chronicallyillrenegade

[chronicallyillrenegade]

why is constipation so fatiguing? like when I'm super constipated and need to poop I'm so tired I can barely concentrate on anything at all. which is hella annoying. the discomfort is bad enough but not even being able to do something to take my mind off of it before I try and poop (since it hurts a lot to poop I tend to put it off...) sucks so much. but once I do manage to poop I feel a ton better (not completly better just better than before). it's annoying

#poop #constipation #ibs #just ibs things

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I hate that I'm so mad and hurt that my family (especially my mom) don't do more to make sure I have food to eat. Like it's the only thing I really ask of them, other than asking my mom to do laundry for my maybe 3 times a year. But I know they're not required to, and they only promised to try.

Still I try to make it as easy on them as possible by limiting my askes to things extremly easy to make, like sphegettio's, even tho they're completly capable of making more complicated things. (both my parents enjoy cooking)

And I never complain about what they make or if it had to sit out all night cause they made it when it fit their schedule and I don't have a schedule (multiple sleep issues means it's impossible to predict when I wake up). And some of what I ask is to just make sure there's easy to make food in the house for when they forget to make something for me so I can make something myself.

But I'm an adult and I know even tho I'm chronically ill/ disabled doesn't mean I shouldn't take responsibility for feeding myself. It's mean to just push it off onto other people and get mad at them for not doing it...

Still I'm hungry and I want to cry...

#chronically ill #chronic fatigue #me/cfs #cfs #spoonie #I feel so selfish...

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I really wish my dad would stop shaming me for getting more food than I'll probably eat when I grab my days worth of food when I wake up.

Since because of multiple disabilities and issues I need to get all of my food for a whole day at once, but since I can't know how hungry I'll be any given day I tend to get more than I think I'll eat since I think it's better to waste some food rather than go hungry.

But my dad gets really uncomfortable wasting food so if he's in the kitchen when I'm making food and he thinks I'm making too much he'll make jabs about if I'll be able to eat that much or try and stop me from making more.

And it's annoying, but also I worry I'll eventually start caring and stop making as much. And since food is such a low priority for my brain, especially when I'm tired, I'm sure I'll just suffer the hunger rather than go and make more in the middle of the day (since thats one of the reasons I started making my whole days worth of food at once)

#chronic fatigue #me/cfs #spoonie #cw eating disorder #don't know if it needs that tag but I feel like it's better to be safe than sorry

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I love my friends so much... I lost my sleeping meds in the trash heap that is the area around my desk, and one of my friends helped me find them without even a lick of judgement of all the garbage and months old food that'd been left to rot.

#chronically ill #chronic fatigue #me/cfs #cfs #spoonie #something my family always fails to do...

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I'm having a flare up for literally no reason???? Like I haven't done anything super exhausting recently and yet???? What the fuck??? I'm so tired of being tired........

#chronic fatigue #chronic illness #chronically ill #me/cfs

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I kinda wish I had one of those plastic bag racks that they have in self check out areas, cause I make a fair amount of trash but rarely have the energy or motivation to change the garbage bag in my trashcan. So if I had the rack thing with a bunch of bags on it, I'd be able to just tie off the full bag put it to the side for when I have energy later and have a fresh new bag already in place.

since cleaning up a bunch of tied off bags of trash is way easier than cleaning a pile of loose trash my room might stay somewhat trash free for awhile!

#cfs #chronic fatigue #spoonie

[chronicallyillrenegade]

sometimes I really hate how much of a luxury freshly cooked food is for me... And I don't mean freshly cooked home made food either, I specifically mean food that hasn't been sitting around for more than an hour (and by the end of the day 8+ hours...)

Since I don't get hungry for several hours after waking up, but after I wake up is the only time I have the time/ motivation to make food I have to make my whole days worth of food then.

And only rarely do I wake up and my mom says she'll make or buy food for me an hour or so after waking up so I can have at least some food fresh.

Or I make thermas oatmeal that finishes cooking in the thermas so I can bring it with me to my room and eat it fresh when I'm hungry.

#chronic fatigue #chronic illness #cfs #me/cfs #spoonie

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I appreciate the attempt uwu

does anyone elses hearing ability fluctuate with their fatigue level?

Cause I've noticed when I'm really fatigued I have to turn down the volume of anything I'm listening to cause the normal volume hurts my ears. But when I have more energy I suddenly can't hear at those lower volumes??? (well specifically my audio processing issues act up) It's kinda annoying you know?

[chronicallyillrenegade]

unless I'm misunderstanding what you mean, it's actually the opposite. My hearing seems Better on bad days and Worse on good days. That's whats so weird to me. Tho it could still be because being tired makes me more sensitive, so I'm more sensitive to wave changes and stuff.

(also not autistic, but I am adhd, so still struggle with sensory things :P )

does anyone elses hearing ability fluctuate with their fatigue level?

Cause I've noticed when I'm really fatigued I have to turn down the volume of anything I'm listening to cause the normal volume hurts my ears. But when I have more energy I suddenly can't hear at those lower volumes??? (well specifically my audio processing issues act up) It's kinda annoying you know?

[chronicallyillrenegade]

sigh, I love being clean so much. Wish I had the energy to wash more often rather than just for special occasions...

#chronically ill #chronic fatigue #cfs #me/cfs #spoonie

[chronicallyillrenegade]

does anyone elses hearing ability fluctuate with their fatigue level?

Cause I've noticed when I'm really fatigued I have to turn down the volume of anything I'm listening to cause the normal volume hurts my ears. But when I have more energy I suddenly can't hear at those lower volumes??? (well specifically my audio processing issues act up) It's kinda annoying you know?

#cfs #chronic fatigue #me/cfs #spoonie #audio processing disorder #hearing #chronically ill #chronic illness #health

[chronicallyillrenegade]

my throat hurts so much... I wish it would stop.... why do you have to salivate more with a sore throat... *sob*

#covid

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I think I have covid…. At the very least I feel like I’ve been hit by a really big truck without the benefit of being isekaied into a fun fantasy world

#covid #when my dad wakes up I'll ask him where we keep the covid tests #hope I don't actually have it and this is just a delayed flare up from thanks giving #cause usually I feel better after only a day when it's that

[chronicallyillrenegade]

so the plague has finally found it's way into my house... after no one in my family catching it even once (to our knowledge) for nearly 4 years we've finally been afflicted... now I'm the only one here who doesn't have it and I'm kinda scared...

Tho I also feel guilty that I'm not really worried for them... I'm more worried for myself. I fear getting it and then potentially long covid when I'm already housebound with my current chronic illness. And even if I don't get long covid or even covid at all, I worry if either of my parents gets it how we'll cope with having 3 disabled people in a family of 4...

#chronically ill #cfs/me #covid

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I think I just had an epiphany about one of the reasons why I get so annoyed when my loved ones act all sad about the realities of me living with a chronic illness, especially when I fully understand why they're sad about it.

I think one of the major reasons is I already finished grieving about this loss, I was sad and even now sometimes I get hit with how much I've lost, but I'm done grieving I'm content with how my life is right now, sure it's not what I wanted, and sure I can't do everything the average person can do, and sure I spend most of my days in some level of pain. But it's just life you know? People are rarely happy about everything they got going on. And everyone loses something or someone from time to time. Be it a friend or family, or a snack you really liked that was discontinued, but it doesn't mean you should wallow in grief about it for all time.

But when people who have known me for years, who live with me and know what my day to day is like and can see that I'm living my life the best I can. But still feel the need to mourn for me? It kinda feels like they think I'm like? I donno how to put this but like I should still be grieving, or like I AM still grieving but lying about it when I'm really not.

I have amazing supportive friends I love, and even tho it's because of my shitty health I still have all the time in the world to spend doing things I enjoy. And I'm lucky enough that I have parents with a solid enough financial situation that I don't have to feel even a little guilty about the financial burden I'm placing on them. Life isn't perfect, but it's good. And I wish my loved ones would believe me when I tell them that instead of thinking I'm just being "strong"

#chronically ill #chronic fatigue #cfs #me/cfs #chronic illness #this got a little rambly towards the end but I hope I still got my point accross

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I was so tired last night I kept falling asleep in my dreams... Like I was dreaming I was having some kind of dental procedure done, and for no real reason I kept falling asleep during it even when I tried my hardest not to... And when I finally woke up for real it turned out I slept for 20 hours straight... And tbh if I wasn't hungry and thirsty I'd be tempted to go straight back to sleep...

#chronic fatigue #sleep #sleepy #eepy

[chronicallyillrenegade]

Should I worry that sometimes when I stretch while laying in bed I get the head wooshy feeling like when you stand up to fast?

#chronically ill #chronic illness #health #medical advice