#went to a new psych to get back on medication

[maliciouscigarette]

I’ve been successfully peer reviewed and I’m pretty sure I now have tenure 💅

#196 #rule #pokemon memes #neurodivergent shitposting #executive dysfunction #executive function? I don’t know her #story of my peer review: #had a formal diagnosis for adhd but not for ASD #went to a new psych to get back on medication #in the session we basically reviewed my original diagnosis #i left with a script for meds and with a shiny new ASD diagnosis #moral of the story: now that I have been peer reviewed and granted tenure #I can clearly armchair diagnose everyone in my life #and be 100% correct every time #this is not fallacious at all

[oval3000]

Chapter 1

Yandere Psych Patient König x Nurse Reader

Warning: Possesive, Obsession, Death, Gore, Blood, Smut, Toxic behavior, age gap.

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

(This story might suck idk)

-------------------------------------------------------

König felt three of the guards holding him down while one of the other nurses stuck a needle inside his arm. It took a while for it to work on him, but eventually he fell asleep.

The doctor infront of him, pressing his hands on the open wound of the other, unfortunate, nurse's neck trying to control the bleeding.

It was no use, the wound was deep the pressure barely hold the amount of blood she lost. It was honestly foolish of her. What did she think will happen? She kept rolling her eyes whenever König needed something. It was easy, she was sloppy, always leaves things unintended. It was time for a new nurse anyway all the other ones that come and go don't meet up to his standards.

The amount of nurses he has killed was all fun and games to him, but he got bored. Now it was anger that drives it. Before, he would play a game with them, he flirts to get them near him and it works until he chokes them with one hand or slits their throats with anything he can get his hands on or just simply slamming their heads to the wall. It was funny seeing them put up foam in the walls inside his room, it wasn't too long for them to realize it won't do anything when he smashed a guards head onto the floor and quickly stomped on it like it was nothing.

Bashing their heads to anything it's what got him here in the first place. Being in the military is something not everything can stand. For König it became a playground. Killing his enemies however he wanted. Breaking their heads, their necks, arms, legs, ankles, practically anything.

The amount of meetings the staff has to attend to acknowledge Königs behavior and how it's partially the staff's fault for being so careless. It was hilarious for him honestly. Having the entire building walking on egg shells around him. They don't know how to tame him, how to tame a monster who kills someone as if they are a cockroach

The only person that could possible get through his head is his psychiatrist. However his attempts to clear him backfires when König kills someone. At times the doctor is to frustrated that he gave up and he did, so he got a new psychiatrist.

He finds his new psychiatrist annoying. She puts other people's sceneries to get into his head to see what is wrong with him. Telling him that his suffering in the military is similar to a women going through a divorce. König could care less about her personal life or anyones.

She got up a left after his session while the guards took him to his room. The psychiatrist told the staff to give König his medication, but they all took a step back. She ask for his nurse, but they all stood quiet until one spoke up and said that König doesn't have a nurse, his last nurse died and it has been hard for them to find a new one.

She quickly made her way to the administrator's office and plead for a new nurse. The administrator told her no so she spread her legs and he quickly said yes. After all she didn't want to be the next victim of his so a nurse should do.

Then you came along. Sweet and innocent you. You took the job when you saw the job opening on their website and it was perfect timing. You just moved here and needed a job asap. After you graduated you worked at a hospital for a year until the bills and rent went up and the pay stayed low so when you found out that a facility needed a new nurse with triple the pay, you took it.

You waved at the receptionist hello while clutching the strap of your crossbody bag. "Hello, I'm looking for the administrator, I'm (Y/n). I'm the new Rn"

"Oh miss (Y/n)." He gave you a hesitant smile which caught you off guard, but you didn't think too much. I mean the receptionist has seen so many new nurses come in go fast, but you didn't need to know that, do you? "The administrator is waiting for you in his office."

"Okay thank you." You signal some confusion to the receptionist. "Um?"

"It's down to your right, left office." He said hand signaling the directions.

You gave him a smile and quickly headed to the office by giving a few knocks until you heard a male voice telling you to come in.

The men stood, shook your hand and told you that a fellow nurse was going to give you a rundown about how things work.

You followed the nurse has he took you to the floor you'll be working on. This will definitely be different then working at a hospital. He told you where the nurses station is and the name of the doctors that come to see the patients aswell as the patients themselves. However, your only worry is one patient in particular. König.

He showed you where his room. "This is where he stays. Now, you have to be careful with him. Can't turn your back on him. Don't leave anything near him and don't be near him in general."

'Don't be near him. How will you give his medication if you can't be near him'

"If you feel like your in danger, don't hesitate to scream for help, besides the door will always be open when you go in and two guards have to be with you at all times if you go inside his room. Don't make small talk to him, don't give him anything unless it has been confirmed with the heard nurse here. Which is me okay."

You nodded in understanding of the situation. He gently grabbed your arm and pulled you to a place away from everyone else. "Look I shouldn't be telling you this, but I feel like you deserve to know. But you can't tell anyone I told you this, okay."

"Okay." You responded.

"The last few nurses that attended him always ended up getting killed by him. He is the reason why we always need a new nurse."

'So that's why the pay is higher'

"If you want to quit I don't blame you, but you should know what you're getting yourself into." He whispered to you.

Are you scared? I mean the fact that you can die is. Either stay and get paid or go back and be in debt, which one is better? "Thank you," you looked at his tag, "Jacob"

"No problem. Oh and Dr. Smith is his psychiatrist so whatever she tells you, you do. She can be a bitch sometimes, but she only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays or if there is a tragic emergency."

You gave him one last okay before he went back to his computer. You looked around and saw how many guards there are in the floor. More guards than nurses.

You saw docotrs leaving the patients rooms, you strolled around getting to know the facility. You went to the locker room and quickly placed your bag inside while fixing your scrubs and your hair. You head your way the nurse's station ready to do what you need to do. They started you off by you giving medication and taking vitals to some patients, just for you to get the hang of it as well as report anything back to their medical files and re-learn how to work the system. Jacob gave you a little index card with the information you need about König. Mainly how to give his medication. As for needles, a guard has to hold him down.

"(Y/n)" Jacob called for in the desk area. You went up to him. "This will be your work space, you are in charge of these patients, which includes König." He showed you the list of patients which is not a few compared to others. "The biggest one is König, which is why you don't have a much. All their routines are the same. Sometimes the patient will call out for you."

"How?" Not like they have a control to call for assistance.

"A guard will come and tell you. Everything else is pretty straight forward all of their medical history is in their charts aswell as their medication and their dose. They all share the same doctor who comes by every few months, unless they need medical attention. You get the gist right?"

"Yes." You said staring at the computer screen.

"Good. All the medical supplies are back here." He pointed to the big beige cabinet that is behind you. "And obviously the patients medication are in their and here are the keys." You looked at what the computer was placed, a big drawer each with a key hole and a sticker of the patients name on each one. "If you have any question, feel free to ask me."

You nodded and did what you are paid to do. You quickly got the hang of things. Lunch came in quick as you saw the kitchen staff making their way to the dining room area. The guards went in took all patients to the area ready for them to eat. They two went in and brought out König. He was wearing the usual white t-shirt with the white sweatpants. Part of his hair was tied back into a low ponytail while the rest hanged loosely to his face. He doesn't have long hair, but not short either. He turned his head towards you. You can see his eyes as they stared at you.

König didn't smile, didn't frown. He was intrigued.

You looked back into the computer and quickly pulled up his file. Ex- Military, age to be around 40. Austrian. Can speak German. Suffers from severe social anxiety. Blood type AB. Activities in the facility- arts and crafts. Suffered from multiple injuries during his deployment. History of broken arm, leg, stab wounds.

'Ex- Military. No wonder.'

After lunch it was time to give them their meds. You went to do your round, checking their vitals and giving them their medication. You made your way towards König's room. The two guards opened the door widley while one entered in. König saw you as he sat on his bed legs slightly spread open while his triceps rested on his things. His head hanged low but peaked up when you entered.

You took out the aneroid Sphygmomanometer. You made your way towards him. Already doing something they warned you about. His eye sight followed your figure. You were too nervous to look at his face. If you don't look at him then nothing bad will happen. König stared at you as you place opened the cuff and wanting to place it on his bicep. You were honestly doubting that the cuff was going to fit around his bicep, compared to yours it was like comparing a mountain vs a sand castle.

He moved his bicep slightly up for you too take a better look. The guards gave eachother looks as if he never done this before. You wrapped the cuff around his bicep, not wrapping too tight. You felt bicep, they're hard. Hard as a rock. You pressed on the little latex bulb, giving it a few squeeze while checking the gaudge. When you got the results, you wrote it down quickly.

As for König, he didn't do anything, he just watched. He watched as you came near him. To check his tempt, his heart rate. He saw you bringing the little Dixie cup with his medication. He felt the guards stiffen knowing this is the part where he will either snap your neck or crack your skull open with ease.

You placed the cup on to the little table you have to take with you with all the supplies you need and rolled it near him. Your guess is that he snaps when someone wants to drug him. Ex- Military, you won't be surprised he they forced him to take some sort of drugs while fighting off his enemies. "It's okay. This one is to calm your nerves, I know they can hard to deal with. Trust me I know. I'll give you the one that will help you sleep at night so you can't get comfortable."

He took the cup and threw the pill inside his mouth, quickly swallowing it. The little cup is so tiny compared to his hands you couldn't even see the cup. He placed the cup back onto the table. "Thank you." You said to him while walking out of his room. As soon as you heard the guards shutting the door you felt the nervousness leaving your body.

König laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He felt a smile on his face.

He haven't felt this way in a long time. Quite frankly never.

You are definitely getting in his interest.

#yandere könig #cod mw2 #cod modern warfare #cod x reader #fanfic #konig #könig cod #könig x reader #könig #könig x y/n

[dsybouquet]

ceo! ellie - 3

what if a broke uni student met the ceo of one of the most impactful companies right now? without her even knowing?

lowercase is intentional

read part 1 aaaand part 2 right here ! xx

"good to see you, ellie."

"hey dina."

ellie lightly said, giving her lawyer a hug. she in fact was relived to see the silghtly older woman sitting in her office chair, smiling ever so lightly.

"what's the news?"

the ceo asked, lighting herself a cigarette before loosening the hair tie that hold her bun together. she looked at the slightly older woman with confused eyes.

"good or bad news first?"

"good i guess?"

she sat down besides dina to have a look at the lawyers screen, like she would understand all the paragraphs and lawyer language she had all over her desktop.

it‘s been a while since ellie and dina had so much to discuss. when ellie became ceo, they would talk every day, also about non business topics. sometimes they both wonder how they grew apart like this.

"good news is, we will not get sued!"

dina exclaimed, clapping her hands slightly. she threw an encouraging smile at ellie.

"the client is mad, however.. they have a different way for you to make up for it. so the bad news is-"

"let me guess, our yearly charity event should be in honor to them instead of joel?“

the blackhaired woman raised an eyebrow.

"i mean, yeah kinda. they want to be more represented.“

ellie got up from her seat and walked around the office. the smoke of her cigarette hugging her face every time she blew it out.

„did i ever mention how i despise abby sometimes?“

„like every other day.“

dina just laughed it off, she knew how much of an temper ellie could have - and over the years it got just worse.

„no like, seriously. ever since joel died in that car crash i have to deal with her bullshit and i can‘t do anything because they are the biggest client we have!“

and here it goes. ellie threw her cigarette in the ashtray before slumping on her office chair again.

joels death resulted in her taking his place - being the ceo of miller enterprises. and as much as she loved the money and the big cars and the responsibility, she also hated it. none of this is her‘s, it‘s joels. he did all the work, she just had to be next in line.

he had adopted her years after his daughter has passed away due to an medical condition. to say the least, ellie was a rough child and teen. she was loud, sarcastic and had her own will. of course she would listen to joel, after all he wad the only parental figure she had ever have.

„it‘s almost five years now.“

she mumbled, looking at her desk.

ellie hated christmas season and winter. she hated the snow and the beautiful lights. she hated it because it reminded her of him. of the call from dina, the hours in the hospital, the beeping sound of the machine that so desperately tried to keep him alive.

„i know.“

dina added, leaning against ellie’s table. she gave her a encouraging smile.

„how about we start the planning tomorrow? go home and have a good nights rest.“

and so ellie left the office with a small goodbye to dina and went back to her car. she sat down in the drivers seat. as much she loved her car, she didn’t want to drive.

tears slowly build up in her eyes, but she quickly swallowed it when she saw an unfamiliar book on the passenger seat. a book about.. the human psyche ?

you must have forgotten it when ellie dropped you off at home.

„damn it.“

she said under her breath and whipped out her phone, calling your number immediately. and to her surprise you picked up very fast.

„hey ellie! are you okay ?“

your voice was so gentle, ellie was about to die from it’s sweetness.

„hey dear. yeah don’t worry. uh- you forgot your book in my car. need me to drop it off ?“

there was some noise on the background, sounding like you fumbling around in your bag to find it.

„that would be great, ellie. i‘ll make up for it.“

she smiled, starting her engine and looking up your adress from her recent routes.

„i will be there in 20! see ya, ______!“

and off she went, excitement now building up.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

„hey, thank you so much.“

you smiled, waiting on your doorstep, still in the same hoodie, but with pyjamas pants below now.

„no worries.”

“are you free? i can cook you some dinner. you know, to make up for you having to drive here again?“

now ellie smiled but shook her head.

„no, it‘s fine. don‘t worry.“

„ellie, c‘mon. let me do something for you as well!“

and how could she say no to some with a pretty face like yours?

so she agreed, and you lead her up the stairs to your apartment. it was small but lovely and well decorated. scented candles burned in the hallway and the living room was dimly lit with a lap and the led strips behind your running tv.

„it‘s not much but it‘s affordable - for an uni student at least.“

you smiled before going to your kitchen counted which was connected to your living room.

„what do you mean? it‘s pretty!“

ellie eyes the nerdy figurines on your shelves and the pictures on your walls while you grabbed two wine glasses from your shelf.

„are you fine with a cheap rose?“

you asked her as you opened your fridge. ellie looked at you and just felt all the weight of her work falling off her shoulders. she felt.. normal. like you. oh, how she wished to be an uni student, living her best life in an small apartment instead of leading people and having responsibilities beyond imagination.

of course, she did not have to worry about bills or anything. but money and power doesn’t buy happiness. this does.

„absolutely!“

she sat down on one of your kitchen chairs and watched you pour in the wine with a smile.

„thank you dear.“

she said so softly your knees got weak. and you smiled, letting your glass softly hit hers before taking a sip, not breaking eye contact.

„so, i can offer you: noodles with green pesto, noodles with red pesto, or i can try my luck with a mushroom risotto. additionally, i can also make a side salad.“

you smiled, leaning against the kitchen counter. ellie hadn’t felt this carelessness and even happiness in a while. after all, she never had this.

„risotto sounds amazing.“

she smiled, watching you sigh in despair.

„of course you choose the hardest dish. will not guarantee that it will be good!“

you reached for a pan and put out all ingredients; mushrooms that would have to leave your fridge soon anyways, risotto rice, onion and garlic. the simplicity as so beautiful to ellie.

„let me help.“

and so she cut the mushrooms and washed the rice while you took care of the onions and garlic. the two of you laughed and made fun of each other’s cutting skills while emptying your wine glasses and watching the risotto take form.

„that‘d actually pretty bomb!“

you exclaimed while taking the first bite, already half way down on the second wine glass.

„ellie, we are a great team in the kitchen!“

ellie smiled, agreeing with you.

„like hell, we are!“

you spend your dinner laughing and talking about all sorts of things. friends, memories, drunk accidents that were embarrassing. it felt so light to finally not have business talks with people she couldn’t care less about.

after washing the dishes, and pouring a third glass of wine, you took the conversation to your small but comfortable couch.

and it got late, waaaay too late. and the snow kept falling, causing the streets to be white.

„you shouldn’t be driving home tonight.“

you said, looking at the streets while ellie smoked a cigarette on your balcony.

„nah, i will be fine. i don’t want to take up your space.“

„no ellie, i mean it. we drank, it‘s snowy. it would be better for you to sleep here.“

after a while of convincing, she finally agreed, snapping her cigarette off your balcony.

„and you get to spend more time with me. feel honoured!“

you joked, not knowing that it was exactly what she wanted. to spend more time with you, in this carefree environment. where she can be herself, where she can be just ellie and doesn‘t have to be ellie williams - ceo of miller enterprises.

after finishing the last glass of wine, you decided to call it a night. you gave ellie a hoodie from your closet and a pair of pyjama pants before brushing your teeth in the bathroom and doing your daily skincare. when you returned, you laughed a little. she looked so cute in your huge uni hoodie and the fluffy pj pants.

„why are you laughing?!“

„im just used to seeing you in business clothing. but this is adorable!“

she rolled her eyes and took the spare toothbrush you held in her direction.

„fuck off !“

one more laughter left your throat before you prepared the bed for two. luckily it was big enough. although your couch was comfortable, it was small and most likely would break either your or ellies back when sleeping a night on it.

so you shared a bed. after all, thats nothing to worry about, right?

both of you kind of awkward tugged in before facing each other. the wine did make all of this less awkward. once again you noticed how pretty ellie was. the freckles and little eyebrow scar.. her long lashes that made her green eyes even prettier, her auburn hair that hugger her face perfectly.. she was perfect.

and she thought the same about you. her hand reached out to your face and tugged a piece of your hair behind your ear. oh how she wanted to kiss you - yet she didn’t, not knowing you wanted it too.

“good night, ellie.”

“night, ______.”

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

THERE WE GOOOOO. different from what i wanted, but i hope you enjoy ✧*:.｡.

part 4 is here ! ! bye bye xx

taglist: @harrysslutsstuff @vwonnie @mikaaj @elliewilliamsgf69 @weridcattty @feelsoseencantdream @honeymoonbbie @katymae12344 @aouiaa @bbglmfao

#ceo ! ellie #ellie williams tlou #tlou ellie #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie tlou2 #ellie williams x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams the last of us #the last of us part 2 #tlou2 ellie #ellie x reader

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking on the phone while shopping?

So this happened months ago but it still weighs on me when I’m reminded of it and I want to know if I was an asshole, if I’m being dramatic, etc.

For context I have PTSD and AVPD (avoidant personality disorder - think social anxiety, but much more intense, lifelong, and you can’t ‘cure’ it or really medicate it).

For a very long time I didn’t leave my house at all. The last year or so I’ve been really working on it and I can do small things like go to a nearby shop, but sometimes I still have bad days where I can’t do that without having someone with me.

I moved into a new place and it was ideally located, there was a small corner shop literally seconds from my front door on the same little street. It was the only store in that area so it was my only option and I was lucky it was so near. However because the area was unfamiliar it really set off my mental illnesses and for the first couple of months living there I couldn’t make myself go out of my home, needing my sisters (who are wonderful) or my partner to bring me basic groceries or go with me.

One day I wanted to take that step but I couldn’t make myself do it completely alone (trust me I tried, I was sitting for several hours with my jacket on trying to psych myself up to go). Eventually I asked my partner, who was too busy to come with me, if they could be on the phone with me while I went - this sometimes helps because it gives me something to focus on that’s not the people around me and lets me feel like I have a lifeline of sorts. They agreed and eventually I worked up the courage to walk to the store.

I got in and had the phone to my ear but was keeping my voice as quiet as I could, though I was the only person in the shop aside from the woman (maybe 50s-60s) behind the till, so I didn’t feel as bad as I usually would about disturbing other shoppers etc. I picked up basic stuff, got to the till, put the phone on mute and put it down on the counter so I could have my hands free to bag things up.

The woman was acting a little weird, just kind of short and giving me looks, but I was just kind of trying to get out as fast as possible so I didn’t think too much of it. I asked her if I could have a bag and she didn’t seem to hear me. Asked again and she said okay. After she’d scanned everything she scrunched up my receipt and went to throw it away and she noticed I was still hesitating, so she asked if I’d wanted to keep it and I said “No sorry I’m just waiting for the bag”

And she just. Blew up.

She started screaming about how maybe if I’d been paying attention to her instead of my phone I would have asked earlier, how I was rude, how it ruined her day to have customers like me. For the first few seconds I remember kind of weakly smiling because I thought she was being jokingly mad, because that’s how absolutely out of nowhere it was - just 1-100 in a second. I still remember the look in her eyes when she was shouting at me, like… I can’t even describe how much genuine anger and hatred was in her face, her eyes were twitching and she was genuinely shaking with anger. Raised voices and anger in general are one of my biggest PTSD triggers so this just… broke me. She was holding my groceries to her chest while I kept trying to reach for them so I couldn’t leave and I just had to stand there and let her shout. Another customer came in so I didn’t even feel like I could argue back so I just grabbed my stuff and basically ran home and then broke down.

I was completely back to square one and I felt like it instilled that I couldn’t leave my home and be independent because the first time I’d gotten the courage to go out mostly-alone this had happened.

I didn’t want to put in a complaint because I didn’t want to be That Person, but my mother ended up calling the manager on my behalf and after she followed up he said he’d spoken to her but no more detail than that.

For the rest of the time I lived there I didn’t go back to the store even with people except on hours I knew she wasn’t there, because my sister ended up asking around the area and someone told her they knew who she was talking about because she had a reputation of being “like that” and gave her her working hours so I could avoid her.

I eventually moved away again and didn’t need to use the shop anymore, but this was brought back again because a few weeks ago I was passing through with my sister and we dropped by so my sister could grab something, and the woman was there again stocking shelves. As soon as she saw me she completely stopped what she was doing to just stare at me, then started aggressively throwing the things onto the shelves before going back to the till. My sister would probably have said something if she’d been rude in front of her, but she was completely fine to her and served her politely.

I didn’t really realise how badly it was still affecting me until then because I was just standing frozen in front of the door waiting to be able to leave and my hands were shaking really badly.

So AITA for being on my phone in a shop and being rude? The reasons I think I could be TA are that she treated my sister perfectly fine, when I told family about it afterwards some of them said that in her defense being on my phone while shopping was pretty rude, and I got my mother to complain to her boss about her (even though I don’t think she got in trouble I think she was probably mad about this)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[jupitervega]

fleein the south part II

hi, i'm ri & i'm an autistic nonbinary trans guy-lite-ish person. 4 years ago i moved out to denver from mississippi (where i was born & raised) & immediately had a massive improvement in my quality of life. i was able to access medical & psychiatric care, my career stabilized, people were addressin me with correct terms for the most part, & i was startin to feel like life had finally begun

unfortunately when the lease ran out on our house end of summer last year my roommates decided not to renew, & then the people who were gonna be my new roommates backed out last minute. in a panic i looked for other options but with time runnin short & top surgery approachin i decided to recover at a friend's house & move back to mississippi once my surgeon cleared me to travel cross country so i could regroup somewhere i figured would be less expensive & at least somewhat familiar

that, friends, was a very costly & painful mistake! every single problem that made me wanna move away in the first place has only exacerbated!

i'm comin up on 8 months post top surgery, i have a beard, & i'm still gettin called ma'am/she/her. trump flags & signs still adorn many yards/porches here. hatred & bigotry run rampant in local politics. the other day i didn't even enter one of the convenience stores in the town where i live when i stopped by because they had posted a very thinly veiled racist sign on the door

when i arrived back here i was not even a full month outta surgery & i had a minor complication, so i went to the emergency room cause what else was i sposed to do? applied for charity as i had around $100 to my name at that point, which i THINK? got approved? also applied for mississippi medicaid the same day, which got denied almost outright as i have no children. so i've been uninsured since november & rationin the 3 month supply of my psych/migraine meds i received before leavin colorado for goin on 7 months. never mind bein able to access hrt!

job prospects here are Not Great! i've had to collect unemployment for a while as i cannot for the life of me find a full time job with a livin wage. otherwise i literally cannot make ends meet as the jobs i've held so far down here are payin average 50% or less of what i was makin in denver. even with the part time gigs i've had i have yet to crack 30hr/wk on any kind of regular basis

housin is an absolute shitshow. my lease is up 1 july (got a month extension) & i've been searchin everywhere for an affordable place of my own or at least a good roommate. the more affordable studio/1bd apartments go for around $700 & up, but most have income requirements of 2.5-3x the monthly rent which, considerin previous point abt wages, is near impossible. roommate listins are available but the majority are questionable at best & seekin a live-in bangmaid at worst

with all these considerations i spent the past few weeks feelin worse & worse lookin for somewhere close to the job i currently have. the leases are like 6mo-1y so i was picturin another year down here & how i was gonna survive, let alone thrive. my thoughts got darker & darker. i'd wake up in the mornin & be sad/disappointed i'd survived the night

this is no way to live

i snapped a few days ago. said to myself "if i'm destined to struggle wherever i go, i'd rather do it somewhere i actually Wanted to be in the first place" & started applyin for housin in denver. waitin to hear back from my first option & have secured a backup with a friend with a spare room for 6mo in case that falls through

right now i need help gettin the hell out! i've got first month's rent already put back, i can continue to collect unemployment until i land a good job in denver, & i'm already reachin out to find somewhere to work. i just don't have anywhere to go for another month or two to save the money i'll need to travel almost 1200mi (~1900km) back to colorado. i'll need at least $500 to make gas/food happen durin the time it will take me to get there, & i need it by the first of july (38 days from day of postin)

please help me escape!!!

ca: $jupitervega

vmo: jupitervega

ppal

please please please donate whatever you're able! pls boost!

thank u so much for readin, pls have an item from my emergency happy photo folder for yr enjoyment

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[whoslai]

Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 1)

genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)

warnings: none?? reader has anxiety/social anxiety and a few insecurities here and here. major slice of life for you peeps 

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not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance. 

word count: 3.3k 

link to series masterlist or whatever

next chapter

Chapter 1: “Hey, lol.”

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Fall wasn’t your favorite season. From the stress of studying for finals to worrying about flight tickets back home when winter rolled around, you were never the biggest fan of the autumn months. With the combination of your busy schedule and your failure to get a refill on your anxiety medication, you felt immensely overwhelmed. Another thing to note was how lonely it got; Your family was across the country. Going to school in California was a conscious decision of yours, but you didn’t consider how tiresome it’d get not experiencing the warm embrace of a loved one in your times of need. To even take a trip back home would take you nearly 2 days, and that was simply not a risk you were willing to take with how dingy your car was. 

Your Friday’s typically consisted of this: Breakfast at the café off campus, lectures from 9 am to 12 pm, lunch at 12:30 pm accompanied with a small break, occasional seminars for an hour or so, then you were done. You’d usually study for a little while, but there were no promises. Being a second year psych student had its pros and cons; Less free time throughout the weekdays but completely free weekends. Though the pros outweigh the cons, you could use a bit more time to yourself throughout the week. As you were far from home, you had to make completely new friends. The vibe in California was completely different. You spent the entirety of your first year in your dorm in online school due to your school’s strict precautions against the pandemic, so you’d be stripped of the chance of branching out. While you weren’t the only one who went through this, it was 10x harder for you to go back to normal; Social anxiety had been something you’d struggled with all your life. The fear you felt when in big crowds, when being assigned to group projects, even merely walking to your class on campus…really…sucked. Tasked with the responsibility of your own finances, health insurance was something you simply couldn’t afford. Therefore, you hadn’t been on your meds for God knows how long. But anyway, you wouldn’t stay on such a depressing topic. 

Moving on, you had the weekend to yourself. You’d finished your last lecture around 2 pm and made your way back to your dorm. Fortunately, your roommate hadn’t made it back from her classes, so you had the space all to yourself. You locked the door behind you and took a breath of fresh air.

“Finally.” You sighed to yourself, plopping down onto your bed. Shoes were thrown about and you laid in your bed, indulging in the feeling of relief. But, as expected, it was cut short almost immediately.

Multiple knocks were sounded upon the door. It was nobody but Ningning, your lab partner in Abnormal Psych Stats 2. She was a sweet girl, she truly was. However, she always found a way to be overbearing. But you appreciate her as she was the only reason you ever left your room.

You slowly but surely got up to open the door, greeted by Ningning with a big smile.

“Y/N, were you lying down?” She asked, leaning against the door frame.

“I was, but now I’m up. Come, come.” You told her, moving out of the way so she could come in.

She walked in, closing the door behind her and sat on your bed as you spruced up your desk.

You glanced over at her, noticing that she was biting her lip and she only ever did that when she was holding back from saying something.

“Oh God, what is it?” You groaned, knowing she was about to say something outlandish.

She smiled and sat up, “Okay, don’t be mad but I booked us two tickets at this restaurant over in Malibu. Yes, I know it’s a long drive BUT…it’s worth it. Please tell me you’ll come with me, pleaseeeee…”

You sighed, rubbing your jaw, “I can’t.” Her smile faded, turning into a frown, “I don’t have the funds for that. I just planned on grabbing a meal from the dining hall…I’m trying to save up for a plane ticket.”

She shook her head, “Don’t worry about the costs, I’ll pay, it’ll be my treat. I wasn’t in town on your birthday and I want to make up for my absence. As your best, and ONLY friend, it’s my job to treat you. So, what do you say?”

You sighed to yourself, again. You hadn’t planned on doing anything tonight. You really were looking forward to having some down time to just relax and catch up on some shows. You also weren’t the type to depend on someone to pay for your meal, but one time wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Alright. Fine. When?” You asked her, stacking papers atop of each other.

“Today, tonight, let’s leave before 6 pm since our reservation is at 8:00.” She said, “I figured we could stay the night? If we left by 6 and got there at 7:30 ish, we could check into our reservation and stay at a nearby hotel. It’d be nice to take a break and be on our own for a while.”

You nodded, ‘That sounds nice…but costly? Where’s all this money coming from, Ningning?” 

She smiled, “Let’s just say…my job is treating me well. Now, pack a bag, be ready by 5.” She hurried up and kissed your cheek as she made her way out of your room, closing the door behind you. 

So, a trip. A mini girls trip for a night. You were excited, actually. It’s been a while since you had a chance to take a break. You’ve never been to Malibu either. This should be fun.

Later on, you finished packing a small bag with a few essentials. You changed into an outfit you thought fit the Malibu vibe: A black halter top with beige flowy pants and matching back sandals. You clipped a mango-ish colored flower into your hair after you slicked it back into a ponytail and grabbed your bag. You touched yourself up a bit before walking out of your dorm and made your way down the hall. You knocked on Ningning’s dorm and waited for her to open it.

Once she did, she met you with a smile and walked out with her bag, locking the door behind her. “You look so cute, Y/N. We’re going to have so much fun, trust me.”

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You two soon made it to the restaurant with not a lot of time to spare as it was 8:00 on the dot. Ningning quickly found a parking spot and you both agreed to find a hotel after you ate. 

From the outside looking in, the restaurant was beautiful. It was right beside a beach with a beautiful view of the ocean; Moonshadows Malibu was its name, it truly was something you thought you’d never see in real life. As you two made your way inside, you were hit by the aroma of vanilla and solemn music, only adding to the overall dreamy vibe. A pretty lady at the front greeted you both with a wide smile. She held up two shell necklaces, “Would you ladies like a necklace?” Ningning looked at you before quickly nodding, holding her hands out to grab them. She gave you one as she slipped hers on her head and you followed after her, placing the necklace around your neck.

“We reserved a seat for two?” Ningning remarked towards the lady.

The girl nodded, “What’s the name?”

“Ning Yi Zhuo..” Nigning replied, nodding.

The girl nodded, “Okay, follow me.” She showed you both to the deck of the restaurant, seated outside right above the sand and beside the ocean. You were in awe at how beautiful the sunset was. Ningning thanked the girl as she placed down menus and told you both that your waiter would be over soon.

“It’s so pretty in Malibu…” You sighed, looking at the ocean.

“I grew up right next door to Malibu, actually. I always enjoyed coming here on vacation, such a nice place. Anyway,” She laughed, “What are you getting to drink? I brought my fake just in case…”

You smiled, shaking your head, “I don’t drink, Ningning. You’re always pressuring me to drink.”

She scoffed, “Peer pressure? I’d never!”

You rolled your eyes, “Sure. I’ll probably just get water, I’m trying to be healthier.”

“Aw, okay. I love that for you, but I’m still going to get a Pina Colada.” She sighed, pretending to jut her lip out at you.

You shook your head and looked down at your menu, suddenly feeling your heart dropping. The prices were high! The cheapest thing you saw was $20!

“Jesus, Ningning! These prices are literally so unrealistic.” You told her.

She shrugged, “You pay for the quality, not quantity. They honestly have some of the best food in Malibu, trust me. How about we both share an appetizer and then worry about the entrees later? Sounds good?”

“Okay, well, at least I'll pay for your gas. Deal?” You asked.

“Oh hell yeah, you can definitely pay for my gas.” She nodded to herself.

You closed your menu and took your phone out, capturing some photos of the ocean for later. You wanted to savor the moment. As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, the waves lapped gently against the shore. The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange, while the clouds seemed to catch fire with the last rays of daylight. A few seagulls flew overhead, their silhouettes dark against the vibrant sky. The air was filled with the salty scent of the sea and the distant sound of laughter and music. It was a moment of peace and beauty that seemed to suspend time, as if the world had paused to take in the breathtaking scene before it.

Only, your attention was stricken as you heard Ningning whisper something. You looked back at her and her eyes were wide and signaling to the side of you; A waiter. Your heart skipped a beat as he drew closer, his smile dazzling and his eyes sparkling. He was even more handsome up close, with strong, chiseled features and a confident demeanor. You felt a sudden burst of nervous energy, unsure of how to act in the presence of such beauty. His voice was smooth and charming as he greeted you both. You felt an immense struggle to keep your composure. It was clear that he had an effect on you, and you simply couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way.

“Evening, ladies…” The young man greeted you both, “Can I get you guys started with anything to drink?”

Ningning eagerly nodded, “You most certainly can…Y/N?” Hearing your name snapped you out of your mini trance and you looked at her in confusion. She widened her eyes at you, signaling for you to talk.

“I’ll just get some water for now.” You told him, clearing your throat. 

He nodded, “Water it is…” A small smile crept on his face as he glanced back up at you and playfully remarked, “But I’ve got a feeling you might want something a little stronger later on.”

 You couldn't help but feel a bit flustered by his comment, but you managed to laugh it off. "We'll see about that," you replied, trying to hide your growing attraction to him. Ningning, on the other hand, was not as subtle.

 "Oh, I think we definitely will," she said with a grin, winking at the waiter. You shot her a look, but she just shrugged innocently, “I’d like a Piña Colada, extra coconut.”

The waiter chuckled, clearly enjoying the attention. "I'll keep that in mind," he said before taking your orders and walking away. Ningning leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eye.

 "He's cute, isn't he?" she whispered.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't deny that she was right. "Yeah, he is," you admitted, feeling a flush rise to your cheeks.

“He was soooo flirting with you, Y/N.” She laughed, “It’s time you got some action, anyway. 19 and still a virgin? Unheard of.” You shook your head, trying to brush off her comment. But deep down, you couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. You couldn't wait to see what the rest of the night had in store.

As the night progressed, you and Ningning chatted about a multitude of topics. Life, college, boys, parties, homework, etc. You were glad you went out with her, it was just the breath of fresh air you had been needing these past few weeks. 

Oh, and of course, you’d stolen some glances at the waiter. When he brought back your drinks, he made sure to place yours down first even though Ningning was obviously positioned in front of your water. 

One thing he did that made his interest almost completely obvious was when he leaned down on the table to speak to you when you knew he could hear you just fine as he was merely a few inches away. You wouldn’t say you were flirting back. Although Ningning was urging you to do so, flirting wasn’t something you were familiar with. Why would a guy flirt with you of all people? Especially as your much prettier friend sat across from you. For all you knew, he simply could have wanted a nice tip. You wouldn’t entertain him much, you came to get a break from campus, not to find a fling.

Ningning turned her attention back to you when he walked away to retrieve you both some refills, “He wants you.”

You didn’t respond to her comment, choosing to turn your attention to the last sushi roll instead. You rinsed it down with the last morsel of your water, sighing internally when he came back. 

“One filet mignon for Ms. Lily,” He said, placing down your food, “And a scottish Salad for-”

“Lily?” Ningning laughed, confused at the name he referred to you as.

He looked up at her as he placed her food down, “Lily Flower, in your hair,” He glanced up at you, “It’s cute, by the way.”

You awkwardly nodded, “Thanks…”

He smiled and rubbed his hands together, “Well, I’ll be around. Call me if you guys need anything. I hope you enjoy your food.”

“Will do.” Ningning said, “One thing before you go…” He nodded in acknowledgment, licking his lips. “You single?”

The waiter chuckled, clearly amused by Ningning's boldness. "I am, actually," he replied, his eyes flickering over to you for a moment.

Ningning grinned. "Good to know," she said, winking at him. "We'll keep that in mind."

As he walked away, you couldn't help but feel a little jealous of your friend's flirtatiousness. But deep down, you knew that there was something between you and the waiter, something that went beyond just a passing attraction.

As you ate your meal, you found yourself stealing glances at him, meeting your eyes with his own whenever he walked by, feeling a rush of excitement every time he flashed you a smile. Finally, as the meal came to a close, he brought over the bill and once again flashed you a charming grin. "I hope you enjoyed everything," he said, his eyes sparkling. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a little shy under his gaze. 

"It was great, thank you," you replied, trying to sound casual, knowing damn well that you were nearly shitting your pants under his intense gaze. 

He nodded, walking away to leave you both to the bill. Ningning shook her head, “If you don’t write your number down on this bill, I’m genuinely never taking you out ever again. This is a threat.”

You couldn't help but laugh at Ningning's threat, feeling a little embarrassed at how obvious your attraction to the waiter had been. But she was right, you knew that you couldn't let this opportunity slip away. As you saw the waiter returning to take the bill, you nervously scribbled down your phone number onto a small napkin, placing it beside the bill. You hoped that he wouldn't notice until you left as you didn’t want to make anything awkward. As he collected the bill, you tried to act casual, but your heart was racing with anticipation. You watched as he glanced down at the paper with your phone number on it, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he interested in you too? Or was this just wishful thinking on your part?

“Thank you ladies, have a nice night.” He said as you both got up. Ningning nudged you to say something but you urged her out of the restaurant, wanting to abort immediately. However, just before you walked out of the door, you looked back at him once more. You saw that he tucked the paper into his pocket without a word, but then he glanced back at you with a small smile, and you felt a surge of hope. Maybe there was something there after all. 

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You two made your way into town with the windows down, allowing the breeze to brush through as you listened to the radio. You pointed out a nearby hotel that looked nice, actually. Pool, multiple floors, adequate priced rooms. It wouldn’t hurt to stay for one night in a nice hotel, afterall, you only live once. 

Ningning found a parking spot and you helped her carry her bag in as she made her way to the front to pay for the room. She made small talk in the elevator but you truthfully found yourself checking your phone to see if he had texted. It was already late, nearing 1 am. Surely the restaurant wasn’t open this late. Maybe he only smiled at you out of courtesy, afterall, Ningning had left a nice tip.

As you entered the hotel room, you couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that you hadn't heard from the waiter. Maybe it was a mistake to put yourself out there like that, to give him your number so readily. Maybe he wasn't interested after all.

Ningning caught the look on your face and immediately knew what was going on. "Hey, don't worry about it," she said, giving you a comforting pat on the back. "Maybe he's just busy or something. You'll hear from him soon enough."

You nodded, trying to shake off your disappointment. "Yeah, you're right," you said, forcing a smile. "Let's just enjoy the night." Ningning nodded in agreement, and the two of you settled in for the night, enjoying the comfortable beds and the peace and quiet of the hotel room. 

But as you lay in bed, your mind kept wandering back to the waiter. Amidst all of the doubt you held within your mind, you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, where he was, and if he was thinking about you too. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but you couldn't help but feel like there was something there, something that was worth pursuing. 

As you placed your phone down on the nightstand beside you, it vibrated. Your heart dropped, surely…a family member wasn’t texting you at 3 in the morning, right? You took a deep breath, glancing to your side to see Ningning asleep. You reached for your phone, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as you saw the notification; An unsaved number. Your heart leapt in your chest as you opened the message, feeling a rush of relief and joy when you saw the text.

[phone]: “Hey, lol.”

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authors note: i hope you guys liked this first part of my ongoing series. i was kinda writing outta my ass. i got this out sooner than i thought i would so, yeah! anyway, let me know how you guys liked it and feel free to send in any thoughts you have. i hope to write this series in you guyses vision, not my own. reblog, likes, and comments are all appreciated haha. lmk if u wanna be tagged in the next chapter.

@voidbeomgyu 

#enhypen smut #enhypen #enhypen ff #lee heeseung smut #heeseung smut #heeseung fluff #heeseung angst #heeseung ff #enha #heeseung x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagine

[missathlete31]

Someone In Your Corner

Summary: Hangman, struggling to deal with his nightmares after the mission, goes for a run in the California heat. When he gets himself into trouble he finds a surprising ally on his side.

Aka if Maverick is MavDad meet DaggerMom

Hey look, yet another Jake Seresin Whump/Angst fic….. also known as the only thing I know how to write lol! Enjoy!

Two week after the Uranium mission and Jake "Hangman" Seresin was struggling. The Navy had given them all a month's worth of leave, a ridiculously long time in Jake's opinion but extremely sought after for all the others. There was a mandatory week of debriefs and discussions, most of which Jake hovered in the back and only answered when he was addressed directly, but then they were free to go. The whole squadron seemed to have gotten plane tickets to head back home, the suicide mission making a lot of them place things in new perspective. Jake of course would rather perform ten suicide missions than even think about going home to Texas. Javy had invited him back to New Orleans with him and his family but Jake declined. He loved the Machados; he spent enough holidays over there to think of them as the closest thing he'd ever get to a real family, but he knew Javy was still shaken up from his G-Loc incident and the mission in general. He deserved a chance to decompress with his loved ones instead of trying to entertain Jake.

So Jake waved his best friend off at the airport on the third day after the start of their official leave and went back to the barracks to find a notice on his door. It seemed that the temporary living quarters they were supplied for training was being revoked now that everything was over. Jake had vaguely heard one of the others talking about it at the bar but he didn't realize it applied to those that weren't going home as well. He assumed he would be allowed to hang around base, maybe convince Admiral Simpson (or at least the more agreeable Admiral Bates) to let him jump into a few hops to keep his skills sharp. Those plans were scrapped though as both Admirals informed him in no uncertain terms that none of the Daggers would be allowed back in the air until they were given the all clear from both medical and psych. Jake was already cleared on the medical end but all psych evals were to be conducted after the team returned from leave. He wanted to push to get his moved up but Cyclone only gave him that un-amused look that he usually reserved for Maverick, and Jake figured it wasn't worth the fight (he was still on shaky ground for disobeying direct orders on the carrier that day- and for getting the rest of the flight crew to go along with him).

So now not only was Jake alone on North Island, he was also forced to find new housing. With no real other options, he checked into a random motel that was far from luxurious with its outdated decor and questionable activities for it's by the hour patrons. Jake found he didn't mind though as long as he used his own sheets. Also besides a few quick visitors a few doors down, Jake was virtually on his own in his section. This was a huge benefit for the blonde pilot as he found himself dealing with an added difficulty now that the mission was over: debilitating nightmares.

It was embarrassing for him to admit but Jake had always struggled with nightmares. As a child in an abusive household he was always so tense and on edge, especially at night after his father had had a couple of drinks in him, that he found his dreams were filled with running away from monsters that looked vaguely like his parents until he woke up screaming. After receiving punishments for waking anyone up with his pathetic cries, Jake learned to muffle his terror to much quieter levels, though the nightmares always held a grip on him for those formable years. As he got older and into his teen years, Jake's real world seemed to be worse than any dream ever could be and sadly that was what quashed his night terrors for a few years at least. When he left home and joined the Navy he felt freer than he ever had in the world and he finally learned what the term 'sleep like a baby' really meant.

It didn't last for long though because after his first confirmed kill, Jake's nightmares came back. He was forever dreaming of being back in his plane, sometimes shooting down the Bogey, other times the Bogey catching him first. He had nightmares where he shot his wingman down instead, his whole squadron condemning him for the action. Other times it would be his squad shot him down because they were protecting themselves from Hangman leaving them like his call-sign dictated. These dreams circled through Jake's sleep cycle for weeks until Javy caught on before he was sent to ship out again and noticed the dark bags under his best friend's eyes. Though Javy knew better than to push Jake towards any sort of professional therapy from the Navy that could ultimately keep him grounded, he did force his best friend to talk to him more about what was troubling him and to find healthy outlets for his anxiety, fear, and guilt. Jake's favorite method became running.

Jake already enjoyed running from when he was a kid and needed an escape at home so using it to relax from work stress as well came fairly easy. He took to jogging around bases in the morning, night or whenever he just felt a little overwhelmed. Javy would join him if he was able, though normally he cut out about half the miles while jokingly calling Jake a robot for being able to run so much. It was therapeutic and it worked, especially when he ran at night, as Jake felt his body become so tired he went off to sleep without any dreams at all.

But then this mission happened.

First it was Coyote's G-loc; the sounds of Maverick trying to stir his best friend back to consciousness before he crashed into a mountain staying with Jake even during waking hours. In dreams it was worse, Maverick never getting tone in time, Coyote's scream over the radio before he burned up in his jet. Jake would wake up each time with tears in his eyes and would struggle to not call his best friend right there and then. Jake also dreamed of the bird strike. Though he pretended to be indifferent, he really did care about Phoenix, she was one of his oldest friends, dating back to his Flight School days. That nightmarish day, after being so close to losing Javy, to then hear her and Bob forced to eject, it broke something in Jake. His dreams featured the two not ejecting in time, or sometimes different pilots were up there but with the same results. The worst nightmare was when Jake was in the air with them and he listened to Phoenix scream at him that because he left them hanging, the birds hit their plane instead of his. Both Bob and Phoenix's last words were wishing it was Jake instead. Maverick would share the sentiment on the radio as the two planes watched the other go down. When Jake woke from that particular dream, he usually felt so gutted all he could do was sit up in silence.

There were moments from the actual mission that attributed to his night terrors as well of course. First it was Dagger one going down, the others blaming Jake for not being good enough that Maverick had to take the spot of team leader to ensure the others survived and therefore sacrificed himself. Then he would hear Dagger Two going down and there was the guilt of having Bradshaw die after all the mean things Jake had said and done to him. But the worst was Jake's rescue of Maverick and Rooster. Jake couldn't count the times he would close his eyes (both awake and asleep) and see the damn missile that was headed right for that old F-14. He never told anyone outside of his debriefs with the Admirals but that missile was shot and deployed and not even seconds away from killing both Captain Mitchell and Bradshaw. He had had no time to spare.

Every night during the week of debriefs Jake would dream of being too late, of watching that missile kill his CO and his wingman in a fiery blaze as bright as the sun. Jake would be forced to call on the radio that he hadn’t reached them in time, would land on the carrier not to celebration and hugs but dirty looks and tears. One night the nightmare was so bad, felt so real, that Jake actually called Rooster just to hear his voice. The groggy other pilot thought it was some kind of joke and didn't respond incredibly kind but Jake hung up the phone with tears of relief in his eyes anyway. He would take a sarcastic Rooster over a dead one any day.

Last night Jake dreamed of the man he shot down. His second confirmed kill but it wasn't any easier. He dreamed of the man's family, his children growing up fatherless like Rooster did. A whole family lineage cursing him for taking away the man they loved most. When he woke up Jake only had a few seconds before he was puking in his toilet, no chance of falling back to sleep again. His count of hours slept in the week at a sickening level. He knew he should be worried, knew that he should address his problems with someone but everyone else was dealing and he didn’t understand how he couldn’t. He wasn’t one of the Daggers, he wasn’t the one completing the suicide course. He didn’t go into G-Loc or get hit with a bird strike. He wasn’t shot down and he wasn’t stuck behind enemy lines and scrambling to get home. Jake was just the spare; sure he had a lucky shot, but he did nothing more. He didn’t deserve to bother anyone with his lack of sleeping. He would get it sorted, just like he always did.

As the day progressed and Jake's lids got heavier he thought about his techniques to combat his nightmares in the past and looked for his running gear. He hoped to kill two birds with one stone, run enough to clear his mind but also to make himself so exhausted he would fall asleep right away. The pilot put on his sneakers and reached for headphones before heading out the door. He knew it was going to be hot but the minute he was outside he felt like a wall of humidity was surrounding him. It wasn't the ideal running conditions but Jake grew up in Texas where heat was a part of everyday life. He threw off his shirt knowing it would be soaked in a second and headed out.

—————————————————————————-

Penny Benjamin wiped another hand across her brow as she turned to another box. She knew she shouldn't have chosen Tuesday to do inventory especially when the weather forecasts all called for the height of the heat wave to hit, yet here she was sweating in the back rooms of the Hard Deck anyway. She wished Maverick was around to help, though he was abnormally chaotic in a tight setting, at least the man could have helped with the lifting. Pete however, had taken Bradley for a 'getting re-acquainted trip' aka a 'get our crap together' trip up in Northern California. Penny was so happy to see the two trying to make things right and she knew it meant the world to Pete.

It did leave her alone though and with all the other pilots of the squadron gone on leave and Amelia visiting her father, Penny hated the quiet. Even doing normal chores around the bar made her ache for the loud and boisterous group she had grown to love. She hoped they were at least all trying to heal like Maverick and Rooster. She wasn't given all the details from the mission but she knew there were a lot of close calls and that for everyone to return was lucky, bordering on miraculous. Penny felt lucky herself every time she got to see Pete's smile again.

As the morning progressed and the heat got too much Penny opted to go over some sales numbers and to save the inventory for later. Grabbing her books, she headed for her usual table outside, the umbrella giving only the most miniscule relief from the heat.

She looked up as she watched a man run on the beach. He looked vaguely familiar but it wasn't until he was a bit closer that Penny realized it was Hangman. She had been surprised this morning when she saw the man arrive at the beach to run. She had assumed Hangman like all the others had gone away for leave. Clearly this wasn’t the case as the pilot putt his ear pods in and started his jog just as she first opened up to do inventory. Penny glanced at her watch and saw it was close to an hour later then since she had first arrived, and yet Hangman was still running. A hint of worry bubbled in her stomach but she learned that Top Gun pilots tended to be work-out fanatics, Hangman no exception.

As the man neared, Penny raised her hand, "Hangman!" she called but she wasn't surprised when the man kept running, no doubt lost in his music and training. She watched him for a minute, not immune to admit that the sight of the muscular shirtless blonde running along the beach wasn't the worst thing she's laid her eyes on. She shook her head at her silliness and turned back to her sales book figuring she would chastise the man for ignoring her later when he came in for some beers tonight.

Thirty minutes later the same figured appeared for the third time since she sat outside and Penny's brow furrowed. She knew Hangman liked to run but this was getting a bit excessive. She was familiar with his two mile loop, she had walked it with Amelia many times herself, but never this many times, nor in this kind of heat. When she included the time she was in the basement, she knew Jake was running much more than was normal or healthy on a day like today. It was nearing noon, the heat for the day was at its worse and she had heard an air quality alert on the news this morning. Jake ran with no water bottle, no shirt and if she had to guess no sunscreen. He just ran, and ran, and ran.

Perhaps it was the mother in her or perhaps it was just the concern for a pilot she had grown to care about over the years, but Penny refused to let Hangman run past again without at least taking a little respite. She stood herself up from the table and headed towards the sand, waving a bit to not startle the runner. As she got closer she noticed Hangman's gait was off, he seemed to be listing to the side with each step. Her concern mounting, Penny hurried forward a little faster, her heart dropping when she noticed Jake had started to stagger. "Hangman you alright?" the barmaid hollered, but instead of a verbal response Jake fell to one knee. "Jake!" Penny called as she watched the blonde collapse complete to the ground. He landed face first in the sand and the older woman felt herself fall next to him, a gentle hand reaching for his shoulder to help roll him over.

The man lying before her looked so far from the Hangman she knew that Penny gasped. Jake's normally lively green eyes were closed, his skin pale and his breath raspy. She gently nudged his face, trying to stir some kind of reaction and felt her heart relax a fraction when Jake gave a low groan and took a wobbling hand to brush hers away.

"Hey Hangman you with me?" she tapped his cheek again, worry increasing when she felt how warm his body was and yet she didn't notice much sweat on his body. Familiar with signs of overheating but in no way a doctor, Penny looked back towards the Hard Deck and hoped to see someone around that could help her. Unfortunately it seemed they were alone. She turned back to the blonde and saw his eyes were still closed though his body seemed to want to move. “Jake honey, can you hear me?” she asked again.

“P-Penny?” Jake murmured and finally those green eyes were open if barely past slits. He seemed to take a good look at the woman leaning over him before all the rest of the color in Hangman’s face disappeared and he rolled over to his side. As he retched out what Penny disgustingly assumed was his breakfast, she tried to run a soothing hand over his back but again she faltered at how hot his body temperature seemed to be. She reached to pull him back to face her carefully, allowing his back to land back in a clean portion of sand before trying to meet his eyes, “Jake, you with me? Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, yeah” he didn’t sound convincing, “’ll good.”

“I think you’re overheated, I need to get you inside.”

“No-“ he shook his head weakly, his voice low and gravelly, “-m fine…. Just-… just overdid it a bit. ”

Penny moved to brush back his damp hair from where it was plastered with sand to his forehead, “You really over did it, okay” she tried to give a reassuring smile but her concern was too great and it became more of a grimace, “you need to get out of this sun and get some water in you. You think you can stand?”

It didn’t look like Jake would be moving any time soon but when Penny gave him a small pull the pilot managed to follow the momentum enough to get himself standing. It wasn’t pretty and Hangman looked ready to puke again at least three different times, but he held it in and allowed Penny to throw his arm around her shoulders. The two took a moment to gain their balance before they started with small and slow steps all the way back to the Hard Deck.

The walk was long and tedious. With each step that they got closer Jake’s movements got sloppier and the weight Penny had to support seemed to double. When she finally got him inside, Penny deposited Jake to the nearest booth and ran for a cold water bottle and some towels. She ran them under the coldest water she could get and started to place them over Jake’s chest, his neck and his forehead. The man didn’t even flinch. “Keep those there” Penny ordered as she moved to grab more water bottles, “and take small sips of water.”

Jake tried to follow orders but when he moved his hands to open the bottle, they were shaking so bad he dropped it. He went to get his body to pick it up but instead he slid down to the floor, his back against the table’s leg. Penny heard the commotion and came running, finding the pilot out of it and on the floor of her bar. “Jesus Jake, I think we need to get you to the hospital” she told him, “This is way worse than over heating-“

“No” Jake shook his head, his eyes unfocused, “’m –ok-“

“Honey” she got him standing again, “no you’re not. Hang on, take a seat for a minute and let me get my keys. I have to lock up the basement and then I will take you.” She led him back towards the booths but didn’t wait for him to sit, instead running to her bag and car keys.

Meanwhile the blonde had teetered after her, following towards the bar and knocking over a stool followed by another, "shit” he cursed, “’m sorry. Y-you can just call m’ an uber" Jake slurred softly, now leaning heavily against the bar, “’t’s no bother.”

"Absolutely not, and I said to sit Jake" she ordered, manhandling him towards the booths, "sit before you collapse again."

"'M -fine-"

"No you're really not." Her eyes must have shown her anger and concern because Jake seemed to melt into the cushion of the seats. Penny gave a nod and then ran to lock up her basement door and lock the inventory room. When she got back to the bar she noticed Jake’s head was leaning down on the table. “Hangman?” she questioned, but the man didn’t stir, “Jake?” When she still got no answer, she hurried over and took one of the water bottles, emptying it over the man’s head in a frantic shake, “Lieutenant Seresin!” she yelled and was luckily awarded with a dazed Jake shaking his wet hair out in confusion. “-enny?” he murmured sleepily, “did it rain?”

“Something like that” Penny lied, moving to grab the man out of the booth once more and get him towards the exit, “now come on honey, we’re going to the hospital.”

“-Don’’ feel so g-good.”

“I know, but we’re going to get you all fixed up” she promised silently praying that she could deliver on such a statement. If she was honest with herself Jake’s condition was really starting to frighten her. He collapsed three times already, he threw up on the beach and his body temperature was frightening high. She had tried cold compresses but they didn’t seem to make a difference. He was incoherent and confused; his body a shaky and unstable mess when he was normally frighteningly in control.

They got to Penny’s car quickly; fortunately she parked in the closet spot this morning. She helped lay Jake out along the back seat, sparing a second to take a hand to his forehead where she still felt the heat radiating off his skin. She pursed her lips but didn’t say anything, instead starting her car and cranking the A/C, hoping that it would help cool the pilot down.

For the first few minutes of the ride, Jake stayed silent and if it weren’t for Penny looking towards him in the rear view mirror every few seconds she would have thought he was unconscious or worse. Instead she watched as the man took shallow wheezy breaths, praying they get to the hospital quickly so he could get real help.

After a few more minutes of silence, Penny heard what sounded like a throat clearing in the back seat. Jake’s voice sounded fractured when he finally spoke up, "'why-you helpin' me?" he whispered from the back, 'm a bad person. A bad person with no one left.”

"No you're not honey" Penny immediately argued back, watching as Hangman’s eyes closed and his face scrunched up in pain, "you're a good person. I know that and so do the others."

"Asshole to them.... always a jerk..."

"I think they've started to see all that for what it is.” And she really believed that. The Hangman that strutted around the Hard Deck all these years was a show, meant for entertainment and for keeping people at arm’s length. Penny, no stranger at pushing people away herself, could recognize the signs easily though she knew it took the others a while to see. “You earned your teammates’ trust” she continued with what she hoped sounded reassuring. Jake didn’t seem to react to the words though, so Penny tried to push a bit more remembering what Maverick had told her the night he returned after the boat docked, about how Jake had saved his life, “you showed them the true Jake Seresin during the mission. They see it now.”

“They all left, ‘m alone again.”

“You’re not alone sweetheart”

“I should be, ‘ve killed people” Jake announced next and in the driver’s seat Penny stilled. It’s not that she doesn’t know this fact, she’s heard Hangman address it before but hearing Jake speak the words so matter of factly while he himself was so broken, exhausted and barely conscious, Penny’s heart clenched. “You were just doing your job, Jake, it’s different.”

“No” he shook his head minutely, “’t’s not.” He sniffed back what sounded like a sob, “can’t sleep, just see it again and again… All my mistakes... all the early graves… all my fault.”

“Nothing was your fault Jake, you saved lives that day. You saved Maverick and Rooster-“

“see them die every night…. ‘m pathetic-“

“No you’re not, you’re so brave honey” she felt a tear fall down her cheek as Jake let out another raspy sob, “so, so brave.”

“’ can’t even sleep anymore” Jake moaned, “just wanna sleep-“

“We can get you help for that” she urged, “there are people that can help-“

“No one can ‘elp me” his head lulled to the side, “I…can’t be fixed.”

There was so much Penny wished to say, so much she wished to correct but before she got the chance she was pulling into the emergency driveway entrance of the hospital and screeching her brakes to a halt behind an empty ambulance. “Please!” Penny hollered from her window at the two paramedics heading out the exit doors. Both stopped and looked her way, “please I need help” she urged to them.

The two women hurried forward, following Penny’s directions to the back seat, “he’s in rough shape, can you help me get him inside?”

“I’ll get the backboard and gurney” the younger of the medics announced, running back to her rig. When she returned the three women were able to lift Jake up and onto it, the two medical professionals beginning to wheel him inside, Penny hot on their heels.

“Ma’am you can’t leave your car here” the security guard tried but Penny ignored it and just continued to follow the gurney wheeling Hangman further into the hospital. Getting a ticket was the least of her worries, even getting towed. All she cared about was making sure the blonde pilot in that bed got the care he needed.

She followed them through into the emergency room where Jake was taken into a corner make-shift room with curtains closing it off. A nurse started asking Penny questions about Jake’s age, medical history, and if he had any allergies. She tried to answer to the best of her abilities but the truth was she didn’t really know. Jake Seresin had been coming to the bar for years but Penny couldn’t even tell the hospital if he was allergic to peanuts yet alone any medication he was on; she just never bothered to get to know him that well. She vowed if they got through this debacle, she would find out, resolved to pester Jake with so many questions he would have no choice but to tell her everything. She looked forward to it with a spark of hope.

Suddenly an older man came forward from the other side of the curtain, ripping it open with an intern on his heels, “What do we have?” he asked, not looking away from his patient on the bed.

“32 year old white male, fading in and out of consciousness, feels excessively warm to the touch-“

The doctor sighed and put on his glasses, his thinning hair reflecting the light as he knelt down on his work stool, and started to lightly examine Jake’s face and chest, “what’s his name?”

When no one else replied Penny realized the question was addressed to her. She swallowed her nerves, “Lieutenant Jake Seresin” she told him.

���Navy?”

“A Navy pilot, yes.”

“Why did you bring him here, shouldn’t he be on base?”

Penny shrugged, realizing she never even thought about taking Jake back to North Island, her mind just drove them to the first hospital she could think of, “this was closer” she explained instead.

The doctor hummed but continued his examination, “okay Lieutenant can you hear me?” when the blonde gave no response, the doctor turned to one of the nurses, “get me a temperature reading now” he ordered.

“Right away Doctor” and the nurse hurried to get the thermometer.

“What happened to him?” the ER doctor asked, shining a pen light as he used a hand to hold open Jake’s eye lid.

“He collapsed on the beach,” Penny supplied dutifully, still watching with what felt like a heavy weight on her chest, “he had been running and I think he might have over heated-“

“In this heat, I’m not surprised. Order a toxicology report, I don’t like his pupil dilation.”

Penny felt her temper flare, “He wasn’t drinking” she shot back, “he’s exhausted.”

“Let’s take the family out of the room-“ the doctor also added, rolling his eyes to his staff. As a nurse went to remove her, Penny listened as another rattled off Jake’s temperature. The minute his nurse was done saying 105 degrees, the ER doctor began sprouting commands, his voice a lot more concerned and worried than it were not two minutes ago. Penny knew 105 was dangerous, even deadly, but seeing doctors and nurses run in frantically made the woman more scared than she could ever remember being in her life. A curtain was pulled and her view was gone, and Penny felt her heart stutter as she wondered if that was to be the last time she would ever see Jake again. What if he died? What if she was too late getting him help, waited too long in the bar locking up a damn inventory closet when she should have been calling an ambulance and getting the poor man help. Her legs buckled for a moment but the nurse at her side kept a strong hand on her arm that kept her standing. “Here we go” the nurse told her steering her to the nurses’ station, “Fran” she called and one nurse was replaced with a different one as Penny was handed off once more.

“Okay” the nurse named Fran began, an iPad in her hand and glasses on her kind face, “let’s begin. Patient’s name was what again?”

“Lieutenant Jake Seresin.”

“Age?”

“32.”

“Occupation?”

“Naval Pilot.”

She typed faster, then opened her mouth to ask more but Penny beat her too it, "please" she begged, "is he going to be alright?"

Fran seemed to scrutinize her for a moment, his brown eyes boring into Penny over her glasses, “What is your relation to him again?" she questioned.

Penny stuttered for a moment, but then found her confidence, "I'm- I'm his aunt” she declared daring someone to disagree. The nurse didn’t argue, just typed something on her iPad, “and your name?”

“Penny Benjamin.”

Fran nodded and motioned towards the waiting room, “okay Ms. Benjamin, take a seat and I’ll send a doctor to talk once he finishes his evaluations.”

"But can’t I go back in?“

“You’ve done everything you could for the Lieutenant; now leave it to the doctors.” Fran placed a comforting hand to her arm and squeezed gently, “your nephew is in good hands.”

“What if I didn’t do enough, I tried to put cold compresses, and the water, but he could even grip it properly and I never made him drink-“

“Shhh” the kind woman placated her, “I’ll let the doctors know. I’m sure they will put him on fluids right away, you just sit here.”

“T-Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I’ll be back later.”

Penny watched her go, falling into the hard waiting room chair and taking her head into her hands. She wanted to scream in frustration and worry, but she knew that wouldn’t help Jake. Instead she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing.

A hand on her arm a few minutes later made her jump. She looked up; expecting a doctor or nurse but finding herself staring at the same security guard she had run past before. The man looked sheepish, clearly feeling guilty for startling her. Penny pulled her fingers through her long brown hair to try to look even a semblance of normal but the security guard didn’t seem to judge. “Ma’am” he began, “I’m sorry to bug you but I really need you to move your car, we got ambulances that need to unload in those spaces and you’re blocking them.”

She looked back at him, her face reddening in mortification; she had completely forgotten about the car she had left parked in the emergency entrance. “I’m so sorry, Sir, I was so panicked before-“

He shook off her apology, “believe me I’ve seen it a million times before. Just move it now and we can both pretend it didn’t happen. I know you got more important things to worry about.” He offered a hand to help her standing and Penny took it gratefully, rising from the chair and heading to the automatic doors leading outside.

Penny moved her car like directed and then took back her seat in the waiting room. She noticed others sitting around, none paying her much attention, everyone lost in their own worlds of worry and fear.

This was why she hated hospitals, especially waiting rooms. It was a place where time simultaneously stood still and yet rushed by. People waited in agony over people in actually agony. Some people were here for last goodbyes while others welcomed new lives into the world. It was a place of overstimulation and over emotion and yet Penny couldn’t imagine herself being anywhere else at the moment. She would wait here as long as it took until she knew Jake would be okay.

About an hour later, a tall man approached the nurse’s station and Penny watched as he was directed to her. "Ms Benjamin?" the dark haired doctor called dressed in scrubs, "my name is Doctor Rask,” he held out a hand for Penny to shake, her grip lacking from her fear, “I’m your nephew's doctor” he told her soothingly.

"Hi" Penny breathed out, trying to control her nerves, "how's Jake?" she asked after no preamble.

If he thought she was rude the doctor didn't comment, instead he went right into Jake's diagnosis. "Lieutenant Seresin has a severe case of hyperthermia, more specifically heat stroke. His body temperature was 105 when you brought him in and that was with the cooling methods you tried to do prior. With a body temp that high our biggest concern is always going to be organ failure."

Penny clutched her hands into fists; the feeling of her nails in her palms the only thing keeping her together. She focused on the slight pain as she struggled to find her voice, "did he-... is his organs... are they okay?"

"He is extremely lucky” the doctor explained, “We don't see any evidence of organ failure but we will monitor him closely for the next few hours to be sure."

"That's- that's good news."

Dr. Rask spared her a comforting look, "it is, especially with how overheated he was but he's not out of the woods yet. Lieutenant Seresin was also severely dehydrated and extremely exhausted. His fine motor skills were so impaired upon admission that the ER doctor ordered a toxicology report because he was convinced Lieutenant Seresin must have been drunk. He wasn't of course but the Lieutenant admitted to being unable to supply the last time he had a full night's sleep."

Penny sighed, "he just got back from a serious mission Doctor Rask, it affective him deeply-"

"I understand," the doctor cut in gently, "and believe me I'm sympathetic but I suggest he find someone to talk to about this. He is beyond normal exhaustion levels which is extremely dangerous, not only in his profession but in all matters of his life."

"I agree. I plan on reaching out to his CO to discuss this as well."

The doctor softened, "we can also recommend people for him to talk to if he didn't want to go through the Navy. My father served and I know firsthand how people can be hesitant to show weakness to their superiors. It’s dangerous and they end up denying themselves the opportunity to get proper help."

"Thank you, I worry about that as well but I can promise you I will personally make sure Jake gets the help he needs, even if I have to drag him myself."

"He's lucky to have you" Doctor Rask shared with a smile.

Penny shook her head, her eyes falling to the floor, “I don't know about that” she admitted softly.

"I do” the doctor told her kindly, “You saved his life getting him in here so quickly."

"So he will be okay?"

"Well like I said before his organs look undamaged which is the best news for his case. He is still on cooling pads right now as we try to lower his temperature safely. We also have him on multiple IVs to increase his fluids and nutrients."

It certainly didn’t sound like he was okay but Penny took the doctor’s calm attitude as a good sign. Still she would only feel better once she could see Jake with her own eyes, "Is he awake?" she asked ready to run to his room if she found out he was.

Doctor Rask shook his head, "we gave him a small sedative which I would normally be against but Lieutenant Seresin was very restless in the room from the over exhaustion. I feared he would tax himself further. It should wear off in a few hours but he will be exceptionally groggy. Do to the severity of the heat stroke and the strain on his body; I want to keep him overnight for observations."

"Can I see him?"

"I would prefer not if I'm honest” he managed a sympathetic look when he noticed her face fall. “It's important for him to stay resting. In his heightened state and with the weak sedation, any disruption could cause him to wake before he's ready and that's the last thing he needs. Rest is his best medication at this point."

"I understand" and she did, no matter how much it broke her heart to think of Jake waking up alone in the hospital.

"If you leave your info with the nurse, I'll call you personally when he wakes, or any other member of his family."

He doesn't think he has any family, Penny's mind automatically corrected but she didn't bother saying it out loud. Besides, she learned many years ago that family went far beyond blood no matter what the medical world said. "Thank you Doctor, for everything."

"My pleasure and make sure Lieutenant Seresin thanks you as well. Like I said before, you saved your nephew's life today Ms. Benjamin, a few more minutes out there and we would be having a very different conversation."

She shuddered but gave her thanks anyway before turning back to her waiting room seat. She knew she had hours to kill before Jake would be up and she could see him so Penny took out her phone and scrolled to Pete’s name. She knew she needed to call the man, knew that the minute he heard something was wrong with one of his pilots he would want to be informed and be there. She wondered for a moment if perhaps she was overstepping until she remember Jake’s sad words in the car. This was a man who thought he was alone in the world and even worse, he thought he deserved to be alone in the world. He thought of himself as a killer for doing his job and pathetic for not being to handle his emotions and his PTSD properly. His hyperthermia would be treated but Penny knew that Jake Seresin had a much longer road to recovery once he was discharged from the hospital. Penny knew that she, Maverick, Rooster and the rest of the Daggers would be there for him every step of the way. They were a family now and that’s what family does.

Her mind made up, Penny hit the call button and brought the phone up to her ear, ready to call on the reinforcements.

#top gun maverick #glen powell #jake seresin #top gun hangman #top gun #top gun fanfiction #maverick #top gun movie #penny benjamin #dagger squad #daggermom #mavdad #pete maverick mitchell #jake seresin fanfiction #whump #jake seresin whump #jake hangman seresin #penny benjamin cares for her Daggers #just lots and lots of angst #hurt/comfort

[onyourhyuck]

LUKEWARM. L.DH | Episode 2

— Title: ‘Something gained, something earned’

— Summary: Hong Yujin is the new patient at the psych ward admitted for her eating disorder. On the first day of being admitted she meets Haechan, a patient being treated for his bpd. Yujin already claims to hate him; he is everything she dislikes. Loud, annoying, self destructive.

— Genre: Psych ward, hospital, mental illnesses, can be triggering so read at your own risk, guys take care of yourself, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of bpd, suggestive, smut, angst etc.

— Notes: please don’t read if you’ll be triggered !! Take care of yourself guys.

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A pragmatic arrangement is the only kind of arrangement you can have with someone like Yujin. Without a routine the inpatient girl is nothing less than an unscrewed wheel, left alone in middle of a no-man’s-land.

The doctors like to analyse that this was a way of coping for the young girl. A routine makes her days predicable which she likes.

Prediction when to eat.

Revealing the gloomy ward. Today the weather was pouring down nonstop. Many patients woke up this morning to have breakfast and wear a sweater to have some warmth.

Yujin was the only one without a sweater. Without a life in those circles on her face. She never really slept when she was back at home, but now it feels like she is never going to sleep in a place like this. Lounging about the reception just like everyone else made it even harder to fit inside. Because all these crazy people have something in common together — a favourite activity. Eating.

Her mind was a complete disaster. A waste of time yet it feels hard to stop counting. Yujin sat there alone in a singular white chair in a white gown with the hair strands covering the black under bags, staring into the untouched tray of food.

If you turn to look around the reception you could see everyone eating. Yujin did that a few times and went back to staring and sitting in the chair. She couldn’t move out of the seat until breakfast was finished. The nurses monitor her at all costs in these matters.

They saw nothing from the girl. Her fingers didn’t acknowledge the forks, spoons, the jelly in the cup even. Yujin did not even accept the water bottle.

After a couple of hours Haechan was released from taking his medication. The ward was a bit too quiet until the spoken devil came out of the room a little later than everyone else.

His cheeks were flushed as he walked back into the ward, he was looking for Yujin. Instantly his head was fixated on the girl. Like an important piece you could not get enough out of. His eyes scan the room trying to locate her. As he walked in Yujin was seen in the chair looking so alone. She was minding her business and minding her food, Haechan didn’t like that. He can’t help but to be nosy.

The patient wasn’t eating at all. She was just cutting up the food with the plastic fork and knife. Haechan came over immediately noticing her staring at it with disgust almost. She pushed the tray away when she had enough of it.

When the young patient thought the day couldn’t get any worse, Haechan had to come and bother her. She looked twice as unhappy now.

“Why are you back again? Don’t you have better things to do. Like… escape this hell hole?” Yujin trails annoyed as if there wasn’t anything else to say. It’s clear she wants to get out of here.

The boy was mostly interested by her reaction to the ward food. He would like to disagree with this though. The ward food was amazing if he had to admit it’s a lot better than his mother’s cooking.

Couldn’t help but become even more nosey. Haechan set his body down on the chair in front and took her food tray without a singular thought as if this was his food. He starts to dig in happily smirking. The medication that he takes extends extreme food hunger levels. So when food reaches his stomach he’s the happiest. Especially tasty food. He gives Yujin an unamused look in response to her question.

“Do you think I’m crazy enough to escape from here? The police would arrest me and bring me back here again.” He replied and gave her a glance wondering why she would even think of escaping.

Yujin scoffs by his response. Seems like Haechan was right and he knows escaping wouldn’t really do him any good when police can easily find him. She didn’t know what to respond with except to throw a minor insult at the boy. “Well you do seem crazy enough to commit it.”

But of course when you try to insult Haechan’s inflated ego it starts to sound more like a compliment than a criticism.

Haechan’s eyes light up and he smiles brightly when she mentions his craziness. He leans back on the bed and stretches out. He crosses one leg over the other and then rests one arm behind his head. He lets out a chuckle while showing of a relaxing posture.

“Oh come on, you seem to underestimate me. I’ve committed far worse things than escape. I’m not that naive.” Haechan taunted and teased her in a slightly playful way to get a reaction out of her. He knows how annoying it must be when someone turns an insult into a joke.

“Oh yeah? You want a medal or something?” Yujin said in a low monotone tone of voice that proved she is uninterested and full of sarcasm leaking out of that empty hollow mouth.

It boil’s her blood when Haechan seems so unbothered. As if he has zero fucking worries in that small head of his.

He doesn’t seem to be affected by her sarcasm. In fact, he seems to enjoy her sarcasm. He grins at her response and then gives her a small wink. “Oh yes a medal sounds nice, I will gladly accept it.” Haechan jokingly remarks back amused completely by the fact that a medal was there to congratulate him in the question. He gets closer to Yujin and looks down at her while still seated on his bed. He whispers to her “You’re not as tough as you think you are.”

“Back off will you?” She trails and puts some space between them with the chairs creating a space between the both patients. God he really doesn’t understand privacy nor space. “What are you in here for? Stalking?” Yujin throws a little mockingly but it was a genuine question too.

Enjoying the playing hard to get. Haechan has always been attracted to push and pull games. In fact he really much loves putting people in uncomfortable situations. He loves to lie for fun — he loves to confuse people and see a slight fear and disbelief in their eyes. Or discomfort on the eyebrows.

As he whispers in Yujin’s ear he puts his hand on her knee to make her more agitated. He leans in closer and whispers to her. He grins at her teasingly and looks Yujin up and down. He responds to her in such a childish question by saying. “Bingo!” Haechan lets out a playful laugh and pats Yujin’s knee.

Her fingers push off his hand as if he were a mere instinct to be squished between the sole of her shoes. “You can’t be serious?”

Haechan’s eyes widen as Yujin shoved his hand away. He chuckles at her reaction, clearly he likes getting a rise out of her. “I refuse to share my secrets. You have to earn that privilege.”

What a narcissist, Yujin thought in her head.

Footsteps stop in front of the table, a white cloak with the name tag on the side catches their attention.

“Hong Yujin time for your weigh in.” The doctor announces with a short smile given to the young girl. Standing up from the chair she didn’t bother to look back at Haechan, who was very much disappointed by the conversation ending so soon.

Seeing her walk away from behind made the future even more brighter and exciting for Haechan. She was his only sole of entertainment here.

But as for the young girl she was dreading the scale. Arriving at the doctors office there was only one thing on Yujin’s mind and that was early morning — when she had to eat something otherwise a tube was in order for her.

An ultimatum which had cons on each side wasn’t a very good ultimatum. But a much better idea than getting tubed out.

Yujin took a deep breath before stepping on the scale. Trying to suck in every inch of her stomach in wasn’t going to help.

The doctor looks down at the number.

One was happy. One was completely devastated.

Getting off the scale felt harder when you are knowing what number you stand on. Yujin feels a complete spiral waiting by the door.

Something gained, something earned…

“Congratulations Yujin. You gained a pound. If you keep up this work you can earn going back home permanently.” Writing down on the notepad and to add on the files. Yujin didn’t respond and looked around the room. “You may go back to your room. Keep up the good work.”

So discarding of the mental wellbeing. Yujin walked out instantly when dismissed and ran to the room closing it shut tight.

To the girl a pound was a lot. To her a pound meant the world crashing. Or to her a pound meant dying. It’s extreme right?

Filled up with guilt, Yujin did next what was needed. The ward was pretty secure on keeping Yujin from doing anything extreme. Exercise was forbidden. But that doesn’t stop Yujin from time to time doing press ups or sit ups in middle of the night.

Furthermore Yujin needed a quick release. She felt sick to her stomach from finding out that the weight changed. It’s like she can feel the entire fat in her body growing. How could a singular bread make you gain so much?

There was regret on her mind which made her nauseated. The girl kneels down to a plant and instead she did what was necessary for a relief — to take back what she gained.

Just as she did that. Stirring up on the plant pot. The door opens revealing a nurse doing round checks. A scream halters and a rush to stop the thin girl from throwing up her entire stomach out. Two nurses has to come in to do some restraining.

“Grab her! We can’t let her do that!”

Watching Yujin fight back and scream — cry even when she was midway throwing up every little food in that stomach could hold.

The other ward patients were curious and some laughed seeing Yujin try to vomit when this place had zero to none privacy. Haechan stood by the doorframe peeking in with a wide smirk. It wasn’t a pretty sight of the girl. Nonetheless the patients were all not going to forget that she tried to vomit in a ward heavily restricted like this.

“I didn’t think she had the balls to do that.” Haechan giggles a bit impressed with the situation. She’s already proving to be an interesting character to the boy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work. Please reblog this blog and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out !

#nct fanfiction #nct smut #nct x reader #nct u scenarios #nct hard hours #nct series #nct fic #nct recs #nct scenarios #nct dream smut #nct masterlist #nct 127 smut #nct imagines #nct haechan smut #haechan smut #haechan hard hours #haechan hard thoughts #haechan fluff #haechan headers #haechan imagines #haechan fic #haechan scenarios #nct u hard hours #nct u fluff #nct u reactions #nct u x reader #nct u smut #haechan x reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream fanfic

[bomberqueen17]

quick turnaround

The first chicken processing day is this coming tuesday. so we got back into town around 7pm last night, and I immediately put a load of laundry in.

This is mostly me wittering about chores and medical stuff, so, cut for boring, LOL.

it's cold and rainy here so I hung last night's laundry up on drying racks in the guest room, so mostly it is dry this morning-- delicates, so they didn't need to dry in the sun really-- and now this morning i've put in a second load and it's already on drying racks and some is on the line, it's not raining but it's cloudy so it'll dry slow, but like, trousers and t-shirts do better on the line than on racks. Yes I do own a dryer-- a gas dryer actually-- but it beats the fuck out of my clothes and I don't like to use it if I can in any way avoid it. (Mostly I use it to tumble towels and dress shirts for fifteen minutes, and then I hang them out once they're steaming and hot, and they dry without wrinkles that way. Yes I'm on the OCD spectrum, yes it mostly manifests about laundry. Hilariously, my farm BIL is also on the OCD spectrum, farther along it toward where it's actually a problem [mine is SO mild I don't claim it as a disorder at all, i just have things i Care About for Reasons], and has done tons of work on himself and tries to mask it, but once I understood that about him I understood that most of our lil workplace quarrels were our compulsions clashing, so I started making more concerted efforts to decide when to bow to his compulsions and when to advocate for mine, which in many cases are informed by superior knowledge as I've worked in food service more than him. I bow to him more on cleaning now because he does have prior janitorial experience. Unless I can prove he's wrong, LOL.)

I went off Ritalin mostly while on vacation-- I took it the morning I went fabric shopping because I thought it might help me actually make decisions, and that went well so maybe it worked. But that means I have extra pills, so I'm going to try to today take a morning and midday dose, while I have So Much To Do to prepare for the coming couple of weeks, and see if that plus the structure of this massive to-do list help me get anywhere. I just feel like if I can have this data before my next $300 3-minute psych consult I'll make more progress. Ritalin is better than Adderall (less brutal comedown, less getting "stuck")-- I *think*, but it's hard to tell. Vyvanse was also very hard to evaluate, is the problem, because that one I never did have any spare pills so I could never try an effective dose.

I do get it, i do get not giving me high doses when I'm so unsupervised, but-- for all of the medications, the first couple of days were weird and I had trouble hydrating and I was jittery and stuff, but it went away so quickly, I would have been fine with "take half dose two days, then ramp up to effective dose and see how it works" type directions, instead of "take what we know absolutely will be too little for you for two weeks and then come back and try to guess whether it helped", which has just meant I don't really have much data to on on here.

But. I've spent almost forty years needing this kind of medication and not able to access it at all, so I'm reminding myself that this is very rapid progress really.

So I figure I'll do a double dose today, a single tomorrow while I'm driving (maybe I will take that sole dose at midday, since driving is easy and boring but then I have work I need to get done all afternoon), and then I'll try either single or double dosing for the week of farm work until I can get my next appointment, depending how many pills I have. I want to be consistent but lol. It's not in my nature and it's not in my circumstances, so it can be a goal.

I also should write down what I realized about my sciatic nerve. I was joking that my knee caught a haunting in New Orleans somehow. Because it went from being a classic sciatic nerve pain situation-- starting in hip, through back of leg, ending at back of knee-- and wound up just being this horrible pinching pain right inside my knee, like not in the joint but somehow manifesting in a dimension extending from the back of my patella into Hell somehow-- and it was keeping me awake both when trying to nap during the day and also at night when trying to sleep. So I gave up on sleeping and sat on the couch to bitch about it in the complaints channel on the Discord where I'm mostly at home (it was a witcher server and over the last two or three years has mutated into just this ragtag group of us bitching about unrelated things and occasionally dumping fanworks on each other, sometimes about unrelated media)--

but here I'm gonna let you in on a secret, which is that complaining works sometimes. What? Yes. So in order to elicit maximal sympathy from my pocket friends by describing the problem really well (they're very good pocket friends, and many of them know things so describing stuff well sometimes means they have good advice, but even if not, I take satisfaction in communicating well, so I at least feel better about having done that), I really started paying attention to the pain, and I realized that what was happening was that it was sort of slowly throbbing on a cycle. I always knew where it was, but then it would get painful enough that I felt I had to move and change position, and it would stay at that level of pain for three or four seconds, and then taper off until I only just was aware of it, and then it would repeat-- and it was on a thirteen-to-fifteen-second cycle, and this is the crucial thing, it was unaffected by movement. I had been tossing and turning because what would happen was that it hurt badly enough that I felt I had to move it, and I would move and the pain would ease, and I would try to settle into a position, and then the pain would come back, and my half-asleep exhausted self thought that it was something I was doing. So it meant I was constantly moving, which meant I could not sleep. I had finally gotten out of bed and was alternating stretching and pacing, which seemed to be helping but then it was coming back, and the pacing sure as fuck wasn't helping me sleep, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, until finally I stood still and timed it, and then moved and timed it, and realized it was the same.

Realizing that it was happening regardless of movement made me able to hold still while it hurt most acutely, and then sure enough it faded away. And once I knew that moving wouldn't help, I could ride out the urge to move. And once I wasn't constantly trying to find a comfortable position, I could rest. And once I was resting, I could fall asleep. Because this is the annoying thing-- the pain wasn't that bad, even. It's not the agony it has been in the past. I could move through it, easily. It was just too much to hold still through, until I realized that was what I needed to be doing.

So anyway-- traveling home it was mostly fine, it does not like standing in lines, and mostly i sat as much as possible, which isn't good for me long-term but i know over the next couple of weeks i will be doing a shitton of walking and standing so. we'll figure out tactics then.

so along with the ritalin i will be working out my ideal regimens of ibuprofen, aleve, and weed, LOL. Routine! I can make a routine. I can hinge my routine off other people's, which is what works well for me at the farm, and i can see if i can master the art of the amphetamines and maybe get some of my shit done.

Unfortunately all I want to do this week is sew, I watched all of the tourists and locals in NOLA and looked at what they were wearing and now know exactly what I want to make.

and i don't have time to do any of it. but. if i think about it and make concrete plans, i already own much of the fabric and most of the patterns i need. so i can do this. But I'll post separately about the Fashion Lewks I want to do, LOL.

I won't see my physical therapist again until like maybe early June. I counted it out and I've been doing physical therapy for about sixteen weeks at this point. My sister graduated from her physical therapy program and is out on her own now, having hugely improved. I can tell the bad hip is much improved but not healed-- sitting on the plane yesterday someone walked by and bumped my knee and it absolutely did make the cartilage flap go "pop" so that's not healed, but it hurt a lot less than that sort of thing used to. At the last appointment I had, the PT said I should just keep doing the exercises as my circumstances allow, and if they're too easy just increase reps etc., and we'd re-evaluate when I finally saw her again, because obviously I've had all these underlying cascading problems that can only be slowly solved by getting slowly stronger, so who knows.

I don't have concrete goals for that but I would really just. Like to be not-disabled, mostly. Every person has limits, every person is going to have to sit down sometimes, every person is going to have to think hard and make choices about what they do with their bodies-- it's just part of getting into your mid-forties, really-- so I can't just set my goal as being able to do whatever whenever. But I would like to be able to walk for longer distances, I would like to be able to wait in a line without paying for it for days, I would like to just generally be in better shape. So I guess I'll try to work toward that.

idk. and sometime in july my doctor wants me to re-test my fasting blood glucose because the only thing she cares about of my health is that i'm fat and she thinks putting me on metformin will make me not-fat. you'd think she'd have had some interest in diagnosing the pain that was making me unable to exercise but that was not on her radar i guess.

anyway. that's what i'm going to do to get me to june. it's all farm time for the rest of the month and i'm going to do physical therapy and take meth. we'll see how that goes.

#about the author #farm life #etcetera

[macgyvermedical]

Hi! I am working on a fic in which the main character (superhero in the MCU) gets hit by a villain's unknown gas that causes extreme and irritational fear/paranoia/anxiety (sort of similar to the DCU's fear toxin, I guess). I'm just wondering how this would work medically, as the character will obviously see a doctor after the fact. I'd like the conclusion to essentially be "you'll just have to let the toxin/drugs run their course," but what kind of tests would be run, and would they be able to determine what exactly is in the character's system? (Since it's a reality-flexible universe, there can be elements of the toxin that aren't actually real or familiar/recognizable to make it cause some of the reactions I'm wanting.) Is there any sort of meds they might give the character? Any insights you might have to make the conversation with the doctor at least a little realistic would be very helpful, thank you! :)

Sounds like a pretty standard day on my observation unit haha.

There are lots of drugs, particularly stimulants, club drugs, and THC, that can cause paranoia and anxiety. The thing is, none of them do it consistently enough that you could easily make them into a chemical weapon like you're describing.

The closest IRL chemical weapon to a fear toxin is called QNB (aka BZ). QNB is a deliriant/incapacitant, meaning that it causes incapacitating confusion, hallucinations, and probably paranoia and anxiety as well without causing death. There is no antidote that has been identified, and the drug really does just need to run it's course.

Let's say your character went to the emergency room. They'd probably draw some blood and take a urine sample. The blood would mostly be used to see how the person was doing physically (what their electrolyte levels were, how many red and white blood cells they have, what their blood glucose is, etc...) and maybe get an alcohol level. The urine would be used to do a urinalysis (basic test to determine whether someone has a UTI or has things in their urine that shouldn't be there, like blood or mucous) and a urine tox screen.

Unlike what most people think, a urine tox screen won't identify everything. It will just identify the top 10 commonly abused drugs. It's the same test that they run when people start a new job. If the fear toxin is a common problem in-universe, though, they might have a specific test for that that could also be run on the blood or urine. We don't have a specific test for QNB.

Once they got all the tests back and they were normal, they would know this was probably either a drug they couldn't identify or a psych problem. They might gets seen by a psychiatrist in the emergency department, but if intoxication was suspected (as in, the patient reported that their symptoms started when they were exposed to a drug), psych would probably want to wait until the person was sober.

For this they may be admitted to an observation unit to let the drug run its course. They might also be given an antipsychotic medication like olanzepine or haloperidol, or a benzodiazepine like lorazepam to decrease agitation/paranoia/anxiety.

If the person was a flight risk due to their paranoia and it was deemed that they couldn't make good decisions for themselves, they might also have a 1:1 sitter or a video sitter to stay with them and stop them from leaving (or in the case of a video sitter, alert nursing staff to them trying to leave).

#whump reference #writing reference #superheroes #fear toxin #psych #paranoia #anxiety

[bearsinpotatosacks]

I wrote a snippet of Bones welcoming some new Starfleet medical cadets. I'm not sure exactly how training works for Starfleet doctors, but after watching ER, I get the idea that it works mostly the same. Start training, do your rotations as a third year medical student, but I like to imagine that once you've chosen your area, surgery, psych, etc, you have to do a rotation on each kind of Starfleet vessel. Maybe they start on a starbase, then go to small ships that may or may not need your specialisation, then end up on some of the big ships such as the Enterprise. Enjoy!

Words: 1136

Looking at the group of fresh faced cadets in front of him, he knew that coffee wasn’t going to be enough. He hated when they hosted cadets. Partially because the little fuckers didn’t leave him alone when he was working, anything and everything he did was ripped apart and he couldn’t walk for two seconds without some question that a stupidly simple answer. The other reason was that they didn’t pester him anywhere near enough when they were off duty. It was like they were trying to pack all their questions into their eight hour shift and then were too scared to hold break their silence. 

Part of the journey of being a medical student, at least in his opinion, was pestering your mentors. You had to really get on their nerves because no matter how much it pissed him off, he knew that they had to learn somehow. And the ones who disregarded his gruff exterior, who plucked up the courage to ask him questions ten minutes after he’d woken up, or ten minutes before he was going to bed, were the ones who he answered. Not the fifth one in a row who’d stopped him as he went to go and check on a scan for a patient. There was a time and place for bothering him and these cadets never seemed to learn when that was. 

“Welcome to your rotation on board a constitution class vessel,” he said, not bothering to put any effort into the script they gave him to say. “This is where you’ll learn about the vital part you play, yada yada yada, be on the cutting edge of discoveries, yada yada yada, and face the final frontier.”

He rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his coffee. “Now that the mandatory stuff’s out of the way, here’s your real induction.”

The cadets looked at each other confused. Ah, so naive, they didn’t know about his reputation yet. Good, he wanted them to be shocked when they learnt how he really was. 

“Real induction, sir?” One of the cadets, who looked unnaturally groomed for someone standing in a sickbay, said.

He held up a finger and stopped the cadet before he continued. “First rule of sickbay, no one is sir, especially me, if you call me sir, I will not answer.” They seemed more puzzled. “You can call me Doctor, but that might get confusing fast, McCoy, Leonard, Len, or any number of curse words or well divised nicknames that I have no doubt the nurses will teach you in your time here, will suffice.”

They wrote that down. He almost laughed, but decided against it, he didn’t want to confuse them any further. Seeing them all so fresh faced was rather jarring for someone like himself. Medicine was in his blood, so to speak, it felt like a lifetime ago that he was in their place, all squeaky clean. Yet again, he hadn’t trained in Starfleet. And that was another point. 

“Who can hazard a guess as to why I don’t like being called sir, or by my rank for that matter?” 

Scanning the crowd, he didn’t see any hands popping up. Disappointing, he at least expected one person to be enough of a swot to look into the crew of the Enterprise. None of them were surprised when they saw Jim was their Captain, or Spock was XO, yet none of them did research into the department they were going to work in?

A sigh was on his lips as a cadet, near the back with her hair suitably tied out of her face, raised her hand. 

“Yes, Ms?”

“Cotteril.” She answered. “Is it because you didn’t train with Starfleet?”

“Bingo! I trained in Atlanta, Georgia, and despite the wonders we’ve made in socio-economic policies in the last few hundred years, some places remain rough, and nowhere else is that seen than in large cities. So trust me when I say, I am a doctor more than I am an officer of Starfleet, and I expect every single medical professional who works on this ship to follow that same rule of code.”

He stopped with the half hearted attempts at humour and made sure to stare across the group. A few of them gulped, some were either confused, or others annoyed. 

“My father, god rest his soul, was a doctor in the middle of bum fuck nowhere, so I learnt medicine in the best way you can, the messy way. My first experience in the medical field was helping a horse with a c-section because there ain’t no vet hospitals in the Appalachian Mountains, I can tell you that for free.” His accent was coming out now, it always did when he talked of his childhood home. “And I want you all to understand that when you walk into my sickbay you leave your politics at the door, understand?”

They didn’t reply. 

“Excuse me, I thought I asked y’all a question.”

“Yes, doctor.”

“Good, because if you have Vulcan with a sprain and a Klingon bleeding out, I expect every one of y’all to pick the Klingon,” He gestured at them with his coffee mug, a splash got on the floor. “So, repeat after me, the Hippocratic Oath is my Prime Directive.”

“‘The Hippocratic Oath is my Prime Directive’” The group chorused.

He nodded at them again, “Good, you may now step into sickbay.”

Turning around he gestured for them to follow. He’d never say the q-word, but he was grateful that there weren’t a lot of people in today. The last thing he needed was some part of engineering breaking and causing an overflow of red shirts. They weren’t the best of friends, engineers and those in sickbay, and it wouldn’t be such a problem if they knew some kind of first aid down there. 

“I will give you a full introduction of staff when we do rounds, but first I'll give you lesson number two of serving in the Enterprise sickbay,” he turned on his heel to face them. “Do not disrespect a nurse. Not only because they do some of the most vital and downright disgusting jobs there are to do, they set up the beds, machinery, administer the drugs, take samples and bathe the crew when the replicators malfunction and start spewing rotten fish guts in the mess hall, don’t laugh that happened last Tuesday, but also because if you do you will get doing rectal exams for most of your time here while also, most definitely, getting a mystery hypo that will make your dick turn purple, if you have one, or make you grow one if you don’t, and you won’t even feel it either. Understand?”

Yet again, more confused faces. One cadet was looking down at his trousers, concerned. 

“Excellent, now for the tour.”

-----

Take this an early WIP wednesday, I guess? I'm not sure if this will go anywhere apart from this snippet, but it could. I mainly just had this scene fully written in my head this morning and finally had a chance to write it.

#leonard mccoy #bones aos #dr mccoy #aos #star trek #kelvinverse #star trek alternate original series #alternate original series #dr leonard mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #bones mccoy #leonard h mccoy #leonard horatio mccoy #bones was raised in the Appalachian mountains #bear writes #the hippocratic oath is my prime directive #jim likes to joke that bones undoes everything starfleet teaches their cadets when they go to sickbay #bones just wants good doctors #also starfleet probably doesn't prepare them well enough for life on a starfleet vessel? #they go through life and death situations daily #which is something probably not advertised #wip wednesday #wip whenever

[oval3000]

Chapter 9

Yandere Psych Patient König x Nurse Reader

Warning: Possesive, Obsession, Death, Gore, Blood, Smut, Toxic behavior, age gap.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

-------------------------------------------------------

König went crazy with the news. He would come home with baby stuff, onsies, burp cloths, books on parenting, baby bottles, diapers, crib, stroller, baby car seat.

He would assemble the crib and make a nursery in the next room. The only thing you did is to make sure your healthy and worry about the baby growing inside of you.

When you told König about the news, he showed how happy he was by giving you a night of love and intimacy. Not in the animal way he was giving you. It was more softer and gentle that you fell head over heels for him. Him being soft to you and the baby gave you a new perspective of him. You were not scared of him.

He wasn't lashing out on you as before. You have been scared to ask him if it was okay for you to step outside for the first time since you've been here. Everything has been going so good, you didn't want to ruin it.

König has hired a private medic that specializes in peds to help you with the pregnancy and to be there for when you give birth.

As months pass by, you grew and the more you grew the more König crave you. He would have sex with you, gentle so he won't harm the baby. When it was time for your due date, you were quite nervous about giving birth.

You used your knowledge and check yourself everyday to prepare for when you would go into labor.

Eventually, that day came by. König was outside, doing whatever he does. You were in the kitchen, preparing yourself a little snack when you felt pain. That pain was followed by a feel of gush going down your legs. You saw the puddle on the floor and went into a bit of panic.

You took a few deep breaths and hoped that König would enter the house soon. But he didn't. It left you with no choice, but to run to König outside. You opened the front door. You hoped that König wouldn't yell at you.

König rolled out from under his truck and saw you there. He got up and ran towards you. "König! The baby is coming."

His eyes widen as he quickly dialed the medic, who came in quick.

You were laying on your back with your legs spread open. König was sitting next to you, holding your hand. When the medic told you to push with everything you got, you did.

It felt like hell. The pain so too much, but you heard the baby cry, it all went away. They weren't kidding when they say the pain will go away as soon as you held your baby. The medic placed your newborn baby on your chest and you saw all the little features.

"Congratulations, a beautiful baby boy." The medic said.

He had your hair and skin color and when he opened his eyes, you saw the pure, clear, blue eyes. He has König's eyes.

König will hold him. Your baby is so tiny when he's being held by König's arms that it makes it more adorable.

He would wake up in the middle of the night and feed him. He would change his diaper when you would take your day naps. He would rock him to sleep, so you can take a moment for a shower.

As for you, he would help you whenever when it comes to your needs. He would help you wash your hair when your arms are too tired from holding the baby. He would give you feet massages when your carrying the baby all day.

When you feel your breast filled up and sore, he would suck them dry for you.

He was honestly living the best life and he would not let anybody get in between them.

So when he saw Horangi carrying your baby as you plead for him to give him back. He felt anger.

"Horangi! What are you doing!?" He screamed at him, pulling you back to behind him.

"What, König? You think it's fair for you to live this life. You fucking put us here!" He said, pointing his bowie knife at you and him.

"And what? Killing MY child is going to solve this!?" He took a step closer to him.

"Oh. I'm not going to kill him. I think that maybe I should live this life too. You're just going to be in the way König." He swayed his knife back and forth with a smile on his face.

König laughed, "you're going to kill me? Is that your plan."

"Mm. No." The three of you heard police sirens coming in close, "you see, I served my time in that fucking hospital. You escaped. I did nothing wrong here, you did."

Königs fist clenched so hard, you could see all of his veins and muscles on his wrist. "du verdammter Verräter! (You fucking traitor!)"

"Now, König. You don't want to kill me while I'm holding your son.." he tilted his head, "sorry, my son. He'll need a father growing up wouldn't he."

"You? A father? The only thing you're gonna do is pass down your gambling addiction." König felt your hand on his arm, he looked back at you over his shoulder.

"Please don't make this worse König." König felt everything crumbling down.

The moment he saw you at that hospital. The moment he saw how you defended him. He never felt so weak and hatred as he does now.

He heard bannging on the door. He opened as saw many police officers. He put his hands on the air as they cuffed him and placed him on the back of the police car.

König went through trial for escaping and murdering the people at the hospital.

Now, instead of the Psychiatric hospital, he's behind bars. People have heard rumors. How he killed all the workers and left one alive. How he tortured that victim to death.

He would receive letters from Horangi. Letters of him being taunted on how he's taking care of you. Of his son.

He would even visit König and tell him how good you are to him. König doesn't need to know the full truth either way.

He even gave him the news that you are expecting another child. His child.

Horangi's child.

König counted the days. He didn't lash out. He didn't do anything bad. He was too clouded with anger that he didn't do anything behind bars.

Which led to, "good news, König. You'll be out sooner than we thought. That good behavior is doing you good."

He was counting the days. The day where he will be excorted out from prison. The day where he will see the gate open. The day where he will see the sky again.

The day where he will stop at nothing to find you.

#cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod x reader #fanfic #konig #könig #könig cod #könig x reader #yandere konig #yandere könig #konig call of duty #konig mw2 #konig cod #konig x reader #könig call of duty #könig mw2 #könig x y/n #könig x you

[jeanniebug623]

🕸️🕷️ Weaving the Web 🕷️🕸️

Chapter 13: It Takes A Village

It...could have gone better. To put it gently. Quaritch held Spider’s hand all through the MRI, but it took longer than expected because he wiggled around much more than the more composed teenage Spider, resulting in unclear scans that needed to be redone multiple times. But Quaritch stayed calm the entire time. His lapse of emotional control wasn’t going to help with MJ; he’d learned that very quickly. It was going great...until it wasn’t... 

Ja was staring at the now three different sets of brain scans as Quaritch watched Spider sitting on the MRI bed, looking around the room as he kicked his feet back and forth while he waited. Sleeping all day had left him restless. How was he going to get the kid to sleep that night? 

“I’m going to need more time to really look into the differences, sir.” Ja said. The colonel expected this. There was no way for him to report on all the differences after only a few minutes. 

“Understood.” Quaritch said, his eyes moving to the new brain scans for MJ. Again. They looked like they were from a completely different person. “While you’re at it, you think you can look into that twitchin’ to the right?”  

Almost as if on cue, both recoms looked back to the boy to see his head jerk to the right and he rubbed his hand over his right eye. None of the scans had shown any physical damage to Spider’s brain but between the nose bleeds and split personalities, something more than his psyche was no longer intact. 

“Of course, sir.” Ja said, then hesitantly continued, “Do you think it possible to get a blood draw for a new panel?” 

“That really necessary?” Quaritch asked, not sure how the kid would respond to being stuck by a needle, “Same body, right?” 

“Same body, sir, but body chemistry can reportedly change in cases of the disorder. I just want to get as much info as poossibe...cover all the bases. It’s rare.  But Spi-...” Ja explained but was cut off before he could go into lecture mode. 

“Spider’s a rare case. Gotcha.” Quaritch sighed and clapped a hand on Ja’s shoulder with a look of little confidence, “Let’s see...” 

Spider looked at the recoms as they came back into the room. He didn’t mind being left alone now that the test in the ‘loud monster’ was over. He hopped off the table and smiled, “Am I ok?” 

“Yea, MJ, you’re good. Just...one more test.” Quaritch said, holding up his finger and hoping his quiet, slightly pleading, tone would garner some sympathy and obedience. He started to hate how he’d promised the kid something to eat but it had been over an hour since then. He didn’t want the boy to stop trusting him because he wasn’t keeping his word in a timely manner. 

“Again?” Spider asked, his shoulders dropping. He sighed and asked in a low voice, “Are you sure I’m not sick...?” 

Quaritch nodded and held out his hand for Spider to take. He was happy when the boy didn’t even hesitate, and they followed Ja into a different room. Ja immediately went to pull on a pair of latex gloves and gather the necessary equipment as Quaritch patted a bench and said with an encouraging nod, “Right here, tiger. MJ?” 

Spider had tightened his grip on the recom’s large hand that engulfed his and paled as he stared at the medic. Clearly, he recognized what was about to happen. He shook his head and stammered out, “I-I’m not sick. I’m ok. I don’t need this test.” 

“MJ, it’s gonna be alright. Just a little pinch-...” Quaritch tried to explain. 

“I’m not sick, you said so!” Spider repeated, trying to pull his hand loose. The colonel instinctively tightened his grip and the boy tried to push the hand off. 

“It’s ok if you’re scared, MJ, I promise it’ll be over before you know it.” the colonel said, suddenly feeling out of his element and wishing Wainfleet was still there. What the hell was the last name of the superhero the kid liked...? 

“Kehe!” Spider shouted. From their previous training in basic Na’vi linguistics, they already knew this meant ‘no’. Quaritch knelt as Spider pulled back into a corner, still holding his hand firmly. Damn it, those brown eyes were glossing over again with tears. Spider seemed like the type of wild child who could walk off every bump and scrape but afraid of a tiny needle? 

“MJ.” Quaritch said, equal parts calm and firm, “Why are you scared?” 

“Because you’re gonna make me!” Spider cried out in response. He was trying really hard to pull his hand free, but Quaritch wasn’t going to risk him running off again. The colonel appraised the scared child, thinking about his reason. Because they were ‘gonna make him’, not ‘it’s gonna hurt’? Quaritch changed tactics and loosened his grip but not letting the small hand slip through his fingers yet. 

“I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want to.” Quaritch said. Spider froze but didn’t look convinced either. He mentally checked himself before asking, “Did you get scared like this before? And someone made you do it anyways?” 

Spider’s eyes dropped a bit, and he swallowed any possible answer. Even in a child-like mental state, Quaritch knew when a person was keeping their trap shut to avoid repercussions from a third party. He let go of Spider’s hand completely and he slowly started pulling at the hem of his shirt again. He glanced at Ja, who looked ready to surrender from the guilt, then back. 

Quaritch cleared his throat and asked, “How about I go first?” 

The boy looked up and after a few seconds of searching the recom’s face for a trick, he asked, “...are you sick?” 

“Nah. I’m as healthy as a horse! But it’s good to make sure. Yea?” Quaritch said as he stood up and took a seat on the bench, stretching his long, muscular arm out on the side table. Ja raised his eyebrows, silently asking if he was serious. A simple nod gave the medic his answer and he immediately started tying a rubber band around his superior’s upper arm. Though finding a good vein wouldn’t be an issue with how vascular all the recoms were with their genetically perfected bodies. 

Spider slowly walked over as Ja cleaned the area and switched out for a much thicker needle for the recom’s draw. The boy stared at Quaritch. Instead of being held down by someone much stronger, they’d let him go. Quaritch had said he wouldn’t make Spider do it. But he was doing it...so Spider wasn’t alone. 

Quaritch didn’t even flinch, not even an ear flick, when the needle went in. The boy watched the blood siphon out into a tube then Ja removed the needle and covered it with gauze. A quick piece of medical tape later, Quaritch slapped his hands on his knees and stood. 

“All done, kid, let’s go.” Quaritch said and started towards the door like that was that. But Spider didn’t move. He looked back and tilted his head, “You comin’?” 

“Yea...” Spider said, sounding confused that they were really leaving without Spider doing as he was told. He was used to some nasty consequences for not listening to Mr. McCosker. But that wasn’t happening. He wasn’t being held in tight arms while someone else made their attempt at a simple blood draw, usually missing the vein since they didn’t wait for him to calm down.  He looked up at Ja, who gave him a smile and nodded towards the door, then turned back to Quaritch. “I could...um...I could do it. The test.” 

Quaritch narrowed his eyes and smiled slightly, shaking his head. He said with genuine honesty and not his usual manipulative spin, “You don’t gotta do it if you don’t want to. Maybe another time though?” 

“No, I can do it now!” Spider said in earnest. He looked back up to Ja and held out his arm so the inner elbow was facing up, “I can do it now, Johnny.” 

“Ok.” Johnny said with a chuckle, “I’ll need you to sit down, ok?” 

Spider shook his head and went to sit on the bench, pausing for a moment. Quaritch watched him put his hand over the spot that would soon get the needle then his head tweaked a bit to the right. Every time Quaritch had seen it, some dramatic shift occurred. Even though MJ was in control, would the tiny prick from the needle bring Miles to the surface? 

“MJ.” Quaritch said quickly as Spider inched toward the bench. He walked around and took a seat first then picked the boy up under the arms and turned him to comfortably sit in his lap. He took Spider’s hand in his and gently guided the arm to be stretched out on top of his own. The boy leaned back into the comfort of the recom’s chest and held onto the arm around his middle so he wouldn’t slide off. “That better?” 

Spider smiled as he nodded then looked forward as Ja got to work. Quaritch watched as well, moving his chin to rest on top of the boy’s head. Aside from a tiny instinctual flinch, the boy took the blood draw like a champ. The colonel stared at the arm lying across his own with a warm feeling in his chest. An unfamiliar emotion at its core. 

Quaritch wasn’t sure if he would’ve cared if the halls were crowded with people as he walked back to his apartment with the teenager in his arms in the quiet of the after hours. Spider had his arms wrapped around the recom’s broad shoulders and resting his head on his shoulder. Quaritch didn’t even know when, or why, he started rubbing Spider’s back. He was more than tough; the boy had to be something extraordinary to deal with whatever was going on in his head. 

“Holy shit...” was all Quaritch could say when he got back to his apartment to find, not just Wainfleet, but the WHOLE squad packed in the living room and kitchenette areas. Spider leaned back at looked at the five pairs of recoms eyes catching sight of what could only be described as unusually adorable. As well as completely shocking. 

“...I wish I had a camera.” Zdinarsk said, just as wide-eyed as the others, “That punk ass kid would never live this down...” 

Spider whipped his head back to Quaritch and whispered, “She said a bad word...” 

“...yea.” Quaritch said as he slowly put the kid down and glared daggers at Wainfleet. 

“MJ, come on in and meet the rest of the family! And I got you a late-night snack so long as none of these guys ate it on you.” Wainfleet said, using Spider as the perfect shield to avoid a reprimand for the unexpected house party. He wove the boy through the crowded space of giant blue jarheads to a grilled cheese sandwich with a thermos of hot tomato soup waiting. 

“Lyle.” Quaritch said, his second clearing his throat awkwardly before looking back. “What the hell is this?” 

“How else was I supposed to explain you went MIA because the kid’s living a childhood flashback without proving it?” Wainfleet asked innocently as he crossed his arms with a shrug. 

Quaritch rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was a pathetic excuse, but it may have sounded like an even more pathetic excuse if the rest of the squad didn’t have proof that Spider had indeed taken on a new, young-minded personality. He watched as Zdinarsk and Prager immediately got down to Spider’s level as he stuffed his face with Wainfleet’s favorite meal as a kid. The colonel was proud to see his squad curious about this new development versus the repulsion they had towards Miles. 

The colonel only let the squad linger for a short while before kicking them out of the apartment as it progressively got more and more stuffy. When he tried to convince Spider to go sleep in his own room, he was met with sad, puppy eyes. Quaritch let the boy lie in bed with him until he got tired, though that didn’t seem any time soon as the boy bombarded him with questions about the squad. 

“Are you my dad’s avatar?” Spider asked as he stared out the partially drawn blinds to the light-polluted skies of Bridgehead, staring at what stars shined through. 

“What?” Quaritch said, snapping his eyes open from the attempted sleep he was trying to encourage on the boy. He leaned up on his elbows and stared down at the boy curled into his side. “...why would you think that?” 

“Because of the bird.” Spider said with an innocent shrug as he sat up and poked at the prominent eagle tattoo on the colonel’s left shoulder. 

Quaritch was speechless, looking from the tattoo to the boy’s curious eyes. Spider knew about Miles Quaritch? He knew what his father looked like? How in the hell did he know what his father looked like? After a moment, the boy raised his hands to fidget with the oversized recom shirt he’d changed into for sleep. But before he could start the nervous habit, Quaritch put a gentle hand on them to stop it. 

“Not exactly, MJ...I’m not an avatar.” Quaritch said slowly, unsure how to explain it. Or if he even should. 

“Oh...” Spider said with a nod, but it was clear the gears were still spinning. Maybe the kid was putting together a different comparison but, given the colonel’s response earlier, he asked instead, “So...does that mean...you’re just my dad?” 

Quaritch stared again, not able to form any words. Spider was comparing himself to Quaritch the same way those half-breeds they found him with connected to Sully. He could feel his small fingers twitching under his palm at the undoubtedly creepy, silent stare the recom was giving the boy. 

“Not...” Quaritch started, slowly piecing the words together as he thought about the question, “Exactly.” 

“Oh...” Spider said, looking down at their hands. The boy didn’t look all that upset. He’d been told this before...how many ‘guardians’ told him they weren’t his father? Or mother? How many adults had brushed off this great kid as nothing more than an orphan? Nothing but a stray? 

“But I’m...tryin’ to be.” Quaritch finished. Yes, that made sense. He was taking care of the boy, applied for custody so the RDA couldn’t get their claws in him. Yea...that was it. That was all...that was enough... 

Spider smiled again and toppled forward onto Quaritch like he was doing a damn belly flop. But the colonel didn’t mind as he let the innocent one nestle in close. 

What time was it...? 

He woke up slowly, feeling unusually comfortable with the weight of arms draped around his body and holding him close. He couldn’t remember a night when he’d slept so close to someone. It was strange, but not in a bad way. Sitting up in bed, he rubbed his eyes in the dim, fake lighting coming from outside. The sun wasn’t up yet. Then he looked down at the person he felt so safe and cozy up against. And paled in the darkness of the room. 

“......what the fuck?” Spider asked himself almost silently.

#atwow #atwow fanfiction #atwow spider #recom quaritch #spider quaritch #weaving the web #ao3 writer

[vtforpedro]

life update - long

It took me a hot minute to find the last update. December, I guess? I'm so tired I never stop being tired and time is not real anymore. Anyway. Disability Stuff: I won my case in federal court in February. They said it'd take a year so I was a little hm. Found out the SSA voluntarily asked the judge for the remand because the written decision was indefensible and they were gonna take another look. Pros: Hey, I won! I get a second hearing! Cons: I didn't get a brief written by the federal law firm because there was no time. This is actually a tactic used by the SSA. I have no doubt they're fine tuning another denial. I also have to wait for the lower level court to figure out what was so bad about it (that they'd already ruled was perfect) to give to the judge I will have another hearing with. The same judge. Who said I was a liar multiple times and omitted eight months of medical evidence and said mental health issues are subjective hahaha. I hate this country. Health: Boy howdy it's been better and worse. I had the tilt table test in late December, went... ok enough, but my neuro didn't like how ambiguous the report was and sent me back to them to speak to an autonomic disorder specialist. Scheduled in Jan, just had my appt with her this month lol she is busy. She ordered: genetics test, labs, and skin biopsy. I've done the first two, third is scheduled in July and I'm gonna be a mess because needles u_u Brain stuff is much of the same. Episodic. Manageable times are a godsend, bad times are really bad. My heart started to do some funky ass shit a few months ago. My mom kept writing it off as anxiety no matter how much I explained that it felt like my heart was pounding after exercise. My BP and pulse shot up high for a while and b/c my pulse never came back down and it was interfering with, you know, living, my PCP sent me to cardiology. :') Cause I wanted my heart involved in this mess One 24hr holter monitor, echo, and heart ultrasound later, and I have a new heart condition. He said 'your heart is beating so fast you would normally see it with exercise' bada boom baby and has nothing to do with fucking ANXIETY >:[ I'm on heart medication. 10 meds. I need to start another med for my psych but that's 11 and I'm honestly getting upset because it's so fucking much medication in one day but every single one of them is necessary so what can really I do? Personal: Relationship with my mom is at an all time low. This is extremely unfortunate because a few weeks ago, my mom told me she is basically being 'laid off' (she's not losing her job for a while, just retiring earlier than expected) and I have to leave my home of 10 years by mid-August. Got no sympathy from her about it *finger guns* I've gone through the devastation of that and am kind of just stuck in how is any of that gonna work. My brother and I can't live together, so he's gonna move into a family friend's rental. Except he has no job and hasn't been able to get one in months. He started one on Monday, is gonna leave by Friday because it's horrific ig. Anyway my mom promises he won't be there. We have to move based on my disabilities and my mom's house is gonna have to reflect what we have here. I'll see it when I believe it. I don't trust her anymore. Extra unfortunate that I'm gonna be living 24/7 with my mother who has been an abusive person in my life the past two years. The short break thru the day that my apartment is just mine, quiet and gentle, is gonna be gone. I'll be introducing my solitary 11 year old cat Lilly into a house with 3 other cats. She only knew Isis her entire life. She was just diagnosed with neuro issues this year after going through an MRI. We don't know if she has seizure activity or if it's movement disorder, but the med she's on treats both and she has gotten better. Same process Isis went through. Cannot believe I have two cats with neuro issues and likely the same one. May 18th was one year since Isis passed. Rough, tiring day.

I don't know how it has been that long. Feels like it just happened. I can still see her and feel her through my apartment and losing it in August will probably shatter me most because of losing the last place she existed in. I miss her more than I can say.

She was my little soulmate and her absence is felt in every corner here. Writing/Fandom:

I went through a whole fucking situation over in the Stranger Things fandom that has left me not wanting to post anymore. Idk if neuro shit has destroyed my ability to write but it's humiliating and painful every time I post a fic.

I posted stucky (1 out of 2 fics this year) on my main acct and lost 8 fuckin user subs? Like goddamn. What'd stucky do 😭 anyway it was even more devastating and kinda like 'here's your big ass sign to keep your writing to yourself.'

Between the god awful shit that happened in the ST fandom and my inability to put together even a good one shot, I'm feeling really down about one of two creative things I can do in my life. I used to love sharing my stuff. I want to write and share but it feels like it's harming my MH. I can't draw or paint right now, either. And I can barely move around my apartment without pain. I can't even leave it except for doctor appointments.

Idk. Very walls are closing in type of feeling and I hate it. In short: I'm tired, struggling, and too many things are happening at once. I love you all 😩💜 thank you for your patience and love and kind words. Your support is felt through one update to the next. I hope you're all well and I'm sending all my love and hugs to you.

#vtforpedro personal #vtforpedro medical #tw mental health #tw disability

[rocknrollbabe14]

One Last Breath (Billy Knight x Reader) Part One

Warnings: Emotional triggers, schizophrenic behaviors, attempted suicide, depression, and anxiety. If I forgot anything, let me know.

Rating: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

@josephs-quinns

You took a deep breath, walking down the white, pristine hallway. It was a great contrast to the patients who were in this facility. Some came in looking dirty and worn down. The nurses told you it was attributed to their psychiatric issues. You hadn't been at St. Mary's long before you encountered some dangerous situations—being backed into a corner, a patient threatening to kill you. Your parents were worried about your chosen profession. 

    But this profession felt like your calling. You wanted to help people—get them back to their normal, their baseline.. A lot of patients came in because they were found on the street causing trouble from being out of their psych meds. Some were brought in because they threatened to kill someone. Some had a psychotic break. Some were just depressed and needed somewhere to go—some guidance. You wore your white uniform, a button-up dress with white stockings and white shoes. The whole nine yards.

    You approached your next patient's room. He was a new admission. But he had spent several visits here, according to the nurses. Even reviewing his chart, you noticed he had been in and out of St. Mary's several times. Mostly because he ran out of his psych meds and felt out of control, his brother usually brought him in.

    "Mr. Knight?", you spoke gently, careful on approaching patients like him.

    William Knight was a young man. Not much older than you. He looked slightly disheveled when he came in. His eyes were sunk in, he had a thin frame. It was clear he didn't take care of himself. 

    He looked up at you. "Please, call me Billy. Just Billy. You don't work for the government or the police, do you? I know they spy on me.", he tensed up, taking his hand and hitting his face.

    His paranoia was in full force. A typical sign of being schizophrenic. 

    You shook your head, rushing over to him and taking his hand gently. "No, no Billy. I'm a nurse assistant. I'm here to help you get better. You're in the hospital, do you remember your brother bringing you in?"

    He nodded, slowly. Tears welled up in his brown eyes. 

    It was best to call them what they requested even if it was something ridiculous and outlandish. They taught you that in school. 

    "I've come to see if you need anything. Your nurse is getting your nighttime medication together.", you patted his hand, reassuringly. 

    The rooms in the psychiatric hospital were designed so that the patient could not hurt themselves. If patients came in and felt suicidal, they were always put on suicide precautions and had to have a sitter. His eyes focused on you before looking down. He was like a scolded puppy. Billy had schizoaffective disorder. It was the most misunderstood and misdiagnosed psychiatric disorder. He had the depressive type. There were three different types of schizoaffective disorder. You imagined he would be here for a week or longer to give his medication time to kick in and help him get back to his baseline. 

    "I'm fine.", he responded dryly, his voice cracking slightly. 

    You imagined it was him attempting to get used to his medication again. Patients were like this when they first started their medications back, almost like zombies with moments of outbursts. 

    "Okay, Billy. Well, if you decide you need anything, just press the red button on your remote and I'll be right in to check on you. Okay?", you grabbed his call light, showing him which button to push if he needed you. 

    He nodded, finally calming down. "Okay."

    You gave him a soft smile, before going to leave his room, taking one last look back at him. He went back to watching television aimlessly. You walked back down the hallway, brushing your dress. This line of work was not for the weak or easily bothered. You were a nurse's assistant. Your dream was to finish your nursing degree and continue to work in the psych field. Lately, you were doing swing shifts. Some weeks you'd work the day shift, others you'd work the night shift. This rotation just happened to be the night shift. 

    When your parents talked to you, your mom would voice how she and your father knew this job was taking a toll on you. But they thought the job as a whole was taking a toll on you. It was winter, a few weeks until Christmas. You were scheduled to be off this year. 

    "Is Mr. Knight okay?", his nurse asked you, working at her computer.

    "He's okay, just having some paranoia.  And he prefers to be called Billy.", you sat down at the desk. 

    She nodded. "I'll remember that. Bless his heart he's been in and out every few months for the past few years."

    At night, the patients appeared to be calmer and more contained. They had their medication, enabling them to rest better. However, every now and then, a patient would lose it, causing a big ruckus at night. You'd seen it happen a few times. You took a sip of your coffee, blinking your eyes and reminding yourself you had to stay awake. 

    "What usually happens?", you asked.

    "He doesn't follow up with his therapist and lets his medications run out. His problem is mostly non-compliance with his meds. His brother usually finds him, in a depressive schizophrenic episode. Brings him in."

    You sighed. "Does he live alone?"

    His nurse nodded. "Looks like it. You'd think his brother would stay with him, knowing he's mentally ill and all."

    Mentally ill. That was a term you tried to stay away from using. You didn't like it. It was very negative. 

    "So, what does he do?"

    "He comes in, hallucinating. Paranoia. Thinks the government or someone is after him. It's quite sad, really."

    You nodded again. You could only imagine how horrible it must be to feel like someone is watching you or your every move. You wanted to understand the patients better and listen to why they did what they did. What drove them to do it?  The idea was to round on the patients every two hours. You rounded on Billy, he was still awake and watching television, staring at the screen.

    "Are you okay, Billy?"

    He nodded.

    "Do you need anything?", you asked again.

    He shook his head. "I'm alright."

    "Okay, I'll check on you shortly."

    He nodded again as you left the room. 

    During your next few rounds, Billy was finally asleep. You didn't disturb him, just keeping an eye on him. You knew he had to be tired, exhausted from his psych episode. Over the next few days, Billy was improving. He was going to group therapy, talking about his experiences. You often sat in on their sessions. You found it interesting to listen to patients. He was very open with his past, stating his mom had died when he was very young and he and his brother were subjected to his father's abuse. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

    Somehow, Billy managed to be the damaged one. His brother seemed to live a normal life from what you could gather. He talked highly of his brother, however, it bothered you that his brother only brought him in when he was having a psych episode. His brother described him as hard to handle, "mentally fucked up in the head". You remembered seeing that specifically in his chart. You didn't know. You weren't working the night they brought Billy in. You had three days off during that time. 

    The group therapy session ended, and each patient left the room. Billy passed you, giving you a small smile. You returned the gesture. After group therapy, the patients had lunch. After lunch, the patients were able to participate in activities like crafts.  The patients were never allowed to have scissors. A lot of patients preferred to color while listening to music, it often helped relieve stress, anger, or anxiety. Billy was the last to file out of the room, you following behind. You kept a distance from him to prevent him from feeling like you were following him. 

    Billy hung his head down, not meeting the glances from the other patients. He often did this, you had noticed. After spending thirty minutes in their rooms, the patients went into the dining hall for lunch. It was around time for you to be able to take your break, but you'd rather watch the patients. 

    "Are you gonna go eat?", Diane, one of the other nursing assists asked.

    You shook your head. "Go ahead. I'll go watch the patients."

    You walked into the dining hall, seeing Billy get his food and going to sit at a table by himself. He thanked the dietary staff. Billy was in a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Billy had only the clothes on his back when he was admitted. They were dirty and tattered, according to the other nursing staff. You walked around the room, keeping your hands folded in front of you, so you seemed less intimidating. That's what they instructed to do. You took turns, sitting down with a few different patients. You saved Billy for last. 

    "Hey Billy.", you smiled, coming over to his table.

    "Hi.", he finally greeted.

    "Feeling better?", you asked softly. 

    He nodded. "But you promise no one's watching me?"

    "I promise, Billy. We're just here to help you.", you smiled down at him.

    He nodded. 

    "Can I take a sit down with you?"

    He nodded again. 

    "Thank you for letting me join you, Billy. Is lunch good?"

    He had already finished over half his plate. You wondered if he ate while he was home. He was thin but had gained four pounds since being in St. Mary's. 

    He nodded. "Yes."

    "I'm glad to hear it." 

    It had been cold, with huge snow on. In the spring and summer, the patients were able to go outside. 

"Big snow outside, hm?"

You were attempting to make small conversation with him, anything to keep him talking. 

He nodded. "Never enjoyed the snow as a kid. I didn't get to do a lot outside. Guess it's why I enjoy nature now."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Dad could have cared less about us. Always in a drunken rage.", his face fell.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Billy. You don't have to talk about it."

He sighed. "It's just why I'm so fucked up, isn't it? Why me? And not my brother?", Billy rubbed under his nose, his tick coming back.

You put your hand on his reassuringly. "We don't know. And that's okay. You're doing the bravest thing you can—get treatment. It's very brave of you."

He hung his head. "It doesn't feel like it."

You sat there in silence with him, hoping your presence would bring him some comfort. 

"You are, Billy. I promise. We will help you get straightened out, okay?"

All he could do was nod. 

    Over the next week, Billy seemed to return to almost normal. He had come out of his shell, beginning to open up to you and tell you about his life. You learned his dad was deceased now. Billy swore he watched his dad helped kill and bury a little girl. According to his file, this was proven to be correct. You did your best to skim over the highlights, this being one of them. There were still subtle signs he had schizophrenia, but he was doing so much better and even looked so much healthier. He had gained a total of eight pounds during his stay. It was time to discharge him back to the real world. Right before Christmas. 

    "Good news.", you knocked on his door.

    He smiled up at you, his brown eyes finally had a sparkle in them. One that had been missing. 

    "I get to go home?"

    You nodded, smiling. "Yes, just in time for Christmas."

    You took a seat beside him.

    "Now, it's very important you keep up with your medication regimen, Billy."

    He nodded.

    "And your therapy sessions. Okay? We don't want to see you back here so soon. We'd rather see you out on the streets."

    He nodded, giving you a smile. "Thank you for everything."

    "You're most welcome. Is your brother coming to pick you up?"

    He shook his head, his smile fading. "I don't think so."

    You knew you were wearing a confused look on your face. But you quickly removed it. "Okay."

    You went on to go over his discharge papers, and the doctors at the psych facility adding a new medication to his regimen. You made sure to explain this to him, reminding him to go to the pharmacy to pick up his medications. He signed his discharge paperwork, foregoing the questions regarding if someone was watching him or would follow him. It was bittersweet to watch him leave. He gave you a small wave as he walked out the front doors. Feeling like you had accomplished something, watching him leave. 

    "He'll be back.", the nurse that had taken care of him spoke from behind her computer.

    "I'm sorry?"

    "He'll be back. He won't follow his medication regimen."

    "Maybe he will.", you said, feeling hopeful. 

    She shook her head. "Never has. He won't start now. He needs a strong support system and he doesn't have that.", she stated matter-of-factly.

You wondered if there was anything, any resources the facility could have offered him. Was there anything you could have done differently? You wanted Billy to be successful. You barely knew him but he seemed to genuinely have a good heart. It gnawed at you for the rest of your shift. It even plagued you as you walked into your small apartment, throwing your purse down on the couch. 

    Over the next couple of weeks, you prepared for Christmas. You were going home to see your parents, mentally preparing to hear them trying to convince you to quit your profession and find a new one, a safer one. You were out shopping one evening, carrying your bags on your wrists. You loved Christmas shopping. You always had. It was fun to go find the people you loved gifts that they'd enjoy. You loved to give rather than receive. That's when you saw him. You stopped almost dead in your tracks, blinking as if it would clear your vision. Were you seeing what you thought you were seeing?  He was jogging the streets, looking over his shoulder. He didn't make eye contact with you, straying away from the crowd, gaining odd looks from bystanders passing by on the street.

    Your heart instantly sank, realizing his nurse was right. He was showing symptoms again. It was clear he hadn't followed his medication regimen. 

    "Sir, are you okay?", a voice asked him.

    His face was scrunched in worry, you watched his hand come up to his nose, sniffling. It was his tick.

    "Don't talk to me! Don't ask me questions!", he screamed, almost in a wail, his voice shaky. 

    You felt your eyes widen. The person quickly walked off, looking back at him in disbelief. You cleared your throat, wanting to talk to him and try to calm him down. But you were off duty and all the training in the back of your mind telling you not to. Deep down inside, you knew he'd be back at the facility soon enough. But what could happen before he arrived back at the facility? One thing about psych patients is they are unpredictable. He continued to look over his shoulders as he wandered down an alleyway. It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of your sails, knowing Billy was having an episode and no one was there to help him.

    Against your better judgment, your feet began moving quickly, tracing his steps. Your bags hit your torso and thighs, but you didn't care. You wanted the best for all your patients. But there was something about Billy Knight that really tugged at your heartstrings. You couldn't explain it. You rounded the corner, looking down the alleyway, but there was no one there. He was already gone. You had lost him and now you had to wonder what would become of him. 

    Christmas day arrived. You were dressed in your best clothes--black slacks and a white sweater, preparing to go to your parent's house. The phone rang abruptly, and you rushed over to grab it. It was probably your mom wondering why you hadn't left yet. 

"Y/N?"

It was your manager at St. Mary's.

"Yes? Is everything okay? Did I forget something?", you asked.

"No, no. Um, we need you to come in. Please."

"On Christmas? I had plans to visit my mom and dad."

This couldn't be happening. 

"I know, it's rather bad timing but we have a situation down here and we really need your help. We can pay you time and a half plus you'll receive holiday pay."

You sighed, feeling dread come on. "I've got to call my mom and dad to cancel my plans. Then, I'll be there."

Your manager thanked you before you sat down on the couch and sighed as you eyed the pile of presents sitting underneath your tree. You slowly dialed your parent's number, already trying to mentally prepare what you were going to say. Your mom would not be happy. Her cheerful voice came on the line as you carefully began explaining that work needed you. Just as you suspected, she didn't take it well. You slid your nice clothes off, slipping back into your white uniform. You were in such a hurry, you forgot to put your hair up. 

You arrived at work, your purse on your shoulders. The Christmas lights were illuminating the sleeping town of London. No one was out. You pushed open the doors, hearing commotion immediately behind the locked doors. You swiped your badge, and the door unlocked and allowed you to enter. All hands were on deck it appeared, seeing the sea of white uniforms hovering over one patient. 

"Y/N, mind giving us a hand?"

You sat your purse down quickly, rushing over to see a familiar face--Billy Knight. He was lying on a stretcher, with EMS transporting him to the psychiatric facility. His wrist was bandaged up, however, you could still see that some blood was soaking through. They had him restrained, both chemically and physically. 

Your heart immediately sank into your stomach. "What happened to him?" 

"Billy tried to kill himself, slit his wrist with a knife. Man's just lucky he didn't nick an artery.", another nurse eyed you. 

"Who found him?", you asked.

"A bystander called 911."

You nodded but immediately felt hopeless. You felt partially responsible. What if you had been able to find him that night? All these thoughts were rushing through your head. Could you have done anything to change this outcome? 

Another nurse eyed you and seemed to be able to read your mind. "Hey, you can't fix him. Nobody can. He's damaged goods."

You watched as they rolled Billy over, removing most of his clothing and placing him in hospital pants, a gown, and a straight jacket before carrying him and placing him in the white padded room, where patients who were under suicide precautions went. He was sedated, barely grunting as they placed him inside the room, and closed the door. You felt tears welling in your eyes, trying to blink them away. 

#joseph quinn #joseph quinn character #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie imagines #eddie munson #billy knight #joseph quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x reader #billy strike #joseph x reader #stranger things #tom grant #tom make up #Youtube

[scarecrow-in-a-hatake]

Do you have any notable memories of Genma mother-henning you?

Oh, are we teasing Genma about his antics? There's honestly so much ammunition, although I warn you now, he'll only take anything you say as a compliment.

First of all, out of all our active duty shinobi, Genma has one of the most balanced hours logged between field missions and homefront guard shifts. Mostly because he's been on the Hokage guard squad across three— sorry, four now— different regimes, and you know what they say about not fixing what isn't broken. What it means for the rest of our cohort is that half the time we come home from a longer mission or a string of back-to-backs, our fridges are clean and the dust build-up is minimal. Hell, I'm pretty sure Genma was single-handedly responsible for Mr. Ukki's survival, one year. I certainly wasn't around to water him.

I'm talking about the plant that my genin gave me back when they were still cute and little, mind you, not a person.

Then there's the fact that he's a field medic. Level three certifications, last I checked, which is about as high as anyone can go without getting kidnapped by the hospital. I'm not saying that he plays the straight guy when shenanigans are abound, but they tend to be the silly type rather than "end-up-in-the-hospital" when Genma is around. Medics tend to be a little more familiar with common sense compared to the rest of us who make it this far up the ranks— insanity is practically a requisite to be a jounin, and even more so for tokujo. Do you know how much time and energy you have to sink into one specific skillet to be considered for a promotion to tokujo? That, dear anon, is what Psych calls an "obsession".

Now, combine those two things, and Genma is an obvious choice as a spotter when you're trying out something new. Gai used to go to him regularly when he got an idea to modify a pre-established taijutsu form or training regimen, because if he went to me, we'd both be too bullheaded to admit something had gone wrong or was too much. During our teenage years, mostly.

Also, he's mentioned his strays before— Genma's fatal weakness are kids with big eyes. Count the ducklings and laugh, although his grocery bill is no joke. He started carrying around treats for my ninken about a decade ago and hasn't stopped, even now that none of them are puppies anymore.

#in the spring days || other faces #shiranui genma / whotookmysenbon #blank period #naruto rp #anonymous