the bad

But while this positive outlook brought a lot of good, it unfortunately also twisted his outlook on life in a few things. In Tethys’ desire to keep him happy, he internalized the idea that happiness is good and sadness is bad. Tethys refused to show sadness in front of him, and I think he returned the gesture in turn. Being happy means Tethys was happy as well, so he kept on smiling no matter the circumstances.

A consequence of this was that he ended up internalizing and ignoring a lot of his grief and trauma. No matter how good he wanted to believe his life was, his circumstances were still horrible. But he didn’t want to think about that, because if he was sad, he would make Tethys sad. And that just wouldn’t do. When people bring up his childhood, he’s quick to brush it off and give a positive spin to it. For example, from his support with Ross:

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t even remember being abandoned. And because of that, I got a chance to travel around, and meet lots of people. Like you. So, I’m not sad at all.”

And this quote from his forging bonds episode in FEH:

“It's OK. Even after all they put me through, I don't hate them. It's thanks to what happened to us (him and Tethys) then that our bond is so strong today.”

Any time someone tries to show sympathy towards his circumstances, he brushes it off and focuses on the good it brought in his life. Which, while it seems admirable, is pretty telling I think to how he processes grief and sadness. He ignores it, focusing instead on the positives. It’s an optimistic outlook in concept, but I think there’s a sad twist to it. He downplays his trauma, constantly, and refuses to acknowledge what happened to him. I think this is how he’s always coped, and still does, with any kind of grief and trauma. He forces himself to move forward with a smile, not giving himself the time to be sad and grieve.

I think Ewan’s relationship with positivity is a fascinating and under explored part of his character. Throughout the game we don’t ever see him truly sad, and any time something bad is mentioned, he quickly spins it around into a positive situation again. His cheer is genuine for sure, but also practiced.

Sorry if this is a bit of a messy read, I admittedly haven’t really written a meta post before. But I just adore his character and I hope this gave a little bit more insight into him and also how I portray and write him. Again, this all mostly speculation, as the games never delve into this aspect of his, but I genuinely think this is how his character ticks, based on context clues and his general attitude.

Thanks for reading in any case! Love, Queen ❤️

#(ooc: let's take it easy!)#meta: positivity the good and the bad #(meta post)

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nullbutler · 1 year

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One of my favourite things to do about season two (aka Alois and Claude) is to think of a scene that would be IC for Ciel and Sebastian, usually dialogue between the two (pre-existing or made up), and then put Alois and Claude in their stead.

And made it IC. And then just sit back and stew in how different the two scenes now are. They could take place in the same setting, under the same circumstances, and yet it is so. Fucking. Different.

And it’s like “yeah, they’re completely different characters” but no. I mean, yeah, they are, but the whole point of Alois and Claude’s creation was to compare and contrast with Ciel and Sebastian (season two is just one big English GCSE gone horribly wrong), that canon did not deliver they way that they’d probably intended. With what the characters needed (although Claude’s character is essentially just a rehash of Will with more sadism, but we don’t talk about that).

Claude and Alois’ situation/dynamic is so much colder, and sadder, than the one between Seb and Ciel, and it was actually your sickfic on AO3 (although until recently with that Alois & The Triplets fic—which I am planning on giving an analysis on because it’s living rent free in my heat at the moment—that I realised it was you) that a post of mine to briefly gush about / realise how much I love it was in reference to.

Yeah, sorry for the long ask. I just… yeah. The way you write the two (fanfiction and now s2 rewrite alike) is just… incredible. I love you for it (/p) - so, thank you. You’ve given me a new appreciation for Claude and Alois (particularly Alois, but otherwise mostly together, rather than separate, because really, who likes Claude as a stand alone character?) over these past couple of months.

Keep up the excellent work. You and your work are amazing <3 (and sorry for the long ramble. Hope you don’t mind. You can just… ignore it, if you do. Or even if you don’t! I just… had to say something, because apparently a stand alone post wouldn’t do.)

That is literally so sweet I’m going to tear up aaaaAAAA

Claude and Alois are, in a way, xeroxes of Ciel and Sebastian. The natural extreme of the concept of a demon and an abused child. and simultaneously worst possible end route. I find them just so damn fascinating! And I get that little mental exercise so well — if you replaced any Sebastian Ciel scene with these two, it would be so dramatically changed in context the implications would be - most likely - very very painful. Like — my go to thought was Sebastian teaching Ciel to dance. With them, it’s cute, reluctantly parental, and sort of funny. With Claude and Alois…oh lord. These two exist in their own messed up toxic little domain, and their dynamic is so fundamentally different, it’s infinitely fascinating.

I try 😭😭😭😭 I’m glad you enjoy my work. I like to expand on things that were implied or established, but never properly thought out. And no worries, it’s such a sweet ask I don’t mind at all…I saw your tag a few days ago and I’ve been shaking silently ever since with anticipation. Like YES ANALYZE ME ID LOVE THAT

#answered #CRYING RIGHT NOW

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dragonsfromthemoon · 1 year

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Hi Ashter! Oh if I am ever bothering you with all these asks, please let me know so I can give you a break. But I wanted to ask you about Daemon and Rhaenyra. These discord servers I am on may be pro Dany and Jon (well one of them is pro Jon) but there are a lot of people who hate Rhaenyra and Daemon. Some of them call Daemon a horrible person and that he and Rhaenyra had a toxic abusive relationship because of the show (once again another adaptation that demonizes a character). And some are saying how Rhaenyra and Daemon are war criminals and terrible people in the books. So I wanted to ask you, by the way I think you’re one of the best people to talk to about this world and that you have an amazing analysis of the books… what was Daemon like in the books? I know he’s a gray character but was he more good or bad? And what was his and Rhaenyra’s relationship? Were they deeply in love? And what about that stuff that Daemon was unfaithful to Rhaenyra and slept with their spy mistress?

Hello!

You don’t bother me. In fact, I love receiving and answering asks hahaha. It’s an interesting way of engaging with fandom and keeping the blog active, as well as an oportunity of expressing myself.

Well, about Daemon and Rhaenyra’s relationship, I wholly agree with what’s written here and here. You could check those posts!

I recommend reading Fire and Blood as well, and taking your own conclusions about their dynamic.

The people who say Daemon and Rhaenyra were war criminals are wrong, that’s for certain. First because Westeros does not have the concept of what is a war crime. They could be ruthless, yes... but so can a lot of other characters. And many of their actions were responses to the Greens’ ones.

Daemon is an interesting character, but at the same time hard to grasp because of the nature of Fire and Blood. There are a lot of circumstances we cannot be sure of what he really did or thought to take a conclusion. His supposed extramarital affairs are one of those circumstances. I tend to believe these rumours are not true, but unfortunately I cannot be 100% sure. Daemon had powerful enemies such as Otto Hightower and a lot of rumours around him. It is grey area to decide which ones are true and which are pure slander and bias against him.

We can, however, look at his concrete actions and analyse. His bond with Rhaenyra, for example, is highlighted as special since the beginning. He was devoted to her, her cause and their family — for that, he was willing to be ruthless against their enemies. Rhaenyra was everything he had ever desired: his company, his match, the mother of his long desired sons, his queen and the woman who gave him power. For Rhaenyra, Daemon was her dashing prince, the man who pampered her and who she chose to be by her side, her protector and her sword. No doubt they were in love.

#fire and blood #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #daemyra #ashter answers

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weebsinstash · 1 year

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Bully romances are an entirely different can of worms, I love hate-reading them. It’s so frustrating cause the FLs always think with their vaginas even when the guy is their fucking bully/abuser and 99% the dudes are like. Committing felonies against the FLs/other students. The classicism also, cause most of the time it’s always a poor FL getting a scholarship to attend this super rich exclusive academy and she’s treated like shit cause they din’t think she deserves to be there freeloading of the “paying students”.

The synopsis always say “they tried to break me but I’m already broken by my shitty life dancing as a stripper as a 15 year old to support myself after the tragic death of my parents, they don’t know who they’re messing with” or “I’m feisty. I’m defiant. I’m not submissive like everyone else and I’ll fight them” and the book is them being walked all over and doing exactly the opposite. Like I understand not standing up to your bully because you’re afraid and you’re in a position where you can’t do that but girl do you HAVE to suck his dick the first chance you get???? It also has the same issue of 18-year-olds being sex gods who are like. Fucking teachers and getting away with it because money.

Anyways once I read a book where the guys where some on “next leaders of the world” bullshit so their parents would abandon these children in forests and have them fend for themselves and also learn to kill people and fly helicopters I shit you not. Ngl the “rich yandere bullies you, poor scholarship student” actually kinda 😳 juicy with the drama and toxicity potential but those books are just SO BAD.

Part of me is like, i feel like some bully romances could work but, idk, it depends on what you're consuming a story for? Like how sometimes we read angst and stories that are sad and have no happy endings because that's a different form of entertainment and catharsis you know? But if you're writing a story where the bully is the LI then at some point you have to confront all the horrible things they did and make them have consequences, otherwise you just have rhe protagonist getting, basically worn down until they're succumb in my opinion? Like that's one thing that bugs me when the bully aspect is brought up in these werewolf stories because they'll literally use pack dynamics and the mate bond to like brainwash their lovers against their will. Like there was one story I never even posted about that I dropped very quickly because the plot was "girl with strong wolf literally gets drugged with pheromones to have sex with her notoriously mean Alpha mate, she really doesn't have a choice, he wears her down enough that she isn't resisting by the time he decides 'oh I won't mark you by force I want you to want me'" but like, I'm trying to remember all the heinous shit he did? She didn't want to have sex with him and he orders her on her hands and knees and literally puts pheromones inside of her so she's aroused enough for them to have sex like that's drugging and coercion and rape like he literally puts her in the dungeon for a time out "until she learns her place"? And HES THE ML???? IM SUPPOSED TO LOOK PASSED THAT? Sorry I don't care if he spends 20 years apologizing. What is this mindset that some horrible things can be undone, like sometimes the fact you did it in the first place is enough to warrant consequences

You're hitting the nail on the head with that synopsis description bc before I pick a story I usually read the description and my god are some of them baaaaaad, and no grammar sometimes too 🙄 what is the vetting process for some of these? Some concepts just sound so kooky and also as an adult it can be skeezy when a lot of these stories are like, talking about minors in high-school having sex? Like sometimes they emphasize werewolves are naturally beautiful and sometimes they'll just basically sleep around with humans just for some warm holes that adore them and theres some fucked up mentality in that.

(As a side note I just found another audiobook thats like appropriate length and it seems high production value and even like the skill of the author is standing out to me 😳 but. I think the protag is the man in the relationship and I prefer when it focuses on the ladies but, lmao I guess more werewolf drama posts coming soon? Wow they make this girl bathe in the river and use an outhouse and she's the previous Alpha's daughter and an Alpha herself :/)

Tbh now that I'm, you know, getting older and I'm 26 now I don't mind toooo much when the male love interests are young but like don't throw that "he's only 20 and he's the richest ceo in the entire world and he owns a private island factory and owns 50 Bugattis and his dick is 10 inches" shit at me ok, and he's 20 and to me that means he might as well be like 16. Give me a man in his 30s or 40s. Where are the silver foxes. Let me fuck someone's fit grandpa. Reinhardt from Overwatch can still get in these guts

But yeah I really need to actually back into my phone bookmarks and catch up on all my manhwa again because a lot of them were really cathartic in terms of getting revenge and also, I didn't have to pay by the chapter for those 😅

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musclesandhammering · 3 years

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Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

#antisylki #loki meta #kinda #loki series critical #loki series negativity #anti loki x sylvie #anti loki series #anti sylvie #frosty bby #loki deserved better #I don’t even like TVA!Loki tho so I guess it doesn’t matter with him lmao #tva loki #loki laufeyson

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nobodyfamousposts · 3 years

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What would your ideal tikki be?

I'm of the opinion that the best kwami/human duo setup would be one where they work off each other and both can benefit and grow from their time together. Not just "the kwami is always right" (Tikki) while never actually doing anything helpful or supportive for their chosen/mentee/an actual teenager.

I'd say that it'd work better for the kwamis to have different mindsets and morals that fit different periods of time. After all, aside from possibly Wayzz, they've all been in the Miracle Box for years if not decades if not CENTURIES. There would be bound to be a disconnect from that alone. And add on top of that, these kwamis are beings older than the universe whom are all either based on or the basis FOR certain animals, so that needs to matter for more than just their appearance.

For Tikki in particular, this would mean that she is a being of WAR.

She is a Ladybug, which are natural predators, particularly known for eliminating and devouring garden-destroying pests. It's part of the reason they're well regarded and even considered lucky. While not poisonous to humans, they are red for a reason, and can be toxic to smaller animals. They also show some intelligence and ability for tactics, such as playing dead to deter predators.

On top of this, let's bear in mind that Tikki has been noted to have past users of importance who were involved in some pretty major conflicts and war, like Jeanne D'arc and Hippolyta, both of whom were noted as warriors or involved in war.

Given all this, I'd imagine Tikki would best work more similar to the Evil Tikki concept. Not where she's "evil", per say, but where she's definitely more pragmatic and used to war and fighting as an acceptable answer to resolving conflicts. A Tikki who accepts lethal means as necessary at points and shows a tactical mind that is both equal to and opposite of Marinette's own. She can be mature, calm, and reasonable while still horribly out of touch. And she can give advice and support while having that advice be unhelpful not because of her own refusal TO help, but simply due to nature of the advice she knows how to give vs the current situation and what Marinette actually needs to do. That way, we could have Marinette still needing to figure out how to resolve problems on her own without Tikki directly telling her the answer, but also avoid Tikki being self-righteous over it despite essentially abandoning Marinette to potentially make the wrong decision without telling her what the "right" decision is supposed to be (looking at you, Reflekta).

This would be a Tikki who doesn't get emotional-based decision-making. Do what works, not what "feels good", because it's all about survival and competition. How different would the lesson in Gamer have come across regarding considering other's feelings if Tikki's stance/advice was to support Marinette that she didn't do anything wrong by competing and winning because that's what competitions are for? Winners win and survive while losers lose and get eaten. That might have done more to add to Marinette's guilt over hurting Max's feelings because hearing such blatant and dare I say heartless statements from Tikki would make her question herself more. Ultimately, she would need to be her own self control when it comes to trying for what she wants.

This would go a long way to display the disconnect between kwamis and humans. They don't GET humans. They aren't around them often and when they are, they're only really bonding with their specific chosen. Their ideas of morals or "right and wrong" would be vastly different from what people nowadays would consider. This would open up Tikki and potentially other kwamis to lessons and growth, allowing them to change from their time with their users just as much as the users would change from their time with the kwamis.

This effect can and probably should be achieved without making the kwamis have the personalities and mentalities of children. Because the way canon does it, the kwamis come off as horribly naive and irresponsible for beings who are supposed to older than the universe and major players in bringing about the world as we now know it. Especially as beings that the characters and even we as the audience are supposed to respect, listen to, consider to be the moral authority of any situation, and just in general take seriously. If the kwamis don't feel or understand love (as Tikki takes FOUR SEASONS to reveal), then WHY are we supposed to take their input regarding the love square as valid?

My take on Tikki would be as a warrior. Someone who THINKS she knows best but isn't always right. Someone who does understand and is able to give decent advice on love more on the basis of love being an emotional war of attrition of the heart. Someone who learns that sometimes new, different or at least more subtle tactics are needed to deal with problems. Someone who supports Marinette even if she doesn't necessarily know how. Someone who admits to the influence of the Lucky Charms and gives Marinette items that aren't completely random or silly, but have clear and more dangerous purposes that Marinette by her own personality and beliefs refuses to use them for and instead uses her own cleverness to find alternatives to—something that Tikki could both be put out over but also impressed by. This would also allow for a subtle indicator of their growing bond when Tikki's influence eventually makes Lucky Charms that fit Marinette's specific needs in a non-lethal way instead of her usual method.

This would allow for a greater dynamic between Marinette and Tikki, and one that would change over time. Instead of Tikki just lecturing without offering anything useful other than what NOT to do or why Marinette should feel bad. Or Tikki just serving as a prop for Marinette to talk to about her problems or feelings instead of any of the multitude of people she already has to talk to—or better yet, SHOWING rather than TELLING.

All in all, I'd go for a Tikki who is flawed. One who would over time learn and grow from her time with Marinette just as Marinette would from her.

#ml salt #tikki #tikki salt #how it could have been

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fairycosmos · 2 years

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i think the concept of trauma dumping is toxic for people who actually have trauma. im at a point in life where im growing and healing, but naturally, i still have urges to talk about past trauma, and the fear of trauma dumping makes me bottle it all up. people will say to talk to a therapist, but every therapist ive ever seen just glorifies and romanticizes my story, they always tell me my trauma makes me unique and they never actually help me work through anything. as someone who has lost a parent, i feel horribly guilty and embarrassed every time i mention that i don’t have a dad because of that trauma dumping stigma. it’s something ive given a lot of thought to. i agree with the last anon; it shouldnt be shameful to talk about trauma unless you’re speaking over others at an irrelevant time. sorry if this reads like a trauma dump lmao.

yeah i hear u! honestly i think the original reasoning behind the phrase "trauma dump" was very valid - normal people are not therapists and it is very triggering and exhausting to be around ppl who treat you like one, and it is a very common trend (esp in online spaces) to put all your baggage on strangers + to weaponize ur pain - BUT all that being said i totally get what you mean and i do agree.

i think that other anon said it well when they said the internet (and subsequently people in real life) just take a phrase and absolutely run with it. now any mention of trauma or going through a hard time can be combatted with "stop trauma dumping, stop being toxic!!" and it's hard to combat that. ppl can just utilize it whenever they feel slightly uncomfortable in conversation which is. not productive. especially people who are supposed to be your friends like hello i thought emotional vulnerability came w our bond. it's not always emotional labour like ppl love to say. i think there's a difference between setting a boundary and just completely shaming someone you're supposed to care about, for mentioning or bringing up the pain they're in. sadly a lot of ppl seem to be majorly blurring that line.

it can make ppl who are dealing with trauma feel so much worse, which can be disastrous for those already at rock bottom. i've felt it a lot myself in regards to witnessing the death of my sister and the loss of her all together - ppl do not want to hear it. even when it's an integral part of why i think or behave a certain way. it can feel really alienating and like u said, it can make the guilt of being "damaged" feel much heavier. idk, it's difficult. i think there's a way to open up that is appropriate for both parties involved and i don't think there's inherent manipulation on either side. i’ve heard people say it's a good idea to simply just check in with ur mates before you vent to/bring up a hard topic to them, to see if they're in the headspace to deal which avoids this weird communication blockage on both ends. but if you're already dealing with a lot, it can really push you to just isolate and spiral, and that is so hard to cope with. i get that entirely.

i think you have every right to mention you don't have a dad when it applies and when it's appropriate irt the company you're in in that moment. it's just knowing when it's relevant and when it's not that distinguishes, same w my sister really. but you're never a bad person for having been through a lot, you know? and i'm truly sorry if anyone has ever made you feel that way, because it's not fair at all. especially after already surviving the most unimaginable heaviness and hardship. i'm also really really sorry about your dad, though i know you're probably tired of hearing it, and i know there's no words for it really. as an even further side note because this pissed me off LOL: your therapists sound completely fucked, it must be so hard to deal with. i can totally relate to not getting the professional support you need. the fact that they have the audacity to romanticize ur pain just makes me so so mad for you god. that's so unproductive and unhelpful and gross. the thing w therapy is that it can take forever to find someone you really click with who can really help you (i'm also still in the long long process of looking for the right one who is affordable, and ik it feels hopeless.) but i urge you to keep reaching out so you have, at least some place, to not bottle things up. at the end of the day, you do deserve support and you deserve to be listened to, no matter what. sending you a huge hug rn. x

#anon #sorry this is a novel. 17 yo fairycosmos vibez

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 4 years

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in which you study in a different country and meet someone along the way.

hi lovelies! this is my fic for miss olivia’s @bfharry boyfriendathon! i’ve had this concept for a year now, and i’m so happy i was finally able to write it!

thank you to @bopbopstyles @stellarboystyles & @avhrodite for beta-ing! <3

enjoy 7.5k words of friends to lovers & uni!harry & boyfriend!harry !! also the story is supposed to go semi-fast since it is mostly flashbacks, the sparkly breaks will tell you when the flashbacks start and end!

i’ve made a playlist for this fic! if anyone would like to listen while reading click here

please please leave feedback! super excited for this because it’s probably a fav of mine and i’m really proud of it, so i would love to know what you think! a reblog, comment, and/or ask would mean a lot! <3

The birds were chirping and the sun was beaming on you, leaving a glow to your skin that had shined ever so brightly, giving you a healthy and lovely tint to your skin. It was a lovely day that there was not an ounce of complaint in your mind because of the beautiful weather Mother Nature decided to provide you with, knowing that you hadn’t gotten perfect weather for the past few weeks. The trees and grass were as green as ever as slight wind rustled between the leaves, making the sound of the crisp leaves loud.

It was a moment like this where you felt so happy and grateful to be in a beautiful city; that you had made the right decision. The London view and atmosphere does not compare to any other place in the world, aside from the fact that you haven’t been to many places in your life. But you’re a bit biased on your opinion because London graced you with your boyfriend, Harry. You remembered the first time you came to London just two years ago, and you never imagined how your life had planned out until this very moment.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

You had stepped on the plane with nervous thoughts running through your head. It was the first time you ever rode a plane, and your destination was hours away, practically a full day. It was a major step, and you probably should’ve thought it through; maybe traveling to the next state, but to travel to another country was a big step for you.

It wasn’t a vacation, more like, school in a different country for a few months. You had decided to study abroad when you were in high school, wanting to get away from home and also learning in a brand new place without the toxicity hanging onto your foot as you try walking away. It had taken a while to finally study abroad because the requirements of you needing to finish your first year of college before you could study in the fall.

Your family hadn’t taken it well, but you decided that there was nothing you could do to stop them. You were going to pay for the trip and your expenses all on your own. It definitely helped that you got a scholarship to go to university in the first place, and lucky enough to live on campus away from home.

You were sad that they didn’t feel an ounce of happiness for you, and you had asked your cousin to take you to the airport, being the only person to bid you goodbye. The feeling was overbearing and overwhelming, making your heart sink but at the same time feel full with sadness. At the time, you had felt like everything was holding you back and you just wanted to get away.

A new start was needed.

It was August when you traveled alone to London. Anxiety was boiling in your throat as you craved the need to hold onto something as the ride was quite bumpy, making you sweat and shake. But you survived, and you were at your new home. At least for the next 4 months.

It wasn’t a hard decision to decide to study abroad, but you really hoped you met good people and made friends. It had always been a struggle making and keeping a good batch of people in your life. You had thought it was easy to make friends during your time in London; no one knows you and they don’t know your insecurities. So, you thought it was going to be easy.

And luckily, you were right.

You had met your three best girl friends, all that you had shared a small place with. The common room had held so many memories between the four of you, and you felt so immensely grateful for them. Late night talks and laughs while drinking wine and eating snacks were some of your best memories. You had missed the common room greatly.

One night, Tanya had suggested a night out on their first week there, “let’s all go out with the guys tonight! I already met Peter, and we talked about going out, so we could introduce you to everyone!”

The girls and guys were stoked for the most part, and you were excited too, but also nervous, hoping the guys had found something interesting about you.

And that was the night you met Harry.

Some of the students that went to university in London shared a dorm with the abroad students until they left. Half were in the art program and the other half was the journalism program. Two of the girls in your dorm, Donna and Sophie, were in the journalism class, and you and Tanya were in the art one. You had wished everyone was in the same class, but that made get togethers and dinners at night way more fun because it had felt like everyone had so much to catch up on, and the fun was at the highest level.

You had seen Harry approximately twice within your first week, but it was merely just from passing. But that night was the first proper night you hung out with him and everyone else.

You couldn’t deny that he was insanely attractive. Just at first glance he had that sort of charm to him that was irresistible and alluring, wanting more after he was done talking. He was a bit on the quiet side when you met him, but learned that he started getting louder and talkative once you warmed up to him. He was outgoing and fun, the life of the party once he had a drink or two in his system, and when he does have some liquid courage, he gets cuddly and affectionate.

“Do you want another drink?” He asked in his buzzed state.

“I think I’m okay right now, and who’s going to take care of you when you keep having more?” You teased. It was definitely the alcohol talking because you would have never voluntarily teased someone like that.

“Well, we have a few people in our group.” It had made your heart flutter when he said ‘our.’ You had never had a group of friends to call yours, and although it was only the first week, you had known they were going to be a group of special people close to your heart.

“Our friend group is also drunk off their asses, so I think there needs to be a responsible person right now, and that is me,” you put your hands under your chin and started fluttering your eyes innocently. Harry thought you were the most charming and sweetest girl he’s ever met, and it had only been a week.

“Okay, whatever you say, missy,” he teased. You held back your big smile, corners of your lips turned up.

“Go get your drink. I’ll wait here,” you pushed his shoulder slightly towards the bar with a chuckle.

“Ooh, bossy. I like it,” he said with a wink before he headed towards the bar. You were lucky that he had already left to get a drink, or else he would’ve seen your face turn into a light red shade, flustered from his actions.

As the night went on, Harry had practically clung onto you when he was buzzed, and never let you go until everyone walked back to the dorms.

“No, don’t wanna leave ya,” he whined a bit when you tried handing him off to his friend. “Nooo, don’t make me go with him,” he pouted as if he was a child. You had gigged, thinking he was the absolute cutest when he was drunk (and not drunk) as he clung onto you until you physically had to put him in his bed.

His arms were still tight around you, your body was laying slightly on top of him. Lazy smiles and droopy eyes were made at you, causing you to chuckle.

“Mmm. Hello,” he said with a giggle.

“Hi. You okay?”

“Yup. Perfect. You know...you’re very pretty,” he says as he smiled. Although he was drunk, Harry was telling the truth.

“Thank you.” And although he was drunk, it still made you smile.

“Mhm…” he mumbled in response. The silence between you two was enough to lull him to sleep; arms were still around you.

“Goodnight, Harry,” you said against his forehead, giving him a small kiss as you tried your best to slip out of his hold.

That moment had changed everything.

The two of you had gotten closer after that night. The next day, you bumped into him in the lobby of the building and he asked if you wanted to walk to class with him.

You laughed about it with him as you walked, “you were so cute last night.”

“Yeah, M’sorry about that. I get like that when m’drunk,” he shyly said.

“No need to apologize. I’m glad you had fun,” you said with a smile. He had smiled back at you as he felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter around.

You and Harry spent almost everyday after class together or in between classes for a quick bite to eat. There was a usual coffee shop near the building that you would always meet each other at on Mondays and Wednesdays. On Tuesday, you two would walk together to a fish n’ chips spot for lunch. On Thursdays, it was a sandwich shop. Fridays you saved your outings for that night as everyone got together on Fridays.

“We could make this our thing, y’know?” Harry suggested.

“Fish n’ Chips Tuesdays?” You beamed at him.

“Yeah, and coffee shop Mondays and Wednesdays, and sandwich shop Thursdays,” he was quite nervous getting that out, but he managed to do it with a smile.

“That would be nice. Don't you think you would get tired of me?” You teased him, raising your eyebrow as you took a handful of fries and shoving them in your mouth. You hadn’t realized, at the time, how unattractive you might’ve looked, but Harry couldn’t help but smile and fall deeper.

And he never got tired of you.

Aside from having lunch and coffee everyday together, you had taken him to art museums. He wasn’t horrible at trying to interpret art, but looking at you beside him as you gazed at the art above yourself was something that he was fond of. He smiled every time you got lost in the art as you studied it, passionately looking up, trying to figure out what each piece means to you. It was admirable, really.

“You’re gonna be up there one day, watch,” he had whispered to you as you were in a daze. You chuckled as you looked at him, seeing if he was messing around. He wasn't though. He had seen your paintings and sketches, and thought that you deserved to be hung up high in the gallery.

“You’re sweet,” you smiled and he put his arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to his side. The affection had made you blush, thinking how you were falling for your best friend.

After two months into studying abroad, you felt the happiest you’ve ever been. Aside from the constant moving around and trying your best to explore every part of the city, you felt like you belonged there. All those years living, you felt like you weren’t truly living, and being in London was possibly one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

You felt at peace. You were calm, and genuinely happy. Your head wasn’t racing like it was back in your hometown, and you weren’t anxiously looking over your shoulder, realizing that no one really is after you.

The group decided to take a trip to Paris for the day, and the rest of the days would be spent hitting up a city or two. Everyone had the week off; a bit like spring break as you finished the first half of studying abroad. Everyone was super excited, and you haven’t been to Paris before so it was going to be a new place that you could check off from your list with your favorite people.

It was a two and a half hour train ride from London to Paris, so you had loaded up a two hour playlist for the ride.

At the time, it seemed like everyone knew that you were crushing on Harry, except Harry himself. When everyone boarded, the only seat empty was the one next to him. You weren’t mad, in fact, you were thrilled that the seat next to him was vacant. When you sat next to him, his eyes beamed, glad to see you, and you looked over at your friends as they gave you that teasing eye look while you rolled your eyes.

“Anyone sitting here?” You asked and he shook his head no, giving you a small smile to sit down.

Everyone was still tired, considering it was 7 in the morning, and the group wanted to stay in Paris for the entire day. You yawned and Harry looked at you, giving you a soft smile. You grabbed your earphones out of your purse, handing one earphone to him and placing the other in your ear. In that moment, Harry was so happy as you two listened to Frank Sinatra on the way to Paris, placing your head on your shoulder and his on your head as Frank lulled you both into a nap before your adventure together.

The entire day was eventful, but exhausting. With everyone on their feet, they were all ready to crash and luckily it was nearing sunset before the last train of the day.

The last touristy place was the famous Eiffel Tower. Everyone had decided to get some wine and snacks as the whole group sat on a big blanket in the grass area in front of the Eiffel Tower. The sun was slowly setting and the guys were playing with a soccer ball, passing it around as the girls drank and talked; music playing from the speaker Sophie had brought with her.

You took a mental picture of the scene around you; the people, atmosphere, and the feeling. And you had softly smiled, thinking these are the people in your life that are going to be in your life forever. Despite the fact that half of you had to go separate ways, there was a certainty in your head that everyone will always end up back together again.

The sun had fully set and the lights on the Eiffel Tower had turned on as it started twinkling, lighting up Paris since the sun had gone tired. The guys were getting tired as well, so they sat with the girls. Harry was on your right side, arm behind your back but he didn’t touch you as it rested on the blanket and he leaned on it.

“Dance with me,” he whispered ever so softly in your ear. You turned towards him and he smiled.

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now. Please, dance with me,” he pleaded and you nodded. He had immediately gotten up and helped you up.

‘A Sunday Kind of Love’ by Etta James began playing softly as you and Harry swayed. Your arms were around his neck and his were around your waist. Chests pressed together as you had felt his heartbeat that pounded through his chest that gladly traveled to your chest, making your heart beat in sync with his.

It was silent between you two. There were no outside noises interrupting your bubble as you two ignored the eyes your friends were giving you. It was just you and Harry, the music, and the Eiffel Tower that captured your love and kept it for memory sake as you swayed under the moonlight.

Harry had pulled away from you, looking so intently in your eyes, fondness gleamed out of them.

“Be mine,” he said softly. “I’m fallin’ for you, and I’m fallin’ hard. Please be mine already?” You were about ready to cry in that moment, but tears glossed your eyes.

You nodded and he beamed, “Only if you agree to be mine as well because I’m falling for you too,” you added.

Harry immediately nodded, “I’ve been yours…this whole time.”

“Harry…”

“Yes, darling?” The pet name had come unexpected, but you loved it nonetheless.

“Kiss me.”

He took your face in his hands, brushing away the strands of hair that had covered your pretty eyes before capturing your lips with his. The molded between your lips and his was perfect, like they were meant to be kissing Harry’s. Your hold on him grew tighter as your tongues touched for the first time. It sent shivers down your spine and made the hairs on the back of your neck rise.

It was a moment that would never leave your mind and you two would cherish it forever.

It had been two weeks since the group arrived back to London from Paris. Two weeks since the best day of your life, and you and Harry were attached at the hip and at the heart. It had been so easy to be around him, and you couldn’t believe he was your boyfriend. Your boyfriend.

You’ve been falling for him ever since the day you went out with everyone for the first time and clung onto you like a koala. But you were glad to be that tree for him that night.

The regular dates hadn’t stopped. You two acted the same around each other, and that was because of the friendship before the relationship. And you were able to hold his hand while walking down the street and kiss him against the wall of an alley.

It was the third month of school, and everyone was swamped in midterm studies. The amount of stress everyone had was enough for an entire school year because of how fast paced the program was.

It neared eleven at night in the boys’ dorm. Everyone’s heads were in their books or typing on their laptop, papers scattered around them. For the art program, you had to visit various museums and look for a painting that defined the meaning of Impressionism art along with a 2,000 words that went along with the painting.

Multiple yawns passed through the room, and everyone was exhausted.

“Alright, I’m done for the night. Can’t do anymore studying,” Tanya said as she started packing her things up loosely.

“Yeah, think we should call it a night,” Cade suggested.

A series of ‘goodlucks’ and hugs went around the room as everyone packed their things up, and the girls went off to the dorm as you were still packing, wanting a minute alone with Harry.

“Stay the night?” He had suggested, and you turned around and stopped fixing your things.

“You want me to?”

“Yeah. Think I’ll sleep better with you here and m’all stressed out.”

“Okay,” you replied back, thinking that you would sleep better with him as well.

As you two got into bed, Harry had played music on his phone, saying that it had helped him sleep and it was a habit when getting into bed. You noticed that you and Harry had the same love for Frank Sinatra as he hugged you to his chest.

The two had laid there, not even closing your eyes to try and get some sleep. But rather, staring at the ceiling, running your hands up and down each other’s skin.

And the moment you had leaned up to give him a kiss, you two couldn’t stop there.

Hands that roamed your body had made that electrifying feeling stronger, pulling him in for more. The passionate kisses that you two traded had triggered each other’s arousal as he hovered over you. The pull and undressing of each other’s clothes while ‘Strangers in the Night’ played had left you wanting more and more of him.

“I’ve never done this before. Like any of this,” you whispered.

“Do you want to continue? We don’t have to if you don’t want to--I’m definitely fine with just kissin’ ya,” he said with a smile, causing you to beam at him being a gentleman.

“Yes, want this so bad, baby.” You responded quickly, feeling very eager. He smiled in return and continued what he was doing.

He had asked you throughout the experience if you were okay with everything, and when you told him ‘yes please, give it to me’, he made sure he got you ready for him; rubbing your button and fingering you to your high, something you’ve never experienced with another person.

It was the reassurance that Harry had given for your first time, and the constant questions of making sure if you were okay and if you were comfortable when he slowly pushed into you, trying to make sure he wasn’t being too hard with you because of his hard and big length.

“So good for me,” he whispered out, kissing your lips.

“Feels so good,” you had moaned out, never experiencing this type of feeling before. The pleasure had taken over the stinging feeling of your Harry entering you for the first time. You two were connected in a way you’ve never felt before.

The soft whispers of praises that fell from your lips, and your arousal and orgasm prior that lubricated Harry’s thrusting, had made him feel so many things. He wanted to last for you, he didn't want this moment to end. Scratches in his hair and down his back had encouraged him to continue as you moaned his name in his ear, and he pressed wet kisses to your neck as he grabbed your breast.

Two strangers in the night who had no idea of each other’s existence just three months ago. They had no clue of what their life was going to become when they met each other. It was the way you looked at each other that he knew you weren’t going to be just a stranger to him. Although he had a bit of alcohol in his system, he knew in his heart that he was going to find that sort of comfort and caring personality when he started talking to you.

Harry continued to make love to you as the moonlight was seeping through the blinds, like the love that seeped through your veins for each other. He brought you both to your highs, and the only thing that was heard was the hushed moans and groans that came out of your mouths that could signify the love you have for one another.

It was that moment that changed everything.

The fourth month had approached sooner than you would like.

You and Harry hadn’t discussed what was going to happen when you had to leave, but you had hoped that you could make long distance work.

The feelings you had for him were nothing you had ever felt before. It had made you cry out of happiness in random times, but also made you want to scream because of how too good to be true he is.

He treated you like a queen. Making sure to give you as much love as you could handle, but sometimes a little more because he couldn’t hold it in.

Throughout the weeks, you had learned so much about him and him, you. You didn’t think there was someone in the world that was so kind and caring; someone who shares similar passions and likes the same things you do. He was an angel sent from above, and you wanted to keep him for as long as possible.

One night, you two shared your pasts together as you laid in bed together after a session of love making and a few rounds of hard fucking per your request.

The fear you had inside of you was trickling down with your words when you had told him your insecurities and stories of your family that you wanted to forget. But he took everything so well; never looking at you for your insecurities, but only for your heart.

“They weren’t very really supportive of me--of what I wanted to do. They just expected me to follow what they wanted, and I didn’t like that…” His hands roamed your skin innocently, comforting you and let you know he was there for you. “I was already miserable there. I didn’t want to be even more miserable doing something I hated. So I went against their demands and they said they weren’t going to pay for anything. But luckily I got a scholarship, and moved away from home.”

“I’m proud of you for doing that.” You looked up at him as he continued. “It’s admirable to see you chase your dream and do what you want to do, despite being told by parents who don’t support you. You’re strong for that, y’know?” You hadn’t responded; just took in his words of support and comfort. You kissed his chest, leaving soft and wet kisses to his skin.

It was like you couldn’t get enough of him. The magnetic pull that you had between you had grown, making the force stronger than ever, and you never wanted to leave his side.

As the last few weeks of studying abroad we’re coming to an end, everyone was focused on finals. There weren’t that many dinners or nights out at that moment, but everyone had time since the people who lived outside of England had a week before they had to pack up and leave.

One night as Harry was in your room, studying on the bed as you were writing a paper for your final project, he had suggested visiting his hometown.

“Darling, I have a question,” he perked up. You looked at him and nodded for him to continue. “You could say no and that would be totally fine, but how about we go to my hometown this weekend? We could even study over there. It’s less noisy and it’s not a hussle and bussle kind of town. I just want you to be able to see where I grew up.”

You smiled, “Sounds nice. Where are we going to stay?”

“Figured we could stay at my mum’s? She’s got a great backyard, or we could explore and I could take you around,” he said with great hope. Your heart fluttered, Harry wanted you to see where he grew up. He wanted to show you every corner of his hometown.

“Oh…at your mom’s. Is she going to be there?” The thought of meeting his mother had scared you. You had never met anyone’s parents, and it was the nagging thought in your head telling you that you were going to mess it up.

“Yeah, but we could get a hotel or something-”

“No! I would love to stay there, and I would love to meet your mom.”

Harry smiled, giving you a kiss to your lips before grabbing his phone and texting his mother.

The train ride to Holmes Chapel was about two and a half hours.

You suddenly had a fascination with trains as you felt like it kept you calm while you watched different towns and buildings pass by.

With the speed of the train, it had felt like you were in slow motion. Your eyes tried taking in everything you saw, capturing every moment of what you want to remember. And Harry is in a lot of those images.

Holmes Chapel was very welcoming and warm. Despite the weather, it was warm. It felt like home. It was a small town and everyone seemed to know the next person, but you loved every part of it because it was where Harry grew up.

His childhood home was even lovelier. Maybe it was because of the fact that Anne lived there and Harry grew up there, but she was ever so sweet and welcomed you in with open arms.

She had taken a liking to you immediately, telling you childhood stories of Harry and his sister, Gemma, that only family knew. Harry was ultimately surprised at how quickly Anne opened up to you. He knew his mother was kind, but she kept to herself and didn’t speak when she was uncomfortable, so to see his mother laughing loudly with his also somewhat shy girlfriend, made his heart burst with love.

Harry had watched them sit at the dining table, sharing stories as he leaned against the kitchen counter as he wore a robe to keep him warm while smiling so big that his jaw physically started to hurt.

He’d never had felt so loved and had never loved anything like he does with you. It surprised him how fast he fell for you, but it was quite possibly the easiest thing he did. There was no judgement in the relationship. You had kept him grounded and helped him when he was going through a rut when writing.

The only thing that was bad about the relationship was the distance that will be put between you two when you leave to go back home. He didn’t want this to become a fling, to have a time limit. He knew exactly what he was getting into the day he asked you to be his, and he didn’t want to let go of you.

And he truly hoped you felt the same.

Just after you and Harry were back in London after visiting Anne and his hometown, finals had approached rather quickly. You had had a great time spending a little time with his mother, and you think she liked you very much. There were countless conversations and laughs that you will never forget.

“Can I ask you something sweetheart?” Anne asked.

“Of course,” you said, and you had been nervous as to what she was going to ask.

“You mentioned that you were leaving just before the holiday, but I just wanted to ask where that leaves you and Harry. Are you two still going to be together?” A frown had made an appearance on her face, resembling your own.

“I would like to. We haven’t spoken about it, but I’m sure that conversation will happen soon,” you had answered honestly.

“You still would still want to be with him?” You nodded in response. “That’s great to know. I like you a lot, and Harry has taken quite the liking towards you as well, but I just didn’t know if it was some sort of abroad type of relationship; someone to just keep you company in a new country-”

“No, it’s nothing like that! I know it’s only been almost two months of our relationship, but I love him, and I would never let him go. I didn’t want to study abroad to have a relationship, but he stumbled into my life so unexpectedly and I don’t have plans of letting that kind of love go.”

Everything you had said was the whole truth. You weren’t expecting a relationship to come out of this, but you’re so immensely happy that it did because Harry walked into your life. Although you hadn’t known him for a very long time, quality overruled quantity. The connection you two had made within the few months meant something deeper than a fling.

Anne smiled and nodded, like she was appreciating you and her respect for you had increased. The topic was over, and it was onto the next that was followed by laughs. And that entire time you stayed at her house, Anne knew exactly why Harry had fallen in love with you.

The last week of being in London had come very quickly, and sadness was an understatement.

The people who were leaving had decided to start packing the things that they didn’t need and weren’t going to use anymore, so they had extra time to spend and go out with everyone because packing your things for four months plus the things you bought wasn’t all that fun.

It was Monday morning after finals when you had heard your phone buzz on your bedside table. You had groaned as it felt like you had slept for only 30 minutes. You debated on whether to check it in your sleepy state. The buzzing had stopped, making your thoughts turn off, but started back up once again and you figured you should check it.

Harry was calling you in the early hours of the morning. It was 6 a.m and if it were anyone else, you would ignore it.

“Harry? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” You had mumbled once you answered the phone. Harry chuckled, but also fell deeper in love as you were just as caring as you were awake.

“Darling, m’fine! M’actually outside of your dorm. I didn’t want to knock and wake everyone else up, but get up. We’re going on an adventure,” he said in a hushed voice, and you practically heard his smile through the phone.

“Harry…” your eyes were still closed, exhausted from your slumber.

“Please, baby. You won’t regret it.”

And you didn’t. You never regretted anything when it came to Harry.

You had gotten up and dressed warm enough for your adventure, and met Harry outside to which he rewarded you with a hug and kiss, thanking you for putting up with him.

You both got in Peter’s car that Harry had begged him to take for a little bit, and luckily he agreed because the tube wasn’t running at that time. With Harry’s arm in your lap, you leaned on his arm as you closed your eyes until he took you both to your destination.

It was still a bit dark out, but it was way past the starry night it was a few hours ago. The sun was just about ready to rise, and the early bird got the worm.

Harry had held your hand as he led you both up to top of the Primrose Hill, showing the beautiful London city. It had taken you both a while to get to the top, due to you being extremely sleepy still and sluggishly holding you both back. Harry had set a blanket down for you two to sit on, and you immediately snuggled into him.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, darling. We have a sunrise to watch,” he said, leaning his head down and caressing your face.

“Mmm. Tired,” you grumbled.

“Please? It’s your last week here,” he said sadly, and you wished you hadn’t complained that you were tired because hearing his tone had almost broke your heart. But that woke you up slightly, realizing that you didn’t want to miss another moment with him.

The sky had gotten a little lighter, and Harry checked his phone for the time, about 30 minutes till the sun started to rise.

“Tell me something,” he said. It had been a thing you two did when you started hanging out. It was sort of a confession time; either can say anything you want to say and the other will listen.

“I’m going to miss you so much that the thought of us not being physically next to each other will hurt so bad,” you confessed.

“I’m going to miss you too.”

“Baby, you don’t understand. My heart will completely break once I part ways with you at the airport. I cant handle it, Harry,” your body had completely faced his, and he noticed your eyes were swollen from the lack of sleep and the incoming tears.

“Hey, I know exactly how you feel. You’re not the only one who gets to feel like that,” he said more seriously. “But we’re gonna get through this, okay? We’ll do everything to make sure we make it together,” he had placed a hand on your cheek.

“You want this right?” Your insecurities had gotten in the way and you needed reassurance from him, and Harry knew that and didn’t ever complain to give it to you.

“Of course, baby. Never gave you a reason telling you I didn’t want this, right?” You shook your head, tears had made its way down your face, and Harry had shared the same tears as you. “Then don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it.” Harry held you to his chest and you both cried in each other’s arms.

The sunrise was as beautiful as ever that morning, screaming for a new beginning as the sun illuminated the sky into an orange and yellow glow. The new beginning was right in your arms as you held him tighter while tears fell down both of your faces, feeling powerful and stronger together as you two poured every emotion and energy into each other.

Harry was your sunrise and your sunset.

You wanted to spend the beginning of every morning with him and have him be the last thing you see before you are pulled into a deep slumber, dreaming of him for hours until you see his face again and make him your reality.

And you both were going to make it.

The ride to the airport was long and filled with silence as words weren’t needed at that time; only the hurt because of the love that was so strong that nothing could come between you two. Not even distance.

You already missed the whole group dearly, and the last dinner with everyone was bittersweet. It was an emotional one as everyone talked about their favorite times and laughed at memories of drunken stories. And at the end, everyone raised a glass.

“To the best group of friends out there.”

“To a talented ass group of artists and writers.”

“To love, laughter, and the pub.”

“To new beginnings, but never endings.”

Everyone cried and hugged each other, making the moment last forever, but it was definitely not the last time.

You slowly walked with Harry, hand in hand as he rolled your luggage, to the area where you both had to part your ways. He had kissed your hand and head multiple times until you stood facing in front of him.

The embrace you two shared was the most gut wrenching feeling you had ever felt in your life, and it felt like your heart was physically breaking along with Harry’s.

Your hearts had always been in sync, beating as fast as the other or filling in beats for one another when one of your hearts had skipped a beat. Being without one another would feel like a missing beat in your hearts, and you needed the other to fulfill it.

“This is not goodbye. It’s never going to be goodbye with you, okay?” Harry’s voice croaked and you nodded, too afraid to speak as tears spilled out of your eyes.

You were breathing deeply, knowing you should go through TSA already as you both were trying to spend every last minute together.

“Tell me something?” Harry had asked one last time in person. You thought hard about it, wanting to make it the best one he’s ever heard.

“I love you, baby.”

He gave you a small and sad smile as more tears formed in his eyes, “I love you too. So much, darling.”

And then you were off.

Harry had watched you walk away until he couldn’t see you anymore before he had sulked back to his dorm, crying all the way back. He felt empty without you beside him. With spending everyday with each other for the past four months, it had felt like a punch to his chest when you had left.

When he had gotten back to his room, he noticed a large square board wrapped in festive wrapping paper with an envelope attached to it.

‘To my lovely Harry,

Thank you for loving with me, laughing with me, and living with me. You’re the best person I’ve ever come to know, so I hope you enjoy this piece that was dedicated to you (and our group of friends). I’m so grateful you’re the person who has my heart.

I love you and miss you so much.

Yours forever.

The tears hadn’t stopped since he saw you leave, and they kept on coming as he opened his present.

Sitting in his hands was your final project along with your paper. It was a painting of his hand holding a heart as blood dripped from it. He noticed it was his hand because of the various rings he wore. The London Eye, Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, and the pub were at the aorta as a plane curved from around the heart. The background was painted as an orange and yellow color, symbolizing the sunset.

Harry sobbed and hugged your painting to his chest, feeling as if it’s the last thing he has of you for a while. He picked up your paper and read the title.

‘The Power of Being Vulnerable’

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

And so you were sat on a floral blanket, two years later; setting up your lunch, and taking out your sketchbook along with your supplies. You had brought your painting easel, in case it wasn’t going to rain, and you’re glad that you brought it because the weather was just gorgeous enough to paint outside for a while.

Before you went to the park, you had time to make a quick and small charcuterie board that was filled with Brie, prosciutto, crackers, and honey; a snack that would take up your time under the warm sun.

You started sketching your drawing until you felt a familiar pair of lips against your cheek behind you.

“Hi, darling,” his raspy voice that had brought you immediate peace said in your ear. You turned your head, and saw the beautiful smile beaming down at you before sitting down and meeting you at eye level, giving you a kiss to your lips.

“Hi, baby.”

“Sorry I’m late, quite the line at the sandwich shop, but I got your favorite as always.” You smiled after him, thanking him for waiting in that line and for the food.

“It’s okay, practically just sat down a few minutes ago, and set everything up.”

“Okay, good. By the way, you look absolutely beautiful,” he took off his sunglasses to give him a more clear look. You were wearing a dress that complimented your skin tone, making your eyes enticing that he couldn’t help but fall more in love.

“Thank you, my love. You look so handsome,” you complimented back, leaning in to peck his lips. Harry was wearing a plaid button down flannel, black jeans, boots, and a fedora. His hair has grown much longer over the past few years, and you honestly love it. One day, you had told him that he looks like a prince to which you earned a blush.

“Gonna paint, my darling?”

“Yeah. Nice weather out today, so definitely going to.”

“Can’t wait you see what you put together,” Harry smiles, making the dimples that you love so much, pop out.

You and Harry spent the rest of the day together before it was time to head to dinner with the six other people that had changed your life. It was something simple like sitting on top of the same hill you were at two years ago that made your heart flutter. With his head in your lap as he read a book, occasionally stopping to scratch his head and give him a kiss to his forehead, and you sitting upright painting away as he fed you crackers and cheese, you would have never known this is how your life would turn out.

You were extremely grateful for the years you were given to be with Harry and your group of friends that you love so dearly. You were a shy girl, scared of being scared, hardly opened up to anyone.

But that same shy girl blossomed. She blossomed into a beautiful woman who was being praised and treated like the way she should. The man beside her had reminded her every single day that she is a stunning and caring person that deserves the world and more. She eventually started to believe it herself. She began to start seeing herself that way. She woke up and looked in the mirror and started to remind herself that she was beautiful and that she was going to take over the world.

The affirmations had come from opening herself up to people who genuinely cared about her. Because being vulnerable isn’t bad whatsoever.

It allowed you to let go of whatever pain there was inside your heart and leaned onto someone so they could hold your pain as well because you finally weren’t alone. You finally had people who loved you and needed you.

You had opened your heart up all those years ago, and it led you to the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

With two years of loving each other and two years of long distance, you had opened up your heart to the most special man in the world. The constant tears of missing each other from the other side of the world. The need to feel his touch. The tiring plane rides every four months to visit him, until it was his turn to visit you. The care packages. The long FaceTime chats. They all led to the best hugs when you reunited with Harry.

You would travel the world and back if it meant Harry was your destination.

And it was where the world took you that led to your forever.

feedback is appreciated here! <3 also i would love to take blurbs for this and write more about them, so please let me know what you like to read!

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