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readingforsanity · 10 months

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The Surrogate Mother | Freida McFadden | Published 2018 | *SPOILERS*

Abby wants a baby more than anything.

But after years of failed infertility treatments and adoptions that have fallen through, it seems like motherhood is not in her future. That is, until her personal assistant Monica makes a generous offer that will make all of Abby’s dreams come true.

Or all of her nightmares.

Because it turns out Monica isn’t who she says she is. The woman now carrying Abby’s child has dark, twisted secrets.

And she will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

Abby and her husband Sam are expecting, but Abby isn’t pregnant. After an infection left her uterus scarred, Abby found herself unable to conceive a baby naturally. After a rigorous process, they matched with a young 16-year-old girl who is giving them their baby.

Abby works in advertising and Sam is a math professor at a university. The two of them are seemingly perfect for each other. After a successful meeting where a campaign she is working on is a huge success, her friends and co-workers throw her a baby shower, but in the midst of the celebrations, Sam arrives with the news that Janelle, the girl who trusted them with her child, had backed out.

Abby is devastated, as is Sam. Despite wanting a newborn baby, something she has dreamed of for years, they end up deciding to go ahead and adopt an older child as the process is much easier, though it will still take another year. When she arrives at her office the next morning, her assistant, Monica, offers to be a surrogate for the couple. Abby doesn’t think this is a good idea given their professional relationship, but all Monica is looking for in return is that they pay for her to return to grad school, and once she begins showing, she would resign her position at the agency and that they would cover her expenses.

Sam doesn’t like the idea, but agrees to meet with her to talk about the options. After interviewing her and everyone she knows, including former roommates and her mother, they agree to move forward with the process. Sam is still reluctant to go through with it, but gives in because Abby has wanted it for so long.

After the embryo transfer is complete, Monica becomes pregnant on the first try. Abby is thrilled, as is Sam, though his enthusiasm doesn’t come forward. The relationship between the three of them attempts to stay as professional as possible. But, beforelong, Monica begins showing signs that she is after Sam. Abby’s calendar mysteriously begins changing without her knowledge, but Abby doesn’t understand how it could be happening.

After a meeting with Abby’s client goes bad, and Monica saves the day, Abby’s boss begins taking a liking to her. After a urine test comes back positive for methamphetamines, Denise fires Abby. Abby explains that she has never taken a drug in her life, and she isn’t aware of what could be happening. Her behavior had been erratic as of late, and it explains.

Abby, the next day, meets with her former assistant, Gertie, who was forced into retirement after a fall left her hip broken. Abby begins to think that Monica had something to do with it in order to gain access to Abby herself. Denise calls in the midst of their coffee date, and explains that she had found Monica snooping in her desk, and that she ended up finding Adderall prescribed to Monica that might explain why Abby’s drug test popped positive for amphetamines. She wants to meet with her that night, and Abby agrees.

But when Abby arrives at the office, she finds Denise in her office, murdered. The murder weapon? A letter opener with her name on it that was a gift from Sam from their most recent wedding anniversary. The police question Abby, and they think that she did it, and the evidence against her is overwhelming. Sam is devastated, and he isn’t sure what to do.

On the way home, she sees Monica’s roommate Chelsea walking, and she confronts her. But, now everything is coming together. It turns out Chelsea isn’t real, and her real name is Taylor, and that she was paid $200 to lie to the couple about how great Monica was. Taylor gives her the names of Monica’s actual former roommates, who says that she was a bit erratic, as was her mother who had been at the apartment every day and also acted erratically. But when Abby meets her mother, Louise, she finds her normal, though the information that she shares is devastating.

Originally from Boston, they had to leave because Monica was believed to have been involved with a girls disappearance and eventual murder. Despite getting Monica help, nothing seemed to be working. it is also revealed that Sam might be conspiring with Monica, as she had been in one of Sam’s classes a few years ago, and it appears that the two of them have been having an affair for the last 3 years.

When Abby confides in Shelley, her best friend, she agrees that it is plausible, and the two of them going drinking. When Abby returns home, she tries snooping in his phone but is caught red-handed. Sam leaves the next morning for his lecture, and Gertie arrives to make her a breakfast, feeling badly over everything that had happened to her recently. But then Monica arrives, and the truth is finally revealed.

Monica and Gertie are mother and daughter, and the two of them conned up this plan in order to trap Sam. When Gertie met Sam while working for Abby, Monica was a student at the university where he taught, and she told Monica to get into one of his classes. As someone with a genius-level IQ, it was easy for her. She says they instantly fell in love, but now Sam is having a hard time telling her the truth.

When Sam unexpectedly arrives home, and finds Abby tied up in their bedroom, it is apparent that Sam had nothing to do with Monica and Gertie’s schemes. Sam attempts to take the gun away from Monica, though this is not easy and Abby was able to untie herself from her restraints, to help. Gerite comes out of her hiding spot, and Monica, in her haste to fight Sam off, ends up shooting her in the head and killing her mother. The sleeping pills that they hid in her orange juice are taking effect and before she loses consciousness, she hears the gun go off again and assumes that Sam is gone now.

Abby awakens in the hospital, and learns that Sam is alive. It was a superficial wound, and that Monica ended up shooting herself. Abby assumes that means she is now dead, and asks about the baby. Their son was able to be saved, and is currently in the NICU, and though Sam wants to keep the baby, he says he’d understand if she didn’t, but she does. She wanted this for so long and it’s finally here. But she also learns that Monica is alive.

A year later, their son, David, is learning a bunch of stuff and while their lives aren’t perfect, their family is now complete. However, while David looks just like Sam, he does have Monica’s real hair color, which is blonde. But despite all of this, Abby is happy to be where she is with her family. But, when Louise, Monica’s stepmother arrives bearing a gift, Abby doesn’t want to give it to him, nor does Sam, despite learning that she is still in a vegetative state (though it is alluded that she is getting better, though this is not confirmed), she does anyway, and David takes to Monica’s childhood blanket with ease.

Another amazing read from Freida. This one had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. At one point, I thought for sure Sam was guilty, but turns out he was actually such a saint. 4/5!

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successfullyadhd · 4 years

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im 31, and after over a decade of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, my therapist and I are finally thinking it’s ADHD. i’ve had a gut feeling about it for a while and every ADHD post is relatable. now the problem is finding an place that does adult assessments and is affordable (no insurance). do you have any tips on going through the assessment as an adult? and if i can’t afford it, and can’t get medication. how do i ever become the productive focused person i want to be? thanks.

Sorry in advance for the long post... I put the most relevant bits in bold for a TL;DR version.

I know getting diagnosed as an adult can seem daunting, but you shouldn’t worry too much. While ADHD was once viewed as something that only affected children, it is now widely recognized as a lifelong disorder and you shouldn’t have to fear being dismissed because you weren’t diagnosed early in life. It’s extremely helpful that you have been seeing a therapist, and they also think you have ADHD. Ask them to send over their notes when you do go to the doctor.

As for how to get diagnosed - I’ll start by saying I hate the way American healthcare is set up, as medication and healthcare in general are expensive. I have to move frequently for me and my husband’s jobs (we both work in hospitality, and as the saying goes, “You have to move out to move up!”). Because most (all?) ADHD medications are a Schedule II drug (highly regulated but still legal), I have to get rediagnosed in every new state. I always bring my past history, but most doctors want to complete testing as they are monitored for prescribing stimulants and can lose their license if found to be providing this medication without ample documentation. (All of this to say - I have been through the procedure many times as an adult.) Depending on the state, some doctors also require bloodwork and an EKG to ensure you are healthy enough to receive the medication (although some will accept past test results if done recently enough.) Also depending on the state and doctor, they may have additional requirements. In Florida, my doctor wanted a multitude of tests, and asked for a sleep study to ensure the medication wasn’t causing poor sleep. In California, as part of the Kaiser HMO system, I was required to do periodic drug tests to ensure I wasn’t also using street drugs, and to check that the Adderall was in my system (as a test that I was using it as prescribed, and not selling it). Some states are much easier – Utah, Alabama and West Virginia all were able to diagnose me in one appointment and prescribed the medication same day. Last, a General Practitioner won’t typically prescribe it and will direct you to a psychiatrist. Even if you did have insurance, most don’t cover psychiatrists or if they do, it comes with a different deductible (because obviously mental health isn’t part of regular health (heavy sarcasm)). After diagnosing, you have to meet with the doctor once a month to get the prescription refilled – due to the Schedule II status, they can’t have it on an auto-refill like other medications and they need to ensure you aren’t abusing it or having negative side effects. (although the one good thing to come out of COVID is that it normalized tele-health appointments, since an in-person meeting with a doctor once a month can be difficult to schedule). Even though I have health insurance, I typically pay out of pocket $120 a month for my visit with the doctor, and after insurance and a coupon I pay $73 for two medications (Adderall & Vyvanse). I’m fortunate now to be able to afford that expense – at the times in my life where I couldn’t, I would request a 30 day supply of the more affordable pills and only take medication on days where I couldn’t function without it (such as doing large amounts of paperwork) and try to use learned behavior techniques the rest of the time, to stretch out my resources.

As far as what goes into the actual diagnosis – doctors most commonly use a questionnaire about your daily life to assess you. Here is a link to commonly-used questionnaires: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-assessments-and-tests/.

I know I just made it seem very daunting to get diagnosed and on a medication, but I want to be honest with you about what the process looks like, and again, depending on where you live it can be done in one session. Now that is out of the way, let me give you some information that is more helpful:

If you can, skip asking a regular GP for a referral and make an appointment directly with a psychiatrist. This will save you the extra cost of the doctor’s appointment, just to be told someone else will help. Many places have low cost mental health centers and ADHD falls into that realm, so I would check out what is available in your city. Before making an appointment, confirm the following:

- Do they diagnose ADHD?

- Do they prescribe medication? (Therapists don’t prescribe, only psychiatrists, and some will not prescribe ADHD medication at all so it’s important to be clear that it is your intention to receive medication if diagnosed)

- What tests do they require for diagnosing, and prescribing medication? (Some places may have more or less requirements, and it can even vary within a city or state. This way you will know if it’s something you can afford at the time.)

Talk with the doctor about your specific situation, and what medications are affordable without insurance. Adderall, for example, is past the 10 year exclusive patent and now has a generic version available. It comes in quick release and slow release, depending on your needs. You can also talk to the doctor about a prescription to both quick and slow release, so you take the correct medicine based on your needs for that day (marathon work day? Slow release that extends over the entire day. Afternoon project – quick release that lasts for four hours). Vyvanse is great but doesn’t have a generic version and is insanely expensive without insurance (to the tune of $350+). Use the GoodRX app to find deals on medication without insurance (Adderall is about $15 for a month supply with this app). There are a ton of drug options so look up the pricing during the doctor’s visit, so you can confirm that you can afford what they prescribe. Also keep in mind that getting a prescription filled is the same cost whether you get 1 pill or 30 (a fact I learned the hard way when getting a 10 pill prescription filled once.)

If you read all that and thought, Thanks but no thanks, here are some other options:

- My psychiatrist in Florida recommended that I take Rhodiola Rosea supplements in addition to medication, as it has clinically proven positive effects on ADHD symptom control. I found it on Amazon. Omega-3 fatty acid supplements are also proven effective.

- If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here is a super comprehensive study of various dietary supplements and behavior modifications that work or don’t work for ADHD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4968082/

- Practicing meditation is a great way to relax your body (increased stress, while helpful for short-term tasks, can make ADHD symptoms worse long term) and train your mind to hold onto singular, important thoughts (people’s names, why you walked into the kitchen, etc). I use the Waking Up app and love it – there are also many free options in the App Store and on YouTube.

- Regular exercise is another great way to manage ADHD symptoms, as it gives your body a natural serotonin and dopamine boost, two important chemicals your body has trouble producing and absorbing naturally.

- Caffeine is a great, easily accessible stimulant that has a focusing and calming effect on ADHD individuals. My doctor actually asked my parents to give me coffee each morning before school when I was a child, before we moved onto prescriptions.

- Often, there are other factors that go along with ADHD, such as anxiety and/or depression. Getting this under control can go a long way in managing ADHD as well. I’m not sure if you have any issues with those, but it can be helpful to treat both if you do. The medication Wellbutrin is used to treat depression and also has mild stimulants, which would be helpful for both conditions. It isn’t a Schedule II drug, so you can probably ask your doctor for a 3 or 6 month prescription.

- There are a ton more mind hacks and learned behavioral mechanisms you can try – read some of my other posts for suggestions.

Of course, I have to give the legal disclaimer – all of this is based on my personal experience, I’m not licensed in the medical field in any way and only a doctor can give you proper advice for your body and situation, and what medications will be most helpful. 😊

#adhd #adhd diagnosis #actuallyadhd #actuallyadd #executive dysfunction #neurodivergent #adhd advice #getting diagnosed #going to the doctor

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c0nques7 · 4 years

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Unfuck your life, a retrospective

Chapter One: Un-f Your Head

A special kind of person has special kind of problems. My flavor that had to be dealt with was narcissism. I would start drinking and then talk for hours, just to hear the sound of own voice. People would listen because I was a gifted orator, not because the words connected to provide any substance.

Hopefully after reading the intro and doing some reflecting you’ve come to find yourself ready to begin the hard work towards making your life better, but before we get started, you have to make one promise that you’ll carry through the entirety of this book -

If your doctor says to do something that is contrary to any of my recommendations, you listen to your doctor instead of me.

I am not a doctor by any stretch of the imagination, and as you'll see later on, I have also had to reach out to medical professionals when the nature of my problem went outside the realm of what I could attain myself. You promise you’ll go to them when things get really tough, right? Right? Okay cool, lets begin.

First things first. You’re going to need to spend some time with yourself, thinking, exploring, crying, etc. Some of it you’ll do by yourself, some of it you’ll do with dear friends or spouses, and some of it will come off a drunken 2 day weekend bender and you’re so sorry for it please god stay friends with me. Trust me, I’ve been to all of these places. The purpose of all of this is to take some time, get a feel for who you are, what you like, don’t like, your good, bad and otherwise. Grab something you can take notes on, and start here. Write down 5 things you like about yourself. It can be as simple as “I’m great about remembering to lay down the toilet seat” or as complex as “My confidence going into the Calc 3 final.” The reason we’re going with the good first is that you need to CONSTANTLY remind yourself of the things that you like about yourself. Can’t think of anything? Ask a friend. Don’t have any friends? Ask your mom or dad. Don’t have any parents? Jesus, I’m sorry, tweet me and I’ll help you with this part.

Once you have those down, put them somewhere you’ll see them every day. I used to have mine as my cell phone background. I used to also be studying for a computer certification, and every time I’d score over a 70%, I’d write on the piece of paper, “Good job Joe!” in a cool color, and it was forever in my study journal, so that every time I’d review, I’d remember how good I was at this stuff.

The reason behind all of this is that with how deep we’re going to go into making positive change, you need to have the foundation of confidence knowing that we’re working with a good person, not a shit person who is hopeless. If you are reading this right now, you are not a shit person, because you are at least trying.

The next thing we’re going to do is write out 3 things you don’t like about yourself. Now, when you get into this, make sure you’re writing something down that you have a measure of control over. If you were born with a birth defect, or have a mental illness, don’t write down the symptoms of those things as the focus of your change. These need to be more along the lines of, “I wish I was more outgoing”, or “I wish I didn’t talk badly about people behind their backs.” or even, “I wish I was better at coding/reading/being empathetic.”

Full disclosure, when I went through weekly therapy after my divorce, there were so many problems that we had to unpack and dig through that tackling only 3 problems seemed like a waste of time, but what I’ve found out is that depending on where you are emotionally in this process, 3 might be all you can handle. If you wanna do more, and address more, then by all means, go for it.

Every week, remind yourself of the things you want to change, remind yourself of the things that you like about yourself, and then finally write down how you can correlate the things you like about yourself with the things you want to change. For example, I’m really good at being able to gather lots of information, and one of the things I’m working on is trying to stick to a budget, so I’ve been trying to gather as much financial information about myself as possible to better understand when I spend, why I spend, and try different ways of budgeting so that I’m not overextending myself. This part is going to take some time, and I recommend only attempting one per week at first until you get the hang of it.

Now, because it’s the elephant in the room, we’re going to go ahead and jump into the subject of drugs, what I would be a healthy guideline to follow regarding their use (as long as your doctor gives the okay), and I’ll provide what I use/don’t use, so hopefully you’ll be more informed than just your 1hr DARE class you attended 10 years ago. I wish that people had been real with me about drugs. We’re going to be roping alcohol in with drugs, because saying drugs and alcohol is like saying fruit and watermelon. It’s all drugs, with varying pros, cons and usages.

The drugs I’ve used/tried are as follows:

Adderall (I have a prescription for it, I’ll go into that later.)

Very low dose antidepressant (Prescription too. Haven’t noticed any mood changes with it, but my doctor recommended it for sleep, and it seems to be working. Gives me dry mouth.

Weed. Didn’t start smoking until I was 26, only smoked when I was really stressed out, had a period of a month where I was a daily smoker, now I try and stay away from it. It’s illegal where I’m from, so it’s best to stay away from things that could get me in trouble with the law.

Alcohol. Used to use it for stress release, now I only have a beer every once in a while, or an expensive tequila. Don’t like the way it makes me feel after more than 2 or 3 drinks. Brings out the worst in everyone, I’ve found.

Kratom. Only used in very small doses. Dried me out, but I did notice a very relaxing effect, and improved sexual performance on certain strains. The DEA is trying to make it illegal, so be careful with this one.

Kava. Root based tea that chilled me out. I highly recommend. Tastes like dirt. Get the powder, take your time making it, don’t mess with the concentrates or anything other than Noble powder.

We’ll touch on these again in the next chapter, but for now here’s what I want you to get real about.

Does my usage of drugs push me closer towards the things I like about myself, or towards the things I don’t like about myself? It’ll take some time to answer that, and it’ll take even longer to kick the habits and/or addictions associated if you decide the answer to be no.

In my case, I always knew I had issues with focus, we made jokes about it, I laughed along, but I always felt like a failure who was letting everyone around me down because I couldn’t finish anything I started. After getting into another serious relationship after my divorce I decided that the stakes were much higher this time around, and I wanted my promises to be not only remembered, but kept and followed through with. At this point I decided it was time to talk to my doctor, who then referred me to a psychiatrist who recommended I try a low dose of adderall. For me, it was a game changer. The problem with acquiring anything illegally is yes, you can go to jail, be fined, etc, but more importantly, you’re not doing something that can be monitored. Part of your doctors job is and should be supplying you with objectivity. Yes, yes, big pharma and “The Man” have gotten to your doctor and are causing him/her to prescribe things that fuck with your brain. If you’ll take off your tin-foil hat for a second, and finish your blunt, I’m going to level with you. Weed can make you paranoid, and if you’re smoking a lot, stop for a week, re-read this chapter and then reach out to me if you still wanna argue about the pros and cons of having a good, open, honest dialogue with your healthcare provider.

All of the drugs I’ve tried produced a result in my self-talk that made me decide, was this thing I’m putting in my body worth it? For some, no, for others, sometimes, and for yet still others, absolutely yes.

Except for heroin. Not even once.

The last thing I want to leave you with in this chapter is a plan for how to handle when you fall off the bandwagon, or miss the mark on your goals. Remember this from the intro?

The most important part of the process is accepting that you can change, you want to change, and you make the daily steps to change.

I know it wasn’t that long ago that you read it, but it’s worth repeating. I remember when I first began to tackle my relationship with alcohol, it was absolutely the hardest thing I’d ever done. I spent more time off the wagon than I spent going anywhere. Countless nights where, “oh I’ve had a rough day, I’ll just have one drink” turned into “ah so this is what the bottom of a bottle of Jose Quervo looks like. I’d forgotten for a moment.”. Shit happens, but you’re tougher than the shit you’re going through. We’re going to focus on a 5-10% change in your life every month. Absolutely keep reading, but remember, the 5-10% changes are going to be the easiest to make, with the longest lasting impact. Now get to it!

Action Items from This Chapter:

Write Down 5 Things You Like About Yourself:

Write Down 3 Things You Don’t Like About Yourself:

Write Down 1 Thing You’re Going To Change About Yourself, Using The Things You Like About Yourself.

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a-quiet-borderline-diary · 3 years

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BACK 2021

It has been YEARS since I have posted, but I believe that writing in a diary blog would be beneficial to me again, so I'm back again. I was hoping a new blogging platform would have taken off by now to make a new diary blog, but it seems nothing like what Tumblr used to be is in the mainstream right now (as far as I know.)

I can't even remember what year I stopped writing here, but I am still alive, still coping, and still living with borderline personality disorder. I have been out of therapy for about a year because I didn't want to do remote sessions, but I decided recently to bite the bullet and go back anyway because seeing a therapist is required if I switch back to my old medication management clinic. I am not happy with my current med management doctor tbh.

The doctor I have been seeing for the past couple of years cut down the limit on my adderall prescription, but I endured the lower dose because this doctor was more willing to prescribe me newer drugs for my mood and depression than the doctor at my old clinic would. At this point I'm on the following meds: 30mg adderall XR morning, 30mg adderall IR 5pm, Cymbalta 30 mg, Trintellix 20mg, Latuda 60mg, and Klonopin 0.5mg (as needed). Now that I'm already on these meds, I doubt my doctor will try to take me off of everything when I switch back. I would like to go back on my old adderall prescription though. I suffer pretty sever executive dysfunction. My old dose was 30mg IR 3x a day instead of one XR and one IR. I feel the XR does not last as long as it is supposed to when I take it. This may have something to do with how it interacts with other meds I take but I'm not sure for certain. I deff felt like 90mg a day was solid though, and I doubt they're going to allow me to take anything higher than that dose. It sucks how controlled adhd meds are, because after years of taking it (sometimes off meds when I lacked insurance for a short period though) I feel it just doesn't have the same effect on me that it once had.

I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that when I first started taking adderall, I was only on that medication by itself at many points and it wasn't until my early-mid 20s that I began taking several other types of psychiatric meds alongside the adderall. For instance, adderall alone used to help me a lot with maintaining a low appetite, but now that I'm on all these other meds I think some of it may increase appetite and just kind of cancel that side effect out.

Over the last year and a half I gained 60 pounds. I have lost 10 of it so far using a caloric deficit diet limiting my calories to 1200 a day with *one* cheat day on Saturday where I can eat whatever I want without counting. The longer my diet has gone on, the less I am tempted to overindulge or binge on Saturday.

My diet has been going in for about 1 month. I'm a little discouraged at the moment, because I dropped that first 10 pounds in the first 2 weeks, but now 2 more weeks have passed and I'm still weighing in about the same. I am continuing to stick to my calorie limit 6 days a week though.

My normal weight is about 125-130, and now I weigh a little under 175. Before the weight loss recently I was 185, so I'm glad to have at least seen some progress in a month. My goal is to get back to what my normal size usually is.

I feel that I got to this weight through a period over a year and a half of much indulgence and binge eating. Since I'm still "mid sized" despite all the weight gain, most people don't take me seriously and I don't think they see the bigger picture of why I got this way. I was being like... Reckless about eating. For example, for a couple months I was getting the same lunch at Starbucks every day. The lunch consisted of a large green tea Frappuccino with white mocha, peppermint, and vanilla bean powder. I also ordered a grilled cheese sandwich every day, as well as a cake pop. The calories of that daily lunch was over 1000 for just one meal. I was also eating large dinners, and after dinner I would smoke, get the munchies, and eat tons of candy. I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if I ate like 3000 calories a day on a regular basis. There were days where I ate until it hurt, or until I felt sick. It was not normal.

I started developing bladder pain problems and had to go to physical therapy, and basically the main lesson I took from the physical therapy is "the sugary and carbonated drinks you frequently choose instead of water are causing you irritation and pain." This lesson mostly put my drink choice habits into question, but when this happened I decided to make a change and really just eat less, and stop wasting my daily meal calories on sugary drinks. I am still working on creating better habits about drinking water, but I only drink diet drinks or water now unless it's *cheat day. * I also cut energy drinks out completely, which I used to drink excessively (sometimes 3 a day). My body is already thanking me as I experience less pain when I am more conscious of my habits, but it's a process.

I know this is primarily a mental health blog, but my physical health (which is usually in acceptable condition) really just stated taking a downward turn on the diet of binging and indulgence I was on so I really need to change it.

Another change that occurred since my last entries, is that I ended up graduating college and now I am working full time. My job is relatively gentle on my mental health and body. However, since the job is in an office and it's sedentary, it is a little harder to maintain healthy habits. Even so, I'd rather balance that out by walking with my dog when I get home and doing squats in the bathroom at work 🙊 It feels AMAZING to work a job where I don't have to interact with customers or the public. I oversee two independent workers so even as a supervisor I barely have to do any supervising work. I can just focus on my tasks, manage out the time for the day, and go at a comfortable pace to get it all done. I have been doing well there and I have been promoted twice already... The only thing better really would be a job that pays more or a job where I can work remotely. A remote job would be a dream, because then I could spend time sitting with my cats and dog while I'm working. Honestly, I'm also hoping that if I ever get a remote job then I'll be able to squeeze in some household chores when I'm in between tasks.

Change is on the horizon, but I'll make another post discussing my upcoming life changes. For now, this has been what was missed in relation to my mental and physical health since I stopped writing here. I look forward to filling you all in more, (to anyone who still follows me) and possibly reaching some new readers who may find my entries relatable, inspiring, interesting, or helpful in some way.

✌️

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techcrunchappcom · 3 years

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New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/more-parents-seek-adhd-diagnosis-and-drugs-for-kids-to-manage-remote-learning/

More parents seek ADHD diagnosis and drugs for kids to manage remote learning

Susan McLaughlin’s 12-year-old daughter, Isabela, was a straight-A student before the pandemic. Isabela, who lives in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio, excelled at science and math and was already getting high school credit for algebra.

But when her school shut down in March and classes shifted to Zoom, Isabela’s grades took a nosedive. She signed on for her virtual class from a desk piled high with books, papers and stuffed animals and then spent hours trying to clean her room instead of focusing on schoolwork. She found herself “paralyzed” by assignments, McLaughlin said, but she wouldn’t tell the teacher over email that she was struggling, as she would have done in person.

“It was meltdown after meltdown after meltdown,” said McLaughlin, 53, a mother of three from Delaware, Ohio, who works in a high school with chronically truant children.

McLaughlin recalls one time in April when Isabela, who was already diagnosed with severe anxiety, was given a language arts assignment and “fell to pieces.”

“She was crying and screaming and hyperventilating and started to get some tics, moving her head and flapping her arms. She had never had them before. That’s when we started to consider that it might be ADHD.”

McLaughlin spent months trying to bring more structure to Isabela’s day by writing lists, schedules, timelines and checkboxes. But as someone who was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder herself a decade ago, McLaughlin realized that she was seeing the same behaviors in Isabela. She thought, “I’ve got to nip this in the bud.”

Isabela is being evaluated by a psychiatrist, a process that takes several hours and requires her teachers to fill out questionnaires about her behavior. McLaughlin hopes that with an ADHD diagnosis, Isabela will be able to get a prescription for a stimulant medication — such as Ritalin, Adderall or Vyvanse — to alleviate her symptoms.

“I know it’s super controversial sometimes. But I’ve been medicated for a long time, and I can’t function without taking it,” McLaughlin said. “If I don’t take my medication, I see an immediate difference in my ability to manage complex tasks, clean the house, get up and cook dinner. So I’m hoping it will have the same effect on her.”

Susan McLaughlin and Isabela Burgeson do schoolwork.Maddie McGarvey

Growing problems

McLaughlin isn’t alone in seeking an ADHD assessment for her child during the pandemic. Two dozen children, pediatricians, psychiatrists, psychologists and researchers all described a crisis among children suffering from inattention and tanking school performance.

Data from specialists involved with diagnosing and treating ADHD show just how much parents are struggling to get help: They are flooding an ADHD support line with questions, and ADHD diagnoses and prescriptions for related medications have soared.

“Covid has been a tipping point that has pushed some families to get help,” said Dr. Melvin Oatis of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, who said the stress of the pandemic, the shift to remote learning and social isolation have created “anxiety-provoking” conditions that affect students’ attention.

Experts warn that children who appear to have symptoms of ADHD should have thorough evaluations to rule out other conditions or stresses related to the pandemic before they seek medication.

“Our concern is that pediatricians and families be very careful to not simply list the symptoms of ADHD, but to look at the child’s history and use differential diagnosis to make sure we have the best possible explanation for the symptoms,” said Dr. Arthur Lavin, a Cleveland-based pediatrician who has served on several national committees of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

In the meantime, parents are seeking any help they can find. The number of parents calling a help line set up by CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), a nonprofit that supports people with ADHD, rose by 62 percent since the pandemic started, the organization said. Traffic to its website last year grew by 77 percent compared to 2019.

“We’re getting a lot of calls from caregivers who are working at home alongside their children and starting to see more issues with their behavior than they did before,” said April Gower-Getz, CHADD’s chief operating officer.

They’re certainly trying to get their children evaluated more frequently. The Child Mind Institute, a New York-based nonprofit that helps children with mental health disorders and their families, recorded a 20 percent increase in the number of appointments to discuss medication last year compared to 2019. The “lion’s share” of the appointments were to discuss medication for ADHD, said Dr. Harold Koplewicz, the institute’s founder.

And more parents are getting their children diagnosed and treated with medication for ADHD.

Athenahealth, a technology company that creates practice management software for health care providers, published research in May, drawing on data from its customers, that showed an increase in patients ages 13 to 17 who received new diagnoses of ADHD. From the week of March 9 to the week of March 30, the proportion of visits by teenagers that involved first-time ADHD diagnoses rose by 67 percent. There was a similar spike among teenagers — particularly boys — who received prescriptions for ADHD medicines for the first time.

The cases also seem to have picked up in recent months, said psychologist Keith Sutton, director of the Bay Area Center for ADD/ADHD. He said he had a “sharp increase” in inquiries during the fall.

“Before the summer, everyone was just trying to get through those months,” Sutton said. “Then, in October, when grades were coming back, parents were thinking we’re in it for the long run, something is going on here and we need help.”

Isabela Burgeson thrives with in-person schooling but has been struggling during virtual learning.Maddie McGarvey / for NBC News

Why now?

Experts attribute the increase in inquiries to a variety of factors, including the loss of structure and accommodations in the classroom setting.

Parents are also seeing their children’s troubles during school hours firsthand. Dr. Devang Patel, a family medicine physician in Illinois who specializes in ADHD, is one of several clinicians who said he is fielding more requests from parents for medication for their children.

“When the problem was in front of the teachers, it wasn’t really the parents’ concern,” Patel said. “But now they are at home trying to make their kid sit still for just half an hour and seeing how difficult that is.”

Children also miss the school environment, which helped ameliorate such issues. Dr. Jenny Radesky, a Michigan-based developmental behavioral pediatrician, said she has started prescribing stimulants for children as young as 5 and 6 this year. Their ADHD symptoms were manageable in supportive classrooms with flexible teachers, sensory tools and clear routines. But when those structures went away in March, their symptoms flared up.

“I’m watching kids who used to love school become unenthused and unmotivated,” said Radesky, who said she was worried about the long-term impact of virtual learning. “They need the social environment at school to learn how to regulate themselves. Without that, they are really struggling.”

Parenting challenges

Sasha Harris-Cronin’s 8-year-old son, Z (he chose his own name when he was 6), who is in the third grade, was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019 but didn’t start medication until last August.

Before the pandemic, Z’s school provided accommodations, like seating him directly in front of the teacher, where he wouldn’t be distracted, and making sure he ran around outside during recess.

Harris-Cronin said the shift to Zoom for Z was “awful.”

“It was so difficult. There were so many tears,” she said. Z missed the structure of school and couldn’t focus on Zoom classes. He would take an hour to write four words of a writing assignment. Days would go by when he got “absolutely nothing” done.

When she and Z realized that they were “looking down the barrel of another year like this,” they visited a psychiatrist, who prescribed Ritalin and Metadate.

“It was mind-blowing,” Harris-Cronin said. “He wrote a poem the first day. It’s not a miracle cure. But boy, is it an effective tool.”

Finding relief

Jahkim Hendrix, 18, of Atherton, California, suspected that he had ADHD for many years. But he didn’t get formally evaluated until late last year, during his senior year of high school. He had been falling behind academically the previous year, and when the schools closed in March, it didn’t take long for him to “give up completely.”

“The teacher would be speaking and I’d go blank,” he said, adding that students objected to putting their cameras on for their teachers, which made them — and him — even less accountable. “I would mute my teacher and go on TikTok and stay there for hours. That’s what sustained my attention.”

He barely passed his junior year of high school, and his grades slid from Ds to Fs as he started his senior year last fall. He and his mom, who was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child, decided it was time to seek help. It took two months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, who evaluated him for over five hours in mid-December.

In late January, he was diagnosed with ADHD.

“I cried with relief,” he said. “I have always been told I have high potential but low performance, and I didn’t know why. Now I have a name to the thing that I’m facing, as well as tools and resources to help me.”

Worried doctors

Many experts said parents and clinicians need to be extra cautious about diagnosing ADHD during a pandemic because a child might show more signs that meet the criteria for the disorder. A diagnosis simply needs six or more symptoms listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the book of mental disorders recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. They include making careless mistakes, struggling to stay focused on tasks, having trouble organizing activities, not following through on instructions, avoiding schoolwork, losing items and being easily distracted.

“The pandemic has substantially disrupted the routines of every family, and that is going to make a good number of children feel like they can’t pay attention so well,” said Lavin, the Cleveland pediatrician. “ADHD might be one of the explanations, but only one. But the stress of a pandemic may also cause inattention.”

Medical experts say someone with ADHD was very likely to show signs before the pandemic began. Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommend lengthy evaluations that take in children’s full developmental histories, surveys parents and teachers and compares symptoms to peers their own ages and genders.

A 15-minute office visit with a pediatrician isn’t long enough to rule out other causes of inattention, such as anxiety, depression and problems at home, said Sutton of the Bay Area Center for ADD/ADHD.

Susan McLaughlin and her daughter, Isabela Burgeson.Maddie McGarvey / for NBC News

Lengthy dependence

As many schools remain closed, some experts said they were concerned about the long-term impact of remote learning for young people with ADHD, particularly teenagers.

Maggie Sibley, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Washington and Seattle Children’s Hospital, has written a research paper, accepted by the Journal of Psychiatric Research, showing that symptoms are worsening and stress levels are skyrocketing among adolescents and young adults with ADHD during the pandemic. That has prompted numerous problems, including social isolation and disengagement from class.

“A person with ADHD typically has fewer friends and less social activities in their calendar,” she said. “A lot are getting their only social interactions at school.”

Students with ADHD were at particular risk of depression and dropping out of school, the study concluded.

“If you are in a situation where you are experiencing chronic boredom, getting poor grades in school, socially isolated and stuck in a house, it’s a recipe for depression,” Sibley said. While suicide isn’t an inevitable result, “we have to be vigilant down the road, especially since we know from research that when people with ADHD get depressed, they are more likely to make suicidal gestures because of their impulsivity.”

Susan McLaughlin will find out whether Isabela has ADHD at a follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist on Tuesday. While they wait, Isabela continues to battle with her assignments, particularly on Thursdays and Fridays, when class is entirely self-directed.

“I just want her to be everything she can be, a happy, well-adjusted 12-year-old — or as well-adjusted as anyone can be at this point.”

#diagnosis #drugs #learning #manage #parents #remote #Technology

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fatallyoptimistic · 4 years

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Hi, tumblr. I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I only turn to you during my extreme highs and lows (mostly lows) (like right now). But I’m glad you’re always here for me, old blog. My safe space, just for me. Today has been both more productive & sad than the past three weeks combined. I did my annotated bibliography! I’ve also been crying for the past few hours, so that has hindered my progress in studying for biochem. That’s okay, because I don’t think I’ll go to sleep tonight, so I have a bit of extra time. I spent a long time today just hating on myself. Like the lyrics from a Rex Orange County song:

& I’ve spent many months just hating on myself

I can’t keep wishing things would be different

Or leaving problems on the shelf

I wish I didn’t need to get help

But I do...... I do.

I hate every version of me.

[What if the reason why I’m so depressed is that I don’t deserve to be happy because I’m not a good person]

It’s gonna be okay, even if it’s not good. I’m just gonna keep going through it. There will be pockets of happy moments ? (even if I have to get drunk or high to accomplish that). I know I need to ask for help, but every fiber of my being is begging me not to, to just take this on my own. I don’t want people to worry about me. But I would want my friends to tell me if they were struggling so that I could be there for them, because that’s what friends are for. I don’t know. I’m a hypocrite at best. At worst... anyways. Thinking about Mira lately. Trying not to, though. I always kind of push that off until January 20th every year, and then I break. I don’t think I can handle processing all of those layers right now. I’m in this funk pretty deep, and it’s easier to just keep swimming down. And I keep thinking that I’m getting close to the end, but then the bottom drops down from underneath of me and I realize just how much depth there really is to all of this. Sinking down, down, down..

I’m putting a cap on this. No more depression brain for tonight, just biochem brain. I’ve got adderall pumping through my veins (prescribed!) and endless green tea. It’s time to learn some things and be proud of myself.

Welcome to ~High Functioning Major Depression~

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cameronsaunders95 · 4 years

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