#tumblr if you fuck up the quality im gonna cry

[jgnico]

The most important part of the episode, if we're being honest.

#someone please god be excited about them like i am #i cant be the only one #jujutsu kaisen #uraume #tumblr if you fuck up the quality im gonna cry

[celestie0]

IT’S CELESTIEFAN3000 i have to say i like tumblr way more than ao3 so i’ll be using this to comment from now on 😋 But i would like to personally thank you for writing chapter 9, your author voice is genuinely so appealing and HONESTLY you could pass off as a literal professional author if I didn’t know this was fanfiction!

Now for the uglier feelings: (please ignore typos or other mistakes i wrote a lot. I am very normal about kickoff, obviously)

I SOBBED LIKE A BABY MIDWAY AND BECAME A CRYING SOUND EFFECT AT THE END OK OK OKAYYYYYYY 😭😭💫💫 I’m still dizzy and lightheaded from the effect ur writing gives me (THIS IS A GOOD THING) it’s so addicting i need more😭‼️ UGHHHH the way you build that exact RIGHT amount of comfort to compensate for the suffering you’ve but us through but still managed to EDGE US AT THE END . I WISH YOU WEREN’T SO GOOD AT THIS FANFICTION THING, BECAUSE DAMN! 😭😭😭😭

The scenes were so fucking beautiful, I love the peaceful atmosphere that rain gives and how you were able to contrast that as an escape from that horrible loud and noisy bar to just a horrible man!!!!! You really know how to direct scenes and i can not express in words how much they mean to me 🥹🥹😭😭😭

I feel like I’ve overused the crying face emoji too much in my ask BUT I ACTUALLY MEAN IT HERE EVERY TIME I can fill an entire glass up of my tears that kickoff caused me to shed alone 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Everything was just great vegetables, this chapter will definitely be haunting me while I sleep but it ended with an amazing scenario to build off of and dream about RIGHT?☺️ Anyway, my last words here are that I admire how you’ve been working on this project for around a couple months now nonstop, but the quality has not dropped and has instead improved despite it getting really tiring the more you carry on with it! Maybe that’s just how I feel about finishing what I’ve started LMAO but it’s so impressive every time I see someone able to pull that off, I’ve seen some fics succumb to the tragedy of “i-just-want-to-get-this-over-with-because-the-concept-no-longer-interests-me-anymore”-ness 😔 BUT WITH KICKOFF! I’m so happy that the author is as passionate about the characters and plot in their fanfiction as I am, and hard work really does pay off! (for the reader, hard work is waiting 3 weeks for a new fic— but the read’s always better the longer you wait 😉)

My ADHD really came out here I deeply apologize but my ACTUAL final words are: I wish I had a bf like gojo, Oh My God You Are A Legend Ellie, You are most deserving person of meeting Gojo Satoru FIRST if he ever comes to life, it is 1am haha so i’m sleeping now ☺️🤍 Celestiefan300 out!

MY SWEET ANGEL BB CELESTIEFAN3000 😭🫶🏼💕💕 HI DEAR

UMM CAN I JUST SAY IM AB TO SOB ALR JUST FROM HOW LONG THIS ASK IS ??? PLS FORGIVE MY URGE TO RESPOND TO EVERY ASPECT OF IT

thank you sm for the compliments on the writinf omg i rly feel comin into my own now n finding my voice as i continue to write more so seeing u say that esp as a long term reader is just ssooo dhddldfk 🥺💕 brb gonna cry

PLS IM SO SORRY FOR THE SAD EMOTIONSS aaa yes the baby steps to build their relationship has been……baby stepping indeed LOL but it was so nice to write the scene at rhe end where gojo comforts her 😭💕 so excited to write lovey dovey gojo now

OMG STOPPP w the nice words i will literally eat u for breakfast🧍🏻‍♀️the contrast w the soothing rain & hectic bar scene 😭 u pointing that out just made me soooo freaking happyy and wahh im so glad the scenes resonate w you :””) <33

ME TOO I FEEL IM HOLDING BACK ALL THE 😭😭😭 WMOJIS I COULD USE READING THIS ASK

awhh thanks darling im so happy kickoff has ur continued interest and AW to hear its improving means sm to me 🥺💕 im so passionate ab it, it has been so cathartic to write, and although its also hard to write sometimes bc of the personal aspects, it’s so joyous to me and i look forward to seeing it thru to the end w the same amt of passion. HAHAHA its hard work to read tho damn 😮‍💨 ur not wrong!! and also yes i too will be daydreaming of what happens next 🤣

my final words: i love u sm, YOU deserve a satoru (but i will gladly have him too if u say so🙈), so blessed to have u as a reader, and please get some good sleep my love <33

eeeeeee 🫶🏼💕

#celestiefan3000 #my love my life #kickoff #asks #anon

[kusanagi-nene-official]

//Just wanna know your opinions about the story of @ask-robokasa-and-rui :>

//TOTAL OOC POST

AA OKAY THIS ASK RIGHTHERE^

this is gonna be a long ass rant soooo

okay so omg i love it so fucking much. i don't know why but it's like there's a hole in your heart without it and reading the story line just fills that gap. im really not one to cry but this story, it's beautiful

it makes me want to cry, it's heartwarming

fun fact: wandasho was one of my initial favorites and from the star, my favorite character was tsukasa! he's always held a place in my heart and i love seeing aus he's in and content about him. i was introduced by my lovely friends ile (e-lay, no longer on tumblr :(() and rogue, and he (tsukasa) was the first character i was introduced to

i shall be 100% honest here this used to be my pfp on tumblr

literally screaming when i got this card

now back to the main topic

i love how each character is portrayed. each character seems to be like their in game self, but they have extra qualities thhat make them special. honestly, most of the time, it makes me forget the wandasho main story. i'll be thinking back to the main story and think "wait tsukasa is a robot- right? no wait-"

another thing is it feels more real than the main stories. the main stories usually have like- one realistic thing (realistic being something that happens in real life) for each character (ex: mafuyu trying to be exactly what her mother want her to be, shiho hating her sister, shinei looking at his children in a professional perspective instead of as a father) but this brings more realism to the characters.

that segways to my next point: rui's design.

like juartist/ask-robokasa-and-rui mod, thank you

rui, in game, is like- always exploding things, even it having been said that one time rui singed tsukasa's bangs with one of those explosions

then

how the hell is rui unhurt? this rui is one of the most realistically designed ones because you can't play with fire that way without eventually getting hurt- (mecore oml hair fire incident)

let me wrap this up

i love the story. it has so many good qualities, from character design to plot.

ngl defo could be a book, and i'd definitely purchase it

~dex

[onlyjaeyun]

alright now WHAT THE FUCK? so much shit just happened i need a moment to unpack everything. okay so first of all fashion icon yn ☝️ jay is so proud of u bby. second of all yn is gONNA CO-COACH WITH SUNGHOON? 😨😨 so much stuff is happening i feel like im about to forget smth important from the new chap again but YOOOOO WHY IS SUNGHOON SO SASSY 😭 the sassy men apocalypse is so real 🤕 but pookie calm down pls he keeps eating yn up if i had someone pointing out my daddy issues like that i would straight up cry. ngl if i were in yn’s place i would’ve blocked from the first “what the FUCK” but that’s just me personally 😶 ANYWHO jaemin what the FUCK 😨😨😨 i’m actually so like ?!?!?! he’s so cheating he’s literally actually deadass wallahi fr fr cheating ??????????? like the fucking audacity that some male species have is actually jaw dropping. how r u gonna get all insecure about yn being surrounded by her friends who r practically like her brothers and go “i don’t feel comfortable around them” like WHAT 😨 the self projection is sO REAL. and bby. yn, my love. my angel. my everything. dump his ass i’m begging you. EVEN IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE that u can’t find anyone better and you won’t be able to find anyone after someone as shitty as CH jaems (which u for sure will!!) it’s so much better to be single rather than be with someone who literally does not give a singular flying fuck about you. like girl protect your dignity 🤕🤕 break up with his ass even if he’s the last bf you’ll ever have it’s better than being with someone who’s CHEATING. anywho now that that’s out of the way, really jaemin. jakyung??? REALLY???? ngl the whole hoon & jakyung convo really made me almost throw up the whole time “i can’t study when im tense like this” please do me a favour and suck my dick ew i gen can’t. also WDYM THEYRE GONNA FUCK SO MUCH SOONER THAN ANY OF UR SMAUS? 😨 mamas pls calm down i am not prepared for a hate fucking between yn & hoon (i am. im playing im so seated for it.)

anywho my rant for chap.4 is done and i just wanted to say congratulations zadie !!! you know u ate that smau up SO WELL (especially when it’s supposed to be e2l and the characters are supposed to be hated for character development purposes) when you get anons in ur inbox hating on your work 🥰 like u fr made it and i’m so proud of you ! anyways CH ate. easily one of the best enha smaus in the making with your amazing writing & plot development sending u so much love zadie & so many hugs & kisses i can’t wait to see u piss more ppl off and i can’t wait to see the new CH chapters <333

(no but like genuinely is it that hard to SCROLL AWAY from smth that doesn’t please you? 💀 i don’t get it cuz i’ve seen works that i personally didn’t like yet i never felt the need to go in their inbox and be like “ur shit is so unlikeable dawg what the fuck” because what??? wasting my time like that when i could be searching for a diff fic that i could actually like.

like hello people have different tastes. there might be smth that u don’t like (that one anon) that a different person would gladly eat up (me basically) and there’s absolutely no reason to shit/hate on other people’s works/tastes. ESPECIALLY on tumblr. an app where u get to read literally top quality work for FREE.

and i’m sure so many writers are open for feedback as long as it’s NICE. you can very easily send feedback about a shitty work WHILE appreciating the writer’s effort and hard work spent on it even if the end result didn’t satisfy you. but to straight up go “ur shit is unlikable” IS CRAZY FOR ME 💀💀💀 like pls go into ur notes app or go into ur drafts and write shit that’s “likeable” for u instead of hating on miss zadie 🙏🏼 anywho im sorry this became so long but that was so unnecessary like anon grow up pls you’re better than this

i just want u to know zadie that this is YOUR work. (really want to emphasise this especially after that one ask u got during SB and how it made u pull away from the DDLG concept), the first person that should be satisfied with your works is YOU. if you want to add ddlg pls do if u don’t then don’t if u want to extend the e2l plot in CH please DOOOO these are works and literally universes that you’re creating according to your own liking (and i promise whatever you put out will be amazing because all your works are actually so incredible you’re UNABLE to make smth bad) so pls pls pls add whatever u want !! write whatever you want as long as YOURE satisfied then that’s all that matters ! again love u so much i hope you’re taking care of urself <333

& and always keep your foot down these bitches necks ☝️💯

-⁉️

THERE YOU ARE HI ANGEL BABY 🤭🤭🤭🤍 i hope youve been doing well and are taking good care of yourself !!!!!

gonna try my best and respond to all parts so excuse me pls if i forget any 😭

I ABSOLUTELY AGREEEE. being single is so much better than being with someone like CH!jaems and im afraid ch!y/n's gonna need a while to realise that 🫣 and i know hhe whole jakyung x hoonie part was a little 😞 bc like why would he do that we all know he's madly in love with his enemy (he literally genuinely hates her) but its for the plot i promise 😞😞😞😞

i have also decided to add the smut a little earlier mostly bc i havent properly written smut for hoonie yet and i want to so bad like he's so dreamy and so mean it manes me want to spread my legs and go feral like full on begging and shit so the reason behind the early scheduled smut scene is mostly because of my hunger for sunghoon (jake look away baby)

and the whole not liking a character situation with the E2L is somehhing i struggled with a lot because i 100% agree with you hence the reason i responded the way i did but i genuinely get the nonie bc like thats our hoonie and i make him look so bad BUT I PROMISE ITS FOR THE PLOT 😭😭😭

i will also never get the whole idea of going into someone's inbox and just ranting and complaining when you could just..click away but whatever honestly sto ive accepted that this smau will trigger a LOT of people and i have come to the conclusion that it justa pproves my thoughts of doing what's necessary 🫣

thank you so, so much for your sweet words baby. i do need those reminders every now and then simply because as a writer i tend to get caught up by all the engagement and interactions and asks and comments and the numbers that i tend to forget who i'm writing for in the first place. i hope you know this ask literally means the world to me and i love and appreciate you so so so much, sending you a big kiss rn 🥺☁️🫧🩷

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (30/04/23)

there was no WSJ this week cause of golden week break but there was still some other stuff, like the new manga from the danberu duo or me catching up some anime

also starting from this week gonna have some background colours in the series list too, to make it easier to parse at a glance, but I'll include the meaning for them before it always

also I meant to watch a couple more anime (at least the first 3 eps) but got distracted with other stuff during the week. oops, I'll get to it tho, it's only a couple more

green - new series (anime in the first 3 eps count as new but silver those are more than the first 3 yeah but I meant to watch them before 4 came out let me live)

Anime

Uma Musume - Road to the Top Ep1 - 2

bruh. idk why these damn horse girls have such a grip on me but they do some places in s1 made me cry and this was wrenching my heart too which is fucked up cause I'm usually p unaffected by stuff anyway, this is a special ONA that'll be just 4 episode, you can even watch it all on uma musume's youtube WITH english subs even it looks great, since it's cygames own studio, the music's great, the voice acting is great, all the quality you'd expect from one of the top grossing gachas in the world (despite being jp only) the thing that surprised me the most was how good the character acting is tho, ofc uma musume has always had the little details with tails and ears but sheesh also I'm loving to see ayabe and my prince opera in action, some horses I've really come to like a lot in recent years cause of twitter

Uma Musume - Road to the Top Ep3

oh tehe I didn't realize ep 3 was gonna fall in this week's post too, putting it separately like this instead of 1-3 to not disrupt the thoughts from when I watched those, anyway good ep, had me tearing up AGAIN (damn horses..), it pains me to see ayabe suffering so much :( but I was looking up stuff about the main trio after the other 2 eps and saw Real Horse Lore so I know what's gonna happen in the finale already lol, it'll still be good tho

Megumin Ep1 - 4

let me start off by saying I'm never watched konosuba cause of aqua, kazuma and darkness, however I do like megumin. watching this since I know I wouldn't need to watch it to know anything (tho if you spent any time on tumblr back when it first came out you've seen it all through gifs and caps and clips like me so..) but anyway

it's alright, the only good animation moment was at the start of ep 1 with, of course, the explosion but I shouldn't have expected much considering what I know, oh well. however, takarie (megumin) and toyosaki aki (yunyun) really carry it with their performances, tho mostly takarie cause of how megumin in lol

not really much to say other than that so far, if you like megumin then it's a must watch show but you already knew that if you do. she should be using her first explosion next ep (5) so that should be cool

Imas CG: U149 Ep1 - 4

TL;DR: if you weren't gonna watch U149 cause "it's just for kids" you're wrong, and if you like the previous im@s anime do yourself a favour and watch it cause it's incredibly good too. I'll be honest I wasn't too sure about U149 at first, since it's the kids from CG I thought it was gonna be, well, aimed to kids as a way to bring them in into the franchise but I was very wrong! The show is incredibly good. It follows the same structure as the original im@s anime of having and episode dedicated to each of the cast members (completed with their character song as the ed) and it can actually be serious. Like in ep 3, miria is live streaming with satou shin and she gets some hate messages in the chat and it's a very tense scene. they even did this cool trick where the noticeably muted the colours during that scene to give it an heavier atmosphere it was so good man. Also I love all the cameos of other cg girls, the direct and background easter egg ones too. Also because I played the game hearing the insert songs and eds just got me going like that leo pointing me lol. Anyway I'm start to ramble too much but, please understand, I love idols. A lot. One final thing I'll say however is: it was very funny going directly from megumin into this and seeing the difference in quality; Megumin has the bare minimum of animation (cause kadokawa) but you can really see the passion behind U149, all the characters got little details and you can see their personality with how they move and interact with each other.

Mashle Ep4

still nothing crazy animation but we did get the lance fight and the first muscle magic moment, and it actually didn't look half bad which gives me hope for fights later on but we'll see how it turns out

Pokemon Horizons Ep4

nice ep, mostly an introduction to roy the other protag, he isn't nearly as annoying as he could be so that's good, there was also a buncha good expressions so that's fun

Jigokuraku Ep5

nice episode, mostly exposition and set up so some people aren't gonna like it, but it happens every now and then in the breaks between action. also they really made takarie say chinpo noooo

Manga

ST✰R: Strike it Rich Ch 0 - 1

new manga by the duo behind danberu, yabako and maam, it's probably gonna be set in the kengan universe since it's yabako writing it but we'll see. anyway like it said in the post I made before, it's about a underground fighting ring for women, it came out with a prologue chap and the 1st one, setting up all the characters and all that, the art is a lot more brutal than I expected since I just see danberu as ripped cute girl fanservice but shoulda kown better not really much else to say, chap 1 ended with a big cliffhanger, I wish it was a bit longer, hina down here seems interesting enough tho so we'll see how it goes, gonna be rough remembering to read it tho since it's biweekly

Dandadan Ch103

nice and emotional chap, should only have 1 or 2 more left of vamola's backstory now

Saihate Quartet Ch10

not much to say, tho it's nice that luci's already shown up to the cast according to my buddy mega it's not doing great in terms of views, so it's very likely to get canceled/end soon so that's a rip

Kaiju 8 Ch85

the first 1v1 fight to end, they didn't have to go full yaiba at the end there but it was still good. next up is cap narumi so that should be good too tho the one I'm looking forward to the most is hoshina's

Shuumatsu no Valkyrie Ch77

aww I was hoping they'd say who the next fight was gonna be but they didn't, didn't expect to see siegfried tho but since he's been established now there's no way he's not gonna do something later

Jiangshi X Ch14

thought this was gonna be the classic "mc awakens to a power they didn't know they had when in danger" but it was just the amulet his dad gave him (? afaik), also I think the art looked off this week? but might be just me

Spy x Family Ch79

nice yor centric chap, been a while, tho her harpie coworkers were annoying me with their jealousness

Ayakashi Triangle Ch128

ah yes the classic aquarium date, expecting a lot of shenanigans next week since everyone's following them

#horses and idols my beloveds :) #silver talks animanga #'silver today isn't the 30th what the hell' shhh I know but it had to be this way shh

[distortedsoup]

here is a short story my friend @zacdrawsstuff gave me permission to post for them (they’re still figuring out tumblr). it is about charlie and liam and it is adorable and i giggle and kick my feet forever.

word count: ~1300

tags: fluff, fluff, so much fluff, they’re in love and they’re gay and oh my god look at them i love them charlie’s giving liam a promise ring and im gonna cry

Charlie waved Timmy off, before turning to go back and check up on Liam. She did of course want to give him his space, but after not seeing Will for so long... He just wanted to make sure he was actually taking care of himself, and not to stressing over something stupid like work, or his protectors. As she made his way over he made sure to summon in a small purple box in one of his hands, and a picture frame in the other. He had meant to give them to him earlier, but... Well. At least they had the chance now.

She knocked a small pattern into the wood of Liam's door as he waited for a response, smiling when the door handle turned and opened on it's own. Taking the first step inside Charlie's heart fluttered at the sight of his lover curled up in bed, a patterned blanket wrapped tight around him and the book he had left out in his lap. He was already looking at the door when Charlie entered, cheeks painted a delicate pink and head tilted back against the wall. He set the book down - much to Charlies joy, marking the page with a little owl bookmark - and shifted closer to the wall, offering the space to them. She was quick to take him up on the offer, closing the door gently behind her before striding over and taking his hand as she sat down. "Heya love... How are you doing?" William's head dropped to Charlie's shoulder the second the other sat down, the eye that had been on the muscle just behind there shifting a few groups over to settle on their side.

"I should get a moss ball for Pipper." Came the timid response, a soft contrast to Liam's more common, harsher tone. He almost sounded younger, a tired quality to him as he started to trace out the patterns of Charlie's forearm around him. Charlie shivered.

"You should?"

"Yeah... She needs something to focus her attention on, but a person would annoy her... A pet takes too much patience and could die, while a moss ball? A moss ball needs none of that. It needs occasional attention, not much patience, not a lot of the time, and won't die very easily."

"Sounds perfect."

"It is. I might... I might wait though. Until Amira's mindscape sorts itself out. Which reminds me, I do need to sort out that custody-"

"Love, angel, I know this mindscape is important to you, but could you please try and... And think about something else, instead? How about those moss balls, where did you get the idea from?"

"A logical side, he liked them. Then I was looking through the book index, and... Yeah, they were there. How to get them, care for them, keep them, get more.... All of that."

"Yeah, books are quite special like that," Charlie agreed as she started to comb through Liam's hair, twirling dark strands between a green and blue finger into small curls he would let go of, and watch unfurl and lay loose over his head. "Have you thought of getting some for yourself?"

"Moss balls?"

"Mhm. I think it might be nice for you to have something that doesn't depend on you quite as much as your protectors do for once."

"I... I suppose. But I think Maple is enough for now, she is still partially my responsibility after all."

"Yeah, yeah... Actually, good news about her, I managed to un-train the 'fuck' command!"

"You did?"

"Yeah! Now when I saw fuck she flies to my arm and pecks me, instead of picking stuff up."

"Like lighters?"

"Like lighters."

"Well, that is... Improvement." Liam let his eyes flutter close for a second, reaching out to catch the hand that had been tracing his side and kissing the palm of it, lips brushing across the tender muscle. "Thank you for taking care of her. I don't think I would have been able to handle her and my protectors, and I'm scared to think where she would have ended up."

"Of course! She's our owl, the least I can do is keep her safe." Charlie ignored all the pink patches disappearing from his hands to take shape around his cheeks and ears, knowing Liam at least wouldn't properly acknowledge it - look up and give him a small, playfully knowing smile before kissing his hand again and leaning back, yes. But saying anything no, and they wouldn't do that to Will either. "Oh, I almost forgot there for a second, I got something for you!"

"You did?" Liam raised a brow, skeptical. Charlie had already gotten him the book, and the biscuits, and most other surprise gifts came in the form of 'here you go, also I broke something' or 'here you go, also I might break something'.

(There was, of course the third, newest gift option, a quick kiss to Liam’s temple or jaw or cheek, but hoping for that every time would set Charlie’s expectations too high for the other. Besides, it was so new Liam wasn't completely sure he would react correctly if that was the gift. What even was the correct reaction...)

"Yeah! Two things, actually."

"Oh no?"

"They're... Well, I did want to give them to you last year, but I couldn't find you, and then your birthday had been a month ago and it would be awkward to give it to you a whole month late, so I just didn't, and then this year came and I still couldn't find you, and I know it's a bit late even now but- okay."

She took in a small breath, before pulling out the picture frame, and placing it in Liam's hands. The frame was black, painted with specs of bronze along the edge and a date at the bottom. The actual image in the frame was of- well, them, every time. Every second Liam twisted the picture just a bit, a new picture would emerge of them laughing together, or smiling, or just working in silence, or one of them working and the other sneaking away with food and a drink to his greenhouse.

Every degree was a snippet of a core memory, of a smile and a joy and a time without worry of mindscapes. "I know it's a bit cliché, and trust me the other thing is even worse, but I couldn't think of anything else to do with the pictures, and I know you like to collect things, so I-" They were cut off by quiet sniffling in their arms, quickly muffled as Liam tried to look away. "Will? Love, are you crying? Hey hey hey, no, it's okay, you can cry. Yeah, c'mere, you can cry all you need to love." They pulled him into a close hug, four connected arms holding the smaller man's form against her own. "Shhh... It's okay, take your time. I'm here."

It took a few minutes of sitting in comfortable quiet until Liam could speak again, cradling the frame as he pulled away to just lean back against Charlie's shoulder once more. "Can I show you the other thing, or should I wait a bit?" There were a few seconds of silence where Liam didn't respond, before a small shake of his head broke it.

"This is enough. I promise I'll see it another time, but this... This is enough."

"Okay. If this is enough for you, it's enough for me." Charlie slipped the box back in his pocket, and letting it sit there for however long they may need. Days, weeks, months, years, centuries, however long it took, it would be there, amethyst waiting and winking at him on it's bronze band. A big promise captured in a small, small ring, and it could wait.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

#interrobang #charlie interrobang #liam interrobang

[themainroboot]

Vent cos apparently that's all I use tumblr for anymore. Tw for pretty much everything

Also this is gonna be a long one

What the f u c k is wrong with me. Everything about me is just so-

For one thing I'm a shitty selfish person. I literally have no good qualities- no matter how hard I think about it. Nothings good about me. And yet I have a bunch of shitty qualities. My "good" qualities aren't actually me. Im "silly" and "funny" because people used to hate me because autism made me "boring" (all I ever wanted to do was talk about planes and shit aidjrjorfk) so I almost subconciously MADE myself crazy and odd like I am just so people don't abandon me anymore. I was like 4 years old. I can't even control it anymore. And yet all my bad qualities- lazy, selfish, toxic, manipulative, anxious, temperamental, abusive, gross. Those are all me.

My body is also the most disgusting thing ever- in every sense of the word. I barely ever shower because I can't bare to see myself naked because gender and also trauma. Speaking of that, fuck my body. I'm so fucking curvy and everything is just so- it's basically the most socially "desirable" female body ever (minus the fact I'm a fat bitch), so. Why do I hate it. Because I'm just so fucking selfish. I'm a spoilt piece of shit. Nothings ever fucking good enough for me. I have what a NORMAL person would want, and yet I would give fucking everything to trade it for even the LEAST "desirable" male body. Why can't I just keep pretending to be a girl. It worked for 14 years. 14 years of pushing myself to be the most "girly" thing possible (like wearing dresses everywhere and shit) because "that's what will make me feel like a girl" and wondering why it just made me feel worse. Maybe I should just grow my hair out again, the one thing I've ever been able to do for myself, and just keep pretending. Sure I'd want to die the entire time, but I at least owe it to my mother. I've hurt her enough. I'm a horrible toxic shitty person. I abuse her. I do nothing but make her hurt, cry, and I gave her terminally high blood preassure from stress. She could have a stroke and die any moment. Because of me. She always wanted a DAUGHTER, not a son. I'm so shitty. I can't even do that for her. I'm the worst child in the world.

In fact I'm so selfish I can't even look at my fucking boyfriends tumblr reblogs (and now intro) without being reminded of even MORE fucking trauma that I didnt even fucking remember and fucking great now I'm collecting triggers like fucking pronouns because I'm just so fucking selfish.

Doesn't help that I scratched my arm so hard it fucking looks like 3rd degree burns. It's actually gross how bad it is you can even see lumps of fat coming out of it. All because of my pathetically dumb and selfish mental breakdowns. I'm the most shitty person in the world.

I feel disgusting for even posting these vents cos I just worry and hurt people who care about me but I can't fuckung shut up so what the fuck do I even do anymore.

Sorry it was so long. I want to die again yay.

(I promise I won't actually attempt I just really want to fucking die in my sleep or something)

[tooliltoolate]

FUCK

So. Haven't posted in a while. Man. Life. First things first. College! I'm in college! LFGGGG Even better, I'm dorming!!!! I feel so much better now to be honest. I'm eating better, getting out more(though im not like 'physically active' yet) and just living more. But well, I'm still to scared to go bar hopping and shit. But man, my quality of life just skyrocketed. Still fucking depressed though. Sigh. I feel so alone sometimes. Also. Watched Bee and Puppycat. So goddamn good. Well, not the netflix thing which I've learned also exists but the 1 hour original first season thing. Sad but so, so heartwarming. Idk, just something that really spoke to me. Happy I get to write that detail down here, that I didn't forget it. What else. I'm studying computer science. Funny story, I tried looking up job sites for internships(I know I'm still first year but you know shoot your shot!!!!!) and learned that there are a lot of web development related jobs. Guess I know what to study. Also!!!! Posted the first chapter of my story on royal road. First draft, completely unpolished, literally haven't done any worldbuilding or anything yet but I wanted to just force myself to write and post something. I did, but I kinda forgot to update on it. Shiet. But at least its something!!!!!! Reading Spivak's calculus as well. Might start writing shit about it actually. Were having precalculus this sem and since I basically had calculus already during high school wanted to read something more rigorous since I'm basically just cruising through math. Still at the prologue(funny how theres a prologue to a math textbook) and, well, I guess it's cool? I don't really understand why I had to learn this, like if its just a way of gently introducing adult math stuff like proofs or if the properties and facts(theorems?) will actually come into play. Also, its been like some months and we still havent coded shit. What is going onnnnnnn. Were basically still at number systems? Like, other universities have started already, and were supposed to be like one of the best. Sigh. These nights I suddenly get... uneasy? anxious? depressed? in my dorm room. My chest just tightens and I just want to cry. Maybe its just loneliness or home sickness. Suddenly remembered tumblr exactly because of that feeling tbh.

How does one start going to bars and shit anyway, Im ugly as fuck. Really jealous of these peole who can just, be themselves.

Man. Havent like, watched anything or read anything so far besides Bee and Puppycat.

Anyway!!! Just really happy to have an outlet, even if no one will ever read this, since I just recently left my old hs friend group. A part of me is super afraid someones gonna connect the dots and realize, wait isnt this x?, but like, I dont really care.

Sorry for the messy dump lol, nonexistent reader. Good night!

#college #adulting #math #mathematics #computer science #mental health #need money

[wri0thesley]

many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!! 

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3. 

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest. 

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof. 

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!! 

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’. 

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring. 

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3 

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3 

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3 

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_; 

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(. 

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess! 

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that. 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!). 

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3 

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3 

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

[stillnotajedimaster]

I’m bored and curious sooo 1-41! 😏 Goooo!

oof alright lets do this lmao

1)Do you have siblings? How many? 1 older brother

2)What was you favourite toy as a child? hmmm probably my action figures lol

3)Last thing that made you laugh? a podcast i was watching made me laugh

4)last thing that made you cry? idk off the top of my head but probably just my dog being sick making me sad

5) What traits do you like about yourself? hmm idk maybe im polite i guess

6) What’s your last text that you sent (do not give any context) "LMAO no way its white as white can be!"

7) Dream place to live? somewhere away form people

8) Favourite quote from a tv show? That guy fed me Spongebob Squarepants and now I'm gonna die like in 'Alien'! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us4n7EJzuWI

9)Favourite quote from a movie? ummmmmmmmm yeah idk

10) Last person you called? my mom

11) First app you check when you wake up? depends but i guess snapchat

12)s there anything in your drafts/queue lmaoooo lotta stuff not for public consumption

13) Favourite school subject history n gym

14)What high school stereotype were/are you? idk its been forever

15) Do you think your teachers liked you in school? eh some did but i was loud and annoying (imagine that...)

16) Favourite article of clothing? hmmm probably my hockey jerseys

17) Fashion fears? ripping my pants in public

18) What is one skill you want to learn? blacksmithing would be sick as fuck

19) Have you learnt anything in self isolation? i fuckin wish

20) Have you fulfilled any goals you had for 2020? damn i guess i havent

21)Any goals for 2021? ive got a few

22)How much do you think you fit into the description of your star sign? ummmm sure

23) What would you say your aesthetic is? im not sure lol

24)You can change one physical trait about yourself what would it be? hmm maybe be a little bit taller

2Last person you had a dream about?5) You can change one of your personality traits, what would it be? i wish i was less fuckin awkward (idk if that fits or not lol)

26) Finish the sentence : “My favourite thing about tumblr is...” ummmmmmmm

27) What is the last assumption you made?

28) The last mistake you made? i fuck up a lot so idk

29) Would you rather live in the Sahara or Antarctic? hmmm antarctic

30) Favourite animal? penguin

31) What is ‘your’ emoji? umm i guess the laughing face (im on my computer so no emojis)

32) Last thing you bought that was so bad that it was good? idk about that but the last thing i bought was a sweatshirt n some pants today lol

33) Something you bought but were never able to wear because of covid? nothing

34) What is the best piece of advice you received? think positive be positive

35) Is love something that scares you? no i dont think so

36) Do you believe in love at first sight? no

37) What would a romantic partner say is your best quality? no idea

38) What does the person that is physically the closest to you right at this moment mean to you? a lot

39) Favourite place to be kissed? umm i just wanna be kissed its been forever

40) Last person you had a dream about? i dont remember

41) Kinda stupid but... cupcakes or donuts? both but donuts

#ayy thanks for asking :D #flightoftheenavigator #pure asks #youre awesome!

[sanemisthiccbih]

hcs for reader having a mutual crush with deku/baku/todo and asking them out? i've only ever been asked out once, and i rejected him oof... i have a difficult time connecting with people romantically and don't focus so much on love, so when i really want somebody i feel like i'd be the first to ask them out casually (and probs take it easy if they reject) love ur writing! 💕

Lol, ive gotten a few really random confessions but it was only after i knew these people for maybe like.... 2 hours worth of classtime. And not connecting deeply is totally ok! Maybe you just haven’t met the right person, but if not then being aromantic is nothing to sweat 😌. Also props to you for actually wanting to ask out your crush! I always get to nervous and try to hint at likeing them but they never get it 🙃 Also, THANKYIU FOR THE PRAISE!! it makes me •~•

YEAH SO IM SORRY ABOUT THE QUALITY, ESPECIALLY AFTER THE WAIT BUT TUMBLR SAID FUCK YOU AND DETED THE ORIGINAL DRAFT AND IM SORRY BOUT THAT

Warnings: A lil bit of cursing, just some floof :)

Deku

Ok this one would be EASY k?

We know this boy. This sweet, timid, and unexperienced boy (omfg i love him so much)

He’d be so flustered anytime you interacted with him, and he’s constantly keeping mental notes about you

When he sees the huge grin go across your face after eating your favorite sweet, he ensures to keep that information tucked away for next time you’re out in public.

He won’t ask you out unless Mina tells him to and sets a whole thing with roses and candlight lmao

Other than that, he’s just awkwardly making his way through moments with you

Blushing like crazy when your fingers brush against eachother

Becoming a stuttering mess when you ask him to go with you and drop off some papers

If he ever sees you out in public, and out of uniform, his brain will go into panic mode and let out a little “eep!”

Why does she look even prettier? How did she somehow become more beautiful? Oh right! Shes in real clothes.. I can’t talk to her when she looks like that! I need to go-

His little thought flurry is interrupted by you noticing him and tapping his shoulder “Deku! What are you doing here?”

Eye contact is non-existent, he might cry if he sees you being so cute right now from the sensory overload

You figure well... we’re both in public by the theaters so... why not shoot your shot?

“Well... if you’re not really busy out here... do you wanna see whats in theaters?”

Deku is s h o c k e d

You? Asking HIM to go out?

He’d squeak out “L-like as friends?!” Only barely able to look at you with his head turned to the side

Baby wont take the hint, you gotta tell him straight up “No silly! Like a date! But if you want to go just as friends, then thats fine to-“

This boy SNATCHES your hands and intertwined your fingers “no! I really want to go on a date with you!!”

You just stare at your fingers intertwined with his all wide eyed (0.0) before he realises and tries to pull away

You won’t let him 😈

Now he has to walk hand in hand with you to your date, blushing like crazy 💅🏼

Bakugo

Mans is INTIMIDATING ok? Like he is DEFINITELY a Tsundere

If he has a crush on you, you’d probably know it but DAMN would he be so passive aggressive

You’re cooking in the UA kitchen right? But your finger hits the pot and now you’ve got a burn

The SECOND it happens, Bakugo is next you “YOU DUMBASS” he’s already putting ointment on the finger “You cant do anything right >:( HOW THE HELL DO YOU BURN YOURSELF DOING SOMETHING SO SIMPLE?” Now he’s gently placing this pink band-aid on the burn

“Just go and be lazy on the couch already, cant do anything right i swear!” “but bakugo im hungryyy” “YEAH YEAH I KNOW, IM GONNA FINISH COOKING YA HEAR? NOW GO SIT YOU PRETTY ASS DOWN ON THE COUCH AND BE LAZY ALREADY”

If you dont comply he’ll just teach you how to cook but he’ll be very angry about it the whole time 😤😤

He actually ask to train with you sometimes, mad respect if you can ever get close to pinning him, but he friggin gloats hard on you “heh, good thing im gonna be a pro so i can protect weaklings like you. Then you’ll stay out of harms way forever >:|”

Bakugo doesn’t really change much, he’s great enough and you gotta deal with that. But when he realises he’s whipped for you, and you’re whipped for him, he can’t help but follow you around after that.

One day when you ask why he’s suddenly waiting for you after classes and stuff, he burst “IDIOT, I KNOW YOU GOT A THING FOR ME”

Welp

Idk bout you but I’d have tears in my eyes, BUT! You’re not me lmao, so i’m pretty sure most peeps would be like “hm... might as well shoot my shot 🤷🏻‍♀️ “

“Well why not indulge in my crush bakugo?” At this he turns away and just stays silent. Before you could say anything he’d reach out an arm

You happily extend your own to grab his but he just yells “tch, NO DUMMY, your bag first!” Once he takes your bad over his shoulder he reaches out once more

“NOW give me your hand” and with that, you’ll be happily walking hand in hand with this little tsuntsun towards your next class ❤️

Todoroki

Baby has a hard time connecting to others, so when he starts likeing you, he probably won’t think too hard about it and wave it off “it’s just a phase 😌”

But after seeing you get along so well with the Dekusquad he’s like “oh fuck 😳”

His affection would come out VERY subtly. But as you know he’s kinda anti-social and oblivious

He knows he can’t just walk up to you after like a week and say “hey i like you” (well according to wiki how he can’t)

So he just does small things like offer to take your trash, extra training, texting you first, etc.

He’ll basically pave the way for you though, if you talk, he will have his 100% attention on you and is ready to engage. During class activities, he’ll heo you out subtly, maybe leaveing secret spots in his ice for you to jump across with idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

Eventually the tension between you 2 is just so built up, the whole class is fed. Up.

When you finally pop the question (boy figures if you don’t ask, then you dont want it lmao) the whole school probably goes quiet

He’d smile softly and look you in the eyes “yeah... I’d like that 🙂” and the whole fucking school goes feral lmao

He’s definitely a simp for you, but like, in a low-key way. Gets your food for you before you can even get up, ask if you’d like something the MOMENT you glance at it, buys it for you without hesitation. Secretly likes it when you two match

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Y’all this was literally so garbage 😔. Tumblr mobile is BOOTYYYY. I lost my train of thought like every other sentence to lmao. In conclusion, i am s o r r y

#ali writes! #deku x reader #bakugo x reader #Todoroki x reader #bnha x reader #bnha fluff #deku fluff #bakugo fluff #todoroki fluff

[all-hail-stevinel]

Breakdown spinel’s character ?😳

yasssss i was hopin for one of these!!!

How I feel about this character

Oh, Spinel is the absolute Love Of My Life! My fav character used to be a close tie between Pearl and Pink Diamond but once that stretchy bitch kicked Steven in the face to start her Villan Musical™, she basically bounced her way into my heart and took the top slot. I love her oh so dearly, not only for her Tragic Background™ but all the potential she has as a character. Shes so...traumatized, and it really resonated with me during the scenes where she was shaking because she thought Steven was going to leave her, (having irrational anxiety and explosive outbursts because of it hit so close to home) and the heartbreaking scene where shes hitting his shield until she collapses into tears. I used to be a really angry teen, having been abused and mistreated for so many years turning me into an angry, vengeful person that I hated being. So when I saw her collapse and cry “What am I doing? Why do I want to hurt you so badly? I’m supposed to be a friend… I just want to be your friend.” guys I shit you not that scene is my fav and it took my heart and soul along with it

All the people I ship romantically with this character

lol, do y’all really gotta ask? Of course shipping her with Steven is my main squeeze. I just really like their chemistry and the potential their relationship could unfold into, both in healthy and non-healthy ways. I do also like Spinearl, or spinel x pink pearl (i refuse to call her volleyball lol) but I’m really just in it for the art, its not something I’m overly interested in enough to read fic about or create myself. I do also ship AU versions of spinel with jasper, yellow pearl, our pearl, and garnet, but its really more of a passing thing than any actual interest. A personal fav tho is steven x Connie x spinel, bc I’m poly and LOVE ot3’s, so it all works out lol.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Oof, that’s hard to narrow down. Outside of romance with steven, seeing spinel interact with any other character is well and truly my fav thing. I just think she could provide such amazing insight into everyone’s lives, from Garnet, amethyst, all the pearls, the diamonds, and even jasper. Bc of her experiences as a glorified toy and her subsequent abandonment, I feel like there’s a whole hidden trove of treasures in spinels history and personality that could really resonate with other characters that id personally love to explore. Like, with our pearl there’s the unspoken history they share with pink and how she really abandoned both of them. With garnet, there’s the fact that as a fusion shes never alone, compared to spinel who now has to come with grips that she was abandoned for millennia. There’s amethyst, and the shared feeling of not being good enough and the threat of being forgotten. Even with jasper, if you go into the dark meta of why spinel is so strong and indestructible, mostly for Pink’s personal use like jasper was, there’s that to relate to. 

but personally, i like the idea of her being depressed bff’s with lapis and peridot, lol its why i make them close in my fics

My unpopular opinion about this character

Ooooo im gonna start shit with this comment. Real stir the pot nonsense. Personally, i love all aspects of fiction, from the grotesque fucked up dead dove kinda horror to the fluffiest sweetest whump, all the way to the lusty smut. I love it all and love observing a character thru different lenses is mad fun but personally I feel the fandom was a little too hype to focus on the darker/yandere aspects of spinel rather than the potential she had as the most mature character on SU. i mean, did she lose her shit and try to murder a whole planet? Yah, but so have many other characters. What interests me about spinel is not only did she repent in under a day, she also made the active choice to leave the (semi)unconditional support steven offered her to seek her own growth, knowing that currently she was too toxic to really be a good friend and wanted to become healthier without his help, which is what actually drove me to start my own tumblr acct for it tbh. I’m not gonna police ppl and tell them what to write, im just gonna write the stuff I personally wanna see, which is how mature and self-aware spinel is rather than her more darker qualities.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

I’m still holding out my breath for the last half of suf to come through, but just in case they don’t I really want a confrontation between Spinel and a stressed-out Steven. I want spinel to be the one to recognize the signs of steven feeling alone and left behind, leading to him acting out and behaving irrationally, something she could really relate to. I want to uncover more about the history of her creation and life with Pink, and for her to be the person who helps steven instead of asking him for help like every other character does.

#suf #steven universe #spinel #su #asks #meta #my personal opinions lol #dont @ me #i said what i said

[swellwriting]

tagged by @kabeswaters​ and @fortisfiliae​ love u both sm <3 <3

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? it fluctuates but right now -1 

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #anxious

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? JAKE MOTHERFUCKING GYLLENHAAL 

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? i dont know what that is hah

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i guess some people don’t know i’m type one diabetic??

6. what’s your wake up ritual? uh phone, animal crossing, fruit loops, weed

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? I watch asmr videos cuz im usually high as fuck and they knock me out lol, or i watch tiktok or pillow talk with my bf nick.

8. what’s your favorite time of day? like 9 pm?

9. your go to for having a good laugh? my boyfriend always makes me laugh no matter how angry or upset i am so i’d talk to him uwu

10. dream country to visit? FRANCe specifically Paris oui oui with my french candian bullshit

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? when they announced 5sos was touring with one direction and i had tickets, never screamed so loud in my LIFE

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers duh

13. vintage or new? vintage babey

14. who do you want to write your obituary? ME from the great beyond, the only other person who knows me well enouhg is nick and i love him but he is very stupid.

15. style icon? uh harry styles, devon lee carlson, halsey, bella hadid, tyler the creator some normal people whos style i LOVE  from insta are rebeccaramsdale , kehllie , kikalateefff , yourgirlneens , lilxmg !

16. what are three things you cannot live without? phone, insulin, art, music

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? probs vanilla or hotsauce, the only two flavours.

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my dead brother DJ, kurt cobain andddd ryan dunn from jackass what a weird mix.

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? loosing my senses, loosing control, the fear that i am not actually real and ... oh spiders.

20. window or aisle seat? window 

21. what’s your current tv obsession? think its gonna be adventure time again

22. favorite app? instagram or discord so i can talk to my friends uwu

23. secret talent? i can speak french and giberish

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? camping i guess?

25. how would you define yourself in three words? anxious, empathetic, creative

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my vintage star wars shirt

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? blank tees, good quality blank tees!!! white black grey mhmhmh

28. a superpower you would want? i’d wanna be spidergirl

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing at all :(

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? my grade six teacher telling me that i was very empathetic as i was sitting at the back of the class crying because of the movie we were watching, she told me not everyone is empathetic like i am but its okay to be soft. but not to expect that from everyone else.

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? teenage me was a mess but not messy enough that i’d change anything. i’d just say, things get better but im currently back in the state teenage me was in so...i’d be lying. maybe that wanting to kill yourself does not count as a personality trait - and start reading comics earlier cuz u really like them.

32. a book everyone should read? i read wack books, everyone on tumblr should read fangirl tho

33. what would you like to be remembered for? something i created

34. how do you define beauty? self expression and individuality 

35. what do you love most about your body? wait people love their bodies? not everyone was severly damaged by online diet culture and thigh gap era tumblr? weird ok

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? weed or bath or a movie

37. favorite place to view art? there is an art gallery in saskatchewan that i love, i was suposed to go there this summer before corona took over :(((

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? either something short like “mellow” or fob style like “im so anxiuos all the time and nothing ever feels real and i dont know what im doing but somehow im doing pretty good while feeling prety bad and laughing through my tears lol.” or i’d steal “teen idle” by marina and the diamonds.

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar or piano because im lame at both.

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i want two moths above my knees rn

41 dolphins or koalas? neither

42. what’s an animal that represents you? im more of a pokemon, i think id be jigglypuff

43. best gift you’ve ever received? whenever nick buys me clothes from stussy or maybe infinity on high on vinyl.

44. best gift you’ve given? i bought nick the entire sin city comic series in one giant book.

45. what’s your favorite board game? monopoly

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? that weird pinky purple

48. diamond or pearls? pearls

49. drugstore makeup or designer? colour pop and fenty

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? tea

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pumpernickle is my fav one.

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? MILK

54. stairs or elevators? stairs

55. summer or winter? summer, canadian winters are brutal.

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? ur asking someone who has very specific comfort foods so i already do this - cheese bagel toasted with cream cheese and then toasted again to melt cheddar cheese on top. with a diet coke thats very important.

57. a dessert you don’t like? cheesecake 

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? im crazy so this is a lot but - writing , drawing and painting, polymer clay, sewing, resin art and pottery.

59. best thing to happen to you today? nothing

60. worst thing to happen to you today? the line at starbucks was too long and i had to get wendys instead, and a few other things i won’t mention.

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? whenever my mom says i remind her of my brother dj, when people say anything nice about my art or writing style. when people ask about my clothes. when my friend jess called me a “known softie” uwu

62. favorite smell? lavender

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, what would it be about? i’d talk about star wars for hours on end 

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? of mice and men made me ball my fucking eyes out

66. lipstick or lipgloss? chapstickk

67. sweet or savory? sweet

68. girl crush? Zendaya

69. how do you know you’re in love? idk ive just always been in love with nick (since i was 15) before i even really knew what love was, i guess if the other person feels like home, you know ur doing something right.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? nine in the afternoon by p!atd or a match into water by peirce the veil, over my head by fleetwood mac

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? harry styles that mysterious fucker

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? currently not looking forward to anything becase my life is super uncertain right now ha.. maybe the release of the chaos walking movie whenever that decides to happen.

tagging: i assume yall have been tagged in this already but just incase @beskarjedi @woakiees @bluemadcnna @carolinesbookworld  @theseuscmander and anyone else who wants to do this consider urself tagged.

#this said im depressed and i love my boyfriend #tag game #question game

[coffeestainstudy]

not to sound like a 2015-era “LISTEN UP IM GONNA LEARN YOU A THING” tumblr but there are NO posts for my FAVORITE painter!!!! stanislav plutenko FUCKS 

LOOK at this i LOVE this its like an illustration from a childrens book that doesnt exist i can FEEL the story just waiting to be told

GO LOOK AT HIS WEBSITE SO YOU CAN SEE THE EXPRESSIONS. THE RICHNESS OF HIS FABRICS. THE THINGS THIS MAN DOES WITH THE COLOR ORANGE COULD MAKE A GROWN MAN CRY.

LOOK HOW SOFT JESUS’S SKIN IS. THE WAY THE LIGHT HITS HIS FUZZY HEAD. THE QUALITY OF THE TIDDY. THE VIGILANCE WITH WHICH THE MOTHER MARY WATCHES HER CHILD, WHO SHE LOVES SO MUCH AND KNOWS SHE CANNOT PROTECT FROM HIS DESTINY EVEN AS HE LAYS IN HER ARMS. THE TRANSLUCENCE OF HER FINGERNAILS.

CANT YOU HEAR THEM LAUGHING, SMELL THEIR SMOKE, FEEL THEIR FONDNESS

IM NOT GETTING INTO HIS SURREALIST WORKS BECAUSE I WILL FOAM AT THE MOUTH BUT THEYRE GORGEOUS ANYWAY STAN STANISLAV

#long post #BUT LOOK ANYWAY ITS ABOUT ART #ITS EVEN GOT A TIDDY IN IT #A TASTEFUL ART TIDDY #art #painting #stanislav plutenko

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[win-cr-die]

sooooo i have finally reached 400 followers which i did not think would happen and let me say something, i love each and every one to death. when i first joined this fandom, i did not think that i would even hit that mark –– let alone make as many friends as i have so this is a little list compiled to say thank you to each and every one of your asses for taking me in as your own and loving on me, daenerys and margaery !!!! if you aren’t included on this list, know that i love you all the same and you’ll have to jump into my IM’s and befriend my ass okay. honestly, i like to think of myself as a friendly and welcoming person so if you’re wanting to do something or just even make a friend, jump at me, yell at me and claim me. but lets get down to business and talk about what we’re really here for –– my bias list which which i was gonna put under a read more to stop everyones dashes from clogging buuuuut everybody deserves to know the wonderful blogs that have impacted my ass !!!!

                                                                                       ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

MY SUN AND STARS  //  @kngcrw​

kitcat, you are barely online anymore and that murders me because not only are you a friend but you are literally a fucking sister to me. making connections on this ride only ever enhances the quality of your writing in my eyes and i’ve been lucky enough to find somebody like you. i hate referring to you as a tumblr friend because that’s not all you are ... you are my best friend, my ride or die and my partner in crime and i am blessed to get to speak to you every day and hear your dramas even if they do make me roll my eyes to the back of my head each time you go on a long and twisted story. god, you’re a nightmare but you’re my nightmare and i cannot wait until the day your muse returns from the long lost war. my arms are wide fucking open waiting for you okay !!!!

THE CRYPT BITCHEZ  //  @quccnnorth @wclfcrown @dracaesanguinem @thcbull @lghtbrnger @sisterofthousands​ @fjarra

jesus christ. long live the crypt bitchez !!!! you guys have been my rocks for so bloody long and i’m so lucky to have found myself in some morbidly fucked up friendship group that makes the most sickening jokes but also uplifts me when i’m all moody. honestly, you guys make me laugh to death and at times you’ve made me cry but never in a bad way. i truly feel like i have found a home in you guys and we’re not a clique i s2g but a family so thank u all for always making me feel like i have a place with you all. idk where i would actually be at in terms of writing without any of you around because you have taught me so much when it comes to developing my own characters and i feel so lucky that i get to watch all of your own characters beautiful growth ... even if it is as cracky as a crack den

MY HOMIES  //  @curiouscast @alordnamedsnow​ @brideofxdragons @xiledbear​ @theyoungxwolf​ @missandei-of-naath​ @blodistridi​ @asynjja​ @xneedlepoint @luciddreamsx​ @stagnot​ @zaldrczes @wclfsncw​ @rebxrnbyfire​ @ofimaginarybeings​ @chevalier-de-la-fleurs​ @ladybelmore​ @foolsgoldt​

you guys have near enough been my back bone in providing me with threads that make me go all heart eyed and plots that tear my heart from my ribcage ... as well as friendships that just make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. listen, i love writing and talking with each and every one of you. thank you so much for being beautiful writing partners and friends that make me chuckle in some really weird awkward way whether i’m at home in my bedroom or out in public reading my phone. listen, you are all the BOMB and i am blessed to have you all on my dash and in my messages. i’m raising my bottle of water as a toast to doing more shit in the future because i love you guys so much okay !!!! i have made some beautiful ass friendships and don’t want to be on this crazy writing journey without any of you whether we write together or we’re just pals on this crazy old site. thank u guys for being the sweetest and nicest bunch of people that i have ever met and heres to whatever we do in the future

THOSE WHO PUT UP WITH ME  //  @killthebxy @serbriennecftarth @longmayshereignxcersei @reignfyre @secondaryking @goldcnlicn @rhaegail @wolveshonor @regalthorn @goldcnhand @thewhxtewclf @songtouch​ @thekingslxyer @wolfqueennamedstark @fallesto @champagne-coca1ne-gasoline​ @lessereviltm @ironbloodied​ @notenoughmuses @boysbackintown @allthosevoices @blackasniight @wedonotscw @sixthofhisname @ladyoftheiris @lordofthewatch ( aka my pop friend )

i have no idea how you guys have dealt with me jumping into your inboxes and spamming the hell out of you with thread ideas and just general chit chat but just know that i love and value you all to death, whethers it me or you who owes on a thread. i adore writing ( and just talking random shiteeeee tbh ) with each of you as i know i don’t have consistent and ongoing threads with everybody on this list or in some cases, i’ve written with you on previous blogs and have had to keep tabs on you or threads just haven’t taken off  but !!!! yeah i love writing the characters that we’ve brought together whether they be in the most au absurd of ways or beaaaaautiful plots but just know that i would wait an eternity just to write with you guys and thank you so much for taking time out of your day to actually invest in me ?? i’m such a whirlwind, like i’m hyperactive and yet you all seem to tolerate me. god, keep on writing with me please because i would die if any of you just disappeared from my dash

ADMIRING FROM AFAR  //  @zcldrizes @mcsttrusted​ @boltxnbastard @exilekniight​ @thecomplication​ @behindaccents​ @crowncdcrow @viperspear @paetriarch @thesellsword @tyrion​ @jonsnowtm​ @i-will-break-the-wheel​ @xdraecarys​ @artfulprecision​ @jorah--the-andal​ @cqtelyn​ @tyrxshisword​ @perzyr​ @freefiire​ @lyspider​

there are a few of you that i’ve had minor interractions with, some that i have never spoken to before and others who i’m not even mutuals with but who doesn’t love a little random positivity !!!! each time one of you flashes up on my dash, i am so in awe of whatever it is that i’m reading or looking at and i think that you guys deserve to be part of this bias list for just making my dash a beautiful place to be. thanks for portraying your characters in such an amazing light, even despite season eight sloooowly falling downhill. you guys, even though you all seem to be drowning in threads, deserve to know how much you’re appreciated on the dash –– even by a small old lil blog like mine that’s only hit 400 !!!!

#bias list. ♡♡ #honestly this just seems like me being a kiss ass i know but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i just want to spread some love and positivity okay and let everyone know #how valued they are and what assets they are to the dash #man this took TIME #[[ ooc ]]. #[[ about the mun ]].