akozik-worstsellingauthor

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Haven't posted for some time. Here is a picture of a snail I saw on my walk.

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Powdered sugar is the glitter of confectionery.

#i said what i said

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

To construction workers and other folks with outdoor jobs working in this heat wave, y'all okay?

#heat warning #manual labor

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Random thought: replace the f word in songs with Goofy's hyuck!

I would love to hear a cover over Cee Lo Green's "Hyuck You" or Lilly Allen's "Hyuck You" as sung by Goofy.

#goofy #disney #music

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

I now have a Head Cannon where the Koolaid Man becomes a therapist because he's good at helping people break down walls.

#koolaid #pop culture

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

I hope all gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, intersex, nonbinary, genderqueer, agender, genderfluid, demifluid, pangender, asexual, aromantic, demisexual, demiromantic, grey a-spec, homoromantic, biromantic, polyamorous, queerplatonic partnered, they/them, he/them, she/them, ze/hir, neopronouned, he/him lesbian, nonbinary lesbian, butch, femme, androgynous, wlw, mlm, nblnb, questioning, QTPOC, queer neurodivegent, queer autistic, queer disabled, and every other flavor of queer folks have a very nice pride month, and that someone hands you a plate of warm waffles with freshly-poured syrup.

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Just a little sunrise picture from my walk the other morning.

#sunrise

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

People be throwing away perfectly good treasure chests in these parts.

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

I just realized "[insert thing here] is canceled!!" Is the new "Millennials are killing [insert thing]"

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Cat breeding question: if you mix a Maine Coon with a Sphynx do you get a Domestic Shorthair?

Asking for science.

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Reasons why I should be the next Bachelor host.

4. Producers come up with an embarrassing group date idea

Me: Ok, so they want you to (reads card and sighs in exasperation) dress up like cats & "fight for his love." That sounds like some degrading BS. Wanna go to the movies or something else instead?

#bachelor nation #the bachelor season 25

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Reasons why I should be the next Bachelor host.

3. (Bachelor sends Abigail home)

Me: What the HELL is wrong with you?! You sent that gorgeous, sweet girl home? Hell, if I wasn't already married I would give her a damn rose myself.

#bachelor nation #the bachelor season 25

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Reasons why I should be the next Bachelor host.

2.

Me (pulls bachelor aside): So, super awkward, I know you were falling for Annie Bellum... there were some Insta photos with her in blackface. It's a bit of a PR nightmare us and I thought you should know with your multi racial family.

#bachelor nation #the bachelor season 25

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Reasons why I should be the next Bachelor host.

1.

Me: Ladies, the final rose... (points to the table, it's a calla lily, the contestants look around in confusion)

Contestant: So does that mean we are eliminated... or??

Me: We went to a new florist, ok?

#the bachelor season 25 #bachelor nation

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Just going to say this now. I fully anticipate that John Wick 4 and the Matrix 4 are the same movie.

#john wick #matrix movie

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

I love this ad because, unlike human models that can feign enjoyment, you can tell how the pets really felt about these hats. I suppose I should have reported the advertiser for animal cruelty.

#funny ads

[akozik-worstsellingauthor]

Before Christmas consumes everything for the next month, a look back at fall.

#fall aesthetic #fall leaves #autumn