deepblacknight

[deepblacknight]

My foodspo

#trouble alimentaire #ed relapse #low cal restriction #tw ed but not sheeran #thinspø #st4rv1ng #tw restriction #tw ana rant #ed rant #pro for me not for thee #foodspo

[deepblacknight]

This photo of me is a bit dated.

I have gained a little weight back but I am more determined than ever to achieve my goals!

This photo motivates me even more.

#trouble alimentaire #ed relapse #low cal restriction #tw ed but not sheeran #st4rv1ng #thinspø #tw restriction #tw ana rant #ed rant #pro for me not for thee

[deepblacknight]

It's been a week or two of pure chaos. Easter was just such a huge finally and binge.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I don't dare weigh myself or even really look in the mirror because I disgust myself so much. But I'm taking things in hand!!

I set myself the barrier of 600-650 calories per day. Above that it worries me too much and when I get to 900, I tend to binge more because I have the impression that it's already ruined.

I hope that by the end of June, I will be at 38-35kg. My dream !!

#trouble alimentaire #ed relapse #low cal restriction #tw ed but not sheeran #st4rv1ng #thinspø #nostalgia

[deepblacknight]

The day isn't over yet but so far it's perfect!!

I changed a little what I had planned as a base but still mostly liquid.

I just added solid foods to my soups like mushrooms. It's low in calories so it's okay!!

I haven't had my snack yet but I'm at 204cals in total!! I even spent 203 cals today while walking.

What I ate today:

Morning:

• 100 mL homemade orange juice (31cal)

Lunch:

• 100 mL forest soup (45cal)

• 22 g mushroom (5cal)

Dinner:

• 100 mL forest soup (45cal)

• 60 g mushroom (16cal)

• 15g ham (17cal)

Snack:

• 250 mL milk (12cal)

• 8g dark chocolat without sucar (36cal)

I'm so prouf of me ✨

#trouble alimentaire #ed relapse #low cal restriction #tw ed but not sheeran #st4rv1ng #thinspø #nostalgia

[deepblacknight]

Tomorrow I'm trying a liquid fast. I can't wait to get started.

I already have everything planned

Morning:

• 50cl milk

• 1 squeezed orange

Lunch:

• Miso soup spicy

Dinner:

• forest soup

Obviously I will drink 2L minimum and 1/2 coke zero if I have no more energy or if I feel like I'm going to collapse.

If I have respected everything, I allow myself a little hot chocolate in the evening.

#pro a4a #trouble alimentaire #ed relapse #st4rv1ng #thinspø #ana meal #tw ed but not sheeran #low cal restriction #liquid fast

[deepblacknight]

I want to get better, to get out of this shit... but I'm so afraid of starting again.

But I need to try k-pop diets

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ana diary #trouble alimentaire #tw ed diet #ana trigger #ana rant #ed relapse #kpop diet

[deepblacknight]

Today is a good day !

Absolute control and almost frustration-free!! I am so proud of myself.

330 calories.

I had planned 300 but I went a little over but that doesn't bother me because I walked 9km and did 15min of fitness.

Tomorrow I'm trying to do 300 or less. I wish I could miss lunch 💪🏻

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #ana trigger #ana rant #ed relapse

[deepblacknight]

Today I stuffed myself. I absolutely had to finish the rest of the jar of Nutella.

I can't stand having biscuits and chocolates at home. I feel obliged to eat them to stop being tempted!

But despite the unbearable weight of food in my stomach, I am reassured that my cupboards are empty of junk food.

Tomorrow is going to be a perfect day!! I bought so much baby food! With so few calories and still looks good!!!

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #pro a4a #trouble alimentaire #ana rant #ana trigger #ed relapse #tcaa

[deepblacknight]

I want so much violence when I eat all this unclean, forbidden, disgusting food.

Tomorrow I get back to serious things. I was so close to 40kg.

No more bullshit

I'm a piece of shit with my fat body and my disgusting thigh.

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #pro a4a #ana rant #ana trigger #ed relapse

[deepblacknight]

I want so much violence when I eat all this unclean, forbidden, disgusting food.

Tomorrow I get back to serious things. I was so close to 40kg.

No more bullshit

I'm a piece of shit with my fat body and my disgusting thigh.

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #pro a4a #ana rant #ana trigger #ed relapse

[deepblacknight]

I'll try this !

my eating rules starting now

-only eat infront of people

-never eat in private

-always skip breakfast

-never eat after 10pm

-never eat before 10am

-drink a glass of water before eating anything

-never get seconds

-don't eat snacks (if I'm gonna eat it may aswell be a meal)

I'll probably add too this later <33

[deepblacknight]

I can't stop crying. I want to scream...

42 kg this morning, while last week I was at 40.9kg. How did I end up with the extra pound?

No more fun, I'm completely cutting out carbohydrates.

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #ana trigger #ed relapse #ana rant

[deepblacknight]

My god, tomorrow I have to eat at a Japanese restaurant with friends... Everything is so high in calories, I don't know what to do to be normal and not eat all this shit...

I do not know what to do...

I planned to have miso soup (40 kcal) and 6 cucumber maki (140 kcal).

But I have a feeling they'll notice. But I can't eat more than 200kcal for a meal... Maybe 300kcal? It seems too much to me...

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #ana rant #tw ed but not sheeran #ana trigger

[deepblacknight]

I'm so proud of this dinner. Konjac noodle is the best meal.

So low in calories ✨️

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #low cal restriction #edblr

[deepblacknight]

Breakfast (41kcal) :

• Cloud Bread (1 portion: 10kcal) : 20kcal

• 1/2 cup of milk : 35kcal

• 1 tps of agave syrup (5g) : 16kcal

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire #ed cooking #low cal restriction #low cal diet

[deepblacknight]

My life with Ana ...

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #pro a4a #trouble alimentaire

[deepblacknight]

Omg !! I am at 40.9 kilos

Only 0.9kg and I will have reached my goal weight !!

Don't give up !!

#disordered eating thoughts #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #tw ed diet #trouble alimentaire