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capncrankle · 4 years

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100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on roadtrips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Travelling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 56. I don’t even know you and I love you. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! 61. Starbucks. 62. Hugs. 63. Stargazing. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 66. Now you could change the world. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has a talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping in all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. Sherlock season three. 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

IF that isn’t enough:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696 Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433 LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438 Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253 Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453 UK Helplines: Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected] Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111 Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected] Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected] b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected] b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected] Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600 Drinkline: 0800 9178282 Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected] Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614 India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669 Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7 suicide hotlines; Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430 Australia: 13-11-14 Austria: 01-713-3374 Barbados: 429-9999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 391-1270 Brazil: 21-233-9191 China: 852-2382-0000 (Hong Kong: 2389-2222) Costa Rica: 606-253-5439 Croatia: 01-4833-888 Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67 Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908 Denmark: 70-201-201 Egypt: 762-1602 Estonia: 6-558-088 Finland: 040-5032199 France: 01-45-39-4000 Germany: 0800-181-0721 Greece: 1018 Guatemala: 502-234-1239 Holland: 0900-0767 Honduras: 504-237-3623 Hungary: 06-80-820-111 Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90 Ireland: 1800-247-100 Israel: 09-8892333 Italy: 06-705-4444 Japan: 3-5286-9090 Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292 Malaysia: 03-756-8144 (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444) Mexico: 525-510-2550 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand: 4-473-9739 New Guinea: 675-326-0011 Nicaragua: 505-268-6171 Norway: 47-815-33-300 Philippines: 02-896-9191 Poland: 52-70-000 Portugal: 239-72-10-10 Russia: 8-20-222-82-10 Serbia: 21-6623-393 Spain: 91-459-00-50 South Africa: 0861-322-322 South Korea: 2-715-8600 Sweden: 031-711-2400 Switzerland: 143 Taiwan: 0800-788-995 Thailand: 02-249-9977 Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800 Ukraine: 0487-327715 Uruguay: 095 73 8483 You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

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capncrankle · 5 years

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THIS IS AMAZING-

UNMUTE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

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capncrankle · 5 years

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:,)

Hallucinations

Eruri angst. I’m sorry (:

As a kid Levi would often see shadows. Like crows in the corner of empty alleyways or on peoples heads. Monsters on rooftops, shadowy cats in trash cans. The first time they occurred had been right after Kenny had left him. He quickly learned how to live with them.

Then later when he met Farlan he learned that these shadows are called ‘hallucinations.’

They disappeared a while after he, Farlan and Isabel got to the surface, and when Levi had confronted Farlan with it he had simply stated,

“Being underground in the darkness probably isn’t healthy for your mind, just like it isn’t healthy for your legs.”

Levi assumed he must have been right. But after they died and left Levi all alone he started having them again. Now there was just additions to the hallucinations. Dead people would stand in the corner of his room at night. Whispers would send shivers down his spine during breakfast and beetles would crawl everywhere.

He never told anyone besides Farlan about the hallucinations. Mainly because no one needed to know. Not even Erwin, who he had secretly shared affairs with. Who he called his lover when it was only the two of them.

Then he died. Erwin died. He died in his arms, with his guts spilling out from his stomach, he could have saved him. He should have-

But dragging him back into the hell that he tried to escape would be inhumane, so he gave him peace. He choose to save Armin.

It was in the middle of the night, or early morning, he couldn’t sleep so instead he was writing a report from the day before, Erwin’s cloak draped over his shoulders, it was littered with small holes near the bottom of it and slightly stained with dirt and blood. But it smelled like him. It had that musky scent that reminded him so much of Erwin.

“Goddammit.” He muttered as he placed the quill down aggressively. He couldn’t concentrate, his mind felt so distant. He reached over and poured himself another cup of tea. Many would be drinking booze to cope but booze made his mind dizzy and blurry in a way he couldn’t stand. It made him feel dirty on the inside.

He took careful gulps of the light brown substance and sighed. He turned his head to look at the small bed in the corner of the room. It looked comfy. It used to be Erwins, but after he died he asked Hange if he could move his room to Erwins. She had been suspicious but after a halfass excuse that it was because his other room made him feel uneasy he got the permission he needed.

The window next to the bed was slightly open. ‘’Well, that explains why it’s so damn cold in here.” He muttered to himself and went to close it. Outside it was pitch black. No one seemed to be awake in the town. He sighed and turned to his desk again. The candle next to the papers he was writing was starting to burn dangerously low. He had to call in for the ‘night’ soon. But he just knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep. His mind was running one hundred and ten MPH, but his body felt so exhausted. He walked over and slumped down into the desk chair again. He dragged his hand over his face, trying to wipe the exhaustion out of his eyes but failing. He glanced over to the bed. It looked just as welcoming as always.

He sighed again.

“If you’re tired you should go to sleep, love.” A familiar voice echoed against the empty walls.

Levi jumped and looked at where the voice came from. That familiar, deep, soothing voice.

The voice that belonged to the man who had held him, loved him. The same voice who had muttered out the words “I love you.” - “I’ll forever be here with you.” - “Stay, Levi.”

Erwin voice.

Levi’s empty heart suddenly filled with so many emotions. Emotions he didn’t even know the name of. The blonde, two armed, man stood by the door to the room. In his thin, white shirt and loose pants. His belts were gone, so was his jacket. He smiled softly, his soft blue eyes seemed so warm. Tears welled up in Levi, and he realized that he was holding his breath.

‘It’s not true. He’s a hallucination. That’s not Erwin- It can’t be–’

He doesn’t know what comes over him, but he stands up and slowly, with careful, gentle steps, move towards the taller man by his door. The blonde stands completely still. The soft smile still lingering on his face, making the wrinkles by his eyes more obvious, and his dimples visible. Levi’s breath hitches. His knees are shaking as he reach out, and carefully stroke his hand across Erwin’s cheek.

A tear falls down his face.

“Why aren’t you disappearing?” His voice took him slightly by surprise. It was hoarse, and he whispered. Why didn’t he disappear? All of his hallucinations would disappear if he touched them, heck even if he neared them!

So why didn’t he?

He could feel the million questions turn into slight anger. Why wasn’t he answering? Why is he just STANDING there? Why won’t he just do something!? What is he smiling for!?

“Hey!” He said in a bit louder voice, he wasn’t yelling. He couldn’t yell, he’d wake someone up. “Why aren’t you disappearing!? Answer me dammi-” His voice cracked slightly, but he made sure do grib his upper arm to make his point clear.

“Why Erwin!?” He said louder, and slammed a fist against his chest. “WHY!?” He yelled. A sob broke through, and tears came with it. His shoulders hitched, and he lowered his head in shame. A big, soothing hand was placed over his upper back and he was pushed into the bigger man’s chest. He moved his other hand to Erwins chest too and clung hard onto him as he sobbed harder when he got embraced into a hug.

Erwin hushed him in a quiet voice and kept hugging him till Levi got so tired that the tears couldn’t fall anymore. His head was dizzy and blurry. ‘Like alcohol.’ Levi thought distantly.

His body suddenly felt light, like a feather. He moved his head to the side and realized that we was being carried.

‘Carried by my own hallucination.’ He thought and smiled lightly. Erwin’s body felt cold, he didn’t smell like anything, but Levi could touch him. Hold him. Feel the hard skin on his fingers and the dimples on his cheeks. His back got in touch with something soft, but cold. Levi’s distant mind figured it was the bed. He smiled when Erwin got in next to him, and held him close to his chest. God he missed him so much. So much that it hurt.

Levi cried himself to sleep with his face buried in Erwin’s chest.

~*~

“Levi heichou?” Hange carefully opened Levi’s door and peeked inside. Levi was laying draped over some paperwork. The strong smell of booze entered her nostrils and her scrunched up. “Goddammit Levi.” He muttered and walked over to him. His candle was nearly burned down.

“Erwin…” Levi sleepily muttered. Hange raised a brow. ‘Erwin? He’s dreaming about Erwin?’ She crouched down next to his face and brushed some hair out of his eyes. Small tears stained tracks down his cheeks and made small wet drops on the paper underneath his cheek. ‘He must be blaming himself…’

She stood up and looked around the room when her eyes caught onto a Survey Corps cloak thrown onto his bed.

‘Erwins cloak?’ She realized. She walked over and took it into her hands to exterminate it. It was indeed Erwins cloak. ‘Why would Levi have Erwins cloak?’

“Mhmm… Erwin?” Levi muttered behind her, taking her by surprise. He was shaking, she noted. She looked at the cloak in her hand and back at Levi. ‘His blanket is still in the drying hall, so this is better than nothing.’

She threw the cloak over him, and softly a small smile covered his face, taking Hange slightly aback again. She extinguished the flame on the candle and left the room smiling.

‘He must be having a nice dream…’

#AOT #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith

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capncrankle · 5 years

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Ack :D This is so sad but beautiful xD

Bulletproof weeks

Jean x Marco.

Summary; Jean is awake late at night grieving over Marco’s death and how he regrets not confessing to him before it was too late. Also Armin tried to comfort him but Jean is dismissive of it.

[Also, this is a mess and hasn’t been Beta read.]

Jean had become familiar with the feeling of loss. After joining the Survey Corps he often suffered from the feeling. A fellow soldier would fall, everyone would sorrow for a few days at max, and then move on. If they had to survive they had to step up, and be strong. Be powerful and fearless. Push those damned tears back and give their hearts for humanity’s survival.

Easier said than done. Everyone had someone they missed. Someone not quiet like the others, someone that they felt like they couldn’t live without. Some actually couldn’t live without them. Jean felt like he was split. He both couldn’t and could live without Marco.

It wasn’t like they were lovers. At least not yet then. And yeah, then he died.

Jean was still awake. It was late. It was raining heavily outside, it was like hundreds of small pebbles were thrown on the windows every second, and a thunder would shoot through the sky occasionally. The bottom bunk he sat in felt cold and empty. Eren was snoring away on the bunk over him. Mumbling something in his deep slumber. Jean didn’t care to listen, tonight was dedicated for sorrow, not to listen to Eren’s sleepy conversations with himself. He didn’t let himself feel like this often, but there just were those nights, where he just couldn’t help it.

His back was against the cold wall. His thin, white nightshirt didn’t help him with keeping warm, but again he couldn’t make himself care, not like pulling a blanket over him would warm the cold sadness running his veins anyways.

In the start he had tried to tell himself that he would see him again. That the freckled boy who he had the privilege to call his bestfriend would return, with all of him intact. Those cold, empty, dead eyes would be filled with the life and love that Jean was so used to. He would get to hear him come up with his stupid pep talks again.

“You would make a good leader Jean.” Jean guessed that he would. If he had Marco by his side he felt like he could do anything.

But wehen he saw Marco there, one, fourth of his body gone. Aten by a titan. Jean felt hopeless, there was so many questions.

Why him?

What happened?

Why didn’t he call for help?

Why did the titan only eat one, fourth? Jean felt pathetic. Sitting there, in his room shared with three of his other comrades, crying in the dark of night. It was silent. No sobs, no sniffs, no screaming. Just a few stray tears running down his cheeks, staining a slight redness after them. Jean should dry his eyes, but the will to move anything in his body left him long ago. He’s so tired. So mentally tired.

He misses his mom. It’s childish, but she would know what to do. She would have comforted him. Now he’s here, comforting himself in the worst way possible.

He missed him. Missed Marco. Missed his laugh, his freckled cheeks. His light brown eyes, his smile. The way he would always place a comforting hand on his shoulder when he got mad. Marco didn’t fear Jean, even when he got mad. He never feared him.

It was after Marco’s death that Jean realized how much Marco meant for him in his everyday life. How he found joy in seeing him in the morning, back when they shared a bunk instead of Eren, who took over after Marco left. How much he appreciated it when he was in groups with the freckled boy. How much he liked his face, his shoulders, his torso, arms, legs- his everything.

His heart. His heart was probably the most beautiful part of him. The angelic soul. Tears fell more harshly now, a quiet sob accidentally escaped his mouth and he jolted forward, pulling a hand over his mouth to silence it.

Shit.

Don’t cry. Marco wouldn’t want you to cry. He thought, which made another hiccuped sob escape his mouth.

Damn you Marco-

“Jean?” A light voice whispered from the dark. Jean looked across from him and saw a blonde mess of hair sitting up in the bunk. Armin.

“Shit-” Jean cussed silently and dried his tears quickly. Armin couldn’t see him like this, this was private. “What’s wrong?” Armin asked, probably skipping the whole ‘Are you okay?’ questioning, since it was fairly obvious that no, he wasn’t okay.

“‘m fine.” The taller guy answered, drying the last tear that was slipping down his jawline off. “Just fine.” Silence filled the room again, the rain was calmer now.

A thunder struck down in the distance. “Was it a nightmare?” Armin asked carefully. Jean huffed, he wasn’t in the mood for Armin’s clever brain, he knew if he said no Armin would get suspicious. If he said yes Armin would want to know if he truly was okay.

“Yeah. Yeah just a nightmare.” Jean replied, hoping it would stop Armins interrogation and make him leave him alone. Of course it didn’t.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Jean chuckled. Oh woaw, talk about Marco. The one, no one besides him probably remembers. Sure.

“It… I dreamt of someone I used to hold really dear. They died a while ago.” Jean muttered, no need to mention any names or gender specific terms. Just let it out, just this once. “We.. Used to be really close.” No need to give Armin any idea of who it is. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Armin muttered, Jean hadn’t noticed till now that Armin was sitting up on the edge of the bed, looking at him. Jean adjusted his sitting position a bit, making him sit cross legged. He sighed heavily. “We all suffer from losses, Armin.” He snapped in a low voice. Armin looked slightly taken aback. Jean felt kind of guilty for his harsh tone and cleared his throat.

“But, thanks. I guess.” A sorry doesn’t bring him back though, Jean thought. Jean looked up at Armin, the blonde opened his mouth to say something but Jean interrupted him. “I think I’ll get some sleep now.” Armin’s mouth closed again, and nodded. “Of course. Rest well.” He muttered and they both laid down. Jean laid awake for a while till he could hear Armin’s small deep breaths again. He sighed heavily. It was gonna be a long night.

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capncrankle · 5 years

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Fkn yes-

Pink tanktops and silly dancing

“Marco, no!-” Marco’s bubbly laughter and loud singing, accompanied by the sound of his bare feet smacking against the wood floor, filled the small kitchen of his and Jean’s shared campus apartment.

It all started with them trying to do the small towers of dishes next to their kitchen sink, while listening to Marco’s playlist on Jean’s bluetooth speaker, when suddenly ‘Make you mine.’ by PUBLIC started playing, and Marco gave Jean a knowing smirk and placed the place he had been cleaning on the drying rack. “Let’s dance!” He had exclaimed and reached out for Jean’s hand. Marco knew how Jean felt about this song, it was cheery, loud, and a perfect song for lovesick idiots. That was exactly why it was one of Marco’s favorite songs. Jean felt more embarrassed over the song, Marco would always yell-sing it, while dancing and pointing at Jean every time they’d sing “You know I won’t stop, till I make you mine!” like a embarrassing lovesick puppy.

Fucking dork.

I was so embarrassing. Jean loves Marco, a lot, but that didn’t mean that it still didn’t make him cringe, but cringe with love? And now they were here, Marco dancing around like no tomorrow, in his black boxer shorts, Jean’s now pink, after a ‘red sock in the washing machine.’ accident, tanktop.

Jean refused to wear it and had planned to throw it out, but Marco found it cute, and the fact that it was big enough to fit him made the final straw for him to claim the pink tanktop.

His with bare feet trapping against the floor. He is singing so loudly that they’ll probably get noise complaints tomorrow, even if it is only 7 PM on a Friday afternoon.

But God, he looks like an angel. He IS an angel, Jean thought and looked away, face slowly burning up. A stupid, dorky, loud angel. The chorus started blasting again and Marco, as usual, started pointing towards Jean while singing. “Put your hand in mine! You know that I want to be with you all the time. You know that I won’t stop till I make you mine~” His freckled face starting twisting up in a smile. “Till I make you-” He didn’t get to finish the sentence before he broke down laughing, Jean’s face was as red as a tomato with embarrassment. “Marco- Please, stop.” He mumbled and shied away. Marco cooed and ‘awhed’ and walked over in front of Jean, and placed a smooth hands on his waist, and placed his other on his warm cheek, turning his face to look towards him and leaning their foreheads against each others. “Embarrassed?” He smirked, Jean shot a, sort of, offended glare at Marco, making the freckled boy smile again. “It’s only because you’re so damn loud! Keep it down, Armin and Eren will hear you. Idiot.” His face flared up again, which Marco found fucking adorable.

He leaned down and captured Jean’s lips in a quick peck. Jean made a protesting squeal and burned up even more. “I love you.” Marco said, just loud enough to overtone the background music. Jean’s face softened, but the blushing redness remained.

“I love you too, Dork.”

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capncrankle · 5 years

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“Don’t leave me.”

Jean Kirstein x Marco Bodt.

Jean wakes up from a nightmare only to find his nightmare to possibly be his new reality.

Damn i’m apologizing if it’s shit but hey- i tried and i died.

I need a life omg xD

Jean woke up that night, in a cold sweat and breathing heavily, almost struggling to breathe. Staring up at the dark and gloomy ceiling was almost so normal now, he didn’t pay attention to it. The shadows in the slightly bumpy parts and the lines going in.

He sighed out in frustration and rubbed his face, he turned to his right side, and reached out only to find air and a cold spot beside him, like it’s been empty for awhile. He quickly sat up, his eyes wide and face drained from its natural color. He looked around panicked, thinking it was real- Marco died, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He grabbed the sides of head in a rush as he jumped out of bed, and ran around the house. Searching for the freckled boy, that he had the honor of calling his boyfriend- That is, if he is alive.

He scrambled to his phone and with shaky hands and after several attempts he finally unlocked it and went to his contacts.

With a shaky breath he dialed his boyfriend, praying that the world wasn’t as cruel as his nightmare. He rang several times but it all led to him having to make voicemails.

His voice cracked in several of them, as his fear grew.

Call after call was made and text after text was send, no reply, not even the small ‘read’ message under his texts was there.

He broke down shortly after, realizing that perhaps it was true, perhaps Marco was actually dead. Perhaps Jean was too weak to even as much as help him, perhaps Jean was too scared to step up. Perhaps he couldn’t do anything at all ever again- maybe he never could have either way. It’s helpless.

Loud and ugly sobs escaped him as he shook on the ground, he threw his phone from him, cursing loudly while angry tears streamed down his cheeks. This is how it is now, Marco isn’t here to keep him from doing things, he isn’t here to calm him, he isn’t here to love him forever like he promised. His sobs cracked as he sucked in breaths of air, trying to straighten himself but only to fall back down, as his worst fear was a reality. A reality he cannot ever escape.

He stood up on wobbly legs and shakily went for Marco’s pillow, sliding down beside the bed holding the soft object close, his scent was still there. He never got to express exactly how much he loved him, he never put it into words, he rarely reminded him how amazing he really was.

His phone begin vibrating on the floor, in the opposite side of the room. Quickly crawling over there to grab it he saw Eren’s name popping up on call. He frowned even more, if that was even possible. He has never in his entire life, felt this shit. He never thought he actually needed to. Everything was too good to be true. Of course Marco would leave him too soon. He picked it up either way, he needed someone, even if that someone was an suicidal maniac. He noticed the cracks he had gotten in his phone, due to him having thrown it across the room.

He held it to his ear as he picked it up, and Eren’s voice filled the silence with someone else in the background. It sounded like Marco but that couldn’t be him, he was gone wasn’t he?

Where else would he be?.. Is he waiting for him up there? When was it his turn, to follow him?

“Jean!” The voice in the background was muffled from something as footsteps could be heard rushing towards Eren’s endless rambling into the phone. The shuffling around increased as the background voice became the one going straight into his ears.

He let out another ugly sob, not being able to reply to the voice on the other end. It sounded too much like his freckled boyfriend’s voice.

The phone got hung up after some mumbling had been going back and forth between the people.

He placed it down beside him and brought his knees to his chest, “M-Marco.. Please..”

He whispered out as he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Was someone strangling him? Maybe it’s his curse for failing his love.

He has no idea how much time had passed, but he was gasping for air by now, it felt like it had been hours of endless torture. The front door opened and slammed shut as footsteps could be heard running up the stairs.

His vision was blurry due to the tears streaming down his cheeks, soaking the t-shirt he had on. His hearing sounded like something had covered them or like he was under water, deep under water.

Somebody rushed in front of him and grabbed his shoulders trying to make him focus “Please, Marco.. D-Don’t leave me” He choked out under his breath. He quickly got pulled into -what felt like- a chest as he grabbed on as tightly as he could, as he sobbed into the fabric covering the part, while as soaking it.

He calmed down after a very long time, as he was in a complete state of panic. A hand rubbed his back and another hand was by his head and shoulders, whispering things into his ears -It sounded like, Marco so badly.

He pulled back and wiped his eyes, he quickly glanced at the person holding him, wanting to thank them for the comfort but stopped himself from saying anything, as well as stopping breathing for a few moments. He quickly snapped back to reality as he jumped to straddle his legs and reached for his freckled boyfriend’s cheeks, with shaky hands he held them softly but firmly. He was scared he would slip from him, “Y-You’re-..” He took in another shaky breath, then proceeded to speak with a calm voice, “You’re here.. How..?”

He took in his appearance, no bruises on his cheeks or jaw like in his dream, no marks around his neck like in his dream.. He was whole and well. “How??” A tear left his eye, as Marco’s hand went to wipe it away as he brought Jean’s forehead to his own. They both closed their eyes and sat in silence, “Whatever had you panicked, if it was a nightmare i do not know, but i’m here and you’re okay- I’m okay.”

“But- But you died, i saw you and i failed to help you!” He took in his face yet again as the nightmare rushed back to him, making him breathe shakily as he tightly shut his eyes, he felt the slightly taller boy, that he was currently sitting on, grab his wrist bringing it to his chest.

There it was. The sound he loved listening to on rainy and stormy nights, or in calm evenings, or in the mornings when he woke up before him giving him time to take in how amazing he was- his heartbeat was there. Something he did not feel in his nightmare, it was gone, no thumping.

He instantly calmed down as he let his head fall into his chest, making his back bend a little, as he muffled out the words I love you repeatedly against his shoulder.

“I left after you had fallen asleep.. We had an argument i don’t know if you remember but i’m sorry for it all-”

Jean quickly shut him up by pressing his own lips against his, giving the freckled boy a soft kiss as he pulled back after a few seconds “I love you so much, don’t you dare apologize- I forgot all about the stupid argument we had, i thought you were dead. I thought i never got to tell you how much i actually love you and what you mean to me.”

They smiled at each other, Marco satisfied with having his slight hot headed boyfriend in his arms again, he within a few minutes managed to get Jean off of him to move to the bed, only to have Jean crash down beside him and pull him close-

“I love you”

“I love you too, horse-face”

“..why are you all still going on with that?!”

lmao so i was too lazy to correct any mistakes since this was written at like, 2 am on a friday night. I was living on multi-juice yo.

#AOT #Attack On Titan #I'm a sucker for this ship #So i've recently gotten into aot as well and i love it #JeanMarco #Eren Jeager #Jean Kirstein #Marco Bodt #Your typical story plot #Nightmare #Okay bye xD

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capncrankle · 5 years

Text

Bedtime stories.

TMNT 2016

Story used in the end: The Stars in the Sky.

Headcannon story: Mikey used to have a lot of nightmares as a child, and his brothers tried different ways to help him. After years of almost no nightmares, or if he did have them, they wouldn’t be scaring him too much anymore. He has a nightmare that terrifies him.

Mikey likes bedtime stories, any kind. Princess tales, adventure, fantasy and on. He’d have Leo reading them for him either after nightmares, for comfort, or if he’s in the mood and tired. Leo (or one of the others) is always up to help him out.

(Lmao i tried my best xD)

Michelangelo had woken up about 30 minutes ago, and he was fully awake. His nightmare had terrified him, he’d never been so afraid in his life. Normally he’d shaken the nightmare off cause they didn’t get to him anymore, but that wasn’t an option this time.

It was 3am last time he checked.

He’d been sitting up in his bed, knees pulled up the best they could as his shell was against the wall. He searched the room in the dark every 5 minutes. He didn’t check under his bed though.

No way.

His brothers were sleeping and it’s been years since he’d woken one of them up after a nightmare. And he didn’t want to start again.

Silently but quickly he jumped out of bed, if anyone was here they would have pointed out that he landed about almost a meter away. But Raphael - Who slept on the top mattress - was asleep anyways. Same with, Leonardo on the other side of the room. Donatello was nowhere in sight though. His small “corner” was also pretty dark when his LED lights were off

But he hadn’t checked under the bed and this turtle, wasn’t taking any risks. Quickly walking to the door he opened it and closed quickly. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, he was still freaked out after all.

You know, that thing every person goes through when they’re a child. Monster under the bed, better jump out of it with a meter’s distance to be safe. Better close the door quickly, to not let the evil thing out after you.

Or keeping the door open cause using the bathroom is really needed, and the evil might be out, so you quickly close the door and jump into bed before anything can grab you.

Mikey quietly walked into the tv room and sat on the pizza box couch, turning the tv on quickly and getting comfortable.

He kept looking around to make sure he was good, but heard rustling towards Donatello’s lab.

Even though there was a great distance from the couch and the room where Donnie did his science things in, he still got anxious.

He silently sneaked over to see what he was up to. He was cleaning his things and he almost looked done. Mikey let out a quiet sigh and went back to the couch.

His mind drifted to the nightmare he had and he suddenly grew scared again. He hid his face in his hands as he tried to forget it.

He was in a giant closed off place. Giant walls surrounded him, they looked old. They had cracks and giant scratches.

He wasn’t alone, but he surely hoped he was. If something could make such giant scratches he didn’t want to be anywhere near it. They were deep and looked slightly bloody.

He ventured alone in the giant forest. The biggest trees he’d ever seen was over him. They were tight and he felt claustrophobic out of a sudden.

He stumbled past something that was colored.

It reminded him of something but he couldn’t quite point out what it was.

He picked it up and realized it was a bandana.

A purple one to be exact.

Okay so maybe he wasn’t alone. Somebody lost this, he was sure of that. Maybe they wanted it back?

‘Stupid to think when you’re in the middle of a giant mess, Mike’ he thought to himself.

Venturing deeper he found crosses made out of wood, placed in the dirt. They looked bloody as well.

He was freaked out now. Stumbling upon this kind of thing wasn’t exactly what he needed at the moment.

He noticed another bandana and quickly picked it up. This was one was slightly bloody as well, just like the purple one.

Blue.

He knew he’d seen this somewhere. He grew frustrated and wrapped it around his wrist with the purple one. He sighed out and quickly hurried out.

It wasn’t long before he stumbled upon metal pipes of some sort poking out of the ground in different directions and making the grass and dirt look messed up. Leaves covered some of the ground.

walking through the field of metal pipes or what they were he stumbled upon a red bandana.

Picking it up he thought he heard growling. He stiffened. ‘Shit.’ went through his mind.

He tried to quickly wrap the thing around his wrist but failed as his shaky movements triggered another low growl.

He didn’t dare turn around but rather decided to attempt an escape.

He had no idea where to hell he was going or how would somewhere safe, cause the thing or whatever the hell it was, was catching up to him rather fast. He was running as fast as his small legs could carry him at the moment. He was out of air rather quickly, as he went between the thick trees and stopped when he found a curved tree and quickly scooted under it.

He found himself hyperventilating when he looked to the bandanas.

These colors.

These bandanas.

They meant something, and they meant a lot.

He needed his brothers. He needed them now.

Mikey was too lost in his own thoughts and lost in his nightmare to hear the faint panicked voices from the real world and they grew louder and louder as they ventured around the place.

Someone walked quickly into the tv room and what they were about to witness would break them for the next week.

There on the couch. Was Raphael’s baby brother. He was hyperventilating and choking on tears.

“Guys i found him!” Mikey heard a voice again, as an ear piercing sound kept growing around him, around him, as a pounding headache creeped up on him. He looked up and to his side when he felt someone wrap their arms around him and pulling him towards them.

He grabbed onto his older brother as he sobbed into his chest.

He could feel his two other brothers beside him. They had come to the rescue when, Raph, yelled for them.

They woke up when Donnie sneaked into the room heading for his bed, but realizing Mikey wasn’t there. He woke up the hothead first to hear if he knew where he was. Maybe he had woken up and seen him leave?

After a few minutes of them comforting him and whispering words back and forth, he finally calmed down enough to pull away from his brother’s side.

He looked up and noticed the scar over his brother’s lip. Raph had been the first to find him and he’d been the one hugging him. Comforting him. “I had a pretty bad nightmare..” He trailed off as he chuckled slightly.

His brothers understood instantly and they helped him stand.

Raphael helped him back into their bedrooms and into his bed. He sat beside him on a chair.

Leonardo returned with a big book, Mikey found himself smiling as his brother dragged a chair up beside him, his oldest brother smiled brightly at him.

Donatello came into the room, he had a class of Mikey’s favourite juice and placed it on a table nearby, he sat down on Mikey’s bed by his feet.

Raph turned on a small orange lamp beside him, that they had made for him when they were children, back when he was dealing with nightmares weekly. It helped and he stopped using it after a while. Since nightmares were almost monthly and sometimes he didn’t really have any for a long time.

Splinter was silently standing in the doorway. He had woken up when Raphael had called out for his brothers. And he had seen everything.

The small turtle got his blanket over his shoulders and Donnie kept a hand on his lower leg over the blanket.

Splinter was smiling. His eyes full of love as he turned around to leave. He heard the start and was satisfied with how it was turning out.

He could see how much they cared for him. How Raphael came to the rescue when he found him, in complete panic on the couch, as he pulled him close to his side. How Leonardo went to find a book, he knew they had training, he knew they needed sleep. How Donatello looked drained of energy, he looked like he could pass out any minute, but he stayed awake to comfort his little brother. They all got up to search for him, they were worried cause either he could be in danger, upset or sleeping somewhere else without telling them. And their baby brother came first. He’d always come first.

Leo opened the book as he began.

”Once on a time and twice on a time, and all times together as ever I heard tell of, there was a tiny lassie who would weep all day to have the stars in the sky to play with”

#tmnt2016 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo #raphael #nightmare #bedtime story #michelangelo #donatello #splinter #i'd honestly die if this ever happened :3 #bayversetmnt #i tried my best but it's not the best but i tried and i'm somewhat satisfied

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capncrankle · 5 years

Text

Hoodie thief 2k18!Apriltello.

WARNINGS: None unless you count slight fluff and language.

Donnie had been panicking, running around looking for his hoodie all day. He was sure he had thrown it on his bed. He knew he could always get a new one, but this hoodie was special. He didn’t really know why, all he knew was that, he needed to find it.

He’d been running around all day, and his brothers both found this amusing but slightly concerning. They knew what he became like when he lost something he needed. They were just confused as to what he was looking for, they’ve never been so.. panicked.

He normally just grumbles, and with a loud voice yells out ‘I give up!’ But he hadn’t done that yet, and they were wondering when he would just stop. But hours later he was still searching.

“Yo, Donnie” Raph’s voice cut through the silence when, Donnie had finally sat down on the couch, placing his head in his hands. He looked defeated. “Hm?”

“You okay? You’ve been running around all day” Donnie groaned out in frustration as he sat up and let himself fall backwards, onto the back of the couch, letting his head rest on top of it.

“I can’t find it! It’s so damn frustrating, cause i thought i placed it either my bed or in my lab. But i can’t find the hoodie anywhere!” He groaned out again, seeming annoyed with every little thing that dared to move or breathe.

“What can’t you find, Donnie?”

“My fuckin’ fairy dust.” He growled as he stood up. “I’m going to April’s.” was the last thing he said before going out of the lair, kicking some things on the ground away.

He checked the time when he was halfway to April’s apartment building, 9 pm, either she would be making homework, watching a movie or she would be sleeping. School had been hard on her lately, she had come to him a few times to just rant over school and people, or to ask if he could help her with some things. And of course he always helped her.

Making it to her window, he slid it open and quickly slipped inside and closed it after him, so the warmth from inside her room wouldn’t disappear.

He looked around for her, seeing a glimpse of purple at her desk, he walked over and there she was. On her desk asleep on top of her notebook and her computer by her.

Then he realized the purple she was wearing was his hoodie. He groaned out in frustration and relief. At least he knew where his hoodie was, but he was still annoyed that he didn’t even try and call, April to ask if she’d seen it.

April stirred in her sleep and yawned slightly as she began to sit up. She rubbed her eyes with the sleeves from the hoodie, she turned around and was met with, Donatello leaning over her table a little, beside her. “Sorry, love” He turned to face her “I didn’t mean to wake you” She smiled and he leaned in, to kiss her forehead. “I missed you” her voice was quiet and she pushed her chair away and stood up to hug him.

“What brings you here though?” Her voice was muffled against his shoulder, “I couldn’t find my hoodie. So i gave up after hours of searching, decided to come here to see you, cause you make me feel better. Then i see my hoodie on you, and does it suit you? Yes. Yes it does.”

She chuckled “Sorry.. You left it here last night, so i didn’t think you’d mind that i weared it for the day” She smiled up at him.

He gave her a small kiss on the forehead and hugged her closer again, “I don’t mind at all, love.”

#tmnt2018 #rise of the tmnt #april o'neil #donatello #raphael #teenage mutant ninja turtles #apriltello #leonardo #michelangelo #rottmnt #i would die for apriltello xd

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