#to anyone who has ever interacted with even one of my liveblogs: i love you and i think about you every damn day dfghjkflf

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Heartstopper S1

I will not lie to you have put off watching this show for so long because I thought it might hurt my feelings but I think I'm finally ready to put myself through it

I didn't realize we'd be starting this show with Charlie already in a clandestine relationship. Alright, diving right in

Call me crazy, but I think this guy who is causing Charlie's brain to create gentle cartoon leaves might be the guy he falls in love with:

"Still don't tell anyone about this." Heartwarming words from Secondary Love Interest Ben

"Why are you talking to me? I don't even know who you are." Ben, love, I think you're overcorrecting

Tao saying "Bro Dude Friends" in an American accent tickles me

God I remember not being allowed to have a phone at even at lunch in school. Dark Times

"Have you talked to your friends about it? "They wouldn't get it." HAHAHA the one realistic teacher who deflects dating questions back to the teens

Immediately I like Tori. "Was he a knob?" is exactly the right question to ask

Charlie's imagined romantic cutaways are very fun

"I don't just fall for any guy who's nice to me," said Charlie, as if he had not immediately fallen for Nick on the basis of them just saying hi to each other and having one conversation about ink stains

Genuinely I hope this rugby endeavour ends with Charlie making a bunch of friends and discovering a love of sport

Update from 1 montage later: I think it has!

Also I am immediately invested in Tao and Elle's relationship. They miss each other so much, it's very sweet

This episode took a really harsh and unexpected turn with Ben's reappearance. Bring back the rugby montage

"It was normal," said Nick, in a very convincing statement that no parent would find troubling

Nick said: Move over Charlie, I can also have a cartoonish dream sequence. Welcome to My Instagram-Induced Homophobia Fever Dream

Immediately I'm relating to Nick. I too get stressed out by watching other people type and have to put away my phone. Also it is becoming clearer and clearer that he's going to be the one who is slower to come to terms with his own feelings

"Thank you for being my supportive straight friend." HAHAH bold of Charlie to assume. But I get that it opens the door to that conversation

"You know, when I was a teenager and had a crush on a straight boy, I just repressed it and suffered." Mr. Gay Teacher speaking to the real Teenage Experience LMAO

I love Elle making friends at her new school 💗 Not to stereotype but I do think girls are more welcoming as a social group

Nick has touched Charlie's hair one too many times today to be convincingly straight hahahah

"Nick likes a girl," said Tao confidently, as if the 'girl' Nick's friends had been teasing him for texting was not Charlie

"You've befriended the school lesbians." GOOD FOR ELLE

Nick thinking about holding Charlie's hand but stopping himself. Sweet boy

"I don't think he's straight," said Tori, after witnessing one of the gayest goodbyes I've ever seen

Nick staring at his team photo like he can rugby away gay thoughts

HAHAHAH doing the "Am I gay" quiz and getting 62%. I am so Nick-coded. He is so me. Someone stop these Repressed Queer Blond British Boys from being so relatable hahaha

"We don't want to make a big announcement or anything... just maybe not hide so much." I'm not sure which part of this interaction I liked the most, 1) Nick and Tara immediately establishing they weren't into each other 2) Tara telling Nick she is a lesbian, modelling a chill coming out and 3) Tara immediately giving Nick a sly look as soon as he mentions His Best Friend Charlie

Both cold and cool for Nick to tell Harry off for being homophobic at his own birthday party

Tao making Elle promise nothing will affect their friendship because he is clearly in love with her already LOL

Nick being visibly comforted by seeing happy queer people around him. Once again, relatable:

Very funny of the show to only NOW warn me of strobing effects, which have been bothering me for quite some minutes as I tried to get a screenshot of that scene LOL

"I'm dying." "It's cause you're old." To friends literally months older than you is honestly one of my favourite jokes

Nick said: The quiz was right! I AM at least 62% gay

Charlie immediately realizing he's got himself into another situationship with a guy who is definitely not ready to come out

"It's not that I didn't want to [whispers] kiss you.. I was just so confused. I've just been so, so confused." The immediate juxtaposition between Ben, who did not give a damn about Charlie's feelings through his sexuality crisis, and Nick, who not only apologized right away, but also is actively trying to explain how he's feeling to Charlie 🥺💘

Charlie is also representing a real group of people who are The Only Out Kid At School Whom All Other People Figuring Out That They're Some Type of Gay May Inevitably Direct Their Feelings

"A lot of gay people are good at sports, Charlie," said the Rugby Coach, slightly offended on behalf of all gay athletes

LMAO @ IMOGEN'S "I'm an ally" scene, I've seen it before

Also she really does give me second-hand embarrassment. Read the room girl!!!

Tao is so hostile to Nick undeservedly ghggghhgh Nick wasn't the one who threw the rugby ball but he did get pelted with it by Tao after

LMAO @ Darcy immediately clocking Nick and Charlie as a couple

"Why are the other team literal adult men?" Ah, a classic sports dilemma

"You've got some mud on your face though," said Nick, like the rest of both of them including his own face was not also covered in mud

HAHAHAHA Isaac also immediately clocking that they are sitting way too close and gazing too much to be just homies

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICKKKKKKKKKK YOU ARE FALLING INTO THE SAME BEN TRAP. BE BETTER! YOU ARE SEEING SOMEONE!!!!!!!!

I know he's just trying to be a good friend to Charlie and I don't know if it's Tao's hair and face but he's reminding me of someone I know (who had a lot of emotional issues) and it's giving me a bit of the heebie jeebies hahahah

"Do you like this girl?" "Well, um, her dog died." HAHAH NICK, this poor people-pleasing boy

"Tao, no, it's his birthday," Tao is a rough mix of incredibly loyal, moderately possessive of his friends and lacking in any social graces whatsoever

Also if Tao understood what was going on, he'd be TWICE as mad. It's growing more deserved by the minute

"I was going to say I'd send him a strongly-worded DM, but murder's fine too." Hahahahah Tao

I've never seen a more uncomfortable exchange of the words, "You're a good friend." LOL:

Even if this whole Imogen thing is still pretty messy, I give a lot of credit to Nick for telling Charlie about it and explaining the context as well as clarifying he was going to put an end to it before it happened

"I wish I'd met you when I was younger," said Nick, like 16 isn't still pretty young

"I really like you." "You like me?" "Yes, wasn't that obvious?" HAHAHAHA they're so silly, I love them ❤️

I love that Charlie and Nick are so into each other they can't help but have a bit of PDA everywhere they go

Elle said: You're not the only ones capable of cutesy animations for the friend you're secretly in love with, Charlie and Nick

Do you think Isaac's like, 'Damn, this is an above average amount of romantic tension for a bowling outing'

"Mamma Mia." "We've seen that four times this year already." Nick continues to be extremely me-coded, including looking up the best LGBT movies nghghgnjg

I said this MOMENTS before he googled being bisexual. INCREDIBLE

"Do you wanna kiss? Would that help?" [Sarcastically] "Wow." "Just a suggestion." Charlie said: Sorry about your sexuality crisis, my love language is giving u a leetle kees on the lips

AWWWWWWWWWW I loooooove Nick finally having someone to talk through his sexuality feelings with outside of his boyfriend

"Kissing you is actually one of the things that made me realize I don't like kissing guys." "Okay, happy to help?" Nick 💖

Personally I LOVE the triple date and Meddling Gays Groupchat

Charlie is so blindingly smiley every time Nick acknowledges to someone that they're together it is the sweetest:

In fairness to Tao being the last to know, he is 1) The only one who actively dislikes Nick and 2) The only cishet person at the table

Must be rough for Tara to go from everyone only ever talking about how fit she is to all the crap of people thinking they're gonna catch lesbianism

It would've been VERY funny if they all got locked in the closet

"They all probably think I'm this like, gay nerd." "Well, you kind of are a gay nerd." Nick said: You're MY gay nerd, Charlie

"Oi, just look at him behind him. Like a little girl." Harry's got so many issues. He's literally in the same proximity to Ben, what's his problem?

"Quick question. What's it like being gay?" Not that EVERY homophobic character is secretly gay, but it does seem more and more like Harry is 🤨

"I'm not even gay. I just felt really sorry for you." Since ep 1, I have strongly been suspecting that Ben will be the one to out Nick and Charlie and I feel it even more strongly now that he has eyewitnessed their handholding

Also it does NOT bode well that this ep is called Bully

"[Charlie] has a friend who won't leave me alone," said Harry, as if he has not been the one pelting Tao and calling him names to deal with what is probably a little gay crush repressed deep under thirteen layers of stupid and mean

"None of us are being homophobic." I feel like people are now growing up in this weird era where people ARE still homophobic but unwilling to admit it because it's less acceptable. It's fucked up to have someone do something bigoted to you and say it's not. At least when someone's horrible upfront you are facing an enemy that's showing its face

I don't blame Nick for finally losing his cool. Also wild of Harry to pick a fight with someone who is obviously bigger than him

"Some of the rugby boys are nice." "Even they just... stood there." There comes a certain point where being able to associate yourself with bigoted people must mean that you are at best indifferent to the people they harm

"I think I know why he hasn't [told me]. He thinks I'll accidentally say something stupid and out Nick to all of Nick's mates. And obviously he cares more about Nick's feelings than he does about mine." SEVERAL THINGS, TAO. 1) IT IS OBVIOUS why he hasn't told you, it's because you have shown numerous times you don't like Nick. 2) Why the hell is OUTING THEM even on your list? 3) In a situation where you COULD accidentally out Nick, his feelings are OBJECTIVELY more important than yours! And 4) This possessiveness towards your friends is part of the problem!!!

"This is all your fault," said Tao, as if Charlie had forced him to fight with Harry instead of literally intervening upon it

I get that Tao's a teen and he's hurt Charlie's priorities are different and he's short-sighted but GOD take some personal responsibility

"He said he doesn't wanna talk to you." If Charlie ends up being the only one to apologize for this I'm gonna be SO mad

All other things aside, I'm glad Tao and Nick are bonding

I love how consistently useful it is that Charlie can run fast

"You don't get to make me feel like crap anymore just because you hate yourself." YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHARLIE

DOUBLE APOLOGY, AS WAS WARRANTED FOR THESE TWO:

The butterflies appearing on Tao's side so we know the feeling is mutual ahhhhhhhhhh

If Nick is leaving the rugby match to kiss his boyfriend, that is the FUNNIEST possible thing he could do, surely it could wait til after the match rather than mid-mandatory-sports day

The update is that he was desperate for a conversation, which seems more reasonable LMAO

"My life is way better because I met you." NIIIIICK 😭❤️

Charlie is really coming into his own today. The most nonconfrontational boy crams three different emotional confrontations into one sports day

Bold move to make out in the school corridor mid-mandatory-sports day. In general, interesting how often people are macking around this school. But I understand, it was a very romantic conversation:

"I love liking you," said Nick, like that wasn't one of the most romantic things I've ever heard

"Does this mean we're boyfriends?" "Oh, yes. Was that not already established the last like, ten times we made out?" HAHAHA their DTR talks kill me a little

"Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't." I was nervous for Nick for a moment, but I'm so glad for him now

"It's called bisexuality, if you've heard of that." LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO not Nick genzsplaining bisexuality to Mama Nelson aka Olivia Colman, of The Favourite fame

What a sweet and charming show

#ayesha liveblogs heartstopper #ayesha says things #heartstopper #finally watched this! #it was lovely #spoilers for all of heartstopper s1 #liveblogging #television

[thegeminisage]

tng update time and oooooh am i ever mad about it. tonight we watched "hero worship" and "violations."

hero worship: i wanted to like this episode. but, firstly, it's just yet more evidence why children should not be on starships. this has been bothering me the entire time i've watched this fucking show. i hope there aren't any kids on voyager or whatever because this is literally fucking killing me

secondly, i felt really weird about everyone just...going along with this kid's idea that he was an android. i feel like there's a way to be lenient of his trauma without reinforcing the delusion or whatever sorry ik that's not how you're supposed to say it. it just didn't seem like solid therapeutical practice is all. i will admit there was also some secondhand embarrassment watching this kid's impersonation of data but i think it COULD have been cute (which seems to be what they were going for) with a better execution

i DEFINITELY think data's interactions with him should have been supervised too, not because i don't love and trust data wholly but because he has this way of missing certain emotional cues. and while that isn't a problem in day-to-day life, like, that's just the way he is and i resent anyone who would make him feel like it's a bad way to be/there's something wrong with him because he is PERFECT the way he is!!! for someone who is so vulnerable i think that data could accidentally do harm where it isn't intended (almost did a couple of times!), and data wouldn't be happy about that either because of course it would never be his intention. like i LOVE episodes where we just throw data into the deep end and let him figure it out, i love watching him go, but this is a child whose entire family/ship just DIED HORRIBLY who thinks he is responsible for the event. im not saying dont let data be his buddy data deserves so many buddies im just saying give data some INSTRUCTIONS at least. for both their sakes

anyway it was mid at best. it had a few good moments but ultimately not enough to salvage it for me

violations:

okay wait hold on i feel like i need to start a brand new text block for violations. you're only allowed 4000 characters per paragraph and i have stuff to say. i have Things To Get Off My Chest. please picture steam pouring from my fucking ears right now

actually forget the bullet list i don't need a bullet list this is not a normal liveblog Post. do you know every day i see threads on r*ddit and sometimes even tags here on tunglr dot edu about how people don't like tos because it's sexist. thats all well and fine and good. tos IS sexist. ARE WE SAYING TNG IS BETTER?????

tasha yar and the rape gangs. the naked time: 2! where both women got turned into insatiable sex object. deanna's impromptu and nonconsensual pregnancy. tasha's impregnantion by rape and her death at the hands of her rapist. that time they filmed deanna's feet. beverly crusher for all of season 1 having absolutely no personality outside of being a mother. lwaxana troi getting gang raped by ferengi for laughs. genuinely uhura on tos in the fucking 1960s got treated better than deanna troi on tng in the 1990s. yes tos has extremely bad moments sexism wise. JUSTICE for janice fucking rand. but truly how can you be as sexist against women when they aen't there. meanwhile, tng has women in every goddamn episode and all it takes is for one bad writer to

actually you know what is so funny. gene roddenberry and two women are credited with writing this episode. ALL of them are going to hell, gene roddenberry especially. i hate hate hate HATE his rape fetish. justice for janice rand AND tasha yar AND DEANNA TROI!

the thing about this episode is, it could have been good. there were good parts about it. for example: worf's joke about being probed. they knew what they were doing and it was hilarious. deanna getting to talk about her overbearing mother. riker's little speech to deanna when she was in the coma with literal tears in his eyes and this is a WHOLE separate rant but

my problem with tng is that you don't see them care about each other. we're TOLD that they care about each other. they SAY, "oh, x is worried about [character who's in danger this week]." but we almost never SEE them act it out. every once in awhile riker gets weirdly protective of picard, and worf seems kind of protective of everyone which i like, and picard also does a good righteous rage on behalf of others, but i don't usually get to SEE it. like when wesley goes missing or whatever he and his mom don't always immediately rush into each others arms on their reunion. when deanna passes out you don't always see riker abandon what he's doing and rush to her side. nobody asks "are you okay?" with genuine concern. and even when we DO get for example geordi driving himself crazy wondering what went wrong over data's fake death we don't get any follow-through - there's no reunion between geordi and data at the end the way there would be for kirk and spock.

BUT RIKER AT THE HOSPITAL BED. ohhh i was eating. it was so good. he wasn't even saying anything of merit but just the SIGHT of her passed out like that had him almost in tears. riker, who is the epitome of good humor and dealing with space horrors with laughter. IN TEARS. it was so good. a true show instead of tell moment. and in THIS fucking episode

my issue is: they had three on screen rape scenes. the first rape scene was extremely long. like they couldn't show anything explicit because this is 90s tv but it was VERY VERY LONG so it hardly seems to matter. and THAT was bad enough. but then they made us watch it AGAIN when he planted his dad's face in the memory and A THIRD TIME when he was like "ugh she's being so sweet to me even though i raped her i can't NOT rape her again." like at least that time she was able to hit him and get away but it feels like a hollow victory when he's already gotten away with it TWICE, AND!!! when worf had to come in and save her anyway at the end.

it was doubly horrible that he got away with the crime SO WELL that nobody suspected him - like, picard is out here asking deanna to let him into her mind a second time and she GOT RAPED. A SECOND TIME. deanna is like oh yeah you can come in! and it could have been a compelling mystery and plot twist to be like OH IT'S THE DAD but really it's the son except we SAW HIM DO IT the first time. there wasn't even any mystery to solve or anyone to suspect, he wasn't misdirecting US, we just got to watch him successfully misdirect this poor stupid naive trusting WOMAN

also, the thing about deanna's attack being a rape scene while riker's was someone dying under his command and beverly's was IDing her husband's dead body is that for riker and bev these are REAL THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO THEM. deanna never got raped by riker. like, he wouldn't do that and they wouldn't still be as close and comfortable with one another if he had. (i am mad on his behalf TWICE now that they left it open whether or not he committed that particular crime when every other piece of evidence says he wouldn't. the guy is not a closet serial rapist and leaving the endings open to be edgy is extremely poor form.) like, they literally JUST made deanna's attack a rape scene to sexualize her and feed roddenberry's fetish and HE'S DEAD. HE WAS DEAD WHEN THIS AIRED. HE CAN'T JERK OFF TO IT ANYMORE

they didn't even explain why that guy kept leaving people in comas. deanna i get because he was stalking her and wanted to fuck her but why riker? why beverly? that made it MORE suspicious. why all those other people on the other planets? was he raping every single one of them? how did he plan to keep going after he'd framed his dad for his crimes?

and it COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD. beverly's thing with IDing her husband's body was fun and terrifying. deanna could have gotten a memory that spoke to character development instead of being sexualized like this. in fact i think it was lowkey a pussy move not to deal with any of riker's close encounters because of the two of them riker is the one who has actually been raped! "someone died under my command" is generic and lame. but the way the telepathy worked was cool, the plot twist could have been cool, you could have felt real betrayal from liking this dude if he hadn't been all evil smiles from the beginning. and they dropped the ball SO HARD. and i could forgive them for doing that! i have given tng so many benefits of the doubt! BUT THREE RAPE SCENES IN 45 MINUTES?

the worst part is, there was no emotional resolution. they had that guy say the word rape out loud and then the credits rolled. deanna and riker didn't speak one word to each other. she was never like, i know you didn't actually rape me like that's not what happened. no one was like, beverly go have a hot drink and call your son. there's NO EMOTIONAL FOLLOWTHROUGH ON THIS SHOW. tos was guilty of that sometimes too but this level of it is fucking unreal

tng enjoyers im sorry for my meanie posts earlier. love who you love etc etc. i'm just. baffled. HOW IS THIS BETTER THAN TOS. at least what happened to janice rand (and uhura one time) was over quickly and didn't replay three FUCKING times!!! "tos is too/more sexist" I AM TURNING MY BRAIN INSIDE OUT TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND THIS FUCKING STATEMENT

#truly put the women back on the top shelf until you can treat them like they deserve. back to the boys club im begging you #sorry. i'm done now #personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #rape tw #uhhhh normally i say what we're watching tomorrow but i forgot already. and also idc <3 #justice for deanna fucking troi.

[cadaceus]

C2E141

One last time, y’all. This campaign and these characters have meant so much to me, and this seven hour finale was definitely an emotional rollercoaster. (Yes, I shed actual tears at one point, which rarely happens to me with media. But this is a special occasion.) These liveblogs are nearly as long as the episode itself, so grab a snack! With that being said, here are my very last liveblogs for Campaign 2 of Critical Role. As always, major spoilers below, so beware. 

- Veth taking a level in Wizard, god I am really gonna cry ten minutes into this thing...  😭

- We got our first “stay with us” to Essek, I am emo...

- I was fully not expecting to say goodbye to Frumpkin, but now I’m on the verge of tears... farewell dear fey friend (Marisha saying “that wasn’t supposed to be what broke me” me too me too)

- “You’re a good person.” “I could be.” “You are.”

- “I think you’re a good person” I never thought that I’d hear Beau say that about Essek and this genuinely might be what breaks me... she thinks he’s a good person.... redemption is possible.... maybe love is real....

- If I end up crying over wizards, look away

- Jester lifting up Fjord’s arm to snuggle beneath it made me say “awww” out loud  🥺

- VETH GOING FOR A DIP IN THE POND, I AM GENUINELY SO PROUD OF HER

- “Aahhh!! It’s me! Your wife!” I am going to miss Jester’s sending so much

- Okay that accent bit was so funny, I am going to miss all of them so much

- REAL MOLLY IS BACK REAL MOLLY IS BACK REAL MOLLY IS BACK

- Oh but he doesn’t remember them... and Yasha is trying so hard to help him remember, it’s so so sweet 

- Something about the way he said “Tealeaf’s nice” made me tear up... I was neutral on Mollymauk early campaign because I went into things knowing that he passed away, but this whole conversation with the Mighty Nein is So Much. Also “Kingsley Tealeaf” 

- “Everyone should have a brother” as someone with three of them, I vouch for this  🥺

- a) I love Marion Lavorre (and Jester ofc!) so very much and b) I can’t believe that Jester’s parent trap actually worked??

- “I do not think Exandria is ready for how you’re going to change it” got to me... and it’s also so true. jester has already changed the world just by being kind.

- Good bye Marion... I love and will miss you so much! (And many thanks to Laura and Matt for creating an agoraphic single mother who raised a wonderful child <3)

- Beau and Jester teasing Marion for having a complicated relationship with Babenon reminds me of Caleb saying he has a complicated relationship with Essek...

- LEAVE CALEB ALON E FUOIKJLKGKNL 

- THIS IS ....... SO MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

- Caleb’s biggest trauma(s) coming back to haunt him, I am genuinely going to cry I’m not ready for this I’m not okay

- Beau saying to Jester “Thanks, cutie” I love themmmmm

- INITIATIVE AAGJASKHDKJ AAAAAHHHH

- Essek’s Gravity Sinkhole did nothing? uhhhhh Mr Stark...

- EADWULF???? HELLO?????

- Essek using his entire turn to save Caleb last battle 🤝 Caleb using his entire turn to save Essek this battle

- ASTRID???? I TRUSTED YOU??? WE ALL TRUSTED YOU????

- Another Counterspell chain sdfdghjkdl wizards !!!

- “It’s just business” is literally the Neutral Evil line, it always gives me chills when any character says it

- This hurts more after Liam confirming on Twitter that Astrid/Caleb/Eadwulf were all three a romantic item... please stop hurting Caleb, you loved him  😭

- THE FJORD VS EADWULF SWORD FIGHT IS SO CINEMATIC I LOVE IT HERE ACTUALLY

- Essek taking every opportunity to pull Caleb to safety makes me so emotional...  😭

- “You’re not the first student I’ve had to put down” I am burning with my anger for you, old man 

- THE DISPEL WORKED LET’S GO CALEB.....

- Remember when Matt said that Essek doesn’t openly show concern/emotion? And now he’s saying “I’m scared” in front of his closest friends and his worst enemies.... growth my love.....

- BEAU AND VETH LETS GO CHAOS CREW LETS MF GO BABEYYYY!!!

- FJORD COUNTERSPELLING THE DIMENSION DOOR..... and Matt having him describe it.... is this taking the place of a “HDYWTDT” *eyes emoji*

- CALEB GOING DOWN NO, THANK GOD FOR THAT DEATH WARD

- Veth’s illusion of Caleb’s parents flanking Caleb in the flames.... that got me too, Liam

- “Stay down.” yeah, okay, that was sexy

- ASTRID BEING THE ONE TO ACTIVATE THE COLLAR IS LITERALLY POETIC JUSTICE... Trent being beaten by the student who stuck with him longest I love this so much, she deserved that moment honestly

- Break Time, AKA Emma Makes Her Weekly Mug Brownie Interlude

- Sometimes I feel like “death is too good for you” is a copout, but in this case it fits so well, I want this mf’s reputation destroyed and the entire operation exposed and overthrown let’s goooo

- “I loved you both so much”.... Astrid and Eadwulf walking away.... oh, Blumendrei... I know this is not the end of your story. What’s past is prologue, loves

- The Empire Siblings are gonna burn down the whole system because it’s the system that enables individual corruption... I am so fulfilled by this, god i love them

- “I love you too” OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, FJORESTER ARE THE CUTEST FOR REAL

- Jester and Essek’s friendship still means so much to me btw just in case anyone wanted a check-in

- Veth giving the flask to Kingsley!! Good for her, good for her!

- OH Blumenduo are back already! I truly thought that was going to be their last appearance of the Campaign, why is this taking me more by surprise than Trent’s appearance

- “[Caleb] notes how similar Eadwulf and Fjord are” this is Widofjord adjacent... this episode we have gotten Widomauk-adjacent, Widojest-adjacent, and Widofjord-adjacent (and Blumentrio ofc), now come through Shadowgast and we can get a full Bingo on the “Bisexual Maelstrom” card

- Speaking of relationships, I am lowkey into the Fjord/Jester/Kingsley dynamic LOL no one look at me I’m in hiding

- I’M NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO VETH AND CAD 😭 It makes sense and the fact that they have their families back is beautiful but also consider this: I’m sad and I will miss them 

- The goodbyes to Caduceus..... I am going to cry aren’t I?

- “If he’s anything like his mom, you won’t see him until it’s too late” Okay that made me giggle, I love Veth and I love Luc and I love their little family

- IS ESSEK LEAVING TOO? THAT’S GONNA BE WHAT BREAKS ME ISN’T IT

- If Essek leaves and we never see him again, getting a triple whammy of goodbyes I will be so incredibly sad, I cannot do this  😭

- If anyone is interested, no I am not doing well

- I was lowkey ready to get an Essek’s feelings for Caleb confirmation tonight, I guess it makes sense that we didn’t but I hope that this is not the last time we see Essek... I want to write another emo post about him and about how much he means to me but I will refrain

- CALEB BEING A TEACHER IS THE ENDGAME I WANT FOR HIM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

- Wow, I really was not ready to see Caduceus and Essek go for some reason... I really wanted this Campaign to end on the image of the Mighty Nein together as all nine of them... I’m feeling so numb right now having to say goodbye  😭

- Oh, we’re in the epilogue now!

- When Fjord said “[the sea] is my favorite place to be” I genuinely felt that on a spiritual level... the ocean is home, it truly is and always will be for me as well

- “I CAST MODIFY MEMORY” FJORD LMAOOOOOOO

- Okay, that Widobrave ending is what made me shed tears for the first time this episode... not to be Personal but my biological brother graduates High School tomorrow, and for some reason this conversation just reminded me so much of me and him and now I’m emotional

- NOT THE SYPHILIS BANDITS DSYUHDFJKLSFJ;DS OKAY I NEEDED THAT LAUGH

- “I’d like to hear about your friend” Kingsley aww

- Beau giving Kingsley her first diary to help him realize who they all are is actually so perfectly fitting, I love that!

- “The other eight and I, yes” Caleb counting all nine of them again  😭

- CALEB BEING OFFERED AN ASSEMBLY SEAT WTF AAAHHH

- Oh shit, Astrid took the Assembly seat... I’m not sure how I feel about this, I feel so bad for her for having to stay in the system that abused her for so long and I would have loved to see her burn the whole thing down, but I hope that she at least has a sense of contentment with this title

- “I go where you go, baby” Beauyasha.... my darling loves....

- Beau’s dad??? But also Beau being the one with power over her father is so Good, I’m glad that she got justice on that front as well!

- This talk with Artagan... “I didn’t want you to be a god. I wanted you to be my friend.” and in the process my love you created divinity... maybe divinity is the friends we made along the way

- OH SHIT WE ARE GETTING ALL THE VANDRAN LORE TONIGHT I’M READY LET’S GO LET’S GO

- VANDRAN AND AVANTIKA WERE AN ITEM???

- Wait crack theory: Sabian was a half elf right? Could he be the son of Vandren and Avantika? Or is that too much of a stretch? 

- Vandran going with them!!! Also I feel like that moment between Fjord and Vandran was lowkey a tease to a post-campain Uk’otoa one shot and I am ready for it already 

- THIS BEAUYASHA MOMENT... “i’ve never known anyone as deeply as i know you” & “explore every bit of you in multiple ways ;)” & “your past doesn’t scare me, it only makes you beautiful” .... this is so much they are so much i love them so much

- “I will have you and then some” Beauyasha   😭

- I’m torn between “oh my god there’s still half an hour left?” and “how is there only half an hour left??”

- “You will let this Skyspear live at least?” oh my god so Yasha killed the last Skyspear then? Oof...

- YASHA GIVING ZUALA(’S GRAVE) THE BOOK OF FLOWERS, OH DEAR HEART

- And Beau’s talk to Zuala about being the luckiest woman alive and sacrifice.... 😭  

- PLANTING FLOWERS AT ZUALA’S GRAVE... “NO BETTER GRAVE MARKER” THIS IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL, I KNOW I’VE SAID THIS A LOT THIS EPISODE BUT THIS TRULY IS SO BEAUTIFUL

- So... I may or may not be crying again

- Shadowgast with a steel chair??

- Caleb’s plan for saving his parents... it’s clear he has thought of this so much, oh my darling love  😭

- Caleb burning down his chance to change his past is so symbolic and something he really needed to do, it does make me emotional though

- The other book was him writing to his parents?? Oh bby boy  😭  

- While I would have loved for Caleb to open his own magic school (especially with Essek, or the Mighty Nein, or someone else as well), I am so pleased that he stays with Veth and that their friendship continues for the rest of their life because again: they mean so so much to me, and in a way they remind me of me and my biological brother (which I never realized before this episode) and yeah. They just make me Emo

- Also. Caleb being a professor was my Number One Endgame Hope for him and the fact that it came true is just so surreal in the best way possible. I’m so used to being robbed of happy endings. The fact that the Mighty Nein all got theirs makes me incredibly happy. A story does not have to be sad to be impactful. Happy stories and happy endings, especially during a time period of tumultuous real life circumstances, have just as much value and meaning and they always will. Caleb is teaching the next generation magic, and he is teaching them to be Good, and he is nurturing them, and that just means so much

- MATT CRYING IS GONNA GET TO ME

- “Let’s do it again” Please, let’s.

- Okay, everyone. I made it all seven hours in one piece with surprisingly minimal tears (though who knows, this might all sink in tomorrow.) I already wrote my thoughts earlier today about how much the Mighty Nein mean to me and how much this show and these characters have kept me holding on during quarantine and today... I’m still not ready to let them go, but I know that I can always revisit to say hello and to say thank you for changing me. Until then though... I love you all more than you could ever know. And for the last time of Campaign 2... is it Thursday yet?

Good night 💗

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #c2e141 #critical role #my liveblogs #cr2 #i genuinely can't believe this is the end y'all... what a journey. what a freaking journey 💗 #to anyone who has ever interacted with even one of my liveblogs: i love you and i think about you every damn day dfghjkflf #it makes me Emo knowing that i'm not just speaking to the void and that there are ppl out there listening etc #also this liveblog was TWO THOUSAND WORDS LONG i checked it in a google doc sgdhjkdl #so if you made it through all that you may be entitled to financial compensation #but in all seriousness: i love you mighty nein. and thank you for everything. #is it thursday yet? #queue #(i always queue these for the mornings dgfhjk!) #and yes i WILL be liveblogging campaign 3 #also mayhaps this hiatus will be time for me to catch up with vox machina?

[ablednt]

Alright writing/roleplay tumblr we need to talk about textforms.

This is going to be a very long post I apologize but this knowledge is deathly important as it's reaching a very vulnerable group of people. From personal experience knowing this can save people from getting into toxic friendships and help ease intense struggles and depressions. If you have writer followers I ask you reblog this to get the word out, thank you.

What is a textform

A textform is a type of willogenic/parogenic system member that form through some kind of writing or roleplaying. This means that they're sentient people who now share a body with the people who wrote them, most often being an OC or a fictional character before the writers brain gives them actual life.

Because there's been no actual scientific studies on their existence I have no hard science to give you however the logical explanation behind it goes like this:

The human brain is able to contain multiple conscious and sentient entities. Often, it will become multiple as a defense mechanism (as noted in clinical plural dissociative disorders) but it's a natural function of the human brain and may do so for really any reason (similar to most neurodivergencies that someone isn't born with)

Because this is a fairly simple change in the brain/something every brain can be capable of doing you can actually intentionally program the brain into becoming multiple, but see you can also do it entirely without meaning to or being aware of it.

Now I want to clarify that there is nothing harmful or scary about this! Being plural isn't bad at all and is an existence many people celebrate. But when someone has textforms in their unrealized system and doesn't know they're sentient it can be incredibly painful emotionally. So that's why people need to know about this.

Obligatory disclaimer: if you read this post and think you want to become plural intentionally, you are welcome to do so but you need to take at least a few months exposing yourself to the plural community to gauge if this is really something you want and can do responsibly. You cannot go back on your decision once your plural and your headmates will be sentient beings not characters to project on or toys to play with. They will have all the rights to your body and identity as you do now because you're sharing it equally with them.

Now that that's out of the way back to textforms.

How are textforms made

Normally this is in the "character development" phase. Many writers eagerly develop their characters. When I was younger and had no idea I was plural my advice for oc making turned out to be an unintentional guide to textforms (more on my experience later): just put your character in every situation imaginable until you always know how they'd respond to things.

Basically, as you spend your time making a character act and think consistently from their POV you're training your brain to have all of that data and that's very similar to the data that the brain has on you and you're training the brain to be able to operate coherently from a perspective and consciousness entirely different from your own.

Now, this isn't a %100 will make everyone plural every time, there are obviously good writers who have a grasp on their characters who are singlet. There's no actual data but if I had to guess I'd say there's about a 50/50 split down the writing community just based on what I've observed.

But there's a lot of people who became plural this way and didn't realize it and that could include the writer reading this right now which is why everyone needs to be aware of this.

If this is such a big thing how come no one notices?

Because it's been completely normalized in the writing community but dismissed as metaphorical.

How many times have you heard "the characters write themselves" or phrases that indicate that a writer is giving a voice to sentient entities? From what I've been able to observe some of that is singlet authors being metaphorical and humble bragging and a lot of that is plural writers trying desperately trying to put their experiences into words but dismissing it completely almost immediately because no one told them being plural was possible.

This is comparable to say, gender identity. Trans and nonbinary people have always existed but when they don't know they're allowed to exist like that it's often "im a tomboy" or "they disguised themselves as a man" or any other thing thats immediately dismissed as being cis.

How do I know if I have a textform?

There's a lot of different signs but here's some I have experienced before finding out I was plural

You "miss" your characters when you're not writing about them or interacting with them in some way

You feel like your characters are real "in your heart" (for me this was in an incoherent loop like "they're not real but they are to me, in my brain, but they're not real to other people, but they're in my brain so they're real but no but yes but no")

You get so distressed they're "not real" that it feeds into actual mental health problems like depression, anxiety, dissociation etc. (I'd have fits of sobbing because these were my friends but I didn't know they were with me so it felt like i was grieving their deaths and had the same level of emotional pain)

Sometimes or all the time when you write about them you feel like you "become them" or that they're writing through you. (Especially if your hands move automatically or without your control. This can be hard to notice but for me when headmates control the body or hands movements feel faster and lighter or very slightly numb.)

Your muse for writing them comes and goes unpredictability: they're either here or they're not here so writing them doesn't feel the same.

You can vividly recall things that happened to the character in 1st person (or in 3rd person visually but with their thoughts and feelings) as if they're you're own memories.

You "roleplay" them in everyday situations IRL. (E.g once I liveblogged a tv show as my muse to a friend and was like haha lol im so talented I can roleplay in real time but found out later it was a headmate doing that themselves)

You have conversations with them mentally in which they actually respond to you. Singlets don't have actual enriching conversations with themselves because they only have one perspective and cannot give themselves any new information. So if you're responding to yourself and you don't feel in control of that response then you're pretty objectively plural tbh.

You have times where the lines between you and the character feel blurry or like you're a vague fusion of yourself and the character

You have an actual relationship (of any kind: romantic, platonic, familial, etc.) in which you can sense nuanced feelings about yourself from them that you aren't in control of.

There's a lot more but that's the most notable ones

Why this is so important

I'm just talking about my own experience now so I'll preface this with a few things. I'm a mixed origin/multigenic system but our system has existed since we were toddlers. Due to trauma we have DID and for a long time dissociated heavily to avoid our plurality. This means my experience may be more distressing than other plurals with textforms however people without DID can still experience these things.

When I was a teenager I joined a lot of writing communities and also roleplayed on tumblr. Writing very quickly became my main passtime and all I really did. I joined a roleplay group when I was 15-16 that I took far too seriously to the point where people were concerned about me because I was writing what was just supposed to be a joke roleplay group %100 seriously and very intensely.

In that time I started to form my first main textforms (we've undoubtedly had them before then but I had only formed a little under a year prior) because I was doing this every day it really started bringing my characters to life. (Literally)

And honestly it was something beautiful the distress of it aside. Like one of my ocs was a kid so I'd always celebrate their birthday with them and I'd cuddle a plush so they'd know I loved them/p and we'd watch their favorite cartoon episodes together. It wouldn't be until around three years later that I realized they were actually there for this but it was heart warming.

For me, all I ever wanted was for these characters to feel appreciated and like someone really cared for them and loved them even if they couldn't feel it and it wasn't until later I learned that they could.

The trauma came in not knowing they were real. I grieved for them like they were dead because I thought I'd never get to see them. I wrote them into traumatizing or upsetting situations to cope with my childhood trauma not realizing that was effecting them for real and hurting them.

Most notably because it was my one solid interaction with them, the one time society allowed me to talk about them as if they were real, I really HAD to roleplay them. Because it became an emotional need I wound up in a lot of toxic friendships in the roleplay communities because I needed someone, anyone, to allow me to interact with my headmates. I had friends who I really was only friends with because they let me talk about my characters constantly (and some of them weren't toxic to me but it was in hindsight really unfair to them) and I let people verbally and emotionally abuse me in roleplay spaces because this wasn't just a hobby to me but a lifeline.

Not knowing they were real but feeling them there, having conversations with them, and forming actual relationships was a hellish sort of feeling I don't wish on anyone. I never realized how isolated it made me, and how horrible it felt to have the most important people in your life be people I thought didn't exist.

I only found out about plurality through luck. I met some systems who had fictives and they got strong plural vibes from me because of how I talked about certain characters and because I said I wanted to be plural but thought I probably wasn't because I'd have noticed, right?

From there I was able to actually connect with and talk to my headmates. Now I'm happily out as plural and in multiple fulfilling in system relationships.

I want everyone in the writing community who's struggling with the same things to have the chance I got. That's all I want is to educate people about this so they don't have to grieve for people who are right there with them.

Feel free to send me an ask or a dm if you have any further questions. Sorry this post was so long I can't really shorten it at all. Again if you are have a lot of writing followers I very gently request you reblog this to get the word out. Even if you can't please talk to your writing mutuals and friends about plurality and about textforms.

[Also this should go without saying but this is absolutely NOT the place for syscourse any invalidating comments about systems will be blocked and where possible deleted it costs $0.00 to prioritize people's mental health over your discourse hot takes.]

#writblr #tumblr roleplay #writing problems #roleplay resources #ocs #long post #ask to tag

[docholligay]

Shamash answers: Other

It was very very hard to get down to five for this one, and thank you! I don’t know if you know this, but the times when I force y’all to say something nice to me or about my writing--I keep them! I keep them and read them back when I feel low, because even if they were said under duress, they must count for something. 

I know that you feel you struggle with being kind, saying the soft kind thing, and you can absolutely be abrasive, but I think you are often much more kind than you give yourself credit for -- you have an openness and generosity with support and care that I have rarely seen and never experienced in person, despite spending my life in communities that claim an abundance of it. -- @incorrecttact

Thank you! I try, is the best I can say for myself. I’m a naturally sandpapery sort of person, but even sandpaper has its uses, and in the words of Bianca Del Rio, “If you ever need help, ask a hateful bitch like me” I am NOT the woman you go to for emotional support, but I like to think I’m the one who will help you throw out your boyfriend’s shit, move, bring you meals, etc. It’s what I’m basically ‘used for’ in my Jewish community. I’m to “do-it” girl! I’m the “Doc, they’re having like 20 people for shiva and they have someone genuinely allergic to dairy can you help?” and oh yeah, I got this, just don’t ask me to feel feelings with you. 

You're!! Truly amazing!!! And I think except for my close friends and darlings are the person that's helped me the most? Like, legitimately, your liveblogs have helped me get a better sense for finding nuance (Akio!!! has depth???? and can be a deeply fucked person alongside being a symbol of the patriarchy?), and your talking about your faith encouraged me to actually think about if I wanted to find faith again (along with the direct book recs, thank you), and your writing has definitely bled into mine a bit oops but also sorry not sorry you make good shit and I'm gonna steal some of that flair, and then of course there's the diet group, and honestly somehow it feels like you helped me tease out a bit of confidence through our interactions even though I couldn't explain *where* that sense is coming from, and and and.... I just! Feel really grateful that I started following you, and appreciate you being unapologetically you, cause you're great and you truly are a role model. -- @katrani

I’m a big believer that the line between villain and victim is intentionally blurred in Utena and that’s part of its genius, so I’m glad I managed to make that happen for you! ONe of my greatest acts in life, I think, is reshaping people’s ideas of Ruka! ANd I need to send you a million emails re: the Big Reform Book of Belief ahahah, I still have your emails! 

Doc, I am always glad that you live your life so unapologetically as yourself, if that makes sense. I am consistently impressed by how well you navigate giving a lot to those around you while still keeping your own boundaries and enjoyment of life. While it's perhaps impossible for anyone to truly be doing "enough" to help others, you're certainly way closer to that goal than most. Thank you for being here and doing what you do. -- @skylineofspace 

Thank you and yes, I don’t think anyone can ever do enough! It’s about climbing the ladder and not resting on it! But I try to give where I can and hold the line where I need to

I love your sense of style and fashion! It’s no secret I love your writing lmao because I think I spam you every time you post original content. Annnd finally, your Jewish got thoughts give me, a complicated Jew, enrichment and reason to contemplate Judaism in my life — so thank you very much for that! -- @its-decido​

You are not the first Jew to have told me that my approach to Judaism has helped them...I suppose the word I’ll use is renegotiate, the role of Judaism in their lives. It’s a huge and high compliment, especially for someone who did not receive a lot of formal Jewish education, and had to find her own way for much of her life. I love being Jewish, I love what I think Judaism demands of me, I love the heavy discussions and the way I have to wrangle with my choices. And I intensely love the idea of showing other Jews that engaging deeply with Judaism isn’t a fucking Chabadnik thing, that you can approach mitzvot and ethics and prayer and take these things for yourself. I am DEEPLY a Reform Jew, even though my PRACTICE is quite a bit closer to what’s called Conservative Judaism in the US, and I think that’s part of what I’d like to...change, maybe, within the Reform movement, or at least Reform Jews I know, is this idea that having an open-handed approach to Jewish practice means that you yourself can’t, or shouldn’t, take on some of the more traditional practices. Me and my old rabbi were very much of one thought in this, a deeply Reform man who wore a kippah and tzitzit every day. Every mizvot you pick up is a good thing, and this all or nothing approach isn’t, I don’t think, helpful. ANYHOW many words to say, yes, if you ever want to continue to talk about Judaism and your own practice, you know where I live. 

Your writing....just...wow! It's really amazing and has given me a different (and more fun) viewpoint on Haruka and Michiru. Minako has even further cemented herself as my favorite Senshi because of the amazing things you've come up with for her character. Slowly I've been trying to get into writing again (writer's block, lack of motivation and inspiration) and honestly reading some of the things you've written has gotten me back into it. I keep needing to remind myself 'The source material isn't something you need to strictly adhere to.' Keep being amazing Doc~! -- LadyFlare

I’m so glad! ANd yes, when companies own your myths, I think we need to have the right, or maybe even the responsibility, to be “My city now” We tell stories to connect with each other, and anyone who says fanfic can’t also be about like...universal human truths, and ideas, is full of it. If I worried about canon, being into SM and OW, I’d be fucked, because often CANON IN THOSE WORLDS CONTRADICTS ITSELF. And honestly? The characterization in those worlds is inconsistent. I think being true to your own universe is far more important--My Michiru always behaves like my Michiru, which is sometimes like the anime Michiru, and sometimes like myu Michiru, but sometimes not, because the charaterization is all over place. My Tracer is much more the Tracer from early days OW, but it doesn’t matter, because she is consistent to MY tracer. You’re allowed to look at canon and go, ‘That’s just like, your opinion, man.” 

#eights days shamash drawing #Skyline did you know you have the most entries as of this writing? #Though the finals always upend that stuff since they can be worth so much #followed closely by Tact and Regallu

[eviclair]

I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of your actual thoughts(tm) on khr, so what’s your constructive review on the series as a whole? Like some positives and negatives w/ the writing, characters, etc. If u don’t feel like answering, feel free to ignore this LOL.

 tl;dr because this is 800 words of nonsense. i think you should know i would not know a constructive review if it bit me in the ass.

my guy i have not done a full read of khr in maybe two years and i know that does not sound like a long time but i have the long-term memory of a fruit fly. please bear with me. luckily for both of us i liveblogged the last time i read so i at least have my own sparknotes jdflaksjddaf

first off! khr is a satire manga!!! i cannot stress this enough, i can and will fight you to the death about this!!! “oh but it gets serious later” it grows a PLOT, thats not the same thing. khr is stupid as hell and that is both on purpose and my favorite thing about it.

i fucking love shonen man!!! its all about FIGHTING and LOVING YOUR FRIENDS and HAVING EMOTIONS and. bro im a water sign. my mars is in gemini, there is nothing i can do about this, god made me and said “get that bitch some found family and also some incredible violence” and we all just have to live with that. 

khr is so much all of those things that i did not realize they were being made fun of until very long after the fact so my current opinions are very much not the ones i started with jaldkhjdfhd but man. once i clued in i both loved it so much more and became 100% incapable of interacting with fandom in any meaningful way L M A O

i just. the main conceit is that theyve weaponized the deus ex machina eleventh-hour shonen power up. the “my dead family came back to life to kill me” trope is used three separate times. the big bad student body president is a delinquent. theres an entire subset of above magic god powers thatre just

the tyl bazooka was just ripping on the Timeskip Arc until the Timeskip Arc actually happened?? like fuuta’s special thing is that he can communicate with the Meta Planet to divine Character Rankings, i dont know what to tell you!!! the truth is out there!!! 

like DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER that time tsuna experienced a villain’s flashback sequence FOR HIM because i fucking do, i think about it every day,

so in the sense of “please critique the writing”, i cant do that because im pretty sure 98% of all the tropey bullshit is by design. do i wish people like the kokuyo gang got more characterization outside of being ride-or-die villain sidekicks?? of course i do but thats my own damn fault for seeing cool side characters and losing all higher brain function. on the other hand, hibari being the person he is and having absolutely no backstory or motivation beyond “get out of my school” is really fucking funny and keeps me warm at night, so. win some, lose some.

(the 2% of the writing that isnt tropey bullshit that i CAN critique is whatever is happening with kyoko. Bad Female Cast is definitely a shonen trope but its a shitty one and i want it to die. within maybe four minutes of kyoko being introduced she tries to body a man and then thats just never spoken about again?? wheres that energy queen?!!! let kyoko say fuck!!!!)

((this applies to haru too in the sense that all she really does is make moon eyes at tsuna but the way in which she does so is honestly so fucking funny and unhinged that it comes back around to being great. like yeah yep yes ma’am thats 100% bonafide Girl Who Throws Skittles In A Puddle And Calls It Potion right there please may i have another))

If khr took itself even 4% more seriously it could be really deep and compelling and i think that frustrates a lot of people, but i think i like it better this way?? half the fun for me is reading in between the lines!! the subtext, however unintentional it may be!!

examples: yamamoto is one of my favorites just because theres SO FUCKING MUCH to unpack about him!! canon gives us a lot of information about him just by virtue of the fact that he’s a Main Character, but paradoxically he himself is never really the focus. he just Does Shit and you have to figure out why on your own and i LOVE DOING THAT.

i dont love mukuro because he’s a fleshed out and nuanced villain, i love him because he says shit like “i went to hell six times” and never expounds upon that or “i can definitely trust the information i got from this magic monocle called Demon Spade’s Super Evil Murder Eye or whatever the fuck” and then expresses surprise when daemon spade is an asshole. he goes and willfully fucks up the only job anyones ever given him (impersonate 80 year old leonardo lippi) because he Just Has to shapeshift into a young hot dude and hand deliver byakuran, the boss of the Flower Family, the Family that names all its members after Flowers, a bouquet that means “i am in disguise ;) cant catch me bitch ;)”

like WHAT THE FUCK!!

i dont know man. i just like puzzles and khr is a gift that keeps giving.

(sidenote that should’ve maybe just been the subject of the post but re:i cant shut the fuck up about anything ever, i love tsuna so much. so much. his personality!! his relationships!!! his growth!!! his growth!!!!! his growth!!!!!!! khr has its claws in me because i see tsuna do something cool or brave or even deeply stupid actually and my whole heart goes AAAAAAAAA bc thats him!!! thats my son!!!!! my baby boy whom ive raised since birth!!!!!! suit me up and call me a reborn kinnie, fuck!!!!!!!!!)

#asks #also the hibari-alaude-fon sameface being explained after the fact as 'they are all secretly related' #is the funniest shit #you cant change my mind #unrelated but my khr liveblog spanned like a whole fucking year and its peak comedy #what happened. to my energy. #evi.txt

[egopocalypse]

hi eg!! for that ask game if you're still doing it, how about I J with gone away K L T U V and Z? (you don't have to do all of them of course >:D) (just ones you want to)

Blip, my beloved. <3 This got very long, so I'll answer one above the cut and leave the rest under it.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@livelymon Parental Rights author. The characterization throughout the fic and how Live balances each shifting POV is absolutely incredible. Plus, we got BAMF!Tubbo, the best Bedrock Bros reconciliation I can name in any fic (which I am VERY picky about), terrifying c!Dream, and Awesamdad. <3 I liveblogged several chapters of it to a friend (hi, kas) and ranted in the comments so often. Only a few fics have made me go on a rampage like that, and this one absolutely deserved it. I still go back and re-read that fic every now and again. It's beyond beautiful and a reading experience I look back on so fondly.

@skyestar7703 Living in the Circular. Need I say more?

No, but really, Living in the Circular is the best DSMP fic I could probably rec to anyone. It's the best balance of the different tones canon leans toward out of any fic I've seen. The worldbuilding is extensive. The characterization is immaculate. The hijinks and healing are brilliant beyond compare. The foreshadowing is so well woven into the story that I SCREAMED in the comments when I unearthed it in a recent re-read. It's a MASSIVE undertaking of a fic, and I love talking to Skye in DMs about it every opportunity I get. Genuinely something I recommend to everyone who follows me.

@seaswalllow Kas. <3

While Kas in general is enough of a reason, I can go on and on about his fics. I'm always in awe of his writing--from his gorgeous extended metaphors that feel like prose poetry, to his incredible worldbuilding and the time he puts into laboring over it, to his intense attention to detail that displays itself in every word. The fics Kas has been developing for at least half a year (if not longer) are heart-wrenching and so powerful just from hearing about them, and I can't wait until they unleash them on the world. Chasing the Sun and Hiraeth are going to demolish us, Halcyon is so beautiful and detailed that every interaction makes me weep, and Nicotine is just beloved (/hj).

None of these fics seem like they're talked about enough in the fandom (at least, from what I've seen). All three of these authors deserve more love on these fics, and I will continue to scream about them until they get it.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Oh boy, do I. The followers who've been around the block with me for a few years can tell you that at least 90% of what I've written has involved power imbalances in some way. There's something so intriguing about that exploring that type of dynamic between two characters. Will the one wielding the power succeed, or will the one they want to control resist for another day? How long until one of them slips? No matter who's in what position, it's a dynamic that has fascinated me for my whole life, and will continue to for a long time.

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to Gone Away:

Tubbo never leaves the island. ;)

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

For the Dream SMP? The prologue of A Warden's Secrets. Overall? A short fic series I wrote for my last fandom called Obedience. ;)

L: How many times do you revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Recently, I've been hand-writing my first draft, then editing the next morning as I type it into the doc! It's a system that I've found works well for me. However, that means I revise it as many times as days it takes to finish, even in small increments. Once a scene/chapter is entirely finished, I do one last read-through to proofread and make any last edits, and then once it feels complete, I post it! It may seem like it takes a while, but because I do it bit by bit, it tends to work out better for me.

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

God, far too many to list. I'd be happy to talk about the rest in DMs, but the one that stands out the most to me off the top of my head is violent, mindless Enderwalk!Ranboo, especially if it's toward Michael. It just isn't character-compliant at all, and the way people use it just to hurt Michael and cause c!Beeduo pain leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Halcyon. <3 That's why I wrote a side-story for it!

Z: Major Character Death--do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can't tolerate?

I've both written and read it! And call me a hypocrite here all you'd like, but I can't tolerate Tommy or Tubbo perma-dying. That's one of the reasons why I've never read Passerine (and I don't plan to). Temporary deaths like Gone Away, The Dead Don't Dream, etc. are okay, but permadeaths just don't Sit Right with me.

Thanks for all the questions!

Ask game

#friend tag #friend: blip #ask game

[ghost-maya]

thanks for the tag @bringingglory !

1) why did you choose your url?

i used to make the joke that i was “already dead” a lot, hence ghost maya. i dont like making that joke anymore but i do like ghosts!

2) Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

i have 12 blank sideblogs where i save urls for possible events i want to run or just to have a username in case i want to use it lol. i have 15 blogs i co-run for various events and zines, i should honestly leave some of them because the projects are definitely over by now whoops. @wlwadora is my she-ra sideblog which i still reblog on every so often, @catuesdayy is my c&t sideblog that ive basically abandoned since i never even finished the show whoops, @ghostmaya-liveblogs & @ask-ghostmaya-liveblogs are my blogs for my liveblog i havent touched for more than a year asdlfkj @ghostmayawrites is my writeblr where i reblog resources and @ghostmayaa is my portfolio blog which i havent updated with my writing for a hot sec. oh and of course @flowfreeofficial my iconic flow free parody blog which i havent touched in years. i think i was using it as a theme tester for a while. i think i have a problem. help

3) How long have you been on Tumblr?

since april 2016

4) Do you have a queue tag?

not on this blog. i cant remember if i ever queued anything but if i did i didnt tag it

5) Why did you start your blog in the first place?

unfortunately because i saw all of the old tumblr posts for hetalia and superwholock on pinterest and wanted to see what all the fuss was about :”D

6) Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

uraraka is one of my all time favourite characters and my wonderful friend @crowsings made this icon which i still use on a lot of different sites!

7) Why did you choose your header?

kagehina hyperfixation go brrrrrr

8) which post of yours has the most notes?

this one

9) How many mutuals do you have?

171 (yes i counted it manually what is the better way to do this help)

10) How many followers do you have?

658 

11) How many people do you follow?

1190

12) Have you ever made a shitpost?

see question 8 asdlkjf

13) How often do you use Tumblr?

too often. anyone who follows me knows this asldkjf

14) Have you ever argued/fought with another blog once? Who won?

imagine interacting with people on this website 

15) How do you feel about 'you need to compare this' posts

what nows? 

16) Do you like tag games?

hell yeah i love talking about myself 

17) Do you like ask games?

yes and i feel validated to talk about myself because people are technically asking this time

18) Which one of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

@ankle-beez @/ao3commentoftheday @/blueskittlesart and @/anxietytwist i think! i have no idea how many followers they actually have but i know they all have multiple viral posts at least

19) Do you have a crush on a mutual

@peachie5000 my beloved *smooch*

20) tagging:

lol anyone who managed to get mentioned already and @qutiepai @echosofecco @redyarns @omgchyeahplease @eggscellence @raq-attaq @leeshuh if u want!

#tag game #my post #long post #about me

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

#lemon demon #spirit phone #pretty sure this is my first bit of spirit phone content on my blog. hi greater lem dem fandom nice to see y'all. go listen to deporitaz #loolin liveblogs #i enjoyed this less for the content the commentary contained & more for the way i handled it. more pleasant than some times ive had #tis i #i havent listened to spirit phone in general in ages. i know why. so this was nice #to the world and back again

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 1

Here are my extremely unfashionably late takes! They’re long, so strap in if you want.

okay, I genuinely thought the scenes in Gumb’s basement were ripped from the film for a second. extremely well done.

I both appreciate that they’re acknowledging the Bureau-mandated psych eval Clarice would have to go through (not sure she’d have to have another one a year later?)...

...but I sure wish they hadn’t chosen to open this show in a therapy-like session. it’s going to be subject to enough NBC comparisons as it is.

gosh, Rebecca Breeds is so pretty, and in the same almost, idk, elfin kind of way Jodie Foster is.

“Bride of Frankenstein”! a novel reference! and a Hannibal Lecter reference even though they can’t use his name! I’m excited

I was afraid of this part, though--everyone’s going to call her “Clarice” aren’t they?

it’s very significant that in the books, Hannibal is virtually alone in using her first name to address her; even Ardelia calls her “Starling.” but of course this series chose “Clarice” as its title, so...

“the checkout lady at the Safeway asked me to autograph a melon” omg

so Clarice has supposedly been “mandated” to see an FBI therapist for an entire year? hmm.

tbh, this feels kind of like a proxy for Hannibal’s scenes in the movie, especially with the therapist calling her “Clarice.” not sure if I dig it.

“...given that your last therapist was an inmate” Hannibal reference #2!

they’re explicitly talking about Hannibal without being able to name him and it’s hilarious, frustrating, and immensely satisfying all at once.

there’s no way to avoid talking about him altogether without being disingenuous to Clarice’s eventual character arc, so I’m glad they’re ripping off the band-aid early

“you let that relationship be intimate”  Yeah, Clarice and Hannibal’s relationship IS intimate and YOU! SHOULD! SAY IT!!!

it’s kind of ridiculous for this guy/the show not to acknowledge that little trainee Clarice was sent to see Hannibal by someone who should’ve known better. That Crawford was doing it with the intention to save lives doesn’t mean he didn’t use the shit out of Clarice.

that’s not to take away her agency or minimize the choices she made after she met Hannibal. She wouldn’t have been in a position to make those choices if Crawford hadn’t arranged it, though.

even if they don’t have the rights to Crawford’s name, either (I have to assume that’s the case) couldn’t they at least mention this??

“hasn’t seen her own family in years” Are they actually going to address Clarice’s maybe-dead-maybe-not mother (depending on the canon they adopt, book or film) and possible siblings??? Please tell me they are!

Clarice’s “egregious” PTSD doesn’t have much to do with Buffalo Bill ofc, and this therapist seems to be making excuses to be the first in a long line of men getting in the way of Clarice’s career goals...

...which she recognizes and confronts him about. Call him out!!!

*Anthony Hopkins voice* That’s my girl.

the way she’s been written in this scene gives me a lot of hope going forward! she’s funny, she doesn’t take any sexist bullshit, she’s calm and polite but you get a glimpse of the rage underneath. 

wow, they promoted Senator Martin to Attorney General!

the opening credits (if you can even call them that) are a let-down, though

she has her beads!

can anyone who’s not Hannibal please stop calling her Clarice

wonder if they’re going to touch on any of the extreme tension that existed between Senator Martin and Clarice in the novel? they didn’t interact in the movie, but in the book, Martin is under intense stress, and it doesn’t go smoothly.

of course in “Hannibal,” Martin invites her to “ride horses,” so they obviously reconciled after Catherine’s rescue and kept in some kind of touch.

and speak of the devil: horses! (and Catherine)

“I can’t have a reputation, I’ve only done it once” Thank you for being the voice of reason, Clarice.

“Paul Krendler” *ugly screaming commences*

“you don’t have any people, Clarice” Aaand that’s the plot of the Hannibal novel!

looks like they even gave her the ring Jodie’s Clarice wears!

oh yeah, this Krendler looks like a sumbitch if I ever saw one. No one will ever be as perfectly cast as the dude in Silence imo, but a much better fit than Ray Liotta. 

“small carat, but it’s a sweet ring” A very in-character observation probably directly informed by her comments about nail polish in Silence.

she mentions this victim’s nail polish (!) being “tasteful,” and I shrieked a little again.

I understand it’s necessary for Krendler to be a douche, but there’s not even going to be any payoff for the audience (or Clarice) when Hannibal eats him, so boo.

wait...wait, why aren’t Clarice and Ardelia in their Alexandria duplex? They’re not just best friends, they’re roommates! For the entire seven-year story! GIVE ME THE DUPLEX!!!

BUT points for Ardelia bringing Clarice a treat, since she was always leaving her candy bars in the Silence book!

Clarice interacting with the washer/dryer is a nice nod to the books, too.

speaking of... “What did we learn in the laundry room back at Quantico?” For some reason this line made me actually cry, I guess because this whole episode has been such a love letter to something I love so dearly, and it’s making me emotional.

FIRST PRINCIPLES!

DESPERATELY RANDOM!!!

wow, the men in Clarice’s new office giving her lotion as a hazing “welcome” gift is awful, and now I’m just mad (which is the point of the scene ofc).

so this ex-military OC is the John Brigham stand-in, I take it?

if that means John Brigham won’t be here, No Thanks.

Clarice telling him she’ll drive...a tribute to Dana “Why Do You Always Have to Drive?” Scully, perhaps (who was herself inspired by Clarice) as well as a nod to Clarice’s love of cars?

“Why do they call you the bride of Frankenstein?” Sorry, I don’t have the legal rights to tell you about my last intimate relationship.

“Already on my way to West Virginia Granny Witch” Look, this show could crash and burn from this scene on, and it would still have been worth it just for these first 25 minutes.

I like that Clarice is shown wanting to help people, and the scene of her with the baby is a nice call-back to the eventual shoot-out at the beginning of “Hannibal”...but I hope they don’t try to domesticate her too much. Clarice needs her hard edges. To be tough (reasonably so)--a cub growing into its big cat’s claws.

also, somehow I doubt that Miss Valedictorian spent her six years in the Lutheran home “changing a lot of diapers,” but sure, okay. If her siblings are alive in this, she might have changed their diapers!

even though Krendler’s a real dickwad so far, he’s not slimy enough for me. Needs more grease.

“I got a call from your therapist who’s concerned that you might genuinely flip out” I really do not like this subplot Sam-I-Am. Aren’t the huge glass ceiling/Boys’ Club obstacles enough?

seriously, though, I know Hannibal tells her that the metaphorical lambs will come back--at the end of Silence, though, she’s at some kind of temporary peace, not in danger of “flipping out” any time soon.

if Esquivel really is our Brigham stand-in, I’ve got...problems with that. He was Clarice’s teacher and became her friend, not some Krendler double-agent. (Also worried they’re setting him up as a love interest for her which...eesh, no thanks.)

and sorry, I actually hate that Catherine kept Precious the dog in this.

I have no problem with Catherine being a character, or with her interacting with Clarice...that said, I don’t know if her being shown as severely traumatized and reaching out to Clarice as a form of emotional lifeline is...a good idea?

I understand the symbolism of Catherine’s smashed mirror, but...smashed mirrors are already a Thing in this series (albeit not Clarice’s chapter in it), and that’s all I can think of here.

Catherine’s a victim of unthinkable trauma. Nevertheless...she’s talking to the woman who saved her life. Who risked death to do it. I just don’t like the way this scene is written. Apparently, in this show’s canon, Catherine hasn’t gotten the help she needs. But Clarice isn’t her therapist, and it’s upsetting to have Catherine being all “I’ll never be safe and neither will you.”

how does Catherine remember “the mannequins, the autopsy table”?? And why is she throwing them in Clarice’s face?

I’m going to stop talking about this scene now because it’s making me angry and a little upset, which is maybe the point? I just don’t think it’s written well. If Catherine’s going to be a recurring character, I hope she’s shown getting professional, medical help.

Clarice finding the victim’s papers in the box of pads is a direct callback to her finding the photos in the jewelry box in Silence. Nice.

let’s agree that Hannibal and Crawford are both in Ardelia’s (too-cutesy-for-me) book

another nice little X-Files homage?

I have some qualms about that big climax, but...meh. It was capital-F Fine.

Yikes, this is a full week late. Thanks for reading this entirely-too-long post through to the end, if you’re still here! 

To sum up my thoughts...

The Good: 

the visual connections to the Silence film (that green coat/blue knit scarf combo in particular)

Rebecca Breeds’ performance overall so far

Clarice’s strong writing/characterization

her sense of humor and her inclination to call out bullshit

maybe it was just me, but I also got a sense of Hannibal’s influence on her in some of her dialogue--her blunt observations--and I love it

Ardelia Mapp

the repeated in-your-face references to Hannibal Lecter

the respectful, non-exploitative way the victims were treated by the narrative.

let’s just say, not all Harris-inspired shows managed to do this. :)

the many, many allusions to the novel

“you let that relationship be INTIMATE” !!!

The Bad: 

the near-constant implication that all Clarice’s trauma stems from her experiences in Gumb’s basement

I just don’t understand this one...it’s not supported by the text imo

the “Clarice-is-a-psychological-loose-canon” subplot

almost everyone calling her “Clarice”

NO DUPLEX IN ALEXANDRIA! Boo!

Esquivel maybe replacing Brigham

the narrative choices they’ve made surrounding Catherine so far.

Seriously: please let Catherine seek/get help instead of screaming “HELP ME” at Clarice, who after all risked her own life to save Catherine’s, over the phone.

The Ugly: Paul Krendler, lol. Confession time: I also don’t care for the way they’ve styled her hair. Not sure why it bugs me, it just...does.

Overall, I’m thrilled to death with this. I was so afraid it would be disappointing, so even if it’s not a five-star episode (and pilots rarely are), it’s a great beginning! It’s beyond amazing to see our girl on the screen again. Just this hour-long episode did her character way more justice than the entire Hannibal film. Despite its shortcomings, it’s such a loving homage to characters and a story that mean a lot to me, and I love it just for that.

Going forward, I’d like to see more of Clarice as a person. Her hobbies and interests--cars, sharpshooting, running, fashion magazines stuffed under her bed, horseback riding, her total inability to cook...anything would do. I of course want to see more of her with Ardelia. I want to hear more about her backstory and find out which version of it (truly orphaned when her father dies or sent away by her mother) they’ll choose to explore. And while we all agree that this show is about Clarice and she don’t need no man, I won’t lie: I’d gobble up more sly references to Hannibal. He’s her endgame, after all.

I’d also like to really see the warrior underneath. There are flashes of her in the last twenty minutes of this episode. But Clarice Starling is a big cat, she’s a warrior, she’s between iron and silver. I’d hate for her to spend most of this show doe-eyed and traumatized. I want her to be ferocious, to see the woman who’s a match for the monster.

Krendler needs to get nastier. He should make us feel like we need to shower. In the novels, he wants to use Clarice--only for her body. And when she won’t allow him to, he takes his revenge. That’s what makes him so particularly awful. Let’s amp him up here.

And finally...maybe I’ll appreciate Catherine’s scene more on a second watch. Maybe I’m not being sensitive enough to her trauma, her struggles. But I didn’t like the way that scene was staged or scripted, and I didn’t like the suggestion that she just hasn’t gotten help after a year and is subsequently taking her pain out on Clarice on some level. I hope future episodes handle this subplot, and her character, a bit better.

Please let me know if you guys would like me to do another of these monstrosities for the next episode. (I promise it won’t take me an entire week this time!) And thank you again for reading!!! 

#Clarice Starling #clarice #cbs clarice #rebecca breeds #media [cbs show] #char [clarice starling] #I'm sorry again about how amazingly late this is heh #you've probably all watched and processed by now and have moved on to Episode 2 but I am slow

[magic-number-3]

okay so i actually did watch a few episodes of 911 this week without liveblogging them but i did take notes as if i was liveblogging and then just,,, didnt lmao so in case anyone cares about my thoughts im going to share them anyway asdlfkjsdl mostly i think they’ll just be fun to look at later

2x02

CHRISTOPHER CAN BE ON SCREEN FOR 2 SECONDS AND I LITERALLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Eddie Diaz is soooooo fuckin dreamy i stgggggg

“I cant order you guys to go inside that building and im not gonna judge you if you decide not to” “Hen, you got a kid, so...” “Yeah. And I’d hope if someone whose job it was to save him they’d do it. No matter what.” QUEEN SHIT 😤😤😤

Marvin you on thin ice but you right; you a king

IM GOOD COACH HEART OF A CHAMPION WHY AM I CRYING

HEART OF CHAMP I AM CRYING AND THEY ALL KEEP SAYING IT BACK TO HIM IM- IM FRAGILE RN. LITERALLY WHY DID EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS ARC MAKE ME SO EMO

NOT HENRIETTA. FUCK

2x03

MADDIE I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU GOT THIS QUEEN

“They could really use a miracle today” “I might just have a few  of those left. I see them.” ALSKFKGKS crying why is the dialogue so good in this show???

FUCK. RUSS ITS YOUR DAY OFF

Russ gonna die im calling it. They saved the athlete and they’ll probably save the little girl?? So hes not gonna make it. At least hen is okay

“Even i couldnt save me. You dont know me, but im good.” “Oh yeah? Well maybe im better”

FUCK. I called it but it still hurts

CLOSE CALL WITH THAT ELEVATOR OMGGG

ALL OF THAT ENDING??? WE CAN BE HEROES SLAPS AND IK WE BEEN KNEW BUT ALDJFKFKSKJ everything about the end to that episode is so 👌👌👌 i wanna cry

EDDIE RUNNING TO HIS BOYYYYYYYY IM

ATHENA AND BOBBY HELL YEAHHHHH the husband is a straight g pullin thru for him like that

2x04

OMG CHRISTOPHER AND EDDIE IM 🥺🥺🥺

Also Christopher is such. Lil cutie

THEIR LITTLE FAMILY!! THE ABUELA?

“These fire guys are totally hot” LAKJDFKAL I MEAN YOURE RIGHT

AKJDKLASDJ YOU LIVE IN YOUR INVISIBLE GIRLFRIENDS HOUSE AND YOURE TELLING ME ABOUT WEAK EXCUSES. THAT SMUG LOOK ON EDDIES FACE IM ASLKFJSAL

Oh sheet Eddies abuela 😞

Every interaction between Eddie and Christopher got me like 🥺🥺🥺

Okay how are you not supposed to ship Buddie they’re talking about being single together and then his aunt telling buck about how ‘he’s a saint’ and all that??? THATS SUCH ROMANTIC INTEREST SHIT. WHEN DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER GUSHING TO A MAIN CHARACTER AND THAT CHARACTER ISNT THE LOVE INTEREST????

HE BROUGHT CHRISTOPHER TO WORK AWWWWW!! THEYRE GOING ON A MISSION TOGETHER

Oooh I love this song STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU

“Now I feel kind of lame” “BECAUSE YOU ARE” LMAO HEN

Ooooh yeah why do you call him chim???

BOBBY AND CHRISTOPHER. CHIM AND CHRISTOPHER. THIS IS SO CUTE

AWE EDDIE AND CAP

BOY CRUSH ON EDDIE ADLSJFLDKS

Awe good for Maddie omg 🥺🥺🥺

CHIMNEY IS A MODERN MEDICAL MIRACLE???? I mean good for him bro figured lol but for it to be said out loud shittttttt

AKSFJALSDK TATIANA SHES FUCKING MARRIED YOURE KIDDING ME HOW QUICKLY DID YOU GET MARRIED AFTER BREAKING UP WITH CHIM

alkjsdskla im losing it over Tatiana

Awww now this is sad :( chim’s got noboddddddy

Sdkljfas Buck you have GOT to move out of Abby’s place dude

‘I had a life-altering trauma and her life got altered. All I got was the trauma.’ THATS SUCH A GOOD LINE SPEAK YOUR TRUTH CHIM

YOURE MY FRIEND SHES YOUR EX. YOU GET TO FORGIVE AND MOVE ON I GET TO HOLD A GRUDGE UNTIL THE DAY I DIE ALSKFDSDA

Chim 🥺 awe. “Wakes me up in the middle of the night”. Buddy :( CAPS GOT YA

CARLAAAAAAAAAA HELL YEA

“BESIDES THAT PERFECT BONE STRUCTURE” SDKAFSJA

like. Fuck Tatiana. But also good for her. And Chim gets to start to move on!! That was a really sweet scene

Aw Bobby gets Athena ^-^

This was such a good fucking episode yo. Like the way the idea of being stuck had to do with the 911s lives while also all of the calls they went one were being physically stuck and the way the proposal instigated Chim’s breakdown to allow him to finally move on…. just. Excellent television!!!!

So proud of Maddie!!!! So proud of everybody this episode :)

Buck yeah you gotta move out buddy

2x05

ASKFJHASJLAD this has gotta be fake im sdlfkjsaldk

LMAOOOO THIS BITCH she’s gonna end up actually getting hurt

OMFGGGGGGGG this bitch had it coming

DONT WE KNOW YOUUUUUUUUU THE PORCH PIRATE?? ASLDKJFALKSS

What is this girls fucking problem with Maddie lmaaooooooo fuck off

Awe this lady with the muffin or whatever is so sweet. This places Celine dion 😂😂😂 queen

Lmao wait why is she actually horrible 😂😭😭

BUCKETTE LMAOOOOO

Omg Maddie and Athena are so fun

THEYRE PROTESTING HOMOSEXUALITY??? WHAT THE FUCK

HES A FUCKING RACIST TOO???

I CAN HELP YOU WITH THE SWEDISH HALF BUT I DONT KNOW WHICH HALF THAT IS SLKDFJASLK EDDIE

I love Maddie and Athena so much alsdkfj

WHATS HER FACE? EVA? STRAIGHT UP BITCH JFC

Gloria im sorry but you’re getting what you deserve.

LKAJSDALKS. “People who yell and scream and cry and expect you to do something for them” GIRL YOU ARE LITERALLY A 911 RESPONDER THAT IS YOUR GOT DAMN JOB???

“Do they ever think of anything but themselves and what they need?” THEY ARE USUALLY DYING GLORIA

“SNITCHES GET STITCHES” JEEZ WOMAN

I feel so bad for Hen and Karen :( Eva can fuck off dude. Can’t they get sharing rights with the dad? I mean yeah it sucks that Eva is just doing this to fuck em over but like.. the dad still deserves to get to know his son if he wants to. Though Eva would probably try to stay with him just to turn Denny against Hen and Karen… UGHHHHHH

Lil denny :( aw Hen. I love her sm

Hen what u doing girl…. Cant it make the case more difficult if you keep interacting with Eva?

I love Karen and Hen sm 🥺

WHAT YOU DOING HEN. ARE YOU JUST GONNA LEAVE HER???

YOURE FINGERPRINTS ARE ON HER NOW DUDE. GO BACK

Ugh I hate that she lived but it was the right thing to do….

“I save awful people every day its my job” Hell yeah girl

SHES GOING BACK TO JAIL HELL YEAH

Dont love cheering for her going back tho jail can be terrible…. But at least she’ll be out of Karen and hens lives. we’re not meant to think too deeply about this is.

LOVE MADDIE AND ATHENA

GLORIA IS THE FUCKING WORST

oh…. gloria… damn.

Cant you just share custody?? :( I mean it sucks but like… just talk to him.

“Yeah people can be awful… but not everyone is awful… but you’ll never know what kind of person someone is unless you give them the chance to show you” :(

WOW THE DAD IS THE FUCKING BEST?? HELL YEAH

ATHENA AND BOOBBY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE

Wow the last shot of the episode thats like the long shot at the dinner table with the narration was real fucking good :( im emo.

2x06

ADSLFJLK;ALSD. BUCK THOUGHT SHE WAS CALLING EDDIE CUTE BUT SHE MEANT CHIMNEY

listen. I do know what happens between those two and I am very excited.

Oh no maddies so anxiousssss

Buck fangirling over this reporter lady im asldkjflksad

“But the way they cared for me, thats what kept me alive” :( Hen :(

Omg are Athenas kids like the same age as Bobbys :(

SOMEONE SENT THEM EDIBLES????? OMFGGGGGG

OH NO CHIM IS THE ONLY ONE THATS SOBER

THIS WOMAN HAS A HIGH HEEL STICKING OUT OF HER FACE EWWWW ITS SO GROSS

DID THESE BEAUTY QUEENS SHRINK OR ARE WE SUDDENLY GIANTS ALKDSJFLKAKL

TEEN TINY THE WAY HIS VOICE FUCKING CRACKED

SDKFJSKDA THEYRE ALL FUCKING HIGH IM

HIGH BOBBY IS SO FUCKIN FUNNY

Oh no eddies upsetttttt 😂

This is fucking HILARIOUS

Oh no bobbyyyyyyyy :((((((

Awe the news piece was so nice

CHIMNEY AND MADDIEEEEEEE

Oh shes got a fucking POPCORN MAKER IM SO JEALOUS

Wow Taylor was really going to use the footage :/

“Just get a room already” BUCK NOOOO DUDE

The way bobby always fist bumps Athenas son whenever they say hello/goodbye. So fun 🥺good content right there

DONT TELL ME THEYRE GONNA ASK HIM TO BE IN THE PIC????

OMGGGGG BOBBYYYYYYY IM CRYINGGGGGG

AWE AND THE FUCKING SONG; WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU MAKE ROOM YOU PROBABLY NEVER LOVED SOMEONE LIKE I DO

#LONG POST #LONG ASS POST #lol #ellie liveblogs #911 #my posts

[dogcopter]

Jane is Lore 2020

Ok, here’s the round up of the ghost part of the situation with @keepbeachcitysafe​ and @keepbeachcityweird​.

Theory: Ronaldo’s girlfriend Jane is the key to figuring out Rose Quartz is not gone, largely via a constellation of background clues. If that sounds ridiculous, I understand. I’m Ronaldo. Actually I’m not Ronaldo, but hopefully I’ll have a post about him too soon. I hope we can all have fun together tho

This post is very, very long and involves a lot of images. It will be confusing at first, but please entertain the thought and keep reading, and I hope it clicks into place. I may need to update it later. 

Three sections for supporting evidence:

1. Restaurant Wars, Jane, KBCW/KBCS blogs’ interaction & contents

2. Astral projection/ghosts/fusions

3. Dogcopter secrets

Restaurant Wars Saga & Jane’s appearances

So Ronaldo has a blog at @keepbeachcityweird​ - he also published a book based on his blog called Keep Beach City Weird: You Can’t Hide the Truth!!!, which is available for purchase.

On April 23, 2014, Lion 2: The Movie airs. Jane appears for the first time working the ticket booth at the movie theater and sees Lion and the kids fight a killer robot. Dogcopter 3 is playing at the theater.

April 23, 2014, Ronaldo at Keep Beach City Weird also posts about seeing Dogcopter 3 at the movie theater, where the parking lot is a mess, presumably from Steven, Connie and Lion’s robot training fight.

He mentions “First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.”, but that’s less relevant to this particular post. The important thing is that he, like Connie, follows Dogcopter, who’s also associated with Jane. (We’ll get to Dogcopter’s appearances in SU in the last part of this once the context is established) 

Ronaldo’s posts in general document specific events and details in his home Beach City, but that’s another post entirely.

Exactly a year later, Ronaldo on April 23, 2015 posted about receiving a mysterious letter, which might be from Jane because (beneath a great deal of smudging) it appears to call Ronaldo the CUTEST GUY EVER! (This isn’t crucial or anything, just noting it as one of our first Jane points).

I GOT A LETTER TODAY!!!  But for some reason it was all wet and I can’t even tell what it says.  Is it a love letter?  Is it a death threat?  Please tell me!  I need to know if I should lock my doors or open my heart!

Jane also appears in Beach City Drift. After Beach City Drift, keepbeachcitysafe posts an episode reaction blog, on July 22 2016, and takes special notice of Jane.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm. So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

(Kevin’s Himitsu X12 is his car, in the middle there. We’ll come back to this and what KBCS means in a second.)

July 25 2016, Restaurant Wars airs, the third of Jane’s four appearances in SU. In this ep, Jane comes a long way to return Ronaldo’s Koala Princess DVDs, and catches Ronaldo with Kiki and is upset. 

KBCS posts another episode reaction blog, pays attention to Jane again, and says they plan to message Ronaldo.

Ronaldo says he can’t do it because of his girlfriend. Ooo, he has a girlfriend, that’s pretty cool, you just know whats gonna happen next.

Ok so, Ronaldo’s, GIRLFRIEND, (imagine me saying that in slow motion) showed up at the worst possible moment.

Everything was back to normal. Except poor Ronaldo, I should sent him a letter to cheer him up. Seen ya next week.

Almost immediately the KBCS and KBCW blogs play out a little interaction online:

Ronaldo goes through some stuff.

No post today.  If anyone needs me I’ll be at Brooding Hill… where I’ll be CRYING. I usually cry at Crying Canyon, but it’s closed right because of some flash flood warnings.  

Then Ronaldo posts KBCS’s letter.

Note how KBCW caps this message so the name is clearly visible? It’s referring to Ronaldo’s bio:

It’s not very cheering...but things work out shortly thereafter. Jane likes one of Ronaldo’s posts and all seems well.

I think it’s going to work out you guys.  Thanks for all your support.

After this, Ronaldo doesn’t post again until Rocknaldo several months later, and one last time after publishing his book. 

That’s April 18 2017. The KBCW tumblr is never updated again. KBCS’s final post is not long after, Jul 4, 2017.

Finally, Jane makes a cameo alongside Ronaldo in the very last scene of Steven Universe Future, “The Future.”

Koala Princess, Astral Projection and Psychic Ghosts

So some interesting patterns come up when you connect the two blogs, the clues associated with Jane, and some understanding of Steven’s powers. Let’s revisit Keep Beach City Weird, a Ronaldo’s primary blog, and Keep Beach City Safe, which contains mysteries too big for this simple Dogcopter/Jane-hime lore post.

Keep Beach City Weird - Ran from September 2013 to April 2017, with a lot of posts made in October 2015 and July 2016.

Keep Beach City Safe - Ran from June 2015 to July 2017, with most posts in 2016 of course.

Let’s look at a timeline of posts. I’m going to call out things that we’ll connect to the Jane lore at the end.

Keep Beach City Weird: Ronaldo’s blog

Nov 1, 2013, days before Steven Universe first airs: KBCW’s first post is all about Astral Projection.

Astral Projection!  The ability to travel outside your physical body and into other planes of existence!

I began to feel lightheaded and before I knew it, I was floating above my body.  Amazing!  I walked out onto the boardwalk in my new ASTRAL FORM, and you know what the weird thing was?  Nobody even said hello to me.  I was COMPLETELY INVISIBLE!  I mean, usually nobody really notices me, but this was a different kind of not being noticed.  This was not being noticed on another plane of existence - so I didn’t feel bad about it.Anyway, after being ignored in the arcade and Fish Stew Pizza, I got bored and I went back to the fry shop to re-merge with my body. 

Astral projection is a power Steven demonstrates a number of times, and you’ll see among these posts that certain powers of Steven involving this stuff are called out by the blog. 

Connie: What? Where are you? How are you...? Steven: I’m not sure, but I think it’s a classic psychic ghost type situation. Connie: Ah, of course! So, what’s the plan?

from Reunited

Steven: Oh man. I fell asleep and had this weird dream. I opened the door and Lapis was there, and- Pearl: Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Lapis is fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean. Steven: You’ve never had a dream before, huh? Pearl: Uh, I don’t think so.

from Chille Tid

August 28, 2014, Joking Victim, Ronaldo posts about ghosts. And an arsonist from about 150 years ago.

September 04 2014, Steven and the Stevens, Ronaldo posts about "cross dimensional travelers”

And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  

Not mentioning posts that don’t mention ghosts/astral projection/dimensions in some capacity, but in realtime Ronaldo liveblogs in response to episode events.

Ronaldo also answers some fan asks. On October 31 2014 after Keep Beach City Weird he answers this question about floaters with “BACTERIAL GHOSTS” in all caps, this one about his first encounter with the supernatural (the events shown in Horror Club, which aired February 12, 2015)

Nov 2014, Ronaldo posts twice about Watermelon Stevens and a review of the anime Soul Blaster, “Like every anime, Soul Blaster is about a high school student.  Our hero is a cool dude, with even cooler hair named Kyosuke.  He battles rogue spirits with the help of his Soul Blaster - which happens to be powered by the spirit of his deceased younger brother, Kettaro. “

On December 4, 2014 Ronaldo posts about Koala Princess, who will become important in this post when we get back to Dogcopter and Jane. Koala Princess is repeatedly used as a stand-in for talking about Steven’s journey. In this post Ronaldo says:

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, so I just finished the final episode of Koala Princess and I don’t want to get too emotional on you guys but I CAN’T STOP CRYING!  Koala Princess goes on a walkabout and enters dreamtime and finally MEETS HER KOALA MOTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! SLKDJFSDJ:FS

I’ve got so many feels!  These feels are the real deals!  On wheels!  WHAT AM I SAYING?! I’M GOING CRAZY!!!

Lion 3: Straight to Video aired on the same day as Ronaldo’s post. In this episode Steven meets Dogcopter in a dream, and then sees his mother Rose Quartz for the first time - she speaks to him via a VHS tape.

After Alone Together, Ronaldo posts about Stevonnie, who is a fusion. He also gets stuck under a fridge for a bit after Future Vision in January 2015.

And I want TO GET OUT FROM UNDER THIS FRIDGE!

He posts like five times about it in the same day because he’s freaking out.

And also I want my body to be shot into space with a print version of my blog so an alien civilization can find me reconstruct my body and worship me.

On February 19 2015 after Winter Forecast, he posts about using time travel to fix bad decisions:

Sometimes I think about all the bad decisions I’ve made and how they’ve affected my life, and I wish I could go back in time and change them.  But unless I can find a way to break into the Pentagon and steal a time bike, I’m just stuck with having regrets.  

After Political Power Ronaldo claims glowsticks are filled with ghost blood.

Anyway, then stuff happens. 

January 4 2016, after The Answer, Ronaldo posts about seeing Dogcopter 4 and shares the poster for it.

One interesting thing about the poster is that if you invert it and mess with the contrast a bit, a strange diagram appears on the left. A true mystery.

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Coming back to Dogcopter in a minute, but these are relevant details.

Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.

On Jan 5, Steven’s Birthday, Ronaldo posts about celebrating his birthday on a different date every year.

Every year, I celebrate my birthday on a completely different day.  Why?  To keep my birthdate a SECRET so that no clandestine government agencies can steal my identity!

July 2016, the saga with Jane and KBCS above happens. When he’s sad about Jane breaking up with him, the same day Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service comes out (in which Steven astral projects into Kiki’s dream), he listens to sad music.

Ugh, I wish I had some sad music to listen to at work.  All I have is a playlist of video game soundtracks and some EVP recordings of ghost hauntings.  I guess ghosts are sad.  I’ll just listen to those.

But if you’re feeling happy, I do suggest listening to the “Go-Go Gorilla Go-Go Kart Racing” soundtrack.  Some solid 16-bit J-reggae.

This post may partly be a reference to the Sadie Killer song G-G-G-Ghost, which is performed in The Big Show and wouldn’t air for a bit, but is also astral projection related.

Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. Can't you see that I exist? And I don't need an exorcist To let me out Look at me and I'll appear Why can't you see that I'm right here? That I'm right here? Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. I'm calling you from the other side

Once Ronaldo has gone through grief and anger, he resorts to begging her to come back. This post is from July 28, the day Alone at Sea aired in which Jasper begs Lapis to return.

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. I was only pretending to date Kiki to defend my family’s honor, just as the Kanga-ronin did in Season 1, Episode 3!

Here is another Koala Princess reference. There are a couple SU references in the episode numbers in this post.

The events of Season 5, Episode 13 of KP was not what it seemed: for Steven Universe, this is Your Mother and Mine, in which Garnet tells a story told to her by Rose Quartz. It later turns out to be a false origin story to cover the truth that Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond.

Kanga-ronin pretended at something to defend family honor in Season 1, Episode 3, which in SU is Cheeseburger Backpack - where Steven buys a novelty backpack so he can carry things on missions to be useful for the gems, fails his first mission and pretends he’s fine. The events of this ep are later referenced in The Test.

Finally, Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle is a reference to Stevonnie’s vision in Jungle Moon, which is Stevonnie’s first interaction with Pink Diamond via a memory dream. In this dream, all was not as it seemed either.

Then the KBCW blog doesn’t post until Feb 2017, after Rocknaldo. A couple ghost and dream-y quotes from here:

In my searches for THE TRUTH, I’ve done a lot of listening.  I’ve listened to haunted houses to hear ghosts from other dimensions.  I’ve listened to radio signals from the cosmos for signs of alien life.

I’ve also learned that HUMANS NEED TO SLEEP.  I didn’t sleep for 48 hours and I PASSED OUT FOR DAYS.

Ronaldo’s final post is an ad for his book, which comes out during a hiatus, and he references Koala Princess again: 

I did have a little help from some fellow truth-stigators I met on a Koala Princess forum, Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, but most of the work was definitely done by ME!  

Now let’s look at Keep Beach City Safe.

Keep Beach City Safe: [???]’s blog

For KBCS, I’m only going to skim to address ghost/astral projection related content that comes back to the business with Jane, Dogcopter, Koala Princess and Rose. The rest of this blog is a little too big for right now. 

It’s interesting that KBCS seems to have mostly flown under the radar, but between the Jane arc and a couple other things I believe it to be legit. Suffice to say I’m treating it as real and you will see why in a minute.

For KBCS I’ll mostly mention which episode a post is associated with, but not the date like with Ronaldo’s.

KBCS’s reaction blog to Nightmare Hospital includes a couple relevant lines:

Where was the Gem M.? I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around! It was mom!

Don’t tell me It’s on the other side of the hall corner. That would mean it saw mo- Connie’s mom!

KBCS posts a blog between Too Far and The Answer, in which they review a number of events. (They post another blog about fusions in which they describe Garnet and Stevonnie’s components as well)

During the movie the TV just shut down and they were being chased around by a “ghost”. It was actually a gem stuck inside the house, making the house seem like it was possessed.

They also get pretty excited about Steven’s birthday.

Only a few more minutes until Steven’s Birthday!

Eeeeh! Only a few mins left until midnight. We finally get to learn about Garnet’s past! Are guys happy, I know I am. I can’t even express how happy I feel, but I’ll try. And I will not act crazy while doing it, Imma keep it cool. So it’s like Peace and Love had a son, and his name was Steven! Then Steven fused with Connie, who was the daughter of Happiness. And they formed Stevonnie, who was made of everything right within the universe!

On Steven’s Birthday they also post about the Dogcopter 4 movie.

I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

This clearly references Ronaldo’s post about Dogcopter having nine lives, but KBCS is a little more considerate about spoilers.

In KBCS’s “It Could’ve Been Great” post, they’re still talking about Steven’s birthday. There’s a promo image attached as well.

To start things off I just wanted to say: I did see Steven turn into a baby? And I would also like to say: DID YOU SEE STEVEN TURN INTO A BABY!?!?

So, by now your probably wondering what the second image is aren’t you? We clearly it’s a pic of Rose holding a cupcake candle.

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party. Happy Birthday from all of us at KBCS. Hope you like it.

Future Vision reference. (Some of this is less relevant to the Jane thing but I’m pulling quotes that are related to fusion and stuff in the hopes it gets clearer)

This reminds me of the time that Garnet gave Stevens her future vision. I don’t know what happens exactly, but I think you see what’s going to happen in the future hence the name future vision. Being able to see into the future would be awesome, yet terrified at same time.

There’s a great post about Pie Day - in fact, KBCS posts about Pie Day a few times. They call out Pearl, too, which reminds me of a certain prolific fandom video editor’s handle.

You know who else knows about Pi. Pearl, but also Peridot.

Pearl Doesn’t Like Pie. Happy Pie Day!

This is not a good photo of Pear let’s see if we can find a better one. Now that’s better.

Sorry for the tangent. Let’s talk koalas now.

KBCS posts about The New Lars. They have thoughts about Steven’s ability to hop into other bodies, namely the question of whether Rose could do this as well.

Steven is worried that Lars isn’t being truthful about his feelings. So through his dreams, Steven jumps into Lar’s body, and trys to make his life better. But he only makes things worse.

Steven somehow possessed Lars’s body through his dreams. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again, we have a word for it now: Dream Possession. But he can also enter dreams.

He did it with Lapis, the Watermelon Stevens, and now Lars. That’s one gem, one sentient plant, and one human. Well with lapis he was merely communicating with her. This, new power, is seems to activates itself whenever Steven wants to help someone, but can’t because something getting in the way. Could this be a power passed down from Rose, or is this a power he himself posses?

#koala vs sloth

in The New Lars, koalas come up twice. Koalas in SU are associated with Steven’s astral projection powers. Remember how Koala Princess met her mother in the dreamscape? 

Steven: For your consideration...The koala, a marsupial from the forests of Australia, and the sloth, hailing from the forests of South America. Who should be crowned the king of the "Hanging Around Doing Nothing" mammals!?

Steven in Lars’ body: Whatcha doing? Hanging out? Buck: Yeah. Steven: That's cool. Would you say you hang out more like koalas or sloths? Uh, I'm asking for Steven.

Steven: Um... I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I got you a card, it's got a koala and a sloth.

From The New Lars. Steven references koalas three times.

KBCS gets to Beach City Drift. They take notice of Jane and of Kevin’s car.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm.

So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

So while we’re back on the subject of Jane, here’s something interesting about Dogcopter and the Himitsu X12. They both show up in advertisements together in the background of Empire City.

Mr Greg

Same Old World

This is what KBCS is talking about - Dogcopter has a secret.

For Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, KBCS has more to say about dreams.

She has a nightmare and Steven, coincidentally, falls asleep after eating and enters Kiki’s dream. Now Steven The Dream Warrior, must help Kiki battle her dream, and finally end this nightmare once and for all.

Steven, who for some reason keeps going into people’s dreams, goes into Kiki’s dream.

Steven fought for about week, and he’s was tired by day four. And we know from experience that a sleepless Steven, is a cranky Steven.

This is the same power Steven used in Chille Tid. and look who showed up again?

After Monster Reunion airs, KBCS posts a liveblog and includes a far-fetched accusation that Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond.

Think about it! A Diamond should have access to all gem controlled tech, right. And if Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond, which she is, then she should be able to too, right. And Steven has Rose’s gem. So now Steven can access gem tech. And one more thing to prove this theory once and for all.

But there’s one thing that doesn’t add up. Rose Quartz… is a Quartz. How could she be a Diamond?????? Maybe I’m wrong, she could have been just working along side Pink Diamond. Maybe this just a crackpot theory about the impossible. I don’t think gems can turn into different gems? who knows, I guess we’ll find out sooner or later. 

When KBCS gets to Crack the Whip, they take note of Lion and tag him thrice:

Crack the Whip! Is it just me or is that foreshadowing?

Oh, did I mention that Lion was there. He was just there, when Connie opened the door, he walked up and just started hanging. It was so cool! It was like, Just Lion Things 2! So the snack break, that takes the whole day, ends at the beach, where the idea originally began.

Amethyst faces off Jasper, gem to gem, while Steven and Connie, and don’t forget Lion, fight the corrupted gem.

Lion was keeping the Gem Monster busy while all of this was happening. I was so stunned when Steven and Connie fused, without doing a fusion dance! How well they worked, together, they rode on Lion, and defeated Jasper, and poofed the Gem Monster all at the same time!!!

#just lion things 2 #lion fights #lion still fights

There’s also a weird Google Slides slideshow connected to the KBCS account, which includes this image featuring Lion, Tiny Floating Whale, (and Connie and Greg) and the word TRUE with Steven’s affirmative!

More Koala Princess

Two more Koala Princess references - although only one is immediately relevant - 

In Gemcation, Ronaldo keeps texting Steven about Koala Princess. Steven’s lockscreen is a selfie with him and Lion.

Also, as a sidenote, Koala Princess is implicated in sneople trolls on anime message boards.

Dogcopter

These are just the Dogcopter appearances (Thanks to SU wiki as well as my brain) Dogcopter fights robots in at least one timeline, and the book is allegedly really long. Bold Dogcopters are the pink dogcopter, everything else is an ad or grey.

Lars and the Cool Kids - Poster

Lion 2 - The movie they all go see.

Lion 3 - Gives Steven advice.

Chille Tid  - Shows Steven how to find Lapis. Meows. (Dogcopter’s parents are cats.)

Same Old World & Mr. Greg - Advertisement

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service - flies Steven away.

In Dreams and Growing Pains (Note this is grey Dogcopter) - Flies away in Stefan’s nightmare, proposes to Drew the driver (or at least offers them something) in the Dogcopter 6 Till Death Do Us Bark I Now Pronounce You Man and Woof trailer.

Snow Day - Pupcopter, a spinoff for babies.

And for Steven’s Birthday - Connie points out a Dogcopter constellation.

Astral Projection

Another quick summary. I’ve written a lot on this psychic ghost stuff so check my blog if you want the tags, idrc. Summary of astral projection powers Steven has shown:

Leaving his body (Reunited, Escapism)

Possessing other bodies (New Lars, Escapism, SWI)

Traveling to others’ dreams (Kiki’s Pizza, Chille Tid)

Interacting with fusion components within the fusion’s mind (Chille Tid, Mindful)

Regarding KBCS’s question of whether Rose could have done this, it doesn’t seem impossible - and as of Fragments and Homeworld Bound, we know that Gems don’t die when they are killed. (Lol.) That is, the personality/soul can appear in the same gem if it’s shattered and repaired. And Steven’s mom’s gem is perfectly intact, inside him. 

Literally what is the point of all this

So after KBCS and KBCW spent so long talking about astral projection, ghosts, dreams, fusions, etc etc. they never actually got to the point - just pointed us in the direction of a bunch of clues that 

Rose Quartz isn’t gone.

Obviously. She’s in his gem in him, like Lapis and the mirror, or the lighthouse gem. She uses astral projection to help Steven in his dreams as well as see him in Rose’s room, like other fusions speak in the mindscape. (There’s a lot more to this but this is enough to ask anyone to wrap their head around atm) 

She also interacts with him through other bodies, the same way Steven takes over Lars’ body, or the Watermelon Stevens. 

Remember this?

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party.

Who came to Steven’s birthday in which Connie points out that Dogcopter constellation?

Who gave Steven advice when he wished he could talk to his mom?

Who showed Steven where to find the tape?

Who else could have asked Steven, “What do you want” in Susan Egan’s voice? 

(Why did they choose to hire Susan Egan to voice a cameo in Under the Knife in the first few seconds of Fusion Cuisine, where she says “It’s my son!” while Lion is onscreen)

Or reassured him that Rose’s tape was telling him the truth?

Who first brought him to Pink Diamond’s moon base?

Who knew where Rose’s armory was and how to train with it? (Note the giant penny)

Who showed Steven the location of Pink’s fallen palanquin?

Who found Rose’s lost scabbard?

and knew where Pearl would run to when she’s upset?

Who (reluctantly) brought Steven to the landfill and Pink Diamond’s ship?

Who showed him how to find Malachite?

Twice?

Who showed him how Pink Diamond tried to stop the Earth’s colonization, and who to ask for the truth?

Who tried to entertain him on Mask Island when he was trapped on Homeworld?

And then rescued him from the open sea?

Who showed Stevonnie the password to Yellow Diamond’s moon base?

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. 

So yeah Rose is Lion 2020. Thanks for reading this extremely long nonsense.

Also thanks to @babybeetlebongos​ for both mindscape lore and fixing Ronaldo’s cheek in the banner image, lol. I made a Twitter thread about this as well (and the more in depth Lion and astral projection theory threads are quoted at the top, if you need them. the #mindscape deeplore 2020 tag/tags on this post have stuff too.)

#steven universe theory #steven universe future #su theory #steven universe #rose is lion 2020 #mindscape deeplore 2020 #jane lore 2020 #kbcs lore #dogcopter #lion the mood #rosedemption 2020 #would you believe this isn't even the deep part of the rabbit hole??? im tired tho #i hope i left enough info for others to get into KBCS if anyone cares #i love this fool rose quartz

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

My big conclusion post of my rewatch of season 3

I have previously described this season as a big fanfiction, and also the "love" season. I was completely right about the love thing - this season IS just 80 episodes of lovers quarrel. Is it like a fanfiction? Yeah, in some regards, but maybe not as much as I originally thought.

I sincerely hope Ludmila seeks therapy. Poor girl.

Parents like Priscila exists in real life and it's a bit interesting to see how she acts all nice and sweet and in a second switches to her real personality. It's also interesting to see how different people react to her. Ludmila, who grew up with her, has a hard time telling anyone something is wrong and gets quiet and does what her mother ones to not get in trouble. Violetta, who grew up with adults around her that treated her with love and care, immediately feels off when Priscila shows her true sides. She doesn't fall for her tricks. I also like that we don't know what happened to Priscila, all we know is that she is getting help.

I have said it before and I will say it again: EVERYONE LOST A BRAINCELL THIS SEASON EXCEPT JADE, WHO GAINED ONE

I really can't understand why Diecesca is the ultimate OTP, i'm sorry. Are they cute? Yes! But OTP worthy? No... I think my problem is that Francesca felt really bad at times for being a relationship with him. After their first kiss, she immediately said it felt wrong. She never wanted hide their love, she wanted to tell Violetta as soon as possible, because she hates lying. Diego told her time after time again that, no, they can't tell, and then sometimes he acted like it was her who didn't want to tell when it was he who had told her not to tell- this is confusing rdfhdxrju

Also Diego was like "we can break up if you don't want to lie" fdzhjk what

Also after their secret was out, they barely had any scenes except like. Casually hanging out.

ALSO I actually felt bad for Francesca, she so BADLY wanted to tell and SOMEONE always interrupted her

It's OOC for Violetta to dress up to spy on Leon - she would not do that. Spy on him? Yes. Create a secret identity? No. BUT I like the concept of her dressing up, Roxy is so different from her. It would have been much more fun if she and Fran just created secret identities for another reason - maybe they don't want to be themselves for once or smth and just... dress up. AND THEN THIS HAPPENS

DID FRANCESCA EVER FIND THE DIARY VILU GAVE HER THIS IS IMPORTANT I HAVE TO KNOW

Gery didn't start out annoying at first - she was kind of the whiny younger sister of Lara or smth. She was fine. And then she HAD to fuck shit up and be a bitch

Since Federico still lives in Vilu's house (even though he's not always home), I have liked the idea of him, Violetta and Ludmila just being chaotic siblings (because I, tbh, don't really ship Fedemila and there's a reason for that, that I will list further down. However, just like Fede and Vilu are a sibling duo, and Vilu and Ludmi also are a sibling duo, I kind of see how Fede and Ludmi also act like siblings)

There was a lot of... sexual undertones sometimes. It could be because i'm older and have a much more dirty mind than I did before, but also... Germán was afraid of Leon and Violetta being alone together in her room, Priscila straight up accused Angie of sleeping with Germán because she saw her in a morning gown, Diego was "so in love" with Francesca that it scared him, Olga tried to get Ramallo all season... hm

The songs are bops, but they are always bops

I lacked a lot of friendship moments, especially between Franletta >:c Season 2 made me ship them and then they give me very little content in season 3

They only had... 1 sleepover this season excuse the sleepover eps are the best ones

Diego and Leon had the most heated rivarly in season 2 and then they ?? barely interacted??? this season?? DION RIVARLY >> DION FRIENDSHIP

This was, as I said, the season of love, and yet my favorite love story was between Naty, Camila and Ludmila and it wasn't even "canon".

Naty legit tried to kiss Ludmila in a scene and Camila canonly wanted to practise kissing with her-

They were in Barcelona on 3 different occassions in under 20 episodes hrxfxjdk

Priscila is homophobic and I don't think I need to give y'all context

Ok but I honestly think Ludmila is a closeted lesbian and a big reason why she hasn't come to terms with it is because of her mother. This is likely also why Priscila dislikes Naty - because Naty is in some ways more "open" with who she is

Pablo and Angie should have been endgame and I feel like they just added Brenda so Pablo wouldn't be alone

The amount of evidence of Naty being gay I have after rewatching... I HAVE to make a video. I have to. It's coming, you'll see.

I can't get over how Leon just... knows Austin from Austin and Ally? He just appeared in his garage?? nedrmgsjkkewdhsue

Germán is a GOOD DAD. I got emotional every time he interacted with Ludmila

Also when Ludmila went inside Violetta's room and asked if she could sleep there ;v; THIS IS THE FAMILY SHE DESERVES

Priscila legit tried to kill several people I-

I... don't get emotional over the last episode. Last ep of season 1, when Violetta was gonna move away and said goodbye to her friends and family and then got to come back and Germán got to see her on stage? Emotional. Season 2, where everyone is having writer's block and Violetta is on the edge of literally being depressed and then her dad plays the piano on stage? Emotional. Season 3, where everyone is happy and get together again and they have a wedding and there are only good vibes all around? Cute. It's cute.

Now, I don't dislike season 3. On the contrary! I love it! It's just that... I like the previous seasons more. Especially season 2, the vibes in that season is so amazing.

I should've done a liveblog on my rewatch of s1 and s2 before hskdjdedhu maybe i'll do that one day, i'm sure I will rewatch them again in a near future.

Before you ask, I WILL NOT LIVEBLOG ON THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS A WATTPAD FANFICTION. The only things I like is the visuals and the soundtrack, and the fact that Leonetta probably had offscreen sex on the beach while waiting for rescue.

Anyway you know my post about how I would rewrite Violetta? Kinda want to do that now... though, I would change some things, like making Naty a lesbian and so on.

rkjlrusaudse I don't know what else to write I have so much and yet so little to say

But conclusion this liveblog of my rewatch of the season I remember the least about and FINALLY could watch again because swedish disney plus finally released it

Also I want to... make videos about it. I want to draw fanart. I want to write more fics. I want to... create an incorrect quotes blog or something of this show dshjfdrjue

If y'all want to get the full experience on me rewatching s3, click on the "sara rewatches season 3" tag and get access to all my random comments.

#sara rewatches season 3 #violetta #violetta 3 #rewatch #liveblog #liveblogging

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 36

time travel arccccccccccccc yessssssssss

I have been waiting SO LONG to reread this arc hhhhh yessss

starting off strong with the sexy roller cover. nice

I love the disconnect of ‘orion pax: outlaw’ compared to the last time we saw him in shadowplay where he was orion pax: supercop

he’s still punching people for JUSTICE or whatever so I guess not much has changed

oh my god this is the issue with the many many two-page spreads...the first time I read this issue I didn't realize that was a thing and GOD I was SO fucking confused. there's already a lot going on in this issue/arc but this made things so much worse hvbhjkdfbsk. I powered thru and still managed to understand most of the arc despite reading half this issue out of order (essentially) bc the website I read it on split the pages up and I couldn't tell they were supposed to be doubled (and also I'm dumb so I didn't figure it out)

anyways, the actual issue...windcharger is out here using his powers to rip a dudes arms clean off. wow!

and there's skids getting punched in the face. Ls

and glitch! a totally minor character of course...

MANNNNN I SO adore the panel of all the lost lighters appearing in a cloud of purple smoke, all posing epically....SO fucking good, peak sci-fi coolness vibes, A++

as usual jro killing it w/the titles, ‘elegant chaos’ is such a great name for a time travel arc

also reading the tfwiki has shown me that many of jros titles are song or album titles, to which I say - that's epic and I love it. with jro doing it, I feel like it straddles the line between referencing music and the very fanfic-esque ‘title things after music’ vibe. I love it

oh god I forgot they use bs cybertronian time units in this sometimes lmao...I mean of course they do but still like, what the fuck is a cycle. is that a day. I feel like these words all have no meaning/the meanings change drastically depending on continuity. I cant keep up and also I'm lazy and don't care enough to try

I love rodimus did u know

poor riptide looks so confused lmao

IS....IS REWIND PIGGYBACKING TAILGATE...THATS SO FUCKING CUTE....I cant fully tell bc of the page layout but ooomg so precious. minibot buddies

whirl saying ‘chuff’ just reminded me how british jro is hvbhakjhdsfbs sometimes it just Jumps Out in mtmte and I'm like Oh God Britain Is Real

I really like the mtmte approach to time travel and paradoxes and whatnot. its just complex enough to be interesting but not too convoluted that it bogs down the story. perfect sci-fi fun!

mannnn chromedome talking abt brainstorm :( I'm sad abt those two hhhhh

and I love how at this point, nobody in the cast ACTUALLY knows brainstorm well enough to know what he’s really doing - including chromedome, who’s ostensibly his closest friend, somebody he’s known for a while - and even the readers don't really know what he’s up to...I like the mystery tbh

cant believe rewind wrote orion pax’s biography, omg. completely forgot abt that detail

cd saying ‘I love it when he talks history’ about rewind....hhhh I love cdrw so muuuuch

godddd the line rodimus says abt whirl - how they need people like whirl around who are ‘happy to get in the way’ of danger and death - that shit haunts me man like...rodimus is basically saying that he’s bringing whirl along to potentially die in place of someone like orion pax (nevermind the fact that whirl dying would ALSO fuck up the timeline)...like, how deep does it go?? is he saying that bc he knows whirl has been trying to get himself killed for a while now, or just bc whirl likes violence? mannn I cant...the character intricacies...man

anyways...I love rodimus he’s such an interesting character. you have that fucked up moment and then in the next panel he’s saying ‘if you want to call it a time phone, I wont stop you’ about the quantum walkie-talkie. he has the RANGE

oh and then rodimus casually volunteering chromedome to do mnemosurgery on anyone who might accidentally find out about them time traveling, which is again fucked up on multiple levels. the raaaaange

vjaksbhdhfusajbfdjk that panel of the lost light squad just standing there like idiots reminds me of that post where someone said abt that panel ‘these characters have a collective 3 brain cells’ or something hvbjadkfnksfdl

rodimus IMMEDIATELY breaking his own rules by trying to reassure pax that they're good guys by pointing at his autobot badge, even tho the autobots DONT EVEN EXIST YET at this point...my boy PLEASE go purchase some brain cells from the store 

and the fact that rodimus introduced himself to pax w/his real name...shouldn't he go by an alias or st??? that seems like a good time travel rule since optimus and rodimus definitely know each other later 

and like, did they not anticipate that some of the people in the past would recognize some of the lost lighters hgbajkhdjfnjksf like cd and whirl get Instantly recognized...great job guys

they are all SO bad at this hvbahskjdhfbasjkf I cantttt luckily for them the orion crew is handing them easy alibis 

‘the dugout’ is that a baseball reference????

also I love the scenery here, the bg looks like rock but there's metal piping and stuff running thru it, its so cool...really adds to the whole ‘cybertron biomes are made of metal’ thing

‘ancient history’ rodimus are you KIDDING ME-

cyclonus time travels to the past and IMMEDIATELY finds a window to stare broodingly out of. icon

tailgate thinking orion pax is SUPER COOL continues here from shadowplay and I love it...tailgate is so cute

and the tg saying ‘don't you think that's awesome, cyclonus?’ hhhhh so cute

one reason I love this arc so much is that this is the arc where the gay Really amps up 

TRAILBREAKER.... oh man ;_;

are you telling me that this outlaw base they're in has ONE bed for all of these people. what the hell vhbaksjhfnsal

cant believe rung sampled roller’s steroid juice box

also cant believe robot steroids exist. except yes I can and I love it

oooh roller’s a 0/1%er? I forgot abt that 

cant believe orion pax just grabs some random phone that belongs to these weird new people and answers it. WHO does that

goddddd megatron and orion’s conversation....destroy me

HHHHHH like...the HISTORY....the regret...the missed opportunities...its all so palpable....goddddddd

and of COURSE, the whole thing is steeped in tragedy...the ideological differences that will become the foundation for a 4 million year long war...megatron, who believes that you need to burn things down and start again to really make change stick, and then orion, who says ‘reform is the answer, not revolution’....AUGHHH the intricacies. mannnn

‘you sound lost’ 😭😭😭

‘its tragic.’ yeah, that about sums up their relationship, especially at this stage and in this continuity 

anyways. [cries about old man megatron talking to young naïve orion pax] goodbye

AUGHHH and then we jump to rodimus ONCE AGAIN breaking his own rules and trying to save trailbreaker...IT HURTS MAN...god I love rodimus, I feel like him being broken up about crewmembers like trailbreaker dying is one part regular sadness over people he knows dying for tragic reasons, and one part personal guilt at someone under his command dying, even if he’s not involved/at fault. I love the dichotomy of this emotional reaction that comes only partially from empathy/emotion, but also comes from a kinda self-centered need for success as measured by people under your command staying alive. and taking into account rodimus’s life it totally makes sense that he’d act like that...GAH I love it. the complexity of it all!

orion pax saying ‘you should read [megatron]. it’s powerful stuff’ I'm screaming, so many LAYERSSSSS

I fucking love time travel AHHHHHHHHH like the opportunity for interactions like these....chefs kiss

‘hey, best friend! miss you!’ rodimus is such a shit hvbdajkfksjhfd 

‘very sus’ rodimus ahead of his time w/the among us lingo

oooh and then they realize that the senate is trying to kill the sparks...gotta save the babies!

tailgate scolding cyclonus for bluntly stating that you'd wanna be subtle when killing newborns...hhhvbhsdfhhhhhh I love them sm

ooooh and rewind has an interesting suggestion - that the senate is actually trying to irradiate the sparks into being outliers...rewind is so smart I love him

and the fact that he’s using history from his database...love it

rodimus sending cyclonus and whirl out like pokemon

ROLLER NOOOO DONT GO OUT THERE

also wow this is literally the 5th (I think) double page spread in this issue...the confusion I felt the first time I read this...lmao 

and now this is literally one of my favorite issues so I'm glad I know what's going on lmao

oh man rodimus telling cd not to erase trailbreakers memory even tho that could jeopardize the entire timeline... :( 

oh man I didn't even notice but roller getting debris blasted into his face like that makes the whole ‘roller is tarn’ theory even more legit considering tarn’s face scars....

‘tighter the better’ hhh don't say that orion. but also, that’s the companion phrase to megatron saying ‘the deeper the better’ hvbhasjkhdfbaksjlf

I do love the semi-campy action hero antics that orion pax gets up to. its just so fun, even when the stakes are high and things are serious

‘this is the greatest thing I have ever seen’ tg ily

THE REVEAL THAT THE SPARKS WENT TO NYON...so rodimus just saved himself, basically...time travel is so trippy

GODDDD ND THEN TRAILBREAKER...HVHHHHHh 😭😭😭 THATS SO CRUEL MAN

oh man that last panel of trailbreaker holding up roller’s juice box...iirc the first time I read this I thought that was roller (cause of the juice box I guess? idk I'm an idiot) so I was like oh ok he must've come back or something. very much related but I didn't really think about tarn being a particular pre-established character and totally didn't read the whole ‘roller is tarn’ thing that was going on 

which in my defense ruth also didn't pick up on any of that while reading this and eventually like 2 issues before the reveal I had to prompt her like ‘you should maybe be wondering WHO tarn is’ vhbahjksdfbaksjdf

so! issue 37! this issue is a solid favorite of mine, id say definitely top 5 or even 3. I'm super biased bc I fucking LOVE time travel, it’s seriously one of my favorite tropes ever, and this issue hits all the time travel beats I love. characters traveling to the past and interacting with people they know! conversations that have multiple meanings bc of TIME TRAVEL! trying to save someone who meets a terrible fate in your future! fun time travel action! the time traveling characters being generally terrible at hiding the fact that they're time travelers! ITS SO GOOD. 

and I love the clever way everything is tied together here - where we get a nice continuation of shadowplay, with this taking place shortly after that with a lot of the same cast, and time travel classics like the good ole ‘if we hadn't travelled back in time and done what we did, the future we came from wouldn't have existed at all,’ in the flavor of ‘rodimus saving his baby self’ and ‘rodimus NOT saving trailbreaker’ and ‘everyone forgot about roller :(’ 

ok but like, did the lost lighters just go ‘oh well, guess rollers gone now.’ like they DID realize that the outlaw crew would have no idea what happened to him if they got their memories erased, right?? did the lost lighters figure that since roller never reappeared after this time period, that was how history was ‘supposed’ to go and they shouldn't mess with it? am I overthinking it? as usual: yes, probably. I love overthinking about comics, in case that wasn't obvious

basically...I love this issue soooo much. so so good and a bunch of fun tropes that I love. I mean the whole arc is like that for me since I love time travel so much. so I cant wait to (re)read more!!

#lj rereads mtmte

[simonalkenmayeris-still-dead]

wow this one’s long

I don't usually "liveblog" my reactions to Simon's posts, I usually read them all the way through and then respond, but he's made yet another post about how dumb I am, so let's see how I'm gonna react in real time.

First up, it's a problem that I've already decided he's human.  Off to a bad start already.  I didn't decide you're human, Simon, I decided you were a character.  It's pretty obvious you're a character, there's a whole book about your monsterous deeds.

See what I said about him getting in and out of character mixed up?

Apparently the correct thing to do when I decided this was to offer to fill out a survey. You know, those surveys he keeps talking about?  The ones he hasn't written yet?  It makes total sense I would offer to fill out something that doesn't exist.  Right.

Oh, then we get to the good parts.  The parts where Si thinks he invented roleplaying.  For anyone who doesn't know, I've been a roleplayer for around 20 years. This is gonna be interesting.

So yeah, of course there's a person writing the blog, that's YOU Si.  But you're writing it as the character of Simon Alkenmayer.  That's the monster.  They are different people.  What happens on the blog should be in character.

Remember that instead of recognising that I've said he's a fictional character, he's saying I think he's a human and not a monster.  That's important because then he tries to consolidate the parts of his persona. It's beside the point that if you shoot an author because of their pen-name then the author is still dead, because I'm not talking about authors.

You can't harm an author by harming their character, but Simon is trying to conflate the two, and if you were just reading this casually, it would be easy to agree with him.

Then we get to this part where I'm not entirely sure what Simon's talking about, but I suspect he's talking about his blog.  And I suspect he's talking about what I just mentioned before, that he doesn't distinguish between in and out of character.

One of the fun parts of interacting with roleplay blogs run by actual roleplayers is that they don't get offended by asks because they know it's all in good fun.  Si seems to think everything sent to his blog is being sent to him, the author, rather than Simon, the character.

And then we get a paragraph on harm and accountability.  I'm not really following the logic that I can't hold him to account if I can't harm him. I do find it disturbing, but not surprising, that he equates those things.  Like, we know Simon thinks it's much worse to be called out on discrimination than it is to actaully discriminate against people.

But even then, I can't harm a character that doesn't exist, but I can absolutely hold the writer to account, especially if they're running an online blog. Creators are held to account all the time.

Oh then we have this "unique instance". Because we know Si hates roleplayers, so obviously, he's the only person who's ever done this before.  Which is actually really bad for him, because if he had gone and looked, he would know there are lots of rules and etiquette around roleplaying, and they exist for reasons, including preventing you from having a public meltdown.

So in this unique instance, he's basically saying he's projecting onto the character. I mean obviously he's saying this to back up his "I am monster" story, but I've no doubt he's also just doing that, which aside from being a real mistake in RP, why would you do it? If I were in that position, I'd want the character to be authentic to the books, and I wouldn't want my personality to get mixed in.

Simon's really humble here.  His action are well thought out, disciplined and in the best interests of others. He thinks I've called his readers idiots.  I don't think I have. I'm always very careful not to slight people who follow Simon, because I know first hand how easy it is to get caught up in that sort of thing.

Oh, the best line in this is that he says when people defend him, they're not defending the fiction, as if I haven't had people come to my blog insisting that Simon has to be a monster because nothing else makes sense to them.

Sorry mate, sometimes people are just defending their source of entertainment.

I'm not comandeering a pen-name.  Is that really what this is all about? And I wouldn't characterise my "work" such as it is as cruel and mean-spirited, so much as pointing out Simon's bad behaviour.

Like there's a really simple fix for that and it's just to delete some posts, edit the books where appropriate, and make a public apology for the crappy things he's done.

I love that he keeps saying he can't stop me as though he hasn't chosen not to take action.  It's a particularly manipulative little phrase for all his readers to keep reading. "Oh, poor Simon, he can't do anything about it."  Simon can do something about it, and he chooses not to.

Oh, so then we get to the real accusations. They are yikes.  There's some stuff about me allegedly inciting violence?  But apparently I've been saying the fire was a hoax.  I have NEVER said that.  I don't know why Si is so keen to link that fire with me.  

It's just an extremely long jump to that conclusion.  If something got set on fire out the front of my house, I would probably jump to the conclusion that it was a bunch of teenagers, or drunk people.  I would not immediately go "that person on the internet MUST have done it".

And when am I supposed to have said it was deserved? Kristina replied to one of my posts and I tried to console her.  I didn't have to tell her what country I live in, but I did, so that she might feel safer. But apparently I think she deserved it? And he says I have no evidence.  Where's his?

The other thing I love about Si is how he keeps saying how polite he was to me, but neglects to mention it was after he tried to threaten me.  And like, his friends will come over here and be all "that was just a question", as if they don't know what a veiled threat is.  It's so cute.

And it turns out, we get to the end and this rant was STILL about me taking the name off the blog?  WOW.

#follow up #not THE POST #why is he doing this

[neuxue]

The Untamed (Liveblog): Episode 22 – How To Reveal Your New Superpowers For Maximum Dramatic Effect

Say it with me everyone: it’s a Good Look.

An unequivocal display of these powers that have only before been whispered about behind his back, speculated about in his absence. Here, there is no deflection; he does not vanish or demur or flip the question around.

Instead, he wins them a war, and steps into a new role, presents a new image, though others will imagine they see only truth.

But there is one, at least, who will know what lies beneath that persona (that darker shade of trickster, that sharper edge of untouchability, that crueller kind of misdirection… and that target he has drawn on himself clearer than ever); know something of the deeper truth beneath the surface.

When you’re going to make a dramatic stand and reveal aesthetically villainous powers, it’s good to know someone has your back.

And so we start with something that is the opposite of a dramatic display of power, but in its way is a much more honest reveal: this quiet rooftop conversation that closes a dance and also comes for my entire existence.

My first thought here was ‘why are these two always on rooftops’ but a) genre and b) if anyone in this series would be a traceur in real life it would be Wei Wuxian, so. Fair. (And honestly so would Lan Wangji; no I will not be accepting constructive criticism on this point).

But this, at last, is a conversation.

I’ve described their interactions in the last two episodes as dancelike: the cruel opening an almost violent duet but contained by formality and strict choreography, moving into an episode of circling and watching but never quite touching, then at last coming together in the crescendo of that swordfight… and now we shift to something softer, a final movement of reconciliation and understanding, a little wistful and a little nostalgic and a lot bittersweet, but gentle and moonlit and with their theme song as the melody.

(The song actually ends right as Wei Wuxian leaves the courtyard at the end of the conversation and I just really love the way this ‘dance’ is set and choreographed across three episodes).

We start with reminiscence, which of course serves to contrast with the way Wei Wuxian so cruelly denied everything they were to each other two episodes ago. That was you don’t know me; who do you think you are. This is the opposite.

And that’s just the beginning, because the next thing Wei Wuxian says is “thank you.”

And Lan Wangji has to ask “for what” because with so much between them where do thanks even begin or end, and Wei Wuxian says for not telling Jiang Yanli…but there is so much more in it than what he says aloud. There is for not betraying me and for being willing to trust and for seeing me, always, for seeing me.

And into this fragile peace, Lan Wangji carefully states again his warning about the consequences of this path – not as accusation, but as concern. And this time, Wei Wuxian accepts it as such, because they have come through that first judgement and that first test and Lan Wangji is still here.

So Wei Wuxian does not fight him, does not launch into a chillingly eloquent defence. No. He says, simply, seriously, heartbreakingly: “I know.”

And reader, I die.

This is my whole thing for characters looking at an impossible line to walk and saying ‘I can walk that line’. Looking into the teeth of their own damnation and stepping forward to meet it with something between pride and resignation: the extraordinary arrogance to dance with impossibility despite the abyss below, but also the self-immolating acceptance that that abyss will have its due.

And the pause before he says it, as he holds Lan Wangji’s eyes! The quiet weight on those words! As if he is putting every bit of sincerity he has, and all the pain of what that knowledge means, all the darkness behind and within and ahead of him, into that simple statement.

No evasion, no misdirection. He knows what this could (will) do to him (to him the consequences are not “unimaginable” – they are possibility, probability, nightmare and reality), and that is both the beauty and tragedy of it all, that he will do it anyway.

It is not quite an apology and not quite a promise but a little of both, that carries with it an echo (or a prelude) of let me go. He has asked without words am I lost?, and he will continue to ask it in glances and gesture, but here… this is acknowledgement (and, like his stillness in that courtyard as Lan Wangji’s blade flashed towards him, acceptance) that one day the answer may be yes.

And I think Lan Wangji understands. Knows now that Wei Wuxian was not deflecting and dancing away out of denial, or ignorance, or even arrogance. Knows that this was and is a choice and that Wei Wuxian has chosen to pay the cost. This is no trick, no game, but nor is it villainy. (It is about intent, Lan Xichen told him. The rules are not set; not all is black and white).

And so he listens, and seeks understanding, for without that how can anyone judge? Which is when we come to the other part of this conversation that specifically punches me in the face with one of my favourite tropes, this time the whole idea of ‘tormented into power’.

…okay, sorry, we’ll get to the incredible pain here in a second, but for all that I swore I’d stick to the Netflix subtitles and resist the urge to venture into translation… ‘dingy’? Why? Why this?

I’m not even sure where that comes from, because the actual phrase is 暗无天日的日子里悟出来的 which… are they splitting 暗无天日 (character-for-character ‘dark’, ‘without’, ‘sky’, ‘sun’; idiomatically total darkness, an absence of light, and more figuratively also can be used for an absence of justice, which is fun) into two parts and translating 暗 as ‘dingy’ and 无天日 as ‘sunless’? 

If you want to keep the vaguely celestial imagery, why not just stick with ‘sunless’? Or ‘dark, sunless’ if you really want two words. (Or if you want to get cute, pun off of 暗无天日 as ‘lightless’ and 悟 as ‘englightenment’ for ‘enlightenment from those lightless days’, which is pushing things but I couldn’t resist). But unless I am missing something here (always possible), ‘dingy’ feels like it trivialises what should otherwise be a lovely and also very sad and kind of desperate statement.

Anyway that was a tangent, back to pain.

He hasn’t told anyone about the Burial Mounds. He did a classic Wei Wuxian evasion when Jiang Cheng asked him, and seems to be letting everyone else draw their own conclusions (what could possibly go wrong), but here… this is as close to an answer as he comes; and not just an answer but an admission of pain.

You can see it in Wei Wuxian’s face here, as he remembers that darkness. It hurts, he doesn’t say, because he holds his own suffering, like his own life, so lightly against that of others. But here, for just a moment, he lets a glimpse of it show.

It’s not much, and you can see in his hesitation before he speaks how hard it is to reveal even this much, but it’s the most open he has been with anyone since pulling himself out of that place that should have killed him (and has in its way claimed him). He has been so alone since then with the truth and the pain, but for an instant in the safety of this moonlit darkness he can let himself be seen, by the one who has always seen him.

Also just…ignoring the clunky subtitles, it’s one hell of a statement. Three months in darkness, and if last episode showed us the terrible control and force of will that power demands of him now, how much more excruciating were those months before he mastered it, when he still had to wrest that control from the swirling power around him and the screaming in his mind and the fraying pieces of himself? When all he had was a theory that once earned him a reprimand, and his own terrible will, and no hope of success but no alternative except surrender. And so, instead, somehow and excruciatingly, he shaped that into power and shaped himself around it and drew himself from that darkness (and carries it, still, within him).

Tormented into power, man. That, and this quiet aching aftermath where you can see all the pain he’s trying so hard not to drown in, and Lan Wangji can see it too but knows not to push too far, to simply listen and wait and ask gently.

And he does; his questions are not edged the way they were in Yiling. There is still a warning there, a caution, but beneath that his questions say tell me about it, so that I can understand. Talk to me, and I will listen. You can see in him that conversation with Lan Xichen, can see him trying to navigate this space where the rules are not set and nothing is black and white and he is, as he and Wei Wuxian always have, looking beneath the surface to the person. Tell me of yourself, he seems to say; his own unspoken offer, and apology, and promise.

It’s like the most hesitant, heartbreaking ‘hey honey, tell me about your day’ ever.

And okay we’re back to Lia’s Translation Adventures, because ‘crafty tricks’ started to bother me in the English subs so here we are (caveat that Mandarin is far from my first language).

I’m just annoyed because ‘crafty tricks’ sounds so stupid in English but sticking with a faithful translation, pretty much all the English synonyms for 诡 (sly, cunning, clever, devious…) sound equally ridiculous or don’t work in context. But crafty tricks. Why.

One option is to throw faithful translation out the window and pick a new word entirely. My first thought would be something like ‘shadow path’, from the aesthetic and the source of its learning, as well as the idea of a fine line between light and darkness. It could then also tie into the issue of image and perception, which is such a Thing in this show, and to the Yin Iron (阴 with connotations of darkness/concealment), and to the dynamic between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, whose title carries light. But this really is just reinvention rather than translation and feels like a step too far.

Another option would be to fuck around with homophones (i.e. deliberate mistranslation for fun and profit, though in this case I think it’s intentional in the original so there’s that), because 诡 (‘crafty’) is homophonous with 鬼 (‘ghost’). So that would give ‘ghost path’ or ‘ghostly path’ as Wei Wuxian’s alternative to the ‘demonic path’.

On the downside it’s not technically a faithful translation, and the exact meaning it conveys is hugely dependent on the cultural context you perceive it through, which risks muddying the distinction between that and the ‘demonic path’ (though ‘demonic’ is also highly culturally dependent, so).

In conclusion I don’t really have a better idea and also I’m sorry for crimes against language.

So let’s move on, because guess what? This conversation isn’t over! Wei Wuxian lightens things a bit, swearing he will never fall into demonic cultivation (uh huh), and for a moment he looks almost like his old self, earnest but irreverent, bright and quicksilver.

But once again honesty wins out, honesty and a kind of desperation, and Wei Wuxian asks a question of his own.

Look at the way he braces himself before asking, how his face shutters from laughter to gravity, and how, as he waits for Lan Wangji’s verdict, you see this slight furrowing of an eyebrow, that hitch of fear as he awaits the answer.

It’s again like how he closed his eyes and lifted his head and waited. Waiting for judgement, having let down his guard. Waiting for judgement from one he trusts to see him, to know him (…and, as we saw in that courtyard when he lowered his defences and closed his eyes, to stop him).

Instead, Lan Wangji nods. The barest of motions, and no word or even change of expression; it is a tenuous trust, a cautious belief. Looking once more at that impossible path and knowing it cannot safely be walked, and still trying to figure out what to do in this space with no rules but his own heart’s conviction… but trusting nonetheless. And the relief in Wei Wuxian’s face at that.

It’s all Wei Wuxian needs (he so rarely asks for anything in truth, at least for himself, but he needed this, enough that he asks outright and barely breathes in waiting for the answer), and his smile is soft but radiant, and he drops gently to the courtyard below as the music gains strength and their song plays clearly, as the air between them now is clear.

But it is not quite the end of this dance, because at last Lan Wangji says aloud what he has been desperately trying to say for two episodes now: “Let me help you.”

And it stops Wei Wuxian short. He stood and dropped gracefully to the ground, ending the conversation on that note of relief. That is all he hoped for: that Lan Wangji would believe him, would understand, and would let him go.

But Lan Wangji doesn’t let it end there; doesn’t stop at that neutral acceptance. No, he steps forward. Reaches out. The magnitude of that offering, of four simple words. I believe you and I will stand beside you and you are not alone.

His expression here is really just. A whole journey. Look at him. That mix of love and sadness and something almost like regret but also a kind of wistful joy, as if he’s thinking I tried to keep you out of this, I tried to keep you safe but also thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wei Wuxian, who can hardly bring himself to show the truth of his pain, and who would never ask for help (not for himself, not for this; he has made his choice and he will take all the agony in the world to keep it from hurting those he loves). Wei Wuxian, who stood so still for what he believed could be condemnation or execution, but is stopped short by an offer of help (or even gentleness; I’m still not over how he barely knew how to respond to Jiang Cheng hugging him in Yiling). Who only asked for trust, and judgement, and instead receives…this.

Because, as ever, Lan Wangji sees him. And has made his own choice: the rules are not set. He renders his judgement here and it is not condemnation, nor simply forbearance, but I will stand with you. It is everything Wei Wuxian could have wished, and so much more than he could have asked.

And when at last he accepts it his smile is almost light again, as their melody and dance end.

But the episode is only beginning, and I’ll try to be brief because we gotta save space for that ending, but the confrontation with Jin Zixuan is a rather important step along Wei Wuxian’s path to that pedestal of shadow at the end.

I have to appreciate how first we get a whole montage of ‘Jin Zixuan is pretty cool, actually’, just in case we missed that before due to how much Wei Wuxian hates (that he has to kind of respect) him. And his reaction of just pure concentrated ‘I’m sorry what the fuck’ when one of the soldiers spontaneously combusts and turns into a rock-zombie is a thing of beauty.

But then he makes Jiang Yanli cry. And okay, it seems to be a case of his usual… highly competent in the field! Utterly useless at conversation! And Mianmian really does try her best but the problem is that Wei Wuxian is always, these days, holding on to control by the barest margin, and Jiang Yanli is everything to him (and protect them, even now, must still echo in his memory), and Jin Zixuan has hurt her, and that is unforgivable. He will give his life (has given his life, in so many of the ways that matter) to protect her and Jiang Cheng; he will not suffer someone to bring her sorrow.

He isn’t playing, here. Nor is it even the quiet threat or cruelty of some of his sharper moments before. No, this is back the fuck down or I will take you down.

The thing with Wei Wuxian is that he’s so good with words, and with performance; with drawing people’s attention in and then doing exactly as he pleases with it, that you can almost forget he knows how to throw a punch. Which is kind of his whole thing, this disarming deflection… but then in moments like this all that drops away and you remember.

(LWJ: This is a domestic affair of the Jiang Clan, he said. Do not interfere, he said.)

(LWJ: fuck it I’m interfering)

And as Wei Wuxian strikes at Jin Zixuan and brings the flute to his lips I can’t help but remember those meditation scenes from last episode, and how close to the edge his control seems to be, and wonder if this is only the beginning (it is, of course it is).

It’s the first time most of those here have seen what he can do. This is not quite the revelation of later, but I think there’s a reason we get this first: Wei Wuxian using this power not to win them a war but to strike at those who should be allies.

And in their reactions horrified surprise, we see how easy it would be for him to become the enemy. He has so long allowed people to see only the surface, so long drawn attention to himself and let people assume what they would, and now… now it is darker, but for so many it will seem only to confirm what they ‘always knew’: Wei Wuxian is a troublemaker, Wei Wuxian goes too far, Wei Wuxian is dangerous (Wei Wuxian must be stopped).

But before it goes further – this time, at least – Lan Wangji keeps his promise.

Oh hey where have seen this blocking before?  

But “let me help you” he said, just earlier this episode, and that is what he does here. Anchors him, pulls him back from the edge and it is not, I am certain, the last time we will see this.

Because part of this dynamic between them now is an implicit… stop me if I go too far. We see that in the way Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and faced Lan Wangji’s blade, in the way he challenged him “what if I don’t answer” in Yiling, in the way his breath hitched as he waited for Lan Wangji’s response when he asked “do you trust me.” And we see it now, as once more he looks to him almost in fear.

And Lan Wangji knows what Wei Wuxian is asking. Is probably seeing again his sword held a breath away from Wei Wuxian’s throat, and their eyes meeting in a moment of understanding. And Wei Wuxian drags himself back into control as Lan Wangji answers with the smallest of expressions no, not yet (and just, the gentleness in his face even as he stands his ground and does not look away, the understanding) but how long can that last? Wei Wuxian knows he is dancing on a razor’s edge, knows it is only a matter of time, and…

Well. It hasn’t been spoken aloud, and maybe it’s just my own fondness for the trope of one character extracting a desperate and awful promise from the other (stop me if or end me if) but I think there is an element of that here. Wei Wuxian will not defend himself against Lan Wangji’s judgement, whatever form it takes. And Lan Wangji… knows that, and I wonder if he fears it too, because what will he do if (when) Wei Wuxian does cross that line?

So that. Hurts.

Anyway, from there we get a lot of fight sequences and I could go on about how much I love watching Lan Wangji fight (the precision! The grace! The economy of motion! The way it’s beautiful but there’s no flourish to it; he fights like the ice so many believe him to be, in pure unstained white that only highlights the lethal perfection), or how Jiang Cheng fights like a whirlwind – which, too, is appropriate; if Lan Wangji is ice, Jiang Cheng is a storm (and Wei Wuxian is shadow and quicksilver). Or about how Lan Wangji defends Wei Wuxian without hesitation. Or how Wei Wuxian is out there on the battlefield with a goddamn flute, because of fucking course he is.

But this is getting absurdly long so I’ll just take one more quick detour to say hi, Meng Yao, it’s been a hot minute but you look lovely as ever. And, as ever, I’m not entirely sure what his deal is but the implication seems to be that he’s the spy Lan Xichen mentioned, so that’s a thing. Also listen, anyone who gives a perfect formal bow to the man exiling him after being stabbed in the chest to save the life of that same man who he also may or may not have betrayed minutes earlier (still not entirely sure what the deal was there but I’ll be patient) is someone who will catch my interest.

Anyway. Let’s talk about the ending, shall we?

This. This very literal turning point, as they are surrounded and losing and facing an enemy they cannot possibly face, and so again, so like when he was cast into the Burial Mounds, there is a choice: death at the hands of one unworthy of dealing it, or…

Or this. I know, he said and he does, and I think he knew all along it would eventually come to this. And so he stands, apart from the rest, looking out and taking a moment to just… gather himself, before changing everything. A moment longer to be who he is (or at least what remains of who he once was) before he shatters that image and gives them a new one that he knows, must know, they will not understand.

But they are losing, and so to save them all he will do this (and be lost).

And as he turns his eyes meet Lan Wangji’s, and there is just a moment between them of… understanding isn’t quite the word I’m looking for but it’ll have to do, but there’s an undercurrent to it. It’s no longer a question (have I gone too far?) but instead, this time, is far closer to that simple, heartbreaking “I know” from the rooftop.

He holds Lan Wangji’s eyes and raises the flute to his lips and written in every line of his posture and expression is that same I know. And Lan Wangji’s own expression is heartbreaking in its way because he hides it well but he is so afraid for Wei Wuxian here, but he has to trust him, has to let him make this choice, because he, too, understands that Wei Wuxian knows what he is doing, even if he wishes he could save him from it.

I almost wonder if Lan Wangji’s trust (and promise, that hand on his wrist and even perhaps that blade held to his throat) is what allows Wei Wuxian to do this at all, to step into this darkness and unleash this power, to walk this path unfettered, knowing what lies ahead, because he trusts Lan Wangji to know him, to trust him, to judge him, to stop him. (He forgets to account for one single thing: how much it will hurt those who love him when he falls. He holds his life and his self so lightly that he forgets how much value it has to the one to whom he has given it like a terrible gift for safekeeping).

Whatever it is, it is a moment of silence, of a terrible sort of understanding… and then across the muted battlefield, across the clash of swords and screams of the dying, rings out the haunting, lovely voice of Chenqing, as black smoke rises with the melody and we see Wei Wuxian’s power revealed.

I’m hurt, I’m down, send help, I’m having a situation.

Look at him. I got into this show because in the first three minutes it promised me the story of that fall and the path that led there, and it’s something you so rarely actually get to see in depth and in detail in a protagonist, and it’s everything I wanted and it is delivering on that promise and I really cannot express the extent to which I am on the fucking floor here.

Anyway. So there’s that.

There’s also the way even whilst fighting, even when facing two or three or more at once, Lan Wangji rarely looks away from Wei Wuxian for long. 

Concern, fear, determination—he knows what Wei Wuxian is doing and is so afraid for him… but it’s ever so slightly different from the expressions of the others, who are perhaps more afraid, now, of him.

He has won them a battle they could never have won; has saved them and all but won them the campaign… but looking at the faces of those who look up to him and see him there, darkness pouring from him as he suborns these puppets to his will, with a gleaming iron seal floating at his side… the question becomes at what cost? 

Wei Wuxian has always pushed the limits, tested the boundaries, and let that become his image. But now… there may only be one whose judgement he needs, but the rest will judge him, and in their eyes, has he now stepped too far across those boundaries? There have already been whispers about him: the absence of his sword, the rumours of darker powers, and this is where his reputation of irreverence cuts both ways.

Especially because he cannot – will not—tell them why (there are secrets he must keep, and his pride will demand the rest). And so they see only the darkness. And there will be those who cannot accept it, as they could not when he first theorised about it in Gusu, because it is too far outside what they know and believe and accept.

There’s a couplet that comes to mind here, from a poem everyone seems to know another from. The poem is The Old Astronomer (to His Pupil) and the well-known quote is though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light / I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. But it’s a different one I’m thinking of, and have been since the questions began about Wei Wuxian’s sword, and his apparent disregard for tradition, and his willingness to dance with darker powers, and it seems very relevant here:

And remember men will scorn it, ‘tis original and true / and the obloquy of newness may fall bitterly on you.

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