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#this sounds kinda sad. it's not really meant to
dykeminecraft · 9 months
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gnawing on my gender like it's a fucking bone. can something come of it now please
alas there are parts i'm scared of poking at, not because the whole lesbian thing would change but because. i want certain things but i'm not sure i can Have them in that way
idk. i just keep going back to being encouraged to cut my hair very short whenever i express wanting to be more masculine. thanks for the encouragement i guess, but that's not. that's not the part i want to change. there's other parts i do want to change (i want a deeper voice, in a perfect world bottom surgery wouldn't be a pipe dream) but my hair isn't one of them but it is admittedly probably the easiest. so for now i'll just hang out, i guess
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misopod · 3 months
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I doubt older Milo will see this, but if you do, please remember to put a pride flag outside your house if at all safe/possible as you remember how comforted they made you feel as you drove past them as a kid. That's real, right?
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camptw1nk · 4 months
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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gotta be tbh i chose the worst picture of daigo to put in my little locket cause he really looks too much like my dad and i cant look at it too long or im gonna suddenly feel inclined to drive to new york
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peapod20001 · 9 months
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Not a vent jus an emotional observation, but it kinda sucks when you slowly realize you can’t be the friend someone needs you to be
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hella1975 · 2 years
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my friend watched banana fish and im actually.... kinda annoyed about it
#this is SO DUMB#but basically i did all the 'guys omg NEVER watch this show' with my mates when i finished bf#while secretly hoping one of them would watch it so we could talk about it#but like genuinely the longer it goes since i finished that godforsaken anime the more it matters to me?#like 'matters to me' is a bad way of wording it bc it makes it sound like a GOOD THING#and i mean it matters to me because it is so incredibly harmful to me individually#like i really fucking projected some serious trauma in my life into that show partially bc of the time i watched banana fish#and also just bc i see a lot of myself in ash which was something i realised in episode 1#which meant i watched the ENTIRE thing aware of this just to have THAT ending happen. it was really devastating#but at the same time im aware that 80% of the reason banana fish was so sad for me#is bc of my own personal lens i watched it through#the other 20% is just the fact it's an actual sad anime#so now my friend has watched it and she's doing all the 'oh that was so sad! let's talk about it!'#and im like idk how to tell you this but i CANNOT talk about it with you like i literally cant#and for the past few months my whole 'omg NEVER watch this show' has actually been 100% serious#like i do not want my friends touching this show it's MY thing it's very personal#which is why this is such a dumb post like im literally trying to claim this anime#but it's just actually kinda invalidating to have my close irls watch it in a very casual way#it's one of those things where it's fine on tumblr bc tumblrinas GET IT bc NONE OF US are normal about our shows#but people irl are so determined to consume media in a very normal way lmao#and basically my friend is going to start making out i overreacted i just know she is#and i cannot STAND even an insinuation that im being a baby about something but i also will prove her point#if i go off on one about WHY bf is such a big deal bc i'll just look defensive#does any of this make sense#tldr: sharing media that's important to you is nice but also it's Bad and i want to Gatekeep#banana fish#probably#delete later#bc this is pathetic LMAO
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pomegranateandblood · 4 months
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The Jacket (part 1/2)
Summary: Alive!reader gets assigned a new locker, finds Wally‘s letterman jacket and decides to keep it
Includes: Wally Clark x reader, smut
A/N: I just love Wally & Rhonda‘s friendship
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"This is not what I meant when I asked for a new locker."  You said, scrunching your nose in disgust.
„Yeah, it's like they haven't cleaned it in decades" Your friend dusted her hands off.
A comical cloud of dust came out of the locker, when you finally managed to open the jammed metal door. Coughing, you stepped back.
Meanwhile, unbeknown to you, two students were watching. Dead Students to be exact.
„Hey, isn't that your locker, hot stuff?" Rhonda pointed her lollipop towards the situation.
The footballer turned and nearly tripped, running over to you.
„Stop panicking, it's not like you could do anything about it anyway." The brunette rolled her eyes and started following him.
„They promised my my mum they wouldn't give my locker away and now I see some-„ Wally tried to find the right words, holding onto Rhondas arm.
She raised a brow at him „Hot cheerleaders taking over your locker ?"
„I'm serious! All the stuff I have on me is in there, what if they throw it away?" He said, watching you hold up his letterman jacket.
„You're right, they really havent cleaned this in ages." You looked at your friend.
She reached inside, pulling out a blue and white jacket. You took it from her and held it up. „It's cute don't you think? Kinda vintage."
„Oh my god. look." She pointed at the stitching at the right top. ‚Wally' it read in white italic letters. You looked at her. „You think it belonged to the stadium guy?"
„Possible? I mean there's other stuff in there. Maybe he wants it back." Your friend crossed her arms. „We could go to the library at lunch and look into the yearbooks to find out."
The bell rang, interrupting your little locker investigation.
„Sounds like a plan." You said, before walking to class.
Wally anticipated lunch break and already waited in the yearbook section, when Rhonda suddenly appeared next to him.
„What are you doing here? Aren't you busy catching gossip in the teachers lounge ?" he asked, cocking a brow at her in question.
She smirked. „I love gossip, but seeing your big star student slash jock ego getting crushed by two human girls is even more entertaining to me"
Wally mocked her smirk and rolled his eyes. He was about to reply when he heard you and your friend entering the aisle.
„1981, 1982- ah here Yearbook of 1983. The trophy cabinet has a table with all, the state champion teams and his name was listed in that year."
Rhonda leaned her head on Wally‘s shoulder, or at least as far as she could with their height difference. „Oh superstar, even state champion? Aww, if I wasn't dead I'd feel sorry."
„Fuck you, Rhonda."  Wally scoffed, trying to concentrate on you skipping through the yearbook pages.
„Sorry I'm not into footballers, sweetheart." She sucked on her lollipop again, leaning against the shelf.
Wally took a deep breath. He was a nice guy, really and he liked Rhonda, but sometimes her attitude just got to him.
„Maybe, footballer dick is just what you need to get over your brooding and depressed mood."
Rhonda laughed. „ Ew." She pushed his shoulder.
„Turn to the exceptional students pages." Your friend said and flipped through the book.
There it was, a full double page.
In loving memory of Wally Clark stood under his picture. Fluffy black hair, chocolate brown eyes and charming smile, wearing the exact same jacket you found in your locker today.
„He's dead?" It sounded more like a questioin than a statement coming out of your mouth.
„Sad, he's sexy." You friend stated.
Rhonda nearly choked on her lollipop and Wally swallowed, before a smirk crept upon his lips.
„She did not just say that?" The shorter ghost crossed her arms.
„He is." You agreed before nudging your friend.
„You think he was a fuckboy ?" She laughed and you joined in. Taking the book from you she read the different things written about him.
„Look, this cheerleader wrote ‚He loved eating jelly filled donuts' Oh I'm sure he did" She wiggled her eyebrows.
„Well if I was born back then, I wouldn't mind him tasting my jelly filled donut." you said giggling.
After chattinf some more, the two of you put the book back and left, still giggling about the handsome footballer.
Wally's face burnt bright red and he felt like his cheeks were on fire. He knew that girls had found him cute back when he was alive, but he never heard girls talk about him like that.
„Congratulations stud, now you're a teenage girls' wet dream in two centuries." Rhonda joked and patted his shoulder.
„What do you mean ?" Wally asked nervously.
Of course he had sex before and he did like it rough, but he was in a relationship before he died and even now he only had one partner to relief his teenage hormones. Wally never wanted to use someone for their body, but this ‚trapped in the school as a ghost’ situation didn't really allow any relationships.
„What I mean is, that girls are or were obsessed with you. When you came to this school I couldn't go anywhere without the female students talk about ‚tall and sexy' you are and how hot you look during football practice."  She made a disgusted face and Wally looked at her in shock.
„Oh and don't we forgot about your girlfriend back then. She was very descriptive to her friends about your dick and how exactly you used it to bring her to the edge."
Wally now leaned against the shelves, trying not to freak out.
„But that was long ago, most of the ghosts here died after me." He said, trying to make himself feel better.
„I don't know why you're freaking out so much? I should be freaking out. Of disgust." She tried to calm him.
„You're right. I just thought- I can't believe I was so naiive." he said, looking down.
„Hey Wally, you're a nice guy." she said, making him smile. „Still entitled tho."
He laughed and rolled his eyes.
A few days later you were able togive Wally's mother the stuff you found in his locker. She seemed like a nice woman and you felt a little emotional at how grateful she was.
Especially because you decided to keep the letterman jacket. You gave it to the dry cleaners and basically lived in it ever since picking it up. It was slightly oversized on you but extremly comfortable.
But there was also something different since you wore it. You felt... watched. Just like today, when you got dressed after swimming club.
After leaving the shower, you put a towel over the bench to sit down. You took little longer than usual and had the changing room to yourself.
Suddenly, it's like something tickled over your back, down to your hips. A pleasant sensation. You shivered, reaching for the jacket to cover yourself.
You called out for someone. But you really were alone. Your friend had joked earlier  that Wally Clarks ghost would come for you, because you didn't give back his jacket. Luckily you didn't believe in ghosts and when you sat down on the bench, yet another thought invaded your mind.
You leaned back and opened your legs slightly. Wouldn't be the first time someone touched themselves in the locker rooms. The boys did it all the time after practice.
Your fingers travelled from your navel down to your already wet heat. Exploring your folds, before finding your clit, you closed your eyes. Wally Clark appeared behind your lids. He kneeled between your legs, strong hands holding your hips.
He kissed the creamy skin of your thighs upwards, the dreamiest of chocolate brown bedroom eyes looking up at you. He licked his plump lips before speaking against your folds, the vibration making you hiss out.
„Quite the unusual offer. Letting me eat you out so I'd forgive you for stealing." his tongue lapped up the wetness of your folds and one of his hands found your breasts, kneading them softly before pinching the nipple. One after one.
„Wally, please." You moaned and circled your clit faster. The feeling of being watched heightened your pleasure from the fantasy.
He sucked on your clit and his other hand also left your hip. Two of his fingers pushed inside you, pumping. „Mmmh" he moaned against your sensitive spot. You shivered and moaned his name again and again.
Goosebumps spread over your skin and you were sure his fingers would feel even better than your own. Shifting slightly on the bench, you were sure the towel underneath you was already soaked. The tight coil in your lower abdomen let you know you were close.
„If you weren't already late I'd edge you. Looking so pretty spread out for me on the bench." His fingers curled up and he switched between sucking and licking at your centre.
You came, biting down on your lower lip, so you wouldn't be heard in the nearby hallway. Opening your eyes, you adjusted to reality again and pulled his jacket together in front of your chest. You felt sick, pleasuring yourself to a dead boy. You decided to sit for a bit before redressing and drying your hair.
Wally still kneeled in between your legs. His lips glistened with your juices and he laughed „So much better than a jelly donut"
Licking his fingers clean, he tried to calm his nerves. His hard cock strained against the grey sweatpants, so he sat up and adjusted himself. He really tried holding back, knowing what he did was technically a grey zone of consent, but seeing you spread out on the bench, naked and wearing his jacket, he just couldn't not help you out. Also, you did say you wouldn't mind a few days ago.
He just wished you could see him. It made him dream on his own, about you two. Maybe on the bleachers or in the teachers lounge. Wally really liked the couch in the teachers lounge.
He watched you get dressed and waited for you to leave so he could take care of himself.
The thoughts of Wally haunted you throughout the next few weeks. Maybe his ghost did haunt you. So you decided to help the homecoming committee decorate the school with posters and decoration up until the late night to take your mind off it.
You fell asleep in the Gym. Waking up in the middle of the night on the hard floor you sighed. You were about to collect your stuff and leave when you heard a moan. Looking up, your jaw nearly dropped to the Floor.
Wally sat upon a gym mat, the ghost of a cheerleader who died in the 90s after dropping from a pyramid sat in his lap.
There was an obvious tent in his grey sweatpants. Her cheer skirt was tucked into the seam revealing her bare pussy with two of Wally's fingers knuckle deep inside. There was a wet spot on his crotch and the squishy noise of his fingers pumping at a fast pace hollowed in the gym.
Her moans were swallowed by his lips, hungrily devouring her mouth.
You squeezed your thighs together at the sight. Envious of the girl. Wally pushed a third finger inside, keeping the rough pace. The blonde girl reached down to rub her clit, but Wally slapped her hand away.
He pulled away from her, biting her bottom lip.
„You only get to do that when my cock has been inside of you."
Your head fell back against the wall. God, you must be really going crazy. Hallucinating or dreaming, but you couldn't tear your eyes away.
The blonde pouted. „M'sorry Wally."
He helped her climb off his lap before he stood up on the mat. She was already getting on all fours with spread knees. Meanwhile Wally pulled his sweatpants down, revealing his impressive girth. Getting on one knee behind her, he pumped himself with his head thrown back, before guiding himself inside her.
He started with slow thrusts, obviously not doing this for the first time. The blonde under him closed her eyes, mouth agape in pleasure.
Wally picked up the speed while kneading her asscheeks. Your eyes widened when he spread them, letting a string of his spit drip onto her other hole. He massaged it with his thumb and the blonde responded with screaming his name „Please, Wally. Please Please Please." she writhted under his touch as he pressed down with his thumb.
Your -or more his jacket felt too hot all of a sudden and you felt your hardened nipples against the fabric of your bra. Pressing your thighs together you tried to get some relief.
The blonde bit her lip to silence her pleas buz Wally slapped her cheek „No. No. No. Baby. I wanna hear you. Let them hear you." His hand went back to her ass.
„You can pleasure yourself now." he instructed and her fingers immediately found her clit, circling roughly.
After her first orgasm, he pulled out. His dick dripping with her juices, the head angry and red. Wally helped her turn on her back, legs draped over his shoulders, guiding just the tip inside.
She whimpered. „Please come on my tits, Wally. I want to taste you."
You bit your lip at her voice, full of need and desire.
He smirked and started jerking above her chest. Her hand joined him as he put his abover hers, guiding her how he liked it.
He groaned her name as he came. Thick spurts of his glassy cum decorating her rosy nipples, up to her chin, which she greedily licked up.
She started licking him clean. „Thank you, Wally. Mmmh." He pushed her head down further, and looked up.
You stared at him wide eyed as you made eye contact with him. At first his gaze looked dazed from pleasure, but then he thought you could see him.
But that wouldn't be possible would it? Humans can't see ghosts.
Wally tucked himself away and helped his companion fix herself, but when he turned around you were gone.
He was definitely going to seek you out tomorrow.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed, let me know in the comments & leave me some love 💕
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golden-moony · 28 days
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king of my heart | pt. 2
pairings: lando norris x fem!reader | pato o'ward x fem!reader
warnings: love triangle? kinda.
author's note: go get some popcorn cause we have some drama here🍿... and it's a long part, so enjoy!!
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
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yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, isahernaez, frosenqvist, and 79,121 others!
yourusername Miami GP over and out ✅🏁 No words could ever explain just how grateful I am for all of you and for the opportunity that I get to cover this amazing sport with such incredible people by my side. Thank you for everything Miami, I hope to see you again soon! 🌴💖
user1 the power she holds 🙌
user2 she's really living my dream 🥹
lissiemackintosh so happy to be able to share this with you!! love u❤️
yourusername we really need to do this more often😘 love u too! user3 y/n and lissie hosting track tv together is my new roman empire fr user4 SLAY QUEENS!! user5 the queens are thriving user6 i wanna be friends with them so bad 😫
user7 omg girl you're STUNNING
user8 BEST F1 WAG
user9 facts facts facts user10 she's not even a wag lol it's so obvious lando just keeps this nobody around for when he's bored and horny user11 user10 this "nobody" has done SO much in terms of women representation in motorsport, she's hardworking and a lovely woman. meanwhile, you're just a sad little person who's jealous of her because she's successful and close to your crush, who doesn't even know who you are. so get a life and stop embarrassing yourself. user12 user11 SAY IT LOUDER 👏 user13 user11 PREACH!!!
user14 i don't know if i wanna be her or be with her😩
user15 this is such a mood tbh
landonorris so proud of you, boo😍
yourusername 🥰🧡 user16 YNLANDO NATION WE WON user17 we love a supporting boyfriend 🤩 user18 i want what they have, your honor user19 is this considered a soft launch or what? user20 y'all are delulu😂 it's so obvious they're just friends user21 user20 girl being delulu is the solulu 🙌
user22 so when are we gonna talk about felix liking the post?
user23 i'm lost sorry, who's felix? user24 user23 he's pato's teammate in indycar and one of his besties user25 if felix liked then WHERE'S PATO user26 user25 doing more important things than being focused on this girl.
lilymhe such a pretty girl 💗
alex_albon should i be jealous? yourusername you should indeed. can u fight? user24 the friendship i didn't know i needed 🥹 user25 MY FAV WAGS INTERACTING YAY
user26 f1 is so lucky to have you!!!
user27 LOOOL why would they be lucky to have her?😂😂😂 she's nothing special user28 user27 and yet she's still rising 💅 user29 user27 then why are you even on her post? lol obsessed much?
user30 my role model ❤️‍🩹
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📞 incoming call
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[y/n; normal] [pato; cursive]
"...Hello? Did you butt-dialed me or something?"
"Uhm, hi. It's not a butt-dial. I-I actually just wanted to talk to you. Hear your voice, y'know. I've been kinda missing you."
"Oh really? And here I was thinking that your cold behavior toward me over the past three weeks meant that you didn't want anything to do with me. Silly me, I guess."
"I-I'm... [sighs]. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. About the way I've been treating you. I'm sorry, y/n. I really am sorry. I know I've been a total jerk-"
"Yeah, you can put it that way."
"...I've been a total jerk and I regret it very much. You didn't deserve it at all. I just- I'm not trying to excuse my awful behavior but I just think I got- Uhm..."
"You got what?"
"Well... I saw Lando's instagram story when you went back to Monaco, as you've probably already figured it out. And I think- Well... I got jealous. And I know it probably sounds stupid now but at the time it felt like a punch in the face."
"Pato..."
"I know I didn't and still have absolutely no business to be jealous about you and Lando, cause you and I are not dating or anything and you don't owe me any kind of explanation about the type of relationship you have with him. But after the great time we spend together in Long Beach... I don't know, it just hurted seeing you with him. But that doesn't excuse anything and I just regret so much the way I've been treating you since then, it hasn't been fair to you at all."
"And it didn't cross your mind that we could have had this conversation way before now? I mean, you waited three weeks to finally talk to me like a decent human being, how-"
"I know and I'm so-"
"Let me finish."
"Sorry, go on."
"However, I do appreciate that you're finally acknowledging all of this and communicating with me like an actual adult. I know it's not always easy to do. And although I don't owe you any kind of explanation, I just want you to know that there's nothing going on between Lando and me."
"So you and him...?"
"We're friends and that's it. We care for each other but there's nothing going on."
"Oh... well, thanks for clarifying that for me."
"Yeah, yeah. You'll have to work harder for my forgiveness, anyway. I appreciate the call but it won't be that easy for you."
"Is that so?"
"You've heard me."
"In that case, what would you say if I invite you for a few days to come here to Punta Mita? Maybe that'll help me a little to earn your forgiveness."
"... I'm sorry, what!?"
"You've heard me."
"You're joking. You have to be joking."
"I'm not joking. You're still in Miami, right?"
"I am..."
"Great! My brother in law is in Miami too and he'll take the jet tomorrow morning. If you want to, you can join him and come here with him! We'd be thrilled to have you here too."
"Oh my God... Pato, I don't know what to say!"
"Say yes and you'd make this birthday boy the happiest man in the world. You'd even make my sister happy, I've been telling her a lot about you and now she's eager to meet you."
"I hope you've been telling her good things about me, then."
"Only the best. She's even on your side, y'know. Said I was being a giant cabrón and needed to make things right. She wasn't wrong tho."
"[giggles] Fine. I'll go, but I'm only doing this for your sister."
"I'll take that anyway! I'll let Brett know you'll join him and I'll send you the details, okay?"
"Okay!"
"Now go and pack your bags for tomorrow."
"Hey! Don't get bosy with me, mister!"
"[Laughs] Fine. Take care, I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you, birthday boy!"
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patriciooward posted to his story!
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[caption 1; 🦈] [caption 2; beautiful views]
yourusername posted to their story!
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[caption 1; para-para-paradise 🌞] [caption 2; in his sharkboy era] [caption 3; 🐶❤️]
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paddockgossips
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liked by magui_corceiro and 84,091 others!
paddockgossips Among the alleged "breakup" between y/n and Lando, the McLaren driver was photographed last night having fun in a Monaco club in the company of Max Fewtrell and other friends. Some sources have said that Lando seemed very cozy with a blonde woman at the party, whom he later left with. However, we cannot verify this information in any way, so it remains a rumor.
user1 I HAVE A CHANCE AGAIN (i'm delulu)
user2 so this confirms ynlando is over?? 😭
user3 girl i'm devastated 😭😭😭 user4 i'm still in denial user5 well they were never together to begin with user6 user5 THIS!! people act like they were a couple when they NEVER confirmed anything 😂
user7 "blonde woman at the party" "it remains a rumor" and magui goes and like the post LOL
user8 she's so desperate for attention🙄 user9 who's magui??? user10 user9 she's kika's friend and she was dating football player João Félix not so long ago (in fact, i thought they were still together lol) user11 user10 and don't forget she's a cheater. user12 user9 she's trouble
user13 yn >>>>>>>> magui
user14 user13 no need to compare them
user15 sorry but single lando it's so hot 🥵
user16 SO TRUE user17 FACTS he looks so good omfg
user18 in his heartbreaker era 😎
user19 in his reputation era 😎 user20 in his idgaf era 😎
user21 i'm a child of divorce fr
user22 i know y'all love y/n for some reason but i'm SO glad lando finally got away from her.
user23 SAME. and if magui makes him happy then great for him user24 stfu i'm mourning here
user25 y/n this magui that but max was, is and will forever be lando's true wag💅
user26 the one and only indeed
elbaoward posted to her story!
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[caption1; off to dinner] [caption2; my love🤍] [caption 3; lovebirds!]
patriciooward
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liked by landonorris, yourusername, brettkimbro, and 86,382 others!
patriciooward BDAY WKND DUMP 📸 thank y'all for all the love❤️‍🔥
user1 THE HARD LAUNCH IT'S HARD LAUNCHING
user2 OMG IT'S HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CAAAAALM
user3 he really said i'll give you what you want: thrist traps and y/n... and he's so real for that
user4 he really knows his audience user5 king behavior if u ask me user6 everybody say thank you Pato 🙏
user7 YNPATO NATION HOW ARE WE FEELING??
user8 I'M STILL SPEECHLESS user9 they're so perfect i wanna cry😭 user10 LOVE TO SEE🔥
user11 as a ynlando shipper i have to admit they're cute but ngl this still hurts 😩
user12 MOOD user13 ynlando will always be in our hearts 🥺 user14 ynlando >>>>>>>>>> ynpato user15 user13 girl grow up.
user16 THAT SHOULD BE ME
elbaoward where are my credits for the last pic? cuties🤍
user17 u literally gave us the cutest pic ever user18 elba thank you so much for your service🫡 user19 elba is ynpato's #1 fan and you can't tell me otherwise user20 elba is just like us fr user21 LOVE YOU ELBAAAAA 🩷
user22 MOM AND DAD
user23 can't believe how fast she moved on and got together with this dude lol lando really dodged a bullet with her
user24 how fast she moved on?? girl y/n and lando were never even together so stfu user25 ???? why are you even on pato's ig post? go away user26 user23 y/n is such an attention seeker and yet everyone loves her, i'll never understand it 🥱
user27 not to be that person but i would KILL to be that piñata😏
user28 MOOD
frosenqvist oh to be tanned, young and in love
patriciooward 😜 user29 IN LOVE??? FELIX BESTIE TELL US MORE user30 i don't know about y'all but this is all the confirmation i need about ynpato being real, bye user31 i think i can hear the wedding bells user32 user31 yesss and felix as pato's best man
user33 bestie don't be shy and drop more y/n pics 🫶
user34 i second the motion !!!
user35 NOT LANDO LIKING THE POST LOOOOL
user36 he is so unserious i love him user37 ICONIC BEHAVIOR TBH user38 yeah but i just know he's crying inside user39 user38 for what? lol lando knows he's so much better than this cheaper version of him. user40 user39 i'm so done with people like you who insult pato just because you cannot defend lando with good arguments.
yourusername magical weekend 💖
patriciooward with you there? always user41 STOP THEY'RE SO CUTE OMG user42 this is such an upgrade tbh user43 SO HAPPY FOR THEM 🥹 user44 what a bitch.
yourusername posted to their story!
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[caption 1; back to reality✈️] [caption 2; I'm a high performance athlete. Athletes sweat. Sweat, baby] [caption 3; cutest model🧡]
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paddockgossips
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liked by magui_corceiro and 53,237 other people!
paddockgossips NEW WAG ALERT? 🚨 Magui Corceiro, the Portuguese model and actress, attended the Monaco GP after being seen a few days ago having lunch with Lando. It has been rumored that they could be in a relationship, especially since Lando and y/n apparently went different ways, and Corceiro's presence in the paddock has not gone unnoticed by anyone. Still, neither Lando nor Magui have confirmed or denied these rumors.
user1 A TRIGGER WARNING WOULD BE NICE NEXT TIME
user2 um let's hope there isn't a next time user3 user2 let's pray girl, let's pray 🙏
user4 "neither lando nor magui have confirmed or denied these rumors" well that's bs cause she just liked the post
user5 istg she's trying so hard to get attention user6 lando was asked about magui and he said she was just a friend... and then she goes and does this lol what a clout chaser user7 and people used to say that y/n was after lando's fame and yet she NEVER did anything like this user8 she's such a pick me girl
user9 everything i know of this girl has been against my will istg
user10 SAME
user11 oh good luck lando
user12 oh be prepared for the y/n fans and little girls that'll come attack magui when she hasn't even done anything wrong
user13 literally they're just mad at magui cause she's dating their fav driver loool user14 they're only jealous cause magui is a gorgeous woman user15 user14 she's gorgeous but she's still a snake
user16 i'd ask why lando would be with someone like her, but then i remember he's an adult and if he wants someone like her by his side then that's up to him. let's not treat him like a baby please
user17 say👏 it👏 louder👏
user18 weeeeell if this is the kind of people lando likes to have around then i guess y/n really dodged a bullet with him
user19 FACTS user20 i mean at the end of the day he's just another privileged white boy, so🤷‍♀️ user21 i really don't get all the hate that she's getting, is she really that problematic? user22 user21 girl google it yourself but yeah, she is
user23 I MISS MY GIRL Y/N WHERE IS SHEEEEEEEE??
user24 what is she even doing there?
user25 must be cause lando wanted her to be there user26 why y'all never asked the same thing about y/n? y'all are such hypocrites istg user27 user26 cause y/n was actually doing her job????? user28 user26 oh you're stupid 😂😂
user29 magui in the paddock, pato not being able to finish Indy 500... it really is a shitty day huh
user30 DON'T EVEN REMIND ME WHAT HAPPENED WITH PATO OMFG user31 I'M STILL SO MAD ABOUT PATO user32 the only good part is that y/n and his family were there for him ❤️‍🩹
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see y'all in part 3!
taglist: @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @evie-119 @evans-dejong @minkyungseokie @noneofyourfbusinessworld @bernelflo @eiaaasamantha @ijustgomessitupx @honethatty12 @daemyratwst @f1fan65
(if you'd like to be tagged in the next part, just let me know in the comments!🧡)
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lunarduty · 4 months
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𝙋𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝙍𝙏 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝘽𝙀𝘿
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☾ sfw & nsfw headcanons for dating soap JOHNNY 'SOAP' MACTAVISH X F!READER TAGS | nsfw. smut. oral (female receiving). female reader. WC | 2,063 x
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SFW
☾ in his mind, he was already your boyfriend before even becoming official. soap is fiercely LOYAL and dedicated - just as soon as he realized the depths of his feelings, he was yours before you even knew it. stopped so much as looking at other people, much less thinking or fantasizing about them. for soap, you were it. he just had to convince you to go out with a guy like him, which is very soap. not always looking before he jumps.
☾ he loves calling himself your boyfriend, or calling you his girl. soap isn’t one to try and make it lowkey or anything. he wouldn’t be unprofessional - disrespecting or making you look bad is the last thing he wants. but soap will insert the fact into mundane little conversations whenever he can. the team quickly gets tired of it long before he does.
“soap, you joining us for drinks after the debrief?” “don’t know,” he says, sounding awfully CHIPPER for someone who might miss out on a night at the pub. “gotta check in with my girl, see if she wants to do anything tonight. missed out on lunch with her, y’know.” he was still beating himself up over that. you kept insisting it was fine - you both have crazy schedules sometimes. but soap didn’t want to make it a habit of blowing you off. gaz nodded like he agreed - soap didn’t think he really got what it meant to be your boyfriend.
☾ his favorite thing in the world is making you laugh, and he does it so easily. and a lot of the time, he doesn’t even mean to. soap can be blunt and cheeky sometimes, and his smart mouth has gotten him in hot water more often than not - but he’s always very happy to make you laugh, even accidentally. always acts kinda proud when his jokes land perfectly. or if he’s not in a great mood, but ends up saying something that makes you laugh, it always brightens his mood.
☾ while he usually finds one petname and sticks with it, soap is known to call you different ones - each worse and more SAPPY than the last. they’re never spoken seriously, he just enjoys seeing your nose wrinkle and look at him as if he just tracked dog shit into the house. it’s one of his favorite ways to tease you without feeling like he’s going too far, like he does with some of his mates.
with his nose buried against your neck, and the slowly thump of your heart vibrating on his chest, soap was damn near close to following you into unconsciousness. it had been a chaotic last few days - the mere chance to cuddle up with you in bed had him relaxed beyond the point of needing a quick fuck to tire him out. at least until you shifted your legs, and your icy toes pressed against his legs. “fuck, lass. toes are fuckin’ freezing,” he hisses against your shoulder. you just hum, not bothering to reply, more interested in finally falling asleep. he hums in return, and condemns himself to the icy torture. “lucky i love ya, my l’il popsicle.” “jesus, johnny.”
☾ generally enjoys going out on dates than staying home. of course, if you’re more of a homebody or he just doesn’t feel up to going out, a home date is perfectly fine with him. but soap likes going out and experiencing things - most of all, he wants to show you off. absolutely loves walking down the street with you on his arm, or you pulled against his side. tries to get some leave every few months so you two can travel somewhere, but usually, soap’s idea of a good date is simply going somewhere and having fun.
☾ gets super soft when you start getting comfortable around him. before the relationship began, you two were good friends - there was already a layer of comfort and familiarity before, but it’s different when you start dating. so one night, when you both are just chilling on the couch, and you start cackling at a joke on the TV or ugly-crying during a sad scene, soap just REVELS in it. he’s heard how far some people go not to show certain sides of themselves to their partners, and he’s super pleased that you don’t feel like you need to do that with him. on the flip side, soap immediately gets super goofy with you right off the bat, so it’s not like you’re alone in your silliness.
☾ don’t think you can outkiss this man. don’t even try to challenge him. soap mactavish is a man made for kissing and he will do it all day if you let him. your eyes in the morning to wake you up, on your cheek before he leaves, your hand after meeting up for lunch, your lips when he gets home at the end of the day, your neck while doing the dishes, your forehead after a good fuck before falling asleep. soap loves being able to kiss you whenever he wants and he takes full advantage of that privilege.
☾ arguments aren’t super common, but they do happen. soap can be stubborn and sometimes doesn’t see the wider picture. he forgets to take your feelings into account. arguments are usually resolved pretty painlessly, since soap knows he can be dumb sometimes and he doesn’t let his pride get in the way of apologizing. even still, he likes to go out of his way when it comes to make ups. he doesn’t like feeling guilty and can go a little overboard in comparison to the argument.
“so, you forgive me yet, bonnie?” “hmm,” you draw out the hum, even if the smile on your face negates the tension, “i haven’t decided yet.” suppressing his own grin, johnny throws his hands up in defeat. reclines back in his chair with a sigh and a shake of his head - always with the theatrics. “yeah, i figured ya say that. but i’ve learned to never enter a battle without a secret weapon.” “making up for a fight is a battle for you, is it?” your question, though a joke, made him pause. “well, no, i didn’t- fuck’s sake, lass. take it easy on me.” johnny stands, his hands clapping together. “i was listenin’, though. i know you feel all alone when i’m gone so much, and i’m sorry. wish i could change it.” of course, you knew he couldn’t just uproot his whole life. some of the things you said during the argument weren’t even exactly how you felt - just something said in the moment. “johnny, hold on, i didn’t mean-” “hey, hey, i’m not done.” he backs away from you toward the bedroom. “last thing i want is you to be here feelin’ all LONELY again. so i got something to fix all that.” he finally turns and makes for the bedroom door. when you stand and follow to watch, you notice how carefully he opened and slid right past. like he didn’t want you coming in. but you realized right away it was because he didn’t want something getting out. “a puppy? john, this is-” “great, right? can cuddle up to him when i’m not here!”
☾ definitely thinks about marriage super early on, but doesn’t really bring it up because he doesn’t wanna come off as weird or creepy. but honestly, soap knew you were the one right away. he’s not out looking at rings or wedding venues - he just kinda ACCEPTS that he’s gonna marry you. might make little jokes or comments here and there. jokingly calls you his wife or “the missus.” so when he eventually does pop the question, he’s a little taken aback when you’re caught off guard. and then he remembers that, oh yeah, he’s always been mentally married to you since basically forever.
NSFW
☾ it’s not hard at all to tell when soap is in the mood. he’s going to get very touchy if you let him - from soft grazes of his fingers along your skin to straight up groping your ass when you walk by. he is an absolute menace when he’s horny. loves coming up behind you when you’re doing something and just squeezing your hips and kissing your neck. grinds his cock against your ass, as if it isn’t painfully obvious how wound up he is.
☾ foreplay with soap is more fun than anything. there are rare moments when he’s silent and serious and focused, but mostly, he likes to keep it light. makes you laugh before sucking on your tits to take your breath away. says some dumb comment when you’re grinding against his thigh to distract you, only to suddenly change pace and laugh when you whimper. he sees sex with you as something to 100% ENJOY and making sure the both of you have fun with it…
☾ …that is until soap gets completely pussy-drunk off you and just shuts the fuck up and enters this kind of tunnel vision when he’s eating you out. it happens a good 60% of the time - he starts out his usual light and teasing self, kissing your thighs, asking you if you want to fuck his mouth. but just as soon as he gets his tongue on your clit and his fingers buried knuckle-deep, it’s so easy for him to just get lost in it. will make you cum twice before he realizes it, and is almost confused when you’re begging him to stop, or at least give you a break. 
“fu- fuck, johnny! i can’t- shit, you need to stop.” those words seem to finally break him of his little trance. your little moans and whimpers of his name are always MELODIC in a way that makes him want to hear more and more. but hearing you ask him to stop makes soap blink and pull his face away - lips parted in his panting, chin glistening. “okay, bonnie?” he asks, a hand squeezing your hip. you’re breathing hard. skin flushed. chin tilted upward with your eyes closed and he wonders just how hard you came. or how many times. “i’m okay,” you answer quickly. “just…need a break. or just fuck me - that works too.” a wide grin spreads over his face, and when he pulls his fingers free, the soft squelching sound almost makes him shiver. “just said the fuckin’ magic words, beautiful.”
☾ not at all picky with positions, so he usually just tries a bunch of different ones or follows your lead. there’s something to enjoy with all of them, so how can he have a favorite? fucking you in missionary gets him on top, where he feels so big and strong and loves feeling you hold onto him like your life depends on it. when you ride him, he gets to watch your face the entire time, or play with your tits, or do anything he wants. getting you in doggy is great when soap is feeling especially FERAL and just wants to drive into you, grabbing your ass, tugging on your hair when he feels like he can’t hear you well enough. gun to his head, he can’t pick just one.
☾ soap does have a preference when he cums. as fucking fantastic as it feels to cum inside you, there’s something otherwordly about pulling out and painting your skin. he saves creampies for slow and sleepy sex (or when you beg for it), but every other time? soap is cumming on your back, your belly, your thighs, your face, your tits. anywhere and everywhere is fair game for him. he’s definitely taken a picture when the sight is too good to leave to memory. eventually deletes them because he doesn’t want them to somehow get out, but not before using it as wank material while he’s away.
☾ very gentle and attentive with aftercare. sex with soap isn’t especially rough or intense most of the time, but he still doesn’t slack on it. kissing you good and proper after you both cum, letting you know just how much he loves you. always gets something to clean you up and talking while he does so - soap is a chatterbox anyway, but more so after sex because he doesn’t want you to start feeling awkward. lots of cuddles and touches when he climbs into bed - but be warned, he does tend to nod off pretty soon.
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brodieland · 3 months
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.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 Be you or be with you? ´ˎ˗
Percy Jackson x fem!zeus!reader Synopsis: When a daughter of Zeus and a son of Poseidon who just seem to hate each other get into a fight, they are forced to clean the stables together. Word Count: 885
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The stables smelled like crap, because they were literally filled of it. And of course you had to be stuck cleaning the crap filled stables with a walking pain in the ass. Also known as Percy Jackson. So many people just love him so much. Sure he saved camp, and civilization I guess, but you didn't care. Something about him just bugged you, it was probably how he doesn't know how to listen, or how he has such a smart-mouth, maybe it was how he just does whatever and for some reason it just always has to work out for him. That luck bothered you too. HEY, maybe you were just a hater, but he was a forbidden kid and despite beating up the god of war at twelve, everyone liked him, but one time when you were twelve you accidently shocked a bunch of people in a lake and people are still scared to go near water with you. Shits rigged.
"It smells so bad in here" you mumbled to yourself.
"No shit" Percy giggled to himself, you may or may not have let out a little chuckle on the inside but you'd never admit that.
"Not the time for jokes when its your fault we're here fish breath" you spat back, clearly annoyed.
"How the hell is it my fault you decided to strike me down with your stupid lightning" he returned right back to with just as much annoyance.
"Maybe if you didn't absolutely soak me with your stupid water I wouldn't have done that" you yelled back.
"How many times do I have to say that I wasn't aiming for you" he's so stupid.
"I wasn't aiming for you" you mocked "there was literally no one else around" you are literally screaming now.
"Fine, maybe it was sorta on purpose," like I didn't know "but maybe if you didn't trip me literally five minutes before that then I wouldn't have gotten the idea!"
"Now THAT" you emphasized "wasn't on purpose, but I'll admit it was kinda funny" you started laughing a little. He stared at you straight faced as you laughed.
"Haha, I'm dying, your hilarious, let's just finish cleaning" Percy said. And with that, you both went back to silently cleaning in silence. Now in a few moments he spoke up again.
"Did I do something to you" he asked.
"What are you talking about" you said.
"You just seem to not like me and I don't remember doing anything to make you hate me so much" he sounded sad, you almost felt bad.
Maybe you did a little, because he was right. He never did anything to you, and if you were being honest with your self you were just kind of.. jealous? That was probably the word. You were both forbidden children, you thought that meant you'd both be in the same boat, but no. He's just so likeable in ways you weren't, people were scared of you because they think your dangerous but love him.
"Everyone likes you" you started. You stood there faced him broom in hand as you stared at the floor. Percy looked at you confused.
"I mean, I guess, but I'm sure there's someone who doesn't like me" Percy said.
"Exactly, you don't even know if there's someone out there that doesn't like you" you said, make Percy even more confused. "People don't like me because they're like, scared of me or something. So obviously I don't really have friends and I thought that was part of the deal until you got here and became Mr. freaking popular. You can beat up gods but gods forbid I accidently shock someone years ago." You've never shared this with anyone. "So no you didn't do anything, and no I don't hate you. I just kinda wish I was more like you."
You got quiet, he got quiet. You both were quiet. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anyth-"
"Don't be sorry" He cut you off. "I didn't know that's how you felt, I wish you said something."
"What would that have done, other than make you feel sorry for me" you chuckled sarcastically.
"Maybe I wanted to be like, buddies or something, but you were always pushing me away" He said as he stared down at the ground.
You were stunned. Absolutely stunned.
"What, why would you want to be friends with me, I'm sure you've rumors about me. That I'm aggressive, or scary or mean." Sucks but kids suck.
"We both know there not true. Maybe you're a little short-tempered, but maybe you wouldn't be if people weren't always assuming the worst. Plus you're really pretty" He threw you a goofy grin that made you playfully roll your eyes and laugh in response.
Percy gasped. "Oh my gods, did I just make the Y/N Y/L/N laugh" he said sarcastically.
"Maybe you did, don't get to full of yourself Jackson" you said as you jokingly glared and pointed your finger at him.
"Alright then, so, is the beef over? Can we be friends now" he questioned, hopeful you say yes, really hopeful you'd want to hang out with him.
"yeah, friends. We can be friends" You both smiled at each other, happy to have put the arguing behind.
"It still smells like crap"
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samandcolbyownme · 3 months
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The people wanted Colby angst & the people are getting Colby angst.
Summary: After a long, on and off, secret relationship with Colby, reader finally has had enough, or have they?
Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, angst, kinda sad, arguing/fighting, mentions of alcohol, flirting, reader is the lead singer in a rock band, slight mentions of depression/anxiety, hair pulling, biting, scratching, choking, unprotected shower make up sex, filth
Word count: 6.8K | NOT edited
Inspired by the song, The Grey by Bad Omens. I will also be using a few of their other songs, so if you haven't listened to them, you definitely should. Noah Sebastian is chefs kiss 💋
╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗
The relationship you had with Colby was the first relationship you kept going back to.
You knew he was bad for you, mainly because it felt like he was holding you back more than pushing you forward, but you loved him with everything you had in you.
When you were together, just the two of you, it was pure bliss. Like seeing love through rose colored lenses.
But it never failed to change with each launch party of a new album or even an after party for playing at a sold out show.
Colby couldn't contain his jealously, but yet, he's the one who wanted to keep your guy's relationship secret in the first place.
He didn't want the lime light, he wanted to have you all to himself, but he failed to realize that with your career growing, so would your popularity grew with it.
You broke up for a while, spent a few weeks apart. You worked on your new album some more. Colby hung out with Sam, investigating the paranormal some more.
You and Sam were good friends, so around the time Sam told you they'd be back, you got that, can we talk? text from Colby, and ever since then, you've been better than ever.
You agreed to understand him wanting to stay out of the spot light, so in public you were friends usually have dinner with other friends, but when it came to your band, they knew which meant you could kiss each other in front of them and they wouldn't bat an eye.
He's come to your studio sessions. Sat up until three am with you while you wrote down and hummed to random song lyrics. He's even been front row at sound checks.
He's become an even bigger number one fan and you absolutely loved it.
Things seemed to be going in the right direction for a while, and you were thinking about talking to him again about going public, mainly because you wanted more from him.
More with him.
You thought that since your relationship was in such a good place and haven't called it quits for the sixth time, it could work.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
"Here's to y/n. Her talent is what got us here in the first place." Your guitarist, Lewis, raises his glass and everyone follows in with a loud, "To y/n."
You laugh, leaning into Colby. He lays his arm over you, taking a sip from his drink, "You really deserve this, babe." He smiles, planting a kiss on your temple.
You smile, taking a sip from your glass, "Let's face it though, I would be here without you guys." You motion to the rest of your band, "So let's give a toast to the people who stand beside-" you point to your drummer, Hunter,"And sit behind me on stage."
Hunter laughs, "Thanks for being so specific, y/n."
You nod, "Of course."
You look at Colby, "And thank you, for supporting me no matter what we go through."
He smiles, "I love you."
"I love you." You lean in, pecking his lips before turning to face your band, "Who's up for another round, huh?"
A few hours later, you and Colby arrive back to your house.
"So when's the album supposed to be finished?" Colby asks as he sits on the couch. You shrug your jacket off, walking over, "Hopefully by the end of the month. I have almost eight tracks so far? I want there to be at least ten."
"Are you going to release a single?" He extends his arm out as you sit down next to him, "Your singles are always a banger."
You laugh slightly and shrug, "I've thought about it. I mean, I have ideas but-"
Colby's phone buzzes and he ignores it.
Probably just Sam, you think, "I haven't really-" Colby's phone buzzes again, "Do you need to get that?"
He shakes his head, "I'm not worried about it. I'm worried about you." He pulls you closer and kisses your head, "So what are these ideas you have for a single?"
You blow out air, resting your head back onto his arm, "I'd have to go get my notebook, my brain is still kinda fuzzy from the show and then the post show alcohol."
You get up, laughing to yourself as you walk into the room that holds all your music equipment. You grab the notebook and turn around to walk back out, slowing down when you see Colby on his phone.
As much as you wanted to trust him and move forward, a part of you still had anxiety when it came to him with certain things.
You slowly walk over, "So."
He locks his phone and sets it down on the couch next to him, "Let's hear something." You sit down, facing him, "Okay. So I think these are going to go all in one song, but I so far I have I'm drowning in a dream I can't escape."
Your eyes can down over the page, "Then I have, ninety miles in the dark and family scars and electric hearts? I don't know there just something.." you look up at him, "That comes to me? I guess."
It was going so well, you didn't want to tell him that you were using your past times trying to make it work as a muse.
You weren't sure how he would take it, fine, probably. But at the same time, you didn't want to risk it.
"So Colby.." you set your notebook down, "I was thinking."
"Oh boy." He chuckles, "no, really. What's up?"
You smile as you move closer to him, "I was thinking that maybe we can.. grow.. more in this relationship?"
He tilts his head, looking over at you, "What do you mean?"
"I think you know what I mean." You look up at him, "I want more with you, Colby. I want to go out and be able to hold hands with you at a restaurant. I want to eventually get a house with you." You sigh, "I want marriage, Colby."
He stays quiet for a few seconds, "I've been thinking about it, too."
You raise your eyebrows, "Really? You have?"
He nods, sliding his hand up to grip your chin, "You are such a beautiful and talented woman, y/n. You genuinely surprise me every day I'm with you."
You smile and he leans in, "I love you."
You run your hand through his hair and lean in to close the space between the two of you, "I love you." You press your lips to his and move your head to rest your chin on his shoulder as he pulls you into a hug.
You glance down as his phone lights up and your heart starts racing as the name Serenity appears on the screen, "Who's Serenity?" You lean back and you can tell Colby is caught off guard, "It's.. No one, y/n. I promise."
You lean back and he tries to grab your hand, "Just wait.." you rip your hand away, placing it on your cheek, "Colby.. I thought.." you can feel tears burning in your eyes, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
"She isn't anything, I mean she was but-"
You cut him off, "When?"
"What?"
You raise your voice a little bit louder, "When. Colby, when was she ever anything?"
He stands up, "When we broke up this last time. I met her while Sam and I were in Georgia. It wasn't anything. I missed you, so that's why I-"
"You missed me? So you went and found someone to.. what, exactly? Distract you from the thought of me?" You throw your hands up, "Just when I thought things were changing."
"They are!" He says loudly, "They are! I haven't talked to her since the day before we left. I was focused on you because you're fucking everywhere y/n. but How can I get over you if-"
You raise your brows and he shakes his head, "No, that came out wrong.. I didn't.. I didn't it mean it to sound like that, I don't want to get over you." Colby walks over to you and you just stand there staring at the spot he walked away from.
He slides his hand up your arm, "I promise you it is and was nothing. Just a conversation.
"Did you sleep with her?" Your words are cold and you look at him. He shakes his head, "No. no we didn't do anything, and even if it did progress, which it didn't. Sam wouldn't have let anything happen, you know that?"
"Then why is she calling and texting you at three in the fucking morning?" You groan, "God, Colby. I genuinely thought we were going somewhere this time? All the times you showed up for me when you didn't before?" What was that just a cover so I didn't suspect anything?"
He shakes his head, "No, y/n. It's not like that at all."
"How can.." your voice breaks, so you pause, taking a deep breath before you sigh, "How am I supposed to believe you when you've done this shit before?"
"What are you talking about?" He tilts his head, "Please, tell me. I would lo-"
"Second time we got back together, I seen a Mariah on your phone. She was sending hearts, saying that if, and I quote, 'you and your mystery girl break up again, you know where to find me' end quote." You keep your stare on him, "we broke up shortly after getting back together that time, because things were getting too serious too fast, as you said."
"That wasn't.. she was.." he sighs, "We're talking about things over the course of a year or so, y/n. I didn't think I was ready to be with someone like you."
"Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean exactly?" You cross your arms and he sighs, "Again, didn't mean for it to sound like that."
"Just go."
Your words catch him off guard, "Huh?"
"Go. Get out." You point to the door, "I can't..." you close your eyes, begging yourself not to cry, "I can't keep doing this. Shutting myself down, trying to change you or even trying to change myself, Colby."
"Who's changing? What are you talking about?" He steps closer to you and you shake your head, looking up at him, "I just.. I guess I just gave you too many chances and you literally ran through them all."
You groan, "Fuck, I literally have everything I could ever want, but it obviously still isn't enough."
"Enough for what, y/n? You're enough for me." Colby's voice goes quieter, "Please." He steps towards you, wrapping his hands round your wrists, "Can you just please, sit down. Read the messsges. Time stamps. Everything."
"I just wanted more, Colby. More from you. This isn't.." you shake your head, "I just want to finally be with someone who doesn't leave me falling asleep confused every night."
"No, don't let me go." He rests his forehead against yours, "I mean it. I'm serious this time. I don't want anyone else but you."
"Who even am I anymore, Colby? Honestly." You step back, pulling your hands free from his grasp, "I literally don't even know who I am anymore. A singer who allows someone to just keep hurting her over and over again?"
"Y/n." Colby shakes his head, "Just please, hear me out."
"You had the chance to tell me. When we got back together.. I told you about the guy I had dinner with. I didn't even want to do it but I was so pissed at you for that Mariah girl, I just.. tried evening the score but I guess that didn't fucking matter, now did it?" You pace back and forth, feeling like you could puke.
"The thought.. of you even.." you lay your hands on your lips, "Being with another girl is enough to make me drop dead."
"I was never with any other girl, y/n. You have to-"
You cut him off, "No. I'm done. I'm done with this grey area of us that can only be seen when it's just us. It's not what I want, you know what I want and you just..." you look at him, "Clearly arent on the same level as me, you never were."
"But I am." He pleads and you shrug, "sure doesn't seem like it to me." You sigh, "Just.. go. Please."
"I'm not giving up on us, you can't just dig another grave and let me go, not like this." He stays in his spot and you just stare at him, "Colby. I'm tired. I have a headache, I'm not... I'm not doing this anymore. Just please, go home."
"Fine. But I promise, I'm not giving up. I'll give you space but I'll prove that I want you." He grabs his keys, walking towards the door.
You want to stop him but it's like your body is frozen in its place. You can't move, no matter how much you want to.
He gives you one last look before closing the door and you immediately break down, falling to your knees and leaning up against the couch.
You're gasping for air, clutching your chest as you try not to cry too loud.
You wanted Colby, but you didn't want the hurt that comes along with it anymore.
A part of you believed him, but at the same time, a part of you knew that you needed to let go.
Then it hit you.
Turn the pain, into power.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Over the last two weeks, the only time you'd leave your house was to go to the studio. You had a new song in that was practically almost down.
A new single, and you had Colby to thank for that.
Other than that, you laid at home, in the dark usually just thinking about everything, Colby mainly.
It's been two weeks and you've barely made the effort to answer him. But you always do. Whether it's just him one word answers, or you wait hours, you can't seem to stay away from him no matter how much you wanted to.
That was until you got a text from him that set you off almost instantly, it feels like we don't talk anymore and you don't seem to care.
You sit up in bed, scoffing as your thumbs tap the screen at lightning speed. As you're in the middle of your paragraph, he sends you another text, I knew that would get your attention.
You clench your jaw. selecting your paragraph and deleting it to which you replacing with, what do you want, Colby?
He instantly replies, I want you to see that I love you.
You stare at the message, unable to come up with a response. He texts again, After your show tomorrow, I'm going to prove to everyone that I'm ready to join you in the spotlight you stand in.
You've been so caught up in your own shit, you forgot about the show you have scheduled for tomorrow.
Another sold out show.
You respond to Colby's text, what? Are you gonna join me on stage?
You laugh slightly as you click out of Colby's text thread and go to your bands group chat, meet me at the studio. We're playing that song tomorrow night.
Your eyes move up to the banner notification with Colby's text that reads, you'll see, baby.
A smirk plays at your lips, until you remember that you're mad at him.
Why you're mad at him.
You toss your phone down, getting up to change before you make your way to the studio.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
You walk into the venue, looking around in awe at the place you'll be playing. Thousands of seats scattered all around.
You were in shock each time you stepped foot into one of these places.
"Can't believe we'll be playing here tonight." Lewis walks up, slinging an arm over your shoulder, "You doin' okay?"
You sigh, crossing your arms, "Colby's coming tonight, and he says he has something planned to tell everyone he loves me. I don't.. really know how to feel but.."
You look up at him, "The show must go on, right?"
He tilts his head, "He isn't used to being with someone as pretty and famous as you are, y/n. I'm not trying to take his side, but maybe what happened between you guys, really opened his eyes."
You shrug, "I love him to death, but if we keep going in this direction, I don't think either one of us will make it out alive."
Lewis snaps his fingers, humming as he thinks.
You smirk, turning to face him, "What are you cooking in that head of yours?"
"Da da da.. da da.. da da.. Will we both go home alive? It wasn't hard to realize, love's the death of peace of mind? Think we can make a song about it?"
You laugh, thinking about it, "You know what." You nod, "Studio session. You and me. Tomorrow." You point at him and look over, seeing Sam walk towards you.
You walk over to him, bringing him in for a hug, "What are you doing here?" He hugs you and sighs, "Had to make sure my two people weren't going to kill each other, you know."
"So you heard about the argument.." you step back, crossing your arms over one another, "Sorry I didn't.. call you."
"Colby filled me in." He nods, "Plus I figured if you needed me you'd call."
"I haven't talked to anyone about what happened.. I mainly out focus into a song." You look at him and he tilts his head, "Does he know?"
You shake your head, "But he will tonight."
Sam wraps an arm around your neck, "You people and your song making." You shrug, "I felt like I couldn't explain it, no matter how hard I tried, so I wrote a song about it myself."
He laughs slightly, "What's it called?"
You bite the inside your lip, "The Grey."
"Hmm." He nods, "I'm actually really excited to hear it." He looks around, "Can't believe you sold this place out." He pulls you into him, "I'm proud of you, kid."
You laugh, rolling your eyes, "Thank you. Thank you." You sigh, "So is he here?"
Sam shakes his head, "Not yet. He's coming with our other friends later on." You nod, "Do you-"
"No. I don't know what he has planned." Sam laughs, "Nice try."
"Hey, couldn't hurt, right." You laugh and look up at Hunter who's waving at you. You nod, giving him a thumbs up, "I gotta go. Sound check you know."
"So I'll hear a snippet of the song?" Sam raises a brow and you shrug as you walk away, "Guess you'll find out."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
You bounce up and down slightly, taking a deep breathes as your nerves for this show are a lot higher than they've been for any other show.
Colby was in the audience this time.
Not hiding behind the curtain, off to the side like he has for every other show he's been to.
You wanted to know what he was planning, it's driven you crazy since he first said something about it yesterday.
"You're gonna kill it." Hunter says nudging you as he walks by. Lewis walks up, putting on his guitar, "It's just like any other show."
"Let's hope." You laugh slightly before putting your inner ears in, shaking out your hands before taking the mic from your stage director.
The band walks out into stage, taking their places and the music to the first song starts playing.
You put on a smile, walking out when you hear your cue. You move around stage as you sing your first song, waving to the fan.
You walk over to the mic stand, placing your mic in the holder as you finish, "How's everybody feeling tonight!?"
A massive sea of screams erupts in front of you and you can't help but smile, "Thank you all for being here. Another sold out show!"
You clap and the fans erupt again.
"I have something very special towards the end of tonight's show!" You look back at the band, laughing when the fans go crazy, "Too bad you won't know what it is until the end, "Anyway. Here's Like a Villain."
The rock music starts and you slowly head bang to the music, rocking your mic stand as you wait for your time to start singing.
Colby is heavy on your mind, so heavy you almost miss your cue, "Look into my face, then look again. We are not the same, we're different.."
You smile as you see the fans dancing and singing along. You absolutely loved being on stage.
You continue singing verse one, "You need a new clean slate without the dents. A place to put your pain, your consequence.. When you look into the mirror, are you even there?"
You take a breath, grabbing the mic off the stand. You bend down slightly as you belt out the chorus, "I don't wanna know all your secrets 'cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on.."
You walk around the stage as you sing, giving them a performance. You dance around during the little break, walking over to the other side as you start to sing the second verse, "So write a brand new page, then write again. I know your act is staged, yet you pretend.."
Finishing the second verse, you move into the chorus again, "I don't wanna know all your secrets 'cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on.."
You move back to the mic stand, resting it back in its holder as you wait for your cue for the bridge, gently singing, "Like a villain, I couldn't be I didn't need it, it needed me.. Like a villain, I couldn't be. I didn't need it, it needed me.."
It goes into the breakdown and your eyes scan the crowd and you see Sam and Colby standing in the VIP section of the pit.
Your heart skips a beat, and you start to sing again, "I don't wanna know all your secrets 'cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself.."
The song goes into the outro and the band stops playing and the crowd goes crazy.
That one is always a hit.
You felt on top of the world right now.
You literally did have everything, but you still wanted more, just like your new song says. Just like you told Colby.
You were nervous. The closer you got to performing it for the very first time.
You weren't sure how Colby was going to react. Sam was the closest person to him, but you knew he wouldn't say anything.
At least you hoped he wouldn't.
A few songs later, almost ready to close out the show, you take a deep breath, "You guys have been absolutely phenomenal tonight!"
You raise your hands above your head, clapping for the crowd, "I mean it. I think this is the best crowd we've had this year so far."
The crowd screams and you sigh, "Alright guys.. so that surprise I was talking about earlier.." you pause, letting the crowd scream, "Alright, so I may or may not have been in the studio these last two weeks trying to get out a new single, and let's just say.." you pause, smirking out at the crowd, "I've done just that."
You laugh, grabbing your mic off the stand and walking around, "This single means.. a lot to me, for a few reasons and I'm very excited to announce that it will be out...."
The crowd go crazy, yet again, chanting in unison, "Tell us! Tell us!"
"Okay okay." You wave your hand, "I don't know when it'll be out, but we're going to play it for you right now."
You walk back over to the mic stand, giving your band a thumbs up, and they start playing.
You nod your head to the slow moving, then quick to pick up pace, "Evened the scores, then I let it all go fall apart." You take a quick breathe, "And every step forward put a little more sword in your heart, yeah.."
Your heart was pounding harder with each line, "Looking sideways when I say I'm okay with the past But I'm afraid of what I might say if you ask.."
You grab your mic, walking to the left of the stage, away from the side Colby was on, going into the pre-chorus, "Gave you way too many chances, you ran through 'em all..Got everything I could want, but it wasn't enough.."
"Nobody left for me to talk to, nobody to call.."
You take a breath, "Got everything I could want, but I still wanted more.."
"Yeah, I still wanted, more.."
You walk towards the right side of the stage, smoothly transferring into the chorus, "There's not another way, don't let me go.. Don't dig another grave today..."
"I'll make the same mistakes, I'll never know Who I was before I faded away.. Into the grey.."
You knew Colby knew. You were sweating.
You had a little break before you went back in for the second verse, "All of this time sittin' inside, sittin' in the dark.. And every night, I can see why you could never stop, yeah.."
"Lying is hard and the truth comes out anyway.. You're going way too far, gonna drop dead at this rate.."
You sing the chorus again before grabbing the mic, moving to the right of the stage, directly in line of sight from Colby.
You lay your hand on your chest, tapping it with the words of the post-chorus, "I did it to myself, tried to be someone else. I let it tear me down and I'll never be the same."
"I did it to myself, tried to be someone else..And you didn't notice 'til I finally got, finally got away.."
You drag out the last word and the crowd goes absolutely insane.
You smile as you sing the words to the bridge, then moving into the chorus one final time before moving back to your mic stand to close out, "Into the grey."
You step back from your mic stand and smile, looking out over the crowd.
Your eyes land on Colby and he's clapping and shaking his head with a smile on his face.
He pulls out his phone, turning around to record him and you on the stage. Sam starts smiling and laughing as he gives you a double thumbs up.
You blow a kiss to him, laughing as you wave and then suddenly the fans go even crazier.
You look down, shrugging as you ask, "What is happening?" You being the mic up to your lips, "Why are we having a second rush of cheering, I mean I appreciate it but, fill me in. Please."
You point to one of the girl's phone and security grabs it, handing it to you.
You watch the video play. It's what you watched Colby do, but you didn't know exactly what he did. You smile as you reach up to take your in ear out, "I have to be able to hear it right?"
The girls in front go absolutely insane screaming things you can't comprehend, "Okay, okay. Hold on."
You bring the phone up to your ear and you wanted to cry.
This is what you wanted all along.
Colby screams into the phone, "That's my fucking girlfriend." You hand security back the phone and the girl screams, "is it true? Is it true?"
You smile, giving her a nod, "Yes." You look up, bringing the mic to your lips, "Alright everybody. Thank you guys so much for a great show. We will definitely be back! I love you!"
You put your mic into the stand, waving as you run off the stage. You make your way back and your manager comes up to you, "Oh my god, y/n. That song. Top of the charts. You need to release it immediately."
You laugh, "I'll get it out tomorrow." You look over his shoulder, seeing Sam and Colby walk down the hallway, "Excuse me." You walk around him, making your way to the boys.
Sam gives you a hug, squeezing you tight, "Phenomenal."
You lean back, smiling, "Yeah?"
He nods, "Absolutely fucking insane." He moves to the side and you look up at Colby, "Are you mad?" He tilts his head, "Are you mad?"
You shake your head, chewing on your chew as you try not to smile, "No."
"Good." Sam lays his hands on each of your one shoulders, "Now kiss and make up." He pushes you towards each other and you laugh, wrapping your arms around Colby's neck.
You press your lips to his and lean back, "We gotta go. I need a shower. I was sweating because I thought you weren't going to like the song."
"I'll only be mad if it doesn't make top of the charts." He laughs, following you to your dressing room, along with Sam.
You walk in and go over to your bag, grabbing sweats and a sweatshirt, "I'm going to change quick." You walk behind the solid partition, quickly changing from your stage outfit into something comfy.
"So it was a good show?" You ask walking out to toss your stuff into your bag. You pull out your slippers, dropping them to the floor.
"Ten out of ten, will come to one again." Sam gives you a thumbs up. You smile, looking at Colby, "Ready to go home?"
He nods, "Yes. Please."
You zip your bag, walking over to Colby and taking his hand in yours. He gives your hand a squeeze and follows you out.
As you walk out, you see fans waiting by the one barricade, "I'm going to go see them." Colby nods, "Let's go."
You smile as you walk over, moving in between the two security guards. Colby takes your bag, waving and saying hi to the fans that call out for him.
"So you're Colby's girlfriend?" The one asks and you nod, smiling as you sign her paper, "I sure am."
"You looked so beautiful tonight." Another one says and you pout, "Stop it, you're so beautiful."
You turn, taking the one girls phone and taking a few selfies with her.
You do that with a few more and step back, "I hate to go, but I am exhausted. Thank you guys so much for coming out. I love you I love you!" You blow kisses to them and wave as you walk way, Colby glued to your hip.
"You're so cute when you do that." Colby opens the car door for you and you smile, "I love them. I want them to know that."
You get in, Colby moving to sit next to you.
"So. I have to ask." You turn to him, "Why now?"
He shrugs, placing his hand on your knee, "You wanted a huge gesture and our figured doing it at your show was pretty big."
You laugh, "I mean, yeah. And tweeting it.."
"I know we have some of the same fans so I figured if I tweet it, one was bound to see it and you know how fast that shit spreads." He squeezes your leg, "I'm just.. I wish I could prove to you how sorry I am."
"I mean.." you lay your hand on his hand, sliding it up his arm, "you're doing good so far... but I have a few more ideas.."
"Mm." He leans in, "Do tell." He kisses your cheek and you smile, "I'll tell you when we get home."
"But home is so far." He whines quietly, "Just one thing.. yeah?"
You turn your head, biting your lip as you look at him, "Don't push it." You laugh, pressing your lips to his and you couldn't wait to be home.
Soon enough, but it felt like forever, you and Colby are running up to the door. You work to unlock it as his hands slip under your sweatshirt.
"Almost.." You sigh, "Got it." You push the door open, turning around to face Colby as you walk backwards into your house.
His lips go to yours and your arms go around his neck as he kicks the door shut with his foot.
As you're making out, the post-show adrenaline wears off and you push yourself off of Colby, "Wait."
"Don't do this." He sighs and you shake your head, "How do I know it'll be different this time? How did I know that you'll be able to contain your jealousy and everything else that tore us apart before?"
A smirk grows on his lips and you tilt your head, "What?" He walks over to you, cupping your cheeks to give you a kiss before whispering, "I'm not jealous anymore because everyone knows you're mine."
He bends down slightly, lifting you up, "Now let's go get that shower, yeah?"
You smile, your hands on either side of his neck as he walks you into the bathroom. He pins you up against the wall, holding you up with his hips as he reaches in to turn on the water.
The bathroom quickly fills with steam as he sets you down so you can undress.
Hands are all over. Lips are kissing any part of your bodies they can get to.
It's hot.
He steps in, pulling you in with him and he spins you around as he closes the door. You gasp as your back presses up against the cool tile of the shower.
A moan escapes from your lips as his fingers move down to circle your clit, "F-fuck."
"This was I needed to do?" Colby asks and you shrug, lips parted slightly as you nod, "Kind of."
He hums in response, dropping down to his knees, "Or was it this." He lifts a leg, placing it on his shoulder before leaning in to lick between your folds.
Your hands move to his wet hair, tangling your fingers in as you arch your back off the wall.
His tongue circling your clit before gently nipping and sucking. You moan, tilting your head back as you close your eyes.
You missed him between your legs.
You missed him in general.
"C-Colby." You breathe out, "S-shit."
You look down at him, biting on your lip as you watch the image below you. His fingers dig into your skin and you roll your hips, "Yes, yes, yes."
He brings a hand over, slipping two fingers into you which earn a whine from your lips.
You pull his hair slightly harder which causes him to groan. The stroke of his fingers is absolutely perfect, he knows your body better than anyone.
"F-fu- co- col-" You squeeze your eyes shut at the pleasure of his fingers inside of you and his tongue on your clit.
He knew you were close, so he kept that pace as best he could.
Your hips buck out, moaning loudly as you push his gave into you, "Colby!" You clench around his fingers, your legs shaking more and more with each second you have to hold yourself up.
Colby leans back, setting your leg down on the floor but keeping a hand on your waist as he stands back up, "I fucking love you." He tilts your chin up and presses a kiss to your lips.
Your tongue moves in sync with his as he lets out a low groan as you wrap your hand around his cock, "Fuck. I need you."
You smirk at his words, "Fuck me."
He leans down, lifting you up and your arms wrap around his neck. He cautiously slips his one arm under your knee and you reach down to hold his cock steady as he slips into you.
You let out a loud moan, tilting your head back as you feel him rest inside of you.
"Look at me, baby." Colby whispers.
You tilt your head up, tightening your arms around his neck. He watches your face twitch as he slowly pulls out and thrusts back in.
You keep your eyes on him, forcing yourself to keep them open as you squeeze his cock, "Fuck, Colby."
He leans in, pressing his lips to yours and you slide a hand up to the nape of his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair.
"I love you." Colby mumbles against your lips, "It's always been you."
You moan into his mouth, digging your nails into his skin, "Don't leave me again." His lips attach to your neck, sucking a mark into your skin.
You moan, tilting your head to the side. Your eyes flutter closed as he kisses his way over your collar bones, making his way to the other side, "Never.."
He stops thrusting, resting inside of you, "I'm not going anywhere, and I plan on making sure everyone knows it."
You smile, nodding your head, "No more grey area?"
"Full on color, baby." He smiles and brings his hand up to cup your cheek, moving his lips with yours.
He sets you down, spinning you around so your chest is pressed against the glass shower door. His hand slides up to wrap around your neck, squeezing a moan from you as he slips his cock back in.
"F-Fuck." You whimper, pressing a hand to the glass and dragging it down. Your eyes roll back as he squeezes harder, cutting off your moans from sounded loud.
His thrusts are slow and hard, digging his fingers into your waist harder with each one, "F-fucking hell, baby."
He lets go of your neck and you gasp for air as he slides his hand to your shoulder, gripping it as he thrusts faster.
A string of moans and whimpers leaves your lips as his thrusts grow sloppy. He leans forward, resting his head on the back of yours and you can tell he's going to cum soon.
"Not gonna last much longer." He whispers, his voice raspy as he tries to hold it together, "Fuck, fuck."
"Don't stop." You moan out, "pl-ease don't stop."
You move your hips back into him, moaning loudly as you feel yourself growing closer, quite quickly.
"C-Colby!" His name leaves your lips in a scream as you cum around him once more. You moan, feeling his cock twitch deep inside of you.
You knew he came with you.
He lets his grip on your loosen, leaning up as he slides his hand down your back, "Incredible." He pulls you to stand up, his cock falling out as you turn.
Your lips meet his and he pulls you close to him.
After your shower, you walk out with a towel wrapped around you. Colby is lying on the bed and you can tell he's nervous about something.
"What?" You ask, stopping in your tracks, "What happened?"
He sits up, shaking his head, "Nothing, I'm just.. thinking.."
"Oh god, are you about to-"
"No, no. It's not what you think." He laughs slightly, brushing your wet hair from your shoulders, "I just don't know if this is the right time, but I feel like I need to just.."
Your heart is racing and your mind is moving too fast for you to even pick one thought to focus on, "Just say it." You blurt out and Colby sighs, "Fine. I will."
He takes a step back, getting down on one knee as he pulls out a ring from his pocket, "I don't even know if it's the right time but it feels like it and I jus-"
You cut him off by falling to your knees in front of him,  eyes glassy as you look from the ring to him, "Yes."
"I- what? Yes?" His mouth drops and he smiles, "You think it's the right time?"
"You told everyone I was your girlfriend at my show." You pluck the ring from his fingers, a smirk on your face, "Now at the next one, I can tell them I've been upgraded to fiancé."
He stands up and pulls you to your feet. He places the ring on your left hand and sighs, "I promise, we're going to work."
You look up at him, "We're endgame."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
I hope you liked it. As always, tell me what you think. Thanks for wanting more from me. It means SO much to me! Love you all!
Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!
Taglist: @fawned01 @theblackcatwitch @jaeyuns-world @littlec0ffeegirl @rosie-writings @nikkiwastaken @skyslondon @urmomsgirlfriend1 @this-is-not-eirini
430 notes · View notes
thebearer · 10 months
Note
omg the part in that one blurb where reader makes a joke about being able to skip a meal and then carmy’s just like tf did you just say is so important to me as someone that has a long (and uneasy) history with body image and healthy eating habits
i was wondering if you had blurb/general thoughts/ideas on how carmy would react to the reader having a harder than usual time with body image for whatever reason
maybe they make one too many jokes or little comments about feeling insecure and carmy’s just not having it lol
carmen, with every ounce of love i have in my heart for him, would not be good with handling that. simply because he understands not liking yourself (like the idea of it, he can't fathom why you don't) but he grew up where food was kind of an act of love. he'd never hear an "i'm sorry" ever in his life, but his mom would very much so be the type to say "i have dinner ready for you" and that was as much as an apology as he'd get.
the first time you're kinda not eating, carmen's like trying to joke with you. "the food not good? don't like it?"
and you assure him that's not it. "i just... i'm not really hungry."
carmen's confused bc you've been together all day and you only had an iced coffee in the morning. "no way." he shook his head. "you haven't eaten all day. if you don't like it, baby, it won't hurt my feelings, i promise. nothin' you can say that a chef in new york didn't say, they said worse too. just tell me what you want and-"
"-carmen, it's ok. it's really good, i'm just not really hungry." you smile. "i need to not eat today anyways. my jeans are so tight-"
"-what?" carmen thinks you're joking at first, brows creasing with a small grin. until he sees your face. "you're-you're being serious?"
"well, kinda..." you mutter.
"that's... don't say that." carmen shook his head. "please, don't-don't do that, that's insane."
your face falls at his tone, you know he doesn't mean to be so hard about it, but you can't help but feel worse, like carmen's mad at you. in a way he is, but not out of anger, out of love. out of not wanting you to hurt yourself like that.
"i just... i feel gross, and i'm starting to look it-"
"- i think you look beautiful." carmen mutters. he sounds hurt, genuinely hurt by what you're saying, like you said them to him. "i don't... i don't like that you do that to yourself." he admitted after a moment. he'd been going to therapy, working on channeling his emotions out when he felt them instead of bottling them in, leading him to an anxiety attack.
"i'm sorry." you whisper, unsure of what else to say.
"no, it's not... i don't want you to apologize or- or feel bad, i just... i felt like i should say it." carmen's eyes lifted to yours. "that you don't need to do that."
you can't help the way your chest rushes with heat, anxiously picking up the spoon in front of you. you're not sure what to say, most of the time, most guys kinda brush it off. act like it's nothing or ignore it- some agreeing. no one ever got... hurt by it like this. like you were hurting them too.
maybe it was the guilt. maybe it was the fact that carmen looked so sad. whatever it was, you weren't sure, but you were fucking hungry- and the pasta was good.
you hesitantly took a bite, ignoring carmen's eyes tracking you. "it is really good." you hum, trying to break the obvious tension in the room.
"you don't have to eat it, i-i don't want you to feel pressured to." carmen shook his head. "but i'll make you something else? could i make you something else? whatever you want."
you blushed, looking down. you knew what he meant. he was trying to help in the only way he knew how to, by cooking. "carmen-" you sigh.
"no, it's... it's not good to not eat, ya know?" carmen looked up at you. "you have to eat but-but if you don't want pasta, i get it. i'll make you whatever if that's what you want." he looked at you pointedly. "but don't ever think you need to do anything like that f'me. i think you're perfect no matter what. love you no matter what. you know that, told you i'd still love you even if you were a worm."
you snorted lightly, his reference to the tiktok trend you'd done on him a while ago. "thanks, bear." you mutter, grabbing his hand lightly. "i-i would like, if it's not too much and you have all the stuff, that greek goddess salad sydney was testing the other day? i've been craving it."
"heard." carmen nodded, standing towards the fridge.
"if it's not too much trouble-"
"-c'mon." carmen scoffed, looking at you sweetly. "it'll take me fifteen minutes max. sit down f'me, alright. i got it."
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steddieas-shegoes · 5 months
Text
sir, this is a wendy's
for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'modern au' rated t wc: 765 tags: established relationship, proposal, kinda silly
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"They're out of the cookies, sweetheart," Eddie turned to Steve as he came back from the restroom of the Wendy's.
They were still nearly six hours from home and exhausted, a little bit grumpy if Steve's silence for the last hour was anything to go by.
"I'll have a Frosty then."
"Machine's down."
Steve blinked at him before sighing.
"I guess nothing then, right? Just the burger and fries."
Eddie sighed, too.
The visit with Robin hadn't gone...well. She'd told them she was taking a year to study abroad and part of the program meant she could only come home for one week during their summer break. Steve wasn't taking it well that she'd go from being an eight hour drive away to an eight hour flight away.
He was being patient.
He knew Steve hated change like this, and he'd only been sitting with it for about 12 hours.
Eddie turned back to the cashier with a smile.
"Two number two's, one with no onions and one with no tomatoes please."
Steve was standing next to him, staring down at his phone. When Eddie looked over, he had a tab open showing the program details of Robin's study abroad track.
While they waited for their food, Eddie watched Steve biting his lip, then his thumbnail, and then his lip again.
"Stevie, what's goin' on in your head?" Eddie finally asked.
Steve shoved his phone in his pocket and looked at the floor.
"Nothin'."
"It's clearly somethin'. You worried about Robin?"
"Obviously," Steve huffed.
"Love, she's-"
"Steve Munson!"
Both of them whipped their heads back to the counter, where a woman was pushing a tray of food towards them.
Steve's wide eyes looked back at Eddie, cheeks a bright red.
Eddie walked up to grab their food, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach at the thought of Steve actually being Steve Munson.
It's not that he hadn't thought about it before; He had thought about it most days for the last year.
There was a ring in his drawer at their apartment to prove it.
"Table?" Eddie choked out, avoiding eye contact with Steve.
They were quiet as they sat down, taking their food off the tray and looking at it. Not eating, not even touching it anymore, just looking.
"Um."
"So."
They looked at each other, then back down at their food.
"Steve Munson sounds kinda nice," Eddie said hesitantly.
"Yeah?" Steve was picking at the wrapper around his burger now.
"I mean, I've thought so for a while."
"You have?"
Eddie was really about to propose in this Wendy's.
Without a ring or a real speech.
Just himself and a few old people in the corner eating chili.
"I'm gonna do this for real somewhere that isn't a Wendy's on an exit in some shitty town that has two gas stations and a Wal-Mart, but for now." He cleared his throat and reached across the table to take Steve's hand. "I dunno why they called that name, but maybe it's a sign. I love you. I know right now you're having a lot of thoughts, and you don't have to answer me. I'm not even on one knee, but really this is a Wendy's and my knee's been hurting for the entire ride. I love you. I said that already."
Steve giggled and Eddie couldn't help smiling back at him.
"I love you. I'll say it as much as you want, as long as it makes that smile happen. I'll say it when you're sad and grumpy, when you're happy and silly, when you're tired, when you're hyper. If it's okay with you, I'll scream it right here."
"In the Wendy's?"
"Yes, in the Wendy's."
Steve just nodded.
"Attention everyone! This man right here? I love him!" Eddie was saying loudly, gaining the attention of everyone around them. "And I'm asking him right now, to be my husband!"
"Sir, this is a Wendy's," an old lady sitting in the booth across from them said.
Eddie and Steve immediately started laughing.
"Well, is he sayin' yes so you'll shut up or what?" An old man said from the other end of the lobby.
Eddie looked at Steve with a smirk.
"Yeah, I'll marry you," Steve said loud enough for everyone to hear.
A couple people clapped, but for the most part, everyone went back to ignoring them.
Eddie kissed Steve softly, chastely.
"Was this a distraction from the Robin thing?" Steve asked.
"Not intentionally. Worked though."
Steve rolled his eyes fondly.
"You better make the real proposal a spectacle."
"Anything for you, my love."
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leviscolwill · 9 months
Text
ballroom extravaganza
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pairing: jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader
summary: you always hated arguing with jude, but even more so when you're about to race monaco's streets (wc: 1,7k)
req: jude bellingham x f1 related f!reader ! (driver if u can or js a driver’s relative) where they argue before a match/race that doesn’t go really well + she crashes/dnf or he gets rlly hurt in a match
contents: jude is jealous, reader drives for mclaren w lando (sorry oscar my beloved </3), possible racing inconstancies (i can't drive to save my life), reader crashes (nothing too bad happens tho), gasly slander sorryyyy, language ??, quite angsty but happy (&fluffy) ending i swear
note: i didn't want to make either jude or reader 'the bad guy™' so i hope i didn't side with one more than the other writing the argument part :| i had so much fun writing it, so i hope you enjoy reading it (lmk by rb and giving feedback !!). finally, thank you for requesting anon,, i hope you like it 🫶
now playing: ballroom extravaganza by dpr ian (moodswings in to order)
"i'm just saying, i don't like the way he looked at you when he said that"
"you're being ridiculous jude, he's my teammate and i've known him for years."
jude had always been the jealous type, and you never had any problem with this, until now. he tried to tell you how lando was flirting with you when that's really just how he communicated. sure, he was kinda flirty at times, but he knew you were in a relationship and never crossed any lines with you. but jealousy seemed to get the best of your boyfriend in that moment.
"that's not the point y/n, i'm a man and i know what he meant when he said he'll take you to this 'perfect seaside italian restaurant if your boyfriend won't'. and you just stood there laughing." his voice was louder now, and you hated it whenever jude screamed, especially when those screams were directed at you.
"you're delusional... he didn't imply anything with that, he was only joking." you tried to reason your boyfriend.
"i still don't like it, i'm not asking you to never talk to him again, just make it clear you're-"
"but he knows that jude! i talk about you all the time, let's be serious for a second, come on." you laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation you were in, 45 minutes before the monaco grand prix fighting with your boyfriend in your driver room, it was probably the last thing you should be doing on a track where your focus was the most important thing.
you were always grateful whenever jude made time to see you racing because you knew how packed his schedule was. but right now, he was the last person you needed to see given the circumstances.
"jude, please just leave, i'm sick of fighting."
"i'm not leaving, we're having this conversation whether you like it or not." he said in a calmer tone, but it was too late, the damage was done.
"well, you're in my room right now and i want you out. i need to focus and you're not exactly helping right now."
"but we need to talk it out, i don't want you to go while we're fighting." you would have sworn his voice broke a bit when he ended his sentence.
"maybe you shouldn't have picked a fight with me then! maybe you shouldn't be here at all actually..." you practically whisper the last part and you immediately regret the words that came out of your mouth, knowing well you didn't mean them.
"okay then..." jude quickly gets up and you can't help but look at your feet, you can almost feel the sad look on his face.
"i love you."
you wanted to say it back but he closed the door with a loud bang before you could mutter any sound.
the only thing jude left behind was the faint smell of his cologne for you to think about what just happened and not focus on your race at all.
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deep breaths. deep breaths were what you needed, you tried to shift your focus on your start, how you needed to get away from sainz, given how close he was to you. whenever your mind drifted off to the argument you had with jude, you found another thing to focus on before the race. the formation lap would start in a couple minutes, your focus needed to be on monaco's streets for at least an hour and a half, then you'll handle the rest later with jude, you always did.
the formation lap started and everything went perfectly well, you just had to wait for the red lights to turn off and you'll be gone, no more thinking, or overthinking.
"it's lights out and away we go in the streets of monaco."
perfect start, now you just had to race like you knew how to for 78 laps. nothing you couldn't do.
the first 46 laps went perfectly, you managed to overtake carlos' ferrari and pierre's alpine. everything went well, then you thought about jude, you knew he was probably still mad at you but you still hoped he was watching the race, waiting for you with papaya-coloured headphones. as your thoughts kept going you were about to get to the trickiest part of the circuit, mirabeau.
as your focus shifted back to your race, you forgot the most important thing, the biggest danger on track is the other drivers.
your brain barely had time to register the bright blue alpine trying to overtake you when there was clearly no space. next thing you knew, your head hit the cockpit. before you hit the wall at god knows what speed, you thought about how you didn't tell jude you loved him back, and how you hoped he was still aware of how much he meant to you in that moment.
pitch black, no sound at all, you couldn't feel anything for about thirty seconds because of the shock.
then everything came back. you felt the urge to move your legs around, they moved. perfect. then you felt like your position was unusual, you came to a conclusion on your own, your car was on its side. you didn't even get to think about getting out because you felt a horrible pain in your head, where it was hit you assumed.
and lastly, you saw the medics making sure you were okay, you moved your hand for them to understand the message. you were okay, they helped you out of the car, saying you would be taken to the infirmary.
you couldn't stop smiling, you felt terrible about the race and it was probably the biggest crash you ever experienced but everything was well, your family and friends saw you get out of the car safely, and you'd be able to tell jude you loved him. everything was well.
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you had to answer the medics questions that made you feel like a 4-year-old: "what's your name ? do you know which day of the week it is ?" you knew it was for safety reasons but you absolutely hated it.
jude opened the door in pure jude fashion, loudly. you almost stopped waiting for him at that point but he was here finally.
he didn't even talk to you, words weren't needed. he just held you really tight even though you were still on the, very uncomfortable, infirmary bed. you felt his arms that were holding onto you shake as he kissed your hair.
"you have no idea how fucking terrified i was y/n." while jude had been to a fair few races with you, he'd never seen any big crashes, let alone involving you. yes, you could only imagine how scary that must have been for him, feeling powerless over the situation, you knew it all too well. you felt that way when jude was injured and you were absolutely helpless, of course you never wished for your boyfriend to ever feel that way, but here you were.
"i love you." you felt like it was the first thing you should say right now. "so so so much. i'm sorry for not saying it earlier." jude looked at you as tears started to form in your eyes, he quickly wiped them away and kissed away the sudden wave of sadness surging through you.
"and i'm sorry for getting mad at you, i shouldn't even have told you about it before the race, it was-"
jude was cut short when someone knocked and opened the door quickly after. pierre came in with a sorry look on his face, you heard he dnf after he damaged his car. poor thing.
"y/n, are you okay? i'm sorry about-" he started rambling with a french accent.
"i'm fine don't worry, just... can we talk about it later? you can come to our motorhome, they make great coffee there i swear." you tried to joke to lighten up the atmosphere, but it was still as tense as before.
if looks could kill, gasly would have died right here the way your boyfriend eyed him in silence, his gaze following the driver on his way out.
"what a fucking dickhead. how is he driving a whole f1 car? even i would do a better job than him i swear..." your boyfriend's pettiness amused you, even more so knowing that boy couldn't ride a bike without scaring the life out of you.
his features visibly changed and you knew he wanted to talk your argument out, as you were both calmer about the situation. but he didn't get the chance to speak a word before lando opened the door.
"what did that french hooligan do to my favourite teammate? that was a barbarian try at overtaking really." you laughed at your teammate being dramatic, as always.
"i'm fine, i think gasly needs prescription glasses though, i don't know where he saw the space there but i'm okay."
once again, you felt jude's eyes burning holes in lando's skull as he went silent, he quickly took the hint and left.
you couldn't help but burst out laughing at jude when it was just you two in the room.
"you need to stop glaring at people like that."
"i just don't like him." you took his hand as he looked at you, his look much softer than the one he gave pierre and lando.
"i only want you. alright? it doesn't matter how lando views me, whether what you think is true. he will never be you." you told him stroking your thumb on the back of his hand.
"i know that, i was just mad at how he acted with you. i'm sorry about that. i trust you, 100%. i just don't like how comfortable he was making these comments y'know."
"i get that, i'll make my boundaries clear with him, okay? let's not fight over silly things like that anymore."
jude softly grabbed your jaw and kissed you, you could tell you both needed this talk, and this kiss, to clear the air.
you pull out of the kiss first, suddenly feeling the urge to annoy him.
"you know... you look good when you're jealous, i might try that more often..." jude faked a serious face.
"if attention was what you wanted, you just had to ask love." he joked as you playfully hit his arm.
"just no more leaving without saying 'i love you' alright?" he asks before quickly kissing your forehead.
"never again."
880 notes · View notes
torasplanet · 5 months
Note
Hiii sweetheart, can u pls write smut with kanto manji or bonten Sanzu with like him being super vulnerable and hard to be with but at the same time him trying to be a better boyfriend (with fem. reader)?
Also I have a crush on ur works✋😭
❝𝙇𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙇𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙄𝙉.ᐟ❞
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H. SANZU + F. READER
𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ; haruchiyo breaks his six months of sobriety and doesn't truly understand how much it meant to you until he sees you in tears and proves to you how he's going to become a better boyfriend.
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 ; smut, fluff, lowkey angsty, drug addiction, break of sobriety, cocaine, bonten!haru, kinda sappy, haru wants to become better for u :(, worship, unediteddd, mention of other bonten members, cheating(past), haru's literally begging on his knees for you to stay, praise, soft dom!haru, crying, past arguments, p in v, unprotected, actually sad as hell i'm sorry, petnames (baby, pretty, pretty baby, etc...), haru's depression, skin color not mentioned
marls notes 2 u(*´▽`*) ; thank u smmmm !! i wasn't considering writing for haru cuz im his biggest hater buttt this was just sooo cute and i had the best idea for it !! ignore the header being kanto haru, i just thought that was cuterr
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Haruchiyo fucked up, he knew he did. He had fucked up plenty of times before but this time, he really fucked up. Your lack of presence in you and his shared apartment proved it and all his texts being left on delivered only added insult to injury.
He would like to say that he didn’t mean it and it was an accident but he knew it wasn’t. He didn’t have to go in that club room and snort that coke but he did. He saw that white crystallized powder on that expensive ass glass coffee table and went closer, even taking the time to straighten out the line and pull out a hundred dollar bill from his pocket to snort it breaking his 6 months of sobriety. He didn’t think about what would happen if you walked in on him, he didn’t really care in the moment.
Knowing that he couldn’t just lie to your face saying it was an accident and he didn’t mean it. Not after he saw the tears glazing over your (e/c) irises that he’s gazed into too many times with the same wetness covering them with whatever he did being the reason. 
“Haru…?” The sound of your questioning voice made him freeze, he stopped moving and stopped snorting the cocaine. Haruchiyo couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look at you, not when he was on his knees in his expensive ass thousand dollar Versace pants snorting coke when he was supposed to be using the bathroom. That’s what he told you when he left you in the middle of the club with Kokonoi to take a break from dancing with you and it was the truth. 
Until he came across this open door. “Haru, what’re you doing?” You asked standing in the doorframe in that short dress that matched his dress suit with your hands on the side of the doorframe. You had an idea what he was doing but you didn’t want it to be a misunderstanding and get mad at him for nothing, you hoped it was a misunderstanding honestly. Haruchiyo had been sober for six months with your help and he was doing so well. You didn’t want him to throw that all away.
The pink-haired man dropped the rolled-up dollar bill onto the table that was now clean of any cocaine, only small specks were left. He rubbed his nose before turning his head toward you and his heart absolutely broke seeing the way you looked at him, with such a large amount of hope in your eyes that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t doing what you thought he was. Haruchiyo wished he could stop you from tilting your head to look at the table and see the empty Ziploc bag on the table and the rolled-up dollar.
The male sat there ashamed as you looked back at him with no words leaving your mouth. He turned his body around completely and looked at you and that’s when all the regret sunk in. He felt instant regret when he saw you staring down at him your eyes becoming watery with tears “Baby, please.” Haruchiyo started beginning to stand to his feet as he saw you beginning to sniffle “You said you were sober.” You muttered your voice breaking sadly as he inched closer.
“I was-” “were you just lying to me?” You cut him off as you continued to stare at him as tears ran down your cheeks when he reached his arms out to cup your face and wipe those tears away, you backed away like you were scared and he stood still.
He didn’t attempt to touch you again and just stared at you trying to come up with some answer that wouldn’t make you cry harder but as he thought about it, there was nothing in the world that would stop those tears “I’m sorry.” Haruchiyo pathetically said. 
It was the only thing he could say but it meant nothing to you. He has said those words so many times to you over and over telling you it’d never happen again and it did. Haruchiyo didn’t mean to continue the cycle of hurting you that he created himself but when he saw those pills or white powders, it was like his body moved on its own and when they entered his system…there was nothing he could do to contain himself, he lost all control of himself and what he said to you. 
Most of the time he didn’t even remember what he said and those moments were what hurt him the most. Having to hear you repeat his hurtful words back to him knowing that they were directed toward you was the worst and he hated himself for making you go through that but he always begged that you stay with him and that he would change. He was really trying to change don’t get me wrong but…it was just hard for him.
“Don’t fucking talk to me sanzu.” You said angrily shaking your head before turning around and walking away from the scene with the clack of your Burberry heels that Haruchiyo insisted that you wear because of how beautiful they complimented your skin and your dress. He loved being able to dress you up, too bad he wouldn’t be able to do that after what he had just done to you.
The long-haired man’s eyes widened as he realized your lack of presence and he leaped forward and out of the room seeing you stomping away with your hands balled into fists. “Baby please don’t go!” Haruchiyo yelled out as he ran after you grabbing onto your arm and turning you around to look you in the eye. By now his green eyes were bubbling with tears like yours were and for a second it looked like you were considering it but when Haruchiyo felt something running from his nose, your gaze changed back to anger-filled and upset.
You snatched your arm away from him and didn’t say a word as you turned back around and continued back out to the club probably to leave. He had the keys to your car but knowing you, you’d either resort to walking home or calling an Uber so that didn’t matter much.
Haruchiyo’s finger went up to his nose and he looked down seeing red thick liquid smeared against the side of his index finger. You almost stayed. You looked at him like you were considering it but that blood running from his nostril was a reminder of what he had done to himself without even thinking. You needed that reminder because if his nose hadn’t started bleeding then you probably would have stayed when you shouldn’t have.
“Fuck!” He cried out throwing his fist into the nearby wall bruising his knuckles and causing a hole in the red wall. Haruchiyo stomped back into the room that had ruined everything and began to destroy everything.
He ripped the paintings off the wall, ripped the soiled sheets off the bed, shattered the glass table, and put multiple holes into the wall from his kicking and punching all while screaming and cursing gaining the attention of the people walking past.
His hands went to his hair making a mess of his pink locks that you had brushed out in the car before you two came in. Haruchiyo breathed heavily as he looked at the now destroyed room which had taken a toll on him, his knuckles were bruised and bloody, parts of his suit were ripped from glass shards cutting into the expensive fabric and his nose was still running blood dripping it onto the expensive carpet floor and his blazer.
“Woah, what the fuck happened?” Ran’s voice asked from the hallway as he looked into the room. Haruchiyo’s head snapped back at the sound of a new voice and glared at the older man with hatred but it wasn’t directed toward him, the room, or you. It was hate directed at himself for allowing himself to do this without even thinking about what he should do or what you would want him to do.
Haruchiyo’s eyes continued to stare daggers at the multi-colored-haired man as tears continuously ran down his cheeks and wet his lengthy lashes.
“Get the fuck out.”
Since that night he hadn’t talked to you at all. No one has. Well, no one in Bonten has and he was convinced that all your friends he asked were just lying to him.
He hadn’t been to work in the week that you’d been gone, wanting to stay at home in case you came by and Mikey would be on his ass and he was but for once he didn’t give a shit about Mikey or what he said. Haruchiyo only cared about you and wanted to see you again. He had spent all of this time practicing what he would say to you so he wouldn’t piss you the fuck off even more than you were or make you end this relationship. He didn’t want it to end. It wasn’t a ‘not anytime soon’ thing, he never wanted it to end.
Haruchiyo fully intended on making you his wife and he told you this but you said that you would only agree to being his wife when he was clean and that gave him motivation. Just you gave him motivation but everything you said and did for him gave him more. It made him actually believe he could get clean but all that went down the drain with one simple look.
This wouldn’t be the first time he said he was getting clean and wasn’t but it’d be the first time he actually did get clean for a while and just spoiled it. Haruchiyo decided to get clean and stay clean after an argument you and he had when he was high. He said things he didn’t remember and when you told him, he regretted it but nothing he said made it better for you. Right then and there, he decided he didn’t want to put you through that shit ever again and that determination only increased when he remembered more of that argument and how he almost hit you.
His previous mistakes determined him too. He remembered when he cheated on you when he was high off molly and drunk and how devasted you were when you found out and how he let you down after that by getting high again when he told you that he wasn’t going to. Haruchiyo made a promise to himself that he’d get clean for you so you didn’t have to go through this with him again.
He couldn’t give less than a fuck about himself and if he destroyed his body doing this. He only cared about how he was destroying you doing this and that hurt him deeply. More than anything ever had.
Haruchiyo sat there with his head in his hands as some random K-drama played on the gigantic flat screen he had bought wondering what he should do to really prove to you that this was the last time. It was. It really was going to be the last time and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure of that but he didn’t know how to prove it to you.
You wouldn’t believe him straight off the bat after that night and every other night that was just too similar to that one and he knew that. Buying you chocolates and bears wouldn’t work. You’d love it but you wouldn’t believe him with that as he had used that tactic too many times. Haruchiyo feared that this would be the last time and not because he did it but because you left him.
You were the only person that saw the good in him and the only person that could bring out that good. The only person he actually gave a single fuck about and probably the only person to care about him and he couldn’t lose that. Not when you spent so many years with him preaching to him how you believed he could do it and stay clean and were willing to help him even after the cheating, the fighting, the yelling, the heartbreaking names he called you, the everything. 
Gosh, you were a fool. You were the prettiest girl in the world and yet you settled for him and stayed with him even after finding out what a horrible person he was and the shit he did. You stayed after he cheated. You stayed after everything. How dumb were you? You could probably have any guy you wanted, even any Bonten member and you remained in a relationship with him. You were a fucking dumbass for that but he cherished that because you were the only person to stay.
But he doubted you would want to stay after what he did.
Haruchiyo ran his fingers through his hair stressfully as he leaned back onto the couch letting out a sigh but the sound of the front door beginning to unlock made him shoot up to his feet. Was that you? It had to be, no one else had come to this door except for Ran and he didn’t have a key.
When the door slowly peeled open revealing you. Still in the dress from that night, your eyes were puffy and red, and the makeup he had watched you put on was gone and you just looked exhausted. Your exhausted eyes turned to shocked and saddened when they landed on his form.
There was silence for a minute as you stepped in and closed the door behind you, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he should let you talk first or not or just not say anything at all “...I didn’t know you’d be home. Thought you were at work.” You whispered raspily looking away from Haruchiyo and at the floor as you took your purse off.
“I didn’t want to go. I…I wanted to see you when you came back.” The male said softly as he watched you look him up and down taking in his lazy attire and messy hair that had tangles and stray hairs sticking in every other direction “Did you want to see me?” Haruchiyo continued scratching the palm of his hand nervously afraid of your reply. He was afraid you’d yell at him for even thinking you’d want to see him ever again. That you’d pack your shit and leave without a word and never come back.
You didn’t stare at him hatefully, or sadly, you stared at him tiredly looking like you were just going to sigh in response “Not really.” Those words upset him but he couldn’t take that out on you because he knows that was only because of what he did wrong after he promised you that he wouldn’t.
Staring at you made Haruchiyo regret everything he did even more, you weren’t actively crying but your red eyes were a reminder that you were and probably had been crying before you came here maybe even every day after that night “I really am sorry (y/n). I am.” Haruchiyo apologized not knowing what else to say. There was no point in small talk or asking you more questions when all it’d end up in was him apologizing over and over again.
When he walked closer to you, you didn’t step back this time and just stood still which was a good sign “Then why would you? You promised me.” You asked your voice breaking as if you were going to start crying again and Haruchiyo didn’t want that. That was the thing he didn’t want the most. 
He stood there watching as tears welled over your eyes once more completely silent almost as if he was ignoring you “Tell me! You owe me that haruchiyo!” You shouted startling him and smacking him out of his thoughts. He tried his hardest to come up with something that was the truth and something that wouldn’t make you upset but he reached a dead end. There was nothing he could say to you that’d make you happy and wasn’t a lie.
“I don’t know. I…just saw it and I couldn’t hold back. It wasn’t an accident. I did it on purpose and I’m sorry.” Haruchiyo didn’t even know he could apologize like that or at all until he met you. You gave him reasons to want to apologize when one was needed. You were the first light in the darkness of his life and he didn’t want you to disappear, he didn’t want your light to go out.
So he apologized after everything he did to you and that made him regret when he did something new to hurt you and have to give a whole new apology which was eventually going to lose its meaning from how he was using them and going back on them. Not very a good idea if he was trying to keep your light burning.
He saw your light flickering on and off through your teary eyes and it scared him “Please. Just don’t leave. I need you.” Haruchiyo begged growing closer to you grabbing both of your hands and holding them as he looked at you with pure sorrow in his eyes and need, need for you.
“You lied to me. Again.” You said trying to resist the urge to start sobbing uncontrollably as you continued to stare into the green pools that belonged to your liar of a boyfriend. You knew how hard it was for Haruchiyo to stay clean and you were there for him every step of the way, even when he relapsed, even when he cheated, even when he lied over and over.
You stayed because you loved him and wanted to see him get better. The only thing that was keeping you going with him was your love for him and the idea that when he got better eventually, it’d be different. Your relationship would get better as he did and you believed that. But of course, you had to know that with these beliefs and hopes, your relationship would falter and get worse every time that pill slid down his throat or that white powder shot up his nostril. You just didn’t know it’d happen so often.
“I know baby, I know but it’s the last time I swear. Please you gotta believe me.” Haruchiyo pleaded as he dropped to his knees in front of you now looking up at you through his messy strands of pink blocking his eyes as his hold on your hands grew tighter, he didn’t want to let you go and he was sure you wanted him to.
Globs of hot tears began pouring out of his eyes and down his face and red cheeks with his gaze still on you. These weren’t alligator tears, they were real. The tears only started to become real when you came along “I fucking need you. I know I fucked up and I’m sorry but please don’t leave. I’ll do better I swear. I’ll go to fucking rehab if you want me to, anything you want just…please. I’m trying.” Haruchiyo pleaded loudly his words speeding up as if he were saying it all in one breath and it appeared he was.
He was basically hyperventilating as tears dropped on the floor and your heels. You didn’t want to give him another chance, any person with a brain wouldn’t and would just dump him but looking at him crying, begging for you to take him back just broke your heart and you’d break his even more if you didn’t give him another chance. You wanted to believe that Haruchiyo would get better even if there was a chance he’d ruin you and himself in the process.
Your hand came to his cheeks wiping the tears off his face as he sniffled, snot running down his nose like the scarlet red liquid that was doing the same days ago “Haru, I won’t leave.” You said and his eyes brightened at the statement, his arms instantly wrapped around your legs and he hugged you closer as more sobs left his throat but your hand came to his forehead and pushed his head away so you could look him in the eye again “But this needs to be the last time. Or I will leave. You hear me?” You finished pushing his hair back so you could see his full face as he looked up at you with wide and watery eyes and his pink and chapped lips parted slightly.
He was looking up at you like you were an angel. Like you were his savior and you were. You knew this too. Everyone in Bonten had told you how soft the man had gotten for you, how he was a fucking druggie before you came along and convinced him to at least try to get clean, and how since you were in his life, he seemed happier and not crazy happy when he killed someone or did something horrible. Like pleasantly happy. Always in a good mood when he came in.
Ugh and don’t even get me started on how they’d fake vomit and gag whenever you came around to the Bonten hideout or went out clubbing with them. Haruchiyo kissing all over you, following you like you were a goddess, and to him, you really were. They had never seen Haruchiyo like that, especially considering he hated smothering people but he ended up being smothering to you and he always talked about you and how awesome you were. How you made him breakfast whenever you woke up before him, laying out his suit for him, brushing his hair for him, letting him dress you up, letting him pick the colors of your makeup. Just everything you did brightened his life and he made sure everyone knew that and everyone that knew told you every single thing that he said.
You remembered all the things Kokonoi and Rindou would tell you about Haruchiyo talking about you with scowls on their faces. ‘She’s my future wife’ ‘She’s fucking amazing’ ‘The best girl ever’ ‘Sexy ass girl’ ‘My baby’ All those things he said constantly when talking about you and that made you believe he was really going to change and that it was just hard. You were giving him one last try. One last try to better himself or you’d leave. If he can’t do it with your help, he’d probably never be able to do it.
“Yes, baby I do. I promise you this is the last time, I swear.” Haruchiyo said nodding rapidly as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He saw the hesitation in your eyes and his brows arched down, your silence was killing him just as much as your eyes were.
The pink-haired man stood to his feet face to face with you again and looked you in your eyes “I can prove it to you. I’ll check into rehab right now, I’ll quit bonten. I’ll call Mikey right now!” He stammered loudly, the mention of giving up Bonten made your eyes widen. 
Haruchiyo could be killed if he left Bonten because of how much information he knew and he was willing to risk that just to prove to you that he’d really get clean this time. Your hands came to the sides of his face and you pressed your lips against his as tears ran down your face “Don’t do that. Just stay here with me.” You muttered breaking the kiss and staring him into his green eyes which were full of more love than sadness now and you were sure that yours were the same now.
Haruchiyo nodded more slowly now his hands coming to your waist “I can do that.” He said impatiently before leaning forward and kissing you again for rougher and sloppier than the first one was. He was deprived of your love incredibly and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself but now that he had it back, he wasn’t letting it go.
His arms wrapped around your waist holding you tightly close to his body as he continued to kiss you “M’ gonna make you feel so good pretty. Like you deserve.” Haruchiyo muttered in between kisses quite literally devouring you and not letting you get a single breath in. His hands didn’t go to your ass like they usually did when you two had heavy make-outs but they rubbed up and down your back comfortingly.
It wasn’t lust he was feeling, it was love, and touching you was the way he loved you. It didn’t have to be sexually touching, just the little things. His hand on your back, his lips pressing against you not leaving a single part of your face untouched, his finger trailing down your spine, his legs tangled in yours when you two lay in bed together, holding you close to his body. All of that was how he showed his love for you and not his lust and by the way he was just rubbing your back and not groping you, you knew this was love.
Haruchiyo’s hands lowered down to the back of your thighs before lifting you. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his torso after so many times of him lifting you up either because you didn’t want to walk or he didn’t want you to walk. Haruchiyo could be sweet when he wanted to and that was all the time. Well, the times he was sober.
“I’m sorry for making you cry, my pretty baby,” Haruchiyo whispered into your skin as he placed gentle kisses on your cheek, jawline, and neck while carrying you down the narrow hallway that led to your shared bedroom “It’s fine, it’s okay.” You said through rushed breaths as you held the back of his head while he continued littering kisses all over the sensitive flesh of your neck.
Haruchiyo let out a soft whine “S’ not though. I shouldn’t have did that to you.” The pink-haired man said softly as he walked through the open door of your bedroom and walked over to the king-sized bed that you both shared. The bed he hadn’t slept in since he got home from the club because he didn’t want to sleep in it without you filling in the coldness of your side and cuddling up to him.
He gently placed you on the sheets, the shocking coldness of the bed surprising you and making you flinch a bit. The feeling of the silk sheets moving against your skin with every movement you made and dip in the bed made you let out a sigh of pleasure “I missed this. I missed you.” You muttered opening your eyes again to peer at the man that was hovering over you seemingly waiting for you to open your eyes.
“You got no idea how much I missed you. Was sleeping on the couch staying up waiting for you.” The green-eyed man whispered with a whine escaping his throat and you smiled up at him as you kicked off your heels onto the floor and your feet were dangling off the edge of the bed “Show me how much you missed me haru.” You said bringing your hand up to touch his face and you saw tears start bubbling in his eyes once more at the small gesture of affection.
You’d really forgiven him. He wouldn’t have cared if you didn’t want to have sex but the fact that you did showed you believed him and weren’t still mad. You hadn’t given up on him.
It shouldn’t have been that surprising, after all, lights only stop emitting light when you turn it off or use it too much causing it to burn out but Haruchiyo was almost convinced you were getting ready to burn out.
As he worked on getting his pants off, you slid your legs up opening them widely, and sliding your panties off tossing them somewhere in the room. Haruchiyo turned back to you observing your form and letting his eyes trail down to between your legs as your dress bunched up at your hips.
He was the worst person ever. He had a girl willing to go through all of this for him, she was so pretty too, and yet she forgave him when she really shouldn’t have. Haruchiyo swore on everything he cared about which was only her that he’d get better. He’d be a better person and a better boyfriend so he could make up for all the time you had to suffer dealing with him and truly deserve you.
“Why do you love me? I hurt you so much.” Haruchiyo asked blinking back the tears as he placed his hands on your knees while he sat back on his knees. You were taken aback by his question and just stared up at him as you continued to lie back on the silk sheets but you sat up leaning on your elbows to look him in his wet eyes.
“Because I see you.” Haruchiyo’s lips parted slightly in surprise from your answer but he remained silent waiting for you to continue your explanation “I see past these…” You muttered reaching up and running your fingers over the scars that decorated the sides of his mouth “And I see Haruchiyo, not Sanzu…I know you can do better and I wanna give you the chance to.” The tears haruchiyo blinked back reappeared and quickly found their way to the tips of his long lashes and his cheeks.
Haruchiyo sniffled as he peered down at you “You’re the only person to believe that. Not even I do.” He said below his breath as his head lowered down to your collarbone his pink locks spilling all over your shoulder and chest. You reached your hand up and placed it on the back of his head comfortingly “I’ll make you. I know you can do it.” You said pressing a kiss to the side of his head comfortingly which made a sob escape from his throat as he was fully crying now.
Haruchiyo had cared for many people in his life, he cared for Mikey, and a split moment in his childhood, he cared for his sister and his brother but he stopped when he realized they didn’t care about him. His care for Mikey had never stopped but he wasn’t dumb. He knew Mikey didn’t care about him like he did. The only person in the world to care about him just as much as he cared about them, maybe even more, was you.
“I’ll do it for you. I’d do anything for you.” Haruchiyo muttered through his wails as he aimed himself up at you not even having to look, a small gasp escaped your lips as he pushed inside of you and you gripped some of his hair as he bottomed out letting out a groan as he did so.
Haruchiyo wasn’t lying. He’d do anything for you. He’d kill a thousand people for you and if you didn’t want him to do that, he wouldn’t. 
“I love you.” He said as he lifted his head allowing you to see his red eyes and matching red and wet face. He squeezed his eyes shut as he threw his head back starting to thrust in and out of your warm and wet cunt but his head didn’t rest there for long because you grabbed his jaw and sloppily kissed him as you dropped back down to the sheets.
As much as you hated Haruchiyo for relapsing after promising he’d do better, you still missed him. All the days and nights you spent at your friend’s house needing time to compose yourself, you missed him and wondered what he was doing hoping your runaway didn’t make him spiral deeper into his relapse and so, you came home earlier than you were planning to and earlier than your friend said. 
Your legs were basically shaking when walking up to the door in fear of what could be lying behind it; It wasn’t because you were scared that when you got home he’d yell at you because of his high, you were scared that he’d hurt himself.
It was stupid…you were more worried about him than yourself after he lied to you and broke your trust in him even after all his mistakes. But you can’t hate yourself for worrying about him because no one else was going to. The other Bonten members would simply watch as Haruchiyo killed as many people as he wanted and snorted every drug in the fucking world, all they’d tell him is to clean up his needles when he’s done if he did spiral or they’d try and call you to pick him up so the only person who cared was you so you couldn’t stop caring. Even if you wanted to.
“I love you too haru.” You said through the heated kiss your arms wrapping around Haruchiyo’s neck as he continued to thrust in and out his speed growing faster and faster with every second. He parted his lips from yours leaving you to crave more of him “I’m glad you do.” He muttered as he leaned back on his knees grabbing the back of your knees as his thrusts got rougher and sloppier with the new angle.
Tears were still streaming out of his bright green eyes which were now squeezed shut from how you were squeezing his cock “Uhn…” You moaned lightly throwing your head back against the sheets and closing your eyes letting the darkness consume you and going off only from the pleasure in your lower stomach and the sounds of your boyfriend whining in enjoyment from above you.
Haruchiyo hated this. He hated how sensitive you made him and how vulnerable he allowed himself to be around you because you accepted him with warm arms and it made it all the harder to love you knowing how horrible he’s treated you. “Ugh! Needed you so bad…” The long-haired man muttered as his fingers dug into the flesh of the back of your knees while he arched his back while hitting that spongy spot over and over not missing a beat.
Your stomach began to feel full like a balloon was in your tummy just aching, pleading to pop but it wasn’t. Just not yet.
Your fingers pulled at the back of his hair using the length of it to your advantage, his neck snapped back making his Adam’s apple pop out moving as he continued to moan probably making his vocal cords sore from how loud he was probably allowing all of your neighbors to hear him. You can’t count on both of your hands how many times you two have gotten a knock on your door complaining about the noises.
Haruchiyo tapped the side of your thigh rapidly signaling you to wrap your legs around his waist which you did as soon as he began tapping your leg “You so pretty, wanna see more.” He muttered his hands going to the end of the dress you had completely forgotten that you were wearing, it was more like a shirt now because it was bunched up at your hips exposing your entire lower half.
He slowly slid it up revealing your bare abdomen before pulling it off of you completely leaving you bare in front of you, he didn’t say anything and just stared at you his eyes windering from your eyes, your lips, your tits, your tummy and last but not least your soaking cunt that was continuously sucking him in squeezing the life out of him “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” Your face got hot at his words and you got embarrassed bringing your hands up to your face and covering it so he didn’t so the flusteredness in your eyes.
It was stupid, he was quite literally hitting your cervix right now but you didn’t want him to see how embarrassed you were at his compliments “Don’t do that. I hate that.” Haruchiyo said softly with a bit of a mean tone, he grabbed your hands, and yanked them away from your face allowing you to see the frown he had on his lips, his forehead crinkled and his brows creased while he looked down at you.
“I hate when you do that, I love to look at you.” He said intertwining his fingers with yours and pining your hands beside your head, you didn’t respond as a very rough hit to your cervix sent you screaming and arching your back into the air “Haru!” You moaned shamelessly digging your nails into the back of Haruchiyo’s hands. Your moans were like music to his ears especially because he was the reason you were making those pretty noises.
The fair-skinned man leaned down with his hips slowing their once fast pace, he started to litter kisses all over your jaw and your neck biting down lightly making small teeth marks in your skin.
His swollen lips continued their work marking up your neck and coloring it purple “I love you, baby, I love you so fucking much!” You moaned out quickly as you breathed heavily feeling that balloon grow more and more with the teasing thrusts he had, going slow and slower and then breaking his rhythm with a rough hit to your cervix slamming his hips into yours. It kept growing, bigger and bigger as if you were bloated until it popped.
You yelped as you let go cumming all over his dick digging your head back into the sheets, you were sure the sheets were dampening with your juices “I’m almost there baby, I promise. I’m almost there.” Haruchiyo muttered desperately as his thrusts continued going faster as if you cumming brought him closer to his edge.
“Uhn! Ugh!” Haruchiyo moaned out into the skin of your next as if he was the #1 watched pornstar in the world, his hips continuously snapping into yours as you continued to breathe heavily still trying to come down from your orgasm but that was pretty hard when you were still receiving pleasure but you were going to let him ride out his orgasm.
You moaned with closed eyes at the feeling of thick and warm ropes spurting into your womb that you were oh so used to, you felt so full with him inside as he came but his face remained in your neck. You felt his heavy breaths on your neck as his back raised and fell with the pattern of his breathing “I promise you I’ll get better.” He said lowly but because of his face being buried in your neck, you heard it clear as day.
“Haru-” “No.” He lifted his face from your skin and rose once more looking down at you with a softened expression “Listen to me. I promise you that I will get better and treat you like you deserve.” Haruchiyo continued his brows furrowing in determination, he wasn’t crying this time when he said it, he didn’t look sad, he looked determined. He was going to do it and he was going to make sure you absolutely knew that.
He gave a quick peck to your lips before looking you in the eye again “And then I’ll marry you.” Haruchiyo said sweetly making a smile appear on your lips. He’d said things like this all the time but you knew he meant it this time. 
You could see it in his eyes and in the way he talked to you that he meant what he said and he was going to get better. That was a promise you were looking forward to being fulfilled.
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upsidedownwithsteve · 8 months
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Love Sucks I. The Beginning
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Vampire!Steve Harrington x fem!reader He's just a gloomy, little guy.
The Masterlist 🩸
You found him in a graveyard. 
Mournful looking, as one normally does when visiting a loved one. Skin a little sallow, a perpetually faded tan that you noticed never seemed to return, not even on the warmest days. Brown eyes, sad eyes. Honey hair with a small white-grey patch in the midst of it all, only found when you hunted for it, a clue to his past, of what had happened to him. He was tall, pretty. 
Really pretty, in a gloomy sort of way. Melancholy, maybe. And you realised as you passed, laying flowers by your grandparents names, that the boy wasn’t visiting any grave at all. He was lingering by the tree line in a way that should’ve screamed ‘danger!’ but he was kicking a rock and pulling leaves from the shrubs, shredding them as he sulked. He stopped when he saw you, only a few feet away, his eyes wide, as if he was surprised you were seeing him at all. 
Maybe you weren’t supposed to. 
“Hi,” you called out, cautious, concerned. You raised a hand, a small wave, a gentle surrender, the summer breeze picking at your hair and blowing the smell of your citrus perfume over to him. 
The boy raised a hand back, eyes still shocked. He pressed his lips together and stayed in the shadows that the trees gave before he answered. “Hi.”
And that was it. 
He walked with you to your car, a slow, lazy pace that both of you didn’t hurry, too busy sharing shy glances to want to part. He was called Steve and he didn’t live around here, not usually. He was your age, or there about and he was only in the graveyard because it was quiet. 
His vague answers were as much as you could get out of him, everything told to you in a soft, tired sounding voice. He had bags under his eyes, lilac coloured things that made him look like he hadn’t slept for a decade and when his hand brushed yours by accident, he was colder than he should have been for someone standing in the sun. And when you finally got to your car, the front seat still smelling like lilies and lavender, Steve tilted his head and looked sad at the thought of you having to go. 
You asked him if he had dinner plans that night, he gave you a shadow of a smile and touched his fingertips to his lips, almost as a subconscious thought. He shrugged, looking gloomy once more, saddened at the thought of having to tell you:
“Kinda, yeah.”
But then he told you he’d be around tomorrow and maybe you could meet then? Maybe go for a walk, a coffee or something. So you said yes, barely concealing your smile, unsure what it all meant since the boy hardly seemed flirtatious but when you clambered into the front seat of your car, you let out a squeal all the same. 
It didn’t occur to you that it was odd the boy had disappeared by the time you’d looked in your rear view mirror, nothing but air and the slowly falling leaves from the old oak trees, a sign that fall was coming soon. 
After that, Steve was yours. And you were his, one not usually anywhere without the other and his melancholy was lifted with your contagious joy, your overwhelming excitement calmed by his gloom. A ray of sunshine and a rain cloud. 
A girl and her vampire. 
Not that you knew that, not yet. Not quite then. 
Then one day, maybe a month or so later, Mike and Lucas upset El and the shelves she was standing next to fell to the floor, books ripped at the spines, screws scattering across the floorboards. And everyone had looked at Steve with wide eyes, ashen faces. It had taken a little bit of time to explain and the boy really hadn’t shown much surprise. 
And just when you were ready to approach him, kneeling onto the couch cushions beside him, hand offered in support, Steve had blinked and looked up at everyone just as he parted his lips and let his canine teeth stretch out from his gums, sharp, brilliantly white and pointed. 
Nancy had gasped, some of the kids shrieked, Eddie had cackled wildly and you’d waited a beat before reaching out to skim a finger over Steve’s bottom lip, the pad of it grazing the end of one fang. With one supernatural kid already under your wing - along with a boy who’d once wanted to keep a demogorgon as a pet - no one in the party was in a position to judge. 
When you asked, “how?”
Steve could only shrug. He said he was sure he had died, maybe, only just. Hit on the head, or maybe he’d fallen. Or he’d been brought back by something or someone he didn’t know. And when asked for how long, Steve shrugged again, rubbing his tired eyes and telling everyone that it could’ve been a week, it could’ve been ten years - he only really started counting the days since he met you. 
He’d been lonely, moving from town to town until people stopped asking questions and he could blend into grey buildings and tall trees. No one in Hawkins had spoken to him before, not until the pretty girl in the graveyard said ‘hi.’ And it all made sense, really. Because Steve never ate meals with you, just chugged coffee like it was going out of style and snacked on anything dry and crispy. You just figured he was a little strange, maybe trying out for the swim team, or something. 
Not that he went to school. Or a job. Or… well, anywhere. 
So you blinked and nodded, accepting the fact your boyfriend was a vampire as easily as you accepted that one of your friends kept military level weapons under her bed because other dimensions existed and monsters were real. 
Shit happened, y’know?
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