#this has a weird cathartic effect on me

[foryouwereinmysong]

ZAP!

#this has a weird cathartic effect on me #best not to second guess it #macca being macca #zap! #paul mccartney #the beatles #a hard day's night

[istadris]

Blaming @bobombogenesis for inspiring this idea but imagine if after the movie, during the time he's captive, Bowser is angry at everything and especially Luigi who sometimes comes by. Bowser is convinced it's to make fun of him. And maybe at first it is, just a bit : Luigi didn't like his time in a cage at all and wants to make sure Bowser knows it too.

But he's not cruel (just a but mocking when he's confident since it doesn't happen often) and he empathizes more than he should with Bowser's situation. Yes, he knows Bowser has only himself to blame for being locked up in a cage, but he doesn't wish it on anyone else either...

So he comes back and brings a couple of things here and now. Checks on how Bowser's been eating. Refills his water when it seems like there isn't enough. Asks him if he's been sleeping well, he's got very big eye bags.

Bowser at first hates it and snaps at Luigi any way he can. He wishes Luigi would actually put his hand inside the cage so he could bite it, it would be hilarious and very cathartic.

Then one day Luigi shows up right on the day Bowser is having an itchy shell that is driving him insane. In the Darklands or his castle he would have plenty surfaces to rub himself against, but here he only has little metal bars and his dumb piano. He's itchy and furious and filled with murder impulses.

When Luigi walks in, he's confused and scared at first by Bowser's abnormal agressivity (not that Bowser hasn't been agressive but so far it was mostly tantrums, not this bloodthirsty frenzy), until he notices Bowser rubbing himself against a corner of a piano and goes "ooooh....got it!" Before running off and coming back with a toothbrush.

Bowser almost bites his hand off when Luigi slips the toothbrush through the bars but when it starts rubbing his shell...oh. Ooooooh that's....that's so good ??? That's the best shell rubbing he's ever got ?? And before he knows it he's flat on the cage ground, rumbling in pleasure as the toothbrush scratches him just right, sneaks between his spikes, massages and scritches him at the same time, it feels so good his thoughts just leave his head and leave him into a mindless puddle of happiness.

It takes until Luigi is gone for Bowser to get out of that headspace and realize what must happened. And for the next couple of Days he's trying his best to NOT think about it.

(And failing miserably).

Next time Luigi shows up Bowser grabs the bars and immediately yells "What did you do to me last time ?? What was that spell??"

"Oh, you seemed to have an itch and I used to know a girl with a pet turtle and she liked having toothbrush scritches..." (Bowser glares at him like he's about to set him on fire) "I-I-I thought you could use it and you didn't seem to hate it?" He adds very fast.

Bowser glares harder. But suddenly. An idea comes across him. He looks away and grumbles something.

"What?"

"I say, do you know more tricks like that one ?"

Here's Bowser's plan: since Luigi seems dumb enough to actually care for an enemy, he might as well exploit it. And get very satisfying caring at the same time. But only as a side effect of his masterplan ! Not at all because it put him in a weird fuzzy headspace that made him feel happy for the first time in his life !!

Luigi doesn't know the plan. Luigi is kind, a bit dumb and most of all very eager to see again Bowser looking so...cute. so despite being terrible with animals (they all seem to hate him despite his best efforts), he reads up on turtle care and provides them to Bowser. Who is very satisfied and starts looking forward to Luigi's visits.

To the point he even allows Luigi to scratch his head with his bare hand. But only because...it makes him...feel...good....what was he thinking about...? Doesn't matter...

Especially with Luigi's voice crooning nice things to him like how he's a good boy, a cute little turtle, and it makes his tail wag because no one ever said that to him....

When Bowser inevitably escapes (and makes grabs Luigi on the way out), it isn't long before he finds himself missing these strange moments where he was cared for, pet, cherished. Vulnerable yet safe.

And he wants to get them back.

(Or : Bowser and Luigi develop a reciprocated pet kink )

#super mario bros #bowuigi #mario movie #miscellaneous mario madness #this fandom doesn't play enough with Tiny Bowser and it's a shame

[monstersinthecosmos]

List 7 comfort films and tag 7 people!

Tagged by @ihaventcomeupwthanameforaheroyet ! thanks!! I WROTE DOWN A FEW FAVS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD (IN NO ORDER) AND HAD 9, SO, I THINK IWTV 1994 GOES WITHOUT SAYING LMFAO, ALSO HONORABLE MENTION TO AMERICAN PSYCHO BC IT MAKES ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF EVERY TIME BUT I ULTIMATELY CUT IT FROM THIS PRESITIGOUS LIST.

is it obnoxious if i put some pictures in the post too? Sorry I get really excited to talk about movies hkjdslgasd please don't feel obligated to put pictures in yours, I'm just being extra.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day [1991]

LISTEN I CRY EVERY FUCKING TIME it's just the best, ROBOT DADDY??? HOT MOMMY???? The T-1000 is so scary?? ALL THESE RIDICULOUS EPIC FIGHT SCENES AND THE ACTORS ARE JUST NOT EMOTING AT ALL BECAUSE THEY'RE ROBOTS? The director's cut with the extra scene where John is trying to teach the Terminator to smile and you realize when he does his little side smirk it's because he's copying John's smile, bc when he copied randos it didnt fit on his face?!??! Eddie Furlong's voice cracking which feels like such a happy accident because he's a weak little fragile human in contrast to the killing machine?? PLEASE.

Hellraiser [1987]

IT'S WEIRD, IT'S KINKY, IT'S GAY, IT'S CHEESY, IT'S GOT PRACTICAL EFFECTS THAT ARE KINDA COOL BUT KINDA STUPID, IT'S GOT THE GRAINY 80S COZY FEEL, IT'S GOT INCREDIBLE FEMALE SEXUALITY AND BAD ACTING, I JUST LOVE IT. It's just a movie I put on when I need to relax and wow it just makes me really happy ;.;

Pet Sematary [1989]

okay this one and the next one and the last one are all GRAINY 80S COZY FEEL, you have to understand that I grew up watching 80s horror from like the age of 5 so that flim look, the grain, the flat lighting, it just !!!!!!! gives me so much cozy fuzzy warmth for childhood and I just adore it. Anyway !!!!!!1 I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH it's so extremely dark and also extremely absurd, somehow it's so magnetic that you are immediately immersed even though it's got the aesthetic of a bad TV movie, it's just wonderful I adore it. ALSO a rare super faithful Stephen King adaptation!

An American Werewolf in London [1981]

PRACTICAL EFFECTS MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!11 blah blah cozy 80s, but also! FUNNY! ROMANTIC! TRAGIC! SCARY WHEN IT NEEDS TO BE! I'm so deeply deeply impressed by the practical effects in this film, too! But wow it's so good every time, the hot nurse in this movie is a crazy monsterfucker I adore her, it's a good Armand/Daniel AU, the end is a gut punch every fucking time, it's the best, a naked American man stole my balloons, etc. Absolutely perfect film.

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain [2001]

VISUALLY STUNNING FILM ABOUT AN ASEXUAL WOMAN WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I think this movie like, changed my life maybe? I think I saw it when I was 15 or so and it just had such a huge impact on me. I used to watch it so much I would just turn the subtitles off because I'd get distracted and didnt even need them anymore. It's a movie I used to bring with me when I traveled, like I brought the DVD with me when I studied abroad because I was so scared I'd have anxiety or get homesick, I just always wanted to be able to watch it if I need to. IF I WATCH THIS AT THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH I CRY MY EYES OUT which is cathartic in the end, idk if it's comfy or comforting but wow. but wow really amazing film it's so beautiful and had such a huge impact on my worldview and my creativity and the way I write and the way I do photography and just !!! ;.; I'm gonna cry!

The Departed [2006]

I really like it when Leo DiCaprio cries and he's not a super crybaby in his one but he does scream in pain and have the shit beat out of him and has panic attacks and needs anxiety meds! The cast is sick! The music is amazing! It's such cool storytelling!!! It's exciting every time! The ending fucks! GOD. Just wonderful, I love it so much. The Blu-ray starts over every time it ends so every time I watch it I tend to walk away and let it loop all day LOL. It's disgusting how many times I've watched it. ALSO MY BABE VERA FARMIGA WHAT A MILF god i love her.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall [2008]

this is like such a perfect comedy for my sense of humor, INCLUDING A BONUS DRACULA SUBPLOT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, but is actually such a clever and lovely story about getting over heartbreak wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this movie so fucking much oh my god. Also ever since I worked on ships I feel like especially potent to it because there's something about the social community within the resort that feels so much like the community of a cruise ship crew!! ;.;

Tagging (but no pressure!): @rugbertgoeshome @hekateinhell @mothmage @apoptoses @cup-of-lixx @somevagrantchild @covenofthearticulate

[pinkandpurple360]

Mammon-Craves-Hugs Anon (Thanks for the name.)

The sins are such fascinating characters. I’m hoping Sinsmas lives up to its name. I would kill for the sins just hanging together like it’s Smiling Friends because nothing is funnier than jacked up creatures doing mundane tasks. (An episode like this t-shirt would be worth my savings: https://sharkrobot(.)com/products/sinful-holiday)

I’m not sure what I would enjoy more. Mammon doubling down and deteriorating into the ultimate state of pathetic billionaire manbaby or trying become a better person and the entire experience for him is like being dragged across broken glass. Whatever route, I want him to be so true to his ugly feelings the rawness makes everyone uncomfortable to the point where you almost pity him but then you don’t because of the extent of his sins.

Mammon is a very cathartic character because he’s so expressive in his depravity. He’s everything wrong with parents trying to live through their children, bosses trying to pretend to be family to exploit people, capitalism in general all while being very funny. S2E07 feels so good because he gets flipped off, spat on, and defied. But it’s not enough for me. I want to wring every last drop of that out of him. In the kind of way someone might want to squeeze a cute animal to death.

Ironically Umineko has plot-relevant sexism (commentary on social conservatism and its effects on women) and much more complex female characters. I’m sorry I keep bringing this game up its themes are so relevant to Mammon and some of your complaints I can’t help myself. I basically want him to have a Umineko type breakdown. (I really do love him and think he’s wonderful I promise.)

You have expressed the Mammon experience so well. A chewtoy you dont want to throw away but also love to step on. I truly believe he’ll be petty as f*ck around the other sins and he makes everyone pissed off, the best he’ll do is “all I did was exploit him a little bit :( I don’t understand. Cmon guys” Oh man 😭 Bee going rabid and attacking him like a chew toy I need it. I NEED an episode of fun, no melodrama, no crying and self pity, evil bastards being evil and hilarious and not being excused by a sad story. Even satirise the sad story trope with Mammon saying “when I was a young boy…I missed a 50% discount on tuna cause I was a day late…I’ve never told anyone that story WHY ARENT YOU CRYING??”

I really need pathetic millionaire man baby Mammon personally. Not everyone has to grow as a character or have a sad story, right now he’s perfectly written and I don’t need that to change. Not at least for a loooong time.

Id like to see Bee again and have her just be a little bit more evil, and recast by another similar VA with a stronger voice not a celeb or broadway actor we need professional voice actors. I hate to think she hates mammon because their besties dynamic could be so funny. The only female sin so far has had less than ten goddamn minutes of screen time while Ozzie has had three episodes, and Mammon has had a ton already with him being the first foreshadowed sin and his own entire special. Her design is just too excessive, all the tiny details are insane and a nightmare to animate she needs to lessen it a little. Id give her a completely blank red dress and lose the molten hair even though I do find it quite pretty.

It’s up to you to decide which character is which I like to think poor Fizz is probably Pim or Mammon and the sister Amy is Bee and Tex 😭 oh I hope they recast Tex too because Bee’s brother(?) and boyfriend having the same voice is a bit weird

I’m very interested in your Umineko comparisons I haven’t heard of it before but it’s helping me understand quite a bit.

Tex and Fizz interactions. The most goth heterosexual man and the most camp gay man trying to communicate. That is all.

I just want the series to be funny again :(

#helluva boss #mammon #the sins

[dinoburger]

LGBT Yume Nikki fangames to check out for pride month

As you're all probably aware, I recently submitted Okami no Yume for DDJ 6, in the time leading up to the jam I started digging around to see what kinds of fangames are out there - the pool is so vast. These are some queer games I found that inspired me.

For this list I've tried to focus on games that are explicitly queer rather than ones that are maybe more abstract, games that might have effects that alter the character's gender expression may not truly pertain to the queer identity as much as they're trying to be "quirky" in some way. That or the queer identity of the character is not really explored as much as it is just presented as a tidbit or side note.

This may also be a list I update at some point, but I wanted to showcase these while it's still June since I've managed to finish - who knows? There may even be more candidates for it by the time the week's grace period for DDJ6 has concluded. I'm also very happy to take suggestions for new games to try that might apply!

Madotsuki's Closet

Required reading in my eyes, and one of the better known of this list. If you haven't experienced Madotsuki's Closet please check it out. It's both a personal recount and a very interesting study on how games allow for a means to explore identity. Also gets points for making me cry at the end.

Reach

If you're looking for something horror geared, rich in lore, fascinating puzzles and charming characters look no further than Reach. Sewa and Hiru's relationship is a pivotal aspect of the game - in ways the player might not even realize at first.

The prevalent themes on persecution and having to conceal one's identity in order to survive prove both compelling and cathartic, this game is really a treasure.

The game was also just completed for this jam and is now in 1.0! It's been really exciting to watch Saibibi work on it and be making an entry alongside them! ^^

Dialogue

It's not a secret I have a soft spot for Dialogue, although there are aspects of it that elude me still. Dialogue is a traditional fangame that ironically has no dialogue to be found, mostly focusing on gathering effects. However throughout the game, you will also find events that give the player windows into the lives and relationship between the main character, Ai, and the girl who appears constantly in her dreams, Yui.

Dialogue is a poignant look at troubled love and stage fright. I would love to see more people play this game.

Change

This deserves a shoutout at least because it's one of the most explicitly trans themed traditional Yume Nikki fangames out there, and even in it's unfinished state has fascinating concepts. Change has a mechanic where you must choose selves to sacrifice in order to progress to the deeper parts of the game, one of which fascinatingly involves choose-your-own-adventure style branching rooms with associated dialogue paths.

Would love to see this game fleshed out but I appreciate it for what it is.

Re:flexion

Honorary mention, even though this fangame didn't go far, there seems to be some heavily implied themes of identity and trauma relating to it. What I've seen of it really makes me wish there was more.

Album

Another honorary mention for the bridal event. Unfortunately the current version of this game is a very early prototype and there isn't too much else to say about it except that it looks very promising. Whether there will be an update of any kind has yet to be seen.

Strange Memo I also thought worth a mention at least, probably the most obscure one on this list as it's not publicly available anymore.

While it doesn't quite fit the criteria, I've been watching a playthrough of this one and I really wish it was still available because this fangame is just so lovingly weird. I know the fan favourites tend to be the more eye-candy fangames, but Strange Memo's strange and surprising mannerisms are very endearing to me.

#ynfg #yume nikki fangame

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Summer Wars

The Favorite Film Train continues chugging along. Today, I'm going to talk a bit about a movie that never fails to make me emotional. I was going to say "cry" because there's also a bit of that, but it feels like too general of a word since this film takes me on a cathartic journey that most films can't even do on first viewing. What's weird about all of this is that all of this is from a romantic comedy that also features a plot about an evil AI taking over "The Metaverse if it actually worked and was popular and interfaced with everything" I am of course talking about Mamuro Hosoda's Summer Wars.

After narrowly losing out on being the Japanese representative in the international Math Olympics, it looks like Kenji's summer is going to be largely uneventful as he does low-level moderation on the social media/metaverse Leviathan OZ. This all changes when a classmate of his Natsuki hires him for an untraditional summer job.

Natsuki wants Kenji to pretend to be her fiance as she goes home to meet and celebrate the birthday of her aging grandmother, a strong-willed matriarch of an old family rendered penniless by her deceased husband. As it turns out, Natsuki has been telling some slight mistruths about her love life to her family, and now wants to lend some credence to her swarm of white lies with an actual appearance just in case this celebration is her grandmother's last. Surely, no shenanigans of a personal or international nature will come to interfere with this plan.

To make matters worse, in a quiet moment between meeting Natsuki's robust, and more than a little kooky, extended family, Kenji solves what he believes to be a number puzzle that turns out to be encrypted with the OZ security algorithm. This allows a mysterious entity going by the name Love Machine to start a takeover of the whole platform that in good old-fashioned over-featuring tradition, holds everything from bank and card details to access codes to public and private systems for its many, many users. What follows is an honestly pretty impressive balancing act as Kenji has to try to undo his mistake in OZ through whatever limited means he has by outsmarting the increasingly unlimited and unhinged Love Machine, while also dodging whole generations worth of shenanigans when the cat comes out of the bag about Natsukis plan and his possible involvement in the OZ hacking scandal.

Where the film goes from good to great though, is when the two storylines start merging. Kenji seeks help from the young pro gamer Kazuma almost immediately, but as the problem with Love Machine escalates, he finds himself involving larger and larger parts of Natsuki's family to help. Natsuki herself does go through a somewhat more limited arc, but her untangling the relationships and loyalties around her half-uncle Wabisuke and his involvement in this sorry business, as well as standing up to her older and more skeptical relatives in order to buy Kenji some breathing room, and eventually even support, is also pretty impressive although it lacks the heft of the Kenji plot.

Where Natsuki really shines though is in the third act, where the plot, for reasons I will not spoil here, pivots on the most important game of Koi-Koi the world has ever seen, and Natsuki is good at Koi-Koi. The game is such a picture-perfect example of climactic pacing and plays with both hope and despair so effectively that I kind of want to do a shot-by-shot breakdown of the whole thing just to capture the sheer dramatic majesty of the thing. Watch this space for that whenever I feel up to it, I suppose. For now, though, suffice to say that it gets pretty intense.

The hardest part about writing about this movie is honestly how easy it is to forget all the really good quiet moments between the visual fireworks of Oz and the charged emotions and very human shenanigans of the real-world portion. Hell, I arguably forgot about mentioning how the "fake dating" scenario ends, as these things so often do, in an actually cute romance as Natsuki and Kenji grow to trust and depend on each other.

This movie has some fantastic moments of quiet, though, from the beats of rest after moments of high emotion that are almost painterly in their composition, to absolutely heart-rending visual storytelling in pivotal moments of character development, it's just hard to remember them when contrasted with the abovementioned spectacle or an 80-year-old woman swinging a naginata at a family member who has displeased her. Still, I believe these small quiet moments are part of why this movie gets to me. Every time the plot slows down even a little, it isn't just to rest, but to deepen the stakes and make us care for the characters.

There are also some historical parallels going on in this movie, the chief one being comparing the relative unimportance of Natsuki's family now compared to their relative glory days during the Warring States period, although their lot was still relatively humble even at that zenith. What is a bit spicier though are some parallels with WW2 history, although I haven't done quite enough research to be comfortable to say much more about those parallels other than that they're there. Chalk this one up to another one I'll get into if I have time and energy at a later date I suppose.

When all is said and done, writing about Summer Wars feels a lot like dancing about cooking. It's a deeply emotional journey for two characters that embody the best of the broad characterization I often criticize anime storytelling for using, and it pulls the viewer along. It's a beautiful, messy, chaotic movie about the beautiful chaotic mess that is family in both direct traditional form and the expanded "we are all one family" sense of the word. Check it out if you have the chance. Maybe bring some tissues just in case though.

#movies #summer wars #anime #mamuro hosada #madhouse

[smute]

Charlie goes to his crusty bedroom and reads his precious Moby-Dick essay one more time while glugging from a two-liter bottle of bed-Pepsi. We get to hear his favorite part of the essay: “The whale doesn’t have any emotions, he’s just a poor big animal.” As a fat person who has actually read Moby-Dick, even the “boring chapters,” THAT IS NOT WHAT MOBY-DICK IS ABOUT OR WHAT MOBY DICK THE WHALE IS LIKE AT ALL. Obviously we’re supposed to draw some parallel between Moby Dick the actual whale and Charlie the human whale, but, like, why? What shallow fucking bullshit! Can you even map one on top of the other at all? Has anyone ever read Moby-Dick and thought, “wow, what a pathetic loser” about the whale? The ungraspable phantom of life himself???? Thin people don’t think of fat people as powerful and inscrutable phantoms—they’re absolutely positive they can scrute everything about us, our “everything” being CHEESY BUGLES! Hence this movie!!!!! Don’t talk about my favorite book, DARREN. I don’t come to your house and explain The Mystery Method wrong! Anyway, then Charlie uses his cursed rusty mobility aids to turn out the light and go to sleep. Spooky!

[...] How do fat suits work? Does Brendan Fraser have to wear individual little sausage tubes on each finger? I can’t stop thinking about how many awards the visual effects people (or whatever department makes fat suits) are going to win for this. It’s like if I got a Nobel Prize for drawing a mean picture of your grandma. Also, for the record, I know the fat suit was really expensive, but it looks weird! It doesn’t hang right! He looks like the mascot for an NBA team called the Wichita Big Pile of Raw Chicken. Hmm, if only there was a way to depict a fat person in a movie without an expensive flappy silicon slug bag!

While Charlie is in the bathroom crying (really), Thomas shows up again and Ellie introduces herself: “What’s more surprising—that a gay guy has a daughter, or that someone actually found his penis?” Wow, once again, thank you so much to Darren Aronofsky and playwright Samuel D. Hunter for spending TEN YEARS on this extremely humanizing screenplay! I feel seen, unlike my own genitals!!!

Charlie is so moved that he goes, “You wrote these amazing, honest things… You’ve all been so honest with me. I just want to be honest with you too.” And then he TURNS ON HIS WEBCAM and SHOWS THEM HIS HUGE FACE AND BODY! All the students lose it and they’re grimacing and cowering before him and taking pictures of the screen, LOL, even though literally it just looks like a regular guy???????? It’s a Zoom square! It looks like a close-up of a guy’s face! No one would have any reaction to this! If there’s one thing this movie does perfectly, it’s trick thin people into telling on themselves about how uncomfortable they are around fat people!

Then Liz comes back and reveals that, LMAO, what happened to Alan is that he starved himself to death (kind of), and that’s why now Charlie has to EAT himself to death. Wooooooow, who wrote that brilliant juxtaposition? Grover??? Is this supposed to be profound? It's less nuanced than when people say “the terrorists hate our freedom”! Actually, you know what? This detail with Alan is the central problem with this entire movie: Being thin is not the opposite of being fat!!!!!!!! STARVING IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF EATING. Having a body is a complex state! [...] Then they clarify that actually Alan starved himself ALMOST to death and then jumped off a bridge. Jumping! The most thin-privilege way to die!

sorrynotsorry bout all the whale poasting but this review by lindy west was very cathartic for me! its a shitty movie and extremely triggering not just for fat people but anyone with any sort of complicated feelings around food and your own body tbh. so im sharing it here. butt news has a free subscription and lindy west is hilarious so. go read it and maybe read some other reviews too

#i watched it yesterday and was very dismissive of it but it really hit close to home and made me feel and think some not so nice things #so thank you lindy west as always #fatphobia tw #the whale #lindy west #&

[perverse-idyll]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Thank you to @yletylyf and @danpuff-ao3 for the invitation and reminding me to think about fic! It’s one in the morning, I had four hours sleep last night, and I’m going to entertain myself by seeing how coherent/interesting I can make this.

Anyone else want to play? @ac1d6urn, @writcraft, @liladiurne, @squibstress, @titconao3 - do you have favorites?

The first two picks are easy:

1. When the Rose and the Fire Are One - My first fanfic! Snape/Harry, my OTP before I knew what the acronym meant, my first experience of fandom, a love letter to the pairing and the Snape-centric LiveJournal community I had serendipitously stumbled upon. Written for the Snarry Games, thus finished on a (several times extended) deadline after pulling an all-nighter. I was talking shop with a writer friend recently about themes, as in “in 20 words or less, tell us the theme of your story,” and we agreed that it grows organically out of the writing and we have no idea what the theme is before we muddle through the first draft, nor do we care. (My friend writes pro fic, but she never condescends when I talk about my fanfic as if the creative process is the same - because it is in many ways, with the exception of professional editing in her case.) Well, I lied, because this fic was consciously and passionately written with the themes of freedom and beauty in mind. In canon, Snape is a character who never gets to experience adulthood free of masters; he signs up to be a pawn not once, but twice. I wanted to give him - for Harry to give him - that freedom, while at the same time presenting the temptation of a third master. The fact that Harry loves him by the end doesn’t make that beholden-ness less true. I was also determined to show that even someone raised in financial and emotional poverty, associated with ugliness, trapped in an ugly life, was capable of beauty under the right circumstances. Yes, I was up my own arse about this fic, but that’s okay because it made it more personal and intense. It was also, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, my first time writing a sex scene, and I jumped in at the deep end with glorious abandon. As one may gather from subsequent fics, I proceeded to make up for lost time and contribute to the mainstream perception that fanfic = smut.

2. The White Road - If there’s one fic I’m known for among Snarry readers, it’s this. Why? Because it’s set in Lily’s POV in the afterlife? Because it positions her as a voyeur, a mother watching the fork in the road of her child’s future, someone with the right to judge Snape? (The voyeurism aspect turned a lot of readers off.) Because it has a cracky premise treated seriously? Because it’s nonlinear? (No. For some, this was a bug, not a feature.) Because, as a recent bookmark proclaims, it’s “such a weird fic”? Mostly it was me wresting a different ending out of the ruins of Snape’s canon demise and the utter bollocks of the epilogue; it was a purgative experience. I think for Snarry readers at the time, in the year after the series ended, it touched a communal nerve. Snape fandom remained in turmoil for quite a while after the Lily reveal and Snape’s redemption by death (a redemption currently much disputed). At this point, 15 years down the line, perceptions of Snape have changed so drastically the fic no longer has that cathartic effect, if that’s what it was. Readers are less inclined to be consoled or sympathetic. But the chutzpah of putting Lily’s voice at the center - of turning her into a Snarry shipper, to be flippant about it - well, I’m still surprised I pulled it off. And this fic, like Rose & Fire above, vibrates with so much of my joy in fandom at the time, love for my OTP, for the stories being written about them, for the exuberant emotional engagement on all sides, that I'll always be able to dip into it and be transported back to that creative ferment and sense of belonging. I think it’s one of my best fics, but my love for it goes deeper than its relative worth as a story. It’s a memento of one of the best periods of my life.

Now things get tricky. I’m pretty sure the five, arrrgh, five WIPs I’m working on would be eligible for this list, but since at this stage only I can know what makes them favorites, I have to make other choices. And I haven’t written very many fics, you see.

3 & 4. In Infinite Remorse of Soul (Snape/Dumbledore, Snape/Harry-ish) and And Mine the Gall (concluding the Dumbledore arc from the earlier story, and going further with the Snape/Harry-ish mess) - I put these together because they were conceived as a single narrative, but In Infinite Remorse was written for a fest with a word count limit, so I posted the rest of it as a separate fic. Which turned out to be the right choice since the second fic is the darkest thing I’ve ever written. These linked stories were inspired by Dumbledore’s words to Snape in The Prince’s Tale - “You disgust me” - and how he condescends to and sometimes makes a fool of Snape in the books, when the poor bastard is simply trying to abide by Dumbledore’s expectations. Dumbledore is a fascinating character, but his lack of generosity toward Snape - his tendency to treat Snape’s moral worth as disposable when it’s clearly one of the things Snape struggles with throughout his life - caught my attention. It’s a counterweight to all the examples of Dumbledore’s wisdom, his concern for other characters. Even Draco has more charity and protection bestowed on him than Dumbledore ever gives Snape. And I decided to run with that idea because surely what Snape suffers and the loyalty he demonstrates deserves more than a “Poor Severus...” afterthought. What would it have done to his soul to never once be thanked, to have Dumbledore pass over his sacrifices while lavishing time and explanations on Harry? Yes, Voldemort’s defeat depends on Harry going back to fight. But what would Snape’s reaction be to learning that Dumbledore knew of a way for Harry to survive - counted on it, in fact - and lied about it to Snape’s face? From there I decided to chart Snape’s moral collapse and his “fuck it all” desire to go after something (someone) he wants for himself - destroying every moral gain he’d so painfully acquired because in the end the authority figure who was his role model took it so much for granted he even forgot to say “thank you.” And then I went for something twisted and frightening because I think a Snape who no longer believes in anything - who feels nothing he did in his life ever actually redeemed him - would be terribly destructive.

On a less dark note, I enjoyed writing a florid and heavily metaphorical prose for Dumbledore’s POV, mostly to suggest the complex and not always praiseworthy workings of his mind. He’s one of canon’s most intelligent characters, bent up into plot contrivances for the consumption of children, and I didn’t want to rehash his canon schemes because they rely too much on coincidence and authorial fiat. (Plus: word count.) I tried to show how his calculations and his roots in the Victorian era might influence his interior monologues. As for Snape? I just enjoyed letting his worst impulses off the leash. (Some readers haaate And Mine the Gall.) (Where is my evil grin emoji?)

5. Hmm, the last choice should be split between my creepy massage kink/character study Soft Touch, but I’m feeling rather listless about that one at the moment, so No Room for the Weak it is. Another oldie, functionally a gen fic with pre-slash Snarry vibes, it evolved from my interest in Snape’s mum Eileen. Snape fans often assume she’s dead in canon, probably because she’s not referenced past a certain point in his childhood and doesn’t appear in the Spinner’s End chapter. So I wrote this fic about Eileen trying to come to grips with her son’s violent death and all the contradictory rumors clouding his reputation. It was a chance to explore what kind of mother would produce a kid like Severus and to ponder how he seems to lack any instinct for distinguishing right from wrong. His upbringing left him morally deficient - in fact, clueless. I also tried to pull off a bit of a plot twist, just to see if I could string readers along. Also, tip o’ the hat to Joy Division. Best of all, IMO, I nailed the ending. I found exactly the words I wanted, and I’m pretty confident the story earned them. (Same with The White Road. And Mine the Gall … maybe.)

#blathering about my fic #five personal favorites #self-recs #another reason to finish my wips and concentrate on short fic #I would have so much more to choose from

[eastgaysian]

Hey, I wasn't sure if I should say so or not in case it would be upsetting to you, but since you brought up the idea of a survey I thought I'd say that I have lost a parent & like you the current season of Succession has had a cathartic effect on me. I've also seen one person on twt say that's the case for them too, so I'm willing to bet a lot of ppl who've lost a parent feels similarly and like... Regardless of if it's a "good" season or not, I think media that helps me process my grief is a positive thing, it has value, or what have you. Obv it's fine for ppl to dislike the season, & ofc I don't wish others could exp that kind of loss, but like 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes things don't resonate with you until you've experienced smth, & sometimes that happens when you're 0-10, sometimes when you're 50-60

yeah, i started noticing a gap in reactions after connor's wedding between people saying 'that felt far too much like my own experience with a parent/family member dying' and people who acknowledged the skillful execution of the episode but didn't seem to personally connect to it (which generated a couple takes on logan's death and the perceived indignity of it that rubbed me the wrong way, lol). on the one hand my continued posting about the Discourse is because it's aggravating to me, like why is the hot topic of fan discussion 'is the show we're all watching even good?' ??? but on the other, it's genuinely just confusing to me and i'm trying to understand what i'm missing. the minor criticisms that people have cited as the root cause of their dissatisfaction don't add up to me. they feel much more like things that are only noticeable/irritating if you already have some fundamental issue or disconnect with the season.

and i think it really is that this is a season about grief and only about grief, there's no space for anything else. the emotional arcs in other seasons were usually related but distinct - you could focus in on what you liked in particular, whether that was kendall's mental breakdown, roman's freudian mess, shiv's struggle to be taken seriously as a woman, shiv and tom's failmarriage, tom and greg's weirdness, and there'd be enough material for you to chew on and have a good time without worrying all that much about everything else (although i do think being able to understand how all of these connect improves your experience of the show immensely, but i digress).

s4 is about grief. everyone is reacting to logan's death in different ways, but it all comes back to grief. if you're interested in talking about grief, there's so much to explore. if you don't find that engaging, then you're out of luck. it's fine to not find that engaging because you wanted something else out of the season/show, but that doesn't make the season objectively bad or subject to flaws that weren't already present throughout the rest of the show. and yeah, based on my reaction and the reactions of other people i've seen who have that personal experience with death, i think it's a really spectacular depiction of loss and grief that handles all the complex emotions involved with more thought and care than i've seen in other media. it would not be as accurate or impactful a depiction of grief if time and space was spent on something completely unrelated.

i don't think you need to have lost a close family member to connect to the storyline, but i also don't think you can understand what it's like until it happens in your own life. it fucked me up badly when my aunt died in middle school because she had been a major part of my childhood, but the degree to which my dad dying fundamentally altered my life is just incomparable to anything else. you really cannot experience grief as a concept or thought experiment, a person's death is real and permanent in a way nothing else really is. which sounds obvious but it's just true

#mingbox #probably won't be talking much more about this/responding to more asks on the topic bc i feel like i've gotten my thoughts out #some things i could elaborate on but i kind of don't care enough to LOL. i just don't see how the show/season could have gone another way #if i was still a person invested in tg i'd be really disappointed. but i'm not. they were a definite part of the show but not the #center of it. they were cut off. and i am fine with that because i really do not think there was another way. you can't have another season #where logan doesn't die and you can't have logan die and then tom and greg suck and fuck. and jesse armstrong voice tv is just really hard #alsoooo while i do still think greg had the potential to be a significantly more interesting character. i understand why he isn't #and i'm fine with that lol. die white boy

[mrcrowblargs]

been a little while since I updated my BG3 log and I got lots done aaaa feeling excited and a bit sad that I'm nearing the end. I've really enjoyed this adventure.

After Cazador, took Gale to visit Mystra. Got some big news but I urged him to seek forgiveness and freedom over anything. I like that Gale is on the surface one of the good guys but he can fall into power corrupts as easily as say, Astarion.

On the hunt for the House of Grief I ran into THE WORST FUCKING QUEST EVER OH MY GODDDDDD this haunted ass house handed my ass to me over and over. I hated every inch of it.

Fashion time! It's so late in the game that you find new underwear

got one little tag on my doodle comic like "OP is in denial about the rotting teeth" and im just like I DONT SEE IT HONESTLY??? they just look yellow and like there's a of a snaggletooth.

More plot based stuff under the cut!

Wrapping up Shadowheart's quest was harder than Astarion's by virtue of TWENTY FUCKING ENEMIES I had to restart twice before the first round ended... made liberal use of Hypnotic Pattern. I didn't find it as cathartic an end as Astarion's but there was still definitely like, a release. And I love Shadowheart's last line there.

The reward was great tho. My bard now has 24 CHA baybeeeyyy

time to rescue Lae'zel (she was kidnapped before Cazador) and OH SHIT THATS THE SKULL FROM THE MAIN MENU SCREEN??? AAAA The Baahlists are a bitch and a half with all their murder status effects and I was SO GLAD I respecced Karlach into Barbarian 8 / Thief 4 for that extra cunning action when the "defeat this guy before he casts Power Word Kill at you" fight came up. What a fucking mess that was.

Fighting Orin was easier... I was not expecting her to transform into a big dumb monster honestly! I expected she would be teleporting around or use some shapeshift abiltiy to be all annoying but it was a really straight forward fight.

Oh, aaaaaannnd I did not fight Sarevok, so that was another Weird Ritual to inspire my tav. He's now an unholy assassin and I'm sure Astarion must appreciate the smell of being absolutely soaked in blood. I don't feel too bad about killing Valeria because she seemed like a terrible detective though I did have karlach skip her turns in the fight because I couldn't imagine her being for it. Like it's just pathetic.

Took Astarion to the drow twin courtesans... tbh I appreciate the game showing like, yes he is healing and doing better but some things you just don't get over right away. But I also want to get the spray bottle out like dude!!! don't force yourself!!!

I used a growth elixir on Karlach for the Orin fight which didn't use up that many character resources and the elixir lasted all day so... directly to the House of Hope with Karlarge it was!

Bit of a visual glitch because it reappeared later but it was nice to see Aldrich without the raccoon eyes and veins again. Just went around sitting on things in Raphael's house.

AND THEN UH???? UHH??? This supremely awkward scene with Raphael's personal incubus who looks exactly like him??? I didn't wanna start a fight because I thought Raph himself might show up but I could not pass the fucking Con check afgkdd

"you can have my body but not my soul" AGSFKHDDS???? I'm jelly tho I wish I had these eyes (but more purple) for Aldrich

Reloading and fighting the incubus was absolutely worth it for this Speak With Dead bit. the answer: he bottoms exclusively.

AND THEN THE FIGHT WITH THE BIG DEVIL HIMSELF!!!! I was already amazed when vocals dropped into the fight music BUT THEN HE WAS SIGNING HIS OWN BATTLE MUSIC???? It absolutely slapped. Amazing fight. I had Hope with me and convinced Yurlgirldsbfjs whatever his name is to join which greatly reduced the chaos. The only criticism I have is that it was a big of a slog getting Raphael down from 666 HP. but damn what a great loot payoff!

Getting near the end now. Of outstanding quests I have now, I gotta pass the hammer off to Voss, find/recruit Minsc, see if anything else is in the sewers, then sabotague the Steel Watch factory, infiltrate the Iron Throne, and confront Gortash. Then we'll see how it goes for the finale.

I'm still kinda worried what it will mean for my Tav going partially illithid and also aiming for freeing Orpheus. Seems like freedom really rides on the guy cooperating with us.

#crowbar plays bg3 #aldiirn bg3

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Hello! Sending some numbers from the end-of-year book ask, I'm not sure of everything you've already answered, so if you'd like to do any or all of these: 4, 5, 12 (especially because you write about reading books with vibes related to your projects), and 17. I hope you feel better!

hiya!! thanks for the ask! referencing this post.

4. If you DNF any books, what was the pettiest reason you put a book down this year?

so one of my toxic reader traits is actually that i DON'T tend to DNF things--i'm very stubborn, and i tend to read fast enough that it doesn't feel like a waste of too much time, AND i usually flip from "Reading to Read" to "Reading to Tear That Shit Apart" (as a writerly exercise, mostly, or for a hate read, which i find cathartic because i am frequently full of rage these days).

one book that is taking me Much Longer Than Anticipated to get through, though, is DAEMON VOICES by Philip Pullman, which i started in....september. a writer friend gifted it to me, and i was pleasantly surprised by the last book she gifted me, so i'm slogging along. but. this man. grates on me. it's mostly his hot takes on religion, so i keep putting him in time out when he conflates shit he has no business conflating. some of his general story thoughts are interesting! but every time he mentions religion, he's on thin ice with me, and he keeps winding up in Time Out About It lol. (also the lectures transcribed to essays format isn't really working for me, pettily.)

5. What's a scene you read this year that sticks with you?

oof okay i LOVE the specificity of this question but it absofuckenlutely made me bluescreen haha.

after staring at my shelves about it for a few minutes (quite a few minutes), i have to confess that MOST of NETWORK EFFECT is imprinted on my grey matter (but that's my second time rereading it, so i don't know if it counts. shout out to "ART sent me" and "you little idiot," especially).

for things new to me this year: the last scene of ROADSIDE PICNIC by the Strugatskys has apparently ALSO imprinted on my brain (unexpected), and mumu's delightful narration in WALKING PRACTICE by Dolki Min has great sticking power (there's some VERY cool text formatting going on there that feeds into the voice, which i loved!).

12. Did any book inspire you to create?

first off, it made my whole week that you mentioned the reading/writing/vibes thing, i feel seen and known, thank you!!

second off: WALKING PRACTICE gave me excellent writing-related vibes and inspiration for my weird little monster child book, and i loved the cool formatting/voice things it did. (it definitely comes with content warnings, though, for things like graphic on-page sex and body horror and eating people (frequently all three of those together/concurrent), so proceed with caution if that's not your jam!)

the SKYBOUND SAGA also inspired ~creation~ for me, from the opposite direction: very much a "damn, if this can get published, mine can too, let's gooo" type of inspiration. (i am a spite-fueled being, sometimes.)

17. A book you reread this year. Did it hold up to how you remembered it?

oh! i did actually quite a bit of rereading toward the end of the year!! i reread ARTIFICIAL CONDITION and NETWORK EFFECT in preparation for SYSTEM COLLAPSE, and those absolutely held up--ART and murderbot are my beloveds, and i stayed up way past my bedtime for like a week in a row (even though i have reread both of those at least once before, so hypothetically i know what's coming and i could put them down any damn time)(reader, i cannot).

my other rereads were VICIOUS and VENGEFUL by VE Schwab. VICIOUS held up perfectly, too--i've reread it before, and this time i did it specifically to dissect her timelines, and it's just a masterpiece of tension and pacing and history and reveals.

VENGEFUL, on the other hand, was Fine™. i don't hate it, but i don't love it--i could set that one down easier (which was good for my aforementioned bedtimes), and dissecting it wasn't as helpful of an exercise. don't get me wrong, i love victor and mitch and syd, and i enjoyed eli's backstory, but. it wasn't VICIOUS.

thanks again for asking!!

#text #personal #books #answered #book asks #end of year #e-b-reads #i'm sorry of this was More Than You Anticipated but i had a lot of fun and really appreciate the asks!! #wordy i am lmao #vicious #vengeful #ve schwab #murderbot #martha wells #walking practice #dolki min #i shall not be tagging ones i hate on though lol #unhinged tagging system for meee

[lirri-eats-eyes]

okay i want to talk about this more bc it was important to me. i know skyborn's ending felt rushed to me specifically, but after rereading it, it isn't necessarily unrealistic. ellie is a serial optimist and she's known for being stubborn, so with things looking up for her, it makes sense that she would want to embrace this ideal new setting and not think too much about the past, with nox still being her foil (he's more reluctant to fit a role in society, even in this Totally New and Better Perfect one)

i recognize the fact that the new thelantis might need a force to protect corion/other royalty since tensions are still probably running high with the rapid transition of power, and maybe they need a force to help with rescuing and construction, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth that there's still effectively an organized police force after there were two whole books instructing us that That's A Bad Idea, Actually. It honestly feels like they're continuing the tradition because they don't know how to rule in any other way, and again, that makes realistic sense. But there's probably more change and instability to come even after the ending which is painted ideally in Ellie's final POV.

I think this specific conflict is bound to happen because both Ellie and Mother Rosemarie are changing rapidly near the end. Ellie was already orphaned at a young age, but she was also tasked with literally Saving The World at what, age 12-13? There's that weird combination of "you weren't chosen because you were special, don't let it get to your head" and "you were right about a lot of things actually, and no one listened to you even though they should have." She's been forced into this role of a leader and a fighter against the entire world, and it takes an extremely visible toll on her mental health by the third book. She longs for any adult to just listen to her and take on her burden instead. At the same time…she can't be comfortable in a child's role anymore. She understands her own power and won't hesitate to enforce it, something most kids aren't allowed to do. She'll be stuck in this weird in between where she wants nothing more than to be cared for, but she doesn't want to be coddled.

Additionally, she's seen a lot more things than most of the adults in the sparrow village have never dreamed of, so it's hard to see where her travelled experience ends and where their lived experience begins. She's going to be frustrated at the lack of knowledge Mother Rosemarie has, but she's also not going to listen to the valid advice Rosemarie can give her.

Mother Rosemarie, on the other hand...ok this part is more speculation but I see her as someone who was an extreme realist when it came to the tangible power her people had as second-class citizens; she reasons to herself that no, she doesn't actually think sparrows are weak, but as things are, there's no way one could become a goldwing, and that's unfair, but there's nothing she can do about it. and maybe that turns into "well, maybe what they're saying about the biological difference is true" and "we just don't have the right temperment; it's not in our culture." Maybe part of her feels protective about ellie because of a possible similarity -- maybe she sees ellie as a younger her whose dreams are inevitably crushed.

By phoenix rising though, she breaks through that line of thinking and recognizes the true power of the sparrow clan, and is completely on board with ellie's plan. There is this new appreciation for her culture that she's never been allowed to tap into, and it must be so cathartic. To finally be proud to call oneself a sparrow, to believe in the dreams she repressed early on. Perhaps a bit too invested in this idea, and that's where this conflict begins

There's also a bit of old dialogue that we have to consider. Ellie feels betrayed by mother rosemarie as only a kid can. you can only hear "it's for your own good" so many times before you never trust other people to be invested in your wellbeing again. Mother Rosemarie feels like Ellie is naiive and doesn't acknowledge her status as a sparrow and consequent status in society, maybe even feels like Ellie, who wants to be a Goldwing, is ashamed of her species and the barrier it creates for her. This is never addressed by the end, and all I know is that if there's a problem as big as that, it's rarely ever going to be taken to someone's grave.

so, there's the crux of the issue. Ellie doesn't respect Mother Rosemarie's real experience and power because she's been forced into a role where children have to hold the power or else they all die, and she doesn't trust an adult to properly wield that power anymore. She takes something like "I'm concerned that so much pressure is being put on you, how about you take a step back before you burn out?" as "I'm holding my authority over your head because I feel like it." Mother Rosemarie is riding the high of her newfound empowerment as a sparrow, failing to notice that Ellie has baggage when it comes to pride in one's species*, and inaccurately reading any baggage as straight-up shame. This is compounded by the fact that neither of them are listening to eachother, Ellie because her conclusions have been validated many times and she's still learning how to properly interact with people who disagree with her, and Mother Rosemarie because she's misinterpreting Ellie's words as rhetoric that has kept her down for most of her life and has only recently been disproved. They both feel like the other is very far behind.

*this is also a headcannon. Throughout the story Ellie remains connected to certain parts of her culture like sunflower oil for her wings, or even arguably her way of problem solving or her morals, but culture isn't just substances and traits. It's also the people; and the people haven't been perfect to Ellie. No doubt she feels connected to the community that raised her, but it was also the community who kept her down for so long, and it was a crow, a falcon, and a mockingbird-crane clanner who finally uplifted her.

#skyborn #ellie meadows #mother rosemarie (skyborn)

[lewdladylily]

so it looks like hypnosis can be a productivity/motivation boost? i'm kinda interested in that, but i've no desire in doing the sexual aspect of it (bc ace); do you think it could still work with these stipulations? -öé

Absolutely, but there are a few things to understand. The biggest is that hypnosis is not exactly a science. What works for you is going to be different from what works for me. It's seriously also not a substitute for any sort of medical help, physical or mental. It is a supplement at best. For me, it can get me past the last speed bump, so to speak, to be able to concentrate better or overcome executive dysfunction.

Also, you are almost certainly going to need a trusted partner willing to do this with you. Its possible to hypnotize yourself or use resources that don't involve anyone else, but it isn't easy or as effective. It doesn't need to be one way, by the way, you could trade off hypnotizing each other, so that does help.

Also, being hypnotized and allowing this sort of suggestion to influence you is a learned skill, and though you can see some effect early on and those effects can be dramatic, shaping your triggers and suggestions to what you really want them to be with the effectiveness you want will take many, many hours of work and practice from both the subject and the hypnotist. The ease at which I can switch into different modes to overcome things like executive dysfunction took a long time to learn

That all said, there is no reason it couldn't work. Hypnotism is not inherently sexual, sex is just a very powerful motivator to do that necessary work, and unless you are a hypnofetishist there are very few people willing to do something this weird.

Its like, the experience of pretending to be a puppy, kitten, or similar is fun and cathartic. But very few people do it because it is "weird". It's pretty much just fetishists, little children, and furries - all groups who tend to ignore the mainstream sensibilities on what is weird, cringy, or even deviant behavior when deciding what they want to do. That's where you need to be if you want to get into hypnosis. Maybe your reason for breaking away from standard accepted behavior and motivation to continue sinking effort into that isn't sex, but you'll probably need a reason beyond the eventual hope that it might help you deal with executive dysfunction better.

Basically, if you want to do this, you are going to have to learn to have fun with it, or at least get something else out of it that makes you excited to do it. And there are plenty of non sexual reasons! I mean, the utter relaxation of a trance is worth it alone in my opinion. The enhancement to non sexual petplay could be another motivator, honestly pet play (even without sex) is something everyone should try once just to see if they like it.

Now, using hyposis in a practical sense is a bit more involved. I'll break down how it has worked for me, including for writing this week. In this case, I overcome executive dysfunction and anxiety difficulties by using a dronfication command then receiving orders from an outside source. As a drone I don't stop thinking necessarily, but I have very little impulse to think or do anything of my own will. I've happily sat staring at a wall for 15 minutes in something like a standby mode, waiting for more input, or repeating an assigned phrase over and over and over.

If the drone mode is working right, and it doesn't always work right, the dronification command allows me to feel as if I am a tool being used by others, decoupling the connection between my own motivation and decision making process and what I think and do, instead handing it to someone else, externalizing most sense of decision making and motivation. In essence, the suggestion is I become a robot who does nothing but obeying commands, and is incapable of doing much without those commands. I do and think what I am told, nothing more, nothing less - if I start acting autonomously, the suggestion starts to break.

Fortunately, I have a great deal of leeway in how I perform a task, because I am a thinking robot. I am ordered to write, I will write. But I will also go get water to make sure I am hydrated, I will go to the bathroom, I will make sure I get snacks as needed, because all those things are helpful to writing. However, at the end of my task I tend to just stop. If the suggestion is still in strong enough force, I will not choose a new task or activity of my own volition. I am good at breaking out of the suggestion as needed, but I might end up staring at a wall for ten minutes before I realize "hey, I should probably stop being a drone". There are solutions to this end point problem of course, like leaving behind an exit trigger for me to find once I am done with my task.

So you can see how if you are not into the idea of dronification, it might be hard to implement a dronification mode because your mind will fight it, not embrace it. You will need to find the imagery and methodology that works for you to achieve the effects you want, and find a motivation to do it. You are not just going to have to be ok with cringe and weird, you are going to have to embrace it and make it part of you. I strongly suggest (sexual or non sexual) pet play and/or becoming a furry as onboarding because they complement hypnosis so well. They feed back on each other and strengthen each other very well. Pretending to be a puppy is fun, but when you feel compelled to bark instead of speak, your mind is clouded except excitably puppy thoughts, and it feels more right to crawl on all fours instead of walk it is a completely different experience.

Now, as far as non sexual hypnosis resources, I haven't a clue. I am firmly in this for sexual reasons, the other benefits are side benefits. And even then I barely scratched the surface in terms of how to learn to do this stuff, I was basically trained by Raven and I have no real idea where she got her ideas and knowledge. All my knowledge is from her, and while I have some experience as a hypnotist I've never started with a rookie subject. I'm happy to explain more about my own development in hypnosis if you think that might help.

#lily talks

[blink-blank-bliss]

Hey Blissy your turn. I hear you are: "Neural Nets and Pretty Patterns owned voice actress and pleasure puppet"

Some odd questions for you:

Would you desrcibe yourself as being in a bdsm relationship that uses hypnosis as a tool like a Dom-sub relationship + hypno, Or a Hypno-Domination H-D/s relationship? Just curious how you'd define it - because you seem happy and you guys are still going strong, or is it a Hypno relationship +D/s?

Could you say please what the most important part of the hypnotic relationship is - like the thing that makes the hypnosis most effective for you?

Could you also please say what submission means to you, what are the core components for submission to be happening?

Thank you in advance x x x

Hi Doll! It's always a pleasure to hear from you and I'd be happy to answer your questions, I apologize to any reader who actually plows through this whole thing for what may be a little too much of a glimpse behind the curtain at Actual Me and not the public face of Bliss, but oh well, I don't really get a lot of serious questions and I am delighted that you've asked me, so buckle up here we go.

I don't think I would use any of those terms to describe my relationship with Neural. We are primarily romantic partners and best friends, and we work together to create weird kinky artsy audio porn stuff. He's the creator, but I do a lot behind the scenes to help keep the content coming and I take my job as Cunt Muse seriously. Yes, we have kinky sex and it's fucking great, but it's just a small part of a relationship between equals. He has, however, spent a lot of time inside my mind, as I have in his. It's given our relationship something that I guess I would call ...mental intimacy? haha that sounds gross idfk. But I've never really had this before and can't imagine having it with someone else. The content is a part of it, I love acting and he just writes me the most fun roles to play. haha in the one we are working on now I play the most sadistic nun ever, it's so cathartic, I swear I'm healing generational trauma doing it haha. Getting to explore all of that together is really sexual and really hot but it's not like ... hypnosis. I love having wild kinky trancey scenes with him and he is a wonderful dom, knows how to push my buttons just the right way to take me apart and always makes sure to put me back together after, but it's not as important to me as it is that he has made me laugh every day for over 5 years without fail or that he can write me a part to play in a script that will both highlight my talent and turn me on.

I think the most important part of the hypnotic relationship is trust. I trust him and he trusts me. I know he is committed to being good to me and good for me, as I am for him. He's proven it to me through haha some honestly insane shit storms of life and I know I have proven it to him. And we've been at it long enough that we've seen the proof, both of us are better stronger people than we were before we met. This is what makes us equals, but it's also what makes it possible for him to slide inside my mind like he's coming home and make me into nothing but his. For a time at least.

ok so this is a two-parter. Part 1. What does submission mean to me? So ok I am old. I came out as queer and kinky in a world where to be kinky you had to put on a latex dress and go in person to what they called an "S & M Club". It was terrifying but thrilling. But as far as kink goes, I'm a little jaded at this point. I feel like I've literally seen it all. I've been to at least 50 kink conventions of all varieties. I've taught classes, hosted infamous dungeon parties, demo dollied, bootblacked, partied with all manner of kinky people. but like.... I'm fucking old and I did it already. Now yes, I am still submissive, I am still a masochist, but I just don't have anything left to prove to myself or anyone else about it. Submission has been a part of who I am for more than half my life now, but at this point, it's pretty much just a sex thing for me. I mean yeah I call Neural Owner or Daddy when we play, and yeah it was hot as hell when I asked him to choose my new hair color, but it's for fun and a sex thing. Part 2 is pretty cut and dried. I'm jumping over the safety speech part here and just say that I'm only talking about power exchange that I would consider RACK. But for submission to occur there has to be some kind of agreement that you are going to give up your power to another for a period of time in some agreed upon way. That's what we mean when we talk about consent really. it's what makes healthy power exchange possible, without that it's all various degrees of abuse and codependency and people making each other into less than they are. Gross. I'm also going to answer a question that you didn't ask, but my advice to any submissive but especially those getting into it: -sit down with yourself and really decide what your values are, what your limits are, what your needs are, physically emotionally mentally before you go giving your precious self away to a dom. - Sub frenzy is a thing, it's crazy, I've been there, but it is Not Real and it will fade, take your time in establishing relationships and making commitments no matter how hot the scenes are. -No matter how much you worship them, your doms will remain human. Humans have limits on their time and their energy. Humans are not all-knowing. Humans get sick. Humans make mistakes. Don't put divinity level expectations on your human partner. It's a set up, no one can live up to it.

#not a bimpost for once

[rose-and-lemongrass]

Okay I'm trying to be chill about the fact my computers busted and I can't edit sooo here's my favorite horror films I watched in 2023!! So far, at least, I'll update if I find some more great ones in the next month. These are in no particular order.

Talk To Me (2023) LOVED IT. I was genuinely really really stressed while watching it. Honestly give me a character I like and put them through the ringer and I will be invested. I REALLY wanted Riley to make it. I know some people don't like the end but I did. It's a very existential and depressing ending but I thought it was fitting.

Sissy (2022) This is a super super underrated movie. Barely any discussion of it all online. I thought it was incredible; it perfectly nailed what it feels like to be in a social situation you know you don't belong in. I felt called out several times. Cecilia is a really fascinating character too, and I loved the social media aspect.

Creep 2 (2017) I couldn't believe how into this movie I was. It's basically just two really weird characters manipulating each other (with one being way way way more successful than the other) and it's so wild to watch. I liked the first Creep but the relationship here was so fascinating. I almost feel like this movie would have been better as a standalone bc we as the audience know that Aaron is a serial killer. It would be fascinating to be like Sara and not know for sure. Either way though, I loved it, I hope they make a third one.

Terrifier 2 (2022) Dude I LOVED this movie!! Controversial opinion maybe but I thought it was fantastic. Sienna is such an amazing character, Art the Clown was on his A game. I weirdly resonated with the family stuff (i got emotional at points) The special effects were great. I know it has a reputation. And it has earned that reputation. I have found no one I can comfortably show this movie to that I trust isn't going to be horribly traumatized. Which sucks bc when I saw this in theaters I got like. Sexually harassed. And I dont want it to happen when I see the third one. I wish I had a buddy I could take. But regardless every time I watch it I have a blast, and I really wanna make a video discussing this series soon bc I have so many thoughts!!

Halloween (1978) Yeah everyone was right this movie is awesome. I'm totally going to add it to my halloween watchlist every year.

Candyman (1993) Yeah again it's really really good, everyone was right lol. Really dragging my feet on the remake bc honestly this movie is basically perfect.

Cube (1997) I always thought I'd like Cube. And I did. It's really weird and psychological and cool. I watched it like 11 months ago so I don't feel like I have a lot to say right now, but I just remember how much I was invested while watching it and how much I gushed about it after I finished.

Deadstream (2022) Honestly this was most fun I had with a movie all year. I was dying laughing the entire time. I've watched it three times and I sent the opening scene to everyone I know. It's just a very funny and very spot on parody of YouTubers and I love it

Fresh (2022) I don't love the abrupt ending but the rest is basically perfect. The levels of performance during the dinner scene OH MY GOD. And it's a really fun and disturbing exploration of how terrible dating is and I appreciate that a lot.

Hereditary (2015) This movie hurt the entire time and I loved it. Toni Collette's performance is the best I have ever seen, I am actually furious she wasn't nominated. Her screams man, they are haunting. Also really realistic dream dialogue I pegged right away it was a dream bc that's exactly how people talk in my dreams. This is a movie with a lot of layers and something about it resonated with me, especially after the terrible terrible year I had.

Midsommar (2019) I vibed with this one hardcore. I think its just weirdly cathartic to see someone in a bad social situation get accepted while the person who put them in that situation gets rejected. Again because of the terrible year I had. But also its bad that that happens! Like its creepy how easy it is to be taken in by a cult. I also didn't feel the length at all I was very very invested the whole time. My friend Emily absolutely hates this movie though lol

Trick R Treat (2007): I didn't find it scary at all. But I vibed with it. It just FELT like Halloween, and some of the stories really really worked for me. Particularly the werewolf one and the one with the zombie kids.

VHS (2012): This is entirely because of the Amateur Night and 10/31/98 segments. I love those segments to death, I've watched them over and over. I still haven't watched Siren (the full length Amateur Night adaption) but I am so psyched they kept the same actress. She was an absolute star I'm planning on watching it entirely for her.

It Follows (2014) I know I can't keep saying I vibed with these movies but I did. I love the dreamlike quality, the ambiguity, the idea behind the monster is actually one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. Even if you get rid of it there's a chance it'll come back to you so you're never safe. Certain sequences were really really cool. Also one of the best jumpscares of all time in this. Like I don't even like jumpscares, they never get me, but this one did! Also I adore the opening sequence and how it's complete nonsense until you rewatch it and realize what's happening.

Infinity Pool (2023) I went in completely 100% blind. It was a wild ride that's for sure. I said "oh fuck me" full volume at one point if that tells you anything. Honestly I have nothing to say about the plot but the feelings this movie evoked in me were intense. Really good movie for someone who secretly hates themselves and is scared that everyone around them does too, I guess, because it captures that feeling perfectly.

#grace talks #Honorary mention goes to All Hallows Eve because those last thirty minutes are AMAZING. The rest of the movie is pretty eh though #VHS 2 and 94 are great too btw #I just like those two segments in VHS A LOT #Skinamarink was cool I just don't think I really ever want to watch it again tbh #horror movies

[russilton]

i reread the post a second time and i am absolutely barking at your george characterization. it's george in a different font but it still feels like him, and the way he reacts to everything just feels so real and human— although i am also in pain thanks 😭😭 /lh

but agh. him getting that merc contract feels CATHARTIC. i can't wait to see how it gets announced and publicized and how george is gonna rub it in redbull's faces. my god if this was real i swear the entirety of the internet would EXPLODEEE - @ruszhou

*through welling tears* thanks bro

It… God it means so much to me to hear he’s still in character. Writing George and Lewis for that AU is such a mixed experience. They’re sharper, meaner, they don’t hold back, and while it’s so fun it’s also weird as hell! It’s all fun and games saying they hate fuck till you have to write the hate… but like it’s a very weird kinda hate too, it’s skin deep, George doesn’t ever hate lewis he just wants his attention. Lewis doesn’t hate George either, he’s honestly deeply impressed by his driving skill, he just wishes george would be skilled somewhere out of his way sometimes. They are the personification of “the line between love and hate is paper thin”

Redbull George au spoilers below the cut

I was actually trying to plot all that out last night on my au timeline (I know, it’s painfully nerdy, but it helps develop the fic lmao) and George is going to sign just before Brazil for the sheer “fuck you” power it gives Lewis over Red bull that weekend, but his signing won’t be announced till WELL after the season ends. They don’t want to risk George getting possibly physically retaliated against by RB before the season is over. Lewis has to impress upon George how important it is he still fight Lewis on track, they all need to play the part. George humourlessly points out that Red bull have been deliberately using his car as a test car since Hungary, so he couldn’t fight Lewis if he tried. Lewis restrains all his angry sad feels about that.

I haven’t started on my points spreadsheet yet so I can’t say how George effects the WDC standings fully, but I still intend for them to go into AD on equal points, but George DOES assist Lewis ever so slightly by not fighting him as hard as Perez did, allowing Lewis to build a better lead gap. It’ll probably go that when his car craps out he drags it round to the pits so he doesn’t risk causing Lewis a safety car. Red bull can’t accuse him of anything, they’re the one that nerfed his car after all. Latifi does what George did in irl AD and limps his car to the pits too, there’s no safety car, Lewis wins and George finally feels like he can breathe.

He can’t celebrate with Merc even though he wants to, he just has to watch from afar. Red bull can’t know till he wants them to, but he does let Lewis catch his eye and grin at him.

George doesn’t really want to go back to the Red bull booked hotel that night, they all still hate him and they’re sulking. He and max cross paths once as final speeches are given, and max shoulder checks him hard. George is used to it but he’s so fucking tired, bruised, he wants to sleep this all off. As George is leaving the paddock Lewis greets him with a PR level driver handshake and back slap, but he presses a hotel keycard into George’s hand before leaving.

It’s a clear message, or at least George thinks it is. He and Lewis haven’t slept together since around silverstone bc of what Redbull were doing to George, but George figures this is a signal. He’s not sure he really wants to have sex, he just wants to sleep, but he doesn’t want to be alone surrounded my people who are mad at him. He heads to lewis’ hotel room without even going back to his own.

Lewis of course surprises him by rocking up with champagne and something horribly unhealthy they can’t eat during the on season, tells George he figures George needs something to celebrate getting 3rd and his new seat since his team won’t do it. It’s painfully tender and domestic in a way George doesn’t really understand, he keeps looking for signals of something from Lewis, but Lewis just talks to him. When George asks why he isn’t out celebrating with his team, Lewis shrugs and says it gets old after the 6th championship. George knows he’s lying but he can’t call him on it, so he just lets himself get tipsy on hotel champagne and finally let the weight of RB off his chest.

They share a bed, it’s some king size monster bc of course it is, Lewis doesn’t have to scrimp on size or cost in his bookings. They both sleep in their underwear on opposite sides of the bed, George knows he could go back to his hotel alone but he doesn’t want to. He’ll stay here till morning, grab his stuff and get on his flight back to London. It’s fine.

They wake up tangled together because of course they do, Lewis spooned up behind George, strong and steady, holding him tight. They end up having tender, slow morning sex, face to face and embarrassingly vulnerable. A polar opposite to their last angry rough fuck, here Lewis winds a hand with his and presses slow, soft kisses into his jaw while he takes George apart. Lewis praises him for all he’s gone through and George comes so hard he might pass out. He’ll be embarrassed by it all later but right now he just tucks his head into Lewis collar and rocks lazily with his thrusts.

They don’t announce Georges move immediately. They all head back to England, and wait. They don’t want People to think George manipulated redbulls end results, or jumped ship, they want to wait until he’s ready, but then around dec 16th or so redbull tell George they want to sign his AT contract, since he kept in line for the end of the season. They think they’re being so gracious and kind for it. George says sure sure Monday? I’m needed at some family events this weekend. Christian and Marko agree bc sure, they don’t think George has anything else going on. Mercedes announce they’ll be holding a press conference on their new driver line up on Sunday, one week out of AD. Christian even ends up on camera bc itv or something want to interview him for the end of the season and to react to the Merc press news. Nobody knew who Merc would be using to replace Val, it’s been completely silent behind the scenes.

So imagine of course, Christian’s sucked lemon face caught in 4k as Toto announces Lewis and George, who walk out in their contrast matching Merc shirts. Lewis looks like the cat who caught the canary. George looks like he’s terrified but trying to grin through it when Lewis gently bumps his shoulder in support. Toto sing’s George’s praises and announces how excited they are to welcome him to the team. When asked George will say he’s excited to work with a team that puts their drivers first. Christian has to grit his teeth as the itv hosts quiz him on it.

#britcedes #gewis #4463 #mark’s fic tag #asks #george russell #lewis hamilton #hoecedes #redbull george au #ruszhou