bamaboiblues

[bamaboiblues]

This me is depressed. It's the opposite of me.

This me is depressed. It’s the opposite of me.

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#Black Men Feel #Clinical Depression #depression #Feelings #how to cope #my life

[bamaboiblues]

Hoping Ahead

With the recent time change to bring us darkness and cold air quicker, I’m hoping that the new year will bring more than warmth and light to my life than this year has. 2023 is not far away, but 2022 is nowhere near over. Every day is something new to tolerate and endure. I’ll say as far as mental my mental health management goes, it’s been decent enough to hold me together. However, I’m not…

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#Blog #Feelings #focus #Healing #how to cope #rough patch

[bamaboiblues]

The Good Enoughs

My mantras and affirmations as of late have focused on reassuring myself that I”m “good enough.” I’ve found myself in a mindset that I immediately must uplift myself when feeling not good enough to be in a better place than where I currently am. On the outside, it may be seen as me getting in my way. No. It’s more to that in the land of the depressed and traumatized. My last therapy session, I…

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Keeping on Keeping on

To what end and why? For what and for whom? Does any of it matter? Three questions. These three questions makes me think of Rabbi Hillel’s enlightening three questions: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” “If I am only for myself, what am I?” “If not now, when?” Lately, I’ve been struggling to maintain any semblance of a routine. I’ve defaulted back to accomplishing one goal…

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#depression #Feelings #happenings #Healing #how to cope #my life

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Celebrating the Tries

@BamaBoiBlues on Twitter Little by little, bit by bit, I’m making attempts to move forward. Inch by inch, moment by moment, I choose to celebrate my tries. I’m an upstream kind of guy when I see the bigger picture. I’m like Link in the BOTW Zora gear. Zip me up, and yeet me up a waterfall, homie. It’s taken some time to understand, and now appreciate taking time wading in the water…

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#Blog #Feelings #Healing

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Untitled

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Implementing Change

I learned a long time ago that if I want to see change, I must be the change I want to see. A few therapists later, along with glacially reading through Bowen Theory’s Secrets, the work needed to implement the change is hard. It’s rough. It’s been rough. It’s a weight. A responsibility. It’s feeling like a burden. Having to overcome the feelings to get to the logical. Having to feel that I…

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#Anxiety #Black Men Feel #Blog #depression #experience makes the writer grow stronger #Feelings #Healing #Kevin Deconstructed

[bamaboiblues]

Looking

I’m looking for a job. I’m looking for a place to call my own. I’m looking for a romantic partner. I’m looking for peace and joy. I’m always looking. Looking and healing. I’m always healing. The negative side tells me I’m looking for something that’s not there. Meanwhile, the other side says that I’m not looking in the right spaces. I cry out loud, “where do I go?” I’m looking for my…

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#depression #Kevin Deconstructed #po-et be me

[bamaboiblues]

In the Meantime

In the meantime, Is there the possibility of a nice time? Maybe even kinder than expected? I was advised in therapy to expect fun surprises, so I’m hoping for the best. I’ll tell you, it’s called the “meantime” for a reason. That recovery time between a breakdown and a come-up is mean. It doesn’t have to be. It can be, but I’ve learned, and am still learning, how to meander through the…

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#Feelings #Healing #the questions

[bamaboiblues]

Yesterday. Today.

Yesterday…. Ashy at the park, sitting in my car. After taking a minty shower, I decided to forgo oils and smell goods, for my writing tools, slapped on some clothes, and now, I’m here in my car. Journaling, singing to some tracks, and smoking, while my mind unwinds. Seeking peace to repair. To mend. I want to think of myself as the main character from “Wanted,” when it comes to my healing…

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#experience makes the writer grow stronger #Feelings #Healing #in it to win it

[bamaboiblues]

Feelings 1

Healing feels lonely. I feel lonely. It’s been rough standing firm in my healing journey. It’s been tougher establishing and maintaining my boundaries. I often blame my environment. I often ask myself where else can I go to just exist, and get myself together. Without interruption. Without feeling guilty for tapping into myself for survival. I’m on my own until needed. Somehow, that…

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#Black Men Feel #Blog #depression #Feelings #happenings #Healing #how to cope #Kevin Deconstructed #my life

[bamaboiblues]

Retrograde Tingz

I’m sad and irritable, and my brain feels like it needs to vomit. That must mean Mercury is in retrograde, and yup, it is. Mercury being in retrograde for me is just not ideal. It’s not the move, it’s not the wave, and it’s not the business. My body is on high alert, and and I’m even more highly sensitive than I normally am. It’s like having a little gremlin on my shoulder doing gremlin shit.…

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#Anxiety #Blog #happenings #how to cope #my life #ranting for the gawds!

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Fighting Against Type

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m fighting against type. Some may be more familiar with the phrase “Playing against type:” Playing a character whose type is opposite or strikingly different from that which an actor has played previously and has become associated with by producers and the public. – Hollywood Lexicon Ever worked so hard to be the picture of a perfect functioning human,…

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#Kevin Deconstructed #my life

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A little writing here, a little anxiety there

I’ve been making an effort to write a little more, and so far, it’s been a bumpy ride. Simply put, the activity of writing gives me anxiety. Well, it gives my body anxiety. I don’t think my body ever got over the hell I put it through back in college. I was a full-time presidential scholar in the honors program, pursing a Bachelor of Arts in English. On top of that, I was also a full-time, top…

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#Blog #focus #in it to win it #the life of a writer #Therapy

[bamaboiblues]

Target Practice

Hitting the sweet spot between Selfishness and Selflessness is hard. I’d like to think that I’m aiming for that sweet spot everytime. Shots are fired, but based on how I’m feeling, that bullseye becomes difficult to hit. Even coming close to doing so, I consider that a great shot. I’m trying to zero in on that perfect spot of being a full-on Humanitarian with boundaries of of mythical,…

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#Blog #depression #focus

[bamaboiblues]

I'll do it, but I won't like it.

I’ll do it, but I won’t like it.

So, my therapist prescribed the following self-care routine for me: 1. Wake up 2. Meditate 3. Eat something 4. Go for my walk 5. Journal my feelings 6. Create Content That’s the routine that I’m advised to stick to for a while to reintroduce a daily routine in my life. I understand it. I dig it. I’m Here for it! Doesn’t mean I want to do any of it. Kind of the reason it’s been…

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#Blog #depression #happenings #Therapy

[bamaboiblues]

Reboot. Refresh. Restart.

I’m figuring out my life’s path. Where I want to go, who I want to be, and how I want to go about living. I’m healing. I’m dealing. And, I’ve definitely been doing a lot of feeling. I’m all out of sorts with what to do with MySelf creatively, while passionately trying to heal my mind, body, and soul. Opening back up feels scary. I have tools scattered about, and just unsure of what to do with…

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#Blog #Family matters #happenings #my life