#tomorrow is gonna be emotional enough

[alloutshirt]

the first person outside of louis wearing 28op being kit connor who had to face "queerbaiting" accusations and outing at only 18, on a spread titled rebel with a cause is so beautifully and emotionally queer im over the moon for louis *play copy and otb*

#x #i have to sleep #tomorrow is gonna be emotional enough

[kenobihater]

#i was just hitting ctrl + f to skim the orchard scene and i'm literally at my limit rn. i'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and lie down #i will never recover from this emotionally #i'm gonna read the full script first thing tomorrow but rn i need to like. do breathing excercises or some shit else i faint from emotion #like a victorian lady. honestly unfair of mendes and wilson-cairns to do this to me i already have enough medical bills without starting #therapy again /j #i'm assuming i'm late to the 'schofield is revealed to love blake when carrying his corpse' party but i'm posting regardless #1917 #1917 movie #blakefield #william schofield #will schofield #tom blake #thomas blake #lance corporal schofield #lance corporal blake

[tomwambsgans]

it's really just something deeply depressing about s4 as a whole that we're meant to believe 6 months of shiv not being around and tom and greg going out for drinks and whatnot wasn't enough of a catalyst for them. like yes it is literally the whole point of the show but it's like god this is the WORST timeline! or ONE of the worst! because tom and greg objectively love each other and care for each other in a specifically homosexual romantic way which literally none of the other characters do, and yet even now they're so strung out. tom is still pathologically unable to accept and/or express his desire for greg in a straightforward way. how many Ruined Moments must they have had, huh? after all this time, all this stuff between them... and frankly it would be worse to assume that they DID culminate something offscreen or whatever bc then knowing what's happened onscreen, that would be like reverse development. so the best possible reading is just a fucking tragedy. and once again, yeah, duh, the point. i'm just saying i'm fucking sad lol

#mine #tomgreg #that time jump between seasons is just something i'm not gonna get over tbh #i don't like it #and i think it soured things #even if it was perhaps narratively necessary #i guess it kinda just adds to the metanarrative of how capitalism rots you and whatnot yada yada #you can't be a whole person even at your very best you lose time etc #well anyway since all this shit happened in like 2 weeks it's safe enough to say that tons more emotional developments could happen #in like the next 2 days in universe #logan literally died like 10 days ago so i think tom and greg could fuck nasty tomorrow

[jovenshires]

I feel like the real problem with the shourtney isn't the weirdo (affectionate) tumblr side but stuff like tiktok. Bc with almost every other ship it is only weirdo tumblr kind of people that treat it as ficition but with shourtney there are so many normies that are doing truther shit.

Tiktok is so so so so bad. There is a tiktok with half million views analyzing courtney and shayne selfies and account of their family to "prove" that they are a couple.

They scare me.

I am not part of either group but if you a weirdo tumblr shourtney shipper just know that when people complain about shourtney "shippers" they are talking about the second group of people mostly.

(sorry for so many people using your inbox to do ship "discourse" haha, I am doing too but feel free to ignore and delete this if you don't want to talk about it anymore)

okay so to start off - totally agree with you that it's not really tumblr that's the problem. i will say i don't go into the sh/ourtney tag (bc. not my monkeys not my circus) but at least as far as the mutuals i have that do ship sh/ourtney, they're super chill about it! as we do, they treat the dynamic as purely fiction, they don't ya know. harass anyone.

i (and i say this thankfully) am not REALLY on smoshtok. i get the occasional smosh men or angela thirst edits and that is About it. but i will say this: you all know i am totally against tinhatting in all senses of the word. i try to stay as far away from those sides of every social media platform. so i'm with you, that shit is nasty.

but even after all that - i saw that tiktok. multiple friends sent me that tiktok. i didn't like it or anything or engage with it on purpose but i saw it. and then i found out later that they were both tagged in it, as was the official smosh account. my brother in christ i truly wish i'd never seen it. i think its one thing to look at a picture and be like 'omg they're so cute here' but another thing to compile it as evidence and throw it back in their faces. at that point, it feels like forcibly outing an aspect of their life that they clearly either do not want to or cannot discuss. they are still people with a right to privacy. rpf is just that - fiction. this is something different and i hope they one day have the clarity to see that.

tbh i really appreciate your input; you worded it much better than i did!! this is what i was talking about when i said that this epidemic isn't a huge thing here on tumblr, and i think a lot of that is in part bc the cast isn't here for us to interact with. the official smosh blog has been dead for years and as far as i know (?) none of the cast uses tumblr anymore. i was thinking more of the instagram, tiktok, and some twitter fans. (twitter is a mixed bag though and i won't get into that here. ever.) 9 times out of 10 i am Not talking about tumblr fans when i critique shipping at large. (that is to say not always. we can always work on ourselves and grow as a community. i, myself, am always learning and growing.)

anyway! i wanted to publish this ask, because i think it's very succinct and touches on a subject that i think was very valuable to this discussion (re: tinhatting). this ask is totally fine and did not cross a line in any way and i genuinely appreciate the thought you put into sending it!! that being said - this is probably the last ask i will publish on the subject. though i adore you all and i want you to feel free to speak your piece, frankly, i would also like to maintain my peace knnfnfk i do think that these discussions are important and worthwhile but that being said. i am just one lil guy.

#discourse #shourt crit #rpf #shipping #tinhatting #fandom crit #shipping crit #ask #asks #anon #anonymous #with all the love in the world. tomorrow is my birthday. im already emotional enough and the whole thing is in some ways making it worse so #for my mental health im just gonna be deleting any more asks ab this bc i think we've talked it to death kdnknknf #long post

[sapphicsnzs]

currently crying in the library while studying

#self obs #i’m so stressed and anxious i wanna scream #i hate being negative cause i don’t wanna put my energy on anyone else #but fuck i’m so tired of being positive all the time #i literally have been having bad week after bad week and i can’t talk to anyone about it #i also feel like i’m everyone’s emotional sounding board and no one does the same for me and then i have to hold all my frustration in #no one even asks me how i am anymore or cares enough to listen to the answer #this sounds so dumb but everyone around me only talks about themselves #like literally the past two days i’ve hung out with friends and both times people there were like i didn’t even know that was going on #i’m just so tired of feeling like no one cares about me or that i’m wasting my energy when i say a single thing about myself #i have therapy tomorrow and i feel like it’s gonna be a cry through the whole session kinda day #i’ll probably delete this in like 20 minutes cause i’m being stupid

[orcelito]

Worked on pictures for about 8 hours straight, stopping a few times for crying breaks, but it's done. I made the slideshow and sorted it real nice. The sorting was half the time by itself. But I think I did a good job.

Also emailed my advisor. Look at me go.

#speculation nation #negative/ #i guess. since i mentioned the crying. #ive been dissociating majority of the past week in that ive just not been feeling my emotions #oftentimes purposefully. a few times Very purposefully. #but sorting through the pictures like that. creating an entire timeline of my father from youth to recent #seeing him grow older (but not old enough) #it made me think of the full life he lived before now. so many experiences and so much joy #and then his death. sudden. clumsy. meaningless. #a man can live a full life with so much love #then one day. without any warning. he dies. #i think it was his girlfriend who mentioned us possibly being in shock. and i think she might be right. #such a sudden upheaval. and ive barely gotten the chance to process it #because theres so much to do so im kept plenty busy #but the times the veil lifts and i feel my emotions my heart hurts so much it feels like it's wrenching. #it's an awful feeling. so ive neen depending on the separation from my emotions to get me through. #it's done a marvelous job so far. but today. tomorrow. and especially saturday. i dont exactly have that option anymore. #i dont know what the next few days are gonna bring me #tbh i just want it to be over. #if im not gonna wake up from the nightmare of my dad being dead. then at least let it rest so it doesnt hurt so bad.

[zosonils]

the greatest injustice in the whole world is that i can’t kiss my turtle on her little head or one of us might get some bizarre parasite

#it’s nearly 2am and for a couple hours now i have been very very emotional about tempo #tags i would’ve written in my archie mega man era and that still apply there but are about my turtle in this instance #i’m not even gonna try to word it right now but i love her so so so much it’s melting me from the inside #someone remind me tomorrow to give tumblr dot com the latest tempo updates. 6 discord servers is not enough i need the whole world to know

[system-of-a-feather]

Bro, Riku's dragging me out to do some actual further research and solidify my general thoughts on shit cause we have a gynecology appointment to talk about getting the hysterectomy we were considering before but ALSO bring up possible bottom surgery as a proper discussion and we've been putting it off cause personally thinking about that shit in any serious manner even briefly just makes me fucking sick with dysphoria cause we really have like the FAR end of severe dysphoria in terms of bottom dysphoria as far as all trans communities and resources I see talking about coping with it goes and I'm just like

Literally pausing a fucking 8 minute video half way through to take a music break cause this shit fucking hurts on such a visceral level. Like shits like a near OHKO in terms of psychological damage man. I'm built like a tank on physical damage and most emotional damage things but I'm literally like a boss with a GIANT RED weak point on my head when it comes to my own brain at itself.

Like I don't mind mentioning it online cause like, I literally don't have an issue with people bringing it up at me if they aren't my partner but good god I'm like this one thing just fucking OHKOs the tank of a pain endurer that I am.

-XIV

#alter: xiv #i say Rikus dragging me out but more so Riku being like #hey you should probably touch up on the topic before we go in #to have the most effective conversation tomorrow #and me begrudgingly complying #cause they're right #and I loose the right to heckle them by calling them a coward and a pussy if I avoid it when I factually know I can do it without dying #or having a major major breakdown #i have a pride in not being scared of my feelings and emotions and internal experiences #at least not scared enough to lie #deny or actively avoid it like *some* people in this brain #but ugh #this shit afflicts me with a short term 'hate life' status condition ugh #the only way out of this situation is through #so tuck in bitches its gonna be shit for a hot minute (it already has been so it can't get that much worse) #transgender #ftm #ftx #transmasculine

[arielmagicesi]

ugggghhh ok so I’m reading some books to prep for my student teaching in the fall, the ones that my host teacher knows are likely to be in the curriculum, and first of all why is it a thing that high schoolers are made to read Contemporary Lit Fic that can be summed up as “how many gory explicit descriptions of traumatic abuse can we fit into one book”, like every year it’s just One Standard Shakespeare Play, One Twentieth-Century American Classic, throw in some other shit, and Somebody’s Fucked-Up Memoir From A Decade Or So Ago. Are there any contemporary books that are good but NOT traumatizing? If not, I’m happy to stick to classic lit personally

ANYWAY so I’m reading this book to prep for the fall and I ended up skimming the whole latter 3/4 or so of the book to spoil it for myself so the suspense wouldn’t kill me, and now I’m up late despite being super tired because my brain is just cycling through every horrific thing in the book, plus the reviews I read online, some of which are insanely saying shit like “wah wah, get over it, stop whining, we all had rough times in our childhood” and I’m like... Am I the softest, most naive baby on the planet for reacting to this horrific memoir by feeling bad for the author and thinking that maybe we don’t need to be making high schoolers read this? I’m not saying it’s not well-written- it is well-written, and well-structured, but Jesus Christ.

(also why are we allowed to make students read horrifying memoirs of abuse but god forbid they know that slavery happened in this country, but that’s a different issue altogether)

so yeah I now have managed to make my entire evening about Trying And Failing To Get Some Images Out of My Head, which sucks because I had a LOVELY day and was looking forward to some well-earned sleep, and also I’m gonna have to go back and read the entire book so that I’m able to teach it properly and know all the literary devices in it and shit. Cool cool cool

#this is the same classroom where i did my student observing and their 'holocaust book' was this book called sarah's key #which is also unnecessarily traumatizing but doesn't even have the decency to be written well #and i asked my host teacher like 'hey. do we provide any like... emotional support to the students when they read That Scene' #and she was like 'yeah i have them write a response paper about their emotions reading the scene' #and idk i'm not 100% sure that's enough? #i know high schoolers put on a big song and dance about how edgy they are and how they can handle seeing any fucked-up shit #and some of them really do unfortunately have to live with fucked-up shit for real #but like. they're still humans? who are growing and developing? let's maybe give them breathing room with these things? #i love my host teacher she's great but i'm not confident she's gonna provide a lot of emotional support re: this memoir to the students #she's also way tougher and more resilient than i am. and so are most of the students tbh. i'm a tiny baby kitten and i know this #still i feel like we should probably allow some room for acknowledging Yeah That Was Fucked Up Huh #It's Normal To Feel Sad Now Actually #ANY THE FUCKING WAY. wish i'd gone to sleep early like i planned #at least it's the weekend tomorrow and all i have to do is go prove i don't have tuberculosis. again!!!! #(not that i had tuberculosis before. i just got tested before but it was over 6 months ago so not good enough) #that's also for student teaching! #i feel like my personal posts on this blog are just a psa on why not to become a teacher #i swear i love teaching lol but i love kvetching more #written by me

[weyrleaders]

uuuuggghh it’s getting close to 4 am and im still up because of my bullshit asshole coworkerrrr

#we got into it a little today because he Has to be right all the time #even when there’s no right or wrong person in the situation #and i think when he didnt get to prove me wrong it pissed him off #regardless he could have potentially ruined a ton of food and i could have just turned the fire off instead of getting the food prepped #and ready to go over an our early #but he also couldve not gotten it started at 3 when it only takes like ten minutes #and the order was due at 5 #ANYWAY it was fine in the warmer and everything turned out fine #this was the second time he’s treated my like an idiot though #and im probably going to call my store manager tomorrow #to find out if she’s gonna be there on monday and if not #i’ll have to make a special trip tomorrow to talk to her #i dont actually want to go over my direct manager’s head i just want her opinion/advice #i know im not in the wrong and i wont get in trouble im just experiencing and Emotion over this #dunno what Emotion but it’s happening #which is why im still awake #seeing as im apparently the metric by which it is determined when Enough Is Enough? maybe something will happen??? #it’s just that this dude has been fighting with other coworkers like once or twice a week since he was hired #and now that he’s raised his voice at me im very much done with him for real

[starswake--archived]

also i apologize if i whiplash super hard lately between itty bitty breakdown and just the usual screeching. i just get on here to cope and not think so sometimes it slips out when prompted lol

#snow whining #idk i just felt like i needed to apologize bout that #uhhh but yeah ur boys not having a good time presently so im just gonna stare at the things i like until i feel better enough to deal w #emotions and what have yous lol #anyways i feel bad for the therapist that has to deal w me tomorrow while my actual therapist is out lol

[toastsnaffler]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me #write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw #i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it #and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!! #most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore- #that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can- #connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc #and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things- #in media and thats OKAY!! #literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it #i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt #but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen #and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it #but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow #like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me??? #i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much #and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am #maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from- #my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts #and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i- #spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp #and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee #wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do.. #well i wont get my hopes up yet #anyway........ #another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚 #.diaries #literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........ #she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄

[anaalnathrakhs]

i WILL show up to the trial day for the preparatory class tomorrow no matter how much i dont want to and after that i guarantee NOTHING

#broadcasting my misery #vent #this is a lie i guarantee i will keep tumbling through life appearing functional and melting down in the privacy of my own home afterwards #<- trying to jinx my naturally contrarian ass into taking care of myself for once #god i'm tired #i am. slightly peeved. #around 11am i was like ''i think i'm going to go home'' and my friend was like WHAT nooooooo what are you going to do at home anyway #and we ended up hanging out w another friend until fucking 4pm #and she was like oooooh guys i think i'm gonna go else i wont have energy tomorrow #haha bitch where was this mindset when i told you i was going to go home #i don't know why i keep like. telling people stuff like ''i'm [emotion] i'm going to [thing]'' #and they just plan stuff w me anyway #and like. i can't decide for them what's important or not to them. so i make an effort and i participate to the best of my ability. #but it KEEPS HAPPENING #OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN #it does not stop #i can barely keep the violent impulses down tbh i act like im on crack in public #bc if i dont walk around and spasm like an epileptic stray cat im gonna start giving in to the urge to dive under a bus or punch someone #i have nearly uncontrollable fits of hitting my head against walls when my entire life i was too chicken to do it despite trying to #i gained about fifteen to twenty fucking kilograms in the last three months #because i cannot fucking stop binging and EVERYBODY'S LIFE seems to revolve around food #my friends are incapable of hanging out without going to buy smth no matter at which time we get out of school #my other friends seem incapable of not checking calories VERY LOUDLY and calculating how much they lost walking around #my mom and i are home and awake at the same time abt two hours a day and one and a half of that is spent making/eating dinner lmao #im making the effort holy shit i am but i'm going to start being violent soon #i've started trying to strangle my cat twice in the past week i think #i'll show up tomorrow bc it's an opportunity and im not stupid enough to miss that by lack of self esteem #but really what is it good for #my friend isnt very delicate in her way to say it but she's right. i'm not cut out for being normal like that #i can sorta seem functional but you very quickly start seeing i don't know how to dress

[catherinerabbit]

i think i should get paid extra for emotional damages

#its has been. a very very long day it work today #and im not doin so good #8.5 hours of being completely swamped with orders #didnt get to take my break & eat my sandwich - barely got to go to the bathroom - #shitty coworker (who wasnt handling orders) constantly pestering me about ‘when are those gonna be done? we need them now ://‘ — #as if im not doing my best to keep up as they continue adding more and more to my pile of orders #i was doing so well at not breaking down into tears despite being extremely overwhelmed #then get a text that my friend - who was going to be my emotional support on a very stressful trip in a few days - cant come after all #(not their fault i dont blame them at all its just the straw rhat broke the camels back) #and i have another 8.5 hours to look forward to tomorrow + stressful trip by myself the day after fhat #:) #im doing great #i dont get paid nearly enough for how stressful today was #cat rambles #this is ok to reblog if u so desire btw. we should all get paid extra for emotional damages from Work

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

.

#once again i dont expect any reactions but this phantom pain is worse than it has been any other year i can genuinely already feel #the entry point and the point where it settled by the spine and its not even 6:50 am edt yet #its probably worse this year bc we’re doing pre emdr prep in therapy #but oh my god that and the emotional aspect of it i genuinely feel like im goingg to die rn #like im propped up in bed pressing black tourmaline and ammolite against the right side of my ribs #and while i was getting the pillows and crystals and bedside drinks ready i almost passed out from the pain #and i cannot stress enough im not in genuine physical danger these are just phantom pains they are just three times as bad as most years #probs just gonna watch nancy drew all night to try to not focus on the pain #but i have to work tomorrow night and theres gonna be a lot to do

[peregrine-rnendicant]

hi why did no one warn me that nimona was gonna make me full on sob

#like my jaw hurts from crying #i knew i was gonna be emotional just given how i reacted to the graphic novel #but holy shit #thats enough emotion for the week #how am i gonna survive watching spiderverse w/ my friend tomorrow #rose speaks