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i-did · 3 years

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Do you think trans Neil fics are just a way for people to enforce more heteronormativity into Andriels relationship? From what I’ve seen it just seems like an excuse for writers to feminise Neil more which is really harmful to trans male stereotypes. Not to mention the smut seems like an excuse to write about penis/vagina sex. Idk if I’m overthinking this but it’s the feeling I get and I’d appreciate someone else’s perspective on it

I think the fact that the vast majority of trans representation in fics is smut is pretty telling. I also am unfortunately nosey and back when I still read smut (I rarely do these days, it just makes me feel bad these days instead, haha) I would check out the author, and they were often women, presumably or openly cis since Fandom is an overwhelmingly (but not exclusively) AFAB space.

So far all the trans men I've personally spoken to have mentioned that they can't read any trans fics and actually actively avoid them.

NSFW LANGUAGE

There is also the discussion of language and misgendering of genitals in smut fics, as well as how differently the characters (who are being written as trans) become. Trans andrew fics are dominated by smut as well as writing him as a bottom and very sexual and ... okay I genuinely can't think of another word for this besides "cockslut" so sorry about the informality of language. But they wrote him as a cockslut, and same as neil. Trans men can be tops, and often are because of bottom dysphoria, and anal is still a thing trans men can enjoy, anyone can.

We have a pretty good idea how andrew and neil act during sexual acts together since we are shown andrew jerking neil off and andrew sucking neil off in the books. So when because they're afab they suddenly act very different during sex it can be... suspicious.

Its also important to discuss language used during smut fics as well as what is included and what isn't. Often chests are mentioned, not so often with top surgery in mind, and body hair isn't. Trans men on testosterone are very aware of their body hair and how it has changed, and usually proud of it. I think even a passing remark about how one of them (pre or post op) would have chest hair or a happy trail would be good to mention, when happy trails are often mentioned in cis smut but omitted in trans smut.

Also when having sex with a trans person (yes speaking from experience) it is best to openly and honestly discuss what they are comfortable with and what language they like. Consent is always important to be discussed and when/if your partner has dysphoria that is another element to be considered and discussed. Some trans women get dysphoric about anal, some don't, some trans men keep a shirt on some don't some people keep their socks on some people like some words that others don't. Its best to assume someone doesn't have a misgendering kink! Its not that common and all kinks should be discussed beforehand anyway. Dirty talk should also be discussed, what words are good to use vs not.

A lot of the language see in ftm trans smut (because there is next to no mtf trans smut) ((not that I think it would be much better but who knows I haven't read it)) refers to the genitals with dirty language associated with women (tits, pussy, cunt, etc) but doesn't mention the trans man's erection, in fact I haven't seen any mention T-cocks/T-dicks. Its also best to assume your partner doesn't like those words and use vague terms unless otherwise stated, using general words such as hole is still hot and also not misgendering their genitals. Some people do not see this as a form of misgendering, but not everyone does and the reason people I've talked to about this (and myself) don't read these fics is because the language makes them uncomfortable so we avoid it all together. (As well as the other problems discussed).

The fact that effects of testosterone are hardly mentioned makes me feel like these fics are more so existing for the often afab non mlm consumers of smut fics who use them as porn to get off to and increase their self insertablility. I'm honestly curious about this psychologically, I know some people don't realize they're trans until moments like this, but I also know fully confident cis and sometimes het women get off to gay porn.

Regardless, obviously writing trans neil is not problematic, and same as writing trans andrew fics. But its important to note how you or the author might have changed the characters canon personalities, presentation, reactions during sex and preferences during sex. And also why there is so much emphasis on sex, when people who are trans are trans not just during sex, but also... when they're not having sex, which is most of the time like everyone else. Its also important to note which one you choose to prefer being trans and why, I know a lot of non Americans who only use the word for binder as a chest binder and not a folder assumed neil was trans until it became apparent he wasn't written with the intention of so, but I've also seen people choose to have neil be trans because they think "trans men are just hotter" and if you're not a trans man,,,, maybe. Don't say that. Because that's fetishizing trans men.

END NSFW

Whatmack wrote a good fic where neil is trans and its not just a device for smut, in fact its not about his genitals and sex at all, its about WWI and is really good but mind warnings, its called "in flanders fields" i believe.

Also I'm told I'm an overthinker a lot but honestly? My mind is blank a lot of the time lmao. And then when its not blank I'm just... thinking. I don't think I'm an over thinker regardless of what others have told me lmao, I think they just don't realize how often I'm actually just vibing. Also "overthinking" can be good. Analyzing things and what they mean can be important and questioning stuff is also important. Obviously if you're getting anxious than overthinking isn't good and its overwhelming instead, but a little overthinking is good because some times I feel we under think things and don't analyze what they could mean.

When I have a reaction to something or an instinct idea about something I try to assess why. Do I hate Kora? Why? Do I think she's arrogant and unlikable? Or am I actually being misogynistic and potentially colorist against her, and if she were a white male character would i question her personality and actions as much as I do when she's a woc, much less be annoyed by them? (I love Kora, this is just an example lol)

Also sorry I keep answering these like always 3 am my time which means for a lot of you guys its even earlier in the morning, (whats up Australia, New Zealand, Europe, the Philippines, and other awake places)

#ask #fandom psychology #fandom politics #mailob #nsft #osha violation

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honestlyzenoouh · 3 years

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Aaron Goes Big Instead Of Home (And Poor Kevin Dies A Bit Inside)

This fic is also on AO3 if you prefer to read over there :)

This was all Neils fault, 100% the little assholes fault. It was a simple bet, a very small one indeed. The fact that Neil even agreed to the bet, should have tipped Aaron off from the very start. But sadly, Aaron is nothing but a salty bitch when it comes to Neil, and the fact the bet involved his brother was even better. He could kill two, no actually tree birds with one tiny victory. Convince his brother that his relationship with Neil was nothing but loveless sex, prove Neil wrong whilst also getting to humiliate him. Win win win.

Teeny tiny flaw in his plan though. Neil won. Neil actually got Andrew to casually display relationship like PDA. With Andrew initiating. Holding hands, kisses goodbye, softly touching hips to get by each other, the whole shebang. Fuck. Damnit. Crap. He wasn’t suppose to readily showcase his emotions towards Neil, he was suppose to prove to both Aaron and himself that the relationship was a fad, and let it fizzle out like his and Katelyns. Okay, he might have been a little bit bitter, as well as the usual annoyance Neil brings out in him, when he made the bet. Whatever.

So here Aaron stood, almost exactly six months after the bet started, in Katelyn’s bathroom just looking at the offending clothes. Katelyn and him might have broken up, but they still consider each other their platonic soulmates. The sex kinda spelled that out for them, not really enjoyable for either of them. Katelyn found out she definitely was on the asexual spectrum, where sex was only enjoyable for her sometimes. When they first got together she had laid all the cards on the table, and told him her feelings about sex, and Aaron had been very understanding and patient with her. It took a long time for their relationship to turn physical, other than the casual kissing and hand holding, and in the two and a half years they had been together, actual sex had only happened a handful of times. And only one of those times had been somewhat satisfactory for both of them.

It was after the last time they had sex, one of the worse experiences for both of them, that Katelyn suggested they might be right for each other. Aaron had wanted to argue with her, wanted to be hurt she would say such a thing, but Aaron had been having the same thoughts for a while before. Because while Katelyn might be asexual, Aaron sure as fuck wasn’t. He got urges and fantasies, and whilst he understood Katelyn didn’t, he also knew it wasn’t her fault they weren’t clicking right sexually. So they mutually decided that they might be better of as best friends instead of partners, but weren’t ready to tell people. Katelyn wasn’t ready to come out, and Aaron would like to keep his pride and not be pitied.

(The sexual identity crisis that sprung forwards in Aaron when he actually realized that it was not only Katelyn that didn’t find pleasure in their sex life is not to be spoken about. Internalized homophobia and too much alcohol doesn’t mix, too many tears, understanding Nickys, and not nearly enough answers. Whatever, he has time to figure it out when the time is right.)

The uniforms material felt way too heavy in his hands, considering it was only a two piece, yet it was surprisingly soft. He guessed that’s what happens if you actually use fabric softener, but what was he suppose to know? He didn’t care enough about his clothes to spend the extra cash on that shit. Katelyn does though, or whoever she borrowed the clothes from did.

He shifted the fabric around his fingers and actively considered forfeiting his dare. However the mere thought of letting Neil win even more, made him visible recoil and slightly nauseas. Fuck that, a thousand times over. A simple knock on the door and a voice asking if he was okay in there, got him out of his staring contest with the outfit, and mumble something even he wasn’t sure what meant.

Taking a deep breath he finally shimmed out of his pants, and pulled the undergarment of the uniform on. A bit shorter than he was used to, but not too bad. Taking off his hoodie and replacing it with the top, made it all a bit much, and way too real. He’s gonna lose his dignity as well as his masculinity to this. The bright orange Vixens uniform sat tight against his chest, but flowed nicely the rest of the way down. Turning a bit this way and that, he got to study his whole body. His ass which normally was kinda flat, popped a bit with the skirt accentuating its shape flatteringly. His shoulder and biceps got the same treatment with the tanktop’s broad straps. So maybe not all masculinity is lost to this. Gathering a bit of his spite for Neil, and general courage, he finally unlocked the door. Finding his last fucks to give after a couple of more moments, he also opened the door. Luckily, it was only Katelyn waiting for him. She moved her head from her phone and smiled from her upside down position on the couch.

“You good?” She simply asked him. Kneading the fabric of the skirt, and pulling at it a bit he nodded.

“As good as I’m gonna get, wearing a skirt because of a stupid fucking bet. I’m so stupid.” Pulling a bit more on the skirt, he looked around. “Where are the others? I just really wanna get this over and done with” Katelyn helpfully pointed downward, hopefully meaning Fox Towers third floor and not the parking lot. Sighing and looking at her with tense shoulders, a question all by it self, she only raised an eyebrow and gave him a look. Obviously not the parking lot, who did he think she was? A monster? Him lifting one of his now unclenched shoulders, no, but you do enjoy to slightly bullying me, so why not. Katelyn snorted and finally got up from the couch.

“I thought about it, not going to lie to you, but your face when I gave you the uniform made me reconsider. You looked like a kicked puppy, it was so sad.” Aaron grunted to make his displeasure know, but followed her to the front door. He only hesitated a bit going through, so little only people who really knew him would realize. Luckily, (or unluckily, depending on how you view it) Katelyn was one of those very few people, and she put an arm around his shoulders for comfort. Together they walked the short way to stairs and down the two flights from fifth to the third floor, thankfully without running into anyone. The hallway of the third floor also blessedly empty, gave Aaron a false sense of fortitude. Holding on to it, until it became as genuine as it’s gonna be, he looked up to Katelyn, “Which room?”

After a quick glance at her phone, she nodded towards the upperclassmen’s room. Great, so Neil roped the whole team together to witness this. Fucker. Shaking off the rest of his nerves, he shrugged off Katelyn’s arm and walked up to the door. Opening and stepping inside made his heart start pounding, but nothing happened. Literally nobody was even looking at him, or acknowledging his presence at all. All eyes seem to be on his twin, currently laying face down on the floor. “This is the worst day of my life” came muffled from the floor. Looking from face to face, Aaron finally made eye contact with someone. Sadly that someone was Neil.

Raising an eyebrow at him, Aaron silently dared him to comment. Unable to backdown, Neil did just that. “Okay Minyard, that’s a bit low, even for you” Nodding towards Aarons chest area whilst he said so, made Aaron look down at the v-neck. Sure it was a bit deep, considering his lack of boobs, but it wasn’t that bad. The v stopped at about the middle of his chest, pale blond hairs exposed to world for once. Bracing himself once again for all the attention that was bound to come his way, now that Neil had spoken to him, he took another step into the room, Katelyn right behind him. But still, all eyes except for Neils’ were on his twin as an unenthusiastic “fuck you” came from the floor. This time it was Neil that raised an eyebrow, want to make a game of this? Aaron nodded once, intrigued with this whole situation.

“Seriously A, isn’t this a bit over the top?” Neil gestured a bit with his hands, presumably meaning the Vixens uniform. Fair question, when the forfeit only specified a skirt. But Aaron kinda lived by go big or go home, and when he asked Katelyn if he could borrow a skirt, and the only thing she had he would be able to fit in was the uniform he said fuck it. To answer Neils question he nodded towards Katelyn, who gave a tiny wave. A look of understanding crossed his face when an answer came from the floor. “This is a perfectly reasonable reaction” This startled a laugh out of Nicky, and made Kevin look up from Andrew towards Neil. When he saw him looking nowhere near Andrew he followed Neils eyesight and caught sight of Aaron. His eyes widened and he stood stock still, but not a noise or word passed through him. Aaron didn’t get the time to analyze that particular reaction, as Neil once more spoke up.

“Right, sure. Kevin, what is your take on the situation? I mean, he only lost a bet, isn’t that a bit overly dramatic?” The mischievous grin he wore didn’t bore well for Aaron. He knew something Aaron didn’t, that fucker. When all Kevin seemed able of answering was a stuttery mess, the foxes finally shifted their attention away from Andrew, most likely to laugh at Kevins inability to talk. Yet, once they saw Kevins now slightly awed expression, and both his and Neils direction of sight, they subsequently came to look in Aarons direction.

What followed was probably the most awkward five seconds of Aarons life. It started as a stunned silence, which was broken by Kevin sadly saying “This is a very bad time to have an identity crisis.”, after that all hell seemed to break loose. Nicky and Allison were actively trying to get Kevin to elaborate on that, and close some bets for them. Matt and Dan were looking at each other, and then at Aaron seemingly trying to work out how best to approach the situation. The new foxes tried to gently blend into the background and disappear with no luck. Only Renee was brave enough to face him. “Hello Aaron, I like your outfit. Is this a new thing we might see more often?”

The innocent question floored Aaron for a bit, and shut the foxes up again. Sure he was still trying to figure out his sexuality, but his gender identity was never a question for him. But now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t actually mind wearing the skirt. Sure it wasn’t completely comfortable, but it was a sports uniform. His own was made of the same kinda fabric and had the same feel, so he was use to that. But if he found a more modest skirt in more comfortable fabric, he didn’t think he’d mind it all that much. I did make his ass pop. Really thinking about that fact made his brain momentarily shut down. Once rebooted he looked Renee in the eyes and answered

“I don’t, I don’t think so? I mean, I’m not sure? It might? Can I get back to you on that one?” Trying to be more open with foxes had been a thing he’s been working on as a new years resolution, but here two months later, it was still really hard. Admitting that hurt a little. Shifting his attention towards Neil again he suddenly realized something. “You didn’t tell them did you?”

“No, I didn’t actually think you would go through with it.” He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at Aaron

“Tell us what?” Came from floor. Andrew had finally decided to join the conversation, apparently. He had only turned his face from directly down, to towards Aaron at the door. He didn’t seem too judgmental, only a bit confused. Ever since Bee had finally convinced Andrew to try a new type of medication, to treat his bipolar disorder and depression, Andrew had become a whole new person. A much more readable person, but you still can’t be a 100% sure with him.

“I made a bet with Neil, and obviously lost. So my punishment was to go out of my comfort zone in the clothes department, considering and I quote; I bitch so much about his. I thought a skirt was the most out there for me. Why are you lying on floor?” Ah, the dreaded communication they needed to better. They were getting there, albeit slowly. Bee helped a lot.

“Andrew got cocky about his biceps, and Matt challenged it with an arm wrestle match. As you can probably guess, Andrew lost.” Dan cheerfully informed from beside Matt, who looked rightfully smug. This made Andrew turn downwards agin and groan sadly. “I benchpress more than any of you” was spoken into the floor. This made the foxes laugh once more. Aaron shuffled a bit from foot to foot, and made the tactful decision to leave with all the focus on his brother. He technically did do the forfeit after all. Get out of his comfort zone and show at least 4 different foxes. Whether it was individually or in a group was up to him.

When he got to his room and about to close the door, he got stopped by a hand on the frame. A very uncomfortable looking Kevin was the owner of said hand. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, and took a big breath, but didn’t say anything. He then got into motion and just walked into the room. Well then. “What do you want Kevin?” Crossing his arm across his chest, Aaron “patiently” awaited an answer.

“Go on date. Me with. I mean, uuuhhh” Aaron’s brain shut down once more, and this time the reboot apparently took a little too long, because when he refocused in on Kevin once more the man was fidgeting. Which wasn’t something Aaron had ever seen him do. What the fuck was happening here? Was Kevin actually asking him out? And more importantly, why was he asking him out? As far as Kevin was concerned, him and Katelyn was still happily together. He tried to come up with an answer, but Kevin’s flickering eyes threw him off. They kept going from his face to the skirt and then landing on the v neckline. It was almost a pattern. His eyes went from the skirt to his face again when he suddenly spoke up again.

“You need to change. I just. I can’t think, and I really want to talk to you, because I overheard Nicky one time, but I don’t really know if it was just Nicky being Nicky or if it’s actually true. I did ask him but he shut down and wouldn’t even look at me for three days after, so I don’t know for sure. So can you make me think? I mean change. Pl- if you could be as kind.”

Aaron thought he nodded before he turned and walked in to the dorms bedroom, but he honestly wasn’t sure. So many thoughts swirled around in his head, made it hard to concentrate on getting changed. Had Nicky really been so careless he accidentally outed him? It was with Nicky he had had his sexuality revelation and cry with, that cursed night after a Trip to Eden.

It had been a few weeks after Katelyn and him had called it off relationship wise, and Aaron had been having these weird feelings and his mind kept supplying him with these random observation. Objectively speaking, your Chemistry 102 TA is attractive. His sharp cheekbones and plumb lips are attractive features to have. The boy sitting across from you smells nice, wonder what cologne he uses? The man behind the counter at the coffee shop had really nice eyes. They were a warm brown you could get a little lost in.

He had just crossed the doorway into the house when the thought hit him. What if the reason that sex with Katelyn wasn’t satisfying for him, wasn’t because of the fact that Katelyn was asexual and weren’t as in to it as he was, but because she was a girl? What if the reason he seemingly couldn’t have as good an orgasm with a partner then alone, was because he had the wrong gendered partner. He had had earlier girlfriends in high school, both before and after Andrew had arrived, but he always seemed to excuse the bad sex as inexperience. But what if it wasn’t?

That had floored Aaron completely, and he had taken a stuttered breath and stumbled to the couch so he could sit down. Nobody seemed to pay him any mind, hopefully just chalking it up to drunken behavior, not the life revelation it had been. Neil and Andrew hadn’t been drinking that night, and they wasted no time bringing their things up to Andrew’s bedroom to go to bed. Kevin had stayed at Palmetto to spend the weekend with his father, but Nicky had bargained with Andrew for them to go to Columbia anyway, and gotten his way somehow. (Aaron hadn’t asked, didn’t really want to know.) When they arrived at Eden he had all but begged Aaron to drink with him. So Aaron had matched him drink for drink, and actually had a good time. He even danced a bit with a random person with a pixie cut and let a little loose.

He hadn’t realized the tears gathering, nor the way his breathing had picked up until Nicky appeared out of nowhere sitting down next to him. He had swirled his head to look Nicky in the eyes, and the easy going smile he had on his face died when he saw Aaron’s face. He must have looked terrified because Nicky sounded completely sober when he spoke,

“Aaron are you okay? What’s wrong? Did something happen at Eden? Should I go get Andrew?” The more he spoke, the faster the words spilled out and the more panicked he sounded. Aaron tried to draw in a breath to answer him, but it got stuck in his throat so he just shook his head desperately. He really didn’t want to include Andrew too, and rather die than include Neil. Nicky had nodded his head, but still looked at him worriedly. When he finally mastered the art of breathing again he blurted out what he should have said ages ago, even before his little revelation.

“I’m sorry Nicky, I’m so sorry” He crumbled while he said it, and his head had landed in Nicky’s lap. The tears had started to fall about halfway through his apology and he didn’t predict them to stop anytime soon. But neither did the muttered apologies, I’m so sorry spoken softly into Nicky’s thigh. Nicky was bordering on hysteric at that point, franticly petting his hair and seemingly answering Aaron’s apologies

“It’s okay, I forgive you! I don’t really know what you’re apologizing for, but it can’t be that bad! Sure, you’re kinda an asshole, but you’re apologizing so you’re not that big of one. Why do you keep apologizing? It’s okay, I’m right here. Whatever you did I’m always gonna be in your corner, so please stop crying I don’t know what to do! How can I help? If you don’t calm down I’ll have to go get Andrew because I really don’t know how to help you if you don’t speak to me, and I’m starting to get really worried now. Please talk to me.”

It was only when Nicky had started to shift around, as if trying to get up, that Aaron finally snapped out of it. He wrapped his arms tightly around Nicky’s legs and shook his head, turning around to look up at him with pleading eyes. Nicky had looked back at him, tears in his eyes as well and shifted once more. “I’m giving you two minutes to start explaining or I’m getting him. This will not go unspoken of, do you hear me Aaron? I’m pretty sure you’re having a mental break down or something, and you can’t keep that all inside. That is super unhealthy and can cau-“

“I think I might be gay” Nicky had gotten very quiet and still, just looking at Aaron and blinking rapidly. Aaron took a steadying breath and wiped his face free of tears, head still in Nicky’s lap. Figuring fuck it, I already said the hardest part he continued speaking, voice croaking making it deeper than normal.

“I don’t actually know, I just. I keep having these thoughts ever since Katelyn and I broke up, which we did like, a month ago, and I think my brain is just now connected the dots because apparently I’m fucking stupid, and can’t figure out that sex wasn’t as satisfying as regular masturbation, was not because the people I’m with are bad at it, but because they don’t have what I need. Or is it the bad thing and I’m only overanalyzing? The only thing I’m really sure of right now is the fact I’m a huge asshole for giving you and Andrew such a hard time for being gay, when I might be it too. That and apparently I find my chemistry TA hot, and like the way men smell and what is wrong with me?” Aaron sniffed and a few more tears fell from his eyes. They were starting to feel a bit sore now. Aaron had jumped when Nicky suddenly took a huge breath and whispered something that sounded like okay, you can do this. Making eye contact with his older cousin he got a small smile. He reached down wipe the last of the tears away, and began petting his hair again. Much more soothingly this time around.

“So this is a lot to unpack, so what do you say we take it in small bites hmm?” When all Aaron did was nod, he continued on, “So you and Katelyn broke up? Are you okay in regards to that?”

Aaron looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers but answered him, “Yeah, about a month ago. Maybe a little longer. It was an actual mutual decision, something we both felt needed to be done. We had a big fat discussion about our feelings and called it quits. We just aren’t ready to tell just yet. Might not for a while to be honest. She has some things to work through, and she’s my best friend so of course I’ll put it off for as long as she needs.” Shrugging his shoulders he looked up again.

“Okay then, I’m happy to hear you’re doing okay there. These… thoughts you mentioned, what exactly do you mean?” Wincing a little, Aaron had tried to clarify his brains jumbled observations. They sat on the couch talking about each and everything Aaron had been feeling and thinking about those past two months. Aaron found that Nicky could be surprisingly quiet and understanding, and that it was really cathartic to talk about it all. So apparently Aaron could see the attractiveness about guys, but he didn’t know if he wanted to date them. Kissing had crossed his mind once or twice, but quickly shut down because he wasn’t ready to think about it.

The last thing Aaron had asked of Nicky before they went to bed that night, a few hours later, was that he kept quiet. He wasn't ready to explore his sexuality, let alone come out. Nicky had given him an understanding smile and sighed out of course.

A knock on the door startled Aaron out of his memory and into the present again. Shrugging his hoodie over his head he decided to just get it over and done with. Fucking Kevin sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. When he was fully dressed once more, he walked over to the door and ripped it open.

"What do you want Kevin?" He said maybe a little too forcefully. Kevin had moved away from the door, and was sitting at the couch Matt had supplied the living room with. He gestured to the other end where he was sitting. Sighing to make his displeasure known, he got to the couch and plopped down. Looking over at the other boy he repeated his question, a bit more mellow this time. Kevin was sitting with his legs curled up under him, his right hand playing with the fabric of his pants.

"A date, ideally. With you, specifically." His face was set in a small smile, eyes sparkling hopefully. Aaron's heart sank a little, so Nicky had outed him. Accidental or not, that still shot a pang of panic and hurt through him. Before he could muster up the energy to answer him, Kevin continued,

"I don't actually know if you'd be interested, or even actually into boys. About three weeks ago, I overheard Nicky speaking to who I assume was Erik, considering he was speaking some german. He kept switching between english and german though, and going on a tangent about queerness being genetic, the twins, and breaking up with girlfriends. Never mentioning any names. So I don't- I'm not actually sure it was you he was talking about. I tried to ask him but he just shouted no, hung up the phone and all but ran away from me. He haven’t really spoken to me yet. I think he feels bad, because I overheard him.”

A feeling of relief spread through Aaron. Even though Nicky had spoken about their conversation from months ago, he had worded it so only people who knew Nicky intimately would have a clue. Or simply think he was talking about Andrew. Still feeling some of his earlier panic, Aaron opened his mouth to profusely deny deny deny, not at all ready to talk about his sexuality again, he remembered a tiny detail from Kevin’s explanation. If he had overheard Nicky three weeks ago, why in the world hadn’t he said anything? Either to him or the others? Closing his mouth again, Aaron tried to calculate what would happen if he “came out” to Kevin. He wasn’t even sure what the ever-loving fuck he was, other than not straight, but if Kevin had held tight for those three weeks maybe he would for however long it took for Aaron to figure it out. One small parentheses made the equation hard though. Kevin’s apparent desire to date Aaron. Aaron might not be the best at math, but a huge glaring pair of parentheses in an equation needed to be addressed first, in order to solve said equation. Right? Aaron’s pre-med not a simple math major, how was he supposed to know?

“Why?” It had slipped out of Aaron’s lips without permission, but he really needed to know before they got any further in this equation. Why now? Why him? Kevin furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly, apparently not getting Aaron’s question. Aaron elaborated his inner thoughts, and the questions made Kevin pause. A slight flush rose across his cheeks, but it didn’t take long for him to gather his thoughts, only a shake of his head.

“So, I’ve been talking to Bee right? In the process of becoming sober” Aaron nodded, not really in the mood to actually talk right now. Luckily, Kevin continued on.

“Okay, so. She hasn’t just been helping me getting sober, also just. Better? In general. We have been talking trough my growing up, and Riko and Andrew. Just. Everything I guess. It made me realize some things, and she has been encouraging me to do something about it. I haven’t wanted to, until three weeks ago, where I heard I might have an actual chance.” He shrugged his shoulders, now looking down at his lap, really focusing on the piece of fabric between his fingers. Aaron’s mouth went a little dry at that implication, not that he really knew why.

He thought all bravery had left his body, after having to endure his forfeit, but apparently not because he felt himself reaching his right hand across and over Kevin’s left. It made him start and look up at Aaron. Sitting there with his hand over Kevins made him feel the same sense of fuck it, as he had with Nicky all those weeks ago. So throwing caution into the wind, he unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth, and asked what he thought was the most pressing matter.

“What did you realize?” Kevin’s face went from flush to straight up red, but he kept his eyes locked with Aaron.

“Apparently it is possible to admire people of the same sex aesthetically, and not just because of their exy skills. And that I find your personality and general body incredibly attractive.”

Kevin’s voice had gone down an octave, and the sound of it sent a shot of something, through his stomach. The very same something he has been feeling pertaining his chemistry TA lately. Great, now he also found fucking Kevin hot. Not that that might be a problem with Kevin considering the resent confession. Though now that he really thought about it, Kevin really is an attractive person. He has sharp cheek bones, but his green eyes softens his face up, so he doesn’t look so severe. His nose is slightly upturned, but with a tiny bump on the bridge, which is something Aaron hadn’t noticed before. Wonder where he got it from? Exy most likely. His thighs has the same kind of muscle definition that Katelyn has, which is something Aaron has always found arousing.

He should probably say something though, instead of just mindlessly looking at Kevin. The poor dude looked about one breath away from a minor break down. He shook his head to clear it from his Kevin related epiphany.

“Fuck it okay, all cards on the table?” He gestured with his left hand, just now noticing his right still laying over Kevins. When he got a hesitant nod from him, he continued on now determined.

“I don’t actually know what I am, other than maybe not straight. Katelyn and I are broken up yes, but we haven’t actually told anyone. Not ready yet” A slight flush rose across his own cheeks when he thought about his next admission, “And I kinda find you aesthetically pleasing as well.”

A small smile spread across Kevin’s face and he opened his mouth, but Aaron cut him of before any words could come through. “But! But, I really don’t know what that means. And I don’t think it’s fair for you, if I didn’t make that abundantly clear first. Your face is attractive, I think, and I know you enough to feel safe maybe starting a thing with you. Just, some minor things before you ask me again?”

Kevin nodded his head quickly and opened his mouth again, but once again Aaron cut him off before he could speak. “Okay so one;” He held a finger up on the hand not holding Kevin’s.

“I’m nowhere near ready to tell people about anything related to my sexuality, so if we do this. It’d have to be in complete secret,” Another finger joined the first one and he went on. “Two, we’d have to take it slow. I don’t know what I’m comfortable with, or how far I’m willing to go, so you’d need to be patient with me. Possibly really patient with me.”

He raised a third finger to go with his last bit.

“And lastly but most important, you need to tell me if things isn’t working for you anymore. I know I come with a lot of rules and regulations, but I need to figure out if this is really for me. You feel safe enough for me to try with specifically, but if that ever ends up not being enough for you, you tell me. Immediately. That is very important to me. If there is one thing my relationship with both Katelyn and Andrew have taught me anything it is honesty is super important. Well, and consent but you know Andrew too so of course you know that. Okay, you can talk now.” He unfurled his hand, and waved it at Kevin’s to demonstrate his point. Kevin looked a little shell shocked after being loaded with all that information, and he took a moment but finally he spoke, his small smile lighting up his eyes.

“Yeah, I can work with that.”

It was spoken softly, and it took Aaron an extra two seconds to realize what Kevin meant. He still wanted to “date” Aaron, even with all these rules. And he had not seen that coming, expecting Kevin to give up and find someone new to pester about dating. He hadn’t really taking his stubbornness into consideration, which really was an oversight on Aaron’s part, and predicted this would happened.

“Ask me again.” He challenged him, a small part of him still excepting him to not go through with it. And by now, Aaron kinda really wanted to go on this gay adventure with Kevin.

Kevin’s smile grew in size, and made a dimple appear in his right cheek, another thing Aaron hadn’t noticed Kevin do(had, could?), and he shifted closer to Aaron. He shifted his left hand so they were holding hands, rather than Aaron holding Kevins, and took hold of his right hand as well, placing both in his lap. Aaron could feel his cheeks warming up, but didn’t hinder his movements.

“Would you like to go on a date with me? And maybe hold a little hands with me? That’s all I ask for now, and we can figure adjustments out as we see fit in the future. And secrecy is okay with me at the moment, and I promise to tell you if I change my mind.”

Aaron’s whole upper body felt warm now, most likely a blush, but he also felt surprisingly excited. This had suddenly turned into a thing Aaron really wanted to explore. Mirroring Kevin’s smile he answered, feeling confident in his mental math. This equation wasn’t so hard to solve as the first one.

“Yeah okay, I think I’d really like that”

Part 1 of “Aaron Tries His Best”

1 - 2(coming soon)

#kevaaron #andreil #besties Aaron and Katelyn #Kevin Day #Aaron Minyard #Nicky Hemmick #all for the game #all for the gay #aftg #zenoouh writes #Neil Josten #Andrew Minyard

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hawkinsschoolcounselor · 4 years

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I’d love to see a character analyses on Max Mayfield! Of course, only if you have the time & willingness to do one :)

What sort of monster would I be if I literally begged for requests and then didn’t want to respond? This will purely be based on the show, as I haven’t read any supplementary material around her. I’m not sure that matters though, as the show is the only explicitly canon material. I have to admit that I did not like Max at first. I felt the cast was large enough already, and that adding more central characters risked opportunities for character development (I would have the same thought about Robin in Season 3). I grew to appreciate Max, though. She’s been a great addition to the story, and any lack of character development does not seem to be as a consequence of adding her.

Max is a different look at the effects of trauma on a young person. She comes into the story already an outcast. She has already experienced her own difficulties. She lacks the protective factors that someone like Will has, which help someone cope with difficult life events. Max makes it clear that she would prefer to be living with her dad in California. She does not beatify him, but she seems to feel that he at least accepts her and allows her to be who she is. As a counselor, he comes across more as a friend than a parent, so it’s a hard sell to say she’d be better off with him, but she’d probably be happier, all things being equal.

Her relationship with her custodial family is strained at best, and abusive at worst. She is angry at being forced to move away from California. She seems to have a workable relationship with her mother, but she holds some resentment for her marrying Neil and moving them all away from her home. Neil, for all of his abusive tendencies, does not seem to take them out on Max, at least based on what we see. He does not seem to respect or trust her though, as he expects Billy to be responsible for her and refuses to call her Max. Given what we see about his dominant and controlling personality, Neil is unlikely to be someone Max respects. Combine that with Neil taking her from her home, and you have the recipe for a very damaged relationship. Though with Neil’s lack of respect for women, I highly doubt Max’s dislike of him matters much. Billy seems to have been a big influence on Max, and not in a good way. She seems to have been interested in what would be considered boy things (video games, skateboarding, etc.) for a long time, but her tough exterior, another trait people attribute to tomboys, may be a response to Billy (and perhaps Neil). Billy is shown enjoying instilling fear into Max as a means of establishing dominance. Max holds a great deal of resentment for him, but she is forced to rely on him. She is genuinely afraid of what Billy may do, maybe not to her, but to her friends (especially Lucas).

Max is also afraid of continuing the cycle of abuse. She is aware of her own anger issues, but is adamant that she never allow herself to turn into that sort of person. It must have been hard for her to threaten Billy the way she did, as it required her to mirror back a lot of his own threatening language and posturing. Her self-awareness, and the support of her friends, gives her a good outlook at avoiding a continuation of the cycle.

Speaking of friends, Max is often at odds with the boys. Her toppling the high score on Dig Dug is an early sign that she’s not going to be pushed around. She has no time for their crap, and makes it clear to them that she doesn’t appreciate their behavior. She refers to Lucas as “stalker” even after they become friends. She calls the others out on keeping the Upside Down stuff a secret, as she sees it as not being fully accepted. She sees Lucas’ breakdown of Season 1 as a phony attempt to keep her in the dark. She calls out Mike on his baseless resentment of her. Still, she tries to show that she wants to be a part of the Party, going as far as to try and impress Mike with her skating (which seemed to be working until El caused her to fall). She wants to be accepted, but she feels a need to show the boys she’s not some pushover to be relegated to the sidelines. She shows a desire to get to know El in Season 2 (though she is rebuffed). She sees in El another girl who isn’t passive or weak (like her mother). This suggests that her tomboy nature isn’t necessarily a rejection of traditionally female interests. She just legit likes skateboarding and arcade games, and she doesn’t care that they’re supposed to be for boys. This is supported in Season 3 where she is shown enjoying more traditionally teen girl activities and styles with El. It doesn’t seem to be because she’s maturing and trying to make herself more attractive to boys, as these activities are shown to be purely for her own and El’s enjoyment. She still maintains her assertive personality and doesn’t seem to reject any of her previous interests (she still skateboards). “There’s more to life than stupid boys...” Max has grown her sense of self to include things boys wouldn’t care about, and she did it on her own terms, not because she was supposed to. She tries to instill this same idea onto El, albeit somewhat heavy-handed. She doesn’t seem to realize that El emulates her just as she’s previously emulated others. Still, her heart is in the right place as she genuinely wants El to become her own person, and not the person others want her to be. Max’s relationship with Lucas is a good example of young crushes. They genuinely do like each other, but they’re on such different pages that things just don’t work out. Lucas mentions that they had broken up 5 times (6 if it’s assumed that Lucas is dumped along with Mike after being caught at the mall). They only were dating since the Snowball, meaning they were only together for about 6 months. Lucas seems to have taken her for granted by that point, which isn’t something Max would appreciate. It’s likely that Max was the initiator of the breakups, possibly to show Lucas that she won’t be treated that way. This sort of relationship can be common at this age as young people can lack the emotional awareness and maturity to make a romantic relationship work.

After the events of Season 3, Max is considerably shaken. Despite her issues with Billy, it is suggested that she held some level of affection for him, perhaps lamenting that they weren’t able to have a good relationship. Maybe she harbors some survivor’s guilt. She may even be nervous about what Neil may become now that his primary target is gone. The ending of Season 3 is frustrating in how much it leaves unanswered despite taking place four months after the climactic battle in Starcourt Mall. Still, I look forward to seeing what happens with her in Season 4, and I hope she keeps her strength of will.

#stranger things #max mayfield

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gastlyash · 4 years

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Impure-a Daniel “redemption” arc au

in which Daniel comes back from Antarctica needing to be re-purified, but he gets kicked out of his cult, and hilarity ensues

gonna work on a twins au next b/c my brain has been in Camp Camp mode

info on the au under the cut

(TW for some violence/gore under the cut)

this is about to be a big ol infodump

how the au starts/backstory:

Daniel, after being stranded in Antarctica for a while, finally realizes that it wasn’t really Xemüg that told him to go there (he still made a temple for him lmao). So, he manages to find a way back (probably a team of researchers that find him) and he focuses on getting re-purified first, deciding to exact revenge on Camp Campbell and the Wood Scouts afterwards.

Since purification bleaches clothes white, his clothes are back to their original colors when he returns.

Once he gets to the compound/purification chamber, he’s stopped by Jen. She informs him that it’s her cult now. After Daniel left, she told the cult that he betrayed them and was struck down by Xemüg himself. If he shows up now, they’ll kill him for being an imposter, a test of faith sent by Xemüg.

Due to his mind not being in a fully purified state, he basically blows up at her (he’s still brainwashed/VERY loyal to Xemüg, he’s just more prone to fits of rage now and he’s not as in control of his emotions as before). Jen decides to subdue him by attacking. She once again asserts that it’s her cult now before some members of the cult finally see what’s going on. Daniel escapes, heavily wounded.

He manages to make it to Camp Campbell, tries lunging at David with his knife, but collapses from blood loss and exhaustion. He’s taken away in an ambulance.

About a week goes by after the shock of a nearly dead Daniel showing up at the camp when the Millers drive into camp...with Daniel in the back seat. Turns out that the judge decided to give Daniel a chance at redemption (which he doesn’t deserve in the slightest), and if he can’t be redeemed he’ll just be put away.

David, Gwen, and the campers are super against this, and even Daniel would much prefer to never see the camp again. But, it’s being enforced. The judge knows about Cameron’s redemption/community service and how it was fairly successful, so they just want to see if someone like Daniel could be redeemed.

aaand now just some more things about the au:

after being brought back to camp by the Millers, Daniel’s hair floof just stays down, and the rest of his hair is slightly disheveled (he could fix it if he wanted to, but he doesn’t)

his knife is confiscated, but he still manages to find it a few times (also breaks into the kitchen to get knives)

stays loyal to Xemüg, but after some time in the camp/some time to actually think, he begins to question his religion

while he’s more pissed/unhappy than anything, he still has his Purified Moments™ (gives speeches about Xemüg/tries sacrificing the kids/tries killing David, ect)

anything that could be used to poison kool-aid is locked up, so he can’t try that shit again

Max, Neil, and Nikki antagonize him the most, realizing that he can’t really do anything to them no matter how much they annoy him, and if he does, he’ll be taken away

David is taking no bs this time, but still tries helping him with the redemption (they have a sibling/brother relationship after a while and are actually twins b/c that’s just my overall headcanon for them no matter what)

Gwen knows that the sooner he gets redeemed, the sooner he can be out of the camp,,,so she uses her psychology skills to try and get into his head to hopefully speed the redemption up (he refuses to answer any questions about his past/what he’s done all together at first, but eventually opens up to her)

Daniel is just a lil shit, trying to purposefully get kicked out so he can be out of the camp sooner, but David is determined to redeem him (hates Daniel, but still believes that anyone can change/be redeemed)

he tried escaping camp a few times within the first week of being in the camp, but gets caught every time

his violin is the only thing that makes him genuinely happy, so when he needs to calm down he just goes off into the woods to play it in peace (Gwen confiscated it at the start of his time in camp originally, but returned it when she realized it could act as a coping mechanism for him)

after a month or so, the camp starts growing on him, and he begrudgingly helps the kids more

since he’s already over-dramatic and a pretty good actor (was able to pose as David for a day), he helps Preston with plays and Nerris with LARPing

who he started off antagonizing and purposefully annoying Gwen, but slowly forms a bond with her after she helps with his wounds a few times (he probably got stabbed by Nurf at some point), and also would get into some tv shows that she watches (definitely watches some trash tv with her and accidentally gets hooked)

in fact, Gwen suggests some coping mechanisms that don’t involve sacrificing anyone (”seriously dude, just take a fucking nap or something, maybe watch some Bob Ross”)

the Wood Scouts come over to Camp Campbell at some point, and they’re horrified to see Daniel again

Jen re-purified the cult to be loyal to her, and instead of their clothes being bleached white, they all have a pastel pink shade

Jen knew that Daniel would mess up like this eventually, so she just waited until he did

Jen’s a huge Xemüg follower like Daniel, but most of her takeover was just to be in control/to have power

aaand since this ship has been on my mind, Daniel develops a slight crush on Gwen after bonding with her, but it’s probably unrequited on Gwen’s end

aaand here’s Jen informing Daniel that she’s in charge now

#ash's art #camp camp #camp camp au #this was so much fun to draw and come up with tbh #i still have more ideas for this au that'll i'll draw another time #b/c right now i'm shifting into twins au mode

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floortile-flowers · 4 years

Text

Book Recs!

(these are some of the books I have read in 2020 and want to tell everyone about)

the martian by andy weir: (science fiction) this book was SO good. essentially our main character was on a mission to mars, but his team left him because they thought he was dead. it's funny, it's emotional, it's thrilling, and it has a really cool format. super likeable mc too

neverwhere by neil gaiman: (fantasy) okay this book is hard to summarize, but an ordinary man "falls between the cracks" into a fantastical and terrifying alternate reality. neil gaiman has done it again guys. the world building is so interesting and the characters have cool dynamics and its just so! good!

the book thief by markus zusak: (historical fiction) this book follows a young girl growing up in nazi germany, who steals books to find comfort and reassurance in cruel times. zusak does a fantastic job with this book. its narrated in deaths point of view and, my god, its so creative and wonderfully done. warning though, i genuinely started crying during my calculus class while reading this book. it's genuinely heartbreaking.

if we were villains by m. l. rio: (mystery/dark academia) this book takes place at a prestigious school of the arts, focusing on a group of drama kids who are competitive, close-knit, shakespearean and eccentric. all is well until one of the students is found dead. this book is so well written, I loved all the Shakespeare quoting and any drama/lit nerd will too. super dark academic. honestly I prefer this book wayy over tsh, mostly because the character dynamics and suspense were done much better here imo.

the testaments by margaret atwood: (dystopian) this is a sequel to the handmaid's tale, which I also recommend if you haven't read it already. when I heard atwood was writing a handmaid's tale sequel, I was pumped. then when it came out, it sat on my to read list for a long time. when I finally did pick it up, I was instantly hooked. it's not a sequel so much as a backstory. it's about the history of gilead, and for those like me, who craved context and information about the society featured in the habdmaid's tale, you'll LOVE this. it answered so many of my burning questions and was, of course, written exquisitely.

the luminous dead by caitlin starling: (sci fi/horror) gyre price lies about her qualifications for a well-paying job to explore a cave. she realizes something is off with this mission when she finds herself without a team of handlers, but rather supervised with one mysterious and controlling voice, em through a job that turns mysterious and horrifying. this book had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. unreliable narrator, horror, space lesbians, enemies to lovers, and more, this book is literally incredible and you won't be able to put it down.

the ocean at the end of the lane by neil gaiman: (dark fantasy, magic realism) a summary could never do this story justice, but at it's simplest, a man returns to his hometown for a funeral and rediscovers memories from his childhood. written with the whimsy and carefulness of a short story, but the length of a short novel, this book kept me questioning my own reality (something gaiman consistently does a wonderful job of). I was horrified and intrigued and comforted. it's a journey of a story and I 100% recommend it

Also, I just finished a book so I'm desperate for new book recs! Let me know if you've read anything good recently :)

#2020 books #book recommendations #book recs pls #book rec list #booklr #bookblr #reading #book worm

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side-effect-of-the-meds · 5 years

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Erin and Ania are like holy fuck I can’t even. But for real Neil sees Abby as a mother figure in the book so like is it the same for Ania? Andrew too? Idek I just need to know their relationships with everyone

It’s time I map out their relationships anyways lol so thanks, love!

Let’s start with the lovely Ania

Dan, Allison, and Ania are roommates. It’s tough after Seth’s death bc Ania has to face her all the time. Erin tells Allison her theory too so Allison is avoiding Ania so :////

Dan is essentially what Matt was to Neil. She sees Ania and her first thought is ‘baby’. She adopts her so fast. Every morning before class, she’ll pinch Ania’s cheeks and kiss her fingers, chef-style Idk man. It’s just something my mom does to me ok. Let me be soft.

Renee rooms with Erin so Ania isn’t comfortable with her. Anyone that can spend the night in a room with that girl has to be hardcore.

Allison also gives Ania a lot of shit about her wardrobe. At some point it starts to get to her so when the monsters head to the mall, Erin catches Ania drifting towards the girl’s section on her own. She’s high so she follows her around, prodding her about it. When Ania tells her, there’s this moment where Erin’s drug haze parts for a second. Ania could have sworn that she saw anger flashing in Erin’s eyes for half a second. She shrugs it off until Allison shows up at the dorms with a bruise on her jaw. Erin knows Ania hides her body bc scars and bc she doesn’t like men staring at her. She refuses to let Allison shame Ania into doing something she doesn’t want to. In general, Allison and Ania have a rocky relationship because Erin keeps interfering. After Christmas, the two of them end up getting along a lot better bc they bond while Allison covers Ania’s bruises with makeup. Also after Christmas, Ania and Renee trade dorms so she and Allison aren’t in constant contact. Part of their friction was due to the amount of time they spent together. A lot of things have happened to Allison this year and the fact that she constantly has to see the source of a lot of her problems makes it hard for her to heal.

I’ve considered Fem!Nicky but I personally prefer Gay/Lesbian solidarity between him and Erin a lot better so yeah (However if you want me to run a few Fem!Nicky hcs, hmu and I’ll do it. She won’t be a part of the fem!verse but it would be fun). He’s exactly the way he is in canon. However, he is constantly trying to set Ania and Erin up and Erin? Doesn’t? Stop? Him? She’s so desperately in love with Ania that if Nicky wingmanning for her is what it takes to win her over, then she’ll take it. She also has a really dirty sense of humor. The jokes he makes fuel her late-night fantasies.

Aaron is disgusted with Nicky and, more importantly, himself. Ania is incredibly beautiful and he’s incredibly straight. He doesn’t like her bc he’s so gone for Katelyn. That doesn’t make Ania any less pretty. He finds himself staring at her all the time but so does every other fox so he doesn’t feel bad.

Katelyn thinks Ania is hot. She’s bi but leans heavily towards guys. It takes Aaron a long time to unlearn his homophobia but he manages it because Katelyn is bi and he couldn’t possibly hate anything about her. Once Riko is gone and Ania is safe, she starts to develop feelings. I mean, she always had feelings but now she doesn’t try to suppress them. She lets herself want to be friends with people. Katelyn happens to be at the top of her list. While the twins are with Bee at their sessions, Katelyn and Ania hang out. Sessions are only an hour/hour and a half long so the girls just grab a soda together or go window shopping in Reddin. I hc Katelyn as a genuinely sweet VSCO girl. Let me have this! Ania has a grunge/goth aesthetic because Erin buys her clothes for her but she thinks Katelyn’s clothes are cute too. Erin wants to hate the thousands of scrunchies and anklets she finds strewn across the dorm but they make Ania so happy. Once on a double date, on Bee’s insistence, Katelyn catches sight of a bubblegum pink scrunchie in Erin’s hair. It’s a stark contrast to her all-black outfit but it’s really cute. When Aaron goes to grab their drinks from the barista, Katelyn tells her so making sure to stay well out of Erin’s reach. Erin just grunts and turns to look out the window. The twins don’t blush with their whole face. Instead, their ears turn red. With Erin’s hair pulled up and out of the way, Katelyn has no trouble seeing her burning red ears. It’s progress!

Ania spends a lot more time out at Evermore as a kid than Neil did. As a result, she was really close to Kevin and Riko. She only knew Jean for like a month before she dipped. I got a request for Fem!Jean so you’ll see Ania’s relationship with Jeanie soon. Kevin sees her as a baby sister. He and Kayleigh were actually at the hospital when Ania was born. There’s a baby photo back at Kayleigh’s old house of 3yr old Kevin carrying a newborn Ania. He’s crying rivers in it. There’s an actual video of it as well. In it, Kay asks him why he’s crying. “She’s sho shmall!” little Kevin sobs. “Can I keep her? Pleashe, mom. I’ll be nice to her and take care of her and I’ll tell her I love her all the time.” You can hear someone laughing in the background. The camera pans across the room to reveal Wymack sitting in a chair by the door, cackling

TANGENT BUT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WYMACK FOR A MINUTE! So Wymack and Kay are friends with some obvious benefits. He flips his shit when Kevin is born because what if that’s his kid??? Kay is just like, I was with a lot of guys and brushes it off. She’s lying through her teeth. Wymack is the only man she’s ever loved. Tetsuji is salty and I will go into this in another post but I think that Tetsuji really hated Kevin because he was Kay’s son but not his. I absolutely believe that Tetsuji was in love with Kayleigh Day and was pissed when she had a kid. Anyway, Wymack flies out to Ireland a lot to check up on Kay and Kevin because Kay is crazy. How could the inventor of exy not be? It’s literally murder lacrosse. He goes out to make sure Kay isn’t overworking herself and bc Kev has no father figure. Kev grows up knowing Wymack and absolutely adores him. When Kay dies, Wymack wants custody of Kevin. Kay knows who the Moriyamas are and recently she and Tetsuji have been fighting a lot. She’s scared that something is going to happen to her so she writes her will and emphasizes that she wants her son sent to Wymack if she dies. Her fight with Tetsuji comes to a head and the car ‘accident’ happens. It’s not an accident. Tetsuji ordered her killed in a fit of rage. He’s devastated when it actually happens. He loved her and now she’s dead. Well, who’s fault is that, ya dumb bish? He flies out for the funeral and so does Wymack. Tetsu finds the will first and is anger. He has it burned and has Nathan forge a new one where he gets custody of Kev. It breaks Wymack’s heart bc now he thinks Kay didn’t want him around Kev. Kevin is five and he’s crying because his mom is dead and now he can’t live with Wymack. He calls Wymack Dad and Wymack can’t do anything about this. Instead, he just hugs little Kev close and tells him it’ll be okay. Wymack tells Kev that Tetsu has a niece his age. Maybe Kev and Riko can be friends. Maybe they’ll even get married. Kevin says that’s disgusting and Wymack laughs a hollow laugh. Anyway, that’s how Kev gets shipped to Evermore. Tetsu doesn’t allow Wymack near Kev bc he knows the truth. The reason why Wymack always has a sports channel on because he used to keep it on in case Kev ever showed up. He watched every one of Kev’s games and interviews and everything. Wymack doesn’t get to be there to watch Kev grown up so he just watched from a distance. I'm not crying you are.

Wymack is a father figure to Ania and Erin. He’s there when Ania is born bc he went to visit Kay and Kev who were in Baltimore to meet baby Nathania. Kay carts him out to the hospital to meet her too. Nathan Wesninski was not in the room when his daughter was born. He doesn’t even meet her until she’s six months old. Wymack is the first man Nathania meets and she doesn’t even know. Mary didn’t want to hand Nathania over to Wymack but she and Kay are friends and she knows that he’s her baby daddy. Wymack doesn’t recognize Ania because he only knew her for a month when she was a newborn. Of course he doesn’t recognize her. However, he thinks about her a lot. She’s actually the first baby he’s ever held. He didn’t get to hold Kevin until he was two. Wymack treats Ania the same way he treats Neil but he puts in a bit of extra care bc he knows about Millport incident.

Abby is definitely as much of a mom figure as she was to Neil. However, after she shows her her scars, Ania gets a lot closer to her. She refuses to tell her things but when Erin gets sent to Easthaven, Ania has a hard time staying at the dorms. She spends all her time at the court bc she has to. She hides in the library bc it’s the one place she wouldn’t see Erin anyways. She crashes at Abby’s a few times because there are times she can’t stand the thought of going back to the dorms without feeling the brush of Erin’s hand on the back of her neck.

Oh. That’s a thing. Every night after midnight practice n Kev has gone to his room, Ania says goodnight to Erin. Erin will trail her hand across the back of Ania’s neck as she passes in response. It makes Ania shiver because her neck is as much of an erogenous zone as Erin’s is. Erin always watches it out of the corner of her eye bc God it’s the most amazing thing she’s ever seen. It makes her feel. Ania doesn’t really realize???? She’s so dumb. She knows it makes her feel good but she just can’t for the life of her figure out why.

It’s time I addressed the real psycho lesbian… While Erin’s is a facade, Riko is genuinely psychotic. She’s seven types of crazy. Actually, it skews a little more yandere but I will go into depth about it in the Fem!Jean fic. Rn, I’ll try to keep it short. Riko has her first crush when she’s eight? Nine? She kisses her crush on the cheek when she’s ten and Tetsuji… doesn’t take it well to say the least. The bit about it’s easier to remain straight? It’s the thing Kevin hears Riko say to herself every morning in front of the mirror. Regardless, Riko never gets over that first crush. Riko will never not miss Nathania Wesninski. When she finds out who Ania really is? She loses it. It’s fate, she tells herself. She will have Ania or die trying. Christmas at Evermore is a thing so I mean, I guess she does have Ania :( But she wants Ania to love her. She tells Ania as much and Ania spits in her face. :)

Most of Erin’s relationships are the same except for the Matt and Renee thing I covered earlier. The only other one that changes is Kevin. I know I say this a lot, but she really thought Ania and Kev would be a thing. She says no to Kevin for everything bc she’s petty. Kevin has always gotten everything that he wanted handed to him on a silver plate. Now he’s taking the one thing she really wants. If he gets Ania, he can’t have anything else. Again, I’ll cover her relationship with Jean later.

Thanks again your ask <3

Edit: I'm really tired and have a quiz tomorrow but I forgot to talk about Cleo. I'll make a separate post about her so stay tuned for that!!!

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yvkkao-blog · 5 years

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Reflection on Gaiman and Neverwhere

Quotes:

1) The night before he went to London, Richard Mayhew was not enjoying himself.

I can relate. The night before traveling anywhere is never fun. You are sick with anticipation and anxiety. What if you forget something? What if you oversleep? Etc., ad nauseam. Richard is not enjoying himself because all of his insecurities and uncertainties are rearing their heads, and that is perfectly understandable. When you’re about to go haring off into the unknown, you want a solid foundation somewhere behind you (figuratively) and beneath your feet (figuratively and literally).

2) When he had first arrived, he had found London huge, odd, fundamentally incomprehensible, with only the Tube map, that elegant multicolored topographical display of underground railway lines and stations that, giving it any semblance of order. Gradually he realized that the Tube map was a handy fiction that made life easier, but bore no resemblance to the reality of the shape of the city above: like belonging to a political party, he thought once, proudly, and then, having tried to explain the resemblance between the Tube map and politics, at a party, to a cluster of bewildered strangers, he had decided in the future to leave political comment to others.

3) Until that moment, she had never thought she could do it. Never thought she would be brave enough, or scared enough, or desperate enough to dare.

4) “It was very sudden,” said Jessica, wistfully, under her breath.

5) “We’re not going to get very far if you keep repeating I say, now, are we?” said the Marquis, who was now standing in front of Richard.

6) Even when the Marquis was at rest, his eyes never ceased moving. Up, down, around, as if he were looking for something, thinking about something. Adding, subtracting, evaluating. Richard wondered whether the man was quite sane.

7) As a child, Richard had had nightmares in which he simply wasn’t there, in which, no matter how much noise he made, no matter what he did, nobody ever noticed him at all. He began to feel like that now, as people pushed in front of him; he was buffeted by the crowd, pushed this way and that by commuters getting off, by others getting on.

8) Mr. Croup turned out the lights. “Oh, Mister Vandemar,” he said, enjoying the sound of the words, as he enjoyed the sound of all words, “if you cut us, do we not bleed?”

Mr. Vandemar pondered this for a moment, in the dark. Then he said, perfectly accurately, “No.”

9) “Thanks,” Richard looked at the woman in leather. “Is there anything, really, to be scared of?”

“Only the night on the bridge,” she said.

“The kind in armor?”

“The kind that comes when day is over.”

10) “Darkness is happening,” said the leather woman, very quietly. “Night is happening. All the nightmares that have come out when the sun goes down, since the cave times, when we huddled together in fear for safety and for warmth, are happening. Now,” she told them, “now is the time to be afraid of the dark.”

11) Its face was pale and wise, and gentle; and perhaps, a little lonely.

12) The train was coming toward him, its headlights shining out from the tunnel like the eyes of a monstrous dragon in a childhood nightmare. And he understood then just how little effort it would take to make the pain stop—to take all the pain he ever had had, all the pain he ever would have, and make it all go away forever and ever.

13) I am so far out of my depth that … Metaphors failed him, then. He had gone beyond the world of metaphor and simile, into the place of things that are, and it was changing him.

14) The Marquis sighed. “Get back over here, and we’ll figure out something.”

Richard said, quietly, “Too late.”

15) She had forgotten them all; forgotten Richard down in the mud, and the Marquis and his foolish crossbow, and the world. She was delighted and transported, in a perfect place, the world she lived for.

16) “We don’t lie,” said Mr. Croup, affronted.

“Do,” said Mr. Vandemar.

Mr. Croup ran a grimy hand through his filthy orange hair, in exasperation. “Indeed we do. But not this time.”

17) The Marquis de Carabas watched the sleeping children. The idea of sleep—of returning, even for a short time, to a state so horribly close to death—scared him more than he would have ever believed. But, eventually, even he put his head down on his arm, and closed his eyes.

And then there were none.

18) The Marquis raised an eyebrow. “What do you think she is—the Wizard of Oz? We can’t send you home. This is your home.”

19) The growling was the roar of traffic, and he was coming out an underpass in Trafalgar Square. The sky was the perfect untroubled blue of a television screen, tuned to a dead channel.

20) The Marquis de Carabas raised an eyebrow. “Well?” he said, irritably. “Are you coming?”

Richard stared at him for a heartbeat.

Then Richard nodded, without trusting himself to speak, and stood up. And they walked away together through the hole in the wall, back into the darkness, leaving nothing behind them; not even the doorway.

Reflection:

I have never really been a fan of Neil Gaiman—although I acknowledge that he is a pillar of the writing community as an author in the field and just a supreme writer. I admire him and what he’s done for fantasy writing, even if some of his writing reminds me of Grimm’s fairy tales, the originals. I do like his writing style; he has a way with words and the detail is incredible. Plus, he’s as creative and edgy a writer as can be. Maybe there was a time when he seemed incomprehensible to me, but I find myself enjoying dark fantasy—his specialty—more and more. I really liked his book Coraline, and I have been meaning to read American Gods. I feel like I did not give him a fair chance in years past, and there were parts of Neverwhere that I really enjoyed.

I have been re-reading Neverwhere since we arrived in London. Knowing some of the places that Gaiman frequently references puts the novel in a new perspective. The first time around, I did not know the difference between Harrod’s and Islington. I had to look them up, but even that does not compare to reading a London setting in the city of London. I didn’t get sucked into the book the way I usually prefer to; however, Gaiman’s writing style as ever keeps you curious and engaged. I found Richard a difficult character to like at first—until he started seeming more alive. That part was ironic: he seemed more alive when he was “dead” to the Upworld than he had when among the “living.” His reactions seem more genuine after he’s been pushed out of his mind-numbing comfort zone. My favorite character for at least the first half of the book was the Marquis de Carabas. He’s diabolical and reprehensible, but he cunning, sarcastic, and gets things done. To me, the characters are just as important as the plot. Unlikeable characters does not give me any enjoyment. In this case, some of the characters grew on me, like Richard and Door. I never liked Jessica. The plot was a series of shifting viewpoints, and I liked getting both the villain’s perspective and the protagonist’s perspective.

I might write another reflection entry later comparing Neverwhere with The Graveyard Book. For this reflection, I wanted to dwell on some of the characteristics of Gaiman’s Neverwhere that I most enjoyed.

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doomedandstoned · 6 years

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THAL Pave Way For The Heathen Invasion

~By Billy Goate~

I knew there was something special about this band when I first picked up their trail a few years back and listening to their debut album confirms this. It's especially effective listening in the dead cold of night, I've noticed. You've picked up on a badass stripe of stoner metal known as THAL. The Columbus duo of John "Vince Green" Walker (vox, guitar, bass) and Kevin Hartnell (drums, guitars, synth) proves yet again that the Ohio heavy underground is a definite force of reckoning. THAL's new album is called 'Reach for the Dragon's Eye' (2018), the band's second full-length following 2016's Glitter (which I remember playing a track from back then on The Doomed & Stoned Podcast).

The new record has THAL continuing to kick major, major behind, but with a renewed sense of purpose and resolve. It's as if Down and Kyuss had met for a handshake and bumped into Acid Bath on the way to the head shop as I listen to a song like, "Under Earth." Others, like "Her Gods Demand War," give us a groovy Goatsnake beat fueled by some genuine Midwestern metal steam. You'll delight in the vocal collaboration with Sophie Steff at this point in the record, a musician I know little about but suspect we'll be hearing more from in the future.

You came here for hard-driving, riff-driven southern-fueled American stoner-doom, though, right? "Thoughtform" scratches that itch and then some, putting it in good company with bands like Pale Divine. There's a purity and simple forthrightness to the music-making here (see: "Soulshank") that pulls in a lot of what I love about Jerry Cantrell's Boggy Depot . The vocals jockey between clean and Neil Fallon dirty. All eight tracks have kept me company on the drive to and from work and I suspect you'll be riding them just as hard.

THAL's Reach For The Dragon's Eye drops Friday, February 16th in digital and CD formats via Argonauta Records. You can hear the record right here, right now on our bitchin' lil blog!

Give ear...

Interviewing THAL's Vince Green

What inspired you guys to start THAL?

I actually never touched a guitar until I was in my 20’s. I was into producing and recording hip-hop back in the 90’s. As I started getting older and maturing, my tastes started to change and I was feeling very limited by the hip-hop genre. Around that time my friend in college introduced me to Clutch and I was immediately hooked. THAT is the kind of music I wanted to make. So I started learning the guitar by playing an acoustic along to Howling Wolf and Muddy Waters records; learning basic chords and such. I also began to digest as much heavy music as I could. Obviously Sabbath was at the top of the list and I also got into Hendrix, Buffalo, Sir Lord Baltimore, Pentagram, The Obsessed, Kyuss and literally hundreds of others -- I have a very large record collection.

Finally, after getting to the point that I felt competent enough to record. I started making heavy music under the THAL name. It was just my solo thing for a few years. I played all the instruments and wrote/sang all of the lyrics. After I met David Jones -- my guitar partner in wytCHord-- and he introduced me to Kevin Hartnell, who came onboard as our drummer. Making the first wytCHord album with those guys was some of the most fun I’ve ever had creating music. In the meantime, I kept writing THAL songs on the side and decided to see if Kevin would have interest in drumming on my next record. He said yes and not only drummed, but provided quite a bit of additional instrumentation including two songs on the album, "Thoughtform" and "Death of the Sun," that are completely his instrumentals. I’m hoping Kevin would like to continue making music as THAL with me and that we can continue to evolve the band.

I know THAL is an acronym, but I thought I’d let you explain its meaning to the readers and tell us exactly how you came up with this for the name of your band.

THAL stands for The Heathens Are Loose. It was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek representation of modern society. Rock & roll is “music for heathens,” right? So I wear the title proudly. I also wanted something that when you broke it down into an acronym sounded primitive and heavy. THAL. As an interesting side note, I recently found out that Thal, Austria is the birthplace of Arnold Schwarzenegger whom I admired greatly as a bodybuilder. Totally unplanned.

You’re no new kids on the block – you’ve been making music for 4 or 5 years, right? Has the band evolved musically, stylistically, thematically from your earliest singles to your last record, ‘Glitter’ (2016), and the new album, ‘Reach For The Dragon’s Eye’ (2018)?

I posted the first THAL song up on YouTube in 2013. Listening to that, I think the biggest thing that has changed is the quality of the recordings. As I’ve added to my arsenal of tools and had more practice, the sound quality gets better each time. Also, I was not as confident vocally in 2013 and was still trying to find my voice. In 2016 Sam Durango of the mighty Rage of Samedi released Glitter on his Voodoo Chamber Records label in Germany. That was a great experience and was the first time a larger group of people were exposed to what I was doing and it was very well received. At this point, I am relatively comfortable with my range and do my best to work within that. I am far from the world’s best singer, so taking more chances with harmony and phrasing has “improved” things, at least in my mind. Ha! Thematically, I think my earlier stuff was more occult based and over time I am reflecting more on the struggles of modern life; although still from an esoteric viewpoint.

I’m really excited about debuting the new album. Can you take some time to walk us through each of the songs and tell us a little something about each? Could be the song’s history and development or meaning.

Absolutely! We are excited and honored that you are debuting the album, so thank you! Keep in mind that I think a song can mean something different to each person, so my intentions when I wrote the song may not match up to the meaning when you hear it and that is 100% okay.

"Rebreather": This is actually the last song we recorded. I was sent a piece of poetry by a friend named Randy Blood. That poem ended up being the words in the chorus and I built the narrative around it. It’s about us as a society being thrown into the deep end of the pool with all the snakes and trying to breathe for as long as we can. The title is homage to an amazing band from Ohio.

"Under Earth": I had written the riffs on this one for another vocalist that I thought I might work with at some point. That ended up not happening and it became the first THAL song that Kevin and I collaborated on. He sent it back to me with drums and a working title of “Under Earth”. Those words conjured images in my mind and it almost wrote itself. Each generation buries meaningful truths before it until we have a false representation of the way some things are meant to be.

"Her Gods Demand War": Ever since I came across Sophie Steff’s Sound Cloud, I wanted to collaborate with her. She has a crystal clear voice that conveys a lot of emotion. I sent her the instrumental along with the title and told her to write what came to her. She recorded that as the chorus and sent it back to me -- all the way from France! It was gorgeous. I wrote my parts around her choruses and added some harmony as well. In addition to the drums, Kevin added the beautiful guitar harmonies. One of my favorite songs on the record.

"ThoughtForm": Kevin sent me an instrumental he had been working on and it felt like Christmas morning to receive this track. Of course I was going to add vocals to it! This song has more groove than any other song on the album and is more about a personal struggle with the world kicking you when you’re down.

"Soulshank": I wrote this song not long after I was out of the hospital. I had just been through a surgery; hence the lyrics “Stick the knife into my soul and twist.” It’s an imagining of someone dying and returning to take the world back from the pieces of garbage that are running it now.

"Death of the Sun": This is the other track where all instruments are played by Kevin. It’s as “soulful” as I’m going to get when I sing. Haha! The concept was Kevin’s about the world ending and the words son/sun being used interchangeably at times. Basically, when the end comes we are all going to be in it together. The time for judging each other is done and whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

"Punish": I don’t normally call people out specifically when I write my music. I prefer to be more metaphorical. But in this case, I will gladly say it is about three pieces of shit (Shawn Whaley, Brandy Shaver and Gary Bubis) that tied a little girl to their truck and dragged her in addition to other abuses. Her mother was also complicit! The story horrified me and broke my heart. This song is basically my hope for their complete and utter destruction.

"Reach For The Dragon’s Eye": The “Dragon’s Eye” is an esoteric representation of knowledge and light, both spiritually and physically. You can assign whatever deity you want -- or no deity at all. Maybe the Dragon is your inner strength. Either way, the Dragon is meant to be a positive although sometimes we must go through a lot of negative to get there. That is what the album is about…ascending against the forces of negativity.

What message are you hoping to get across, if any, through THAL’s sophomore LP?

In the fall of 2016, I was in the hospital for a time and was in pretty bad shape. I had a lot of time to lay there and reflect. With that came internal realizations and “proof” to me of the things that are important in life. At that time, the US election season was in full force with many negative things happening in the United States and the world at large. It’s a helpless feeling seeing the country being manipulated and turning on each other. The only outlet I really have is writing songs, so those thoughts and feelings got tangled up into the lyrics.

How’d you get hooked up with Gero at Argonauta Records?

My good buddy Aaron Wall of the killer band Red Beard Wall is an Argonauta Records artist. I had contacted him for advice on what my next steps should be regarding signing with a label and distribution in general. He was very encouraging and recommended sending the album -- it had already been recorded and mastered at this point -- to Gero, the lead man at Argonauta to see what he thought. About a week later, he reached out and said he would like to sign THAL and put the album out on his label. Gero has been very good to work with. Since he is involved as a musician himself, he knows what it is like on both sides. He is relatively hands off and is all about the artist keeping control of their own music. I still handle my own Bandcamp and he gives advice on when to do certain things, etc. Not to mention, his stable of artists is amazing and Argonauta is the fastest rising label in the underground. It was really a no-brainer for me. It is an honor to be part of the family!

Tell us a bit about the recording, production, and mastering process – who did you work with to lay down tracks, how long did it take, and what instruments, pedals, and amps did you find most helpful in this process?

In terms of who I worked with, the whole thing is DIY. I recorded all guitars, bass and vocal parts in my home studio. Kevin tracked his drums and synths from his home studio (we live about two hours apart). Typically a song will start with a guitar riff idea. I’ll usually program some scratch drums to flesh out the arrangement and record bass parts as well. I’ll do a pre-mix of those tracks so that they sound generally “right” and then send the files to Kevin. He will track drums and additional parts on top. He will then do a more final mix of the whole instrumental and send those files back over to me. I then have the instrumental to write and record vocals over. I will do a final tweak to the mix, make sure the vocals are sitting correctly and then I will master the mix in my studio. I use a combination of rack gear and a software called Ozone for mastering. Everything is tracked in Cubase.

My go-to guitars are Les Pauls. I have a 2013 Gibson Tobacco Burst, a '77 Ibanez Custom and an Epiphone Les Paul Custom Silverburst that I am in the process of modifying. The low end comes from a black Squier Classic 70’s Precision Bass run directly into the board through an Ampeg DI box. An Orange OR50 stack and a 70’s Sunn Concert Lead are my workhorse amps, although I recently acquired a 100 watt Marshall DSL head and 4x12 cab that I am falling in love with. As far as pedals go, I use mostly Black Arts Toneworks for my dirt (Pharaoh Fuzz, Black Forest, Oath, Boneshaker), a Jimi Hendrix Crybaby Wah, and a Carbon Copy delay, EHX Small Stone and Small Clone for phaser/chorus effects. Kevin’s drum kit is a Tama with Zildjian and Paiste cymbals, and Vic Firth drum sticks. He uses a Korg Triton for keyboard parts.

What is in THAL’s crystal ball for 2018 and beyond?

I will always make music as THAL. It started out as a solo thing for me to get my musical ideas out and has now grown to include an outstanding drummer/multi-instrumentalist. I like how things are developing organically at their own pace. It is possible that we continue to add members such as a bassist and a second guitarist. Possibly some regional shows? The most satisfying part for me is the songwriting and recording process. It is truly a release. Reach For The Dragon’s Eye comes out on February 16th. After that, we may take a short break but we’ve already thrown a couple of new ideas back and forth. It wouldn’t surprise me if we released another album or EP by the end of this year. Otherwise, 2019 for sure. We want to thank our beautiful families and friends including everyone that has shown us support by purchasing an album, writing a review, or leaving us encouraging messages. Thank you Doomed & Stoned for highlighting what we are doing and for spreading the word about great music for as long as you have. Getting respect from those that appreciate music is the best part of the whole thing!

Follow The Band.

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#D&S Debuts #D&S Interviews #D&S Reviews #THAL #Colombus #Ohio #Doom #Sludge #Metal #Doom Metal #Stoner Rock #Argonauta Records #Doomed & Stoned

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ravenvsfox · 7 years

Note

Have you ever written/ would be interested in writing a fic where blue, Ronan, Adam, Gansey, Noah, and Henry join the foxes?

(a real live crossover, I’ve never done this in my life lmao!! btw I didn’t know how to write a ghostie into a PSU sports team so I’m afraid noah’s not in this one)

“That’s a bad omen if I’ve ever seen one,” Dan says mildly, shielding her eyes from the sun. Neil follows her squinting gaze to the border of the baking sidewalk.

There’s a raven watching them from the dust, glossy wings folded out a little like it’s preparing for flight. It’s pinprick eyes are black beads tossed into pitch fabric, near invisible.

The foxes watch it preen and hop towards them. Neil gets a sinking feeling that it isn’t wild, that its strut and challenging eyes must belong to some rotten nest.

They’re grouped at the entrance of the court: Dan installed at the edge of the parking lot with a hand on her hip, Allison splayed all over the wall wearing sleek white shorts to match the paint job, Andrew and Neil tipped back into the sun-sharp grate of their car. The others are dotted along the unruly grass and perched over cars, sweating through the wait for fresh teammates with fresh problems.

The raven cocks its head and paces closer. Nicky coos at it. Matt tells it to fuck off good-naturedly.

“How about you go ahead and fuck off first?”

Neil looks evenly over to the source of the voice, feeling trepidation slither down his neck like ice under the collar.

A boy walks towards them with an unfriendly mouth and a mangled cut-off t-shirt, tattoos and scars jostling for a place on his body. He looks like what Neil expected when he first heard of the foxes. He looks like the popped blade of a box-cutter that someone forgot to sheath. He has a vicious BMW at his heels like an afterthought.

“Dibs,” Nicky says, breathless.

“Oh, sorry, I was talking to the bird,” Matt explains.

“And I was talking to you,” the stranger replies, holding eye contact until it feels like a raw vein pinched between fingers. The foxes shuffle and kick up dust and exchange looks.

“You’ve gotta be one of our new recruits. No one but a fox is going to start shit over a raven,” Dan says, half smiling.

“He’s defending her honour,” someone says, and their attention all swivels again.

The newcomer walks up with his hands clutched in his pockets, smiling with a third of his mouth, eyes serious and deep-set in his tan face.

“Adam,” he introduces, expression jumping. “That’s Ronan. He likes to make bad first impressions. It’s his favourite sport after exy.”

Adam winds and locks into the space at Ronan’s side, and they bump fists in a way that’s more brushing knuckles than anything else.

“Parrish,” Ronan says thinly. “They already insulted Chainsaw. We have to drop out.”

Neil can feel Andrew watching their interaction with hooded eyes.

“She probably deserved it,” Adam says. “You usually do.”

“Aren’t you bringing the rest of your hick pals?” Allison asks, scanning the perimeter of the parking lot, scarcely registering the thready challenge in her own voice.

Ronan takes a step forward and Adam yanks on the leather bracelets snaked around his wrist. The raven flurries in the dirt, unsettled by his agitation, and then swoops up to anchor herself on Ronan’s shoulder.

“Ronan,” Adam pronounces slowly, like he’s not in any hurry to stop him. “Don’t waste your limited attention span. We knew this was going to be how they are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nicky asks. “I’m very personable.”

“Of course,” Adam says kindly. “We’re just used to less— bluntness.”

“Speak for yourself,” Ronan mutters, and Adam twitches a smirk.

“People like to trick you into accepting an insult, where we’re from.”

“I can gift-wrap my shit-talking if you’d prefer?” Allison says, and Adam narrows eyes at her for a second.

“Tempting,” he says.

“Can’t make any promises for Josten, though,” she continues. They look over at him. Neil blinks back, not bothering to disprove her.

“Hey beautiful,” Nicky calls to Ronan from his spot on the grass. He’s cross-legged, leaning back on his hands, obviously bored. “What position are you?” He lilts position into a proposition. Ronan blinks and Adam stiffens and Nicky smiles, enjoying the tension. “You have the arms for offence.”

“Yeah,” Adam says woodenly. Neil can see Adam’s hands curl, stiff when they straighten out again. He recognizes the sticking muscle and bone of a person who’s had to practice packing their anger into a box and sliding it back on a shelf. “He’s a striker. I’m a goalie.”

Neil snorts, and Andrew moves his head to the side, a slow, hesitating shake.

Kevin nods. “Your stats are good. You work best with your friend Richard, the both of you.”

Ronan snorts. “Oh, please call him that.”

“I’d like to see you on unfamiliar turf,” Kevin continues, undeterred. “It looks like you’re in a rut, based on your tapes. You’re too static, you rely too much on each other.”

“We always win,” Ronan argues. “We rely on each other because we’re a team. Don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept.”

“Raven boy’s a bitch,” Matt laughs. “I like him.”

“Not mutual,” Ronan says icily. The raven tucks it’s beak into his buzzed hair and makes a mournful noise. He puts an absent hand to her side.

“You’re coming in late to a developed team. You can’t expect your group dynamic to fly here,” Kevin says. Neil nods without thinking.

“Too fucking late, I’m already expecting it,” Ronan says, eyes flickering between Neil and Kevin like he’s considering who to punch first. “And we didn’t exactly come here for the Pig-orange uniforms, fuckass. We know how the team works. We liked the way you fight when there’s a 99% chance you’ll lose.”

“Pig orange,” Aaron repeats incredulously, at the same time that Renee asks:

“Is that a crucifix?” She jostles the conversation off its tracks without really trying. Her eyes are kind and critical, hooked on the inked cross hugging Ronan’s ribcage, peeking out of the deep slit in the side of his shirt.

Ronan eyes her, gaze fixed on her necklace and the rebellious rainbow fan of her hair. “Yes.”

“You wouldn’t know he was a Catholic by the mouth on him, but Jesus has more of his attention than I do,” Adam says wryly. It’s an odd, hasty sort of interjection. He runs hands over his own arms like he’s cold, and Neil considers that he hadn’t planned to reveal so much.

“We’ll have to go to service together,” Renee says sweetly, and Ronan nods unexpectedly.

They’re all skirting around this new dynamic that’s too big to touch, fumbling through a warped, antagonistic set of pleasantries, and the strangled zip of a caught engine rips closer. A car in blazing fox orange kicks and screams around the corner and into the parking lot.

“The cavalry,” Ronan observes flatly.

“Nice to see that Gansey still thinks he’s important enough to be fashionably late,” Adam replies, and Ronan makes a face.

“Don’t say ‘Gansey’ and ‘fashion’ in the same sentence.”

The car rolls up, parks smoothly and then takes its time straightening up. The doors scream and slam open and closed. The contents of the car turns out to be a trio of drastically different kinds of people — a boy in a viciously orange polo shirt to match his car, a girl in what looks like three skirts of three different lengths, and a boy with hair taller than Matt’s, collar crisp and pale against his tan neck.

“Hello,” the first one calls warmly. “Very sorry to be late, we were a titch held up in Henrietta.”

“Is he for real?” Matt asks genuinely, and Adam laughs, delighted.

“They’re not buying the southern charm, Gans,” he says.

“I can’t imagine why not,” the girl says, shoving Gansey in the side until he stumbles mid-stride. “It’s so natural.”

Gansey looks flustered by the time the three of them reach the group, but he takes the time to clap Ronan and Adam on the shoulders. The girl hip checks Ronan as soon as she’s close enough, and he wrangles her into a chokehold. Renee laughs, impressed or endeared by his form.

“We’re very much looking forward to playing with you,” Gansey says earnestly.

“Are we sure he qualifies as a fox?” Nicky asks. “He’s very—uh. Perfect.”

Gansey looks greatly disturbed by this, and the girl rolls her eyes.

“Looks can be deceiving,” Renee says, smiling a little, and Gansey sends her a cracked, grateful smile in return. It’s drastically different from the spectacle of an expression he’d been sporting until now.

“Anyway,” Dan says loudly. “Good to meet you, welcome, etc. We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other this year. Remind me who’s who?”

“Oh, pardon me, I wasn’t—” Gansey starts, and the girl reaches up to slap a hand over his mouth.

“That’s Gansey trying to put his foot in his mouth. I’m Blue, this is Henry.”

“I’ve heard good things,” Henry says. “I’ve heard a lot of bad things too, all of them legendary.”

“’Blue’?” Allison interrupts. “That’s not a very funny joke.”

“Interesting. That’s what I keep saying about your team,” Blue says narrowly, and Dan laughs, startled.

“You’re going to be a handful, aren’t you?”

“Oh, a couple, at least,” Blue replies. Gansey smiles at her like he doesn’t know he’s doing it.

“You’re a striker,” Neil guesses, speaking for the first time, and Blue cocks her head at him.

“Dealer,” she corrects.

“Backliner,” Henry says, waving. “Best defence in Virginia.”

“Striker,” Gansey says, gesturing to himself. Ronan reaches over to knock fists with him, and Gansey grins as he accepts. Neil remembers reading something about a striker duo with history and balance, and they’re wearing that legacy all over them.

“Should’ve known,” Neil says mildly. “You don’t have the height,” he tells Blue. She bristles.

“And you do?”

“I use this height to my advantage. Do you?”

“I use everything I have to my advantage,” she grits. Neil suppresses a smile.

“We’ll see.” He privately thinks that some or all of these new recruits are going to burn out as soon as they realize that they were paddling in still waters, and now they’re facing a tidal wave.

Dan jumps back in to introduce their side of the team, and Neil lets the mindless back and forth rush around him without any information really finding purchase in his brain. Andrew is dead silent at his side, but Neil can sense his interest from the way he keeps shifting position, near imperceptible. Ronan’s taken to chewing on his wristbands, and Andrew’s eyes are caught up on the silver fingers of scar tissue at each of his wrists.

“Twins?” Henry asks, pointing two fingers at Aaron and Andrew.

“Guess which one’s evil,” Matt jokes.

“Trick question,” Dan tells them conspiratorially. “It’s both.”

“There’s power in twins,” Blue says sagely, like she’s repeating an old family adage. Andrew pushes off of the car and walks towards the door to the court, apparently out of patience. Neil watches him go distractedly.

“Can we see the court?” Adam asks, and Neil glances back to find his eyes fixed on the stretch of the building, twitchy and eager. He has the unsettled look of someone who’s been living outside of his comfort zone for long enough that he shakes when he faces it again.

“Oh fuck, please let’s go inside,” Nicky says, wobbling upright and brushing grass off on his shorts. “I’m burning to death.”

“Lucky we’ve got a replacement backliner,” Aaron says. Henry cocks finger guns at them, absurdly. Nicky considers him, lips pursed, and then looks back at Aaron.

“But do you have a replacement cousin?”

“Cousin?” Gansey asks, curious. “Excuse me but you don’t look— I mean you—“

“Stop,” Blue says, holding the bridge of her nose.

“Come on,” Dan laughs, sidestepping conflict. “We’ll give you the tour.”

_____

Neil finds Andrew in an aisle seat halfway up the rows facing the plexiglass cage of the court. He understand immediately that he wanted to be removed but present, to have as much physical upper ground as possible.

He shifts and relaxes when Neil sits next to him, and Neil considers that he also picked this spot so that the two of them could speak.

“What do you think?” Neil asks.

Andrew says nothing. The new foxes file into the box below, and Neil watches Ronan go immediately for the racquets stored against the wall. Henry is already shoulder to shoulder with Nicky; they’re like two springs set off at the same time.

“We need to keep an eye on Ronan, I think,” Neil continues, seeing the madness progress and evolve, seeing the court bloom fuller than it’s ever been.

“Not him,” Andrew says. Neil follows his steady gaze all the way down to Adam, who’s turning a slow circle at centre court. He can’t tell if he’s awestruck or judgemental, and he’s unnerved to find that it might be both.

“He’s hiding something,” Neil agrees. Ronan brought his raven inside with him, ridiculously, and it circles and lands on Adam’s forearm. The five of them are strange in a new way; they’re a shape Neil’s never seen before.

“Richard,” Andrew starts, mouth curling, “can’t decide who he wants to be.”

Neil doesn’t point out that he was the same way when he came to the foxes. “I don’t like that they’re already a team. I don’t know if I can unmake them so that things fit better.”

“You cannot unmake people like them. They think their weaknesses are strengths.”

“I can,” Neil argues. “What do you think I was doing all last year?”

“Ruining my life,” Andrew guesses.

“Taking you apart. Reprogramming.”

“You did not succeed.”

“We did,” Neil says. “We won.” He looks out into the activity below and finds Gansey and Matt peering up at them. Gansey waves and smiles like he’s in a parade. Renee and Blue are stooped together over something, but Neil’s sure he’s imagining the glint of a switchblade.

“I wonder if they realize how hard this is going to be. This isn’t Richmond.”

“Henrietta,” Andrew corrects.

“Even worse,” Neil grimaces.

“We’re inviting Adam to Columbia,” Andrew says suddenly. It’s disarming to be let in on his plans, like his carefully cultivated filter is missing. Or maybe Neil is his filter, now.

Neil looks sideways at him. “I have a feeling that Ronan won’t let him go alone.”

“I have a feeling he doesn’t need to be let,” Andrew replies.

They peer back down at the team. Ronan grabs Adam’s hand and kicks Blue in the shin when he passes, apparently trying to rustle up some sort of three-on-three. Neil stands on instinct, watching the exchange of racquets between hands, the freshly printed jerseys, pristine orange on white. Lynch. Parrish. Sargent. Cheng. Gansey. Excitement leaks up into the stands.

“I’m gonna join,” Neil says, distracted, feverish. He’s so antsy to feel this new team’s skill set held against him like a threat, so different from tapes and talk and promises.

“Win,” Andrew says, and Neil grins at the challenge.

“They’re just more ravens,” Neil says. “I’m not worried.”

Part Two Part Three

#this is too many character voices to get my brain around lmao #aftg #trc #andreil #tfc au #pynch #the foxhole court #the raven cycle #tfc fanfic #prompt #mine #scars tw #I wanted to write more of this but honestly I feel like it's pretty uhhh niche #Anonymous #ask

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angeltriestoblog · 4 years

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I watched a couple of movies! (Part 2)

Back again with the second bunch of my latest quarantine companions! My last post wasn't that long ago, but I’ve already gone through an additional 21 and thanks to the extension of the lockdown and the abrupt cancellation of the rest of my sophomore year in college, I predict that this number will only increase exponentially. I obviously have to start looking for a sustainable way of reviewing the media I consume (probably will try dumping mini-reviews on Letterboxd instead), but until then, here is today’s little catalog: divided into four neat categories so there’s a little bit of everything for everyone.

Dead Poets Society (1989, dir. Peter Weir) ★★★★½

John Keating is the teacher we secretly deserved yet never had, which is probably what's behind the fervent loyalty audiences have had for this movie since its release around three decades ago. His methods of teaching are admittedly unorthodox, but they effectively instill in fictional students and real-life audiences the core message: to seize the day and be extraordinary. I definitely would have appreciated more of Williams, though: I noticed later on that he was used mostly as a plot device, as the focus started to shift to the impact his words had on the group of young boys under his tutelage. But, thankfully they are endearing and lovable in their own little ways (special mention goes to ambitious Neil, played by Robert Sean Leonard; and Ethan Hawke as timid Todd), which is why the last half-hour remains one of the heaviest in recent memory.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993, dir. Chris Columbus) ★★★★

When Daniel Hillard’s (Robin Williams) wife splits up with him and takes their kids, he disguises himself as an English nanny called Mrs. Doubtfire and applies as their housekeeper to be with them. Not exactly the most realistic and practical approach to an issue as serious as divorce, but it succeeds by banking on heartfelt humor to strike a chord in products of broken families. When you take his several antics, punchlines, and vocal impersonations aside, he is simply a father willing to do anything for his children. Williams was destined to be the lead for this: his comedic timing, sheer versatility, and natural ability to bring joy remain unparalleled. Such a shame I didn't get to grow up with this guy, but maybe this saved me a lot of heartbreak.

Catch Me If You Can (2002, dir. Steven Spielberg) ★★★★★

A con man successfully cashes in millions of dollars worth of checks as a Pan Am pilot, doctor, and lawyer, whilst evading the FBI agent who’s hot on his heels. And this is all before he turns 19 years old--what a total underachiever. The best part? It’s a true story. I find it hard to believe that this clever cat-and-mouse story lasted more than two hours: it's easy to lose track of time thanks to its dynamic and snappy screenplay, coupled with the chemistry of its brilliant lead actors (no less than Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks). But beneath the complex and technical aspects of his scams that have high entertainment and educational value lie touching moments that may be admittedly easy to miss. At the end of the day, these escapades were nothing but some twisted coping mechanism of Frank Abagnale, Jr.’s to deal with the divorce of his parents. *blows nose into handkerchief* Wow, I seriously didn't think something could be so fast and fun, yet so depressing either!

Good Will Hunting (1997, dir. Gus Van Sant) ★★★★★

Academy Award-winning writers Matt Damon and Ben Affleck may look like they share a solitary brain cell in total (a prime example would be this footage of their acceptance speech), but it was the power that radiated from that which brought us this instant favorite of mine. This engrossing story revolves around a janitor at MIT, with a genius-level IQ but a troubled and traumatic past. A scuffle with a police officer leads him to Sean, his therapist (and platonic soulmate) who breaks down his dangerous defense mechanisms and self-destructive patterns, helps him tackle his inner demons, and ultimately transforms his life. There is a lot to adore about this film that’s equal parts wit and heart, but my favorite has to be the razor-sharp and realistic dialogue between Damon and Williams. Smoothly transitioning from topic to topic—genuine friendship, abusive relationships, and everything in between—it gives us the opportunity to monitor Will’s growth while carefully examining these aspects of our own lives. With every word said, the audience is reminded once again of any person's innate capacity to change for the better as long as someone else believes in them.

Lost in Translation (2003, dir. Sofia Coppola) ★★★

Film Twitter and the Letterboxd community both made this out to be an outstanding piece of modern cinema, so I went in with very high expectations only to be sorely disappointed and unable to understand the hype behind it. This revolves around two lonely people who find solace in each other and the unfamiliar and unpredictable territory they're in, a storyline brimming with potential that just fell flat to me. I normally appreciate the beauty in silent and ambient scenes, but the ones that made up a huge bulk of this feature didn’t have substance—it was similar to watching mashed-up clips from some random travel vlog. I did find the choice of location fitting though, I am now a hundred percent convinced I should travel to Japan once this pandemic is over. And Scarlett Johansson is incredibly talented for her age: her ability to channel and characterize emotions that a 17-year-old may not even be able to comprehend is above par, which is the main reason why this gets a passing rating from me.

Forrest Gump (1994, dir. Robert Zemeckis) ★★★★★

What I would give to run into a chocolate-eating, Nike Cortez-wearing Forrest Gump at a bus stop, and hear him tell me these fantastic stories himself! This heartwarming tale shows the manner in which he weaved himself into significant historical narratives (literally and figuratively, thanks to the power of deepfake) and injects timeless lessons along the way. Tom Hanks is undoubtedly brilliant as the titular role, and as we see the world according to this feeble-minded and well-meaning man, we come to admire his values, appreciate his efforts, and forgive his occasional shortcomings. In this fast-paced and overly complicated world that we struggle to navigate, this can serve as a necessary breather, a reminder of the simple joys that the world has to offer.

Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012, dir. Lee Toland Krieger) ★★★★

I think this is the first time I’ve witnessed a breakup end rather amicably on the big screen: there's no screamfest that concludes with a cold slap to the face and a dramatic walkout, or a courtroom confrontation that unearths past transgressions, et cetera. Instead, the leads are forced to confront the fact that the friendship they have forged years before that eventually blossomed into something more will never be the same again. Even if they want to so, so bad. I guess that’s why this is so heartbreaking, and thus the perfect companion for any person in the process of finding themselves after the demise of a long-term relationship. Celeste (Rashida Jones) meanders through the process with an extreme lack of finesse—which is the most realistic way to do so—that heavily accentuates her several fatal flaws. But, she manages to finish strong, emerging as a self-reflective and action-driven version of who she was in the beginning. I definitely wanted additional exposure for Jesse (Andy Samberg), though, who was not only surprisingly tender and sensitive in contrast to the Jake Peralta we know and love (and want to pick on), but also an unexpected perfect onscreen match for Jones.

A Star is Born (2018, dir. Bradley Cooper) ★★★★

The third remake of the 1937 movie starring Janet Gaynor and Fredric March, this edition of A Star is Born strays far from the paths traversed by its predecessors (and this I am aware of, from that film analysis video binge I did recently). It’s the first to give Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper), the has-been with a raging alcohol and drug problem, extensive back story that draws audiences closer to him. But, this character arc comes at the expense of Ally's, the talented singer that he propels to fame, played by Lady Gaga. It was a shame she wasn’t fleshed out as much as she should have been, given that Gaga was a natural, her vulnerability a far cry from her outrageous onstage persona. But, then again, expectations must be kept realistic: it would’ve been impossible to cram that into the specified duration. Nevertheless, I thoroughly appreciated it: though rehashed several times, a romance done this way keeps its key components while catering to the preferences of this generation. The soundtrack is outstanding, and the climax—though somewhat expected—finds new ways to reduce us to a puddle of tears, particularly as the last song number start to roll.

Fall in Love At First Kiss (2019, dir. Frankie Chen) ★★½

Our Times has been a favorite of mine for years, so I couldn't believe that I missed this work from the same director which starred the same male lead during its initial release. Turns out it didn’t make much of a difference whether I watched it or not. The storyline was silly, but forgivably so: in a school where students are segregated based on intelligence, a stupid girl is smitten by the smartest boy in school and gets rejected as soon as she confesses. Consequently, hell breaks loose after they are forced to live together for reasons you have to see to believe. I remember enjoying the first half, squirming in my seat because of Jiang Zhishu (Darren Wang) every chance I'd get. I can’t pinpoint where exactly it started going wrong, but I remember realizing that it is possible for something to drag along, yet also move so fast: to bore me with excessive detail in a single scene, then cut to the next so fast it loses a sense of continuity. In addition to that, the female lead (Jelly Lin) was so unbearable in terms of her acting style and character development (or lack thereof). She seemed to think that constantly complaining in her shrill voice and thrashing her limbs was a fitting substitute for dialogue, thus making it difficult to want her to get her happily ever after. Also, I’ve had pretty intense crushes in the past few years but what she has for Zhishu is bordering more on an unhealthy obsession—I have trouble believing he reacted so calmly to the shrine that she built for him (which included life-size pillows with his face on it).

The Object of My Affection (1998, dir. Nicolas Hytner) ★★½

I was very confused as to why I had never heard of a chick flick that starred two of my favorite actors from the 90s, but now I understand why it didn't take off. (Phoebe would probably share my sentiments. What's her best friend doing with her husband anyway? And why is he attracted to men?) Nina (Jennifer Aniston) is hopelessly in love with her gay best friend George (Paul Rudd), so much so that she decides she wants to raise her unborn child with him instead of with her overbearing and borderline manipulative boyfriend (John Pankow). Though it wasn't a complete disaster given that she didn't successfully convert him, Nina was far too demanding, constantly overstepping her boundaries, and feeding her delusions. Maybe it could afford a modern retelling since I know our generation could tackle the concepts of platonic soulmates and LGBTQ+ relationships in a way that is simultaneously vibrant and sensitive.

How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days (2003, dir. Donald Petrie) ★★★★★

Once I had tried my luck in a number of different genres, I decided to reward myself with a return to the cheesy, corny, and conventional chick flicks I am familiar with—and I’m glad that I picked this one! Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) is a magazine columnist with her biggest scoop yet: an article on how to lose a guy in 10 days. To test this idea out, she tries it out on Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey), who’s on a mission to make a girl fall for him within that duration as well. Their conflicting agendas lead to disastrously hilarious results as they realize that they’re both *gasp* catching feelings for each other! I enjoyed this very much despite the predictability, although I’m honestly unable to judge it based on any criteria other than what I felt which was pure and utter, slamming-the-table, throwing-my-stuffed-toy-across-the-room “kilig”.

Just My Luck (2006, dir. Donald Petrie) ★½

I didn’t expect this to be on the forgettable side of the romcom spectrum, when it had Chris Pine as the leading man and Brit-pop band McFly lending their music to most of the scenes (the sole redeeming factor I found). But, I guess it’s Lindsay Lohan’s character and her surprising lack of chemistry with the equally attractive and talented person opposite her that killed it for me. Here, she plays Ashley, the luckiest girl in the world who gets everything her way and is thus as snobbish and stuck-up as you’d expect her to be. A chance encounter brings her to Jake, who is the human equivalent of a black cat standing in front of a broken mirror, and swaps their fate. She is then left to deal with poorly contrived misfortunes with effects that are bordering on slapstick comedy: she gets doused in mud, mildly electrocuted, and soaked in bubbles shortly after blowing up a washing machine and I get that they’re probably supposed to be funny, but all I’m seeing is a live-action version of the Looney Tunes show.

Eighth Grade (2018, dir. Bo Burnham) ★★★★★

Entering our awkward preteen years has always come with a certain and specific kind of mortification, but I reckon it’s become increasingly difficult in the age of the Internet. It’s become easier to find fault in oneself for the pettiest of reasons: why isn’t my crush accepting my friend request? Why do I look like a monster in my #wokeuplikethis selfies? Why is no one viewing my YouTube videos even if I work hard on them? Eighth Grade encapsulates this difficult period in the lives of Gen Z kids with the use of experiences and references which are so specific to this generation: I may have gotten whiplash more times than I would care to admit. Elsie Fisher shines in her painfully relatable performance as Kayla: you can sense her desperation for social acceptance. She just wants to be worth noticing and remembering, is that so bad! Although his role is often overshadowed, I also felt for her dad (Josh Hamilton), who tries to hide the struggle of looking out for a daughter who's growing in ways he simply can't understand.

Boyhood (2014, dir. Richard Linklater) ★★★

This ambitious effort by the director of my favorite film trilogy observes the growth and development of a typical American boy named Mason. No fancy plot devices or major conflicts are in sight, but by using the keeping the cast members fixed during the 12 years it took to put this project together instead of swapping them out for older counterparts, audiences are expected to form an emotional connection with them because they were given an intimate and prolonged look into their lives. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case for me. Yes, I did watch him grow up before my eyes, but I barely know who he is. These mundane snippets of his life haphazardly stitched together, without any indication of how much time has elapsed since the previous scene, made it hard to keep up with the pace and look at the viewing experience as anything but a chore. I honestly am puzzled as to why I endured 165 minutes (I’m kidding, it was for Ethan Hawke) worth of footage, and sadly it wasn’t even worth it.

Brooklyn (2015, dir. John Crowley) ★★★★

This drama about the migration of an Irish girl to New York to seek better opportunities delves into the concept of what home truly is, as Eilis is left to choose between two men from two different countries. Divided into three segments revolving around pivotal events in the protagonist’s life, it sensitively tackles the experiences and issues familiar to any immigrant, remains true to the period it is set in, and engaging to audience members of all ages. Most in the historical genre are incapable of doing all three, so that's definitely no mean feat! And I’m not biased because Saoirse Ronan plays the starring role, although her compelling performance renders it impossible for anyone who claims to have a beating heart to finish this without puffy eyes and a heavy chest.

Happy Old Year (2019, dir. Nawapol Thamrongrattanarit) ★★★★

I thought Chutimon Chuengcharoensukying couldn’t top her role in Bad Genius, but she just had to come along and star in this personal take on new beginnings. Here, she plays Jean, a girl in the process of decluttering her house so she can transform it into an office space. While sifting through her possessions, she finds certain things belonging to people from her past, that remind her of broken relationships and question her philosophies on forgiveness and letting go. Her performance may be understated compared to the cunning and reckless Lynn she has become popular for, but I see this mastery of restraint as indication of her growth as an actress. The film is relatively simple in its execution, staying true to its central theme of minimalism. By stripping the structure down to the bare essentials of actor and dialogue, the audience can focus on the poignancy ingrained in the most mundane part of our everyday routines.

The Edge of Seventeen (2016, dir. Kelly Fremon Craig) ★★★★

It's actually true that a coming-of-age movie has been written based on every definitive moment a teenage girl experiences, they weren’t lying. The Edge of Seventeen could serve as part of Eighth Grade's cinematic universe, but instead we’re dealing with another reflection of who we were (or maybe still are). Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld) is a teen constantly teetering between arrogant self-assurance and sheer hopelessness. When she loses her best friend to her worst nemesis, she suddenly has to learn to navigate the ups and downs of adolescence and deal with her mental illness on her own. Besides focusing on the several firsts that we often encounter during this stage in our lives, the film accurately portrays our angsty and self-deprecating nature without resorting to mockery, therefore calling us out on this reflex we have of beating ourselves up and giving those around us permission to do so during such a critical part of our lives. I swore I was actually going to try not to cry here, but I guess Nadine's tearful monologue left me with no choice. (I'll leave it below so you can suffer with me.)

You know, ever since we were little, I would get this feeling like, like I’m floating outside of my body, looking down at myself… and I hate what I see: how I’m acting, the way I sound, and I don’t know how to change it. And I’m so scared that the feeling is never gonna go away.

The Kingmaker (2019, dir. Lauren Greenfield) ★★★★

This documentary is a fitting introduction for anyone who isn't familiar with the ill-gotten wealth and abuses the Marcoses have lying underneath their glossy veneer of opulence as well as the consequences of their actions that we suffer from to this day. Greenfield’s juxtaposition of this family’s fabricated stories and the testimonies of victims and first-hand witnesses was a smart move, as we observe the lengths they often go to, to revise the course of history. By spotting the parallels in their narrative and that of Rodrigo Duterte, the next strongman the voting population would unfortunately elect as their leader, we are also given a glimpse into the selective amnesia of the Filipino people that keeps these people in power. The danger lies in the fact that being an outsider herself, Greenfield leaves plenty of room for interpretation: there is no clear-cut statement of what was right and wrong among the several interweaving statements we heard. I was able to determine which was which is due to the fact that I already had prior knowledge, but where does that leave those who don't?

By the way, if you’re wondering why this has been grouped under this category, it’s because I remembered from Grade 6 science class that anger is one way to trigger adrenaline in the body.

Inception (2010, dir. Christopher Nolan) ★★★★★

Perfect always felt like a lazy way to describe what is supposed to be of superior quality. If you want to sing praises about anything that good, you're gonna have to do a better job than that to convince anyone that it's worth their time: was it inventive and bold or cerebral or emotional? Well, I'm afraid I have to bend this rule for Inception for the sake of brevity, because if I leave myself to ramble on about everything this did right, I would surely run out of adjectives. This sci-fi-heist-psychological thriller is in a league of its own, with its intricate plot and layered method of storytelling further amplified by stellar cast performances, masterful editing and special effects, and a thundering musical score that keeps audiences on edge for the entirety of its run. These elements come together to create a production that resonates and lingers with viewers long after the credits have rolled, partly thanks to that highly disputed final scene. (If my opinion is worth anything here, I believed that it stopped. Iykyk.)

The Lobster (2015, dir. Yorgos Lanthimos) ★★★★½

In this dystopian society, single people are required to check into a hotel in the hopes of finding a suitable partner within 45 days. If they fail to do so, they are sentenced to live the rest of their lives as an animal of their choice. It’s an absurd plot, far removed from reality, executed in a bleak and dry fashion. Yet, it manages to mirror and even satirize the world of modern relationships rather profoundly, particularly the societal pressure to couple up and find our ideal match instantly, or face harsh judgment. I doubt I've watched anything this dark in my life, but I found the unpredictable twists and turns, the deadpan humor, the sheer strangeness of it all very amusing and recommend it to anybody who wants to learn a thing or two about how blind love can be.

Ocean’s Eleven (2001, dir. Steven Soderbergh) ★★★★

I admit I was as pissed as Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) following his discovery that the reason why Danny Ocean (George Clooney) was keen on carrying out an elaborate heist of the three biggest casinos in Las Vegas was to win his wife (Julia Roberts) back. But, along the way, I was reeled in by the airtight pacing of the multiple scams that were a part of the scheme and the natural banter that takes place among the members of the ensemble. Also, it’s quite impossible to be annoyed at something that starred so many big names during the peak of their careers. (I have a soft spot for Matt Damon, thanks a lot Good Will Hunting.) Although I already knew what was going to happen, it was a joyride to see everything unfold. Based on the ending (and the copies of Ocean’s Twelve and Thirteen that my dad owned as a kid), I can tell that it’s far from over and I’m surely looking forward to what happens next.

So, that’s it for today’s round-up! Hope something caught your interest: I’d be happy to send 123m*vies links for any of those that aren’t available on Netflix. Feel free to hit me up too: I'm honestly up for thought-provoking discussions and straight-up keyboard smashing. Wishing you love and light always, and don’t forget to wash your hands, check your privilege and pray for our frontliners!

#recs #angeltriestoblog #life dump #movies #movies to watch during quarantine #my eyes are irreparably strained #quarantingz

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nickireadstfc · 7 years

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The Foxhole Court, Chapter 10 – Your Friendly Neighborhood Shrink

In which we meet Betsy Dobson who appears to be Molly Weasley’s long-lost Ravenclaw sister, some quality Renee time happens, Kevin’s Stoic and Mighty Demeanor has nothing on Dan’s doughnuts, and actual school happens at some point but who gives a shit (spoiler alert: It’s not Neil Josten).

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Classes were scheduled to start on Thursday, August 24th, so Wednesday’s practice was a bit of a convoluted mess.

Oh, right. Actual school is a thing in this book.

10 bucks says Neil will totally forget about the fact that college exists besides Exy all the damn time.

Neil had forgotten the Foxes were supposed to meet with the psychiatrist Betsy Dobson before the semester began.

As had I.

FUCK YES. SHRINK TIME.

Also, Neil seems to forget an awful lot of things that aren’t either a) Exy, b) Kevin Day, c) his runaway paranoia or d) any combination of the aforementioned things.

On the drive to Betsy’s office, Neil is forced to spend a little time with Renee, which he hates and I love. Give me more Renee time, always.

Nicky had only nice things to say about Renee, but Neil had noticed earlier that no one, Nicky included, wanted Renee and Andrew to be friends. Nicky likely sided with the upperclassmen in thinking Andrew was an awful influence on someone as sweet-tempered as Renee.

If it turns out they don’t like their friendship because it’s actually the other way around and they fear Renee “I’m probably a really cute axe murderer” Walker’s influence on Andrew I’m shitting myself.

(It’s probably not that. But let a girl dream.)

[Neil] wanted to ask why she and Andrew got along so well, but he didn’t want to open up a conversation, so he stared hard out the window and hoped she got the hint.

Somehow, I feel like that’s a very Neil thing to do.

Oh, there’s this thing I really, really want to talk about because open honest conversation about things that bother/interest me could really improve my mental stability? Better never fucking talk about it, ever.

When will he stop being #relatable.

(I should point out at this point that I don’t necessarily always personally relate to things I describe as #relatable. I mean it more in the overall #relatable-ness, the “tumblr-slash-tagged-slash-me”-ness, the grand scheme of relatable things, if you so will.)

(I myself find myself relating more to Nicky than to Neil at this point anyways, morals about consent set aside.)

Dr Betsy Dobson had pale brown hair to her chin and a few extra curves. Years of smiles were etched into her face the way only genuine warmth could scar. She looked friendly, but she wasn’t harmless. The brown eyes looking at him through narrow-rimmed glasses were bright and intelligent.

Which means the only way I’ll be able to see Betsy Dobson now is as a brown-haired, Ravenclaw version of Molly Weasley.

Heck yes.

Neil took an instant disliking to her.

HOW DARE YOU.

I mean, I get it, trauma and anxiety, I don’t blame him, yadda yadda, also how dare you.

“My name is Betsy Dobson. You can call me whatever you like; I’ll answer to just about anything from Betsy to Doc to Hey You. Shall I call you Neil, or would you prefer Mr. Josten?”

“Either one is fine,” Neil said.

“Then for the time being, I will call you Neil. If you’re ever offended or feel like this makes our relationship too personal, just warn me and I will edit it too something more appropriate for our needs. (…) Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll make us some hot cocoa.”

That’s it, accepted, loved, cherished, made a nice lil corner for her in my heart, Bee, you’re a good egg.

This impression of her stays through their entire talk she has with Neil. She reminds me of the psychiatrist I briefly saw when I was still in school, and as that woman was bloody amazing, this can only mean good things.

“What you and I say in here is meant for us alone. [Wymack and Abby] will never ask, and I will never tell. Do you believe me?”

“How can I?” Neil asked. “I just met you.”

“I respect that,” Betsy said. “Hopefully I can earn your trust over time.”

GAH. <3

I’m so, so incredibly happy this character exists. Why is this talk over already.

I hope she comes back lots of times to bless us with wise insights and hot cocoa #cocoaoutforbetsy

Time for more Renee now!

“That wasn’t so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy.”

“Did you bet against him?”

“Yes,” Renee said. “It was a private bet between the two of us.”

(…)

“I hope you didn’t lose much,” Neil said.

What’s that saying? ‘A subtle dash of savage a day keeps the curious teammates away’.

“Why does Andrew tolerate you, anyway? You two should hate each other on principle.”

“Either you think too highly of me or not highly enough of Andrew,” Renee said. (…) “My faith keeps me and Andrew from always seeing eye-to-eye, but he and I understand each other.”

Oh, so her cross necklace in those soft grungy tumblr edits isn’t just ~aesthetic religious symbolism~? This is v interesting. TELL ME MORE.

There had to be more to Renee than her cross jewelry and pretty smiles if she’d qualified for a spot on Wymack’s broken team, Neil knew, but he hadn’t thought he’d misjudged her this badly. He mulled over everything that could be wrong with her from split personalities to clinical insanity.

Aha ha ha, literally me since we first met her. GIVE ME RENEE’S SNOWFLAKE AXE MURDERER BACKSTORY, AND GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

They get back to the Court, where Wymack gets ready to do one of the things he does best: Drop casual unexpected oh-shit news bombs.

“If the press slips past and wants answers, you tell them we’re not saying anything until Kathy’s show on Saturday.”

“Kathy?” Dan asked.

“Kathy Ferdinand.” Wymack took one look at her confused face and scowled at Kevin. “Didn’t you tell them?”

“There wasn’t a need to,” Kevin said.

There wasn’t a need to, my ass. This is prime Kevin-speak for “I don’t want you to watch me fake a billion smiles on national television because I don’t want you to see me as anything else than Prime Exy Overlord, Stoic and Mighty, All Hail Unto Him.”

Thankfully, the Foxes are fluent in Kevin-speak and take none of his bullshit.

“Do you even remember how to smile?“ Matt asked. Kevin glared at him, but Matt only laughed. “Well, that’s worth going for. I’m in.”

“I’ll buy us doughnuts for the ride,” Dan said.

It’s Road Trip To Embarrass Kevin Time!! Love this. Will mentally chip in on the doughnuts.

I also found my chapter title for that interview part just now.

“No thank you,” Neil said.

“I vetoed your choice on the matter,” Wymack said. “The ERC is outing you Friday morning. I don’t want you out of my sight until the initial hubbub dies down.”

“I can take care of myself,” Neil said.

“Watch me beam with pride. It’s not your job to take care of yourself anymore. It’s your job to play, and mine and Abby’s job to look after you. Get your priorities straight.”

Hello, and welcome to our popular show Neil Doesn’t Realize People Actually Care About Him, episode 2 of a billion!

Also, I want to make a sexuality joke at Neil getting his priorities straight, but I can’t decide on one. I’m sure they’re all ace though.

(I know he’s demi. You fucking try making a demi pun in that context, it’s bloody hard.)

(Actually, do try. Flood my inbox. PLEASE.)

“Kevin, wake that dingbat up withought getting punched in the face. (…)”

“I got it.” Nicky grimaced and gave Andrew a hard shake.

(…) Andrew was moving before he was fully awake, slamming his fist so hard into Nicky’s chest that Neil’s entire body ached in sympathy pain.

Is this habit of Andrew punching the fuck out of people when they wake him going to become a running gag, because I love it.

(It’s probably to do with his backstory, yadda yadda, we all know this, boring, give me more hilarious accidental uppercuts.)

The next three pages are a pretty uneventful description of Neil’s first day at Actual College™, which I’ll spare you because of aforementioned uneventfulness.

Neil giving actual negative fucks about his education makes my lil Ravenclaw nerd heart weep, though. Just for the record.

Neil debated for a minute as to which one [of his assignments] sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.

#relatable, this time for real. Me doing maths/science homework in school, all the time.

Matt then catches him literally sleeping his textbooks and, to wrap things up, says the indisputably best thing anyone has said this entire chapter:

“I’d say it gets easier, but.” Matt shrugged. “You should probably cut back on your late practices now that classes are in session.”

“I’m fine,” Neil said. (…)

“You say that an awful lot,” Matt said. “I’m starting to think you don’t know what it means.”

D R A G H I M.

Neil “I’m fine” Josten has nothing on Matt “I can see your bullshit and I don’t like the way it stinks up my area” Boyd. <3

#tfc #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #nora sakavic #nicki reads tfc #I'm so so sorry for the delay you guys some life stuff came up #I'll try my best to be more on time in the future I swear #<3 #huge love to everyone liking rebloging and/or abusing my ask box ily all #also my first chapter just reached 100 notes!! WHEEEEE!!!#even more love to everyone

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

Text

Who Gives a F**k About Charlie Keeper

by Wardog

Tuesday, 09 June 2009

Wardog painfully reviews the self-published Who Is Charlie Keeper.~

I’ve had a busy few weeks. I’ve alphabetised all my socks, de-weeded the back garden and taken a vacation in Vienna but it’s finally got to the point of no return: I think I’m going to have to bring myself to review Who Is Charlie Keeper. I really don’t want Ferretbrain to become the place self-published books come to die, but thus far every self-published book I've read has only renewed my faith in the publishing industry. WICK, as you may have gathered, is a self-published young adult fantasy novel, and it’s, uhh, well...

Come back Jim. All is forgiven.

WICK is borderline unreadable and almost uncertainly unreviewable. Basically, imagine someone came up to you and said “Hey there, I’ve got you a car, come check it out.” And then it turned out the car had no wheels. Yes, maybe, the colour is rather nice, and its fitted with a CD player and sunroof, and the engine might be basically functional but ultimately what you’ve still got there is a car with no wheels.

So, Charlie Keeper is a

mysterious

sassy 12 year old girl who lives in a mysterious house with her amnesiac grandmother because her parents have mysteriously disappeared. Between having her inheritance stolen by the evil lawyer Mr Crow and buying a puppy with her best friend, she is chased into the alternative world of Bellania by the malignant Lord Bane. In which it becomes quickly apparent that Bad Shit Is Going Down and the fate of the world rests upon Charlie Keeper’s reluctant, 12 year old shoulders. There are good guys, bad guys, dragons, adventures,

Quidditch

K’changa, etc etc.

Putting aside for the moment, the fact that WICK is a car without wheels (and I will contextualise this metaphor in a moment), let me try to come up with something positive to say about it. Well, the original artwork that accompanies it is genuinely fabulous. In fact, if the book was even half as good as the art, we’d be laughing. Also Marcus Alexander has a remarkably good ear for dialogue, somehow navigating the spiked pit of accent and dialect without looking like a fool or reducing his characters to offensive stereotype. He’s a sample from Jensen the (Jamaican?) Treman: “Ah’s a Treman. Sweetheart, Ah’ can see yer education is sorely lacking. Who’s yer teacher? Whoever he is, he ain’t doing a proper job. Tell me, little Hippotomai, an’ don’t stomp yer feetsies at me, do ya know wot a Stoman is, or a Human? Eh?” You’d think it would get grating but, somehow, it never does. Overall, WICK romps along at a reasonable pace, and there’s lot of incident, danger and adventure. It’s certainly a colourful book, and it seems to be revelling in its own over-the-top exuberance. You know you’re dealing with a Proper villain when he massacres his own minions and gets all caps-locky about setbacks.

Unfortunately, all this counts for absolutely nothing because there are too many basic problems with the book. Firstly the style itself. I don’t know to what extent we’re dealing with a major slew of typos or if Marcus Alexander genuinely hates commas and wants them to suffer and die at his hands, but the grammar and the syntax through WICK are irregular at best and downright wrong at worst. I’ve skimmed about the internet looking for other responses to it and most of them are positive: “The author's odd use of justification adds extra weight and punctuation on actions, emotive points and speech patterns bringing not just the story but also the characters very much to life. Indeed the book is quite unusual as a whole entity but I would be the first to point out that it connects with today's ambience, fashion and prosetic style.” Hmmmm. Possibly I’m just hideously hidebound but the style is simply neither controlled nor consistent enough to support this interpretation. Here’s a sample:

Powerful muscles bunched and tensed. With long smooth bounds the creature took off. As it ran past the eerily silent columns it realized, with a sinking feeling that it would never reach this mysterious family member in time, the distance was too great. It sensed days of travels lay between the two and it could sense that whatever danger threatened it’s [sic] sibling, was already perilously close.

Or another:

Charlie answering his call, hurried to the lawyer’s study, she knew better than to keep him waiting. Walking straight up to the large leather bound desk she took up a pen and without needing to be asked signed the papers offered by Mr. Crow. She knew she should at least ask what she was signing but she remembered the first time she had plucked up courage to query him; Crow had fallen into such rage, striking her and screaming, that now she dared not question.

And the punctuation lightly and seemingly randomly scattered around the dialogue is enough to bring tears to my eyes:

“Fool! Grab her!” roared the giant, Crow made a lunge for her but tripped over his braces, “Idiot! Dogs come to me, come, your Master commands it.”

It’s more than commas where they shouldn’t be and conspicuous by their absence where they should. Although Alexander occasionally gets off a vivid description or a well-turned phrase, it seems more by luck than judgement a lot of the time and his writing often bogs down in repetition, cliché and an over-reliance on adjectives. Seriously, no noun connected to Mr Crow is allowed out of doors unprefaced by a “skinny”. So Mr Crow is thin, right? I get it. I get it. Please have mercy on me.

I’m no editor but there are equally fundamental issues with the structure of the book itself. The pacing is wobbly to say the least with the narrative either practically thrown into reverse while Charlie eats some spiced bread or we are forced to witness yet another interminable game of K’changa (I hate you JK Rowling, I hate you so much. I yearn for those halcyon days in which children’s books were allowed to exist that did not contain detailed descriptions of spurious sporting activities) and then speeding so rapidly through a succession of incidents that it’s enough to make you get motion sickness. The POV, equally, veers around all over the place and, dialogue aside, the characterisation – especially of Charlie – wavers too. She seems to be scared when the narrative prefers that she’s scared, and feisty when it’s time for her to be feisty. Furthermore, her famed “big mouth” barely lives up to its reputation for causing trouble. Maybe it’s just because she doesn’t have an accent but she seems like a complete void for most of the narrative. We’re told about her qualities (and, of course, her undeniable specialness) but we rarely seem them in action in a way that could make us care about her, or even be remotely interested in her. Alexander’s descriptions of scenery and action are at least nudging towards competence, but the emotional side of it all is completely flat:

Charlie, cheeks blushing uncontrollably, stared into the eyes of the woman who was supposed to be her guardian. Never had she felt such a hate so complete, never had such an anger awoken within her heart. Charlie, that very instant felt something deep within her move and change, something within her soul sickened and died and in its place something darker was born. This was a moment that would be etched eternally into her mind.

She gets over it. She kind of like de Sade’s Justine that way – ill-defined, unchanging and unaffected.

I can’t even in good conscience say that WICK has promise: until it gets some wheels, it ain’t going nowhere. I found it a real struggle to read, partially because I was mourning every tortured comma but also because whatever is good about it is completely eclipsed by its major and fundamental problems.Themes:

Books

Sci-fi / Fantasy

Young Adult / Children

Self-Published

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Rami

at 12:51 on 2009-06-09Ouch. From those excerpts, it seems like a pretty painful read -- but then, I like my grammar to be in more or less the right place. There's a place for bending the rules, but ignoring them like that just makes me wonder if they know the rules in the first place. And looking like you don't know how to write is not, IMHO, a good way to be taken seriously as a writer.

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Arthur B

at 13:12 on 2009-06-09Not only does the author have a strange way with commas, he also seems to urgently need to be introduced to a semicolon or two. Harsh as I was about Jim Bernheimer, but for the most part (aside from the odd "victim's fund" gaffe) his prose was readable, at least in the sense that it was capable of being read without getting a headache.

Maybe it's just because I'm a lawgeek, but does anyone else find it odd that Charlie is asked to sign contract when she's well below the age where she can actually enter binding agreements in the first place, and when there's a grandmother handy who is presumably legally capable of doing all that for her? Mr Crow seems to be as incompetent as he is corrupt.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 23:15 on 2009-06-09I love this review. And feel pity for everyone involved.

It actually sounds a bit Neil Gaiman-ey in intention, though I'm obviously not going to read it and see.

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Wardog

at 14:52 on 2009-06-18Actually this review makes me feel guilty as hell - panning something is never fun, but really, it was all in good conscience I could do.

#Ferretbrain #Who Is Charlie Keeper #Wardog #Self-published

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