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moldy-mold · 3 years

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Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

#diary

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doberbutts · 4 years

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I aspire to train dogs one day as a side gig, service dogs specifically, and I’ve always been a +R trainer. However, after reading your recent posts I am discovering that my training choices have been highly influenced by my dogs personalities as well as my own privilege. With my current dog, anything negative and he shuts down. He was abused, with the cigarette scars to prove it, and is very sensitive. However, when he was younger we did struggle with him and took him to training classes 1/

At the time, I had my parents supporting me and they were doing alright money wise so we could afford it. I couldn’t believe my friends who suggested I just get an e collar and be done with it when I could easily take him to classes. But now that I’m in a different situation financially, I can definitely sympathize with people who can’t afford to do that. I’m lucky in that I was able to learn a lot from professional trainers before I got to where I am now (scraping together pennies for food) 2/

And I think you’ve made some very valid points. I was always taught that it was your responsibility to train your pet, and while that’s true, it doesn’t suddenly give you the funds to handle sudden behavioral problems when they arise. When my dog became aggressive, I located trainers in my area who would work with him, and they wanted $200 a session. I can’t afford that. But luckily I have a yard to exercise him in and training knowledge to help him. Not everyone has those options. So yeah, 3/

keep talking about this, because it needs to spread in the dog training community. Since I’m not a professional trainer, I’ve only worked with dogs for free in the past and only on very basic things. But your post makes me want to learn more about how to help low income and POC with their dogs, and how to spread training knowledge in the first place. Like holding free clicker training clinics, going to low cost clinics and posting fliers for low cost training. Idk. But I want to help. 4

Also I know your whole point was not everyone can do +R (which I now agree with) but I feel like it would be useful to teach people the basics so they can work on behaviors in the home, or even for trick training! And sorry for all the messages, I’m processing a lot of information and I get very excited about dogs. 5/5

If you are serious about wanting to help PoC, something I do is low cost training for low income households on the side. Effectively, if someone approaches me saying they cannot afford my usual pricing ($80/1hr/at home) then I tell them instead to pay me what they can afford and what they feel is fair. This means that sometimes I get paid nothing (though that is quite rare), sometimes I get $20 or so, sometimes I get a pie, whatever. But this allows these clients to get the help they need with their dogs while also giving them the chance to keep their dignity and pride- many people do not like accepting free stuff/charity because they feel they do not deserve it. By telling them to pay me only what they feel they can part with, it allows them to feel as though they have given me some manner of compensation and thus it’s no longer me pitying them and they are paying for a service, even if it’s steeply discounted.

This does not put food on my table, it’s usually extra supplementary income on top of my full time job which is what actually pays my bills. I usually only take a few of these clients at a time because otherwise I’d be full of clients who honestly cannot afford me, and thus I would not be able to afford anything of mine either. But it DOES help them keep their dogs, and that’s what matters more to me tbh. I have a job to keep my lights on. It’d be nice to get the full amount, sure, but I don’t need it like they do.

It’s always the responsibility of the owner to train their pet, but let’s be honest here, when you get a dog that’s nice enough upon meeting, you’re not really expecting to need to cough up $200+ per session fixing an aggression issue. You’re not expecting a dog that needs multiple times per week of private training to move forward. This is the situation the woman tasing her dog fell into- her kids brought home a cute, nice enough puppy that she couldn’t easily be rid of (due to BSL) and he turned into an absolute monster upon adolescence and no one had any preparations for it. He went from being a happy, waggy tail, friendly dog to a dog that was putting holes in her, her kids, and their visitors. Now she really can’t be rid of him because if BSL didn’t kill him first, his bite record would eventually catch up to them. Sure, there’s a +R way to fix this behavior... but how fast is it? She has her children to worry about. She has her visitors to worry about. She has herself to worry about. And that’s not to mention that if anyone reports her dog as an aggressive pit bull (or even simply as a pit bull) he will be taken and killed by the state. She was between a rock and a hard place for a behavior issue in a dog she never asked for. Then she gets some seriously terrible advice and decides, why not, what’s she got to lose?

There is a reason I say that instead of legislating, why don’t we educate? Legislation is literally part of what caused this woman’s issue in the first place- if there was no BSL in that area, she could have given the dog to rescue when he was still a nice puppy and they could have gotten him into a foster home that would have started him on the path towards good behavior, instead of what she got instead. If she had been educated on the issues with a large, powerful, fighting breed that may or may not be pure and also may or may not hate dogs or even humans due to his genetic temperament or lack of correct socialization, maybe she would have sought out the cheaper petstore training first and would have caught the problem long before it turned into a dog no one could get near without earning a few level 4 bites. If the trainer she spoke to at Petco had educated her on better management while also doing their part to refer her out to any number of people in the area that would have helped (+R AND balanced), she would never have started tasing her dog.

Instead, I got to be the one to do all that.

The problem wasn’t even that she wouldn’t listen- her kids wouldn’t and that’s another story, but the adult in the situation was perfectly willing to make whatever changes she had to make in order to make sure her dog’s life was as good as it could be while also ensuring he didn’t continue to bite people. The problem was that she was ignorant and could not afford access to the information she needed. Without my low cost “pay what you can” offer, she would never have been able to get help for her dog. If the dog is already landing level 3 and 4 bites on people, it’s only a matter of time before that turns into a mauling or worse, the dog killing someone in that house. Or she would have landed herself in jail, using her taser on her dog every time he went after someone until he just up and died from the stress on his heart.

Instead, everyone was more concerned with giving conflicting opinions on whether she was wrong, meanwhile she literally couldn’t afford to be shown what was right.

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theshinsun · 4 years

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A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy.

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl.

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw.

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood.

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next.

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has.

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.

#shin speaks #answered #finally getting to this a million years later #thanks friend!!#i'll get to the other prompts in a second but i felt bad about not finishing this one #tw death mention #tw alcohol mention #just to be safe

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katzenflocken · 5 years

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LA Times

I went to a Halloween party in October and I wrote down my experience in my phone.

A month or so ago I had made the decision that I wanted to attend a Halloween event and ultimately I decided on scream in Edmonton. I had bought the pre-sale ticket without actually knowing who was playing since there was no lineup details but this didn't concern me because I just wanted to go have fun and listen to some jams with cool people. I had calculated the cost of bus and hotel and came up to roughly 700 for a comfortable trip with all the best food/mixed drinks at the show. I had already had my own party favors so this was one of the reasons why I wanted to keep it local in Alberta. But then the lineup got released and I only seen one artist that was potentially going to be "okay" after listening to their SoundCloud. I was feeling very on the fence and on top of that, the party only went until 2am which was making it real hard to justify a long boring ass bus ride for a short night of mostly lame edm music. (No offense to the edm enthusiasts out there)

After some Olympic tier mental gymnastics of being so sure I wanted to go to Scream, I got curious and went to the handy dandy Resident Advisor and looked at shows in Alberta then Vancouver, even Toronto. I didn't see any events I was interested in and I left it at that. Then I got the brilliant and brave idea to possibly venture outside our borders, and a few clicks later I stumbled upon louisahhh's upcoming events and noticed she was playing a show along with boys noize and tbh, it was a no brainer. I had to make this happen. After a few calculations, it was literally going to cost the same as going to Edmonton (600 cdn) but with more spending money required in American. So naturally it was 💯 percent the logical choice. The event was called Minimal Effort which was an all techno show with 4 stages. Like holy shit! This event was most definitely calling my name.

I had told family and a few friends and some them ask me why? I've already vacationed once or twice this year so why a third time? I really don't know why, there is no reason. I just like doing these things. It is true that given the current situation, I better to avoid these such things. but the idea of letting someone's words prevent me from doing something so fun and exciting yet so doable drives me mad. In fact this very idea is what makes it so evident that I am in control of my life. I create the reality I live in and why should I let others shape it for me with manipulating opinions. I would argue I am not living to die, I am dying to live. Personally I don't think it's very odd or strange to do exactly what you put your mind to, so it is in such a context that I wanted to make this trip. I hope people see what I do and feel encouraged or empowered. If I can do it you can too. But everyone isnt me and is open to their own opinion.

So my passport is lightly damaged, a few months after I got it I washed it lol whoops. I've been using it since without incident and it expires pretty quick in early 2019 so I felt confident I will make it on the plane and I did! I flew air Canada btw and their service was very meh. There was also some meean turbulence, other than that it was boring. Planes suck ass and I can't sleep on them. I had bought a roaming plan so I can text and use Google maps like a real Traveller. This was the best decision of the whole trip actually, so get ur phones working guys!

Upon landing I was very nervous because I literally didn't want to pay a lot of money to get downtown where my hostel was. But I asked this Tony hawk looking guy he gave me the rundown and to take the skyaway bus which was like 9 dollars. Hella life saver! I got downtown and got Subway spicy chicken wrap at Union station. Now I taxi'd to my hostel... It was near or in the ghetto. When the man dropped me off it was dark and these yuuuge dogs were jumping at me from the other side of the fence, confirming my suspicion that this is in fact the ghetto. I find the property next door and these dudes are smoking outside, I got their attention and they said to go upstairs and talk to "Champaign". In my head I instantly thought a black drug dealer... But then I was greeted by a slim easy going japanese dude with a samurai ponytail who spoke poor English but still had a friendly vibe. Turns out he is the cook/caretaker. I came on the night they had a dinner party that they hold once a month. Pay 10 dollars and you can eat the food that he was cooking. Champaign cooked for a army and I felt like an asshole because I literally came with a belly full of Subway. I had a few snacks and met the other Traveller's/Tennant's that were residing here. In that exact moment I felt like this is exactly where I needed to be. I was not alone and I was amongst other human beings like myself and we were all brought together by an unknown force all so Champaign can go to bed we knowing no one went to bed hungry. I actually passed out after midnight. Kinda lame but tbh I was wiped out from that hectic almost frantic trip to this hostel. The toppest compliment I give to any hotel/hostel is that this place had the best mattress, apparently they were italian (I asked lol).

Saturday (party day). My goal in the afternoon was to adventure and have a decent meal but it was getting off to a slow start due to me not figuring out where I wanted to go. I was recommended business district and looked up reviews but it was all meh. I want that yummy and probably unhealthy local food locations. The guy also said to take an Uber. Which I was like uhhhhhh iduno man... Maybe. Then as I was just getting ready to leave, this korean guy named Sam asked where I was going and he said "you should check out Korea Town, it's dope!!" And I looked up places and he said "no go here!" And I was like okay. Then he said he'll come with me and show me around after he finishes the laundry. Like a good lad I waited and in between he looked at me and whispered "hey do you do... Stuff" and there are a lot of implications there lol so I had to ask like what? And he pulled a little baggie and my reply was "yeah I like stuff" then did it and the kid lit up like a Christmas tree. He was mad hype folding the towels and then him and Champaign blazed downstairs.

One of the most fascinating yet mundane happenings was that I installed Uber on my phone. While those guys were blasting off I went ahead and gave the Uber a good historic first whirl. Little did I know my life was about to change in that exact moment. In 2 minutes after selecting where I wanted to go the driver was there. Holy shit! The cool part was that I only paid 8 dollars to go to the opposite side of the downtown. I wish I can expand on what I did, but tbh all we did was just walk and talk. It was great because it made me feel more immersed in to the city. Kind of like you had to be there type of experience. Then it was food time, he pointed out a Korean joint and I got a meal and he didn't order anything and then like 10 sides came and then 6 more little plates for the main dish. I told Sam he can have some because this is absurd. As we were eating, I slowly gazed around the place and everyone was just a little bit chubby. Sam told me Koreans don't waste their shit and eat as much as possible... Plus it's America lol. After eating like an animal and totally ruining my white shirt we went to get smokes and the line at 711 was almost way too long. Sam pointed out that everyone was powerballin' it... Then upon paying for the smokes and soda I said "one Powerball please". I had caved in and joined the race. We took an Uber back and the driver was a Mexican mom. She was cute in a grandma kind of way and we talked about there should be a "good news" radio because it's so scary listening to the radio. We laughed and laughed some more while Sam had fell into a Korean BBQ coma.

We get back to the hostel, Sam goes back to work and I have about an hour to get ready/nap before the party. Sam asked if I needed party favors and I took him up on his offer, because I hate asking at parties because it's so sketchy. At this point of the trip I realized everything is going 110% right. Sometimes I feel like I am just lucky because I always find myself in surprising situations and that now it's almost normal to me. My body and mind was totes ready to party, then I almost forget... I have stickers!!! I always have some in my bag and I grabbed at least 50 of them. People always love that shit, plus it makes everything more fun by adding another layer to the party... Lol get it? Layer?!? Aaanyways the one girl showed me how to work the door lock, basically it's an app that registers my phone to the deadbolt... What a game changer! Technology huh?! What a cool place! Then the Uber came and took like 4 dollars to get there, I think I can get used to this LA lifestyle if I ever had the chance. The dude dropped me off and I was proper nervous, made sure to hide my shit good and have my ID, ticket and game face ready because there was like 8 security in front... Also I am a pretty nervous person in general, I may seem cool and collected on the outside but on the inside I am a scared little shaking Chihuahua barking internally.

So I finally made it! All my hard work payed off! The weird thing was the guy didn't even look at my ticket, just my ID. Any Yahoo off the street could have walked in. Butt fuck it, I am here and that's all that matters. Imediately I get a beer... 8 dollars. The shit I put up with tbh, the price I pay for fun is worth it but my goodness is it painful. I wander around the theatre and it is nicely large and open. Not hot!! Can you believe that? The other stages weren't bad, too much to take it all in tbh. I settled at the main stage which was the first one you sent me when you walk in. The first artist playing was a chick, she played some good jam actually so I quite enjoyed her set. The only thing that led me to believe she doesn't actually make music and only is a DJ, was that every track she played I knew. Which is expected from shows like this but she didn't play anything "original", it's not a bad thing but if I was to critique her I'd be disappointed because I am the type of person to be wowed and I like to seek new material. I went for a smoke and met this couple dressed and Vegeta and Bulma, hella rad. They were cool, totally forget their names tho. Met this Mexican dude too who was a little short had crazy contact lenses and had a friendly chat. he was rolling which was cool because I wish I was, I even asked him but he was fresh out. The party started picking up too and louisahhh's set was about to play and I am 3 beers deep so I gotta step up my game. And guess what!? It's Modelo time homie!! Met a dude in a headdress and took a pic with him to piss off other people who are against that bullshit, as long as they are respectful about it I think it's awesome... so @ those who are trying to be offended on purpose, fuck you. Went to the bathroom and dropped my Modelo and the worker watched me do it and didn't say anything and swept it up. I went back to get another normal beer because the Modelo was 9 dollars. They mind as well get the lube ready because they are already fucking me dry. I had run out of party favors at this point because I only had a little but that's not why I am here so I accept that fact and I am just glad to be here. The dancefloor was sticky but as more spills happened it was less annoying and more people came, it made it more bearable lol if that makes sense. The sound was definitely worse at the front of the stage so I found that sweet spot 15 feet back in the zone where the speakers were pointed. 7/10 audio, it's no pk system but hey I don't mind too much! Louisahhh was stepping in and she had a super neat outfit going kind of future/madmax like. Her hair was excellent if I might add. I've always wanted to catch her set but never had the chance until now. I could say it was what I expected, which was basically the same set I've heard her play on other sets I heard from her. It's not a negative but mental gymnastics aside she could have spiced it up some more by playing new shit, like I said. I am just glad to be there.

After louisahhh played her set Boys Noize had stepped in and he opened up with that one song he always does lately lol I forget the name but let me tell you, my body was ready! The "wares" I had bought off Sam at the hostel were already used up but I didn't need any, my body was tingling from the energy in the room. I met the maddest group of lads in the crowd and I gave them a handful of stickers to help me distribute. They loved it! I was also doing "rogue" work by slapping stickers on people without them knowing. The funniest ones were the Dealer and Wasted stickers. The lazers and lights in this place were magnificent. Production was nearly top notch 7.8/10. it's a theatre but they used it as well as they could. I want to describe this experience more but going to a party is the purest chaos you can experience. It almost can't be explained, only witnessed. I honestly love being social at these events. In real life I can be very shy or unwilling to exchange or talk with others. It pains me really, I just love people and I want to make genuine friends but I feel so reluctant to meet new faces because I don't really click that well with others. I know that I am unique and sometimes strange, I am sometimes don't give a fuck but I tend to be antisocial because of paranoia that other people won't like me when they get to know the real me. When I attend rave parties, I tend to feel more free and open because I know the people in attendance are also there for the same reason I am. Obviously this may or may not be a healthy life style but it is very fulfilling in a very emotional way. I may not have that many real life friends but when on the dancefloor everyone is my friends lol that sounds like the gayest shit ever but it's true. Anyways party is still bumping and it's 6 am and I am wiped out, boys Noize played some of the best tracks I heard at awakenings I noticed. Kind of the same shit really. But it was LA so more mainstream crowd. I leave the club and it was so fucking foggy outside, like a horror movie. 2spooky4me. I hit up Uber like 4 blocks away because it was just too crazy in the front of the theatre. I got this younger driver about my age and we talked about McDonald's lol she was fun then I get back to the hostel hungry as fuck. Eated bread and smonked some herb and hit the hay.

Next morning I hung out in the common area. Watched friends and watched Champagne die from smoking weed lol he was my favorite. Cool hostel tbh very home like. I had few hours to myself before my flight so I decided I wanted to go to little Tokyo. I had to say goodbye to the hostel, the guys downstairs gave me a donut lol and I got into the Uber. The guy talked about the dodgers game like I actually give a heck about sports. He dropped me off at the entrance of Little Tokyo. This was actually the most wholesome part of my trip. The first sight of the Japanese style outside mall was kind of exhilarating because LA is mostly just the same everywhere. The buildings and decorations were very refreshing and it was a feast for the eyes. Such beauty. As I continue to explore the small but busy space I feel this feeling of wonder and excitement, it made me feel less hungover if I am being honest. The world I was seeing in that moment was powerfully moving and rich with happiness. I wanted to stay forever. In the centre there was an open space where an older Asian man in a scooter and an array of instrument s in front of him. He had a little sampler Casio and hi hats and maracas. It was like a scene out of the movies where you see those cute moments because he was playing to this couple from China that were standing in front of him and you can hear them talking to the Man in between singing lol, they gave him money to play that song from toy story "skies of blue" or whatever it's called and then at the end he pulled out the maracas and hit them on the cymbals with style. I filmed a little bit of it actually. I ended up eating sushi and chicken katsu outside on the deck and just enjoyed the experience. Alone. Fucking sad actually that I couldn't share my emotion with someone else but I really enjoyed the place. I shop in the anime store and gift shop, got a few things for friends and family then had to rush to the airport. I got to Union station and shuttle to the airport right on time. Slightly early since the flight changed to a later time. I walked around and had some beer and wings then got on the plane. Nice cozy airport experience. My dad picked me up and he was working in siksika that week so I slept in his trailer. It was cold as shit and I was late for work the next day like nothing ever happened lol. Just a quick weekend trip, no big deal. Travelling is so so so much fun, I want others to read or see my adventures and feel somewhat inspired to take more risks and go on their own adventures. Its good to open your eyes and free yourself of your surroundings, especially on the reserve. There's a world out there and there's more to life than the bullshit drama that happens here. I look at the world in wonder and amazement, I know it's a sick and sometimes dangerous place but I make it my world by appreciating it for what it is. Everything is kind of all right. Sometimes I wish I didn't exist but I don't want to die either, doing these things remind me that life can be great so I hope I don't come off braggy or I am acting "too good". I make minimum wage yet I still do all this cool stuff. It's not hard to do, just literally set your mind go and do it . I chase my dreams while others think "what if" lol but yeah do more fun shit guys!!!!

#travel #los angeles #america #little tokyo #boys noize #louisah #airport #journal #adventures #rave #party #friends #strangers #bread

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atopearth · 6 years

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Samurai Love Ballad Party Part 3 - Date Masamune and Katakura Kojuro Routes

(Didn’t realise SLBP doesn’t let you post CGs so I didn’t screenshot and have to rely on these that I found on the Internet haha..)

Not sure who the other guy is but Masamune seems cute, I am looking forward to meeting him and knowing him better, since he seems rather honourable and all about the fair and square kinda attitude to all battles even if it’s war because honour and keeping to your beliefs are much more important. The rumours of Masamune being a cannibal and having a demon residing in his right eye sounds like a straight up horror story lmao. Nice to see that the heroine can tell that the food smells off! She could have seriously died on her first day! Not sure why people still do this when there’s poison tasters though.. I mean if you’re going to poison the warlords, bribe the poison taster to put poison so that they’ll eat it and be fine and then do something to it and kill him. Kinda ridiculous to keep killing all these poison tasters instead. Anyway, Kojuro is Masamune’s retainer it seems, he looks pretty nice and elegant?

How very dangerous for her to go out at night and follow a delicious aroma! Hahaha! Can’t blame her though I guess lol and luckily Masamune isn’t really a cannibal, he probably just likes his own food and to cook for himself. Ooh, Kojuro made him food! I guess Masamune’s life has been wrought with way too many poison attempts to kill him, making him have no appetite to eat anything even if it’s super salty rice balls and miso soup by Kojuro. At least he can feel safe eating them. Which is really saddening since food is so good! Salty miso soup always reminds me of NANA. Anyway, it’s great that the heroine is a cook and revamped the dishes mixing them together into a sort of miso porridge that Masamune actually managed to eat the whole pot of! I guess the reason why he used to eat at her restaurant all the time was because the food was good and he felt safe there.

Guess her job is to make Masamune’s dinners from now on! How dangerous for her to save Umeko and use herself as a decoy! Luckily Kojuro helped her in the nick of time!! It was really sweet of Masamune to buy the heroine a new hairpin because the thugs broke the one her father gave her. I guess he has some affectionate feelings towards the heroine that always served him at their restaurant in Kyoto. Maybe because he really liked the food too haha. Even a page for Masamune must be educated and well taught in martial arts, but I guess that’s expected since he’ll always be by his side. At least the heroine gets an exception though!

Talking with his mother must have fouled Masamune’s mood since they don’t have a good relationship and she only cares about his younger brother. I mean, Masamune pulling out his sword to put it at a clingy maid’s throat doesn’t sound like him. Good that Shigezane (Masamune’s cousin) was here to calm the tense atmosphere! Obvious that Kojuro knew she was a woman and omg thought it might be a cliche onsen scene since she went in and then found out Masamune was in there too! But Masamune was so considerate towards her lie that she has a big scar that she doesn’t want others to see and so he distanced himself and waited for her to dress in her boy clothes again. He doesn’t know she’s actually a girl but that consideration and kindness he gave to her was really valuable and sweet. It’s nice that the heroine got to help mend a bit of the relationship between the retainers and Masamune, group morale is very important! She nearlyyyyy got killed by a wild dog though! She’s always in dangerous situations lol.

So the peace conference they were heading to was a facade to get Masamune to let down his guard and then kidnap Masamune’s father… I remember in Ikemen Sengoku, Masamune said he killed his father with his own hands because his father didn’t want to be a hostage hindering their clan or something and so made Masamune kill him so they wouldn’t have a need to bargain or whatever. Is this what we’re going to have to see? And it is! At least, Masamune’s father was able to say that Masamune did well by destroying the enemies. It was a hard decision for Masamune but he knew what his father would have wanted him to do and it was this result. Even if no one else understands, Masamune merely fulfilled what his father wanted him to do. Maybe it’s seen as heartless but I’m sure for his father and many other people, they do not want to be a burden that will cause casualties or the downfall of their own people just because they wanted to save them. It’s war after all.

How brave of the heroine to shout back at Masamune to tell him that they all care for him and that she won’t leave him to starve himself like this over the guilt of causing his father’s death. Super brave of her to reveal her presence when he’s crying as well, like wow, it’s as if she has a death wish lolol. It seems that his body finally gave out though, not surprising considering his lack of food, personal stress and the stress coming from everyone around him condemning him as the demon that killed his father. It’s so painful to see Masamune like this though. He made the “right” choice because that’s what his father wanted but it’s a choice he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life..

It’s so kind of Masamune to allow the heroine to come along with him to Kyoto so she can see her family since she’s been rather down and homesick. Really scary and cool that Yukimura came and stopped a sword with his bare hands to protect the heroine. Too bad she still got hurt. Don’t know why he has to be provocative when Masamune comes misunderstanding that Yukimura hurt the heroine when he didn’t, sigh. So cute how Saizo comes grabbing Yukimura by the back of his collar like a little pet and escapes hahaha. Masamune’s rage isn’t something you really want to face I guess XD

I know period pain is always used as some cliche to get the guy to care for the girl, and a lot of people, guys and girls think that it’s so exaggerated that the heroine would like faint because of it, and I think that I would have thought the same if I didn’t have a similar experience. I never fainted but my period pain has caused me to feel so unwell that my face went completely white and pale and I honestly felt like I was going to faint as I staggered back home. Ever since then, the pain every month has just been quite unbearable with me usually unable to get out of bed because of the pain. So really, all I wanted to say was that even though romance stories like to use this cliche, we shouldn’t demean it just because they use it so often, because it’s real. It was so kind of Masamune to carry the heroine all the way to a village and show such concern for her. She must feel pretty bad for lying to him that she’s a guy. But he’s figuring it out now so… It’s sad that Masamune just dismissed her from her role like that after he found out she’s a woman, considering all the things they went through together. But it was so heartwarming of Shigezane to say and still treat her as one of them even if she’s a woman. He is truly kind. It was so sad when right before she left, she told him that all she wants is for him to remember to eat. She still thinks of him so much.. I’m happy that Shigezane shouted at Masamune to come to his senses on how important and trustworthy the heroine is to Masamune and that he should be more honest with himself rather than be barricaded with the idea of gender or that she lied when she had no ill intentions.

I like how cute it is that Shigezane is trying to get Masamune and the heroine together and makes them stroll around town by themselves hahaha. It’s pretty saddening that Yoshihime is Masamune’s mother and yet her disgust at his different coloured eye and hatred that he didn’t save the father has made her only the more malicious towards him. It’s pretty difficult to watch considering Masamune’s perspective. When he dismissed the heroine from his service because he knows she has feelings for him and she so bluntly acknowledged it and properly confessed to him, I thought the heroine was so brave, cool and kind, I really love her. I know he wants to protect her but that must have been so heartbreaking for her.

Well, Yoshihime is quite despicable to poison the heroine and plot with the brother to kill Masamune. At least Masamune’s little brother Kojirou is good and thinks for himself rather than merely following his mother’s path. He loves his mother but he knows what is wrong and right and that is something we can be glad for. Oh, so Yoshihime was deceived by her brother (Masamune’s uncle) that Masamune killed his father when he was begging him to not shoot, your husband isn’t so spineless, woman! But really, no wonder she hated him even more..

I’m touched that Masamune is willing to exchange his life for an antidote to save the heroine but I’m also sad that by offering it, he is ready to abandon all his vassals that follow him and his own ambition. It’s great that he’s found someone he’s willing to give his life for but he has such an important duty and responsibility that could cause grief and pain to all the people that believe in him if he were to die and his uncle and mother were to take control. I don’t want to be disappointed but I kinda am tbh. Masamune has the power to achieve great things and bring better lives to lots of people, giving it up here for a simple girl is not something I’d like to see. I feel so harsh lol. I guess I got a bit ahead of myself, Masamune only said that to get his mother to let her guard down so Shigezane could come and steal the antidote off her, I’m happy again LOL. He knows his duty to his people and his promise to his father so I’m happy. I am glad that the heroine’s influence helped him to forgive his mother and hopefully be able to amend their broken relationship though.

I approve of feeding her the antidote with mouth to mouth lolol, just because she was too weak to move anymore and couldn’t open her mouth but tried her best to swallow. If I was on the verge of death and could see the dead, it would be nice if I could see someone important to me too, I don’t know who it’ll be but it would be nice to think that I could be on my way with another person instead of alone. So cute to see Masamune feed the heroine and insist on it hahaha.

I really love how gentle Masamune is. He’s so shy but sweet too. The thought of Masamune having a bride that is not the heroine or other concubines as well really tears my heart apart. Of course it’s something normal and a part of life that the heroine probably has to accept considering that he’s a Lord that governs land and would naturally have many wives to bear descendants for him… But it’s sad to think that she was the one that brought his true self out and yet she won’t be the one to truly be able to share the rest of their lives together. Sigh. But I so loved when she asked Masamune what he loves about her and he practically writes her a love letter because he’s too shy to say it in person! But omg the letter was so cute and sweet that it’s even better, she can keep it and read it all the time haha! It was so heartfelt, I loved it.

It’s an otome so of course he’d only take the heroine as his wife but hearing him say it is just so reassuring and heartwarming. Lmao when he starts leading her to his room and she’s like “my room is over there” and he’s like “let it stay over there” as she goes over to his room hahaha. Legit loved Masamune’s route as well, don’t think there’s been a route I didn’t like haha.

Time for Kojuro to move my heart🤣 it was so cool when he ripped up the piece of paper that would let him join another clan if he wanted to, he’s so loyal to the Date clan though, I wonder why~ it’s so cute that for Kojuro, he usually doesn’t have any problems that he can’t solve but he needs the heroine to pretend to be his lover to reject the numerous marriage proposals.

A man that is willing to risk his life and go into a burning residence to get the last keepsake of the heroine’s father is a man that you can’t help but fall for. Except that’s really dangerous! Nothing is more important than their lives! Living together with Kojuro sounds great though. I mean, if the place has burnt down, nowhere better than Kojuro’s place since he knows that she’s a girl and can be much more accommodating than living at the servant quarters with everyone stuck in one room. Lmao at how messy Kojuro’s room is. I feel sorry for the heroine, she slipped and Kojuro caught her by taking the brunt of the impact but she got hit in the head and shoulders by books😊 glad she cleaned the room for him. Now she needs to fix his bad habits of having the bare minimum amount food and sleep! Which she did by slapping him hahaha, good on you heroine! She’s right that if it affects Masamune and his work, then it’s not just his problem.

Lmao when she got drunk, threw up and Kojuro took care of her and then teased her when she misunderstood what happened between them in the morning since her clothes were changed lolll. Kojuro’s mistake in giving Masamune poisoned manju once before must really weigh heavily on him, especially considering he is Masamune’s closest and most trusted subordinate and yet he failed him. I guess that’s why he’s so relieved and wants to keep the heroine here no matter what since Masamune has finally found cooking that he can trust.

The heroine is so strong to learn self defence skills and others from Kojuro and Shigezane. Pretty admirable when she was found out to be a girl and she flipped that guy too hahaha. That’s what you get for being a bully! So childish and ugly of them to do that! Sure she lied but it’s not like she did it with bad intentions! It’s always so heartbreaking when the guy tells the heroine to go back to Kyoto in order to protect her but they say it in such a mean way to get her to go, sigh. Didn’t think Kojuro was a double agent but I guess that’s understandable, he’s the only one Masamune can 100% trust after all. It’s saddening that Kojuro has to ‘die’ and leave Masamune’s side. It must be painful for the both of them to separate since they’ve been together since they were children..

Where will Kojuro go now..? Does he even have anywhere else to go? At least he took the heroine home~ but omg when she grabbed his sleeve telling him to not go and he couldn’t help but kiss her, it was so cuteeee! Living with Kojuro and working together at the restaurant sounds so blissful~ well, he’s living in the empty house behind the restaurant but same thing same thing la hahaha. I agree with the heroine that if he didn’t go back to help Masamune then he wouldn’t be the guy the heroine fell in love with. Too bad she got kidnapped by the enemy… It was reckless of Kojuro to go save her alone but it was touching that he did. At least he went about it smartly! And Masamune came to save him not just because he is very fond of Kojuro but also probably because he’s indispensable to his army tbh. Glad to see everything working out.

Kojuro’s proposal to her was so beautiful, I teared. It was so heartwarming to hear that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her because you can really feel the sincerity in his words. I loved it~ Overall, I loved both routes! They were both cute and sweet in their own ways <3

#samurai love ballad party

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letsdiscoverkitty · 6 years

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Why do you think you relapsed at Bristol Kitty? X

This has been on my mind all day (since I read your message) and has led me to doing lots of thinking.

It’s funny though, during my whole admission not one person asked me this question or helped me to explore WHY I relapsed. Granted that during my first 6 weeks I did not want to talk about uni or anything, but when I felt my mind easing a little and tried to reach out for support it wasn’t there and so I closed that lid and haven’t dared to open it since. My automatic reply has become “It was a bit too much stress/pressure and I wasn’t happy” which yes is true but is only the surface level.

I will put this under a read more as it may be long and triggering:

Firstly, looking back on it I was not in a place mentally or physically to be making such huge changes in my life again (past changes like going to York Uni and New Zealand also triggered relapses). I was itching to move out, I was literally bouncing off of the walls and hated it at home, but I was still very much stuck in Anorexia. Neither was I a healthy weight (the deal with my team at the time was that I would go to Bristol but had to engage with services straight away and commit to weight gain). These two things together meant that I was still extremely rigid, followed xy rules, and was pretty much still very intrenched in the anorexic thinking.

Accommodation: Unfortunately the accommodation I picked did not help the situation. It was in the city centre which was perfect however it was mostly made up of post grads and international students, meaning that it was very isolating and fed into my depression and social anxiety from the off.

I tried to be social and meet people, I was even voted onto the JCR board but even that didn’t help. I took on far too much and there was so little interaction with people whilst living there that I spiralled quickly.

The course:- Before even leaving for Uni, I felt behind. A combination of being out of education for a while and having not studied A level Biology meant that I felt that I needed to work harder and harder than everyone else.- My perfectionism was in its element; I put huge/near impossible unrelenting standards on myself and am extremely self-critical. Both of these traits were only exasperated by the course.- The course itself felt like 3 uni courses at the same time. One lecture we would be studying the cardiac system in physiology, the next antagonism in pharmacology and then in the human dissection rooms with Neuroscience identifying specimens. The variety was great however each area expected you to be experts in their field; so it often felt like you were having to work triply hard. - We had coursework every single week that was marked and went towards our final grade - this led to me finding it hard to STOP working (something I have struggled with a lot in the past as well)- The course itself was A LOT of hours (I seem to remember one week was something like 26 contact hours) and they expected you to do at least 1 hour for every hour contact time. Again, feeding into my perfectionism and my harsh self critic. - I then found with time that all this stress and pressure and all the working long hours and never feeling like anything was ever good enough, I didn’t enjoy any of it. I wasn’t happy. And that’s when things started to really go downhill. - I started to question everything as I began to see (or not see) that I had no idea where I was going with this degree or whether I actually wanted to be doing it. It felt like everyone had a rough path ahead of them, some sort of goal for studying neuroscience but I had nothing. I felt no connection with it.

Responsibility: I think there was a part of me that was terrified of moving out again and having to be an adult. Now I love living independently however anorexia also loves it. I personally find spending money on myself difficult and things like food shopping became even harder. This links with me not being in a place where I was ready to make such a huge change as I was stuck eating the same foods day in and day out with little to no flexibility. Yes I had gained some weight but my thinking was still so stuck. Then to throw in having to spend money on food and pay for everything else that comes with being an adult, idk part of me felt like I didn’t deserve or need these things. That it was a waste of money, that I was already x in debt with student loans now, how dare I be spending money on food and on myself. I logged all my in-goings and outgoings exactly; I had both a spreadsheet for theoretical and actual spendings as well as a budget book that I put everything I spent into.

I felt very disconnected from the people around me. There I was, 22, and I was surrounded by 18/19 year olds (and yes there were older people too but the majority were v young) and they were all going out drinking and partying (I wasn’t even invited, so there was no chance to even say yes/no) and tbh they were just so bloody immature. I didnt’ really find anyone I was close with and what with feeling alienated in my accommodation, to also feel that way on my course was horrible. I felt like I was such a burden to the people I would sit with because I was tagging along. I didn’t think that anyone liked me or wanted me to be there. They would be chatting about that night or planning on going out or talking about the nights gone by and I would just sit there copying down notes and not even able to join in.

I was really unhappyMy depression took quite a spiral and I was questioning why I was doing the course, why I was living where I was, and would ruminate over all my past mistakes and errors, tearing apart each day every night planning on how I could be better, work harder, push myself more to even attempt to be good enough in some aspect.

I suspect that I could keep going but I think this kind of sums it up?

#personal #Anonymous #asks

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missguomeiyun · 6 years

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lunch @ Hanaichi

Suuuuuuuper sorry for the late post *insert sigh face emoticon here* it has been busy around the house but after the next few days or so, things will be better as we enter fall season (my 2nd fav season). A lot of ppl like summer but I’m part of the minority; I hate sun, I hate heat, & most importantly, I hate the bugs & burns associated with hot weather -.-” So I’m looking forward to autumn =]

I came to this restaurant last week for lunch. I can’t recall when I started seeing this restaurant around. It’s located on Whyte Ave, & I think I saw it a few months back when I was stepping out of Nongbu & this happened to be across the street from the main intersection on Whyte Ave.

In any case, I went with the expectation that this was a place that’s in-between a fast food place & a sit-down restaurant. What do you call this types of eateries? Bcos I have no idea. Their menu looks promising & I deeply considered getting a lunch combo; however, I went on a Sunday so it was not available.

Here’s the full shot of the wall. Although completely unrelated, their wall reminded me of Nudoru’s wall & Pho Boy’s wall - they all have the full size painting on the one side of the restaurant. More specifically, on the left side when you enter. Coincidence? Same company of interior design?

I sat down in the corner, on a bar stool after I made my order. Here’s what the interior looked like. Pretty small place! [I went to the washroom after my meal & the hallway to it was like the longest one ever haha I didn’t think the restaurant was so narrow!]

Never complete without bamboo :P

So their menu. Aside from the chalk board on the wall that outlines the lunch combo & happy hr, they have a slideshow (of their menu, with pictures) on one of their 2 TV’s (the other is just playing whatever). The full paper menu is only existent next to the till, which, to me, seemed very “fast food”-like.

Page 1.

Page 2.

So you see, it’s underneath a piece of plastic. They don’t hand out menus. I was sort of expecting this but. .. it was still a little strange to me bcos I rarely encounter this at a “restaurant”. At the same time, it’s not like it is a fast food restaurant bcos. ..

. ..they bring water to you o_O they also don’t bring your food out in trays. Oh! & they don’t call your order number or anything so you get your food up at the counter. Altogether, definitely a new (& somewhat awkward) dining experience for me.

I got the tonkotsu ramen. I felt like amen bcos I haven’t had ramen in a long time & I’m always up for noodle soups. When the ramen was brought to me, I didn't really smell anything - usually, the broth emits a very appetizing fragrant broth-y smell, if you know what I mean? This one was quite unscented. (Notice I didn’t add the soft egg. .. bcos it was $1.95!)

The ramen was standard sized, I would say, with 2 pieces of meat =( The broth was milky in colour but lacked depth. Toppings included some corn (my fav!), wood ear fungus, green onions & bamboo shoot. There was also 1 piece of the Japanese fish cake (the white/pink spiral ones), which you can’t see as it was at the bottom. My fav part was just the noodles, tbh. I like my ramen noodle kind of al dente (vs instant noodles/ramen, I like it on the softer side). The noodles were chewy, just the way I like them. However, overall, it was very normal & even a bit subpar compared to other ramens I’ve eaten. Also considering the price. .. I would likely be back for other items but not the ramen. 6.5/10.

* * * epilogue * * *

After ordering my ramen at the counter, I sat down, & the time was 1:08pm (I got these times from the photos taken from my phone). It wasn’t until 1:25 that I got my water- tbh, I wasn’t expecting the water anyway but it took a loooong time to reach me for whatever reason. My ramen came 6 mins after that at 1:31. You might be thinking why am I mentioning all this. It is so that you (& my future self) know. Not sure if it was just the day or if they were going thru something in the kitchen. .. it definitely wasn’t the 4 customers that were present during my time - our food came out all at once even though we were unrelated. I can’t believe it took nearly 25mins for my bowl of ramen to appear as it clearly wasn’t buy. So if you were thinking of grabbing a quick meal here, I’d suggest elsewhere as service isn’t very efficient. ..

#YEGfood #whyte avenue #ramen #Japanese food #lunch

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pansexual-potatoes · 3 years

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Who is your hero?: I don’t have one.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?: I’d become a woods witch, of sorts. I picture it as a cabin so deep in the woods you only find it if you’re lost. Me, my dog and Frank (if we’re theoretically still married) in a very cute cabin with a little mailbox that’s never used and a short walkway to nowhere in particular. I’d have foxglove and lupine up front, hosta and ferns in the shaded areas and a wooden fence around my garden. No driveway but I’d have a shed with a snowmobile, snowblower, and shovel for the winter and a four wheeler, and a tiny car for the summer. I’d have a fire pit for campfires, a hot tub and a pool. Attached to the back of the house would be a greenhouse with a dining area for warm weather. Despite my rural living, I’d get great cell service and excellent internet.

What is your biggest fear?: Losing the people I care about.

What is your favorite family vacation?: My family growing up didn’t do vacations but my husband and I do. I also do fun stuff with my best friend.

What would you change about yourself if you could?: My looks

What really makes you angry?: Disrespect

What motivates you to work hard?: I have bills to pay, and we need to eat.

What is your favorite thing about your career?: I enjoy the plants. I work in a commercial greenhouse and for most of the year the plants are really nice.

What is your biggest complaint about your job?: the pay and lack of needed benefits are big problems.

What is your proudest accomplishment? I’m still here.

What is your child's proudest accomplishment?: Bailey learned to lay down. So far he’s learned Sit, Shake and lay down. I think next we’ll teach him to stay.

What is your favorite book to read?: cookbooks, lol. I actually love reading but my eyes can’t do it much anymore.

What makes you laugh the most?: memes

What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? I don’t like movie theaters. I think the last movie I saw in one was the newest grinch movie and I thought it was a cute movie. I liked how they humanized him and brought his situation into scale.

What did you want to be when you were small? An oceanographer, then a marine biologist

What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? Bailey, I’m assuming, wants to be a smart, happy and curious doggo.

If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Mentally healthy

What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? I don’t watch sports.

Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Depends on what I’m doing. If I’m in hell being punished, then you’ll see me on a bike. Horses are nice for leisure. Car if I have errands to run or am busy.

What would you sing at Karaoke night?:

I’m not singing

What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most?

I don’t listen to the radio. I have Amazon music

Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?

Any of those except the dishes.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work?

Yard work. I don’t trust people that much except a very few people so cleaning is out of the question. I love cooking so wouldn’t need help there usually either. Yard work is impersonal enough where I’d feel more comfortable with someone doing that.

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Salad. Anything can be a salad if you try hard and believe in yourself

Who is your favorite author?

Anne Rice

Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?:

Not any that weren’t degrading

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?

Generally not a fan. I have anxiety and I don’t like being the center of attention.

In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?

Any except visiting relatives.

Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why?

Hawaii. The warmth and hiking would be incredible, the beaches pretty and the cold makes my body hurt.

Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?

Hm. Win the lottery. It would allow me to help not just myself but others too.

Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island?

No one. If I’m stranded, I’m not going to make it. I don’t want someone else to go through that. I’ll just suffer alone, thanks.

If money was no object, what would you do all day?

Help people who are struggling.

If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

2014.

How would your friends describe you?

According to them, I’m nice but straightforward.

What are your hobbies?

I like cooking, hiking, makeup, and relaxing

What is the best gift you have been given?

Companionship in all it’s forms.

What is the worst gift you have received?

Domino’s and a pack of socks to share with my brother (we had to share both). This was from my moms second husbands mom and we had to sit and watch our then step sister open a pile of gifts. We were kids, and my mom and her second husband had been married for a few years at that point so there was zero reason for us to be treated like that.

Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?

Hope

List two pet peeves.

-Disrespect

-Laziness

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully further along with my mental health

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3- 1 for home, 2 for work

If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have?

I’d want to be able to financially help people

What would you do if you won the lottery?

First, before I tell ANYONE, my house is getting paid off. Ditto for all our bills. Once all that’s done, then I’ll let Frank know. From there on we decide what we want to do together

What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.)

Train isn’t bad, neither is bus.

What's your favorite zoo animal?

Hippos.🥰

If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?

If Frank and I could go back with the knowledge we have now we wouldn’t get licensed for foster care.

If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?

My husband, my best friend, Nina, and Gerard Way

How many pillows do you sleep with?

2 when I’m awake, 1 once I fall asleep

What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? Like 3 days. I was having a mental breakdown and ended up in the hospital.

What's the tallest building you've been to the top in?

No idea.

Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?

Depends on the ratio between what you lose versus what you gain.

How often do you buy clothes?

As needed.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Of course not

What's your favorite holiday?

Definitely Christmas

What's the most daring thing you've ever done?

I fought continuously for ownership of myself in a house where I was viewed as less important than furniture because I was female. I dressed as a boy, quit bathing and became as repulsive as I could so I wouldn’t be attractive to the men or women in my moms lifestyle.

What was the last thing you recorded on TV?

I don’t

What was the last book you read?

Working on a new one.

What's your favorite type of foreign food?

Love Asian foods I’ve tried

Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy, I guess.

Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

No one. I wouldn’t want people to see what I went through.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

About a half hour

What kitchen appliance do you use every day?

The Keurig

What's your favorite fast food chain?

I don’t like most of them, tbh. Maybe Subway?

What's your favorite family recipe?

My moms bread recipe

Do you love or hate rollercoasters?

As long as they’re not super tall I don’t mind them

What's your favorite family tradition?

The Christmas Poinsettia

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Probably meeting my best friend.

What's your favorite movie?

The nightmare before Christmas

How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out?

I don’t remember.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

I’m just glad it has something to drink

What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

I got married.

What three items would you take with you on a deserted island?

Food, water, and a boat to get me home.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Band.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?

Pets

Do you collect anything?

Dishes.

Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?

Comfortable clothes. I’m going to wear them regardless but it would be nice to have a bigger selection to choose from

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Absolutely an introvert.

Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

Touch

Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)

No and I’m fine with that.

Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?

Not that I’m aware of.

What do you do to keep fit?

Lol.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

Nope.

If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?

Baseline living guarantees

Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?

I didn’t really have a teacher I was close to.

What three things do you think of the most each day?

My family, my job, and my obligations

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Avoid asking questions you don’t want an honest answer for. All attempts at niceness will be tried but there is no guarantee of satisfaction.

What song would you say best sums you up?

I have no idea. There are many who describe parts of me but not one I can think of that describes me as a whole.

What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?

Weird Al. He seems like a pretty chill guy who wouldn’t mind chatting with an average person.

What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?

My lilacs.

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?

Like a 2

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Hopefully much further along with my mental health

What was your first job?

Picking pine cones out of this ladies yard.

If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join?

None.

How many languages do you speak?

English and a lot of American Sign Language

Who is the most intelligent person you know?

My husband

If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be?

Probably a bear. I’m not super social, enjoy sleeping through the winter as much as possible, am selective in my social obligations,enjoy fish and berries, avoid people if possible

What is one thing you will never do again?

Drive a semi.

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christinamirabilis · 7 years

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okay so today has actually been a fairly decent day. managed to wake up just before 9ish naturally, made myself get up instead of going back to sleep, washed my hair etc.

i asked Owen to go to family planning with me cos i needed to get swabs done but last time i was there two years ago i was so severely triggered by getting a smear taken that i ended up really really unwell. on the way, we realised that the hīkoi/parade for Māori language week was happening so we stood by to watch and tautoko, said hello two of my favourite Green MPs who were marching, waved to lots of adorable kohanga reo and kura kaupapa students who were marching and waving, listened to people singing waiata, it was lovely. I don’t know, I just feel a huge disconnect from my country sometimes, I am not a “typical kiwi” in almost all of the ways and I feel alienated and adrift, and I despair for our future so much of the time, because there are some seriously awful people with seriously awful opinions and I don’t know, I know it’s the same everywhere, but I’m just hypersensitive and it really wears me down. Anyway, I’m white as they come, but it brings me joy to see so many people who are so proud of their reo and their culture and their ancestry, so viscerally connected to each other and to the land in a way that I can never comprehend, especially precious because imperialists tried so hard to wipe them out. And it reminded me of the only parts of my childhood that I look back on with fondness - hearing waiata that I hadn’t heard or sung in 15 years, to which I realised I could still remember all the words, it recalled being in a kapa haka group as a child, singing waiata and feeling like I was part of something bigger than myself, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, blah blah. I don’t know, this is probably some pākehā bullshit to say but I just, I don’t know, in the absence of any kind of connection with my own ancestry - Scots and Welsh whose own ancestry is lost to me, who rocked up to New Zealand at the beginning of the 20th century to benefit from the violence and subjugation their countrymen had inflicted on the Māori and to further entrench this violence and subjugation, so hardly anything to be proud of - and with no emotional or spiritual connection to my identity as a white New Zealander... I don’t know, I have no right to claim any spiritual or emotional connection with anything or anyone Māori, and I would never presume to, but the feeling of warmth and calm that I felt while I stood in the weak spring sunlight with Owen and watched the hīkoi pass, I haven’t felt like that in months and months, and it was a comfort, especially given how anxious I was feeling about going to Family Planning.

Anyway, so then we went to FP and I was feeling awful, receptionist wasn’t sure if I’d actually be able to do my own swabs like the person on the phone said I would, and then I couldn’t find my community services card, spent ages on hold with MSD trying to get the number, eventually found it on the website just as I was called in. The nurse I saw was super super super lovely, understood why I didn’t want to be examined, used inclusive language that didn’t presume me to be straight for the first time in my life dealing with health professionals, gave me the swabs to do myself in the bathroom, pointed out that my smear was more than a year overdue but didn’t want to pressure me into doing it, said that when I was ready I could make an appointment directly with her since I had already met her, and she’d give me an extra long appointment so we could take things slowly. I mean, I still don’t imagine I’ll be ready to do it any time soon, but it was nice that she was so ridiculously understanding.

Later on I had to go up to uni to see my GP, because my therapist asked me to since I wasn’t doing well, and also to discuss the possibility of my having ADHD with her. She’s really great - always listens to what I have to say and agrees that my concerns are worth investigating further, she was the doctor who finally got me a PCOS diagnosis seven years after I first started to suspect I had PCOS - and she gave me an ADHD scale to fill out and bring back to her, and asked me to get hold of my school reports, and I have an appointment with her again in two weeks and she’ll look it over and make an appointment with me to see the psychiatrist at Mauri Ora rather than having to be referred to community mental health, which means I’ll have to wait for a much shorter time. I filled out the scale, made sure to answer completely honestly and really reflect on each item, and then I looked up the scale on Google so I could score it myself, as much because I’m a fucking psychology nerd as because I want to know if I’m on the right track, and I definitely got a positive score, so that’s... reassuring, tbh. Validating. I don’t know. Just to know that it’s more than possible that all of what’s wrong with me is not actually my fucking fault. But anyway, we’ll see how it goes. GP also upped my anti-depressants and wants to see how that goes over the next two weeks, I hope it helps.

Found out as I was leaving that I have a test tomorrow morning - I also have an assignment for the same class due on Friday - and freaked out a wee bit because I am NOT prepared, made an appointment to see Disability Services tomorrow and emailed my lecturer to ask to sit the test at a later date in the meantime. Both things that normally make me hugely anxious, on a day of already doing things that make me hugely anxious, so it’s kind of a miracle that I managed it. But desperate times and all that.

And then my friend was supposed to come over and hang out this evening so I made cupcakes, but she wasn’t feeling well, so more cupcakes for me I guess! And I don’t have any food here and only $10 until tomorrow so I’m going to need to go for a walk to the supermarket to get something to eat soon. It’s 6:18pm right now but I know if I go into the metro any time before 6:30 it’s going to be insane, so I’ll wait a bit. I really hate not having my scooter, but I have done quite a bit of walking today, and will have to walk there and back too, and as much as that is a huge drag, it’s also good for me and will help with the depression, so it could be worse.

Anyway, as always, kudos to you if you read this insanely huge wall of text.

#lottieface

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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723.

How fast can you say the alphabet? >> I mean, quite fast, I guess.

What are you allergic to? >> I’m not allergic to anything.

If your life were a commercial, what would your commercial jingle say? >> I would not want my life to be trivialised like that.

How many serious relationships have you had? >> Hm.

If you could read one person's mind, who would it be? >> I wouldn’t want to read anyone’s mind. That’s their space, the one place that is inalienably private. I don’t belong in it.

If someone dared you, what dare would you be afraid to attempt? >> ---

How do you like your eggs? >> It depends on the dish.

What's your most expensive piece of clothing? >> My suit, because it was bespoke.

What was your last big achievement? >> I don’t remember the last time I achieved anything, let alone something big. Except, like... video game milestones.

What famous person's memoire would you like to read? >> I had a phase of reading rockstar bios and autobios for a while in my twenties. There are very few people I am interested in enough to read a whole book about, though. And it’s mostly still musicians. Like, I’d read Nick Cave’s memoir if he wrote one.

Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? >> I can’t think of one off the top of my head, but probably.

Do you know how to ride a bike? >> Yeah.

If you could breed two species together what new animal would you create? >> I would rather not, tbh.

Rename a boot camp based on your current fitness level. >> ---

What 5 world leaders would you make sit down in a room to discuss issues? >> I wouldn’t do that. I have no faith in the ability of world leaders to work together like that.

If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? >> Er, there’s only one person I can imagine hanging around while I’m in hospital.

When was the last time you cried and what made you cry? >> Oh, god, it was because of this thing that happened Inworld last night. Oof.

If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? >> I don’t want to take any street signs.

What is your favorite ride at any amusement park? >> ---

Have you ever raised money for chariety? >> Nope.

How do you feel about growing older? >> I don’t really think about it too much except in fleeting feelings of either excitement or anxiety. Mostly I’m interested in what will happen, but also I’m afraid I’ll not live long enough (or become too infirm to enjoy it or something).

What wild animal scares you? >> None as a rule, because I don’t really encounter wild animals often enough to have cultivated a fear of any. But if I was in the situation where like, I was camping and saw a bear or something, yeah, I’d be afraid then.

Do you think actors and athletes are overpaid? >> Sure.

Have you ever been alienated, if so for what? >> I don’t know if anyone has ever intended to alienate me. I know that I feel alienated very often, but that feeling is not necessarily indicative of a thing that’s actually happening.

Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? >> Yeah, library books.

When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? >> ---

What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? >> Hrm.

How fast can you run? >> Fast enough, I guess. I was always better with sprinting than endurance running.

Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? >> I mean, I don’t really worry about that, but that’s always a possibility, I guess?

What is your most favorite feature of your favorite electronic device? >> I don’t have a favourite electronic device, I love all of them equally.

If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? >> *baffled blink*

What is your favorite Christmas or holiday tradition? >> My favourite tradition is going to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra. When we can afford it, of course.

What novel would you love to be transported into to live out your days? >> I don’t really read the kind of novels that I’d want to inhabit, lmao.

What is your favorite hiding place? >> ---

What is something your parents love that you actually love too? >> ---

Have anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back. >> Well, yes, but not because I didn’t return the sentiment, but because I have an enormous mental block against saying stuff like that.

Have you ever ridden a camel? >> Nope.

What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? >> They were all hard, fuck off.

What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? >> Er... well, I’m not in touch with most of my emotions, which is why I have to do so much work on emotional regulation and self-soothing. My least favourites are anger and anxiety because my physiological responses to them are off the charts.

Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? >> Not... particularly? I don’t really think about them, is what I’m saying.

Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? >> I don’t drive, so this will never be an issue.

What was your funniest computer or phone wallpaper? >> I don’t have any funny wallpapers.

If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go place to look? >> Inworld.

When and where are you happiest? >> I don’t know, man.

What was your favorite age, so far? >> ---

What is your favorite part of the day? >> Any quiet part of the day.

What book have you read multiple times? >> Anthem is one.

Do you keep a budget? >> No, my income is so low and expenses so few that I can keep it all in my mind with no problem.

Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? >> ---

What should we take measure of that we currently don't? >> Er, who is “we”, first of all...

Pretend you're doing an interview, what's the first question? >> What???

What do you have a hard time visualizing? >> I don’t know. Visualisation is something I think comes pretty naturally to me.

What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? >> The “group” part.

Who is your favorite crooner? >> Hmm. Nat King Cole, maybe.

What was your worst date ever? >> Every time I went out with Tommy and he left the date early to go cop drugs. Or was high or drunk during the date and nodded off at the table or behaved erratically. Or... well, you get the picture.

Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? >> Nope.

If you had to pick one food to eat everyday for life, what would it be? >> No. I don’t want to be malnourished.

Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? >> I’m supportive of my friends’ right to live their lives as they see fit, without being judged by me or anyone else. The only time I’d speak up is if I am concerned for their well-being especially if it’s something I’ve had past experience with, but at this point I’m so tired of having my genuine concern brushed off as if the fact that I care is unimportant that I might not even bother in the future.

Have you ever used the opposite sex restroom in an emergency? >> Not for that reason, no.

What did you think was stupid until you tried it? >> I can’t think of anything.

What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? >> ---

What gets better with age? >> Staying at home, lmao.

What do you most dislike about your appearance? >> I don’t want to think about this right now.

Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? >> I’m imaginative but my imagination doesn’t work that way at all.

How scared of the dark are you? >> I’m not.

What is your favorite type of seafood? >> Good question. I don’t think I have a favourite type. I’m just always down for seafood.

What triggers your inner shopaholic? >> I don’t have one of those...

What is the rudest thing a person can do to another person in your opinion? >> I don’t have an opinion about that.

What public figure do you disagree with the most? >> ---

Do you think you could ever be a firefighter, why/why not? >> No. I have too many sensory issues and shit. Just thinking about being stuffed in one of those firefighter suits makes me want to claw my skin off. Also, those fucking alarms! Fuck no.

What is/was your favorite bedtime story? >> ---

What was the last thing to make you feel happy? >> I hugged a plushie.

What is your opinion on rats as pets? >> I think rats are great! If you have a rat and you take good care of it, you’re awesome.

What is something you're afraid to try? >> Vulnerability.

What cartoon character best describes you? >> I don’t know.

What keeps you interested in your goals or dreams? >> ---

What is your favorite actress beginning with the letter J? >> Er... I don’t think I have one.

What song makes you dance uncontrollably? >> Uncontrollable dancing sounds uncomfortable and a bit dodgy. Am I being possessed??? Anyway, Big Freedia songs always make me want to dance, because that’s literally what their music is made for.

If you wanted to live off the radar where would you live? >> I wouldn’t want to live off the radar. I definitely understand the appeal, but I have too many needs that require me to be connected to society in at least a perfunctory fashion.

Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? >> They’re all right sometimes. I don’t know what my must-have topping would be.

Do you have any subscriptions? >> Well, yeah, to streaming services and stuff.

Which is better, Mario or Sonic? >> I don’t have an opinion.

Who is the most creative person you know? >> ---

Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? >> I don’t know if I’ve had any pickled thing that wasn’t a pickle. I’d like to try some.

What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? >> I don’t remember. It’s extremely likely that I didn’t do anything at all.

Are you OCD about anything? >> I don’t have obsessive-compulsive disorder, so by default the answer is “no”.

Are you a role model for anyone in your life? >> I assume not.

What song do you hate the most? >> ---

How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? >> I think there’s something thrilling about the idea that you’ll find the most amazing clothing item or knickknack or whatever for a steep discount, which is what makes thrifting an Activity(tm) rather than just some routine shopping. But personally, I find thrift stores kind of stressful because there’s always so much stuff. And none of it is ever in any order that I can navigate, and the store is always either intimidatingly large or claustrophobically small, and it's just A Lot. (Also, I don’t enjoy shopping in the first place, and thrifting is kind of like Advanced Shopping...)

What makes you feel rested and refreshed? >> Chilling out in my room doing whatever. I guess. Or being Inworld, more likely.

Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? >> I think I’m pretty slow by nature, but I also spend a lot of time in my own head because of Trauma Brain, and I wish it wasn’t like that. I feel like I miss out on a lot because I’m always busy managing myself.

In what way are you too hard on yourself? >> In what way am I not??

Can you impersonate anyone famous? >> No.

If you could go back in time to change one think what would it be? >> I wouldn’t do this. I’m firmly against it.

Can you honestly say you're enjoying your life right now? >> No, I cannot honestly say that. What I can honestly say is that I’m doing my best.

What is your favorite salty snack? >> All my favourite snacks are salty, so.

What conundrum have you ever faced? >> Er... this question.

What is your favorite restaurant? >> Maybe Long Road Distillery. I don’t really have a favourite restaurant, but they make some damn good everything over there.

Have you ever been in a play for school? >> It was during the summer, like a “summer arts program” or whatever, but yeah.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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missylou22 · 6 years

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Ahhh it’s been too long my dearest NYC.

My last trek to the city was back in 2015 with the whole O’Hara clan. I’d been itching to get back up there as we used to go quite regularly while growing up. Need a new pair of boots? NYC trip. 13th birthday? 16th birthday? New Broadway Show with phenomenal music? NYC.

THIS trip was even more exciting for another reason… Family friends of ours who used to live in California and who have since relocated to Arizona were coming to the Big Apple for the youngest’s College Graduation trip. TBH I hadn’t seen any of them in about 22 years… Yes. You read that correctly. Over 2 decades.

I was hoping to see them a few years back in Cali when the oldest “cousin” got married, but it was the same weekend as a college roommate of mine so I split to Lynchburg, VA while the family jetted across the country.

I was around 7 years old when we took the trip to California. My uncle lived out in LA for a while, but I can’t remember if we visited him first or if this was our first trip. I just remember it was a time when airlines used to serve kids meals in coach (with a stuffed plane toy like a happy meal) and Dad used to get special perks which allowed us into the cockpit of the plane to meet the pilots and DO NOT TOUCH ANY OF THE BUTTONS.

Little Brother was around a year old at the time, and there were quite a few firsts for that trip. His first haircut, we went to Universal Studios & Disney Land, Saw Gloria Estefan in concert AND handed her roses/shook her hand on stage *cue the I’m-never-washing-this-hand-again promises*, Uncle Denny tried to teach us how to water ski, and plenty more fun.

Yes, I still have the newspaper from the day after the concert, That’s August 17, 1996

I luckily had enough credit card points to purchase my direct flight from Charlotte to LaGuardia and met the family late on Thursday night for our stay at the Renaissance Times Square. After all the hello hugs, we headed up to the restaurant lobby for a quick snack, and then to get a good night’s rest before Mom & My tour guide services would be needed.

One of the best parts about staying in a hotel with Mom & Dad is that Dad reverts back into the old Softball tournament ways and finds breakfast to bring back to the room 🙂 The even BETTER part about sharing a hotel room with Mom & Dad in NYC is that the breakfast he brings back, is New York Bagels!! Breakfast in Bed, why yes I am on vacation – You’re the best Daddio!

The hotel was centrally located to just about everything – right in the heart of Times Square so Mom & I planned our loop to see the most we could before the rain was supposed to start.

First Stop? Central Park of course! A quick 13 blocks straight up 7th Ave allowed us to wander in the natural beauty of the park that almost feels like you’re in a completely different place. It looks like a giant rectangle from the sky, but when you’re in it the paths wander and roll, bringing you up to lots of memorable movie locations such as the Bethesda Fountain in the Boathouse area (27 Dresses, Elf, Maid of Honor) and Literary Walk on the Mall (Enchanted, Definitely, Maybe and about 194729 other movies).

Then up to the Met, and back down to the Plaza (Bride Wars, Eloise)… I’ll be honest, I don’t know Eloise. But our friends were very fond of her, just…. not the $500 toddler dress available in the shop downstairs.

Since we were on 5th ave, we just haaaad to stop into Tiffany & Co of course – but we were all pretty taken aback by the $22,000.00 price tag on a custom Tiffany’s Huffy Beach Cruiser bicycle. We headed up to the only floor we could afford – the Sterling Silver section, but did not leave with any blue bags in hand.

About this time it was getting close to lunch so we started to wander towards Rockefeller plaza (where the Christmas tree and ice rink is usually set) however in the summer it transforms into a lovely outdoor cafe.

NYC is almost like Disney World in the sense that there are hidden gems under the streets. In our case – our lunch spot for the day. Sadly though, there’s never enough seating so like a good New Yorker – you sit wherever you find available, even if that means the floor.

We did a little more shopping before deciding last minute to head to the Met’s Game as the rain was supposed to hold off for us! A quick stop at my usual favorite (Grand Slam in Times Square) for a replacement of NY Yankees Boxers as mine were over 15 years old and sporting holes – plus some fairly well priced sweatshirts. Then we jumped on the subway and off to Citi Field!

A Met’s win sent us back home on the Subway tuckered out with over 20k steps on the day. We all slept fairly hard that evening in preparation for Saturday’s Broadway Matinee!

It rained on us almost all day, and wasn’t seeming to let up but we kept on like New Yorkers do and walked down to Macy’s to ride the wooden escalators….

And then on to the Gershwin Theater to enjoy Wicked on Broadway – Mom & My second time seeing the show, Dad and the rest of the gang’s first. We had planned to change into proper Theater-wear, but by the time we got back and considering the next walk – we were going to be soaked anyway so we went as is.

I do love this show – the music is moving and the lighting/effects are really breathtaking. We looked at Daddio at intermission and asked him what he thought after Defying Gravity, and all he could say was “WOW”. 🙂

The rain did let up a little bit after the show and we headed back to the hotel to regroup and find dinner at one of my old favorite bars off Times Square – The Mean Fiddler. I found this spot while interning with CBS Sports the summer of 2009 and fell in love with it. The staff is all from different parts of Ireland so if their accents don’t get you – I don’t know what’s wrong with you. The food is good pub food, the beers are cold & below the main restaurant is a space for karaoke, salsa dancing, etc. depending on the night! I stumbled back to my apartment a time or two from there that summer.

Because it was also a celebration weekend for my parents (34th wedding anniversary) the waitress we had brought the entire table of 7 Cinnamon Toast Crunch shots and then took the boomerang of all of us!

With our tummy’s full we decided to jump in with the rest of the tourists at the M&M and Hershey’s stores right next to our hotel for the sugar fix. Hershey’s store is definitely more affordable than M&Ms (although you can choose your individual colors & flavors) plus they give you a fun size Hershey bar as you walk in the door – Just like at the end of the ride at Hershey Park!

All of our tired butts headed back to the hotel for bed and the final stops Sunday before flights out of town. We went together to Daddio’s Bagel spot for breakfast, Pick-A-Bagel on 8th ave, and with the tiny restaurant so packed, we came back to the Firefighter’s memorial park on 47th ave. We all reminisced on our favorite parts of the weekend and started planning for our next trip together… maybe New Orleans?! 😉 But definitely not in the thick of summer – maybe in the Fall…. October.

A couple of us headed back towards St. Patrick’s Cathedral and took in a piece of Sunday Mass while admiring the artwork inside. I jumped in an uber with the extended family for a ride back to the airport while Mom & Dad called their car for the 4.5 hour drive back to Virginia.

I really lucked out with my flights – not only because they were technically free, but when I arrived back at LaGuardia to head home to Charlotte I didn’t have a seat assignment yet. So I breezed through TSA Pre-Check (totally worth it not to have to remove electronics & shoes) and onto my gate where I was placed in the exit row, window seat.

My little legs were happy for the extended space and I arrived back in the Queen City with NY Bagels in my backpack for the following week.

A great time back in my home away from home – you know that total relaxation feeling you get when you walk in the front door to your home after a long day? That’s how I feel in New York City. While I wouldn’t be able to live there again, I like my space too much, I know where I am and how to get where I want to go when I’m there. The people really aren’t all as rude/mean as you think they are – you can ask anybody down in the subway for Directions and they’re happy to help.

Concrete Jungle Where Families Come Together Ahhh it's been too long my dearest NYC.

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