#what if we wants to stop fighting bc he's been fighting since he was born and he's tired

[ladylooch]

Can we get a jealous Emma clip of her feeling jealous bc Timo is always gone and she is at home with the kids (they are still young the twins would be about 3) and she sees Timo being interviewed by beautiful women all the time and she thinks he is bored of her bc when he comes home she is worn out and frumpy looking having taken care of the kids all day

So she picks a fight bc she is jealous

I just love how you write T and Emma

I am in love with this. That is all.

Standing in their master bathroom, Emma Meier is fully aware of how good she looks. Her dark jeans are tight in all the right places. Her black top shows peeks of skin with pleasant views of her ample cleavage. She fluffs her curly, brown hair out then wipes at a smudge of dark purple eye shadow that fell beneath her lashes. She kisses at her reflection in the mirror then walks out to the bedroom to grab her purse. She has on black, expensive, high heeled boots that Timo bought her this past Christmas.

Tonight, it is all about Emma.

Timo is home, ready to take back the reins of caretaking their children. Emma is going out for some damn peace and quiet. She already had her whole night planned out. She’s going to start at her favorite cocktail lounge for a cosmo, then walk down to an Italian dinner place that doesn’t rush you, followed by stopping by their favorite ice cream place in which, she is going to eat her ice cream in peace without a child trying to get a taste. 

Despite a tour of her favorite places, Emma wishes her night had more of a happy glow to it than it does. Instead, burning, acidic resentment has settled into her gut. Bluntly, Timo playing in theN HL is getting old to her. He has flirted with retirement the last few years, but always pulls out the “I’ve got one more in me” when it comes down to decision time. Emma has been patient. She’s been a stay at home mom for the last three years and she wants to spend more time with Timo than they have been. She wants him home, with her, not off being ogled and obsessed over by other women. 

Emma used to not care about the fans, but that was before her body birthed four children, including a set of twins. Things have been much different since their twin boys were born. Emma loves them. She would not change a thing about their life, but today she is struggling to be grateful for it. She needs a break. And that’s what tonight is all about.

With her purse in hand, Emma walks down to where the rest of her family has gathered. She walks to the entryway mirror, well aware of her husband’s eyes on her. She leans forward, running her finger along her maroon lips, pretending to gather a smudge. She can feel Timo’s eyes carve along her curved ass as she leans forward. She pats her lips together then heads to the coat closet, gathering her jacket. 

“You look gorgeous, baby.” He calls. 

“I know.” She sighs back happily. She wants him in that same dumb stupor when she gets home tonight. To do that, she needs to give him as little attention as possible. 

“Who… are you going out with tonight?” He fumbles over his words, blinking rapidly. Emma had told him she was going out tonight, but with little details. Timo had not particularly cared until he saw her looking THAT good. Maybe she is going out with the Devils WAGS?

“Myself.”

“What?” He responds flatly.

“Me.” She repeats slowly, with a hint of attitude. 

“I dont…”

“Care? Me either.” She smirks, then flips her hair out from the collar of her jacket. Her heeled boots clack against the hardwood as she comes into the room, giving kisses to the twins who play together on the floor while staring at Cars 2 on the TV. Liv and Lio are at the table doing homework together. The last person to smooch is her husband. She comes back over, kissing his cheek. His feral eyes drag along her body, but his mouth stays closed. She places her tongue against her top lip, gathering his attention there, then she speaks. “Don’t wait up.” 

His dark eyes follow every sway of her out of their home. He watches her car pull out of their driveway. He is distracted as he puts the babies to bed. He sits wordlessly in the dark the rest of the evening, unable to focus on his TV show while he awaits her return. Then, just after 10:30 pm, he hears the garage door begin to rise. He clicks the TV off, leaving the downstairs dark. He slides quietly into the mudroom, hiding in the shadows to the left of her. She walks in, distractedly tossing her keys into her purse, which gives him the perfect opportunity to pounce her. 

“Oh fuck!” Emma startles when he grabs her. “T.” It’s all she gets out. Then his lips are massacring her mouth. His teeth angrily nips at her as he shoves her up against the door she just walked into.

“How was your night?” He simmers. 

“Good.”

“Yeah, you get the break you needed from me?” He slightly snarls at her, so hot and bothered by her outfit and her disobeying and her aloofness. His hands grope her breast, tugging her shirt and bra down to expose her soft nipple. He brings it harshly into his mouth. Her fingers collect in his hair instinctively. Right now, he could fuck her against their kids cubbies and not think twice about letting her moan his name loudly. 

“Timo.” She groans, head knocking back into the door. He sucks her harder into his mouth, then roughly pulls away, letting the clothing snap back into place. Timo grabs her hips, spinning her around so she is pinned into the garage door. His hard cock presses into her ass cheeks. Emma bites her lip, feeling his fingers drift over her ass as he pulls slightly back. A loud slap fills the mudroom. Emma breathes out a moan, pressing her face to the door.

“You play me tonight before you left?”

“Like a fucking fiddle.” She giggles. Timo slaps her ass again, significantly harder this time. Her cheek burns beneath her jeans. Emma gasps, then groans passionately. 

“You know what happens when you’re not my good girl.” He grabs her face, turning so he can see her side profile. He runs his thumb along her jaw. Emma plays dumb, shaking her head.“You get tied up.” Emma’s eyes widened. “And then blindfolded.” He allows her to turn to face him. Then he grips her neck with his strong, massive hand. Her eyes flutter closed as he comes closer. He smells so good- like sex and home and safety. His lips flirt with the end of her nose. “We okay?” He whispers. Emma gives a discreet nod. Then Timo’s eyes darken again. With a lazy flick of his fingers, he points towards the rest of the house.

“Go be a good girl and pick out your ties.” 

#tm: loving & leaving #Timo Meier x oc #Timo Meier imagine

[deeptrashwitch]

I just remembered a @mctvsh post about Jen and she mentioned the Hardman dynasty. And to be honest, it make me remember that I gave Alicia a big family from her mother side and most of them are military! I only write a bit with Nicolás and Camila, just once with Elías...but her mother side of the family is big and almost everyone is or was a soldier.

So! Maybe I won't write a lot with these characters, but I want to introduce some of them. It'll start from the elder one alive to the younger ones (except kids for now).

Taglist (bc of yes): @stuffireadandenjoy @snootlestheangel @alypink @tapioca-milktea1978 @islandtarochips

@mutantthedark @mctvsh @hookhearted @midnight193 @catterdraws

Martínez Family (Colombia 🇨🇴)

1st Gen:

Julio Armando Martínez Rincón

The elder member of the family, right now he's near of 85 years old. He is a veteran of the Korean War, sent to South Korea as part of the 5100 soldiers part of the Colombia Batallion transported on the frigate Almirante Padilla. During the war he participated on the Battle of Old Baldy as part of the three companies defending the line of the 7th division, earning the nickname of "trench demon" after their victory along with all the colombian survivors.

After that, three years later and while he was a Lieutenant, he was part of the first Lanceros course, becoming the first in the family to wear the badge. (There's only four people who wear it in the family, a minusculous part considering how big really the family is)

He married Rosa Elvira Guzmán Villanueva, a woman he met after he came back to Colombia and continued his career, and had four kids. They're a lovey-dovey couple that love to have all the family reunited in his house, or at least their kids and grandchildren.

Julio has ALWAYS been good to read people, mostly his family, since the beginning. That's how he kinda "predicted" if they would be soldiers as well, he did it with his four children and all his grandchildren, and hopes he can "guess" with his great-grandchildren. And even if some of them weren't keen towards the military, he gave all of them the same advice: "do what you want and feel you need to do, do it one, two or three times if it's needed. Don't give up without a fight, our family NEVER gives up without trying and failing, and only then we only step back to get prepared and find another way."

...His children blame him for the legendary stubborness that his grandchildren have. And well, yes, specially Alicia and Elías are just as stubborn as him.

2nd Gen:

Gabriel Martínez Guzmán

The oldest child of Julio and Rosa, basically a clone of his father (they joke about him having his mother hair, that it's the only thing stopping people of thinking that the trench demons are inmortal) and he's near 67 (who know how he looks so young). He is part of the Colombian Army as Brigadier General, and has lived through the most horrid years of the colombiam history, leading with guerrillas, narcos and paramilitary.

Since the first time he commanded any team, he has tried to complete the mission as perfect as possible and to keep all the soldiers alive as possible too. Gabriel is the second Lancero in the family, earning it during the early 80's and he keeps it always in his formal uniform near the badge for the 2016 peace treaty.

He has seen how his siblings flew away from the country one by one, but he helped them every single time even if it hurted. And he loves his nephews and nieces as much as his own kids, who also love their cousins. Also, he tells his stories about his non-classified missions to his nephews and nieces when they were younger, and Andrea smacked him because of it.

"They are KIDS, Gabriel! Don't tell them that!" she said to him

Isabel Martínez Guzmán

The second born and first daugther, she was more like her mother than like her father and she's 62. She was part of the Colombian Navy during ten years before retiring, going to Switzerland to marry the professor Dorian Müller. Now they're living in Bern, near the university where Dorian works.

She was strict with Elías and August during their childhood, but also gave them some freedom to explore, sighing with a smile when she learned they would join the Swiss Army. Even after all those years, Isabel still love going to sail and loves going to the beaches or anything related to the water. And also...she nags Elías when he does stupid shit outside of duty, but he always just smile and shrug.

José Martínez Guzmán

The third sibling, was part of the Colombian Air Force during two decades, he's 61 and another clone of his father. He made his career with aeronautic communications, so after his retiring he started to work as the director of comms for an airline. He's the only one without children, and is the one who messes the most with his nephews and nieces (and the reason why all of the 3rd Gen have quick and sarcastic answers for almost everything).

Currently he's dividing his time between Los Angeles and London, but prefers to stay on the UK because of it's convenience. Sometimes he goes to his parents house, he's the one who goes more after Gabriel and Juan David.

Andrea Martínez Guzmán

The younger sister and the only non-military between the four siblings, she has her mother's personality and his father looks...more or less, also she's 60 right now. Andrea was the first one to leave the country when she started her company, which now is really big btw, and during some years she stayed in San Antonio, Texas working on her own. Years later she met Jackson Marchant, who everyone calls Jack since he prefers to be called that way, and they started dating some months after meeting.

Time passed and they fell even more in love, with Jack proposing to her after some years, and asking if she wanted kids. Also, there was a moment when Jack asked her if she preferred to be a stay-home mom...he almost was thrown out because of it, but when he laughed and explained it was a joke, Andrea just rolled her eyes and murmured something.

They had Nicolás, Alicia and Camila with some years apart one and the other, and they love the three of them with everything they have. She just laughed when she noticed they had the stubborness of her familiy, but taught them to be open minded and receptive, mostly because some of her uncles used to be really narrow minded and basically cut themselves from the people who loved them just because they couldn't hear other opinions.

She's proud of the three of them, always telling everyone who wants to hear how good her babies are. Of course she doesn't tells a lot about Alicia's job, for her security, nor gives a lot of details of Nicolás' trials, also for his security. It makes people think that Camila is her favorite, but no, she truly doesn't have any favorite.

(Jack does, but is only in the sense that just one of his kids has his eyes, nothing else. He really loves the three of them equally)

3rd Gen: (Main Story)

August Müller Martínez

He is the eldest between all the cousins, being 45 years old, and has a baby face, which only confirms that the rest of them are so tired and screwed. He also is military, but isn't part of the Special Forces, he's an administrative officer. When people ask him why he didn't continued until becoming an special forces operator, he just says that he doesn't have the kind of habilities to do so.

And that's right in some sense, he has seen how his younger brother and younger cousins are, and he's admired of how they can react and move so quickly when they are training. At first, when he learned about Elías and Alicia becoming special forces, he was envious...but he has already come to peace with the fact that he's made to other things. He has a more relaxed personality, and even if he is stubborn, he isn't THAT stubborn.

But someting is sure to say, he can be scary when he fucking wants to be. Once the family learnt about Alicia's capture, he was this near to pack Elías into a plane himself to make him go and look for Alicia. And no, he had nothing to do with the grandpa almost going out of retirement (that's a lie but let's pretend he didn't tell him anything).

Nicolás Marchant Martínez

(I wanted him to look like a lawyer, but for some reason I think he looks like some kind of tv seller ;-;) (Also I love giving him heterocromia, I think he looks good)

Second older, and the eldest of the Marchant siblings, he's 42. He isn't a soldier and he has nothing to do with the military, instead he's a lawyer specialized on international cases. Nicolás is patient, really patient, and kind with people outside of court, but inside the court room...this man is fucking scary (he took that from his father hehe).

At first he was working on an enormous law firm in Austin and he had big cases by the time Alicia contacted him to help her Corporal, but after some years he was offered a job in La Haya. From there he has had a rocketed path, and now leads with some important and delicate cases, and also he's well respected by his co-workers. And now he just focus on his job, but isn't closed to a boyfriend, isn't really convinced he'll have one either (Camila and Juan David are looking for a good candidate for him :3).

He usually keeps the peace during the family reunions in granny's house, because leaving José, Elías, Alicia and Juan David together in the same place is a time bomb. He's (supposedly) the voice of reason when his family start to talk about unhinged shit, but in reality he just gave them the legal lagoons to not be acussed nor found.

Elías Müller Martínez

THIS is the family's little shit!

Alright, he's 36 and just a month older than Alicia, but always pisses her off because of it and has being kicked for that. He's the younger brother and is a bit...clingy to his older brother when he's out of duty. When he's together with all the cousins, his only mission is pissing them off, and has succeded once.

He even has pissed Nicolás, and that time he was chased by two feral Marchant sisters and a furious Juan David while Nicolás gave them sticks to have their way with him...and August didn't do anything to help or stop them (he had to climb a fucking pine to not die, but Alicia followed him and smacked him in the head almost restarting his brain). Anyway, leaving alone that he's an expert in making people furious, he is a soldier as well as most of his family, part of the 10th reconnaissance detachment of the Swiss Special Forces.

He's the third Lancero, wearing the badge just a group before Alicia did, and he's also a hand-to-hand combat specialist. He commands his own team as well, and they work mostly with scorting VIP's to safe places, but also they have their infiltration and rescue missions. And even if he bothers Alicia a lot, he really apreciates his cousin and he was FURIOUS when he learnt about her being MIA. (And this man is a giant as well, it was like looking a demon in a human body)

Alicia Marchant Martínez

(I never get the scars right ;-; but imagine she has them all over her mouth and nose)

We all know Alicia, but let's talk a bit more about her! She's 36 and is younger than Elías for a month, and hates that he reminds her that. She look just like her grandpa, even he says that if she was a man, they could've been twins (speak of powerful genes, huh?). When she's with her siblings they fight a bit because of Camila taking her sister's things without permission or Alicia stealing Camila's food, while Nicolás stop them to kill each other, and when she's with all the cousins...oh dear, what a chaos.

Speaking of her military career, as I told before, she's a hand-to-hand combat specialist as well, and has trained with Elías everytime they find eachother in grandma's house. It makes them the nost dangerous duos inside the family, because they move and think like they were one, they supply for the other weakness. And she's the fourth Lancero, the first woman in the family to have it (but won't be the last one), also has done a short course in the rain forest (why? Because she wanted to, there's no other reason).

She's a way more calm than Elías, but he ignites her bad temper when they are together, and they end up fighting. And yes, she's stubborn, A LOT, that's why she is a Captain right now (and it stresses Luke and Jackson all the time, meanwhile Edward just laughs in the background).

Juan David Martínez Rojas

He's the second youngest of the cousins, but the oldest child of Gabriel and he's 32. Juan David has the worst temper of all family when he's off duty, he's snarky, sarcastic and get's pissed easily. He passes most of his time on his grandparents house, and he's the spoiled one, but still being disciplined.

He's part of the Colombian Army just like his father, and just started his path into the special forces when he was 30. Right now he's part of the DIVFE, detachment ALFA, and he's getting prepared for start the Lanceros course to become the fifth one. He trains all time and is pretty confident in his abilities, but he prefers not to get cocky about it.

When he's with his cousins, he nags Elías a lot and passes most of his time with Camila, while his siblings cling onto Nicolás. He admires his father and grandpa, even his cousins,but that last part he will never admit it.

Camila Marchant Martínez

The 3rd Gen baby even if there are younger cousins, but for some reason she's the baby. Camila is 30 years old and the younger Marchant sibling, also is Jack's favorite because, in his own words, "Cami is the only one who took part of my genes! She has my eyes and my hair...that doesn't mean she doesn't look a lot like you, but it's nice to finally have a kid that decided to look a bit like me!" (Alicia and Nicolás shared a look and laughed after that, it was grandpa's genes fault). And even if she looks so innocent, she's a lil' demon as well, she was the agressive and biter kid during kindergarden.

She isn't military, she's a conflict journalist who has being assigned to many war zones and tense zones to report them. As far as her family knows, she has been sent to Western Sahara (Alicia almost had a heart attack when she heard that), Sudán, Nicaragua, Afghanistan during the war, the Korean Border and Myanmar. In despite her inmature attitude on her daily basis, she is really professional and serious during work, and also really brave when it comes to be under attack during a report.

When she's at home, she just let's herself go and become more or less like a kid, except when Elías starts with his shit. And she's in her way to win a Pulitzer Prize, she has been asking help to his siblings to get some non-confidential details.

#ocs #oc #cod oc #call of duty #cod mw2 #team charlie #call of duty modern warfare #cod mwii

[psychologeek]

Conversation

(bc it gets too long to be in the comment section, and I'm moving it.)

@erictyberiusduckman

quit acting like we havent seen the videos of Israeli citizens halting aid trucks alongside your own government not allowing aid. When Motaz left Falastine, all he could see when he drove past were aid trucks - AND I SAW THEM TOO. All I see on your blog is you linking random civillians getting murdered by YOUR COUNTRY to Hamas. hamas is not the one dropping bombs on innocent falastinis. May i remind you YES. YOUR COUNTRY IS THE BOMBER. HAS BEEN SINCE 1948.

~

psychologeek

I don't say that blocking trucks is the right thing to do.

If "my government don't allow aid", then can you please explain to me how trucks entering via Kerem Shalom? Or do you somehow suggest there are multiple ships stopping at the port, moving aid to trucks, the trucks driving several hours, reach the border - without a single person in the government knowing about it?

No justify-but they're hostage families protesting for aid to hosages

Literally 80% of my blog is writing/fandoms. Another 10-15% are about antisemism.

What are you talking about?

I mean, Hamas kinda dies bomb civilians? And hospitals? And everything at reach?

So, just to get it clear - Israel bomb Gaza since 1948? Is that what you're saying?

~

erictyberiusduckman

@psychologeek THE DALET PLAN WAS SCRIPTED BY BRITAIN IN 1937...YES YOUR COUNTRY WITH THE AID OF BRITIAN BEGAN THE BOMBINGS WITH THE FIRST NAKBA IN 1948.

~

psychologeek

@erictyberiusduckman

I'm tired.

You keep making up misinformation, and ignore what I say.

Are you a bot? Bc right now, that's what you look like.

What country are you from?

(You keep claiming Israeli military bombed Gaza since 1948? Feel free to look up at the, you know, history.)

~

erictyberiusduckman

@psychologeek Youre the one saying to look it up but When You google things like "the 1st Nakba" "The Stern Gang" "The Irgun" it all makes sense. The Dalet Plan is PUBLIC COMMON NEWS…Of course a brainwashed Israeli-Nationalist would never believe their Government COULD EVER do anything wrong , let ALONE ALLOW anyone to EVER CRITICIZE THEIR GOVERNMENT…..Notice how way earlier I said I LOVE Peace-Wanting Israelis who can see through their Governments BS. @psychologeek Everything YOUVE brought up Israel having to "fight" was a COUNTER RESURGANCE from Falastine DUE TO THE YEARS OF INVASION beginning with the OTTOMANS, then the BRITS, then ZIONISTS…Not to mention there were Already Jewish People living there in Falastine before your 2 percent Ass had a grandparent move into the home of a Falastinian family after their olive trees were burnt to the ground. And none of them allowed to take their belongings with them.

@psychologeek how can it be Misinformation when it is EASILY GOOGLE-ABLE. AGAIN. what kind of censorship are you dealing with, my dear little Nationalist?

@psychologeek You realize because you are BORN and RAISED in Israel you have ingested YEARS worth of propoganda. You Really think your government wouldn't LIE to you?? You really think your schools wouldnt lie and make it seem like State of Israel is the victim or something? That there are No jews In Falastine??

Your state is backed by AMERICA. You know. "we didnt test radiation on poor people!" America. "we never gave Syphilis to Poor Black Communities" America

@psychologeek American backed State totally would never take Inspiration from American Propoganda or American Imperialism. Nope. Totally wouldnt take money from a Genocidal Global Superpower. No way. Do you see how it works yet. My poor little Nationalist.

~

@erictyberiusduckman Ohh you mean Etzel??

You say "I love peace-wanting Israelis" Yet, it sounds more like "I love Israelis who doesn't want Israel to exist"

@erictyberiusduckman

I don't agree with everything my government/s does or did.

What do you call "Falastine"? What part of land?

You keep using blood quantum, and "one drop" like you just came from the 18th century. Can you stop being racist for a second?

Keep calling it Propaganda, yet you constantly quoting right from The Protocols.

"Oh you all live in stolen houses warming your houses with burnt olive and drinking kids' blood".

But sure, I'm brainwashed.

@erictyberiusduckman I mean. Just bc something is Google-able doesn't make it true.There are things like misinformation and disinformation. ~I get it that you hate America with all your heart. But the world isn't black/white.I won't go deep into American Politics, bc idk much about it, but just bc something is supported by A, doesn't automatically make it evil.(Or, do you think everything USA does/fund/support around the world is evil?)

~

erictyberiusduckman

@psychologeek maybe If I phrase it this way it will make sense. There is a call for a ceasfire. Innocents are dying. American Government says NO.Full stop. Why? Because theres oil off the coast of Present day Israel. They want your Natural Resources.And they want it easy and they want it fast.

@psychologeek the things your countries Govt has done to the indigenous people of the Levant and Surrounding areas is Nothing Short of Western-Style Imperialism. The tactics they are using against falastinis are Based off the Nazis, who based THEIR tactics off of Andrew Jackson in America and HIS treatment of Indigenous Americans. We can also bring Britian into the Equation as well- And we all know about British Colonization. INCLUDING the areas of the Levant as a whole.

@psychologeek this is why Britain helped the STATE of Israel form and USED brainwashed Ashkenazim and Shepardim victims as physical expendable tools to Obtain a Land and Hold more control OVERALL than the people they borderline-displaced to the area.

@psychologeek I of course mean Ashkenazim and Shepardim from Spain/Portugal and Eastern Europe.Holocaust survivors had to dig through the trash to survive while a mix of Zionists from a mix of America,Pakistan,Ethiopia,etc, and other countries FLEW in to take full advantage of Resources.

~

Current Response:

I am?? Not?? American?? Wtf you blame me for things *your* government is doing?? I mean. afaik, this is the reason for something called "elections" and "democracy" and "politics". (But I guess talking shit about other governments is way easier than, you know, actually doing something to change things you can.)

"There is a call for a ceasefire" - I mean, those who say it claim they want ceasefire. However, I haven't heard anyone talking about things like the safe return of the hostages, stop Hamas from bombing and attacking civilians in Israel, or anything but "Israel should stop fighting" (no matter what)". Which.... isn't really a call for ceasefire. Especially as Hamas leaders keep saying "we'll do it again."

"There's oil on the coast of Israel" - Gas. You mean gas. In the mid-north. And again - I don't go into other countries politics.

"the things your countries Govt has done to the indigenous people of the Levant" - which are? As you refuse to admit jews are indigenous to the area.

"Nothing Short of Western-Style Imperialism." - good job in spreading propaganda!. You elegantly ignore everything about non-western imperialism, denying and erasing Jewish history, and keep your propaganda. Well done.

"Zionists/Israelis are the new Nazis" - obviously you have no idea what is Nazism. Which is to be expected. After all, in the 30s Hitler was chosen as the Times' "Person of the Year", not to mention the Madison Square and the Bund.

"Britain helped state Israel" - lol. Yeah right, like they didn't limit entry and immigration (from Jews only).

Hello racism my old friend

"a mix of Zionists from a mix of America,Pakistan,Ethiopia,etc, and other countries FLEW in to take full advantage of Resources." - how dare those (dirty ppl) come? They are here to suck our blood I mean, use all the resources!" (Psst... Do you know where most of the refugees who fled to Israel came from? Hint: not America)

Also you ignored basically everything that I write.

#this is getting ridiculous #Are you just throwing words hoping something would stick? #“I'm not racist I just use those terms” #“I'm not antisemic I just think that jews-I mean #Zionists #control the world #I'm very good in history i just said Israel bomb Gaza since 1948 #I'm not antisemic I just deny the Jewish connection to Eretz Israel #leftist supremicy #I'm not racict I just ignore 60% of the Jewish population are Mizrahim #antisemitism #racism #supremicy #also #not misogynistic #i just gonna call you things like “my dear X”

[chirpsythismorning]

Your last post is amazing and I want to share with you that I had a similar journey when it comes to shipping byler.

I first watched the show when season 2 had just come out in 2017, and I was a hardcore milkvan shipper (I was 13 and I didn't know any better and lacked critical thinking skills lmao). While watching season 3 for the first time I noticed Will being gay (I gasped at the rain fight scene), but just like you I assumed milkvan would be endgame. After watching the infamous last milkvan kiss in the last episode, I was left with a weird feeling about it for the next week but I was never able to put my finger on what exactly had felt so wrong in that scene.

Like you, I also have never shipped ships where I didn't notice that there was clear buildup towards endgame (I even watched outer banks for the first time earlier this year and a lot of the fandom swears there has been jiara buildup from the first season, but I know that's not true and the only scene I can identify as true buildup is in the last episode of season 2). However, two years ago I began studying film and how it works, first in highschool and last year in college. I learned a lot about visual storytelling and I also gained an incredible amount of media literacy. Exactly a year ago, a month before vol 1 came out, I was bored and decided to rewatch the whole 3 seasons.

With my older age now and my better understanding of cinematography and narrative, I stopped liking milkvan in the first season because of the born sexy yesterday trope, but I also began to notice how Mike was surrounded by queer coding, both narratively and by the framing of his scenes with Will (the hand hold close up hello). Then I got to the end of season 3, watched that kiss again... and I noticed Mike's eyes were full open and the closet (Wills closet!) door was perfectly dividing Mike and El as if there was a wall between them. That's how, years after, I realized why that scene had felt so wrong to me the first time I watched it. I saw that boy was gay.

However, I was still skeptical precisely because I never fell for queer coding. But I went onto to Tumblr and I decided to read byler theories. I went in with an open mind and I realized that it made perfect sense and it was set up way too perfectly, so it couldn't be a coincidence, either it was queer waiting or true.

I went into vol 1 so excited, I noticed Mike's queer coding on episode 1 alone was SO heavy (I went 🤨 with his bedroom posters and one way sign, the way he looked at Eddie, the people he wanted to ask to be subs in Hellfire...). Then when he dropped the famous "were friends, were friends!" that's when I knew they were going there. And they I saw that he couldn't say I love you to El? That was the moment I smiled widely, and ever since that moment, I've known byler is endgame and I've never had a single doubt ever again. Not even in the aftermath of volume 2. I knew Mike's speech being based on the painting attributed to El when it's actually Wills mimicked the plot of many teenage early 2000s movies (yes I was the girl who wrote you that love letter not her, I'm the one who actually loves you like that... And then boom they always end together). Then, El wasn't speaking to him, and I saw the last shot with the couples standing together. I knew that it was intentional for them to be positioned that way, and at this point I knew it wasn't queerbaiting

YES!

It's so cool to hear other bylers experiences with being introduced to all the evidence and just hearing about similar experiences in general!

I feel like a lot of bylers are just sort of lumped in with this naive stereotype of someone who always falls for queer-bait? Like we kind of just get lumped into it when the circumstances for Byler are completely different than the queer-bait ships that came way before.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a frequent queer-baitee. There literally isn't. Especially bc queer-baiting is referring to instances when a queer non-canon pairing is supported by the fans and the creators sort of humor it while knowing full well it won't happen?

Obviously times are changing at like lightening speed.

For example Stranger Things came out in 2016 and tbh 2016 is a completely different era of representation that 2023. 2016 was like the end of the queer-baiting era almost, give or take a few years. As we got closer to the 2020's, we started to see more queer rep that I feel like wasn't very overtly obviously queer-bait, but often queer characters at the forefront as the main or being more than just another example of the 'bury your gays' trope.

Also I took film classes in high school and I'm now majoring in film studies! So that was also something that no doubt had a massive impact on my perspective of things changing throughout that time from s1 to s4's release as well!

Even despite that I am a little bit slow about catching onto things, and so like it doesn't even matter that I have extra terminology under my belt or something. For example, I have a sister who hates movies, but when I do manage to convince her to watch a movie or show that I think she'll like, she'll notice stuff I didn't notice upon watching for the first time, while I on the other hand didn't notice that detail until like my 3rd rewatch. And it seriously pisses me off so much!!!!! She doesn't even appreciate her gift!

I remember watching s4 with her, and literally having no knowledge of anything outside of half paying attention while watching, she was like, Mike's pocket looks like an arrow... And I just looked at her completely silent and had to look away like seriously fuck you I had to go online and hear hundreds of bylers obsessing over it to think about it that way. But that's also just us as a fandom seeing stuff simultaneously and figuring it out together. Maybe I would've figured out the arrow pocket myself if I had actually not been exposed to the flurry of theories while s4 was promoted and released.

Still, it just goes to show that while yes extra knowledge about film is extremely helpful, like very helpful obviously, someone without any experience can be capable of picking up on things you missed regardless. And I do love that because it's just a reminder that no matter peoples bias' we can work together and figure shit out.

Also why I sometimes still enjoy lurking reddit bc they can be smart, and even a homophobes POV can come in handy bc I feel like they are avoiding the gay subtext at all costs so they're able to focus on things that we might overlook?

I do notice that a lot of people treat bylers like they are pervs and need to stop shipping boys together bc it's just not going to happen and we shouldn't be crying queer-bait, or this or that?

But like, first of all, it's half-canon my friend. One of the characters is, in canon, in love with the other. And there's still one more season left. And the other character has no idea that the other character is in love with them...

That doesn't happen bro. It just doesn't.

And not only that but, we were obviously milkvans at one point... I personally skipped entire episodes for those bitches...

And yet, even despite that, I also noticed something off between them just like 90% of the ga did before even looking up theories or picking up on byler fully.

This isn't a case of a bunch of people shipping two boys for shits and giggles (and even if it was, who fucking cares).

What's happening on Stranger Things is not something that happens, ever. You don't make the main couple become this pairing that the audience is indifferent to in the 3rd and 4th season, practically repeating the same storyline of them being incompatible, only to make their love for each other fail at saving the day... and with unresolved feelings between the main guy and his best friend being unaddressed... It's not a thing.

If more fans realized that this isn't even about shipping and it's just about literally paying attention beyond seeing what you want to see, then they'd understand where we're coming from. I shipped Milkvan but it's clear to me that the story is trying to convey they are not right for each other. I'm not going to hold onto a romantic relationship between two characters who met when they were like 12 and were sort of pressured into being romantic instantly, just bc love at first sight or something? That's stupid. If it was built up more satisfying, and if Will wasn't there being in love with Mike and with Mike clearly holding similar feelings then it wouldn't be what it clearly is. A fucking story that is clearly heading in the direction of a straight-bait/endgame main queer couple.

#byler #queer-baiting is sooo complex #the history behind it is also soooo complex #bc back in the day gay people were so vilified that ANY representation was a fucking godsend #even being teased and mocked was like well we're getting something? #it was at least something #that's the shitty part #but over time #dead gay character after dead gay character #it got exhausting #it wasn't even unique anymore #it wasn't something anymore #it was just the same recycled tropes reused by coward showrunners #who instead of telling the audience it wouldn't happen #they would joke about it very subtly in the show #like so subtely barely even there #but never actually have the characters talk about it #while also joking about it all the time in press #it was always like a big laugh fest while also humoring it even though... they knew it wouldn't happen #so byler is so interesting bc despite will being in love with mike #they refuse to go beyond discussing the other side of it #if they wanted to avoid queerbait they would have had mike be obviously aware of will's feelings rn and end the confusion #instead they tell fans that mike is still clueless #and then they're like next question #WHY do that if you see that everyone is starting to hate your main ship and support them? #why not be like sorry not happening? #probably because it would be awkward to backtrack from that statement when it does happen *gunshots*

[atopvisenyashill]

What if Aegon the unworthy had been born a girl?

Aemon the Dragonknight is Crown Prince Aemon, and is married to his older sister (Viserys, Naerys, & Daeron all go for very old fashioned Valyrian names, so I imagine a girl Aegon the Unworthy is named something like Rhaella, Daenys, some other -aenys name we haven’t heard yet). Probably makes things easier in some ways - he & Baelor seemed close enough, I imagine he would want to honor Baelor’s peace with Dorne, and there would be no Great Bastards because Aemon isn’t as likely to parade his mistresses around. I think it’s equally likely that Naerys is married off unhappily for politics by her father as it is that she’s allowed to enter the faith and become a Septa.

Similar to the “what if Aerys II was a girl” question, or even the “what if Daemon was a girl” thing, how erratic Aegon gets depends solely on Aemon. A woman would not be allowed to openly keep lovers, have bastards, and since there’s no dragons there’s no women warriors so Aegon is not fighting in Daeron’s conquest or threatening war against Dorne. That doesn’t mean she can’t be deeply unpleasant and violent if (to use kind of a nasty term but idk how to phrase this delicately) and only if Aemon gives her a long leash. Look at Cersei. Look at Visenya. Hell look at Barbrey and Serala and Genna.

Does Aemon care enough about his wife’s inclination towards violence to do anything to stop it? I’m betting only when it comes to Naerys. I imagine it would be something like a Rhaenys-Visenya-Aegon issue, where Aemon favors his younger, sweeter sister and the older, harsher sister resents him for it. The problem here is that Viserys is not gonna give a fuck if Aemon likes Naerys more; like Tywin and Jaehaerys, he sees his family as chess pieces and extensions of himself, and he expects them to do what he orders and never takes their personal feelings into account. It may well cause an extreme enough rift between Aegon & Aemon that you have these king v queen political factions spring up like you see in AGOT, and I think it’s possible that a girl Aegon would feel Some Type Of Way about Daena. Aegon being Queen rests on Baelor & Daena never having children & yet Aegon may sympathize with Daena’s captivity and see it similar to her own unhappy marriage to Aemon OR see her as a threat to her own power. Meanwhile, is Aemon going to keep Naerys close, perhaps make her resentful of his feelings for her? Would she encourage them, in some sort of attempt to get out from under the thumb of her father? Would Baelor lock NAERYS up in the Maidenvault for being a temptation?? If he does, I think it’s almost a guarantee she enters the faith alongside Rhaena.

Point being, I think we’re in for a very tense political period if Aegon is a woman. The peace with Dorne is still new, the Dance and the dying of the last dragons is still within memory (it’s like 14 years from the end of Aegon III’s reign to the beginning of Viserys II’s), and the current King is in a marriage to a woman he’s not really suited to. Aegon certainly makes things WORSE, and Aemon is almost definitely a step up from there bc anything is a step up from there, but we’ve seen how a queen with a tyrannical bent can be a menace and if there’s one thing I have faith in, it’s the ability of a determined Targaryen woman to become an absolute menace to the men in her family and all unsuspecting smallfolk everywhere.

#asks #valyrianscrolls #aegon the unworthy #aemon the dragonknight #naerys targaryen #viserys ii targaryen #anti viserys ii targaryen #like. kinda. i just have a kinda bleaker outlook on him. i think people give him way too much credit for decisions that were clearly made by #naerys aemon and daeron. i’m with oberyn on this one - he wanted power but once he got it he just kinda stuck his thumb up his own ass #and gave up. and then got got by his own son. sucks to suck bro. #i still stan child viserys tho love that lil rascal. sometimes ur favorite lil rascal grows up to be a flop and that’s okay. i love all 3 #king viserys’ and their dumb ass selves.

[m1d-45]

mans ruthless and only gets the way his master taught him how to be, just with a tad more shame and guilt

(what I mean by that it's that it's a emotional and social reset)

elaborate please

uh thoughts to put on paper- phone. screen. text? uh

yk how once we talked about how albedo would react if his master suddenly came back? how he'd be like "it's not my personal business to know what she has been doing, she was gone and now she's back that's all I need to know" when rhinedottir abandoned him

he responded devoid of emotion towards the subject like all his experience in learning and expressing feelings and his own thoughts stopped and he began at square one, with his master and him as a puppet (robot- synthetic being? but that's beside the point)

so then I thought about what you wrote with him and how he reacted in klee told him about the creator and he knew he was your creation not his master's bc you gave hwe the idea and he was yours

basically I feel that if he killed you and found out you where the creator he'd kinda. just. stop. he'd reset, for lack of a better word. he wasn't good enough to be yours (infact he killed you-) so how could he be good enough as himself? since him wasn't working out maybe he just needed to be what he'd always been. a tool.

- 🍄 (I send this bc this anon must know my thoughts but this was takes directly off my dms and I wrote all of this at 12:14. I colored it bc it seems fun- hi midas you're blue and the creator too)

context these are copy pasted dms between me and mushroom, regarding squid anon and i’s talks abt albedo! talk below the readmore.

oh, kaeya and klee are mentioned to not be on reader’s typical team(or at least not the one they use for commissions, if you use a separate team for those), and neither is albedo, who also isn’t on your main fighting team! or maybe he is and you moved him off because Memories. no other vessels specified, though.

god mushroom i am. we r holding hands rn im-

for context mushroom and i had a chat about how if rhinedottir ever returned he wouldn’t really see a problem with it, as mushroom said just a “she’s back now and that’s what matters, who am i to question her?” kinda deal. the paragraph with klee refers to the second part of abiogenesis wherein (again as mushroom said) albedo realizes that he doesn’t long to rhinedottir, and that he is your creation in actuality.

putting these two ideas together we get pain the concept of a mental reset. it’s as if he’s shot back years in the past, when rhine first abandoned him. except this time it’s worse, it’s so much worse, because he was the one that told you to go- he killed you. he ruined not only his own chance at being redeemed (he always knew he was a monster a threat a danger, khemia runs in his blood- an art born of hubris makes his synthesis hubristic as well, and here he is, icarus) but the entire worlds. who knows when—if?—you’ll return, after all? it took you eons before, when you had a godly body and almost of your powers. but now, now your body is human, now you’re weakened and he just ruined it. will you even heal by the time the heat death of the world comes for them? he doesn’t know. does he want to?

mushroom really put it brilliantly- “he wasn’t good enough to be yours, so how could he be good enough as himself?” and “he responded devoid of emotion towards the subject, like all his experience in learning and expressing feelings and his own thoughts stopped and he began at square one, with his master and him as a puppet.” like im on the floor head in hands mushroom take my blog

albedo 100% has this idea of his ‘utility’ being tied to his worth—have i mentioned my utter and absolute hatred for rhinedottir yet?—so this- like this fucks him up bad man. like for the first week he’s sitting in his lab, trying to work but unable to move, his mind running a mile a minute as his body just.. sits there. sucrose tries to get him to eat, klee tries to drag him for a walk, but he’s hollow.

rhinedottir only came back because he studied alchemy, because he followed her final wish, because he was trying and by some miracle his work was adequate. but you? how could he ever measure up to you? how could he fulfill a request you never posed? how could he live up to your death?

zoom out a bit. the world of teyvat is… stable, somehow, despite the death of its god having taken place on its soil. his machines still report steady ley lines, lisa doesn’t sense any change in elemental activity, and the winds in mondstat are as easy as ever.

why? simple: you still have genshin downloaded.

after your horrific hyper-realistic dream—it has to be a dream, dreams can be realistic right? it had to be, it had to be-—you had kept away from the game for a bit, but you never had the heart to fully delete it. after all… it’s still a fun game. still a wholehearted hobby of yours. still something you enjoy.

still something you love, even as your chest aches with a phantom pain.

after a week, you can think about dragonspine without feeling icy winds bite into your skin, you can remember mondstat with a fond smile instead of a quivering shake. and despite it all… you miss it.

who are you to dislike a game because of your mind, right? and besides, it’s been a week- you need the primos from your commissions at least, right?

and so, after just over a year, the creator’s presence returns to teyvat.

it’s felt as a ripple over the entire earth, the soil itself blooming new flowers as your vessels flicker to where you left them last. your game doesn’t show these, of course, and your vessels don’t notice, too caught up in a confused sort of excitement. the traveller is surprised a god could be so benevolent, and paimon is flying in circles with glee.

teyvat is… exactly as you remember, really. you pick sweetflowers and mint on your way to your commissions—all surprisingly easy, the enemies dissipating quicker than they normally would, but you shrug it off as just your time away. distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that, right?

squirrels and foxes run alongside your character, strangely, and you use your omni—ubiquity nets to copy a few for your teapot. there seems to be so much more detail- birds chirp, your graphics are unusually good, everything is running at a smooth 60 frames…

maybe you missed it more than you thought.

after some consideration, you decide to go to mondstat to collect your rewards. it’s unsettling, being inside a city you remember, but it’s easy enough to shake off. blanche talks about liyue being the largest commercial port. sara calls the day’s recommendation—the steak, as it is every day. marjorie stands outside her shop, and katheryne is at her kiosk.

all is as it should be.

zoom back in again. albedo is dragged from the knight’s headquarters by kaeya and klee, and he raises a hand to shield himself from the light reflecting off the stone. everything’s so… bright. the world seems unusually lively, yet the city is oddly quieter than normal.

“how about we take albedo fish-blasting, huh klee?”

“ooh! can we really?”

albedo is pulled into mondstat’s courtyard, and a minor smile flickers across his face at his sister’s enthusiasm. she pulls him past the fountain, past good hunter, past where the wind comes glory-

his feet freeze to the floor.

there, at the adventurer’s guild kiosk. there, the bright blond hair of the traveller, there, the smile from katheryne as she thanks them- thanks you for completing your commissions.

the traveller had been doing them on their own while you were gone, diligently handing the otherworldly gems off to paimon to give to you. but now… now he can see the bag disappear in golden sparks, going straight to you.

you were back.

another zoom out. you walk away from the kiosk, up towards the alchemy table—unaware of how closely your vessel brushes to albedo, of how tightly kaeya clutches klee’s hand, keeping her still. you go, and he sees you stop at the- at the alchemy table?

timaeus gives him a look from across the courtyard. he can’t bring himself to return it, watching your vessel until they vanish again.

if it weren’t for the hushed call of his name from kaeya, he’d think it never happened at all.

you’d only condensed one batch of resin, so you could use the rest on weeklies. after a cursory glance over your team—you missed this, you missed them—you decide which ones to go and fight, quickly falling back into your groove.

the bosses deal like half their typical damage, provided they even attack at all. really, you’d almost consider rebooting the game if you weren’t done with such easy kills. childe skips his usual taunts—you chalk it up to a glitch—and so does andrius, and the key line blossoms give you the exact drops you want.

resin spent, commissions done, and too drained for exploring, you decide to simply walk around. your memory of mondstat is sharper now, and you barely look at the minimap as you simply walk around. it’s different than in your dreams, and yet so similar.

with a quick stop at a statue of the seven to heal your team of any lost hp, you log out. you could have sworn you heard something whispered in the song of the main menu, but you shrug it off.

you suppose it’s gamer brain.

another zoom in. i swear i’m almost done.

albedo’s in a bit of a daze as he walks, only klee’s hand keeping him from running into rocks.

you.. had returned. to mondstat. and didn’t… you didn’t hate it? the traveller seemed upset when they’d looked over- but that was expected, and their emotions weren’t necessarily yours. but you, you had willingly chosen to collect your rewards there.

when they arrive at starfell valley, klee doesn’t even seem happy to launch her bombs into the water. she simply sits at the edge of the lake, watching the fish swim below.

kaeya sits with her, and albedo is on her other side, but looking at the statue of the seven. when you show up, he almost thinks it’s his imagination, until klee gasps and kaeya’s hand moves to keep her sitting on the bank of the lake.

the statue shimmers as it heals the small scrapes on your team, though you disappear again just as quickly as you appeared.

he stares at where you were, stunned again that he’d be able to feel your aura wash over him for the second time that day. as the golden dust of your teleportation falls to the ground, his empty mind fills with two words, a bud of hope beginning to bloom in his chalk heart.

‘thank you.’

#m1d : [chats] #m1d : [secrets] #🍄 anon #i think i’ll put #🦑 anon #because you deserve to be mentioned in this #idk if my anons scroll through their tags or if this is just some Useless Thing I Do #but. you’re here :) #also HELLO MUSHROOM!!! HI :DD #ALSO. FUCK RHINEDOTTIR. #also also! im blue!!!! :D #also also ALSO not meant to be kaebedo i just thing kaeya would understand the sort of betrayal feeling albedo is experiencing #i understand if you see it like that but not my intention! #also also also also this is shit and i’m sorry but it’s 12:12 so can you hold it against me

[amirisqueer]

OLD 2020 ART

A silly AU I made a couple years ago. I still think it's kind of fun. Here is the original description:

"So, first off, this is going to be pretty loose concepts for a Warriors AU I had in mind. I need to work on personal projects at the moment, so I won't go too into detail with this. Additionally, I should have reread Power of Three and Omen of the Stars before this, to make it more detailed and accurate, but again, I need to work on personal projects.

I may come back to this when I have time for it. As for now, it'll stay pretty loose. Unless some of you want to mess around with the concepts, and I fully welcome you to do so! It'd be really cool to have a bunch of people putting their ideas into this, and making it a community thing!

I've removed anything to do with Rock, the ancients, the stick, and the Tribe, because they're all pointless and irrelevant to the plot, and contribute nothing to the story. The undergroud tunnels remain, but they're left a mystery.

Anyway. On with the villainy.

PoT and OotS were disappointing, to say the least. PoT had a good build up, and had tons of potential, but, as usual, the Erins wasted it. OotS is a hot mess; like PoT, potential was wasted, the plot meanders, there are far too many inconsistencies and plot holes, character motivations are weird, characters are unlikeable and boring, a ton of important points in the story feel really contrived, and it's poorly written over all. I still enjoyed these arcs, though, just for how bad they were.

I think it would have been really cool if the Erins explored the potential for villainy Jayfeather and Hollyleaf had. Jayfeather expresses quite a bit of resentment and disrespect for Starclan, and seems to feel like he's above everyone else bc he's part of a prophecy (one that really never is used or explored meaningfully). He's also pretty interested in plants that harm people, which is unique for a medicine cat.

Hollyleaf is a stickler to the warrior code, though we see her twist it and her logic to fit what she wants, especially when she goes out of her way to murder Ashfur, and threaten Leafpool. She's also shown to be very ambitious, and wants to be leader one day. She wants to be important to her clan, and be respected.

Lionblaze, in this AU, is a lot softer, and much more caring and gentle. While he does want to be a great warrior, he doesn't enjoy fighting, which makes his power a point of angst for him, since it's one that enables him to hurt other cats without any physical consequences to him. Lionblaze in the books always stuck out to me as particularly bland; he was just another cat who wanted to be the greatest warrior, who loved fighting, and was aggressive. I want a soft, gentle hero. I want a hero who can and will fight for what he believes in, but would much rather take a pacifistic route.

Again, I need to reread PoT and OotS to refresh myself, but bear with me.

What if we explored this in a way that made Jayfeather and Hollyleaf villains? These traits certainly make it easy.

What if Jayfeather grew especially resentful of Starclan, and, upon learning of the prophecy and how much power he held, turned against them? After all, Starclan gets increasingly annoying, petty, and downright irritating as the series goes on. They act as though they know more than the living cats do (which they don't, and this is shown multiple times), and instead of actually doing anything to help the clans, they give vague omens and signs that could easily be interpreted as anything!

So Jayfeather, resentful of Starclan, plots against them. He wants them to hurt. He wants them to admit they're no better than anyone else. He wants them to stop being so pretentious and full of themselves. He also hates Starclan for making him blind, and, like he said in The Sight, he wishes he had never been born because of it. Jayfeather's bitter and vindictive nature is explored a ton here.

He comes up with a plan to wrest the clans from Starclan's control. He wants everyone else to resent them, too, so Starclan will lose what power they have over the living cats. And to do that, he'll need to take over clans and spread his ideology, much like Sol.

Meanwhile, Hollyleaf wants to be leader, as mentioned before. And Jayfeather sees this as an opportunity. He's the mastermind behind all this, as the most intelligent of the three; he's the one pulling the strings.

By the way, Hollyleaf has a power in this AU. Her power comes from her dedication to and belief in the warrior code; she can always tell when cats are lying, and when they have broken the code, as well as convince them to believe in her own convictions, too. The more she believes in an idea, the more easily she can persuade cats to take her side, and believe in her version of the truth.

And so Jayfeather uses her. Throughout the books, he'll help her become deputy, and then leader, by strategically poisoning clanmates (as well as cats from other clans) to help her gain power. He's also making up visions, too, and manipulating clan politics, trying to turn them against Starclan that way, too. He tells Hollyleaf the things he reads in other cats' minds to help her find weaknesses to exploit.

Hollyleaf believes that what she's doing is right, and that she's fulfilling the prophecy, and making Thunderclan strong. In reality, she's simply carrying out Jayfeather's attack on Starclan.

Lionblaze, meanwhile, is blissfully unaware of this. He does what he does best; fight and try to be a good warrior. The best he can be, in fact. While Lionblaze isn't very intelligent, Jayfeather is wary of trying to involve him, because Lionblaze is a genuinely kind hearted cat, whereas Hollyleaf isn't.

Also! Throughout the PoT arc, there are tons of bonding moments between the three; for Jayfeather, it's all manipulation, but for Hollyleaf and Lionblaze, it's genuine. I've always been irritated by how Warriors never actually shows bonds between families and friends; the books just usually go "they were friends" or "they were family" and that's it. It makes all the family/friend deaths so unemotional and contrived when they happen, because the bonds are never explored. I don't care that Feathertail died; you never showed me the relationship she and Crowfeather had. His grief feels fake, and I'm not invested, at all.

In addition to this, friendships between the protagonists and side characters are also more deeply explored. For example, Hollyleaf and Cinderheart would have a very deep, loving friendship, and Lionblaze and Berrynose would have a friendly rivalry, but are also there for each other. Lionblaze also deeply cares for his family, and loves his siblings, Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Firestar, Sandstorm, and Leafpool dearly. Hollyleaf is close with her mother and father too, of course, but not quite as close as Lionblaze. Jayfeather is too wrapped up in his hatred and fantasies of revenge to really bother with friendship or family, and thus is viewed as even more prickly by his clanmates.

Jayfeather makes sure to make Hollyleaf look like an excellent warrior and leader, helping her find opportunities to do so. He encourages her to use her power to persuade Firestar to give her an apprentice, so she could be made deputy, and it works. Eventually, she'll use this power on Firestar to convince him to make her deputy after Brambleclaw dies.

Also! In chapters from Jayfeather's POV, it's shown that he grows to hate himself, too, for his actions. He knows very well what he's doing is wrong, but he keeps doing it. He feels horrible for using Hollyleaf the way he does, and feels slimy and gross about it. He thinks he's too far gone, that there's no hope for him. So he keeps making things worse and worse, and hates himself every second of it.

This only serves to make him more bitter and resentful, and he lashes out at clanmates even more, taking out his anger and other mixed emotions on them. It's pretty clear he's developed some sort of depression. At this point, it's obvious that revenge on Starclan won't make Jayfeather happy, at all. But that's what keeps him going.

Eventually, Sol comes along, and Jayfeather sees him as an ally; after all, he's trying to dismantle the clans' belief in Starclan, too. With Sol, he helps spread disbelief and strife, leading to Shadowclan being reduced to the state it was in. Thunderclan is following lead, though a bit more slowly, because, annoyingly, Firestar and Brambleclaw are still there.

So Jayfeather sneakily poisons him, without any cat in the clan knowing. He, of course, does this after Firestar has taken a liking to Hollyleaf, and during his grief, Hollyleaf goes and consoles him, as well as giving him advice on who the new deputy should be, strongly hinting that she thought she would do a good job, by stating traits that she has, and that Firestar has seen in her.

So! She becomes deputy! Lionblaze is, of course, proud, but he's a bit unnerved by the fact that Jayfeather and Hollyleaf don't seem bothered by their father's death. The fire scene happens at some point, and they learn about Squirrelflight's lie. Ashfur is still killed by Hollyleaf to keep the secret. And this time, she doesn't spill it.

Sol is also eventually killed off, because when Jayfeather realizes he's also trying to destroy the clans, not just ruin their belief in Starclan, which isn't what he wants. He doesn't want Starclan or the clans to die; he wants Starclan to suffer. So, he comes up with a plan to kill Sol, and Hollyleaf executes it.

At this point, Hollyleaf too is becoming resentful of Starclan, and twists her version of the code to fit with that, silently vowing to enforce it when she becomes leader.

Thunderclan is starting to grow really angry with Starclan, due to Jayfeather's and Sol's influence. Firestar continues to have faith in them, and the clan slowly turns on him, seeing him as a weak and incompetent leader. Other unfortunate things start to happen as well, like prey being scarce in greenleaf, warriors being injured more, fights on the borders breaking out, etc. It should be noted that Hollyleaf also uses her power to help convince the clan of Jayfeather's beliefs, and it works really well, seeing as she believes them herself. The majority of clan starts to believe that Starclan has abandoned them.

But not all of them, which is key to the rest of this AU!

Hollyleaf believes this too, and believes that the clan would do far better being lead by her. She speaks with Jayfeather about this, and, of course, he's pleased by it. They hatch a scheme to kill Firestar in secret, using a lethal concoction of herbs and framing it as a sickness.

Also! As Jayfeather's ideology spreads, other medicine cats' connection to Starclan grows weaker and weaker, until, finally, at the end of the PoT arc, they cannot communicate with Starclan at all. Only Jayfeather can, as that's one of his powers.

Once Starclan is entirely cut off from the clans, Cinderpelt's spirit (in Cinderheart) is released; her link to Starclan has been severed, so the whole reincarnation sort of thing no longer works. Cinderpelt is instead stranded in some sort of limbo, and never finds her way back to Starclan.

However, Leafpool has noticed Jayfeather's interest in toxic plants, and grows suspicious of him... so she must be killed, too. While gathering herbs with Jayfeather, Hollyleaf ambushes Leafpool and kills her. Jayfeather has Hollyleaf injure him, too, so he can frame it as an accident with some rogues, which he just barely got away from. Hollyleaf is never mentioned in his explanation, so she's completely free of suspicion.

Two of the three never learn of their true parentage, and only Lionblaze ever really cares about it, because of his deep connection with his parents, grandparents, and aunt. Lionblaze later learns about it from Squirrelflight.

With Leafpool out of the way, they can finally kill Firestar. Jayfeather slips deathberry juice into some of Firestar's fresh kill, and, when the leader is unconscious and in the medicine den, Jayfeather poisons him with more and more herbs (like foxglove, water hemlock, deadly nightshade, etc), which prove powerful enough to kill all his remaining lives.

The clan doesn't suspect a thing, and grieves for him, despite his weak leadership. This further reinforces the belief that Starclan has abandoned them.

Hollyleaf becomes Hollystar. And, despite everything she's done, she gets her nine lives. This is because, since Hollystar and Jayfeather are part of the proohecy, and supposedly hold the power of the stars in their paws, they can force them to give her nine lives. Especially with Hollystar's power of conviction.

I'm not sure who her deputy would be, but it would have to be someone incredibly loyal to her. Perhaps Cinderheart, seeing as they were close friends. Maybe they even get to be a cute, villainous lesbian couple. You know what, they do. CinderHolly is canon in this AU.

However, Lionblaze notices how unbothered Jayfeather and Hollystar are by Firestar's death, and starts to suspect the worst. He has kept his faith in Starclan, by the way, despite his siblings' attempts to sway him. He has also gathered a small group of the clan together who still believe in Starclan, and they worship in secret at night, outside the camp. This group, critically, includes Whitewing and Birchfall, Dovewing and Ivypool's parents. It also includes Squirrelflight and Sandstorm, who were, of course, incredibly loyal to Firestar.

With Hollystar in her leadership position, and a blindly loyal deputy and mate are her side, she pushes her anti-Starclan agenda, and actually forges an alliance with Shadowclan and Blackstar. They promise to help each other in the coming days, seeing as Starclan has left the clans, and they can only depend on each other.

Windclan and Riverclan are horrified, especially the medicine cats (except Mothwing, she actually sees this as wise), but through Hollystar's conviction, these ideals infiltrate the other two clans. Each clan splits into factions: those who have faith, and those who do not. Consistently, the latter groups are larger.

Lionblaze is incredibly upset by this, and is torn between his love for his siblings, his care for his clan, and his faith to Starclan. Hollystar starts to weed out the disloyal cats, the ones who still have faith in Starclan, and makes them sleep in a separate den from the other cats. She keeps a close eye on them, and monitors their movements at all times, with the help of Cinderheart, Jayfeather, and a few other extremely loyal warriors.

One evening, Lionblaze manages to sneak out from under the gaze of his clanmates, and eavesdrops on a conversation between Hollystar and Jayfeather. He learns of their manipulation, and how they killed Brambleclaw, Leafpool, and Firestar, and, in fury, attacks Hollystar. This grabs the whole clan's attention, and during the battle, Hollystar loses a life.

Lionblaze, being the big hearted cat he is, stops fighting once his sister dies once, horrified at what he's done. However, the clan has turned against him, and he, as well as the other Starclan faithful, are driven out of Thunderclan territory. Hollystar has convinced Thunderclan that any Starclan faithful cats are dangerous traitors, and, at the next gathering, encourages the other clans to drive them out, too.

Lionblaze and his group, meanwhile, shelter beyond Thunderclan territory, and Dovekit and Ivykit are born. They slowly recover their strength, and set up a sort of temporary camp. Lionblaze tells them about Hollystar and Jayfeather's treachery. All the cats are bereft, and have no idea what to do. Soon enough, though, a group of Shadowclan cats find them, and reveal they've been driven away, too. The clans by the lake have all lost cats, and they are weaker now, which is critical for OotS. This is where the PoT arc ends.

Hollystar's regime is as strong as ever in Thunderclan, and the rest of the Starclan faithful cats in the clans have been driven out. The Dark Forest sees this as an opportunity to take advantage of, and starts recruiting warriors and apprentices to their cause to destroy/take over the clans, or whatever the DF was trying to do. Like. Seriously. What exactly were they trying to accomplish?

We'll just go with destroying the clans, due to their festering, bitter hatred for Starclan, and how the clans wronged them in their past lives.

Starclan is completely cut off from the clans, except for Lionblaze's group, which has become its own sort of clan. Each of the groups of Starclan faithful have found their way to him, and they live an unsteady, unsatisfying life outside the clan territories. They want to go home. They want their clans back. But if they dared set paw at the lake territories again, they'd be killed.

Enter Dovepaw and Ivypaw. Despite not really being a clan, the group has still continued clan traditions, and Dovepaw is apprenticed to Willowshine, while Ivypaw gets Brightheart. For extra drama, Brightheart and Cloudtail were split over the Starclan debate, and Cloudtail remains with Hollystar.

In this group, there's a lot of quarreling over who's in charge, as they don't really have a leader. They eventually agree to have a small council of four cats, one from each clan, to lead them. Lionblaze, Tawnypelt, Heathertail, and Mistyfoot are the leaders of this group, and they are trying to form a plan to take the clans back. Tawnypelt was also able to convince Tigerheart to remain faithful to Starclan, so he's here, too.

Squirrelflight, in a soft, emotional scene, reveals the three's parentage to Lionblaze. Instead of driving them apart, this makes them grow even closer, as they both understand what it's like to care for their siblings deeply, even when they've done something wrong.

The fourth cat from the prophecy remains, and it's Dovepaw. She doesn't have any powers, and yet she'll be key to turning the clans back to Starclan. During their time spent as a group, the borders between the clans here dissolve, and they become united and strong.

Dovepaw is actually trained as a medicine cat here, and is the only one in the group who can connect to Starclan. Her faith is particularly strong, given how her life began with being driven out of her home. This is how the connection between the clans and Starclan is slowly restored.

Meanwhile, in the clans, as the year progresses, things get worse. The draught happens like before, and a patrol is sent upstream to investigate the cause, like before. Leopardstar dies, and someone replaces her; possibly Reedwhisker. Perhaps he didn't go with his mother, and remained with Riverclan. This could be a source of grief for Mistyfoot, and affect her actions in the rest of the arc. Reedstar it is, then.

The DF keeps training and corrupting warriors in the clans, and as the arc goes on, some of them start to fear that Hollystar was wrong, and that they should've stayed faithful to Starclan. Of course, no one says this; anyone who speaks like that is immediately exiled.

Hollystar practically controls all the clans, given her power. Her propaganda has taken hold of the leaders' minds, and they all follow her suggestions. Jayfeather is both happy and dissatisfied at the same time; he is glad Starclan is suffering, and frequently visits them to gloat, but he feels that something is wrong. He isn't truly happy. He's still bitter cold and angry inside.

If I'm being honest, I barely remember what happened in OotS between the first and last books. The whole arc was a disaster, and, like I said, its plot was boring and meandering. I apologize for the stark lack of detail in this part. Like I said though, this is just a loose concept for this AU, and anyone can add their ideas to it, if they want!

Essentially, in the end, there are 3 factions fighting: the Starclan faithful, Hollystar's clans, and the Dark Forest. Jayfeather, once he learns what the DF is up to, is upset about it, and opposes it, simply because he doesn't want the clans destroyed, he just wants Starclan to suffer, and have them watch helplessly as the clans live perfectly well without them.

Lionblaze and his faction also, through the arc, spy on what the clans are doing, and learn how things are slowly falling apart. This isn't so much due to the lack of Starclan, but due to the Dark Forest taking advantage of that lack of faith. Had the DF not been an issue, the clans would have made it perfectly fine through that period of drought, and lived well w/o Starclan's influence.

Ivypool is also recruited into the DF like usual, but this time, she immediately knows something is up, bc of Lionblaze and the rest of the group having such firm faith in Starclan, and passing that onto the kits. However, since Ivypool is smart, she decides to spy there, along with Tigerheart, which give the Faithful an advantage. There, they finally have a name: the Faithful.

Hollystar's clans eventually learn of the threat from the DF, and things devolve into panic. Hollystar and Jayfeather are losing control, and both the DF and the Faithful take advantage of this.

Dovewing is especially gifted with speech in the AU, and is really compassionate and dedicated to what she believes in. She rallies a good portion of Hollystar's clans to the Faithful, and their numbers grow steadily. She is, in a way, like a cleric in DnD, and Lionblaze is a paladin. Dovewing does most of the speaking, while Lionblaze does most of the fighting.

Then, the battle breaks out. It's DF vs the Faithful vs Hollystar's clans. Like the Great Battle in the other books, this battle is chaotic, takes place all over the clan territory, and a ton of cats die. Hollystar and Lionblaze have an intense encounter, and Lionblaze pleads her to see sense and join their side. However, she is too far gone, and too convinced of her own flawed beliefs to listen. Hollystar is killed by Lionblaze in an emotional battle, and Jayfeather is eventually cornered, too.

Lionblaze also pleads with him to switch sides, and it is here that Jayfeather finally reveals what he's been doing all along, and has his traditional villain monologue. At the end of his monologue, he admits that he isn't happy with how things turned out, and feels hollow, numb, and bitter cold instead.

Jayfeather loathed himself as much as he loathed Starclan. He knew his actions were wrong, and hated himself for it, but he couldn't stop himself. He wouldn't. From his first kill onwards, he thought it was too late for him to change paths, that he'd always be a despicable, miserable cat. He sees no chance at redemption, and asks Lionblaze to kill him. When he won't, Jayfeather eats the deathberries he had kept with him, killing himself.

In the end, the Faithful are victorious, and take back the clans. Lionblaze, however, is completely devastated by all the loss. He had lost family and friends during all of this, and feels utterly swamped by grief. The loss of his siblings hurts the most; not only had he lost them to death, but he had really, truly LOST them; their personalities had completely changed, and the cats he once knew had vanished.

Despite this, he pushes through with Dovewing and Squirrelflight's help. Lionblaze becomes Lionstar, at the urging of his clanmates. He names Squirrelflight deputy, and Dovewing is his medicine cat. The clans are recovering from Hollystar's reign, and are turning back towards Starclan, for better or for worse. Either way, their faith has only strengthened during this time, and once again, the medicine cats can connect with their ancestors.

So! That's it! That's the villain Hollystar and Jayfeather AU! In my opinion, this is MUCH better than how things actually went in the books, and I would have rather had things go this way. Potential isn't wasted (as far as I know), and each of the three is more fully explored.

The OotS part is definitely lacking, because like I said, I've forgotten what happens through most of it. Lionblaze also gets a bit shafted, because I wanted to focus on Jayfeather and Hollystar, and also because I don't know his personality as well. I really wish I had given him more content, but my pool of ideas was a bit shallow for him :'D. If any of you have any ideas for him, or for the rest of the AU, please feel free to share them!!

I may come back to this in the future, after I've reread PoT and OotS, and add more details. For now, though, it is this.

Let me know what you guys think! I'd love to hear your ideas, too, like I've said a billion times before! As I've said many times earlier, I think it'd be really cool if you all contributed too, and we made this a community thing!"

#hollystar #hollyleaf #evil au #au #alternate universe #thunderclan #lionblaze #jayfeather #cinderheart #dovewing #ivypool #power of three #omen of the stars #windclan #dark forest #starclan #scene #illustration #forest #Villain #Evil #Villain au #Warriors #Warrior cats #Kitty #Cat #Cats #Amirisqueer #Art #Digital art

[psychewritesbs]

I want to see Megumi fight for himself again!! PLEASE GEGE 🙏 I won't ask for anything else I promise LOL

I've also been listening to megumi's ost "Jujutsu Sorcerer: Fushiguro Megumi" and damn... it's so perfect. It was one of my most played songs 😭

I can't even make theories anymore but I like the idea of megumi's sense of self overpowering sukuna's like you mentioned in a post. I won't elaborate, but I'd forgive gege for tsumiki (somewhat 🙄) if megumi has another good few moments.

I'm also wondering how these battles will go now that gojo has been unsealed. He has ties to kenjaku bc of geto, and I guess sukuna too bc of megumi and their fated ancestors fight to death, but I hope we get some inside thoughts of gojo thinking of megumi. I feel like it won't end like their ancestors, but who knows with gege. I'm not too surprised by his reaction last chapter lol, but I hope we get his reactions to all the grief and misery brought by his sealing to wherever they go to next to regroup, I'm assuming.

I'm saying this bc yuuji has arguably bigger ties to both kenjaku and sukuna, so something has to occur for yuji to not be useless yk as the mc. Plus, yuta has that kenjaku match we were teased at during his sendai fight and I feel like this could turn into having them in the same locations or close to each other and have them fight without being able to finish the job and I'm sure the extra month given to sukuna and kenjaku will allow kenjaku a lot of prep time lol (thanks gojo for prolonging megumi's possession 🙄 which the 24th?? That's two days after megumi's birthday right? His birthday.. ☠️)

I read another twt post discussing how the 22nd was when the shadows were the darkest when he was born? I'm not sure of it's credibility, but I wonder if the next few chapters we'll get the time in between the days until the fight, not only on our protags side, but sukuna and megumi too

I feel like those eren fans who were waiting for his pov until they got to the last chapter

Yoooo... all the Megumi love. Thank you for the Megumi love!

I feel like it needs to be said again tho...

I know anon. That's exactly why we're going to burn some candles...

jk let's use dynamite instead 🧨. It'll be faster.

The word vomit continues under the cut.

I've also been listening to megumi's ost "Jujutsu Sorcerer: Fushiguro Megumi" and damn... it's so perfect.

I KNOW anon! You know how music can capture the soul of what it's trying to depict? This song is so good at capturing Megumi's soul. He's so stupidly beautiful I just can't.

I can't even make theories anymore but I like the idea of megumi's sense of self overpowering sukuna's like you mentioned in a post. I won't elaborate, but I'd forgive gege for tsumiki (somewhat 🙄) if megumi has another good few moments.

I totally need to stop theorizing myself, but my brain loves it so I cannot help myself even if I wanted to lol.

Tbh I don't know how to feel about Tsumiki. All I ever wanted to see the real Tsumiki, you know? Not Megumi's imagination of her. But as it turned out she did indeed get fridged.

Fushiguro Tsumiki was sacrificed for plot convenience and character development. LE SIGH! I guess she suffered from side-character syndrome, she was just a side chick.

I think we will get our moments. Even if they are painful af lol--I doth see the full wrath of Gege to be imposed upon Megumi. I literally just said I was trying not to theorize.

I hope we get some inside thoughts of gojo thinking of megumi

Since I'm so late answering to your ask, I'm just going to drop this here assuming you've already read chapter 223. If you haven't... consider yourself warned.

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He literally just purple hollow purpled Megumi.

Way to start the fight.

And like... yeah he's probably assuming Sukuna can use rct and would survive the attack... or he might have a plan...

But like... Gojo's kind of crazy too. He achieved "no regard for othersing back in the Hidden Inventory Arc.

I'm saying this bc yuuji has arguably bigger ties to both kenjaku and sukuna, so something has to occur for yuji to not be useless yk as the mc.

I've seen all of the hate Yuji gets as a shonen mc and it makes me so sad because he fits the mold of his archetype in a very real and approachable way that is so refreshing.

I feel like he's underestimated so much as a character (I mean, Sukuna constantly underestimates him) so I love what you wrote about how something has to occur because it makes so much sense for Yuji to find something that only he can do to fight Sukuna.

Honestly, there's still more to find out about Yuji so I'm looking forward to seeing what Gege reveals about him... err that is if Gege addresses this plot point.

thanks gojo for prolonging megumi's possession 🙄

See what I'm saying tho? Gojo doesn't really care 😂.

Zero regard for others. I hope to see some compassion in this battle.

I read another twt post discussing how the 22nd was when the shadows were the darkest when he was born? I'm not sure of it's credibility

Um. That's an interesting idea. Without more context, it's almost like saying that the day you are born is marked by the experience of coming into the world through the birth canal. This experience can be traumatic or it can be normal.

I've heard theories about how we relive the experience of coming into the world around our birthdays so I wonder if it has anything to do with this.

I wonder if the next few chapters we'll get the time in between the days until the fight, not only on our protags side, but sukuna and megumi too

Ya, it would make sense, wouldn't it? It feels like Gege has been using non-linear story telling this whole time, and with the transitions in the latest chapters, it only became more obvious.

I feel like those eren fans who were waiting for his pov until they got to the last chapter

omg... why would you end your ask on this note loooooool 🙃. Goes and cries in the corner #give me back my Megumi

Thanks for the Megumi love once again 🥲🙏🏼.

#what's my tag again? #ask the mental gymnastics anime girl #god I love jujutsu kaisen #some free time finally

[arecaceae175]

Whumptober Day 28: Anger Born of Worry, Headache (Twilight)

AO3 link. This was born only bc I wanted more Malon and I didn't have any other ideas XD. Continuation of Day 6: Screams Across the Hall (Legend, Four, Time).

Part 2/3. Part 1. Part 3.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Absolutely not,” Warriors replied immediately. Malon crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot. 

“Do you know the quickest path to Kakariko? Or where to cross the river?” She asked. Warriors opened his mouth, but couldn’t find the words and quickly shut it again.

“Has Link shown you the way to Death Mountain?” Malon asked, tilting her head to the side with a dangerous look on his face. Twilight felt the pounding in his head increase, and he brought a hand up to rub his forehead.

“She’s right, we’re going in blind,” Twilight said. 

Warriors shook his head. “We’ve faced worse odds. Time would never forgive us if something happened to you.”

“He might not be around to forgive you if we don’t go soon,” Malon argued. She stepped up to the table and pointed to a path. “We can go on horses, at least to Kakariko.”

“We need to be focused, we can’t be worried about protecting you,” Warriors argued. Twilight leaned forward, elbows on the table and head in his hands.

“Link taught me to fight, I know my way around a sword.”

“The more the merrier,” Wild piped up from the corner. 

“Thank you, Wild,” Malon said, just as Warriors said, “You don’t get a say in this.”

Twilight felt his patience splinter. He pushed his chair back and rose to his feet, sending Warriors a harsh glare.

“We’re wasting time,” Twilight said. “We’ve been standing around arguing for hours, while Hylia knows what is happening to them.”

“We’re planning-”

“We haven’t come up with anything! We’re grasping at strings. We need to go out there and find them.”

The others stared at him in shock. Twilight so rarely raised his voice, and he knew how to use that to his advantage. 

Malon cleared her throat. “I’ll lead you there, then stay with the horses.”

“We need as much help as we can get,” Twilight said, locking eyes with Warriors. He knew Warriors would take it as a challenge, but Twilight couldn’t bring himself to care.

Warriors sighed, and rubbed a hand across his face. “Alright, fine. But when Time finds out about this, you’re taking the blame. We leave in an hour.” Warriors stalked out of the room. The others followed in a tense silence. 

Twilight let out a long breath then fell back into the chair. His head was pounding, and he hadn’t slept since they found out Legend, Four, and Time were missing. It was catching up to him. 

“Twilight?” Malon asked in a soft voice. It took Twilight a lot of effort to drag his eyes up to meet hers. 

“Why don’t you get a little bit of rest before we go?” Malon asked. Twilight shook his head.

“No, I’ve got to make sure the others are ready to go,” Twilight said, and pushed himself up to his feet. He couldn’t stop for comfort, not when the others were captured and suffering. Not when he had seen them mere minutes before they were taken, and done nothing.

“You don’t look well,” Malon said, and placed a gentle hand on his arm. 

Twilight shook it off. “I’m fine. I’ll rest when they’re back.”

Malon gave him a look he didn’t have the energy to decipher. Twilight shook his head and brushed past her. She called after him, but Twilight didn’t listen.

To be continued :)

#whumptober2022 #no.28 #anger born of worry #headache #linked universe #fic #linkeduniverse #lu fic #linked universe fic #lu twilight #lu malon #lu warriors #ace writes #twi doesn't really like being in charge

[acecasinova]

Hullo!! This is so late but for the ask meme if you're still doing it? :D

🌹🍁🌺💫 for Lazarus and Keev? :D

ABSOLUTELY I'm always down to talk about my kiddos lol~

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?

Lazarus: Man. I don't know if he's got a place like that. The closest is probably when he gets to nap as a wolf, curled up under a tree or maybe on Eurydice's lap, but he's SO guarded and on edge that he doesn't get to feel like that much. We just got confirmation that he was NOT from Barovia, just somewhere on the Material Plane, but not sure where bc his grandfather wasn't exactly forthcoming lol. Eurydice most of the time- she let him squat in her orphanage's barn and never tried to pressure him too much, but she DOES sort of hover and fuss in ways that he doesn't like (but so many people do that rn). Home is somewhere people don't judge him.

Keev: It used to be his family's kitchen at home, but.... He hasn't actually been back since the accident (being declared dead, buried, and then deemed an undead abomination even though you're NOT (technically) undead, just barely connected to the living sort of puts a damper on going home.) And knowing that his parents knew he'd die if he became a wizards' apprentice but didn't fight the assignment bc it was an honor for their family, makes it a LITTLE soured. But really, any time he gets to cook feels comforting, or, failing that, just spending time w/ his twin sister. (She's sort of his whole world) Home to Keev is comfort. Protection. A warm place to let down your guard- a hearth.

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

Lazarus: Usually he just f-cks off to the woods outside Valaki lmao~ The hayloft in the barn is also a usual haunt for him- it's where he sleeps and hides the stuff he's found/stolen, and where he goes when he doesn't need to work off excess energy (Q has also added some decorations, like a large stop sign her fey prince gave her) In the forest there's definitely an area with more scratched up trees that he frequents for working off energy, hunting small animals, and just climbing up trees to nap or sulk lol

Keev: Right now, he and his sister are on the road too much- they don't have a 'base' outside a magical shelter, so it's difficult to make a place feel like "his". But he does like journaling and pressing flowers, so that may count as a "comfort corner" as he doesn't remember anything after they passed the magical barrier outside their home country. He'll just turn invisible and slink off if he gets overwhelmed, but most times right now he doesn't want to be too far from his sister.

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

Lazarus: Depends on what's scaring him TBH. Most times, he'll just bolt, maybe drop some Darkness and then start jumping through shadows, but LATELY the source of his fear has been Kindness and Strahd, which has been.... tricky, and he's been freezing up as part of him wants to run and another part instinctively wants to obey. After the scare has passed, he usually has a lot of pent up energy and he gets aggressive or needs to let it out somewhere, like just running, hitting something, or scratching up a tree if he can't pick a fight

Keev: So much stimming! Usually he seeks out his sister to tell her about it and just not be alone, because he's had quite a few meltdowns and panic attacks recently from his claustrophobia and other recent fears, and since his magic is tied to fear and reacts to it, it can be dangerous. If he's alone, he tends to just withdraw and curl up to ride it out as best he can

💫What is your favourite fact about this character and why?

Lazarus: ....okay so I JUST found out he was literally MADE from pieces of the rest of his vampiric family, then basically "jump-started" by a great old one, which is WILD- like what a way to have a biologically connected vampire den??? And I love that bc the DM just casually dropped that at the end of last session and reminded us that he mentioned that Laz' arms are different skin tones sdfghjkl;??

Keev: He's agnostic even though he's literally met several gods because he's seen them be fallible and doesn't think they've proven themselves more worthy of worship than anyone else. Also in his ideal world, he could be a paladin who draws faith from other people and their inherent goodness (But he's not very confident in his martial abilities as he was trained classically in arcana and now dealing with shadow magic)

#lazarus #keev #ask meme #sleepyforestbeast

[persephoneflouwers]

I’m slowly resurfacing from the melancholy blanket that has been wrapping me since yesterday night. I just rewatched the content I took in the last three shows and swiping left and right every videos and photos, I cant help but to be so extremely proud. When you see Louis live, walking and singing and going :> and then when he stops or sits down on his heels to take everything in with those two big blue eyes, that after 80 shows are still in awe of what they see, you really get teary eyes. I don’t want this to be lame, but it’s facts here. I’m just proud of him. Plain and simple. You know when you start growing your own little flowers and one of them is just the most peculiar of them all and you care about it more than any other flower in your garden? That’s Louis. Softest and weakest spot for me. It was incredible to see him bloom from Dallas on February 1st to now. It was an honour actually.

I could say a lot of little things that we all love about Louis, that make him the most interesting person on this planet. I could say he has his unique way to make a community out of a bunch of strangers. Maybe it’s the way he walks lol or the powerful boss aura. Maybe it’s bc he never stops improving as an artist. His special voice and the range of it. How it turns soft and raspier in Two of us ‘just me and you and no one else’ when he never sings the im gonna make you proud line, how low it gets in fearless and sweet like honey for Through the dark. Maybe it’s his ridiculous attention for the details. Or the way he teases us. His eternal fight against all the odds, our pocket size phoenix burning and born again from his own ashes. The fire and all that. Maybe it’s his taste in music and how he loves those indie bands whose frontman looks high every time. How he knows we are gonna go crazy for you were my because in walls. How he points at the air following the beats of the song and how he makes out with the mic. How he says ‘tip of your tongue’ in beautiful war (never remove it from the set list please!!). The high note in 7! The way he introduces Little! black! dress! His middle fingers.

I’ve seen so many faces in these 6 days. I’ve seen things I loved and things I didn’t love. Flaws and mistakes are part of the package here, after all. But I know he knows now. I know he knows there are so many people who support him and love him and literally cry their hearts out when he says ‘hi I’m Louis Tomlinson’ in an interview. People who pass out at his show. So young and hopeful. Absolutely in love with him. All of us.

We saw him achieving incredible things BY. HIMSELF during a year (or two) that had no fucking deal to be as hard as it was. Yet he did it. He ended a world tour. He release a new song where he sounds incredible, emerging from his cocoon of insecurity to show the confidence that makes him glow. He has a new music video where he looks fit as fuck and that has a brilliant concept behind. He organised a festival, his own festival, twice bigger than the first one. I respect him for that. I love him and I’m proud. I hope he knows (he does). I can’t wait for the new tour and for the new music. I’ll wait for new stuff like a kid waits to open gifts on Christmas morning.

Per aspera, ad astra, babe! Mini Lour is over, but new one will happen soon. And that’s enough for me ✨.

#mini lour 22

[zukkaoru]

Hi Grace!! I saw you rb the post about asking about your OCs and I’ve been curious about them for a while! What is your OCs’ world like (or is it our world)? What are their personalities like? What do they do in their world/story? I’ll probably think of better questions later but I’m curious about whatever you want to share about them!

HI ELI okay okay so this world has been like. in the making since 2017 so there is. a lot of lore skdhsjjk

so basically they live in our world and the central setting for the story is the area i grew up in, except i changed all the names of the towns and stuff. roseglen is literally my hometown but with a different name not all of the characters actually live in roseglen bc it's small and there are several slightly bigger towns surrounding it but roseglen is like. where the heart of the story takes place because that's where roseglen grace brethren church (rgbc) is, which is Very important to the story.

basically, the main four characters (Thia, Iz, Logan, and Max) grew up going to rgbc and when they were young, they always sort of believed the church was haunted. as they grow up, they start to drift apart - Iz's family moves to California, Max's family moves to Willow Lake (about an hour away), and after rgbc gets a completely new building and pastor, Thia's family ultimately starts going to a different church. but then, winter break of their junior year of high school, all four of them end up running into each other at the rgbc christmas eve service and there's this Moment. where they're all out in the lobby for various reasons as the service is still going on in the sanctuary. and as soon as they recognize each other, they have this like. flashback where for a second, it looks as if they're standing in the old rgbc building.

and then the moment breaks when two other characters (Joy, Logan's gf at the time, and Francis, one of Logan's friends) come out into the lobby and are like. hm we're interrupting something. aren't we? and then i think Iz and Logan end up getting into a fight bc Iz was very protective of Thia and made Logan promise to like. look after her. and Logan absolutely did not do that 👍

(continued under the cut)

so anyway, Iz, Thia, and Max start to reconnect and Francis ends up joining them bc he's also friends with Max. and they start talking about how that flash to the old building during the christmas eve service wasn't the first time most of them have experienced something like that - it's happened to Iz and Max a few other times and Thia's been like. actively encouraging it and just spending some time (presumably in her mind) in the old building. it's actually Logan who figures out that this isn't like. imaginary in their mind stuff; their souls are actually travelling back in time to the old building.

remember how they thought rgbc was haunted?

the ghosts weren't true ghosts. the ghosts were them.

so then they have to figure out how to replicate all of the hauntings of their childhood and they meet Time, who explains why this is happening and offers to help (..sort of. Time is an interesting character) and so they have like. less than two weeks (until winter break ends and Iz and Max have to go back home) to fulfill Time's desires in order to restore their memories so they can make sure the past happens as they remember it and nothing changes. Iz's ex-girlfriend also makes an appearance at one point, flying from California to Indiana just to bring Iz something they need (and the two of them end up getting back together at some point as well,,)

As for the characters:

Thia Wells is generally perceived as very nice and quiet and on the shy side. she mostly keeps to herself and her friends from church. in her last months at rgbc, everyone sort of just. stopped caring about her and she always felt left out at youth group and stuff despite having been going to rgbc since she was born and knowing everyone in the youth group for quite some time. she likes tea, baking cookies, reading, and she's also very stuck in the past.

Logan Murphy is your typical white cishet high school student. he plays basketball, he's the only one of the main four who still goes to rgbc, he's just trying to make it through school and probably has minor depression but thinks everyone is just Like That. he has to get some sense knocked into him by the others and Joy actually ends up breaking up with him bc he's homophobic towards Iz but he gets better!! he doesn't get back with Joy but that's bc they were never going to last anyways

Iz Groves moved to Los Angeles with their parents when they were in middle school. they're in marching band and they have quite a few friends - both through band and because they're a sociable person. they're also hard of hearing. i don't actually remember the backstory i decided on but i think they were just born with a lower level of hearing and it's slowly deteriorated as time goes on - they'll probably end up being completely Deaf at some point in their adult life. they have hearing aids but don't always wear them bc they are. uncomfortable. they're fluent in ASL and their closest friends know enough to hold basic conversations. Thia was close to being fluent but lost some of it when Iz moved bc she had no reason to practice anymore. Kelly is pretty close to fluent as well.

Max Newman moved to Willow Lake with his family about a year and half after Iz moved. he's suffering from pretty major depression, but at the beginning of the story, his parents don't really believe him. most of his friends are online friends, but he works with sound/lights for the theatre program at his high school, so he has a couple friends there. he's also very very in the closet at the beginning bc his dad is. pretty homophobic lol. and he was also made fun of for seeming gay in elementary school so there's this sort of idea of "i can't be that" that also stops him from accepting himself. he has an older sister who goes to college in New York so being alone after she left also has a pretty major impact on him

Joy Summers appears to be a stereotypical popular girl that all the boys want. she's blonde, she's pretty, she's a cheerleader. Thia hates her at first because she seems like she's literally Perfect. (like. teruhashicore tbh) at the beginning of the story, she is also having struggles with her sexuality AND she's a prophet. so she keeps having scarily realistic dreams of things that actually end up happening! and she has no idea what to do bc like.. who would even believe her? she dates Logan for a bit and then they break up bc they realize they felt like they were Supposed to date but really they're better off being friends

Francis Brooks is probably one of the most popular kids in the entire school. not because he tries to be, but because he's very very sociable and extroverted so he's just. friends with almost everyone. Logan is his closest friend and i had a revelation in the middle of the night back in 2017 at some point that this is because Francis has a crush on him. Francis is gay and he knows this and he also plans on telling absolutely no one until after he's graduated high school and maybe college as well. he's also on the basketball team, and he's friends with Joy. Joy likes him (as a friend) because he's one of the few boys who doesn't seem to be wanting to get close to her just for a shot at dating her.

Kelly Reyes is Iz's ex, though she ends up getting back together with them. She's lived in LA her whole life and she likes to make people think she's very put together when she's. really not. she's really good at math, not so much at english, and she has a lot of acquaintances but very few true friends. her mom is an english teacher so she kinda feels like she's disappointing her mom with her english grades even though her mom really just wants kelly to be trying her best. she's a very loyal person if she's close to you (see: flying to Indiana from LA in the middle of winter to hand deliver something so it doesn't get lost in the mail)

hm anyway this got very long and there is SO much more i could say but these are the basics so i will stop here skdhsjgk thank you very much for the ask eli this was very fun and i love these kids so so much <3

#there are a lot more minor characters i could ramble about too.. max's sister. thia's friends. francis' siblings. joy's brothers. #this universe is very involved. which makes sense given that it's been rotating in my mind for 5+ years now #anyway thank you so much for the ask!! #eli tag #asks #haunted #gonna rb this to roseglenverse as soon as i go remind myself of my tagging system over there lol

[jerek]

alright. bonus lore time. i literally never thought anyone was cringe if i ever had a problem w u it was ALWAYS about wrathion.

since fall 2021 ive developed a new talent which is my cortisol randomly spiking and making my stomach too acidic which can and has made me vomit 10 times in a day and put me in ER-level pain and i think it has something to do with the lil polycule of rpers i was with back then.

roster was, iirc (at the time)

26 y/o male / nb

38 y/o female

mid 20s male

mid 20s nb

early 20s female

19 y/o me

18 year old nb

26 year old was the one who made the discord, roleplayed anduin, the rest of us were literally self shippers with ocs. (except me i played sylvanas)

was a SHIT ton of wranduin in there!!! i'm not evil though so i put up with it. i asked once can they please stop putting wrathion porn in there, they were like "thats cool bro i respect your triggers" and put it in a different channel still accessible for the girlies who love to trigger themselves.

so like. heres where the mysterious food poisoning came in. when i say 'dissociative' i may not mean DID as diagnosed by a trained professional after 15-20 tests but like. i couldnt even express to a therapist how shit i felt bc i was not consistently the same type of person between appointments. if you make me come in every week, next week i will not remember why i felt the way i felt last week. i'll vaguely remember what i said, but she's not me anymore lol.

and sometimes it's THAT, the true saint norman experience, sometimes it's possession (thinking other people's thoughts) and sometimes it's dreaming but girl SOMETIMES it manifests as like.

Imagine going up to norman bates and telling him he cares too much about his sick, declining, codependent mom.

Me but when you smack Wrathion I feel it. He's a metaphor for me. I think in his voice. I damn near pray to him ig, being a mormon I can tell you he is the only reason ive ever felt 'the spirit.'

Cringe? Yes!!!!! Out of my control? Yeah 😭

There is no center to my being. i dont identify as anything. i'm not the name my parents gave me, but i am the characters i use to puppet out whatever emotions. Internet sexting for so long has eaten away at my boundaries so much there is no longer any reason for her (who i was born as) to exist or for me to relate to her.

Rping in that group gave me so much dopamine I couldn't sleep, consistently had the feeling that my stomach muscles were splitting down the center, migraines. Literal food poisoning symptoms. It was really fun still!!!!!

And then when the wrathion shit happened like. Whispers of nzoth in the back of my brain started tickling my self defense instincts for no reason. No reason bc I had put up with literally everything including the wrathion shit, the only difference was I personally didn't enjoy wrathion porn.

I knew I was irrational. Not liking a certain type of porn is one thing, I was fighting off the old gods trying not to start some shit.

Prob shoulda communicated! Communicating last time gave me a trigger myself button though. Literally the [triggered] meme.

Eventually you get the feeling that shit is going down the drain whether you like it or not. The rp's stopped, everyone's switched to FF and your laptop can't run it. It's all just kinks, someone posting once or twice a day with "imagine li-li stormstout [redacted]" getting reacted with 😏 emojis.

So I posted screenshots bc I knew the other half of the world, the one with everyone else in it, would feel as alienated as I did. I'm back in 2015 as a 13 y/o dominatrix prude and I want the feeling of 'we know what's wrong' I got from the ER. Literally went to sleep 5 minutes later because I knew I'd be guillotined.

I wake up and I have no idea why I did that. It's been years since I tore off the chunk of me that will do literally anything to be included, those two halves don't communicate anymore.

But shit's fucked now!!

It was always about wrathion. Literally always about my shitass fixation on blizzard's favorite 7 year old to unbutton the shirt on. Girl why

#wrathion

[realist-shit-just-happened]

I'm scared for my co-worker and realizing that I inherented my mother's trauma and that of the prior two generations of women in my family, and I need to vent it out.

My mother married her ex-husband at 22 and had my two older sisters. He was/is an angry drunk. She hasn't told my sisters the worst of it bc she wanted them to decide if they want him around, but occasionally would let slip some details around me.

My grandmother married her first husband at 19. He convinced her to have my two uncles and then abandoned them. And *then* had the audacity to fight her when she tried to get their marriage annulled.

My great-grandmother married a drunk at 16. She was confined to the home with the exception of grocey shopping and church. He killed her at 48.

Because of all this, my sisters and I were taught that men are supplementary, not necessary. That you don't get married until you can be financially independent. And for the love of God, don't let him baby trap you. Because even if you get away from him, he is the father of your children, and you will have to deal with him for the rest of your life.

I know that I'm looking at all this through that lens, and I'm trying to stop myself from catastrophizing my co-workers situation. However.

"Angie" moved to town about a year and a half ago. She's been dating her boyfriend for less than a year. In January, she told me that she's pregnant and this coming Monday, she and her boyfriend will be getting courthouse married.

Now, I went to high school with this guy. Yes, it's been 7 years since then, and it's entirely possible he's since changed, but I remember that he fucking sucked. And she's saying that after the baby is born, she's isn't too sure she wants to come back to work. Which, cool, stay at home mom-ing is hard, and I'm not going to dismis that desire. But bitch, NO. My grandmother wouldn't have had to depend on the kindness of the community to feed her boys if her husband had allowed her to work.

As Angie gets closer and closer to her due date, she has admitted that she's getting more and more scared. It seems to me that she's realizing that she is actually quite young to have kids, and bc her husband-to-be is a man-child himself, she's likely going to be doing this mostly on her own. It looks to me that she is doubling down on decisions she's starting to regret bc it's what's expected. When I told my mother this, she said it sounds *awfully* familiar.

I'm scared, not that he's going to hit her or anything, he doesn't seem the type, but rather that she's traping herself in a life that's going to make her miserable. But it's not my place to say that. We aren't friends outside of work, but every time she talks about her friends, she calls them "our" friends. Implying that they were all his friends first.

So, I'm doing what I can to show that I'm supportive. That she can trust me. I'm embroidering a monogram canvas as a wedding gift and making a blankie for the baby, and also subtly making known my stance on "staying together for the kids." If she wants out, I want her to know she can call me. Female friendship isn't just nice, it's necessary. My mother never would have left her ex without the help of her work friend, my grandmother would have starved if not for the women at her church, and my great-grandmother died bc she wasn't allowed to speak to anyone outside the home. I'm terrified of falling into that same pattern, and I'm terrified Angie is, too.

#long post #trauma dump #i guess #but other peoples trauma #women supporting women #isnt just cheerleading girlbosses #or applauding outspoken #feminism #its also being a #safe person #and sometimes an escape route #sometimes a protector

[derelictdumbass]

lays in bed face down thinking about hurt comfort and sobbing uncotrollably into my pillow

#nadine is typing... #LISTEN. SHUT UP #listen. #it's only at 12 am that my mind can come up with these banger ouchies specifically catered to me #this always happens after I make violent Dean content I gotta go all what if he just yearns to be soft and gentle and loved #and what if he's always on the edge of snapping bc Joseph is always offering him the peace he craves so deeply #what if we wants to stop fighting bc he's been fighting since he was born and he's tired #that's one of the reasons his and Jacob's dynamic drives me feral bc like #they are both survivors who have been fighting since forever and they will kill to protect themselves and their family #but Dean got to be soft for a while. he got to enjoy normal life while Jacob was off doing his Hannibal arc #and Jacob just brings all that repressed anger and survival instinct out in Dean during the reaping #he pushes him to the extreme and is trying to morph him into the part of him he hates most #which is in stark contrast to Joseph trying to break him down to be docile and pliant #they rlly fuck each other over with their very diff plans for Dean lmao #meanwhile John and Faith are just in the bg having emotionally intense moments with Dean that are entirely too vulnerable and fragile #tired rambling anyway the hurt/comfort is Joseph/Dean themed tonight and I think they should kiss #I think Dean should get to crumble and break into tiny pieces and cling to Joseph like he's a lifeline #a very unstable lifeline that is actually dragging him further underwater but still :) #days are full of cramming to get this diploma fucking done 12 am is full of yearning

[yesimwriting]

The Needs of Pain

A/n as promised,,, here is my gift to you bc I finished ap gov today :))

The darkling x heartrender!reader story based on the whole ‘no one but me can hurt you’ thing :))

Warnings: sexual innuendos,, attempts to sexualize pain if you squint, kinda lemon-y

I kinda want to write a smutty part 2 let’s see lol 

Summary: after a training injury, Kirigan reveals how he views the dynamic of your relationship and figures out how to best help you work through the pian 

--

In an odd way, the most painful part of my injury had been the wound on my pride, not my shoulder. Though the pain that begins beneath my collarbone and continues down my left shoulder is not exactly pleasant. I can’t bring myself to pity myself too much as I stare at the extent of my burns. There’s a war going on. People die, people lose loved ones, I have to tolerate pain for an hour or two before a healer can be sent to be. 

I told Genya I’d be fine in the medical wing, but she insisted that I wait for a healer to be sent to me. The people here look up to me, if news of my injury got out, especially considering it’s a training wound, morale would take a blow we can’t currently afford. Genya had looked relatively sympathetic when she told me that many healers were occupied considering how difficult training had been and I had told her I could bear the weight. 

Now, in my room, staring at the basin full of water, I’m starting to regret my desire to be self sacrificing. I dip the towel in the water, squeezing out the excess before daring to dab the fabric on the outer edge of the wound. The feeling is fire against my skin all over again. An instinctual curse leaves me as I drop the towel on the counter that surrounds the basin. 

Arthur hadn’t meant it. I can still hear the frantic apologies tumbling from his full lips. He should have been more focused on the task at hand, he should have never stopped to look at me, at the way I could control so many living things at once. In some odd sense, his distraction had been a compliment. Many of the girls here would sell anything to have Arthur’s attention, even if it resulted in such a careless mistake. 

I grimace, picking up the towel and preparing to start again. I should at least clean it before the healers have to deal with both a physical injury and an infection. The sound of my door flying open and then shutting angrily is enough of a distraction for me to accidentally dab the towel against my skin too harshly. I curse again, turning my head towards the bathroom door. Did Genya exaggerate the severity of my wound? Are the healers that desperate to get to me? 

I turn on my toes, towel forgotten by the basen full of water as I approach the door that connects my room with the bathroom. “I’m--” Words meant to calm a frantic healer stick to the back of my throat as soon as I register all the black in the room. General Kirigan. Great. He no doubt heard about my injury after prying it from Genya and now he’s here to scold me for the childishness of it all. To be injured because a boy and I just couldn’t help ‘make eyes at each other’. All he does is insult my refusal to become bitter just because I was born possessing power. 

“You’re what?” His words are a different level of callous, darker than the shadows he creates with the will of his mind alone. “An idiot that let herself be sent back to her room instead of demanding to see a healer?” 

That’s an odd thing for him to focus his anger on. At least it’s not fully directed at me. On instinct, I half turn, attempting to hide my injury from his piercing eyes. My instinct tells me he should never see me so mortal. “Genya recommended it,” my words are determined yet calm, “It’s such a small injury it isn’t worth risking everyone’s morale. A healer will come here when one is available.” 

His face tightens in what must be some kind of disgusted disbelief. “Foolish girl--have you no instinct for preservation?” 

Every decision I’ve made since being injured made sense before he spoke to me. The fierceness of his voice leaves my face warmer than it was a moment ago and reminds me of the stem of my dislike for him. General Kirigan speaks and I am left a clumsy child. “Some things are more important than one’s self.” I expect he’ll turn that into something else to mock or belittle about me. “And it’s not a grave injury it’s barely--” 

The distance between us seemed so great less than a second ago, but he’s closed it so quickly, grabbing my left wrist and extending my arm forward so that I can’t hide anything from him. “You’re burned.” There’s the slightest bit of surprise coloring his words along with something else I can’t interpret. “How did you get burned?” 

Kirigan doesn’t know. My stomach knots, anticipating embarrassment. “Training incident--I was standing too close to an Inferni.” 

His grip on my arm tightens. I grimace as he pulls me forward with no regard for my injury. “Who?” The voracious way he says the word leaves my thoughts trembling. He is a void of darkness, starving for a victim to snuff the light out of.  

When my thoughts settle, I cannot bring myself to tell him the truth. “I didn’t see, I was distracted by the burning.” I exhale slowly, desperate to escape the flames behind his eyes the way I could not escape the fire of earlier. “It doesn’t matter, I’ve been injured worse in training.” His hold on my arm doesn’t loosen, I glance down at his hand, his firm grip on me somehow worse than the burn. “You’ve injured me worse in training.” 

“I may push you, exhaust you, and leave you mad--but I have never done anything that comes close to--that!” The last of his words carry themselves louder than the rest. 

If the skin of my shoulder wasn’t so sensitive I’d try fighting his tightening grasp. The accusation on my part had been a little much, but it was meant to serve as a reminder that he’s not one to care about my comfort or well being. “Why does it matter?” I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “You’ve never cared about any of my injuries before.” 

Kirigan releases my arm in a stiff trance, raising his hand to brush his thumb down my cheek. The contact is reminiscent of an extremely different moment. “The first night here you only let a few tears escape you when you were convinced that no one could see them. Do you remember how I turned and wordlessly wiped them away?” His gesture had not been comforting then and it isn’t comforting now. He never wanted to comfort me, he wanted to assert some strange power over me. “I let those tears fall because they were because of me and I knew it was for the best.” I say nothing, letting his thumb ghost tears that will not come. “The moment I discovered you, what you could be, you became mine.” 

“I am no one’s.” The reaction is instinctual, a pride my mother instilled in me. My voice is too loud, too brash. “I am my own.” 

I brace myself for his anger, but all I receive is the slight relaxation of his lips. “It’s things like that give you so much potential in other ways.” His voice is a jagged rock caressing my skin, not minding the scrapes it leaves behind. “You’re a fair plaything, as well as useful.”  

He’s speaking so gently his voice borders on vulnerable. Something in me warms, but I can’t tell why. I know that Kirigan finds joy in my discomfort--why else would he belittle me so often? “The healer will be here soon.” 

“Yes,” he makes no move to leave, instead Kirigan grabs my wrist again, forcing me to turn so that he can analyze the extent of my burn, “Which is why I will ask you again…” I try to catch his gaze, but his stone stare is focused on my burned shoulder entirely. “Who did this?” 

“I told you.” He can never know. “It was a training accident.” 

“And someone is responsible.” 

I let out a breath, tired of feeling so incomplete. I just want to be healed and go to sleep. “Why does it matter?” His fingers trail up my arm patiently, my body betrays me by shivering. “Accidents happen, you’ve put me in more risk than--” 

“I’ve always intended to break you one way or another,” his voice is more supple than it’s ever been before, “Your goodness is too tempting to not tarnish.” He turns my wrist over easily, ignoring my slight wince. “But if someone else were to do it…” Kirigan trails off, expression tightening in a way I can’t read, “I don’t let others break my play things.” 

Some strange resolve in my chest cracks at that. “Kirigan--” 

“Who are you protecting?” He moves his free hand, placing it without reservation on my shoulder. “Not telling me will only make it worse.” 

Thoughts of Arthur paying for such a small mistake leaves my stomach rolling in guilt. “Make what worse?” 

His expression tightens again. I wait for some kind of rebuke. Kirigan’s lips part as if he expects to criticize my naivety, but instead of speaking he turns sharply. He doesn't release his grip on my wrist as he leads me into my bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” 

Kirigan ignores my surprise, releasing me to pick up the towel I was so quick to abandon. “If you’re too good to take a healer from someone, you should at least avoid infection.” 

“I’m not an idiot, I was cleaning it.” The sharpness of my tone is ignored, Kirigan simply places one hand on my forearm to keep me in place. “Wha--”

 He brushes his thumb over my pulse gently in an effective attempt to silence me. I part my lips in hopes of protesting, but something odd reflects across his eyes. It must be some trick of the light because his expression seems...hesitant. Maybe even concerned. And then cool fabric is pressed into my burn. I bite my tongue so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t bleed. 

“Saints.” 

His expression shifts to that of almost amusement. “I think I’d like to hear you curse in a,” he exhales softly, fingertips trailing up my forearm, “Slightly different scenario.” 

The shock of such a bold innuendo clears my mind from thoughts of pain. But the most startling thing is that the innuendo isn’t entirely unwanted. In the wake of my surprise, he presses the wet towel into my wound again. I fight against a grimace, but that doesn’t go unnoticed by Kirigan. Instead of mentioning it, his free arm touches my uninjured shoulder. For the first time since he’s come here I’m aware of how improper my attire is. I changed out of my starched kefta and into a silk nightgown in order to leave my shoulder unbothered. Genya had helped me change, bearing all of my grimacing and pained curses. 

I should push him off of me. Kirigan can get away with a lot because of his status, but I by no means have to allow something like this. I should not feel shy, I should not be embarrassed. He’s the one that’s out of line. I look up into his eyes, prepared to yell at him for being so out of line. But when I meet his eyes, I see something so un-monstrous I am left breathless. There’s a gentleness to the way he tilts his head downwards, eyes never leaving mine. Is he asking for permission? Permission to--to what? I stay frozen as his lips brush against the unmarred side of my collarbone. His touch is almost enough to make me forget pain ever existed. He pulls away enough that I can feel his breath against the base of my neck. Thoughts I’d never dare speak are banished as the towel presses against my skin again. My face cringes immediately, but he’s quick to press his lips to the base of my neck, lingering kisses melting into my skin. 

“I thought you said you were fine.” His chiding is half-hearted, whispered between two brief kisses against my bare ski. 

He dabs the towel on the burn again, but before I can think to complain, his lips are against my skin again. This time, his lips part slightly allowing his teeth to graze over my pulse. Kirigan pulls away slightly, expression hardening, “I’m almost sorry about this part.” His words leave him in a whisper as influential as sin. 

“What part?” My voice feels foreign in my throat. 

Kirigan doesn’t reply, but then I feel the sharpest pain yet. The towel is cleaning the worst of the burn, the ruined patch of skin that will never recover without supernatural intervention. The gasp I let out is that of a bird with shattered wings. A cry forms in the base of my throat, but before it can leave me, Kirigan’s teeth bite into the skin above my pulse. The pained sound is reduced by my shock, twisting in an odd combination of some kind of pained sound and something dangerously close to a moan. 

He releases me with one last soft brush of his lips, straightening his back and retracting the towel. “There.” Kirigan drops the towel onto the bathroom counter. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

I can still feel the ghost of his lips, tongue, and teeth against my skin. I understand now. Each kiss had been a way to distract me, to lessen the pain. Something odd swells in my chest as I try to will my eyes to stop watering in pain. 

Kirigan presses his lips together, pressing his hand against my cheek again. His thumb brushes the few stray tears that escape me. “Don’t cry,” his tone is pure velvet, “I won’t tolerate tears in your eyes caused by anyone else.” He tilts his head oddly, hand sliding down my cheek before gripping my jaw, “I can provide reason for your tears if you’d like.” 

Inhaling deeply, I continue to stare at him. Today has been so sudden. He’s flirted with me through strangely sexual insults and threats before, but never has he been so forward about it. 

“I’m fine,” I force my voice to remain clear. He nods once. A soft rap at my door has me turning away from him. “The healer--I shoul--” 

“Come in,” he calls, voice clear and leaving no room for argument. 

My eyes widen. To be caught with him here could be detrimental for my reputation. Kirigan pulls away, something sharp playing at his features, something almost humorous. 

He leaves the bathroom like this is his own room. “Her wound is clean, work quickly.” I walk out of the bathroom in a strange trance. Kirigan’s gaze lands on me as I enter the main part of my room, “I need her at her full strength for what I have planned.” 

There’s a heaviness to his words, a weight that tells me he means more than what his words imply. Goosebumps erupt across my skin as I try to banish the thoughts of his mouth against my skin between inflictions of pain, blending together to create the most intense sense of fight or flight I’ve ever experienced. 

Kirigan begins to approach the door to my room. “I’ll be checking on her later.”

--

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