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ssa-dg · 4 years

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Undercover Part 1

part 1, part 2

Overview: the BAU has gone undercover to find a potential unsub who has been drugging, raping and murdering women. It own becomes a potential victim. Having to play her part to catch the bad guy, you go to the party all dressed up and dance with a potential murderer all while pretending he is someone else, Spencer Reid.

TW: drugs, rape (it is mentioned how the unsub rapes his victims. the reader is drugged and the unsub takes advantage of her being drugged and begins to take off her dress), murder, sex, adult themes. if these types of things are triggering for you please don’t read. I’m just a average person who tried their best to not cause people to be upset. If this is problematic I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to be and will take it down.

Relationship: Spencer Reid x (female)reader

word count: 3,384

Author’s note: so this is my first ever Criminal Minds story. If it garners enough attention I will do more parts (honestly even if it doesn’t I probably will lol) PSA: I have never been under the influence of MDMA and honestly I don’t judge if people who do it consensually and safely (which is harder said then done). this is how I imagine it to be like to be on it. Also I like writing and I like sharing my writing because all of the great fan fics that cause me happiness, if I can cause that reaction just to one person that’s enough for me

You would do anything to save the world. Maybe it was a hero complex, maybe it was some form of glory seeking, or maybe it was the only way you knew how to fill the dark abyss you felt when you did nothing of importance. Being a part of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, helped with that. Being on the team gave you everything you needed, a family and a way to save others. Maybe saying you love your job isn’t the correct way to explain your emotions but you knew no better way. Although you wish a job like this wasn’t necessary and didn’t even exist, it did.

Your team meant the world to you and you would contribute almost in any way to help find an unknown subject. So when Penelope Garcia was able to connect the killings in New York City to some private “rich people” clubs, her and the team created a plan to infiltrate.

The victimology was specific. It was all rich young women ranging from the ages 19-30 who just moved into the city to find themselves.

The profile was an easy one to figure out. He was obviously a troubled young white male who was probably an heir of some sort. He was richer than what most people think is rich. He usually meets the victim at a high society social event. Then he’d take them to a more exclusive social event. After that he would drug them with MDMA, rape and kill them.

It was hard for the BAU to get much out of the enclosed and tight group of New York’s most elite families. So going undercover at an event where the unsub could potentially hunt for prey was what made most sense. Your jobs was to observe the women and men there and try to see if any of you could fish out the unsub.

They had done it in the past but usually they did their best work by watching and observing. So here the team was, their second night in a row all dolled up in fancy cocktail dresses at some art gallery. Tara Lewis and Luke Alves stood around a table pretending to talk to each other as they observed potential victims. Jennifer Jareau, Spencer Reid, and Matt Simmons stood at another end of the room checking for the potential unsub, while your unit chief, Emily Prentiss, and you were pretending to be alone at the event eavesdropping on rich families. You listened to those around you while also scanning the room looking for potential young white men talking to lone young women. “Ten o’clock to the creepy face painting,” you heard Alvez say in your small earpiece. You calmly turned pretending to look at the other art pieces and saw a white male in his mid-thirties walking up to a female. He placed his hand on her low back as he leaned in to talk to her. Emily being the closest nearby out of you two, moved closer acting like she was going for some hors d’oeuvres. “That’s not him. He’s too drunk. I can smell all the alcohol he has consumed. He would need to be smoother than that,” Emily whispered as she took a sip of her glass. That’s how most of the night went. We followed and stared at people who might be the unsub and then filed them out. You felt yourself losing hope. You hated this part of the job. The one that made you feel like the profile was wrong and you all would have to start over, which there was never time to start over. Someone could die. That’s when you felt a hand touch the small of your back, your body tensed up immediately. “Relax,” he whispered in your ear. But you didn’t need to force it, because when you turned to look at the person who touched you, you were met with the face of beauty and your body instantly relaxed. You knew this was a dangerous reaction, as would probably many of Ted Bundy’s victims.

The man before you had slicked back short dark hair, bright blue eyes, strong symmetry in his facial features, and strong cheek and jaw bones. He smiled wickedly at you, causing you to intake a sharp breath. It was so sinister but also so beautiful. It wasn’t the most beautiful smile you’d ever seen, no that was reserved for your teammate, best friend, and love of your life (even if he didn’t know it) Spencer Reid. Now, Spencer’s smile was one you could get lost in. You refocused yourself to the beautiful man in front of you. “They say the artist intended for this particular piece to show trauma while he was drinking. His other pieces are other emotions on different drugs,” his deep voice rattled through your ears. You wanted to unwrap yourself from this man’s embrace. How dare he touch you like that without your permission. “Play along,” Luke spoke as he saw a scowl beginning to form on your lips, “he could be the unsub.” You smoothed the scowl into a smile. “It doesn’t look like it depicts trauma,” you responded dumbly. The man before you cocked his head to the side giving you a lopsided smile. “I guess it all depends on how someone experiences trauma,” the smile now wicked, and scarier. A shiver went up your spine. “Are you cold?” He asked, noticing it, while looking you up and down like he could devour you. “No,” your voice came out scratchy as your throat went dry. You cleared it politely. “Just thinking-” “About your own trauma?” He asked. You could hear the fake tone of concern. That snapped you out of your fear. The pictures of all the murdered women that brought the BAU to this case flashed before your eyes. “Maybe,” the smile you plastered on your face was a one you knew he wanted, a sad smile. You were going to play this role like it’s no one's business because you were here to catch a bad guy and if flirting with a creep got you there then so be it. He leaned in closer to your ear, “my name is Alistair Constantine,” you immediately recognized the name. It was on the list of potential unsubs for the profile. His family’s money was old, going back to the revolutionary war. The family seemed to always be updating with the times and never losing that money. You leaned into his other ear and introduced yourself.

Spencer’s hands were clutched at his side as he watched you interact with the Constantine boy. He felt in his gut at this moment, Alastair was the unsub. The way he was looking at you, it was like you were a quest to conquer. Spencer knew he couldn’t just come up, break you two apart and blow the whole investigation but boy did he want to.

Alastair paraded you around the room. Every now and then he would talk to fellow members of the society. It took everything in you to pretend that you didn’t want to beat his ass right then and there. You were always an imaginative kid growing up so you blocked out the gruesome pictures of the crime scenes and instead pretended this was your life a young New York woman getting special treatment from a handsome man. It was easier to fit the rom-com role then what was actually happening. Alistair stopped in front of a painting that was particularly psychedelic looking with bright pastel colors. “This is my favorite piece by the artist. This was when he was on Ecstasy. Look at the happiness and distorted-ness to the art. It’s amazing,” he gushed. It would have been odd that he picked this particular painting to attach too, but it was a strong tie to the method of his killings. “Humankind cannot bear very much of reality,” you spoke out, breaking Spencer from his thoughts about if they had enough information to convict Alistair for the murders. Alistair looked at you funny, not understanding why you would say that. “T. S. Eliot” you told Alistair while Spencer whispered it at the same time. a ghost of a smile playing on your lips when you heard Spencer’s voice. “It’s what I think of when I look at this art. T. S. Eliot is one of my favorite poets,” you blushed at your admission. It felt like for a second, with having just heard Spencer’s voice, that you were talking to him instead of Alistair. Spencer was now looking straight at you two. His eyes held bewilderment, he has known you for years and you never once mentioned this, and he knew you knew this was something he cared about.

“Indeed,” Alistair yawned.

The next 30 minutes was you telling him how you’d grown up in Boston, Massachusetts, that you had no close relatives anymore, and how when your parents died their life savings all went to you (all of it true), the lie came when it was to talk about why you moved to New York City, what you wanted to do with your life etc. And he ate it up every second. You played the roll of being the lonely damsel in a big city trying to find the answer to life. You were his ideal victim and you knew that he didn’t even question how perfect you were.

The night ended with an invite to the society’s ball tomorrow night, and Prentiss fed your ear a fake address for Alistair to send a car to tomorrow. You ordered an Uber to the address where Emily said they’ll pick you up to not seem suspicious in case Alistair sent someone to follow you. Once at the address the FBI’s SUV pulled up and you got in. It was Spencer who picked you up, which was unusual, as he never liked driving. You climbed onto the passenger seat and saw his knuckles were white from the strength of his grip on the steering wheel. It didn’t take a profiler to know Spencer was mad. “Spencer, are you alright?” You approached with a soft whisper. There was a pause of silence, Spencer calculating if he should be honest. He eventually gave into the truth as he knew that he couldn’t hide it from you. “No,” he growled, the anger in his voice causing you to jump in surprise. “No, I am not okay. That man is a murderer and he was holding you in his arm! You two were practically dancing around the room in there. We have put you in danger and now, now you are his next target, his next victim!” he hit the wheel in anger. You had never seen Spencer this angry before. Most times when Spencer got angry, he got smart and he used his logic to fight but now he sounded emotional. “Spencer,” you raised your voice, “I am not a victim, I’m an agent. I will do what it takes to protect others. Just like you.” In anger Spencer swerved the car to the side and put it in park. “Dammit, You don’t get it,” he yelled and turned towards you. “If he is our unsub, which we both know he is, I’ve run the calculations and the risk is too high for you,” his hands flying everywhere in gestures, “There are too many dependent variables. There isn’t enough for us to control. The probability of you getting hurt or,” he stopped to collect himself, and in a quieter voice said, “or worse, it’s too high. I’ve run the math.” Now that sounded more like the Spencer you knew. A soft smile crept onto your lips, then you quickly neutralized your face, in hopes he wouldn’t see the way his concern for you made you feel. And You couldn’t do that to yourself. You couldn’t let yourself feel happiness when Spencer showed you affection, because it eventually just leads to heart break. Subconsciously, you turned more towards him in your seat, “In your math is there probability that we get this guy and he never gets the opportunity to hurt another woman again?” You asked. Spencer gave you a pained look like he knew where you were going. You countered that look with one that told him to answer the question. He let out a heavy sigh, “yes. There is that possibility.” You smiled at him knowing you won the argument, “That settles it then.”

With everyone back in the small conference room at the police station, the conversation began about what to do tomorrow. No one was pleased that one of their own is now the target but there was truth that the situation was now more in the BAU’s control than before. Everyone also believed in you. They knew the risk and that scared them but also you are a Special Advisory Agent for a reason. Relief did not fill you but neither did dread, when you thought of the plan. You were doing the right thing. It didn’t matter if you were going to put yourself in danger.

Spencer kept pressing the heel of his hands into his eyes. Something that happened when he started to get headaches and you could guess this headache was caused by stress. As the rest of the team started packing up, you stared at your best friend hurting over the stress you were causing. You took a seat next to Spencer. He was still wearing his suit from the party. “We are going to be okay tomorrow,” you comforted him. He looked up at you, “I’m not worried about all of us, I’m worried about you,” he confessed. Once again, you knew these words shouldn’t have an effect on you like they did, but it did and this time there was something that felt hidden behind those words, something more. “I trust you not to let anything happen to me,” You countered and placed your hand on his forearm to comfort him. You looked in his eyes and tried to let him know that there is more than just trust there.

The day of the ball, you got ready in the police station bathroom. It wasn’t exactly how you imagined to be getting ready for your first ball in New York City. You’d rather be wearing this gown for other reasons than going undercover to catch a murderer rapist. The Givenchy dress Garcia picked out was gorgeous (as you instructed her to get a designer to fit in the crowd and you would float the bill). It was a long evening dress in blue and green with a gradient-effect. The top had long puffed sleeves, deep V-neckline, and waist accentuated with smooth lamé and long flared skirt. You put your hair up in a loose low bun. The makeup you did was a smooth eye with long flair eyeliner. You put a heavy amount of glow highlighter on your cheek bones and collar bones to accentuate the deep v cut the dress.

You felt ridiculous walking out of the bathroom into the police station wearing your dress. But the way Spencer looked at you was something powerful and intoxicating, making you forget your embarrassment. You strode up to him. A small smile played on your lips looking up at him. You saw him also smiling at you “You’re almost as tall as me,” he blurted out. You let out a small laugh, “‘I guess that’s what heels will do,” you smiled looking down at your feet. Spencer felt ridiculous that’s what he said. He should have told you how amazing you looked or how your beauty felt like the sun- always pulling him in and having his thoughts orbit around you. But he wasn’t good with voicing his feelings (especially in a room with his colleagues).

“We are going to have Officer Melinda Jackson drive you over to the apartment, And stake out the car. She’ll be on the radio the whole time till you are in range with us. We will be at the Capitale when you get there.” Emily disclosed as she strapped on a microphone and earpiece.

You stepped out of the car with your head held high even though your anxiety was on another level. “i’m here,” you whispered. “We are here too,” Tara responded. Everyone disclosed where each one was to you. The venue was massive and beautiful. The ceiling was tall with ornate decorations. The lighting was a bright orangish glow. As you examined the room, checking each point of your team, you also saw Alistair. He was at the bar with what looked like to be a group of his friends. Spencer not too far behind them. You walked towards Alistair but kept your eyes on Spencer. He took your breath away dressed in a tux and his hair slicked back like he used to when he was younger. It felt like your heart was lit on fire just by looking at him all dressed up. He was staring at you intensely. It wasn’t that the world stopped the moment your eyes met his, but it was more like everything else just didn’t matter. You knew you’d have to look away soon to not give away anything but you took him in for just one more second. “You look amazing,” you heard a voice next to you say. You turned to see the ever good looking Alistair. He wore a navy 3 piece suite with a large Gucci tag on the sleeve, and a large Gucci flower pinned on his chest. You gave him a soft smile and returned his compliment. “I want to introduce you to my family. Their approval means everything,” he offered you his arm. You took it tentatively, Spencer watched him lead you away, and he pondered on Alistair’s odd statement about family approval.

Alistair’s family was everything you’d expect. They were proper and pompous. However they liked you, a lot. You fell right into the role you had to play. You stood there laughing and engaged in the conversation with his mom and cousin.

“Shall we dance?” Alistair asked, giving you his hand, as your conversation with his sister came to an end. You nodded and let him take you to the dance floor.

He spun you out and brought you back in close to start the dancing. You gave him a bright smile at his eccentric action. You closed your eyes and let your mind pretend it was Spencer holding you. You followed his lead as he twirled you both around the dance floor. “Stop dancing, we can’t see you,” Spencer frantically said into your ear piece. You snapped your eyes open. Taking in that you were on a secluded corner of the dance floor by an exit door. “You are special. My family, They like you” Alistair said with a sense of manic to it. “you aren’t like the others,” he admitted. His voice sounded different. It was sinister with a tinge of adoration. He pulled you close, so close that his fingers dug into your hand and back. You felt like your brain was freezing up in fear. How many times had you been in fear inducing situations and why did your brain pick now to not work. “you’re hurting me,” you groaned trying to pull yourself away. “Where are you” JJ yelled but then you felt mist hit you, and your mind begin to make things fuzzy, “the left corner, the spray…in the flower,” you breathed out, hoping the team could hear you. You heard a rattle of commands to your co-workers from Emily. Then it went black.

Spencer rushed through the crowd to find you but by the time he got to the corner you told him you were at, you were gone. “She’s not here,” Spencer panicked into the ear piece. “I just saw a black Tesla leave, license plate delta, alpha, hotel nine, one, two ” Luke informed them. “Call and ask them to run it”, Rossi said urgently. “on it,” Luke replied. “JJ and Reid, go talk to the mom and sister, Tara and Matt split up and talk to his friends and the other family members. They have to know where they are,” Emily demanded

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #emily prentiss #david rossi #matt simmons #Penelope Garcia #criminal minds fic #luke alvez #jennifer jareau #tara lewis #criminal minds fanfiction #ssa-dg #spencer reid x you #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine

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g0t-ri5h · 4 years

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Popular || Jasmine & Margot

TIMING: Current LOCATION: The Drug Store PARTIES: @halequeenjas and @g0t-ri5h SUMMARY: Jasmine helps Margot with a makeup emergency. See also; ...

Sleepless nights had become sleepless weeks. Ever since she had looked into the creature’s third eye, Margot had been plagued by visions of the same entity over and over again. The more sleep deprived she became, the more it seemed that the nightmares bled into her reality. Last night, it had clasped its decaying palms around Margot’s wrists and held her down until she shook it off. When she ‘awoke’, she could swear that there were bruises on her arms, tender to the touch, but the blemishes had faded by the time the sun came up. Unfortunately, the blemishes under her eyes had not. They had grown deeper and darker, and Margot was starting to resemble a corpse more than a human. As a teenager, her mother would plaster her cheeks and lips with rouge in an attempt to distract from the baggage under her eyes, an experience neither enjoyed. Sadly Margot knew that her appearance would start to warrant concerned looks if left uncovered, so inside a drug store she found herself. She flittered between the many aisles until she came across the makeup section. Looking at all of the products, Margot became very, very lost.

While the drug store wasn’t her top choice for shopping for makeup, this particular store did have a pretty solid selection of liquid matte lipsticks. After accidentally losing the one Jasmine had in her purse, she was in need of a quick reapplication before hitting her next showing. As she made her way to the most familiar section of the store, she spotted a young woman who was clearly struggling. Her eyes were dark and her skin looked almost lifeless. She seemed to be eying through some products, none of which were right for her skin type or had proper undertones to match her skin. “Okay, you need to step away from this display entirely. All that matte mousse crap is going to 100% cake on your face and not in a good way,” she said as a matter of factly. There was no way she was going to let this otherwise pretty young woman ruin her features with awful products. “Come here,” she directed toward the display that had a medium coverage liquid foundation and concealer, “Flip your arm over so I can see your wrist.” She picked up a few shades of concealer and compared them. Her skin had cool undertones. With the right shade of Covergirl concealer in hand, she handed it to the girl. “So this is the best concealer you can find in a drug store. You’re gonna want to use this only around your eyes. I’ll grab the corresponding foundation.”

Margot flinched as the woman appeared beside her. It was becoming clear that the three cups of coffee she had medicated herself with this morning were causing her to be somewhat on edge. Matte mousse? Concealer? Margot was out of her depth. She took a step back and surrendered her wrist as ordered to the stranger. “Um, thank you?” As confused as she was by this sudden disruption, Margot was so very grateful for the assistance, knowing full well she would’ve been here for hours fretting over the many creams and powders. She watched as the woman compared her colouring with the product, something she would have never thought to do. Her makeup guru left her for a moment, compiling all of the necessities. While she did so, Margot caught her reflection in one of the display mirrors, cringing at the person that gazed back at her. The fluorescent lighting wasn’t doing her many favours, drawing out the bluish grey hues of her skin. She pinched her cheeks twice, as if that would help. “Be honest. How bad do I look?” Margot asked her, preparing herself for the harsh truth. Comparatively, her helper was dressed and primped impeccably, so coordinated and graceful. Margot felt a pang of envy.

While Maybelline definitely wasn’t her go to foundation, Jasmine knew it could do in a pinch when you needed a good spot touch. She’d need some proper sponges for it which she quickly grabbed. This shade looked perfect for the girl though it was apparent what she really needed was a solid night’s sleep. If her issues were on brand with White Crest’s norm, she doubted that would come so easily. She was hesitant to offer her help there. Unless it was ghost related, makeup help was about all she could provide. “Anytime. While drugstore makeup is not the ideal, it can do in a pinch.” With another quick lookover, she decided some blush would be needed to return some form of color to the girl’s face. Poor thing really did look rough and she was asking how bad it was. With a slight frown, she answered, “I’m always honest, and I’m gonna be honest kid, it looks like you’re in serious need of some sleep. I know things don’t always work that way though, so we’ll get some blush to put some color back in your cheeks.” Part of her felt inclined to ask, so she went with it. As she thumbed through different shades of blush, she blurted out, “So, is there a reason you’re clearly not sleeping?”

As the products were being picked for her, Margot took a deep relaxing breath. At least one of her problems was being solved. She’d find at least a bit of solace in that. The stranger was right, she did need sleep, badly. It wasn’t fear of this nightmare that was keeping her up at night, moreso the feeling it left behind. When Margot awoke she always felt helpless… Watched, as if she were a circus animal being fawned over and tormented. “Bad dreams.” Margot answered vaguely, looking down to her thumbs. She picked at her already battered cuticles until she drew blood. She wiped the drips on her black sweater. Perhaps it was tired delusion that made her ask; “Have you ever had a dream that you could swear was real? Like you’re asleep, but also not?” She thought for another moment before continuing the stream of consciousness, “It’s as if he exists behind my eyelids. If I close my eyes, there he is.” The truth was she was starting to see him everywhere, even when her eyes were open. But Margot wasn’t ready to admit that yet.

While picking out makeup always brought Jasmine a sense of ease, the girl’s answer did not. Though her tired eyes were aging her, there was no way she was older than Nell. She was just a kid and someone she had a suspicion that her nightmares were not quite natural. Her own had plagued her enough times and more so lately since that freaky fog rolled in. It was hard to not wonder if the two were related, but outside of picking out makeup, there wasn’t much else she could do for the girl. “Nightmares are a bitch,” she said plainly. As much was true, but she never had them this bad, not even after performing her first exorcism. This girl looked like she’d been through hell and back. Concern showed in her now furrowed brows as she handed her the blush. “Well, kind of,” she explained though the truth was it was actually real and she knew that, “Have you been seeing your dreams when you’re awake or something? Or just the dream feels real while you’re in it?” Two very different things though one was more likely related to the townwide bullshit currently happening. Jasmine wasn’t sure which answer was worse.

“I-I suppose.” Margot took to gazing at her hands again, “Maybe- maybe I was awake.” A shiver ran down her spine, imagining the creature existing in reality was too much. She wished it were not the truth but she knew it to be deep down. Still, there would be a logical explanation; the product of sleep deprivation or maybe even psychedelic mushrooms. That had to be it. Her mind could not handle more than that. “I don’t know how to fix it. I’m so tired.” Margot drew her hands to her face to hide her shame and sadness. After a few moments, she gathered her composure and dropped them back to her sides. She gave a weak smile, as if it would be a reassuring gesture, an attempt in showing that she was not completely losing it. “Thank you for your help. It’s probably obvious that I’m clueless when it comes to this stuff. My name is Margot. I forgot to introduce myself.” She could hear her father’s voice inside her head, chastising her for being so discourteous.

“If you’re very sleep deprived you could have been,” Jasmine answered with a hint of concern evident in her tone. Something about the way she spoke definitely sounded like a potential haunting which had her on high alert. At the same time, she didn’t want to appear crazy. “What exactly is it that you’re seeing,” she asked and kept a careful eye on the girl to read her body language. She was far from a body language expert, but she could try to go off intuition. She frowned as the girl covered her face. Sometimes, she longed for the days when she went about her life not caring about this crap, but she knew what was out there. She knew what could happen if these things were left to fester and this girl seemed so young. However, it wasn’t long before she was composed again and introducing herself. With a soft smile, she said, “Margot, it’s good to meet you. I’m Jasmine Hale and I’m pretty much an expert with all things beauty, fashion, or real estate related.” She fished around her purse quickly and handed her a card. “I’m actually somewhat good with dream stuff, too. If you need anything, just give me a call, okay?” Dream stuff. Ghost stuff. Same difference, right? Even if it was out of her realm of expertise, the Vurals and Leah might have an answer.

The concern she showed only made Margot feel more uneasy. Perhaps this was more serious than a few night terrors? “He’s uh—“, how could she put this without sounding crazy? “A man, like a dead, dirty, decaying man with these piercing eyes— three of them. The third one though,” Margot shuddered, closing her eyes and seeing him so vividly, “the third one is on his body, inside of his chest.” Margot’s eyes reopened, comforted by the light of day. She looked longingly at the stranger, a plea for help. Margot took Jasmine’s card and scanned it. She was in real estate, no wonder she was so beautiful and manicured. An expert saleswoman. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Margot smiled with gratitude. “I feel like I need to give you something, you know, for helping me. I’m, uh, good with computers. So if you’re ever looking to build a website for your business or, I don’t know, set-up some security cameras, I owe you one. Just call me.” Margot took her phone from her back pocket and dialed Jasmine's number then hung up. “Now you've got my number.”

The word dead made her shift and stand a bit taller. Jasmine never heard of a ghost with a third eye. Ghosts just looked like how the person looked when they died. This sounded like an honest to god nightmare or something worse. She really hoped it was the latter. “That definitely sounds terrifying,” she agreed and frowned slightly at the clear discomfort Margot was displaying. “Are you superstitious at all? Apparently salt is supposed to help with that sort of thing. Probably like a placebo-- I think that’s the word, but don’t hold me to it. Sometimes little things that make us feel safer help with nightmares.” Was that kind of bullshit? Yes. But if she was being haunted, salt would help. This explanation just sounded less like an insane person’s ramblings. Normally, Jasmine was all about even exchange for her services, but Margot was just a kid and all she had done was pick out some makeup. Still, computer services could be useful to have. “I’ll keep that in mind and save your number,” she said with a smile. If it was anything too intensive, she’d still pay her, but it was always good to make connections. “Do you work with computers or are you still in school,” she asked curiously.

At the mention of salt and superstition, Margot screwed up her nose instinctively, unable to hide her dismay towards the topic. “I appreciate the advice, but no, I don’t think a ritualistic salt circle will put me at all at ease.” She couldn’t resist continuing, “You believe in all that crap? The supernatural?” Her choice of words was ineloquent and probably disrespectful to Jasmine, but the concept was blasphemy to Margot’s personal beliefs. According to Margot the only world that existed was one she could see, hear and touch. Anything else was fiction. That was the only way she could live without losing her mind. She was already such a small part of this big universe, how could she fathom it being even more complicated? ”I’m a junior at the university, though I do take on some freelance work to pay for my rent and other expenses.” A freelancer, yes, that was a polite way to describe it. Better than a hacker or felon. “Is there much business in White Crest? For real estate.” Margot couldn’t imagine why anyone would choose to move here, even though she had just months before.

Jasmine tilted her head slightly at Margot’s response. Of course she didn’t believe in the supernatural. That didn’t quite ease her concern though. She was so young and what she was going through admittedly sounded like White Crest’s personal brand of supernatural crap. Jasmine knew as much, but she played along. “Oh no,” she scoffed, “As I said, placebo. But sometimes the motions help. Like those little things people like to hang up in their homes. Does it really keep ‘ghosts’ away? Probably not because ghosts aren’t real, but it makes people feel better so they don’t think every creak the wood makes is out to get them.” She did air quotes around the word ghost and hated it. She shrugged and added, “Not the best suggestion, but hey, if you could trick your brain a little, thought it might help with the nightmares.” And ghosts. Salt would definitely help with ghosts and most other spectral creatures. If it wasn’t a ghost, well, that was another story. At the mention of freelance work, she made a mental note. “I’ll keep that in mind if I can ever use any computer assistance. Or if anyone in the office could. You know how old men are, don’t even know how to rotate a damn PDF before sending an email. Don’t even get me started on them using the ‘reply all’ feature in emails.” She perked up at the question and answered, “I mostly focus on Harris Island which is super nice, so yeah, real estate business is pretty good here. People love their waterfront properties.”

Relief washed over Margot. Finally someone who wasn’t obsessed with the occult around here. “I’ll give the salt a shot. Who knows, maybe my brain will accept the placebo.” She had a feeling her brain would accept anything in exchange for some forty winks, even if it was an irrational solution. Besides, salt on the floor would probably drive her roommate nuts; an added bonus. “Don’t get me started on how backwards some people are with technology. If I have to tell one more person to turn it off and on again, I might scream. I once got CC’ed on a college wide email and my inbox exploded like fireworks in July.” Margot could see the enthusiasm in Jasmine’s posture as she spoke about her job. “I’d love to live on the water.” Margot mused. In her past life, her family had possessed lakefront property, as well as beachfront property, and the family house in Portland. She missed that life. “Well, hey, if you ever hear of a relatively cheap rental or even someone that’s looking for a roommate, let me know. I’m growing very tired of sharing a dorm.” Margot doubted she could ever afford to live off-campus, but it didn’t hurt to put it out there.

Oh thank god. Jasmine was internally thrilled that Margot would be giving the salt placebo a try. If it was a ghost, at least she’d be safe. If not, well, that was out of her wheelhouse and only so much she could do to help. She’d still wish the best for this young woman. Maybe check in on her soon. “Yeah, may sound silly, but if it tricks your brain it could be worth it. If not, I’m telling you, melatonin supplements are a lifesaver.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s woes over the older generation and technology. Being in real estate, she had a good deal of boomers on her email list and boy, did they struggle. If she happened to leave her door open at the office, she’d be fielding questions from fellow agents all day. “That sounds awful,” she responded with a hint of a laugh still in her voice, “The whole college? That is so many notifications!” She nodded along as she mentioned she’d love to live on the water. While it was difficult to find cheaper waterview rentals, she might be able to swing something if the place was previously haunted and she cleared it out. She’d keep an eye out. “Oh, it’s totally the best,” she exclaimed, though it was better when there weren’t sea monsters and black sea water, but that had passed, “I’ll definitely keep an eye out. You have my card in the meantime if dorm life becomes a little too rough.”

Taking in Jasmine’s suggestions, Margot began compiling a shopping list in her head; salt, melatonin supplements, maybe even a scented candle? “It was quite literally the worst! I considered dropping out because I was so frustrated!” Margot felt a laugh rise from her chest. How long had it been since she had laughed? Once she had settled herself, Margot gave Jasmine a polite smile. “You know, I don’t know many people around here, but I’m really glad I met you today.” She said sincerely. Margot had been on her own for so long she’d forgotten what it was like to be cared for or worried about. At least she would know one more friendly face now. She would take at least a bit of solace in that. With Jasmine’s help, Margot already felt a little lighter, the bags under her eyes weighing her down a little less.

#popular #wickedswriting #d:jasmine

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s0ulhealing · 3 years

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Okay, so I went on a date last night.

It was okay~ and I guess i’m glad that I did... just to like get out and do something else, but it wasn’t quite the connection i’m looking for. But honestly I need to do that. I need to get out and date and meet new people. Just to really have a true idea as to what i’m looking for and what i’m not looking for.

So something I gained from going on the date last night was the experience of having a man cook for me. He was absolutely over the moon excited to have me over (almost too excited) and was so accommodating to me being a plant based pescatarian lol. “Plant based” or at least I try to be. I like saying plant based but eats (some)fish more than pescatarian... just sounds better to me. Anyways.

So he was super excited to have me over. Had a glass of wine poured for me when I got there. He bought me a live Lilly and gave that to me as soon as I walked in too. At first, when I was sitting in the kitchen as he was cooking for me I truthfully was mildly attracted to him. Seeing him so confidently cook for me was great. At first our conversation was nice~ and I loved that he seemed to have life plans and goals~ and that he was working towards his own things. Dinner was fantastic. He made a garlic Alfredo sauce from scratch with delicious plump sautéed shrimp, a garlic parsley bread and a ceasar salad. Which like~ if ya know me you’d know that thats like easily a favorite meal of mine. I also super loved his cooking stuff. He cooks in all vintage glassware. Cooks with absolutely no non stick~ all glass and castiorn 🥵 he had this glass bowl which was a vintage >super< rare amethyst color which was just incredible and I will forever be on the hunt at the thrift for that

So we got to know each other over dinner. he was (proudly) in the navy... meh. He used to really be apart of dosio fam and that big ol group of crazies. Used to use psychedelic drugs suuuper heavy but because of that has a very strong opinion and viewpoint on them. He hasnt done anything but ganj and booze for six years or something like that ~ but also considers psyilocibin a “drug” 🥴 and isnt into anything like that at all. But also couldnt connect / didnt care to listen to my side of intentional medicine use with proper space and setting.

He also talked about his ex a lot. And the more he talked about his ex the more I started to notice how much of his ex was still living in his home. I started to connect that the suffering plants were probably once hers... the dog bed that is still in the middle of the living room was hers, and who knows what else. So much so that I asked how long it had even been since they broke up. 1-3 months ish he said. Meh 🥴 too soon. I guess I also wasnt very impressed in the fact that he hardly asked anything about me. Which is okay because it gave me time to get to know him.

I think what really solidified a no from me was when he was talking about being able to kill animals. He said he could never kill an animal that he raised on his own, but by golly gee oh my if his neighbors needed help killing their cow he would be fine with it.

He also wanted me to go fishing with him... but doesnt like hiking.

And honestly once I got stoned and observed and listened more, the more I was not feeling it. I could see that him and I actually would not be able to vibe on a strong level although he was really feeling me.

He also came off super strong~ he literally bought veggie sausage (although sweet) for him to make me breakfast the next morning. Even though I was like I am absolutely not staying the night here whatsoever. It was just too much. I felt a weird pressure that didn’t necessarily need to be there.

I think a big goal in my dating life is connecting to people on a deep level. Conversation is an absolute must. Some people you meet and you just immediately have effortless conversation and THAT is what I am looking for 😌 someone who gets me~ who we can talk back and forth and someone who can just go on and on with me. It takes a lot for me to feel comfy and open up to someone but it also says a lot about our connection. Which i’ve experienced so I know it’s out there. But that’s why it’s important to date. Because each time I discover things I like and things I do not like.

After a lil while of being way too high and listening to music, I went to the bathroom and then decided I was leaving.

He definitely tried to kiss me on my way out and I reciprocated the ‘ol three tap friendship pat, took my lilly and said goodnight.

He offered leftovers to me with the exception I return the pyrex but I politely declined because I did not want that commitment.

I drove home, left the lilly in my car overnight, and proceeded to come home and get extremely fucking high.

I resisted the urge to go down in the basment. I stayed strong and kept to myself.

Baby steps.

Oh what the journey this will be.

😌

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jorge5000 · 3 years

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A simple Colombia itinerary in two weeks

This is a short description of my trip to Colombia with a friend of mine in late February 2018. While it doesn't include any spectacular treks or adventures, it might include some technicalities you will find useful for your own trip to Colombia after the 23rd COVID-19 wave or some information that will help our AI overlord create fun virtual adventures for humans in 2034.

Nice views in Guatape.

Key info:

Colombia? For some reason, flight tickets to Colombia/Bogota are cheaper that most surrounding countries, so it might be cheaper to fly to Bogota if planning to explore more of South America. While your idea of questionable safety in Colombia might be right, Colombia has plenty good things to offer as well.

Trekking in Tyrona national park. Trekking on your own, without a local, is probably not the best idea in Colombia, but Tyrona seemed a good option and was in deed, even with the occasional jaguar and crocodile warnings. Exit at the smaller entrance, the first one when heading there by bus from Santa Marta. There are regular bus connections from the marketplace. Start exploring more distant parts first, and later continue to the main entrance. Pueblito was/is no longer not accessible. Get more info here.

Cocaine for the price of a pizza cut. Not really, but for as little as few (few as in five) bucks a gram offered to a gringo. Every gram funds addiction, paramilitary, guns, murders, and incentivizes new actors on that scene. It's cheap, available everywhere, and if you ask for el vicio, it will soon find it’s way to you, especially combined with las chicas. Make your choice, plenty of reasons against. While the possession of a small quantity is legal, you should probably be wondering about how exactly will the police determine when and where will they be done with searching you.

The Amazon. Catch a flight for Leticia and explore the Amazon. You will probably want to use an organized tour. English-speaking guides are available, but more difficult to find and even more difficult to understand. Definitely amazing, wild. Be prepared to be soaked in rain if you choose a sleepover tour.

Park Arvi in Medellin. I missed this opportunity, but just passing through it quickly seemed like it wold be fun and safe staying/mountainbiking there.

Psychedelic adventures? Reportedly, psychedelic mushrooms can be found around Guatape. Ayahuasca is not very common outside the jungle around Leticia. There are trustful providers near Medellin/Park Arvi and Santo Daime has its roots there. As for the jungle experiences around Leticia, some say the aya there doesn't have an ingredient responsible for the colorful trip, just those that makes you sick and reflective of your life. Reportedly, some tribes around Leticia use kambo medicine, but I wasn’t successful in finding any more info about that.

Safety. Trouble will stay away from you if you don’t ask for it. As simple as that.

Big ass ants and fire ants. I was unsuccessful in pursuing my goal of finding a fire ant and get bitten by it.

My personal research results indicated that it would be better to skip swimming in the Amazon.

Day by day

Day 0: Fly in to Bogota and stay overnight to catch continuing flight to Medellin next morning. Even though there is plenty of accommodation around the airport, it doesn't look like a place where you'll want to wonder on foot after the sunset. Or before. Hosts are friendly but use Google translate for English and communication is difficult unless you speak a few words of Spanish.

Day 1: Fly to Medellin and settle in. Free city tour, not easy to find the meeting point. Rejected after, because the guide doesn't want to have too many people on tour due to security concerns.

Day 2: A day trip to Guatape, a nice place. Eat some fish in a restaurant where the bus leaves you. It's ok to walk to the town from there, there's a trail next to the road.

Day 3: Medellin. Roam around town. You'll find plenty of stuff to do there on other web sources.

Day 4-6 Santa Marta. Take a swim at the beach, eat something tasty, get offered to buy new sunglasses at the beach with a gram of cocaine included in the box. Sunglasses are not a part of the offer. The center should be safe for getting around on foot say the locals. Food is delicious, sun is strong. Tyrona park is the main attraction. Spend two days, enter through the smaller entrance where the bus will make a stop. Walking trails are well marked. Lodging, camping and hammocks are available at the main entrance, but also at end of the second main walking path.

One of the Tyrona beaches (San Martin?).

Day 7-10 Leticia. Plenty of tourist agencies in the center with very similar prices and places they visit. Some have English-speaking guides, but they mostly don't speak good English, if they do at all. Some tourists I met decided to spend the night in the jungle, but later reported that heavy rain filled their hammocks with water even though there was a wooden roof above their heads. Walk across the border to Tabatinga, stay safe, and return back to Leticia. Contemplate people living in the jungle for thousands of years.

Day 11-12 Bogota. Many streets in the center are closed in the evening/night, which can make getting around with Uber complicated. Monserrate is a nice day trip.

And that's it. Stay safe

#Colombia #theamazon #Leticia Tyrona

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spamzineglasgow · 4 years

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(REVIEW) Miscellaneous by Julia Rose Lewis

In this review, Maria Sledmere visits the verdant isle of Julia Rose Lewis’ pamphlet Miscellaneous (Sampson Low, 2019), and engages chaotically with its shape-shifting poetics of ecstasy, digression and slippery things.

> Miscellaneous: of various kinds; elements of different kinds. A little green book full of miscellany. The work of Julia Rose Lewis has been dealing in miscellany (let me say it as much I can, it’s a lovely word) for a while now. Lewis’ collection Phenomenology of the Feral (Knives Forks and Spoons Press 2017) was a veritable assemblage of household objects, clothing items, all things edible (from oranges to gummy bears), tools, chemicals and other substances. Words had a Steinian tendency to slip, where a ‘pear’ becomes ‘peer’ and sugar becomes sand. The whole book teems with a delicious excess of things and their zoomed-in, jostling, merging and almost psychedelic relation (I mean just consider the multicoloured octopus-bunny hybrids on the cover). Her recent pamphlet, Miscellaneous (2019), a slender offering from chapbook series Sampson Low, edited by fellow dealer in poetic animalia, SJ Fowler, continues this playful approach to disordering objects, experience and relation.

> Explicitly ‘inspired’ by Green Eggs and Ham, a classic children’s book by Dr. Seuss, Miscellaneous works with its foodstuffs in a fractal and kind of ecstatic way. Ecstasy meaning rapture or transport; Miscellaneous as a little island of strong emotion. I want to say island, but I could just as easily say green tomato. It’s difficult to resist the seduction of island metaphors during quarantine, and besides, Lewis herself spent time as a child in Nantucket Island. According to the publisher, Miscellaneous ‘asks if it is possible to have a mutually healthy relationship between a human and an island’. In an interview from 2016 with Katy Lewis Hood, Lewis says, ‘I use writing about the place I’m longing for as an antidote; I see islands as stories and stories as islands’. Staying with that chiasmus, might we see Miscellaneous itself as a kind of place? The scales upended sufficient to slip into our pocket, a zoomy island remainder? A dinky little 12-page island you could circle on foot and do it again and again — for this is a book that loves repetition, a veritable jaunt on the anaphora express, a 5-7 syllabic ride on the waves. But it’s difficult to know what constitutes the very land you walk or ride on:

A mane! A terrain! A mane is a terrain through and through and should you be guarding the herd inside the river valley? You hold this territory? Not harnessed! Not in a horse-less carriage!

Lewis plays deliciously with the fact of metaphor as a transport, a vehicle, while thrashing around in the joy of assonance and sound as forces of meaning and meaning’s disruption. What’s more, the repeated invocation of the ‘you’ means I’m forever hailed back to the scene; I can’t leave the island utterly behind, can’t glide drone-like over its landscapes. Besides, maybe it’s more like an archipelago? Terrain is a region of land, a system of rocks or geological formations, a standing-ground or position. Lewis teases us with the ever resolving, dissolving, negating terrains of lyric. Those exclamation marks are surely provocations to the reader, as much as the swept up proclamation of revelling in words themselves (thinking of the upward-looking heart emoji, reacting to a message). Her ‘I’ (perhaps riffing off the O’Haran tradition of I do this I do that poems, via Colin Herd’s I like this I like that variation) is quite demanding, precise, has an eye for arrangement (‘The musk ox is not in the / ocean’), identification, variation, placement (‘They disappear’). As with the effect of haiku (a kind of ‘cut’ of images), she challenges ‘nature’/object relations by similarity and contrast:

I would not like that morose woman faraway, that maiden hair tree. I am that old ginkgo tree.

What is the connection between the morose woman and the maiden hair? Does the fact of the speaker being the ‘old ginkgo’ explain her conditional dislike of the woman? And is the maiden hair tree the same as the woman? With its short, invitational lyrics, Miscellaneous gives you time to wander around the ideas of things, ideas in things. Maybe it’s telling the story of an island which is really a metaphor for Earth: its ‘holding pattern[s]’, its ‘there or anywhere’, its snowy territories, its ‘dry grasses / and mosses’ (v. Eliotic, ‘The Dry Salvages’ of Four Quartets?), its ‘skyhook’, its ‘living fossil leaf’ with ‘many millions of years’ inside it. Crudely speaking, ecopoetry often tries so hard to seem either objective (ecomimesis) or explicitly subjective (Romantic); the speaker of these poems insists on a kind of declarative, shape-shifting reality, whose run-on code requires the user command of something more than human. ‘You hold all the weeks / would you tote the boulders here?’ The labour of bringing the world to life in poetry is more than just reading; you have to really consider toting the boulders of words around. There’s a weird hospitality to this, a gesture of extending the voice: ‘So I / say try the bloom of mold!’. Maybe as a reader I’d speak better the world with the mold in my throat. It’s these kinds of special conditions Miscellaneous gets at so well. What the chapbook gives is a portable miscellany, a set of questions, a dicey and moreish feast of seeing the world anew — at all scales and dwellings, from a ‘ptarmigan nest’ to the air itself. Better eat up.

> Lewis’ smart and choppy lines remind me of the best chefs at the restaurant where I used to work, who would dice veg or make meat cuts with a certain deftness, all the while engaging in dishevelled conversation. I would ask, from which precise bay are the oysters sourced, and the chef would lecture me on the valiance of a 2Pac album. We would swerve from one topic to another by the time of the bell: language defined by the beat and demand of cooking. It was good to feel enslaved to the temporality of the microwave, the rising of bread, the petulant delay on the part of a chicken. And you might say, O maria what does this have to do with Julia Rose Lewis’ new book? And I would say, well, it’s all about iteration, digression, perversion of recipe. The poetic line as the flick of sweaty chef hair, the child’s demanding inquisition, the special way of dodging the question. But don’t let me fill you up with nonsense.

> There’s this weird piece in The Guardian that totally disses Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham, which I’ll admit I haven’t read this side of puberty. The author, Emma Brockes, is pretty damning: ‘two-thirds of the words feel like filler’, ‘the rhyme scheme [...] is like something a kid would throw at a homework assignment so he could finish and run out to play’, ‘[Seuss’] books are creepy, empty, over-long, cheap, twee writing posing as whimsy’. Maybe I don’t have a striped ankle to stand on here, but I can’t help but think Brocke is missing a point somewhere. What’s wrong with poetry that wants to fly through itself quickly, all the better for the writer to go out and play? I’m thinking of something Jack Spicer writes in one of his letters to Lorca, describing how there are times in a poet’s life where ‘the objects change’ when ‘someone intrudes into the poet’s life’ so a certain balance is lost. ‘The seagulls, the greenness of the ocean, the fish—they become things to be traded for a smile or the sound of conversation—counters rather than objects’. You sort of get the feeling Brocke got tired of this (too many counters, too much supposed impeachable brilliance) and upended the board, sending everything scattering to miscellany. Maybe that was the appropriate reaction. I’d like my poetry to have that effect sometimes. And then I’d quite like to run out and play, or fall in love (if we were not in lockdown), or otherwise just write you a blowsy prosy letter.

> There’s this idea of Green Eggs and Ham as a childhood exercise in epistemological questioning. Asking you to think about how experience establishes beliefs about the world. Miscellaneous quite obviously trades in the empirical possibilities of knowing, experimenting in what happens when certain patterns or conditions are put into play (it’s worth noting that Julia Rose Lewis is also a scientist by training). I think of a child stuffing sand in its mouth, learning about size, scale, texture, taste. A child that learns a tomato is good when ripe and sweet. I also think of judging when I might cross the road, or a chemist inching just a *wee* bit more of X in the formula (is that how it works? is it like choosing to add another comma to a poem - what exactly is the risk of explosion?). Every day of our lives we are hedging, testing. ‘If you will then I will try / rain on rain on rain’; how I learn from you, a fashionable imitation in the wearable weather/whether. Things pile up, acquire elemental charge; the poems are teasingly object-oriented; the ‘I’ is an iterative effect of desires, repulsions and relations. Substances effect themselves into life and I think of Francis Ponge and the orange. Expression is something to be ‘endured’. How does an object hold itself in a poem, without being overly squeezed into miscellany, matter? Lewis uses the singsong effects of poetry (repetition, rhyme), to play with causality and intention. In the final poem, for example, is the ‘gold’ ‘old’ and what temporality is ‘golden’; is it the ‘spring /green’ or the speaker who is ‘cold’?

> Miscellaneous in general describes a kind of extra or supplementary category, that which escapes the normative set. Perhaps there is then a case for this being a kind of queer object-oriented poetics. Things are slippery and hungry and irresistibly insistent. They become the book itself, the little object in your hand, tomato green as ‘the spring / green tomatoes in sea salt’, sprinkled with salty little words. This is a case for frivolity and filler and whimsy in poetry, for appetite and affect, salty wit, the necessity of dancing around sentiment, excess, sweetness and swerve. ‘I will eat the spring / fruit upside down’; the fruit of the book you peel again.

Miscellaneous is out now and available from Sampson Low.

Text and image: Maria Sledmere

Published: 12/6/20

#poetry #review #reviews #poetry review #maria sledmere #miscellaneous #Sampson Low #Julia Rose Lewis

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booksandtea · 6 years

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Video Game Recommendations| #Blogoween So I wanted to do a post on horror games to fit into blogoween but I realised I haven’t really played that many. Or at least many that people may think of when thinking of horror games.

You have the big names; the Amnesia series and Slender: The Eight Pages games that shot pewdiepie (one | two) into the spotlight and which for me at least are when horor games became more popular. I tried both of the games named but neither really did anything for me.

Much later we see the rise of the Five Nights at Freddy’s series which I also tried at the height of its hype and wasn’t fond of.

It wasn’t a case that any of these games were too scary to play, they just didn’t offer enough for me to get invested in them. If I were to return to any of these games it would be Amnesia as its a lot more story focused.

But fear not. Or do fear! I do have a small list of games that I can recommend in the horror genre, or at least have horror elements to them.

RESIDENT EVIL 5 (2009): “The Umbrella Corporation and its crop of lethal viruses have been destroyed and contained. But a new, more dangerous threat has emerged. Years after surviving the events in Raccoon City, Chris Redfield has been fighting the scourge of bio-organic weapons all over the world. Now a member of the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance (BSAA), Chris is sent to Africa to investigate a biological agent that is transforming the populace into aggressive and disturbing creatures. Joined by another local BSAA agent, Sheva Alomar, the two must work together to solve the truth behind the disturbing turn of events.”

I probably played this back in 2009 or 2010 on the XBOX and its actually the only Resident Evil game that I’ve completed all the way through. I actually really enjoyed this game and at the time the hardest thing I found was keeping an eye on my health.

Lots of zombie fun which means its kinda gorey! But yay to weird mutations.

RUSTY LAKE HOTEL (2016): “Welcome our guests to the Rusty Lake Hotel and make sure they will have a pleasant stay. There will be 5 dinners this week. Make sure every dinner is worth dying for!

Rusty Lake Hotel a unique puzzle-escape game with a surreal, strange setting inspired by David Lynch’s TV series Twin Peaks.”

I love the Rusty Lake series, I’ve only played Hotel but I do also own Roots. Both of these I’ve seen Dodger play through but Hotel is probably my favourite of the two.

In RLH you have 5 guests staying and for 5 days you have to procure the ingredients for a meal by doing tasks and puzzles for one of the guest. In the evening everyone sits down and eats a meaty meal that they can rate depending on how many of the ingredients you were able to get. The puzzles can be pretty challenging at times and none of the guests ever seem to care that every evening there is one guest less…

I highly recommend you check out any and all of their games and the best thing is many of them are on mobile and they’re not huge or powerful games so I would imagine most PCs can handle them. I also think the horror in this is tame so if you’re a fan of puzzles they’re definitely worth it, my only complaint is theres no achievements.

YEAR WALK (2014): “In the old days man tried to catch a glimpse of the future in the strangest of ways.

Experience the ancient Swedish phenomena of year walking through a different kind of first person adventure that blurs the line between two and three dimensions, as well as reality and the supernatural.

Venture out into the dark woods where strange creatures roam, on a vision quest set in 19th century Sweden. Solve and decipher cryptic puzzles, listen for clues, and learn about mysterious folklore creatures in the built-in encyclopedia as you seek to foresee your future and find out if your loved one will ever love you back.

Mysteries and clues await everywhere in Year Walk, but to fully understand the events that took place on that cold New Year’s Eve, you will have to delve deeper than the adventure and lose yourself between fact and fiction.”

I’ve also completed Year Walk and I really enjoyed it, the art itself is super cool and at times very pretty. The story itself is rather sad too but you learn a lot about this Swedish phenomena.

This game does have achievements which is great but I will say it can be tricky to navigate to each area so if you can have the map pulled up elsewhere that makes it easier – also will help you get an achievement.

This is definitely a fairly straight forward game to play but it is on the spookier side of things, both story wise and because there is a jump scare or two. I know at least one of them can be avoided.

LAYERS OF FEAR (2016): “You take another drink as the canvas looms in front of you. A light flickers dimly in the corner. You’ve created countless pieces of art, but never anything like…this. Why haven’t you done this before? It seems so obvious in retrospect. Your friends, critics, business partners—soon, they’ll all see. But something’s still missing…

You look up, startled. That melody… Was that a piano? It sounded just like her… But, no—that would be impossible. She’s gone. They’re all gone. Have to focus. How long has it taken to get to this point? Too long, but it doesn’t matter. There will be no more distractions. It’s almost finished. You can feel it. Your creation. Your Magnum Opus.

Dare you help paint a true Masterpiece of Fear? Layers of Fear is a first-person psychedelic horror game with a heavy focus on story and exploration. Delve deep into the mind of an insane painter and discover the secret of his madness, as you walk through a vast and constantly changing Victorian-era mansion. Uncover the visions, fears and horrors that entwine the painter and finish the masterpiece he has strived so long to create.” I picked up Layers of Fear the other month when … humble bundle? was offering it for free. I figured why not! I dont play many horrors and this seemed interesting.

So far its mostly a walking simulator where you explore a mansion that evolves over time. Its very atmospheric and creepy, theres no real guidance as to what time line you’re in but you slowly get to know more about the people who live here. I’m very excited to see where the story goes.

As I’ve not finished this game yet I can’t fully say how scary it is but the bit I’ve played there are definitely the odd jump scare here and there and overall a very eerie vibe.

ABZU (2016): “Immerse yourself in a vibrant ocean world full of mystery and bursting with color and life. Perform fluid acrobatics as the Diver using graceful swimming controls. Discover hundreds of unique species based on real creatures and form a powerful connection with the abundant sea life. Interact with schools of thousands of fish that procedurally respond to you, each other, and predators. Linger in epic seascapes and explore aquatic ecosystems modeled with unprecedented detail. Descend into the heart of the ocean where ancient secrets lie forgotten. But beware, dangers lurk in the depths. “ABZÛ” is from the oldest mythologies; AB, meaning water, and ZÛ, meaning to know. ABZÛ is the ocean of wisdom.” Okay, so technically Abuz isn’t a horror game. For the most part its very pretty and tranquil, but there is a part full of exploding bombs whic is a bit tense. Additionally the full story of Abzu is one of horror and warning as at its core its a commentary on how we’re destroying worlds and pollution.

Rather than going into full depth on its story you can read up on it here as I think its a very important and powerful game. Plus if you don’t like being underwater then this might have a layer of fear for you!

And thats that for horror video games I think you should play. Of course honorable mention to Until Dawn but with that being a PS4 exclusive its a lot harder for people to play – instead try watching a playthrough of this game on YouTube perhaps? This has a lot of gore, jump scares, and Josh is my favourite character in that game as realistically we all need to protect him.

Please note: all images were taken from their own Steam store pages.

Have you seen played any of these games? Are there any games that you’d recommend?

If you enjoyed this post consider supporting Northern Plunder Ko-fi | Twitter | Book Club | RedBubble

5 Horror #VideoGames You Should Play | #Blogoween Video Game Recommendations| #Blogoween So I wanted to do a post on horror games to fit into blogoween but I realised I haven't really played that many.

#Abzu #Blogoween #Blogoween 2018 #Layers of Fear #Resident Evil 5 #Rusty Lake Hotel #Video Game #Video Game Review #Video Games #Year Walk

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simplyselicia · 6 years

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BTS Analysis Part 4: Fake Love

Hey! I’m so in love with the new album. Heavy rotation 24/7. As you can tell, this is the fourth installment of my analysis series. I’ve stated in the past to keep in mind I’m not much of a theorist, I’m just really talking about things I noticed and what certain symbolism might mean. I will link the Part 3 about Singularity post here since I’ll probably reference back to it:

BTS Analysis Part 3: Singularity

This is my first comeback as an ARMY, so when I tell you I was so hype that it hurt I am telling the truth. I am so beyond blown away, I’m not sure if any of this is about to make sense. This gif explains what was going on in my mind while watching Fake Love.

First, I’ll talk about Fake Love Teaser 1. In the teaser we got call backs to Wings and the Love Yourself Highlight Reels. The boys come in to exchange their fears for a positive so to say. If I had to take an educated guess, based on album notes I’d say Yoongi handed in a piano key. That would leave our intertwined characters. We don’t what Jin was given, if anything. We don’t know what V exchanged. Jungkook never gave over anything, but received a key in return.

When I went back to the highlight reels to research part of the narration really stuck out to me: “Looking back, I had known all along that underneath the glittering world before my eyes lay my deception, that everything was to collapse with a breath of wind. I turned away, I’d side stepped, simply closed my eyes. Afraid I was, afraid to be loved for who I am.”

Fake Love opens with our Smeraldo flower being protected. Very Beauty and the Beast. This is the untold truth that Jin has been asked about. Jin is alone in the room with this untold truth, looking through the window. We see him closing the curtain, and this is followed with doors being shut on Jungkook, leaving him in darkness. Could Jin trying to be shut him out of the truth? Is Jungkook sacrificing himself to be like the child of Omelas? I personally don’t think that Jin knows that Jungkook is looking into his window.

I’m not sure what else we’ll see, but I think it’s safe to say that Jungkook has entered Jin and V’s tangled web.

I love the background of this scene. It reflects the choreography, it brings me back to BS&T, AND kind of looks like a variant of “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”. They consistently cover their eyes, mouth, or ears during the choreography in the music video. It’s a quick and easy way to convey the mental anguish and struggle within the song. There are a couple other choreography cues that I will refer to later.

I’d like to get the color theory part of my explanation out of the way here. If you look at the scenes, they range from a plain almost sepia look to a psychedelic technicolor adjacent style. I think this is because we are passing the euphoric fated love of DNA and into the breaking point in Fake Love. The vibrant colors evoke a feeling of being in a dreamlike wonderland while the faded pastels/sepia tones give specific points of focus. We are being guided into their inner darkness. There is a lot to say for muted tones reflecting the mental state of the characters in a film. What comes to mind for me are films like: “Girl, Interrupted”, “Taxi Driver”, and “Fight Club”. Please note, all these examples have a plot that revolve around psychological themes.

Going back to the first teaser, I’ll explain why I don’t think Jin is aware that Jungkook was watching him through one of his windows. When Jungkook got to the magic shop (styled as a confessional if you noticed) it wasn’t by his choice. He is the only member that really seems to be pushed in. He also doesn’t have anything to exchange on him, but he is given a key. Keys are a symbol of of opening and closing things of course. It can be used to lock something away or set something free. Keys also give us a feeling of security.

However, looking past the keys for a second I wanted to pose the question of if this seems a little like a nod to Pandora’s box to anyone else? Pandora’s box is a Greek myth that essentially has grown to mean getting into a situation that involves big and unexpected troubles. Older more detailed texts explain it as Pandora opening a jar that released sickness, death, and many other evils into the world. Pandora tried to quickly close the jar, but when she did so the only thing she kept in the jar was a flicker of hope. It was meant to be a way to explain why bad things happen in the world. Jungkook had no idea what troubles he is going to see moving forward. Is the key the last bit of hope to uncovering the truth and setting everyone free? Since he came empty handed will he be the traded object for everyone else to gain peace?

Alright, from here we start diving deeper into the member’s individual fears. We’ve seen Jin trying to change the outcome of member’s story lines in Euphoria by looking through windows. I think this scene reflects Jin’s fear that some of these things might remain out of his control. There is only so much tampering that can be done, and not only is it stressful to not know if what you’ve changed is right, it’s hard to predict if your moves will make everything fall apart. In the center of it all, is the untold truth. Would it have been easier to face this truth if it was going to come to this anyway?

RM’s scene contains rings and a mirror. The mirror comes from his song Reflection and writing “you need to survive” on the glass. The rings clearly resemble the hand grips that you would see passengers holding onto when standing on a bus. He is still caught between his old self, and the attraction to the girl on the bus in the Love Yourself Highlight Reel. It doesn’t matter how much he likes her. If he can’t accept himself, then it won’t last. The cinematography of Fake Love also flips between of nice parallel lines and then “dutch angles”. A dutch angle is a technique of tilting the camera so none of the angles in the scene are parallel with the bottom of the screen and is used to show psychological unrest/heavy tension in a scene.

J-Hope is locked in a room full of childish carnival themed props. If you go back in his story line you will find that his mother abandoned him as a child, only leaving him with a Snickers bar. As the music video goes on, we see Snickers bars falling coming through around where the key hole would be and eventually filling up most of the room. That is a very traumatic experience and of course it would result in some type of fear of abandonment. I’ve seen most people saying that the fake love for J-Hope is from his mother, and I think that’s very interesting. Side note that doesn’t really have much to do with anything in particular, but we’ve really entered a time where carnival gear like this is really haunting. Part of that for me is because I always relate carnivals to “The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe. Although maybe I actually have something there. As with Poe’s short story, there’s no way to know if Jungkook isn’t leading himself to his own doom. Our setting certainly is one of a type of madness after all. Okay, off this tangent, I’m just a Poe fan.

Jungkook has moved on from J-Hope’s scene to Jimin. We can see that he’s in the studio from the Love Yourself Highlight Reel. If you look even closer, the wall he’s in front of is his paradise picture of the trees. I also thought it was interesting that Jimin is interacting with a sink here. I looked up the symbolism for this one, and in dreams it is said that sinks show how our feelings are retained and turned on and off. A bathroom sink in particular signifies a personal desire to be more intimate and revealing of yourself. I spoke about the symbolism of water in Part 3 for Singularity. If we pair those ideas with the sink symbolism, essentially his emotions have been pent up for too long and will come rushing forward in an overwhelming way. I also recognize that this nods back to the time where Jimin was by himself in the bathtub or in the fish tank in the case of the Japanese version of songs. I also talked about in my Part 2 for Euphoria how he’s been left on his own in the hospital. Jimin has no feeling of freedom there, and the person he was closest to (J-Hope) has also left now.

Jungkook rises from this scene, and once again he and Jin’s movements mirror each other like they did in Euphoria. We also get a glimpse of the object Jin was protecting that held the Smeraldo flower. The flower has turned to sand. Sand is often a symbol meaning the passage of time, but it can also mean eventual destruction or elude to moments that are easily wiped away. Have we already seen the untold truth? Does it mean that everything is already falling apart? Maybe it’s a reference to Jin’s ability to alter things and that this too is just a moment that will be wiped away and changed?

I’d also like to note that the closer Jungkook gets to his destination, the harder it is for him. This is a case of dutch angles being used to build tension in a scene. I also want to take a moment to note the pattern on the floor. This pattern is definitely from the DNA MV just based on the color choices and style. We see it in the hallway Jungkook runs down, and on the floor in Jimin and J-Hope’s sections of Fake Love.

From there we are brought into V’s scene. He is in this sort of tunnel hallway that is full of phones and empty pictures frames on the walls, but the back wall says “save me”. I saw somewhere that black picture frames symbolize an obsession of being perfect or a fear of not being perfect. I just think that’s an interesting tidbit of info, not sure it really sways the story line in any direction nor gives us much we didn’t already expect.

V is holding a phone, which calls back (pun intended, please insert a windshield wiper laugh here) to the moment that he was trying to get a hold of RM who couldn’t answer the phone. The hallway is then lit up by the phones twinkling all around him. I’m guessing this is just exaggerating his fear of the call not going through by showing all the phones malfunctioning.

It might be a reach, but I want to point out that these types of archways remind me of trains, as does the railing to the sides. In Spring Day, V was shown first at the train station.

I want to bring up Jimin a little here as well. Since the boys are exchanging their fears for something positive in the magic shop, I didn’t quite understand why Jimin got the umbrella. I know it shows up in the Highlight Reels, but that didn’t feel to me like a hopeful moment. No matter what Jimin does, he is always getting wet, and the umbrella has never protected him from water/his emotions. I honestly expected him to get a phone because that’s what he used to record J-Hope and the other girl’s practices to recreate the dances. It’s even mentioned in his album notes. Does it mean that no matter the outcome, Jimin is always at a disadvantage? Let me know what you think.

There is a moment where we cut back to RM, and Jungkook is on the other side of the mirror mimicking his movements. This isn’t the first time Jungkook acted as a mirror, in the choreography he also follows J-Hope’s movements during his segment. This will eventually bring us to Suga. In his scene, he has a piano and a guitar in the room. The piano dates back through Wings, and the guitar has to do with the girl that gave him the lollipop. There is a lot about piano between Jungkook and Suga’s notes, and of course their story lines are intertwined throughout the music videos. There comes a point where Suga sets fire to his hotel room, but in Euphoria Jin sent Jungkook to save him.

Fire is often linked to power and passion. Fire has the ability to cause both destruction and transformation. Much like water, it’s symbolism is pretty straight forward.

Now we’re at the part I wanted to bring up the choreography again. I talked about this for the Singularity analysis, and I see it here as well. The movements they are making are very much like puppetry. The arm movements when they step out side to side with their hands down is certainly like they are being controlled by string. I think it’s interesting that Jin is in the center here and they move according to his hand movements on either side of him as well.

Jungkook is almost at his destination now, this room is very peaceful despite the events that have been going on. I’ll bring up here that the only members that have had contact/reference with sand in this MV are Jin, V, and Jungkook. I’d like to expand the idea that sand is also a symbol that might mean the foundation you stand on is unstable. The basis of the way you think etc might not be set in reality, and something that you have buried in your subconscious is moving forward. The smeraldo has already turned to sand, but when Jungkook lets it spill from his hand there are remnants of the petals in the shadows on the wall.

I call this part opening The Chamber of Secrets (I mean he probably knows parseltongue, he is the golden maknae). This is the point where everything begins to come foward: water, fire, snickers (lol).

He enters the room with the hooded figure, who is standing in front of 6 coat racks (a nod to Singularity I’m sure). From there, we’re left unknowing what decisions will be made.

I think it’s clear enough to see that a tie of some kind has been broken. We’ve certainly gone from the members lacing all of their hands together in DNA to perform a wave to falling apart. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

BTS Analysis Part 1: Spring Day

BTS Analysis Part 2: Euphoria

BTS Analysis Part 3: Singularity

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james-tiernan · 4 years

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PLAINES PLOUGH. What were each of the monologues about?

CHRIS THORPE

A Monologue about someone who seems to be of a lower working class background. About the night where his friends put his balls in his mouth, to which he claimed it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a conscious choice. HE didn’t put the balls in his mouth.His mates did whilst he was laying consciously unconscious. He talks about the night in detail, taking us through every room he visited, what he saw, smelt, felt etc. Its apparent from here that he was highly intoxicated on presumably mostly drugs in the way he described each and every thing but with some obvious confusion. He recalls feeling anger but not knowing if he attributed that emotion after he remembered the event. He remembers smiling but then in contrast to his apparent happiness he puts a 9 iron through his friends skull. An underlying anger control issue shines through when he talks about a teacher telling him he has “so much power but so little control” . A common phrase spoken to many children throughout their education as Ive seen and heard first hand. Usually spoken to boys who suffer at being at what some would call the bottom of the working class. Sometimes their frustration at life is classed as disorders, labelled. Sometimes correctly, sometimes this helps. But the frustration of being stuck with very little ways out always remains. Stuck with little opportunity, heading for a life of living for weekends, living for drugs, alcohol and the boys.

CHLOE MÖSS

Someone who struggles with anxiety, she has a mantra she says to herself that makes her comfortable that everything will be okay. She talks about the time she skipped school whilst telling everyone she was in fact going to the dentist. She visits the beach and she remembers and panics over the quicksand she has heard about in one of her science classes. She spends her time sitting at the beach when she is joined by a woman and her dog, she panics that she may be a serial killer and then is reminded of her grandma. Everything seems to cause her anxiety. They talk about the woman’s late son and how she blames Margret Thatcher on how he passed. They seem to find comfort in each other, maybe they don’t realise this too much to begin. The dogs ball ends up in the sand and Chloe goes to get the dogs ball, she gets scared as the sand becomes wet and like quicksand. She panics and rushes back to the woman and her dog. She suddenly realises she hasn’t been saying her mantra but she is ok with it. She finds comfort in the fact that world carried on as normal even though she didn't say her mantra. She ok with this, and gives her condolences to the woman about her son. Her focus has shifted away from herself as she sympathises with the woman.

ZIA AHMED

Zia talks about how he has tried to fit in but he cant. HE feels like he cant because of his race. He is pulled down by racism in its simplest form. Straight abuse shouted on the street. He is profiled as a ‘terrorist’ he says he feels he has to apologise for honour killings, child grooming. Things that many far right groups say and preach (wrongly) that ALL muslims commit. He is reminded of this racism in media like film, he talks of Indiana Jones and Bond Movies that show the villain as the non-white man whilst Indiana and Bond, the white men, save the day from the savage villain. He talks about his childhood, a memory of his friend getting stuck in a fence, a memory and child of any race could hold, this doesn't make him different. Sure it makes him individual, its his memory, but its a memory any one of us could have had, no matter our race, religion, or social background. He talks about past love experiences and how he thinks that the person he spent two years with left him as he wasn't white. ‘It wasn't right’ he says. Remembering their conversations. He says that he is from London not England. To him, London is its own country with a unique identity. Which it is, London is a mixing pot of culture, race, and religion. As a world capital it always has been and always will be.

ALAN HARRIS

Alan talks of the first time he was arrested. He was drunk and stole a bicycle whilst on a night out in Caerphilly. Fuelled by drugs and alcohol he was lost, skint and didn't know how to get home. He had the idea that walking was jus too much so he stole a bike from a garden. He is picked up and put into a cell for it. Here he talks about how he turned into a duck. When comparing his story of the duck to his own, the ducks life sounds so simple and so easy. This person wants to fly away. Just like the duck does. He talks early of how in his his home town he was the first ti have a perm, he fitted in, he felt comfortable. As soon as he is in an unknown area, not more than 10 miles away, he is like a fish out of water, He wishes he could adapt as easily as the duck could, picking its patch of water and making it his own, he wishes he could fly out of the valleys and settle wherever he wants. But he cant. Like Chris Thorpe’s monologue, the character is destined to stay in the cycle. Struggling to break out, however this character acts as though he is content with that, but maybe deep down, he is not. He is a bird with wings clipped by the system.

HANNAH SILVA

This monologue is about a man who has lost his memory. The start of the monologue there are lots of words, phrases that don’t seem to make sense. The parrot in the library, soldiers running past, she was a poet, he was a musician. These phrases all begin to come together towards the end in what appears to be a journal or diary of a man who has lost his mind. A blood clot is alluded too but there Is never a definite sign of the cause. The man’s daughter is speaking to start, trying to make sense of his jumbled mind. We as listeners are as confused as the man himself, various words and phrases repeated over and over that for some reason we are expected to understand. But we can’t. Very much like the man. We feel frustrated and want to know, and it does take a while before things start to unravel. The monologue is spoken by the daughter, but we listen through the ears of the father. Not quite understanding but slowly piecing things together to make sense,

MOMENTS/IMAGES.

The first image that really struck me was in Chloe Möss’ monologue, when she talks about the quicksand being like icing. Being from a seaside community this simile/image struck a personal chord. Its a perfect and simple way for a reader is is not familiar with the image of quicksand to be able to imagine it. The contrast between the simile and what its describing also struck me. icing on a cake is a light, happy thought. Whilst quicksand is usually seen as dangerous and definitely negative. This contrast perfectly encapsulates Chloe’s characters fragile and confused mind state towards the world she lives in.

Another moment that struck me was in Zia Ahmed’s monologue where he says

“Where Im from, Bond looks like the bond villains but the villains look like bond”.

This small and simple sentence highlights the Hollywood industries hidden racist undertones that played throughout the 20th century and into the 21st too. The white man is always the hero, saving the day from the deranged, often ethnic villain. Zia also mentions Indiana Jones and the temple of doom when talking about the topic. In Middle eastern and Asian countries, the west is often seen as the villain. This has been established through constant wars on terror and various other factors. We as Britons, and myself as a white male, forget how my nation has been a burden on many countries. The films I grew up loving hide undertones of racism. Towards many races. The Siamese Cats in The Lady and The Tramp, Disneys anti-semitism, even the recent Star Wars franchise.

Another image that struck me was the duck imagery in Alan Harris’ monologue. Alan describes actually seeing a duck and being able to touch it, whether this is true or not isn't said however, he is probably experiencing a psychedelic experience. He seems to be projecting his deeper emotions and thoughts onto that of a duck. He wants to be able to fly away from his valley and fit in wherever he chooses. He wants to meet other women outside his small town. However like I stated previously, his metaphorical wings are clipped by his social and economic surroundings. He’s a caged bird right now, literally.

HOW WERE THE NATIONAL THEATRE SCOTLAND USING THE FRAME TO TELL A STORY?

Both monologues talked about being trapped. One talking of how he tried to escape the Shipyard and the asbestos but he still has that cough he demonstrates. He talks about how they fought to stay also. Even when it was killing them, they fought for their jobs. They were proud of hat they did and no one could tell them otherwise. The second monologue however, was a lot more sombre and current. Talking about the COVID pandemic and how she felt trapped in a box, unable to get out. She talks of losing herself and not being the same person. The camera in Monologue one, does not move at all. it stays on his face at all times. This represents how although he tried to move away from his job, it stayed with him. With the second monologue, the camera moves around a lot, through one single room. This echoes the actresses feelings on how she wants to escape, but cant. She knows this too.

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womenandfilm5 · 4 years

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Great Women Animators, selections: http://greatwomenanimators.com

John and Faith Hubley

The Short, The Hole (1962) records the dialogue between two construction workers in New York City. One white, one black, they discuss an array of things but the overarching theme of their discussion is about accidents. Whether or not accidents are possible and the possibility of an accidental nuclear attack. During this time period there were high tensions between the United States and the Soviet Union known as The Cold War. Many were fearful of a nuclear missile attack and a possibly world-ending nuclear war. This film was animated and produced around the same time of the Cuban Missile Crisis (1962) when the United States discovered Soviet based ballistic missiles in Cuba which resulted in a 13-day confrontation between the two world powers. This improvisational film won an Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film in 1962 and was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being “culturally, historically, and aesthetically significant”.

The Hole follows an improvised conversation between two fictional construction workers of different races. This conversation is respectful and interestingly enough, race was not discussed between the two. Instead, they discussed accidents, why they happen, and if they even exist. The black character, voiced by Dizzy Gillespie, mentions that the other day he was washing the dishes and he accidentally dropped a glass, shattering it. He mentions that his wife theorizes he dropped the glass because he was not thinking about the glass. The white character, voiced by George Matthews, cuts him off exclaiming that he hadn’t dropped the glass because he wasn’t thinking about it, rather, he dropped it intentionally because he did not want to do the dishes in the first place. This interesting take on intention and “accidents” was meant to be applied to the political climate at the time of the Cold War. In other words, any move made by the United States or the Soviet Union is an intentional action with malicious intent behind it. This is further explained by the next statement made by Dizzy’s character “If I am walking down the street with a pistol in my pocket and someone accidentally steps on my toes I am going to ask him why he did that” then he continues to say that he would confront the person because he had the pistol. He states that if the person is far bigger than him and he no longer has the pistol, he wouldn’t choose to confront the man, he just would not say anything at all. This is an interesting narrative that can be applied, once again, to the political climate at the time. Both the United States and Soviet Union have theoretical “Pistols” or in other words; nuclear weapons. These tools allow the countries to confront one another, however, no one wants to be “shot”. Due to the fact that both countries equally have nuclear weapons they are at a stand still; hence the cold war. Neither country is saying anything to the other and they are simply assuming nothing is accidental, rather they are threatening the security of the other.

The Short film Moonbird (1959) is based off of a secretly recorded conversation between the Hubley’s two sons Mark and Ray in which they make a story about capturing the “Moonbird” and bringing it back home. The story takes place in their backyard, the two boys set out in the middle of the night to capture this mystical bird, they set up a cage with bait and wait nearby in a hole for the bird to arrive. The two children bicker, sing, eat candy and eventually capture the bird and bring it home.

This experimental film was awarded an Oscar in 1960 for best short subjects. In the film the older brother tells the younger brother what to do, for example the younger brother was told several times to lower his voice or he would “scare away the bird”. By the end of the film, however, their singing is what attracted the Moonbird and allowed the boys to catch it. The improvisational tone of the dialogue between the two young boys puts a unique insight to the domestic side of the Hubley’s life. Staying in and creating made up stories, using the abundance imagination from their young sons to create an animated short. This approach was revolutionary and very interesting to watch. The animation of the story fit perfectly with the dialogue, which requires a lot of careful thought and understanding of the storyline. Essentially, with this film the Hubley’s translate a child’s imagination into an enjoyable animated short film.

Ana Perez Lopez

Amarillo and A Frog Fried Me

The short film Amarillo supplied a short history of the banana. At glance, you often times do not think about the origin of something so simple such as a banana. The animation showed men and women, with black mask like coverings on half of the face, just enough to shield the features of the face, as well as animations of the banana spinning. In the opening, she calls the banana, “a candy that melts in the hand,” giving the fruit qualities that you would not attribute to a fruit usually. The dialogue offers a short history of the banana, from pre-WWII when the original natural form of the banana, or the ‘gros michelle,’ became extinct, to the banana ban that occurred during WWII that completely wiped out the gros michelle. The common banana that we have today is in fact not related to the gros michelle, but is completely manufactured from genetic modification, and within the next 10-30 years, the banana we know now will be completely replaced by a fruit with no trace of any original ancestry. The concept of replication and extinction was the main focus of the film. Something so simple as a fruit can be completely erased and then replaced by something that relates nothing to the original. The background sound of the film made it seem as if the narrator was placed underwater, as the figures of people swam through the timeline of history. She also included snippets of film and TV from the mid 20th century, in small bubble like televisions, which made it easier to connect the time periods that were mentioned.

A Frog Fried Me displayed more of the experimental aspect of Lopez’ work. The opening animation showed patterns of koi fish circling in and out, until they dissipated into themselves. The main focus was a scene of human bodies with heads of animals such as elk, and cows, reclining in chairs, and seated upon bar stools. One elk-human ran into the middle of the room, and was stopped in a spotlight of red light. Frozen in time, the other animals seated in the room began to exchange conversation, through bubbles of speech that instead of dialogue had geometric shapes. The screen then went black, and showed a tree frog, illuminated by white, and then back to the man running, but this time simply in the same black and white that was paired with the image of the frog. To decode the symbolism of this film was difficult, however I was able to connect the imagery of a tree frog to the title itself, with the existence of a hallucinogenic tree frog. The kambo, a hallucinogenic tree frog, is used for psychedelic experiences by extracting the venom, burning a small hole into the skin, and placing the venom on the wound. This creates a hallucination that some use for treatment with addiction, and also just for the pleasure and experience (VICE). The title, A Frog Fried Me, may relate to the imagery by depicting a scene that could very well be experienced as a hallucination. The people sitting in the room were mostly human, but had animal heads. The scenario could have almost been realistic had the people been fully human, but with the colors, the red flashes of light, and the nature of the creatures sitting in the room, it is safe to say the entire experience could be a replication of a trip. . Arisa Wakami .

Blessing and chibico . The film blessing was a stop motion film of a baby laying upon a mattress in the middle of a floor, with boxes and bags opening and spilling out items that then moved around the child or put themselves on the child. A box of socks opens up and circles the baby, a bag with a onesie in it moves across the baby vertically but never is put on the baby, bags of blocks and toys spill onto the baby who plays with them until they move away, and the baby sleeps surrounded by the blocks, dressed in a hat and a bib left behind by one of the bags. When the mother picks the baby up, the hat is left behind, and then slowly slides off the bed and out of frame. This closing scene of the hat moving off the bed was symbolic to me. I believe that the theme of the film was to show that material objects are superficial and can be replaced and forgotten about so easily. From the time we are born until the time we die, we are given so many items that we use and discard, to never be used again. As we grow as humans, we have different needs that have to be catered to in the moment, but are then forgotten about as we move on and continue to grow. The baby is being given so many different gifts, that cycle through and then are never seen again. Wakami’s work is centered a lot upon children, which is shown in the other film chibico. A young girl who lives on a hill is standing on a stool, peering out of her window at the red sun, who extends a hand out to her. She immediately gets off the stool, and a hat and shoes are placed on her body. She gets in a car, looking very shocked, and is brought to either school or a daycare. As the kids play, she is somewhat lonesome, standing by the door. As the children dance, she is off beat and cannot keep up with the other children. As the children eat food, a girl cries next to her as she sits, quietly, with one bite of her meal taken. As the children get picked up from school, she sits alone and is the last one to leave. The sky changes from it’s bright blue of the daytime, to a light pink that indicates the sun is setting. She bathes with her family, is excited to eat a meal when she is seated at home, and when she finally gets into bed, she steps back onto the stool to look for the sun. Instead, she finds a dark night sky with the moon above, and the scene is very transient and dream like, of a human like apparition that is very difficult to describe. Contented, she goes to sleep. The background images of the credits are of children’s drawings. As a filmmaker who focuses upon themes of childhood, I assume the theme of this film was to express the curious nature of children. The little girl in the film expected to see the sun when she finally ended her day, but was still content to find that the sun was gone, and replaced with the moon. The entire time she was at school, she seemed to not be focused upon what was going on there, but was eager to look out of the window when she finally had the chance. In japanese, “chibico,” means “small child.” Wakami’s focus upon the nature of children provides an inventive style through picture to display the mannerisms of children in a way that is not often times analyzed. . Dahee Jehong .

THE EMPTY trailer and Reflection Type .

The film style of Dahee Jehong is to take poetry and metaphors, and translate them into visual imagery that is calm, yet powerful. THE EMPTY trailer was a very short and basic film, but had very somber overtones that were created in the span of less than one minute. A door with a painting is shown on a blank wall, and suddenly the door begins to rotate, letting people in from all angles to bring in furniture and objects, and then when the door finally reaches full circle, the last individual grabs the painting from the wall and exits through the door, leaving a translucent shadow of what was once there. The screen then pans to black with the subtitles, “everything is gone. I’ve been left alone again.” The imagery of people moving in, circling around, and leaving through the same door they entered resonates with the same way that individuals move in and out of transitional periods of their life. The people start by moving all their objects in, they are not seen, then as they leave, they take something with them that was not theirs to begin with. In cycles of bringing an individual into your home or life, it is never certain how long they may reside there. Everything is inevitable, and nothing can be avoided. The narrator ends the film having less than they started with, being alone again. A simple and quick film was able to capture a function of life that everyone experiences, and sometimes in cycles. On the opposite end, Reflection Type was very experimental, as it begins with a mirrored image of a women meeting herself, and then falling into herself. It is not apparent until minutes later that she had formed the letter A with the reflections of her body. The entirety of the film is Jehong creating each letter of the alphabet by using cut techniques of multiples mirrored images to form each individual letter with her body. The background is simply a concrete tan wall, and she performs the same routine over and over, but to produce a different image each time. This film acted as more of a creative lens of the work of Jehong, and reflects the creative nature she has especially with her animated film. . Jane Geiser . Ghost Algebra and The Red Book . Jane Geiser is an experimental film maker that uses objects that have been once abandoned or forgotten about to bring life and movement back into them, while also creating symbolic value. In both of the films, the subject was a female figure, focusing upon the female form and the experiences of the woman. Ghost Algebra used plant matter, perforations, light and color, the concept of time through clock hands and molds of pocket watches, diagrams of birds and anatomical drawings, with sounds of cars moving and nature in the background of the film. The subject of the film was a worn out plastic figurine of a girl with blonde hair, that was shown moving across areas through shadows underneath the perforations, as well as travelling through the drawings of birds and anatomical figures. It seemed almost as if she was lost, looking for the meaning of everything arounds her. The diagrams of birds were all missing heads, that were punched out of the diagrams. Eventually, the sounds in the background transition to children screaming, and the holes where the bird’s heads should be fill up with a red paint, that overflows and seeps into all of the crevices of the diagrams. The female figurine moves across all of the sceneries, looking as if she is whispering in the ears of the anatomical figures and the images of the birds. It is never known what exactly she could be saying, but it is apparent that at some point things went awry, as the red paint resembles blood. Film of this expanse is not meant to have a singular meaning, but instead be subject to interpretation. The female subject is travelling around, trying to make sense of her surroundings, but eventually finds that nothing is the same as what it originally seemed to be. The types of medium Geiser uses when combined as a whole reflects an environment subject to change, but also hovering in a great amount of unknown by the viewer as well as the subject of the film. Perhaps, the idea of the film is to express the functionality of a woman in society, trying to understand the perils of life that are not outwardly apparent. . In the animated film The Red Book Jane Geiser opens her film with the sounds of crickets which translates to feelings of tranquillity and nature. The first thing the viewers see is hands writing in the dirt. After that it flashes to a woman lying naked on a table, throughout the film she is dissected, her mind is opened up, she becomes altered in some ways. Made to fit within a house, looking out at the industrialized world through the windows of her home. This, to me, is a clear parallel to how women are manufactured in our patriarchal society. Much like the woman on the table, women in our society are dissected as well. We manufacture women only for the domestic realm, when they do not fit we simply alter them so they do. The woman in the film does not have any clear agency over her own body and is subject to the will of the people around her. They attempt to “fix” her so she fits, but what they consider “fixing” is what we consider domestication. There is also clear imagery of natural scenery versus industrialized scenery. Much like natural elements the woman is harvested, manufactured and processed to make a product. Whether the product be infrastructure or a domesticated housewife it is all the same to those who are processing her. She is no longer an individual, rather a cog in society’s machine. Through this film Jane Geiser expresses the way we as a society view women.

Joanna Preistley . Bottle Neck and Split Ends . Joanna Preistley’s focus in film is solely on the experimental type of film that explores what boundaries can be crossed. The animation Bottle Neck had two sides of the screen that eventually merged into one image. The left side had constant moving geometric patterns, whie the right side had individual patterns that went from abstract drawings, into shapes of bottles and vases. Not one image could be focused upon at once; either your attention is drawn to the constant moving patterns, or your focus is drawn to each individual drawing that moved slower, yet was easier to decode. In Split Ends, the geometric patterns were either very plant like and resembled the motion of growing. A scene that I found particularly interesting was a set of steps that filled the entire screen, and a ball rolled down the steps and as each step disappeared, the ball eventually fell straight down into the void. The work she creates is simply is an appreciation of the art form of animation, while embracing the freedom that accompanies creating art. The titles of each film respectively reflect what the imagery seemed to be, but an open mind may interpret the motions and visions in an array of perspectives. – SA .

REFERENCES:

https://filmfreeway.com/[email protected] https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/gqkxa9/kambo-ceremony-alcoholism-purging-uk https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moonbird https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith_Hubley https://www.zippyframes.com/index.php/interviews/dahee-jeong-makes-the-empty https://www.fandor.com/filmmakers/director-janie-geiser-1234

VIDEO LINKS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGB3eudJwOU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIGlX0iVy1Y https://vimeo.com/165069458 https://vimeo.com/165823831 https://vimeo.com/161456257 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUPh1exMKWc https://vimeo.com/158120311 https://vimeo.com/85528988 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CK9aP9GKU4Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZWv_UBXx8k https://vimeo.com/184923964 https://vimeo.com/64678851

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auskultu · 7 years

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Liverpool of the West

Ed Denson, Berkeley Barb, 15 September 1967

San Francisco is being called the Liverpool of the West or something like that because it is presently the creative center of the new music which is coming onto the charts.

This week 3 of the top fifty Ip’s in the country are by San Francisco groups and there are 2 other Fresno Ip’s in the top 200. Everywhere in New York’s music industry they speak of the San Francisco groups, and yet there is something a little strange going on which probably points to something else which is happening.

If I had to define the essence of the Frisco sound to people, and I do often here when someone in a suit will look at me and say “just what is the Frisco sound anyway, I don’t understand this new music” I think of the endless flickering evenings I have spent in the Avalon and the Fillmore listening to walls of dark pulsing electric blues cooking with interminable guitar solos, musicians wavering back and forth as they play to a darkened hall half filled with entranced hippies watching glassy eyed and half cauldrons of energy where whirling dancers bodies become molten and flowing as the music meets their minds; and I say, “It is a new development of blues with some of the rhythms stretched, and a great deal of improvisation” and subside into a silence as the echos sound in the back of my consciousness.

“The Frisco sound is the Quicksilver Messenger Service, the Grateful Dead, Big Brother and the Holding Company, and Steve Miller,” I say, “ drawing on the blues of Muddy Waters and Paul Butterfield who were the first to show it could be done, and done today.

“Above all I think of Frisco as the blues, a development of a tradition which began in the flat Delta of the Yazoo in Mississippi, nfoved to the slums of Chicago with the northward flight of the country negroes, and thru a gigantic cosmic coincidence was found meaningful in Liverpool and San Francisco when the people there needed a music.

And then I smile and say to myself, “yes, you understand it. The Frisco sound is blues, a new and exciting, almost intellectual blues, but basically blues” and God knows that Butterfield, Bloomfield, the Animals, Canned Heat, Cream, Cotton, Dead, Buddy Guy, Yardbirds, Junior Wells, Jimi Hendricks, Blues Project, Siegal Schwall, Howling Wolf, Steve Miller, The Stones, Johnny Hammond, and Big Brother are all blues bands.

And God knows that they are all very successful blues bands who can play the new psychedelic circuits from Boston to D.C., from Vancouver to Los Angeles; for serious proper New Yorkers’ sipping ice cream sodas at the Go-Go and the wild hippies at the Avalon and the Fillmore; and their records even those from the heavy bands which get no airplay, sell respectable amounts and they appear at Expo and the State Department ships them around the world. Yes, yes, its true, and I think of it and feel that I am right in what I have said to the suit in New York.

Except for one thing. The Three Frisco groups that are on the top 50 of this week’s Billboard charts of best selling pop records, are not blues bands, and if what I have said to the suit is correct, in some sense they are not central to the Frisco sound either. Moby Grape is perhaps closest to a blues band, but the Fish and the Airplane are not at all.

The Grape is a shooting star, you blink and you are not certain that they exist at all. They spent little time in Frisco actually, or anywhere else that I can put my finger on, but they got one of the most fantastic promotion jobs imaginable with literally tens of thousands of dollars spent lifting them from obscurity to their present status in a hurry.

The Airplane is a rock band, they mix pop with hard rock, and a little of something else; and the Fish seem a little more undefinable and yet certainly they are more pop than blues. It is their something else, and the Airplane’s something else, and perhaps the Grape's something else ihat have made the difference.

The present popularity of the blues is the result of a cosmic coincidence, an accidental crossing of cultural lines of force, and it is not likely to live long after those lines cease to cross. You can see the lines by looking at the present blues bands: there are the “real” bands, the southside Chicago Negro bands who have played basicly the same music since they moved north and invented it in the early fifties, playing in the crowded clubs ol the ghetto and periodically renewing themselves with road tours of the Negro South.

It is their music, it means something to them and to their original audience which it does not mean to me, or the bulk of its presenl audience. The associations are not there, it is a tremendous intellectual effort to ferret out the meanings of the verses, even the surface associations are not present.

Just what is a mojo hand? what does it look like? what does it feel like to buy one in Louisiana and to move among the women knowing that your mojo means tha any of them are yours if you wan them, and wondering if it wil really make you invisible so you can steal, and what do you owe the mojo factory for it? I don’ know any more than a southside Negro could know what it was like to go off to the Western Front for the Kaiser'with a copy of Nietzsche in his back pocket.

The second wave of blues bands are the English, who seem to have taken the music as top forty material from the records that were brought to port by sailors and played it in the basement clubs in Liverpool or later London because it was the sort of thing tha everyone wanted to hear.

The early Stones imitations of Slim Harpo, and the Beatles copies of Chuck Berry seem to be a sort of nostalgia for the old radio hits certainly that was the reaction that they aroused in many hippy hearts in the mid sixties; the good ok stuff that they don’t play anymore, reminds me of high school and my early life; then they seized it and moved into their own ways of thinking and expressed contemporary England and its problems.

Who knows whose daughter runs off with someone from the motor trade, and what do all those farmyard sounds mean to an Englishman? And when those guys burn their equipment in an orgiastic destruction who in their American audience was a part of Dada?

The Beatles have once again become Englishmen with their new record, and we will have to be also to hear it all, and I imagine that the others will follow suit. Anyway the nostalgia is gone now, now that someone has played like the fifties and then moved on, the desire to hear someone else play like that is extinguished.

And the third wave of blues bands were the hippies, and they played blues for just the opposite reason that the Englishmen did, and for a reason not connected with southside Chicago, they played blues because it was not rock and roll, and so not corrupt. For the hippies used to be the people who listened to folk music . . . did you ever hear that one about the monkees in a cage who all got splashed by their keeper everytime one of them reached for a banana, and they would put a new monkee in the cage and he would reach, and all the others would kick the shit out of him so that he wouldn’t get them splashed, and everytime they put one in they took one out until finally they had a cage full of monkees who had not ever been splashed but who kicked the shit out of each new monkee that reached just the same.

Thats the position of the hippy who validly asserts that he never listened to folk music . . . because it was not corrupt rock and roll, and because in its protest phase it began to express the things that they were concerned with. They went electric just when the southside Chicago bands had just been admitted to the number of the untainted after years of people saying that they were too much like rock to be real; and there was this civil rights generation empathy for the Negro and his life.

All of this has changed. The Negro is going to lose his position among the hippies because black power seems frightening and unpleasant, and unsafe for the white hippy, and it probably is; the civil rights movement is about over, just as the fifties rock nostalgia is over, and the line between rock and hip music is very blurry with three hip bands in the top fifty along with the Beatles, Stones, and Dylan. The non-musical attraction which the blues had among the middle class whites are no longer realities in the young middle class mind.

The hip groups, the Frisco groups which are making it, and inevitably setting the path that the others who are going to be successful will follow, are not blues bands, they are something else.

They write their own songs, for the most part. This is the key, because their own material is more in tune with their audiences’ mind than old blues. The Airplane, have had tremendous success with their second lp, due in great part to the two singles which became hits from it: “Don't You Want Somebody to Love”, and “White Rabbit”, both of which strike themes, obviously intensely meaningful to the audience which they, like all of these bands, must reach, the 18-30 year old hippies, bohemians, and uncommitted college students.

“Love” is about the pains of emotional isolation, “Rabbit” is about acid, unless I hear incorrectly, and these are themes that neither the southside blues band nor even the English, until very lately, could get into.

“Bass Strings” or “Sweet Lorraine” by the Fish have the same quality: the treatment of grass, and intellectual chicks, is not something the Negro or English bands could have written because they do not share the experiences. The very successful bands are beginning to express a particularly modern-white-middle-class-American consciousness—one which their audience is most interested in, since it shares it, just as its fathers share the whisky consciou-ness problems which Sinatra sings of.

Now that the Airplane, Fish, and Grape have discovered that a vast audience shares their consciousness, there is no return possible. There is no cold calculation about it, it is a cultural fact.

Would you watch a leading college student be introduced to LBJ on NBC; how about a hippy being introduced to LBJ on LSD on NBC? Nothing calculating about it, its just that one will pick an experience with which one can identify.

I ought to close this letter with a prediction after so much analysis, doubtless I who have toured the 42nd parallel with the Fish and been exposed to many hours of other bands, can take this experience and mingle it with my sharp powers of mind, and predict which bands will be great in the future.

But no, outside of Frisco most of the bands sound very much like the Yardbirds, and that will have to change if they are going to make it; a few sound like white Motown but they are always doing black Motown material. Nothing promising there.

Among the Frisco bands who are not well known I can't predict because I’ve been out of the scene for over a month: Mad River and Mother Earth seemed promising, the former for its songs, the later for Tracy Nelson's singing, but lord only knows what changes have gone down since I left. Thats it, can you dig it?

#san francisco #summer of love #haight ashbury #berkeley barb #music criticism #hippies #counterculture #psychedelic rock #Moby grape #Jefferson airplane #country joe and the fish #1967 #1960s #sixties #60s

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antiques-for-geeks · 5 years

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Atari 8-bit lucky dip!

The Atari 8 bit was never a popular machine in the UK. Given its relative obscurity here (...if there's one thing I'm a sucker for it's the obscure) and the fact that it's a product of a fertile period for one of the most famous gaming brands, I've always been interested in getting one to play with.

After a bit of fishing on Ebay I managed to get a 600xl for a reasonable price; old hardware is getting pretty expensive and A8's seem more expensive than most. The 600xl is the smaller brother of the flagship 800xl, and is appealingly diminutive for an 8 bit micro. It does have one main disadvantage - it only comes with 16k of ram, so until I can upgrade it to 64k I'm left with a machine that will only be able to play simpler, earlier titles.

Scrubs up quite well!

I bought a flash cart (an UNO cart, which has worked flawlessly) and loaded it with games that should play on my 16k machine. Among the conversions of popular arcade titles of the time, there were many that I didn't recognise. Over the coming weeks I'm going to trawl through all of the games I can get to work and give them each a short review ...for better or worse...

Abracadabra

TG Software / 1983

Wander round a single screen maze blasting wizards with your magic, collecting keys and treasures. To make things more exciting, the walls move periodically, changing the layout of the maze.

I really thought I was going to like this game. These single screen maze shooters are often a lot of fun, but sadly the movement of main character is stiff and awkward here. He seems to want to follow a narrow path even where it looks like you have a wider area to move in, leading to frustrating moments where you push a direction and nothing happens. If there's one thing an arcade style maze game needs it's precise control, so I can't recommend this one.

Alien Ambush

DANA / 1983

This is a fairly basic vertical shooter with a scrolling star background. The graphics are chunky, but a bit muddy - more like an early C64 game. One or two aliens appear on the screen - simply shoot them and avoid their wreckage. Sometimes they split into smaller enemies when hit. It’s competent enough, but there's not much to make this one stand out.

Alpha Shield

Sirius Software / 1983

This seems like a simplified Star Castle rip-off, and is a game which I remember previously playing on the Atari 2600. This version is very similar, though a touch more colourful. The original version seemed like a clunky attempt to get around the limitations of the 2600, substituting the Asteroids style point and thrust controls of the arcade for more traditional directional control. While it qualified as a decent effort for that machine it’s a bit out of place on the much better equipped 8-bit.

Anteater

Romox / 1983

Extremely similar to the arcade game Dig Dug with most of the excitement sucked out. A single anteater follows your ant through the tunnels left behind as you dig through the layers of earth. The goal here seems to be to collect ant eggs from a pile on the surface and bring them back to your nest. It might well get more exciting as the levels progress, but I found the first one so tedious I refuse to give it any more of my precious time ...especially as I know there are 2 different official conversions of Dig Dug itself coming up later!

Asteroids

Atari / 1981

F-ugly but functional take on one of my favourite games ever. Asteroids is one of the handful of early arcade games I always enjoy playing. It's an ageless classic, so a mediocre conversion like this is a real shame. It has chunky and jerky graphics, and the movement of the ship is too crude to properly capture the feel of the original. It's not the worst game ever, and has a handy 4 player mode if you're using an Atari 400/800 with enough joystick ports... but it's not a patch on the 7800 version, and even the cut down Atari 2600 is probably more playable despite it's inaccuracy.

Astro Chase

First Star Software / 1982

Can I skip the intro where astronaut walks slowly to their ship and takes off please? This has quite nicely drawn graphics for an early game. You fly through a maze of planets, scrolling in 4 directions. You can shoot some enemy spaceships... but what the hell am I supposed to be doing here? I’m not sure instructions will improve matters, because there seems to be no urgency or excitement to this game at all.

Atlantis

Imagic / 1983

A conversion of the Imagic Atari 2600 classic - like a simplified version of missile command designed to fit in with the limitations of the VCS. You have control of 3 defensive turrets protecting a city from an attacking space fleet. When I say ‘control’ what I mean is that you can choose to fire lasers from one of the turrets, but you cant change where they fire; one goes left, one right and one straight up. It’s purely an exercise in timing shots, made more difficult by the possibility of one or more of your turrets being destroyed. This is just a small graphical upgrade over the 2600 version. It's a playable game for sure, and gets quite frantic, but I never found it quite as fun and well balanced as its inspiration.

BC's Quest For Tires

Sierra On-Line / 1983

A sort of proto-typical endless runner, this has very bold cartoon graphics for early 80's game. You control a cave-guy riding ever rightwards on a single stone wheel. You start off by jumping pot holes and ducking under branches. There are some sections later where you have to time a jump over a river on some bobbing turtles backs. It's got some entertainment value, but I found it pretty repetitive stuff and I got stuck timing the river jumps. Bit of a theme forming here - games that wowed people with fancy cartoon graphics are often exposed as hollow experiences after a few decades have passed!

Beamrider

Activision / 1984

This is more like it! A solid version of a fun old-school shooter. This could be described as being like a simplified version of the arcade game Tempest, played out on a flat plane. You fly over a grid toward an infinite horizon, blasting enemies as they travel down fixed lanes toward your ship. I liked this one on the Atari 2600, and I like it here too. It's got the right mix of stylish but abstract graphics and frantic game-play to feel like it could have been an arcade effort of the time, something that many of these games clearly aspire to.

Berzerk

1983 / Atari

<Thwak!> ... boots Atari across the room ... I can't get this to work on my flash cart for some reason. I love this game, and I know from past experience that this is probably the best home version around (or at least the best that was released at the time). The game-play is spot on, and it has quite a bit of the metallic robot speech that livened up the arcade version. When I get a working copy of this it will get the full review it deserves.

Blaster

Williams / 1984

The only home version of a really obscure Williams into the screen arcade shooter, this is blocky and slow, with crazy psychedelic line drawing graphics. Apparently this was made before the arcade version, but was never officially released. It’s as basic as they come; you avoid things and shoot things. The game-play is shallow, the controls are treacly and the graphics are possibly seizure inducing .... and yet I somehow found this one quite appealing!

Boulder Dash

First Star Software / 1984

A stone cold classic dig-a-thon. You move through a scrolling level, hollowing out the earth a behind you to collect all the diamonds. Once all are collected you can exit to the next level. Making things more difficult, rocks dotted about will fall when undermined - a crush danger - and butterfly like enemies follow you through the tunnels you leave behind in the earth. The levels take on a heavy puzzle element - much more so than in Dig Dug, from which this takes some inspiration. The patterns of rocks have to be worked round with careful consideration to get all the diamonds. This seems like a great version that I'd like to spend more time with.

Bristles

First Star Software / 1983

Here is quite a likable single screen platformer where you catch lifts to visit different parts of the screen in order to paint all the walls. As expected, there are enemies to avoid who will bump you down a level on contact. There's also a 'lady' who wanders the halls leaving dirty hand prints on your new paint work. These have to be repainted to complete the level and she'll make you swear with rage before too long. When all the walls have changed colour on move to the next level with more walls to paint and more enemies to avoid. Being repeatedly bumped down the levels by errant enemies and lifts can frustrating, but once you have the hang of what the game expects of you it's fairly compelling.

Buck Rogers Planet of Zoom

SEGA / 1983

A conversion of the early SEGA into the screen shooter. This one appeared on many of the computers and consoles of the time, no matter how primitive - there's even an Atari 2600 version. The arcade game must have been very impressive at the time, using scaling sprites to convey the impression of barriers and enemies rushing toward you from the horizon. Sadly, like most of these home conversions, this version looks crude in comparison, sporting flickery graphics and jittery controls. It's also missing a 'trench run' stage present in the arcade which I'm sure could have been re-created in some form on the home hardware. It's not a terrible game, but has aged poorly and is ultimately pretty dull. I did like the colourful psychedelic flashing when a level is complete!

Captain Beeble

Inhome Software / 1983

This one didn't look much at first viewing, but turned out to be quite good fun, if frustratingly difficult at times. Fly around caverns on a jet-pack, fighting against the effects of gravity and blasting all the aliens on each scrolling level. Making things much more difficult, large crushing blocks fly across the level and deadly walls fry you on touch. I've always enjoyed games where you had to fight against gravitational effects, and it adds quite a bit to what would otherwise be a simple game. The graphics are quite plain, and this would be an easy game to overlook - give it a go.

#review #atari #8-bit #retrogaming #antiquesforgeeks

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storiesbehindthefog · 7 years

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“I do have a story ‘behind’me.” Daniel

I was born in Denver, Colorado. As a young boy I was taught how to hunt and fish, how to process meat and use the skin for clothes. I learned the survival techniques in order to live off the land. It was important to my dad to pass these skills onto me.

In school I was a good student, always earning an A in most classes. I was definitely a loner of sorts, and became interested in music and martial arts. Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee were my heroes at that time. I think the message then in the late 60’s and early 70’s was to expand the mind, to become “experienced” as Jimi Hendrix sang, through the experimentation of psychedelic drugs.

“Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee were my heroes.”

In early 1981 I signed with a band called the Blitz Girls in Boulder, Colorado. I was the lead guitarist and wrote and produced the music. This was my first major original rock band and we were the hottest act on the Front Range of the Rocky Mountains. I was 21. It was a glamorous time with limos, girls and local stardom. My early music success was parallel to my introduction to drugs. In the early 80’s my reward for being a good guitarist was a cocaine bullet in the nose. We were set to make it with all the greats of the early 80’s, but my addiction had other plans.

“In the early 80’s my reward for being a good guitarist was a cocaine bullet in the nose.”

I ended up leaving the band in 1983 and I moved to San Francisco in 1984. I was looking for a heavier experimental type of music in the realm of King Crimson, Nirvana, and Nine Inch Nails. In the mid 90’s I joined the band Hoi Polloi. We had well-written songs, it was like REM meets Jane’s Addiction. We got some interest from Geffen Records but the band broke up in 1996.

In 1999 I moved to Zurich, Switzerland to pursue a relationship with a Swiss girl. My mother had just passed, and felt like this opening was not a coincidence. I loved living in Europe. I focused on learning how to design websites, while my girlfriend finished her degree in Marketing & Economics. I designed my first professional websites in a very cool rooftop apartment that overlooked Zurich. I made a little income as a freelancer, but was ultimately unable to get a work visa, so I returned to the States to work in the declining dot com boom in 2001.

“I taught myself web design in Zurich, Switzerland. I decided to come back to San Francisco, so I could work in dot com.”

I think for me there was a seeking for spirituality in all this, too. The music, art and visuals made me yearn for understanding and identifying God. I got into reading the Tarot cards, the I-Ching and reading the Bible metaphysically. I got very deep into the Rosicrucian Cosmo Conception.

At some point my “experimenting” with drugs crossed the line and I became an addict. I was dependent on them to deal with the world and where I fit into it. I became lost and began using drugs to escape the frustration of how to get to where I saw myself being: playing music, doing art, being creative, without the struggle just to survive. All the survival skills I had learned from my dad didn’t work in this world of addiction. It was a never-ending downward spiral.

In the early 90’s I sought an answer in attending Narcotics Anonymous. I found fellowship and a spiritual approach to addiction. Since then, I have had many relapses and setbacks that interrupted my progress. Basically the “Manic Depression” Jimi sang about. “Manic depression touchin my soul. I know what I want but I just don’t know how to go about gettin it”. But I have remained open-minded and haven’t given up on my spirit; always returning to AA/NA to work the steps, and practicing meditation, yoga and other means to seek a spiritual awakening.

“I haven’t given up on my spirit; always returning to AA/NA to work the steps, and practicing meditation, yoga and other means to seek a spiritual awakening.”

In 2010 I was studying radiology at CCSF, had 3 1/2 years clean and I was living in a big house in the Bayview district with the other guitarist of Abu Ghraib, a performance act that I played guitar in. We were the headlining act at the Elbo Room for the Karla Lavey’s Black X Mass Show. The band members were all professionals and the music was very well written; I really enjoyed being a part of this music project. It was equal to my abilities and gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I lived in that house for 4 years and, and after a falling out with my friend, moved out in December of 2012. I guess I took it for granted that I would find another place where I could have a garden, grow my own food, and cook a meal in a kitchen that the whole house could enjoy.

This began a hard time for me concerning my instability with housing and substance abuse. A lot changed for me along this road. After a couple of years of moving around in bad housing situations, my girlfriend and I split up and I ended up in a hotel in North Beach, where I live now.

“After a couple of years of moving around in bad housing situations, my girlfriend and I split up and I ended up in a hotel in North Beach.”

I had some really dark times during the first couple of years living there. I experienced a lot of loss and isolation. The relationship, the band and the lifestyle I had been living creatively, all went away. Using drugs was so painful and left me feeling near death; physically, mentally and spiritually.

In December 2016, I had a total hip replacement on my left side. I think about the future with employment and there is a lot more I can do now. I met Arjanna, from Stories Behind The Fog, through the Downtown Streets Team, a great program changing the face of homelessness in San Francisco by finding opportunities for people to work and contribute to keeping San Francisco clean and beautiful.

Of course, the first thing Arjanna noticed about me was my companion dragon Jupiter. He is my precious pet. About 5 years ago, I adopted a bearded dragon named Juniper from Animal Control and I fell in love with these awesome creatures. When Juniper died I was heartbroken, and after some time, I went to find another dragon. Jupiter is totally connected to me and I enjoy educating all the people who stop me on the street to ask about what is hanging on my back.

“My bearded dragon Jupiter is totally connected to me. I enjoy educating all the people who stop me on the street to ask about what is hanging on my back.”

Luckily, Arjanna has also given me encouragement with my art and helped put me in contact with some amazing people; all working together to tell some of life’s stories.

Doing my artwork has become important to me recently. I have always drawn psychedelic flowers and now I’ve developed a style on OSB particle board which seems to reach people in a positive way. So, I’m getting that all together through the Community Art Program at Hospitality House, and a merchandising website Artlifting. I’m looking forward to the future with this as a serious business.

“Doing my artwork has become important to me recently. I have always drawn psychedelic flowers.”

Recently I’ve had a change of mind, a real change of heart. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and wiser. Maybe it’s because I’ve become more aware of how my own mind, with all its potential, has interfered with God’s reality and my ability to work within these boundaries.

God has always been here. Relying on my own will and my perspective being out of sync clouded my reality and caused me to experience misfortune. The psychosis of drug use is a terrible place to contemplate one’s position in the universe. I’ve always had a strong desire to figure it all out and, one day, in desperation I opened up the Bible, closed my eyes and asked: “Please God, help me with this answer I am struggling with.” I opened the Bible metaphysically and my eyes landed on Deuteronomy 10:13 (NIV)

“God has always been here. The psychosis of drug use is a terrible place to contemplate one’s position in the universe.”

“16 The LORD your God commands you this day to follow these decrees and laws; carefully observe them with all your heart and with all your soul. 17 You have declared this day that the LORD is your God and you will walk in obedience to him, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws-that you will listen to him. 18 And the LORD has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised, and that you are to keep all his commands. 19 He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor high above all the nations he has made and that you will be a people holy to the LORD your God, as he promised.”

I recently played a live show again at a club in North Beach called Munroe’s. They host a classical showcase featuring music from the seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth and the twentieth century. I asked if I could come in and perform a Gregorian chant set on guitar synthesizer. These days that is what I really want to do, is play guitar, and do music and art.

So yeah, I do have a story behind me. One about overcoming adversity, and the behaviors I have branded within my own mind. And another one about my dear friend Juniper.

Shared weekly on Medium, and soon to be published in a book, ‘Stories Behind The Fog’ is a compendium of 100 stories of people affected by homelessness in San Francisco. The project was triggered by one man’s story that will be released next year in the form of a feature-length documentary:www.moses.movie

This story has been co-written by Arjanna van der Plas and Daniel Henry. Photographed by Juli Lopez in collaboration with our partner organization Downtown Streets Team.

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ildivine · 3 years

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between watching a lot of youtubers, losing a lot of sleep, and playing a lot of the off-peak games, i feel my creativity blossoming in the abstract way that i strive for.

i at least have come to understand how my creativity is dulled, and what i need to get it going again. its difficult, getting older, and becoming more jaded, and depression in the back of my mind is a noisy buzzing that can only be quelled with alcohol or weed. ive been learning how to deal without the prior, but, mm.

i dreamt about gavin and i think about a lot of people in ways that i don’t get to often talk about. its not like i talk to my therapist about this kind of thing. i havent mentioned the system to any since the last one i trusted treated it like DID, and thats fine for systems that need it, but we don’t work that way, and we never have.

alternatively i do think about myself ... and my past lives, often. i feel my limbs more often and it blends with the dysphoria; its strange to think i get so envious of just being spiritually Aware. ingesting mushrooms is the most helpful thing to me, and i know i mute my own sixth sense with doubt.

ive isolated myself from others quite a bit, as ive been mean again. im learning to appreciate the time i spend with dean and connor, even if it is every day. i miss connor every time i wake up without zem next to me, especially after weekends when i really get used to it.

our one year is coming up in july and ze thought aloud to me about marriage and we gently brushed over it. ze said something along the lines of “well, i wanted to wait for a better opportunity...” which, understandable.

one day ill be able to afford nice things like real rings and wedding ceremonies, but the last week of cleaning up my room, and throwing a lot of things out, made me realize what focusing on survival really means. i told myself that in 2021 i would focus on letting go, and its still hard. letting go of friends, and loved ones, and things, old stuff, its all the same, i have such an emotional attachment that it gets tangled in my head and my emotions. connors told me constantly to buy necessities and i brushed em off ... so im glad a friend helped us make up for it.

its embarrassing and its frustrating to rely on my money for things that others dont see as necessary. alcohol quells my twitching but i do have an addiction to it cuz i simply like to drink til i cant anymore, n im still learning that boundary. weed, i cant really explain what it does for me, cuz it is unusual. simple things like helping my appetite and sleep, two major things i struggle with a lot, as well as giving me inspiration to get up in the mornings, or do anything at all. right now it is medical in new mexico and i have a PTSD diagnosis, and when i smoke, it quiets the voices in my head screaming at me about wanting to die. i dont know how common this is, but its one of the things i struggle with financially. to survive. even with all of my antidepressants and anxiety medications, mental illness still lingers, and i think the more i delve into new media as well as reflect on past lives and old memories, my brain is in a very strange place. but ive come to appreciate that it is strange, i am strange, and i have mental illness, and i probably wont ever be able to silence it. i can take out my desire to cut my own skin open by watching dissection videos, and then im also learning and absorbing new information along the way.

when im not absolutely drunk on a tank of heavy alcohol, i can focus. i appreciate that i lost the years of 2018-2020 mostly due to how much i was drinking, on top of a medication that was already terrible for my memory. but the other day i went through my mood charts over those years, where i wrote down how i was, and although i drank daily and felt guilty about it, my mood was generally stable.

unfortunately its very expensive and unhealthy, and the inevitable withdrawals make me worse off than i started with. my therapist considers me drinking as playing with fire, but ive learned how to consume responsibly; dean and i can stop after a six pack and itll put us to sleep, but ill always want another beer, even in the back of my mind. That slight buzz from the mimosa that Connor drank and melted into was likely most of the reason ze could actually start dozing off, and we were half craving another for fun and relaxation, but i thought “i probably wont be able to sleep tonight without another drink”.

and i was right, and i acknowledge that its a problem. so ive tried to find that sensation from other things like hops tea and carbonated water (ew, its still not good, honestly dsjfsdj) or kombuchas, because it triggers the same response in my brain without.. melting my organs. did u kno ur liver is FUCKING HUGE n its also the only organ that can heal itself?? the cells reconstruct differently than scar tissue usually binds together n i just think thats Neat.meme

jokes aside, i think its also why my liver is Fine despite the fact ive drank since i was 13 years old, minus the year of rehab sobriety. That was also my Only year of sobriety. Digging into my alcoholism ive done a lot of questioning as to why i rely on it, and i think it is a lot to do with being addicted to being drunk, and i think its also a lot to do with ‘wow, i can finally turn my brain off! the thing thats yelling at me all the time, feeling scared and sad,” but drinking is also essentially a boost of stress hormones, so when the endorphins wear off, u get sad or anxious all over again. ive come to learn that i only withdrawal or get hangovers if i drink more than, i guess the recommended amount by doctors. 3 glasses of wine will now do me in, dean can power thru anything regardless of what hes drinking, but it does affect the health in ways i cant ignore.

i enjoy drugs, i think is the bottom line. i look up how to get a hold of psychedelic mushrooms cuz u can just get em in the mail if ur in a country where its decriminalized (hint: we’re not) n immediately the results are between getting help for addiction or how magic mushrooms help depression in low doses.

i really have a theme here. im still mad that my parents induced my reliance on all these substances and i know i would be a lot better off if i didnt drink til i was 21 or never smoked cigarettes, and i accept im always gonna crave these things regardless, but i only feel creative when i drink or smoke, and thats another problem with addicts because u fry ur neurons hard enough it all dies down. ive appreciated watching videos and playing games when i am in the comatose, apathetic stage of depression like i have been in recently, where i cant force myself to do anything and even fronting someone else to do it takes energy that quickly dies down.

my energy has died quickly since i went vegan, as my nails have chipped since, so im experimenting with my diet. my taste pallet cant handle dairy anymore, and connor was only here to try it, and i think we all discovered we just... dont wanna do that. but eating fish again helped my energy and brought a glow back to my skin. too much, however, still gives me the greasy meat sweats, so... a lil bit of everything seems to be whats right.

i still crash a lot, but i think thats just a side effect of being 28 in this generation and feeling 68 instead.

anyway, now that my room is FINALLY clean and looking nice, i want to try to do art again. i miss art. i miss thinking in images, i miss my imagination, i miss roleplaying and writing and drawing and arting. conny wanted to paint too but was absolutely too tired on sunday lol n i respect that so maybe tonight we can get something together.

but its been nice to feel something in my brain stirring again that isnt just the gross black buzz of mental illness constantly telling me to die. i get used to it, i guess. i forget its not supposed to happen because i have survived it for so long. im on the max dose of antidepressants and medicine i can take and i still feel really bad sometimes, but i didnt realize it until other people brought it up. stress definitely kicks me into my big bipolar mood swings, but i havent shaken off the depression in months. im not sure what to do so im trying to expand my horizons.

#>>.txt #drugs text #i GUESS #i dont rly consider them drugs but i understand they can b used recreationally...#and often are #but i think of it like taking advantage of benzos #theres no real need for neurotypicals i guess

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houseplant-central · 3 years

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This post will contain spoilers about the entirety of the Star Wars Christmas Special, if you’ve never seen it I HIGHLY recommend you do so with fresh, unknowing eyes because it is an absolute experience. Link here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hH8rxarVG8&t=1278s

This post will also contain spoilers for other Star Wars films, but if you've uhhh ever been on the internet you will have already seen such things.

We open on a black screen and a straight to TV movie announcer voice establishing that Chewie needs to get home to his family for life day (Wookiee Christmas). We seen Han and Chewie in the falcon for like, 5 seconds, and then we sit through 5 minutes of including an add for General Motors. Apparently Chewie’s father’s name is “Itchy”, his son’s name is “Lumpy”, but his wife gets the normal name of Mala.

Also, Chewie having a family completely changes the moral values of his character. Sure, after the events of the first film he’s involved in war so he has to be away, but before the first Star Wars film are we to presume that Chewie is a dead beat father who left his wife with their young son to go be a smuggler with Han? Or is the economy on the Wookiee planet so bad that this was a necessary move? Mala’s house seems quite middle class but perhaps that’s only because she’s been provided with Chewie’s smuggling money? But him and Han are in debt? Or is only Han in debt? There are a few ways this could shake out but it’s more likely than not that Chewie willingly chose a life where he rarely sees his kid, Lumpy (I can’t type Lumpy without laughing) and, what the hell, man?

!!! After writing this I remembered than Chewie has a life debt to Han as of the recent Solo movie canon. So in fact it is Han who's dragged this poor man away from his family and allows him to visit only once a year. The questions about the wookie economy remain however.

Then we get like ten minutes of the three Wookiees speaking Wookiee to one another with no subtitles. This will set the tone for the film, I’m afraid. Lumpy watches a hologram circus for a few minutes and then refuses the do the dishes. Mala checks the TRAFFIC report even though Chewie and Han are? In space? And being chased by imperials? And then skypes Luke on a hidden tv that seems to be just for Skyping Luke’s garage.

Luckily for us, Luke is in his garage, in an orange jumpsuit and ten pounds of eyeshadow. He’s condescending to the Wookiees for about 5 minutes while staring directly into the camera and not blinking and then tells Mala to smile which she does, in a terrifying manner, and then I guess Mark Hamill had to go because something explodes in his garage and then Skype connection is conveniently lost. (And no, we don’t ever check on him until the final scene, which is more likely than not a communal drug trip and not an actual confirmation that Luke is okay).

Mala checks the traffic again and this time gets direct footage of the Wookiee planet trading post? There, a discount Vader says “I hate fish” very passionately, after being handed a minuscule aquarium which is just apparently for if you want a pet fish you can keep in your pocket at all times?

We cut directly to actual Vader, who says he’s going to search “every household in the system for the rebels”. The implication here is that this could ruin Mala’s Life Day, which is HILARIOUS because what about the other implications of Vader having enough men to search “every household in the system”?

We cut directly from the enemy starship to mala cooking. Not in a juxtaposition way, but in a ��we forgot what genre this film is”, “four minutes of Chinese medical drama inserted into iron man three for the Chinese release” kind of way.

(https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.hollywoodreporter.com/amp/news/iron-man-3-china-scenes-450184)

Mala watches a cooking show which features a British drag queen, and Chewie and Han fight a handful of imperial fighters in the middle of nowhere in space.

An imperial soldier skypes the Chewbacca residence reminding them that he’ll be coming around to look for rebels (and WHY is Chewie coming home if he’s going to endanger his family?) The guy who runs the trading post arrives with a part so they can tell him about how Chewie’s late. He also makes Chewie’s wife kiss him on the cheek which is.... a little weird. Lumpy gets a present that’s basically space lego, Mala gets some sort of sewing machine and old man Itchy gets a virtual reality headset that shows him 10 minutes of some lady in space posing, whispering and singing erotically and saying things like “I am your fantasy, I am your pleasure”. Which we of course have to watch as well for 10 minutes. Occasionally we cut back to Itchy’s face in the VR and he is concerning my into it.

As one review aptly pointed out “I wonder what Chewie’s father fantasizes about is not one of the things I wanted to know after watching A New Hope”.

Sexy space hologram actually has quite a powerful singing voice, but watching old man Itchy watch VR erotica while Han and Chewie are fighting for their lives is.... weird.

We immediately cut to Leia and C3PO who Skype in the Wookiee residence. Leia ends up speaking to the guy who runs the trading post who’s.... still at Mala’s house, because she’d rather speak English than have C3PO translate for Mala and her. Leia decides Mala is in “good hands” with this trading post guy, and Carrie Fisher’s first cameo is over.

They turn on the TV and an imperial reminds them that he’ll be coming around soon to check their houses for rebels (why is Chewie coming home if he’s a wanted man here?). As the man on the tv says this him and storm troopers show up at the door (so I guess it was recorded). There’s some casual anti-Wookiee racism and then they guy from the trading post covers for them by saying the husband of the house ran out after a fight. The imperials decide to wait for the man of the house.

The trading post guy shows them mala’s sewing machine which is, in fact, a small tv shaped like a sewing machine. We watch the imperial soldier watch a music video on the mini tv. This goes on for 6 minutes and even I skipped ahead.

The music video is so dope the imperials deicide they’re going to leave, and then they don’t. And then they search upstairs. The leader loudly announces he wants them to find evidence to connect this house to the alliance (even though they don’t even know chewy lives here, I guess they just don’t like Lumpy and Itchy?)

One of them nearly shoots Lumpy just for being annoying (which, fair, his childish Wookiee noises are annoying as hell). Mala turns on a cartoon for him, which is A CARTOON ABOUT THE REBEL ALLIANCE, which Lumpy then watches WHILE THE IMPERIALS ARE IN THE HOUSE SEARCHING IT I...???

And also when was a cartoon about the rebels produced and how was it distributed when the empire is still in charge. It’s only been a few months since the distraction of the Death Star— even if they were going to make a propaganda cartoon about the rebel leaders wouldn’t they? Make it about what happened? Why make a cartoon about events that didn’t happen?

Also the cartoon just feels like somebody by was vaguely described the original Star Wars franchise while drunk.

Boba Fett is in the cartoon too, for some reason, and is actively working with the empire as opposed to Jaba.

The imperials search through ONLY Lumpy’s room, and find nothing (who would hide their rebel alliance stuff in their kid’s room anyways?) Mala is undisturbed by this destruction, happy that Lumpy will be busy cleaning for a bit, which is pretty fucking cold if you ask me.

Then we get to the famous instruction tape scene. Lumpy watches an instructional video for a “transmitter” part that does not exist in real life and we watch him watch it for 8 minutes.

We switch to an “imperial made” program about the moral evils of Tatooine, which is actually a short rom-com about the canteena. This naturally spirals into an anti-empire musical number.

Chewie and Han arrive just in time to save Lumpy from a stormtrooper and then Han tells Chewie’s family they’re “like family to him” with the deadest eyes and they all stare at each other for an uncomfortably long amount of time.

Mala and Chewie have as sentimental of a reunion as two Wookiees can have. We transition directly from the threat of the empire to the Wookiee family of four holding their life day candles which, of course, cues up the weird psychedelic music video that is all the Wookiees of the planet singing silently and then walking slowly in their red robes through space into the light.

The Wookiees of the planet then, all sharing this fever dream together, greet in front of the great tree to murmur and hold their candles. Unclear whether there was a quick costume change or if they’re all astral projecting together. We get a small speech from C3P0 and then the main trio absolutely steal the spotlight, with Leia singing a long song and Han staring into the middle ground like he has no idea where he is. The Wookiees, whose holiday this is, get to say basically nothing. A Wookiee baby seems to have been baptised, but it’s unclear. Leia also stands next to Chewie and pets his chest weirdly even though we have literally just spent the last hour and a half establishing that he’s a married man. As the Wookiees all gather at the tree, Chewie has a flashback that basically recounts the first film, including events he was not present for.

Chewie and his three family members pray over life day dinner, and credits roll over the drawing of his house.

So what does all this actually change about the Star Wars canon? Not much, especially considering that the actors involved genuinely refuse to admit that it ever happened. It was an obvious cash grab after the success of the first film, that much is obvious. But it does imply a few things about the characters in canon, and it has created a few good memes.

The implications:

- Han is a uncle-ish figure to Chewie's kid, despite being a terrible influence

- The economy on the wookie homeplanet is NOT GOOD considering they only have one trading post. Either nobody has thought of the concept of exporting raw materials like all the funky trees with funky lumber that they have, or the empire is just exporting what they need without paying the wookies anything.

- Either Han or Chewie is responsible for Chewie's kid having an absent father figure.

- Leia learned how to sing at one point

- Between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back when they reach Hoth Luke went to live somewhere with a garage? Instead of training for imminent war? And Han and Chewie fucked off to go back to smuggling.

- Leia is like, a little racist? Possibly unconsciously because of her upbringing? But she calls Chewbacca's house to say hello and then when no English speakers are there says she might as well go despite having a translator. Which is weird because as a diplomat you would think she'd sit through translated conversations all the time.

- Owning a pet fish is still a thing in the future. (If you're about to say "actually it's all set in the past, not the future, because it says "a long time ago"!" screw off, you know what I mean).

- VR softcore porn exists.

- Hair metal, as a musical genre still exists.

- There is a cartoon about Luke, Leia and Han in canon which presumably Luke, Leia and Han would be able to watch.

- The empire is able to keep tabs on how many Wookiees live in each residence on the Wookiee home planet, but are not able to keep tabs on which Wookie it was that was spotted with the rebels.

- Han is even more of an asshole in A New Hope than previously established, because he says he doesn't by into religion and that anyone who does is stupid but he KNOWS Chewbacca is a religious man, and Chewie is sitting right there.

The memes:

- THIS lovely face from Lumpy:

- The Wookies all walking into the light.

- Mark Hamill not blinking for 5 straight minutes.

- Bantha Loin.

- Life day itself.

- and of course, Harrison Ford denying this movie ever existed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7TGWOHTdac

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biohackerblogger-blog · 4 years

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Want to get ahead in life and live forever? Biohack your brain and body today!!

Welcome back reader. My previous blog discussed what biohacking is and some aspects of human biology that can be tweaked to great returns. Biohacking is basically tweaking your biology to improve your life.

In my self-improvement adventures I use scientific research to justify whatever changes I make to my lifestyle whenever I can. If the science says something shows promise in improving x, y and z—I test it out for myself and if it works, I keep it. I’ve found that Reddit, the popular discussion platform, is a great place to find aggregations of links to relevant literature and is in of itself a repository of anecdotal evidence.

As promised, I’m going to be going more in-depth into my personal biohacking experience in this article, talking about the specific improvements I’ve made to better myself and the scientific justifications behind them.

Supplementation

My primary goal mentioned in my previous blog was optimising cognition. Supplementation seemed like a good way to tackle this issue.

To begin, I started with the basics. Well-researched, basic micronutrients that many people lack in their diets and provide clearly defined improvements. I went to the lab near my house and got bloodwork done, testing for everything (Thank you Belgian insurance).

Omega 3/6 Fatty Acids

These are one of the most well-researched, beneficial classes of molecules that are lacking in our diets today. Alpha-linolenic acid (ALA), found in plant oils such as flaxseed and canola, is an essential fatty acid—meaning your body cannot synthesize it independently so it needs to come from your diet. Eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA), and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) (found in fish) can be produced by conversion of ALA but in minimal amounts—so practically you’re better off getting these from your diet/supplement also.

Omega acids are a critical component of the membranes that make up the surface of each of your cells. They regulate the fluidity of these membranes, the signaling between cells and also maintain cell structure. They’re also involved blood pressure maintenance, the nervous system, regulating inflammation and have been linked to the prevention of alzheimer's (so cognitive benefits too). This study goes more in depth as to the physical benefits these molecules provide.

People don’t eat enough fish especially in western diets to get enough of these on a daily basis so I would strongly recommend a supplement—this is the one I get. The ratio between the amount of omega-3 to omega-6 is also important and is discussed in this study.

Vitamin D

Our skin produces its own vitamin D when exposed to sunlight regularly. A problem with living in a northern country like England is that there’s not a whole lot of sunlight to go around. This isn’t helped by the fact that we’re not naked cavemen anymore who stand outside all day in the sun. Vitamin D is important for calcium absorption into the bones which is why a deficiency can cause malformations such as rickets. Deficiencies can also cause depressive symptoms and exacerbate mental health issues. Decreased sunlight during winter can also increase the incidence in a temporary depressive disorder known as seasonal affective disorder (also known as SAD—ironic, I know). Light therapy has proven an effective way of increasing vitamin D and treating SAD.

I take it on the reg to stave off the winter blues as a supplement-if I’m happier my brain is happier too. When possible, Vit D from sunlight is a much better source than from a supplement. This is the one I take.

Vitamin B complex

B vitamins consist of 8 different vitamins. B12 is likely the most well known and is involved in neurological function and production of DNA. B9 regulates cell division and formation of blood cells. Each vitamin has specific roles in the body that a deficiency could significantly interfere with. Natural sources are typically animal products and high protein plants.

You can conveniently get supplements that contain all 8 in one which simplifies things immensely. They have been linked to reduction of stress, anxiety and depression and I thought that would be of use to me. I take this one.

Zinc, Magnesium, Calcium and others

Each mineral has a different purpose when it comes to human health but all are important. Zinc plays roles in immune function, DNA synthesis, inflammation and much more. It also boosts testosterone, a hormone providing many health benefits for men (and some for women) that I touched upon in the previous article.

Magnesium can significantly improve your sleep if you get enough of it (and good sleep just improves everything) and calcium is important for bone health. These are all very important micronutrients so make sure you’re getting enough in your diet or supplement them.

Probiotics

You know those icky bacteria lining every inch of your body and intestines? What if I told you that they actually affect your life a whole lot more than you think—Especially your mood.

Research into the gut microbiota (community of microorganisms in the gut) is an incredibly hot topic right now. The presence or lack thereof of certain bacteria in the gut can affect your digestion, risk of developing diseases, even your position on the autism spectrum. It sounds crazy but the research is substantial. Many digestive problems and others can be solved by rectifying the ratios of different bacteria in the gut, by introducing healthy bacteria. I’ve tagged along to a couple of conferences with my psychiatrist mother discussing the interaction between the gut microbiota and health (physical and mental) and have also had several assignments on the topic during my time at university.

I now take a probiotic supplement every morning. Probiotics are basically pills containing millions of live, healthy bacteria.

Creatine

This one maybe isn’t as important for most people but I’ll mention it because it’s part of my daily regime. It’s a very well-researched supplement used by athletes to increase performance by increasing water retention in the muscles. With the added benefit of making your muscles look bigger, creatine can improve strength and endurance during sport. I take it to improve my workouts which itself benefits my life. Optimum Nutrition has some really good products, I go with them. Here’s another review article if you’re interested.

Other cognition-enhancing compounds

(I’m not recommending anyone take any of the following as I am not qualified to be giving out advice on scarcely researched compounds but hey, if you do your own digging, decide the science is sound and there’s no risk, you do you.)

Described above are the supplements I use to benefit my life currently. They are all well-researched staples with plenty of studies to support their efficacy. There are, however, less researched compounds that could be potentially beneficial that are hidden from the public eye.

There exist a number of alternative medicines like St. John’s Wort to treat depression that can have beneficial effects on health. Some medicines are alternative for a reason, we don’t really know enough about them to know how they work but we just know that they do for the most part.

Withania somnifera (Ashawagandha) is a herb that reduces stress and has anxiolytic (anxiety reducing) properties by reducing cortisol, the stress hormone. It’s also implicated in helping with neurodegenerative diseases such as Parkinson's, Huntington's and Alzeimer's disease but more large scale studies are needed to prove it’s therapeutic potential. Lion’s mane mushroom is another cool one thought to also help with cognition that I’ve been looking into recently

Nootropics (cognition enhancing compounds) are quite popular in the biohacking community. Many people take so-called “stacks” of supplements that synergize and work well together. A simple example of a stack would be taking L-theanine and caffeine, (caffeine is the most well-known nootropic) where the caffeine works to give you energy and the L-theanine smooths out the “edge” of caffeine, eliminating the crash you get.

This is gonna be an iffy one to talk about in a uni assignment but I already gave my disclaimer at the top of this section. Microdosing is an increasingly popular trend popularized by big innovators such as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates—It involves taking sub-perceptual doses of psychoactive compounds.

Psychedelics such as LSD and MDMA have become very hot topics of research particularly in the psychiatric field. There is an increasing amount of evidence to suggest their utility in treating addiction, depression and anxiety when paired with psychotherapy. Psychedelics have a very impressive safety profile despite the bad rep they get.

David Nutt, a prominent researcher into the field collated the answers of a panel of experts (from law enforcement to doctors) to attempt to objectively rank common drugs in terms of addictive potential and harm. LSD and Ecstasy are significantly less harmful than the legal substances tobacco and alcohol. The 2017 Global Drug Survey also supports this claim.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some risks to psychedelics if used irresponsibly (such as triggering the onset of schizophrenia in those genetically predisposed to it) but overall, they have untapped potential in research as they significantly increase brain plasticity (ability of brain to adapt and change) and connectivity of neural networks. Microdosing them can increase productivity/creativity and allow the formation of novel neural pathways (which is probs why they help with addiction). I was actually considering psychedelic research as a career path as lots of big names like John Hopkins University are heavily involved in research into the field.

Anyway, some may say that all these supplements are a bit excessive, and maybe they’re right. But I say eh, works for me.

Habits and Lifestyle changes

I discussed the benefits of meditation in my last blog already but that is a very useful meta-tool for improving on all aspects of life. There are small ways we can all change our environments to improve our lives depending on our goals.

Procrastination in particular is a huge issue that many people face, students in particular. Many people struggle to understand why we do this but they aren’t aware that our biology isn’t designed to be able to cope with the huge amounts of stimuli that have arisen from the invention of the internet and social media. It’s now well-known that willpower functions similarly to a muscle—we don’t have an unlimited supply of it, it can get tired. What we can do to get around that is reduce the need to strain that muscle by changing our environment.

I’ve personally deleted all forms of social media I’ve found to not contribute anything meaningful to my life and with the rest I’ve unfollowed/unsubscribed to anything I thought would distract me too much. When studying, I use earplugs to block out as much stimuli as possible and I keep my phone off for most of the time.

This is what my phone’s home screen looks like:

Simple, practical, not distracting. All the distracting applications like social media are kept on a different screen so I have to put in more effort to get to them. My phone’s also in greyscale but the screenshot doesn’t pick that up. Greyscale removes all the bright colors from your phone screen, significantly reducing the addictive potential of your phone. If you find yourself checking your phone too often, this might help you out.

This article from lifehacker talks about it in more detail. Many phone manufacturers have rolled out updates to help people curb their screen time, adding options to put time limits on your apps and overall screen time.

These are only some of the small changes I’ve implemented.There’s plenty of things you could be doing to make your environment facilitate your goals, you just have to be a bit creative.

That's pretty much an overview of my personal experience with biohacking. I hope you found this interesting and informative and it inspired you in some shape or form to read into science more and improve your life in every way you can.

Thanks for reading,

Alex

Stock images all courtesy of google images

Supplements:

Omega acids -

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004MASMXG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Vitamin D -

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B072L235Z5/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Vitamin B Complex -

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00Z70OUQS/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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