biayahlife

[biayahlife]

This week’s planner pages. I depend on my planner pages to help me focus at the beginning of the week and get myself organised. I also find the process of laying out my spreads to be incredibly relaxing. Happy Monday! #bujo #plannerlove #biayahlife https://www.instagram.com/p/Cdn_0mKua5a/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#bujo #plannerlove #biayahlife

[biayahlife]

Cheers to a fun time! It’s a good night for a cold hockey game. We’re having a blast getting back out in the world. #hockey #cheers #havingagoodtime #biayahlife #julep https://www.instagram.com/p/CcT3LoQpfzV/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#hockey #cheers #havingagoodtime #biayahlife #julep

[biayahlife]

It’s cold today, and March is almost here. My match dashboard is ready to be filled! I’ve struggled with this spread for ages, and I think I have finally figured out what will work for me. Weekly spreads are usually more useful to me. #biayahlife #planner #bujo #bujolove https://www.instagram.com/p/CaVK8zRp1b1/?utm_medium=tumblr

#biayahlife #planner #bujo #bujolove

[biayahlife]

It’s a beautiful afternoon. It’s time to spend some time cleaning up the backyard area to get read for plants. Everything is messy and topsy turvey. Hopefully I’ll get it straightened soon! #backyard #backyardgarden #biayahlife #puppylove #puppiesofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CaS7hAgpWzi/?utm_medium=tumblr

#backyard #backyardgarden #biayahlife #puppylove #puppiesofinstagram

[biayahlife]

I hate having to pull out my knitting, so sweater sleeves were set to the side for a little while. I’ve revived a charity blanket I started before the move but had to pack away. I’m a bit more than half way through it, and it’s been a nice way to reset my brain. I’m thankful that it’s also a simple enough pattern that I can work on it when I’m not feeling well. #WIP #makersgonnamake #knitting #babyblanket #biayahlife https://www.instagram.com/p/CZz3oSFJNVc/?utm_medium=tumblr

#wip #makersgonnamake #knitting #babyblanket #biayahlife

[biayahlife]

Front of my Elena Sweater bound off!! Now for blocking…..but after the Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony. Tomorrow I’ll start the sleeves because….math. #knitting #winterolympics #sweaterweather #makersgonnamake #biayahlife #wip #madenotbought #handmade https://www.instagram.com/p/CZlFhMeLR28/?utm_medium=tumblr

#knitting #winterolympics #sweaterweather #makersgonnamake #biayahlife #wip #madenotbought #handmade

[biayahlife]

It’s been a while! I hope you’re staying warm and safe. We’re officially moved and pretty much settled into our new place. The only thing really left to do is to finish hanging curtains. My new office is wonderful, and now that I have worked in the space for a while I have a better idea of how to make it best work for me. I’ve been working on looking at all my projects and getting them organised or revived as necessary. I’ve almost got all my WIP projects that have been on hiatus done, and they’ve mostly been embroidery. It’s sweater weather still, so I’m using my most recent sweater project as my reward for finishing the outstanding embroidery projects I have. I also took the time to update things like my Ravelry projects and my project wrap up binder. My project supplies are all re-organised and I’m excited to work through my WIP piles. It feels nice to have all my reference places updated and to know what needs to be finished. I’m really excited to see how my re-organisation of my supplies works in day to day life. They used to be all over the office and I would spend ages compiling my tools and feeling messy. Here’s to a better system. #WIP #makersgonnamake #embroidery #knitting #sweater #sweaterweather #biayahlife https://www.instagram.com/p/CZhur1GpZ7U/?utm_medium=tumblr

#wip #makersgonnamake #embroidery #knitting #sweater #sweaterweather #biayahlife

[biayahlife]

Slow Mornings

I’m finding it harder and harder to get up in the morning. It’s not that I’m oversleeping and it’s not that I’m passing out hard and feeling groggy. My alarm goes off in the morning and getting up seems unimportant. What’s the big deal about getting to work? Why am I working? Why do anything that doesn’t seem like it’s immediately important to me? 

I laid in bed today until 15 minutes before I was supposed to be at work and I felt no adrenaline rush of “oh no I’m going to be late.” It didn’t seem like a big deal. I realize that some of this has to do with the culture at work; management has said that as long as you work 40 hours a week, it doesn’t matter how it’s structured. You come in late, you leave late or take a shorter lunch. This sort of lax management style has me taking advantage of the extra time I can take in the morning. It feels like something is a little off though. 

At this point we’re nearly two years into the pandemic, we’re experiencing climate disasters across the globe, there have been fires in the ocean, international protests, and a sense of despair has gripped a lot of people. It’s hard to feel motivated in this kind of environment, isn’t it? Working a 40 hour week, doing tasks that I’m only pressed to do because I need money to live, seems like a ridiculous thing to do. I don’t feel like humans were meant to live this way. I don’t mean to seem melodramatic, but this is what has been crossing my mind lately. 

I’m considering solutions, however small or short lived, at this point. I’d like to feel more motivated to do things throughout the day, and just the idea of making money from working doesn’t seem like it’s nearly inspiring enough. Work is the only place I go anymore. Occasionally I’ll pop into the grocery store but otherwise it’s just work-home-sleep-work-home-sleep, lather-rinse-repeat. I need something new and different, but what??? Brainstorming this is leaving me high and dry, devoid of options. I can’t go to the piano bar or any bar downtown, going to a play or musical seems like a disastrous idea, going to parks seems like a poor decision given the weather, going on dates with new people seems like I’d be asking to be exposed to covid, and where does that leave me?

Even if I could do any of these things, they feel very old hat. These are all things I’ve done in the past and I don’t really want to do any of them anymore. A lot of things I used to enjoy, don’t feel worthy of doing anymore. I don’t bake like I used to. We don’t have lots of people over or throw parties (obviously that’s pandemic related), but I’m not sure I’d even want to do that at this point. Too many people in one place sounds unpleasant. I’ve colored until I can’t think of anything else to draw, I’ve read so many books and so much fantastic fan fiction, and I’ve watched nearly every kdrama on Netflix. Where does this leave me?

I’m at a loss. I don’t have a good answer for this. What have you been doing to satisfy yourself over these last couple years? As we’ve gotten further and further into this different way of life, people must have come up with things to occupy themselves and get fulfillment, right? I’ve been leaning hard on Miayah and my family lately. My family has arranged weekly dinners and games on Wednesdays, alternating between my parents’ and my sister’s homes. That has buoyed my spirit quite a bit. It’s been nice and relaxing just being plain ol’ silly around loved ones, plus having dinner together is really pleasant. 

I know that the move has really messed with my feelings as well. Feeling displaced and thrown into a bit of chaos makes wanting to do the normal, routine, daily things seem unlikely. I wish I was in the position of being able to buy a home. Right now would be a terrible time to buy anyway, but it’s a good dream. That would offer a sort of stability that is lacking at this very moment. I hope that once we settle into our new place that some of these restless and discontent feelings will pass, but obviously there’s no guarantee that will happen. What if I’m left feeling listless after the move? What to do then?

I have no idea what comes next, and I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling. Where are we going? What’s happening? How do I take care of myself while things are the way they are? If you have any ideas, please feel free to hit me up and provide suggestions. Maybe there’s some new hobby I could pick up that gives me a lot of fulfillment. Maybe there are online groups that I can join that will take the place of in person meet ups. How have you been filling this weird feeling void that’s being created by the happenings in this crazy world?

[biayahlife]

Quilting Diaries: Charity Quilting

We all have our hobbies. I may not have a singular hobby, but all the hobbies I have tend to fall into some sort of fiber art – think sewing, embroidery, knitting, crochet. I wanted 2021 to be a time where I could be a little less haphazard about my hobbies, but that really hasn’t happened. 2021 has been a wild mess in our lives, and while we were hoping for a quiet autumn and winter seasons, moving has put a kink in that. I’m excited for this move. We’re still waiting on news from the complex we’re interested in, so keep your fingers crossed for us! Even with this move looming in our near future, I still find myself in need of time to really unplug from the stressors in my life, so I am making sure that I take time to engage in the hobbies I have.

We all have things that make us feel like it’s “okay” to engage with our hobbies. One of the things I struggle with is that my hobbies tend to create things. I often choose to not engage with my hobbies simply because I don’t have a space or use for the item I create. I’ve also really missed having something that I can provide volunteer hours for. As I was researching a quilt that I’ll be (hopefully) showcasing at the end of December, I came across the idea of charity quilting. I dug a little deeper into the topic and found out that there are many organisations with the sole purpose of collecting charity quilts. I felt like charity quilting would really fill a space in my life that would help me feel fulfilled in a way that I wasn’t. I found a local chapter of The Linus Connection. Their goal is to provide handmade blankets to children in crisis, and that really spoke to me. Bex and I investigated the next meeting date, went and had a great time. Immediately after this, our lives got very busy, and we haven’t been able to make it back. That doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been on my radar though!

The Linus Connection accepts cash donations as well as donations of blanket making supplies or craft store gift cards. What this means is that you can hook into the local group, and they have almost anything you could need to create a blanket for a child in crisis. We didn’t realise this when we first went, but it was a welcome surprise. I planned to make a couple of quilts, so we went through the fabric stash and selected enough fabric to make several baby blankets. While there is a plethora of free quilt options available online and through The Linus Connection itself, I didn’t completely follow any of the available patterns. I took inspiration from Stash Buster 9 from Just Get It Done Quilts. I liked the idea of a rainbow of colours, but the measurements in her cut pattern just didn’t fit with what I needed for the quilt sizes used by The Linus Connection. I took some time to modify the cut sizes, and honestly, I’m pleased with the resulting top.

We also found an adorable trio of fabrics that I thought would be lovely in a straight patchwork quilt as well. I’m not used to working with such large motifs in my fabric, but the happy little monsters were cute and would do well with a larger square. I’m really pleased with how the squares are coming together as well. It feels cheery, and I smile every time I see it. These quilt tops are easy and straightforward in a way my other quilting project isn’t. They’re also a nice space for me to let go of a lot of the more complex things gripping my brain.

Everything I’m showing today is a work in progress. We live in a time where we are bombarded on social media by beautiful, complete projects that are started and finished in a quick video or singular blog post. If I only showed completed projects here, I wouldn’t have anything to post until December. Completing the project has never been the cornerstone of my life. The journey to the end has always provided me with more knowledge and insight into myself.

What I’m learning:

There is something beautiful about simple patterns. My other quilting project is much more complex and much larger. I was hitting a place where I was dreading sitting down to work on it. The project is so large that in order to complete it by December I started in August. I need short, simple projects to operate like a palate cleanser so that I can keep going with my marathon projects.

Sewing, and quilting more so than many other forms of sewing, has a HUGE ironing component. My normal idea of breaking down a larger project into small pieces that offer my brain a moment of completion doesn’t work with quilting, at least not for me. I learned this with my bigger project and have put that into practice with these smaller quilts. I get so much more enjoyment out of the process now! Instead of ironing between each piecing step, I’m building my sections as much as I possibly can without going to the iron. This does two things - one, I don’t have to leave my iron on all the time, and two, I can lump all my ironing into short sessions. When I was ironing as I went, I would end my quilting time feeling like I hadn’t accomplished anything at all. Now I feel like I accomplished a lot more when I can end my time by ironing out completed sections that are MUCH easier to see. It disrupts my checklist for my larger project, but it also has made these charity quilts feel much more real to me. I can sit down for an hour and have a small quilt top almost entirely completed.

I knew that I enjoyed quilting. When I made my first quilt my goal was to try all the steps to see if I liked quilting as a hobby at all. Now I’m learning to refine my process so that I can give myself some mental space and engage in something relaxing. I still hate cutting out pieces, no matter how many things I do to make the process less awful. I’m thankful that I have the space to engage in something that tickles the creative part of my brain while still being helpful to someone.

If you’re interested in charity quilting and are in the greater Austin area, I encourage you to check out The Linus Connection. Their website keeps a small archive of completed quilt pictures, and the meetings have a show and tell component. Bex and I really enjoyed getting to see the completed quilts. It felt like a mini-art show. Meetings aren’t even necessary. Their website has everything you need to know about how they need their blankets structured as well as alternate drop locations. It’s also not limited to quilts! They accept knit and crocheted blankets as well as weighted blankets. Hopefully I’ll complete these quilts before we move, but I’m not stressing out about it. I’m thankful that I have an opportunity to do something I enjoy for someone else in need.

[biayahlife]

Anxieties and the Inevitable Move

I’ve been making concrete efforts to secure a new place to live. This was harder than one would expect for me because as it turns out, I’ve never really had to look for a place to live. My first apartment was within walking distance of my college, and that’s how I picked it. No looking, no random tours, just said, “that’s good,” and lived there. My second living arrangement was in a dorm on campus. My next apartment was another drive by, “that looks nice,” and I commited. My next apartment was found in a classified ad in an actual newspaper. Who does that anymore? After that I moved from place to place IN with someone that already had an apartment or townhome or house before I got there. I didn’t have to make a lick of a decision. So yes, I’ve never had to go through the trouble of finding my own place with more than just a drive by.

I’ve found this whole thing to be very stressful and my anxieties have begun to pile up. The worst of it is the unknown part. We have until the end of the year, which is very gracious of our landlord, but I’m left with this feeling of I should be doing *something* and *now* but what? I don’t know where we’re moving, I don’t know when we’re moving, I don’t know how much space we’re going to have available, I don’t know how much stuff we have to get rid of, I don’t know the layout of the new space we’ll have... I have nothing but worries about all of this and no place to put them. It’s been quite a taxing couple of weeks. We’ve done some sifting through our third bedroom, which we use for storage, a bit and that was calming in a way. We took three very large boxes of things to be donated out and threw away two trash bags worth of things as well. We haven’t done anything since then though and that’s really throwing me for a loop. I needed a different answer, and soon.

Miayah’s sister recently moved back into the Austin area. She was living in another state and due to some life changes, came back to be closer to family. Miayah let me know that her sister used an apartment realtor service, where they do the searching for you, and recommended Maddy, the representative, to me. As you can see from my first paragraph, I’d never used one before and didn’t know how they worked. Turns out it’s free! And they do the footwork! How refreshing. This would take one bit of stress off my plate because let me tell you, googling for apartments is a fresh kind of hell. Not all apartments advertise online. Not all apartments list their cost on their websites. Townhomes and homes for rent are hit or miss online and may not appear in any searches at all. Pictures are missing or unhelpful, tours can’t happen, move-in dates are rare, and you just don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Getting the realtor was the best idea by far that I could have asked for.

I spoke with Maddy about our hopes, dreams, and budget for a short while to help her get a good picture of what we’re looking for in our new home. I was worried that our budget would be a big hindrance to what we’d end up with, but after our phone conversation she came back with a LOT of choices that fit right in. There were quite a few 2 bedroom 2 bath apartments available in our range and in the area of town we were wishing for. The cherry on the top was that she found a 3 bedroom 2.5 bath townhome in our budget and within a reasonable commuting distance to my work. I was shocked! A 3 bedroom was a dream that I didn’t have a lot of hope for. Miayah works from home and a third bedroom that would operate as an office for her was something we’d really wanted and now we could have it! With the townhome we’d even have a lot more space than most of the apartments. We’d be losing the garage and about 200 square feet of space and that’s it. 

It’s no guarantee that we’ll be getting this townhome but we’re putting in our application today to find out if we can qualify. Cross your fingers for us! If we secure this location, my anxieties will decrease 10 fold. I’ll know where we’re going, when we’re going, how much space we’ll have, and I’ll have a much better idea of how much stuff I need to get rid of. I can make a schedule for myself where I can plan out what days I need to devote to going through our belongings. I can plan for savings in a better manner. I can feel more secure and know that we won’t end up in a strange inbetween where we have no place to live at all. This is very exciting and very important for me.

I know that this move will ultimately end up being good for us. We’re getting away from a stressful living arrangement and taking up residence in a more neutral environment. I’m really excited about that. We’ll sign a long term lease agreement so we won’t have to worry about rent increases or moving for a while. We’ll have a place where the pups can exist with a little yard and a quiet, grassy area. We’ll be situated and safe. I’m looking forward to it now that we have a plan and my anxieties can’t go quite as wild. Definitely keep us in your thoughts as we apply for this place! I’ll take any good energy we can get.

[biayahlife]

Adjustments and Whale

It’s been a hot minute in our part of the world. At the end of August, we got news that we needed to move, and while we’re ultimately content with this turn of events, it’s turned our world upside down. We owe you an apology - we just sort of feel off the face of the planet for a little while as we’ve been insulating ourselves a bit in an effort to wrap our brains around what we need to do as we’re moving. Hopefully, things are back on schedule moving forward, but we thank you in advance for bearing with us as we’re working up to and through this transition.

Moving is a daunting task. We’ve lived in this house for a long time, which means accumulating things. We have taken the time to move room to room and build a plan to assess our belongings and lighten our load. We will be selling and donating things as well as cleaning and clearing things out. While our house isn’t currently a massive disarray of packed boxes and permanent markers, mentally, everything has felt chaotic. While trying to wrap my brain around what needs to happen, I made a little stuffed whale! Having something to keep my hands busy is a life saver during stressful times. I also have a background quilting project happening, so my scrap pile feels like it’s getting out of control. There are a ton of free plush patterns on the internet, and I found one here. The post is in Russian, but the OP documented their construction process in pictures; it’s a pretty straightforward pattern. I wanted a small project I could completely hand sew because it helps my brain clear out and then process. This project turned out to be perfect for my needs. The OP used a machine I think, but that wasn’t what I needed.

I printed the pattern image at the largest scale I could without having to print the image on multiple sheets of paper and cut it out. After that, I traced around the pattern pieces on some scrap fabric I have in my scrap fabric bag. I didn’t worry about grain or anything like that since the project is so small. You could really use the outline as either the stitch line or the actual cut line, but I used it as my stitch line and progressed accordingly.

The fins and tail are stitched right-sides together, turned right-sides out, and pressed before final construction. Honestly, the worst part, in my opinion, is always clipping curves. It’s always a bit more tedious than I prefer, and I always have little, tiny fabric scraps flying all around.

The body is seamed together leaving a gap for the fins, and while little curves can be a bit fiddly, having a stitch line is really helpful, at least for me. The whole point of slow stitching is to give myself a mental break. I did take some time to do some decorative top stitching around the fins, tail, and body before stitching the body together.

And here it is! All stuffed and put together. I am pleased with the overall result, and I got some mental breathing room.

We’re going through our house and making decisions about what we need to do and how we want to handle our move. I think the most daunting part of this is actually finding a location to live. This isn’t a great time to move, and moving isn’t something we’ve had to contemplate in a long time. We have been able to source a LOT of moving boxes and packing materials, so that’s really exciting. We’re also starting to sell some of the things we’re not going to be taking with us. In some ways it’s a really nice thing to contemplate. In other ways, it’s daunting and entirely overwhelming. I’m hoping to get to document some of our process, but we are trying to strike a balance between purging and packing and still having a calming place to live. I think we’ve struck a decent balance and that we have a decent plan. I feel like we have been able to come to an agreement about what we want and what we can live with. I’m hoping that this move will be relatively painless, and hopefully we can find some decent movers. Wish us luck!

[biayahlife]

Hot Pot

I like recipes that are less recipe and more method. I’ve adapted this from several different recipes I’ve found over the years, and while I still call it Hot Pot, it’s much more of moniker that is recognized in our household than something you’d find in a recipe. This method is nice because everything happens in one pot in about a half hour. It’s inexpensive and easily adaptable for various allergy or dietary requirements. Basically, you layer various ingredients based on how long they take to cook, add some liquid, and top with any greens to steam about 5 minutes before the end.

Hot pot in our house usually have the following components:

Protein: This is usually in the form of thinly sliced beef or lamb that we pick up from our local Asian grocer. It’s fairly inexpensive and we can typically get it in small quantities. Sometimes we skip the meat all together and introduce hard boiled quail eggs instead. Tofu is also an option – it really depends on what you like. Seafood is also a nice addition if that’s something you like.

“Hard” Vegetables:  I define “hard” vegetables as vegetables that have, or can stand, a longer cooking time. We regularly purchase a variety of baby bok choy that can withstand a longer cooking time and benefits from being in direct contact with the cooking liquid. We also regularly use various types of daikon, turnip, and the tougher, green parts of leeks. This is also where we would put slices of ginger or garlic if we’re using them fresh. Other things that fit inside this category would be things like carrot, parsnip, lotus root, small radishes, Brussel sprouts etc. If you like onions, they can sometimes be in this category, but I would only use small, whole onions.

“Soft” Vegetables: These are things that are a bit more delicate or need a longer steam time. This is where I put things like long beans (also called cow peas), spinach stems, certain varieties of broccoli, or bamboo shoots. Other things that can be added are things like the tender portions of a leek, sliced onions, snap peas, and peppers.

“Steamables”: This is where I use the delicate greens. This is most often spinach leaves or the tops of the baby bok choy. This is also where I’ll toss in a bunch of watercress if we’re interested in cooking the watercress. This is completely optional, but I like this because it allows me to use all parts of a vegetable. I’ve absolutely tossed in radish leaves to steam. Pretty much any edible green is good to go.

Liquid: The absolute favourite in our house is a thick miso broth, but that is not the only option. Whatever liquid you choose should be used to add flavour though. You really don’t need a lot either. The vegetables provide a lot of additional liquid. The goal is to have enough to cover half to one inch of the base layer.

This method is super flexible. I made a super simple hot pot, so let’s jump in.  

Hot Pot (Serves 2)

1/4 pound thinly sliced beef

4-6 Heads baby bok choy

1//2 small korean radish, sliced

4-6 pieces lotus root, sliced

1-inch piece of ginger, sliced

small bunch of garlic shoots

small bunch of cow peas

2 tablespoons miso paste (I used red miso)

1 teaspoon instant dashi powder

Maple syrup, to taste

Separate baby bok choy stems from leaves, and wrap with thin slices of beef. Place them in the bottom of a small pot and pack remaining space with radish slices, lotus root, and ginger. Be sure to pack it very tightly.

Prepare broth. Thin miso paste with 1/2-1 cup of warm water. Stir in dashi powder and maple syrup.

Place garlic shoots and cow peas on top of the other ingredients in the pot and pour broth over the top. Cover and cook on medium-low heat for 20-30 minutes.

Add bok choy leaves to top, cover, and steam for an additional five minutes.

Enjoy!

[biayahlife]

Small EPP Pincushion

I’ve been spending time sorting and laying out some larger projects that I will be working on through the end of the year. While the planning and organising part of projects is necessary and something I enjoy, the downside is that I’m not actually completing projects. Getting everything planned, organised, ordered, and picked up takes a lot mental space. I’ve been able to add more to my larger EPP projects, which is great, but also not anything that can be marked complete. I have found a lovely local group for charity quilting and I have been in the process of working through patterns and sizing and fabrics - I’m really excited to get to share that when there is more to share than piecing graph paper layouts. I really wanted something that was quick and useful that would be something I could mark as complete, hence a small EPP pincushion.

There are so many pincushion tutorials on the internet. They’re all lovely and cute and range from quick and easy to drawn out and complex. I’m virtually drowning in EPP hexies at the moment and I wanted something small to keep in the sewing box. My sewing box does have a small pincushion attached inside the lid, but it’s filled with polyfill. I wanted something that was a bit more sharpening for my actual sewing needles. I’ve made a small hexie needle book, but that’s not nearly as useful when I’m actively using my needles. I thought I would share my little pincushion with you today.

All in all, this project took me about half an hour to complete using things I already had on hand. It is really nice to complete something small and useful for my sewing kit. What are some other small projects you have been working on?

[biayahlife]

Monetizing One’s Hobbies

I’ve been debating making a coloring book for a while now. It seems simple enough: make line art and publish. I don’t have to write text, I don’t have to think up a complicated plot, I don’t have to even render anything. Simply make line art and publish. There are plenty of online resources that offer to assist with self publishing a book, many of them free to make, only taking a small percentage of the sales themselves. I wouldn’t have to find a publisher or convince someone that my art is good enough for a coloring book. Sure, I would have to self promote, come up with a catchy title and/or tag line, and design both a front and back cover, but that can’t be too difficult, right? 

If you’ve followed the Instagram account and read some of the blog, you know that I dabble in art. I’ve thought about monetizing this and other hobbies in the past, but I have complicated feelings about doing so. 

I used to bake quite a bit, and found it very enjoyable. I’d make cookies, cakes, scones, cupcakes, brownies, lemon bars…so many different sweet treats. I got a lot of satisfaction from making desserts for people and seeing someone’s face light up as they bit into sugary scrumptiousness. It was suggested many times that I open a bakery or a catering business where I could peddle my desserts for money, but I knew in my heart of hearts that if I did I would hate baking. It would suck all the fun out of it. This was proven to a degree when I agreed to make all the birthday desserts for my work. Each month I would ask the birthday person what dessert they’d like. I felt strongly that as adults, many of us don’t get to ask for fun things like specific birthday treats. We get a store bought cake, which is nice enough, and everyone says pleasant things, and it’s forgotten immediately afterward. I wanted to make each person feel special, seen, and valued by offering them exactly what they wished for in a dessert. The first year was fun, it was like taking tiny, free commissions. Eventually I started getting actual commissions and was paid for several cakes and cheesecakes. At that point, I lost interest. It became a chore. I couldn’t get out of it. I couldn’t have a baking slump, it wasn’t allowed. I couldn’t take a break because my creativity was waning, it wasn’t allowed. I had to measure up to expectations, and I despise expectations when it comes to my personal time. And hence - my feelings about monetizing something I used to enjoy.

I don’t bake very much anymore.

I’ve dabbled in this with my art. I’ve played around with commissions in a very small way; one of my dear friends needed a logo for her business and I agreed to do my very first commission. I was nervous since I wanted to make sure she was satisfied, and I didn’t want to say no as she’s a very important person to us. She was patient and lovely and ended up liking what I came up with, a success on all counts. Afterward, I opened up commissions on Kofi and, to my delayed delight, received no commissions whatsoever. In retrospect, I’m so glad no one asked me to make anything custom. I’d lose my mind. I just got out of an art slump that lasted months. Can you imagine being pressured into making things when feeling uninspired? Why should I do that to myself? 

This takes us back to the coloring book idea. I feel like I’m treading a dangerous path. No one is asking me for this, so it’s not a commission. No one is expecting anything, so there’s no external pressure. There is the threat of internal pressure, judging myself for how easy the pictures are to color and making calls about the so called “quality” of my work. This is an easy trap to fall into. I’m already quite hard on myself to make work of a certain “standard.” I’ve found over the last couple days, since breaking my art block, that if I change up the style then I do not feel nearly as much pressure to make things bigger and better, but the coloring book is going to be in a pretty consistent style, as you can see with the images I’ve placed in this blog. Can I make enough drawings to create a whole-ass coloring book???

Lastly, monetizing one’s hobby requires self promotion. Even if I come up with “enough” (whatever the means) pages that are satisfactory to myself, I’ll need to tweet about the book, I’ll need to blast it on IG, I’ll need to promote on Facebook. I could consider a TikTok. That seems like a lot of work that I don’t really want to put in. I enjoy the blog because it’s an easy place to put my thoughts. We don’t have a lot of readers right now and that’s ok. We’ve created an intimate, small, comfortable corner of the internet where we can throw our voices to the wind and expect nothing in return. If I have to start promoting, that brings expectation. That brings pressure. That brings the potential for disappointment. Do I want to bring that into my life? I really don’t know.

For now, I’m going to keep doodling. Maybe I’ll make enough for a coloring book, but maybe I’ll abandon the idea completely and just enjoy making art for art’s sake.

Have you thought about monetizing a hobby? Tell us about it in the comments!

[biayahlife]

Stories on Grief

We all have stories that govern our lives. Some are stories that we tell ourselves. Some are stories we inherit from our families or the culture in which we were raised. Either way, they are things that inform our guilt, our façade, and our actions. Sometimes it’s easy to identify the stories we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves stories about who we are – an artist, a chef, a father, an aunt. Those are often stories about what gives us an identity, and often, there is an actual narrative of how we got there. Other stories are more subtle – how we define success, what being “good” means. A lot of times these stories are intertwined with cultural expectations or religious ties. Often when I’m feeling guilt or inadequacy, these are the stories that I have to address.

We are not islands. We have relationships with those around us, and often our interactions and intentions can become distorted when viewed through the lens of another person. This isn’t bad – it’s simply what happens because our experiences vary. It’s the point of open communication. July has been a month to recuperate, regroup, and reset; it’s been easier to accept what is and give myself the space to rest. I’m thankful that I’m in a place of resting right now because in the last two weeks of July some pretty heavy things happened in my personal life that circle around change and grief. This restful space has given me time to slowly unpack some of my own stories around grief.

If any of these things had presented themselves five, or even two, years ago, I would be a mess – my brain would be swirling with big emotions, misplaced guilt, and I’d be in serious danger of relapsing into maladaptive coping behaviours. Now I see when these big emotions happen and acknowledge them for what they are without having the immediate need to squash them so that they can’t affect me. Previously, my immediate response would be to disassociate. My childhood was tumultuous, and I learned quickly that emotional responses only created more drama in the household. This followed me into adulthood, and it made even small emotions feel very big. Being able to feel and identify my emotions has been a long journey, and it’s been rough.

Grief is a big feel that is pretty all encompassing. It brings up a lot of things that maybe you thought you’d dealt with long ago. What I’ve also found is that grief is something that we as a culture do not actively deal with. We treat grief as if it’s something to cause shame and to be done in isolation. We cover grief with platitudes of, “It’s going to get better,” “I’m sorry,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” We do not acknowledge its necessity and shame those who outwardly grieve. Grief, when left to fester, can cause fear and anxiety, which causes one to isolate more, and then turns into a vicious cycle. The reality is that grief is uncomfortable, and the only way to alleviate that is to let it ride its course. When confronted with another’s grief we try to let it slide away instead of simply being there with the person as a shared witness. I’ve been asked a lot recently what to do when someone else is grieving because of my past, and fairly recent, experiences.

Here’s what I often end up telling people:

Acknowledge the grief, and don’t apologize. Unless you are the direct cause of the grief, you are not the responsible party, and, therefore, don’t need to be apologizing. Apologizing doesn’t acknowledge the grief. As silly as it may sound, acknowledging that the situation is crap is important.

Don’t try to “fix” it. There is literally nothing anyone can do. Instead, allow yourself to simply be there with the person. Reaffirm how crap the situation is as they need it. Let it be silent as they need it. I know that people often asked me what they could do, and frankly, that was wildly frustrating because there wasn’t much anyone could do. It made me feel guilty and uncomfortable because they just wanted to help. What would have been more helpful was that person acknowledging that the grief was there and that they would be there. Greif causes us to sit quietly with our own thoughts, and sometimes it just needs that quiet space with another person standing witness.

Let them vent and affirm their actions. Grief is messy. It’s like a roller coaster – one moment it’s silent and the next it’s loud, and the next it’s questioning every choice made. As witness, it’s okay to cry with them, be silent with them, and affirm the questions. They know they did what they could. Stating the obvious, or rehashing is looking for that affirmation.

A lot of times grief brings us back to stories we tell ourselves. In our grief we question our actions and there is guilt. When the guilt comes, we have to look at why we feel guilt. Personally, I’ve found that the guilt is often misplaced and intrinsically tied to what Becky and I (affectionately) call Dysons. They are the “shoulds” in our lives. Think: I should have been more ____________ (affectionate, caring, successful, a better partner, etc). Shoulds suck. Dysons are vacuums, and vacuums suck, hence, Dysons. The reality is that we all do the best we can with the tools and skills we have. Will you always make the best choice? No. Do you acknowledge that? Yes. Then there is grief. This is why grief is so important. It helps us acknowledge the things in our life. It helps us acknowledge our actions. It needs to be seen.

In our modern culture, we don’t give grief the space it needs. We have removed grieving rituals and ask those grieving to hide it. We act as if it doesn’t exist. We cover it with purchases and food and drink. I propose that instead, we allow grief to be a time of compassionate care. Often those who are grieving aren’t in the headspace to care for themselves. As witness, you can’t take the pain, but you can help them help themselves.

Ensure they are able to take care of basic needs. This is why meal trains exist. The person grieving may not eat a lot, but the point is that it’s something they no longer have to worry about. I’ve also found that making sure that there are plenty of tissues and water constantly available is important. Fold a basket of laundry, load their dishwasher, or take out the trash. These are everyday basics that still need to be done, but aren’t a high priority at the moment.

Encourage them in self-care. Sometimes, that’s really just encouraging them to take showers, put on day clothes, etc. Having moisturizers and lip balms for chapped noses and lips can be helpful. I also like having cooling face masks available. Crying always makes me puffy, so I imagine it’s the same for other. Encourage them to engage in hobbies or games they enjoy. If they want to snuggle in blankets, encourage it. Self-care is very important. When you care for the physical body, it makes taking care of the mental space easier.

Encourage normalcy. The reality is that immediate grief is heavy and large. Normal routines or work check-ins can be comforting. Grief is altering. It’s a type of permanent change, and change is hard. We crave our normal routines and habits. Acknowledging this is okay is important. Our stories can sometimes tell us in those moments that we weren’t enough because we want that normalcy. The reality is that having that bit of normality is necessary so that we can process our grief and move through it.

Grief is powerful. While painful, it can connect us to those we love. By allowing grief to have space, we give ourselves the space to connect with each other in meaningful ways. For the one experiencing the grief, they are allowed to be vulnerable and to receive comfort and care. For the one standing witness, it allows them to give comfort and care by standing watch over the space. We are allowed that space to connect and bond. It shows that we are there when things are hard as well as when things are easy. I don’t know that grief ever goes away – it doesn’t change actions – but it does change. It becomes less acute. It holds less of a grip. I encourage you to examine the things that need space for grief. Allow it to happen – it’s a real thing! Allow yourself to connect and accept it where it’s at. You can’t move past it until you acknowledge that it’s there. I think that at end of the day, it’s a peaceful feeling – something that makes you feel a bit more complete.

[biayahlife]

Onion and Cider Soup (Plus EXTRAS!)

I save recipes in my Google Docs. Like a dragon that hoards treasure, I find a neat looking recipe in a cookbook, or on a random website, or in one of my friends’ personal repertoire, and I steal them away into my online repository. Many of these recipes have never been made, probably at this point nearly half, and there are delights such as Whiskey Lucky Charms Ice Cream, Pumpkin Spice Truffles, Honeyed Duck Breasts, and Scallion Herb Chickpea Salad. This Onion and Cider Soup has languished untouched in my collection of recipes for over two years, and I decided that this sad streak would end today.

You will be delighted to discover that this is actually three recipes in one; the original O&CS includes toast so it was necessary to make bread. To make bread, I needed to put together a Gluten Free flour blend to boot. So….. three recipes! The basis for our bread recipe came from a lovely book called “Gluten-Free: The Complete Series;” we have modified it fairly heavily to fit into my allergies, but it still turns out really well.

Let’s get into it :D

Ingredients:

Gluten Free Flour Blend:

400g Superfine besan

400g Rice flour

200g Glutinous rice flour

200g Tapioca starch

Bread:

2 Tbsp Gelatin

1 Tbsp White sugar

2 Tbsp Dried yeast

1 Whole duck egg

2 Duck egg whites

1 tsp Salt

450g Gluten free flour blend

60g Tapioca starch

½ cup Avocado oil

Onion and Cider Soup:

115g Salted butter

3lb 5oz Onions, finely sliced

1 Tbsp Sugar (optional)

250ml Dry cider

2 Pints Chicken bone broth

3 Sprigs Fresh thyme leaves

2 Slices Toasted bread

1 Goat Brie

15g Melted butter

Instructions for Flour Blend:

Measure out the denominations of ingredients and mix together thoroughly. 

We have this delightful plastic tub with a strong seal that we use for the gluten free flour. Once the flours have all been put in, we seal up the container and shake it until everything is uniform. It’s easier than using a spoon or a whisk which can be really messy. 

Instructions for Gluten Free Bread:

Grease a loaf tin (11in L x 4in W x 3in D) and line with parchment paper.

We chose a different shape of loaf tin on purpose for this recipe. I’ve found that a lot of gluten free breads that we’ve made don’t rise very well in the middle if the batter is too deep/thick. This tin is longer and more shallow which gives it a much better rise.

Place the gelatin into 1 cup of cold water and let it soak until it sinks. Heat the gelatin mixture until it is clear. Set aside to cool.

I recommend doing this first (hence its location in the recipe!) as the gelatin mixture has the ability to scramble the eggs used later if it’s too hot when combined.

Place ½ cup of cold water and ½ cup boiling water in a small bowl and add the sugar and yeast. It will become frothy in a few minutes.

With this step make sure that the water isn’t super hot. You should be able to comfortably put a finger into the water; if it’s too hot this will kill the yeasty boys and you won’t get any rise in the bread.

Combine the gluten free flour and tapioca starch in a bowl. Whisk together until the tapioca starch has blended.

Definitely combine these two dry ingredients before adding them to the wet so the tapioca starch ends up evenly distributed.

Whisk the egg and whites with the salt. While beating the egg, add the gelatin mixture a spoonful at a time. 

The actual recipe used in the book calls for three egg whites, rather than one whole egg and two whites, and suggests whisking until stiff. With the addition of the yolk you will not be able to get the eggs to be stiff however you’ll be able to achieve a very strong froth. This is a-ok. Also, adding the gelatin a spoonful at a time is VERY important since the gelatin mixture is not going to cool particularly quickly. You don’t want to end up with scrambled jello eggs.

Remove bowl from the mixer. Slowly add the flour and tapioca starch mixture to the egg mixture, whisking each fourth of the flour.

This will get very thick as you mix; the next step will loosen everything up completely.

Fold in the frothy yeasty boys, then the oil.

The mixture will be hella lumpy at first but don’t panic. Use a gentle folding motion again and again until the oil and yeast are fully incorporated. 

Once fully incorporated, whisk the mixture to ensure that the ingredients are blended and preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and leave the bread mixture to stand for about 15 minutes. Don’t be surprised if there isn’t a notable change in size. Resting the batter is important though. It gives the yeast time to work.

There won’t be as much rise as you’d think. The oil retards the rising but especially with the residual heat from the gelatin mixture you’ll absolutely have some puffiness happen.

Whisk the mixture once more and pour into the prepared bread tin. Place the bread on a lower shelf in the oven and bake for 50 minutes. 

You’ll know the bread has finished baking when you tap on the top of the loaf, and it sounds hollow all the way across. You can use a wooden spoon to do the tapping; it’s very satisfying. 

Remove from oven and cool in the tin before slicing.

Instructions for Onion and Cider Soup:

Melt the butter in a heavy bottomed saucepan and add the onions. Sauté them gently, turning them round in the butter, until they start to soften. 

This was my very first experience with caramelizing onions so this was a bit of a mystery. I will say, the combo of butter and onions together is a god-tier smell.

Add a splash of water, cover with a lid, and sweat the onions until they are very soft and start to caramelize. This can take up to 50 minutes. 

You will need to add a splash of water every so often and turn the onions over in the buttery juices. I don’t recommend adding as much water as I did during this time. When the recipe says a “splash” of water, we’re talking about an ounce or so at a time. Especially if you have weepy onions like me, you’re not going to need a lot of water. If you add too much water the sweating process will take significantly longer. The recipe says 50 minutes but I ended up sweating these for an hour and 20.

Take the lid off and turn the heat up to medium so that the juices can evaporate and the onions caramelize. 

If the onions are not caramelizing well you can add the optional sugar, but before you do so, let it go by itself. You’re looking to have the vast majority of the water gone. Once this is uncovered you’ll need to monitor it much closer. It will burn in a split second when you’re not looking. 

When the onions are dark, add the cider, stock, and thyme and bring to a boil. Simmer for 10 minutes. 

The next time I do this I will probably change this part up. I think the cider should be added first, cooked off a bit, and THEN add the bone broth. I think the cider waters the whole thing down a little too much in retrospect. Additionally, I ended up with dried thyme instead of full fresh sprigs and I definitely regret that. The mouthfeel of dried thyme isn’t nearly as nice as I wanted it to be.

While the soup is simmering, take a slice of the homemade bread, brush butter over the bread then pop into the oven under the broiler for a few minutes. Remove and then add a couple slices of Brie, brush a little more butter over the cheese, and put it back under the boiler on low until bubbling.

Of course you can pick any cheese you want for this. The bread is great for dipping and the salt in the butter is the only salt that I added to this, so a salty cheese is a great addition. It is 100% up to you!

Ladle the soup into a heavy bowl. Place the slice of toast with Brie on top of the soup.

Serve immediately and enjoy!

[biayahlife]

Quilting Diaries: EPP Update

When I set out to start English Paper Piecing, I was looking for a project that was easily transportable and required little focus. I’ve spent a fair bit of time since then feeling poorly or needing a hardcore mental break, so I’ve made more progress on this project than I initially thought I would in the two months I’ve had this as an option. I didn’t realise how quickly all those small pieces would work into something much larger. Honestly, when I was initially researching EPP I had it in my head that you basted all your pieces before you started stitching them together. When you look at all those beautiful social media posts, you see a lot of completed quilts, a fair number of storage solutions, and a lot of basted pieces. I’m sure somewhere in my brain I understood that you could start putting the pieces together before you basted all your pieces, but the thought hid out until I couldn’t find a reasonable solution to store the basted pieces I had completed. I know there are a couple of pictures of basted pieces stitched together, but I didn’t really put many pieces together since I was just trying to determine if I liked the method.

I have spent virtually nothing on this project. Over the years I have collected a variety of papers, threads, and fabrics. Since I found this while looking for a way to use up cabbage scraps, I felt compelled to try to use things I already had. So far, I’ve only purchased a few additional fat quarters and a few packs of needles. I am now beginning to understand why people have a LOT of opinions about the types of threads and needles they use. I’m really glad I chose to make a random, scrappy layout with this particular project, and am so far really pleased with the results. The best part about stitching the hexies together as I go is that I haven’t had to cut out anymore papers! I had no idea how tedious would find this and am thankful that I can rotate out previously used papers.

On Needles

I usually use number 10 sharps for all my hand sewing. They make small stitches much easier. They’re great for slip stitching quilt binding. I love them. Sharps are a good choice for hand quilting too. I found a good quality pack in one of my local craft shops, and it’s been lovely. Buying a good quality needle makes a world of difference when hand sewing. I didn’t really think about needle quality until I started hand stitching more things. So many sewing kits come with free needles, and it always seemed to make more sense to buy those cheap variety packs. So many of those needles have imperfections around the eye of the needle. Those imperfections can catch of your fabric or thread and make for a much less pleasant experience. That’s how I decided on good quality sharps. It’s made hand stitching so relaxing for me.

Since I already had needles I loved, I figured they would be just fine. As I worked through this project is that I was finding my typical needles to be fairly fiddly. These needles are fairly short, so thread basting wasn’t super quick. I was also bending the needles if I got too close the papers, and the repeated running over the paper seemed to almost chip parts of my needles. I honestly went through two of my needles before I decided to look at other needles. I was pushing towards frustration with the project rather than enjoying it, and it was coming down to the tools I was using.

A lot of EPPers use long milliners or straw needles in a size eight or nine (In this needle category, the smaller the number the larger the needle). I purchased a variety pack of milliners needles on Amazon so I could try out a couple different sizes. Oh. My. Gosh. The size nine changed how I felt about this project completely! I haven’t bent any of my needles, they’re still absolutely lovely, and they aren’t fiddly at all. I have since found some packs of just the size nine needles at one of the local quilt shops and now won’t have to buy any additional needles for a while since the variety pack only came with three or four of the size nine. I can’t emphasize how important it is to use the tools that help you best enjoy the project you’re working on.

On Thread

There’s a lot of debate out there about the “best” thread. Depending on which sewing community you’re in, you’ll see a lot of people preferring cotton, or polyester, or blends, or linen. In EPP the most common are cotton and polyester. In shops there are walls of threads in beautiful colours for all sorts of uses. It’s enough to make your head spin. Since I have acquired many spools of thread over the years, I had a fair number of choices. Since the basting threads are never seen, and the seaming threads are virtually invisible, you can get away without matching your threads to your fabrics exactly. Most places suggest neutral colours in a dark, mid, and light shade for all the seams. As long as you’re reasonably consistent with your stitches, you really can’t see them. I’ve experimented with a bunch of the colours, and even using light thread against darker fabrics, my stitches are still pretty invisible.

What I have found though, is that I have some pretty solid opinions on the thread I’m using. I’ve used an all purpose cotton, an all purpose polyester, and an all purpose quilting thread. Depending on which part I’m working on, I have favourites.

All Purpose Cotton: This is my favourite for stitching the seams. I feel like these make the most invisible stitches, and when used in conjunction with a thread conditioner makes the fewest tangles. Even with the conditioner, it does seem to the most prone to snapping, but this isn’t an issue if shorter lengths of thread are used. I have found that I can comfortably use approximately three-foot lengths without running into a snapping issue. I dislike basting with this thread because I don’t condition my basting threads, and snapping does become more of an issue.

All Purpose Polyester: This is my favourite for basting. Polyester thread is stronger than cotton threads, and incredibly slick in comparison. I don’t have to condition them either. When sewing seams, I have found that they tend to tangle on me most often, even when conditioned.

All Purpose Quilting: This type of thread is usually a blend of cotton and polyester fibers. I really enjoyed it when I was hand quilting the Star Gazing quilt earlier this year. I find it to be sort of meh for EPP. It’s basically the middle of the other two thread types I’ve listed here. I did find that it was more prone to snapping than the cotton threads I was using, which I found curious. If I had to choose only one type of thread for this project, I would probably use this type of thread, but I don’t have to, so I won’t. Overall, this thread was disappointing to me.

Where I’m At

I am in love with this project! Now that I have narrowed down my tools, this project is a joy. It’s been a great comfort while I’ve been sick or under the weather recently. I don’t have to think hard about basting hexies together, and everything I need to work on this project fits in my sewing box. I have some surprisingly large panels already started, and I haven’t had to cut out another paper hexagon. I can’t even begin to explain how much this pleases me.