#tomorrow I get dragged back down into coursework hell | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sevenseasofrog · 5 years

Text

Lads ‘n Lasses Chapter 4

single sex schools are never boring

high school!ben x fem!reader

2.7k words

a/n: lol hi, Me for the first time in about 10 billion years. I kind of hate this Chapter?? But I’ll put the next part up tomorrow which should be better :-)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

As the autumn colours became deeper and the summer temperatures began to fade, you began to feel as though you were dragging yourself through each day, the thought of your plush duvet at the end of it keeping you motivated. Luckily enough though, it wasn’t just you who the changing seasons effected, and your friends were also beginning to look a little more disheveled with each morning that passed by, and it soon became clear that everyone was desperately in need of a break from the school routine. By the final week of term, motivation to even get out of bed each morning was severely lacking, and it seemed to be the same for Ben. Some mornings the pair of you didn’t even have the energy to speak, still content in each others company though, leaning on each other when you finally flopped down on the tram’s plastic seats.

You hadn’t forgotten that you were supposed to be coordinating your friend’s costumes for the mysterious Halloween party you knew very little about, but it definitely wasn’t your top priority- especially since your workload in and out of school had increased rapidly only a few weeks after the start of the new term. Since the gathering was set to take place on Friday, it was Tuesday that you figured you had to at least start thinking about how terrible you wanted your four closest friends to look. After a few hours of careful consideration and research you found yourself rather impressed with what you had come up with. If they wanted a group costume, a group costume they were going to get. It was perfect, inducing childhood nostalgia and characters which seemed to parallel your friends personalities, the five of you were going as none other than the Scooby-Doo gang. You couldn’t help but feel at least a bit proud of your master plan, but decided to keep it under wraps, just to add to the suspense. You spent the rest of that night drawing out meticulous plans, giving yourself Thursday and Friday to finish them. Out of instinct however you left the next day free, knowing that it was highly likely you would be spending the evening out somewhere to celebrate the beginning of the short break from school.

As he had done for the past five weeks or so, Ben had waited patiently outside your house for you to stumble out the front door, usually looking a little disheveled. Believe it or not, this was one of the things he had begun to admire most about you, little to your knowledge. The fact that your hair sometimes fell across your face, still messy from the previous nights sleep, and more often than not you would have acrylic paint splodged over you like some form of radioactive dalmatian. Both of these were the little things Ben had started to pay more and more attention to, and he couldn’t help but find himself smile whenever he thought of you.

“Last day of your first half term then Benny boy” you spoke with a grin. “Ready to go back down South yet or can you handle a little more of this?”

He couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “I think I’ll cope y’know, maybe a little longer, might even make it to Christmas!”

“You bloody better Jones! otherwise I’ll have no reason to even leave the house in the morning, then I’ll drop out of school, adopt a load of cats and drink cheap wine every day because I never got any a levels.”

“What a pity that would be” He retorted, with blatant sarcasm. You rolled your eyes and gave a gentle shove before the pair of you continued the walk to the tram stop in a content silence.

Eventually, you made your way onto a tram and flopped down on each other. You closed your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the autumn sun and found yourself dozing a little, this didn’t last long however.

Ben flicked your cheek before he spoke, “y/n, wake up you big loser, what are we doing after school?”

“I was wondering how long it would be before you asked, I don’t really care though. Won’t it just be easier to wait till the others get on and ask them?”

“We’re seeing them on Friday though, and Saturday I guess, and probably most of next week too”

“You have a most interesting way of thinking Jonsey. But you’re not wrong. What are you suggesting?” You spoke, followed by a smirk, “Won’t you be seeing me today, tomorrow, the day after that and next week however?”

“Shutup and come to mine tonight okay? We can have a takeaway from wherever you want and we can make up shitty excuses as to why we can’t do anything with the others because right now I can’t really be bothered with anyone else.”

You felt a little taken aback, but unsure as to why. Ben had spoken with a twinge of emotion in his voice, and suddenly seemed a little wound up- most out of character.

“Alright. You got me, but only if we’re having a chinese?

“Suits me”, he spoke with a smile, seeming somewhat relieved, before you both sank into each other in the seats. Even making the cold plastic seem a little more comfortable.

School has been productive. Well, as productive as you could have made it given that you only had some art coursework to finish and given that Ben’s sudden decision that he didn’t want to see anyone else that evening was playing on your mind. You had scrubbed the last of the dried acrylic paint off the battered brushes you had kept for god knows how long and were about to put them back into your bag before being interrupted by the lunch bell. Figuring you should reconvene with Maria and Niamh, you began to head towards the common room so that you could grab some lunch before heading to the library for the rest of the afternoon.

“y/n! hello? care to join us here on planet earth?” Niamh waved a hand in front of you, you had forgotten about your mediocre salad and had started daydreaming mid-conversation.

“shit yeah, sorry, just tired, i was sorting out the outfits for friday until like 2 this morning or something like that”

Maria chimed in too at mention of Friday, “oh yeah! the costumes, I’d forgotten about those, they’d better be-“

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, undoubtedly your mum checking if you were staying in school or leaving after lunch. “One sec, let me just check this”

Benny:

Call me when you can. i’m going home.

You couldn’t help but wonder whad gotten into the boy, shocked by the sudden character change, you figured this was your call to leave and find out what the hell was going on with Ben. Now all you needed was an excuse to leave.

“Shit, sorry, erm… it’s my mum…she’s locked herself out and needs me to let her back into the house…” You scrambled to pack your bag and put your blazer back on “duty calls… I’ll see you on Friday night yeah?” You signed out at student services and began to walk towards the met stop.

benny: incoming call

“Ben what the hell are you playing at? where the fuck are you?” You heard the frustration in your own voice and couldn’t help but regret it.

“Why do you sound like your running a marathon?” Because I’m speed walking like a lunatic to come and find you thank you. “I’m nearly at the tram stop.”

“Right, ok… wait for me… I’m nearly there”

“see you then.” He hung up.

You continued the walk, thoughts racing, surely someone had just said something to wind him up? Nothing worth overthinking really? You eventually found Ben after what seemed like an eternity of walking and he stank of smoke, he had a cigarette between his lips and it was certainly not the first one of the day. “You going to tell me why I had to up and leave or are we going to pretend it never happened?” You demanded.

“We’re not talking about it until we get home” He said, slightly muffled. As if on queue, one of the yellow trams pulled into the station and Ben put out his smoke before dragging himself onto the empty tram, you followed, still feeling slightly bedraggled. The boy threw himself onto one of the chairs, visibly frustrated, you sat on the row behind and began digging through your bag, simply looking for something to do.

The tram ride was long, painfully so. The silence between the two of you was deafening, something you never expected to happen, but it was clear that Ben needed space from the moment you met back with him. You reached your stop and the two of you stood up, briefly making eye contact with each other.

“I need to erm, get some fresh clothes from mine if that’s okay...on the way to yours..These aren’t exactly.. y’know.. comfortable” You spoke, gesturing at the suit you had worn the past two days.

He gave a curt nod, and you continued the walk away from the platform. You quickly unlocked your front door and shoved a few essentials in a bag, along with an oversized shirt and some joggers, well aware that this would be a long night. Ben has waited downstairs, waiting to head back out again a little further down the road to his house.

It was definitely bigger than yours, and much more modern. It wasn’t that you disliked newer houses, you just felt a somewhat alienated stepping into something that felt more like a spaceship than a house. Each to their own though- that’s what you had always figured.

“Gonna tell me what’s got you in a tizz or do I get the joy of guessing?” Desperate for some hint of the Ben you knew to return.

“We’ll go upstairs first yeah, then we can get changed or whatever” He began to trudge up the stairs and you followed. By the time you caught up with him in his room, Ben already had half of his clothes off, and although now definitely wasn’t the best time, you had to admit to yourself that topless Ben certainly wasn’t a sorry sight as you slipped into the marble en-suite.

“You’re killing me Ben. What’s happened for the love of God?”

“People happened.”

You checked yourself over before unlatching the bathroom door again. For the record, the old grey pants paired with the extra large shirt you had brought at some past gig certainly wasn’t your best look, but it was going to have to do for now.

“C’mon grumpy you can tell me all about it like i’m your very own agony aunt” You grabbed his wrist and flopped onto the bed,causing Ben to follow with a thud.

“So what have people done to you to cause such a commotion Benny? You’ve never been like this and you’ve got me proper fussing about you” He rolled onto his back and began to speak.

“They’ll do anything to drag you through the dirt. I haven’t put a foot out of line and half of the idiots at school have decided they don’t like me for it. It’s so fucking stupid I don’t know why it’s bothering me...It just is and I could honestly-“

“Ben it’s probably pissing you off because that’s a normal human emotion I’m afraid…”

“But it’s not just that and it’s another stupid thing honestly I don’t know what my problem is because it’s got nothing to do with me and-“

“One thing at a time okay? Start at the beginning and then if you want, you can tell me what else is getting to you.”

You felt bad for Ben, you really did, he hadn’t done anything wrong and it was clear he didn’t have much experience in handling his emotions. You threw a packet if tissues at him after he began to snivel and kept brushing his face. It was clear he trust you, this was something which brought a strange relief over you that you couldn’t quite explain. The main thing you could do do help Ben was to listen to him, and boy was he glad that the pair of you had all night.

You had migrated downstairs at around 8pm to order food, normally you would have both sprawled out separately over two of the three sofas in the front room, but when you came back from a trip to the kitchen for glasses of water, Ben had parked himself at the end of where you were sat.

“I was cold.” He looked up at you, as if trying to read your thoughts.

“I never said anything Jones! If it was anyone else I’d have told them to move but I think you can be an acception” You had honestly been expecting some sort of reply, and it came as a bit of a shock to you when you looked up to find Ben staring at the t.v. absentmindedly.

“Ben? what’s up?”

“Sorry it’s just, it’s not worth it don’t worry..” he trailed off

You have a stern look, “Anything you think or say is worth my time Ben, I really mean it.”

“It’s just. Jones. that’s what they call me, at school and, I don’t really know why it bothers me but… I’m not Jones, I’m Ben and, it bothers me-“ His eyes had gone slightly glassy again, “It bothers me because they don’t care about me, they care that I score tries and bring the team up the leaderboard. That’s Jones. I don’t even think Ben likes rugby, but what else can you do when it’s expected of you.”

“One thing at a time yeah?”

“I told you it’s stupid”

“yeah you did, and I completely disagree, it’s Benny from now on”

“No one's ever really called me that to be honest..”

“Does it bother you?”

“I think I like it.. but only you can get away with it from now on”

You leaned back onto him as the pair of you waited for the takeaway to arrive, you had sincerely hoped that Ben felt a little better at least, it was glaringly clear that he was more worried that unloading his problems would simply pass them onto you, and you had taken the opportunity to reassure him that you weren’t there to judge him at several opportunities.

You had been talking about this and that until a wave of fatigue hit you at what must have been around half one in the morning, Ben had insisted that you should go upstairs and sleep in his bed and he would take the sofa.

“Ben you’re my best friend I’m pretty sure I can cope with sharing a bed with you, we’ll both be out like lights when we get up there anyway”

You both made your way up the stairs, leaving the remainder of the takeaway to deal with in the morning, and fell onto the the mountain of crisp white pillows. You burrowed your way under the duvet, waiting for Ben to follow. “Y’know.. this is really comfy. Makes my bed feel like a fabulous pile of rocks.”

“Does the job I suppose”

“à le matin mon aimie”

“à demain”

You felt yourself drifting into a deep slumber, unsure as to weather or not Ben was still talking. “I know it’s late but are you awake?” You gave a grunt, which the boy opposite you took as a response.

“At school right.. well where else would it be.. and I don’t know if it’s true but I thought I’d tell you just in case but erm.. People were saying Lewis has a thing for you and I know you’re supposed to be my best mate but it bothers me because-“ he gave a sigh. “It bothers me because I think I like you, and I know it’s only been two months, but you’re more than I could ask for in a friend and-“ He realised that he had been greeted with silence. “y/n” Ben had to admit to himself that he was a little disappointed when he realised you hadn’t heard a word he said, already fast asleep. He wasn’t sure if he’d tell you again in the morning, or if it would ruin what he felt was one of the best things he had in a long time.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@fatbottomedbitch , @crazyweirdocalledfriday , @borhapandshawn , @benhardyjones , @simplyvictoria-93 , @virtualsheepeat

Sorry that my tag list is a bit dodgey, pretty sure that usernames have changed so let me know if you want adding :) xoxo

#bohemian rhapsody #ben hardy #brian may #queen #roger taylor #bo rhap #queen band #freddie mercury #joe mazzello #john deacon #ben!roger imagine #ben!roger x reader #ben hardy!roger x reader #ben!roger taylor #ben hardy! roger taylor #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #lads ‘n lasses

48 notes · View notes

neptunium134 · 3 years

Text

Neptunium’s Diary, Feb 23rd; Lucy Worsley

My family worships Lucy Worsley. Literally.

If you’re unsure of who Lucy Worsley is, she’s a British historian who has covered almost every period in the early modern to modern era, from the Tudors to the Georgians, from the Suffragettes to the Second World War. She’s also done American history.

And guess who my go-to for further reading for my history A-Level was? I watched her episode on the American Civil War months before we got onto it in lessons. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all of her Tudor shows, and she did a show on the history of British murder mysteries, one of my favourite genres of TV (if my Midsomer Murders-heavy blog didn’t show). I used her Suffragettes programme in my history coursework.

So yeah, we literally worship her.

And she just dropped a new show. A one-off, like most of her shows are, on the Blitz Spirit.

Ironic. Which is why she made it.

And like in WWII, what will come out of the coronavirus pandemic is this smug feeling of “hey, we did it, we’re the best, this is British Spirit!”

This ‘spirit’ that will be talked about and praised for decades to come is not seen everywhere, much like what Lucy showed in her show.

We still have anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers, we still have people who don’t believe the virus is a thing, or that it’s that big of an issue.

We still have people not practicing social distancing, going out for no reason, people still aren’t wearing masks and kicking up a fuss about it.

Like, no-one wants to wear a mask. I don’t want to wear a mask. You ain’t special, hun. But if we want to pull through it, we all must band together, the way the public did in the Blitz.

Because, like during the Blitz, the government are doing fuck all to actually help. We need to work together, as a community, to pull through this.

Be not fooled, young historians, this is a real and frankly terrifying time to live in. For someone who lives in a family where 3/4 of my household are in high risk catergories, even stepping outside is a fret.

The government wants to send Year 11s and 13s back in two weeks. I’m not sure this is the best move, even if the R rate is going down.

For one thing, they aren’t vaccinating the teachers. The news makes a huge fuss that almost 18,000,000 people have had their first dose (as of today), but who are those 18,000,000 people? Healthcare and front-line workers and some high-risk groups, such as over 70s.

Who isn’t in that 18,000,000? Teachers. Students. School staff of any kind.

For a government hell-bent on getting schools and unis back, they sure as hell aren’t actually trying to make schools safe.

Teachers and students should be prioritised, especially if they want to get all the schools back- nurseries, receptions, primary schools, secondary schools, 6th forms, collages, unis. It’s a lot of students, yes. So do the teachers, don’t let any adults who do not work in the school on the school site, especially if they haven’t had the vaccine.

Nothing changes, and Lucy’s show literally dragged the idea that history repeats itself to light. The government did little then, and it’s doing little now.

Once again, it’s down to the public, and this time, it’s the public of every country in the world, people of all races, social groups, genders, occupations, identites. Whether you live in New Zealand or America, the UK or Belgium, everyone has to do their part to beat this virus.

Welp, turned into a bit of a rant, heh, but I think it’s important to pull up and bring to light, and if the only way I can do that is on Tumblr, so be it.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed and I’ll you guys tomorrow!

Neptunium out.

#Neptunium's Diary #february 23 2021

0 notes

cancercrew-filth · 7 years

Text

Getting High (Joji)

Anon Request: plsplspls i wanna read a getting high with joji imagine, however pls don't make Y/N a complete idiot about weed, this is 2017

Hope you enjoy it!

Y/N’s POV I sat against Joji’s door with my knees to my chest, picking the gunk out from under my nails as I waited for him to arrive. I already picked off all of the chipped paint from the frame of the door and was left to my own tactics, trying to make my butt comfortable against the hard tiled floors and try not to bore myself to sleep. I had texted Joji about five times already asking if he had forgotten about our ‘hangout’ sesh, to which he answered that he was running late. Something about a small hiccup with traffic. Before I knew it, he was strutting towards me from down the hall with a plastic black bag in his hand, smiling at the sight of me. I stood up and he shoved the key into the keyhole and unlocked the door, swinging it open.

“What took you so long, bud?” I asked jokingly as I made myself at home raiding his fridge for some beer.

“Traffic was awful and my dealer wanted to chat about some stuff on the news over some Starbucks.” he mumbled as he sat on the couch and removed the contents out of his bag.

“Are they a sixty-five? Who the hell even watches the new anymore? And who’s that passionate to sit and talk about it over Starbucks?” I giggled as I poured us both some orange juice with vodka instead.

“Losers.” he commented as he laughed, “I just wanted some weed, not a conversation.”

I accompanied him on the couch and observed him as he began to grind the weed up skillfully. After a stressful week, I tried everything to unwind: long baths, scented candles and incense sticks, even hours of sleep but nothing seemed to work. Normally, Joji and I would talk about smoking together but we never came to the point where we would actually do it since he was always busy and I was always busy due to coursework, but since the semester finally ended, I was all his for occasional smoke sessions. I wasn’t uneducated about smoking, I knew the ins and outs, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a ‘pro’, but I had my fair share of experiences with getting high. Normally, I would smoke with a close friend of mine who would use bowls so I was clueless when it came to rolling a joint. Joji rolled out the rolling paper flat on the table and emptied out the contents in the grinder onto the paper. The scent wasn’t like your typical pungent weed/skunk scent, it had a bit of a hint of cheese, sort of. Which was odd but trying new things when it came to smoking was a must.

“Did I have you waiting for too long?” he asked me as he sipped his concoction, making a face as the taste hit his tongue, his actions telling me that the drink was strong.

“No, I was there for about twenty minutes. I was picking the chipped paint off the walls.” I told him as he smiled at me and started to roll the blunt slowly, wanting make sure the weed was all evenly distributed throughout.

After finishing the rolling process, he handed it to me. I placed the blunt in between my lips, letting him lift the lighter to then end of it. The fire flickered orange and red tones appeared before my eyes as he maneuvered it slightly, letting the end catch on fire. Removing his thumb from the spark wheel, I huffed in to make sure it was lighted correctly and not in need of a second spark. I inhaled slowly, letting my lungs fill with smoke as I took a long huff, I tilted my head back and lightly exhaled. I shut my eyes, beginning to feel a buzz. Joji talked about his dealer having ‘great shit’, but never did I think it would have been this good nor this strong. Opening my eyes after a while, I looked at him as I handed the blunt to him, his eyebrows were raised in shock.

“Shit. That was longest hit I’ve ever seen anyone take.” he chuckled, “I didn’t know you had lungs of steel. You ever had strong shit like this before?”

“Nope. Normally I would have like the easy shit, but damn, this is really potent.” I said as I observed him take a long drag, “It’s really good though…I need to do this with you more often.”

He nodded in agreement and handed the blunt back to me as he stood up. He mumbled ‘munchies’ and disappeared into the kitchen. I heard him as he rummaged through the kitchen in search for something to eat and made an ‘aha!’ sound when he found something. Bolting into the living room, he flashed a pamphlet for pizza as he smiled happily.I took out my phone to dial as I held the joint in between my lips.

“Um,” I questioned as I looked at the pamphlet confused, “What language even is this? What number is this supposed to be?” I pointed at a strange looking one.

Joji sat on the edge of the couch as he took the joint and laughed, “It’s upside down, Y/N.”

I was so high it felt like the couch I was on was massaging my butt and I didn’t even know how to hold a damn pamplet. Once I called the number and put in an order, I got a little paranoid, it would happen depending on how strong the substance was. Normally, I was the one who be the most chill, but when you smoke strong stuff like this, there’s no telling who you’d turn out to be like.

“Yo, the pizza dude sounded like Oprah.” I said calmly, “What if she knows we’re smoking? And she’s like… disappointed? I love Oprah, bro…I don’t want her disappointed in me.” I mumbled, “She gives out free shit and maybe we’d get our pizza for free if we act like we’re not doing anything.”

“What?” he laughed at me, not being able to contain himself, which made me laugh along with him.

Joji and I finished the blunt we were both sharing and we were beyond hungry, so he thought it would be a good idea to let me have my own blunt while he smoked his own. I didn’t mind the idea being that I haven’t been this calm in ages. I was relaxed to the point where I was falling asleep. I woke with a jolt when I felt Joji tap my leg, I thought I had been asleep for hours but I was only out for seven minutes. The pizza box sat in front of us on the coffee table. The smell made my stomach rumble and my mouth water, and that said a lot since my mouth was dryer than the sahara desert.

“Did you give Oprah her tip?” I asked him as I rubbed my eyes.

“It wasn’t Oprah…just some teen who could use a haircut and some soap. One of those ‘hippie skater’ dudes.” he corrected me as I got up to get some water, still smoking.

Coming back to the table, the cup in one hand while the joint was in the other as I took turns hydrating myself and smoking, Joji lifted the lid of the box and we just sat there.

“Dude…” I whispered.

He was at a loss for words. Joji was angry, confused, and didn’t know if he should laugh or yell in anger. I let out a giggle which turned into loud hurts of laughter. He rolled his eyes at me and poked at the ‘pizza’.

“I’m about to call them. Like, is this some kind of joke?! Who the fuck delivers bread in a box?” he ranted as he searched for his phone while it was in his hand.

I poke around a little more, “Hey, it can’t be that bad…can it? I’m hungry and this crust is calling my name.” I mumbled.

As he was on the phone with the pizza company trying his best to put into words what was going on, I stared at the round crispy bread looking circle of crust that had been delivered to us. No sauce, no cheese, no pepperoni…just crust. I noticed some grease stains adjacent to the crust below it, as I lifted it up a bit, I saw the cheese and the sauce along with a piece of a pepperoni. I gasped loudly, getting his attention.

“You opened it upside down, you idiot.” I told him as I closed the box and flipped it.

“Never mind, the box was upside down…that’s the last time we’re smoking OG Head Cheese.” he said into the other line with a nervous laugh before hanging up

“Head Cheese? That’s why my mouth tastes like cheese? You need to keep me in touch with your dealer because this is some good stuff, Joj.” I said with wide eyes already chewing on a slice pizza.

“Wanna come over tomorrow? I have enough and I like it when you’re high. You’re eventful.” he asked me as he sat down next to me and pick up a slice.

“Hell, yeah.” I answered, smiling at him as he ate his slice crust first, “Just don’t open anything upside down.”

“Shut up.” he chuckled.

#joji imagine #joji miller #filthy frank #cancer crew imagine #cancer crew #cancer crew fanfic #idubbbz #maxmoefoe

219 notes · View notes

mynlov · 7 years

Text

quite a lot happened since i got back to school but i haven’t got time to write about any of it! not even here. the basics: things were good for a short while and now they are quite bad again. i am worried and stressed and i yelled at L the whole way back from school about how stressed and angry this thing is making me. i have so much work and it’s making me not very ok because L finished her biology work and came in with her laundry and i need to do my laundry but i haven’t got time and i need to send E the money for the mykonos trip but i forgot to go to the bank today so i have to go tomorrow but my english final draft for the coursework is due in 4 days and my math ia is shit and needs so much more work than i can manage before the deadline without giving up sleep and i’m not eating well because i really want to lose weight so i’m skipping meals which is actually fine, i feel ok. but it’s worrying me that L might notice and i still don’t like that fact that i can’t just eat whatever i want. i went to the gym this afternoon (day6 and taemin + the rose ‘sorry’). i also have a big essay due to write and i feel really behind and stupid in lessons. we did a practice unseen essay w miss H the other day and i felt like such an idiot. usually i do really well but i was behind everybody else because of my late arrival back to school. so i just did a plan while they all wrote theirs and i could not understand what the poem was about. i had it almost and then miss H told me and i felt stupid for not figuring it out. i couldn’t tap into the MEANING which i usually can do. still hate my french teachers but that seems ok for now. mr smith, even though he is in hospital, has managed to fuck us over once again and i have to dig out super old work that i wanted to never see again. one of the reasons i was starting to feel ok was the fact that i didn’t have to think about that work anymore. but NO. and now mr FD is setting a shit ton of essays because we didn’t do anything for the whole two years, apparently. even though i tried my best with what he gave us. he’s my fav teacher but this is uncool.

intersoc happened, i’ll write about it when i can. the weekend was so nice! but today (monday) everything went to absolute shit and i had a breakdown about stuff i should be able to handle, work as usual. i just need to work all evening and the same tmr and the day after that and the day after that and for some reason i just can’t... it’s making me crazy. i can’t imagine that i have to do it and i don’t want to and i’m worried i won’t do it well and i was watching stranger things w J but now i can’t watch the next episode because i have too much work and that makes me angry. all i’ve done is whinge today and feel sorry for myself but I JUST CAN’TSRGIAISLSLFSLJKSGLK. i think i’m ok for work but i’m upset that if i go down to try and do my laundry both machines will be taken up by now which means i won’t have clean clothes... fuck

also if i go to bed early i wake up feeling like i have been dragged through hell. getting out of bed is so hard i want to cry when my alarm goes off, even if i get 8 hours of sleep. what the fuck is that about? my dreams are elaborate and honestly far more enjoyable than anything that happens to me at school. i was ok this weekend and i think i did enough work but i’m just scared... I CAN DO THIS

0 notes