#this is one of the silliest things i've written in a while and i had a lot of fun with it

[primatechnosynthpop]

Ok ok you know the nkotr roleswap au that Kris came up with and then I thought about it like 10× as much as she ever did because I'm fucking insane. If you don't know about it this should roughly inform you. Anyway uhhh here's the roleswap verse romantic comedy episode

--New Roles on the Swap: Romantic Irony--

They were supposed to meet at a hipster bar downtown. Max had been there before, but only to hang around outside it and beat people up. Those stupid hipsters always had so much money to spend on cold brew and overpriced donuts--they made easy targets. But you wouldn't catch him actually eating at a sissy place like that.

Well. Not until tonight, apparently. Because the stupid studio told him to. Hopefully the guy he was meeting would at least be cute.

"Well now, Maximilian!" Mitch had proclaimed a few hours prior upon reading their latest message from the studio. "It seems the studio has decided that even a mongrel like you should get a chance at love. They want us to film a romantic comedy webisode where you get to go on a date..."

"Date?" Daxter Flaxter had immediately balked at the prospect. "Nuh-uh! No girlz allowed!"

Mitch cut him off with a tut-tut noise and a wag of his finger: "...With a boy."

A sitcom ooh! sound effect played in the background. Daxter's reaction didn't change, though. He made a face and mimed spitting up something gross; Max laughed at the comedic display, the surrounding circumstance immediately forgotten.

"Nah, you two have fun, but I'm not taking part in this," Daxter said with a shake of his head as he headed for the door. "No romance for Daxter! I'm out!"

Now, standing outside the restaurant scuffing the stupid stuffy shoes Mitch had forced him into against the dirty pavement, Max wished he'd opted out of this one too. Yeah, the studio asked him to do it and all, but couldn't they have found somebody else? This whole thing stunk, and he hadn't even met his date yet.

He caught a snippet of conversation from a young couple strolling past with their arms linked and smarmy grins on their faces. Max grimaced and stuck his tongue out at them. Then the guy pulled out a ring, and the sour expression flipped to an eager sneer. Boy, talk about easy targets! Max was just about to march over and threaten them into handing the ring over when an unfamiliar hand tapped his shoulder. Max turned, instinctively baring his teeth, to see a guy around his age with shoulder-length brown hair and glasses wearing a baseball cap and a short-sleeved suit.

"So," the strange guy greeted him in a disinterested tone, "Are you my quote- 'date'- unquote?"

"Nah, I'm just here to make a movie for plymouth rock studios." Then Max remembered what kind of movie they were making, and he snapped his fingers. "Hey, wait a second... maybe I am your date. Are you Spencer?"

But this couldn't be him, right? Spencer was supposed to be cute, not some four-eyes. To his disappointment, the guy nodded.

"Ch'yeah, bro." Spencer stuck his hands in his pockets and gestured vaguely toward the restaurant. "So, you wanna go inside, or should we do more of an avante-garde, experimental date where we just, like, exist adjacent to each other or whatever?"

"Nahh, that sounds like a waste of time," Max decided. "Let's eat. But you're paying."

***

It was pretty dark in the bar, with a few tacky neon signs being the only sources of light. That made it a little easier to sit across from Spencer, but it didn't make listening to him talk any better. Max rolled his eyes and squirmed in discomfort while his date babbled on about whatever his dumb hipster job was and all the stupid bands he'd seen. He only tuned back in when Spencer snapped his fingers in his face several times in quick succession.

"Uh, hello?" Spencer huffed. "I was asking what kind of music you listen to."

Max stared blankly at Spencer for several seconds, jaw dangling partway open. Then he blinked, and suddenly remembered the communicator wristwatch he was wearing. Yeah, that's right, Mitch had promised to help him out with this stuff...

He raised his arm to talk into the watch, only to remember that his friend had stuffed him into a dumb frilly suit beforehand and it covered his wrist. Suddenly flustered, Max scrambled off the barstool he was perched on, knocking it over with a loud clatter in the process. Everyone else in the hipster bar turned to stare at him. His face flushed and he scowled at the onlookers, but Spencer was quick to make a dismissive gesture at the crowd.

"Chillax, broskis, he's with me." Then, lowering his voice and turning back to Max: "What's the deal? You're not, like, ditching me, right?"

"Nah, I just gotta take a piss. Be right back."

With that he scrambled off to the bathroom, where he whipped out the communicator watch. An image of Mitch flickered onto the screen. It looked like he was in a warehouse somewhere exploiting a bunch of factory workers, but Max didn't care about that.

"Hey, Dollarton, I need your help. What kind of music do I listen to?"

"You? You don't listen to anything besides that dreadful rap and heavy metal," Mitch sniffed. "But don't tell your date that, or he'll think you're a degenerate. Tell him you listen to opera or something with a modicum of sophistication."

"Opera? What, you want him to think I'm gay or something?"

Mitch's brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to say something, but one of the workers he was exploiting spoke up in the background just then and he cut himself off with a sigh. "Oh, never mind. Just tell him whatever you think he wants to hear. That's how I win over all my boyfriends."

So, when Max re-seated himself across from Spencer, the first thing he said was "Yeah, I don't really listen to anything. I've got better things to do."

Spencer raised his eyebrows, and though his eyes remained half-lidded, he sounded impressed. "No music? Woah, that's like uber-niche. Here I was worried you'd listen to, like, mainstream pop or something," he added, slumping back in his seat in clear relief.

"Naww, pop music blows," Max said, making a face. "All that perky autotuned junk about love and partying... I just wanna stuff all those singers in a locker and keep 'em there until they starve. That'd show 'em."

Spencer laughed out loud at that, though he quickly buried it in a fake cough and adopted a more detached amusement. Max's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Hey, when this guy smiled suddenly he looked a lot cuter, what was up with that?

"That is literally so true." Spencer rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a you know gesture. "And then these quote- 'alternative'- unquote artists will cross over into the mainstream, and it's like, ugh, I can't believe I ever thought they were cool."

Max couldn't relate to that, but he nodded his head and snickered along anyway. Spencer looked a lot more relaxed now, and... yeah. That was good. If they did a good job on this date they'd probably get paid more by the studio.

He recalled a tip Mitch gave him a couple hours ago, when he was helping him get ready. "Believe it or not, I do have some amount of faith in you," Mitch had said as he ran a comb through Max's tangled and matted hair. "You hardly have to be a gentleman to act like one, and you do have a sort of brutish charm, in the animalistic sense."

"Heh, yep." It was only a few seconds later that Max had cocked his head with a scowl as his friend's words sunk in. "Wait, animalistic?"

Without bothering to follow up on that comment, Mitch had straightened Max's collar for him and, looking him dead in the eyes, added sternly: "Oh, and Maximilian, do try to compliment him. Men like that, you know."

Now, looking his date up and down in the dingy lighting, Max struggled to dredge up a compliment. What could he say that would make a guy like him?

"Hey, Spencer... nice suit." Encouraged by the way Spencer glanced up at him, looking almost startled by the words, Max sneered and went on: "Did your mom buy it for you?"

An odd look passed over Spencer's face, and he hesitantly shook his head. "Nah, bro. This isn't even a real suit, 'cause I figured that'd be too conformist." He tugged at his collar, and for the first time Max realized that his date was actually wearing a t-shirt designed to look like a suit and tie. "It's ironic, natch."

"Ironic? What's that supposed to mean?" Max demanded, narrowing his eyes. The word felt funny in his mouth, like some foreign language something. "You keep talking like that and I'm gonna shove you in a locker."

He realized his mistake when Spencer, already no longer smiling, lowered his head with a sigh and gave him a reproachful look. Max gulped, sweat trickling down the back of his neck. Ah, crud. This wasn't going well. At this rate the studio wasn't even gonna pay him, and they promised they'd pay him next time he did good on a webisode!

Muttering an excuse under his breath, Max pushed himself away from the table, only to tip precariously backward on the wobbly barstool. He windmilled his arms with a yelp. Just before he could fall, Spencer darted forward and grabbed the stool, holding it in place. Doing so put his hand right between Max's legs; the two stared at each other for a few seconds, thick with awkward tension, until Max jumped down and made his second hasty getaway of the night.

This time there was a dull rabble in the background of Mitch's setting when he answered his communicator, and it looked like some of the workers in the warehouse were sharpening weapons. Mitch, too, seemed a little more on edge.

"Yes? What is it this time?"

"He doesn't like me," Max whined, trying to keep his voice low as he crouched in the dingy bathroom stall. "What do I do?"

"Ah, what indeed. Of course you can't just bribe him into more dates the way I would." Mitch paused, rubbing his chin in contemplation. "Perhaps you can win him over with your traditional masculinity--your knack for beating people up, for one. That's one skill that myself and Daxter are rather lacking in."

"Yeahhh, good point. I'll try that."

When he got back to the table, Spencer was texting on one of those little internet gadgets dweebs used. While he was looking down at the device, Max flicked his fingers against Spencer's nose. Spencer jerked back, hands flying up to clutch his nose with an indignant yelp. Max snickered as he took his seat.

"Hah. Got you."

"Bro, that was so not..." Spencer trailed off, eyes widening, as his gaze swept over the hand responsible for knocking his dumb nerd glasses askew (he was kinda cute with them crooked like that, not that Max even noticed or cared!) "Wait, are those real missing fingers?"

"Huh? Yeah." Remembering what Mitch had said about his masculinity, Max held up both hands to show off the bandaged stumps where a few of his digits used to be. "Lost 'em in a fight. Cool, huh?"

Spencer grimaced. "Nah, bro, physical fights are totally lame. I only fight with people on Myspace and Tumblr."

Max, unsure of what to say to that, opened his mouth and pointed to the gaps inside. "I got some teeth knocked out, too."

They were saved from any further conversation by a waiter showing up with their food. Max wasted no time grabbing a handful of bacon and stuffing it into his mouth, while Spencer stopped to snap some photos of his kale sriracha salad before he even popped open the lid of the mason jar it was served in. Heh, you snooze you lose, Max thought as he reached across the table to swipe some onion rings off Spencer's plate while he was too busy taking pictures to guard his meal.

Spencer raised his head to give him a cold glare. Just like that, the hot and juicy food turned to ash between Max's teeth. Crap. He doesn't like that. With the slow methodical movements of someone disarming a bomb, Max stretched his jaw open and reached inside to pull out the half-chewed mess of fried onion and place it back atop Spencer's plate. This did not improve things.

Ah, man, this sucked. He needed Mitch's help again. Ducking under the table to hide from Spencer's reproachful glare, Max pulled his communicator watch out and tried to call Mitch again. This time he got a busy signal--no response. Yeah, typical Dollarton, always betraying him.

(Unbeknownst to Max, at about that time Mitch was crouched under a desk in the warehouse as his peasants revolted, trying desperately and failing to get ahold of Daxter for help. Daxter, meanwhile, ignored his own communicator going off and carried on whistling a bluesy melody from a video game while he fed spoonfuls of gatorade to his most prized anime figurine.)

"Hey, that wristwatch is bitchin'," Spencer interjected. "Is that, like, an underground brand or what?"

"Eh-heh-heh-heh, yup." Max smirked and puffed out his chest in self-satisfaction. "Me and Daxter Flaxter and Mitch Dollarton are the only ones who've got 'em."

Spencer recoiled with a cringe when he mentioned Mitch. "Pssh, bro, the Dollartons are like the richest family in Massachusetts. They're all total posers. Why are you hanging out with one of them?"

"Eh, well, it's not like I like him or anything..." That was kind of a lie--he did like Mitch, though he wasn't sure why--but man, he sure could be annoying sometimes. "It's cause we make movies together. You ever hear about, uh, New Kids on the Rock?"

Spencer nodded, eyes lighting up in recognition. "Oh yeah, natch. A bunch of my mutuals are into it, and they've been telling me to check it out, but I wasn't sure because it kinda has the vibe of something that might get big. I mean, I can always say I liked it before it was cool, but that only does so much for my cred since posers lie about liking stuff before it was cool all the time..." He trailed off from his rambling with a shrug, but Max noted with satisfaction that he was smiling again in that barely-managing-to-be-disaffected way. "But web shows are the new television anyway, so I guess I'll check it out."

They lapsed into silence for a while, eating their food. When the evening was winding down, Max reached over and tugged on Spencer's arm.

"C'mon, we better bust this joint before they try and take our money."

"Nah, bro, it's chill," Spencer assured him with a dismissive wave. "The people here know me; they always give me a discount."

Max squirmed, shooting a glance over his hunched shoulder at a waiter walking nearby. "Are you sure? Mitch says he's not lending me money anymore after last time..."

"For realsies, I've got it." Spencer shot him a smirk as he pulled out a wallet. "But hey, if you wanna pay me back so bad, how about you walk me home?"

***

Spencer, it turned out, lived in an old colonial-style house just down the block from the fabled Plymouth Rock (which, of course, was constructed to honour the film studio of the same name). While Max was leading him up the driveway, their arms proudly linked, Spencer suddenly stopped. Max shot his date a puzzled glance. What, he wasn't pissed at him again, was he? Yeesh, at this rate the studio was never gonna give Max his paycheck!

But rather than glowering, Spencer was blushing. He moved his hand down from the crook of Max's arm to slide their hands together.

"Hey, listen, about your fingers... it's sick, bro."

Max tilted his head. He couldn't be sure, but the way he said it sounded like a compliment. Sure enough, Spencer went on:

"I guess I was just weirded out because I'm, like, not really into the punk scene? But if you think about it, it's actually a really radical statement against mainstream expectations. I mean, why should the man tell us how many teeth or fingers we should have, or whatever?" Spencer picked at the frayed bandages on Max's hand as he said this, sending a thrilling shudder down Max's spine. "And body modification is already a thing, so maybe getting fingers removed will be the next big trend in, like, 20XX or whenever. And if that happens then you'll be a total legend for doing it before it was cool."

"Heh, yeah," Max agreed, even though he didn't really get what Spencer was going on about. Then, grabbing Spencer's hand and holding it up to his mouth: "Hey, if you wanna lose a finger, I can bite it off for you right now. Maybe we can even sew it onto my hand, like a keepsake. Eh-heh-heh-heh."

Spencer's face grew bright pink and he rapidly shook his head. "N-nah, bro, that... it's cool. Another time, y'know?"

"Yeahhh," Max said, a grin slowly spreading over his face as he let his date's hand go. "Another time, 'cause we're gonna go on more dates. Nice."

With that, they said goodbye at the door, and Spencer went inside. Max let out a cry of victory the second the door closed behind him.

"YES! Take that, Mitch, and Daxter, and the studio! You bozos didn't think I could go on a date, but I did it, and now you hafta gimme a paycheck!"

***

So yeah last nite was fun, I mean he's totes cray & kinda ugly but if u think abt it that actually makes dating him better bc it's, like, going against normie standards or whatevs <3

Lounging on his bed that morning with his vape pen dangling halfway out of his mouth, Spencer scrolled through his camera roll for a photo to append to his latest blog post. He'd taken a couple during the date without Max noticing, but they weren't really from flattering angles... he finally selected one of Max with his head cocked like a stray dog, with a little piece of bacon sticking out from between his lips. Spencer chuckled lightly at the detail, but catching it led to him staring at those lips for a few seconds longer than necessary, and... oh man. His heart pounded in his chest like the predictable beat of the pop songs he and Max had bonded over hating. He, like, liked this guy. Unironically.

No sooner had he finished making the post than his dad barged into his room, unannounced as always. Spencer sat up with a beleaguered sigh and took his headphones off to address John Smith.

"Um, knock much?"

"I did knock, you foolish boy, you just didn't hear me over your music," the old pilgrim said with an accusatory finger jab. "Now tell me, who dares trespass in our driveway?"

"Geez, Dad, chillax. It's probably just a..." He trailed off, mind and heart alike racing when he realized. "Oh, dip, that'd be Max!"

John Smith's sunken eyes narrowed. "...Max?"

"Uh, ch'yeah. He's like my new boyfriend, or whatever," Spencer said with a deflective shrug as he slid off the bed and moved toward the door.

But to his annoyance, his father moved to block his exit, hand darting down to hover over the hilt of his sword.

"A new boyfriend? You'll have no such thing! I've told you before, Spencer Smith, it falls upon you to find a wife and carry on the pilgrim lineage before we go extinct!"

"But Da-ad, I--!"

His father silenced him with a flash of his blade. The ancient but still deadly strip of metal came to hover inches from Spencer's throat. Spencer gulped and took a step back. He always used to think John Smith was rad for having a sword, because pilgrims with muskets were so conformist, but the way his dad acted about Spencer's relationships was totally wack. And the decapitated look totally wasn't in right now, so he could only stand back and watch as his father slammed the door behind him and stormed off, no doubt to scare away the realest human connection Spencer had felt in months.

***

The small bouquet Max had stolen off a grandma's windowsill on the way over was pretty much squashed into mulch from how much he'd worried the flowers between his sweat-slicked palms. It felt like something similar was happening to his heart. Like some kinda giant had stuck its big ugly hand in his chest and was squeezing his heart to mush. Man, was that sappy or what?

He paused halfway up the driveway and cast a nervous glance over his shoulder to the decorative rock on the Smiths' front lawn. Mitch and Daxter peered out from behind it to give him a thumbs-up, although Mitch--who was already back in his usual stuffy clothes after getting bailed out from prison earlier that morning--looked a little less excited. Max tried to return his friends' encouraging gesture, but out of habit his hand accidentally raised in a middle-finger position instead.

The second he knocked on the door, it swung open with a bang. Max jumped back with a startled shout and ducked to avoid a sword being thrust in his direction by an older guy in weird pilgrim clothes.

"Get off my property, you miscreant," the guy holding the sword hissed. "You're not welcome here!"

"Suck it, geezer," Max sneered. "I ain't here for you. Where's Spencer?"

"Spencer? Why..." The pilgrim paused, visibly searching for words, until he broke into a wicked grin. "...Spencer's been dead for ten years!"

"Huh?" Max narrowed his eyes. "That's bull. I just went on a date with him last night."

He tried to shoulder past the pilgrim to get inside, but a slash of the sword against his cheek made him think better of it. He flinched, hand flying up to brush away a thin line of blood that sprung up in the sword's wake. The pilgrim lunged forward, hissing, to strike him again. Max let out a shout of startled indignation and backed off the porch in a haphazard stagger.

Once he was off the steps and out of range of that crazy guy's sword, he grabbed the nearest heavy object--the communicator watch on his wrist; fat lot of good that whole gimmick did for him--and chucked it as hard as he could at the pilgrim's stupid hat. Then he turned tail and bolted.

His friends intercepted him at the bottom of the driveway. Daxter gave him a good-natured smack on the back, grinning again now that the disruptive field of romance had been dispelled.

"Too bad!" he proclaimed cheerfully. "Looks like you won't be getting any action!"

"Don't be too downtrodden now, Maximilian," Mitch added, laying a hand on Max's arm when he hung his head. "Going on a date with a dead man? People have made fortunes off less remarkable stories."

"Yeah, but..."

Max trailed off, casting a forlorn glance back at the house. The pilgrim still lingered in the doorway, sword at the ready. Above him, the curtain of a second-story window rustled and pulled back for a moment. Max looked away again a second too soon to see the very much still living object of his interest waving at him.

He wouldn't be caught dead saying any mushy stuff out loud, but as Mitch and Daxter ushered him off back to their clubhouse to get the latest webisode edited and uploaded, Max made a silent promise to never forget the previous night.

***

Spencer was lying on his bed with his face buried halfway in the pillow, listening to a tragic indie song about doomed lovers dying together in an overly niche workplace accident, when his dad came back in. He turned his music down without taking his earbuds out and rolled over onto his side without getting up or fully meeting John Smith's gaze. He didn't want to see whatever look of self-satisfaction his father must have had just then.

"So is he, like, gonezo?"

It was a rhetorical question. Spencer had watched through the window as the three figures receded down the road until they vanished into the distance. But hey, may as well ask anyway, right? Rhetorical questions were like the new irony, or whatever. What-fucking-ever.

"Yes, he's gone."

"Great," Spencer muttered bitterly. "Quote- 'thanks'- unquote, Dad. And BTW, I'm using those quotes ironically to indicate sarcasm," he added in case the old geezer didn't get it.

"He even tried to defile me with this unsightly piece of modern technology," John Smith went on. "Bah! Away with it!"

He flung something towards Spencer, who sat up and caught it with instincts well-honed from countless close calls of dropping his phone. Then he turned and slammed the door with a huff, leaving Spencer once again alone in his melancholy.

Or maybe... not 100% alone. Turning the device over in his hands, Spencer's heart fluttered when he realized it was the very same totally bitchin' communicator Max had worn during the date. He experimentally punched in a combination of numbers on the keypad, and the device beeped out a chipper little ringtone. Moments later, a shaky image flickered onto the screen--not Max, but another guy with a backwards baseball cap.

"Woah, looks like you've got mail!" the strange guy on the screen remarked. "Well, I don't wanna talk to this guy, so heeere you go."

There were some fabric shuffling noises as the device was handed off, and then Max's face filled the screen. He immediately lit up upon seeing Spencer.

"Heyyy, you're not dead after all! I shoulda known."

"Ch'yeah, my dad is just stuck in colonial times. He's always trying to screw me over." Spencer paused, drumming his fingers on the watch's sturdy black plastic casing. He tried his best to seem casual as he said, "So, do you still wanna go out again sometime?"

Max grinned, and Spencer barely even shuddered at all the gaps in his teeth. "You're on. But next time Mitch is paying."

--End--

#this is one of the silliest things i've written in a while and i had a lot of fun with it #hope you guys like it :3 #hey did you know that i write stuff sometimes?

[astral-cowboy]

Silly little lando norris smau (part 4)

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

In which streamer!reader does an interview and exposes some important news.

Is this an excuse to write a chuckle sandwich interview? Yes. Am i including Slimecicle in this despite his unfortunate departure? Yes. Is this the silliest thing I've ever written? Yes. Is it in script format because i can't be bothered to write an actual fanfic at the moment? Absolutely.

[transcript of the "Chuckle Sandwich" podcast]

JSchlatt: you know, I heard that you managed to turn Charlie into a cat? How…

Charlie: (laughing) how did you… do that?

Y/N: it wasn’t me; it was my boyfriend.

Ted: your boyfriend, hit formula one driver, Lando Norris?

Y/N: mhm.

JSchlatt: wow…

Charlie: you think you know a guy…

Ted: and you just kept Charlie in your house?

Y/N: mhm, fed him three times a day. I mean, surely you remember this, Charlie?

Charlie: (laughing) yeah, multiple toys, got to drive my own race car, truly living the life.

Ted: in Monaco?

Charlie: in Monaco.

JSchlatt: welcome to chuckle sandwich, we have (your user).

[intro]

Ted: we have this segment we do with all our guests. The premise is, we all make up a piece of the sandwich, Charlie is the meat, ted is the bread, and Schlatt is the mayo. The question is, Y/N, is what are you?

Y/N: what am I?

Ted: what are you?

Y/N: hm… id say… maybe the crisps on the side.

JSchlatt: the crisps?

Y/N: chips

JSchlatt: ah.

Charlie: so, Y/N…

Y/N: Charlie…

Charlie: It’s been a very interesting time for you.

Y/N: like, in general or, like, specifically now?

Ted: I’m assuming he means recently

JSchlatt: don’t assume what he means.

Ted: I’m just saying!

Y/N: (laughing) it has been interesting recently, to answer your question.

Ted: moved to Monaco.

Y/N: I did.

Charlie: turned me into a cat.

Y/N: (laughing) that was Lando.

JSchlatt: had a child?

Y/N: oh shit! I forgot about that!

Ted: how… how did that rumour start?

Y/N: I have no idea; I just woke up to that post on twitter and a message from a very urgent Charlie asking what kind of toys the baby likes.

JSchlatt: any other reactions?

Y/N: Lando got a message from his teammate, Oscar Piastri, who was very… angry that he didn’t tell him… oh yeah, there were also a lot of congrats messages from the others on the grid as well. Neither of us knew what was going on.

Ted: I bet, it’s a very..

Charlie: very personal situation

Y/N: definitely. I… I knew what I was getting into, not even when dating Lando but with choosing this career.

JSchlatt: hmm, oh yeah.

Ted: so when people came up with this rumour?

Y/N: it was odd. I wasn’t as pissed as people would think, but I wasn’t exactly happy.

Charlie: and, just to give those who don’t know about your life, can you tell us who your boyfriend is, what he does, how you met-

JSchlatt: what he’s like in bed, everything.

Y/N: (laughing) my boyfriend is Lando Norris, he’s one of two drivers on the McLaren team in Formula One, we met via a mutual friend, Max, who invited me to be in a Quadrant video.

Ted: I’m assuming a different Max to the red bull guy

Y/N: different max, yeah. We hung out more because my friend Will, WillNE, umm, is now a co-owner of Quadrant, so when that stuff was being sorted which took… a while, umm, me and Lando talked for a bit about random stuff.

Charlie: and you then fell in love, or?”

Y/N: we flirted but neither of us really… were serious. We had kind of a friends with benefits thing for a while, but it ended when I got serious with my ex, so our relationship was very… rocky.

JSchlatt: did you know that he was a Formula One driver?

Y/N: Will had to be the one to tell me, I honestly just thought he was a streamer.

Ted: really?

Y/N: I hadn’t watched F1 since I was about ten and even then, I only really paid attention to the drivers when they appeared on Top Gear.

Charlie: Top Gear?

Y/N: British car show,, they had this segment called ‘the star in a reasonably priced car’ where they’d interview a celebrity and then have them drive around a track in something that would be considered a common car like a kia or something. I remember seeing Hamilton get the top score for ages but I’m pretty sure Daniel had it when the show ended.

Ted: are you close with the other drivers?

Y/N: I mean, I’ve talked to Oscar and Carlos a bit because… you know, but I wouldn’t say I’m very… close to them. Lando has his friends, I have my friends, it just so happens that some of those overlap. Would I like to be closer to the other drivers? If I’m being entirely honest, I’m happy where I am now.

Ted: now, you moved to Monaco earlier this year, what was that like?

Y/N: stressful, I couldn’t say ‘I’m moving in with my boyfriend’ but I also couldn’t keep the entire move a secret because then people would be like ‘why aren’t you streaming with James anymore?’ and start stupid rumours like they always do.

JSchlatt: what you did there was make people think you moved to evade taxes.

Y/N: that… (laughing) that is exactly what happened.

JSchlatt: but you weren’t.

Y/N: but I wasn’t.

Ted: you’ve been in the… public eye since you were a child

Y/N: I mean, I’ve been making content since I was… eight? Nine? Around that age

Ted: what would you say is the most stressful part of content creation?

Y/N: (laughing) how many people have you asked that question?

Charlie: too many

JSchlatt: far too many

Y/N: well, umm… I think the most stressful thing, for me at least, is the work life balance. Like many youtubers, I primarily filmed in my bedroom, its where my pc was set up and everything. I used to stream every day; I was… I burnt myself out. I was doing all of that as a full-time student with a part time job. I have since graduated and I’m not exactly employed anymore so I have a lot of time now but even then, I try not to stream every day.

Ted: and I don’t know how much I’m allowed to talk about this, please let me know if this is a breach of any plans or anything, but your newest projects…

Y/N: oh! Um… yes? Yeah. I can talk about it.

Charlie: to what…

JSchlatt: to what extent?

Y/N: I mean, if you upload this on the same day, I can talk about all of it.

Ted: … we can do that

Y/N: great!

Charlie: so, for the people at home, what is the oh so secret project?

Y/N: songs. I’ve been getting into music I suppose.

JSchlatt: good songs?

Y/N: id like to think so. I’ve been working with James Marriott, he helped me with the producing and everything. This, umm, three song EP, I suppose, is a collaborative work. I came up with the basic meanings of all three songs and then we worked on the lyrics and the track together.

Ted: and the music video?

Y/N: (laughing) the music video was done by some guy I know, does silly videos on the barbie cinematic universe, and ate an entire edible nerd’s rope by himself.

Ted: sounds like a handsome man.

JSchlatt: Final question!

Charlie: (laughing) oh god!

JSchlatt: would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no more games, Or, games, unlimited games, and no games?

Y/N: oh.. um… can I phone a friend?

JSchlatt: Lando has already answered this question.

Y/N: ok… bacon makes me feel kind of ill… and if I didn’t have games I wouldn’t have a career.

JSchlatt: great!

[Transcript End]

#lando norris x reader #lando norris smau #formula 1 x reader #formula one social media au #f1 smau #formula one smau #formula one x reader #f1 x reader

[lalunameli]

Tiger & Bunny Week 2024 (NC 1982): Short Story

This has got to be one of the silliest things I've ever written, but ngl, had a blast doing it. Short story about the Karuizawa Cabbage Theory. Geography is woefully in accurate since Sternbild is supposed to be a version of New York City, and well Karuizawa is a resort town in Nagano, Japan. Still the fans think he drifted on the river all the way to Karuizawa, so it stays.

Author: Lalunameli

Title: Yuri on Cabbages

Rating: PG (language)

Characters: Yuri Petrov (ooc, amnesia), and Kotetsu T. Kaburagi

A/N: Unbetaed, barely proofread, will fix mistakes as I come across them.

Yuri Petrov...

Kotetsu sat at his desk staring at the screen looking at a blurry photo submitted to him from his client, of a man with similar hair (though unkempt) selling cabbages. The former Hero Supervisor had been missing for almost a year ...which coincided with the permanent loss of his powers and the last time he and Barnaby had seen Lunatic. While it was hard to make out Lunatic's face in the glare, that same untamed curly hair resembled that of the cabbage seller's, who had not bothered to tie it back. A sharp contrast from the Director, who was so meticulous about keeping a neat and tidy appearance.

Kotetsu's current line of work as a Private Investigator for Anything Goes Investigations opened him up to contact from people from various walks of life, which is how found himself taking on the case of the missing Director. He had been approached by a woman by the name of Elena, who had said she was previously in employment as his mother's caregiver, until her untimely death. Apparently her employer had gone missing while she was recuperating in the hospital for injuries sustained during a robbery attempt in which Yuri's mother Origa, had been fatally wounded. Elena had survived; however, upon her release from the hospital, she learned that Yuri Petrov had been missing since the attacks on city by Gregory Sunshine and the controlled NEXTs. Fearing the worst, she sought out the services of Kotetsu to launch a search for the missing Judge.

This was how Kotetsu found himself in a small resort town called Karuizawa (of all places!) interviewing a strange cabbage seller, who looked unmistakably like his former boss, yet whose mannerisms were anything but.

"I honestly don't remember much prior to ending up here" said the Cabbage Seller amicably smiling at Kotetsu.

Smiling, thought Kotetsu Is he actually smiling at me? And what's with the casual speech?

The Director always spoke so formally around them and was known to be stoic. The Cabbage Seller on the other hand was all smiles, with a carefree demeanor.

"What do you mean you don't remember?" asked Kotetsu bluntly

The Cabbage seller tucked an unruly lock of hair behind his ear.

"Well the people here say I was found drifting in a nearby river badly hurt. They didn't think I'd actually make it! But I guess they brought me to a hospital or something... I'm not really clear on any of it. To be honest I don't really remember a lot of things, so they kinda look out for me." He smiled sheepishly at Kotetsu

"Yikes, sounds like you had a rough time" he responded still weirded out by Cabbage Yuri's mannerisms. "So are you tellin' me you don't remember who you are at all?"

"Not at all!" replied Cabbage Yuri enthusiastically "They've taken to calling me 'Kawabe' (A/N: riverside/riverbank) around here because of where they found me. Suppose it could be worse and they could have called me Cabbage Guy or something..."

He paused for a moment and furtively looked around. Seeing no one was around he looked at Kotetsu conspiratorially.

"Hey Mister, you wanna see something cool? But you can't tell anyone. Promise?"

Kotetsu had a sinking feeling of what this "something cool" was.

Shit-shit-shit... he thought to himself.

"Sure, go for it..." he hoped his nervousness wasn't showing.

"Look what I can do!!"

The tell tale signs of blue light from NEXT power activation appeared, as a bright blue flame errupted from Cabbage Yuri errr Kawabe's hand.

"I dunno if this was because of my accident but it sure looks cool!"

I KNEW IT. Thought Kotetsu. I knew this asshole was Lunatic! And now he doesn't even remember...

"Ummm hey, isn't that kinda dangerous? Shouldn't you be careful where you're waving those things around?"

Cabbage Yuri Kawabe's eyes widened as he quickly extinguished the flame.

"Oops, you're right! My bad!"

'Oops' and 'My Bad'??? Where the hell did he learn to speak like that!! I gotta try to deal with this before it becomes a problem.

"Listen I'm gonna level with you. I'm here because I run a Private Investigations office and..."

"...And you're on a case?!??" asked Cabbage Yuri excitedly

"Yeah something like that. Anyway while I'm here I kinda need someone who knows the area. Whaddya say, you interested?"

"Am I ever!!! That sounds like fun!"

Fun! thought Kotetsu exasperatedly, Why do I feel I'm going to regret this...

The two men shook hands as Kotetsu tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do next to keep up this sham and why the hell this was his best idea to keep Lunatic close.

ETA: Look at this lovely artwork from @lidoxia (aka @kalineas ) of Cabbage Yuri! I'm so honoured and happy to see him genuinely smiling!!

From original post:

Unlikely I'll continue this. I am long retired from fanfic writing, but thought it might be fun to dust off the cobwebs and write something silly.

#short story #crack fic #hes selling cabbages in karuizawa #karuizawa #yuri petrov #lunatic tiger & bunny #tiger & bunny #taibani #tnbw #cabbage #tiger & bunny 2 #cabbage yuri #yuri in karuizawa

[polithicc]

treat or treat, my lovely

hiiii shel. here it is, the silliest thing i've ever written. the locklyle reddit au no one asked for

Posted by u/ForBlueSkulls 5 hours ago

AITA for pretending not to know my (22F) ex-housemate (23M) when we were introduced to each other at my new job?

Yeah, what the title says. I (22F) recently started a new job. On my first day, while my manager was introducing me to the team, I was surprised when he introduced me to my former housemate (23M). I panicked because we hadn't seen each other in two years, I extended my hand and chose to act as though we were strangers. He seemed surprised but followed my lead by shaking my hand.

I won't get into the details about why I left, but I’ll just say it wasn’t because of him. I acknowledge that I was an asshole for cutting contact with him and other mutual friends, including our third housemate.

I feel bad for pretending not to know him, but I also don’t want the entire office to know my personal business. I’m debating talking to him and apologizing, but I still wouldn’t want to tell anyone that we have a past.

Not sure if I’m the asshole here or if it was a normal reaction because I was surprised. I feel bad for pretending not to know him, but I also don’t want the entire office to know my personal business. I don’t know how I will deal with everything if people at work find out, I don’t want them to think I’m awful or a liar (although I might be both in this case).

Edit 1: I already said I’m not getting into the reason I moved out. Also, I moved back to the city after I graduated and secured a job. For the ones suggesting I picked this job on purpose, I knew we were in the same industry, but I didn’t know he worked here. I’m not some crazy stalker.

Edit 2: Alright. I don’t see how this is relevant, but yes, we were sort of seeing each other.

Edit 3: OK, I get it. I am the asshole here.

Knightlong-Term · 5hr. ago NTA If you think it's cool, shoot him a private apology. Otherwise, keep it pro. No need to spill more beans on your backstory, and I bet he'll feel the same way. That's old news, who even cares? It's nobody's business.

Anguised_Teeth420 · 5hr. ago Soft YTA but I'm laughing so hard 🤣🤣🤣 AWKWARD

Blank_Infussion_95 · 4hr. ago I mean, why change the habit of ignoring him now, right? If he had been a total ass to you, it'd make sense to move on and go no contact. But why not give communication a shot? You didn't have to give him all the info, but refusing to talk to him at all, especially after being so close, seems pretty immature. Is this how things work these days for folks your age? It's a bit puzzling to me. I do agree with you on one thing, though. Your past relationship and personal life are your own business, and you're under no obligation to disclose them to anyone. As for not wanting to reveal your shared history, it's a tough position to maintain when you both work in the same place, and he might not be so discreet about it. He might just tell people about the two of you and then your new coworkers are gonna think you suck. NTA

[deleted]· 3hr. ago absolutely yta you pretty much ghosted him and then the next time you run into him act like he's a total stranger.

Edit: just read your reply to alarmedmarky. if he has any good friends at that company, you can bet he's told them about the weird encounter with the new girl who acted like she didn't know him, even though you guys were literally living together not just roommates. i repeat yta

AlarmedMarky · 3hr. ago question, when you say you two have a past what do you mean exactly? And how long did you live together?

         ForBlueSkulls · 3hr. ago we lived together for 2 years and I moved into his room for a year of those two and stayed until i moved out.

                   AlarmedMarky · 3hr. ago wait so you two were together?

                            ForBlueSkulls · 2hr. ago we never really defined the relationship (like he never asked me to be his gf), which is why i refer to him as just my housemate

AlarmedMarky · 2hr. ago LMAAAAOOO OP, I thought you were the asshole before for not acknowledging him, but you’re telling me you were literally sleeping with the guy for a year and then pretended not to know him?? You’re the asshole and I hope he never forgives you.

#this has been so so fun to write #i should work on it some more #i need a writing tag #formatting got fucked on mobile #trick or treat fic

[misslavenderlady]

Hi Lavender ❤️ I have a peculiar writing request for you. You don't have to do this if it's not your thing.

I know you've written transmasc reader, but I'd like to ask you to write a transmasc! Michael x David.

Like, maybe David goes to Michael's house one evening to spy on him or visit or something, only to find Michael getting ready for a bath or bed and Michael gets embarrassed and shy amd afraid since he didn't tell anybody.

David can be all fluffy and tell him it's alright and he has nothing to be ashamed for and he likes amd loves him just for who he is.

Just something really fluffy since I've been feeling awefully dysphoric and depressed lately.

I know this is a lot like my last request, so feel free to take some artistic liberty ~

Love youuu ❤️

- @legal-lost-boy

Take It Like a Man 💪

TransMasc!Michael/David

Summary: David goes by the Emerson house to see his boyfriend, but gets quite a surprise when he walks in on Michael getting ready for a shower. Michael is worried about David's reaction to his body, but perhaps it's the perfect chance to bring the lovers closer~

Thank you @legal-lost-boy for the request! We also talked more over messages, and I got the go-ahead to add smut. So this is both sweet and spicy~

WARNINGS: Nsfw/Smut/18+ Readers Only, TransMasc!Character, No top or bottom surgery, Sneaking in, Spying, Use of a binder, Fear of coming out, Body Insecurity, Dysphoria, Acceptance, Body Positivity, Making out, Nippleplay, Neck kissing, Cunnilingus, Mention of birth control, Shower Sex, Vaginal Sex, Praise kink, Love making, Masculine and Feminine genitalia terms, Creampie, Aftercare

Being insecure had become a foreign concept to David as a vampire. There was no need to be fearful of anything when you were the most powerful creature to walk the Earth. Anyone who didn't like you or judged you for something could simply be crushed like a bug.  

So, he held his head high and didn't let others get to him. David would dress how he wanted, wear whatever makeup and jewelry he liked, and have fun however he pleased. Nobody was powerful enough to stop him from doing what he wanted. He and the Lost Boys were confident and proud of who they were.    

Though he had to admit, he had been thrown a curveball when Michael came into his life.   

It was a bit strange, being in love with a human. Even if David himself had once been human, he had long forgotten what it was like to be such a weak and vulnerable being. Sometimes it felt like he was interacting with an alien. Michael got worked up over the silliest things. If people were looking at him weirdly, if his hair didn't look right, even if he was doing nothing at all, he wanted to see if it was natural-looking.  

Still, David didn't mind any quirks. Michael was his dream guy. He was more than happy to let the human boy be himself. So long as they were together, everything was perfect.    

One night in particular, David was thinking about Michael quite a bit. His mind was plagued with risqué thoughts of the human boy. Even after being with him for a while, Michael was still incredibly shy about getting intimate. Whenever they were making out, he tensed up when David’s hands lingered too low. It was kind of cute seeing him get so flustered.   

Wanting to test his luck and try to get some sugar, David decided to let the others in the pack go off and do their own thing while he paid his boyfriend a visit. He took off into the night for a flight to the Emerson house.   

It was rather late and judging by the lack of lights on, that meant everyone in the family had turned in for the night. That didn’t concern David, as Michael had become quite a night owl since they got together. It was the only time David could see him after all.   

Only a single light was on in the house. After coming over so many times, he immediately recognized it as belonging to Michael’s room. There was no time to waste.   

The vampire slipped in and out of the shadows, stealthily making his way to the side of the house. Though a tree stretched out near the window, David found that it was much easier to just fly up to the upper level of the house. The first time he came by when they started dating, he made the excuse of climbing up the branches. His boyfriend was none the wiser.  

Michael typically didn’t mind whenever David came to visit in such a way. He said it was kind of romantic having his boyfriend come up to his window and sneak in for some alone time. So, David did as he normally would and slipped into Michael’s room, ready to greet the human.  

To his surprise, Michael was nowhere in sight. It wasn’t until he heard a noise in the bathroom attached on the other side that David got a bit curious. The door was open, and the light flipped on, indicating that Michael was inside. If David had been a human, he would have been more considerate of things like privacy.   

But of course, that did not apply to vampires.   

David quietly stepped in front of the door of the bathroom. Sure enough, Michael was standing in the middle of the room, his back to David. The blond didn’t really know what he expected to see, but it wasn’t Michael taking off his shirt. That itself wasn’t the odd part. What threw David off guard was seeing a black binder underneath.   

Michael’s body was toned and muscular, as he was incredibly dedicated to his hobby of weightlifting. But while he was fine letting David admire his strong arms and impressive abs, he had never shown off his chest. It wasn’t until this exact moment that David started to realize why that was.   

He continued to watch in silence while Michael strategically lifted up the material bit by bit until he could properly slip the rest of it off over his head. David was so focused on what was happening that he didn’t even think to look away or step out of the room when Michael began to turn around. The human boy tossed the binder onto the sink counter, and when he did so, David got a full view of just what Michael had been so shy about for so long.   

Michael didn’t have a chest like David and his boys did. It was bigger and both sides went down in a tear-drop shape. Being around as long as he had, David was no dummy to what he was finding out.   

Michael was transgender.   

He didn’t even get the chance to think further about what he was seeing when Michael looked up, eyes locking on him. All hell broke loose at that moment.  

“DAVID, WHAT THE FUCK??”   

Michael went into full panic mode. He immediately shielded his chest with his arms and threw himself behind the door so that his body wasn’t visible anymore.   

“Wh-when did you get h-here? Why the hell were you spying on me?” he asked, demanding an explanation from his peeping tom of a boyfriend.   

“I’m sorry, Michael! I came up like I usually do a few minutes ago, and went to say hi,” David explained. He knew Michael’s heart had to be absolutely racing at that moment. “I didn’t mean to stare. Honest!”   

Michael’s anger began to shift into fear. David had seen him. ALL of him. That meant no more secrets. No more hiding the truth. He had been terrified of how his boyfriend would react to such news. Every time he had thought about sharing who he was, he feared the worst would happen. It was a nightmare trying to hide, but it was better than losing the love of his life.    

A thick lump was stuck in his throat as he held the door with shaking hands. This was all happening so fast. But it wasn’t like he could stay hidden forever.   

“So...I guess...now you know....” he muttered. Michael was fighting with all his strength not to start tearing up. He had taken his father’s ideas of men always being tough to heart and tried his best to act strong and brave to blend in better. It terrified him to be vulnerable like this.   

“That you’re trans?” David asked, cocking his head to the side. Despite the surprise, he still had a smile on his face. He wasn’t being smug like usual; he was just being sweet to show Michael that it wasn’t a big deal to him. “Michael, my love, you didn’t think I was going to react poorly to this, did you?”   

Michael didn’t really have an answer for that. However, the silence he gave was all that David needed to hear. He looked at his human lover from behind the door with softness in his blue eyes.   

“May I come in? I’d really love to see my boyfriend”   

It always made Michael happy to be called that. Being David’s boyfriend felt so right. He didn’t want to lose that. So, he nodded, opening the door for the blond to enter. Though they both stood in the bathroom, Michael kept his arms crossed in front of his chest.    

“Why are you scared, Michael?”   

“Because...you fell in love with a man....and I didn’t want you to see me differently if you knew about....this,” Michael explained. Reluctantly, he stopped covering himself so that David could see what was underneath. He loathed the type of puberty he went through and didn’t always like what he saw in the mirror.   

“Every day I push myself to look as manly as possible. If I fuck up even slightly, I start freaking out. I just...I want to feel like myself. It gets so hard sometimes....”   

Even if David was a bit of a stranger to human fears and desires, he still had enough of a heart to recognize how much this meant to Michael. He didn’t like seeing the boy he loved feel so insecure about his body.   

It made him want to show Michael just how much he adored every part of him.  

“Michael,” he drawled, moving closer to the human boy. His gloved fingers traced over Michael’s bare ones before taking them to hold as he had done many times before. Michael chewed on his lip in fear when his chest was exposed again, yet David still smiled lovingly.  

“You’re always going to be my dream guy. I could never stop loving you. After all, you're perfect inside and out.”    

Whenever David sang sweet praises his way, Michael couldn't stop blushing. Seeing him react in such a way only made David want to do it more.   

"C'mere. Let me kiss you, handsome," David purred. He tugged Michael closer to him, allowing a sweet embrace before pressing their lips together.  

Even with his insecurities and his fears, Michael always let go of any negative feelings when David kissed him. It was so soothing getting held in the blond’s arms and kissed like it would be the last time they ever got the chance. His body practically melted into David’s touch while his fingers slipped into the platinum locks of hair.   

David felt himself smirk into their kiss, feeling proud of himself for getting Michael to relax. He pushed the brunet up against the wall of the bathroom, moaning with delight as he ravished him more. After feeling a flat chest against his own for so long, it was a pleasurable surprise to feel the softness of Michael’s naturals pressed into him. They were quite big and perky, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on.  

He released Michael’s lips to kiss down his stubbled jaw and over his throat, nibbling on the sensitive skin. While Michael moaned in pure pleasure, David started to get handsy, grabbing at his chest like he wanted to do for so long. Michael trembled, a flash of fright rushing through his head. Nobody had ever touched him like this before.   

“Don’t you worry, baby,” David cooed, pinching and toying with Michael’s nipples. “I’m gonna worship your body and let you know just how much I love you. Make you feel like a real man~”   

Saying that was all David needed to do to have the cute human wrapped around his finger. Michael whimpered with lust, pushing himself more against David’s body. It felt like his skin was burning up. He had an immense need to quench the thirst that was building inside.   

“P-Please, David...”   

“Please, what? Tell me what you want, Michael~”   

“Make me....feel good....I don’t care how, just...PLEASE”   

David was more than happy to give what was asked of him. With his own desire burning inside, he hurriedly stripped off his clothes. Jackets, shirt, pants, shoes, all of it got tossed aside onto the bathroom floor. His cock was already aching hard from just the smallest touches. Michael was such a hunk; it was impossible not to get turned on looking at him.  

The two of them got back to their kiss as soon as David was fully naked. Michael sighed when he felt David’s cock press into his thigh. He had touched it over the leather pants David often wore but feeling it like this was even better.   

For so long he hid his own body from his boyfriend, but now things weren’t as scary as they were before. David reached down to tug at Michael’s jeans, clearly eager to see all his body too.  

“Mmmh how about we get you outta these and I get you in that shower for some good lovin’. Sound good, Michael~?”   

Goosebumps were peppering Michael’s skin as nervousness and excitement mixed in his stomach. This was such a big step. It would not only be his first time showing a romantic partner his body, but also his first time going all the way.    

David must have sensed such worries because he doubled down on his affection. He slipped his hands behind Michael’s jeans, squeezing eagerly at his ass as he pressed his lips to the shell of his ear.   

“Don’t be scared, my love. I’ll go as slow as you want me too. Whatever you desire, I’ll give it to you. You’re in good hands, I promise.”   

A newfound burst of desire spread within Michael's body. He trusted David. The guy was an intimidating, punk-looking gang leader, yet Michael didn't feel any less than safe by his side. He wanted David to make him feel good. Make him proud of his body.   

"Let's do it~"   

David wasn't going to waste a single second with this opportunity. He tugged off his gloves so he could properly feel everything. He swiftly pulled Michael's jeans and briefs downward, letting the last of his clothing fall to the ground. Sure enough, Michael had a delicious-looking slit in between his legs. His clit and lips were glistening with wetness for David.  

It made the vampire absolutely ravenous. He chuckled in excitement as he pulled Michael into the glass shower, hurriedly turning on some soothing, warm water to help heat things up. While Michael pressed his back up to the shower wall, David immediately got to work.  

"Gonna suck this fat cock in between your legs, handsome~" he growled in between the kisses he trailed down Michael's chest and stomach.  

Michael's legs were trembling, but David soothed him by rubbing his hands along the bare flesh. He was on his knees with the warm water raining down onto his skin.  

With a wolfish grin, he went in and took a deep taste of Michael's dripping cunt.  

"OH SHIT!" Michael cried out. His body wasn't used to such an intense sensation. Without even thinking, he gripped a fist full of David's hair. Whimpers and sighs poured out of his mouth as David worked his magic.   

The vampire was already intoxicated by the taste. He greedily ran his tongue over the folds and slipped it inside Michael's hole. He growled with delight as he sucked on the tender clit, making a point to be as loud as possible with his slurping. It was important Michael knew how delicious he tasted.  

"Jesus fucking Christ, I….I didn't realize this…ooohh…would feel so good!" Michael barely got out. His body was shivering in delight and his voice trembled as he spoke.  

"If you want, I'll give ya head every night, Michael~" the blond said, winking up at his lover. He added a long, slow lick upward before giving Michael's clit a teasing flick. With how skilled David was, there was a good possibility that he would take him up on that offer.  

Michael let his head fall back against the shower wall. The sound of the running water blended with his moaning and pleas for more. He gripped David's damp locks harder as his climax drew closer.  

"D-David! I…fuck, I'm gonna cum!!"   

That was the vampire's cue to go harder than ever. He kept Michael's legs in a vice grip and growled with desire as he tongue-fucked the guy. Michael’s taste was so delectable on his mouth, and he was determined to get more.  

It was all that the human boy needed to be pushed over the edge. He cried out in pleasure as he came hard, slickness thoroughly coating David's mouth and chin. By the time he was finished it felt like his legs were going to give out.  

"Fuuuck me, you taste incredible, baby!" David said, licking his lips in delight. "Got my whole damn beard soaked. So hot~"  

Michael's face was quite red. He would have blamed it on the heat of the water but they both knew that wasn't it. David had him incredibly hot and bothered. Even after the rush of orgasm, he still wanted more.  

"Awww does my handsome boy need some extra attention~?" David cooed, rising back up to his feet. He loved how Michael whined when he kissed him, both from the teasing and for the taste on his lips. It wasn't bad, just a new experience.  

"Y-Yeah…David, please…God, I need you to fuck me," Michael all but begged. He was kicking himself for not telling David sooner. One taste of pleasure and he was already hooked.  

Not that David minded, of course.  

"Ya got any protection, love?"   

"Actually…I’m on birth control…" Michael admitted sheepishly. "I wanted to be prepared whenever this day would come…if you would want me."  

David had to keep himself from cackling at such an absurd thing. To think that Michael of all people was worried that he wouldn't be desired was absolutely ridiculous. From now on, David was going to step it up with all the affection he gave the guy.  

"Of course, I want you. I need you. Now let me show you how desirable you truly are~”  

The vampire gave the faucet a slight turn, letting the water get a bit hotter. He loved how Michael looked, all flushed and needy for him. Getting things a little extra steamy would make it that much more enjoyable.  

David pressed himself against Michael, kissing him deeply once again. As their tongues slid together, he gave himself a few quick strokes. The sooner he was inside Michael, the better. Michael was ready to follow along, letting his arms wrap around his neck while David released his cock in order to have both hands free. The blond grabbed onto Michael’s sides, hoisting him upward so his legs could lock around his hips.  

“David~” he sighed out, ready for whatever was about to happen.  

Who was David to keep his beloved waiting any longer? 

While holding on tightly, David pushed his cock slowly into Michael, groaning out as he did so. Michael was absolutely soaked. It made slipping inside feel extra special. Not to mention the way he was clenching around his cock was making him drunk with desire.  

"Ho-Holy fucking hell…~" Michael stuttered. He had toyed with self-pleasure before, but this was far better than anything he had experienced.  

"That's a good boy," David moaned, giving Michael another kiss. "Now hold on tight to me while I make ya feel like a king~" 

The two of them were already making the sweetest noises as David began to pump his cock in and out. His hips.moved skillfully, rocking at just the right pace.  

"Ooooh God, David….yesss~" Michael sighed. His head was thrown back as he lost himself in his haze of pleasure. David was filling him, giving plenty for his cunt to squeeze around. The deeper he fucked, the better he felt.  

The two worked together beautifully. David pushed Michael up against the glass, letting the steam consume them as he claimed his lover. Michael grabbed on as tight as possible, fingernails scraping down the pale skin. It was all absolute bliss.  

As the pleasure grew stronger, the two of them got louder. Determined grunts, needy whimpers and plenty of uses of their names flowed like a song.  

"Michael…oooh my Michael~" the blond growled, thrusting faster. "You feel so fuckin' warm….mmmf…even hotter than the water. Makes me wanna fuck this perfect cunt all night. I'm so…oooh…goddamn lucky to have a man like…y-you~" 

The more sensual things David sang his way, the closer Michael got to his second orgasm. He gripped his arms and legs around the blond as tightly as possible. It was happening so fast, and he wanted to brace himself.  

"David! Fuck me, David…I'm so fucking close…cum inside me!!" he pleaded. Moments after he said that, he was beginning to feel the all too familiar rush hit him once again.  

That was all the vampire needed. With just a few more thrusts, he was catching up to his boyfriend. While Michael came on his cock, David thrust himself as deep in as he could go, marking him with his warm cum.  

"FUUUCK!! Oohh fuck, I love you!!" David growled. He was so close to letting his feral side show. 

It was all so intense for the young lovers. Everything around them was a blur while pure relaxation enveloped them both. Though they were panting and leaning against the wall to support their weakened legs, both boys were completely satisfied with what happened.  

David was always a doting boyfriend to Michael. He proved as such when he used the water and some of Michael's shampoo and soap to lather the boy up and get him cleaned. All the while he was so gentle and adoring. Every inch of Michael's body was washed with the utmost care, especially the parts he'd been scared to show before.  

Michael was in heaven. There was nothing to be scared of anymore.  

Once they were both cleaned off, Michael let out a soft yawn. Clearly the sex and the bathing had relaxed him enough for a good night's sleep. The best part of getting into bed with David for some cuddling meant that now he could do it without hiding under baggy sweatshirts.  

The two of them could be bare and vulnerable. He trusted David with his identity, and after everything, he truly felt better about himself.  

"God, I'm so lucky to have a stunning man like you, Michael," David whispered into his ear. His fingers brushed through dark brown locks of hair to lull Michael into sleep.  

"You are truly a perfect guy. I'm gonna remind you every single day how hunky and strong and incredible you are."   

With each sweet nothing shared, Michael drifted deeper and deeper into sleep. Tonight had been perfect. Everything he had wanted with his love had gone so well. Now he would have the sweetest dreams to remember it by.  

As he finally drifted off and began to softly snore, David took the opportunity to whisper one last thing in his ear. Something Michael wouldn't hear but would mean a lot for him to say.  

"I have a secret too. I'm a vampire, Michael. I know what it's like to be scared of telling people you love the truth. But I hope one day you'll accept me for who I am just as I've done for you. My truly perfect man…" 

Tag List: @britany1997 @6lostgirl6

#the lost boys #tlb #michael emerson #david the lost boys #michael x david #writing request #my fic #transmasc

[askaceattorney]

Dear Anonymous,

Chief Mod Edgeworth: Hee-ho! Hee-ho! Hee-ho! Hee-ha! Hee-ha!

Co-Mod: Heeheeheehohohohohahahahahahaha!!! Is this a Luke Atmey impression contest or something?

Chief Mod Edgeworth: .....

have you never seen Persona 5 Strikers?

Co-Mod: Ah! No, I haven't. Thanks for the clarification.

Mod Zieks: What the hell is a persona, and why are they on strike?

Mod Gregson: Strikers is better than base Persona 5, I will not budge on this.

(Referenced Link)

Co-Mod: Looks interesting. A friend of mine got me into Power Rangers, which I found to be a lot more interesting than I expected for a kid's show, so I can imagine the same being true for this show. That being said, I probably won't have the time to watch it for a while, so that's all the feedback I can give for now.

(Referenced Letter)

Dear Miraz van Nohrr,

Chief Mod Edgeworth:

Have you tried commenting through your computer or safari? See if those work. You will find it right here:

Dear Dawsongfg,

Co-Mod: Congratulations! Meanwhile, I have a cat (or rather, my parents do) that likes to drool on me and everything I own. As much as I love cats, nothing in this world will ever convince me to own one. Not one that drools, anyway.

Mod Gregson: I've got two cats! One is approaching 15 years and is still healthy and playful, one is 6 years old and is a grumpy old lady who refuses to let the older cat befriend her. Mod Zieks: I do as well! We all have our own little gremlins in our life. Mine is also a cat, a little tortie named Charlie. I love her, and she is just the silliest little thing.

Dear Jeffrey,

Chief Mod Edgeworth: Congratulations on the new puppy.

Sorry about the loss of Dylan. I also lost my pet while she was getting spayed. I hope things go well for your new pet.

Co-Mod: Wait... You're saying that's not a real-life Scooby-Doo?

Just kidding. I'm glad he's been a help to you. My family went through a similar experience when our cat died by falling out of a tree during a storm. We missed having a cat in the house so much that we had to get a new one, so we did. Much like Dylan, she's not the same as our previous cat, but still a great source of joy for us.

Mod Gregson: I'm sorry for the loss of your puppy; I know that can be pretty tough. But I'm glad you've found a new friend and family member to help fill the void!

Mod Zieks: Congratulations on the puppy, and I'm sincerely sorry for your loss.

Dear Anonymous,

Chief Mod Edgeworth:

Who knows? Though, that would be weird in my opinion.

Mod Gregson: Am I the only one who finds this a lot funnier than it should be? Imagining Turnabout Trump or Turnabout Succession but the only change is "Kristopher Gavin" is cracking me up. Yes, this is my sense of humor.

Mod Zieks: Based, but not my kind of based. Then again, mixing dreams and ace attorney brought us 'Country Gavin' (@doctorsiren)

Dear Anonymous,

Chief Mod Edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth and Kazuma Asogi! What do you mean Mia or Klavier have better boobs?

Mod Gregson: Neither, I'm more of a legs gal!

Mod Zieks: It's a tie between Max Galactica from the circus cases and Miles Edgeworth.

Chief Mod Edgeworth: Uh-huh and you didn't send me a few previous anonymous letters under different names with the same fakemail.com or the oh so obvious Hotti letters with the same style of writing as you under different emails after sending this mod letter.

Mod Gregson: Oh, I have special words for you later. :)

Dear Miraz van Nohrr,

Chief Mod Edgeworth:

I've visited other states, but not countries. If I did, I'd likely go to Mexico, since my grandparents live at the border. Too bad I need a Passport.

Co-Mod: I visited Matamoros, Mexico once. From what I remember, it was just like being in the U.S., but with everyone speaking Spanish, everything being written in Spanish, and Mexican food tasting like Mexican food (not the Americanized version). Overall, it was pretty enjoyable.

Mod Gregson: I was born in Costa Rica, actually! Moved to the States when I was a young'un. I've gone back there a few times, and... I didn't really like it, but I apparently went to one of the worse parts of it, so maybe I can't judge? Mod Zieks: I've actually never gone out of my home state, and I'd like to change that someday. Preferably, moving from the States and going to the UK. Since their gender-affirming care is paid for by their universal healthcare, and their firearms laws aren't as loose.

- The Mods

#Mod Post #Chief Mod Edgeworth #Co Mod #Mod Gregson #Mod Zieks #Anonymous #charicla #mirazvannohrr #jeffrey1667 #Mod Commentary #I was finally able to find the time to post these letters #Also since there haven't been many letters for the new Mods except one for Mod Zieks I'm letting them answer these

[generaltrashshecox]

This is just me rambling but anyway lol:

It's funny how I feel like I could speak all day over two people that have barely interacted (on camera) because it's just so interesting to me ajaj not to be delulu but the fact that they're also a Virgo/Sagittarius dynamic (Ian's birthday is literally a week after Damien's and Anthony's is 2 days afters Shayne's it's almost insane in a way if you think about it!) And just their relationships with their friends is just so interesting and just qjja I don't know how to explain it but all four of them just have a vibe that I just need to dissect. Damien and Anthony are both the "emotional" friend who are in touch with their feelings while Ian and Shayne are more reserved and introverted. While I've seen some people call Damien and Anthony the emotional supportive black cats to their golden retriever friends I don't really see that. To me Anthony is more dog maybe husky or doberman but he's got that energy that spunk that is so dog. Shayne has it too so golden retriever vibes are definitely him as well but Ian and Damien are definitely cats. Ian is a silly dopey orange cat (I say this as a person who had an orange cat who was just the silliest goose) but again a cat so he's still got reservations and holds things close to his chest. Damien I would say is definitely a void (black cat lol) a bit hesitant but very affectionate, crackhead™ energy is strong with this one.

So I ship the void and the husky/doberman and the orange cat with the golden retriever but I also think there's a whole emotional mind fuck of all four of them idk... I don't know where I was going with this I just read a fic today that made me pick back up because I had this written down to talk about for awhile and I wanted to just talk about it for a moment. It's dumb and probably makes no sense but I thought it'd be nice to put my thoughts down just cause. Anyway I should probably be writing but I'll probably watch a few videos before actually getting to that so I hope you found this at least somewhat interesting bye-

#antmien #shian #anthony x damien #anthony/damien #shayne x ian #shayne/ian #shiantmien #shayne x ian x anthony x damien #idk #my thoughts are probably dumb #dont look too much into it #just a ramble #shaymianthony #i forgot thats what i called them first lol

[honipaii]

REVIEW TIME!

Okay, I've been waiting to write a review for this one!

Let's introduce Henri from "The Ssum" (Bravo, Bravo!)

I just fell in love with Henri since the first time I saw that post.

Elise broke my heart (I don't hate her) but I understand that mama's boy, I hope they are all happy.

Everyone got them own flaws but Henri had been empathic with me until now. And his voice! His laugh! So heart-warming! Omg, he's so silly and cute and serious and and...!! I love him. I want to know him more!

Update! Spoilers ahead!

I'm heartbroken, Henri isn't a bad guy he's just dependent of his family. Until this day (8th day of his route) I've been able to know him more and more, I really like it. Sometimes he says things that break my chicken heart like this message:

And I'm like 'Gosh, dude! Don't even say that! U r a good man, shut it!'. I don't hate nor dislike him. There're just bad people (Elise, stop. You can still change) that don't understand Henri. It breaks my heart! Do it again, Cheritz!

Update! (Yes, again) And Spoilers! (Again)

Look at him! OhGoshILoveHim! (He broke my heart like 3 times but that's for the sake of the plot)

I love how he's written and his problems too. And with the problems he has, it makes sense for him to act like this. He just needs patience and he needs love too...! (Our, the MC's, love. Not Elise's twisted love)

Update! (Yes, again 222) And Spoilers! (Again 222)

I'M. SO. SUPER. IN. LOVE

I LOVE a man who can talk about casual plans like himmm. I LOVE a man who is happy about the idea of being in the same house as me. (I love the idea of me being loved by Henri).

Let. Him. Cook.

Duudeee, the way I'd literally eat anything this man gives me DUDE.

LET HIM COOK 222 (for me)

Update! (Yes, again 333) And Spoilers! (Again 333)

We are cringe, but we are free. I literally told him to wear cat ears as a joke and HE ACTUALLY DID IT? Gosh- Henri, you're killing me.

Anyways, I can't actually believe that everything with Elise haven't been resolved yet! It's ok (?) to make a fuss because of someone "played" with your child. But because that someone haven't responded ik two days? That someone is a doctor. Doctors have a hard time you know?? I was legit confused.

Your honor! This man is the silliest!

Update 444! Spoilers 444!

Your honor! What!?

I- what? Here I can see that Henri is getting his karma, ik ik he have a red flag or two (or three...) but isn't this a little bit... I don't know... EXTREME? Lord? He literally fainted, I was shocked (Not much, he wanted me to feel sorry (I am but he's nit the only victim here) for him)

Now in 14th day of his route, it's about to end and I'm TREMBLING IN FEAR cuz there still are problems to be solved;;...

Last Update (12-04)

The last day finally came and I'm SOBBING. I ALREADY REACHED THE LIMIT OF IMAGES AND I WANTED TO AHHH

Henri I love him, mom. When he said 'I'll say the rest when I get back to the island. So wait for me' I was DYING, I knew that was the last day, it hurts.

So far I've really liked Henri.

So so much. I mean- the way he's always considerate towards me yet the way he's just like a little kid wanting attention and avoiding culpability because of his parents and childhood makes me want to-!!! It drives me insane how much I grow fond of him of his calm voice when he talks about little things and when he's stressed, seeking comfort in the MC.

I REALLY liked Henri. I'm now testing other ssumone while waiting to another update.

#TheSsum #TheSsum_Henri_Review #the ssum

[greenjacketwhitehatdocmui]

Star Wars: The Collector

I present to you, one of the silliest things I've written for a Star Wars/Discworld crossover. I hope that it makes people giggle a little.

     The collector chuckled as he opened the door.  In this chamber were some of the darkest, foulest things that any sentient could encounter.  A lesser person would have felt disgust at the artifacts that he’d collected.

     Years ago, he had been one of the masses.  He watched as the Clone Wars ravaged the galaxy.  The Jedi were presented as shining, sterling heroes.

     Then, Palpatine had torn down their altruistic façade.  No, the Jedi had become foul and corrupt, much like the Republic.  The only hope was to expunge both the Jedi and the Republic, so that the healing could begin.

     He locked the door behind him.  In the dim room, a crimson pyramid pulsed with scarlet light.  It was the prize of his collection:  A Sith holocron.  To be more specific, it was one of Palpatine’s personal holocrons.

     In the wake of Palpatine’s death, there had been chaos.  There were rumors of cloning chambers filled with attempts to cheat death.  Caches of dark knowledge had been ripped open and exposed to the light.  Jedi Master Sam Vimes, along with others of the restructured Jedi Order, had rooted out most of Palpatine’s secrets.

     The collector reverently took the holocron from its resting place.  Above the pyramid, Palpatine’s image scowled at him.  That scowl then became a satisfied smirk.

     “Ah, you have made the sacrifice,” Palpatine said.  “Was it difficult?  Does it linger within your conscience?”

     “No,” the collector said.  “They were weak.  They believed in hope, freedom and justice.”  He snorted.  “They had it coming to them.  I won’t lose any sleep over it.”

     The image of Palptine nodded.  “Good.  Good!”  The image leaned close.  “Now, you are ready for your first real lesson in the Dark Side, my apprentice?”

     “I am, my lord.”  The collector bowed his head.  “Show me the way to power.”

     “The first thing you should know is this:  Never—”

     The image of Palpatine flickered for a moment.  Then the image came back, but with new additions:  Darth Vader and some stormtroopers were lined up in the background while Palpatine suddenly had a microphone.

     “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,” Palpatine sang in his raspy voice.  The expression on the Sith Lord’s face was one of obvious bafflement and confusion.  That same expression as on the would-be apprentice’s face.

     In the background, Darth Vader and the stormtroopers kicked in time to the peppy tune.  The would-be apprentice recognized it as a popular Rik Astli song.

     Then the holographic Palpatine screamed.  The holocron flared crimson, then white, and the would-be apprentice knew nothing more.

********

     Jedi Master Sam Vimes sighed.  It had been one of Those Days where he wished he could stay home with his wife.  Unfortunately, this situation called for his unique talents as a copper and a Jedi Master.

     (He had no idea how Vetinari—sorry, Chancellor Vetinari—had found so many survivors of Order 66.  He hadn’t come with death squads or inquisitors.  No, the Sith Lord had offered a general amnesty to the survivors.  The new order was like a soldier being patched up, then set to work as their condition permitted.  Most annoying was that Vetinari had been stern, dangerous, and utterly reasonable to work with.)

     “It’s like all the others, Master,” Jedi Carrot Ironfoundersson reported.  He gestured to the vaguely humanoid shadow in the wall.  “People report a wideband scream across multiple frequencies, then an explosion.  Littlebottom believes that the power source was overloaded.”  He pointed to the crystalline scraps that might have been a holocron.

     Vimes scowled.  He wanted to light a cigar right now, but that would contaminate the crime scene.  Besides, the victim had hardly been innocent.  Tomes of dark secrets filled the small room, though scorched by recent events.  All the victims had been collectors of Sith artifacts.  People had described the victims as being generally quiet and harmless.

     Yes, Officer, Vimes thought darkly.  He was such a quiet man before he committed atrocities that boggled the mind.  It came out of nowhere.

     He wondered what Vetinari would think about this whole mess.  It was likely that he already knew who was behind it.

********

     Chancellor Vetinari noted Vimes’s report.  He arched his eyebrow a fraction of an inch, nodded, then moved on.

     Sith holocrons were known to have security measures to prevent the “unworthy” from accessing certain files.  The late Palpatine had been especially paranoid.  It took the confirmation of an atrocity to open the inner secrets.  Of course, he also modified the holocron to self-destruct, should the situation call for it.

     It was somewhat tricky to introduce a virus in all of Palpatine’s holocrons.  The incongruous image of Palpatine singing Rik Astli would have been enough to shock anyone, especially one eager for power.  It was essentially suicide by greed.

     Vetinari had no illusions that this measure would eliminate the would-be Sith.  Word would eventually spread, and hopefully, the holocrons would lay dormant or be destroyed.  This would help keep Palpatine dead—not only physically, but in the minds of people who remembered the Clone Wars.

     Another Sith Lord would have relished the last moments of his victims.  Vetinari did no such thing; it was a means to an end, a Republic that actually worked.

     A note from Drumknott informed him that Darth Vader’s—no, Anakin Skywalker’s—rehabilitation was slow, but steady.  Per Obi-Wan’s request, Anakin would not be introduced to his children until he was mentally fit to handle the revelation.  It was a web of details that he navigated every day.

     The office was quiet except for the occasional beep of the terminal.  It was just another day of running the galaxy so that it would hopefully work.

Comments? Questions?

--Doc

(Edit: It's Chancellor Vetinari, not Palpatine. Whoops.)

#star wars #discworld #terry pratchett #sam vimes #havelock vetinari #my writing

[cappurrccino]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks @captaincravatthecapricious for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

80, apparently!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 

234,199

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Currently not really any because my muse fuckin packed her bags and took a vacation, but Malevolent, Halo, and Destiny are the big ones. I'd like to do more for Warframe and FFXIV, though!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

strange domains (TMA/Malevolent)

It's Called Supervising (Destiny... the power of putting Cayde-6 in your fic, I swear)

once in a movie night (Malevolent)

where you go, i go (TMA/WTNV)

Treason (Hollow Knight/Destiny AU)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I'm trying to be better about it! A lot of the time, though, I simply don't know what to say and fall into the "how do I respond to birthday wishes" trap because writing "Thanks!" a bunch feels disingenuous even though I am thankful and glad someone liked the fic enough to comment

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Ptttthhhbbbbbbbb, probably the one where Bornstellar finds his family all floodified on the Halo Chakas & Riser got marooned on in Primordium

(I have not reread this fic in ages bc I remember not being super happy with how it was written and don't want to see I published a disaster lol)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Oh, so many of them. Happy fluffy nonsense is my wheelhouse. If I have to pick one, though, maybe day 7: we fucking did it just because I don't think any other characters have Gone Through It as much as John & Arthur have, so they would get the most joy from a lazy day at the river

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Nah

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Absolutely not lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do! If we take "craziest" to mean "silliest" probably the Destiny/WTNV crossover thing I flirted with for a while in 2016 (old woman Josie lives in the desert with a house full of taken)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Again, not to my knowledge

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

@warlordfelwinter and I were writing a novelized version of a D&D campaign we were in, by which I mean Fel did the bulk of the writing and I filled in the Alexa-specific parts!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 

Bornstellar/Splendid Dust! My boys! My beloveds! I'm pspsps-ing people into this sandbox with me because right now there are 4 fics for them on AO3 and they're all mine

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

Any of them 😭

16. What are your writing strengths? 

Dumb shit. But I like to think I'm also good at writing weird stuff (I also just have a lot of fun writing weird stuff, like Fundament and the Dark World)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

Plots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I wouldn't dare unless I was fluent, which will basically never happen...

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Transformers, baybee! I think at this point I've lost all of my TF fic from my ff.net days due to time and computer moves, which is a real shame, because I wrote a TF/ST crossover centered on tribbles once that I remember being one of the best things I've ever written... Maybe if I'm lucky it's on one of my old external drives and I can reupload it... 🤔

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

The hardest question in the world... hmm... maybe wait through the night for the dawn light to break just because it's the longest thing I've done and the MalevBB experience was so fun... but I also really like Siren's Eye bc Fundament and Osmium sibs and my funky little sea-runners, and I also really like Corpus Siege just bc it was so fun to write, and I also like— [is dragged off stage by a comically large shepherd's hook]

[yelling from the wings] also that Halo AU I had where I gave people metahuman powers! thank you and goodnight!

Tagging:

@warlordfelwinter, @xivu-arath, @wonderwafles, @titan-mom (no pressure, of course!)

#//juri speaks #tag games #thanks jasper!!

[creativenicocorner]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by nobody! I saw this and felt like doing it to get back in the writing groove of things and maybe procrastinate just a teeny bit ♡

Tagging @babblish @dreamcrow @niemalsetwas @mangatxt @plantpretender and anyone else who would like to!! Also no hard feelings if you don't feel like doing this

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

32 and counting!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

605,281 and counting!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I used to do a LOT of Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons) but a few things happened in the show / movie that made me feel... idk, I'm on a bit of a break for the time being. I also write a couple of Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game) fics to explore my silly DnD OCs While my current writing obsessions being Discworld - Terry Pratchett and モブサイコ100 | Mob Psycho 100 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Unbecoming 2 Electric Boogaloo (ToA)

Terpsichore - The Comedy of the Danse Macabre - ACT I (ToA)

Cold Green Tea and Colder Feet (mp100)

We'll Meet Again (ToA)

A Study of Avium and Apium (ToA)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!! I try to respond to all comments!! I can't always promise my response will be prompt, and sometimes I get in my own head and feel...worried? As if my response will somehow sway someone to not want to keep reading? But that's a me thing I'm working through Long answer short: Yes! I do respond to comments!! I adore them and they make me so very very happy!! Honestly a comment can be such a game changer, and a relief to my heart and I just HAVE to express my gratitude for taking the time to tell me such nice words!! I'll always try to respond to them!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I have yet to finish the fic with the angstiest ending planned. I don't tend to write angst unless there is an ending that has some level of hope and happiness in it - for now.

But yeah, I suppose Unbecoming 2 Electric Boogaloo and The Last Changeling will eventually have some pretty angsty endings.

As well as several fics within the The Collected Tellings of Shigir and Other Changeling Folktales series which can be quite grim.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Another tricky question!! The majority my fics tend to have a happy ending planned despite the highs and lows I hope I manage to put my readers through.

Bit of a cop out answer I know, but it is what it is lol

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've only had that happen to me once lol. Once so far and for the silliest reason that left me just shaking my head for the most part

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Not as often as my other stuff though. Hmm quite a bit of orgasm control I suppose.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

IVE WRITTEN ONE CROSSOVER AND ITS MY FAVORITE AND I HOPE THE STARS ALIGN FOR ME TO FINISH IT!!!

A Funny Old World MY BELOVED!!! It is essentially the Discworld and Mp100 crossover fic no one asked for hahaha

Quite literally "Reigen Arataka 🤝 Moist von Lipwig" the fic

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that...I'm aware of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again not that I'm aware of...and no one has yet to approach me to do so. Though sometimes I think of translating it myself into Italian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! It was a great time with @megan0013 on the 23rd chapter of their fic Fallout where we combined the Fallout story with my made up Changeling Folktales.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm too bisexual for this question, I have, like, a fat stack of ships I adore. But of the ones I've written (in no specific order of importance) I really love Adora Belle and Moist, Serizawa and Reigen, Barbara and Strickler, Mort and Ysabell, Polly and Mal, and the list just goes on haha

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I appreciate the defeatist tone of this question haha. I'm sure I'll finish all of them...eventually. Some go in hibernation a little longer than others, that I won't lie. Hmm though, I'm going to be honest with myself the Terpsichore series seems to be the loftiest of goals at the moment. Who even knows when I'll finally finish it...but, like I said, I'd like to hold out hope that, someday it'll get done lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm quite good at keeping characters in character, and my writing 'voice' is quite charming sometimes. I've also been told I'm quite good at writing cozy comfort fics. I hope, one day, I'll be able to add horror and suspense to the list of writing strengths.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Making things concise, I think. Sweet short and to the point. I'd love to get better at suspense and horror, just making readers sweat - you know?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Oh man I have a lot of Thoughts about this actually XPP here's hoping they make sense!!

Depends on the characters, and what language they are speaking and what language the characters know beyond what they are speaking.

I viscerally do not appreciate it when, okay... here's an example: Character A and Character B are both speaking Italian, because the characters are Italian - so even though the fic and author is writing in English we ALL know that Character A and Character B are speaking Italian - so why add in an English dialogue bits of actual Italian?? We all know they are speaking Italian to begin with!! UNLESS, for instance, Character B for a moment spoke in a regional dialect which is different than the standard language.

I tend to call this the "Silenzio Bruno!" situation. Why are you having a character who is supposedly already speaking in a language suddenly say something of that language. It shouldn't be "Silenzio Bruno!" but "Quiet Bruno!" though in some cases I get it...and who knows maybe it'll perk up the interest of people and kids to learn other languages but oof does it rub me the wrong way sometimes

Wait hmmm perhaps thats too confusing

OKAY

EXAMPLE: In Glow Worms I have Serizawa as half Brazilian (there's in fact a huge Brazilian population within Japan! As well as a huge Japanese population within Brazil! Here are two fascinating video essays on the subject if interested [X] [X]).

When Serizawa is speaking with Reigen it is clear and obvious they would speak Japanese amongst themselves and around them, I wouldn't include actual Japanese unless it's a word that I can't really translate well, or is very clearly specific within the Japanese language (the difference between writing 'screen door' and 'shoji door' - both doors, but evoke different specific things). However, when Serizawa speaks with his mother there are often times Portuguese would crop up - an indicator that Serizawa is no longer speaking Japanese in that moment, or phrase or sentence.

The same can be said with Moist von Lipwig, and when he's speaking Morporkian vs Überwaldian. It is agreed that everyone tends to speak Morporkian to some degree as a defect-o Lingua Franca Quirma, and when they're not they're very clearly not!

NOW! In those moments when characters are speaking another language I prefer either it's something that can be figured out via context clues, or a translation is provided either in a footnote or by the character(s) themselves. This is something I feel more confident with if a character is speaking Italian, because then I don't have to worry about translator engines not translating something properly lol But I try to be as respectful and accurate as possible, and if I can't then I wouldn't attempt it and describe in the text that Character A and Character B are speaking another language amongst themselves.

OR (and this is something else I'm doing in Glow Worms) I'll describe a character speaking another language, and another character acts as translator - this is something I always adored in Discworld when characters interact with The Librarian as well as Death of Rats.

Which, again, I try to approach as respectfully as possible. Language is important!! It's a culture and a thought process! And should always be treated with respect

WHEW! I hope this all made sense!!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Trollhunters!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I don't know about Favorite, but there are several that I'm very proud of myself with...

The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Stupid Kid [working title] series, Hand Rolled, The Runaway's Gamble, AU REVOIR, to name a few. Several Trollhunter fics (especially Terpsichore, sometimes I look back on that and go "Wow I really wrote All of THAT?!")

And most recently: Glow Worms or rather: In the Depths of the Safflower Hills a fic that honestly? I find myself going back and rereading what I've written and posted more than once! And has helped me grow as a writer I think  

Welp! ___〆(・∀・) That's it for me folks! Thank you so VERY much for your interest, and I look forward to seeing your answers as well!

Best wishes! Nico ♡

#wip questions #Nico blabs into the void #progress report #About me

[slava-perunu]

Finding Identity in Purity is a Mistake.

One of the things I've really had to challenge myself on, as somebody who has been pagan for 15 years now, is how insular and venomous some pagan spaces used to be online compared to how they are now, and how much the culture shaped me. At one point I was a member of a very popular Ásatrú (Heathenry as a term really hadn't caught on at the time and the term wasn't as loaded then) group, with maybe five thousand members. I was a teenager, and like most teenagers, I wanted to be accepted. Badly. And this was The Group. It had big, important community members in it. The culture was aggressively reconstructionist. There were Rules, both written and unwritten, and if you followed them you got to dogpile people who didn't. It was incredibly toxic.

This group was very proud of its "Shame Culture." That's not me trying to coin a term to badmouth them, that's literally what they called it. If you stuck out, you were Shamed. There were frequent threads dedicated to mocking members who were bullied out of the group. If you were out of line with the group Opinion, you'd be dogpiled until you lost your cool, and then banned for being angry.

As you can imagine, after a while I quietly left, but that group left its mark. I was out of the community, but I still struggled with its demand of absolute historical purity. Even more so when many of the group's Approved Beliefs began being contested by new research and being less popular. Suddenly well defined pantheons were no longer the law of the land and verboten deities (It's Loki, I'm talking about Loki) were acceptable, and somehow at 20 I felt like an old man yelling at clouds. Those things couldn't be right. Blót meant blood and Loki was made up and there was a perfect historical recreation of Real, Authentic Heathenry that was just waiting to blossom, after all the fake heathens and Wiccatru crazies (labels that were, upon reflection, aimed by group members almost exclusively at women and LGBT+ people) were chased out or shamed into submission. This is not a healthy mindset.

I hope it is obvious that I have not retained these beliefs. I regret ever giving them credence. It's a shame that I fell for them, but I am also not surprised that I did. They prey exactly upon the worst excesses of the feelings that can draw young people (especially young men, I'd say) to paganism in the first place- this idea of a unique, rugged, authentic spirituality hidden behind misinformation that only the brave and intelligent care enough to find. I was an angry, socially isolated young nerd, and that's exactly the thing that angry, socially isolated young nerds desperately want to hear: "Not only are you special, you're special on a cosmic level. You're one of the only guys who worship the True Gods in the Right Way."

I feel like moving towards Slavic Paganism helped me break away from that toxic mindset. First, in that it allowed me to be a beginner again as an adult. No expertise, no seniority, I had to sit down and listen. Second, in what I heard when I did: "We don't know." That was terrifying to hear when I started. What if I did something wrong? What if I messed up? Tearing the bandage off and realizing that those things mattered less than I had believed allowed me to grow.

Third, and probably silliest, was that it's called Slavic Paganism. I know, it's got other names, but those are, uh, complicated. But that second word was important. "Heathenry" lets you be separate. You're not a nut like those eclectic Pagans, you're a real Heathen. You tell somebody in America you're a Rodnover (or whatever other label you might choose) and they ask you what that means, and you mumble back "pagan" as quiet as you can. You have an identity beyond that, but you're not better because of it.

Don't fall for the grift that young me did. Wanting historical authenticity is perfectly fine. I still try and make my practice as historically accurate as I can, and people peddling outright lies as divine truth are still causing harm. But basing your identity on Purity is another story. Don't chase Purity, because you'll never catch it. It's a bald faced lie. The chase is long and fruitless and you hurt people as you pass. If you become obsessed with Purity, it'll eat you from the inside out and turn you cruel. Purity is the white whale of reconstructionist paganism, and it'll drag us all under if we let it.

#slavic pagan #paganism #if you know the group I'm talking about I bet you have stories too #slavic paganism #heathenry

[blocksruinedme]

….. team rancher perhaps? For the “brutally honest opinion on a ship” question

Okay so yes I got this in march. I've been thinking.

the ship? on double life? delightful. I fell for it so hard in the silliest way - i was writing a flower husbands fic and i wanted jimmy to talk to scott about tango, and thus i had to figure it out and woosh. There I was writing SO MUCH. (and then a spin off of that one got me into smalletho, i'm a hilarious creature.) Obviously I'm obsessed with Jimmy, and they were so cute together, they worked together well, good wholesome vibes. Sometimes it's nice to have a comedic duo as a ship. I got fanart printed, it was the first thing I published, I sat around and daydreamed about my many many wips.

However. Tragically. I've given it months and I just think I'm done for the foreseeable future. I am BUMMED about this. I wish I could separate c and cc on this one, and not care about the crossover and just write DL. Nothing about DL or LimLife or whatever interferes with my SmallEtho or Flower Husbands feels, each series is something i can choose to bring into what i'm feeling/writing. But, ugh. It's not working here. Especially with actual crossover-setting ranchers as opposed to DL etc.

To jump ahead - my remaining ranchers wip WILL be finished, because I'm so lucky to be able to bring in the amazing passionate clever supportive thoughtful kind and considerate @that-tall-queer-bassist as a co-author. They saw what I was afraid to ask and offered. (I might have asked eventually.) The most important parts are there, imo. My first fic was "my ex stole my soulmate", (fwhip/jimmy/tango) which i wrote in a possessed fervor the day the crossover started. this is the sequel, "my soulmate made a date for me and my ex". It's all outlined and the beginning is written, and most crucially the final conversation is written, where i got Jimmy and Tango's voices to my satisfaction and did how I wanted things to wrap up. I just... the thought of doing it makes me so anxious (especially after i got a "why haven't you updated" comment and had a VERY bad day from it) but I swore I'd never abandon a wip. It keeps getting kudos - the first one had 3x as many kudos as any other fic until the month, and then it's just one fic, it's still so popular - and i don't even want to reread it. It's a very strange feeling to have you biggest hit be something that makes you sad!

the rest of the unpublished wips - man idk how many partially written ranchers fics i have. so many. a lot are in what would have been a flower husbands/ranchers multiverse series that might have hit 100k, which i'm never doing. i'm planning to publish a couple short stand-alones. Some of the ranchers shit is good! My current thought is to go back to them a few months after "my soulmate made a date" is finished and skim and see if any are in a shape where i might want to share some on request, because right now i have so much anxiety about it all to even make decisions. i especially love the sequel to "love respect joy and ranchin'" cause that was 17k of sexual tension and a lot of sexy things happened after.

Maybe time will pass and I'll get what I want! Maybe I'll be able to look at DL ranchers and just enjoy what is there, what I loved before, and not be disappointed about what never happened after animated heart reunions etc. My hopes were SO high and I'm going to try and never get my hopes that high again for something dependent on so many factors.

It is funny that I wrote fics that people are probably using for some fix-it feelings, while I myself can't fix it for me! I'm supremely lucky that I have so many other ships.

#me #my writing #that-tall-queer-bassist #answering asks

[allwaswell16]

Hello! I literally just finished reading your fix “That’s how I know” and it’s 3:10 am here and the amount I laughed while reading this is wild!!! Man I couldn’t ever imagine a fic this funny AND so well written!!!! I enjoy reading all your fics so so much. Thank you for blessing us with your treasure that is your mind and these wonderful fics it thinks of 🥺❤️

Anon, thanks so much for your kind words about the silliest thing I've ever written! (Yes, I had to think about if it was indeed the silliest because I've written a lot of silliness lol) I'm so glad this fic made you laugh! I'm always surprised when the silly fics are ones people latch onto, but I get it now better than I did...that the ones that make us laugh give us something as important as the ones that make us cry.

And just as a little fun fact, I just wrote a little parrot into the fic I'm writing right now. (Not the same kind as Darcy, a colorful one that's extinct now) Anyway, I just wrote the parrot in today! It's not a big part of the fic, but I needed a bird that could be trained so why not? So if you or anyone else who has read That's How I Know reads this pirate fic, maybe you'll have a little giggle over a parrot showing up...a when you know you know moment if you will. haha sorry. I swear I don't actually speak in Louis lyrics.

#ask #anon #thank you for sending this! #nice things

[kenmagoesblep]

🔮💛😎💭🍬

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

good luck!! LKAGHSDGLKASD ok, i'm joking for the most part, but i guess it really depends how bad of a block ur in and how ur brain works? for me, i work thru my writers block by engaging with media i love. replaying my favorite games, reading fic, listening to music, talking to friends and community members about fandom stuff, and eventually something clicks and gets me creative and excited again. most of my writers block comes from tying myself up in knots with my own ideas or being overly critical about a plot point or characterization choice, and in those cases, talking it out with other writers helps me untangle! sometimes even talking out loud to myself is good for that.

whenever it escalates to burnout, tho, i know i have to take a step back and leave writing for a little. recharge by doing something else - i still own a bunch of coloring books (anyone remember johanna basfords coloring books that popped off a few years ago?) that i go fill out, go out of my way to spend more time with my pets, trying out new recipes in the kitchen, listening to some new music, and overall engaging with other unrelated creative sources. i personally believe that rest and not creating for a while is equally important to writing as the writing itself, so... rest!

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

in terms of practical advice, i always remember an old friend (a writer i admired a lot when i was 15-16 that i was lucky enough to get into contact with skype, who i unfortunately lost contact with many years ago) telling me that you can always skip scenes i'm struggling with to write whatever's on my mind, regardless if its the next thing to happen chronologically. it sounds very obvious, but i used to be stuck in projects for months bc i couldn't figure out the scene immediately after what i already had written, so that piece of advice really changed things for me - altho i still have to remind myself of that sometimes!

in broader terms, i'd say that writing what you're passionate about and invested in is vital to staying creative, even if its niche or specific, and that this'll show in ur work. i carved my own little corner on the internet and found a lot more joy in writing when i fully leaned into the things that make me happy, into the themes i like exploring and the characters i love, in entertaining the simplest to the silliest of ideas, leaving concepts of originality and worries about popularity in the backburner (or simply hitting the bricks on it entirely!). worrying too much about public perception stresses me out and i think writing more freely is something everyone can benefit from

😎 What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?

it depends on the fandom i'm reading but overall i like canon compliant stuff more! exploring the nooks and crannies of plots, locations and character dynamics always pulls me in

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

i feel like i largely went over my biggest inspirations in the other asks but something that has always driven my fics is exploring/fleshing out relationships between the characters. like,, what do they mean to each other? what they bring out in each other? why is their relationship like this? is it positive, or a negative? things like that. especially in a romantic sense - as a demi person who was never romantically involved with anyone, and bc of how i experience attraction and all, its a topic that deeply fascinates me (and theres also a bit of... wanting to experience it vicariously thru fiction)

🍬 Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?

i've written for many many fandoms before, but currently i write persona 5 and demon slayer/kimetsu no yaiba fanfic!

my favorite persona 5 fic of mine is currently a WIP but i'm pretty proud of the first (and only) one i posted so far! you can read it here.

its hard to pick one demon slayer fic to link here tbh but my personal favorite is the one i wrote with a close friend of mine! you can read it here

#kimmi says #ask #ask game #answered asks #kimmi writes #my fics

[reinelefey]

I posted 5,271 times in 2022

74 posts created (1%)

5,197 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@butlerbookbinding

@23-tiny-wishes

@becksterr

@bubobubosibericus

@somecunttookmyurl

I tagged 141 of my posts in 2022

#hush elizabeth - 8 posts

#caro mio - 4 posts

#help - 4 posts

#papi - 4 posts

#but - 4 posts

#please - 3 posts

#signal boost - 3 posts

#yes - 3 posts

#so - 3 posts

#i also force people to repeatedly poke themselves in the eye while i watch - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#god i’m so glad i finally learned to stop masking bc this was destroying me and i had no idea how to like. not do this like masking was

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I finally know why I love Tumblr so much. I have curated my dash so that I have access to egyptology, archaeology, paleontology, nuclear physics, and some of the strangest, silliest shit I've ever seen, ALL IN ONE PLACE.

I /am/ trapped on this hellsite(affectionate) because I genuinely don't /enjoy/ other parts of the internet, where I am the product, and the ads listen to my conversations...

10 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#4

@rudjedet I haven't read the article yet, but like... FIRST thing I saw on the cover, and my first thought I had right after. XD

11 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#3

Heavily dissociative tonight so I'm gonna watch an Egyptian History documentary, cringe at the inaccuracies, and eat an entire pint of ice cream.

17 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

#2

I have to be out of my apartment by Tuesday. I have nowhere to go, and my bank is overdrawn by 25$. Fuck, I don't know what I'm going to do, but PLEASE help if you can, I just need to get a hotel or something until like Thursday when I can get my new ID card to cash my checks. Please, please, please, if you can spare even a dollar, I could really use it. And to my mutuals who have larger followings, PLEASE reblog this. It is 9/2/2022, and I have until Tuesday the sixth to vacate my home with my two year old son. /Please/ I will even pay you back, I just... Need help right now.

$reinielefey is my cashapp. I had PayPal, but they're overdrawn, too, so they've closed my account until I pay them back. I also have Chime (which is the overdrawn account, unfortunately.)

Please, I need help more than I can say.

98 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I FINALLY started listening to The Amazing Devil

FIRST OFF.

Inkpot Gods fucking HURTS. 

So does Farewell Wanderlust!!!

THAT BEING SAID.

I have fucking CHILLS. 

Welcome to my latest hyperfixation. This is all I’m gonna be talking about for fucking MONTHS. 

My next Spotify wrapped may as well be written right now, because it’s gonna be this. Maybe a few other things, but it is /GOING/ to be this.

129 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Jesus. This year had my mental health in the toilet in the first half. But I'm glad my #1 post this year is from now, when I'm FINALLY back on track, and I finally FINALLY fucking figured out this whole having human emotions thing. I love that my top tags are #caro mio and #hush Elizabeth. Because i guarantee most of the time, those were tagged together. As they should be.

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false