#we who are your closest friends

[apoemaday]

We Who Are Your Closest Friends

by Phillip Lopate

we who are your closest friends feel the time has come to tell you that every Thursday we have been meeting as a group to devise ways to keep you in perpetual uncertainty frustration discontent and torture by neither loving you as much as you want nor cutting you adrift your analyst is in on it plus your boyfriend and your ex-husband and we have pledged to disappoint you as long as you need us in announcing our association we realize we have placed in your hands a possible antidote against uncertainty indeed against ourselves but since our Thursday nights have brought us to a community of purpose rare in itself with you as the natural center we feel hopeful you will continue to make unreasonable demands for affection if not as a consequence of your disastrous personality then for the good of the collective

#poetry #phillip lopate #we who are your closest friends #a personal favorite

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A drawing of @mieczmaszyna 's character Izzy. In the words of its creator, Izzy is a humanoid robot with a white chassis, oval head, black headset, square green glasses, claws, and a tail resembling a cable plug. Ai wears a cowboy hat, vest decorated by a star and bottle cap, pants with tassels, spurred boots, and a red bandanna. He's viewed from the side, kicking up one leg and holding both arms out in front of itself to shoot finger guns, looking excited and rather jaunty. The background is a dull yellow-green, muddied by the warm reddish tone of the drawing, and in paler green are the words "BANG BANG!!" by ais arms. End ID]

robot cowboy!!!

#peridots-art #bots #others' ocs #izzy #mieczmaszyna #gotta admit doing all the shading here was. very fun. insert medic hoo noise #i don't know if people usually read these but @ the intended recipient of this post! if you are!! #i remember first liking your art a year ago (actually only about a week off now lol) when it crossed my dash for the first (/only) time #and then found it again whilst enjoying the funky robot dudes (yesm/p03) and their respective games and I fell in Love with your style #i also was always enthused by the number of my fixations that you also liked! fnv! insc! ultkll! tf2 and hylics which i've never played! #and then there's hk which has been my most prominent special interest for close to two years so. safe to say that was. AWESOME to see #ALSO ALSO!! i think we may be like. mutuals-in-law*2?? #by which i mean one of my two closest friends on this site (holly) is mutuals with a cool artist (sodapop) #who i learned by accident that you've sent asks to before. either way it's cool :] #reserving the caption 'robot cowboys my beloved' for the future cause there are too many! victor and p03 and my own guy atoya and now this? #it is a wonderful problem. anyway i'm also looking at P3RI and realizing how many traits they and izzy share by accident lol #think. that should be all the tags (see: incoherent rambling). really like your stuff and have been meaning to draw something for you for #a while just got nervous 👍

[msbhagirathi]

The Madhumati Gupta Buaji Weekly

Mugzeen Adison (Magazine Edition)

Namaste Nandkisore!

Aasaa karat hain ki, nandkisore, aap sab logan theek haai. Hum logan bhi theek haai, nandkisore. Sasi babua bhi ab theek hi haai bas pahile se tanik kamjor hui gaye, chhari ke sahare chalat haain ab. Aoor humka bataye rahe ki oo ki ee halat bhi oo Syaam ki kirpa rahi. Humra mann toh karat raha ki oo sasure ko ek ghumaai ke lagay de ki jindagi bhar phir aisan kucho karat ki jurrat naa karihe, haa.

Chalo choro babua/bitiya. Arre nandkisore ab tanik aapan baat bhi karau, ghar mein sab logan theek haai na? Tohre Amma-Bauji, tohri kauno humre jaisan Buaji hau toh oo sab theek haai na, nandkisore?

Ab kaa batyay tohka, nandkisore. Kal parso ki baat rahi, Sanka Devi aayi gayi phudakti-phudakti Laxminagar. Humka kahine lagi ki Arnav babua ke daftar mein kauno mugzeen-wugzeen ke khaatir humka kucho likhna haai. Hum kahe ki ab nandkisore humre jamane mein toh hum aoor tohre phuphaji itni chitthi likhat rahe ki bas pucho naahi. Toh oo kahi ki theek haai buaji aap chitthi likh ke humko bataay dena hum aa kar le jayenge, ab humri buddhi bhi umar ke kaaran mand pari rahi, oo ka jaaye ke baad, hum bhi bhul gaye nandkisore.

Saara kaam karke aaike baithe the, ki oo ka fone aayi gaya, humka puchi ki chhitthi likhe haai ki naahi, toh hum kahe, nandkisore, kaam mein thora byast hoyi gaye the, abhi likhat rahe.

Ab hum kaa bataay, nandkisore, humri jindagi mein kauno bataane layak khaas toh kucho haai nahi. Athaarah (18) ke the, amma-bauji ne byaah karaaye diya, tohre phuphaji un dino rail maashter kaa kaam karat rahe. Byaah ke baad humka liye eehan Delhi aayi gaye Laxminagar, ab nandkisore tabahu se hum idhar hi rahat haai.

[Buaji aur phuphaji honeymoon ke liye puri dilli ghume the. Phuphaji jab bhi kaam ke wajah se dusri jagah jaate toh wahan se buaji ko chitthi likhte the. ~Buaji ki pyaari SD ;)]

Sabahu theek chalat raha tha. Byaah ke teen saal baad, ek din khabar mili ki kauno train mein aag lag gayi haai, aoor bohut logan ki jaan gayi haai, a phir hum bhi chakkar kaat kaat kar thak gaye, nandkisore, daftar se aspataal aoor aspataal se phir daftar, phir unke daftar se ek din chhitthi aaye ki tohre phuphaji toh milat naahi toh unki penson ki raakam ab humko mila karegi, hum bohut roye oo din.

Bohut hi ache insaan the, nandkisore, hum behad prem karat the, ab kaa karaein, oo din ke baad se hum aapan nandkisore ke charno mein samarpit hoye gaye. Khair jaane do nandkisore. Ee sab toh bohut purani baat rahi.

Aye nandkisore, agar tumlogan ka kauno dikkat paresaani rahe toh humka bataayi dio, hum tohka tanik samajhaai denge, aoor baaki sab humre nandkisore ke haathon chor denge, theek haai naa? Bilkul kauno dikkat rahi toh bitiya humka aapan buaji samajh kar, eehan aaike bataai dena, mann bhi thora halka hoat jayi. Aoor hum toh waisan bhi jyaada kaam-kaaj naa kar sakat haai naa, toh pura din bas baith ke hi gujar jaat haai. Tohka chitthi likhan ke khaatir humra bhi tanik samay beet jaye.

Ab hum thehre bujurg, humse kaun baat karihe? Oo bhi chitthi likhke, nandkisore? Aajkal toh naa jaane kaa oosab bhatsup-discaard bhagwaan jaane aoor kaa-kaa aayi gaye haai, chitthi likhne ka phursat kaun ke paas rahai?

Khair choro. Humka toh aoor kuch soojh hi naahi rahat haai nandkisore, aoor kaa likhe? Chalao phir rakhte haai kuch batana hau toh likhat dena theek haai naa?

Aoor haan. Humka sunne mein aawat haai ki Sanka Devi ki kauno saheli ka aaj janam din raha? Ee baat sach haai ka, nandkisore? Janam din ki bohut bohut subhkamna tohka, nandkisore. Khub kaam karau, mehnat karau, Arnav babua aoor titaliya ke jaisan naam-paisa kamao, aoor tohka pati-parmeswar toh bohut hi bhagyawaan raha ki oo ka tohre jaisan patni milat rahi, nandkisore (byaah kee ho ki naahi, nandkisore?)

Aoor humri taraf se kauno meethaai wagerah khaa lena, tohka ghar ka pata (address) hota toh dukaan se jalebi aoor kucho dusri meethaai bhijwai dete par kauno baat naahi bitiya muskuraayete rehna. Jindagi mein rone ke bohut mauke milenge par muskuraaye ke mauke khud hi dhundne parat haai, nandkisore.

Chalao phir, ab rakhat haai. Garima ke saath mandir jaanat haai nandkisore. Namaste.

P.S. : Lol. I got this idea today like literally today and then thought of getting started but now I am kinda confused about something whether I should continue this one from buaji's POV only or I should write from all the characters' POV's. Let me know. And also ket me know ki yeh kuch samajh mein aaya bhi ki ekdum kachra kar diya hai maine. Lol :') Ok so I should have added this bit in the beginning but nvrmnd *shrugs* So I have considered double 'a' for आ sound, double 'o' for ऊ sound, double 'e' for इ sound and single 'a' is for अ sound, rest if you find any kind of confusion, please feel free to ask for help, considering this is not regular Hindi so :) Ok. Bye. God bless you.

#arshi #arnav and khushi #arnav singh raizada #ipkknd #khushi kumari gupta #there is a friend who follows this blog and it's her birthday today like yeah after 12 am #from being the follower to ask/wait for my Live Blogs to being one of the closest friends within a month #we came a long way #happy birthday to you dear :) #i hope this matched up to your expectations :') #may you achieve all your dreams and have a happy life ahead nandkisore #and also to all those who read #do tell me if you found it weird or did you get irritated #by the number of times i chose to throw 'nandkisore' after every two words #lol #ok bye y'all #have a shubh ratri/prabhat whatever #ok bye #and also nandkisore guess who added the parts in brackets ;) #yes our beloved titaliya improvised her buaji's letter a bit y'all :)

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[bumblingbabooshka]

A Star Trek Novel called “Pocket Full of Lies” really has NO business going so hard.

#IMPORTANT NOTE: I only read Star Trek Novels as they pertain to Tuvok #so I have no idea about how the novel reads overall #but the Tuvok storyline????? Damn. DAMN dude. #what if you were suffering from a loss that affected and changed you so deeply that even those closest to you no longer recognized you? #and that change is symbolized and mirrored through this alternate reality version of your best friend who in YOUR universe also no longer #understands you...could never understand you...but THIS version of her is familiar. You can share each other's pain. You understand one #another in a way no one else does. And what if your inner grief/turmoil #was symbolized again in this alternate timeline by a constant war that's been raging f #for thousands of years with no end in sight no matter how hard you fight. The fighting in the end means nothing. The violence means nothing. #The death means nothing bc when you die another will take its place. #'His death was meaningless like this is meaningless' you think initially only to find that NO! It's the holding on to the PAIN that's #meaningless. It's the SUFFERING that's meaningless. #Tuvok being sent to convince ALT Janeway to give herself up to Starfleet but being unable to do so because he sympathizes and empathizes #with her...because (on another level) she isn't ready to give up the war (the suffering grief) and neither is he because to them the war #and the pain has BECOME the people they're grieving (Elieth & Daughter) so to give up feeling pain is to give up feeling love #but that isn't TRUE!!! and we see that in how Tuvok actually rebukes the affections and concerns of those attempting to reach out to him #and offer love...in reality this 'protection' or 'vigilance' is unhealthy and closes them off from healing and love. Bad coping mechanism. #Initially Tuvok pushes away everyone he comes across but through helping Janeway he helps himself and is finally able to take steps towards #acceptance in the purging of his anger on Dayne (Alt Janeway's husband who willfully allowed her daughter to die) #and we can see this in his outlook on how to move forward. In the beginning he's like 'I will never heal from this and I'll just live the #rest of my life never feeling safe or at peace.' <- defining and living his life according to the pain he's suffered #but in the end he has a more hopeful outlook...he sees that there are people around who want to be there for him and that he wants to lean #on...maybe forgiveness doesn't mean literally forgiving those who caused you to suffer but instead finally letting go of that suffering #and living according to joy...friendship..two hands clasped together. love. #novel experiences #Tuvok #Janeway #st voyager #oh ALSO the fact that Janeway always manages to survive being turned from a good thing to a very bittersweet thing for Tuvok bc his own #son was not so lucky...-chefs kiss-

[thebirdandhersong]

💐

#hey just wondering (the one person who knows the situation and people is currently unavailable alas) #if you're good friends with a guy at church and frequently spend time with him another guy #like. outside of church activities #talking about theology history star wars etc etc #and that guy is taken and you're sort of friends with the girlfriend #should you like message the girl and be like. just in case it was a worry #i'm not interested in your boyfriend i'm not making moves on him #and you dont have to worry about me trying anything #(she's currently on the other side of the country) #is that something one SHOULD do or will it just make things weird? #because i know i spend a lot of time with this guy and the other guy #like. six to eight hours a week #and i REALLY dont want her feeling uneasy #especially since she's not physically here #(to clarify i have two guy friends who are my closest friends at church #one is taken one is my godson #and we spend a lot of time together because we go to the same Bible study and other church things)

[hopefullystillliving]

Being demiplatonic sucks rn

#hopeful rambling #vent #it's making up for the fact that i hardly have any internalized stuff about my other identities #like oh you're comfortable and confident in yourself? not anymore <3 #anyway my roommate wrote me a very sweet note about how close we are #and i had literally been thinking this morning that i'd be more comfortable with her being in my space if we were closer #and the note was like. oh. i don't consider her a friend and she considers me one of the people she's closest to #cool cool cool i can't do anything about this but im still gonna feel guilty. great. #and it's not that i don't like her or anything i just #can't #and it feels bad #because someone not reciprocating romantic feelings when you're close sucks but like at least that makes sense #someone who doesn't even consider you a friend when you've poured your hearts out to eachother? #and i know it's not my fault. i know i can't do anything about it and it's not a problem with me #but it feels like it #again. this is making up for me never feeling broken about being aroace. #anyway yeah bit of a shame im dealing with this right after my first irl pride event

[firefly-fez]

look i’m not saying morgana was justified, okay. i’m not saying i condone murder, okay. i’m just saying she was 100% valid in everything she ever said or did and i would have made exactly all of the same choices myself. okay?

#bbc merlin #morgana #morgana pendragon #look if i grew up hating myself under an abusive father because he’s persecuting my kind #and the two people who knew exactly what i was going through and why gaslit me instead of helping #and one of my closest friends let me sit in misery all alone when he could have extended compassion #and told me we were going through the same thing #but instead he shut me out #left me in a position where i was afraid and vulnerable to anyone who could take advantage of me #by telling me the words i needed to hear #and then when i fell for the trap terrified of a mistake i couldnt take back #he cast me out and killed me for it #or at least he tried to #…..yeah i would have become evil too. #like 100% #she had a legit claim to the throne #and its not like trying to overthrow a king who persecutes your ppl is like. THAT immoral. is she consumed by vengance? yes. #but you could legit rewrite the whole story from morganas perspective and portray her as a hero and arthur as a villain. #without changing a thing in the plot. #*sigh* …… forever obssessed with the implications of what women are villified FOR #morgana deserved a monologue where she gets to go OFF at merlin tbh #morgana deserved a redemption arc

[fleshdyke]

☹️

#not a great first day. augh. #as we are all aware a bunch of my closest friends stopped talking to me and wouldnt tell me why. so seeing them again and especially seeing #them all talk to each other and have fun stung a bit. and then my phone died and i couldnt remember what room my math class was in so i got #there late. and when i walked in when i tell you that everyone started laughing im so fucking serious. #and i just grabbed a random seat and the girls who were sitting there were i shit you not the most stereotypical high school mean girls you #have ever fucking met. like they were laughing at me when i sat down and kept looking at their friends and were texting each other and #laughing in that way you can Tell theyre bullying you. like when you’ve been bullied your entire life you can tell. but its not like i have #any proof of them doing this so i cant really do anything. and this group of boys were just openly making fun of me like 🧍‍♂️ #and whenever i ticced which was a lot bc this was fucking stressful these girls i was sitting with would stare at me and then giggle to each #other like STOP. i quite literally didnt do anything but sit there and they were bullying me for fucking existing #and then the entirety of my old friend group was in my art class and its so nerve wracking being around them bc i still dont know what i did #like i want to kind of spite them by being happy without them but i also kinda wish i could just drop dead so they could know how much #that effected me. idk man. it sucks #and then theres the whole thing with getting on the wrong bus and walking home and im in so much pain rn. just. not a great start. #rambles #vent

[neverendingford]

.

#was talking about sex with a friend and I came up with the perfect way to explain how I think about sex. #I was like “it's like if sex had redstone mechanics” and I think he got it but no one else I've told has understood. #anyway. I just. idk. the mechanics. the dynamics. the input versus the outcome. you can do it efficiently or you can make it fun. #there's so many ways this metaphor works. ugh. we vibe though and I'm glad I got the chance to see him again. #holding hands while lying on the shed roof talking about personal shit as the sun sets. peak vibes #literally the one person irl who really gets me when I go off about how we need more platonic intimacy. #friends were designed to cuddle on the bed and stroke each other's hair and hold hands and kiss each other. platonic intimacy you get me? #idk. I guess not everyone has a decoupled relationship with sex and romance. but like. ughhhh #why can't I just promise to love and support and die for someone without it needing to be romantic. #why can't I have the closest most intimate relationship possible with someone without it being romantic. #in this moment I would die for you but we won't speak again for three months. #why can't things just make sense like they do when the sun bleeds orange across the clouds and you rest your head in his lap

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

watching hours and hours of unhhhh is not an adequate substitute for having irl friends but it IS fun and i cant help that my last remaining irls moved to nyc like that isnt my fault <3

#how do you even like make irl friends when ur 30 and dont even talk to people at your JOB #my closest friend lives 2 hours away and we arent even like friends who talk to each other ive seen her like once in the past 3 years <3 #its bleak but u know what ??? theres always katya zamo. and i live by that

[strawberryblackcrown]

some of y'all need to keep your hate for young peter pettigrew in check.

young peter was undoubtedly a good friend. he never snitched, he snuck his mates out of detention, he raided the kitchen for moony when remus was too sore to get out of bed for food, he braided sirius's hair whenever asked, he gave all 3 of his brothers love advice because they were all too stupid to act normal around their crushes, and he was always there for them when everything went tits up.

20 year old peter was afraid for his life and did things he hated just to live another day. he picked the long term poison over the short term one and there was never a day when he didn't regret it in the aftermath.

he chose to live with that regret than attempt to atone for his actions. he crossed the line of no return, he knew it, and he was too afraid to even ask for forgiveness. he knew it wouldn't come, and even if it did, he wouldn't have deserved it.

peter pettigrew was a character with multitudes and he deserved to have been explored as such.

#peter pettigrew #young peter pettigrew #the marauders #marauders era #marauders #first wizarding war #he could have been a well written character if jkr wasn't a coward #the potential #harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban #good peter pettigrew #i do not condone indirectly causing the deaths of many of your loved ones #but can we explore the affects of being a kid in a war where some of your friends are being hatecrimed #the kill or be killed mentality that had to have carried them in fights #where you probably killed the kid who used to sit beside you in class except you'd never know cause of the masks #the fear #the uncertainty #the tossing your closest friends under the proverbial bus and ruining everything around you #and watching the world burn around you and hating every second of it #how he wanted to turn back time too late #how he hated that he was born in that time. him and all his friends that he'd kill for. the friends he HAD killed for #this wasn't supposed to get this deep #oops

[exopelagic]

THAT GUY WAS A US FIGURE SKATER

#which just about explains everything actually but oh my GOOOOD #I am in AWE #I still don’t think I have it in me to get into figure skating (watching OR skating) but oh my god #it is so incredibly cool I can’t even imagine the work that must have gone into getting there #like after. ~6 months cumulatively of playing very casual ice hockey twice a week I can move pretty naturally on the ice but like. #I still struggle stopping #I haven’t even properly attempted crossovers bc they scare me #and I’d only JUST before summer got used to skating on one foot #I’m mostly just going insane over how there are people who can do shit like that bc man #MAN #people were not meant to do THAT on ICE we are not built for that and YET #man it just requires such insanely good balance and control over your momentum and now I kinda do wanna know how they do it #….both of my closest hockey friends are currently getting super into figure skating I might be doomed. #after I bought hockey skates and everything. this is so unfair. #I wanna watch this guy skate some more #ice skating #do I have a tag for posts which I don’t plan on deleting? #I think at one point I was using luke.txt bc I saw someone do that so that’ll do for now #luke.txt

[hermits-that-craft]

thank you guys for being patient with me while I’ve been gone. I don’t know if I’m fully ready to come back, but I’m going to slowly start to come back now. There’s context for why this is going to be a slow process for me in the tags. Just, tw death for them.

#so heres the context #on the 14th of june 2020 my twin lost her closest friend to terminal brain cancer #we has known that we would loose her for a while #and though she was not related to us she was our cousin #its only been two years but her death still really hurts us #especially my twin who met her in a hospital ward when they were 13 #early june is pretty hard for us #and this year i wasnt with her because ive moved states #so ive been trying to comfort her even though i cant physically be with her #and about a week ago we started to get back to normal #but with techno's passing ive honestly gone backwards quiet a bit #june is a rough time of year for my family #and i want my twin #but i cant see her until august #im going to be alright #i know how to deal with grief #but with work and missing my twin ive been neglecting taking care of my grief too #but thank you all for your patience #it means the world to me #you guys mean the world to me

[maddy-ferguson]

the saddest jackie line to me is "when did you stop wanting me to be your best friend?" because i remember when i let go of the idea of having a designated best friend and it was when i was 17 and so it reminds me of my teenage self and it's just such a vulnerable thing to say. like she's literally saying why don't you love me anymore it's so sad

#i let go of the desire to have a best friend because i was like well my friend who is factually my best friend because she's my closest #friend doesn't consider me her best friend i'm probably never gonna have another best friend like i did when i was a kid/young teenager #and i was right she really did not consider me her best friend (she stopped wanting me to be her best friend you could say because we #really were best friends at one point. mutually. when i was like 13-14) seeing as she went on to GHOST ME #that was way later though the letting go of the idea of having a best friend was in 2019 she ghosted me just over a year ago #but like yeah. that's just a me thing though if you're still best friends with your teenage/childhood bff good for you #wanting your best friend to remain your best friend isn't childish but the last time i had a designated best friend was like 7+ years ago #so it's a childhood/adolescence thing for me #yj

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Sometimes when the depression hits I can make myself feel a little better by thinking about the people I know at work and how like...multiple people have told me that just knowing me has changed their opinions on things or broadened their understanding

Like. Obviously it is not the obligation of any marginalised group to explain themselves to people. Its just not, if you're curious you should do your own research and only ask people you're close to if you know theyre comfortable with it. Having said that.

My take as a trans guy (and even before that, with just. Being gay, being autistic) is that...the best way to combat ignorance is to be direct and straightforward. I have so much time for well meaning ignorance so long as people are coming from a place of genuine curiosity and willingness to learn. And I've had alot of people (my fucking boss included) tell me how grateful they are to me for being so open with my identity and willing to talk about and explain things from from perspective.

Again, and I just want to make it clear, I am in no way saying people should have this attitude. Identity is a complicated thing and you should never feel the responsibility to explain yourself to someone who doesn't know enough about it, Google exists. But...it does give me a real feeling of...Worth, I guess? Like I'm able to help educate people and hopefully change their attitudes for the better, just by being a super open trans dude who likes to joke around and explain what I feel. It's...really validating.

#ive mentioned before but my closest friend started off as like...a reddit smart guy for lack of a better term #we became friends by having debates in work #and hes since told me that i personally have shifted his view of masculinity and what being a man actually means #and hes trying to improve himself #he used to be the sort of guy to throw the r slur around but hes consciously trying to stop bc hes like. my best friend is autistic #another friend is really into drag and the whole. gay man aesthetic i guess? #but getting to know me shifted her perceptions a little #and the number of people who ill like...bring up how special it is to be seen solely as a man by then? #will react almost on confusion and be like...youre Jason. what else would i see you as? #idk im going down a tangent here i just...my job is shite. but i absolutly adore the people i work with. #i love that ive been able to make a positive impact. #even little things like the fact im very vocally supportive and positive bc my depression is so bad #and people will laugh at that at first but very quickly reapond to and enjoy it #im making a difference man. maybe only a small one to a handful of people. but i am. #and that more than anything motivates me to keep living