aladaylessecondblog - Tumblr blog

aladaylessecondblog · 2 days

Text

Mousetrap, pt 5

Author's Note: Holy sh*t this is almost 10,000 words. I didn't want to split it, then it just kept getting longer, and longer...

TW: Noncon/Extremely dubious consent, selfcest (Haarlep is involved), manipulation etc. Tav briefly considers letting Astarion drain her dry.

------------

"Auntie Ethel is always ready to take someone in need, but you, dearie...oh, you! What a mess you've made!"

Against a background of Cald's wailing, Tav raised her sword slowly.

"Three men have loved you and three men have died for you. Yet you hope...for what? Mark this--mark it well. There is no more vile sin than hope itself."

Tav ran Ethel through with the blade, but strangely the closer she moved the wider the hag's bloody grin became.

"Poison, dearie, that's what you are. Everything you touch withers and dies."

Tav withdrew the sword, and stood back, watching as Ethel bled out on the floor. To the last, the hag laughed.

Cald, who had been crying in the cage, quieted a little when Tav approached. He reached up for her when the door opened, and held tight as she picked him up.

"Hag scawy, mama! Said she EAT me!"

"No one is going to eat you, Cald. I killed the hag. She won't get to eat ANYONE anymore."

He cried a little while longer, but gradually calmed down after she handed him his toy Steel Watcher. She set him up with some food in the upper room, and disposed of Ethel's body. This house was as good as any other to live in--far enough from things to be out of the way, and close enough to be ready to go when things eventually kicked up again.

Tav had hoped at first that Enver would remember, but the days ticked by and hope began to drain away entirely.

She thought sometimes of going north to the Emerald Grove, but...something always stopped her. Whether Halsin would know her or not she wasn't sure. She was even LESS sure whether it would be more pleasing or painful if he DID. How could she ever explain the past to him? Yes, o Archdruid, I mated and fell in love with the worst man possible. He would hate her, surely.

No. No, much better to stay here.

She had her son, that was all she needed.

-----------------------------

The first time she'd encountered this woman, Tav hadn't been the one to fight her. The others had handled her, hadn't given time for much of anything.

As the woman's eyes (Minthara! Yes. That was the name) focused on hers, it was as if a cold hand were caressing Tav's brain. But then the cold hand turned sharp, and a vision surged forward. Following another drow, a child...when suddenly there came a monster, all beaks and hooks...there were swords, and then blood. Then the vision changed and she saw the same child--no, the woman before her, charging with a blade. There was a sense of pride as each blow was turned aside, when the sword point was at her own throat.

And then it was gone.

"A True Soul? Praise be, sister." There was something more of emotion in the last word than Tav expected.

Gale reached out to her with his own tadpole. Now?

No. Wait.

"You called me Zes'diira. Why?" Tav looked confused, and hoping she was convincing enough as she said, "I come of the Seldarine Drow, not of the Lloth-sworn."

Minthara snorted. "They WOULD fill your head with lies such as that. I am glad you have come, but things can be more fully explained later. The facts as they stand now are thus: you are no more a Seldarine drow than I am. None could tell you that fact better than your own sister."

"S-sister?" Tav stumble-yelped. "I have--had--"

Whirlwind.

The grove.

The clearing.

A weapon in her hand.

What am I? Who am I?

It was all too much at once, too many things to think on. The grove that had found her what seemed a lifetime ago said she was a Seldarine drow that had nearly fallen in battle against the Lloth-sworn. In fact the only survivor. She had been welcomed there, had made a home there, learned of nature's gifts there.

She dragged together the dregs of her will and reached out to Gale, Attack, but let the drow live. Knock her out.

The weight on her shoulders and in her chest grew heavier and more painful, but all she could think to do was obey that urge to mercy, whatever the consequences might be. That anyone remembered her was bad enough but the very idea that she had forgotten something too!

The group moved forward, and the goblin was eviscerated first. Minthara turned to her for aid and what struck Tav most, what would remain in her mind for some time afterward, was the voice that came a moment later.

We fight together, as we always have.

She couldn't raise a weapon against Minthara, so spent her limited time there healing the others as they worked. It was Karlach who finally dealt the knockout blow--

The body was still enough, but the turmoil in Tav's mind didn't stop. Sister. Sister, if Minthara wasn't lying, she had a SISTER.

The whirlwind rose again, and how long she stood there she wasn't sure, but it was a touch at her hand that brought her back to reality.

"Mama? Why did you say to spare her?"

"M-" Tav's mouth seemed suddenly too dry, her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth, every sensation too much at once, "I--Ilmater commanded it."

He wanted to save me from becoming a kinslayer, she thought, heart beating wildly in her chest, Gods. Gods, all of this, I just want it to stop--

"But--" Orin was the one to speak up. "She was going to lead the attack against the Grove, wasn't she?"

"Ilmater demanded I show her mercy," she finally forced out. "The goblins may die, but she may not. Now let's GO."

She would answer no questions, not even from Cald. Not here, not now, not when so much had yet to be handled. One thing at a time, she told herself.

One thing at a time.

------------------------------

Tav practically sleptwalk through fighting the rest of the goblin camp. The other children she'd heard of there being she saw no trace of.

The spray of blood, the crunch of bone, the wails of pain, all passed her by without touching her once. She went through the motions automatically, not resting until it was all done, until fatigue was running through her every fiber. When camp was suggested she heartily agreed--Cald flew off in his raven form, saying he'd check on the Grove and see what state the ritual was in before they went to sleep. So someone could be sent with Halsin if the situation was more dire than before.

"Your son is a marvel," Halsin said to Tav, "Truly. He takes to the raven so well, one might almost think he was born one."

"He is not...like us. Not a druid, but a storm sorcerer." Tav replied in an unsteady voice. Halsin had chosen the one subject at the moment that could draw her out again. "I had an amulet that allowed transformation into a dire raven and...well. There are some days he doesn't want to change back at all."

"One need not be a druid to partake in nature's gifts. The Oak Father may choose those to bless who would use those gifts well--and the storm is as much a part of nature as any plant or animal."

Tav gave a slight smile and began to check in with the others. Busy, that was the important thing here, she MUST keep busy, must keep moving. Wounds were healed. A promise made to Karlach to have Dammon, in the grove, look at her infernal engine. Listen to more of Astarion's quips about helping the less fortunate and how it didn't benefit them at all. Shadowheart, who was working very hard not to look in the direction of the hyena. Wyll, who thanked her once again for saving him. The others were a bit of a blur.

She turned eventually to Orin, who was watching over the two goblin children. As she walked closer, she could hear snatches of words that Orin was speaking under her breath.

"No. No. I can't. It wouldn't be right. I can't. It's WRONG." A movement of the hand, the sound of a dagger piercing flesh--

"Orin," Tav said suddenly. She waited as the woman stood bolt upright and turned swiftly around.

"...Tav." Orin's face looked momentarily guilty, and she pulled the dagger from her arm. "I--"

"What happened?"

"I..." there was a deep breath. "You say I'm Bhaalspawn, and...I suppose this must be a natural result of that."

"What is?" Tav took a deep breath, and praying to Ilmater for the strength to show mercy, reached up to heal the wound on Orin's arm. "You felt the urge to do violence, didn't you?"

"The goblin children...yes." There was a look back, and then forward at Tav again. "Rip and tear and maim and bloody. Smash the brain, drink the blood...that was all I could think for a moment. But...I find pain...well...exciting. So if blood must be shed, I...mutilate myself. I always heal, and the urge is satisfied."

Who is this woman who looks exactly like Orin the Red?

As the wound closed, another sentence, softer and more fearful, came up.

"Was I like this? Before?"

"That and worse," Tav said quietly. "You were pleased to serve Bhaal. Pleased to shed blood in whatever way you could. Even if it was your own."

She looked away.

"Who did I take from you?"

A deep breath.

"Two men that I loved...and later, my husband."

"I'm...I'm sorry." Orin looked back. "I know that's not worth anything."

"Keep a watch on yourself, and don't kill needlessly if you can avoid it. There are ways to satisfy the urge for violence. You'll have plenty in the battles to come." Tav felt hollow, incredibly hollow. And yet she knew somehow that Ilmater was pleased with what she was doing. "But do not hurt children, and do not hurt yourself. If need be, we can...tie you up."

Orin just nodded.

Tav went to get Lae'zel, and brought her over to the goblin children.

"What use do you think they could be to us?"

"We can always use someone to clean and carry. No touching of weapons--we must not risk their cutting our throats as we sleep."

"Maybe I could keep an eye on them?" Orin asked. "When the githyanki is...busy. Or sleeping."

"That sounds acceptable. I'm hoping we can at least stop them trying to assault bears with rocks...any animals, really."

"One sight of Halsin should fix that problem," Gale called from nearby.

That seemed to make Orin laugh. "He could squash them flat without a second thought."

The children began to wake. Tav watched carefully as they stuck close to each other. "Ey, what'd you do? Where are we?"

"You're in my camp," Tav said, in the sternest voice she could manage. "And we could have killed you but we didn't. I'm a cleric of Ilmater and we save children if it is at all possible. But my friend here is a githyanki, and will not hesitate to punish you if you try to harm anyone. Understand?"

"Yeah," both of them agreed.

"Now, what are your names?"

"I'm One!"

"And I'm Three!"

"Those are numbers," Tav said, "Not names."

"Well, the bosses says you have to survive a battle to get a name. A lot of us don' make it," One said.

"I'm not going to send you into battle. And I'm not going to hurt you unless you hurt someone else first. Things are going to be different here. What do you like doing? Besides hurting bears--which you aren't to do again either."

"Well...I like fighting," Three said, "I club things! And they smash and squish!"

"And I like hunting things. Well. I have to make my aim better before I can go on a REAL hunt. But!"

"Your name is Mal," Tav said to One, "In the drow language it means mystery. We don't know what you're going to be good at yet. And you, Three...let me see here..."

She thought. Her handle on the drow language had lapsed a bit, but...it was still there.

"Three, your name is Myr," she finally said, "It means skeleton. Or skull. Since you like smashing things that's the best I could think of that wasn't bloody or too long."

"So what now?"

"Now, you help clean the blood from our armor," Lae'zel said.

"Don't be overly cruel," Tav said, as the gith lead Mal and Myr away. "I don't want them beaten if it can be avoided."

"Ch'k. You are too soft on the children. Far too soft."

Not long after that, Cald returned. The raven dropped into the middle of camp and he turned back, eyes wide. "They're almost done, I heard them say it! You need to stop them!"

"Halsin! Wyll! Karlach!" Tav called out, "Grove, NOW! Cald, you can come with us--but you have to stay in raven form."

(She would not chance even a hair on his head being touched. If that happened --)

Tired as she was she was relieved to have something else to turn her attention to. Busy, busy, busy, that was the key. If she stopped moving she would fall, and she couldn't fall, not with so much on the line.

----------------------------------

On entering the Grove, Tav gave Karlach the piece of infernal iron she had been carrying for months now, and directed her to see Dammon. Wyll stayed with her, and seemed to smile, but what followed after was anything but cheerful.

They had to confront Kagha.

"You took it upon yourself," Halsin spat, "To undertake the Rite of Thorns? To spill blood in this sacred place?!"

"The child lived--"

"It would've been easier if you just DIED, Kagha. Now I have to hear your excuses instead."

"An error most grave, Master. I beg your grace--"

"Grace is bestowed by nature. Not me. I was going to show leniency...but Kagha..." Halsin's tone shifted again, sounding now more pained, "A child was dead because of you. Revived or not, you are responsible for her end. An end that should never have come at all."

"It was an accident. She stole the idol--" Kagha raced ahead, "--we were overzealous, yes, but..."

"There is no WE. You were the driving force behind this madness. Now it STOPS. As for the idol...it's nothing compared to a life! A mere object next to one of nature's creations! I cannot absolve you, even if you are repentant. Nature will determine your fate. Whatever happens to you next...know that it is the Oak Father's will. Now get out of my sight! There is nothing more to be said."

Kagha retreated quickly...and Halsin turned to Tav.

"I thank you for what you did for the child. You understood the need to choose life over an object better than Kagha ever did."

"I...I did only what I thought was right. It was...a little selfish, too, not entirely altruistic. All I could think seeing her there was that it could just as easily have been my son, and...and I couldn't let her die."

A knot formed in her gut, a lump in her throat.

No, no, no, you can't cry here, you can't cry at all. Not in front of all of them!

Tav swallowed once, and then twice. She could almost see it before her--Cald, under a Bhaalist's blade, or taken by the shadow curse.

Keep it together. KEEP IT TOGETHER.

"We," she said, after taking a sip from her canteen with shaking hands, "Should tell everyone that the situation with the goblins is resolved."

Halsin seemed unconvinced that she was well, but given his return there was much discussion that needed to be had. So he suggested they return to camp to sleep through things. He would go back to the Grove tonight to more thoroughly tell both the druids and the tieflings that all was now well.

Or as well as it could get, anyway.

(Cald, not so eager to go right back to camp, begged to stay in the Grove for the night. Halsin promised to see he came to no harm, and despite the fear that ran through Tav--telling her that something could happen to him, she allowed it.)

-----------------------------------

As Tav entered the Grove the next morning, Karlach appeared out of nowhere and rushed directly at her--wrapped her in a tight hug.

Tav stiffened, and for a moment was afraid--

"I never thought I'd touch anyone again," she said, when she stepped back, "I'm sorry, I probably crushed you a bit, didn't I?"

"I...it's fine, just..." Tav gave a weak laugh, "I can see Dammon's modifications worked. You're alright?"

"As...alright as I can be." Karlach's enthusiasm drained a bit. "But it's just so good to be able to TOUCH people again! To touch ANYTHING again!"

"You should enjoy it," she replied, "There'll probably be a party later...so I'm sure you'll find someone to celebrate with."

"Well, if you'd like that person to be you--"

"You could do better," Tav replied, suddenly unsteady, "It's not that--I mean I--"

"Ah no, I know you're not really into women, it's fine. I'm sure you'd much rather have Astarion...or the bear, maybe."

That gave Tav pause and she looked up--suddenly worried that Karlach DID remember, and that everything was just some sort of ruse.

"I never said I was only into men it just...and what makes you think that? About Astarion and Halsin?"

She was incredibly glad that Karlach laughed then. "Your mind's practically an open book. Gale mentioned he's seen you watch them."

What if it's Gale, and HE'S faking not remembering?

"I'll...I'll work better on keeping it closed, then. They're good looking, who wouldn't watch them? I'm sorry, I need to go find Cald."

She found the boy perched near the idol of Silvanus, poking at a coin in the dirt.

"Cald." She gave him a smile as he changed back. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

He nodded, and gave her a grin. "There's a lot of birds here too and one of them gave me this coin in exchange for a chunk of fool's gold I had."

"You told him it wasn't real gold, right?"

"He said he didn't care. He wanted something shinier and the fool's gold was shinier than his coin."

"And what about the others? Archdruid Halsin, perhaps, was he nice?"

"Yeah...oh! Guess what! That mean one he yelled at last night--someone killed her!"

"Oh--really?" Tav asked. The last time she'd done this, she'd found the Shadow Druid note and had fought Kagha herself. This was entirely unexpected.

"The girl you saved--her parents poisoned Kagha at breakfast. They eat earlier than we do. But I saw. And when I asked Mister Halsin if he was going to do anything about it he said what he said yesterday. That it was the Oak Father's will. But then I asked how that could be if someone else did it. And he smiled and said the Oak Father chooses his instruments."

He went on and on about it, and then about Wyll, who had stayed in the Grove overnight also. Wyll had shown him, and a couple of the tiefling children, a few things about the sword and how to fight with it.

"I said I didn't use a sword and he said everyone should know how to wield a blade at least passably because it can be the difference between gutting the monster versus it gutting you."

"That is true. You have your sparks and your crossbow, yes, but you can't always use both. A blade is a good thing to know how to wield, regardless of if you plan to use it. Having a backup plan is always good for a magic user."

His smiles were beautiful, his enthusiasm, contagious. She sat and listened further, watched as Cald picked up a stick and showed her what Wyll had shown him. For a moment she wondered what would have been different had they not had to come back - likely as not, there wouldn't be much blade training. He'd probably be making his own Steel Watcher at this point, smaller, more mobile maybe.

Enver, I wish you could see this.

"And wouldn't it be funny," she said, "If someone thought they had you stuck and you turned a blade on them? You're small - they'll underestimate you, and that can help you too."

"But I'm too little for a big sword or an axe like Karlach has," Cald said. "I think I'd like to carry one of those. Oh, you think I'm a dainty little magic user? HERE'S MY AX!"

He swung the stick down to the ground, and it broke it half.

She laughed. "Exactly. Exactly that. I can at least find you a smaller ax if you want one. I'm sure they've got one around here somewhere. The only one I've got is for firewood--and you can fight with that but it's not really ideal for it. Fighting axes are just a bit different."

In a similar vein did she speak to him a while longer, before he ran off to speak to one of the tiefling children. She'd warned him they were the troublemaking sort, not bad, but mischievous, and he'd said he'd be fine, he didn't carry gold anyway.

It hurt to watch him go, as it hurt to go when he wanted to stay the night. When, Tav wondered, had he started to grow so much? Maybe she'd just missed it while she was worrying over his safety all this time. She wished she never had to worry about him again, but that was one of the certainties--there would never be a day where she stopped worrying about him. That, she remembered Berlina saying, was the thing about being a mother.

There would never be a day where she did not think of him. No matter how big he grew.

As the day passed she discovered that the tieflings had decided a party was in order, and offered the campsite as its location. It would be better, she told them, to have it there rather than in the Grove, considering all that had happened. And the druids likely weren't accustomed to the sort of fuss that could result from a party anyway.

She walked back into camp a bit late, and was almost immediately approached by Zevlor. "I hope you'll pardon them. They...meant to wait for you. But it's been some time since they had cause to celebrate. I'm glad to see they haven't forgotten how. Will you join them?"

"We could all use a night off," Tav gave a slight smile.

"I suppose we could, at that. I came out here to think, plan our next steps. But you're right. The road will still be there in the morning. Come, then."

She followed him further into camp.

"I hope you'll forgive the pageantry. A custom we developed in Avernus. The sky there is utterly black...we took to filling it with stars of our own. To think of better nights...and brighter places."

"I've been to Avernus a few times," Tav said very quietly, "Strange that I never thought to do that myself. It was...a hopeless place."

"Perhaps take this custom yourself then." Zevlor gestured. "A light...for every life you've saved."

That was something to smile about, however briefly. She thought of the group before, the first go round. Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Astarion...the rest of them. The tiefling refugees...

How bright your sky would be.

"Now, we've imposed on you enough. Let's have some music!"

"Oh--" Tav remembered suddenly, "Before you go...what were you planning to do? Go to Baldur's Gate?"

"That seems the best course, yes," Zevlor replied. "Though the route--"

"Well...just in case," she said, "In case you have to take a route through the shadow cursed lands. Before you leave, come to me and I'll enchant your boots or your gloves, your sword, anything--with Daylight. It will vastly help your trip, and keep your hands free for actual weapons."

"That is very kind of you. As if you haven't done enough for us already. I just wish there were some way we could thank you."

"Return the favor to someone else if you wish to thank me." she gave another small smile.

Zevlor assured her that he would, and went off to speak to one of the others.

She nodded, and looked around. Drinking, laughter, even a couple people dancing. It was...good to see again, even with the change since the last time. And knowing it would be best if she pretended all was well, she stopped first to talk to Astarion, since he was closest.

"Perhaps you can contribute a bottle or two from your stash," Astarion quipped. "Not that I will drink it, but I'm sure the tieflings would appreciate the burn."

"My stash?"

"The Rotgut Red, don't think I can see those bottles and not know what they are."

"Those bottles--" Tav searched her mind for something, anything, to explain, but ended up going with, "Stay out of my bags. Those're my private store and I don't share."

"Darling, it's Rotgut Red. You really must broaden your horizons...expand your taste...actually get some taste, maybe."

She wanted to be gracious. Really, she did. But given everything, all the weight on her shoulders, all the--just KNOWING what lay ahead and all she had to do to secure it--everything had her in a state of heightened sensitivity.

"We can't all be snobbish about taste like you are. And it was my husband's favorite anyway."

"You poor thing, tasting that every day..." He took a sip from the bottle in his hand, winced, and once he swallowed, said, "You know, I never pictured myself as a hero. Never thought I'd be the one they'd toast for saving so many lives. And now that I'm here..."

"You hate it."

"Am I so obvious?" There was the slightest huff. "We killed some goblins to save some tieflings. The tally of lives didn't change much. But what do I get for all my hard work? A pat on the head, and vinegar for wine. ...all I want is a little fun. Is that so much to ask?"

"I'm sure you could find someone here up for that," Tav replied, "Karlach would be more than ready for it, as touch-starved as she's been. Lae'zel might be a bit too rough...Shadowheart...eh...but not me, of course."

"And why not?"

You could do a lot better, that's why, she thought. But after a pause she actually spoke.

"It's...it doesn't matter. I'm sure you feel the same way."

It's better this way. It's better this way. He doesn't remember, and he never will.

"Well...you're right. Us - can you imagine?" Astarion laughed. "Urgh. No."

The fact that Tav thought it better this way did not stop the lump forming in her throat, or the returning weight in her chest. Astarion's words hit her almost like a physical blow. Ten years, and the old feelings were being dredged up - and stomped on.

But he didn't know about the past, it wasn't reasonable to expect him to take her into consideration at all. She gave a shrug, and voiced the words still running in her head. "You could do better. Perhaps not worse, but..."

"I could always seek out that Bhaalspawn. She could be worse. Maybe she'd cut my throat in the throes of passion..."

"There are...better uses for a neck, I'm sure." Having lost her taste for further conversation, at least with him, Tav bid Astarion farewell and moved on.

Lae'zel was next.

After a slight scolding on sparing Minthara, and a discussion of the tactics employed, the githyanki said, "I have seen the kith'raki tear a screaming neogi's legs from its belly to fashion into blades. Yet they could not match your nerve today. It was enough to drive me to madness. I smell their blood on you still. I smell your sweat."

This had happened before, Tav recalled it almost instantly. But she recalled the last time she'd agreed to bed Astarion, so all that had come next was a frustration that she'd already promised her body to him.

"I mean to taste it."

Tav swallowed. Something of the intensity of that stare called her back--

Run, little mouse! RUN!

She stumbled back.

"I'm--afraid I--" she took in a sharp breath, "It is not that I don't find you attractive, it's merely...I don't prefer rigorous...the sort of night I imagine you have planned."

There was a pause, and then Lae'zel replied. "I respect your error. There are, after all, other spreads before me...I will not go long without pleasure."

Tav moved off quickly, trying to calm her racing heart. There was no reason for her to assume Lae'zel would--but just the way she had looked, merely LOOKED. That fierce eagerness. Why should it do what it had done to her mind?

Then came Gale.

"A lovely night, isn't it?" she began, "It seems everyone is having a good time. Necessary, after all that's happened."

"Of course." Gale's smile came easily, "And then there's you, the architect of it all...yet I see no mirth on your face and no bottle in your hand. Nor a companion on your arm."

"I have a child, I can't go and get sloshed like the rest of you can," Tav replied. "As for company..."

She shook her head.

"It's not necessary to have some to enjoy myself."

"Yet here you are. You know - you're the first person I've spent any significant time with in a year or more. Spending time in your company, I realise that I may have left behind the greater part of my wit, and sensitivity, in my tower."

"You're doing just fine, Gale," Tav said. "You're always quick with mentions of the Weave, sure, but...jokes, too. There's been no lack of wit, in my opinion."

She couldn't remember speaking to him the last time this happened. It was nice, to see him at ease. It seemed to be something he always had trouble with.

"I'm glad. To know you enjoy my company is, well, it's rather wonderful actually. I'd be loathe to waste the time of someone who's become rather important to me."

"You've known me a day. How could I be so important?"

"Says the woman who directed us all through that mess in both the Goblin Camp and the Grove. Says the woman, who has spared two goblin children who are even now being taught to play tag...and pick locks, but those little rascals from the Grove tend to that. Says the woman, might I add, who is willing to keep company with a Bhaalspawn. I think you need to realize that you mean more to this group than you might think. Like a bright ray of sunshine, warming all in her light. You know--I haven't thanked you for seeking me out. Amid all this merriment I wasn't sure we'd have a chance to speak this evening. I wasn't sure we'd have a chance to make merry, just the two of us."

"I think you've had too much to drink," Tav replied, "Please, have a seat before you consume any more. It's not that I don't find you attractive...it's just..."

"If it is additional sons you are worried about, there would be no need for it. Of course, as a wizard, there are other things I could do to...liven up the evening. Things that do not risk consequences on the road ahead."

"No, no, it's just...I...I don't want to--"

"Ah! You have taken a vow of chastity, perhaps?"

"No. No, I...please, I've got to speak to the others. I thank you for the interest, but...you're inebriated. It'd be taking advantage of you to do anything more than shake your hand at the moment."

She made further polite excuses, and moved off to see Halsin. HE at least would have no interest in sex, at least not at this juncture. Better to speak to him. The rest...well, perhaps they'd not have interest but she didn't want to know if they did.

But before Tav could get there, she ran into Wyll, who seemed quick to go, "There she is! The woman herself. Let us raise a glass! To freedom from tyranny! May we hew a clear path for the downtrodden to travel! To you - a legend in the making."

He smiled brightly; it was a smile she could not help but return. Perhaps the only genuine one she felt capable of making.

To you, she thought, Who never judged me for all that I did.

"And to the Blade. Another wrong righted, another page written."

"Hear, hear," she said, "Though I've no glass to raise. I'm...glad to see that you were able to see what I meant regarding Karlach. Even if you suffered for it."

"Yes...well...some were not best pleased with that mercy. I'm only lucky it didn't result in worse. But now I've several things to explain...the tail, for example. I've tried keeping it tucked away but that's been incredibly awkward."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. It's...not easy being beholden to...outside forces, and even more difficult when you've angered them. But you seem to be rolling with the punches, so to speak."

"You have a patron?"

"Of...a sort. Though I do not gain all that you do in exchange for my service." She took a deep breath and then knowing she'd said too much, decided it was best to leave as quickly as possible. "Well...I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening."

Finally, she was able to make her way to Halsin, As she approached he shut his eyes, seemed to take a deep, slow inhale--and for just a moment when his eyes opened again they were rimmed with gold. But when he spoke, it was all she hoped and feared.

"Don't waste a night like this talking to me. We'll discuss your problem tomorrow."

"I thought you might care to have a drink," Tav said quietly. "You've stood in this little corner of camp just watching the crowd...are you unaware where they've put the wine?"

"Oh, no. In truth, I rarely imbibe. The stuff goes right to my head. Before you know it, I'd be breaking into song or declaring love to the first person I laid eyes on."

"I fail to see the problem. Many people behave like that when drinking."

"Then you have never heard me singing. Which makes you very fortunate."

For a few more moments Tav was silent, keeping her eyes on Halsin's. When his expression shifted to one that looked like pity, she turned and left.

Time in nature. Wasn't that what he'd say? He would being outside and under the stars again, or...something like that. Perhaps, she thought, that would be a good idea. Some solitude in nature for a little while. With so many hero sorts about, Cald would be safe for a little while. As he had been when she let him stay in the Grove.

Walking away from the din of the party, however, did the opposite of lifting her spirits.

None of them remember me. Not a one.

She would be doing this all alone...well, not alone, but having knowledge of what lay ahead felt like walking a tightrope. She knew how to go a certain way, and knowing had certain benefits. But...but it was also a weight, and every change made things feel heavier.

At last, Tav was far enough away that the party could barely be heard. She stood with a hand to the large oak before her, and shut her eyes.

Silvanus preserve me through the trials that lay ahead, and let me save what of your creations I am able to. Ilmater, please, help me to endure the weight, and to take on the burdens of the others, when it becomes too much for them to bear.

Just slightly better, that was all she asked for. A little lightening of the load on her heart - and it came. For a moment she felt better, less bogged down by all that was happening. Really, all was going well, there was no need to worry. Undoubtedly she'd see Minthara later. She would see her son safely through to the end of this journey. She would help all of her friends, and then once it was all over --

The snap of a twig. A slight breeze, that brought in her direction the scent of cherries.

Tav took in a sharp breath and turned quickly around to see--Raphael.

"Waiting for someone, little mouse?"

"No," she replied evenly, dropping immediately into a deferential tone, "The party was a bit too...enthusiastic, and I felt the need for solitude."

There was a moment of silence, but when she lowered her head, he spoke again. "Eyes up."

Her head obeyed automatically, and moved back up. At any point before this would have made her angry, resentful, fearful...any number of things. Now? There was nothing but a void.

"I do hate to see you in such a poor mood," he went on, almost as if reading her mind, "Really, what has you in such a state?"

"Everything," Tav replied in a dispirited tone. She answered honestly, sure that he would demand it anyway, "I have prior knowledge of what lies ahead, and so I've got to guide all of them towards the right end. Orin is here, head cleared of what she was before and yet still--and the rest of the party. Then there's the drow...I had hoped that one of the others would be the one to remember the past, but..."

She gulped slightly. Hope. What a poison to take. So long she'd swallowed it, and so long it had done nothing but make her miserable.

Perhaps it was finally time to face facts and admit that there was no happy ending for her. To hope for one was folly.

Raphael said nothing, though she expected a number of things. An offer to induce remembrance of the past in exchange for more time on her debt, or prompting on the tadpole and another demand for the Crown of Karsus.

But it didn't happen. He extended his hand in silence, and she took it, allowed herself to be lead.

It took only a few steps for the cool night forest around them to morph into the opulence of the House of Hope. Specifically, the initial room, the one she remembered visiting on her first time there. When she'd come there with the others...

Why not straight to the boudoir? Usually he doesn't wish to wait.

Tav glanced briefly at the soul pillars, wondering--if she was fool enough to try rebellion, would her soul end up in one? Probably. As they passed into the feasting room, and then the corridor, she tried not to look at the debtors. Tried to be thankful she was not any of them. They all seemed to look at her, some with confusion, some with pity, some with indifference.

She decided not to wonder what he was doing, leading her like this. It wouldn't be helpful, and there was no cause to deliberate on things that would further darken her mood.

Finally, they came to the boudoir barrier. The voyeur debtor moved aside, the barrier fell, and Raphael walked through it with Tav.

Wounded doe or wanton harlot? Which does he want from me?

"Haarlep!" he called out.

The incubus looked up from the bed, and sat up as they approached.

"Ah, master, once more you bring us our treat."

A snap of his fingers, and Tav was bare before them.

"I've got sixteen minutes, but you can have five of them. I've got to finish up one last contract's wording and until I return she's all yours. But--and I warn you--your cock will not touch her below her waist even once. Do we understand each other?"

"Perfectly, master." Haarlep's grin widened when, as he drew close, Tav's hand was placed in his own. The instant Raphael turned away he was leading her toward the bed.

"Such a pity we won't have more time together, mouse," Haarlep said airily, before leaning down and taking a slow, deep breath with his face buried in her neck. "But you would be surprised what I can do with five minutes. More than our master, which I am sure you are glad of."

"He can do plenty in five minutes."

A single kiss, a twist of their tongue. The tingle that came with tasting his spit, and then the bloom of heat in her belly.

"That's the problem. Now..." They moved onto the bed, lay back, and freed their cock from beneath the leather lingerie. "That tongue of yours is a gift, mouse. Now be very good and use that gift on me."

She didn't respond, merely obeyed. She climbed onto the bed, crawled forward, and lowered her head to lick a stripe from the base of their cock to the tip. Then at a touch from Haarlep on the back of her head she began to repeat the movement. When pre began to bead on the tip she moved her head down to actually take him into her mouth.

"The master...oh, yes...the master must want you well prepared, to give such an order as he did. Normally he doesn't mind...but, well...mmm, I can see why, tonight..."

Tav began to bob her head, and not soon after felt the slight clench as Haarlep's fingers twisted in and then tightened in her hair. The bloom turned into a blaze, but she kept moving, eager to chase the more pleasant void that came with pleasing the incubus. Every other pull back she sucked on the tip, and from the tenseness in their thighs the enjoyment was obvious.

"Oh yes, mouse..." There was a buck, and their cock breached her throat. "I can see so very, very well why the master sought this from you so often. Such a pity you haven't been allowed to do this for me more often. Now...faster. I want you to do for me what you do for him - show me why he finishes so quickly."

The compulsion to obey propelled her forward. She pulled back to stroke at their cock with one hand, while her tongue caressed the underside of its head. She moved forward a moment later, taking it deep, taking it all, and then drawing back only to come forward once more. Never did it leave her mouth completely after this, but still there was room for her to stroke.

"Oh, very good, mouse, very good indeed...keep that up, and your time with the master will be..."

Once more, they bucked. When it happened a second time she still attempted to keep moving. But then Haarlep pushed her head back, and moved up and onto their knees. Then Tav found her head shoved back down--and went slack as they began to ride against her face.

"We have to be certain, mouse, oh...oh yes, we do. We have to be certain you will be ready to take Raphael, and I know no better way...than to...give you a good dose of..."

A groan, a pulse of their cock, and then Tav's mouth was filled with Haarlep's seed. There was no other choice but to swallow--once, twice, a third time. Her throat and belly warmed, and she pulled back, breathing hard and feeling desire strike hard.

"Please--" she begged, knowing Haarlep wanted to hear it just as badly as Raphael did. A deep breath, a closure of her eyes--and when she opened them again she was staring at her own face.

"If you thought you enjoyed yourself before..." There was a smirk, and then a push at the back of her head. "We have two minutes. Let me see if you're as practiced with a woman's body as you are with a man's."

"I wouldn't say so, it's been a long while since I did, so--"

Tav's face was mashed against Haarlep's--her own--thigh. "Try anyway, mouse. I promise you'll enjoy it."

She took a deep breath, and reached up, pressing one finger gingerly against the clit before her, then dragging it down. She stiffened when she felt it, and encouraged by the feeling, took a deep breath and moved it lower.

"Inside. Now."

She pressed the finger forward, and couldn't stop the moan that passed her lips. She felt that finger, and obeyed quickly when Haarlep requested a second and third.

"That's it, mouse, that's it...now use your tongue, and watch as your world catches fire." Haarlep moaned out in Tav's own voice, and then again an octave higher when their request was obeyed, "Once you try this, you won't want anything else."

The void in her mind had gone from pain to pleasure, and the discomfort at all this was finally, finally fading. She was disappearing once more behind the mask, behind the identity of that other Tav, the one who actually wanted this to be happening.

She could feel her tongue sweeping over that sensitive little bud, every little sensation as she moved it.

"Oh, I doubt that..."

Raphael's voice sounded off somewhere behind. Tav didn't look up, and continued, soaking in the sensation of forgetting all the pain outside the boudoir.

"Oh, master, you promised five minutes! Just like you to--"

A weight at the end of the bed, and an echo of the fear-pain Tav would have felt echoed in her chest. Her mind was not afraid, but her body remembered it was.

"I wish you hadn't said that, Haarlep. Now you're forcing me to order you back."

A clawed hand at Tav's hip, and a press at one of her shoulders to force her down further once Haarlep had moved back.

"By all means, please yourself. But she won't be servicing you further."

"A pity, she serves so well!" Haarlep's reply was bright as their knees moved up, spread, and one of their hands came down to stroke and then to thrust--

A moan was forced past Tav's lips as the sensation of full washed over her--and then a deeper one followed when Raphael, perhaps tired of waiting, gave a thrust of his own. Tav was almost grateful for the limpness of mind she was under. There was no room for fear, no anxiety, nothing but the voice behind her and the action it demanded from her. The almost-painful stretch the cock caused with every movement.

It was like it wasn't even her body any longer (and really, a shadowed part of her said, wasn't that the truth in earnest?). It was a thing to be directed for Raphael's pleasure, and nothing more.

Tav's awareness faded in and out. One moment she was down, her face pressed into the sheets, the next she would blink and find herself up, back pressed to Raphael's chest, one of his clawed hands at her hip and the other wrapped around her to grip at the opposite shoulder. Then the cycle would repeat, as the pleasure went from infrequent and vague to constant and sharp.

"...for your master, mouse..."

"...ready. Go on, do it..."

Tav blinked again, and Haarlep was themself again, looking her in the eye as the pleasure burned into ecstasy and rose higher. Their lips pressed to hers and their tongue pushed eagerly into her mouth.

Too much--far too much, and her body could do nothing but take it. The ecstasy plateaued and then leaped over the edge, and her voice raised up in a yelp of pure pleasure as she was broken on the climax below.

How many times it happened, she wasn't entirely sure. But the pleasure fell back and rose and went through several periods of being too much...yet it kept coming back. Several times she felt an influx of heat--from Raphael, probably--and yet he kept moving.

Another orgasm, and another. There was the vague wonder if they hadn't gone over the remaining time, but the thought passed on quickly with a final grunt and pulse from behind her, a final flood of warmth in her belly.

Tav groaned slightly when Raphael finally withdrew, and all but collapsed onto the sheets below.

Suddenly, she was herself again. She took a deep, shaky breath and tried to push herself up, but her knees wouldn't cooperate.

"What a wonderful way to spend the rest of your time," Haarlep was practically purring, "Wouldn't you agree?"

"Come now, mouse, answer." Raphael spoke, but her body failed to obey as it usually did.

The time was paid off.

It was over.

She curled inward, shaking, and merely nodded in reply. Back in her head meant back with those thoughts, alone and with memories that no one else shared.

"Perhaps go and have a bath, Haarlep," Raphael's voice, a bit gentler now, was silent until the incubus obeyed. "Your time is up, o apple of my eye. You are free to go."

Nothing.

She was still breathing, her heart was still beating, but Tav had never felt more dead. As if her mind was gone but her heart hadn't known enough to stop and had been left behind to beat uselessly.

I am a corpse, she thought, A zombie whose body refuses to let go.

The feeling of floating away came then, as if her soul were sizzling and leaving her in tiny tendrils, little by little.

The pinprick of claws moved to her side, then turned her over and onto her back. She looked blankly up at the tiling on the ceiling, ignoring the almost tender touch at her face.

There was the feeling, then, of a presence in her mind. She didn't attempt to fight, especially since as it moved the void that threatened to swallow her began to recede. As if she had been drowning, and at the last moment it...no, he, had brought her back up, and breathed life into her again.

Tav felt her mind beginning to clear, but along with that clarity came the fresh grief. Without the numbness it was sharp and pained her at every turn.

No one remembers you but the boy. Not Astarion, not Halsin, not the man you once called your husband. You have been forgotten, and if you never returned, they would all go on very happily without you. This...THIS, it is all you are truly good for.

"Up, mouse," Raphael said, and this time he pulled her up and into a sitting position, "Unless you would prefer to stay here."

She didn't answer for a moment but after a long pause, she shifted about to face him. With glazed eyes and shaking voice she asked, "How much?"

Not the Crown, she could not do that.

But this...

This...

"For what, mouse?"

Why did Raphael have to sound so gentle? Why could he not sound like the bastard he had been all this time?

She could almost hear the moment of realization, the wheels turning in his head.

"Oh. You mean to give me a name. Gortash, I imagine."

"No," Tav shook her head quickly, "No, not him."

"And why not? I thought he would be the first thing you'd want."

His wings curved forward, around her, drawing her closer.

Tav didn't have to answer, but she did anyway.

"He won't want me, even if you make him remember. Not after...after..."

"Not after I've had a bite of you, you mean."

She felt his hand under her chin, then lifting it so she had to meet his eyes.

"Who, then?"

"How much?" Tav would not go further without knowing the price, even as low as she felt.

"Fifteen minutes," his tone went on, easily, "But that applies only to deals made tonight. Come to me again with the same request and the period of time will double. And then again, later. Tonight, however, fifteen minutes is all I will ask per name. Give me two, and I might be persuaded to fix Karlach's infernal engine as well."

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You never do anything out of kindness like that. Why would you--?"

"Because," Raphael leaned closer, and bit at her neck but didn't break the skin, "I desire your company. Hence - any time you incur tonight by giving me names must be served tonight."

"Two names...Karlach fixed?" she asked, "And it will only cost me half an hour?"

"But you must pay it off tonight." There it was, the sharp insistence she knew him for. Another bite, this one breaking the skin and yielding blood he lapped up in a hurry.

Tonight, tonight, tonight. He'd said it twice now, and for the life of her she could not figure out why he was insisting on it so much.

But...

"I want to read the contract before I sign anything," she replied.

"Smart mouse, you're learning." Raphael snapped his fingers, and beside them the contract appeared. A single page, neatly written. She scanned it for any sign of 'magical artifact' or 'Crown of Karsus' or any mentions of crowns in general.

Nothing.

"Towards the bottom you will find the terms detailing any future deals we might make. Of this sort, anyway," Raphael replied. "This will enable us to make verbal agreements...and thus make the process a bit faster for you."

So compliant. So genial. So false.

She looked in the direction of the clauses he gestured vaguely at, while all but pulling her into his lap, straddling him.

...signee is not prevented from making further arrangements until achievement of successful ins....

Hands on her hips, and a grind over his hardening cock.

"Come now, mouse. Give me the names, and you won't have to share me with Haarlep."

"You didn't give me a pen," Tav's voice broke, "So I can't give you the names. I won't serve you without securing that first."

Raphael snapped his fingers again, and a pen appeared. After another quick read through of the contract to be sure there was no mention of the Crown of Karsus or the Orphic Hammer, or something banning her from coming back to the House of Hope later on (she wanted to be sure, SURE, that re-enacting the past wasn't totally fucked in that regard), she sighed.

And signed. It disappeared the moment she signed it.

Raphael put her on her back, spread her legs, and whispered tenderly in her ear, "The names, Tav."

"Wyll," she half-sobbed.

"Why him? Answer."

"He never judged me," she took a shaky breath, and tensed as Raphael's fangs broke the skin of her neck once again. After a few moments of relative silence, where he swept every drop of blood up with his tongue, he asked another question.

"And the other name? Be sure to tell me why, my dear."

"Halsin," Tav trembled as she felt the slick ridge of his cock against her thigh. "Because if there is anyone's help I could use on this journey, it's someone who's got experience with the shadow curse, and..."

He had won. She'd known he would win, even when she didn't want to admit it to herself. The only thing she was in control of was the degree to which Raphael was winning.

"Oh yes, I'm sure it's his experience you crave...but it shall be so, my dear. When the morning comes the bear and the dukeling will remember you."

"You're insatiable," she accused quietly, and gasped when he thrust forward once again.

"Only for you, little mouse. Only for you."

Once he was done, he would bring her back to the tree he'd picked her up from, with a devil-faced brooch in her pocket.

"Touch it and speak my name," he whispered sinfully in her ear, "And I will come to you, no matter where you are."

Then he was gone.

---------------------------------

Hours later, a sore Tav would wake from her trance to find Astarion kneeling over her.

"I wondered when you would try this," she said quietly. She shifted about, and shivered in the coolness of the night air. But then she lay back again, and turned her head. "Go on, bite."

Astarion gave his short explanation and then asked, "You...knew what I was?"

"I've seen you in Baldur's Gate," Tav lied, "Seen your fangs. Seen you not eat with the others. And...heard about you from one of your fellow spawn...I rescued one some time ago."

"I suppose...that's why you were hiding. You should've known better than to cross him."

Tav gave a weak laugh, "I suppose I should have...things...things could have been much...simpler."

"You...mean it, though? Even after my reaction earlier?"

"I mean it."

"Looks like someone's already been at you," he said softly, before leaning down again to finally bite.

Two sharp points, two stabs of pain. Numbness. Beautiful blessed numbness.

For just a moment Tav considered letting it go on, letting the cool paralytic feeling carry her off...

But she thought of Cald.

She thought of Gortash.

She thought of the shadow curse, and all that lay between their camp and Baldur's Gate.

And up came her hand to shove him back. She reached up, healed the wound, then lay back down. "I'm not against your...biting me, but you need to ask first. And...if we're fighting, and going to kill our opponents anyway, that's fine too. Does that suit you?"

"It does indeed. Thank you. And thank you for not killing me on the spot."

"It was nothing," Tav said, and when he'd left, she shut her eyes and added in a soft tone he'd not have heard even if he was still beside her, "Really...it was nothing."

#raphael is his own warning #working on tavs actual own past #i could tell you i didn't have hazbin's poison on a loop but id be lying #minthara #tav #bg3 #bg3 smut #raphael bg3 #bg3 drow #bg3 astarion #wyll #gale of waterdeep #gale bg3 #astarion #halsin #baldurs gate 3 #depression

4 notes · View notes