#why am i so depressed today

[dancingwhilethesunsets]

#mine #my poetry #mediocre poetry #ed recovery #poetry #why am i so depressed today #i usually love the rain lmao

[operationblanketfort]

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#why am I so depressed today #makes no fucking sense #I just can’t care about anything #I want to care again!!!!!!! #what is happening

[daz4i]

ik it's not good to latch onto a mental illness as your defining trait but also. babe i don't have much else going on or any other sense of identity beyond it

#''you don't want to heal from depression bc you don't know who you are without it'' yeah no shit. if there's no depression there's no me #also i got the no sense of identity disorder!!!! so!!!! said disorder is just my only identity ig!!!!!! #ik this is why ppl look for labels and i am no different but all my labels hinge on being vague so like . not very helpful #others i know latch onto their nationality/religion/heritage etc. but i definitely don't feel pride in any of those #dare i even say i feel disgust. i am more defined by my disdain for being jewish than my actual judaism #ppl say to let what you love define you. but. i don't love. i mean i love my cat but i don't think that can define me #also maybe I'm just autistic but i don't really get how one can even be defined by what they love 🤔 #and this whole thing is so weird. bc in so many people's head there is this very firm image #and people tell me i seem confident and like i know how i am and that I'm being myself in an honest way #girl i don't even know what myself is!!!! i am more defined by my lack of definition than anything 😭😭😭 #or my worse traits like stubbornness and hypocrisy and obsession #wouldja look at that we just circled back to my bpd. see what I'm saying? #vent #ask to tag #sorry for all the vents today 🫡 i am at my worst actually and i fear i may lose it at any moment ✨️

[safety-pin-punk]

I hate days where you wake up in a fog and the vibes are all off and nothing can go right.

I hate that I finished treatment almost a decade ago and I still have days or weeks where everything is off.

I hate feeling like I’m barely existing and GOD I HATE THIS FUCKING AUTOIMMUNE SYSTEM THAT CANT SEEM TO DO ITS FUCKING JOB

Autoimmune disorders can go jump off a fucking cliff

#so yeah if I seem inactive for a bit this is probably why #personal #sick punk #anyways uhhh I’ve literally done nothing today and I hate that #but I know its not my fault that Im like this #and this just *happens* sometimes #but this is probably the worst I’ve been in a while #and god I forgot how horrible this is #its not even like a depression feeling of apathy or wanting to sleep (been there) #its like. i am fully aware of wanting to want to do things and connect with people #but its like Im stuck in a shell of a body that doesnt know how to do jack shit #god I think this post is one of the most productive things I did today besides eat food

[bisexual-ashe]

why women so 😳😳😳

#in today's episode is jump actually aspec or just a depressed pansexual: #women are just.. hhhhhh #girls.. #i see girls and wish i was a lesbian ngl #like damn why i gotta be a guy and also attracted to guys too 🙄 #and yes this is bc i am hyperfixating on ashe #she is just so.. woman #womayn... #gorl.... #idk what my sexuality is but at least i know im aesthetically attracted to like.. everyone LMAO #jump speaks

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

the depression is doing abnormal things (im not rotting?? still there. but its not that kind rn) and god would i Love to say. the lwa obsession never left. the depression briefly (last two years) covered it. i am still so not normal at all about this show. i need it so bad in every aspect of my life

#typing this from my computer rn bc I wanted to scroll through the croix tab while I did hw #i will not lie! the emotions i have experienced the last week are reminding me of that one post that was like hey guys sorry I haven't #been active on my stan account i got put on mood stabilizers and now Im not nearly as obsessive #its giving that. it is so deeply hardcore giving that. its ok tho! cause i am not on mood stabilizers and i don't want to be ! #i would love a stimulant though. seriously. I've got the adhd diagnosis now i want the meds for it. #my therapist asked me today why i said i wanted to take it once a week knock out all of my hw and chores and not take it every day and #live a functional day to day life. and its like bestie. i am a little on the unstable side. i don't want to be neurotypical #in truth its bc ive tried adderall before and it was great i got everything done. but everything felt wrong. it was too functional #i need the broken hinges in my brain the things that don't work. it keeps my life interesting even if its downright miserable #why is grammerly showing up on my tumblr post. bro?? woah you can edit ur tags on desktop?? this is crazy #grammery emotion guesser is saying i seem very unhappy. i feel better than i have in a long time. its like a breath of fresh air #i think i should look at what manic depression is #anyways. Hi from desktop!! #soup talks

[dockaspbrak]

i feel like im not actually connected to the world anymore like i used to be and i lost whatever i had

#and now im just waiting to die orsomething #idk #i feel like norman shouldnt have gone without me #unfair #im not even a person anymore #im uselss and a disappointment to all #i can just drive #i miss having friends and being a part of a group who noticed when i wasnt there yaknow? like #a society #i feel like i slipped out somehow and i dont see people smiling anymore or enjoy sunlight on leaves or feel hopeful #i dont know when i got to be so depressed but #i managed to get a hair cut today #which sounds stupid to even mention but i am sort of agoraphobic and hadnt. managed to get one since september of last year or so #i looked stupid #the other day i went into a store with my sister and a woman was very chatty with me so i bought her a slushie and it was sweet how happy #that made her #so im just being dramatic you know its nice when someone smiles at you like directed at you #and like i did feel the sun on my arm while driving today and it felt nice and i can change as a person whenever i want #i dont like living in the city i think #i dont know what i want but i gotta make changes you know #start smoking and get a tattoo or something #i guess a lot of this is just regan and i arent that friendly right now and its making me sad #shes just busy #kinda a little bit makes me sad it was so nice when we started dating and we flirted a lot now its like im just a fixture that needs mainte #ance #everyso often #and my cats still dead #and his brother is dying #hes got lymphoma #i guess thats why im sad and sayng all this today

[journeyman-tier-fibercraft]

Finishing my WIPs was just an excuse to cast on all over lace project. Day one always has the most impressive progress.

#knitting #lace rot #knitblr #lace knitting #wip #this wasn't even the all over lace project i wanted to cast on. my brain has been having a Mental Illness Moment recently #i have three other projects lined up and it just went actually what if we knit a hannukah gift in less than a month so ig we're trying that #at least it's pretty. this purple is so intense. hopefully this yarn blocks well (acrylic/nylon blend) so the actual pattern shows. #i don't mind how it looks just kinda textured while scrunkly but the actual pattern is WAYYY nicer #godwilling i'll get more work done on this today. had my covid booster yesterday and it's kicking my ass along with seasonal depression #also if anyone recognizes this pattern i added two additional garter stitches to either end so that's why it's a little funky #also i am actually using stitch markers this time!! only two because i still hate them but #it was nice to know the difference between the edge stitches and the main pattern repeat

[makkie-is-screaming]

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#Okay so tw cuz im gonna rant about suicide #so back in July I planned on killing myself today #I told myself I needed to try n get better n if I couldn’t that was it #and I’ve tried I really have #and I’m obviously still struggling but not to the extent I was #like I’m depressed n my ed is getting worse #but I’m finally hanging out with D n she’s just so much fun to be around #im calling my bestie more and she sounds genuinely happy to hear from me #im doing a bit better with my parents to n im seeing my cousin more who I’ve missed so much #I have plans for break for the first time in years #im finally getting piercings #it’s crazy cuz even just 2 weeks ago I didn’t think Id be ok today #but I am like today isn’t gonna be another attempt I’m gonna make it #and that’s wild to me bc I was so bad over the summer I was constantly debating it that’s why I set the date #And I don’t think I’m fixed and there’s a big chance I’ll attempt at some point in the future knowing me #but right now I feel like I have a reason to try and I haven’t felt like that in a long time #okay I’m done now just wanted to say that #screaming #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #kinda

[crownedwille]

How can you make yourself not care about the thing you care very much about? Asking for a friend

#my chest feels so tight and like it's aching since yesterday now #i'm so mentally and physically affected by how much the ending bothers me #i wish i wouldn't care so much about the show and i could just shrug it off #i really want a different obsession right now just so i wouldn't care so much about a stupid tv show ending #it's ridiculous it's so stupid #why am i freaking out about it so much and getting all depressed about it #it shouldn't matter so much #it just makes me so upset idk i hate it #everyone is over the moon and happy and here i am having a fucking breakdown #maybe i should take a break from the fandom and from the blog #i try to focus on the positive and things i like but my mind just keeps coming back to it #and maybe i just need to not see any young royals right now #i haven't even watched the documentary yet. i wanted to today but it was too much #if it affects me so badly then that's not good. that's not how it should be

[bunnihearted]

🍷

#im in such a bad and low mood :< #it's not just my period hormones 🥴 #my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking #they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly #keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time #bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy #but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point #bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be #proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is #yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ...... #then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol #and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao #and then im just sad bc of many things..... #also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel #i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks #why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life?? #i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls #and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others #but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on #ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives #so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok #ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down #i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal #like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve #i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that #i still feel depressed tho <3 #idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to #i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead...... #why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk #im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol

[mymelodyisme]

My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽

#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again #i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨ #and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it #and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again #everything I am everything I do has to be for other people #im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹 #this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her #and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too #also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset #she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits #all I have left is my emotions 🥹 #anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged #sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining #here’s to a better day for us all #melifails #now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on #im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap #😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face #our football field is NOT kind in this way #hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long #im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor #so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 #i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did #bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!! #okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah

[dailyeca]

ive been tired EVERYDAY THIS WEEK. there hasnt been A MOMENT where ive felt well rested and i am UPSET.

#eca orichird #daily eca #also the fucking MAN came back today and im SICK OF HIM. someone blast him into the sun!!!! #sometimes im just like ''wow i wonder why im so tired'' and its just like [forced to go to school] [forced to do homework] #[forced to do chores] [forced to take care of my body] [forced to talk to shtty people] [goes to lgbt club] [draws an eca everyday] #like YEAH YOURE TIRED. YOUVE GOT A FULL PLATE EVERYDAY. #ALSO I HAVE DEPRESSION AND ADHD. I AM QUITE UNWELL. MY BODY IS IN PAIN ALWAYS. BUDDY. WHY /WOULDN'T/ YOU BE TIRED.

[tobytheeggo]

AU where Santino really IS the arrogant, power hungry, unsatisfied individual he’s shown to be in the movie; ending in him and Orin splitting

#why am I on an angst role today #it’s my demons someone save me #oc x Canon is usually a comfort thing for me so maybe I’m just having a wave of depression right now

[earanie]

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#remember like yesterday when I said i wouldn't go crazy about this texting thing? #welp that ship has sailed my friends #I am crazy #But like #not about the texting #about them specifically #like every thing they say make me more in love? #and not bc ive got some rose tinted glasses on #which I obv do have #But even without them #they're so smart #and... deep? #like some of their answers! my god. #obviously in all of this im afraid of being so dumb and dull in comparison #like why would somebody like them wanna spend time with somebody like me? #this is a depressing line of thinking i know #and unfair #But it's part of the game i guess #but yeah im going crazy #yesterday we texted all day #they sent me voice notes #I replied hyper late last night #and today i woke up with their reply? #like??? #bliss #now I'm mortally afraid of this convo dying #like I could go on chit chatting for months #But ik it's not really gonna happen #unless they want to (and I dont think they necessarily do) #it d be my absolute dream

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :( #like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!! #is this the norm for adulthood? :( #& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :( #boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((: #I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx' #OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together! #'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!! #every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!! #& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(