#this is obviously a joke post

[chuuyascumsock]

Whoever asked for more Milf/Dilf Reader x Characters— what about the Gilfs?

What about Gojo telling you “I’m going to fuck this pussy/ass so hard it’s going to cremate”?

What about Tojo only being in it for the life insurance and calls you his “little hag”?

What about Geto already planning on finding places that will euthanize you because he thinks the elderly needs to be put down after 60?

What about Nanami being there because in order to be a Boy Scout leader he needs to get his “helping the elderly” badge?

What about Choso who needs someone to make him milk and cookies and knit him ugly Christmas sweaters?

What about Sukuna planning on having you burned at the stake because it’s tradition back in his day to light the respected elders on fire to sacrifice for the people? (He just wants to see someone on fire.)

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #toji x reader #toji fushigro x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen x reader #this is obviously a joke post #but I’m giggling #I think I’m hilarious #also nanami just seems like he’d be a Boy Scout leader to me

[disneybuddy]

Hey, everybody, guess what?!

Disney just announced that they're doing a new Muppets movie! A theatrical one, too!

No word yet as to what the plot will be, but we DO know that there'll be lots of meta humor - after all, it worked SOOOOOOOOO WELL in the Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers movie!

It's also been revealed that the film won't use puppetry at all. Instead, the Muppets will be CGI. But it'll be really good CGI that mimics puppetry - again, just like the Swedish Chef parody in the Chip and Dale movie. You won't be able to tell the difference!

But the film's biggest selling point is its star-studded voice cast. After all, movies NEED to have celebrities voicing the characters in order to be successful. Just look at how successful Strange World was. And Delgo. Yeah, that was a huge success, wasn't it? And yes, it's been confirmed that none of the celebrities will be making any sort of effort to actually sound like the characters. Nobody would be able to take the characters seriously if they had their usual voices for a full movie, right?

The cast is as follows...

Seth MacFarlane as Kermit the Frog

Melissa McCarthy as Miss Piggy

Chris Pratt as Fozzie Bear

Danny Pudi as Scooter

Tracy Morgan as Rowlf the Dog

John Mulaney as Rizzo the Rat

Diego Luna as Pepe the King Prawn

John Oliver as Sam the Eagle

Seth Rogen as Sweetums

Flula Borg as the Swedish Chef

Eric Andre as Dr. Teeth

Kevin Hart as Floyd

Maya Rudolph as Janice

Ken Jeong as Zoot

Chris Rock as Animal

Johnny Galecki as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Idris Elba as Beaker

Ed O'Neil as Statler

Lewis Black as Waldorf

Adam Devine as Robin the Frog

Snoop Dogg as Bobo the Bear

Nick Kroll as Beauregard

Awkwafina as Camilla the Chicken

Various YouTube/TikTok celebrities as the various monsters, chickens, penguins, and rats

Oh yeah, and Dave Goelz is reprising his role as Gonzo... which I'm sure means that they care about the integrity of these characters as opposed to them only keeping him on board so we don't get mad that they replaced all the other puppeteers.

Surely this will be a wonderful, very successful movie and not a stunt-casting-ridden, painfully unfunny abomination that flies in the face of everything that the Muppets stand for!

#this is obviously a joke post #they're not actually doing a muppet movie with CGI muppets voiced by celebrities #not to my knowledge at least #this was just a clumsy attempt at satire

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[strawberryjammery]

Omg guys the new Dan and phil games video looks crazyyy

#obviously this is a JOKE #🫣 #dapg #dapgames #dan and phil #dan and phil games #dan howell #phil lester #phan #phandom #I cant believe I’m making a post tagged phan in the year of our lord 2024 #good omens reference #amazing phil #amazingphil #danisnotonfire

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[irregularjohnnywiggins]

You ever have those moments where an idea just... won't leave your head?

#dcu #batman #bruce wayne #green arrow #oliver queen #fake tweets #things I was not able to adequately convey in the format: #obviously Bruce's reasoning is really a lot closer to Ollie's but Bruce has a secret identity to maintain and Ollie... well #I don't know if you can make it out but his twitter profile pic is him in the Green Arrow costume and that's not accidental #also I am pretty sure that Bruce does just have the first airing date of The Price is Right saved in a corner of his mind palace #just in case it's ever relevant to a case #and he's angry at Ollie because Ollie knows that and also knows Bruce can't admit it because it would raise too many questions #also I did consider an extra scene where they tag-team harass Lex #but it just didn't sound right to me #also I put a whole load of Green Arrow references in here #Q-Core N_Singh and H_Fyff are all from the Nu52 Green Arrow runs #albeit Naomi and Henry are at least in the good Nu52 runs #obviously this is post-Snowbirds Don't Fly/Hard Travelling Heroes in general so Oliver is trolling Hal and setting up needle exchanges #and even Hal explaining to Ollie what Twilight is is a reference to one of the most dated things about the Arrow pilot: #the extremely tacky Twilight joke #anyway hope you enjoyed!

[braxiatel]

I am not here to police anyone’s characterisation, but I will just say I wish more people would acknowledge that Mumbo isn’t just anxious he is also

1. full of violence

2. Autistic

3. homosexual to his very core

#this is a joke post if you could not tell by the jokey format #obligatory I am obviously talking about the character and not the content creator tag #mumbo jumbo #hermitcraft #mcyt #the void collection

[lazycranberrydoodles]

i think the barbie movie would have a profound psychological impact on hua cheng

prev comic / next comic / follow for still more hualian barbie movie content because i am not done

bonus angsty version 🎉 i hate love expressions just a couple tiny lines on the mouth and eyebrows and it goes from silly to sad

:(

#this is a haha hua cheng devoted joke but idk it’s nice to think about how much of his identity and self worth is placed on xie lian #obviously since he was 10 most of his major life choices were to serve the crown prince #but in the interval time he became one of the most dangerous men in the world and decided it was his responsibility to create a ghost haven #he works on artistic mastery and alternatively brokers deals with and evades assassination attempts by heaven #if asked i think he would say he only does good for dianxia’s sake (What Would Dianxia Do) and is actually a bad person #and similar stuff about his combat and art skills #theres a question here about how much of his success is due to being such a determined person and how much #of it is luck from ‘the savior’ reversing the star of solitude #how much hua cheng is left when you take away xie lian? #he would say nothing #xie lian would say a billionaire genius playboy philantrophist etc #tgcf looooooves to talk about destiny and free will and so do i #all this to say if it was in character for hua cheng to cry at a movie hed be sobbing #this can be read as pre or post confession btw #the poll decided which version of the comic was the ‘main version’ above the cut #tgcf #art #comic #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hob #mxtx #my art #barbie #barbie movie #tgcf meme #lmao

[philsbrownquiff]

Guys, Phil is 37…. Debating if they’ll have kids or not is pointless he’s already too old to be getting pregnant without complications (geriatric pregnancy starts at 35), not to mention his health problems. Like Dan should’ve knocked him up years ago, they’re really past the point of no return. Sorry about it but they’re not stupid, they would’ve already done it if they were gonna

#does this joke even make sense #I really do not know #and I don’t know why I’m making it #mpreg #male pregnancy #lyd.og #phan #oh god that tag here is… oof #also obviously this whole post is dumb and you can get pregnant after 35 and blah blah blah #dan and phil

[ogsherlockholmes]

ACD writing A Study in Scarlet: Here's an idea, I've worked very hard on it and I'm very proud, do you like it? You don't? I'll fix it, let me fix it, I can make it better.

ACD writing The Sign of The Four: This is better, in fact, it's perfect. Cyclical structure and everything, check it out, Fleshed out characters, amazing storyline, I know you're going to like this one.

ACD writing anything Holmes related afterwards: Here, take this. I thought of it in the bathroom and wrote it on a piece of toilet paper. I don't care what you do with it just take it, now, I hope it's shit so you stop asking for it. Is there a deeper meaning? Stop asking me questions. Anyway, have you heard of Professor Challenger?

#this is a joke #obviously #i'm well aware that acd was actually writing two stories at the same time to compensate for the public not understanding his actual point #or something like that #honorary prof challenger mention #sherlock holmes #sherlock #acd #acd canon #poor guy wanted to write about fairies #there is also a double meaning to that #acd johnlock #actual mess of a post

[drawn-and-talk-of-peace]

If anything happens to Eddie, I will gladly be your alibi. 

If anything happens to Argyle? I will need an alibi. 

#before you think I'm planning a murder I'm absolutely not #stranger things #this is obviously a joke post #a shitpost if you will #but also I'm serious #I'm almost done with episode 8 and I'll be really upset if anything happens to argyle #I already figured Eddie was a dead man by the end of episode 1 so I'm ready for that pain

[thatswhatsushesaid]

psa that the day there are no jgy stans left on tumblr dot com is the day i am dead

but rest assured i'll go to my grave exactly as i lived: obnoxiously proclaiming to everyone within earshot how great lianfang-zun is. narratively, metaphorically, spiritually. sexually, too, like why limit myself. i like to keep my options open

#the spirit of su minshan possessed me for a minute there but like. i'm fine with it #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌 #editing this post to add that while the tone here is clearly joking #i really am fundamentally still engaged with this fandom #and with this book #almost exlcusively because of my enjoyment of jgy #even xiyao is secondary for me like i love it and i'm ride or die for it obvs #but jgy as a character is the main draw for me. and he would have me by the throat even if there was no zewu-jun #(tho i think jgy's life would be more depressing for his absence obviously) #but he is just. /clenches my fists!!! #THE most compelling character in the story and i cannot stop thinking about him!! cannot will not!! #who else in this book has his range? who else can be the doe-eyed idealist AND the spy with blood on his hands who ends a war? #who else is two different greek tragedies and at least two separate shakespearean tragedies rolled into one antagonist #an antagonist who but for the POV of the novel could very easily have been the protagonist #whose moral event horizon is so deeply entwined with his own trauma and abuse that there is no way to meaningfully separate #the violence he does to others from the systemic violence that was done to him for his whole life? #who else in this book manages to get five separate sect leaders utterly obsessed with him no matter how you choose #to interpret that obsession? #no one!!! that's who!! #ain't no one else in the jianghu doing it like lianfang-zun and that's just a goddamn fact

[cheeto-flavoured-pasta]

Stop being cowards and make your important male characters shorter, goddamnit

#writeblr #*technically* #this post is totally not brought to you by a 4'11 dude that's tired of people making all the significant guy characters walking lampposts #and also stop portraying short men as 'less of men' I will fucking bite you #like short ppl jokes are fine obviously but there are some things that are just really stupid and worn out

[the-owl-tree]

the fourth apprentice

#warrior cats #dovewing #ivypool #lionblaze #jayfeather #deer scribbles #joke comic based on my last post lol #i was gonna add it but eh #it can stand on its own #dont take it seriously very jokey obviously

[deoidesign]

Hm... I'm feeling benevolent...

#every time i use the word 'benevolent' i remember that guy who called me 'sensei'??? #because he asked me for a crit and i was basically like 'i really dont like your comic' but obviously constructively #and then he kept messaging me asking for more critique and i had to tell him to stop #and then he made a video review of my last comic and the whole review was like #'yeah so i havent really read this comic. looks pretty sick though. i basically harassed her and she had to say to stop lol' #anyways. that was weird. he used the word benevolent a lot so i always think of him. sending good vibes hope hes still making comics #oh yeah also this is kind of spoilers but not really #sorta like afterword stuff #gotta sketch gotta get into the mindset... #im not sure if that counts as spoilers at all lmfao its just minor design changes #anyways. #time and time again #spoilers #what the hell i typed 'spoilers' and '911 spoilers' was the first option?????? #uh #adam and steve #ttawebcomic #sketches #sketch dump #these used to be patreon posts but its been like 5 months so. theyre free noe #the word 'benevolent' is literally an inside joke with myself now LOL

[rainedroptalks]

What is it with fantasy high and girls dying before their lives ever began. How we can never really know who they are, or who they could’ve been. Brennan Lee Mulligan I will find you

#ramblings #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #lucy frostblade #yea yea this is obviously about Lucy. but also.. #um #penelope everpetal #(collective booing from the crowd) #(I am dragged off the stage) #jokes aside tho #they both have that quality of haunting a narrative (Penelope specifically in the seven and Lucy in fhjy) #they’re gone. their stories are over. and yet #they have a hold over the ones they left behind #we will never truly know Lucy past anecdotes and old stories #penelope was an array of false faces and honestly? we’ll never know her either. all we’ve got is that old picture of her and Sam #and obviously Lucy was kinder. she definitely didn’t deserve what happened to her #while you could argue Penelope got what was coming for her #but the fact remains #Lucy Frostblade and Penelope Everpetal we’re both teenage girls who we can only catch glimpses of. forever #in some ways #they’re the same. dead girls who never fully leave. their ghosts still visible in the corner of your eyes #anyway rant over I’m just obsessed with d20 girls and I can draw parallels from anywhere #I might make a more… comprehensive post about this one day who knows