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the-illiterate-pirate · 1 year

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Begging to request something sfw for tooru from jojolion. I can't find fics of him anywhere. Idc what you do, maybe how he confesses? Him pining after reader? I'm deprived man.

Hi hello ty for the request! Apologies for the long wait!

Bad Case of Lovin' You

Notes: CW for scraps and cuts mentioned as well as hospitals, fem!reader in mind, it's talked about the reader having a long term illness but it isn't specified about but takes a part in the story. Also trying to get this out quick and I'm tired so I'll try to go over it for errors later

TG University was always so boring and lame. Until Tooru got to see you. Tooru didn't care if he wasn't allowed to have these feelings for a patient. He... was it even possible? He felt so passionately about you. Something inside his cold, rocky heart came to life when you visited him. Nothing else was able to elicit so much feeling from him. Aside from music. But he couldn't explain why.

You had been coming to the University hospital for years now. Some case of an unknown disease that you were plagued with from a very young age. Most of the time you came in for little checkups to make sure your health wasn't dwindling. But you did come in once every few months for more intense testing.

Tooru could tell when you were nervous. He meets a lot of patients, but you were one of the easier ones to read. So animated and loud. He.. kind of enjoyed it. Even the light check ups frightened you. Sometimes he indulged in the idea of coddling you, kind of like a baby. Holding you in his arms made him feel so warm, feeling your skin under his fingers set a fire in his loins. He just wished he could tell you.

"Just another checkup today?" Tooru asked you, sliding in next to the examination table you were sat on. He had his clipboard ready, earbuds dangling on their wires rested on his shoulders. The music was loud enough to hear, but nothing that took his warm, puppy eyes away from you. It sounded like some slow, American rock you couldn't understand.

You hum as an answer, bobbing your head up and down in an exaggerated nod. He noticed your hands never left the hem on your skirt. They bunched up the fabric in fists, and showed off the comfy, thick black leggings you were wearing and all of the nicks and tears. Underneath were pretty bandaids in all types of colors. Duly noted.

"Hmm. If so then there's no need to get the doctor, I could check you out for him. I mean, if you don't mind."

"Oh, it's no problem! I trust you're just as c as Doctor Wu, Tooru-kun." You shyly wave of his unease and Tooru is quickly back to normal. He never lets his face leave his clipboard. He can't stand looking at your face directly. Your sweet face, and your doe eyes that looked down at him with so much worry. You were such a wreck.

He read over the paperwork. Nothing new has popped up, he's supposed to check out your breathing and heartbeat. Should be easy enough.

Right. Let's start. He stood up, hands already clean with those familiar blue gloves. Tooru grabbed the stethoscope, putting it to his ears, the cold shiny piece in hand, "May I?"

You hum again, quickly bringing up the hem of your shirt just a little to give him a peak of your bare back.

"This is gonna be cold." Tooru warned quietly.

"It always is." You sigh, but Tooru chuckled a little.

The metal piece pressed into your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. The piece traveled up, then stopped. "Breathe in," Tooru told you, you complied.

He moved it again, the stopped. "Again."

This went on for a moment. Tooru subconsciously leaned into you. He could feel your warmth, smell the perfume you chose that day. You always smelt good, it was such a good contrast to the sad smell of disinfectant and old people. Hammering in his ears was your heartbeat. Just slightly faster than normal, but Tooru could chalk it up to anxiety. He liked to think he had an even worse affect on you then you did on him.

"Well, your pulse is normal. Your lungs sound a bit congested, but all around okay. Is there anything I need to know?" Tooru spoke while taking off the stethoscope and placing it to the side.

"I think it's just allergies, I feel a little stuffed up but other than that I'm fine!" You said in a rather cheery tone.

The nurse nodded, "Good. I can get you a prescription for some medicine to help with that." And his eyes lowered to your ruined leggings. "And maybe some ointment for those?"

You didn't understand what he was talking about until he pointed down. Your skirt was still pushed up to your thighs, all the holes and cuts in your legs visible. It was embarrassing, you quickly fixed the hem but the damage was already done. "O-Oh! I slipped on some ice this morning and took a pretty nasty fall. I cleaned them out with soapy water, though!"

He hummed a little but made it over to the cabinet over the sink. "Maybe we should put some Neosporin on them just to be safe? It looks like you have quite a few... I wouldn't feel good about letting you go home like that."

"Aw, Tooru-kun, you're so sweet!"

There it was. That skip in his heart when you said his name.

He was staring at the bright colors peaking out from your leggings. The holes in them were too big, more like they've been ripped rather than stretched out. He couldn't work through them, so maybe the best course of action would to be... Ask you to take off your clothes.

"M-Maybe you should put this on." Tooru loudly declared, offering you the bottle of ointment. "It'd be best to take off the leggings and put them back on. I'll turn around and make sure I don't look."

He acknowledged the stuttering agreement from you, walking off behind you to the sink, hiding his face in his hands. You got to work quickly, Tooru heard the sound of clothes shuffling, the light noise of bandaids being quickly ripped off to not cause any pain. With his heating face in his hands he could only hear what was happening, and imagining it in his brain despite how much he wanted to ignore it.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why was it only you that made him feel so nervous?

No. He knew exactly what it was. Your sweet nature, the cute little faces you make when you're surprised or anxious or happy, you had amazing taste in music. Tooru saw you the most out of any of his other regulars. And you just happened to be his age. Because of your sickness you were weaker than most, and that all just made Tooru want to protect you even more. If he were a robot, he'd be short-circuiting. All of these feelings were so foreign to him.

He chanced a peak behind him. Nothing important was seen, just the back of your head. The movements you made told Tooru you were being gentle with yourself, softly applying the healing gel to your wounds, taking your time.

You were so fragile. If just a trip on asphalt can do so much damage to you... What could another human being do to you? Tooru dreaded the thought.

"I'm done, Tooru-kun."

"Ah, good. I've got some new bandaids right here." He masked the shaking of his arm by reaching above to grab the metal tin. "I've got the pastel ones for you, I thought you'd like them the best."

He was rewarded with a soft giggle of yours. "You know me so well."

"I'd be a little sad if I didn't... You are my favorite patient after all." Tooru looked down. Your legs looked a little better than he expected, still cut and bruised, but nothing serious. That was good. He glanced back at the bandaid tin, and offered it to you. "Here, I'll give you some more privacy."

"You don't have to. I mean–! I don't mind having you here with me, Tooru. You won't try to hurt me, I know you won't."

"Are... Are you sure..? I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."

With a little blush, you shyly admitted, "There's no way you could make me uncomfortable, Tooru-kun."

So he sat with you, decorating your legs in pretty bandaids. You on one leg, him on the other. Tooru was very careful not to hurt you, not to stare, not to do anything to make this strangely intimate scene anything less.

After all was said and done, you stood back up to put on your leggings. Seeing all the pastel colors peak through the tears, you groan. "I guess I gotta buy some new leggings... I was in a hurry, so I couldn't change before this appointment."

Tooru let out an airy laugh. "It would be for the best."

This was it. Maybe he could ask you now. Your appointment was the last on his shift. Well, the patient before you was supposed to be his last. But he really wanted to see you. So he waited. There was that fruit parlor a couple blocks away he wanted to go out and try. Tooru hoped you wanted to go with him. Romantically or not, he'd love to try any fruits with you.

"Ah, Tooru-kun? Are we gonna finish up my check up now?"

"Oh! Right, right! I was so busy worrying about your cuts, I almost totally forgot!"

No... Maybe it's for the best that he wait. It would be pretty weird if your nurse just popped the question on you so suddenly... Tooru could be patient, he'd wait until the time was right, when he was sure you liked him back, more or less, and when you got to feeling better. He was sure it would come soon.

#jojo no kimyou na bouken #jjba #jojolion #tooru jojo #tooru x reader #jjba x reader

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terresdebrume · 5 months

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11, 18, and 19, any ship with Lieb please!

[From Ship Ask Game: The Basics]

Hi, and thank you for the ask! Sorry for the delay, I had to drive to my vacation place and I quite forgot about this ask in favor of the swimming pool^^" I'm going to do this with Webgott, which will probably surprise no one who's been on this blog for the past couple weeks :P

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

So I don't think David grew up with pet names. I tend to imagine his family as more formal & conservative, which is why it suits him fine that Lieb isn't terribly big on them either. (He does call Lieb Liebling or occasionally Liebe though, because it's a connection to the second language they share and also it's such an easy connection to make that Joe rolls his eyes every time.) But then one day Lieb calls him some kind of pet name, most likely in bed, and it turns out David actually really likes them, especially from Lieb. Lieb thinks it's a kink thing and there's a bit of that, but mostly it's the connection and intimacy that comes with it which David can't get enough of.

Meanwhile, Joe (who did very much grow up in a pet names, or at least fond nicknames family) makes fun of David every time he calls him any variation of Liebe but also privately loves it and definitely feels the sting when they have a spat and David only calls him Joe/Lieb. The reason he doesn't use pet names for David at first is because he's trying to safeguard himself (like, even in a modern AU: David is 7 years younger and much richer and they don't exactly start in the smoothest way so it seems safer to expect something to go wrong) Until the fateful day when he calls David something like 'sweetheart' or 'princess'...and having the excuse of it being a kink thing (I imagine Joe sticks with pet names in the same vein time for a long while before he abandons the pretense of kink) makes it easier for him to get more secure in the lasting power an their relationship and get more casual but also more creative (because using unusual names like 'little shark' makes David snort but also it's easier to be goofy than it is to be sincere) I don't know if he'd move to more classical nicknames after that. I think it could go either way tbh.

Also, I think they would both be the type to also make a note of the nicknames the other genuinely dislikes (but doesn't really hate) so that they can use them when they want to be a little shit.

18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

Joe immediately goes into caretaker mode. He makes soup, cuddles, fusses with the blankets, and only starts being sarcastic about it once David is on the mend from whatever it was, however minor.

Because of the background I imagine for David in terms of reaction to illness, I think he'd be a lot more indirect about it. He badgers Joe into going to see the doctor (Yes, it's worth spending the money), rereads their insurance policies and orders the meds from the pharmacy. He makes sure to be quiet and does what he can to keep the household running while Joe's incapacitated (it does involve ordering some chicken soup).

I figure the first time either of them gets sick is a rocky step in their relationship, especially if it happens early on, because David doesn't know how to be vaguely courteous when he's sick (like when he has a headache, he has to make a conscious effort not to be an ass if Joe makes too much noise while making him something to eat, for example) and Joe doesn't immediately realize David isn't actually indifferent (he's just used to someone's absence being the sign they're trying to be considerate) but once they figure things out they learn to acomodate each other: David does the insurances papers with Joe's head on his lap, and Joe keeps his chatter quieter than usual.

And then they realize they both love it when the other reads to them and it's pretty much smooth sailing from there.

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry?

I think one of David's greatest tragedies is that if he tries to wear Joe's stuff he stretches it out and makes it unwearable, which means he can't just steal stuff from Joe's wardrobe whenever he wants.

On the other hand, Joe doesn't feel comfortable enough in David's style of clothing to steal anything from him except the ratty old Harvard sweatshirt that David keeps pointing out is full of holes and stains, because the cat climbs on it and Joe wears the damn thing every time he does any kind of DIY in the colder months.

Joe usually has a bunch of projects going on in December, right before David goes to visit his parents for the holidays, at which point the sweatshirt mysteriously disappears until the next time David starts a load of laundry.

#almost a class act #Assbox adventures #Assbox Games #Band of Brothers #David Webster #Joe Liebgott #Webgott #I can have more than one ship in a fandom #But I rarely ship a character in multiple different relationships #I can read it no issues #I just don't generally go for it myself #So except on request you're most likely not going to see Joe x Anyone but Webster on this blog

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your-queer-dad · 2 months

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(Vent sorry, not about queerness I just have nowhere else to say this where I'll get any sort of response)

Ive been having to deal with so much stuff lately. Like I was fine when I was in the midst of severe depression cause I didn't think I'd live very long anyways but now I need to come to terms with everything I've been ignoring for at least a year and at most my whole life. Like I'm AuDHD in a decently ableist family (middle/working class white cishet moderate leftists who think they're very progressive, you know the type) and I've had absolutely shit experiences with the people who should be helping me with that stuff (my old therapist was actively uneducated and ableist, my psychiatrist was a white cishet man in his 60s or 70s and I had to teach him what masking is and how adhd and autism present in AFAB people) which makes that really difficult in general because all my friends know I have AuDHD but I can't officially come out and say that I do because my family will deny it and tell me I'm being attention seeking and looking for excuses for being lazy and a flawed person. I also don't physically look the way I've been convincing myself I look naturally for a long time (yay anorexia recovery) and it's just messing me up a lot because when I look at my reflection I just feel visceral disgust. I'm still on the lower end of a healthy weight, but I can only see a few of my ribs now and my stomach isn't flat anymore. Everyone else says they can't notice but I feel like I've lost everything that made me good, and I'm scared that gaining weight is going to stop me from passing. I hate being with my parents and I just feel like I'm a horrible person for that, I only got hit once and other than that they're just toxic and sort of manipulative/emotionally abusive. They try their best they just can't raise me right and I feel like shit for that. I wish I could be spending more time outside, but I had a medical emergency thing on Tuesday (my mom doesn't let me call it a seizure because we don't know for sure) and I'm scared that that's going to happen again, and my constant joint pain has just gotten worse. My friends are telling me that I need to talk to a doctor about this, but the wait time for rheumatology is insane and my parents thing I'm making it up/exaggerating/looking for attention and even if they believe me they don't think it's important and worth getting help for. I'm scared that I'm going to die, last time it happened my entire body went numb and stiff and I couldn't move and I was just twitching for like 15 minutes. I also completely lost my vision before this happened, and it was greyscale/coming back slowly for the entire thing, plus I could barely hear anything. If that happens again I genuinely think that I might die. I also have scars all over my legs and chest and I have to either hide them or find some sort of explanation for them that won't make the people I work with during the summer think I'm not suited for working with kids (summer camp counseling). I spent all of last year thinking I was never going to turn 15 and now I kind of wish I hadn't.

I want to live but it's all so overwhelming and if I falter or let my parents see that I'm scared, they'll force me into the role of a small child and start treating me like a toddler or an animal like they always do. I just don't know what to do and I know it's horrible and selfish and disgusting but I just wish my mom would die. I can't live like this, it's only 3 more years but I'm just so scared. She keeps threatening me and saying I won't get into college or I'm failing high school because of how long I was out of school due to psych ward stuff even though she knows that not getting into college is my main fear- if that happens, I can't keep going. I know that I'm going to kill myself if I can't get into college. After that I'm still going to need to pay off student loans and I might not have my best friend with me (if I have him ill be okay and he says that he promises he'll try to live with me in college) and I just can't deal with that. I need to catch up on school and I need to learn to drive and then I need to get ready for my job in the summer and I need to make sure my grades are good enough for colleges to want me and I need to get people to like me and I just can't do it. I don't want to die but I feel like it's the only answer, I'm just not capable of doing this. I'm not supposed to be alive. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Sorry about the rant you don't need to answer at all I know this is a lot

-🔆

Hey kiddo. Please please don't apologise for reaching out, I'm here for you and I'm always here for you, night and day my inbox and DMs are always open to anyone who needs to talk.

God, it sounds like you've had a rough deal. I understand where you're coming from. With parents, it's so hard when they don't do what they're supposed to do as parents and they don't understand you or believe you when you ask for help. It's awful and I am so sorry.

From the sounds of things, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, as well as all that pressure around you. As scary as the future is, it isn't going to creep up on you one day. It's tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that and every single day after that. You have time to breathe and rest and do whatever you need to do. You can't do everything at once, you're only human- and expecting yourself to do everything at once only caused burn out and stress.

Also, as a person who's gone through eating disorder recovery- weight doesn't stop you from passing. I promise you it doesn't. It's a good thing! It's a sign that all the work you've done recovering has paid off. I'm proud of you.

Keep your head up kiddo, I'm so so proud of you. Remember to take care of yourself, let yourself breathe and don't expect yourself to do everything all at once. I'm here anytime you need to talk.

Love you,

- dad x

#finch rambles #ask a finch!

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yaksha-lover · 11 months

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This might get a bit long, but I'll try to simplify everything, so sorry for that. Also, English is not my first language!!

Talking about specifically type-1 diabete: it's essentially an autoimmune disease where the pancreas is completely destroyed by your own organism. The pancreas creates the insulin hormone, that regulates the presence of sugar in the blood- which means that diabete is a disability characterized by very high level of sugar in the blood.

The level of sugar in a diabetic's blood is very unstable, unlike a non-diabetic person, since it can't regulate by itself: there can be low sugar, which means that there is not enough sugar in your blood- it is a very unpleasant feeling, and a few of the tells that one might have low sugar are, for example (and they can all vary in severity) general weakness, mental fog, general confusion, difficulty in talking, difficulty in moving, shaking, palpitations, death and anxiety. For some reason. When someone loses blood their sugar starts to drop- this is isn't as much of a problem in a non-diabetic person as it would be in a diabetic person, obviously, especially since our sugar level naturally drops faster and more severly than a non-diabetic person. Do deal with low-sugar you gotta eat, especially sugary things.

There is also high sugar level, which means that that the sugar in our blood is above the average. This means that a diabetic's blood is also sweet, which. Lol. Generally speaking, the symptoms are similar to those of low-sugar, with an added thirst that just doesn't go away no metter how much you drink. To deal with it you need to use insulin- depending on how high it is, if it's not by much, a bit of physical exercise will help you and you won't need insulin. Because physical extersion make your sugar drop.

Low-sugar and high-sugar also cause sudden (possibly severe) changes in one's emotion, and a person emotion can also have an effect of their sugarl level.

A diabetic person needs insulin, and it can be used trough either an insulin pump or a syringe (that we call insulin pen), but there also different types of insulin that a diabetic person needs to take. A T1 specifically, since they are insulin-dependent, also shouldn't go too many hours without insulin. We also need to check our sugar multiple times a day, for which we have devices.

Diabete also effects your health in general, also in the long run. It can bring to heart problems, kidneys (if I remember correctly) problems, vision problems and so on- usually we start to take different type of medicine to protect ourselves long before these problems start to manifest themselves.

So like, I'm going to assume that Lilia is going to get a diabetic MC the medical equipment that they need...unless like. They want to get rid of them??? Which would be an incredibly unkind and horrible/painful/slow way to take out a diabetic person, let me tell you that. But also??? Diabetic people do have to do certain blood exams yearly (to check, you know, if you are not dying even faster than what you are supposed to as a diabetic), which I guess can be taken without actually having to go to a doctor directly. But also, we do have to AT LEAST once in a while (teorically speaking, once every eight months, but let's be real, no one actually does that) meet with our specific diabetologist to discuss whether we should change insulin, the amount, whether we should start taking this type of medicine, stop taking this etc etc. Would Lilia allow the visit? Would he switch our primary diabetologist to a doctor that he trust?😭 Because the bureaucracy of it would be such a pain in the ass😭😭

But also, yeah, sorry for how long it was, but I was curious! Especially since. Y'know. Vampires like blood and all. How would they react?

First of all, thanks sm for taking the time to write all this it was very detailed and helpful!! I knew the basics but I wasn’t sure about the details so it was very informative :)

In terms of vamp au, Lilia would def get MC anything they needed for their health and allow doctor visits for sure, he’d probably just want to accompany you (which is partially out of concern!). Lilia does feel badly about keeping MC at the mansion against their will, so he would go to any length to make sure they stay safe and as healthy as possible.

The other vampires would definitely be much more careful around MC, refusing to ever do anything that would put them in danger like trying to take their blood (even if they would enjoy the taste, that would never take priority). Even if MC was dating one of them, they would still refuse. They def keep snacks for diabetic!MC around too, in case they have low-sugar at any moment. Lilia would ensure everyone treated MC well because he considers them his guest and under his protection.

#don’t apologize for the length you were helping me out!!#au asks #twst vampire au

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orra48 · 7 months

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Sentry: A Post Mortem

Sentry was a character I played for over 2 years for a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. He was truly my first long term fictional character of my own creation. I never really thought of myself as a writer (still don't really as you'll probably agree with me if you read this whole thing) or a creative of any type for the longest time, eventually I opened up myself more to the idea of creation and art in 2020 (a lot happened personally and globally then). I feel compelled to write SOMETHING about him instead of just keeping it all in my head, because... well... he finally died. Sentry's original concept was supposed to be something of a lone ranger/Goblin Slayer/Mandalorian/Kartos kind of a character. A bounty hunter whose purpose was lost to him but was being called to what we called the Etherium. Boring sure, not too much of a past beyond coming to the world without any sense of who he was and what to do and a past relationship with a character that my SO (the DM) came up with. Long story short, he became a bit less robotic (funny because he was a warforged) and starts getting a personality. He eventually finds out he is an ever reincarnating champion (he had even seen some of his previous lives albeit briefly) of the Raven Queen. I don't know too much about other Warlocks, but I think the stereotype is that they don't want to be in service of whoever they are with. Sentry was not like that at all. He was a Paladin wearing the mask of a Warlock. Once he knew of his relationship with the Raven Queen, he knew he was a weapon to be used for... something. He didn't care, he knew he was being sent to remove a problem, and his god was going to lead him down the path to get him to that problem. I really had to think about what Death meant to him, especially because he was champion of the Raven Queen. I had to make a choice for him. Either he would despair being trapped for eternity for a choice that essentially someone else made for him... or embrace it.

I chose to embrace it. For a few reasons. First, one of my favorite artists (Flying Lotus) did a song about death (Never Catch Me). There's a lot of different ways to interpret the song but I basically broke it down to something along the lines of embrace the moments you have, keep fighting, and don't let the fear or sadness of death keep you down. At one point we kind of jokingly had to pick a song that we thought represented our characters, this was the one I chose. Second, going on the whole Warlock stereotype, why not go against the grain and embrace that, yeah, in some ways he's being controlled, but he obviously so strongly wanted this in the past there must be some reason why he had chosen to do this. He needs to trust in his decisions and trust in himself. Third, I think it's just the kind of headspace I wanted to be in when it came to my thoughts about death. Really what kind of sparked me to introduce more creativity in my life was because of the passing of my dog the year before. When it had happened of course I mourned, but I knew that if I really wanted to get over it I would need to change the rhythm of my life that I had danced to before into something new and spontaneous.

Especially with the whole reincarnation deal and whatnot, I would start to play Sentry more like the Doctor (from Doctor Who). A person that to a lot of people see as entirely mad and doesn't take things seriously when perhaps they should. Sentry would talk way less to an enemy than the Doctor would... so maybe not like the Doctor at all considering that aspect! I have my own feelings about Doctor Who that I'm not gonna get into, but one thing that always stuck out to me was The Tenth Doctor's regeneration scene (David Tennant to Matt Smith). He is pained, knows the metaphorical train is coming, and can't stop it. "I don't want to go." It really, I think, encapsulates all the incarnations feelings about regeneration, they all want more time to some degree, but Tennant's desire to keep going just sticks out so much more in comparison to others that it just stuck with me. Combining all that I knew what would essentially be Sentry's last words. "I just wish I had had more time". Not to be said in an agonizing way or anything. No, he always knew the train was coming, he just didn't know when. To dwell on it, to be scared of it, run from it, it wouldn't make a difference. He of all people knew that, so why fight it? If it was meant for him, the only thing he would care about was that in his heart of hearts that he had done everything he could to try to prevent it. And that's basically the end he got. He lived his life how he wanted even if he was ultimately just there to serve a god. A madman who remembered way too much about who he had been, essentially relived a few different past lives in an instant and becoming not really one person but multiple versions of his past self all wrapped up into one being that was just trying to do what he thought was right to keep himself from truly breaking, and someone who just wanted to get the most out of his life. He died protecting those that were closest to him (and one person he didn't really care about because he didn't know them but hey good for them). Probably the closest of whatever Sentry truly was, is, and will ever be across all his reincarnations.

I just wish I had gotten more time to spend with him.

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Just one final end fact about Sentry and his fate beyond death (he's a reincarnating champion after all). In the campaign we played at one point we get to see what everyone's soul looks like. It was kind of a throwaway for me but I had said his soul looked like a forest with an elk at the center of it. Towards the end (for this one shot that I knew would be canonically the end for him though I didn't know if he would die) I thought back to his soul, and came to the conclusion that his "true" self is a time dragon that entered into the service of the Raven Queen. I thought this would work for a multitude of reasons (his unexplained obsession with dragons for one, reincarnation after death another), but I found artwork that had a time dragon's horns sort of look like an elk's to me. His last time being with any of the characters (his son was the only one who got the privilege to see his true end) got to spend a moment of time with him in that forest before he was whisked away by his true self. I doubt anyone remembers that tidbit about seeing the character's souls but I thought it was a good way to close his chapter if anyone did. I only had to change things slightly to make it work! So why did the time dragon enter service of the Raven Queen? Not sure yet. Maybe it loved her, maybe it just knew it was meant to do this. Maybe there's some grand scheme the dragon has to do all this. Only time will tell, but that's for another time.

Also why didn't we ever call him a wereforged? He was a werebear warforged hybrid!

#dnd #original character #character analysis #post mortem #spent way too long on this #tumblr text editor sucks

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eolewyn1010 · 2 years

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Newspaper article for a change! Lucy is up and about, minus one (1) immortal soul, plus an urge to drink the blood of several little children. Charming. I bet Renfield is dying from envy. So far, she hasn't killed any, but she lures or takes them away from their way home and nips a bit before letting them go. Clever of her to take very young children who can't give much detail beyond "there was a bloofer lady" (which I've read elsewhere means "beautiful lady", and I'll run with it). I think it's funny that they suspect a dog of biting the children, what with Dracula's doggo days... Not so funny is that Lucy is not all that concerned with how weakened she leaves the kids. Can't be long before she takes it too far.

Mina is meeting van Helsing. Beforehand, she tells her journal and us that she wants to learn more about Lucy's last days in this life, but also can't get Jonathan's journal out of her head and hopes some light can be shed on his experiences. What a neat concidence. Stoker, your characters are not clairvoyant. Then Mina allows us the tiniest look into her actual emotions - stress over all the shit that's been going down, nervousness over having let her still-not-all-that-well Jonathan out of sight for the first time since they married, grief for all her losses, confusion about the journal, guilt for feeling she hasn't done enough for Lucy and Mrs. Westenra - and has a good cry. God, don't I sympathize.

And... it was all about Jonathan after all. Well, at least Mina has a ton more words to feel sorry for him rather than for Lucy once her meeting with van Helsing is over. Not to speak of dedicating an entire paragraph to the latter's goddamn looks. Mina, I do know that a head is typically to find on the neck (and if not, it's probably Dracula's fault). And with the phrenology again. Anyway. Van Helsing asks for a full report on Lucy's somnambulism adventures; Mina takes the opportunity to brag about her shorthand, but once he's appropriately impressed, she tells him all that happened and they have lunch together. Van Helsing insta-crushes on Mina, can't blame him, and drops this queer-dreamy bit: "I [...] who have studied all my life men and women", so Ace Abe is officially Bi Abe now. He inquires about Jonathan, Mina pours her heart out, and Stoker gets in the obligatory sexism about how there are "still good women left who make life happy" (go suck on a blood blister, Stoker; I'd make you miserable on purpose!) and that Mina must take care of herself solely to keep Jonathan happy. I'm not having a good day to be graceful about this bullshit.

However, I'm here for Mina admitting to van Helsing that what she's about to tell him of Jonathan's misadventures is "queer". Heh, it sure is. I refuse to let go of this joke. Van Helsing gets the type-written copy of Jonathan's travel account, having promised Mina not to wave off all the weird stuff as foolishness. He asks Mina to see Jonathan on a date with him the other day after he has read through everything she has given him, and that very same evening, he sends her a brief note, confirming everything Jonathan has lived through as true. FINALLY! I think that's the first factual statement van Helsing made regarding this! Can we stop talking in "I have to be sure"s and vague speculations yet? He's also majorly impressed by Jonathan's sheer brainless balls on having survived Castle Dracula, having escaped from there, and having whacked the sleeping Count with a shovel. That's the type of guy who's immune to long-term PTSD! Trust van Helsing on that matter; the man's a doctor. Mina is relieved for half a minute that Jonathan is not hallucinating hardcore, then realizes the implications of Dracula being a goddamn reality just over in London. She invites van Helsing to drop by for breakfast as soon as Jonathan has come back next morning. I assume she wants to tether the polycule back together, now that the Lucy glue is missing.

#Dracula Daily #hope we hear more of the bloofer Lady #also Mina and van Helsing. the braincells have met

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uncloseted · 2 years

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How does one go about soul searching? I've been depressed for so long that idk who I am anymore. Everyone around me is constantly in my ear telling me what I should do with my life. In my current environment I feel so pressured and depressed that I can't actually think about what I WANT to do with my life and idk what makes me happy. I need a break from everyone and everything. I have such an urge to just runaway from life and travel but I know as a young single woman it'd be dangerous

First things first, if you haven't already, it may be a good idea to see a therapist, psychiatrist, or primary care doctor about your depression. They can help you feel better, which might also help you regain your sense of self, set boundaries with the people around you, and explore what you really want.

Assuming that you've done that or are doing that, there are a few things you can try in order to identify what you want in life. I've suggested these exercises before in the context of figuring out what kind of career a person might want, but I think they're good in terms of figuring out what you want to do with your life, too.

What Does Your Perfect Life Look Like?

I would start by just thinking about what you would do if you had unlimited time and resources. What kind of life would you lead? Where would you live? What would you spend your time doing? Who would you be with? Would you have pets? Kids? What would your daily routine look like? I think it can be helpful to think about what your perfect life would look like because it can help you to figure out what you feel like you're missing. It can also help you identify what you want to do differently, and allow you to think about changes you might make to make your life look more like the life you're imagining. Sometimes, our perfect lives aren’t actually as our of reach as we initially think. Once you have your perfect life thought out, it's also a good idea to consider the opposite. What kind of life could you absolutely not stand living? What kind of day-to-day life would make you miserable? What do you feel like you need in order to be happy? Knowing what you don't want is often as important as knowing what you do want.

Another way to approach this same type of task is to write down a list of 100 desires that you have. These can be big or small, professional or personal, realistic or unrealistic- just put down whatever comes to mind. Doing this can help you to become more aware of what you really want and help you to identify patterns.

Identify Your Values

Next, I would do some exercises to identify your values. What are the things that are the most important to you in your life? Your values should determine your priorities, and the more you're living in alignment with your values, the more fulfilled you're likely to feel. To identify what your values are, you can ask yourself questions like:

When have I been the happiest? What was I doing, and who (if anyone) was I doing those things with? What factors were contributing to my happiness?

When have I been the most proud of myself? Did other people share my pride? If so, who? What other factors contributed to my feelings of pride in myself?

When have I felt the most fulfilled and satisfied? What needs or desires were fulfilled? How and why did this experience feel fulfilling or satisfying? What other factors contributed to those feelings?

Once you've answered these questions, then you can start thinking about which personal values mean the most to you. There's a list of values here to get you started. Try to pick 10 values. Then from that list of 10, prioritize your top values. Look at the first two values and ask yourself, "if I could satisfy only one of these, which would I choose?" Keep working through the list until you have your values in order.

Then, look at your top values and make sure they fit with how you view your life. Would they fit into the perfect life you designed? Do these values make you feel good about yourself? Are you proud of your top three values? Would you be comfortable telling these values to people you respect and admire? Do they represent things you would support? If the answer is yes, then you've identified your values. If not, think about what else you might include or which values you might take off of the list.

Character Traits

Another tool I really like for soul searching is the VIA Character Institute Strengths Survey. If you've been around here a while, you may have heard me talk about this before. It's basically a survey that helps you identify your best qualities and that gives you advice on how to apply them in your day to day life. Researchers have found that people who regularly use four of their top seven VIA Character Strengths in their job are more likely to think of their job as a “calling” and report job satisfaction, and people who use their Strengths in their day to day life are happier overall. My Strengths actually line up pretty well with my Values from the previous exercise, and I imagine that's pretty common.

Ikigai: Your Reason For Being

Finally, I would think about the concept of ikigai- your “reason for being”. The idea is that your ikigai sits at the intersection of the things you love, the things you’re good at, the things the world needs, and the things you can be paid for. Write down a list for each category- anything you can think of, whether it’s realistic or not. Include things that we might not think of as traditional “career” skills, like being really good at using social media or playing video games or reading books. In the right context, those are marketable skills, too. Once you have your lists, look for overlaps in each category. Try your best to think creatively about how you can combine the different categories to find a job that you’ll enjoy.

Final Thoughts

Soul searching is a lifelong process. It's totally normal if you don't feel like you know who you are or what you like, and you don't have to figure it all out right away. I know it can be difficult, but try to enjoy the process of discovering who you are instead of worrying that you haven't figured it out already.

Other Resources

Another resource that might be helpful is the Standford Life Design Lab. I haven't taken any of their courses yet so I can't speak to how good it is, but it aims to help people figure out what they want to do with their lives and with their careers. It may be helpful for your soul searching process as well.

A Postscript: Solo Travel as a Woman

Solo travel may or may not actually be what you want to do, but in case it is, I wanted to quickly talk about it. Solo travel as a single young woman can be dangerous, but it doesn't have to be. There are tons of safe places for solo female travelers to visit including Finland, Canada, New Zealand, Uruguay, Switzerland, Belgium, Austria, Iceland, Japan, Chile, Iceland, Spain, Germany, Denmark, Taiwan, Australia, Sweden, Norway, the UK, Thailand, Italy, Singapore, and Indonesia. I have a female friend who solo traveled around Europe for a year and never ran into any unsafe situations. Of course, even in safe places, you should keep your wits about you just as you would at home, and it's a good idea to do some research on your destination to know what to watch out for. But don't let the fear of being put in a dangerous situation prevent you from traveling entirely. There are lots of great resources online for female solo travelers, and there are even communities of other female solo travelers that you can connect with or travel with.

If solo travel still feels intimidating, there are other options for visiting another country or restarting your life there. For example, you can look into jobs that involve traveling, educational opportunities in other countries, and/or WWOOF or other volunteer abroad programs. These types of programs can give you the opportunity to travel and explore in a more safe, controlled, and structured environment.

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megan-loves-surveys · 19 days

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#34.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? Pasta bake, it's the only thing I have leftovers of, cos it tastes just as good the next day.

What is your favorite board that you’ve made on Pinterest? -

Do you get on Facebook or Instagram more? I don't use Insta, so FB.

What was the last thing you ate or drank that was blue raspberry-flavored? Some lolly most likely, prob from the USA xD

What is one annoying thing your computer does? It gets super hot when I play games, but that can't be helped I guess.

What was the last song you listened to? The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony

Have you discovered any new hobbies in the past couple months? No. I have enough hobbies as it is xD

What’s the wildest animal you’ve ever come in contact with? I stroked a lion cub once at a safari park lol. Very cute.

Do you trust your doctor? I don't have a regular doctor cos I barely go there.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? Never, I know she does! <3

Do you ever feel scared or unsafe around your dad? NEVER.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Never had one.

Do you have someone you feel completely safe around? Yes.

What church do you go to? I'm atheist.

Are any of your siblings’ friends like family to you? -

Do you have any friends who you exchange memes with? Haha yeah. Esp my wrestling friends.

What was the last photo you took? Good question! *unlocks her phone to look* It was a selfie from when I got my hair dyed LOL.

Are you in any Discord servers? How often do you use them? Oh god I'm a member of dozens but the main ones I post in are my wrestling friends Discord and the last.fm Discord. I post on the lfm one so often I'm it's #24 overall poster LOL. And the wrestling one I've been a member since day 1 and I'm a mod.

Have you ever had to see an emergency vet after hours? Yes, and unfortunately it turned out horrible.

When was the last time you sat under a blanket on a couch? Hmm, dunno.

Can you bite into ice cream or are your teeth too sensitive? I can, but it's still not too pleasant.

Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? It doesn't snow where I live, and rain sucks so neither.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have a middle name? Yep.

What was the last thing you complained about? I've been sick for the last few days, so it was definitely about how shitty I'm feeling lol.

What celebrity irritates you the most? Most of them xD But especially the Kardashians, Meghan Markle, Taylor Swift (her music is great but I'm SO sick of hearing about her!), any of these 'influencers' who randomly get famous etc.

Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Not all the way, but this year my Mum and I watched to the end of the halftime show then we gave up xD

Would you like to know the exact date of your death? No.

What’s on your to-do list for today? Nothing, I'm sick and taking time off work so I'm just relaxing and trying to get over it.

Do you know anyone who’s been bitten by a snake? Probably not, but who knows.

Are you excited for Halloween? I don't celebrate it.

What makes you smile or laugh no matter what? Certain TV shows like Simpsons, Friends or Big Bang Theory.

Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries! Cherries are gross, my least fave fruit.

Biggest insecurity? My stomach.

Have you ever had braces? No.

Do you feel awkward using public transportation? Good lord no lol, I take it constantly xD

Describe your mom with one word. Hilarious.

Would you rather bake a cake or cookies? Cake.

What curse word do you use most? Fuck lol.

Were you always one of those kids who got in trouble with everyone around? No, I was a good kid.

When was the last time you took a nap? Did it relax you any? Yesterday, and not really, I was overheated due to being sick so I slept like crap.

Honestly, do you see yourself as a slut? Hahaha, I used to be xD Not anymore cos I'm in a long-term relationship but back in my late teens I was definitely slutty.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yes.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through? Getting hit by a car and breaking several bones, including my shoulder in 5 different places.

Do you like fast food or does it disgust you? I love it, not even ashamed. My fave is KFC but I like most of them!

Who was the last person you kissed? My boyfriend.

What’s your favourite alcoholic drink? Jim Beam or Malibu.

Do you like the smell of BBQs? Oh yeah! I love smelling them in the summer, my Mum and I always wonder who's having one LOL.

Do you crash on people’s sofas often? No.

Do wasps scare you? Yes, scary little fuckers lol.

Have you ever worn flip flops in the snow? No.

Has anyone ever told you that you & your significant other could be siblings? Have they ever assumed you were siblings? God no lol. We look nothing alike xD

Have you ever heard people having sex in the next room? Probably.

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No.

Have you ever lost your voice? Yes.

Museum date or aquarium date? Depends on what the museum has in it.

Did you ever have an emo or scene phase? No.

Name a subject you know a lot about. Wrestling, Pokemon or geography.

Most embarrassing poster you’ve ever owned? None?

Could you see yourself having a child with the last person you kissed? No, cos I don't want kids lol.

Who is your favorite person to have random conversations with? Depends, cos I have random convos with loads of people.

Who was the last person to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable? Not sure.

What are you known for? Online, it's being a big Jon Moxley fan lol, at various Wrestlemanias people were recognizing me!

Which of the guys you’ve been interested in hurt you the most? Meh.

Do you know anyone who is engaged? No.

What is your relationship status on Facebook? I don't have one listed actually! LOL.

What are you listening to? Bebe Rexha - I'm Gonna Show You Crazy

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? I googled why water tastes so weird when you're sick - I usually drink loads of water but since I've been sick it's been hard to stomach it. It's apparently cos of the bacteria in your mouth and throat making it taste weird!

Ever been kissed on the leg? Haha, who knows.

Last person to hear you cry? Dunno, my Mum probably.

What do you think of the term plus-sized in modeling? Is it empowering or demeaning? It's lame, cos half the time the women aren't even plus-sized, they're regular sized.

Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? Well, I have a job... but I can't afford my own house xD

Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No.

Are you friends with someone who’s autistic? Probably.

Have you ever had a Bic Mac? No.

Have you ever been to a convention? (comic, YouTube, etc.) Yes, I go to the NZ version of ComicCon every year, it's called Armageddon.

What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend? She has a son! I don't want kids lol xD

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Yes.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Not really. I love 'em but not in that way.

Are your legs freshly shaven? No, I need to do them actually lol, but since I'm wearing pants a lot, I haven't bothered. But they get itchy so I will when I'm over being sick.

Does your best friend wear glasses? No.

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online.

Does your family own any land? No.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? -

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? I barely see them.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? June 2017.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I'm in the middle of doing so.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? Whatever floats their boat, I guess.

Are you looking forward to anything? Sure, small things, nothing big.

What was the last bad news you heard? Hmm, not sure.

What was your GPA in high school? -

Do you require a lot of private time? Sure.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can’t play? No.

Have you ever had a parasite before? No.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? No.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? -

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? It was a cat in a shorts video lol.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? My boyfriend.

When was the last time you saw them? Saturday, I haven't seen him since then cos of being sick, I don't want to give him my cold.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Who knows.

[TW: OVERDOSE/SUICIDE] Do you know anyone who has overdosed? No.

Where are your siblings as of now? -

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Depends what you consider close - cos I lost a friend to cancer last year but I hadn't seen her in person in a few years.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot? My last Covid booster prob. Though I might get the flu shot, I've already been sick and it's not even winter yet :/ I have to pay for it though, so that's why I don't usually get it.

Have you ever been into a car accident? If getting hit by a car counts, then yes.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? I got my hair dyed, it cost over 300 bucks.

Are you a breakfast person? Not really, but I do eat it on occasion.

What type of books do you like to read? All sorts - non fiction about topics I like, fantasy, romance, joke books etc.

How do you get rid of hiccups? Drink water super fast without breathing.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Dunno xD

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? -

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? My Mum definitely. I used to ask my Dad to do things cos I knew he'd say yes, while I knew my Mum would say no. My Dad was only strict about me doing well in Maths cos I was so awful at it, he was chill the rest of the time. I used to tell him about things that I never told my Mum!

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? I've watched clips on YT, it's funny.

Do you like getting dirty? No.

Are you a very flirty person? It depends.

Who was your favorite babysitter? I never had any, it wasn't a thing for me. If my parents needed someone to watch me, my Grandma would usually do it or another family member.

Do you believe in the death penalty? It depends what the person did.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? Nobody. There's people I dislike, but nobody I hate or can't stand.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? Hmm.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? O_O

Last person you sang happy birthday to? Good question.

What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I have no idea tbh.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? Sarah Cothran - As The World Caves In. I legit can't listen to this song without sobbing like an absolute bitch. I love it but it's just way too sad :(

Last time you saw fireworks? Ages ago.

Do you have a black dog? I have no dog at all.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? That depends what they want to see, no? If they want touristy things then I'd take them to the Sky Tower, MOTAT and the museum. If they want shopping, I'd take them to Sylvia Park for sure.

Have you been to the capital of your state? -

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV.

#personal survey #survey #surveys #random survey

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a-tale-never-told · 8 months

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Kyoto University Hospital, September 2012, 1:20 pm.

*Whistling*

"*In the hallways of the second floor, Keiko, dressed up in a white nurse uniform, is currently strolling her way in the right direction to the doctor's office. In her left hand, a yellow folder containing a document about a type of disease was clutched deeply into her hand as she headed toward the office*"

*"Once she approached the right corner, she saw the office room with the name "Miaymoto, Shuzu P.h." and proceeded to walk on in."*

Creak!

Shuzu: I thought I told you to knock before you come in, Keiko?

S-sorry, doc, I forgot.

*"Shuzu proceeds to get up and come from the already damp and dark room, revealing him as a man in his late 30s with black hair, a doctor's coat, and a pale, ash-stricken face*".

Shuzu: It's fine, just remember to knock on the front door before you come in next time, okay?

Yeah... Understood.

Shuzu: Okay then *looks at the letter before him* I'm guessing this is what you were going to give me, wasn't it?

*Takes a deep breath* One of the patients contracted Malaria about a few weeks ago.

Shuzu: *sighs* You have got to be kidding me? How bad are the symptoms now?

Well, from what I've got, the patient seems to have suffered some severe headaches, he was vomiting a bit an hour ago and is currently suffering from a high fever. I've given him some medicine in order to calm him down, and so far, his vital signs are mostly healthy, but the symptoms are still in his body so there is unfortunately that.

Shuzu: I see *looks up at Keiko* give him some Aretemisin drugs to cure malaria, as long as it's not a severe case of Malaria. If it is, then we have a bigger problem on our hands. I especially recommend the use of ACT, to treat the uncomplicated malaria that the patient most likely suffers from. Trust me, the drug medicine works 90% of the time in situations like this.

It's not just that, it's the fact of how many similar cases are like this happening now. This is the 30th case of Malaria that has happened around the city, maybe perhaps far more than 30 if we don't know. And that is just on a weekly basis! Who knows how many people got infected with malaria these past few days? It's like an epidemic has spread over the city.

Shuzu: I wholeheartedly understand my dear, but trust me when I say that the rest of the medical community here in Kyoto is trying their best to combat the spread of Malaria, especially from the main root of the spread, Anopheles. The Damm mosquitos are just as a nuisance as the commies themselves. Guess we're pretty much patient zero in terms of Maleria in this nation, *sighs*

Shuzu: You want my advice? Don't panic about it too much. I and the other senior doctors will try to see how we can combat the spread before it becomes nearly uncontainable. By the way, have you heard from Tsumiki yet if she is coming today or not?

No, she didn't answer the phone when I called her. My only guess is that she must be asleep at the moment, or somewhere else.

Shuzu: A real shame, we could've used her at a time like this, the poor dear. *clicks his tongue* Hoo boy, look, Keiko, I tell you what? Take a 20-minute break for a bit, just to refresh yourself. I don't want you to over-exhaust yourself this early. I'll call you back when it's time to give the artemisinin.

Doc.... thanks. I really appreciate your efforts.

Shuzu: No problem. In the meantime, I'll get my clipboard and head to the patient's room to give the diagnosis. Mind telling me what room he's in?

Room 260!

Shuzu: Got it! Thank you and enjoy your break!.

*"With that, Shuzu grabs the clipboard from the desktop and proceeds to head out of the office to room 260. Once he's gone from sight, Keiko closes the door and proceeds to sit down on the waiting chair in front of her, closing her eyes in exhaustion*"

*Sighs* My god... this certainly can't get any worse today, right?

#mod talks #keiko hinata #shuzu miayamoto #dr2 #dr #twlight syndrome arc #a tale never told #asks #anonymous

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therealitycollective · 1 year

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And I was the Crazy One

Life certainly hasn't turned out like i expected.

For instance, some of my best poetry has been written with a golf pencil in a black and white composition notebook.

I'm not sure if you understand what i mean by that.

Because most people wouldn't. You have to belong to the "no-shoe-laces club" if you're going to understand that.

You see, you can't stab someone with a golf pencil.

Or yourself.

Unless you're really putting a lot of effort into it.

You'd have to keep the back of the golf pencil pressed hard against the heel of your palm and aim for the other person's eye or your own eye or something. Either way... i guess the psych wards have unanimously decided that that isn't something they have to worry about. So we're allowed to write poetry there. I don't know where i would be if that were not the case.

The poetry you write in a psych ward is different than regular poetry.

It has something special in its DNA.

I was lucky at my most recent hospital stay. They had baked potatoes and sour cream and even blue tooth headphones with music from Spotify. You see, it is hard to find actual food in psych wards. Why? i don't fucking know. It's a hard question to answer. The best answer I can give is that they value pharmacological partial solutions to mental illness over holistic care... by a long shot. But this place i went to with the baked potatoes and spotify... they also had restraints. So i hope i never end up in their restraints. I haven't yet. Ever. Thank God(dess). You see... most hospitals now instead use something colloquially referred to as "The Booty Juice" instead of physical restraints.

The booty juice is a "chemical restraint".

The booty juice is administered by "Doctor Heavy".

Doctor Heavy does not have a PHD. I'll tell you that much.

Doctor Heavy isn't even one person.

It's two or three burly men with a syringe full of sedatives. If a patient starts getting out of hand the staff will page "Doctor Heavy" over the speakers. I know getting held down and injected with a tranquilizer in your butt cheek doesn't sound pleasant but at least you get to clock out of reality for a while.

Ahh... yes.

That sweet release from my dearest love "reality".

The technical term for giving someone the booty juice is "reesing". That's how the word is pronounced. I tried to find the proper spelling on Google and gave up after five minutes. I honestly don't care, so don't kill me with your pedantry.

I was only reesed once.

That was when i was hospitalized somewhere in the five burrows after i had a psychotic break at Occupy Wall Street.

I was digging through the garbage in the ward and separating it into different types of plastics and such. I was saying "Look, goddammit... when you throw things out there is no fucking out. It just ends up in a landfill or the ocean so we should have a more robust system for recycling. This is important. This is how things should be done."

That was considered me getting out of hand. In other words, that was me getting out of hand in the eyes of the hospital staff.

So they approached me with the needle and i made it clear verbally that i would stop my protest. But they still felt the need to reese me nonetheless.

"You can reese me if you want," I said.

"I've never heard anyone say that before," said the man with the syringe.

"So then don't reese me."

He did anyway.

And I was the crazy one.

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ink-on-the-brink · 2 years

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Engie x Reader ~ Built Up Stress (Part 1)

Pt 2

Summary: The stress of a normal day at Tuefort is already hard enough as it is. Lay a streak of lost battles, thrown blame, and a week ceasefire with no Medic on top and it's all down hill from there.

A/n: I wrote this a while back on my wattpad account but decided I should finally post it here. So the writing style's a bit different, just a heads up

You were not a very confrontational person. You hated making anyone upset for really any reason and being yelled at for your own mistakes was probably the worst thing you think could ever happen to you. This is why it was so strange to see you in a place like this. You were surrounded by nine mercenarys, most of which were loud. Very very loud. You could practically hear Soldiers voice from the other side of the building! But thankfully you were never the cause of their screaming.

You weren't a mercenary in any way that the others seemed to interpret the word. Sure you knew how to shoot a gun but that was mostly for self defense purposes. You were actually tasked as a nurse. Usually if someone had an injury that didn't result from a battle, they came to you. It was mostly because The Administor had Medic working on a few experiments and she didn't need him bothering with small injuries every ten minutes. Ceasefire days were always busy days for you. The others just couldn't seem to control themselves around each other, most of them couldn't even be in the same room for more than two minutes! But you digress.

Today just happened to be one of those days but one thousand times worse. There was a ceasefire so that a meeting could be held regarding your team's poor performance lately. You, obviously, weren't told to come to the meeting due to it not really being your job. You had also been informed that the ceasefire would spand over a week just so the team could get their shit together.

Or at least that's what the guys had been telling you.

You suspected it was more so because Medic had found some interesting information out while experimenting and needed to take a trip to go present his findings.

Either way that left you as the only doctor left in the building on a week long ceasefire with more than easily agitated mercenaries.

This was definitely going to be a pain in the ass.

But at least you had Engies workshop to head to when you wanted to decompress. You always enjoyed being in there. It was just loud enough with the sound of clanking metal to drown out all the other men who were constantly screaming while also being quiet enough to help you relax. And thats not to mention that Engie was almost always there.

For some reason the Texan always knew how to bring a smile to your face. His calm and polite demeanor meshed well with your slightly reserved nature. If there was anyone you could count on staying calm it was Engie. Hell you can't even remember seeing the man more than mildly annoyed. He wasn't afriad to stand his ground if he needed to, but he was always eerily calm about it. It was just the type of company you enjoyed having around.

Lately you have been enjoying it just a bit more though...

You found that your heart started to flutter at the sound of his voice and your face heated up when he spoke about you in any positive manner. To put it in simple terms you were falling for him. How could you not? His southern drawl lured you in and there was no resisting those emerald green eyes, even if seeing them was a rarity.

You wouldn't know what to do without him...

Once you had come to that realization you knew you had to confess to him. But you also knew you wouldn't have time with the week long ceasefire. So you made a promise to yourself that the day Medic is back you're going to take him out of the base for a night and find some really cheesy way to ask him out. He always liked those really cheesy romance movies.

You could only hope that he felt the same way you did.

Engie felt his blood begin to boil hotter and hotter in the passing months. His team was really starting to piss him off. How was he supposed to be able to do his job if no one was stopping any oncoming enemies long enough for him to build?! And that's not to mention the amount of times his own team had managed to blow up all of his hard work! And he was being blamed for this!? It was complete and utter bullshit!

But at least he could look forward to having you around...

Ever since the first week of you joining he had found that you really liked his workshop. He couldn't blame you, he spent a lot of time in that room just trying to escape the others too. The conversations you both had always brightened his day since you never spoke ill or tried to start fights, unlike the others. If anything you were almost always descalating, something he found rather admirable.

It was when you were silent that he got a more clear picture of your personaily though, which was strange considering he found it to be the other way around with any other person he's met in this line of work. He could tell you were more of an observant type. Sometimes when he saw you around he would just watch you for awhile, anylizing how your eyes traced the room. No matter how chaotic it was you managed to stay calm and quiet while watching, as if studying the different ways each of them functioned. It was rather strange for him to see the same trait in someone else. He was used to being the one waiting for things to turn sideways so that he could fix it, a job that became easier once he had someone else helping him do so. It was great to know there was someone he could relate to in this place.

He didn't think he could actually run this shit show without you.

It was day four of the week-long ceasefire and you were beyond exhausted. There had been eleven major fights in the passing days and at least thirty smaller ones. You had seen almost every person in the base make it to the medbay at least once, even Engie! The worst part of it had to be that it was starting to disrupt your sleep! They would come banging on your door in the middle of the night with some injury or another and you would have no choice but to get out of bed to help them. In the past three nights you had gotten a grand total of three hours of sleep so you could barely function at this point.

No one really noticed though.

You were just always so quiet and tucked away that none of them ever really took notice of you. Even when you had to heal their wounds they were always too busy explaining how they had gotten hurt and going on angry rants to pay attention to anything you were feeling.

Today was a particularly hard day for you. You had to put Soldiers hand back on, stop Sniper from bleeding out from a severe knife wound, help Heavy with a black eye and stop Demo from going on a drunken rampage immediately after waking up from a head injury. Now all that alone wouldn't be too bad...

If it weren't for the fact that everyone seemed to just be yelling at you

"MAGGOT! WORK FASTER! I MUST GO CAVE IN MORE SKULLS!"

"I ain't got all bloody day!"

"Leetle nurse must vake up! Heavy needs doktor!"

God it never ended! You were just so exhausted! You needed a break. A break from the yelling, the screaming, the stupid fights and most of all their rants they just seemed to want to burden you with. You needed at least a five minute breather...

And there was really only one place to go where you hopefully wouldn't be found.

You walked down the halls in a slightly hurried pace. The last thing you wanted was to be pulled back to the Medbay for another stupid injury. Luckily you made it to the workshop with no interruptions. You went to open the door only to notice it was locked causing your eyebrows to immideately furrow. Engie never locked the workshop door. It was almost always open for when you were having a stressful day. With confusion and slight concern you gave the door a weak knock.

"Go away! Ah don't want no company rahght now!" Engie yelled with a frusterated tone, distain written in his words. Unknown to you, Engie was tiredly sprawled across the ground, a little more than half drunk with many broken machines next to him.

He didn't really want to talk about it...

Due to the past couple of days you have spent just trying to talk loud enough for everyone to hear, you didn't really want to speak up. So you just simply knocked again, hoping he would get the message.

"What'd ah tell ya! Leave me be!" You let out a sigh and hoped that if he heard it was you he'd let you in.

"Dell..." You finally spoke, your voice tired and quiet. He recognized it but due to his anger clouded mind mixed with a bit of achoal, he just wasn't in the right mindset to fully understand the consequences of what he was about to do.

He angrily stood up from his spot and stomped to the door. He practically slammed it open with you just barely managing to dodge the door in time. You were utterly confused by his actions and the uncommon anger that was implied in them. He soon held a glare on you as his voice raised.

"HOW MANY TIMES AH GOTTA TELL YA TA LEAVE ME ALONE!? FOR Y'ALL TA LEAVE ME ALONE! Y'ALL HAVE DONE NOTHIN BUT BOTHER ME FOR THE PAST COUPLE'A DAYS AND AH'M SICK'A HEARIN IT! AND YOU! YA THINK YA CAN JUST COME IN HERE WHENEVER YA WANT DON'T YA!? DON'T YA HAVE WORK TA DO!? YOU'RE A POOR EXCUSE FOR A NURSE IF AH'VE EVER SEEN ONE! YA'VE DONE NOTHIN BUT RUN AWAY FROM EVERY GODDAMN FAHGHT ONLY TO SHOW UP WHEN IT'S OVER! YOU'RE NOTHIN BUT A COWARD! NOW WHAH DON'T YA JUST RUN OFF AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

A long silence followed as you were left completely stunned. He stood only inches from you, his face burnt red with released rage.

He had snapped...

You coward away from him, truly terrified of the man that stood in front of you. You had never even seen him mad before, let alone this angry. He was practically bursting with pent up fury that was all now directed towards you.

His anger melted away seconds after the outburst and due to it he had sobered up a little. The sudden realization of what he'd just done left him completely and utterly shocked with himself...

He had just let all of his pent up anger, all of his built-up stress and frustration out on you. He knew the severity of what he had just done when he saw your eyes just barely weld with tears that you tried to hide. He took a step back from you as he noticed just how much of a disheveled state you were in. You held heavy bags under your eyes and it was only just occurring to him how tired your voice sounded when you had called his name.

He...

He shouldn't have snapped like that.

You were the last person he should have yelled at. Hell he shouldn't have yelled at you at all! He felt immideate regret take him over as you turned away just in time for tears to fall from your eyes.

"I-I'm...I'm sorry sir, you're right I...I should probably get back to work..." you barely managed to mutter the sentence to him before quickly walking away, not even so much as glancing back at him. He was left completely frozen in his spot.

'...sir?...' The word played in his mind. You hadn't called him that since the first day he'd met you.

Oh he's screwed up...

Oh he's screwed up bad...

After not moving for a moment he slowly backed up into his workshop, closing and locking the doors once again. He grabbed another full carton of beer before slowly heading back to his spot on the floor.

He no longer held rage and bitter hatred but was instead filled with an overwelming amount of regret and self-loathing. He found himself back on the floor as he tried to process his own actions. He couldn't help but want to slam his head against a wall. He couldn't believe he had said those things to you, hell he couldn't believe he ever even thought of yelling at you, let alone screaming in your face!

He had just lost the one thing that was keeping him even slightly sane in this hellhole. You joining the team had been a godsend to him. Talking to you while he worked on his machines was one of his favorite ways to pass the time...but now...now he was sir again, not even Engineer, no, you called him sir.

How in the hell was he going to fix this?

You made it to your room, once again without incident which was frankly a miracle. Once there you slammed your door behind you before collapsing onto your bed. You quickly grabbed one of your pillows and burried your face in it in an attempt to muffle the sobbing that you couldn't stop from leaving you. Sure you had been yelled at all week but none of it was really anger towards you. It was always them being frustrated that they couldn't get back to yelling at the others fast enough or because they were in a lot of pain but you had never been yelled at by him and it had never been about you...

Had you really been slacking in your job? You thought you had been working so hard recently, hell you barely slept over it!

You did run away from fights though...

Should you have tried to stop them? What could you have done better? You should have worked harder for everyone! You shouldn't have slacked off so much! You should have been at every fight!

You shouldn't be such a coward...

That word really stung, mostly because it was true. You were even crying just because you were yelled at! You didn't even yell back!

You couldn't have even if you wanted to...

You couldn't believe that he thought of you that way. You felt stupid for thinking the two of you were getting along well, that you had grown feelings for him, that you were going to confess.

Soon enough you managed to cry yourself to sleep. God you were exhausted.

"NURSE! WE NEED YER HELP! NOW!" You pulled yourself away from your pillow in a very groggy state. You could feel the tear stains that still covered your face as they stuck to the pillow. You managed to slowly pull yourself out of bed and make it to the door, not feeling a need to rush anything anymore. You opened it to see Demo frantically trying to hold a clear gunshot wound shut.

"What" you calmly replied, though there was a hidden sharpness in your tone. He, as nearly everyone in this base does, ignored your current state. He was in too much pain to notice or even really care.

"The medbay's full! Everyone got in a huge fight!" you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.

"Tell me something new" you muttered before pushing past him and speed-walking to the medbay with him following quickly behind. If he was the one that was sent to get you, that meant the others were either in much worse condition or couldn't walk and that means you have your work cut out for you. In a matter of seconds you were in the medbay and saw that every last one of the men were in there...

Even him...

You sighed once again before putting your hands to work.

"MAGGOT! WORK FASTER! WE HAVE THINGS TO DO!"

"Whoy are ya workin on him! I'm bleedin out over here!"

"Forget da piss man! I can't feel my legs!"

"I called yeh down here! Least yeh could do is yer bloddy job!"

The screaming never ended and Engie sat horrified at some of the things his teammates were yelling at you. He saw your stress levels continuing to rise, each threshold surpassed being hidden under a sickly calm exterior. He had already felt bad before but now he just felt like a completely and utter asshole. He seemed to be the only one who noticed the dried tear stains on your face or how droopy your once bright eyes now were.

He began to wonder if you had even slept last night...

You were starting to feel dizzy and lightheaded from the amount of lost energy. You were already physically and mentally drained from the insane amount of work you had been doing and now you were severely emotionally drained due to having lost your largest sense of comfort in this crazy place. You were halfway through stitching up Sniper when you were hit with a strong wave of exhaustion. You stumbled a bit and pulled the tools away, steadying yourself on a nearby bed.

"Now ain't no time ta rest!" Sniper yelled with the others soon joining in. When they got no response they suddenly fell quiet.

"...nurse?..." You collapsed onto the floor. Your lack of sleep and built up stress had finally taken it's toll. Sniper tried to catch you but managed to only grab you with his injured arm, causing him to almost immideatly lose the grip dooming you to fall to the ground. The room fell completely silent...

What were they supposed to do now?

Engie was the first to get up from his spot. Even if he had blood still leaving from a wound on his leg and most likely had a broken rib, he needed to make sure you were alright. He knelt beside you and started looking you over.

"Y/n?! Are ya alright!?" He was checking for some type of injury that might have caused you to so suddenly fall but there didn't seem to be a single scratch on you.

The only thing to blame was the dark circles held under your eyes...

"Are zey 'urt?" Spy spoke up, his tone of concern either genuine or greatly preformed. Engie turned to the team with hatred no longer hidden under his goggles and hardhat.

"No...but they look like they haven't slept in days..." Sudden looks of guilt crossed their faces as they all began sneaking glances at one another.

They all knew they were at fault for disturbing your sleep and the shared expressions didn't go unnoticed by Engie.

"Y'know, ah've been sittin here just listenin ta all of y'alls non-stop yellin...do y'all have somethin against 'em? Cause they've done nothin but trah and help you poor excuses for men and y'all have done nothin but treat them lahke shit" Engie spoke with a sharp tounge, his contempt for their actions being very noticeable. While everyone's looks of guilt grew Spy gave a subtle glare to Engie

"Zats amusing coming from you..." Spy spoke with a knowing tone, catching nearly everyone off guard. Engie returned the glare, though his confusion was still highly noticeable.

"Now just what is that supposed ta mean snake?" His voice lowered to a threatening tone which only earned him a scowling smirk from Spy.

"To quote you 'zeir a coward. A poor excuse for a nurse zat does nozing but run from a fight...' Or were you too drunk to remember zat you said zat?" Spy spoke with a slick and venomous tone, buring his words into Engies head. The others looked to Engie with furrowed eyebrows and questioning stares.

"Now you hold on just a minute-!"

"Do not try and explain it away, you are just as guilty as ze rest of us...and I zink we all owe an apology..." Spy suggested with all around agreeance from everyone. All except for Engie who was rather conflicted as he looked back down at you. He still didn't want to believe he said that to you, he didn't even slightly believe in anything that he had said!

But no matter how much he wished it hadn't happen that wasn't going to fix it...

There was silence for a moment before you started to wake up. Your head pounded, your eyes begged to stay shut and you felt as if your whole body was sore. When you finally pushed your eyes open you noticed that the entire team was staring at you.

Oh no...

You quickly sat up and saw that Engie was beside you, sending waves of dread through you with his worry filled face. You looked around, quickly noticing the almost choking air that filled the room.

"What happened?" You finally broke the tense silence with a weak and wavering voice. The men turned to each other for answers. In the end Spy was the one who spoke up.

"It seems zat you passed out...are you feeling alright nurse?" Spy spoke as if the conversation that had happened while you were passed out hadn't even occurred. As you took in the information your face grew cold. You cursed yourself for being so weak, so unable to just keep it together. Slowly you stood and dusted yourself off with eerily cold movements. The men noticed the new look on your face which they all internally winced at. They had never seen you so...

Gone...

You gave a nod to Spy before turning to the others. Engie and Spy still needed to be treated and you were almost done with Sniper. Realizing that the work was almost over you took a deep breath before speaking.

"Anyone who does not need immideate medical attention must leave the medbay." You spoke to the men with an icey voice that felt strange coming from you. They gave you concerned looks, most being unsure how to approach this situation.

"Nurse...are yeh sure-"

"Now" you cut Demo off with a deadly tone, one you've never used before, at least around any of them. The men had never seen you talk back to someone, especially in such an aggressive manner. Seeing as you were already angry they decided it would probably be best if they left you to calm down. All but three men left the room. Once they were gone you silently got back to working on Sniper. He chose not to speak the entire time, instead giving you a worried glance that you avoided looking at.

You just needed to get this done.

You finished him rather quickly. He was going to finally say something when you pushed him out of the medbay. Next you went to Spy. A dislocated arm and a bullet wound to the shoulder. Easy enough. It would have been much easier if Medic would have left his medigun but there's really no use in complaining about it now. Just as you popped his shoulder back into place he spoke up.

"Nurse...are you alright?" Spy tried asking only to receiving chilling silence. Noticing how upset you were he relized he'd have to try a bit harder than that. Just as you finished stitching up his bullet wound he gently grabbed your shoulder, immidetaly catching your attention.

"I would like to 'elp you, but you must tell me what ze problem is first." he spoke in a calm and caring tone, one rarely seen from the usually mocking man. For a moment you were surprised by the sudden care from the cold backstabber. In the end you remembered that he was a womanizer. He was skilled in using soft touches and twisted words to get the desired result and you weren't falling for it. You harshly pulled away from him, once again showing him a cold and uncaring look.

"The only problem is you assuming you know what's better for me" your tone was harsh which was very effective in shutting him up, seeing as you had never been so agitated before. Spy had a rather clear understanding of why you were acting this way.

Spy felt a tinge of pity for you.

You reached over and grabbed a pill bottle before handing it to him.

"Take one every morning and right before bed until Medic's back. It should help with the pain for the most part." Your voice was detached, so far from the empathetic tone all of them were used to. He only gave a nod before standing and leaving from his spot. He glanced back to Engie who he noticed was staring at you with regret written all over his face.

And to think only moments ago he was calling them all poor excuses for men...

Spy closed the medbay doors behind him, leaving you and Engie to solve your problem in peace. The pit in your stomach swelled as you turned to Engie. You didn't dare look him in the eyes, not wanting to fall victim to whatever stare he was giving you. You eventually did catch a glimpse of it and, even though the look pulled at every last one of your over sympathetic heartstrings, you managed to keep your cold exterior, not wanting to award him the satisfaction in seeing you so broken down over him. You walked over in complete silence, each step harshly echoing off the bloodstained tiles.

Neither of you dared to speak to one another...

You began looking over his wounds and he half-heartedly answered every question you had. Even if silence was most of what was left Engie didn't stop staring at your eyes, anylizing each unfamilar glance you'd give him.

Those eyes stared at him as if he were a stranger

You did your best to avoid eye contact and just get your job done. You knew that you'd normally melt when seeing the rare emerald color and now you were pretty sure that same color would lead you to a complete breakdown.

"Your rib isn't broken but it's definitely bruised. You will need to take some pain medication and-"

"Ah'm sorry" his voice spoke in such a soft tone that it was almost inaudible, even in the silence of the room. You froze, not finishing your previous sentence as your mind debated accepting the apology. You had lived most of your life like that anyway. What's one more accepted lie? What's one more thing to brush over as a mistake just so that you can continue to care for a person...

Yet you felt something else in you break as well. It wasn't just your heart that laid shattered at the actions of the man you loved.

It was your trust too...

You hardly trusted people, often finding that they would stab you in the back at a moment notice. But you had trusted Dell anyway. You trusted him with your heart and he dropped your fragile emotions from a skyscrapper.

With no response you walked over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed another pill bottle. You walked back over to him and stretched your arm out to hand him the bottle, acting as if he had said nothing. That's what those words meant to you now. Absolutely nothing.

"This will be all you need sir. Now if you could please leave the Medbay...I have more work to do..." Your words stung him about as much as a stove top. You didn't look at him, you didn't even acknowledge his words. You simply kept your head turned and waited for him to take the thing you were required to give him.

He hated that you didn't look at him, he hated that you called him sir, he hated that you were so cold.

He reached for the pills but grabbed your hand with it, an action that stopped the beating of the shattered peices remaining in your chest. He pulled you closer to him, causing you to finally look at him with an emotion other than indifference. Before you could speak or push him away he wrapped his arms around you, hoping that by doing so he'd be able to mend what he had done. He didn't want to see you like this, especially because of something he did.

You felt tears weld in your eyes. You wanted this comfort, you wanted to melt into his arms and just break down.

But you couldn't...

He already thought of you as a coward, you didn't want to be a crybaby on top of that. You needed to be more aggressive, work harder and stop leaning on him for support. He had expressed it very clearly...

He wanted you to leave him the hell alone...

So that's what you were going to do. You hesitantly tried to push him away but his firm grip didn't allow it. This was his desperate attempt and his body was incapable of understanding that the person he'd once seen as so kind would be the same person that pushed him away. So you pushed against the part of his chest where the rib was bruised, knowing that was the only way you'd be able to convey the message that you weren't pushing in an attempt to keep up with your new act, but that you were genuinely not accepting his apology. He let go after that. You completely pushed yourself away from him and he felt his entire heart drop.

This wasn't going to be solved that easy...

It took a lot for you to truly trust someone, and once you did you took every single word straight to heart. You had trusted him, loved him even.

And he told you, you weren't good enough...

"...Go..." You told him. Your voice was firm and the look you gave him made him feel sick. He knew it was bad but he didn't think it was that bad.

What had he done

"Wait Y/n please Ah-"

"I SAID GO!" You stood up to him, your voice booming in a way that utterly terrified him. You had never raised your voice before, let alone at him.

He'd ruined all of this...

Not daring to retort he simply lowered his head and walked out of the room, feeling nothing but regret and shame

Part 2

#reader x tf2 #tf2 #tf2 x reader #tf2 engie #engie #tf2 engineer #hurt comfort #hurt/comfort

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mimzy-writing-online · 3 years

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Dear Mimzy, I can't begin to tell you how happy I was to find your advice on how to write a blind or visually impaired person respectfully. Thank you so much for doing that. It was very helpful. I'm currently writing a book and I'm about to start the editing phase. I'm writing you to ask if you would consider being a beta reader of mine? I'll pay you, of course. You can write me on Instagram: mettepeleikis if you're interested. Once again thank you for your helpful blog. - Mette

PART 1/2: Mette again. Even if you're not interested in beta reading my book, I do have some questions that I haven't found the answers to on your blog. I hope you can help me by giving me your opinion on these two things. 1. The love interest of my MC loses his sight from a head trauma accident (I did read you advice against that but it's unfortunately not something I can change now) but do you consider that "victimizing your blind character" like when you mentioned rape?

PART 2/2: Gosh, I'm sorry for spamming you. Here's my second question. I never wanted to cure my blind character, but I did have in mind that a surgery could partially restore a bit of it. Just enough for him to see a bit of color. Do you think that is as bad as curing them when partially restoring his sight? Thank you so much, Mimzy. Best, Mette

Mimzy answered: I’m so happy I could help your writing process! Hearing that I help makes every day much better, especially since this is part of what I’ll be focusing on in school.

I am considering taking a few beta-reading contracts in the winter between school semesters. I am going to put a note down with your Instagram contact.

As for your first question, I recently made a post going in-depth about writing whump and using blindness for plot purposes. It has far more depth and nuance to the subject than my initial post did in 2019, largely because that was (still is) a topic I struggle to talk about.

(The following paragraph is useful advice to all writers, not just Mette)

The concern about head trauma being the cause of blindness stems more from how rare it is compared to natural causes of blindness. Glaucoma, Macular Degeneration, Cataracts, and Diabetic Retinopathy are the most common causes of vision loss. The head trauma route is also a big sign that the writer took the lazy way out of researching the cause of the character’s blindness, which suggests to the reader that the character is more of a prop than a character. The best thing you can do to avoid this sentiment, avoid inaccuracy and insensitivity, is to deeply research the specific details of the injury and how that will affect your character’s vision.

I found an article for you with a wide variety of specific injury types that can follow a traumatic brain injury. It will be a good starting point in your individual research.

What Mette is describing doesn’t sound like victimizing, at least not as I would personally define it. Victimizing would be using the character’s trauma and blindness to teach the main character some kind of lesson, very much like the trend of violently killing off female characters to push the male protagonist’s storyline.

The message a plotline like that sends to a blind reader is that how our blindness affects our loved ones is more important than how it affects us, that we’re a burden to our loved ones, and that our feelings about vision loss don’t matter because we’re a plot device for our family’s story.

Or using the character’s blindness as a way to “set up” a plan to hurt the character. An example would be the character getting kidnapped and not realizing they were being stalked because of their blindness. A good exercise to test if you’re falling into this trap would be to ask yourself “if this character was a drunk teenage girl, would this look like victim blaming?” If the answer is yes, then you need to rethink that plotline.

The message this plotline sends is that being disabled makes you an easy victim to assault, that it’s only a matter of time before it happens, that it happens because you’re disabled and that it’s somehow your fault.

It’s also a reminder of a terrifying but very real statistic of how common it is for a disabled person to be a victim of a crime. I found a webpage discussing it if you’d like to further educate yourself.

So there’s a big difference between an author exploring the trauma around sudden vision loss, and an author turning that trauma into shallow dramatics for entertainment purposes. One has the chance to make you feel seen, and the other makes you feel objectified.

Ask yourself how your story compares to what I’ve described and if/how you can do better.

To answer your last question, I’m not 100% sure. Realistically, if offered a chance to surgically improve your vision when you were in the early stages of learning to adapt, you might very well jump at the chance. Some might, but there are plenty of reasons why you might decline the surgery. It’s very likely you might develop a phobia against medical care (iatrophobia) following a traumatic medical experience, and perhaps avoid doctors and medical procedures at all costs, even if it means potentially allowing conditions to get dangerously worse before seeking help. If your story is based in America, chances are that a procedure like that will be too costly, even with insurance. Double-check medical care costs in the country the story takes place in if you’re not sure. Hearing that the surgery might risk you losing more sight with very little promise of returning your vision, especially long term, would be a big motivation to decline. Resentment against how doctors and loved ones focused on wanting to “fix you” instead of helping you adjust might be a reason to decline. (It certainly was for me, especially when the proposed solution wouldn’t completely improve my vision. This was prediagnosis) Being far enough into your recovery due to a great support system and therapy might also be a reason to decline the surgery, stating that you’re happy with life as is.

Personally, I would hate to lose my color vision. Vibrant colors make me absurdly happy. However, if I did lose my color vision and a specific surgery was proposed to possibly restore it, it’s highly unlikely I would accept for almost all of the reasons stated above.

It’s a subject that will require more than one sensitivity reader, and possibly asking people within the blind community how they feel about that. A variety of responses will help you explore the nuances of the plotline.

I always recommend @blindbeta as a sensitivity reader because I love their work discussing different blind characters in media and their advice posts.

Thank you for the positive feedback, it made my night :)

(after post notes: dear god I hope this is coherent. This was written between the hours of 1 and 2 am. Yeah, this blog is called the Late Night Writing Advice Blog for a reason. Also (@ everyone, I shared some personal feelings tonight, please treat that with respect)

#blind character #disabled character #character crafting #medical #surgery mention tw

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chateautae · 3 years

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I for duck's sake need help people.....see, I would be very pleased if anyone of you would just help me out....the thing is, I have been in a relationship for like around 3 years and trust me, he is like the most perfect kinda person I have ever met..but now comes the main issue, he has till now, never ever hinted me about doing anything ( the max. we have went is uk till just a little makeout types, ik spoiling my sex life like this sucks but that's why I am going anonymous and I think some of you might have experienced it ig, don't take me wrong, I mean like uk). The good thing is, we both are understanding and extremely working persons (he works as a employee in a business firm and I am a newbie doctor (kinda just started my practice as a doctor)....and even though I am a doctor and that having sex is like a normal thing because we literally studies everything, I still freak out upon thinking about doing it with him....it's not like I am scared or anything but I just want some uk girl tips upon how to actually do it....reading about it is quite, tbh, okay for me, but then doing it is like, a difficult task....i bet you he knows about everything and that's why he hasn't hinted upon anything but like from the past 1 week, he jas been dropping kinda hints ig.....like I won't go into the details, otherwise I would be hella embarrassed, not that I am not right now, I am literally sitting in the washroom typing this ( don't judge me)....while reading about it, it feels so easy to execute everything but then when doing it in real life is like so much like wierd ig....I mean how do I respond to it.....I am nervous and what not.....as 25yo, I sometimes feel wierd that I can't uk do it......can anyone of you just help me please......like some girl tips.....I searched it on Google too, still I don't have the courage.....amd moreover, my friends circle is so wierd amd plus, I am too shy to ask anyone.....ik asking this in such a way and place is way too inappropriate to be even considered normal....it's not like I am not ready for it, it's just I am quite nervous about how to do it.....tbh, he hasn't forced me even once still remained to be sweet and all but internally we noth know, we might wanna step up.....HELP PLZ.....my mom is way too conservative to even have an open conversation about kisses let alone doing it....

Oh hun, you are completely and tOTALLY allowed to come to this blog for any advice and not feel ashamed. This is an 18+ blog and anyone here would be so glad to help you, something like this is totally normal!! I shall leave my words under the cut, though if anyone else would like to help this lovely anon please do not hesitate to drop off a reply or even something in my inbox! I'll answer right away to help anyone wondering the same thing 💓

Alright hun, first and foremost I am so happy your relationship has been so strong! And I'm glad you're with someone who hasn't pushed you or anything into doing anything sexual yet, I'll tell you from experience that can be extremely daunting and uncomfy so I'm super relieved your man has been sweet!!

In terms of real advice, tbh I'm quite the wrong person to go to. I lost my v-card with my first boyfriend when I was 16, literally we were both inexperienced and even the times we did you know, do the deed it was very clumsy and nobody knew what they were doing, and the second person I've been with was a Kiseok situation (if you read maybe I do, yes Kiseok is based on a real person in my life) so fuck that dude. But maybe my own inexperience can also help you out, here are at least some lady tips I can think of:

1. Make sure you're comfortable. I say comfortable instead of ready because I'm quite the believer in if you wait until the moment you're ready, you'll wait your entire life. So my best advice is to make sure you're comfy with the situation and your partner!!

2. Ensure your partner is someone who cares about you. I know everyone's stories are different, and not everyone has sex with someone they've been with for a long time or even love, one night stands are totally okay and I salute you sister. get that dick!!! But even in situations where you're with a stranger, sex is a very intimate thing, and it would make your experience 1000x better if you can at least tell the person cares about you and your body and your wishes during sex. Everyone deserves to be respected during an intimate act like sex and if you feel you're not being respected, whether it's your body, your wishes, your limits, your choices, do not feel obligated to still go through with this person.

3. You have to be wet. Of course not all sexual encounters happen the same way, and every female gets off on different things or turned on by a variety of actions, but essentially you have to be wet for sex. Most men understand this but a lot also don't, basically you gotta get into that juicy foreplay to get wet my girl. Try making out, maybe if you're sitting down swing a leg over his lap and bam you're straddling him. This position is usually optimal because you gain the opportunity to grind against yo man's crotch and my fucking God, does that shit feel hella nice. It's also highkey ego-boosting feeling how much the guy's getting worked up because literally anytime you grind or move over their crotch it immediately spikes to their dick and you can usually feel them against you. If you're standing, try moving to an area that has a wall and keep grabbing at your man's neck, usually men naturally will indicate you to jump and you'll easily be all up against the wall making out, this gets hella fun too cause being carried like that is so 😩

3.2. Okay cool, we're making out, now it's essentially a game of go with the flow. Men usually take the initiative and begin the escalation of things on their own. Maybe he'll start kissing down your neck, his hands are gonna be somewhere at your waist, maybe inching down to your ass or maybe he's an ass guy and he's already palming at yo cheeks. Regardless, I can confidently say you can sit back and relax, let yourself feel, get into the kissing and grinding and if you love the way he's touching you, make some noise and let him know, don't be afraid to be turned on and goddamn horny, dudes love that shit. You however are also allowed to take the wheel, and guys usually search for the greenlight from girls by sensing their movements and how eager they seem for the go-ahead on anything. If maybe you begin tugging at his clothes, they'll usually think "okay, she's okay with this rn" and so on. This part's sincerely just go with the flow, you don't need to rush and honestly the more foreplay the better for getting your puthy wet. Make sure you're comfy and your partner makes sure you're okay with that they're doing to you.

3.3. Whoop dee doo your man's hands are suddenly going, you know, places. Another case of go with the flow, if you're comfortable with your man wanting to do a lil rubby dubby on your kitty then totally let him, this shit feel's god-like I tell you. Maybe I'm just a sensitive ass whore, who knows but something about feeling a man's hands do what your lady fingers can't just HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But essentially from here maybe you wanna reciprocate. Get them pesky pants open and feel your man up. Reach inside those boxers and touch that beast he's hiding inside. Make sure to go nice and slow and your hands aren't rough, men's dick are super sensitive and if you go too hard on at least a dry dick it acc hurts them. Men usually leak pre-cum at their tips so try using some of that to slick up your hand.

3.4. That's handjobbing, now if we're getting into oral, very important things to remember. A) retract your teeth, it's hard and it hurts to do it for a long time but teeth will hurt dudes a lot so suck them in and away from their cocks. B) Hollow your cheeks, men like the tightness of a mouth and that's what really gets them going. C) BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE PLEASE DO NOT JUST STOP BREATHING AND TAKE YOUR TIME OKAY BLOWJOBS ARE ACC VERY FUCKING HARD AND FUCK YOU UP especially for someone like me who has a small mouth, yeah that shit sUCKS but nothing is more beautiful than seeing a man fold under your touch. D) Tease yo man a bit, kitten licks and kisses, dragging your tongue over his slit, maybe a pump and then take him out, slick him up with some saliva maybe, anything you feel like doing go ahead girl, that dick is yours for the time being and I promise he'll love it. E) Deep-throating is really when gets guys going cause they only acc feel shit at their tips, so please deep-throat with caution, and take your time if he's a big one, you can acc really hurt yourself especially if you're constantly deep-throating a really big one. F) Go to town girl, get up and bobbing, go down on him like he can't survive without you, go at your own pace and own it. G) Balls usually go neglected and I promise if you even fondle them or grab at them your man will combust.

3.5. Okay so with actual sex, FIRST OF ALL BE SAFE!!!! USE A FUCKING CONDOM, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE THEN DON'T FUCK BUT IF YOU'RE STILL HORNY THEN PLEASE RECIEVE SOME MONEY FROM YO MAN FOR PLAN B!!! IT'S NOT ENTIRELY FOOLPROOF THOUGH PLEASE REMEMBER THAT RISK. You can totally go on birth control too but this has its complications, there are also monthly shots you can take and other contraceptives.

3.6. Okay it's sexy times, this is just gonna have to be a thing for you. Everyone's different and has different comfort levels, maybe you can take someone that’s bigger while some women can't and that's fine. Just make sure when he does go in, you feel okay with it. It will hurt if you’re dry and not wet, like hurt a lOT but if you do feel loads of pain just let your partner know to go slower, and let yourself get used to the feeling of something inside. You can always say stop if it hurts too much, seriously it's normal and that's what I did with my first boyfriend. Hell I fucking kicked my ex off me LMAO and he was so sorry and we just ended everything there, and had actual sex the next time I visited him. From here on I've really got no lady tips, essentially it's up to you what you like and what you'll do, get it on!!!

General Tips:

4. Be you, and be confident. I know sex can be really daunting especially when you consider men usually tend to be more experienced, and maybe you become afraid you won't measure up or be as good as his previous partners or you’re not good at sex, but baby girl it ain't about that. This dude is going to have sex with you because he wants to have sex with you, and whether that's his dick speaking for him or his heart, it means he will not be thinking about some other chick he got it on with a year ago, he will be thinking of you and your pretty mouth and what you're doing, focused on touching your body and thinking he loves the way it feels. The more confident you are, the better. You're sexy and pretty and you are desirable babes, let those noises he makes when you touch him drive your confidence, the way he groans a little when you do something, the way he's tugging your body close to yours cause he wants to feel you, it all means he wants you and that's hot, let it boost your lady ego my love. You're allowed to be shy, I totally understand that, and if your partner really cares about you then they'll easily take your hand and guide you through it. Let them know you're a little nervous, and they'll really try to make things more comfy and easier for you because sex is about both parties, not just one.

5. Orgasming is hard, but it's still achievable. Especially in an open, established relationship, really let your man know what turns you on. Let him feel at your cooch while he's penetrating you and I promise that can usually get you orgasming. Other than that, another huge case of doing what you need to do to get yourself off, and always let your partner know. If you’re really searching for an orgasm in a newer relationship or if you’re too shy to say something, then literally just take your man’s hand and place him over your clit and start rubbing with him, he’ll get the hint and start doing it himself.

6. Communication is key. This is obvious, but even if it's dirty talk, usually it's still a way to communicate and see if you're okay. You can ask to go slower, faster, softer, harder, stop altogether or entirely wreck your goddamn shit. Your partner should listen and if they don't, get the fuck out of there and leave that man, he don't fucking deserve you at all, especially in situations where you ask to stop or to slow down cause maybe something hurts, if he doesn't listen here then no, he don't deserve shit and LEAVE. Don't be afraid to make noise either or say something, dudes usually love hearing you. If you don’t like something please let your partner know, I’m sure they’re wondering if you do and would love to hear you communicating.

7. Be clean after you're done woo-hoo-ing. Make sure you're tidy and stuff before putting clothes back on, sex can get messy especially if it's your first time you can bleed. Usually if the dude is a sweetheart enough they'll clean you, which is obviously aftercare uwu.

8. Pee after sex, UTI's are not fun.

9. Your body may also feel weird or go through changes after you have sex for the first time, but that’s normal. Just you body’s response to feeling something foreign inside you.

10. Ladies, remembering during sex that you have power, IT’S YOUR BODY!!!! Whether it’s because you’re totally domming or because your man is super duper sweet and will not do anything unless you want it, sex is meant to be fun and for both parties’ enjoyment. It’s not a chore nor is it something you HAVE to do to keep your man around or something, let yourself have fun girl, you deserve it. The flow of sex and any activities as such are usually dictated by you and what you want, so remember you don’t have to go through with something if you don’t want to. It shouldn’t matter if a dude really badly wants to get his dick wet, this is your body and you are to decide what happens to it. If a man makes you believe otherwise, FUCK THAT DUDE!!!! HE DON’T DESERVE YOU!!! YOU DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT AND TO BE CARED FOR AS A HUMAN BEING!!

#sammy's advice #sammy files #inbox #anon

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