thejudgemelikeapicturebook

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i cant seem to grasp recovery, the comfort of hunger always follows

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i cant seem to grasp recovery, the comfort of hunger always follows

#anamia #diet #ed not ed sheeran #restriction #tw // ed #tw ana diary #ana trigger

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i am nothing, therefore i am everything. to be nothing is to have nothing too you, but yet being everything you want to be. don’t be nothing. why would you ever want to be that. are you capable of that. nothing. to be nothing. absolutely nothing. not even a crumb. its not possible. even when you feel like nothing you are something. because you are matter, a soul, a person worthy of all the love and compassion in this world. even if we don’t feel it, it is the reality of it. it is not something you have to except, but something to think about.

#

#anamia #ed not ed sheeran #restriction #tw // ed #tw ana diary #dark acadamia aesthetic #hozier #poetry #ana trigger #diet

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

mom: what are you doing in your room for hours a day?

me: going through snapchat’s ‘my eyes only’ and triggering myself with sick photos.

#diet #ed not ed sheeran #restriction #tw ana diary #tw // ed #ana trigger #anamia

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i am head over heels in love with a man a year older then my father, but i don’t want this to end. he’s so cute.

#dilf #dad #daddyissues #lana #lana del rey

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

letter to mom

To start off, my eating disorder had been getting the best of me. I am thinking about calories in everything I am eating and I am hyper aware of what I am putting in my mouth at all times. Only 45% of people with eating disorders recover. I don’t think I am one of those people. Unfortunately, my disorder has way more control over me than anything. It is all that consumes me, it is my identity. It’s so embarrassing, but it is the truth. It is who I am. I don’t think there is a point in trying mom. And I do not want you to be sad about it. okay? Sometimes that's just how things are and you can’t change it. I am not headstrong about anything besides this.

The truth is I am addicted to it. I am addicted to the euphoria of purging and now not eating for a day. It’s toxic and awful. But it’s true.

#restriction #skinny #starve #fasting #ed #ed not ed sheeran #ednotsheeran #anorexia #diet #ana #mia #orthorexia #eating disorder #anorexia diet

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i have no one.

my therapist is fine, but i talk about ground level topics.

the girl who i thought was my best friend replaced me.

my parents say that i am “too emotional” and “crazy”.

my grandparent are assholes i never want to be associated with.

my professors think i am odd.

my aunts and uncles are raging narcissists, and do not give a shit for me.

my brothers are too young to know what’s going on.

i just want someone who is able to see my as there number 1 person.

i want someone to look at me and not hate what they see.

i cant eat because of this.

i am losing weight.

with that i am losing my sanity.

i am hoping that i eventually lose my life.

i am hoping that eventually my body gives out.

and there is nothing left of me.

#i wanna be weightless #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana shit #ed bllog #tw // ed #anamia

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i want to fucking kill myself. i want to fucking hang my body up like a painting. and have those who say they love me watching my lifeless body hang. i want every person who did me wrong to pay. and for everyone i hate (being most i know) to live a horrible fucking existence. and i hope that my parents know that they are part of the reason. and i want my grandparents to know that i cant fucking stand the sight of them. i want my friends to know that i knew they hated me. i want everyone to go fuck themselves. and that once im gone that they are not to shed a single tear, bc i know that it would be fake. they are all fucking phonies with no purpose. i hate them. all of them. every last one of them. and im sick of acting like i care about those who dont give a damn about me. i want to fucking kill myself.

#suicide #kill #death #anorexia #eating disorder #poetry #suicideletter #ed #ana #mia #anamia #eating disorder thoughts

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

the mind of an ed:

starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy. starving is easy.

#anorexia #diet #ana diet #ana #mia #orthorexia #eating disorder #anorexia diet #skinny #starve #fasting #ed #ednotsheeran #restriction

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

i seek love,

i want someone to touch my face,

and tell me that everything is going to be fine.

i want to be someone’s first thought in the morning,

i want someone to tell me that i am art.

i want to be the first choice.

i want to know that i am worthy of someone’s touch.

that comes with acceptation, that i am incapable of.

-am

#poetry #word poem #words #wordporn #love #lust #touch #affection #anorexia #hozier #dark acadamia aesthetic #paragraph #slay #dilf #older men #younger women

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

it feels like no one knows what im feeling.

i barely know what im feeling.

but, what i do know is that i fear.

i fear food, the thing that i supposed to keep me alive and well.

maybe i just fear being alive.

having to face what, ‘being alive’, comes with.

Instead, of focusing on life, I put all my focus into calories.

that way my brain is occupied.

im occupied.

#anorexia #anamia #bulimia #anor3x14 #starve #skinny girl #tw ed relapse #dickheadfather #fucked

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

Clarice Lispector, from “A Breath of Life”, published posthumously in Brazil in the late 1970s

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

why is it that i am always tender,

like a bruise,

he who was my everything left me like this.

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

when hozier said:

“I know who I am when I'm alone

I'm something else when I see you

You don't understand, you should never know

How easy you are to need”

i broke up with my bf because he never made me feel the way hozzy does.

#hozier #dark acadamia aesthetic #take me to church #wasteland #andrew hozier byrne #academics #slut

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

I don’t get on Twitter often, but when I do, I’m surrounded by people appreciating the flawless lyricism of Hozier ✨

[thejudgemelikeapicturebook]

if only i was a witch,

i could have him wrapped around my fingers.

#witch community #dark acadamia aesthetic #light academia #classic academia