#Neil’s not saying it because it’s going to change itself for Andrew | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mordax101 · 5 months

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We all know about the negative qualities that grow from trauma, but something I don't see discussed as much are the good traits grown from bad roots. More than anyone, I think this exhibits itself in Matt Boyd.

Matt throughout the series is fast to forgive and unfailingly loyal. He holds love and respect for his mother where most would resent her absence in his early years. When Andrew brings him to Columbia and gets him hooked on speedballs, Matt admits the benefits. The other Foxes hold deep-rooted grudges on his behalf, but Matt only expresses anger when he thinks Neil is about to experience a similar trauma (mind you, at this point Neil and Matt had only known each other for a few weeks).

In fact, Matt never shows much anger on his own behalf. Instead, his strong emotions are defined by what happens to the people he cares about. He isn't forgiving of the transgressions that happen to others, but he forgives the transgressions against himself at the drop of a hat. Matt is the type of person to only throw a punch when someone else's well-being is on the line.

This isn't to say Matt is weak; rather it represents his self-image. I imagine that Matt before the Foxes had an incredibly low self-worth. He hated himself for using drugs but couldn't find the will to stop; he wanted so desperately for the love of a parent that he didn't resent his mother for taking him in when it was too late. However, we meet Matt not at his worst, but on the incline after rock bottom. He's healing enough to bare his track marks with confidence, but not enough to care as much for himself as he does for everyone else.

Matt's loyalty and his lack of grudge-holding and his easy anger on behalf of his loved ones are all good qualities. They've become a part of his personality. I don't think healing will make these traits go away. Instead, I think we're watching Matt change their roots. No longer is he controlled by a lack of self-worth; he's learning to be all these things and love himself at the same time. He's learning to forgive the transgressions against himself not because he thinks they are deserved, but because he knows he's worth more than being bitter.

Matt Boyd appreciation because there can never be too much :)

#aftg #all for the game #matt boyd #nora sakavic #books #ao3

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minyardapologist · 10 months

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Some Andrew thoughts for tonight:

most of us already take Nora’s extra content with a grain of salt, but I want to talk specifically about Andrew and smiling/crying.

I think most of the fandom doesn’t agree with Nora saying he never cries or smiles, but in a lot of fanfics there’s the issue of making him too OOC, too feeling, too emotional too soon. His apathy and his quietness and disregulated emotions are so important to the story and to the character itself because that was all necessary for him to survive his formative years. Not taking him as he is, the complete apathy and all, and to fundamentally change his character’s emotional state is a disrespect to his character.

However: to go as far to say in his entire life he never experiences a smile or finally breaks a tiny bit is cruel imo. and making a human character so ostracized from their own emotions and to say that never shifts is unrealistic and unfair.

I believe that Andrew will give Neil the smallest of smiles, and it will be just for them. The trilogy itself is only a small time window in their emotional journeys, (the human brain isn’t fully developed until ~25) and they have so much room to grow. I’m talking about Andrew having enough distance from his past and pain to lay in his apartment alone and actually shed a tear, either for the pain he’s experienced or for the happiness? Tranquility? He has now. He will never be a sobber and he probably will never do it in front of Neil, but it will happen because he’s human and the dam will break eventually.

And he and Aaron will hug on multiple occasions because he knows deep down he can’t stand losing his brother to the unknown again.

I think I get what Nora was trying to say with that but I’d like to think I’ve given a better picture of what my understanding is of his character. Andrew won’t change as a person (and he doesn’t have to) but he will feel more eventually, because for the first time in his life it will be safe to.

#I checked spelling but I’m not going to reread this a lot or it won’t get posted #so apologies if this doesn’t make sense #this is what my stream of conscious sound like lol #aftg #andrew minyard #all for the game #aaron minyard #kevin day #neil josten #aftg headcanon #canon #all for the gay #I shouldn’t be posting this at 12 am

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cozyrosykay · 23 days

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Well….I made myself very sad 😭 I wrote this in like 20mins so it’s not amazing. But I wanted to get it down while I saw it in my head. I’ll tweak it and then add it to AO3. I want to make it more rip your heart out. As I am a Renee/Jean shipper and that will not change, but if I’m going to write them breaking up then I want to be absolutely destroyed by it 😳

@capcavan @broken-heart-raven-queen this is what ya’ll inspired 🥲

Renee stared down at her plate. Untouched food stared back at her. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to say goodbye. She didn’t want to break her own heart and his but she didn’t know what else to do.

They weren’t good for each other.

They weren’t right for each other.

She wished she could love him the way she wanted too and she knew deep down that he didn’t love her romantically either.

But how do you say goodbye to someone that you love? Who hasn’t done anything wrong? Someone that she did love with all her heart just not romantically. How do you say goodbye to a person who has been through so much and who looks at you, as though you hung the sun itself. And that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? His affection often felt more like worship than love. She didn’t want to be on a pedestal, she wanted to be loved and wanted for the flawed human being that she was.

She knew what she had to do. And now was the perfect time. Alone in his apartment and she was leaving for the PeaceCorp in two weeks. She could mourn alone and away from her friends worried gazes. And he would be going to stay with Kevin next week for a month so he wouldn’t be alone.

Jean stared at Renee. She wasn’t eating even though he had fixed her favorite and her eyes were sad. He knew what was coming. He knew that she was just working up the courage to let him go.

He hated it.

But also knew deep down that she was right. He just wasn’t strong enough to be the one to end them, to let her go; but she’d always been stronger. He was alive because of her strength.

He had known long before now, that what they had wouldn’t go the distance they didn’t love each other the way people who stayed together and got married and had children with a white picket fence love each other they.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure he would ever want to be a father. And he knew that being a mother was something Renee longed for one day in the far off future.

They loved each other, but not enough.

He often felt that she loved him with the care a mother, a good mother unlike his own, loved her child, or the way a deity loved their disciple. Part of that was his own fault, he held her up on a pedestal and it made her uncomfortable. But how could he not? She was his savior. He stopped believing in God, but he would never stop believing in Renee Walker.

So yes, he knew it was coming when he caught her looking at Matt and Dan with the same naked, longing that he knew he wore looking at Andrew and Neil. He never thought he would be jealous of Neil now that he was also free from Edgar Allen. But he was when he saw the fierce but subtle adoration that Andrew and Neil held for one another.

He knew it was coming and he knew it would be today; at this dinner. She would want clean break before leaving for the Peace Corp, and she wouldnt want him alone. Which is probably why she had enthusiastically encouraged his trip to see Kevin.

He didn’t know how he was going to live without her or if he would want to because being loved by Renee even when it was lacking in what he wanted was better than being not loved at all. What if she left and and his parents were right that no one would ever truly love him? Would she stay if he begged? No one else ever had. But he knew that she would, and eventually it would destroy them both.

Jean startled when he saw a tear roll down her cheek. And the small, shocked sound she made had him thinking that she hadn’t realized that she had started crying.

“I can’t do this” she whispered, her voice husky with the husky tears she was trying to hold back.

“I know”his voice was weak and sad.

At the sound of his voice Renee gave up the fight with her tears “I’m so sorry Jean”

“I know” he said again, his own tears beginning to fall “I am too.”

Renee choked on a sob “I do love you.”

Jean looked to the ceiling, hating to see her in such distress and also hating the awful feeling in his own chest “I love you too, it’s just not enough.”

Renee got up from her chair and moved to his lap, burrowing her face in his neck as she cried, and he clung to her tightly, afraid that this might be the last time he ever held her in his arms. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you in my life” he hated the words as soon as they left his mouth, hated their weakness. He wasn’t shocked when she pushed herself out of his arms but he was shocked to see the fierceness in her eyes “You will NEVER not have me in your life Jean. As long as I’m breathing you will always have family and someone who loves you. The end of our romantic relationship is not the end of us in each others lives.”

The relief that Jean felt at her words was overwhelming, he knew she meant them. He was not losing her completely. Their relationship would change but not end.

He hugged her back to him fiercely “thank you” he whispered against her ear.

“You will find someone Jean Moreau, you will find someone who will love you in the way the I can’t. They will adore the ground you walk on. They’ll see all the amazing things that I do and they’ll fall head over heels in love with you, and at first I’ll be jealous that it couldn’t be me and then I’ll love them because they love you.”

Jean sobbed into her neck. He believed in Renee Walker and hoped that she was right.

#aftg #all for the game #broke my heart #break up fic #very sad #not gonna tag the pair cause I don’t want to bring down that thread lol

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teddysgrahms · 11 months

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my anderperry playlist and song explanations because I am gay

• Those magic changes by sha na na

One of my favorite songs from grease and also about the night and moment of falling in love and the blissful joy of that moment. The song has an element of angst to it but I look past it. like that is so anderperry I’m sorry? me when I fell in love to those magic changes?

• I melt with you by modern English

this song is about having s3x during a nuclear apocalypse but for my intents and purposes it’s about being with your lover at the end of the world and melting together metaphorically (and physically!) I just think they would die for each other idk

• (Feels like) heaven by fiction factory

the vibes are so excellent in this song + spending time with your lover is heaven in and of itself. they just. really like being together.

• la vie en rose by louis armstrong

this song makes me um explode I imagine them dancing poorly to this in their living room and stepping on each other’s feet and giggling and stumbling over one another and they are the most precious things ever?

• thirteen by big star

this song gives off the vibe of school age crushes and young romance and first love nerves and that’s just so them. it’s literally them your honor

• electric blue by icehouse

i think of this song as neil’s initial feelings for todd, lord of nerves and uncertainty and jitters because wow this boy is cute

• futile devices

a long-lasting love that’s become so natural it’s hard to put into words. I associate this one strongly with todd and how he handles his feelings about neil. sometimes words are not enough, and that is okay

• good old-fashioned lover boy by Queen

Neil is THE good old-fashioned loverboy and I will not hear otherwise. he’d be such a little gentleman and plan cute dates and do everything in his power to make things amazing and even when things aren’t great his effort is duly noted and appreciated

• put your head on my shoulder by Paul anka

I don’t think I need to explain myself. they enjoy a good cuddle. they’re in love. what more must i say

• dream a little dream of me by Doris day

hail Queen Doris Day this song is so adorable just the vibes alone are so anderperry core. like dream of me when you sleep tonight. we could stay up all night but you will see me in your dreams anyhow I love you <3

• i can dream, can’t i? by the andrews sisters

this one is a bit sad because the speaker is convinced they have no chance with their romantic interest. this is very todd core to me. he’d think he has no shot with neil but he can always dream (we are dreaming of tomorrow but tomorrow isn’t coming?)

• my romance by doris day

very neil coded. he doesn’t need anything special he just needs Todd and that’s good enough for him.

• time after time by iron & wine

beautiful cover by an all-time classic. they will always be there for each other, to find one another when they’re lost and catch the other when they fall

• old black train by the blasting company

the vibes are delectable. It feels like running away from home and searching for something unknown, a sort of yearning for a better life than the one you have. I imagine them running away together and being frightful and uncertain yet assured knowing they have each other. (but that lingering sense of “You can’t go back” is ever present and it’s nearly dreadful!)

• dear wormwood by the oh hellos

so. um. if u know me u know I’m a neil kinnie and uh. girlies this song is so him it actually makes me sick. I’ve put some songs in this playlist that are more specific to either Neil or todd individually and this is one of them. the self-discovery. the growth to demand better for yourself and refuse to be treated as less than by a parental figure. so fucking delicious. ugh.

• you’re the one by the vogues

adorable vibes and an overall cute song about loving your partner wholeheartedly. upbeat and catchy. I can imagine them dancing to this one also but in a more upbeat way

• thursday by asobi seksu

ngl this song changed me as a person I think ummm this just gives me todd vibes? something about losing your way, feeling lost and searching for anything to latch onto, holding on to the people closest to you out of fear they may leave at any moment….

• amoeba by clairo

the second todd song. are you a man or an amoeba? damn what if he felt more like an amoeba, like he just goes with how things are and never speaks or acts to how he feels and wants to do things? what if he was barely living?

• the book of love by the magnetic fields

This song makes me INSANE it’s so CUTE they are just so in love and they love each other and hearing the other read or sing or do anything asgghhhurufuh

• satellite by guster

they see each other almost like beacons or lifelines to look to, constants that are safe and reassuring. they are each other’s home.

• im a fool to want you by Frank Sinatra

again that idea of “I have no chance I’m stupid for liking you” but still being unable to change how you feel and just having to live with this heartbreak that has yet to occur

• it only takes a moment from hello, dolly!

Fun fact: this song got me through costume making. this song is in wall-e and aside from being one of the most beautiful songs ever in existence it is SO….I can’t even begin to describe. something about being loved enough for a whole lifetime in only a brief moment….do you think that even though the time neil and todd had together was short it was some of if not the best time of their lives?

• dancing in the moonlight by king harvest

another dancing song! I can see all the poets dancing to this truthfully. very cute song and I just adore the vibes and rhythm

• hopelessly devoted to you by olivia newton-john

this one is a bit dramatic for them but I can see Neil performing this with theatrical effort and intense dramatics

• love me as though there were no tomorrow by nat king cole

euggahhhhhhhhh love me like this is the last chance we’ll ever have……

• earth angel by the penguins

i think they both see each other as like blessings or miracles because their meeting improved both of their lives immensely and may quite possibly have been the best thing to happen to either of them

• you, my love by frank sinatra

i think this one aligns with how Todd feels about neil and how grateful he is to have him in his life. idk man they’re in love

• love letters by nat king cole

can’t remember how this one goes but I know the vibes are good and very them

• when I fall in love by Doris day

This Song is so gorgeous and ggrhehehhhaa I’m gonna break something it’s just so???? they????

• you send me by sam cooke

they both get flustered by how loving the other is and they’re just so damn adorable

• in the still of the night by the five satins

they . they’re in love.

okay that’s all thank youuuu

#dead poets society #neil perry #todd anderson #anderperry #dps #dead poets headcanons #can you tell i got tired towards the end 😜

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andrew-isnt-for-the-game03 · 2 years

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*neil walking in at 3am after doing something stupid*

Couch, spinning around in a chair: and where were you?

Neil, panicking because he knows he’ll get benched if he finds out that he was spray painting a fox paw on the Ravens field. He very obviously hides his orange painted hands behind him: with Nicky!

Nicky, walks out of the kitchen with a sandwhich in his mouth: yeah no try again

Neil, bug eyed rushes out: I meant Matt

Matt turns around, clearly angry that one of his closed friends disappeared for hours without telling him where: repeat yourself

Neil, clearly sweating now: did I say Matt? I met someone you don’t know

Couch: I know for a fact you only hang out with the exy players, do better.

Neil, staring at Matt and Nicky: I was practicing with Kevin, and Andrew

*Kevin, walks in and leans on the wall without saying a word, but Neil sees him with a sinking heart*

Andrew turns around in the final chair, his knife twirling between his index finger and thumb, jealousy coursing in his veins because Nicky told him that Neil was on a date: I’ll give you one change here Josten, tell me who you where with before I get angry, warning: I lost my patience’s 3 hours ago.

*Matt confused by Andrews tone*

*Kevin, Nicky and the couch smirk at the clear jealousy*

Neil, doesn’t even glance at the knife in Andrews hand, knowing he wouldn’t dare bring the blade to his skin, however, glancing at couch he realizes he was busted, but he tries one more time anyways: I was with-

Abby walks in holding her phone in her hands: interesting story I just read about, someone painted a orange fox print on the ravens field.

*neil freezes*

*couch glares at Neil realizing exactly what his striker was doing*

*kevin tries to hide a smirk but fells*

Nicky’s, mouth falls open as he turns to Neil with a gasp: you didn’t-

*matt staring at the clearly orange paint on Neil’s face, unspeaking*

*Andrew relaxes, just happy it wasn’t a date with someone before glaring at Nicky who lied to him*

Abby, looking up, noticing at once everyone in the room, and in the center Neil: what’s going-

*her voice comes to a halt when she sees the dried orange paint on Neil*

Abby looks down at her phone, before looking at Neil, the process continues for a few seconds before she gasps with no surprise: NEIL

*Neil, smiling awkwardly, waving to her*

Couch: tell me you didn’t.

Nicky, Kevin, and Matt: tell me you did!

*Andrew suppresses a smile as he notices Neil’s left ear start going red*

Neil: nothing can be proven.

Couch standing up: that’s not the POINT!

*Andrew, moving in couches way, but continues to walk so it didn’t look obvious at what his suddenly movement was for, he props himself up by the table, grabbing an apple so it doesn’t look like he was going to kill Couch if he stepped any closer to the guilty boy, but by all means, his eyes dares the couch, or anyone of them to move toward the taller boy in a negative way*

Nicky laughing: oh-my-god, next time TELL me! I wish I get see assfaces face when he gets there

*Neil, sheepishly pulls out his phone, a video of Riko and the ravens paused on it*

*everyone, including Abby hurried to the phone, forgetting for a second that they were mad at the boy in favorite of the video*

*they all watch the video in amusement, but Neil couldn’t pay attention to anything else but Andrews hand on his lower back, barely touching his skin, and the proud smile on his face*

*Neil blinks a couple times, before looking away, as he feels a small blush rise on his face, he thinks to himself: if this is the kinda reaction he’d get from the goalkeeper when he did illegal shit, then he was sure to do it more often than not, loving the feeling of Andrews hand on his skin more then the game he grew up loving itself*

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eyes-of-mischief · 2 years

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weekly fic recs | 7

fandoms: aftg, aot, bnha, bsd, dn, hq

aftg

I’ll Be Your Angel by coritkyo

Their fathomless gazes reflected off one another. It was like holding two pitch-black mirrors in dichotomy and searching for light. Andrew had none to spare, and he urged the knife closer to Abram's throat in order to elicit another glint of fear.

Abram’s eyes sparked with the antithesis of fear. The corners of his mouth curled up into a smile sharper than Andrew’s blade.

“You’re holding it wrong,” he whispered.

Andrew suppressed a shiver.

He realized then, that after a million unanswered pleas to all the gods of every religion, his prayers had finally been answered. And yet, the office up in heaven had workers of the same quality as Andrew’s social care workers. They had mismanaged his case and made a mistake. Andrew had begged for an Angel. Instead, they sent him a demon.

[Prologue of a multi-part series]

passenger seat by reneewvlkers

(mature)

Briefly, because he knows they’ll only be in the car for another couple of minutes at absolute maximum, he watches Andrew for any break in the impassivity.

There’s the faintest twitch, which Neil assumes is Andrew registering his attention, but he’s not sure if it’s anger, embarrassment, annoyance- honestly, it could be anything. Then Andrew’s face settles. Neil doesn’t move, though, content to watch the way the passing lights change Andrew’s profile and colouring. If Neil were an artist, he thinks he’d want to paint this.

Fight or Flight by Jadelavender1301

Alex only has two more years till Nathaniel Wesnisnki is officially pronounced dead. All he has to do is stay out of trouble with the authorities until then and he will be free to start his own life, he hopes. But now on his own for the first time, his new high school recruiting for their exy team, and the senior Andrew Minyard trying his best to get involved with as many authorities as possible, it doesn’t seem like it will be easy.

aot

Flying Free by gremlinwriter

(mature) (graphic depictions of violence)

Eren knew there were a lot of rules he had to stick to. No one could find out the truth about his kind, he had to be careful at all times and that his job was to take out the mindless-murderous Titans with his friends. Until he happened upon a group of riders from one of the cities, most of them already slaughtered and he decided to save what lives he could, not only once, but twice.

bnha

headcase (the color of boom) by carthaginian_berries

People don’t really know this, and Denki doesn’t really make it a point to advertise it either, but he almost always feels absolutely, entirely, unequivocally insane.

Like, not in the sort of I think I’m going to snap and kill everyone in the room. Definitely not when he’s tucked in Sero’s hammock like a leaf-wrapped banana slug delicacy, staring at the ceiling and counting all the ways to turn the projected red sketches of the digital clock into all the various numbers and letters, but —

“I think,” Denki says eloquently, with the utmost sincerity, “that there might be something wrong with me.”

or: kaminari’s been going insane since the day he turned six, yet no one at yuuei ever seems to notice except himself.

the lies you tell yourself by TheHangedMan317

(mature) (graphic depictions of violence)

Izuku has always had a strange relationship with fear. He realized, after his quirks began to manifest in their entirety, that the daring he'd known in his youth wasn’t bravery, but an ignorance that masked itself as certainty.

He was afraid. All the time. But so was everyone, and that was where things really started to get interesting, wasn’t it?

Or, when an incident at home leaves Midoriya Izuku motherless and homeless, disillusioned with hero society and just wanting an escape from it all, he falls into the hands of All for One. Things only get worse from there.

bsd

nothing's fair in love and war by writedeku

Dazai spreads his hands apart. “It’s a pleasure to see you too, Akutagawa-kun. We haven’t done anything insidious to Atsushi-kun,” he taps a finger to his lips — damn, did Atsushi learn that from him or did Dazai pick it up from him — and shrugs his shoulders. It’s a fluid movement. “I think he just found someone he hates more than the Port Mafia.”

Akutagawa is miffed and mildly jealous. “Excuse me?”

and all i loved, i loved alone by featherx

(mature) (graphic depictions of violence)

“An ability?”

— on the past, present, and future of one Edgar Allan Poe.

death note

A Tithe to Hell by Aja

(explicit)

Light has thirteen days to find out how it will feel--not just to kill, but to destroy.

shame is pride's cloak by youremyqueen

(explicit)

The one where Light surrenders, hands over the death note, gets his driver's license, learns to make puff pastry, and doesn't kill anybody: all under one small caveat.

Disordered by Rachello344

Light and L meet in a long term care facility as roommates. Despite Light's initial dislike, the two become friends, and together, they work on recovering.

haikyuu

In Another Castle by thehoyden

(explicit)

Kenma feels his face go hot. People have to be looking at them. They’re having a fight in front of a real estate agency. But he doesn’t look away, and musters the courage to say, “Kuro, I want you to live with me.”

#putting some death note in here cause im feeling nostalgic #your welcome #weekly fic recs #aftg fic recs #aot fic recs #bnha fic recs #bsd fic recs #dn fic recs #hq fic recs #no prompt

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jingerhead · 2 years

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I mean… 26 has to be andreil right…. I MEAN

If this one doesn't scream Neil then I don't know what does. TW for blood and Jack because Jack is an asshole (homophobic language?)

26 - hahaha no worries, it's not my blood

Neil had been distracted all practice, and he knew it showed.

Wymack had taken over directing the Foxes on what to do next after the third time Neil zoned out, more than once telling him to get his head in the game. But Neil couldn't manage it, which was strange, because exy was his life now. It was just that Andrew never got sick, and yet he was sick enough to have chills and a cough and a high fever.

This had never happened before, so Neil couldn't stop thinking about it. Despite his gut telling him to stay, he'd given in to Kevin and Andrew telling him to go to practice anyway, that he was the captain now, and that he had a responsibility to his team. And sure, Neil did, but they could manage without him.

For the first time in his life, Neil found himself wanting to take care of someone else. He wanted to be by Andrew's side, not because he had to be there, but because he wanted to be. He wanted to make Andrew some cocoa and get him cool towels to bring down his fever and measure out the Dayquil he was supposed to take.

That in itself was disorienting. On top of the fact that Andrew was sick enough to avoid practice? He used to play games while going through the early stages of withdrawal, if this was enough to convince him to take a day off, what the hell was it? Did he have to go to the hospital? Neil should've asked him for a list of symptoms before he left -

"Josten!"

Neil blinked and looked up at Wymack, who had his eyebrows drawn in and a disapproving look on his face. After a second, he just waved a hand and announced that practice was over for the day.

Neil had never been happy that practice was over. What the hell was going on with him? Was he sick?

He moved on autopilot to the locker room, deciding he'd shower back at the dorm and pulled off his gear as quickly as possible. He changed into a T-shirt and sweatpants and used a towel to wipe away the minimal amount of sweat on his skin, eager to get back.

But it would seem that life wasn't going to be easy to him today. Before Neil could slip away, Jack approached, looking far too pleased. He couldn't have anything good to say - not that Jack ever did in the first place.

"Off your game," Jack pointed out.

"A lot on my mind," Neil mumbled, throwing his shoes into his duffle bag and lacing up his sneakers as quickly as he could.

"About Minyard?" Jack asked. "What a shame he's sick. I'm sure he would've been happy to have practice end early."

Neil rolled his eyes, turning his back to Jack and grabbing his jacket. It was cold outside now that it was December, and Neil didn't want to risk getting sick if Andrew already was.

"You that eager to get back?"

Neil wasn't able to pull on his jacket just yet. He waited, because he knew that Jack was going to say something else, something that was going to set him off, because he was still processing that he felt this way at all about...about his something. Yeah, they were something, and whatever he and Andrew were was making Neil want to rush home and take care of him until he got better.

"Aw, you disappointed he can't breathe through his nose well enough to suck your cock?" Jack asked, lips twisted into a smirk.

Neil didn't think. He tucked his fingers into a fist and curled his thumb around them, and in a blink of an eye he twisted and punched Jack in his face. Jack didn't make a noise but stumbled back a step as blood immediately began to flow from his nostrils down his chin.

"Sorry, who couldn't breathe through his nose?" Neil sneered, hand still in a fist.

Jack let out a yell and rushed forward, but not with enough force to push Neil off his feet. The rest of the team was there in a second, pulling the two away from each other just as Wymack walked into the locker room. He let out a long sigh when he saw Jack's face.

"Go get that checked out," he said, jerking his thumb behind him. Jack angrily shook of the hands of his teammates and cupped his nose, stomping away. Wymack then turned to Neil, staring at him for a few seconds. "Cool it, Josten. Walk it off. We'll be talking about this tomorrow."

Everyone in the locker room backed away uneasily, letting Neil push through and rush to the Maserati. He didn't think about waiting for anyone else before driving back to the dorms, taking the steps two at a time to reach the dorm faster, only able to breathe easily once he finally closed the door.

Andrew was inside, leaning against the counter in their kitchenette and holding a mug of cocoa. Neil was almost disappointed to see he'd already made himself a cup, but he reasoned that Andrew would probably want another one later. He dropped his duffle bag and coat, attempting a smile in greeting.

"Blood," Andrew said, not meeting Neil's eyes.

Neil glanced down, seeing the impressive splotch of blood left on his shirt. He let out a hesitant laugh at the sight of it. "No worries," he said, walking closer to Andrew. "It's not my blood."

Andrew grabbed the hem of his shirt and drew it up enough to make sure Neil was telling the truth, his shoulders visibly drooping when he saw no injuries there. "You're back early," he said after a moment, looking up and dropping Neil's shirt.

"Coach had mercy on us."

"Or you caused trouble."

"Why does everyone always assume it's my fault?" Neil asked, leaning against the counter with a huff.

Andrew left that question unanswered. He grabbed his mug again and took a quick sip, sniffing a few times. Neil moved away from the kitchenette to grab a box of tissues, offering one out to Andrew when he came back. Andrew raised an eyebrow just slightly, but accepted the tissue.

"Go shower," he said. "You're still sweaty."

"Okay," Neil said, feeling himself smile once before turning to do as he was told.

#aftg #aftg fanfic #tfc #tfc fanfic #all for the game #all for the game fanfic #andreil #andreil fanfic #andriel #andriel fanfic #jinger's works #jinger answers

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aftgficlibrary · 3 years

Note

Do you guys have any fics with Neil either being mute or having selective mutism

sure here’s what i found -maz

I Know What You're Saying by jjmash (T | 2,238 | 1/1)

It would be okay with him if Neil never spoke again. They could learn sign language just like they had learned Russian during Andrew’s senior year, and Neil would find a way to convey all of his snarkiness through hand gestures. But Neil’s voice, with its contradictory smooth tones and rough edges, sounds a little too much like home to Andrew.

The Wild Fox Den by lovelypipedream (T | Incomplete | 2/?)

Neil’s mother ended up killing off his father before she died. Neil decided to call Stuart before running to Millport. After having a rough time coping with the change, he ends up in group therapy, where he meets the foxes.

Stick around, will ya? by confusedandconflicted (T | Incomplete | 3/?)

It starts off with a no, funnily enough.

aka Neil is running from Riko and lands himself at Eden's Twilight, where all the Foxes live and work (Wymack owns the place and all the Foxes work there and live above the club like one big family).

gay shit ensues.

DISCLAIMER PLEASE READ: I am not selectively mute myself, so I tried to do as much research as I could. I am not perfect, and if I go about writing about Neil's mutism incorrectly or insensitively, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. It is not my intention to offend anyone or romanticize disabilities. I just want to explore an au where Neil's mutism changes the dynamics of his relationships with the Foxes, because such a critical part of the aftg series and Neil's character there was his mouth. Please let me know if you have any comments or concerns.

The Sound by jemejem (M | 17,796 | 5/5)

The cottage looked unassuming and quaint, with a wooden ramp up to the front porch and rose bushes beneath the windows. A little sign was nailed above the door, reading The Foxhole. It seemed peaceful. Quiet

Its patrons, however, were neither of those things. Neil could already hear the raucous lot from where he was stood outside the door. Having never spoken to anyone outside of rare, whispered words to his uncle, or his cat, or his mother's grave, Neil knew this would be interesting.

A blond woman opened the door with a smile and glittering eyes. Neil's stomach rolled over itself. He hoped this wasn't a dumb decision.

Winter Banquet by CourtneyEllen (M | 1,605 | 1/1)

Week 22: “You look good in it.”

hands like birds by lolainslackss (T | 4,698 | 1/1)

Busy working on his thesis and waiting tables, Andrew Minyard doesn’t have time to think about boys.

That doesn’t mean certain boys can’t be distracting, though, and between his cat-sitter who won’t stop flirting with him via post-it note and the new, unforgivably attractive kitchen assistant working at the restaurant, Andrew is very distracted indeed.

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sepulchralblues · 2 years

Text

WIP Wednesday ~ Another AU

The closest I can come to describing this is a ‘they met while travelling in Europe’ AU

There’s another snippet for this here.

By the time the bartenders announce last call, Andrew and Neil had settled into a comfortable acquaintanceship, banter filling the air between them.

Neil glanced at his watch, shocked that it was already getting close to two in the morning. It didn’t feel like they’d spent four hours just talking here at the bar.

Andrew brought him out of his thoughts by saying, “I’ll crash in the booth.”

“Here?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not sure they’ll let you do that.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Then I’ll go back to my hostel. I have to pack soon anyway. We’re leaving in the morning. Got a train to catch.”

Neil thought about it. He could let Andrew stay in his room, let him take Allison’s empty bed, but he had never been comfortable sleeping with another person in his room. Allison’s presence itself had taken years of sleepovers to get used to.

On the other hand, letting Andrew sleep here in the booth was an idiotic plan. He supposed he could give up a night of über-comfortable sleep to let the other boy also sleep in a bed. (Not that the hostel beds were very comfortable — Neil was tired enough that just about any bed would do the trick.)

Neil rested his elbows on the tabletop and leaned forward. “If I let you crash in Allison’s bed, you can be a perfect gentleman, right?”

“No promises.”

Neil swore that he almost saw Andrew smile.

—

“I don’t suppose you have an extra toothbrush?” Andrew asked as he followed Neil into his room. It was a mess, Neil and Allison’s stuff spilling out of their bags and onto the beds and dresser.

“No,” Neil replied. “I figured I’d just get one here if I needed it.”

Andrew hummed in response. “Where’s the bathroom?”

Neil directed him to the right place and set out to clean Allison’s stuff from her bed for Andrew. He managed to change his shirt before Andrew came along, and then he took his turn in the bathroom.

When he came back to the room, he saw the lights were off and Andrew was sitting cross-legged on his bed, scrolling on his phone.

Neil unceremoniously stripped off his jeans and slipped under the covers in just his boxers and t-shirt. Andrew hadn’t bothered taking off any of his clothes, but he put down the phone when Neil laid down.

“Are you—” he hesitated. Ran a hand through his blond hair. “Do you make noise when you sleep?”

Neil immediately knew where this was going. He’d been thinking of a way to bring it up too, since he’d offered to let Andrew sleep here. “No. I’m usually a really still sleeper.”

Andrew let out a small sigh. “Okay. I am too.”

Neil nodded. He was oddly transfixed by the effect the moonlight streaming through the windows had on Andrew face, the lines made harsher and darker, sharpening his cheekbones and the cut of his jaw. His eyes were nearly black in the light, shadows covering them almost completely, and his hair turned a pale white. He looked like the marble-cut statue of a god, and Neil was unable to tear his eyes away from him.

He forced himself to, when Andrew placed his phone on the bedside table and tugged the sheet over his body, back against the wall and arms curled towards himself. Neil saw him slip the knives out of his armbands and under his pillow, leaving one hand tucked there with the knives.

Neil felt a momentary pulse of anger directed at the world as a whole, for everyone who had dared to hurt (or touch) Andrew. It faded as quickly as it came.

The last thought he had before he fell asleep was that he hoped he’d get to see Andrew again, because he’d enjoyed today a lot more than he’d expected.

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willowbird · 3 years

Note

Aah I need more smiling and laughing Andrew from you now please!!! I'll be happy with anything you want to do with that! 💜💜

We ALL need more smiling and laughing Andrew in our lives. It's just too purr. 😉

I hope you enjoy!

(Also, I’m like -- SUPER sorry this took so long to finish even though it’s just a lil drabble. I hope it was worth the wait!!)

-----

Dan checked her watch for the third time and frowned. "Jesus, where the hell are those two? We're gonna miss our reservation if we have to wait for them much longer."

Their family had been spread to the winds for years at this point, but they still managed to get together once a year for some sort of a reunion. This year they were back in Palmetto the week before Christmas (something they tried to do every other year around the holidays). Half of them had arrived in town last night and the rest only this morning, but they’d spent most of the day itself imposing on Wymack and Abby (who had finally moved in together).

It had been a good time and though Abby had offered to cook for them, Dan had insisted that the whole team treat Abby and Wymack to dinner at a nice restaurant. Considering how many of them there were, the celebratory nature of the visit, and the general rowdiness of their group, it had been decided that the lot of them would carpool with Neil, Renee, and Kevin as the DDs.

Renee and Kevin had already driven off with their allotted passengers, so now Dan and Matt were left waiting for Andrew and Neil to finish getting ready or whatever the fuck they were doing.

“We won’t miss our reservation,” Matt assured with a chuckle, nudging her. “Miss out on the breadsticks? Well, that’s more likely...”

“Fuck that.” Dan was not missing out on breadsticks so that Andrew and Neil could get in a quickie before dinner. With that decided, she whirled on her heel and charged back into the house. She instinctively angled for the hallway that lead down to the guest bedrooms, intending to make as much noise as possible as she tromped down the hallway so as to alert them of her approach. She was less concerned about getting stabbed these days as she was about seeing parts of her friends that she really, really did not need to see.

Not that Andrew and Neil were grossly all over each other now or anything, but the years seemed to have softened the both of them. It was no longer shocking to see them holding hands or leaning casually against each other. They traded easy, casual kisses in greeting and simple affection just like the rest of the couples -- though there was still this... weight to every interaction between Andrew and Neil that spoke of how hard-earned those simple, casual expressions of affection were for the pair.

Dan didn’t begrudge them that. On the contrary, it warmed her heart every single time she caught one of those tiny actions of easy love and affection out of the corner of her eye.

Accidentally walking into the wrong guest room and catching Andrew pinning Neil against the wall, both of them barely dressed, was an entirely other matter and Dan was never going to be able to scrub that image or the sound of the way Neil was fucking moaning out of her damn mind.

Yeah. She was officially scarred for life.

So, while she was done waiting for them she was also not willing to add more trauma to her already considerable payload. She took a deep breath and prepared to start shouting and stomping when soft sounds coming from the den caught her attention. Now, if it had only been the little meows and scrabbles of kittens playing that would not have made her pause. After all -- the whole team had spent about four hours straight this afternoon going positively gaga over the adorable little fuzzballs. Nancy, Abby and Wymack’s recent rescue cat turned out to be pregnant when they adopted her -- which they hadn’t realized at the time. Now they had a little bundle of kittens taking up space in the living room. Wymack had already tried to pass them out like candy to the rest of the team but no one had bitten.

Well, that wasn’t true -- Nicky had wanted to take the whole litter, but Erik had kindly and calmly told him ‘no’ in such an effective way Nicky had dropped the subject with little more than a bit of pouting.

So if it were just that, she wouldn’t have paused.

No, it was the quiet murmuring that bubbled over the kitten sounds that drew her attention. Dan cut off her shout before she could utter it and pivoted smoothly, heading instead for the den. She slowed her steps as she approached, holding her breath so the sound of her breathing wouldn’t smother what she could now make out to be words.

“We have plenty of space.”

“Drew, while you aren’t wrong -- I don’t think that five kittens is the best way to start a family.”

“Because you are such an expert.”

“Drew.”

A sigh. “Three then.”

“What, not going to try for four?”

Andrew -- because it had to be Andrew, even though Dan was struggling to compute this particular conversation with Andrew ‘The Monster’ Minyard -- snorted in affront. “And leave just one all by itself? Don’t be stupid.”

Neil, because again -- it had to be Neil -- chuckled. “We are not taking three kittens home with us, Drew.”

There was a long silence and Dan risked peaking around the edge of the doorframe. Andrew Minyard was sitting on the floor with his back against the armchair, mostly facing away from the door and absolutely covered with kittens. One was on his shoulder, two were wrestling between his folded legs, and he was holding the other two against his chest, his face turned down as he nuzzled the little fuzzballs, all while glaring at Neil over the top of their furry heads. Well, Dan assumed he was glaring. She couldn’t actually see enough of his face to gauge his expression, but even covered with kittens this was still Andrew ‘I Wear Fucking Knives Everywhere’ Minyard, so she felt it was a safe enough assumption.

Then again, she could see most of Neil’s face, and he was looking at Andrew with an expression that Dan had no other description for other than “abject adoration”. So who knew, maybe Andrew was smiling gently and...

Yeah, no probably not.

Neil sighed, and Dan knew that sound. It was the sound of a man too much in love to say ‘no’ to whatever his partner wanted. Of a person too much in love to say ‘no’ to their love’s request, actually -- because she knew that she’d made that sound more than once regarding Matt.

“Alright, fine. But not three. Two. Two kittens. That way they won’t be alone and might be somewhat manageable.”

Dan thought that Neil was in for a rude awakening if he really thought that any number of cats were ‘manageable’, but she’d let him figure that out for himself. She could tell that Andrew was debating an argument, but he ultimately shrugged -- which she supposed was an agreement. Then he handed one of the kittens in his hands to Neil and gently scooped the one off his shoulder and added it to the squirming fluff-pile in his lap.

Neil held up the kitten and studied it, then his face broke into a wide, bright smile as the little black poof reached out and batted at his nose with the sweetest little squeak. The sound must have drawn the attention of the other kittens because they suddenly all turned their attention to Neil and launched a less-than-coordinated assault, even the one in Andrew’s hands squirming free to jump onto Neil. Neil barked out a laugh in surprise and jumped, ending up on his back as the kittens overran him and took him for their own.

With a sound that Dan didn’t really understand, Andrew pushed up to his knees and crawled around to be able to lean over Neil’s head as the kittens tussled and romped all over his partner. This change in angle allowed Dan to see Andrew’s face, and then her brain sort of caught up with her ears and she realized that she did know that sound -- because Andrew was making it again. He was laughing. It wasn’t a big laugh, not bright or rapid or voluminous. It was small, and soft, but there was a rich, deep quality to it that sang with genuine affection as he smiled down at Neil.

“See? I still say we should take all five. They are already a well-formed strike team.” Andrew. It was Andrew ‘I Eat Strikers For Breakfast’ Minyard saying those words. Smiling softly down at Neil. Chuckling as he reached out and brushed just his thumb over the tiny head of a fuzzy black and gray kitten.

“Two,” Neil said again, but Dan wondered exactly how firm he was going to be able to remain on that point with the way he was looking up at Andrew. “We can convince Aaron to take the other three then set up play-dates.”

Andrew laughed again, a quiet dance of sound between barely-curved lips. His eyes were still on the kittens. “Aaron would not know what to do with a cat.”

“Neither do I.”

Andrew looked down at Neil then and his expression lost the smile but became... so much more intimate that Dan almost looked away. “No,” he said. “But you have me.”

Dan’s chest tightened and she had to physically lift a hand to cover her mouth. She could feel the imprint of her own smile against her fingertips.

“Yes or no, Drew?”

“Yes.”

Dan turned away as Andrew leaned down to kiss Neil, slipping quietly down the hall to rejoin Matt. Maybe they could afford to be a little late to dinner.

#asks #anon #aftg #aftg fanfic #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #smiling andrew minyard #laughing andrew minyard #andreil in love #andreil with cats #kittens #pov dan wilds #100 asks #so sorry this took so INCREDIBLY LONG #I hope it was worth the wait!

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likearecordbb · 3 years

Note

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

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dontbecattyratty · 2 years

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What’s your opinions about the uk tour cast/character choices vs the west end?

Hi anon! Sorry this is late coming, for some reason Tumblr didn’t send me this notification.

I’m gonna go through and try to hit the main characters, in no particular order.

Mole: I think Fra Fee is adorable, and I think he does a great job with the wide-eyed curiosity of Mole, but I do find that he plays the character with broader strokes, which makes the show feel a bit more like children’s theatre, and less like a family show. With that said, his version of “A Place to Come Back To” is STUNNING, and might actually surpass Craig Mather’s performance for me.

Ratty: Oh boy. Uh. I am not a fan of Thomas Howes’ Ratty. One of my absolute favorite things about the West End production is how Ratty becomes a bit more of an everyman, and I think that Simon Lipkin brings a tremendous warmth to the role. Take this with a grain of “I think Simon Lipkin is the best Ratty of all time,” with the POSSIBLE exception of Richard Briers (and Peter Sallis, but I don’t think he’s a fair comparison because he got MUCH more material to work with, since he played Ratty in the Cosgrove Hall series, and never technically played him in an adaptation of the book itself). Thomas Howes’ Ratty reminded me a LOT of Mark Gatiss’ Ratty in the 2006 film, and I’ve never been a fan of him in the role, although he does have his moments. I think Thomas Howes’ portrayal can be quite mean-spirited at times, and as interesting as it was to see the nods to “Wayfarers All” in the musical, there wasn’t much payoff, since Ratty never made an actual attempt to leave the Riverbank. Since his arc was less about his relationship with Toad in the tour, I felt like his story didn’t go anywhere much. The Andrew Gordon adaptation of The Wind in the Willows does a lovely job incorporating “Wayfarers All” into the story, and I would have LOVED a similar treatment here.

Toad: I actually slightly prefer Rufus Hound in the tour! I think he’s got just a bit more pathos, and he gets some really funny moments that got cut for the West End production (“short of murder,” as an example). I love him in both productions, but I do think he’s slightly better in the tour. Overall I don’t have a lot to say about him though, because the performances are similar.

Badger: David Birrell is a lovely Badger, but I’m typically not the biggest fan of making Badger Scottish, because I feel like it leans into…whatever was happening in the Disney version too much (and yes, I do blame the Disney version, because MacBadger is the earliest version of Scottish!Badger I’ve been able to find, and it’s SURPRISINGLY prevalent). I also just think Gary Wilmot was a really good Badger. HOWEVER, it makes me so sad that they changed Badger’s line in the end to “no one’s ever said that to me before” from him saying that it had been a “long time” since anyone had said that they loved him on the tour. It really expresses Badger’s solitude and (in my opinion) his closeness with, at the least, Toad’s father. So BIG points for that. Overall, I really enjoyed David Birrell’s performance! I do slightly prefer Gary Wilmot’s voice. However, having read a quote from David Birrell discussing the character, he has a really lovely handle on Badger.

Chief Weasel: Honestly, I think Neil McDermott KILLS this role in both productions. I do think he got to play around a bit more vocally in the tour, but honestly, aside from that, he’s equally good across the board.

Lesser Weasel: Dylan Mason was a good Lesser, but come on, I think it’s no secret that the fandom LOVES Joshua Gannon’s Lesser Weasel. He really brings the role to life.

Cheryl Stoat: She has so little dialogue, it’s hard to compare. Both actresses sound great!

Mrs. Otter: I think Sophia Nomvete technically has a slightly better voice, but I prefer Denise Welch’s characterization. In Sophia’s defense, though, I think the tour really mostly looked at Mrs. Otter as a genderswapped version of Otter from the book, whereas she’s more of a new character in her own right in the West End production. Otter in the book is more of a friend/peer of Ratty’s, and I think that shows through in the tour, on but the West End she was more of a mother figure.

Portia: Holly Willock’s voice is GORGEOUS, but I think her dialogue was a bit too understated. Emilie du Leslay’s Portia felt more childlike. Once again, this might be to do with Portia becoming more of her own character, rather than a gender-swapped version of Portly, who was a bit milder in temperament.

The Hedgehogs: James Gant and Jenna Boyd are both too consistently good to compare them to themselves, in my opinion. They are excellent both times.

I think that covers the main characters! But I reserve the right to add onto this tomorrow, after I’ve slept.

Thanks for the question!

#wind in the willows #witw #wind in the willows musical #witw musical #twitw

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simonsrosebud · 3 years

Note

what is kevin and betsy like? does he take therapy seriously or act more like neil?

(idk how therapy actually works since ive never gone so idk how accurate his sessions w betsy are okay bye)

kevin takes his therapy seriously, yes.

at first he doesn’t, when he first comes to psu. he’s too scared to tell betsy anything bc if she tells anyone then kevin is doomed.

but when riko is killed, he starts taking it seriously. it’s the main reason why his anxiety is amplified and his panic attacks and nightmares become more frequent. betsy is working through his trauma with him and bringing much of it back to the surface.

when kevin first meets dalton he knows he likes him. but he still isn’t ready to tell anyone, not even betsy.

unfortunately for him, she’s really good at her job.

“i want to bring the conversation back to this boy, dalton, that you said you’ve been hanging out with. he’s your friend?”

something like that.

“yeah, he’s a friend.”

“that’s good, that you’ve made friends outside the team. how did you meet him? i notice you’ve been bringing him up a lot lately.”

kevin kneads his hands in his lap. of course he’d make that mistake. “i was doing homework at starbucks, and he helped me with math and then asked for my number.” she nods. “now we hang out a lot. mainly at his place. i don’t want andrew and neil to scare him off.”

she nods again. “what exactly do you think they’d do?”

kevin shrugs. “i-i don’t know. but they’d get in my business and probably tell nicky or matt who would tell the whole team, and then they’d be all in my business,” he keeps going when betsy’s face changes an inch. just contemplating his words, but he reads into it. “-and i don’t need that right now. dalton doesn’t even really know that i’m famous. it’s too soon, and i can’t be outed to the public, it’ll ruin me.”

he only seems to realize what he’s said when betsy starts talking. “can’t be outed in what way, kevin?” he stammers. “i have a feeling you didn’t mean to tell me that, but is dalton really just a friend?”

kevin’s heart is beating out of his chest. he digs his fingers into his leg. “no.”

but betsy hasn’t batted an eye. “that’s okay. do you want to talk about it? you’re clamming up. take some deep breaths, you know i wouldn’t tell a soul if that’s what you’re worried about.”

he pulls his knees to his chest and drops his head. fuck. no one was supposed to know, not anytime soon, anyhow.

he composes himself, but doesn’t move. “i… like guys.” he lifts his head. “and girls, but…” he looks away. “i’ve been seeing dalton, more than just friends.”

betsy is smiling, softly. “that’s good, kevin. i know aren’t ready to tell the others, but you shouldn’t be embarrassed. not with me, anyhow.” he shrugs. “would you like to talk more about dalton or move along?”

he shrugs again. after a minute, wraps his arms around his knees. “he’s twenty-four, he’s a grad student... he didn’t have any clue who i was when he met me, i still haven’t really told him a lot.”

“that’s alright. things take time. i know you have trouble lettings new people in, and sometimes with physical touch, are there any problems there that you’d like to discuss?”

kevin glares at her, “i’m not talking about our relationship.”

she backs off with an easy nod. she does a lot of that. maybe that’s why she works.

somehow, betsy eventually cracks kevin on talking in depth about his relationship with dalton. she hears all about it when andrew finds out, then when allison finds out, then when nicky finds out.

when the foxes play never have i ever with dalton. that was a fun one.

“i’m not taking their side, i’m just asking, but do you think perhaps they could have been trying to get to know him and see if he’s all clear?”

he scoffs. “if they were they’ve got a fucked way of doing that. they got him plastered.”

“he didn’t have to keep drinking. from what i’m hearing.”

“he wanted to impress them, he’d never met them before.” he crosses his arms.

“did you try to tell him to stop drinking? was it the drinking that really upset you or that your friends were trying to get answers out of him.”

he frowns. “second one- but it wasn’t just answers. they went further than just never have i ever dated kevin, they brought up things like wymack and me having to get blacked out to get my tattoo covered, and… i don’t know, sensitive stuff.” the yakuza. “it wasn’t okay.”

“did you express this to them?” he nods. “you weren’t ready for dalton to know those kinda of things about you, yet.” he nods and looks away.

“stop reading my brain,” he mumbles. betsy takes it with a smile, but he’d be lying if he weren’t a tad annoyed about it. he didn’t think he was this transparent.

or again, maybe she’s just that good at her job.

contrary to popular belief, saying i love you for the first time didn’t mean that saying it again became easy all of a sudden. not for kevin. not for maybe two weeks, until he can get used to dalton saying it more and more.

he talks to betsy about it, just barely. despite everything he’s told her already, there’s something about this that he’s too embarrassed by.

the only reason he tells dalton is because he wakes up in his bed, sweating and panting in the middle of the night. the first thing he does is squint his eyes and look for dalton in the dark, and takes a breath when he sees him stir. he’s still here. he didn’t leave you. stop being delusional.

his hands are fists in the sheets, and he presses himself back against the headboard. you’re fine.

but he still jumps a little when dalton sits up. “hey,” his voice is groggy, and he rubs his eyes. he almost reaches for kevin, too, but stops. “hey, kev. it’s d, baby, you’re okay.”

“i know,” he whispers. “i’ll be right back.”

he steps out of bed, hands shaking, and zips across the room to the bathroom. it’s dark, okay?

he braces himself against the sink. “get yourself together.” he splashes water onto his face. it doesn’t help. he’s just wet, now.

he leans back against the wall and slides to the floor. here’s his dilemma. there’s a part of him that loves dalton more than life itself, he thinks. and by a part of him he means all of him.

so why is he so scared of it? of saying it freely, or without a second thought? he’s never done this before. he doesn’t know how it’s supposed to be, he just doesn’t understand why he so scared that he’ll get used to saying it and one day be reject-

oh.

dalton is up on his phone when he leaves the bathroom, and turns it off when he crawls back into the bed. “are you okay?”

“i’m fine,” he says.

“kev”

kevin tucks his hands into the comforter and balls his fists. “um, i had a dream that you left,” he mumbles. “i know it’s stupid, i just had a moment, it’s whatever-“

“no, it’s not stupid. i’ve had the same dream before… s’why i said i love you the first time, actually.”

kevin purses his lips. he can just barely see dalton’s frown. “um, don’t judge, but i think… i have a hard time saying i love you,” he mumbles. “so you just have to let me get used to it.”

“okay,” dalton says. “do you wanna talk about it at all?”

kevin shrugs. “i don’t know.” but betsy’s advice swirls in his head. the only way to know how he feels is talking to him, even if you’d rather not.

“you’re the first person i’ve had a real relationship with. i think i’m scared i’ll get used to saying i love you and then one day you just won’t say it back. reject me, or whatever.” he lies back and feels dalton following.

dalton is lying on his stomach with an arm over kevin and his chin on his chest. “you’re not crazy for being scared of that,” he mumbles. “but i can tell you that i don’t see it happening.” he brushes kevin’s hair from his forehead. “i’m not leaving anytime soon.” he kisses his chest since he can’t reach his face without moving.

“okay,” and kevin swallows his fear, or pride, he’s still not sure. “i love you.”

the next week at his appointment with betsy he tells her of the late night realization, and how dalton reacted to it when he told him.

“the thing to remember about dalton is that we know he’s not going to reject you out of the blue, yes? from what i see here and there, he’s not just a fling or a short time boyfriend, and he’s now made it clear to you.”

kevin holds his hot chocolate close to his face. he hasn’t drank any of it, but it’s warm in his hands and the steam is nice on his face. “yeah,” he murmurs, and without thinking, “i’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate.”

oh? “i thought you didn’t believe in that kind of thing?”

he shrugs in attempt to hide his shock from saying it, and then tries to hold back a shit eating grin. “yeah, well… it’s dalton.”

#kevin day #kevin #the one where someone doesn’t know who kevin day is #dalton miller #OC: dalton miller #kevin day x dalton miller #bisexual kevin day #exy #aftg #all for the game #the foxes #the foxhole court #neil josten #andrew minyard #betsy dobson #david wymack #Allison Reynolds #nicky hemmick #therapy

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just--a-nb--writer · 3 years

Text

in some of my posts I talk about how nicky took advantage of neil when andrew drugged him and how it is never addressed properly (not in canon, not in the fandom usually).

since it bothers me how it isn't even mentioned again, I wrote a scene about neil telling andrew years later when they're both in their apartment and going to therapy.

it may seem like I personally hate nicky and excuse all the other foxes, but in reality I recognize all of them are flawed and made questionable things during the series.

nicky's kiss is just the first thing that hit me while reading the books and it surprises me how it was never addressed properly again, so I just feel the need to talk about it more (specially because he is the only gay and proud latino character who also happens to be a predator).

please do not take this personal if you like his character :)

now with the actual scene:

"What?" Asked Andrew from their sofa.

Neil didn't answer, but instead walked to where he was and hesitated.

"What's wrong, Neil?" Demanded Andrew, getting tired of Neil's silence.

"Something happened. I've never told you about it." Neil let his mouth do the talking; it usually worked better if he let it be and didn't think much about it.

Andrew waited. He stared at Neil, who was standing next to the sofa, and didn't say anything. He saw how Neil's hands were uncomfortable, as if he didn't know what to do with them.

Neil was wearing his old Palmetto's hoodie. The name "Minyard" was barely readable now. Andrew had Neil's in his closet, carefully folded.

"When we went to Eden's for the first time, you gave me crackers dust." Neil started.

Andrew remembered it clear as day. He did what he had to protect his family, he didn't regret it. Neil made a performance on how good he was at finding people to travel with across the country and, for the fifth time since his arrival, he seemed interesting.

"Yeah." Andrew stared at Neil's eyes. "What about it?"

"You left me when I didn't tell you what you wanted."

"I did," he admitted. He also remembered what happened after that and, again, he wasn't one to regret things.

Neil didn't talk again. Andrew was thinking about that night, wondering why he was talking about it now, decades later. This wasn't about the cracker's dust, he'd have told him earlier.

"Someone kissed me," Neil finally said, with his hand in his pockets, "someone we both know."

Andrew recognized that expression. Andrew felt his own expression darken in a way it hadn't in years. He looked at Neil and what he saw resembled a mirror he saw many times many years ago.

He stood up in front of Neil. Those icy blue eyes were staring back at him. They weren't so cold anymore; Andrew wasn't as cold as he was when he first saw them neither.

He left a space between them. Neil didn't move. Andrew could hear him fighting for some air.

Neil Abram Josten, abused since he was born until his twenties or so, was standing in front of him and fighting for an air he couldn't inspire because of a memory haunting him.

Neil and Andrew were more alike than any of them could ever hope for.

"Nicky did it," Neil whispered. He didn't cry, didn't move, didn't say something else either.

The name was hanging between them. Nicholas Hemmick kissed Neil Josten without his consent. How history repeats itself, he ironically wondered.

"Yes or no?" Andrew asked.

"Yes," Neil answered, with his hands still in his pockets.

Andrew stood on his tiptoes and gently grabbed Neil's neck. He pressed a kiss into his forehead and looked into his eyes.

"You're safe now, you hear me?" He wasn't one to play soft and nice to calm anyone down. He knew Neil wasn't expecting that either.

But he wasn't the monster people thought of him as. Neither was Nicholas Hemmick. They were both humans, only difference is what they decided to do with that.

"Yeah," Neil answered some time later.

Andrew nodded and put his hands down. They were standing as they were in the beginning, with a space between them. He refused to let that name invade everything around him.

Neil told him a truth, he trusted him. Both of them trusted each other. No Drake or Nicholas or anyone else was going to change that. No past was going to change what they had now.

"Kevin is playing against Knox's team," Andrew told him. "Channel nine, starts in five minutes."

Neil's gaze looked for the remote control. Andrew put it on and both of them sat on the sofa to see Kevin's game. If his team won, they'd go straight to the final and play against his and Neil's team. They were counting on it.

His session with Bee was two days later. He hoped she had a specially sweet hot chocolate. He'd figure out what to do with her.

Neil was going to see his therapist tomorrow. He was making a progress. He didn't know if he was the first one Neil told this to or not, but it didn't matter anyway. He had a safe place where he could work on it.

They were both healing. They'd figure it out somehow. They always did.

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liaisun · 3 years

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Hi hope you don’t mind me asking but what is the monster therapy Au? Is it different from the other monster Au? It sounds cool whatever it is!

omg thank u for asking!!!!!! i love talking abt my aus its always welcome<3 when i saw u sent me an ask i got so excited JSJDKF also because i feel like you'd like it 👁️

yes!!! they r 2 different aus. so the monster therapy au is based off of this prompt: "You're a psychologist. Your speciality is monsters, who lack the self-confidence to actually scare anyone." and as soon as i saw it i was like BEE @ KEVIN!!!! it just clicked. honestly it does kinda have monsters inc vibes LOL, but in the sense like monster society values how scary u are.

so kevin is recently turned and undead; he's Tall, he's Intimidating but……. he's not scary. once you get to know him, what's there to be afraid of? HE'S the one who's scared. always. he's terrified. he's a coward—

once i read this thing about vampires going through the 5 stages of grief after theyve been turned and i kinda applied that here!!! even just being turned into a monster, thrust into this world u don't understand, really messes u up. most monsters are just born of the void, some are abstract and incomprehensible to the eye (powerful), some can switch between those forms and more corporeal ones, others are seen in various folklore and/or are human-like, but with other characteristics. then, people can become one after they die, either by being turned by another or being unable to rest, usually due to trauma. humans and monsters Don't coexist, so u lose everything and everyone you've ever known… compound that with some very traumatic experiences leading up to kevin's death and the death itself courtesy of one Ư̵͙̪N̵̺̲̊T̴͎̒̽H̸͎̔̉Í̸͓N̶̝̂́Ǩ̸͇̅Ä̵͕́̍B̸͇͐L̷̻̱̈́É̷̗ ̵͙͈͑̃Ň̶͓A̴̡̼̎M̸͊̊͜Ě̶̹͠ (UNTHINKABLE NAME) and bam. monster therapy time for kevin day

fear is a really big part of the story. it's what kevin tells bee is the defining characteristic of a monster; those who create it (everyone else), and those who feel it (him). ANDREW <3 his friend??? protector? small threatening omnipresent companion no one dares to cross after he devoured 4 higher souls on his first day undead? is someone who kev aspires to be. to him andrew embodies what a monster should be.

when i say kevin is recently turned i lied JSHSJF he was turned a while ago, but he was stuck as a little ball of fright (imagine the soot sprites from spirited away) in the shadows. one day andrew came across him and took him in, kept him safe and eventually…. kevin started changing. (inspired by the invisible children from moomin, kids who turn invisible after abuse but can become visible again with love and care and safety). kevin is a full being now, an actual monster, but he doesn't feel like it at all, which is where our story begins, with him talking to bee about this.

also because i am incapable of not including all three boys - neil! he is a complete shadow, dark and quiet and always moving, never taking any specific form. he's very interesting in their — kinda a mix of kandrew both. neil isn't frozen with fear like kevin was; he has bite and he isn't afraid of other monsters, has great power like andrew, but he's controlled by the past. even in a new life, he's still running, still invisible for the sake of survival.

the story isn't a romance (QUEERPLATONIC ROTATIONS) but it is full of love and trust. for example, kandrew: the dynamic between them is so important!!!!! foundation of thr au. the parallel and contrast of the times where kevin was vulnerable when a powerful person came 2 him; it destroyed kevin the first time, but now, with andrew by his side, it allows kevin 2 heal. also i think andrew became stronger while taking care of kevin in the beginning because his power wasn't running on anger and spite anymore, but protection 🥺

kevneil relationship: for kevin, i think neil entering his life in the same position kevin was/is in (but now having drew by his side) gives him new perspective . understanding . compassion too.

for neil, having people, tethers, support even in the smallest ways, makes him more real. brings him out. not in a physical sense— having a body most of the time is weird for him after changing for so long. he'll never choose or stick to one form, either. but overall, he's more settled in his existence, starts to see himself as an actual being, find his identity. even if he is Nothing, he's Nothing in the sense of a void, a black hole, and neil's been collecting bits of the world for years.

and although this au is kevin pov, i think a 2nd part with bee's pov and her different monster patients, the foxes, would be super fun :] (and more fitting of the prompt) so who knows.. . and if u want 2 know anything abt Other monster au (or any other monster au i have. so many) as well, i am here ;>

finally, here is a tidbit that doesn't fit the tone of this at all but i couldnt keep 2 myself LOL - there is a human-monster hotline u can call to speak to a liaison if u suspect monstrous activity in ur area! the number is 1-666-3005 and the Monster Identification Listing Force (MILF) is the organizer and even has an infomercial on human TV. for a generous donation of YOUR SOUL (ahem. 50¢) u can buy monster repellent. is it holy water? no, that's a common misconception - it is actually just unfiltered tap water because that stuff has so many metals in it the monsters take psychic damage near it<3 works like a charm

#liaison. liaisun. did u see what i did there i have been waiting 4 so long 2 mention that and the time has come!!! <3 i am free #i think the reclamation of monsters is very sexy!! healing monsters brings me so much joy #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG i wrote 99% in a day and when i came back to neil's paragraph i lost my groove and then overcompensated which is wh #its longer than kandrew's oops. but regardless<3 #ALSO U HAVE THE PERFECT NAME MONSTERMETAPHOR!!!! everything is connected #aftg #asks #kandreil #kevinzinho #neilisms #amdrew #kevin day #neil josten #andrew minyard #all for the game #luniaisun #dailykandrew

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