#yet still want to create

[moltage]

i've tried everything, different ways, different times, different places. i just can't seem to find my passion for writing back.

#writers block my ass this shit has been going on for years #you love going around telling people that you write when in truth you haven't written anything in ages #i don't even consider myself a writer anymore because it feels wrong to call it that #everything i put out is influenced by something. ifeel like i can never truly be original #a few shitty pieces i wrote at the peak of a fixation don't really count because i've abandoned them too #yes i've written them but im so afraid to associate them with my name #how does one hate what they create so much #yet still want to create #when will it be satisfying? #when will i be like yeah. i like this. i made this. this is mine. #i dont think the problem is language either like sure it can be improved but i can't even write in my own language? #i used to love writing in turkish and peopel would praise me for my stories but looking back at it even that wasn't original #it was never mine #it was always about something that affected me #this is sad its just sad. #writing

[averlym]

fairest of the fair

#hi! im alive and back and etc. #six the musical #six the musical fanart #katherine howard #thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art #this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self #aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying #redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me #back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit #also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill #multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me #notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts #of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions.. #1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was #pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes #3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume #and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to #explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is #darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall #outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet #within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions? #7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah #8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck #anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage

#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage #kh0.2 #darkside #heartless #realm of darkness #my gif #i really do wish to learn more about these heartless #they're huge and intimidating although never particularly strong yet they still feel so significant #i'd like to think they're more than what they seem and are not just a reoccurring boss #waiting for the possibility to learn info on a very specific thing for an ongoing 20+ year old game series... agonizing #the fact that only this kind of heartless can create a giant evil ball of energy in the sky that consumes worlds means SOMETHING right? #whenever we have to fight one the camera always zooms out through the empty heart shaped chest cavity and i want that to Mean Something

[glazedmcguffin]

I may have an AU where Miyamoto Usagi, Tomoe Ame and (comic) Murakami Gennosuke get transported to the present (aka Samurai Rabbit times) and have to deal with the culture shock and other such things (Rhogen - comic Gen's nickname - looking at his descendants and wondering how that happened, Tomoe realising she is a ronin because her Lord is dead in this time and Miyamoto having a very enthusiastic descendant following him around while he tries to adapt to modern times and culture). Also Jei might be there at some point :o) (P.S I won't be doing a lot of (if any) ship content to do with that one really popular ship in the fandom so if you're here for that, you unfortunately won't find it, sorry !!)

#usagi yojimbo #samurai rabbit the usagi chronicles #srtuc #yuichi usagi #miyamoto usagi #tomoe ame #<- shes in the corner of the image on a pillow but shes still there #opth doodles #I binged the samurai rabbit series in less than a week #and I've read pretty much all of the yojimbo comics that I can but am searching for more incase i missed some #watched and read the majority of the crossover tmnt content too #Im normal I swear im normal (lying) #usagi yojimbo au #<- haven't figured out a name yet #SHOUTOUT TO ANYONE WHO RECOGNISES THE STORY MIYAMOTO WILL TELL #Im ok with the ship as long as its not done weirdly [bad] but im not gonna be creating that type of content since its not my cup of tea so #i dont want people to get their hopes up and then see i am not creating that type of stuff

[zecoritheweirdone]

eyy,, i made a pokétrainer oc !!!! been trying to design them for nearly a month, i think- only managed to finalize her design with some help from some friends,,, sksmsknsjs. lineart isn't mine, btw!! instead made by my friend sap @pinesented my good friend sap. colors are by me, tho! (and no i definitely didn't just steal the color palette from the gender-fluid flag, bc i am. so good at colors).

anyway this is malachai last-name-pending and he specializes in dark/ghost types <3. she looks scary but really they're pretty chill and just a bit introverted. prolly messes with tarot cards, too,,,

#my art #pokemon #pokemon oc #pokemon trainer oc #i'm not the best at drawing skirts or dreads; yet;; #so my hope is that by creating an oc with 'em;; i'm forcing myself to get better at drawing em #everyone thank mercifulmelo my good friend melo for helping me figure out the basics of what i wanted #and expecislly thank sap for; like. basically creating the design for me;; sisnsksnks #was having a lot of trouble with the outfit(and a bit with the hair);; so having them swoop in and help me figure out stuff was a godsend #go follow sap guys he makes some BANGER art. i still have her artwork as my pc background <3 #wallpaper. one of those words #sap is so awesome and cool and deserves everything ever #hopefully next time you see malachai; she's actually in my own style;; sksnskjs-

[incorrect-riordanverse]

im so mad that this is a side blog account and not a main account. i started this blog when i was still relatively new to tumblr and i think i was… like. fourteen years old or something. i never thought i would continue for this long, and i never knew so many people would like the content i put out here (i have over 9k followers which is literally mind-blowing, like wow….).

because this isnt a main account, i cant respond to replies left on my posts, i cant really reply to anyone unless i reblog !! i cant even follow people with this blog, it just comes up as my main blog (which is not pjo-related… rip my failed attempts at organising my fandoms to different blogs). so my avenues of interaction with a lot of you are seriously impeded.

so i just want to say i am so thankful for all of you, i read every single person’s tags who reblog my stuff, i read all of your replies and every time im crying screaming rolling around on the ground in agony over the fact i CANT REPLY!!

i know my posts are super inconsistent these days, im glad so many are still here! i think i may change some of my content eventually (never gonna get rid of the incorrect quote stuff, i’ll just be adding some other things like pjo headcanons or analyses or something), just to spice some stuff up on here.

#also! im currently writing a fantasy book rn and have been so stressed over the fact that authors are expected to have a following before— #—reaching out to agencies with a manuscript. and i seriously stress about creating a following. #so my backup plan is literally you guys. my four year old pjo account on tumblr with its silly little quotes 😭😭 #and like. if that works. could you imagine. that you guys may actually save my future ??? like?? i love you guys for just following me bc ?? #YOU MAY SAVE ME FROM THE CAPITALIST PRESSURES OF SENSATIONALISING ONES OWN ART FOR INVESTED SUCCESS YAYYYYYY #anyways im not going to promote it now bc its still in the first draft area. not near for me to even go thru revisions yet. i may never- #-promote it on here. i dont want to annoy people with suddenly changing tracks. and i def wont transform this blog into a self promo for me- #-thats never going to happen! i would make another blog for it but for now everything’s just an idea! #i just wanted to say thank you because this has been giving me so much anxiety especially since graduating high school. the problems of— #—trying to be an author have become more pressing and immediate for me. i hope it will happen one day but who knows #you guys give me confidence though. and i literally cannot thank u guys enough (I HATEEEEE THE CAREER ANXIETY) #not riordanverse #not incorrect either #for followers #rewriting #sorry for the whole essay in the tags ☠️

[slimynematode]

THE ELECTRONIC YET PALEOLITHIC GARDEN OF EDEN BEARING FRUIT UNTOUCHED BY OVERGROWN MEGAFAUNA OF FUTURES PAST

#i havent posted this though ive had it for like two months #ive been forming some kind of world thats similar to the planet of the apes in a way where the meegafauna never got killed off #and they kept developing into more intelligent creatures #until their society reaches a standstill one day when the garden of eden is recreated i think #initial idea was like electronic paleolithic megafauna #im still plagued by images of animatronicc wooly mammoth thats being annasumingly harvested for flesh but instead of meat found #its only wires #and the line between animatronic and electronic and living breathing flesh and fauna becomes blurred #because i guess animals as intelligent creatures would have a different approach to creating a society #i really just want to draw sabre tooth tigers and more neanderthals #well this one isnt a sabre tooth tiger but i didnt think of that yet #i would imagine the animals would evolve alongside the tech actually unlike humans #theres a word for where humans are evolutionary wise where we no longer evolve #anyway ive been wanting to make more art about being trans soo idk but ill keep twirling the idea round my head i think #as well as the water tower knight #art #traditional art #charcoal #mixed media #furry #sci fi #oc #oc art

[goldkirk]

I'm taking a survey--I'd love to talk about thoughts for Shutterbug Series and the magic Tim series on here, but I also don't want to spoil the story or future events for people.

Do you feel okay with me just talking about whatever I want even if it's spoilers or even if I don't end up writing it?

Or would it really make it hard for you if I was on here posting potential spoilers at random?

Would you be okay with it IF I had a separate tag for just-thoughts-and-ramblings like "shutterbug braindump" that you could blacklist?

#polls #shutterbug series #coraline au #i didn't have this concern back when i was writing latchkey because it was just so fast and not a lot of people had found and read it yet #and certainly not many followed me on here #but now I know a good number of people do and I don't want to just subject people to my brain dump writing vomits without consent haha #my audience has evolved from what it previously was #i want to make sure i evolve my habits/boundaries with that if necessary too #2024 #gold thoughts #i'm going to try to create a new tag to see if i'm still capable of creating new tagging habits i won't forget forever #it's an experiment

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

mibueba............

#ippiki au #mizuki akiyama #ena shinonome #w1f1 draws #just wanted to fully solidify mizuenas designs for the au......... #they only make a very brief appearance in the fic but im not consistent trying to draw them here so i wanted to finally nail that down #mizuki is a deer but the hybridization causes some weird things which is why theyve still got some fawn spots but are growing antlers #one of their antlers broke and they havent shed their antlers to start growing a new one yet #(but also out of universe its a nod to hermit mizuki) #ena is a mountain lion and theres nothing too interesting about her design otherwise #since akito and ena are created hybrids theyre not the same animal but they are still siblings #weird au stuff etc etc whatever

[saintchaser]

hey, people! friendly reminder that artists, be they fanart artists or writers, do see the criticism you write on their posts and the vagueposting on certain social medias and it is not fucking okay. you have to remember that these content creators are people too, the very same way you are, and that they create content because they like engaging with a certain fandom.

i know i made a post about this a while ago when zar left the fandom but this post really made me realize how entitled people are in regards to consuming fandom material. fanart artists, the very same way writers do, get better over time, and many people in fandom, maybe not the majority, but still a good part, are amateur artists, and most of them are still looking for an artstyle that fits them. i joined this fandom in 2019, and i was really young back then. with experience, artists get better. or maybe they won't! that's fine too; however, this kind of criticism is both harmful and unasked for.

you are not entitled to anything. you consume media that people put out on the internet for free, and yet you're acting as if people are supposed to great godsent art; (fanart) artists and writers, listen to me. you do not owe the people who engage with your content anything. you decide what you want to do, and you should not feel pressured and obligated to do things you don't want to.

this fandom is really demanding towards the content creators they consider to be "good", and ignoring, to cite the previously linked post, the "mid" ones.

you decide what content you engage with. is it not your cup of tea? is it something that is not visually pleasing to you, or writing that is, by your standards, not good enough? do you just not like it? do not fucking engage with it. do not make other people feel bad about their art just because you don't like it. please, for the love of everything, understand that content is not created for you, and that people will not always produce the content you like. just scroll down; it's that simple.

#and please for the love of god understand these people don't owe you anything #it's your choice what kind of content you engage with and like i said these people don't owe you anything #and just because you don't like the content they create doesn't mean you have to be a dick towards them #and you're surprised by the amount of people and leave when so many are so egotistical regarding the content they want to engage with #in order to change this you have to understand that the way you act and the way you consume is a problem and you have to work on yourself #and improve your responses to the art that is given to you for free like people who take time to do what they're doing #like your consuming this media that people put out for free and yet you still complain about the way that this media is put out for you #please for the love of everything understand that your actions have consequences #marauders fandom #fandom rant #fandom discussion #fandom discourse

[averlym]

"bad decisions, that's alright; look, i'm still alive"

#&juliet #if you saw the old version of this... no you didn't #anyway. &j posting now... made this into what i like to call a public transport wip #in which painting on phone with fingers commences! usually it happens to doodles that get coloured and i want to clean up #idk about the colours here though... that said it's a livable error #smth smth reminders to not feel so scared... many many paths. #be less afraid of messing up? just live life? many many paths #one of my key takeaways from this show was along those lines #sobs.. if that isn't the premise of the musical huh? juliet is so young and has her whole life ahead to live... #still so much ahead of her- so what if she Didn't kill herself? #<holds tightly> many routes. many routes. i am young and have my life yet to be lived. #also this comes from the joint bit near the end where angelique sings to juliet #!! also just realised that the nurse and juliet's hairstyles parallel each other... such a cute detail.. #// sometimes the stuff i make is really just because the themes resonate at this specific point in life.. #i think it's getting more self-specific! tbh every time i catch myself creating for Myself specifically i go <333

[hella1975]

lately ive been crying like a tall child. etc. if you even care

#um does anyone want to rant about the tams fire siblings because they are driving me genuinely crazy #the way azula - despite being grown and distanced enough from ozai to know it was wrong - still views her 9 year old self as her ‘peak’ #while zuko views the age he was at when they left as his lowest point #and they’re both trying to get towards and away those respective identities #any reminder that azula isn’t the girl she was is met with discomfort from her #just as any situation that makes him feel unsettled/unsafe/belittled instantly puts zuko into his 11 y/o mindset #like so much has happened and diverted from canon yet here they still are #those children are still living and kicking within them despite all they’ve done to have ‘zuko’ and ‘azula’ erased #there’s just sooooo much to them but I really liked this from the latest chapter #bc this chapter was supposed to really show how all the little crumbs I’ve put into their characters so far #come together to create two surprisingly opposing mindsets #and this is a key factor of that and this treatment of their past becomes VERY prevalent #twice as many stars #oh on the topic of tams please if ur gonna listen to any song off the playlist pls let it be come by adrienne lenker #like I’m crying about it actually

[pepprs]

ok. im going to make this post but i REALLY shouldn’t but i just am so devastated rn and need to not be alone in it and you guys are the only people i can talk to candidly about moving stuff rn for a lot of reasons. the reason im crying rn is because i just found out i made a massive error in my budget and it turns out that my net pay is barely over minimum wage and i cannot afford to live by myself. at all. unless i live off of savings in addition to income but even then that’s only going to help me for a couple months and anyway it’s extremely unwise bc i should save that money for getting a car etc etc. this is not entirely a bad thing because a) at least i can afford to… you know… live. and b) living with roommates will not be bad especially if i live with friends and/or strangers i come to be friends with. it’s just i really… i don’t know i just feel so sick to my stomach. it’s just that recent events have made it so clear to me that i need to teach myself how to live independently before i can live with other people (let alone function in the world, heal from trauma, etc.) healthily. i know it so deeply. and it can’t happen for me. this is confirmation. this is confirmation and there’s nothing that can change it. rent is too high (even for shitty apartments in the area which let’s be real most of them are… it’s too high!) and over half of my income is going to taxes and deductions and bills and student loans. i feel so hopeless

#an di still have homework to do LMAOOOOOOOOOOO as if im not having a crisis over this issue which is more important than any hw assignment #will ever be. fuck my stupid baka life but i mean it so sincerely. #purrs #delete later #again. i know even being able to consider living alone is a MASSIVE privilege and there will be joys in having a roommate especially if it’s #someone i love. but it’s going to create sooooo many more steps in this process for me and i will have to compromise my needs yet again ( #even if i genuinely want to!) when what i need right now is to have as little compromise as possible. to FINALLY experience what it’s like #to live without having to share (most) things or silence myself. moving out at all is going to be huge and helpful no matter if im living #with roommates but. god god god. this feels like thinking a door is open but it’s just painted to look that way. im so sad #also btw i found out that i am not actually being overpaid im being UNDERpaid. which is a solvable problem that will be fixed this week but #even when that gets corrected i still am making a little over minimum wage so. 😃🔫

[yarrayora]

servamp is like you will let your children inherit the blood that has been shed in your war and your children's children will teach their children that this is normal, this is what it takes to be a person. and then one day they'll realize hey this is wrong. the world doesn't have to be like this! but you have never taught them how to resolve conflict without blood. but they know hurting others will simply continue the cycle of violence, so the blood they shed will be their own

#servamp #this is about the eves #your son watched his mother died and he thought hey i can use this #your nephew watched you felled by a sword and he thought i must die a hero i must die a martyr it is the only way #you taught your daughter how to create weapons but you never taught her ethics and she ended up facing her own sin on the battlefield #where she finally learned what rage means and she was angry that the adults wont let her fight in this war THEY let her in #you sheltered your son and isolated him from the real world and he broke free from his cage and into the fire #because you told him to be the leader but never taught him to be one so he learned by mimicking his friends #he is a child he extended his hand for you still believing in you and you cannot grab his hand because you love him and want to protect him #from the flame of your vengeance yet you dont love him enough to admit you are not too far gone #despite pride is what killed you and the child you waged a war for #i can write more but lol

[bloodbathfortwo]

What does everyone think of Nigel Forbes-Colbie ever getting pregnant? It doesn't matter how you interpret it: Omegaverse, males can get pregnant Au, Trans! Nigel. Just tell me your guys' headcanons of Nigel's pregnancy: The changes, the hardships, the softness, and the vulnerabilities.

#murderous intent #like minds 2006 #like minds #alex forbes #nigel colbie #Alex Forbes X Nigel Colbie #Nigel Colbie x Alex Forbes #If you guys haven't noticed my recent posts I've been feeling way too soft for this fandom #Like #Too soft #And it's both Nigel and Alex's fault for making me too soft when all I want is to cause chaos and do crimes #To be honest I'd like to Imagine Nigel's pregnancy as an arduous one: Swollen feet . Sore back. Weird cravings. Mood swings. Everything. #And he isn't used to seeing himself get swollen with life each and every day. While Alex is so gullible first thing in the morning because #of the baby bump growing every single day. And Nigel getting rounder every week. #Sure. Nigel is enjoying being pampered by Alex with all these services and gifts but sometimes he thinks that he isn't that attractive #Anymore for Alex. And that while he's carrying his children he will leave him like a used toy. #He'd have instances where he'd feel conflicting feelings for their child and think of possibilities of removing her from his body #But he'd soon regret it. He just breaks down into tiny little pieces of ever thinking of their daughter that way. His and ALEX"S #He can never stomach killing her. He can never stomach ruining her beautiful life that he has yet witnessed. #He still has his self-harm tendencies but he avoids it. He avoids harming his angel. His miracle. His life. #He wants to be a good father to his child. He wants to nurture her. Feed her knowledge and love. Cater to her needs and be at her beck #and call: be a father. #Alex knows what's happening to Nigel. They talk. And they talk everyday. He knows how much it can be hard for Nigel during his pregnancy #And he will always be there to protect his spouse and his unborn child. #He will spite their original purpose in order to create their own purpose. Which Nigel had a hard time letting go of. #It was hard. Seeing the history that made them into the people they are today. But it had to #they had to change #change for their family. #For their miracle. #And Nigel seeing Alex being this doting makes him fall for him ten times more

[ezlo-x]

Yall got asks? :]

#slight tangent abt my life remembering how I swore up and down that the last thing i want to be is a graphic designer creating logos…. #yet here I am now planning to persue a career following that path (nothing wrong w my graphic/logo designer girlies btw) #im trying to build a portfolio but tbh i kinda want to persue being a comic book artist #i mean i technically am but perusing it as a career choice #i wanted to be a video game concept artist but alas…i feel like those dreams where dashed tho i dont want to lose hope yet #thats a big dream and achievement tbh that i still hope to be one someday #but yaur <3 #txt